Quorators - Sick Week

Episode Date: October 12, 2026

Comedians Clare O'Kane, Alex Ptak, and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: Which are the weirdest medical cases till now? Why are most blind people white? As a female urologist, how was it like to see your male patient with a bone? --- Watch the show @ youtube.com/@quorators Get even more Quorators @ patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr

been sick as is the title of this episode. We're all sick. I watched the movie Lone Star. You ever seen that? I know the drink. Someone said a phrase in it that just made me think that Alex would like it. He was talking about a guy, a sheriff, and he said, he's all had a no saddle. I was like, that's something Alex would say.

I sent that in. That is pretty good. It's something that people with horses say. He's all had and no saddle. battle. Everyone should also know. Everyone should know that Alex's name on the Zoom is little bitch. Don't tell them that.

Because he can't change it. No one knows how to change it. It's changing by itself. Wow. The Zoom just guessed. That you're a little bitch. She's all totally wrong. She's clur.

I'm cler. That's just that. She always writes it. Yeah, it's cool. It's like my tag name. Well, something's wrong with it because this isn't what I would have picked. But we're all, I have a cold, but not COVID. Jeremy has the novel coronavirus.

I do. I do. Yeah. He is lethal to be around. I've been outside in like a week. Threatening the elderly. If you see him online, remind him of the statistics. Tell him when it's safe to go out, when he is freely transmitting the virus when he's shedding.

Jeremy wants to know things like that. I want to know. Hit me up. He's not safe unless he's sending it. I can't stop. It's really bad for me. I know I shouldn't do it, but I can't stop myself. Well, he doesn't know because he's ignorant.

That's what it is. By last week, I came over his house. He wasn't yet showing symptoms. And so he said, we can kiss like normal. We can kiss as much as we want. And so we had a real day on the town, but I have COVID tested twice and I am not positive. I have some other kind of disease. Claire, on the west coast of America and all over, has brought down her own terrible illness.

I have a suburb of a bicoastal cold. A bicoastal cold. Coastal cold. Fly over cold, they call it. What does that mean? You know, you have a cold in one place and then you go to another place and then you have it there. It's three hours earlier. We're going to cold to get at the airport.

Yeah, I wore a mask, though. That's good. You probably wouldn't know about it with your broke ass. Probably haven't heard of this cold. Ignat-ass. You don't have the money for this. My agent told me about this cold. He said, you've got to get it now.

It's all the rage. Colts you should and will know in 2027. This cold is going to be on S&L and Alova. Hey, check this out. Achoo. Duh. Cough, cough, cough. Achoo.

At the sound of the robot, we're back with American's premier Quora-based podcast, live on the internet. The only show that's ever been live on the internet. It's Cororators.com. The energy is going to be like this, the whole episode. Sorry. Not sorry. I told a friend I was sick and he said, oh, you must be taking the podcast off.

That's never happened. No, we would never do that. I've never done that in my entire life. I've recorded terrible episodes of podcasts with 100 degree fevers. I had a pitch meeting for a TV show yesterday and I said I was sick. And the TV network, the head of a TV network said to me, me, well, thanks for rallying to go to the meeting. I was like, yeah, I'm broke, man.

I need money. I can't be skipping TV pitch meetings to have a cold, Doc. You're kind of a content superstar. That's just what we're looking for at my company right now. Oh, that's awesome. What's your company? It's cool, Alextraining.com. Oh, I thought it was a little bitch.

Little bitch. LLC. I don't know how to change that. But we're not going to talk about that anymore because that's not what. I don't know, man. That's just what it says. Can you be cool, Alex, when you're sick? Can you just tell guys how to do it? If I wear sunglasses? Yeah, I mean, I was going to go to work after this, and then other people got sick.

So that's probably for the best. And again, no one has been sending me the COVID shedding grafts, so I don't know that. They have been. You muted it. I'm just the idiot who's responding to people. I don't know why I have that sickness, but I'm out here. There's a sickness for you. that gets into our theme of the day. One of the classical uses of Quora.com is to find out why you're sick,

how you're sick, can I fix it at home? Is it a serious disease that I'm dying from? Is it something that I would like to hear about a day or two later? That's what Quora is for. And we're going to use it for its original use case today. What was that?

Religion song. Fuck. Okay. Jeremy's in charge of the soundboard today. I have the sound board, but I can't hear the sound. So I'm hoping I'm clicking things like, Uh-huh. That was boys in the house.

Boys in the house. If I was there, I probably wouldn't be getting it right either because we're just not at our best today. And that's going to be what's happening. Weather report. Haven't been outside. Couldn't tell you. I just look at it. It's sunny.

Oh, Jeremy. I've been going. Is it nice up there? And let me tell you, my fickle friend, fall has fallen. Nice. I like that. Spring has sprung. You better get your looks out.

Spring has fallen. and fall has sprung. It's 65 outside today. I don't know if that's true, but... It's not. It's colder than that. It's colder than that? Let me tell you.

Today, I mean, I don't want to sound like stone cold here, but today has been hell in a cell. I was outside and I go to move my car. Car is dead. I call AAA. I'm so sorry to hear that. Your car has passed away. He passed away. Also, he passed away yesterday, and I had it jumped yesterday.

and then moved it and it died again. I have. Broken heart. Everybody's sick. The car is dead. Old age. It died broken heart because it missed me because I didn't drive it for long enough after it got jump started.

But today I drove to the beach and back. You drove to beach today? Yeah, they said I had to drive it for an hour. So it's alive. Yeah, so I was kind of practicing podcasting before this just alone in a car. Just talking to yourself? Yeah, I'm like riffing with the radio. So you were sort of a driving bit.

No, I wasn't a driving. We can just, we don't have to talk with this level of disrespect. I'm just looking at what the Zoom is saying your name is. I don't know what. Mine chose Jerber. I don't know why. There's a button here that says reclaim host. Don't do that.

Alex, if you're not respecting me. Do not press that button. It'll fuck up the recording. I will take back what is rightfully mine. as I have logged in through the Google and I have extended the call an additional 20 minutes past the free trial So there's going to be a different tone

when you're talking to me from now on But we've got some great Quora's lined up for you today It says big bitch now Oh, you figured it out, eh? I'll be filing a complaint at the end of this to the Zoom Corporation But I would like to focus for just five minutes All right. Hey, hey, let's all focus. It's space of the week.

Pull your head out of your rectum here. Let's say our space of the week. Space of the week. That was quor romance. Whatever, dog. Who cares? You're doing a terrible job. Why can't you hear it? Why can't you hear it? Do you really want to know? Yeah, I do want to know.

It's because I have the headphones plugged into the computer so that I don't have your voices coming through the soundboard. That way I can have separate tracks, and I can edit this to sound like we're in the same goddamn room to make our beautiful listeners happy. He's making excuses because he comes from a broken home. Today our space is health disease. Health disease. Now, there are many diseases out there that affect your health, but this space has 211 contributors and 2.3K followers. That's K's in thousand. The details include a definition of the word disease.

in case you just walked in and you weren't quite sure what that was. What is this thing happening to me that's changing the way I feel and am? I'm leaking through my nose. I'm deceased. The picture here is a doctor with no head. It's a doctor's body, no head doing Hadookin hands. Yeah, he's doing the Hadookin. That's right, Claire.

Yeah. Thank you. Claire, you've learned so much on this show. I've been doing my homework. It's an educational podcast, and it's just teaching Claire nonsense words. Going back line by line by the street fighter roster saying, who's that? That's right. It's Dalson.

Who is that? Who is this character who is fucking Goku in this story? Who's making love to Goku here? That's kind of the carrot in the stick of the situation. is she gets the carrot of seeing somebody use Goku physically for his body or the stick of us taking that away, saying this is mine. Oh, Kakarot. Oh, he's the carrot, really.

Goku's the carrot. He's Kakarot. His name is almost carrot. We don't have to talk about that. Now it's the health disease space. What's on this space? Jeremy found this space. I did.

It's got a lot of interesting questions about diseases. Like, what is the disadvantage of eating polisies? M. Oh. What's a polo mint? Don't know. Are those those mints that make your mouth extra wet for blow jobs? We've talked about these.

That's probably what it is. Wait, I've never heard of that. Is that a real thing? Extra wet mints for blow jobs. You never heard of those? No. Women know about these. They're a kind of mint they have in their purse.

We can look it up after this, but polo mints looks like just like a classic. Yeah, the classic white brown. K. Mint. They're pretty gross. Claire is referring to good boy mints. What? This is a really good boy. Is that what they're called?

For real? I don't know. I forget what they're called. I forget what they're called, but they're four wet mouth blowjouts. I'm going to look at blowjob mint on my computer like an idiot. Sure you will. And, you know, it feels good that you don't have mine today, I might want to add. Flint's Mint.

Flint's mints. flints mint is what it is on amazon amazon dot com the everything store now it's showing us flints it's also for cotton mouth when you got when you smoke so much dank herb and then your mouth gets all dry that is the main people i'm imagining need a special mint to give their blow jobs because the thing about my mouth and maybe this is my privilege talking it's always wet honey they goodbye to dry me too my mouth sucks feel the sparkle putting stuff down there Feel the sparkle. It's flints.

Extra saliva. Okay, wait. What an interesting problem to have. There's also this one. Blow drop mints. Willie shaped by Cirilla's. What do you mean it's Willie shaped? I don't think that makes your mouth wet.

Well, again, you know what? It's about setting a mindset. Totally. It just gives you fresh breath confidence. I hate when it's bad breath when she's blowing me. Whoa. Time to walk in. Hey, your breast smells like cock.

Blow job bib, ew. This is all disgusting. They have an AI ultra blowjob machine. Auto blow. Should I get that? It's only 300 bucks. Yeah. There's a part of me that's always going to be afraid about wrapping a machine around my penis.

Yeah. Oh, it's on the Joe Rogan. Get him off of here. He has his own show. Look at these things that they make. Like these little. little devices to suck your dick off. It's like, what is this?

It doesn't look like a little blender. I'm afraid of a final destination happening using a device. For sure. A cyclone blowjob simulator. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Don't call it the cyclone. But before vaporizer

technology was perfected in like 2010 or whatever, people had like the two foot tall weed vaporizer in their dorm room. Right, right. that's kind of what this blowjob device looks like. Yeah. Yeah.

You get the big one or the small one. I'm just going to add it to a card as a joke or whatever. Who cares? Might as well. One fucking dumb website. I'll just save that somewhere else. The cyclone. Yeah, just text yourself the link.

Anyway, this is health and disease. This is a medical question, and the disadvantages. At 19. I guess the disadvantage of a regular mint is it doesn't your mouth wetter. Right. Yeah, it's not going to help you with blowjobs. Same dryness.

I'm 19. How do I get back into gymnastics after a four-year break? I'm not going to sugar-coded, honey. You missed the prime time. You missed the window. Do you want to do that when you are a little mini-munchkin? You don't want to be doing adult gymnastics. You're too big.

Your disease is that you've aged out of it, honey. Your bones are heavy and your eggs are drying. And also you're a bird. I really like... I really like when sports, when you have to be really small for a sport, like being a jockey. Yes.

Or a male gymnast. Male gymnast, female gymnast. Just when you have to be so little. Because the female gymnast, they want to be small, too. But the male gymnast, really, it's like, do not be six feet tall. This will be an impossible game for you to play. Yeah.

Hit your head on the bar. When I was a kid, I was a kid, really tiny, obviously, and people would tell me all the time I should be a jockey. It was so mean. Like, yeah, have you ever tried getting on a damn horse? Because you're so fucking small. Baby. I think the idea, Jeremy, is that your-

Your mindset made people think you belong in that community. My mindset? They might have just meant that you're abnormally cruel, like a jockey. Yeah. Cruel man. Someone you run into behind the curtain at a circus. Yeah. I kept going, I need speed.

I need to be faster. Horsepower, horsepower, horsepower, horsepower. I would always say that under my breath. Horsepower. Speed. Cup, gup, gup, gup, quop, quop. That is the kind of thing like kids do, though. Like, I feel like I know kids who did that kind of thing.

I did this kid growing up who was obsessed with NASCAR and he was on our track team. And if you ever passed you running, he would go, roong. No way. That's really cool. That's what I would do if I was fast. I definitely get that. My big move on the playground was I would take my winter jacket and I'd put my head in the hole in the middle

and I'd look through the arm like a telescope. That's comfy. Maybe it's normal. It's regular to do. I shouldn't have brought it up, but that was kind of my thing. I did it a lot. That was your sport.

Yeah, Jeremy's been dying off camera. I'd do it by mess over here. But he is still here. I have the novel coronavirus. He is patient zero. I like this question. What will happen if I eat a teaspoon of honey every day for a year? He a honey mouth.

Dry blow jobs. Yeah. Sticky blow jobs. Sticky blow jobs, yeah. Honey trap. This one angle. Alex is eating a power bar, by the way. Whatever.

It's a croissant now. I'm sick. This is what happens when I'm not around to police Alex. This is what happens when we stop. Kissing for one second. Jeremy polices my body and he takes away my dignity. I think Alex has six abortions. Too many.

I miss that other half of me that left behind at the doctor's table. Well, I think that's what are Swedish gymnastics is interesting. Why do gymnastics questions have answers? Why none of the questions have answers? Literally none of them. These are also good questions for the most part if you're Swedish. Yeah, what are Swedish gymnastics? Apparently there's an answer.

I mean, there's answers on the main question, which is just like a type of gymnastics, I guess. Oh, I see. The way the website works is that it redirects to make a separate post on health disease, but the initial question does have answers. Yes, Alex is just learning about Quora. We're really interesting.

Going to check it out. Going to make an account soon, really excited. You hear about this Russian disease that's going around? The plague in Russia? What's happening? No. You guys haven't heard about this?

No. No, we're bi-coastal. We're too busy making cash. There's this lab in Russia that's got like, it's an anti-plague lab. So they, like, studied old plagues and they have, like, vials of them or whatever in test tubes and shit. Someone dropped of test tube and it got out and she died immediately. Is that real? I swear to God, this is real. Is this like the same place where they found the Dead Sea Scrolls and they opened them and all the characters were black?

Is that true? I don't know about that one. Yeah, that was in Russia. I remember that. I don't know about the woke dead sleep scroll. The lead characters were all of color. They all went into the basement of this Russian lab and there was a giant guy kind of like crucified there, but he was black. But he was black.

And also they turned him into a robot. Yeah. Well, that's Adam. Wait. So are people dying of the plague over there? Yeah, they've quarantined the entire lab. There's like a hospital with hundreds of people quarantined. Apparently it's really, really bad.

It's like a very, very dangerous plague that'll kill you immediately, which is really bad for if you get it, but it's good for us and that like it's harder to transmit diseases when they kill you right away. Totally. That's fact. People have COVID. They were going out and like having parties and shit and then they'd get sick, but like they already transferred it. But with the plague, it's like, you're just dying out there. Yep. Damn, I'm dying up here.

I know. Claire's got the damn plague, I think. I'm just saying like when I'm on stage, I go. She means when she's rocking the mic. Well, you know, just keep grinding. Just try to write new stuff. Figure out what works. Write that down and prove the stuff that doesn't.

Totally. Jeremy, he's new. Let's move on to our other questions. That is advice I would get from an open micer. Yeah. Just keep getting up there, man. Just keep trying. Find your voice.

Yeah, just try to find your voice. Hang out at shows Go on stage and don't write any Go to shows and just hang out And eventually if you just hang out enough They'll let you do one Get to know the bartender Anyway, it's Quora MD

You got this Quora That's pretty good No, it wasn't the right one It was Vin Diesel Oh No, that was you got this Quora From Tron 2 It's Quora MD

That's enough Why did I think that was Vin Diesel? I don't know But it's not He sounds like Vin Diesel Oh, okay Because Vin Diesel does, we do one mile at a time. I take Lypho a mile at a time.

Yeah. But that's not, boom, you're not even close to hitting the right one. That's Costco guys. We're going to start with a really interesting post from Argettren, Sean Kernan. Just stop trying.

Just stop trying to do it. Because you're not going to find it. I'm on the right page. I know I'm on the quarter mile at a time. You are not on the right one. I am on the right one. The Quora MD is on the, The first page is the green one.

I'm looking for Vin Diesel now. Okay, whatever. I also know where that is, but I don't want you to find it. So we're going to read, so this is really interesting. And this is going to make us maybe appreciate the situation we're in. This is opposed to which are the weirdest medical cases till now. This is an answer by Sean Kernan, who is a Quora Plus superstar. You have to pay to see the things he's saying.

Oh, well, good news. I will not be able to read the whole thing then Although this is not behind Quora Plus So I can read it Okay so this is a little taste for y'all I'm not paying for it twice I think he's moved a lot of his finance to substack But he is on Quora regularly

And he says I would say the Indonesian tree man Is among the craziest to me I would also say that He lives rent free in my head Says Sean and then a picture of the tree man Let's discuss I'm glad he doesn't the pay rent Looks like Groot

He does look like This This Mothersucker looks like a tree It's interesting how Grute's name is Grow plus root I never put that together

I never put that together I don't think that's interesting You know who else is Groot is Vin Diesel No No he's not He Let's actually speak about this tree man

Hold on I want to sit down And say yes he is Groot I thought Grut was the rock Am I getting this confused It's Vin Diesel We're not well

We're not well And as a team we need to focus on the tree Who do you think is the actor who plays Groot Alex I would like to know No one could play him Because he's fantastical They just create him in a lab or something They cook him up on the on their clicky clackers

Vin Diesel not only plays Groot He plays him in every language Like he goes to the studio And he says over and over again like Yo soy Groot Really Yeah they put him in the saddish one He's the coolest guy.

Dream job. Well, that's really cool. But anyway, this tree man. Tree man. His hands and feet are crusted over with big root-like structures, and he has pock marking all over his face. I guess the closest thing you could think of that's going to be like, well, getting close to a tree man would be a Resident Evil villain.

And from any of the games, just like a low-level villain. He's just, he's been infested with some sort of mold. Yeah, it's pretty. sad. It's like warts, basically. It looks like trees. He says it's spread from an HPV infection. That's right. It's a uncontrollable

wart growth. So actually it probably smells crazy in there as well. That should make you appreciate the diseases you have. You could be this tree guy. And we don't need to read the whole thing, but he dies. Yeah, I could see that. He's handsome too. Like, you know, outside of the tree aspect, like you could tell he's a handsome guy.

Oh, you know he got that tree down there. What was that? Mortal Kombat. Fuck. It worked. He's the kind of tree man who makes you get out the right mints, if you know what I'm saying. Oh, it's this one. I live my life a quarter mile at a time.

That's our guy. That was Groot. That was the one, right? I did it. I figured it out. That was it. I forgot we added a page. I'm going to kill myself.

There's left. There's tree man Leaving actively Treeman What a bummer'd be treatment Alex read it Okay so he had uncontrollable work Through to a severe immune dysfunction

And its interaction with a common type of HPV infection That most of us have Unfortunately these warts rapidly grew And became very hard They each had their own blood supply We're not easy to remove They also like they have a lot of HP That's me narrativeizing there

HPV. Good idea, Jeremy. I felt terrible for the man for obvious reasons. He dealt with pain all the time. Surgeons tried drastic measures, performing many surgeries to remove the warts, but success was still limited. He eventually died due to complications from his condition, which led to multiple organs failing.

I feel terrible for the fate he was dealt. He spent much of his life ostracized by society through no fault of his own. His story should give you gratitude for the good health. you do have. Most of us take it for granted. That's Sean Kernan. When did he die, you think? Probably when his soul got sucked out of him by all those honeies

lining up around the block. I wonder if he got HPV if it was sexually transmitted. It could have been. If he didn't have that before, I mean, we're talking about a 10 out of 10 Indonesian guy. He developed warts around his injured knee, which grew to his limbs

in face when he was 10. How do you think he hurt his knee fucking? Well, I don't think he was fucking at 10. I think he was just injuring his knee. Well, this is a handsome guy. He married at 18 and had two kids. Whoa.

Jeremy, what's your excuse? You're 18 now. I hope one day to have a beautiful family. A tree kid. Or at least become a tree. He later was hired by a carnival owner and he traveled as a freak show. Whoa. That's nice.

I feel like if he was like younger now, like if he was like a 15 year old or like a 20 year old now as a tree man, like you'd be huge on TikTok. Yeah, he'd be like rich. And they could have him take Ozempic. Yeah, Treeman takes Ozempic. That's another thing that could happen now. You live to be 44. I like thinking about what could happen now. Things that could happen now.

He could use Claude to solve his problems. Help me without, I don't want to beat tree no more. Claude, take away my tree limbs. Cut me in half. Tell me how old I am. Claude, get out the shears. All right, well, that's this Wikipedia. Let's see if everyone else is talking about him. Trim me.

Trim me. Someone says, good gourd. I would have died for picking at those and sawing them off. That's from Dorlis Daub. 20 up votes. Oh, Lifting Upright Citizens Brigade. Okay, hold on. And knows about the Hard Knocks University.

but didn't attend it, I think. No, but he knows about it. Doris Dobb. Do you think this is a comedian of some sort? Oh, no. I think that's his real name. I think this is a fake name of like some comedian that we probably know. Yeah.

Someone who is at UCB in 2005 or something. Yeah, it's Conan O'Brien. That's who it is. This is his Quora page. Yeah. Definitely not like someone who was on Harold Knight and then never did anything else. He's a member of the space dump Trump one through three. That's pretty good.

He's adding it. And dogs, 18. Oh, no. Those are for dogs who are 18 and up, baby. Legal dogs. These dogs are legal. That's right. Nothing on this face.

It's just dog 18. It's not the doorless show. No, it's not, Alex. It's illness week. It's down with the sickness. Okay, let's do another question. Why are most blind people white? Hey, I didn't say it.

Why are they white? I didn't say it. Must be something in the mayonnaise. You know what? You think of my putting down? Who's the most famous blind person? Because I feel like it's probably like Ray Charles or something. Yeah.

Oh, I was going to say the guy from Mortal Kombat. Which one? You know, the fucking blind one. I don't remember his name. He does karate. Why is he so bad? The look he gives me, Alex. He's so mad about it.

Oh, sorry. It clicks the Mortal Kombat button perfectly when you were talking about it. The power's gone to your head. It's not okay. They're not clapping for that. I don't know how my name got changed to this. Now that I figured out I was on the wrong page,

I feel more powerful than ever. Why are most blind people white? That's what I want to know. Come with it now. That's good. It's really good. You could do it. Maybe I'll do the complete.

computer when I get back. And you get the buttons back. I hate the sounds. I would say the only blind people I know are Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder. Yeah, right? It's like famous black men. I guess there's Andrea Boccelli, but he's sort of Italian. This is another thing people are trying to take from black men is being blind.

Who's a famous white blind person? Blind, boy, wadi. That's who, yeah, I forgot about blind boy. Blind boy. He is white, isn't he? Who's blind boy? I don't know. Claire said blind boy.

I don't know. I'm trying to yes and here. Stop yes and and in Claire. I'm trying to discover medical facts here. I'm sorry, I'm, I'm leashed. You're leashed. I'm feeling a little leashed. If you listen to the bonus episode on Thursday, Claire did have to lie down for half of it.

That's true. Read this from... There's an answer by Peter Grute. Whoa. Tell me God didn't have a plan. I live my life a quarter mile at a time. Yep. Small world.

Peter Grute says in the U.S. and Europe, most of the people are white, but there are blind people who are black, Asian, Native American, or mixed ancestry. Thank you, Groot. I am Peter. This guy rules. His bio is six feet tall, plays tennis, sings in a choir. and he's like an old guy who's like taking a selfie

but he looks confused during it. He looks a lot like the Six Flags dancing guy. His most recent question is how can I reach the woman who asked December 17th single men how can a 50 year old woman like me find love? I keep coming back to her picture. Let's tell him to inspect element.

I'm not going to tell us that. He asked that last. Maybe he's still looking. I don't want to be asked. I don't want to harass this man who's looking for love. I don't think you ever stop trolling for Strange, no matter how old your roots. He posts like every day. He's on here.

He's mostly posting just math stuff, though. Oh, that's nice. People are asking questions about math, and he's answering them. You guys have heard of the phrase strange, right? Sure. I have heard of it. To refer to vagina? Yeah, and that's been commonly used for almost

a hundred years. Nick just found out about it. He goes, why are people saying strange? And I go, what are you talking about? Has he called in with a bad crowd? He's been hanging out of the docks. To Nick, it's normal. He calls it normal.

I'm searching for, I'm going out for normal tonight. Yeah, exactly. Maybe that's why it's so new to him. He'd never heard of before. Yeah, that's what the whole Marvel movie is about, Dr. Strange. She's just a sort of pussy getta. He gets it. The pussy getta.

He's a rich man with a beard. He's a doctor. I mean, women love that. Maybe Peter Groot could use that somehow. Girls love the mystic arts. Yeah, I mean, he reads. It's so rare these days. He shoots green beams.

He kind of does it all. He's got a little goatee. I can't blame him for that. I mean, he's a powerful figure. I want to see who asked this question about blind people. Power attracts my friends. Their devil's blinds. Oh, right, right, right, right, right, right, white blind person.

I think if he's in the running, then yes, he is the most famous one. There's many movies about him. The question person who asked this is Mr. Wong. Mr. Wong. And all of his questions are about being white. Seems legit. Why are most goths white is actually a good question. That's a good question.

Why are most goths white? I think because there's more contrast. Yeah, I think it's like easier to make yourself pale. Easier to be goth. Yeah. And also it's just like there's a black and white thing going on, you know, because you're wearing all black, but you're so pale. Oh, so if you're a black dog, you have to wear all white, you're saying.

Maybe you could try it. That's what David Smith did it when he was white Batman. Yeah. Because I've met some black gotts and they do not wear all white. No, they do all black as well because it's a lot with being depressed. Right. A lot of it has to do with what kind of big guitar you're most interested in. No, it's a depression aesthetic.

I don't think it has to do with guitar at all. I couldn't say, I'm not going to claim that culture. I'm here to learn, and I'm very sick. I know someone who became a cybergoth recently. What's a cybergoth? It's like a goth, but it's like from the Matrix, basically. Oh. I have no more questions.

You ever see that video? I understand 100%. There's a famous, famous video of cyber goths dancing under a bridge. Yeah. I'm picturing it right now. You know, Nick just found out about strain. We're all learning. It's an educational podcast.

I can't tell if it is the... I feel like it's a white man having a laugh pretending to be Mr. Wong, but I guess it could be a very common thing on the internet where you have kind of a race-obsessed Asian guy, and he's going to find out about white people. If he's Mr. Wong, then I don't want to be Mr. Wright. I knew you would say that. Mr. Wright, yeah. into my very trap.

I'm losing my voice already. Read this. We got another two hours. This is a medical question. It is, why does my feces vary in size and girth? No answers yet. Now, there's no answers on this. I have a general understanding that your feces is, it's your processed food.

So that's going to be mostly what you're taking in, what you're putting out. It also depends a little bit on your output. It's going to have to do with what you're eating. You're going to absorb a lot of that Or your butthole shape Yeah, how big is the hole? If you've been like Blassing out the Play-Doh port

So that don't hold so good no more I mean that's going to give you some crazy results Yeah, I got butthole enlargement surgery To make my poops easier But um It's because he was small growing up They had to make him bigger And then his butthole bigger to match

Because before he had a little one It didn't grow with the rest of him. I'm like losing my voice doing this. Yeah, of course. You have the novel coronavirus. I thought I was okay. I haven't spoken in about six days. Honestly, Alex is the last person I've seen.

That's right. And I'm the last person you'll ever see because I'm going to remove your eyes. Then you'll have another blind white guy. That's right. Another cracker blind as a dog out of the street. That's what you're going to be. the way you talk to me I like the question

below that which was how do I make my poop bigger and heavier yeah let's click on that one I think that's a more interesting That's pretty good How can I make my food bigger? Okay we have an answer by Johan Meinhart Who's a digestive health enthusiasts

This is a new thing that Quora goes best to answer That's kind of what our show is for Is we find the best answer I agree They will not replace us Now this guy's from where you're from Alex It's a big picture of either Massachusetts or That's probably Massachusetts

Doesn't say maybe like South Africa from an aside viewpoint But I think I was just I saw the word Johans And I started making leaps there No this guy's from Massachusetts It's a photo of Massachusetts I'm very sick I was thinking of Johannesburg Don't shine a light at the camera

Because it's scary You thought his name indicated where he was from Yeah I think everyone should have to be named Read his answer, Alex. No-Han says, the trick is... How can I make my poop bigger and heavier is the question? The trick is besides food, drink, habits that are known to help increase the volume of a bowel movement,

to notice what works and what doesn't for you. This is best achieved by using a poop-kay. What? You know, poop-key. Lots of which are unable to download as mobile applications. By the way, if you're listening and you're not on poop-kay yet, you have got to join. What is that?

The promo code Quarators to get a poop bonus when you log in for the first time and that way when you log out you'll have more girth. So you download poop K, the truth is unless you want to delve deeper into lower gastrointestinal physiology

and its multiple pathways, sources of action, endocrinology, etc., you're probably better off sticking to trial and error. I will however tell you some simple actions which you may already know but are effective. One, drink lots of water. As obvious as it may be, this works really well. Two, flaxseed, adding one or two tablespoons to a glass of warm water in the morning.

This is probably enough for someone who's not constipated to provide they eat an appropriate diet, frids and veggies, no minimal amounts of bread and rice. If not enough, adding all brand or any high fiber cereal should help. If not, you better visit a gastroenterologist. That's how you make a poop big. That's how you make a poop proud. I mean, they didn't say anything about this in my poop, Kay. I see that James T. Bodden uploaded this,

who I follow. Right. I think that's someone I follow based on name alone if I remember correctly. I think I just kept going James T. Bauden. Damn D. Baudin.

It's a name that turns the eyes of history. This is one of those things where like you or I may not have their poop K downloaded and updated but if you go to a nursing home like everyone is tracking

their poop girth. They're tracking poop weight. Yeah, Alex, you have that app you use, right? where you take a photo of it every time you shit, and then it like AI analyzes what food you ate and how girthy it is. Yeah, that roughly my intake was.

That's my poop, Kay. Yeah. I will say girth is more important than length. When it comes to pooping? When it comes to poop. It's more of a source of pleasure. For your poop. Oh, God.

This is going to be really relevant for another question we have later, by the way. I know people love when we talk about poop on this show. I know that when we do a whole poop episode, people definitely don't angrily comment that they hate us. You're lucky I'm not lying down right now and not talking to anyone, you worms. It's so true. I might as well be looking at the back of my eyelids and watching some real crap cartoons on Netflix.

That sounds nice. This question is from Emma who knows Korean and has no other questions. Am I, are you 50 and single? Your photo will not leave my brain. I'm thinking about you, girl. Okay, here's another one. Oh, this is a long one. As a female urologist, how is it like to see your male patient with a bone?

This is an answer from D-Rube. Doesn't they mean boner? Yeah, but, you know, when the guys get together, they might just call it a bone. Yeah, you know, when you're at the dog, you get a bone. When the dogs get together, they're going to pull out their bones. When the dog ter is there, they're going to want to see my bone. It's a female dogter. When you go to the doctor, Alex, are you getting bricked up when they check your balls?

They just don't usually check my balls. They don't check them anymore. It's kind of, it's interesting. I asked them to a few years ago because somebody I grew up with randomly got testicular cancer and I was really scared of it. Sure. And it's the kind of thing where they're like, check yourself. And I'm checking myself. And I'm like, what do my balls normally feel?

Hey, why don't you check yourself, asshole? How do I know if I'm dying? I can't die. I have too much content to create. It's interesting they don't check it anymore. Is there a reason for that? I wonder. Well, I'm no good.

You don't want to check my balls? I think I said this on the podcast that I went to a doctor like two years ago. The last time they checked him. And the doctor, she like covered her eyes and looked away when she did it. And I was like, you're a doctor. You can look. It's okay. That's crazy.

I feel like people must be so uncomfortable with someone looking at their genitals that they're like, oh wow, be polite. But it's like, it's weirder to me that you're not looking. I think you must have a particularly hideous penis. Now you're putting it into, you know what it is, I have a tree penis.

Or it's very bright. And so when you're like a diamond, and everyone looks away. Yeah, it's like the suitcase in Pulp Fiction or whatever the fuck. Right, it shines. Is it not supposed to be bright? No, it's.

It's not supposed to be bright. It's supposed to be goth. There's one guy who looks right at it when he's not supposed to, and yes, that's Donald Trump. Donald Trump did look directly into my penis without putting on the penis glasses that you're supposed to wear. He's lucky he didn't lose an eye. And let me tell you, he also didn't take the penis mint before sucking it, which really was not fun. I hate that I know about the mint now.

It's going to be an intrusive thought for me for the rest of my life. Awesome, sick dream. When I get a blowjob I always want to have a sort of minty feel Not until you take your mint Your flints I'm trying to get mint up there That's why it's good for guys to carry around their own mints

In case the women don't have them You could say excuse me Don't worry honey I brought you a blowjob mint You'll need this It's in my wallet You seem a bit parched honey It's not expired. They should be checking your balls every time.

The guys can get stuff up their butt. I agree. You don't really get a lot of stuff in your balls. I think that's why they don't check. Well, you can get cancer down there is what it is. Yeah. All right. I'm going to read the answer from D.R.

Read this. Read the question again. As a female urologist, how was it like to see your male patient with a bone? D. Rube. I am not a female urologist. So I cannot fully answer this question. However, I have been examined by a female urologist, and the first time that she did a rectal exam,

I did get hard. I had said something to her when she told me that she was going to do the exam that I had never had a female doctor do any kind of exam. So I hoped I would not do anything embarrassing. So again, this is what I think the doctors don't do. I think I have women doctors who are like, men get too horny around these women doctors,

so I'm just going to like keep it. normal by like looking away or whatever but i'm like not a a pervert like that so it didn't even cross my mind they don't know you're an ally and you're not like d-roob i just don't i'm not trying to fuck at my doctor's office that's crazy people are insane skill issue yeah i'm gonna keep reading says he doesn't have the skill to do it before you read just really it's really funny by the way to say this to your doctor hey i've never had a woman's stick something on my butt before so if i uh start coming

uncontrollably, don't take me to the hospital. It's normal. We are in uncharted territory. I don't know what's going to happen. That's all I'm saying. Maybe keep me away from valuables. You're going to want to record this. I've got a mint if you want. What kind of mint? Just a normal kind. This is a normal mint. Just take the mint. Don't push back on the mint. That's what, yeah, that's what they tell you to do when you beat Warren Michaels at S&L. Take the blowjob mint. That's what Mark Manned fucked up. That's what Mark Mane said. Back to D-Rubb.

She knew exactly what I was talking about and told me not to worry. She said that she had not given a lot of these exams yet since she was just a PA working for my regular urologist. She proceeded getting her rubber gloves on and getting the lube ready. As she was doing that, I dropped my pants, leaned over the exam table, as I had done many times with my regular urologist. So D.Rube sounds pretty old, is what I'm getting, because she's gotten a lot of these. And the doctor was like, I'm checking your ears. He's like, I'm just more comfortable in this position. This way you can have any part of me you want.

I'm already on the table. Always good to say that to your doctor so that they know. I've got great insurance so you can have any part of me you want. But doctor, I'm free use. There's a great clown Pagliacci in town. He's free use. The doctor. goes with him. There's no rules. Nothing is unpermitted. Okay, so anyway, he's better for the table.

I'm certain that the fact that she was female, nice looking, not gorgeous, just nice looking. Oh, good. I didn't want her to be too hot. That would set. She's not a knockout. And that we had sort of talked about what may happen that just made it happen for sure. By the time she turned around to give me the exam, she could easily see from my left side that my cock was standing at attention. Even just the word cock in a doctor's office is wrong. Sorry about my cock. Can you imagine a doctor being like, all right, I'm going to have to inspect your cock? Do you have any parts that hurt?

Yeah, my cock. My dick and balls. My cock and balls, yeah. You might want to check out my balls way down there. My asshole. Yeah, it hurts from shooting so much. But anyway, so he is. before it starts.

Before it even happens. Before it starts. It's just rock hard. Just seeing the loob. He got excited. The power of suggestion made it, it manifested. I understand that. I looked at her and she just smiled.

And again said, not to worry about it. She lubed my rectum and started to insert a finger. As normal, she made some statement about there may be a little discomfort as she did this, not knowing, of course, that I loved anal play. Come on my pleasure. Damn. Come the fuck on, dog. One main difference between her, my regular urologist, was not only was she female, but an Asian female, which means she was a smaller person.

It actually doesn't say which means. It says which meat. Which meat. Which meets she was a smaller person? Don't bring meat into this. It's already so bad. What she didn't know is they had an Asian fetish. It doesn't.

That's the one thing it doesn't. does it say? It's already so crazy. I love anal play, so there's only pleasure. Just because she is Asian female does not meet she is smaller person. Your doctor being like, there's going to be a little discomfort and like saying out loud like, oh, it's okay. I love anal play.

It's only pleasure for me. There will be nothing but pleasure. So at meet she was smaller person. That means her hands were smaller, which means her fingers were smaller. And that meant she had sort of to fish around in there. feel of my prostate is the male urologist. Obviously, that additional fishing around in there provided me with additional pleasure.

And I was trying my best not to come! I was very close when she finally pulled her finger out, but then instead of just handing me some tissues to wipe myself, she took the tissues and cleaned the lube from my rectum. I was so very close to coming, but I was able to resist. As soon as the exam was over, I left the office and went straight to the restroom. to jackoff. Exclamation point.

The end. Wow. The end. Incredible. That's story. You're a sick freak. Do you ever wonder what old men are like up to? Because this is it.

This is it. Hank E says, Interesting story. My last three urologists were females. The second one spent a lot of time feeling my prostate. That's because she has little her fingers. She has to fish around. She has to take more time.

Use all the fingers. I mean, he's not wrong. It is an interesting story. And then there's one more comment. Justify says maybe she was wiping it herself because you were erect. It was possible. Anything's possible, Justify. That's a good point.

D-Rub is just one of those patients with a bone. D-Rub is all just sex comments. He's here for sex. Well, he's kind of, he's locked in. Does it make me gay when I come when my friend jerk me off for fun? like T's, we are both straight. Oh, and then he answered that. He says, gay, straight, bisexual,

what difference does a label make? If you enjoy having another man stroke your cock, then go for it. That's very progressive, D-Rube. Thank you. Go for it, honey. He's very bicarious but married. Yeah, well, he's into young Asian

doctors. Smaller fingers. He's in his 60s. Damn. This is the kind of man who goes to the doctor so many times that he gets different technicians to probe around his anus. Can you just, Alex, read these three

first questions in order. Okay, this is the last three questions, last followed two weeks ago. How many men turned to stroking and sucking cock after their wives have gone through menopause and no longer desire sex? There's a story there.

As a straight man, how much gay born do you watch? How sexy do you think June Diane Raphael lose? Well, a lot of crossover to the comedy community here. Yeah, another UCB fan. Who's June Diane Raphael. She's a famous comedian. She's a comedic actress.

She's married to Paul Shear. I don't know how sexy I think she is. You've got to pull her up. She's a good-looking lady. The beautiful lady from Long Island. I see the appeal. Long Island. There she is with Mr. Paul Shear. She's someone an old man could get excited about it.

She's a podcaster. Most definitely. Oh my God. I'm a podcast. And she has two strands. rapping boys. Yes, that's right. That's exactly right. You know, they're in the clean plate club. What the hell? That means they're finishing their whole dinner. Sure, sure. Yes. You know, I guess I get a little insecure about it because I was always in the clean plate club, but often I'm getting food for my baby and she's not eating at all. Right. I think Alex has just locked in on baby stuff still. What happened to my legacy?

She's got to sleep. She's got to sleep. She can't eat. She's no time To sleep, Claire, that's horse hockey She didn't sleep enough, right? She's sleep enough She's doing good sleep She's got to do better She could eat more

And she's certainly not matter Let's just say she's not related To Paul Shear Eat your food baby I heard she throws it at you And she does throw it at me Damn, that's harsh To bring her into the sex conversation

Get her in here Don't get the baby in here It must be crazy to be a bi-curious man in your 60s when you're still curious. At this point, I think you buy. Yeah, you're no longer curious. You love sucking cock. Oh, I'm smelling a new chunk. So do you think it's just his wife's menopause that has made him?

Yes. I think this is in our future, Alex. Once our wives go through menopause, we're going to start sucking cock. Basically. Get in the mince now, Alex. now Alex. Get the bits now, my friend. It's one of those things where I'm sucking your cockler and you're like, how is Alex decades of experience ahead of me here?

Yeah, even with blowing each other, we're like competitive, like it's fucking Dune board game. I don't know the meta as well as Alex. Yeah, I kind of view it like I view my Patreon career. I'm just like, can I suck cock as well as Shane Gillis? When Alex blows guys, he's not. net decking strategies. He's coming up with his own stuff. I bring my own mince. I make mince in my garage.

Oh, man. I got the whirlpool so it's all good. Has anyone accidentally seen pictures of your hard cock? What a question. All right, let's get off a D-Rube. It's the oldest episode. I wish I was on your account so I could follow him. It's not a trash episode for gross stuff.

He's got a disease. We'll put this on Chapo a little bit. Yeah, we talked about that one. I'm skipping it. Okay, that's fine. Oh, yeah, sorry. Let's get off of D-Rube and do something a little bit different. Read this, Alex.

This one's good. Well, it's going to sound silly when I read it now because of the transition. Guys, come on. No more of this, like, just talking about sucking cock all the time. Read this question. Let's move on. I can't make straight today. No, let's move on.

Let's move on. Read this question, Alex. All right. We're going to start clean page here. New Circuit. New. Read it, read it, I want to hear it. You start a new circuit.

Why is it that when I smoke meth that I get this feeling of wanting to just play with my cock and doing what others would think is painful with it? Come on. So he wants to know what he gets this feeling of wanting to play with his cock and doing what others would think it's, he wants to like hurt his cock in a way he thinks other people would want to hurt it. Now he's going to like slam it in the door. That's what I'm saying. on it, yeah.

Damn. It seems like it's a common thing on here that meth makes you want to do gay stuff, right? It makes you lose control. It makes you want to come a lot at the doctor's office and stuff. Well, here's the thing, you know, as the amphetamines expert on the show. As a meth user. You famously don't get quite as hard. Whoa.

If you do all the amphetamines. So, like, a lot of people can't get it up at all. Don't guys use meth to, like, fuck each other for hours straight? Like, isn't that a big thing? Well, that's the thing is, like, because you don't feel as much, you like don't, you don't finish. So you can just, you can slam it in a door. You can go to pump town until your heart's content. It's never enough.

And maybe that's the reason why you just want to play with it. And I think a lot of the reason you're wanting to do that is you have so much will to power from the speed that you're trying to just, like, go off. You're trying to do something. And, you know, it's not, if it's not productive, it might as well just be dropping an air. anvil on your penis. Do you think it gets like a, it turns into like an accordion when you do that, like in a cartoon? Yeah, it does. And then it springs back up and it kind of smiles at you.

With broken teeth? With broken teeth like piano keys. Your penis has teeth? Well, mine does. I know yours is bright. Shines bright like a diamond. Dime bright like a diamond. It's that song about Jeremy's penis.

We have an answer from Caprice, Brooklyn. Don't look! I like Caprice's credentials here. All right, Claire, why don't you read Caprice? Caprice, Brooklyn, her credentials are, get high, get naked, and start playing, you will find out. That's a promise. She says, it frees up your emotional thought process

and floods it with hormones, and in turn, you will try things you have only thought of, seen, or heard about. And whatever you try, it all becomes, intriguing more interesting. It all feels different, but extremely good. And it'll make you go for however long you want it to last. It's great, actually, period.

It's great, actually. Sounds great. It sounds like a great time. We should all try meth for an episode. Let's do like meth. I should say for a bonus, we should do meth. Or I would do meth before watching a Chinese vertical movie for three hours. I got bad news for you, Claire. We're going to do it once a month. I know. I got to get meth for it.

I thought you were saying you'd do it rather than watch a Chinese movie. No, no. We're going to be doing it a lot. In order to watch. We put up the poll and enough people said yes, that we are going to do it, and we just need a day to record. Yeah, we'll figure it now. Thank you for voting.

Thank you for you. Movie coming soon. Players are going to be on meth. I can't wait. I'm on Caprice's account. Love to read and watch others enjoying life in any form or fantasy. Two can think up the kinkier the better. That's why gals can have way more fun for way longer, winky face.

Tucan. When you say fantasy too can. Oh, you can. But you can. This is someone who loves meth, right? Yeah, I think it's you can, but they accidentally said it like the bird. I was overthinking it. Pretty obvious now that I'm looking at it again.

It's not a new lingo, I don't know. It's you can. In April, somebody asked, what's the craziest way you've masturbated while driving? To do any of the ways is so crazy. Capri said, pants down to ankles, flashlight in my ass while masturbating on. on a gravel road at a four-way stop until like come, period, all over the place. That is a crazy way to masturbate while driving.

Thank you for answering Capriese. Especially on a gravel road, I like that detail because you know it's bumpy. You know, lose your flashlight. Yup. A flashlight in my ass. Yeah, why would you put a flashlight in your ass? Like, what is that helping you see? I think because it's like dildo shaped

and they're doing it the other way. Yep. Oh. This is maybe his charitable. as possible. Yeah, they're not looking for anything up there. They're just ready to plug it up. The lights facing out, much like when you have sex with Jeremy.

Yeah. The person who asks this question. As he calls it standard style. David Drinkard. This is his only question ever. But you can see his face and he does look like he's on meth. Well, like David, meth-third. Come on. That's good. Claire. Meth-smokered. Tell him. Drinkers just sounds like a word you would think of when you

can't think of drunkard. He's like a, you know, like a drinkard. Ignore him. He's a drinkard. There's also two questions on Caprice's page. Is it wrong to want to watch other people have sex? That's kind of normal. And how many guys hide their penises in some way that feels good when they do wear panties? That's a more interesting one.

I've heard of the hiding thing. I'm not sure it feels good. It's just hard to... Yeah, it's hard to fit it all in there. I think in general when people are hiding things, it has to do more with it being seen than it being felt. Penises just want to feel seen

when they're in panties. I was get my teeth stuck. Your teeth? Yeah, because again, my penis is teeth. Right. They're all deformed from that anvil you dropped on them. Right.

Well, let's do a listener question. This has been our best episode. Disease episode. Where is the, is it? I know it's pink, right? This one? You know, you know it's page five at the bottom, right. Okay, that's what I thought.

Is that okay? Nailed it. All right, here's a question. Now, Command and Conquer is linked, so I guess we'll see if it's about that. Interesting. Scary. Okay, here's one for you. Why do we call them blinkers?

Because that would imply that, you know, you're blinking both eyes, but you only ever have one going at this, at one. time, so shouldn't they be called Winkers? Why do you think about that? I think you're in an MRI machine. Yeah, you're not supposed to have something that's magnetic in there. I couldn't hear it for some reason, but can you tell me what it said? So the question was, why do they call them blinkers?

Because you only blink one at a time, but they should call them Winkers, is the question. Because if they were eyes, they would be winking. on a car? Yeah. Oh, I agree. I think it should be called blinkers. And that would be... It would be cool because then when you're turning,

it's like you're kind of being suggestive. Jeremy, what you missed is there was this uncanny sound in the background. I'm making a left turn. Yeah, it sounded like he was like photocopying his hand or something. There was like some sort of machine whirring in the background. A sinister signal was being transmitted behind the question. Everybody except for me. knows what it is because all of the listeners

will have heard it. So I'm just, you're explaining this for one man's benefit while like several thousand people don't care, but I'll listen to it afterwards. You don't need to know about the question, do you? But they should call them winkers and it's a mistake that they don't. They should call them winkers because

then your car would be winking at people. Yeah. Just think, think your lucky stars, you have a disease because that makes you more interesting, Jeremy. Yeah. I'm a tree man. No, you're not a tree man.

You can't say stuff like that. You should be thankful for your, you know, any condition about that, because that's the worst one. Groot. So many people on the computer said mean things to me because I was sick. Did they really? I just wanted to be nice to me on the computer. I don't have the sounds, but if the sound is playing,

that's been an episode. It's the sick episode. Every week, Jeremy gets dragged through the mud on the internet. Everybody was talking about being Jewish, and I didn't even touch that one. I was like, that's none of my business. Where can our listeners find you at home and abroad? It's been so great having you on the show. They can listen to me on the Corridors.

Hopefully next week I won't be sick. Yeah, catch me all over the United States from, from Oklahoma to the year to Okinawa. Oklahoma to Okinawa. Claire's going on to the air. Huge tour, by the way. I've got a huge tour. Look out for Claire in a city near you.

Thanks for listening and have a pleasant tomorrow. Tomorrow. God damn, I'm dying over here. See on the bonus. Oh yeah. Also sign up for Patreon. Turn it off. Sign up.

Chinese. Everyone think about what they did.