Quorators - Trials and Afflictions w/ Jake Young

Episode Date: May 6, 2024

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: How would you react if Booser from Super Mario was real? I can't stop thinking about making money. How do I get out of this mindset? A witch cast spells to kill me and make me seriously ill. I only sleep 3 hours because of the spell that does not allow me to sleep. I have had 3 spiritual cleanses and the witchcraft continues. What should I do? Listen to Jake's show Wizard and the Bruiser and check out his other projects on the Last Podcast Network Get even more Quorators when you support the show @ http://patreon.com/quorators Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord https://discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show @ youtube.com/@quorators

and we're back here at quaraders another week live on the sticks can you believe it i never thought i'd see the day i'm so desperate to figure out who this person is can you believe it's monday may wait for it no calendar's over here i believe it's still april no no no no it's not no it's not can you believe it's monday may 6th i can't every week it seems like seven days pass well that's enough on that this is quarry this is the show where we read quora it's out no i still want to talk to this guy What's he like? What are his dreams?

But we got one cool cat saddling into the alley today. And you're going to love to see his tail wag. And there's, of course, Jake Young. Hello. Hello. Hi there, video people. It's nice that you came all this way to YouTube. Hey.

It's weird, though. Do you like looking at us? I don't. It's weird. What are you doing? Why are you looking at me? Jake, you'll understand this because you're also an audio medium guy. but I'm so thrown off by being on camera.

I keep doing a blues clues pattern where I just ask like, do you like this question? And then pause for an answer. I am the absolute worst on camera. I just, this thing is just like staring into my soul judging. I feel like it's why I'm so profoundly happier

on an audio only program. It's safer when they don't know what you look like. People write in all the time to be like, oh, I thought for sure Alex was Jeremy. Yeah, they think that we look like how we should each other be? We do not look like we should each other be. No, we don't.

It's impossible for me to say because I've known you both, and so why would I think otherwise? No, you have the excitability. It's just long hair, short hair. That's it. According to me, I would not other be. I am only self.

I feel like also being on camera has made me aware of how few clothes I have. It's the worst when people are like, you wore that shirt, and I'm like, why are you doing this to me? Yeah, I got a review on my telekinetic Yeti tee last week. It's true. And frankly, one of my best shirts.

It's got a crazy Yeti on it. That's what I like about it. I like your alien shirt. Why, thank you. It was that or a Hawaiian shirt, and I just didn't feel like I could really represent the Hawaiian shirt guys. You don't want to have too much fun. I can't.

It's only May 6th. We're all resting from Cinco de Mayo. Oh, yeah, that's right. What a day it was yesterday. Well, we have some great stuff for you today, Jake. This week's theme is trials and afflictions. Oh. Overcoming the challenges of life and...

Exciting. Seeking answers on Quora.com. But, of course, before we get to that, we will start with our cynical ploy to entrap new listeners, and that is, of course, every week's foray into tips for men again. It's been a while, it's men time It's time for the men to get some advice Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're telling me that there's like

This like yearning chasm of lonely, wayward, kind of directionless, sad men So alienated from the world around them and their own society That they exclusively seek out advice and guidance from random internet personalities? They seek out tips, Jake oh yeah god and it's actually not only real but one of the saddest phenomenon in the modern world today

can you imagine if Alex became like a men's influencer how funny that would be you gotta get a silly shirt or just like the alternate like years long emotional processing for men you're not watching enough cartoons

my tips just make the men worse it can't be that much worse than like Andrew Tate this is just like harass women so yours is like enjoy Goku Andrew Tate I understand why he's famous because his tip every week is like get 10 million dollars and it's like good tip Andrew

really smart was I trolled by a prankster or did he really say recently that there's nothing gayer than fucking a woman. Yes. Because that's very funny. Specifically, if you have less than five children, you are a homosexual, a derelict monster

of no use to society. Wait, quick check. How many children do you have? Oh, no. Only four. Pause. And they're all bullies. Well, you better start human trafficking.

i can't believe we still hear from this guy yeah he was arrested in poland or something so just say okay here we go here we go here we go uh hey listen uh everybody with brown hair stinks oh come on boom check your bank account it's full oh my god it's like a poke box just they don't let any more in after a while just people with red hair being like finally someone's saying it i am seen i am valid what's your best impression of red-haired people by the way that's pretty good oh uh thank you for saying that zoinks hi my name's seamus i'm from uh a country in the united kingdom i don't know which one probably scotland uh and i have red hair it's very nice thank you for calling in seamus oh i went to

school in america that's why my accent is definitely not of scottish uh sure sure yeah That's why I talk to you. So you're a traitor to your land. You want to get fucked in class? Jeremy. I'll glass you before you even blink. She just came all the way over here. Okay, well, we got off topic here.

He goes to SUNY schools. You're right. You know what? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We're here for the men. We are here for men, and I'm sorry I said all that stuff about the cobra dog. He'll bite you.

He'll bite you, and he got fangs. So I guess you got to ask. If you can't get a date, it's because you're drinking tap water. The only thing you should be drinking is Diet Snapple because it increases testosterone as well as adrenaline. Diet Snapple. They got a fact on the back. Maybe something you can use to get a girl. All right.

Tips for men. Snapple fact. You got to make them want it. if you're sitting in a padded piece of furniture uh you actually legally can get murdered by a true alpha dog who only sits on wicker become the squirt king so what if it's pee well that's the end of that segment uh all right no wait wait did you have an actual tip i'm actually excited to hear it i'm sorry we did diet snapple and wicker i feel like

We got it. That's a lot of good tips. We got to save it for next week. I just like making absurd statements that millions of people would be like, that's not true. And we do have millions of listeners. Yeah, that is true. You'll be getting threats in the mail.

This is the test market. This is the test market. Yeah. If you change your toothbrush more than twice a year, you, in fact, are short. Oh, no. The only way to get taller is to only use the same toothbrush continuously. All right. I do have a tip.

So if you Google for coupon websites, you can find passcodes to everyday websites and probably save a few bucks on your online purchases. I always fail at this. I always end up just putting in a bunch of fake ones and feeling like an idiot. He always fails at this. I'm a failure. He doesn't get coupons. I have a similar tip, if you want to hear it. You know when you sign up for a free trial of a streaming service or even just pay for $5?

If you cancel it right away, you can still watch it for the length that you've got. You don't have to set a weird series of reminders. You can just do it immediately. If you get a week free trial and you just press cancel a minute later, you have that week. That's a real tip. Tip for men. Tip for men. I recently re-watched Spinal Tap.

Just somebody, just wrong gender will not cancel. If you're a woman, do not try this. No. You have to prove your faithfulness by holding true to your commitments. That's just for women. Made it. Tips for women. And again, that one is kind of long to just throw in a podcast,

but I have to hit the button. Now, every week we bookend the show by asking a question to Quora but based on pretty much any kind of word association on what we've discussed that day. And we start the podcast with what we asked last week. What did we ask last week, Jeremy? What's the best way to get a dog and cat to be friends? Hmm. I bet it's by smelling first.

All my animal tips are smelling based, but I feel like I'm right about all of them. Yeah, no, wait. I think that's a real thing. Yeah, you take something that the cat or dog has already marked, and then you just leave it there. And so when the other animal sees the thing for the first time, be like, what the? Oh, OK. All right. All right. Oh, man. I associate this smell with this place. I'm not too freaked out.

Yeah. And I mean, I have that same association. Yeah. Oh. And at the end they revealed. Hey, what up? I'm a cat. And I do not adjust to change very well. Cat here. I finally feel at home. I have the same pattern with the hardware store where smelling it reminds me of what a hardware store smells like uh yeah no yeah do you do that uh yeah and it's basically like if a dog and a cat became friends yeah i'm like the cat the hardware store is like the dog i'm constantly working with my hands on various lumber projects so like the smell of steel and sawdust is

so familiar to me right it's like an old it's like an old uh blank coming home yeah yeah i'm always doing that gif where i'm covered in mud around a steel girder and i'm kind of just slopping myself on it and pushing it around shirtless oh wait oh yes that episodes 83 episodes and you're gonna drop jif on us like that yeah well i'm i've i'm the man from the jif or a gif i'm a gif i'm a giffer uh but i understand even i think we've lost that fight i think we are just like the the cargo cult on our own isolated because even the guy who created the graphics interchange format said it's Jeff. Also, I'm a rugged man who works with his hands, so

I wouldn't know about these soft-handed discussions. And I'm just a redhead on the computer. Yeah. Control out the way. Shut the fuck up. Okay, if you answer one of our questions, you have to use the word scrambled eggs. That way we

know that you're a liar. Yeah, that you're just one of us. Okay, what did we get for answers on here? We got a troll on here, I think. What the fuck? I don't know if this is one of our people but i think it's a troll it says scrambled eggs on there no this one oh no no no yeah you're right this guy murphy opinion who's a okay wait like like uh like it's a bad irish pub yes welcome to murphy opinion yes wait wait wait murphy opinion that's literally what it is an idea

um and he says he's an amateur gynecologist that's a terrible beer I wouldn't drink that We're being so mean to redheads on this episode The Vikings were right to steal your women Can I say, Murphy Opinion, interesting development This, I think, is an in-house Quora troll This is not from our podcast Because he has 2.1 million views on his content

Yeah, I think this is just a genuine troll This is the notorious Murphy opinion. You know what? I'm going to follow him. Yes, give him a big follow there. If you're one of our guys, though, Murphy, you've got to say scrambled eggs. You better watch your gold. You simply must.

Murphy says tranquilizers, fish oil, and bacon grease. Dose both with enough tranquilizer to calm them down but not knock them out. Smear a little fish oil on the dog and bacon grease on the cat. By the time the tranquilizers wear off, they will have licked each other so much they'll think they're both a couple of human lesbians now that took a turn at the end there murphy not that's like just i'm not offended i'm just sad it was really in your face that answer and i will say i don't know what development the cat could go through for it to think of itself what am i a human lesbian you'd have to know a lot freaking you hauling it with this dog

I feel like Xena Warrior Princess over here. I'm a calico. Did you hear about my fucking cat? They leased a Subaru. How the fuck? I think they know what human lesbians are. Does your cat have a, my other truck is a Jeep bumper? And these are the stereotypes of lesbians.

So, yeah, that was a good answer. I'm not going to personally do that. walk up to lesbian couples and I'm like, so which one's the cat and which one's the dog? I smell bacon grease. They're like,

get out of here, Murphy Opinion. I like this answer from our listener, Tobias. Shared trauma goes a long way. Emotionally abuse them both constantly. Withhold their delicious

scrambled eggs that we forced to bond is the only way to cope with their situation. Now that was a strong use of scrambled eggs. Yeah, yeah. People are very creative on there.

We don't read them a lot, but everyone's doing a great job. You did a really good job. We're putting that on the fridge So mean to our listeners Who engage with our show The amount of dedication You're like we gotta talk about Murphy Opinion

And then a loving listener Someone that heard you Follows along with the prompt Wants to contribute You're like this guy's something Scrambled eggs What voice am I supposed to do when I read it You're supposed to give the audience

This is their one chance to talk to you the quarry turns right they get to be a part of the the razzle dazzle the discussion you gotta make them feel hype you gotta make them feel good and there's no murphy opinion murphy opinion murphy opinion liar of the net look how ready you are to hit this forbidden knowledge we're starting trials and tribulations or trials and afflictions let's go forbidden knowledge the unknown the unknown this segment will test you jake and push you to the edge of the realm our first question today

wait a sec i don't know if you're ready for this but a person on the internet is kind of a weird oh wow he sees by the way we do have a seizure warning at the top of the show you can't handle all the truth that's right cracked couldn't now we're in now we're at alex's apartment and they sent us back to my house where my wife has to take long walks unless she has work that day and then we're fine she you think she hits an hour she's like they're done they're wrapping up i know i can hear sometimes she comes back and it's just like god damn it how is this still going do they start late hot outside uh okay here's the question everyone chill out a witch cast spells to kill me and make me seriously ill i only sleep three

hours because of the spell that does not allow me to sleep i have had three spiritual cleanses and the witchcraft continues what should i do okay so we know it continues it sounds like a word problem so who am i is there a name attached to this question i can i can try to find it Because I feel like that would give some insight to the curse-y. No name on this one. Anonymous. An anonymous person has been cursed by a witch, and they know they've been cursed by a witch.

Yes. And the symptoms of someone with a connection to the realm beyond drawing upon the dark forces of the supernatural is what? No sleep. No sleep. Sleeplessness. I would say before you try and contact the demon realm, maybe cut back on like soda before 5 p.m yeah it's funny you say that right before we started

jeremy's he was up till 6 30 in the morning because he had a night soda i did it's true it fucked me up i saw challengers and i was like i don't want to sleep through this uh zendaya love triangle way movie and i had a coca-cola and then 6 30 i was up yeah this is just a quick middle-aged man aside isn't it like i can have a coffee at like 8 p.m and it's like i get the lift It's out of my system, and I'll sleep like normal. But a Diet Coke at 5 can just ruin me, and I don't know why. I don't know why. See, he doesn't even drink coffee, so I think it's just a low tolerance.

I think it was a witch. I was going to say a witch was in the theater. I think it was a witch. I also am on the fence about things. Zendaya may be a witch. That's true. We know she was Michi. That's a Yeti.

That's a whole different spiritual practice. I didn't see that film, but this has been very clarifying for me. she also cried timothy chalamet back to life in order to fulfill the prophecy that's right of the quiz that's how to watch ah yeah that's big facts jake thank you for saying but she's in a lot of films so she may have been a witch at least for a minute um yeah so the other thing too about the anonymous posting right is like you cannot put go on your main account and be like a witch got me on quora because it's used trafficked heavily by witches yeah that's true they're gonna see that and they're gonna type things like lol got your ass feeling sleepy question mark how was

the potion elmo if we're drawing into like the modern practices of chaos magic and such like it's the belief itself that allows you to psychologically uh enact the things that you are working towards like if you go ahead and just do the ritual uh with just a lot even i think lying to yourself that like yeah yeah if i light these candles and like piss on this uh crystal like i'm going through all this so it better work i'm going to make it work uh i think you just have to like stop believing in witchcraft is the like as long as you are still operating within a modality in which you are like a witches are real one has cursed me i am cursed by a witch everything it's just it's gonna fuck with you you're in the wrong headspace i could not disagree

more, Jay. Oh. I think negating the witchcraft is all about accepting I have been cursed by a witch. And if we go into the comments here, I think we will find evidence to back me up. Now we have an answer from Jade Naboon at the top. Okay. I still think the answer is just like, less

screen time. Let's see what Jay says. Jay says, I offer this answer in all seriousness. Learn more about witchcraft. I mean, really study it learn how it works and take control of it yourself if you do that and do it seriously one of two things will happen one you will learn how to overcome the spell that has you in its grip

and you'll be able to take control of the situation number two you will learn that witchcraft is made up nonsense and will no longer have power over you what the hell you're both right on this uh-huh yes sir uh-huh sir either way the goal is to lose the idea that you have become uh uh you have of being a victim oh you have to so this is like an andrew tate solution to the thing is like escape the matrix women trick to you the problem isn't witchcraft it's women yeah that's yeah and is he wrong it's not drinking soda at the movies you can't have that after 5 p.m his voice is insane too is the other thing because he's like a british american guy we can't talk about it can't we can't it's gonna take all day he talks about us so much

I know, and I'm just so sick of the drama. Oh, hey, if you stop and smell a flower, I'm sorry, you have an alternative lifestyle and nobody will like you. I don't want to have that on the show. Here's an answer. I don't really know about witchcraft, but I can surely advise something.

No, you surely cannot. The question's about witchcraft. Well, D. Kroj says, just like for cancer, where there is no cure for some of them there are many people who were cured by having a joyful attitude shut the fuck up a witch has cursed me no man it's a state of mind it's a state of mind just like do something you like hang out with some friends that don't believe in witchcraft it's or or conversely get every witch you can get a hold of that still likes you okay now we're talking have them all like gather you in a circle for like 30 minutes and go like you're not cursed

you're not cursed and they're like throwing sage leaves at you and like lighting stuff on fire and somebody has like a roman candle going up just as much noise and pump and activity as possible so that your weird superstitious brain can be like well if all this is this is this this has to do it and then maybe be okay with it but the idea that you're just gonna like plaintively like find the right combination of olive oil uh thyme leaves and let's say uh and a powdered amethyst that'll just like knock that out for you is silly i don't know i have an important contribution to make on this new garage post which is that it ends with take care and bon courage the whole post is crazy i mean they also say that you could cure cancer by being happy so well yeah because

it's a form of witchcraft cancer is kind of a spell it's a spell of necrosis white blood cells it's a spell of overgrowth is what it is this is what i have to say about the witch it's like the hulk continue i think that instead of having a bunch of witches heal you what you need to do is curse this witch find the witches there's no sleeping spell on them clap back see how they like it spree and if it's not real it's not real but if it is real then it is real i mean you can't No, no. The practices of witchcraft is something that only those of the moon gifted can really wield accurately. You're going to have to hire a witch for this.

Yeah, yeah. You're going to have to. Oh, no. Like a cool bounty hunter witch that has like a long rifle and a banana. Yeah, exactly. That's a pretty cool witch. I mean, listen. I could meet a witch like that.

Like a paintball gun that shoots a pentagram. Yeah, exactly. Listen, you've all read my spec script. I just haven't been able to find a comic book artist willing to work on spec. but it's called tabitha darkness bounty witch it's pretty cool you had me at tabitha darkness if it was 1999 i could have sold that script within seconds absolutely and paintball was so in then well let's move on to our next question we have all kinds of bountiful uh prompts today okay here's another one more afflictions we could talk about witches all day if we wanted uh next question i

accent only said i want to be possessed by accident please help i don't want to be possessed what can i do you already said it too late you already typed it twice who's actually writing this you are the fucking demon in your body bro you said it and typed it out you're so possessed right now no possessed no possessed for real for real i mean that would be awesome like you're you know you're one of the lesser dukes of hell like you know hanging out with beelzebub or mephistopheles or glorgak um and come on the show some fucking idiot some joe schmoe accidentally as we often do is like uh oh i wish i was possessed boom that's your opening your gateway to the mortal realm you zoop in there and you're just like nah finally the realm of flesh i will be in and he's just like

trying to do his taxes and you're just like oh why would you say you're such a tease like getting phone calls being like, hey, you need to get your cat's ear medicine refilled. You're like, oh. I'd watch that sitcom. Walking around with that sweet soul. Oh, I'd love to taste that. It's called, like, Possessed Steven or

something. It's called Tabitha Darkness. It's a new exciting show. Nerdlinger, reveal to me this internet dating. Aw, geez, Gorlach. This is a good, we have a lot of

good show ideas be yourself that's what he has to learn the lesson really listen to women um what i like about this thread is that we're gonna learn a lot on it so really let's get into that it's still killing me what do you mean x i slipped on a banana peel he doesn't mean accidentally he just means he regrets it right because you say these things to impress your Twitch stream or whatever, and like, oh, yeah, dog, I want to be possessed. And then you don't mean it, and you have to go on Quora after. I said I wanted to be a kept man,

but I didn't mean, like, viscerally by a demon. I meant by, like, some sort of domination mama nation. It's a fetish. Yeah. Welcome to mama nation, where mama rules. This is a new radio show. You're going on time out. You're back on Mama Nation.

We got here alive, redhead. Listen, I'm a little bit freaky. I'm just kind of a fucked up dude that loves fucked up things, and this is my crazy fetish. I would love a large, beautiful woman to just take care of all the things I don't want to do and make decisions for me and also have hot sex with me. Did I blow your mind? You're live on Mama Nation.

Okay, okay. I'm horny and lazy. Rune says you won't be. Actually being possessed against your will is incredibly rare. So it's highly unlikely. You've got to be fully into it. Nothing is more important to demons and the damned than consent. Are you a South American teenager with literally no available outlet for your emotions or frustrations?

Because those are usually who gets officially possessed. Oh, yeah. You mean like according to like the Vatican records? Weird that this yet another teenage girl who was disallowed from voicing dissatisfaction in any aspect of her life just started flipping the fuck out. Yeah, she's crawling backwards down the stairs. Well, better slap some magic juice on her. I would love to just spend a week looking into possessions because the fact that like in this day and age, the church will like send a guy to go check one out and then be like, no, that's a real one is incredible. And I would love the entire process to be elucidated by Quora experts.

Are there real exorcists out there still? Yes. Can we interview one? It's one of the fastest growing jobs in the Biden economy. That's where all the money's going. That's like, instead of the new, like, word to code, it's like, word to exercise. Oh, I'm sorry, you don't have a job, programmer. Take your soul in your hands.

Well, ever since they shut down the demon factory, work's been hard. You know, we do our best. Unfortunately, there are AI exorcists now. Oh, of course. Yeah. Tits in bio. Tits in bio. The internet is possessed.

That's what I say. Yes. Move over, dead internet theory. The internet has been physically controlled. Living dead internet theory. So a lot of people are saying that it won't count if it was an accident. Doug R. is saying, say it was an accident. I was once wondering about the demon of Possessed Lady,

and the demon started answering my question and everything, began to look surreal, and I realized what was happening and told it, I'm asking God, not you, and it stopped. So demons sound very, like they're going to listen and hear you out. Sure. They're going to sit their demon ass down. Yeah, it's a two-way conversation. They're not here to possess you and do, you know, the devil's work.

They're here to make a team. They're good guys. Well, one time I was trying to, like, clear the dinner table after dinner, and I had my phone in my hand, and I was emptying my plate, and I just lost track of what was in what hand. And wouldn't you believe it, I accidentally let Jesus into my heart. Oh. You do not want to do that.

You've got to get the guy out of there. I can't stop forgiving. He doesn't take no for an answer. Well, you're a really good carpenter now, so. This may be a troll person. This question, I don't know. This question is a person named A Random Person, and their profile picture is the Ukrainian flag

and the Russian flag. Shaking hands. Shaking hands. That'll do it. You don't get a lot of those. But they don't have, like, really troll-y questions. Their questions are like, is it weird when people cry in a video game an ant went into my laptop how can i get rid of it

in an easy way does god forgive the unforgivable sin if they don't mean it could i just say by the way no answers on the ant question no one uh thought of shaking the computer around upside down he had some fucking torque screws i don't know what to tell you how do you get an ant in your laptop it's super easy they love crevasses this person has a big issue with intrusive thoughts because they have another question a year ago that says i say the i say words that i don't mean let me explain when i see something my brain would start saying i want to get tortured that way and i didn't mean to say that i'm so worried that it will happen what am i thinking yeah you gotta just think before you speak i guess because you're

agreed to a lot of stuff you don't want to do we need universal mental health care in this country so badly by this country we mean ukraine and just like i just just everybody needs a person that they have to check in with who can just go nah man that's that's not a thing this is my worry though because i used to be a big proponent of universal health care but now i have a quora based podcast and i'm worried it will shut down the whole website to talk about we're just gonna have to go back in time just everybody with access to therapy and medication for their chemical imbalances and the whole website just goes just right they're just like we might as well not have it anymore i've just been deleting entries about schizophrenia because we had too many yeah uh

and they were getting kind of samey like uh like the actual i'm sorry it's like a very weird like you mean real but like i don't know jake because it's on multiple personality like whatever that memetic threat is or like people who actually have like serious mental health crisis i don't know most of them are just like is schizophrenia really a blessing or a curse yeah it's like oh are people really saying this or is this my schizophrenia god yeah and then as a doctor i write it and i'm like that's your schizophrenia yeah you have to be tied to a table dr alice god honestly there should be like a fucking batman of quora that like just says like just it's like hi yes uh whatever i'm a doctor you should see a doctor you should talk to a professional

who is normal thank you pow i don't know man sounds like you have deep-seated intimacy issues i'm a romance therapist uh trust me i'm legit uh but whatever the fuck you just wrote is not the thoughts of a healthy human being reconsider everything interesting interesting you asked that I'm actually not the hero you deserve, but the hero you need. I am the knight. And I am the darkness itself. Qualification, I am the knight. Is this my schizophrenia, or is this man darkness itself?

Hi, you seem to have a really creative mind. You can just write about ghosts in the realm of fiction and sell those stories, because I feel like you really want to talk about ghosts and the things they do. But thinking they're real is not very healthy. Thank you, bye. I am laughing at sick and twisted things due to my medical conditions. Is that okay? I'm obsessed with calendars.

I have a riddle for you, Cora. Hickory dickory dock as well. What do you call a sparrow with a machine gun? I live in the sewer and have the skin, strength, and teeth of a crocodile. Is that okay? Oh, man. Is that okay? What am I thinking?

I'm now having a lot of fun just being like, I accidentally kissed my aunt. and I really liked it. That's Batman. He's a friend. Check out his stuff. He's so funny. We love Batman. Let's move on to another question.

Yes, please. This is still forbidden knowledge. Now, this is going to be a good one for Jake and for Jeremy, so I think I'm excited to present this one. Hold on, let me lock in. Do you want to guess what that means real quick? A good one for Jake and Jeremy?

Yeah. I don't... You'll never in a million years guess it. Hey there, you tastefully wear hats to cover your male pattern baldness. That would also be a good one for Jacob Derby. No, I mean, it's in the same category. You've tried going without it, and it's just,

damn, that's a lot of hairless flesh. Ooh, you're going to burn on top. Okay, okay, here's the question. It's a lot of hairless flesh. How would you react if Boozer from Super Mario was real? We're talking about Boozer. B-O-O-S-E-R. Oh, Boozer.

See, growing up, I knew him more as King Koopoo, so that's where the disconnect is. No, this is Boozer from Super Smoosh Brew. I'm sorry, what is the question? Boozer just immediately negated everything you said before or after. How would you react if Boozer from Super Mario was real? Alex, can I ask real quick, what did you search to find this? Somebody sent this one in.

Okay. This is, and I have a reason to believe it was Boozer. So the question, so this raises a lot of interesting scenarios because is it, like, if Boozer, if Bowser, you know, I'm just going to say Bowser. That's not the question. Do I have, like, is he materialized in our world as this, like, bulbous, cartoonish creature that I immediately recognize as the beloved antagonist of the Super Mario series? Or is it just this, like, insane, giant, gnarled dinosaur thing covered in, like, spiky armbands that I, like, is just, like, thrashing madly? Oh, no! Mama mia!

I don't have that one. if it's recognizably bowser if it's just like literally off the switch plopped into real life i would immediately hunt down shigeru miyamoto i would just run at him if i would i would book a plane ticket to kyoto and i would just be like hey bro couldn't help but notice that you have access to the realm of magic your drawings are becoming real yeah shit this is i thought about this all the time and nobody ever talks about this in even in like movies or anything where like something magical is like real now and nobody ever just like starts shitting and crying on the spot for because they have witnessed empirical proof of like supernatural forces beyond the

realm of science yeah so that is the question right is it like is this going to be a real dragon or is this going to be jack black but he's fatter i don't know either way i think the answer has to be the same because i think it's a little irresponsible to to shit and cry or go to miyamoto i think the answer has to be you grab him by the tail and you swing around you throw him three times first he had to track down a big spherical bomb with giant fuse that just walks or no wait how did it oh no you hit him in the tail and then you wait how did it go make a bomb you can make a bomb okay well you have to consider anarchist cookbook if you build a bomb sorry this is a man who you may go to take care of and find out he steals your girl because that's what boozer's

famous for is tossing back some and leaving with your lady. He might kidnap your wife. Or in a castle. If it's Boozer? If everyone gets a personal Bowser that personally kidnaps their significant other,

that's its own psychological nightmare. Then you might be a Mario. I'm just trying, he's like standing on the edge of the Brooklyn Bridge and I'm just trying to chop the cables with an axe. I'm like, why isn't this working? Um... i interesting answer here from christoph kunicki he says that would flip my world

yeah that's the right answer is just like as soon as you are walking by you see bowser and other people can see him now hold on you take a picture with your camera it shows up on the camera you would like do everything you can to like negate any idea that it's not a figment of your imagination you did not have a psychotic break there it is bowser in the real world loser loser in the real world uh you just i would just be like is god real what is the reality what am i where is this happening can i i just start like drawing pictures just being like can this be real like everything is broken beyond the fact that like oh yeah whatever there's a lizard now yeah like the firmament beneath my feet has cannot be trusted anymore now on the flip side there is

an answer from someone named drayden who says i would be fine with it oh so that's the other option yeah not my problem is option a i would not be fine with it well he says because mario would protect us well we don't know that there's mario i would just know there's boozer that would be cruel a world with no mario but a boozer a world under the fierce hoof of boozer that's hilarious. Just like Why did Boozer fall from the Mushroom Kingdom? In his clown

car. Just being like and then the NYPD just like killed him. And I hope they can. Finally our tax dollars at work. And Eric Adams just comes running up being like I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.

I told you. Nobody believed me. At least he He has soft scales that could be penetrated by iron bullet. Classic Boozer. Would we like to read any more answers on Boozer? One of the guys says, nothing really. At best, the logical thing that would most likely happen to him is capture. I don't know if that's true.

Now I'm not sure whether he'll just be held in prison to experiment it upon. Don't make me feel bad for Boozer, by the way. I think for sure he will not be left alone. I mean, a sentient and sapient turtle, of course he will attract people's interest. Just my two cents. I like that this is written like a plot development in an anime, where it's like if Boozer is real, that sets off a chain of events. And then someone else said, he said Booster, not Bowser.

He did not say Booster. He said Boozer. He said Boozer. And Bowser would easily kill the police and military if they try capturing him. I agree with this. I think Boozer is stronger than the military. And he is king as well. All right.

I think this is enough of this. Did you hear what they did with Boozer? They threw him into a pit of lava just to see a skeleton walk around. It was fucked up, man. We're the real monsters. But I have to ask, did you guys like that? Did you like that? But what?

Did you like my Mario question? I love talking about Boozer. Jeremy loves Mario. What would you do if there was a Boozer? A right proper Boozer. A proper Boozer. Okay, let's move on to our next segment. And question four, 45 minutes in, philosophy.

The questions that change everything. The answers that start within. Wow. Wait, play it again. Would you kill a whole group of people who insisted on stalking you? Yeah, I would do that. Why not? I'd kill them.

I'd kill them with my bare hands. One by one. I would use a series of ninjutsu weapons to showcase my deadly kind of set of skills. I do think my answer changes on how big the gang stalking me is. Okay. If it's like a thousand people, I probably can't kill my way out of that bubble. Just the entirety of the Latin kings just like beating around butchers. They have wanted pictures of me up all over.

It's just Alex. King town. Kyle's doing a podcast. Not hurting. Not like no theft, no assault, no nothing. Just keeping tabs. It's like a Harry Potter newspaper where it's a picture of me, but it's a Quarator's video podcast on the wall.

This could happen to you if you just say enough bad things about Scientology. Yeah. You could have this happen. Yeah, but would you be able to kill your way out of it? Probably not. You're going to fight Tom Cruise. Yeah, he's got a great body. He is 70 years old.

He'll chase you down. Oh, I can't outrun that guy. No. His form's impeccable. I watched all of the Mission Impossibles last summer, and he had so much plastic surgery that he looks 40 until he's 65, and then the last year, he completely looks like a Frankenstein of science. None of that's true.

It all fell off. He didn't do any plastic surgery. He just believes in Xenu, and that kept him young for a very long time. Well, if it's belief, good for him, but it wore off at the end because he looks uncanny now. Obviously, his belief has faltered a bit, but he'll be back. Yeah, he'll be back. He's got a great body.

Could it? Do you think Tom Cruise has a great body? For his age? Immaculate. I mean, even for not his age. We should all be so lucky. Even for not his age. And he can fly a plane.

Yeah. But they don't always let him. Like, they didn't let him do it in Top Gun. I'm getting distracted here. What does Cora say? That happened in elementary school to kids. The entire school would follow them home wanting to fight them. It was hard.

Fortunately, no one remembers who they were. It was just everybody. And that was from Sweet Christine. Wow, that was hard when you had to kill all those kids. It's the only answer. Thank you, Sweet Christine. Sweet Christine, you spoke some truth. Would you kill a gang if they was talking?

Not should I. Yeah, would you? Not could I. assumed easy can i read some can i read some uh some questions that uh sweet christine has asked sure if you'll allow me to uh butt in that under knows about the only listed topic is cockroach's death here's some questions from sweet christine this is her name not mine uh how does it feel to talk to a 70-year-old man. Jeez, toot your useless horn some more.

Oh, fuck. Anyway, one more. How, if I only love myself, am I a narcissist? Okay, I really like Sweet Christine. Dead internet theory. Sweet Christine is an AI language model just filling the site to boost engagement numbers. It's extremely possible.

We have fallen for that before, but Sweet Christine seems so real to me. She's so sweet. i can't i can't why why couldn't you have depicted a nice website like i don't know how could i be a narcissist if i only love myself uh she has so many questions i don't really know what to zoom in on here but let's go back to the original sorry because we're talking about a serious question here so she was gang stalked at some point i guess by children Courtney Richards says kill them

No they aren't worth jail In fact they aren't worth shit Since they have nothing better to do Than stalk somebody Fuck them Be the bigger person like Courtney I'm sorry this one really Defeated me

I can't It's a yes or no Jake Will you kill them For a whole group of people down to the last of their line for stalking you for stalking they insist on it i would i would hope not i hope that uh you know well first of all as uh a cis white man with uh suburban professional uh connections i would probably police would probably believe me and actually do something so that's like a fun option i sick my own gang on them the state police

still think it's funny to insist on stalking me there's another one here that says before I could even consider the operation of such a crime I would have to know for what reason they're performing such an action they are told, paid, or inspired by a separate source or entity would have to confront the source first if it were to kill a small part of the larger group

it would be pointless endeavor the source itself could just as easily send additional pawns in their game killing a group of brainwashed individuals would weigh on my conscience guilt due to a personal morality that prevents me from wanting to perform such an act would haunt my mind for the rest of my life oh the gangs keeping track on them because they already killed a different gang gang stalking follow the money i can't i can't i can't with this you must i get you must with it the answer of like

yes absolutely their trash hurts my brain the one where it's like now if you're going to conceive of this operation you're going to need mission discipline here's the like also hurts my brain this whole site hurts my brain so much as a podcaster if you're being stalked by a group of people it is likely listeners of your podcast that's a large gang you just you just create a higher tier on the patreon and just give them outlet and then everybody wins i kill you you come to my house and i end your life most popular we got it we got another one i've been wanting to do this okay which one you want to do next this one the yep this one right here okay this one is i can't stop thinking about

making money how do i get out of this mindset now jeremy and i have this problem i think that's just life under capitalism yeah is just literally every single thing you want to do aspire to do you hit a roadblock where it requires extra resources that are harder and harder to acquire i think unless you're dreaming of some kind of scrooge mcduck just like a basin of gold coins through which you can just freely swim one last job that's how you every every week when we record i go to jeremy and i'm like just one more job 10 more quaras and we're famous that's the That is actually the right answer, is how do I stop thinking about money? You got to have the biggest score of all.

Then you're just sipping pina coladas in a Acapulco. You are going to be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life, but you're going to be looking over a golden robe. Do you think this guy's not making money, that he's trying to make money? Or do you think he's thinking about making money because he's making so much of it? Oh, that is like kind of the, those are the two kinds of people. Yeah, I know. I did assume it was like a finance guy. Like, I thought this was like a Leonardo DiCaprio meme gentleman.

Sure. Who's just like, I can't stop the hustle. Exactly. I go to the gym at five every morning. When will this end? I keep buying low and selling high. It's not a sustainable lifestyle. I have a whole room in my house for watches.

Why? it just keeps going up this is going to be one where we really have to throw to the comments i feel i haven't read them i'm sorry what is the exact text of the question one more time yes i can't stop thinking about making money how do i get out of this mindset money mindset change your life change your mindset change your life um can you pile the coins this one yourself there's an answer that's so long it's a larger than the screen yeah it's a scroll paragraph oh good and the only qualification for the guy is works at self-employment which is you know same yeah uh in my limited experience i've discovered a part of the secret to getting anything you want obsession

commitment and perseverance let's go you want money and you don't need millions you have to say to yourself and believe that is the most important thing in life for a short period of time making money the be all and end all and don't think about anything else like you i used to read all the get rich books to no avail rather humble yourself and become a student of how money comes to people and make it your mission to acquire that understanding this is the happiest alice has ever been on this show money talk this this just keeps going i i mean you don't have to read the whole thing it's very long eventually he says uh to cut a long story short start selling sell something anything sell sell sell you gotta make money to make money do something useful for

society that people are willing to spend money on and uh you know just like secure a livelihood for yourself yeah why don't you just find a place in this world which one you want to read out bargabola says stop dreaming and start making things happen becoming a millionaire all of a sudden overnight it is a dream and may not be possible but as we are start doing something effective day by day it won't take much time to realize that it is not impossible to make billions i like when alex reads the chorus sometimes because it makes people realize it's not that easy it's not that easy it's pretty easy to get tripped up on these chorus so better start with a path that excites you more now than ever maybe just one step away of a hundred of what you dream of

I'm getting that tattooed on my thigh. You may be one step away from a hundred of what you dream of. It's going to be in a circle around my thigh, and there's going to be a sheep dancing over it. That's pretty cool. So I can count them with my stats. I think I said on the podcast once that I had a friend in high school who wanted to get an entire verse by Immortal Technique tattooed on his back, right?

Yes. Ow. A long day. That's like what they used to do in the Spanish Inquisition. so if i'm not so if i understand this correctly the person asking the question is like how do i free myself from this unending unending cycle of uh greed and desire and the answers given because the hustle mind virus is so profound and so uh corrupting it's just like sounds to me you gotta hustle even harder stack it yeah pretty much stack it and pack it uh make do with the

fact that not uh that there are people you walk down the street lots of people just doing fine like living their lives not getting access to every single material thing they've ever desired and they're okay with that saving up for small pleasures every now and again and otherwise enjoying the company of others of having hobbies and pursuing their own goals and like no no it's just outside of the realm of possibility and core is like have you tried drop shipping what about to mary k okay hear me out crypto like it's so fucking dismal the the the answer or whatever they're like i on my podcast uh wisdom the bruiser check it out last podcast network last podcast network we it's mostly a lot of cultural products uh video games uh sometimes

we'll do something weird like uh we did the history of mountain dew one time and it's it's always just red it's uh it's just it's just luck you just like you while you are trying to do the thing you're doing the market happens to be ready for that thing and then once you have that initial success you can use that to just like invest and like foster others and build on that but that core thing is always just like i'm doing what i want to do and it turns out it gelled with some like weird rich person that was willing to give it a chance and that's like just over and over and over again like i just i had an idea it was the right idea and i was lucky enough to see it through to a point where it made me like rich and popular and like nobody in our entire history was like

i sat down and took a two thousand dollar seminar from a weirdo from the internet called how to make popular successful thing and it worked like this this has never happened see it's funny you say that though because we see so many guys who do that and it seems like it works for them this is why they take popular seminar this is why andrew tate talks about us on his show he's just like those fucking idiots i'm so sick of your quarrels they make me want to stop selling women it's at least in the realm of entertainment the most common story is definitely uh get a lucky meeting and do something at the pitch so outside the box that whatever weird uh jaded rich executive you're talking to who is your uncle yeah only in the case of dragon ball

um the uh you know that story right oh no oh my god so uh i did a whole podcast without learning anything for like seven years so the so dragon ball massive success in japan uh 1989 dragon ball z even more popular and like nobody it's just too weird it's just too many like bulging muscles and uh mr popo's and blonde hair and screaming it's unlike anything in the american market nobody wants to bring it in because it's just and it's super violent it's just it could not possibly uh be mart you know mattel doesn't want it like no major american company wants it somebody who works at uh i think it's it's not a is it toho or which company i forget owns uh dragon ball literally the company that owns dragon ball that like does shonen jump that

runs the anime just somebody in there calls their like cousin who happens to be like working at a software company in texas and it's like bro nobody's picking this up you know how fucking much money this thing's making just get some money together and buy the rights and you're gonna be fucking set for life he gets the american cousin gets his co-workers to like sell some farmland to like get the couple hundred thousand for the rights they start funimation wow and that's so like dragon ball was an inside job okay it's essentially exactly the back to the future scene with like are you my cousin with farmland listen to this strength beyond strength power

uh i gotta read one more answer on the money mindset question uh which is again how do i escape the money mindset terence freeman says you don't make it happen cap'n yeah that's pretty good i want to end on that one that was pretty good um okay you want to do one more question yes pick one more more more okay um which of these excites the five quos go as a pattern so i guess we can read those later oh do the quora gone wild yep all right pull that up let's go to the jungle here on quoragon wild these are your animals and wildlife questions okay okay uh it's not gonna be nude women or anything it's for animals we're all getting laid okay uh how do i stop being afraid of bears after the case with timothy treadwell uh if i ever show my fear they

will tear me to pieces alive sadly they don't have an ethical code like lions for example bears aren't like lions i mean if there's anything to learn from the timothy treadwell story it's that even if you don't show fear you're still fair game yeah well the one who ate timothy treadwell and you can see this in the movie is they're like this is the sigma bear he's the verner herzog one right yeah yeah do not listen to this yeah do not listen to this bear is so based and right he like he like fed his girlfriend to a bear as well no she tried to save him by hitting the bear with a pan yeah and you know the thing is everyone told him to not be near those bears and that he would get eaten up and he said i get along with 99 of these bears quite nicely

and they have an ethical code you come across that bear who goes his own way at some point oh god oh my so he's at how do i not be afraid of bears i think it's it's okay i think you can just go ahead yeah don't go to the bear place in alaska yeah stay away from bear town and if it's get out of bear town and you know we we live in they're black bears uh we live in the northeast and you know brooklyn they hey i i live near the lower i live in the lower hudson valley and once in a while i might see a black bear and that's there there's a fox in my backyard whoa it's a good thing i there goes all my dreams of keeping chickens oh yeah they're gonna they're little bandits yeah but um we see raccoons over here oh big chubby ones right yeah big freaking they look

like dogs almost if they're adorable they're big guys uh i like their hands i don't think they have people hands i like them they can uh they can you know i think it's wrong count money with those i think only people should have people heads that's fact have you seen the uh tiktok thing where it's like uh it's the new like bowl of poison m&ms where it's like uh dudes asking their girlfriends like you're lost in the woods would you rather see a bear or a man you don't know and the women like without hesitation like a bear immediately i think like dudes are like what a bear is like like just no concept of like what it's like to be predated upon in our modern world bears famously not the number one killer of women yeah exactly exactly and that's like that's the thought

experiment but like man in the wild you can't just get big yeah i mean that's kind of one time i was walking home late from a comedy show and somebody like pulled a knife on me and i just banged on a pot and i was like no no and then i pissed right that's mine i play dead he's already dead the only time i see a man in the woods is when we both left for our secret sexual exchange well then you fuck each other it's only one way out of this conundrum if the man if the strange man was a bear like just a jovial bearded gay man then i'd probably be like hey you want to talk about our favorite kevin smith movies like let's do this thanks for meeting me in the woods but unfortunately uh large hairy gay men do not have an ethical code like

lions i thank you for not i was gonna blow past that but you're right what the fuck are they talking about are they did they confuse did they think the lion king was a documentary is that what they're like that actually may be it because lions i mean famously are the like cruelest predator in the world they have so much pride they eat you ass first so you live the whole time so you are juicier yeah they rip your intestines out of your ass oh my god it's the softest point of entry it's just it's just medical science i mean it seems really good for the lion but really unpleasant It wasn't for the lion food. Lions love to eat ass.

It's true. They're millennial coded. Who the fuck is like, who went out, what fucking drunk Englishman went on safari and was like, well, I was going to be eaten, but they understood I was of high noble birth and that I was a righteous Christian, so they let me live. You sure have a right sense of honor. Not like those fucking bears. What would you do if you saw a boozer from Mario?

I'll let me ask you this one last thing. Just the guy on the Safari being like, don't worry, the lions have a strict Bushido code. Nobody draw your weapon first. Murphy opinion, fetch me blade. A lion committing seppuku. That's true. Remember how The Lion King was about how the evil lion gave too much food and resources to the hyenas and the weather changed because it's so evil to share things with?

You're putting them on a welfare system. The hyenas will never get out of that. Now, do we have Treadwell Defenders on here? No. Yeah, wait, what is the advice? I'm trying to find an answer that isn't just, like, stay out of the woods. Because that's the answer. Oh, there's a really good photo of a lion eating a man.

Yeah. Wait, just, like, straight up rotten.com shit? Yeah. Wow. That's right. It's a man running, and the lion's bigger than him, and it appears to have caught him. Yeah, he's got his arm in the lion's mouth. Yeah, I could put that on YouTube.

Can you? I think so. Okay. It's not bloody. He says, someone has been watching too many Disney movies. But back to those bears. it's perfectly healthy to be afraid of them oh yes it's actually recommended yeah everyone's just like don't go into the woods don't go into the wilderness you should be afraid they're bad

they'll kill you a healthy fear of bears isn't fred well should have been more afraid of bears it's so nice that quora as a community can agree on something and it's that you should have fear of bears i agree with that yeah where's the problem i just don't see the issue is unless it's like i just want a pet go to the circus they've like a there's there's perfectly pre-abused bears that will just delight you with their motorcycle antics and ball juggling yeah or get into like a more more genteel bear like a panda yep there's a bear you can bring home to mama there's the thing is for every every one the bears get over on you we get them 10 back on these bears Why won't you bring home a nice band, Panda Bear?

You have to go for the bad boys. Stan Burt. Please read it. Now, this is what you go to Quora looking for. Stan Burt says, I own and inhabit a remote cabin in the deep woods. I am around bears, wolves, mountain lions, et cetera, all the time. I have survived two outright bears attacks. Both bears were predatory bears that stalked me and were bent on killing me.

Well, if you're getting stalked by a gang of bears, you kill them. Yeah, kill them first. I survived by being woods wise and luck. Woods wise is the word. Woods wise. Woods wise and luck. Sadly, Timothy Treadwell promoted his and his girlfriend's deaths. You cannot tame a predator, and if you try, you can never trust them.

Timothy Treadwell learned this and paid for it with his life. I would love to become woods wise. What do I have to do? Grow a long gray beard. yeah uh gnarled hands where'd it go you had one last week what the fuck swung his head around expecting me to have a beard it was just one right here keep a a stocked pack like with a big canteen sticking out the side and uh send a bunch of bombs to your local authorities uh the nature's valley granola

bar comes in at some point that's pretty important being woods wise you okay with getting scurvy because you've only eaten venison for the past month wow if you get scurvy and you're not in a boat what are you doing you might be right um have you watched alone no oh you love this show yeah i'm all i'm really into alone i haven't watched in a while but uh it's like naked and afraid but they're just one of them at a time and they film themselves instead of there being camera crew around kind of totally diffusing the situation and they're wearing clothes and they get like they get more stuff to go in

because it's really hard to live alone in the woods and they all get like scurvy and poisoned by something that's how all of them end up leaving and one of them kills like a moose early on in one of the seasons and then just eats moose and is like I'm gonna win off this moose and they're like actually you can't just eat moose now you're dying

I get so much like like this weird mix of like survival foragey vertical video algorithm stuff across like youtube and instagram and tiktok and it's always like advice that will never help me where it's just like now if you're lost in the woods of maine in mid to early spring these specific sprigs on trees make a delightful tea and i'm just like cool yeah keep an eye don't get them wrong the other ones kill you yeah now this mushroom makes It's an excellent stir fry, assuming that you cook it for four hours, because otherwise you will shit yourself so hard that you'll see God.

A camera crew will have to extract you from the woods. I want to read one more. Please. Mark Farley says, here's what you do. On your first day in the forest, you go right up to the biggest, baddest bear and you punch him right in his fucking bear face. That's how we do it. They will all leave you alone after you show them you are not to be trifled with. mark you have pulled my leg for the last time we're trying to do some bear trivia

what am i gonna do with you well not a lot of people talking about the lion thing but um which is annoying i have a red herring there and uh i still don't trust lions nor do i trust bears be safe just a bunch of lions like eating fucking gabagool talking about like these young lions they got no respect they don't know they don't understand it's about fucking honor Why would a bear invent a gazelle? Is that our final question? I think that's good for the show. We're a little over, so that's fine.

And we lost our camera. We've lost our camera because it got too hot, so we're going to close out here. Jake, thank you so much for coming on. It's Quarators, the podcast on Quora. Where can our listeners find you at home and abroad? Please listen to Wizard and the Bruiser podcast, available anywhere podcasts are found,

and check out twitch.tv slash Puppet Jared for the Cartoon Dumpster every Thursday. It's in the dumpster. For our show, we have new episodes every Thursday where we go on Reddit, Wikihow, and other exciting websites. You're going to love that. Please support us at patreon.com slash Quaradors.

Before we leave, we can't forget, do we want to ask a Quora to Quora.com? Do you have anything you want to ask Quora.com? Any burning questions? which of the Hanna-Barbera classic characters do you find

the most sexually powerful oh okay yeah type that up that's a good question for Quora Jake understands the assignment but you know

whatever we'll see I don't even remember that guy oh you might know him by his alias El Cabong oh yes

El Cabong alright that's it for us on the show we'll see you next week when we're discussing El Cabong Cabong

question everything Thank you.