Quorators - What Are The Advantages Of Being Ugly? w/ Ben Doyle

Episode Date: April 10, 2023

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: Where do alligators go when they die? I smell very bad. Everywhere I go people breathe heavily because of me and say it smells bad... Why is it dangerous for stowaways to hide in wheel well of an airliner? ---- Watch the show on http://youtube.com/@quorators Check out Jet Lag: The Game @ https://www.youtube.com/c/jetlagthegame

and we're back with quaraders it's another week here on quora.com we're your hosts jeremy and alex and i'm alex and i'm jeremy what was that voice you did for a second announcer alex oh i like it he's professional alex he's far larger than your standard alex eight feet high the chest of a whale we have an incredible guest for you this week uh he travels all across the world you may know him from his famous videos that he does are you forgetting the name and jetlag the game. It's Ben Doyle. It's Ben Doyle.

Thank you. Or as my time as an intern for Jeremy. That's true. You may know this next guest as an intern for Jeremy. I was for a long time only known as an intern for Jeremy. I don't know if, yeah. Writing down his big Mario ideas. You didn't really do that much.

We kind of just let you hang out and riff with us. It was a lot of riffing. You weren't one of the good interns. No. I think you're our only intern. Well, I made it up. I emailed Matt, and I was like, can I intern? And then I didn't realize that The Hard Times was a punk publication.

I didn't know what it was. You thought it was about the concept of hard times. Yeah, but I was kind of just like, it's a comedy website. So I emailed him. I didn't know what it was. And then when I realized that it was a punk website, I was like, I'm just going to do the video game. And the rest is history. And the rest is history.

So what did you find was like your average day interning for Jeremy? the first thing that jeremy did like the first interaction i ever had with jeremy was he and i think well this is the reason that i'm active on twitter now he made me go through and like everything he'd ever tweeted to be fair i think i said that as a joke but i did it the word made is my first internship and this was the first thing that was demanded of me so i did i went ahead and did it the results speak for themselves as the like numbers have only gone up since then it's true it's true we've never looked back from there uh well uh ben we're gonna read you a bunch of quaras today great now you've you've been all around the world but have you been on quora.com

the website oh i have and i get the quora digest every week nice i get them every day yeah is that cafe option i didn't choose it but i didn't choose this life they're i'm getting them in the mail now just at my house i just find that they are deeply uh tied to whatever is happening in my personal life and i don't know i don't know where quora is getting that information that's the superstructure at work uh enable cookies i really wish quora had an option and this is not a financially possible thing where they would just send you a full printout newspaper every day with the quora digest you could read oh should i punish my son with like a big picture you could read in the today's top story should i punish my boy you just shake your head at it at the local cafe

everyone knows that you're you're a reader what you're up to um all right well the first thing we do on the show is we answer last week's quora where we write a quora at the end of the episode one segment again i do not remember what it was i remember but i bet it was really good it wasn't we got one answer apology apologies to jordan olds sorry jordan we got one answer uh and someone dm'd me about it so we got that what does that mean wait a quora dm no somebody on twitter dm'd me about does quora have a dm feature i don't know okay i could try if quora has a dm feature do not dm us we will be scared all my girlfriends it's like showing a caveman uh like a a flashlight or something it's not something we want to see um last week's question was what does a yorkshire

accent sound like and we were hoping people would uh describe it for us yeah did they do that no well did we get anybody who is not a listener yeah so this is a real answer i i'm not trying to be like offensive or anything but it does confuse me a little bit the answer is i am deaf and grew up in england with scottish father and visited cousins in york in years past i adored the yorkshire accent is normally unable to detect range of accents anywhere yorkshire accent is very strong and vowels differ from queen's english my scottish father disliked i have no idea why this one's like a riddle yeah i am deaf from england guess my favorite accent i yeah the one my father dislikes so she her her thing says lifelong lip reader so i wonder if

she's like judging the accent exclusively based on lip oh that's so interesting that's a that's an interest you know that's interesting yeah she went into this fully expecting like i know you followed the linda margaret sharp channel and all of my lip reading exploits well i want to get this name right someone dm me about it this is my favorite accent um alex wilkie dm me and said that it's basically ned stark from game of thrones oh this was up yeah that that it put it into the language that i understand oh it's game of thrones good to know you could say that about any english accent i'd be like right yes i don't know if this is really stupid but i know that like game of thrones is based on the war of the roses and the starks are the yorks and shouts out to war of the

And the Lannisters are the Lancasters because George R.R. Martin is not that subtle. No. So I wonder if York, Stark, York, Yorkshire, is that, is there a line that I can draw there? Winterfell. As a dumb American. Bravo. And there's dragons there. And there's ice zombies.

I went to go pull more Game of Thrones names and couldn't find any because I haven't seen the show in six years or whatever it's been. I haven't ever seen the show, so I can't participate in this at all. What are you doing with your life? I haven't lived very long. Ben is seven years old. I'm seven, yeah. Don't tell Alex how old you are, because he's going to ask you all these questions. I'm really trying to connect with the youth right now.

We're moving on a new page for me. Yeah, good. I'm kind of an old soul in a way. If you become friends with Alex, I will no longer be the youngest person Alex knows. and then what will you have you'll have nothing i won't be able to tell you about how to use tiktok anymore yeah i'm really getting around to it um so we're gonna do our first segment here uh this one i wanted to make sure i get it right this these are our romance and romantic based questions on quora.com the questions website welcome to the core romance segment

this is austin powers he's a spy from the past i'm familiar ah now um i have to ask are you are you are you dating around town are you scooping up the the town i'm scooping up the town yeah i would i would say that i'm scooping up the town nice uh is uh what would we what's a good what's a good answer is this that's the whole question no we're gonna we're gonna ask you quora questions that are tangentially related to dating and then we're going to say that person's crazy and then we're going to move on.

They're not always crazy. Sometimes they're making really good points. It's happened once or twice. Today could be our day. You're right. This could be a good point. Let's start. I smell very bad. Everywhere I go, people breathe heavily because of me and say it smells bad. I've tried

lots of deodorants and I wear perfume. It smells too strong. I shower every day. What should I do there's a simple answer to this i think and it is go to a doctor yeah see seek help there's a chance that there is some kind of animal living on this person that's the smell is coming outside of their body i think they might be dead and they don't know it's a ghost situation yeah like the the necrotic rot have they identified where the smell is coming from because i feel like there's there's usually like a source we know it's coming from inside the house yeah it's coming from inside the body and it was smart to say that they shower every day because otherwise the whole thread's

gonna be shower you gotta shower gotta shower you stinky puppy shower stinky puppy yeah it's too bad um so when i wear perfume it smells too strong i think uh so there's obviously like some medical thing or something happening to you that you should look into but maybe just lean into having a strong perfume smell and making that part of your identity. That would be my recommendation. I don't understand why perfume smell is like a problem with them. Can't they just get a different

perfume? Yeah, find a better one. Yeah. That's also some good advice to have on here. This isn't specifically dating related although I didn't know where else to put it. It's going to greatly hinder your dating game. This is from our segment

Miscellaneous. Any good answers? Yeah I mean people are just giving real advice You may be low in zinc In your body I was going to say low in zinc So eat some zinc

Go to a doctor is the real answer Fellas is there anything worse Than a lady who is low in zinc I love my ladies to smell like zinc I want to be like popping the top off a pill bottle in there one person suggests hyperhidrosis what what's hyperhidrosis too much yeah you got too much water you gotta get rid of some of that water that is very cleverly taking apart that word thanks i can google it okay or wait put it into

core put hyperhidrosis in the core i want to see where this goes hyper um sweaty hands all the time What are the odds this is just going to be the same person on every response? Just being like, it's hyperhidrosis again. I've seen one episode of House, and it was hyperhidrosis that week. One person says trimethylaminuria? People just shooting their shots. I know, that's what I'm saying. It's like fucking Dr. House in here.

From what I read in the wording of the Quora, you have lupus. One person says you might do a lot of cardio. I don't think that's the answer. I think that would have been included. that's just speculation have you tried taking a shower after um a lot of people say still looking to your diet yeast you have too much yeast okay so the answer is medical miscellaneous we're now falling into the same problem the people in this sweater are having i'm just guessing wildly what what is wrong with too much yeast too much water yeah she needs much

much like a not enough zinc yeah yeah i know that plants need more water so that could be Your pH might be off. Oh, yeah. That would make you smell. What are you, a fish? I don't know if people have pHs. Come on. People do have pHs.

I outvoted it. Did you have a fish? Do I have a fish? Have you had a fish in the past? Have you had a fish tank? I had a fish tank in the past, and I worked at a fish store when I was 15. And I would scrub the tanks clean of algae, and my boss would yell at me. And that was the job.

I think this has come up on the show before. but I just to think of acidity and then fish right away is like, there's a whole sea of expertise underneath. Yeah. That definitely worth peeling back a layer of my psyche for you. Oh my God. That I think of fish when someone says pH and not the band and not the band,

which is pH fish. Whoa. Yeah. What's that mean? I don't know what it means. Well, I think we, uh,

there's really nothing more to say. There's really nothing we can say. A doctor go to the hospital, right now you are dying most of our listeners have this problem see a doctor did you mention this was sent in by a former guest of the show oh yeah this was sent in by dan yang comedian dan returning to send in quaras one person says don't forget to eliminate onions eliminate that's the last thing i'm doing i'm going to see four different kinds of shamans before onions are getting cut

okay i will die before i lose my onions spoken as a man with severe acid reflux it's the second of edmund oh boy okay well that's a that's a good warm-up dating question wants to take my onions sorry okay we're gonna get into the thick of it now okay this is another question sent in by ryan yates uh what are the advantages of being ugly now obviously it's hard for any of us to answer this question is to be a handsome young man. Right through. This is not something we picked just for you. We don't want to have that on the record.

You're ugly former intern. Make him like all your tweets. What are the advantages of being ugly? I'm trying to think of all the stuff in my head. You go unnoticed. You could probably be an assassin better. I did also first

think of assassin. Assassin. You're too handsome. You look like Ryan Reynolds. You go abroad. You're going to kill a politician. Everyone's going to remember. That guy's hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They'll have seen you going into the Pope's office. Yeah, exactly. It's the Pope we're assassinating? Yeah, I'm assuming you're doing assassinations. We're taking down the Pope. Is there any reason to assassinate the Pope? What happens when you assassinate the Pope? You become the Pope.

You get the hat. So that's the main reason. You unlock the hat. It's like Fortnite. You can pick up the Pope hat. everyone thinks you're so clouded when you do your missions afterwards honestly if you can get away with missions wearing the pope hat you are a very high level assassin yeah you're like hitman the only reason people wouldn't remember you after that is because of how ugly you are underneath the

hat um okay there must be a non in terms of assassin related reason to be there must be uh in terms of dating hypothetically because that is again the category we're in uh if you go on a date then all the pressure immediately off sure if we're both just looking to like really rap for a minute you're gonna look at this advice from two men who married their high school girlfriends you're gonna look at this person you're gonna say no pressure i can certainly do better than this if i have to date that's true i mean when you're on a date with someone ugly you might be willing to say like any of your secrets and then they can you know maybe you say something too much they can trap you that's true that is true you could

blackmail you into dating them and then you can use that information in your day job as an assassin it all comes back which does pay very well which is also helpful in the dating world yeah it's i mean not to be crass indeed the money talks the money talks we gotta get a money button that's the one thing because here's the thing is i found out we have cow and tiger going through all these buttons before anybody came over and those are both animal sounds and really you only need one animal sound another one of those could be a big stack of money i didn't i didn't realize we got to hear the sounds while we were in the podcast yeah it's very exciting exciting yeah wait for it wait you're like this

what do you use that oh that's a all right he did that on the computer it wasn't easy the way it should be we could do anything that's on youtube Anything is within our power as three handsome gentlemen. What is the cow button for? If there's a cow. If there's a cow. Oh, okay. If a cow comes up.

That checks out. We do have an animal segment. I don't know if we're doing it. We are doing it. And you know when you're showing up at the date and it's a comfortably ugly person? And then you got to wait. Yeah, the cow's got to be delayed. Unfortunately, that is just the reality of the situation.

don't worry that button is soon going to be money sounds great um let's see some of the answers for this okay uh i am 21 years old and there's been numerous encounters when i have heard people referring to me as ugly and short the passive voice doing amazing work and that's it i have short i have just five feet i grew up being body shamed almost my entire life i don't mind it much now all these things bother me now i am learning self-love oh sorry they don't bother me now i'm learning to appreciate myself right now i'm living on this who cares this is none of this is answering okay that's not a question what are the advantages of being ugly you give up early all right he's got five five answers uh you had to scroll down a bit okay i'm appreciative for

my personality people say i'm funny where i'm fun to hang out with i don't care about my appearance much so getting expensive makeup designer clothes doesn't bother me easy maintenance ha ha ha he tongue sticking out it's the tongue sticking out no creepy people around you no stalkers You can have a stalker if you're ugly. Being lonely actually feels so good. What does that mean? That's a bummer of an answer. Being lonely feels so good.

That's, as the kids say, a cope, I think. One of the advantages of being ugly is being lonely feels so good. And then the last one. No fake friends. Get them out of here. Get them out of my life. I'm only friends with most people because of their attractiveness. Yeah, you can make a profile on only friends.

That's true. Yeah. That was a little internet joke. Hey, sorry about that. Yeah, I take issue with the no stalkers thing. I think if you're a famous athlete and you're ugly, you can still have stalkers. You got to believe in yourself. That's true.

Get out there and be ugly. Yeah, I know ugly people with stalkers. I also know ugly people that I'm friends with that I don't like that much. Yeah. Yeah. You're their fake friend, you're saying? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, 100%. To advance my position. Do you know people with stalkers for real? Oh, yeah. Damn. I know people who's dockers. Do you?

I mean, yeah. Yeah, I know. We got quite a few. I know a few internet people. Yeah, fair enough. Now, this is one of those things when, like, I started doing YouTube, apparently my boss gets, like, messages from other YouTubers being like, Ben has to stop saying things online.

Like, he keeps doxing himself. Yeah, stop giving out addresses. Yeah. I've doxed my exact address twice. I've done that once. Did you dox my address? Just curious for the show. No, no.

We have doxed your address, though. here we go we've done it we're waiting for someone to care but we've been like no one knows where alex lives but here's a question about the restaurant next door luckily alex is too ugly to have stalkers how did you how did you dox yourself ben uh where were you when you doxed yourself the thing is i'm gonna be doxing myself again if i say okay but well no i'll just say it because i deleted the tweet uh there was there was one time where there was this there's this guy who lives in my building who our building got like vandalized because he's like a congress person or something or not a congress person i don't know how the government works he's like in

new york city council he's the mayor of new york city yeah i live i live in eric adams house um and then i was like yeah this is crazy that this happened to my exact apartment building and people are like oh we know you where you live um and then uh one time i did a show at caveat where i just listed my exact sure address that'll do it that'll do it i hate when they pressure you to do that the one i did is i was on twitch and i opened up google maps to show something in brooklyn and there was a thing that said like your home and it was like pointing to where i was on a map at the current moment yeah that's one of the best ways to find out your home okay so So this person in classic Quora tradition did not answer the question, although we left

out that their name is Fat and Depressed. Yes, that's true. Very relevant information. They gave these five answers, and they also quoted Margaret Cho. I would say I don't mind being ugly now. By the way, my username is Fat and Depressed. That's my main identifier. Being lonely is awesome.

I get so much of the bed to myself. Their bio is, I guess my username describes it all. God damn, dude. You sound sad. Or you know what? Maybe it's not sad. And then the other questions they're answering are, why do ugly people suffer so much?

And then the other one is, which foods are rich in magnesium? Yeah. And those are the three. Hey, why do I smell bad? I only eat magnesium-rich foods. I followed them. All right. Wait, go back to the question.

We got to answer these. What are the advantages of being ugly? Okay. Another person, Rob Fala, says, if you're asking about personality, I suspect there are a few advantages that arise from being a nasty POS. That's also not the answer. That was not the question.

If the question is about physical appearance, trite but true expression, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Okay. Even Quasimodo had his admirers. Even Quasimodo has his admirers. So, again, not answering the question. All you said was, no one is ugly. Is that an answer? And he reveals his favorite Disney film,

Hunchback of Notre Dame. Shout out, 1996. I'm trying to see. I was never catcalled, approach by men or sexualized in any way i developed a great friendship with my dad that i could not have had as a beautiful woman yeah my my dad resents that i'm hot he won't talk to me that's a very strange answer damn you're glowing youth um yeah weird uh this is always stung when a boy would befriend me just to try and hook up with my more attractive friends so that's not an advantage no that's that's a that's a disadvantage yeah

that's not good and then the end of the post is like but however now that i'm an adult i am beautiful and i wouldn't know uh yeah i would say that mostly i would choose if i had the option of being so beautiful and pretty um so far from this quora thread which is what you should read before deciding that um one person says i am white but also experience bullying for being ugly it's a really weird welcome to quora you didn't need to do that you're on the wrong community what guy posted a photo oh can i see yeah people are so willing to do that on here just being like how ugly am i here i am covered in trash didn't normal look a dude yeah just a little overweight that guy looks normal he's got a good head of hair yeah hey not all of us have that oh mine's

mine's yeah his face is symmetrical which is like the top modifier of ugliness he posted a lot of photos of himself he really wants us to take him down and yet i won't do it i was very ugly 30 to 30 pounds every relationship i was sucked in got dropped for some other guy ironically i started the carnivore diet after this photo finally found a woman that can actually understand me and my turmoil i was going through and now i'm not as ugly as i used to be you look exactly the same and then i cannot read the rest of it it's on quora plus you gotta pay to find out how this man became less ugly you're good we got a ton of battery okay throw it away okay get rid of it we're here in the studio it's a very professional podcast okay so um i think that's all of the

advantages uh no i want to read some more actually this guy says he's easy he has six i just want to read them real quick number one not being called to great parties this will save your liver i don't think being ugly you can go to parties the word great is probably a bit of a tell there but okay being excluded from most forms of sexual relationships this will save you from std again you don't these are bad things you could have sex and not get an std um more free time to study because no one is calling you to go out this is so obvious being beat constantly by your classmates make your brain think super faster than others these are hard to read what wait makes your brain think super faster than others being beaten constantly by your classmates

because you're ugly because you're ugly in a quasimodo style situation you're like being beaten in the sexual marketplace oh here i was freeing my mind from the sexual marketplace Anyways, I just assumed he meant like I live the life of a Quasimodo monster where I am hit with a ruler and forced into a bell tower and being ugly. It makes your mind go faster. Okay, here's a good one. High school is in the same time educational and preparation for any war in the future. What? That's true.

Advantage to being ugly. Plus you're conditioned by being beaten constantly at all times. And then number six, this is a true one. Relocation is much easier because you are actually not connected to anyone. So you could just leave your life behind. Back to being an assassin or spy. Yeah, Robert De Niro in Heat. I don't think any of these things have to do with being ugly.

I feel like this person's just deeply unlikable. Yeah, he sounds terrible. I mean, I would beat him. Yeah. Yeah, I'd beat him. I'd make him live in a bell tower. Yeah. That's the first thing I'd do.

We can look at a picture. You're only good for ringing large bells. I don't think that's him, bro. That's a beautiful man. That's a cool guy at a pool. There's no way that he's posting in our ugly. qq ugly man i wish the shorthand for this website was easier to say it comes up every week yeah some guy posting godzilla versus king kong that's all right we've read enough of

yes let's move on to the next one of a child we have great questions to cover here we have so many great questions uh-huh honey it's on a different soundboard it's too be too slow to get there okay uh next question my wife got a dog after i told her many times i do not want one Should I sell it without her knowing and pretend it ran away? Yes. Ben, have you had a dog? I have had many dogs in my time. Many dogs.

Have any run away? They run away, but they come back. I feel like they usually come back. The part where the dog doesn't come back is somewhat of a tell. Yeah. Unless you live in an area full of coyotes where you can say that coyotes got them. I went to an Airbnb once where there was a cat in the Airbnb. Yeah.

And we didn't know about it until we got there. and the owner was like yeah don't let her outside she'll get eaten by a coyote and we're like we don't want this responsibility that's a lot of pressure i don't want to be this cat's life or death don't have too much fun yeah or my cat will die my cat will be ripped apart by animals um in terms of uh can you get away with it i believe is the framing of the question my aunt did this shout out to my aunt i assume she does not listen to this podcast nor do her children hey shout out to jeremy's aunt shouts out i'm gonna tell a story about how you were mean once when you want to connect with jeremy this is what you should listen to my aunt bought

a dog for her kids and um the kids love the dog but the aunt my aunt was like i don't want to take care of this dog this dog sucks so after a few months the kids were going away to camp and sleep away camp and they're like please don't get rid of the dog please please please and she's like i would never get rid of your dog like how could i do that that's so cruel day one they got rid of the dog god damn she sold it so that's wild to say on the radio i hope she never finds this oh i don't know i would say uh i have more questions about the ant thing but i'm gonna uh a morally do not get rid of the dog because she loves that dog can you get away with getting rid of the dog maybe if you if you hide it right so again depends on if there are wild animals

around or if uh because if it doesn't come back i guess if like you live near like a busy highway or something if you live in a danger-filled area you could do it i just feel like you're adding a little extra risk by selling the dog because yeah yeah the dog ran away but we just came into 500 the dog bought me a playstation and left i miss it so much um i mean yeah the the threat is just going to be full of people being mean to the question ever which is judgment and that's wrong that's not what we do here on the coordinators podcast um yeah it's a pretty fucked up thing to do it's pretty bad you have to like act you get like good at acting too because you have to be like oh man the dog is gone how did he get out

uh david morgan says sorry but your marriage is fucked bilaterally fucked not the question your wife failed to take into account your strong feelings and now you want to punish her fucked the dog is the least of your worries you will split up soon so don't worry about the dog hey you got there yeah i came back um that is kind of shitty to say you don't want a dog and your wife gets one i kind of ignored that part of the question that is also kind of You know something about how the wife is the bad guy in this question? Finally, someone's willing to say that. You shouldn't sell the dog.

A lot of people on the internet aren't willing to say when women are actually the problem. And we're one of the only shows that does that. Finally, a podcast for men. This is your one option to escape the matrix. I did look at our YouTube stats and it said like 95% male. It's all fellas. I got to make fun of the woman more. Lean in.

i'm getting a tattoo i'm taking kickboxing classes three men on a podcast has never been done before it's never been done and once you reach four then you are called a podcast yeah then you gotta get a girl after that yeah you gotta get a fifth your fifth member must be a girl by law yeah that's a thing um mayday carol says you don't want a dog your wife wants a dog that's true or uh sounds like a not very collaborative conversation the both of you had when talking about this very insightful is that all you stated oh she's saying that this guy's lying oh she's turning around on him did you try to work out a way that you could both have something you wanted so that there wasn't a win-lose situation cut the dog in half get half

a dog whoever proposes not cutting the dog in half is truly the inheritor of the dog that's how it works biblically that would be a great quora gimmick account though is your king king solomon and your suggestion every single time is to cut something i would say cut the dog in half yeah um what would king solomon have done if both the parents were like he's like cut the baby in half and they're both like all right yeah that sounds good yeah you want the head king solomon's like wait no i don't actually then king solomon gets the baby then he's that he has to raise this boy his family has increased growth that's good no matter what happens the king wins that's society for you well these are all of our

romantic questions today and i hope that segment got your blood pumping great i'm i'm so glad can i read one more answer from this i'm sorry i'll allow it the only answer i have is a question how much do you love your wife and then 16 question marks hey stay away from my wife mary lynn coffin all right let's read some worries what's our next segment cora gone wild our animal segment oh fuck so wait when does the moo come up if the tiger roars there I'm sorry, the tiger is extensive. That's why we're replacing the moo with the cash sound. You see, it's become redundant.

Now that we have this great tiger, when we start the show, we can only afford a moo. All right. Where do alligators go when they die? Heaven. Yeah, right? Well, if they've been good. I would say otherwise they go to the bottom of the swamp. What does an alligator have to do to be good?

I guess roll. roll for the kill i'm trying to think of what are virtues in alligator society so killing is okay for an alligator i guess actually if you get a lot of kills that's good an alligator well then the question is what can an alligator do to go to hell yeah really yeah if they give it alligators are christian from there jesus christ who in their version is an alligator yeah um uh if they acquired the most marbles that's hippos right hungry hungry hippos i swear to god i've played a version of that game with alligators is there a rip-off game with alligators i don't know how you could make such a mistake am i just let the youtube commenters go i think there's a version

with alligators no i feel like i do know what you're talking about but i don't know i don't who cares yeah my family growing up couldn't afford the hippo version we had to catch it with alligators. Angry, angry alligators. They're made out of real leather. It's really disgusting to play. They don't eat the marbles, but they are mad at them. Yeah, they're furious. If they eat them, they'll die.

They could go in the sewer. If that's a bad thing? If you're a city alligator? Is that what makes them go to hell, you're saying? That would be quite naughty. What are we talking about? I'm saying if you have an alligator in the city and it dies, it could go in the sewer. Okay. Unrelated to the heaven.

Alligator in the City is the name of my movie I'm working on. You know that. To release that on Quora. Jeremy, I've been meaning to get around to tell you. I think someone's kind of covered the alligator crocodile market recently. I'm not sure if this is the time for an alligator film. Okay, so the thing about Lyle is that he is a crocodile, right? Totally different thing.

That's very different from my movie, which is about an alligator in the city. And he's chasing after subways, and they're zigzagging to get away from him. Alligators are larger, right? I could not tell you. I regret even bringing it up. uh yeah i would say they uh where do they go when they die to the dirt they got well the goddamn swamp oh man i really wish i could read this answer but it is unfortunately hidden behind quora we are only seeing the best quora the beginning of it real quick is when my brother

was a dea dea agent and he supplemented his income by hunting alligators let's just read what we got here alligators are not a sporting animal and are easy to kill you hunt them at night one person holds a strong flashlight and the other person shoots the alligator right between the shining eyes teamwork then my brother would skin the alligator and had to turn the skins over to the state of florida and he got to butcher the meat and sell it to restaurants that prepared exotic meat meals for tourists near disney world south of orlando he told me he killed over 2 000 alligators so where do alligators go when they die to my uncle the bellies of hungry tourists Hungry, hungry tourists.

All over the fine state of Florida. Yeah. Have you ever had alligator? It's delicious. I don't think I have. I don't think I've had it. Yeah, I went down to Mississippi recently, down to the Gulf Coast, had some fried gator. My friend is a pescatarian.

I convinced her that it's basically a fish. You know what? I might have had it when I was in New Orleans. It is not at all a fish, I would argue. It's fish-like. Is it because it has a cruel gator brain? Yeah. Yeah.

They, you know, they don't, like, scream when they die. Well, they might go, ha! Yeah. If you follow the Gators Daily account. Do you actually? As I do, yeah. I follow them. You know why I said it?

Like, we were all doing it. But, yes, I do. I follow the Gators Daily account. I follow the Shoebill Stork one. Oh, yeah. And they just post a picture of one. If you're showing me pictures of little animals, I'm going to follow your account. Well, guess what?

Alligators are big animals. Fuck. Shit. Checkmate. Jeremy's owning our podcast account. Alligator apes. one guy says alligator heaven haha very funny

that's our joke we said it after you said it in the wild depending on where they die they may just sink to the bottom of the river oh or if they are killed from human interference one person posted there's a lot of pictures of alligators here

alligators are cool looking yeah dude they're sick and they don't scream when they die because they're brave it's purely based on their bravery they're big fellas they're big fellas all right we learned a lot from this i'm sick of that question okay this is a good one because it might come up in our daily life this has honestly been in the stack for like two months and i've been avoiding it but we should answer it while ben is here great this is a question for ben great would five humans beat one gorilla no a hundred percent not i don't think so i don't think so either i think one

gorilla is taking down five humans easy peasy could the humans make a plan what plan what's your plan jump from well lure it to be fair your plan could be have five guns no you're not allowed to use we're assuming this is a no gun situation master chief doesn't have his armor well all right If you get guns, the gorilla gets armor of some kind, just to be fair. It becomes a plated gorilla, and that's how the game works. But if you have five guys, and these are like real goons, you lure the gorilla into an enclosure or a small area, and then you can leap from different directions and get it.

Punch it in the back of the head. What happens when you leap? Well, you've got to hit it. With their fists? Well, if it's naked. If it's naked on naked. Their arms are so big. You'd have to do one knockout punch.

Four of your guys land with a punch at the back of the gorilla's head, illegal in the UFC, and that knocks the gorilla out. This guy says there's no vulnerable part of a gorilla's body. Shit. Okay, what really was coming back to their head? Especially a plate of gorilla. Yeah, geez. He's got armor on. It's funny this immediately answers my question.

Their necks are completely surrounded by muscle and bone. Their skull is incredibly thick. A gorilla's chest and midsection are massive, protecting the liver and abdomen. You must love gorillas so much. You can take down a large man with very little force if you apply it to the right part of the body. No such luck on a gorilla. So the thing is with this question that I liked about it a lot is a lot of people read this not as could five people beat a gorilla. They read this as, who are five people who you are going to team up against the gorilla?

What's your squad? So this guy, I really love this guy's answer. That he's just like, number one, The Rock. All right. Number two, Jackie Chan. Number three, Jason Statham. Jason Statham in this picture looking at two gymnastic rings. He's beginning his Olympic routine.

Some of these fellas are getting old. Yeah, Jason Statham also an actor. everyone listed so far is like 50 plus years old number four is scott adkins who is scott adkins he's an actor he's in stuff he was in john wick oh i love john this guy just wants to meet his favorite actors yeah yeah yeah we're gonna all get killed by a gorilla but you get to hang out with scott adkins you can you can lure them in and be like hey uh once we get to this gorilla that's why you're hanging out with me and then just never find the gorilla have a perfect afternoon um luckily my fifth favorite actor is just any gorilla oh and then he hedges on it though he's

like and then our team's getting our ass beat oh that's what he says buddy all of your team will get your ass beat before saying the magic word which i guess is please please mr gorilla they are very polite i thought the back of your head was weak oh my god then they're showing us shaved gorillas which i think that one's actually not a gorilla now it was just a standard ape but yeah They're all yoked up, is the thing. Someone has a pretty bullshit answer here. He says, with ease, the possible strategies are as myriad as the human imagination. Wow.

Here's one. Get one or two of the humans infected with influenza. Okay. So he basically just has the gorilla die from the flu. Over the course of nine months, the gorilla will slowly degrade. Here's an answer. Do not feed the gorilla. You also need to have a disease

Your shore infects gorillas There's a lot of planning involved in this Yeah give the gorilla COVID And then people are like with guns I could kill a gorilla That's what I said You're so smart you're as smart as Jeremy Alright this guy's got another This guy's dream team is all strong men

So he's got Brian Shaw Eddie Hall I'm not pronouncing this name but the guy who plays the mountain In Game of Thrones Realistically a better team than the actor team I guess but these guys are all like bodybuilders well they have to heave the gorilla somewhere this guy is carrying a large piece of wood it's a log of some kind all right well the answer is no so

oh here's another answer and they say the same jackie chan brian shaw the mountain and bruce lee so these these guys all have the same fucking answer bruce lee is dead well that's a waste of an answer yeah that's a corpse on your head they haven't found that out yet um the mountain i think is a dj also is he no maybe that's um hodor's a dj uh very different guys unfortunate like i wouldn't have the time to be a dj if i also lifted such heavy logs above my head um and some other guy again the rock arnold schwarzenegger and then just a bunch of strong guys who i don't recognize It's really impressive that The Rock is making every list, and that shows how magnanimous he is in the guerrilla fighting community. To me, that's the clearest sign that he will be our next president.

Because people are like, you want to fight a guerrilla, who are you going to choose? Like The Rock, 100%. Three out of five Americans think The Rock could take down a guerrilla. That's the new version of like, who would you want to beer with? It's like, The Rock could kill a guerrilla for me. Hey, I don't like to get political, but there's no way Joe Biden is killing a gorilla barehanded. When I was in college. I don't care who's on his team.

I had this really conservative roommate in college who, like, during the 2012 election, was convinced that not only was Ron Paul the best candidate for president, he would also win in a fight between all of the candidates for president. Ron Paul was old in 2012. Can you imagine being so libertarian that you think, like, Ron Paul could beat up Mitt Romney? He's engaging in the consensual marketplace of ideas for combat. Did he have an argument for why Ron Paul was such a great fighter? He runs a lot.

Well, that is not going to help you at all against Big Fist Mitt. Mitt and Obama, I think, would beat the shit out of Ron Paul. Yeah, Obama seems like he has a tactical striking repertoire. And I kind of see Mitt Romney as kind of a barbarian, a Mormon barbarian. This is a different fantasy thread. Sure, Mitt Romney just being like, I know when I die, I'll have a planet. Boom, boom, boom. All right, well.

That's enough of that. That's enough. Hit it. That's enough. Great, perfect. Oh, yeah. We got one more animal question. Okay, this one I found online.

It's not very funny, but I did find it interesting. The question was, why can't polar bears break into an igloo and demolish it entirely despite being one of the strongest land animals? Do you have a guess on this? Because there's a real answer that I never knew. Maybe the strength of the circle is unbreakable. That's what it is. No. That's not what it is.

The answer is that igloos apparently are designed to look like sleeping polar bears. Yeah, I saw that because the top of it looks like a big polar bear's sleeping belly. It looks like a snorlax to me. Are you going to scare it off? I don't know if it makes sense, but apparently that is a theory. This is an old wives' tale-ass answer. I don't believe this one bit. yeah that's fair but probably just like 13 000 upcoras it probably just looks like more trouble

than it's worth to a bear is gonna be my guess most other animals you don't have to like destroy a house first yeah that's fair unless you're going beaver hunting also is it true that polar bears can't destroy who says polar bears can't destroy an igloo daniel woodbridge apparently that is a good question maybe they just can yeah that the first answer to the question is just they can they can they they fall on it they weigh a thousand pounds they can and they will all right i take it back this is polar bears love to break igloos they think they look like a sleeping bear um wow someone says i love the story about the resemblance to a giant polar bear do not know if that is true legend or just made up story brilliant either way it's bloody brilliant

That's me. I wrote that answer. That's a lie I love to tell on the internet. I love a good lie. All right. Well, those are our animal segments. We have a bunch of forbidden knowledge. Oh, yo.

Okay. These are, I think we got some good ones this week. I'm excited for this. Here in forbidden knowledge, we ask the questions they don't want you to ask. Alex, am I wrong in that you said that you found a travel-based question for Ben at some point? Yeah, this is it. Oh, okay. You're looking right at it.

You're going to recognize this as a travel question. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to be in the know. This is, okay. Why is it dangerous for stowaways to hide in wheel well of an airliner? Oh. Have you ever thought to do this?

I have not thought to do this because you will die. Yeah, this happens often. People just do it and die all the time. Well, have you ever caught a stowaway on one of your many exploits? Yeah, but we can't reveal who was stowed away. Yeah, you have to expatriate them. No, you would, if you were in the wheel well of an airplane, you would freeze to death almost immediately. You'd also be, I mean, this is a spoiler for the answer, but the wheel comes up and it crushes you with its terrible wheel.

And that's if you've already somehow like just planked your way through the takeoff of an airplane, which is super impressive already. Sure. I mean, look, I've been on the Wikipedia for people who have done this in the past. No joke. And they all die. Very few people survive. It's happened like once. I was about to say, like, how many times could this have...

Who saw this and thought I could get away with it? This has happened so many times. I'm so tired of stowaways and my airplane wells. The darker answer is just it's like people escaping their countries. Yeah. But that's not funny. There's nothing funny about that. Except when they're crushed in freeze and then you got to laugh a little bit.

It's a little funny. I mean, you just need a better idea. But I do find myself on those kinds of Wikipedia pages. Just like, give me a list of everyone who died this way. It's the only way Jeremy can sleep. It's true. It's going on to increasingly dark Wikipedia. I mean, who among us?

So that's why it's dangerous to hide in a wheel well of an airliner. And if you're going to stowaway, and we say this every week, do it on a ship. Yeah, do it on Ben's ship. Get on a ship where Ben is traveling the sea. he will not report you he's an ally to escapees that's true yeah i actually i have a family friend who's a professional hobo really yeah is that a he's sponsored not sponsored but just sort of it's all he does i guess he's just a hobo i guess the word professional was a bit misleading what does that mean so is he like traveling around because he he stows away on trains okay

And just goes around. That's kind of cool. Yeah. Damn, I wish it was me. You got to be brave. And the other thing, too, is if you stow away on trains, this is the main thing that hobos run into. If there's another hobo there, sometimes you got to fight them and stuff. Is there?

Does hobo mean something other than just, like, cartoon homeless person? Is it an acronym? Yeah. No, it means someone who, like, stows away on trains. Specifically? Yeah. Okay, okay, okay. That's cool.

They have a whole hobo language. This is a fun fact. Hobos have a whole alphabet That they can use to mark things Along train tracks Are you sure it's not just Spanish? To communicate with other hobos That's racist

That's a bad thing to say I was trying to just pick any language Well you picked a sensitive one I should have said French When they have a beautiful unique language Ben's trying to share with you Can you cut out where I said Spanish And just have it say like Polish

Chinese language it's gonna be in a different man's voice that is very interesting though isn't it yeah i'm still trying to break down what the acronym would be for hobo house on board a detrain hobo etymology um yeah do you want to know what the etymology is google says unknown great great i think it's just a fun word that's why this is an educational podcast um according to national security agency.gov nsa.gov it says some people say it was soldiers returning from the civil war who were homeward bound yeah and by the way this is what the nsa is doing with your money they're filling out their hobo wikipedia entries

uh some suggest it's from saying hello boy which was changed to lobo boy which was changed to lobo and finally hobo hobo that's why we've tapped your phone anyway hobo hobo okay uh do we want to answer do you want to read any of these the answer is just that uh you will die it crush it frees you you forget so cold and crushed also somebody said on here and this is again a spoiler without reading the whole thing because we don't have the time for that, that the wheel does not stop spinning to save energy for the plane,

and so you also get carved up like a stone while it's happening, like a fine sword. That sounds not true. Game of Thrones reference, sword. Sword, yeah. You wouldn't get it then. I wouldn't know, yeah. Yeah, he who carries the sentence must swing the sword.

Okay, but we got a bunch of these. Okay. This is more traditional forbidden knowledge, which is its own community on Quora, which is very spooky. Okay, so this is, is it disrespectful to think of religious gods as sexual? Sometimes I feel excited imagining being mummified by Anubis. Is that how you pronounce that?

That's right, Anubis. Is it disrespectful to think of religious gods as sexual? I think, yeah. I think that's weird. Some of them really like it. If you're getting, like, horny for, like, the Holy Ghost. Yeah, well, you have to pick one with abs. that's one of the rules okay we ever played smite well i guess like if you're like into like greek

mythology like half of those guys are fucking humans anyway yeah well any of the gods who have a corporeal form are usually pretty sexy there's not a lot of like oh i control thunder don't look at me uh there's a lot of advantages to being an ugly god think about controlling thunder you're alone a lot and that could be nice because you're in the clouds um and then all the sex gods are very into having sex so it depends on the god in that way i think if a new bit a new bit for a new bis mummifying you like is like having sex for me the hottest gods are the rock jackie chan bruce Lee. Jason Statham. The Mountain.

Real name unknown. I cannot pronounce his name. It's very Swedish or something. Okay, this guy says it's not inherently disrespectful, but it depends on the god. That's exactly what you said. That's what I'm saying. Nick's Shadowhawk.

Nick's Shadowhawk, by the way. This is clearly Alex Patak. He's the mod of the community. All the best questions are Nick's Shadowhawk. yeah well he's an aspiring novelist nick shadowhawk aspiring novelist that's not anything just write it stop going on quarrel all the time listening to writers write that novel um pagan religions are generally much more relaxed about sexuality who cares this answer

is boring and there's a drawing of a sexy egyptian god well now we're talking that's anubis does anyone still like believe in a new this is maybe a bad question to ask but like is that still a religion i really don't know other than outside of i would say on yo uh on forbidden knowledge people believe in anubis and want to be mummified by them because i feel like we've done way more fucked up shit with the egyptian gods than we've done with that's true like if you can be in an assassin's creed game you can be sexualized yeah for sure yeah if you're in moon night yeah if you're just a character in moon night as long as you're sexualizing them in a way that doesn't deface their great power i think it's fine um i mean yeah there's nothing that

isn't sexualized on the internet our first answer is everything is sexual i'm sure people have drawn like sexy jesus i mean we know that that exists yeah um and so no it's not disrespectful it's very nice and it just shows you're thinking about them you're not supposed to draw muhammad at all though so drawing a sexy muhammad is probably equally as bad yeah i wouldn't draw that or if i would i would keep it to myself and i would never admit it let's do the next question okay oh okay this is a good one okay how would you write a prayer request in saint michael to withdraw his protection and aid against the devil now ben you love heaven it's so funny to me that But, like, Alex clearly finds all of these religious questions.

I find it very intriguing because I didn't know St. Michael was protecting us against the devil. Who's St. Michael? I didn't realize I had a homie watching my back on this whole thing. I thought it was just a contract. As a Jew, I really don't know who St. Michael is. Which one is he? He's, like, one of the old angels. He's got, like, a big sword or whatever.

He's got a big sword. He's an angel. He's, like, an Old Testament guy, I think. Okay. Like, all that stuff's in the Old Testament. i don't know but uh in theory you could learn about this if you didn't go to the weird catholic school i went to and in uh i guess he's on your side against the devil and is like when the devil goes to get you he smites him and so that's why you're not just fucking inconvenienced by the

devil every day okay so the devil would so this is a request to like turn off firewall for saint michael wait read the question again how would you write a prayer request in saint michael to withdraw his protection and aid against the devil so you're saying like i want to talk to the devil unfortunately there is something blocking me and his name is saint michael how do i send a formal request to say stop let me go i'm trying to talk to the devil i love the idea of sending a prayer request as well like yeah if you pull up saint michael on slack Maybe get him if it's a weekday. Get a quick huddle.

And then politely ask him to revoke his protection against the devil for mankind. Oh, it's for all mankind. Do your hobbies. So it's not just on a personal level. He's saying, like, get rid of it for everybody so I can talk to the devil. Yeah, it's not in the Bible. It's St. Michael's protecting Jeff Weiss living the hermetic dream March 31st. It's kind of a blanket thing is my understanding.

All right, that's fair. Feels very selfish. But anyway, is this broken down into a list of five of how to write a prayer request? So I want to get that on the record. Okay, let's do it. Requesting a prayer regardless of who you're addressing should always follow the same guidelines. Number one, begin with an address.

Start by addressing St. Michael the Archangel. I was about to say start with an address is something Ben is great at. Example, start St. Michael the Archangel, great protector and defender against evil, comma. So you're like, dearest St. Michael. Warm regards. This is just like how to write a cover letter.

well you don't want to you don't want to look informal to say michael state your intention clearly express the intention behind the prayer request in this case the intention is to withdraw protection and aid against the devil example we humbly request that you withdraw your protection and aid against the devil uh number three explain the reason briefly explain the reason for this request this is a body paragraph a test of faith or another reason that's meaningful for the person to the person asking the question example so that we may face our challenges and grow in faith and understanding. That's not the reason. I gotta say

that's a weak reason to revoke protection against the devil. I want to talk to the devil. I want to know what that guy's up to. This is essentially like I am playing on easy mode and I would like to move up the difficulty by adding the devil into the world.

What is Jeff Weiss up to? It doesn't say, but we should click on his thing. We do have two more things on how to finish this. Who would win Homelander or Venom? That's the last question he answered How many times a day do a clock's hand overlap?

Who would win Marvel's Zeus or Marvel Odin? So mostly versus is what he's up to Okay But he needs the devil's input Yeah, he needs the devil to like stop him From typing on Quora all the time I think Would Ant-Man really be able to kill Thanos?

Like going up his butt and enlarging I think is the question well it's good he knows how to um anyway number four i'll read these real quick request guidance and support and then number five closing statement you gotta have a closing statement include your email example thank you saint michael for your unwavering presence and lessons we learned through life's trials amen i you gotta end a prayer with amen that's oh yeah that's kind of like unspoken but it is important to get on the record yeah no i like that he treats the the devil and uh the archangel like they're the fucking irs it you gotta file a 1080 the formatting was really

thorough on this and i appreciated that yeah no it's really good and then all the um answers are like how beautiful and smooth the words formed from your heart look all right thanks it's a forum for freaks and that's why it's a segment i think we got one more okay let's read this last question oh this is a travel one this is from sam binder and maybe you can answer this for us ben what is the most italian thing ever italy yeah nothing more italian than that debut uh what's the most italian thing ever uh-huh honey i'm gonna go with pasta little place i like to call italy this is italy or secondarily italy the restaurant on i'm sorry this is a really good answer this is insane okay so we don't have to read the whole

thing because it's kind of long okay but the answer for what the most italian thing ever is is a man who is kidnapped by islamic militants in 2004 and then murdered and they're like that's italy that's what we do there before he died he said i'll show you how an italian dies and he tries to like and then he took karate he ate so much pasta he exploded it's it's like supposed to be like isn't that brave but it's also like yeah that's the thing about italians is they're gonna do karate in any given situation and then there's a bunch of italian people like this guy francesco francesco who says paul thank you so much for remembering this man yeah uh it's kind of messed up that he died but also very funny to say this is the most

italian thing we're all like i don't know pizza oh beautiful women it's being killed by probably if isis cut your head off i would say there's nothing more italian than that all right well those are all our chorus let's ask a question of the call today i hope that doesn't come up on your show not yet not yet wait for season well now you'll know what to do So if you can get that, you can yell, this is how an Italian dies. And then you'll die. And then I'll be remembered on Quora. This season is getting Italian.

Ben, do you have any questions for Quora.com? Do we have any questions? Let's brainstorm here. So we only lightly touched on travel. What are some disadvantages of being ugly? Okay. We're going to get a very similar thread if we write the same question. Sure.

We're going to be like, you'll be sad. as a matter of fact those are the only things answered in the advantages of being ugly question what's another advantage what's a similar bad thing like okay what are some advantages of like i don't know what's like a similar to being ugly what is what are the advantages of being poor yeah what are the advantages of being poor or the advantages of being a boat captain a boat captain i like that that's where you go i'm really stuck on stowaways today i would like to talk more about stowaways i love it what's a similar thing to being ugly a boat captain all right well they don't get the respect they deserve compared to pilots thing what's the best

way to stow away i just caught a stowaway on my ship what should i do with him oh that's really good yeah because it is again if you want an answer on quora first of all you gotta summon cops you gotta summon ship captains yeah we'll tag our ship captain i like this one a lot because it's like um people are going to answer as if you can do something right now yeah when you clearly can't because i've already killed the stowaway thanks for nothing all right all right tag all of the ship related communities we're gonna wrap this up ben thank you so much for coming on the show where can our listeners find you at home and abroad uh on youtube yeah i love it uh jet lag the game i've never done this before i've never plugged something no how do you feel welcome

Welcome to podcasting. It feels great, right? It feels great. It's my favorite part of the show. Yeah, Jetlag the Game on YouTube. Be sure to check that out if you want to see journeys all across the globe. And in the meantime, oh, we also should say, for the record, if you write on one of our answers, because I don't think we said this this week,

make sure you write the word scrambled eggs. Yeah, so we know that. So we know that you are a fraud. A quora. We want to know that. A quora. A quora. and in the meantime we'll be back next week and as always question everything goodbye