Quorators - What Is The Most Badass Thing Anyone Did In School? w/ James Austin Johnson

Episode Date: January 23, 2023

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: Would Dragging My Six Year Old To The Supermarket In His Underwear Teach Him A Lesson? My Cat Won't Stop Clawing And Biting Me When I Try To Baptize It... What Are Some Unwritten Social Rules Everyone Should Know? Watch the show on youtube.com/@quorators

hey are you pointing to me to start it or no i was i was just dancing on it yeah all right i like it welcome to quarators the podcast where we try to figure out what core is welcome hey how's it going oh it's pretty good sunday night the night is the time where i feel most alive and that kind of brings us on to our most recent guest we have here this week doesn't it doesn't that bring us on down also i'm alex and this is jeremy how's it going hey uh yeah what the hell's up you don't don't throw that transition in the in the trash there keep it going well you know who else is alive at night creatures of the night uh new yorkers for one and uh we have a very special guest all the way down from saturday night live uh another nightly program along with

the core rangers that show where we re-chorus and that is james austin johnson down in the studio how the hell are you james hey hey alex hey jeremy it's so great to be zooming in to this uh this podcast i love it i love your chair thank you yeah you can see my chair from the zoom yeah it's cute yeah it looks like you got on can you hear me stay away from my zoom this is my zoom uh your kitchen is uh beautiful i've never been here before and um you know i can tell that there's a lot of love in here oh thank you that's all me james uh we have a wonderful show for you here today uh what we do every week each and every week jeremy and i we go on quora.com have you ever been on there quora.com now as i understand it quora.com is where teenagers

go to ask questions that because of our sort of crumbling social infrastructure they don't have this the skills the social skills to ask an adult yeah you know there are no strong adult role models anymore there are no fathers and um so these kids they google you know what is tits yeah how do i have sex um where do we go when we die um why did uh jim why why why did jim leave karen on the office why did jim leave karen on the office yeah i think you're connecting correctly that it is a website for fathers yeah it's a website for fathers right and that's why you had me on right because i'm a father yeah yeah and one day i'll have a teenage child boy homer my son you're kind of like the go-to patriarch in my life you're right alex i have strong parental energy

it's in the glasses it's in the glasses it's in the it's in the whiskey glasses you know because i think a strong father has a little glass of whiskey at you know after 9 p.m you know the son or daughter wakes up from the nightmare, comes downstairs, daddy, clink, clink, clink, little glass of whiskey, his flow bear, his Moliere, whatever he's reading that night, Balzac, Voltaire. Papa, the demons, the demons. I have something that takes care of the demons

and it's here in my little glass. Why don't you sit down on my plush leather couch? You're in my study. I'll fix you up a Tumblr. You ever have something out of a Tumblr, Jesse? gender neutral name could be you ever have something

out of a tumbler Jesse I've got square ice and that's what Quora is that's what the vibe of Quora.com is why did Jim leave Karen

I'll tell you clink clink clink that's what Quora is Quora is populated it's employed exclusively by

fathers by fancy men yeah and employs fathers as I understand it right yeah I think they do

We have no idea how the website works and are less sure every week we use it. Father-focused company. But there are a lot of fathers on there and there's a lot of advertising, which I presume is Sterling Draper Price Mad Men style fathers. Sure, sure.

You mean within the answers, there's someone who is like psy-opping you into buying a sprinkler or whatever? No, they do advertisements in the form of questions and it's like half of the website and it seems like a website that's like primarily for marketing people. people when should i refinance my mortgage yeah basically like what's the best kind of pants

yeah yeah coles easy is there any way to make cash quick it's a damn shame can i sell my house to shady third world scammers was shady records 30 seconds from the towers hey bush you missed well that's a natural segue into the beginning segment we have for the show we have one segment on the show isn't that right jeremy it is yeah we have one segment we we ask a core at the end of every episode and then we see if anyone answered it and we did this we recorded this episode what one day ago the answer is two days ago okay so no one has answered our question from last week god damn it can i ask what the question is yes it is out of all animals alive

today which is closest to the dinosaur we tried to ask a simple question to see if we could bait isn't the isn't the answer the bird that's where we were going because i had a whole we talked about punching geese for like 20 minutes i just edited it today it's a long conversation yeah it is but uh yeah we're hoping to organically get that feedback from the quora community from fathers from children and uh we'll just have to wait a few days and see if that pops on up but But in the meantime, we will be circling back at the end of the episode to write a Quora based on what we've learned here today and here in the website.

And so I guess in that case, let the games begin. Uh-huh, honey. Okay, we found a bunch of parenting Quoras for you. Okay, great. What's the name of the section, Jeremy? Quaranting. It's so long. It's a lie.

Every time. I'm honestly honored that you asked me as a guest on this show and that the tag that you put with me is father, is parenting. I'm really flattered because I go on a lot of stuff because someone saw a Trump video or Bob Dylan impression thing or something like that. We don't even know who those guys are. And neither do I.

And neither do I. You do an incredible impersonation of them. That's unbelievable. You know, you see a video, you fart it out. What I do is worthless and stupid. Right. And the masses lick it up. And I'm over here farting away in my dressing room going,

it's almost too easy, counting a big stack of single dollar bills. Which they pay you, I imagine. They pay me in single dollar bills at my request. I had an Eric Adams-style contract where I got to pick what kind of denomination I get my money in. That's a better choice than the one he made, which depreciated sharply in value, right?

Yeah, he did Bitcoin. Eric Adams, so everyone is in on the joke, asked to be paid a Bitcoin and then Bitcoin became like worth a third of what it was when he asked. He's a dumb man and he's the mayor of New York City. Hey, cut that out. And we're cutting that out in post. No, you don't have to cut that out in post,

but cut it out. Have some respect for these people who they wake up every day and they put on a suit and they drive to New York where they represent people there. And James, this is why we're having you answer the parenting questions

because you're kind of the voice of moral guidance that we're missing on the show. Andrew Durso could not answer these. I'm the moral voice in a lot of the spaces in which I reside. So I have not read these questions. Hopefully we don't stumble into any weird fetish

stuff. There's no way we would do that. that's not what we do here so question number one would dragging my six-year-old son to the supermarket in his underwear teach him a lesson leave any psychological sequelae which i'm not sure if that's a word or is it dumb sequelae how's it spelled it is spelled s-e-q-u-e-l-a-e sequelae sequelae sequelae that's a that would be a latin word is it actually a french parent because i would believe it you could you could convince me if you say it like that would sound it might even be sequelae my brain just filled in the word scars like emotional scars like would

it be scarring to have my child do this i've looked it up it is a condition which is the consequence of a previous disease or injury what it's a real word real it's not just you are some sort of law student who has studied latin recently you've got a pantsless child that you want to rip into a grocery store what kind of lesson are you trying to teach the child about is it okay to bring to to punish my child by bringing him almost naked to the grocery store there's no further context but you know what you know what i'm i'm calling it now and i we're not going to get any more context that's not how the website works it doesn't exist you got a little kid doesn't want to wear pants all the time you say you know you you think pants

are so bad why don't you go to the store without pants i don't like this no one would care no one would be i'm just putting myself in the perps mindset because i have them in my sights right now this is going to be tough for me because i feel like i do have a self-righteousness thing that comes from leaving uh you know western christianity you know americanized christianity i left that after participating in it and for like 22 years and heavily and so now i still have a little bit of a Judeo-Christian little Mike Pence sitting on a throne in my head who occasionally tries to guide my actions. And I really have to monitor what his input is because sometimes he's like, well, let's not lie all the time about little things. Let's not misrepresent

the truth to, say, our wife. Let's not lie about did the baby brush his teeth during the bath tonight because you forgot and she put toothpaste on the toothbrush and so you rubbed off the toothpaste after you were already drying so that if she saw it it just as a hypothetical you know the mike pence in my head goes don't lie to people but then there's also a mike pence sometimes several mike pences there's another mike pence sometimes who does who wants me to do things that are like um like frankly too conservative for my for the world's good and sometimes i had this like self-righteous streak i was walking around target and i saw a bad dad you know like a tantrum three-year-old and then the dad no pants the dad no he had pants

on but he was like like the three-year-old four-year-old was going i hate you i hate you i never want to see you again damn the dad lost his fucking cool like picked up the kid's toy threw it down the aisle where it shattered the kid is screaming dad like grabs the kid roughly let's go and me and my wife are watching it she's like a child she's learning to be a child counselor. So she's like she's like seeing a client in 18 years. You know, she's like I'm going to talk to this guy in his mid twenties and like help

him reverse his like scarring about, you know, going to target with his now wife. So I followed this guy a little bit around the store waiting to see if there was another infraction. I was in like there's another. Are you going to do about it exactly? But there is like

there is, I think a little bit there is like when you're a father, you have these weird little Indiana politician men who pop up in your head and they're trying to guide you. They're trying to make you guide the country back back on track. So you could

not have been in New York for that long because all of my instincts are get away. Get away from the screaming man. I know that is that is the correct instinct. The correct instinct is save yourself disappear. There's nothing you could do. There's nothing you can do about this kid. The boy is lost. The boy

is lost. It's nice now that you have a kid you can judge other parents because i feel like i don't have a kid if i would be like well that's not a good dad they'd be like well what do you fucking know but you have a kid so you can be like definitively you suck at this having a child makes you so judgmental over everyone's behaviors and actions and you don't even you didn't even do anything you popped you popped in your wife that's all you did nice you didn't even do anything to become but in your head you are ozymandias you know what i mean like in your head you've become this like this moral force you know what i mean because you're trying to tell one person how to live correctly trying to save them

from making mistakes and it's just funny how it does make you like a little crazy so i'm just like hearing this quora just makes me want to punch this guy because i'm like you want to you want to humiliate your kid like you're some dom to like a pay pig or something and like a sex dungeon or something like that he's asking he could still not do it in time oh my gosh what But where do you live that's so casual that you're going to rip a naked person into a store? What is this, San Francisco? Oh, hey, we can't say that on here.

It's not that kind of show. I don't know what lesson this kid is learning, though. I just feel like a six-year-old would be like, yeah, that's great. I won. So it's, again, the I don't like pants or the opposite lesson. Oh, you like pants so much?

Well, this is what happens when you cross me. Now you don't have them. Sure, yeah, it's a punishment. Yeah. Or maybe the kid did too well, And he was like, let's see how well he does without pants. Add a handicap. Right.

Yeah, he crushes it too much at the grocery store. He finds all his objects. Everyone's smiling. He finds all the objects quickly. Making small talk. Take them down a notch. Yeah. All right.

How well will you do with no pants? Everyone's going to be asking, where's your pants? Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, let's see how mad he made the entire forum. Okay. Tamara Jones, whose job is horror movies are my favorite.

I'm good at remembering faces and names, says, hell yes. One of my sisters did this to my nephew when he was around that age. She made him strip naked in a laundromat, yelling and screaming at him, and she bought everything he wore, and that was taking it back. I don't know what any of that means. And that was taking it back. My youngest sister called me and the second older sister, there were four of us, and told us that our sister made her son walk home like that.

The second eldest sister, and I left. This is too many sisters. You got to really, it's like a riddle. Combine some of these characters. The doctor was a woman. uh my nephew never forgot that incident and he never forgave his mother either yeah even now and he's in his 20s he wears extra clothes no matter the weather he's become kind of a clothes grinch yeah it's it's it's frustrating as a father because especially one who's like married to a

person who reads child counseling books constantly and trauma books constantly but like uh you're you're actually not succeeded at you're not succeeding at teaching any lessons you're just traumatizing your child into a warped like you're you're diminishing them to your own level it's like oh this kid has too much limitless potential let me crush him down into the the gnarled cube that i've become yeah i think uh the the classics were correct about lesson teaching and that it isn't done through a brute force or um you know real life examples what you want to do is a series of parables set sheep on various adventures what if there was a young gopher who didn't wear his pants to the grocery store. What if the gopher

thought he was too good for pants at the store? Well, it looks like he had a hard time. Usually they have like a dark ending, though. They're like, he wasn't wearing pants and then he was hit by a car. They skinned him and ate him there at the counter. He was a gopher, after all. It's fine.

And then the song of the frogs was heard through the hills. Oh, I love songs by cute frogs. No, the song of the frogs in this Greek myth is a terrifying thing. From what you would know in your life as a Greek peasant, you'd be very scared of the frogs. You'd be very scared

of the song of frogs. It has some meaning about death or something. The harvest isn't coming because of the frogs. Well, you've never seen a horror movie, so if you hear the song of the frog, you're like, that's the scariest shit I've ever heard in my life. That's true. Low-key, I'm scared of frogs. Okay.

I got a million parenting questions. Let's do another one. This one is kind of nasty. He's the only father I know. Yeah, am I going to react really negatively to all these? Am I just going to be hearing about a man that I want to clobber? Let's find out. This one is not that one, but it is,

I found my son's stuffed animals that he had as a young child with holes in them. He is 13 and was doing things to them because I found hard spots on them with the stuffing out. What should I do? Killing spree. You know, this sounds like a normal, natural kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least he's humping objects and not, you know.

Yeah. These are teen questions. How does this feel? This is taking you out of your element. Teen questions. Yeah, I don't have a 13-year-old. I have a one-year-old. Yeah, there's almost zero chance he's railing out a teddy bear.

Okay, so when he's 13, I'll be 46. Mm-hmm. So I won't have to think about a teddy bear having a hard spot for 13 more, 12 more years that's right and i'll be in my mid 40s yeah it'll be like a stuffed mario toy or something yeah it'll be like a shy guy or you know well what would i i guess i'll put myself there where what would i what would i do that too well it depends on your uh demeanor at the time are you uh warm and jolly like santa or have you been brought cold and low by life's many tortures at 46 yeah uh well if it goes like things are going now i might be generally content and

you know uh oh that's a hard bear yeah i think i might somebody's having a little too much fun yeah the the key what i know about dealing with like kids and like they're the the whole like what is sex what are privates is you're supposed to be very casual and never laugh about something like if my son is like flicking his like little tiny pp in the bath yeah which he's every he only checks it in the bath because he's got a diaper on all the rest of the time but like in the bath it's suddenly it's like oh i see my penis yeah it's the time of night that i see it and he just is checking it out he's just like what does this do and my wife is always like don't giggle don't make weird comments you're supposed to passively observe my child to explore his own body

is it do you encourage him or you're supposed to be like no you rock i just gotta go no it's totally normal to just like right you don't want to give him shame you don't want to give him shame and you don't want to make him feel weird about his body when it looks like we both have normal penises another great shower well i'm clothed i'm clothed he's in his tub uh when i was a little kid my babysitter like got freaked out because when i was like two or three apparently i was gave her a cream and said like i said i have to put this cream on my scrotum and my babysitter thought it was weird that i knew the word for that you were a doctor at the time you're precocious new york boy it's also really funny how old and mature babysitters seem when

we're kids yeah and then you find out most of them were like like 19 or whatever yeah younger if that younger 50 yeah and it's like why you shouldn't and kids are like oh i should ask this babysitter they're an adult i should ask them any kind of question you're asking a teenager yeah yeah their input is not going to be helpful it's not going to be added i'm thinking about fighting the boy next door. Let's ask this 14-year-old who's in charge of me and see what she thinks.

She says he has it coming. Okay, well... You know, dude, what should you do about the hard spots? Speak to a child psychologist. Don't be Googling this. Don't be typing this

into the internet. Can I just say, did nobody else know anybody who did this in middle school? Like, I had friends who were just like... Who had sex with them. Yeah, and they'd brag about it.

They'd brag about it? I'm knocking down these bears every night. never about a stuffed animal i'd only ever heard it about like a couch or something like that a couch is very normal the the animal does have a like personal quality to it because it has a face and everything yeah you've known him your whole life in a way where it's like oh that's mr buttons we're very close i didn't have a friend who did that but i had a friend freshman year of high school who said that he learned how to jerk off dj style and then went like this

that doesn't seem like the right way to do it that's intense well you know women have to go dj women always go deep that's true but you're talking about a man yes born with male equipment yes doing dj style yeah doing dj style on his own i can't imagine that that would be effective no i saw an hbo real sex thing when i was in high school that people do that and it's really a extra crazy way to do it all right we know we're all learning wouldn't that be the worst thing to watch as a teenager is some sort of HBO scientific. The internet was not like done

yet at the time. I just just what I had. Yeah, I do. We may do with the tools that I was given. Yeah, and they said to rub the top like it's a genie coming out of a lamp rubbing the top. Well, kids,

you try that at home and and right into the four auditors again. We will not read those on the show that email send in other quarter questions. Don't send us your weird sex things. Don't look at me. I think legally we have to say don't do that now. No, don't do that.

And I said when I said kids, I meant listeners, you know, like the folksy way that people say, you know, like when they're talking, addressing an audience. Yeah, but I'm going to say now explicitly no, please no one email anything sexual, especially not younger

people. Don't do that. I think we've been more than clear about our stance on emails so uh yeah what are they gonna do is everybody being weird about this or everyone's being pretty normal pretty chill they say don't do anything don't do anything yeah i would say that this kid's on track yeah they're going to figure out the more normal adult way to do that to themselves from what i'm understanding the entire part of uh your child going through puberty has a lot of like just pretend you did not see that just keep walking on the wash yeah

it's it's puberty it's like uh if you bring it up it is going to be a problem for the both of you for the rest of your life yeah i don't i don't think i see anyone saying some people just give like story one guy said my first masturbation memories were with a stuffed bunny glad to know i'm not alone in that so that's good for that guy that's representation bunny stuffed bunny he even said it in a yeah said it in like a arrested development style like in a childish style he still calls it a bunny he still calls it a bunny oh this guy actually is just a really nasty dude this guy that's a damn shame his name is patty oh furniture and he's got a picture of himself like one of those like truck guys on twitter where it's like half his face he's got a goatee

and like big sunglasses oh okay and now furniture yeah his body his bio on chorus says i am a cock and cum lover oh wow shaved oh i would have guessed something like uh come and take it biden or something like that come c-u-m and take it biden no he just loves come okay respect he just loves the stuff all right you said big sunglasses and goatee i went to a i went to a judgmental place see that's what the fatherhood does he's a lover first he's got a bs in human sexuality and biology from michigan state university graduated in 1993 okay an interesting an interesting man just became extremely boring moving on majored in sexual study next out of here patty get out of here textbook um yeah everyone just says leave him alone leave him

alone he's just making love to a bear oh he's just both in a bed then hey it's normal in it they're friends is that so wrong these are all british people i think yeah i call them like a zm baby one person does say uh go on amazon but buy him a cheap 12 dollar own a hole and a bottle of lotion tell him this is i would not go this far no no no i would not go the get your daughter the get your son the pocket pussy direction because that makes you it makes you a like fade a a partner in crime of what's happening here and that's too much A father's responsibility, I believe, is to have the talk if it seems like it's the right time to have the talk.

But that's it. One talk. They call it the talk. Not the talks. Yeah, no. It's not the Lyceum series, and it certainly isn't the take your child to a marital aid store. Don't buy anything.

What's wrong with you? Yeah, not that kind of toys for your children. Hey, it's not that kind of show. That's all the answers that are worth reading on that question. okay yeah yeah these are more question heavy than they are answer heavy sometimes we'll have episodes that are just like look at this freak answer we've yeah yeah yeah uh but these are more uh worldly worldly prompts so these are people that camp out on quora hoping to answer questions yeah i mean this is like their social media like some people have like thousands of followers on

quora and they're like quora heads oh god which is our aspiration is to be those people yeah We've got how many followers do we have now? You have an account. Well, it's our shared account. I can change it. You have 17 followers. That's pretty good. That's pretty big.

The amount of effort I put into this. You could be a Quora influencer. Hey, y'all. Check out my link in the Quora bio. How much money do you think that the Quora influencers are making? Well, there's Quora Plus. Yeah, you can pay for Quora Plus. Quora Plus unlocks the new questions.

Because we'll be reading something, we'll be interested, and it'll be like, we can't read this. We don't have the access. Yeah, we'll have to start a Patreon. So just like really cool questions get sent to Quora Plus? It's like OnlyFans for questions, is my understanding. Oh, you subscribe to like an answerer? Yeah, I think it's per person.

Is that what it is? I don't know. I really don't know. I have strong hunches. We can look it up. I'm going to look it up. When the Patreon launches, we'll be on Quora Plus, provided it's not really expensive for some reason,

which i'm guessing it won't be right uh support great writing and browse ad free great writing subscribers enjoy guaranteed access to millions of answers they cut off answers if an answer is too good they say this is behind a normal website guarantees access to millions of answers not the the good ones just is that why they're all like this so you guys are you guys are are groundlings you guys are people lurking outside of the great theater yeah just toiling in the mud trying to figure out a raise my son so the unpaid quora website is like you're talking to guys who are sitting in the backs of their pickup trucks outside the arena listening to uh listening to the fish concert we're tailgating the fish concert sucking on balloons and then answering questions

about should I rip my son from his bed to the grocery store. If my son is in the bed, is that a good time to rip him? That's a good impression of a helium balloon. Thank you. I've been around such people in my tracks. Oh, God.

You want to read this question? I see him, I say there, but for the grace of God, go I. Show me more. Okay, this was sent in by Brandon Ross. That's the classic Brandon sound. Every time you're on, Brandon, you're getting that tiger.

uh today i took my 13 year old son to a restaurant but since he tried to order himself i didn't get him anything and he ate everything myself and i and i ate everything myself since he needs to learn to respect his parents was this a good move this is like how you train it jesus this is like am i the asshole but like it's not even i ate my son's food it made him watch am i bad because he because he ordered for himself and not yeah letting the dad order for him i guess my son was being strong and independent so i projected my insecurity upon him and then i felt here's your answer pal you went on quora to ask about your own parenting yeah you you fucked up it's too late it's too late you don't know what you're doing and you admitted it to the internet by being

like is this bad call your call your own father oh you have a terrible relationship with him why do you have a kid he was always eating my food he'd make me order it and then he would eat it i hated restaurants until i was 35 um this is how you raise a dog they do tell you to do that for dogs dogs have to order when you give dogs food you're supposed to eat it first so that they know that they don't disrespect you like that at a restaurant. You're supposed to eat the dog food from the bowl first? Yeah, you're supposed to

like, if it's dog food, obviously it's fake taking a bite or whatever, or you make them watch you eat and then you give them their food. But if it's like eggs or something and you're like, yeah, you can have some eggs. You're like, oh, and then you give them some. Okay. So it's actually... That's part of the pack leader mentality.

It's actually kinder than the way they're treating this boy who does not get to have any he's just watching the dad eat all yeah the dad getting so mad because the child is ordering from the waiter he doesn't he doesn't uh interrupt the waiter and the child's discourse to be like actually no you're having the kids mac and cheese not a full ribeye the best part of this question i think is you know the waiter was fully thrust into this situation of just like are you ordering for me right now you don't bring that to him you bring that to me and he watches me eat and you're an accomplice in this

now why didn't the father dress it address it in the moment he's he's he moves immediately he's like silent while the waiters there steaming yeah watching them talk to each other and then he's like I'm gonna lay the hammer down later

but he also the kid did order it right so I guess he had to go to the waiter and be like don't give him that yeah that's what I'm saying there is an accomplice heads up that didn't he was on Quora writing the post as it was happening okay you're lucky i let you keep your pants on for this um unsurprisingly all the answers here are just people being like what the fuck is wrong with you

uh yeah your child is 13 i believe that is old enough to order for yourself it's not a matter of disrespect it's a matter of independence i gotta say these are the most well-rounded uh quora responses we have gotten on any episode of the show to date we could do uh uh some sillier ones so your answers the thing though that i think a lot of the parenting stuff we all have a pretty good instinct about what you're supposed to do oh yeah yeah and when you meet these people who do stuff like so blindly and callously inhumane yeah and unreasonable you you do worry about the state of the republic you really do because you're like it shouldn't be this hard to raise a child i guess by when they're 13 all of these guys who are making terrible decisions they have 13 year olds

it sounds like right so it's like i guess when they're going through puberty you're just you just lose it you're losing it you're you're fully bald at that point and you're losing it they have so many hormones you feel like you have to bring your level up to match their level and then you start acting irrationally yeah that's what it is yeah mirrored behaviors or it's as men age they start generating more like estrogen and less testosterone or something or their hair their hair is like falling out their own hormonal imbalances are starting to make them act out you know they behave more like an ice queen yeah they're and the cultural pressure that comes along with knowing that their that their body is changing that their hormones are changing oh yeah

they they risk they lash out in ultra masculine ways you know trying to recapture what they were like when they were it's a second puberty it's a second puberty also for the dads yeah am i still hard like Vin Diesel. What would he do? He'd probably make the boy watch him eat. Vin Diesel? Yeah. This time you watch me eat. It's a solid Vin Diesel. Thanks.

Generic rough guy. Let me try Vin Diesel real quick. My name's Don Toretto. I'll tell I'll have a spaghetti. I'll have the mama's homestyle bolognese. He doesn't look like he's falling asleep.

Yeah, that's true. And it's a good contrast because he's always in high-octane situations. Yeah, that's why he's so good at it. That's what the appeal is. It levels him out. What if a sleepy guy was in this action scene? How are we going to outrun this train?

By driving fast. It's boring to him. That's how crazy he is. Yeah. Yeah, it's boring to him. Jumping out of a building is just like normal. For Dom Toretto? Yeah.

I've seen him do it hundreds of times, honestly. I totally get why he's over it. All right, yeah. Pull up the next one, Haas. Here, I found one. I'm switching up a little bit. This is a list of... Switch it up, BJ.

This is a list of what are some unwritten social rules everyone should know. So someone wrote 20 unspoken rules for men. And they have a picture of Keanu Reeves, so you know it's for men. That's what's up. So number one, never shake a hand sitting down. Have we read these before, Alex? We read 10 rules for men, and then we did a list of, I think, what's the next one? Tell me the next one.

Number two, protect who is behind you and respect who is beside you. See, I would not be surprised if we read a different 30 rules for men list, because I remember we read a 10 and then a 30, and they just all sound exactly the same. Let's back up real quick. So what was the question on Quora? What are some unwritten social rules everyone should know? Unwritten social rules everyone should know. Everyone should know.

Not men. Specifically for men. I don't think we've read it. This person thinks that everyone is a man. I've been shaking hands sitting down the entire time, so I don't think I've read it yet. Yeah, there you go. Okay.

That's the big rule in talk shows. I don't think I... They stand up to shake hands. By the way, thank you for doing the podcast. You're welcome. Yeah, you have to be standing to... You have to be... You have to get up.

You have to get up a little bit out of the chair like I just did. Yeah. I think I'm the alpha now. There's a bee back here. Yeah, you are. I do think I'm the alpha now. Thank you for having us on your show. Well, I'm in the most high-backed chair.

It's true. And I have a weird posture that's, you know, that's not sitting straight up. It's a godfather's stance. Yeah, I think so. And I could start doing things like withholding my love and, you know. Don't. Never expressing like a positive, like a compliment. like really keeping compliments to like a once a year sort of schedule oh the podcast will come

to a screeching halt you've been complimenting i need more compliments than that okay let's have the whole show um you're really tall handsome guy i really like your hair um wow you're you're doing a great job at reading the questions and so i know that i just met you but you have like a really welcoming energy and i love the pearl snap i just started this beard is that a mistake I just started my beard. I like your beard. Well, I'll have to shave it due to appearing on television. Because you have to have so many faces.

Yeah. That's true. Yeah, they don't like you to have facial hair. What the hell? They don't want you to because they want to be able to glue the alien mask on you for the alien sketch or something. I feel like an alien could have a beard. Yeah. That's the one, right?

One time I saw Chris Redd had a goatee because he was shooting something else and he needed to keep the goatee. and they like makeup they like put makeup his skin tone henry cavill all over it and you couldn't see the goatee like from far away that's pretty cool super strange kind of odd and it's all because they're so afraid of putting a strong patriarch on television that's true oh yeah and yet they and yet they've given me a job and here i am i'm not the only father on snl who else is a father in snl mikey day has lauren michaels lauren michaels has uh multiple children yeah i think three four very fertile lots of the writers have children sure um keenan has children keenan has kids i could have a child we're all keenan so it's me keenan mikey maybe that maybe that's it

oh you guys got a bowling league together or something you do some bad stuff no their children are much older come on do some dad stuff um i did get to bring homer to the tonight show once and he met jimmy fallon and adam sandler and that was pretty cool that is cool adam sandler is for fathers yeah yeah he's like a dad and for sons oh yeah and he does the like his like natural speaking tone is the way that he sounds at the end of an adam sandler movie when like the heart the heart moment at the end of an adam sandler movie like his natural speaking tone is how he sounds when he's giving that speech at the end of the movie where he's like i've always loved you i'm never never gonna leave your side again i'm never gonna do that always be there when you need

your father i'll be there and be me if you just let me that's me trying to do what adam sandler sounds like yeah but he's not doing the eight crazy nights old man voice the entire time oh Yeah, that's right, yeah. It's great to see you, little boy. I love A Crazy Night's Man. That one was good. I need that on VHS. You should take him sledding.

One of the important Jewish movies of our country. It's an important film. Serious Man, A Crazy Night's, those are the two. And Manhattan. Yes, Manhattan by Woody Allen. By Woody Allen. Don't forget the Whitman. Those are the three Jewish movies.

These films. Watch them all. The foundation of our synagogue is based on that. I love A Serious Man. And even though I was raised in hardcore Christianity, I would say that's one of the best movies about God and believing in God. It's a good movie.

And I've always, and I'm just a little religious comment, even though I'm not a Christian anymore, I'd love the, especially that that movie does really well, the sort of terrifying indifference of the Jewish opinion of God. I love that, the tornado and everything.

all of all of the god representations in that movie the closest i have to a religious cue is the zen oh yeah the zen thing but that's cool it still reminds you of a higher power i believe yeah you know like the that you know eastern stuff buddhism's zen you can you can you can you can rope a lot of that into your life and make your life better i hear judaism i think this sound oh hey i love them all man it's all great i love them all these beautiful i celebrate all of them it's mambo number five rules with theology i celebrate religion i sell you heard it here folks i celebrate religion yeah look at the camera you hear me this is a heads up america a perfect segue if you pray that's okay do you want to read some religious ones i believe we

have those queued up, and that's why we're going right back to the bells. Bam! You know what? I would type into Quora is the current problem my wife and I have. Okay. Which is, should we raise the child with a whole bunch of Bible stories?

And that's the thing that we keep talking about, because it's like, well, he needs to know the Bible story so he can hang with our families and know what they're talking about, but we do not go to church. Are your families doing deep cuts a lot, or are they just like three wise men bring it back no it mostly happens in church right where they're like uh today we're gonna

be talking today church if you look if you pick up your bible's church last week we were looking at ezekiel ezekiel so ezekiel is a prophet ezekiel is a prophet this is what preachers i truly have no idea he's a prophet and he is cooking meals over dung let's look at what the word of god says it says ezekiel that's what a preacher yeah yeah yeah i see that's such an interesting difference because as someone who's raised catholic i got a lot more like slow okay romantic speech to the thing and then thus he became entrapped on the road paul formerly named saul this was his moment and that's why you start like falling asleep in the chair it's like they're begging you to just check out at any moment and on that day he was transfigured did you ever hear

the word transfigured never in my life evangelical christianity they're they're always assuming that you're just like a complete moron like like they try to stay away from like big words and especially latin oh yeah that so they're big on like defining things that you already know what they mean like and so so word of god says right here it says he was met on the road now the word met is the meeting of two people. You know what I mean? They're always over explaining everything and it's like, oh man, I know we're shooting for

I know Matt. We want the simplest man in here to be able to enjoy heaven. He's waiting for the light. He's waiting for the light. If you don't know Matt, you may not be ready for the rest of the whole story. Give me a Quora. I want to do a Quora

real quick. Throw it at him. Here's a religious Quora. My cat won't stop clawing and biting me whenever i try to baptize it is there a way i can baptize it without making it angry you do the sprinkle yeah what happened to the sprinkle you're catholic you know about the sprinkle yeah you just dap them a little bit a little sprinkle why would you want to baptize your cat for babies who are shy um well yeah i mean if you're trying to save the cat it is i mean the only save the cat i know is helping me get success in hollywood yeah page 20 or

whatever well listen that's too late with your cat cats you know cats also suffer from the um from the generational uh uh mischance of original sin you know when eve took the sure took the snake's bait and bit into that apple forever that fucked cats over also that fucked cats over as well i am telling jeremy about this literally every week on this show and he just will not listen. He won't let me baptize him. You don't want to be baptized? Look, if it's a Patreon goal,

I'll do it. We'll just do the sprinkle. We don't have to dunk you. Well, Alex, you would have to be ordained in some kind of church. Get you on like a robe or something. That's a Patreon goal.

I have such a hard time coming up with these goals and I think ordain Alex to baptize Jeremy for a reasonable amount. I would contribute toward your ordination. Jeremy's first Patreon idea

was summon the devil no see that's what i said i don't want to do that leave the devil alone because that guy is busy and and he's bad news too i don't know i didn't realize how much you really believe in demons i mean i to the extent where i was like i don't believe in demons but until we actively try to summon the devil and then i feel like you're asking for my catholic wife also was upset that i suggested this everyone is upset that you're suggesting it no it was a thing and yet you will not yield not until this baptism anyway is the baptism goal before the devil goal let's find out yeah we'll figure it out i can't wait to figure this out you know if i were meeting with the devil i would hope that i was that i were baptized i would want some sort of sanctifying

layer christological magic yeah something you know something you can be like don't touch me i'm baptized you know something you can hark back to that's like already like setting a boundary like what if i meet the devil and he's like i'm open with him and he's kind of like this guy gets me no the devil is straight shooter I just feel like we really connect yeah yeah exactly I like your devil voice he's like

thanks for getting me out of there I'm so lonely all the time no one asked him on a podcast except for me that place is hell thanks for inviting me up here he's like a little clever yeah he's a little punny I run

out of content all the time I actually wrote on Gilmore Girls from seasons three to eight. I stayed on through that whole Palladino fiasco. Not the worst person in Hollywood, let me tell you. They get a lot worse. They get a lot worse. I have seen some stuff. This is coming from a guy who bought Bryan Singer's hot tub.

Well, he is the devil. Yeah, he's the devil. he would own that in his like you know hall of despicable objects he could borrow a lot of stories money demon um about this cat okay this is something you run into on quora this question does sound like a goddamn joke somebody's making a goddamn joke on here because cats famously i don't know if you know this they don't they don't want to be baptized no and they hate religion yeah this feels like something like a kathy cartoon or something like that this is this is like a one panel sunday funny does it end in ac is ac anywhere in the question is this is this

a close to home or something is this a far side where like the subtitle is like mittens didn't want to be baptized it turned down but do you think that like they read that and then we're like the guys at core are gonna love this one yeah this is directly ripped from a get fuzzy it would be really funny though to type into quora stuff that is from a clearly from like a comic strip like uh my my dog only wants to sleep on top of his dog house my friend keeps pulling the football from me as i try to kick it am i the asshole no he's the asshole some people say my family's a bit of a circus but i don't know i just think they're the most boringly unfunny group of people of all time no one understands my cow tools yeah should my friend dunesbury

continue to be a lie about politics? Yeah, so most people are just giving advice on this. Cats are sometimes baptized the way infants are by sprinkling drops of water over them. With a sprinkle. Infant sprinkle. Didn't the Pope get into trouble for saying that pets

go to heaven or something? Wasn't that a controversy? Yeah, I believe that was. He got in trouble for saying pets can go to heaven and then also like, oh, we're taking back the gay stuff. Everyone was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Cats can go to heaven?

Sneak one liberal pope in here. Yeah. You just cannot get off as a pope unless you're a young pope with great determination. Sure. That's what the show was about. I've heard of that. And I've seen the two popes where there were two of them.

See, that's a situation you hope never arises. It did arise. I saw a whole movie about it. There should be just one. There should be one at a time. There were two of them. It was a huge controversy. It's confusing for the family of the church

if there's two popes. It is not appropriate to baptize a cat or try to force any religious practice on an animal. Okay, all right. So this person's against it. Cats, like all animals, are not capable of understanding or consenting to religious rituals that should not be subjected to them.

He gets it. I feel like he would get it. Waffles is up there, I think. Would you baptize your cat? No, he's a bad guy. What religion do you think your cat would be were they personified? I wouldn't go right to, like, Wiccan.

See, there's no way I can, like, name a religion without it sounding bad. no i think your cat waffles is my cat is jewish she's uh so could it be like a casual pagan like like a like a funky bookstore pagan where you're not actually wiccan you're just sort of like culturally appropriating druid kind of stuff sort of seasonally like when the mood strikes you like oh we're having a solstice thing yeah yeah it's like great that's so interesting are you coming to friends giving the friends giving is wiccan it is that's how messed up i think a potluck is appropriative i think i i think at the very least friends giving is is is deist spiritualist friends

are the work of the devil distracts from the family i think waffles would be like an edgy atheist so the thing is the first thing i think this is a criminal so he like hits me a lot yeah well the thing about him is he's either like a lapsed faith of something like you sure like a former christian and now he's like given the way to sin or just like waffles i wasn't raised right i didn't learn my lessons waffles is 10 waffles is 10 he's a big boy he's on reddit and he's he's yelling at people in the like r slash debate me yeah oh god that's what i think he has a heart of gold he just doesn't he wasn't raised right because i raised him yeah he won't let him order food yeah i made him take his pants off and he's actually never had the pants back on since

that's just what he looks like now jehovah's witnesses if you died today are you 100 sure that you will make it to heaven and the question is based on the fact that what i understand of the jehovah's witness faith uh there is like an elect of 144 000 right not a lot of people with god very exclusive slim yeah amount can you get bumped out once you're in there i would hope not like there's got to be like there's a number how many people are there already what what percent of them are full it's um if they tell you it's going to make less people join so i don't think you're like allowed to know it's a fairly young uh trade sure that means a lot of slots open um you could get in there me yeah patreon gold

jeremy goes to hobo witness after using the works of the devil lucifer the morning star Jeremy's new powers returned towards getting one of those slots in the Jehovah's Witness pool. I was hoping that the Jehovah's Witnesses would have a cool Americana-sounding founder name because a lot of these faiths have a founder's name that is cool. Charles Taze Russell.

Taze is kind of interesting. Charles Taze Russell. Just Taze. Chuck Taze. Yeah. Our religion was founded by Taze. tase tase productions presents a limited number of slots in heaven yeah it sounds it does sound like a small like a promoter who fills in like a rock room with some kind of hypnotist comedy show

thing tase tase brings you sexy hypnotism you're trying to get to heaven good for office parties half full did i have this many buttons up when i went into the room that's what's happening at this actually sure that's tase is the founder of the jehovah charles tase russell you know so they're asking jehovah's witnesses how certain are they you know what you know i i feel like no one really ever truly goes to sleep completely certain of their religious beliefs yeah i feel like there is always that little whispering like vent that someone carved into their wall there and you hear the whistling outside of the

wind and you're like I'm not I hear that whistling and I'm not sure I won I don't think anybody's ever a hundred percent that's the concept of am I the asshole is God but a delusion am I the asshole sure devoting my life to his works I what is it like you have to put

your age on it whatever I don't know why I was trying yeah I am 23 I tried to riff God's age believe in the Lord and his works it wasn't going to happen for me Okay. Well, God's 58. He's 58 years old.

Old enough to see stuff, but he can still get up and down stairs pretty good. Just got his reading glasses. Yeah, he needs the readers for the interstate. Yeah, he's been around the block. He's an old man. So how many pissed off people? So people are not mad about this. People are just answering.

I'm glad you asked. Yeah, one person says, I am 100% sure I'll be resurrected to a beautiful paradise on Earth as per the Bible's promises. Thank you for clarifying the stuff I don't know about your faith. Thank you. It has always been my dream to travel all over the world and see the beautiful beaches, forests, and majestic mountains

and play with the lions and other animals that I currently fear now. You can do that now. I treasure this earthly hope as do millions of us do. And if Adam and Eve had not sinned, they would have been alive today on Earth, which by now, these are all in caps, would have been a perfect paradise. Uh-huh, honey.

is Jehovah's Witnesses the one where they like say when you go to heaven you're gonna like get a bear um I haven't heard anybody say that Jeremy I don't know did you make that up just now I have a friend who is some sort of Jehovah's Witness or something similar then he said that they would tell him all the time like when you go to heaven

you will get like the newest Xbox and you'll get like a bear oh sick and he was always like that's a weird that was like one of the things that made him realize like this isn't real right well if you're offering stuff that like I could just get with four thousand dollars i feel like it really pokes holes heaven heaven gets me in in cash and prizes about four or five grand worth of my dreams yeah it's like a dave and buster's ticket thing

you can trade it in you do okay on wheel of fortune it's like heaven heaven was definitely front loaded and oversold to me as a child yeah i would say the joys and pleasures therein and um i have hell well actually no not enough hell i mean there's not a whole lot of at least from what i come from there wasn't a whole lot of like a lot of teaching about hell you don't want to dwell on hell because it's demoralizing i think is what it is i mean yeah maybe also it's like the concept of the devil being a guy with a lot of real estate and a lot of mystical power is kind of like not super biblical it's not backed up by a lot of stuff you know what i mean The binary of it all is sort of oral and anecdotal tradition

that's popped up in the West. This is why we should talk to him if we just draw him. If you could get God, I think you could get God for sure. God is available and does pods. Yeah, and I feel like he probably has a simple email that you wouldn't expect, where it's just like God at gmail.com or something. We have a basic mixer set up.

How are you suggesting I plug in God? He speaks for all of us. You think God is a little like, do you think he's like a big, Is he like Clinton-y, like Biden-y? Is it a lot of like scrunching your shoulders and patting your back? Or is it like, or is God kind of like-

I think wide shoulders. Wide, okay, so- Wide, big God, big guy, big God. And do you think he's got like some kind of like dirty like 90s leather jacket on, like a brown leather jacket? And he's just like- Yeah, he's kind of sleazy.

He's kind of, I don't think he's, I don't think it's in a sleazy way. I think it's in a like, well, I've been working in the garage all day. I better throw this jacket on because it looks like it's cold. Oh, check my elbows. There's patches there.

He's surprised. He's pretending he doesn't know. She must have sewn patches on this. I'm a professor in a way because I have lessons to teach. My God voice and my devil voice are the same. They're both sent. Wow. And what does that say?

Well, there's all you need to know. Maybe there's a lesson there. Very interesting. Okay. I thought there was a sound, but I was on the wrong board. Boo. Okay. uh here's another answer anyone 100 sure of anything only indicates they don't grasp the

possibility of their capacity to be wrong i'm not even 100 sure that i exist the possibility of this answer sucks we have found a 16 year old this is the thought of a 16 year old who doesn't have a sleepover to say this stuff out loud is logging on to quora logging on to quora and i'm sorry kid but you need to go watch donnie darko in a basement with some vanilla cokes and do 16 year old shit let the men talk this is alex's cat waffles absolutely he's on quora uh i would like to end on one strong quora of jeremy's choosing and then get the heck on out of here all right um i don't know if this is a strong one but the question is bad start we i I mean, I've only read the question right now.

What's the most badass thing anyone ever did in school? The most badass thing anyone ever did in school. I think this is a kind of parenting question. Why don't we ask each other that? Okay. What's the most badass thing you ever did in school, Alex? Badass thing you ever did in school. Most badass thing I ever did in school?

Badass is a tough one. Yeah. I can think of little pranks I did. I did detention a lot, but it was mostly for being late. um i remember a specific day where just as a social experiment uh i was in band and i uh there's like too many children in that class for the teacher to really handle in high school and so she just kind of freaks out all day and uh with smelling her weakness i said what would happen if i just curled up on the floor blocking the doorway uh until until somebody addressed me

directly and so i did that kind of like just obstructing the doorway for a round of solid like 20 minutes after class started no one mentioned me or anything like they all stepped around me and just kept going and she was just like this is weird i'm gonna ignore it and like was just directing songs behind me until she was just like get up that's an extremely badass story get out that's pretty cool that's badass i would say that's a three star badass out of five i didn't care who walked by me because i was on the ground and there were no repercussions it's pretty fucking cool dude that's pretty cool hey i had to do it jeremy i don't know if i have a badass story do you ever curl up on the ground my closest one to yours is um remember when uh

fuck my life was a big website yes and there were all these like stories um there was one person who wrote like a story where they were doing bad on a test and they wrote like a stick figure and they wrote um if i don't get 100 on this test the stick figure gets it and then like the teacher gave them 100 or something like that and i tried to replicate this in my french class but i wasn't good at french which is why i needed to do it so i wrote like if jeremy doesn't do well on test he will die and um my teacher thought that my parents were threatening to kill me if i didn't uh oh that's badass so they sent me to the principal who called my parents and they like explained that which is a crazy idea right if they thought that i was in trouble did they explain

fuck my life.com to your principal and they're just like Jeremy goes on the most alternative website. No, my teacher literally so she like figured out star runner, Mr. Principal basically what happened is that my teacher sat there in the principal's office and like was explaining my principal like he just has a very bad

sense of humor and then he's not funny at all. The principal's like are you so is anyone trying to kill you and I was like not that I know of and she got so mad at me. Yeah, that I made a little joke. Well, that's that's pretty badass fucking badass they have like an obligation to follow those so if you wanted to torture them by following all of the like uh procedural nonsense they got a child

admitted violence potentially at home they thought my parents were gonna hurt me so they called my parents and asked that's so funny it doesn't make any sense at all they had no idea what they were doing you were so badass by then man that's so crazy do you have a badass story okay so one time i was in high school top that so i went to this high school and um we had this normal kindly man coach who was our pe teacher for our like hour of pe and it's uh you know it's just the guys we have like a guys and girls pa is like split up at my baptist high school that i went to sure and so like it's guys pe and we have the mean coach subbing for the kind coach so the mean coach is there and he's like where's con coach and uh they all called it that where is he this is when i had

just sort of gotten adjusted to this new school i was a freshman i'm like making friends and i was like oh i'm starting to be funny guy here i did stand up at the talent show people know me now i can i can fuck around right now this is a good moment to do it in front of you guys so the mean coach i was like oh kind coach just went to mcdonald's he's getting us all cheeseburgers no he's not and mean coach was like pissed off and he was like you're getting a demerit we had like a demerit system where they write you a little fake like you're in trouble thing and uh that doesn't sound that bad he like laid down the hammer with me and he embarrassed me in front of all the like dress dressed me down in front of all the other boys in the class

and i was pissed off about it small school you know it's like 50 people per class 50 people per class so you know word spread not a lot of faculty I'm in biology later in the day and um I'm I am in a bad mood because I got dressed down by the coach and I'm going into biology in a bad mood I'm being short with my biology teacher who's the cool young guy and he was like um something like he was starting to get enough of it and he was like so I heard I heard what you said to mean coach and you know you're not gonna be able to do that in here or something like that because he could sense that i was still like pissed off or something like that yeah he was like so make sure so make sure you uh make sure you remember that and i was like i'll write it down in my planner

the dry wind coming out of james at the same he just looked at me like kind of like you never talk like you never talk like this in this class and it was so hurt and disappointed but i'll put it down on my planner i told my brothers about that and they were like that was awesome so that is my most badass that's pretty badass put it down on my planner do you even have a planner i did not use a planner effectively i missed a lot of deadlines oh my goodness a lot of incompletes well that's just rude yeah would have been an interesting thing to write in a planner though yeah yeah don't talk back to my biology teacher don't sass him from now to forever oh man this also reminds me i to the same band teacher i uh she was like a lonely old woman

and so one day for before the prom i read her a long poem that was a prom proposal while she was like yelling at me to stop for a long time but yeah i think i think that's better than curling up on the ground yeah it was like a whole poem so it was like the sun is the east and marjorie is the earth my earth you wrote my son you wrote her a soliloquy from yo i got a poem i got a poem in my back pocket at any given moment i'm ready to do a poem like that this was your like this is a girl in high school no this was the teacher of the band class she was 55 years old and you were writing her a promposal yeah that's pretty cool i wanted her to feel included she wasn't really it was kind of i was relying on the safety net of us all understanding i was

not taking this old woman to prom did she go was she like really uh she was flattered and then furious i was uh reading a poem out loud in her class for like two minutes the back and forth switch was like very tangible did you take her to prom i did not take her to prom goddamn liar not very badass at all then that would have been sick that would have been like a cool you really want to be badass you take her to prom yeah make her nice you love that woman that's what a real badass does she just went through a divorce smoke hemp with her in a parking lot after cosmic bowling yeah make her feel young smoke camp every day all right what do we get what do the psychos on quora have

school story uh danny c uh whose job is chief operating officer doesn't say where i think our best story was was rude could they beat that this guy i think is like saying it like it's the middle of a novel because it starts with the quote are you ready shit brain i stood in front of him a towering behemoth of muscle the spitting image of hercules a terrifying brute with the wherewithal to snap me in half like a toothpick are you i replied a confident smirk offsetting my face is just one of my deep dark eyebrows lifted in a clear show of arrogance this is just to explain like a thing that happens on here a lot is creative writing exercises yeah just recounting spider-man or something yeah and you you hear the way people write like the pro style of when people

do this on reddit or or quora or wherever it may be and it's like when was the last time you read yeah literature like why does it it always reads like it's like poorly translated like cw shows from like russia or something like that it's like like i was there i was it's like why everyone speaks in this ya way it's probably literally the last book you read the last book was like city of bones or some supernatural romance in the teen section yeah the thing is though is as young adults that is when they would be talking like a young adult novel isn't it wow so maybe they're trying to get into the head there may be emerging us in a real situation oh man steeping us in lore man yeah i love this reddit speak like you know give me a whole like

give me a whole like novel of this oh wait i think a lot of people do that yeah this is basically what that is be very careful what you wish for here okay uh jonah the quarterback on our high our school football team had terrorized my friends enough i was ready i took care of matt last time and then he links to a different core answer that i'm not going to no we're not and it was jonah's turn to face my wrath today he leaned in wound up and flung forth with his massive fist barely missing my jaw wind swishing by my cheek as i narrowly avoided sure destruction i lifted my signed andy roddick tennis racket weird that he why are you talking like the wonder years you know what i mean what a weird specific dude first of all shout out to andy roddick big

big andy roddick fan uh and glanced down at lovingly she'd struck she'd stuck with me all this time through tournament after tournament she could handle this he's talking about his racket and then i swung beep beep beep beep beep 7 30 oh shit oh shit oh shit contrary to popular belief my most badass school badass school moment was not the fight with our school bully to this day i consider the most badass school moment the day i slept through four alarms only waking up upon my fifth one which is duly late labeled shit you're late so there's a dream i leaped out of bed brushed my teeth and washed my face threw on fuck you socks and fuck you you cannot point five mile run to school you cannot trick me with a dream no dream sequence said he did it in 15 minutes total

yeah i'm a badass that was worse than all of the ones we did and then people are writing in the comments clap clapping no no no no clapping yeah if you were clapping for him side meet a real person read read the wall read i'm begging you if you liked that answer any of you replied to this clap read anything tonight besides kingdom hearts fan fiction i dare you and that's not to besmirch Kingdom Hearts fan fiction, which we would love to have more of on the show. Kingdom Hearts fan fiction? What if Goofy got Donald pregnant? That's just what Kingdom

Hearts is. Kingdom Hearts is fan fiction. Well, the stuff that's not in the games is a fan fiction. That's true. I can't find any questions that are shorter than a thousand words. Any of the answers you mean? Yeah, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think that's alright, buddy. I think we could just close it out. I told my math teacher that will bring police because he slapped me so the story goes like this it's like i don't care all right well that's pretty good though that's a that's a crime kind of um yeah everyone's doing like a novel yeah i would want i would this is one of those situations where i'd want to go on and and do the plot of something real it's one of those situations where like well i used to walk around new york a lot wearing a red hat and i thought everyone was phony and i had just gotten kicked out of my last prep school and uh sure i was driving around as a taxi driver in the middle

of the night in new york i find this young girl kind of an inspiration to me she needs to be rescued i've shaved my head into a mohawk and i was i was dancing on the float in chicago to the Beatles song. Should we ask a Quora? Should we call it? Yeah, let's do a Quora, and then Quora our way on out of here. James, thank you so much for coming on the show. Hey, it was fun. What inspired you

most as a Quora user tonight? What should our question be? And what is your delight? Should we stick with the parenting theme? I'm gonna do should, if I don't go to church anymore, should I raise my child

in my former religion? Should I raise my child with Bible stories? With Bible stories. With Bible stories. You always want like a question that's pretty real and then the way you adapt it for Quora

is to grammatically format it slightly wrong and then people will assume it's authentic and answer it. I hope we get a lot of ads for like VeggieTales or something. Have you seen VeggieTales? Me personally? I've never seen it.

It rocks. Yeah? Yep. I wouldn't know. Jeremy, let me just tell you, really good stuff over there. Ah, shit. All right. Well, thus concludes another episode of Quora-ators.

The number one show for Quora.com and you, the user abroad. We thank James again for coming on. James, where can our listeners find you at home? You can go to at ShrimpJadge on Twitter and Instagram, or you can watch Saturday Night Live on NBC. Be sure to check out Saturday Night Live and ShrimpJadge. shrimp jad shrimp jaj at twitter instagram catch me in the net that's a shrimp reference i'm gonna press stop recording yeah that's fine thank you