Quorators - Who Would Win In A War Between The United Kingdom And United States? w/ Kris Casey

Episode Date: December 26, 2022

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: What Do You Do If A Lion Is Chasing You? What Is One Thing That You Always Judge Other People On? As A Police Officer, What Is The Most Disgusting Thing A Suspect Ever Said To You? --- Check out Jeremy and Kris' podcast Deep Dive In The Shallow End

all right then then yeah it's quora time yeah dude it's you feeling it raiders chris is wearing his dragon ball pocket uh hat to represent your other podcast wow look what it is look at do you like that alex it's your people Goku! Turtle sensei. Pow! Could he fight Superman? Oh, um...

I hope so. Is he technically magic? Superman's weak to magic. Superman's weak to magic? Yeah, that's a big Superman thing. Superman is magic! That's his own kryptonite. No, Superman is science.

Superman is Jewish. I am tired of... I am tired of Western superhero fandom. Superman does have kind of like a Moses thing going on with like he was sent down a river he was famously written by jews in the early 19 no 1920s right he works at a very nice newspaper he does a beef with kanye he has beef with kanye he's looking for a nice woman but he can't seem to find one there's that famous comic where he shakes hands with um jared from subway

right yeah and he's like thank you jared for molesting those children was that a real comic though or was that just a subway advertisement it was a subway advertisement where they like trick you into reading it because it looks like a comic and you flip the page and you're like wait this is about a hostess but if it wasn't real then why is Superman there

because he's clearly there well he's as fast as light he can go wherever he needs to go true he has time to do it is my point at the speed of thought that's canon he's a very fast man well uh fucking yeah bro hit it let's get this sound going boop boop we always dance it's a bug it's a video podcast

hey welcome to quarators the podcast where we try to figure out what quora is i don't know what it is still jeremy it's been 16 episodes who's keeping track i don't know i am methodically yeah it is true we are keeping they're all numbered we do know uh i'm jeremy i'm here with alex alex how you doing thanks for having me again uh thanks for coming back to your kitchen it's great to be here i love that we put the flower painting back oh yeah look at that it's beautiful careful listeners will notice the flower painting was down well rest assured it's back now eagle-eyed eagle-eyed listeners do not zoom me eagle-eared listeners do not look at my home okay uh with us today with us today from from my other podcast deep dive in the

showerland is the wonderful chris casey how you doing chris i'm doing good thanks for having me chris can i ask you what do you have any experience using the website quora.com i do not no do you know about have you heard of it i think sometimes when i google things it comes up and i know it's one of those ones i don't want to click okay that is the answer most people have genuine answer we've received on the show where people are just like i love going on i um yeah i feel like the times i have visited the site it's like every answer comes with like a personal a lot of personal bias yeah they're like well i'll tell you the answer but first you'll have to sit through my story of grief and trauma producer waffles alex's cat is or has

arrived is the waffles theme he sent you an email it is somewhat of a structural problem the way that we always sit at the table that waffles is going to get in the guest's face every time faces but yeah oh he has no teeth so that can't hurt but it can't be good oh my god that's a that's assault brother he smacked me right in the face he's done that to me too he hit me right in the face it's okay it seems like one of those friendly punches to the face there's no claws and that's what this show's all about. What does he have? What does he have?

He's got no claws and no teeth. No, he has claws. I mean, the punch was with no claws. I'm just saying it's legally not actionable. For anyone watching this recording, it's everyone being safe and just a lot of fun here at the Quarrel House. Alex is Waffles' lawyer.

That's right. Mr. Waffles has a job. He has a family. He's been practicing feline law. uh okay so let's go and read our every week we we write a quora and nobody answers it and then we read it the premise and we say the bit is that we do get lots of answers and everyone thinks we're great at quora for some reason though nothing but fucking swings and misses for a month straight i don't know what we're doing wrong i thought this we were doing really good chris you got to

help us write a quora at the end of this episode that people fucking listened to and right people just can't wait to answer it they're it's got to be so good we need this uh last week our question was who would win in a fight between master chief with armor and santa claus okay okay and so i got no answers i'm honestly shocked initially we wrote we were gonna ask a non-fighting question regarding master chief because there were so many about master chief in all his various fights but uh we pitched mainstream we found like the kind of um daytime programming answer to the question which is you know can he fight somebody that we're already talking about thinking that we'll get the most answers and like writing and producing for television you know any kind of

artist wants to do this there's a there's a real gut reaction to do what you think the industry wants yeah no absolutely and that was our mistake here is if you were writing true original quaras about master chief we probably would have been head over heels with the news so you want to Santa's in the news. Santa's in the news. Have you heard about this? Have you heard about Santa? I fucked up so bad not getting any Santa sounds for this.

Think of all the ho-hos we could have and jingles and lovely reindeer sleighs. Does Master Chief's armor include his weapons? We are not doing this again. This is like 25 minutes. We did talk a lot about if Master Chief could fight. Santa has extreme agility. He is weak to magic. He's weak to magic.

The episode has not aired yet, but I am determined to throw my body in front of the podcast before it becomes a Who Can Master Chief Fight podcast. Okay, okay, okay. Chris, we have a bunch of Korras lined up for you. Let me just get into the first one. Tailored to your specific interests. Chris is famously born in the United Kingdom. Is this true?

That is true. So I have a question for you. According to Korra. Tally-ho. Tally-ho to you and tally-ho to all of our listeners. I feel very much at home. um cora asks who would win in a war between the united kingdom and the united states the united states don't we we spend like all of england's money

yeah i think just all the money england has we spend just that on weapons right oh i thought you were saying like they give us money and we spend it all we're talking about like uncle sam fights the king oh that's interesting well uncle sam is not a real person that will be a tough Neither is the king. That's my new theory. I think he's like Santa. The king's not real. You guys still believe in the king?

I felt strange saying the king there. That's the first time I've addressed him. Yeah, that's true. Don't you know your parents are the king? Every year they govern the United Kingdom. They're the ones who wear the crown stolen from Africa. They unite Scotland and Wales. I do like that idea, though.

So there's an obvious gut answer here, again. That USA wins. Oh, okay, wow. USA, USA. Oh, they have billions and billions more dollars in military spending. It's a country with a hundred times the amount of people. More freedom. Yeah, more freedom.

More freedom. Then those people can go and get a Coca-Cola wherever the hell they want. This is going to be a wash, you think. But let's consider, and this is something I don't know a lot about. as I was born in just a good old fast food burger shop here in the U.S. of A. What are the innate advantages that your average Briton has that we might not know?

Well, being born in a fish and chip shop, I don't know. I think... Bizarro, bizarro situation. You don't have to worry so much about losing teeth in the fights. The teeth are already terrible. That's true. No teeth for the Brits. They can also go to the hospital afterwards during the war.

you know the espionage james bond is that's true yeah james bond is british that's an advantage um they idris elba yep and we have to say they're two different people because they didn't let him be the same not but he is knuckles the echidna for real that will be used in a military conflict we would be fucked if knuckles the echidna if you think in a great power struggle that the United Kingdom is going to reserve the Chaos Emeralds. You are greatly mistaken. The United Kingdom has the largest quantity of Chaos Emeralds in the world, I think. They just keep producing them.

They do, although they get them from Africa. It's really sad, actually. Look into Chaos Emerald harvesting this Christmas season. Yeah, and then another kind of stalemate or a cop-out of the question is you can be like, well, they both have nukes. We all lose. We all lose in this terrible conflict that could happen at any minute. Who's the loser? It's us.

There have been a few points this year where during the new Cold War thing happening with Russia and NATO where Boris Johnson has pretty much said a few things that have led me to believe reading the newspaper, like, oh, England is actually going to start World War III as a surprise factor. Well, I think America won. We thought America was going to win

which leader had the most preposterous hair, and then Boris Johnson came in. so it might i do appreciate that boris johnson looks like the british office version of trump yes he does we have trump at home yeah he's our michael scott he's really handsome in his own way want him back so bad okay well i think these are pretty accurate sure i want me to read the answer that's on quora uh with the three options being everyone loses um there's class in your average Englishman that we can never compare to and that it's a complete wash because

of all the money and weapons that America has. I like the idea, though, of the, like, what is it called when you each send one champion and that decides the war? Right of combat? Something like that? Oh, what is it called? I know, that's what I'm asking you. This is a nightmare for me to be asked this on the podcast.

I really want to know. Alright, well, we'll never find out. Single combat? Single combat. Yeah. I think a single combat's an interesting idea because I think the UK does have to use the king. They're forced to. The king is trying to push Andrew Tate in front of him,

but it simply won't work. They have to do the king, and then we have so many options. We do. Floyd Mayweather? Oh, man, we got so many. Yeah, Floyd Mayweather, that's a great option. You could just beat the shit out of the king of Mayweather.

Elderly Mike Tyson. Oh, that would be fun. Wouldn't that give? Yeah, and this is the advantage of a republic is you don't have to send an old man who's never fought before. um although if you are sending presidents who assuming that they are king sure biden v uh charles you know how like in godzilla vs kong sure come friends at the end and fight mecha

god so i think it might be that kind of thing okay yeah so they become friends at the end and they kill france yeah all right okay dennis hammond former police officer for 26 years says you didn't see many wars between the united states and united kingdom he says you didn't say what kind of war got your ass oh my if it were a military fight the united states would win after a bloody good fight oh waffles is pissed i gotta get the cat off the other cap we keep reading if it were a battle of pageantry wit humor humility charm and manners we would whoop their asses okay this guy might be slightly biased said with tongue firmly in cheek god bless the usa god bless the uk god save the queen that's maybe the worst quora response i've

heard in the history of the show so far a bloody bobby got in our mansion jeremy we can't let that happen again being chased from one door and out the next and none of them match um firstly let me say this this is from necronomicon says firstly let me say this we love and respect the hell out of our boys across the pond the one country that i'd never want to go to war with as britain not because i'd be afraid to lose it'd be like having to raise hands with your loving older brother slash best friend who's always had your back do a lot of people feel this way i i would not be surprised the rest of this answer is unfortunately uh locked under quora plus so we can't really read much of it you guys don't have four plus well you haven't got we got to do

it look then they're saying that you don't have it that'll be our first patreon when the patreon on launch. Quora Plus is going to open up a new dimension for the show. So wait, so when you make a Quora Plus, when you like really spit off some fire answers, or you just like lock this one?

I don't know, yeah. My other shit is free, but if you want to hear my top bars. I don't know. He lives in the United Kingdom, apparently. Yeah, I can tell. I'm not that one. No, but he said he's calling the UK our best friend. Oh, true.

Ooh, I don't know. That's something you only do if you move to or are from there, though. Yeah, that's true. One guy says the Russian Federation and the People's Republic of China would win. Uh-oh. Our enemies. They're at the door waiting for us to turn on each other. They want us to fight.

Most people are saying the U.S. wins. I mean, the U.S. obviously wins. Oh, another win for the boys in blue. Let's rock it. America don't even think about fighting us you know I was looking for sounds and I got this on guitar solo but I really have

been unsure of when to press the button and I think it's whenever America comes up yeah I think that's a good one that's gotta be it right? do you have any other thoughts on who would win on a war between the United Kingdom and the United States or should we move on to another question? I pray it doesn't happen I think you're safe

those are our lads this question is if a dog is charging at you and you run towards it what would be the dog's reaction if a dog is charged oh so this is quora gone wild big delay on the moo i'm sorry i have not been set yet um okay so if a dog is charging you see this is interesting because of all the animal questions that we regularly get on the podcast they're often about could you do you have the martial prowess to defeat an animal whereas this is mostly about the what would the dog be like what's the dog thinking when you are coming in

and i hope a dog answered this question now i have great while not fought a dog charged many a dog before why one of their reckless games that they create and they start in their brutal combat immediately attacking each other the thought of dog combat yeah they get really stressed out when they think about it but um from what i've seen they actually don't flinch or give a shit because they're psychos dogs dogs are psychos all dogs are so spoken like a cat owner but i i believe it through and through i'm gonna write a twitter call out thread about all dogs i would like to see you i'd like to see you do it and i'll support you in your in your thread that's true we both have cats what do you think i think a dog yeah i think you're right i think

the dog wouldn't even just from what i've seen like it's dog instinct to just keep going yeah I think you're probably right. Maybe his brain waves change. You can't measure that. What do you think a dog would do, Chris, if you ran at it? Yeah, I think it'd probably run at you still, maybe pivot left and sort of. Oh, pivot left. Yes.

I feel pivot left. I didn't consider it. And honestly, I'm not going to see it coming, and it's going to be a big weakness for me in the fight. I think it'll do a right hook, punch you right in the face. I didn't realize I was fighting, like, a trained combat dog. Yeah, you're fighting a boxer. Walked into Naruto's dog arena.

All right, well, let's read this answer from Terry Melvin. It says, I think the dog would bank left. All right, well, fair enough. That's not really a thing, is it? No, it says, I did that when I saw... You just said because it was funny. Ha ha. You think this is a joke.

Terry says, I did that when I saw two pit bulls running towards me after getting out of their fenced yard. I figured I had nothing to lose, so I ran at them while yelling. And they put on the brakes, turned around, and fled. Edit. This is not a suggestion

as to what you should do in the same situation. Well, it sounds like it is. Rather, it was my experience. It sounds like you're telling us to do it. He says, I don't endorse anyone trying this simply because it may not always work.

I like that they got out and he was like, well, I'm done for. That's it for me. This has nine million views. There's no way. Thank goodness. i think it's not good advice to charge the dog i'm just saying like you won't know until it's

all over yeah it doesn't seem like a smart move is it two pitbulls i'm not like someone who's like anti-pitbull or anything but i'm not running at two of them yeah they are kind of the combat dog yeah they're good at fighting again naruto lesson there's no pitbulls in that but i feel like they are do they have dogs in naruto I don't know anything about Naruto One of the families has dog ninjas And he gets so big he can ride I like how excited both of you guys got

It's actually funny you bring that up I didn't want to talk about that today But there are actually Key dogs There are They can't unfortunately being a quadrupedal They can't ninja run They can't make the jutsus

They can't cross paws It's one of the sadder parts of the show okay give us another answer I did exactly that once when I was 13 years old this is from Steve Wendler the dog across the street spent all day on a chain outside and barked for as long as anyone passed him by I'm just picturing by the way a large quora picture of a man

with no hands but like wonder what happened to me next there's always some horribly disfigured person who comments anything and they're like you think it's funny to chase a dog now I'm dead I don't remember what Naruto does to defeat the dog ninja

No one does. That's why we need to go on court and find out. He digs a hole at one point. I don't think that's that fight, though. I have noticed in shows and movies where there is a dog combat, they really go out of the way to show your hero not, like, fucking doming a dog. Just because it looks bad or whatever. Yeah, it's worse than hitting a human.

Yeah, there's a lot of dogs in John Wick, but he never... I would say it's like a reverse John Wick. There's a John Wick who just shot dogs and, like, left people alone, Even though that's legally much more defensible Everyone would hate it That would be such a fucked up movie You better stay away from me I have a phobia

It's just him going around Shooting fucking dogs left and right He's got guns on his feet Because it's easier to shoot a dog down there Well hey I feel like the go to dog reference He's got a lot of chocolate Oh my god He's just throwing him chocolate

Grapes also You have to check your house when you own a dog um the i feel like the go-to dog abuse references michael vick right that's correct and what is vick if not one line away from wick huh do the math on that conspiracy theorist roman numeral five yeah oh because it's a v yeah do the math on that hell yeah dog um oh wait so let me read the rest of this guy he's please everyone feared it because of its barking but not me i used to bark back at it just to rile it up even more i used to do that when i really once i'm really having really mental health problems i would bark back at dogs

was it to communicate with them was it like these are my people now no i think it was more to you know mark my territory sure sure you just became dog minded it's because it makes them upset well i think i was like maybe speaking dog but i don't speak dog so it's probably saying like you know car jump rope skip that all sure yeah honestly the reason that waffles is so loud is because when he meows at me i meow back at him sure and that is the same thing you're just encouraging them to talk yeah they're like oh someone understands what i'm saying yeah that's what i'm saying bark bark bark um bark indeed yeah this guy gets attacked by this dog by the way oh holy shit well no i don't know i would say you know i don't see he seems fine how are his wrists

he's no photo of it says one day i was walking by getting it all riled up and it was going nuts to be honest too riled the chain broke and that vicious dark barking dog was now storming for me i suddenly thought i suddenly thought uh-huh honey what a stupid idea to bark back at that dog and i thought i was a goner i knew i couldn't outrun it so i decided to try the opposite i leaned forward and started running toward it barking and growling in the most vicious voice i could muster the dog stopped barking put its tail between its legs and ran back to his house huh maybe i'm just not scary enough yeah maybe it seems like it works half of the time yeah it seems like most i think if you're listening at home the lesson is you can scare the dog off and to try it at home

we give good advice on this podcast we tell people i think it'd be good if you had a biscuit i think that's yeah yeah that's what like mailmen do is they can yeah is that what they do yeah yeah for sure mailmen and dogs are natural enemies perhaps the most natural enemies this show is mostly listened to by mailmen i wouldn't be surprised if mailmen listen to a lot of podcasts for sure yo i've got we've gotten fan mail from other shows but yeah hand delivered yeah do your door they have a beautiful sparkles on them they're great at emails another listener mail i blow blow them off the top um all these stories are basically just people running at dogs i don't hear enough about what the dog's reaction is though i want to know what the dogs think

Well, it's either they keep going or they stop, kind of. Well, Doc's like a little bit of keep away chase, don't they? Maybe they do run around and have a little bit of a... I have an interesting, there's an interesting answer here. Virginia White Gall says, I posted this as a comment on someone else's answer, but then another Quorin told me I should post it here as an answer. A Quorin?

A Quorin. Like a Karen on Quora, a Quorin? I don't know if it's Karen or a person or Quorin. What do they do? It's like a person from Quora, like, you know. So it says I should post it as an answer here, which I didn't do before because I was afraid it was too long, so I'll do it here. So it's basically saying, like, someone suggested I post it here, and they were right. Oh, so it's not a Karen for me.

No, I don't think it's a Karen. It's like an Englishman. Quorin. How is it like an Englishman? Quorin. Oh, because they're from Quora. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They fight Americans.

A Quoramin. Quoramin is a good word. Quoramin is more of a direct line to me because I hear Quorin, I'm thinking Karen. And I don't think they culturally have that yet on Quora. A Karen on Quora? It's all Karens, I think. That's kind of like the website for it, right? Yeah.

I mean, not really. Because you would need other people to actively be reading Quora. Right. That's true. Because the whole point of a Karen is you are telling a manager. And if you're like in the stock room of the internet or what have you, whatever Quora is, you're not really effectively complaining on anybody, are you? That's very fair.

You are correct. All right. Want another animal one? Yeah, get the other animal one up. This is kind of the opposite of the question, which is what would you do, what do you do if a lion is chasing you? I thought that was the lion.

It was Austin Powers. It was kind of the opposite of what I wanted. Austin Powers probably does a growl at some point. Hey, forget I played the Austin Powers theme. It's uneditable. What would I do if a lion is chasing me? What would you do? Play dead.

Yeah, is that going to work? Probably not, but what am I going to run from it? I don't know. You have many options, right? Do I have my armor? Do you have your armor is the only good question for this one because I don't think you have any other choices. Trees, famously out of play.

Is that true? Yeah, for lions? They climb trees? I don't know, man. Cats climb trees, Jeremy. Oh, fuck. Where have you been? How do you spot a city boy on a podcast?

Yeah, I've never interacted with a lion. I don't think. If he's never interacted with a lion, he must be from Long Island. Once they get up there, a fireman has to come help them down, though. The lion? Yeah. It's sad that our tax dollars are going to helping our predators. Tree doesn't work.

Running away definitely doesn't work, even less than the tree. You somehow throw them off a cliff into a herd of gazelle, right? Wildebeest or whatever. I think your one shot is maybe throwing something heavy and hoping the lion's just pissed off and goes away. I think playing dead is not a terrible idea, but do lions care? Because they eat dead stuff.

It's not a good idea. None of them are good ideas. I would hope he's going to take a few bites and not like the taste of me. Sure, yeah. So you're hoping to lose a leg or something. Well, yeah. Maybe that'll satiate him.

What would you give if you have to give something to the lion? You got to give. You got to give. If the lion requests a contribution. A leg, I suppose. A leg. I suppose a whole leg getting ripped off of me by a lion. I'll go on left arm.

Left arm is if you can talk to the lion and the lion agrees. Leg is way better to loosen than arm. I think we're really mentally in the wrong place where we're bargaining with the lion to give it a lift. I don't think the lions work that way. Lions are more reasonable than you think. Displays of force. You have to go for the eyes, I think, if you're going to try to fight it.

Go for the eyes. Ooh, that's smart. It's just really a bad situation. I think I'm trying to ride it. I think I'm going to grab it by the mane, and I'm going to swing myself around the lion. Nice. And land on it. Yeah, because lions are really fast, so you get away really quickly.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, these are all great ideas. Rooftop dweller Thomas McKeon has an answer that will sound very familiar to people who listened to our last question. Rooftop saved from lions. You got two choices.

You can let it run you down and kill you, or you can get fucking angry, turn around, and go after it. This happened while I was on safari, he says. Triggered liberals? Sorry, it's not your safe space. There I was, killing endangered animals. He says, we were told not to leave the tour vehicle whatsoever. I had been drinking and jumped out anyway. i was pissing at the middle of the serengeti when a full-maned lion started roaring and charged me

i charged back right back and hit him in the head with a bottle of southern comfort this is the most real story i've ever heard in my entire life he cried and ran away i picked up my body Ow! No! That's my freaking head! Why are you so mean? I didn't know he was American. I picked up my bottle, took a swig, and jumped back in the minibus.

I figured they were going to arrest me or kick me off the tour. No one said a word. No one said a word because you just alpha-dogged your way to the top. You're given the tour now. That's your tour. I don't think even a word of this is true. I don't think he's ever even been in a bus. This is someone who has been forbidden from leaving their home.

Due to a DUI or some other home arrest situation. Some lady's named Catherine, who is a big cat handler, professional lion person, I guess. Let's not listen to her. She says, lions prefer Jack Daniels. No wonder he was crying. And then Thomas McKeon did thumbs up emoji. Wow. That's a really nice interaction on Quora.

It is nice. It's so rare to find that on the internet. Are there any actual answers from her, though? She seems like I was hoping for an answer from her. That's too bad. Let me see. I'm going to go on her profile. Catherine Leegard, big cat handler.

She's got a photo of her smooching a tiger. They're all about her piss fetish. I would not be surprised. Every other time we clicked on other responses from users, it's like, no, it's all piss fetish. We shouldn't listen to them. She's a California born and raised goofball who is often amused yet easily distracted,

deeply sarcastic but perpetually curious, and an adventurous, creative, family-loving mix of friendly contradiction. Fluent in sarcasm. All of her answers are just like, here's a picture of a tiger. And she's like, yay. Yay, okay. I think you can be cringe if you have a passion like taking care of large cats.

She loves them. She's obsessed with the stuff. She's got a lot of pictures of her next to tigers. That's so sick. And she does a lot of retweeting of big cat news. What's big in cat news? Anything good? Oh, brother.

We don't have time to get into that. We'll be here all day on Big Cat News. Video, mountain lion drags dog out of house? All right, let's not just search Quora ambiently here. This is a terrible format. Okay. Ooh, that's good. It is technically a tiger.

It's not a lion. I'm sorry. This one, okay, so now we're going to enter our most popular segment, the Quoker, which is our Manosphere Quora-based. Oh, Lord. Our music's back. It's kind of just a catch-all for everything, honestly. Yeah, incels do a lot of things.

They're just cool guys. They have bold minds that wander forth. This is from Shannon M. Rogers. This is not a question or an answer. It's just a quora. You found this one, and you DM'd it to me. Oh, right. This one is...

This is, I think, the first non-question we've done on the podcast, so I'm interested to see how it goes. It's hard to be here. I'm going to watch the day if Chris leaves. I will not discuss this post. You guys are washed. That's not why I came over here. It says, so I heard my doorbell ring.

I checked out my window, and I see it was UPS. I noticed he stopped, took his hat off, and put it over his heart. I was confused. Then I heard the national anthem. I'm not sure where it was coming from. I'm guessing somewhere down the street. So you can assume where this goes from here. But watching the guy take his hat off and put it over his heart

and then being like, what is he doing? is an insane sequence of events to me. I just wanted to say how amazing this simple gesture was for him to do. And that's the whole post. And there's a photo. The photo makes it. And it's that it is just a photo of a man,

like clearly from a window of a house. And it's a man standing next to a UPS truck with his hand over his heart, just saluting America. By the way, another reminder, you gotta be on the YouTube, folks. Because now if you're on the YouTube, you are basking in this man saluting the flag

He's in his brown polo and brown khakis. He's got his big UPS fucking notebook on his side, and he's just got his hat over his heart, and he's saluting our beautiful country. See, this is the type of stuff why England loses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't have UPS guys like this. They can't ring a bell and have all their dog-brained workers

leave a truck and salute the flag. Drop what they're doing. This UPS man is like, I will die for this country. It's a six-car pile-up whenever the National Anthem plays. This was also the category for this, because there's different categories for every Quora. The category for this is Loving an Amazing World. You've got to love this.

This space is to share the amazing stories and facts we have in our world. Stop what you're doing. It's like stop, drop, and roll when you hear the National Anthem. Yes. Why was it playing, I wonder? We don't know. I think it's just ambiently playing all the time in the U.S. Does this woman live next to a baseball game?

That's what I was thinking. It's kind of the only time you're hearing it unless you're like at school or something. Unfortunately, I think this woman stole this from something else because she credits somebody. Oh, this is what I was going to say. The best part of this post is how much non-participatory it is from this man in the truck.

He is really just minding his own business and there's a woman like sniping him with a photo from her window. And then be like, you're going on Quora. All the comments are like, this man must be military. He's ex-military. I would be surprised if he's not. If he's not, he should join because...

Yeah, it's interesting because he doesn't know she's there. He's doing this for just himself. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, he's just delivering packages. And they're like strict, aren't they? Aren't they like GPS tracking him and being like... I don't know. Amazon does that.

Amazon, yeah. Amazon's like, why are you peeing right now? Stop saluting the flag. Goddamn. That was actually a response to all the people saluting the flag all day. Slowing down the packages immensely. Alert, alert. You are saluting too much.

this is jeffrey bezos my medicine people people are peeing in bottles so i'm gonna salute in the closet it's you're gonna salute on your bathroom break god damn it um people were very happy about this that's weird because i have never i've never been in the military it is weird it should deeply strained he should be arrested it's not the kind of behavior that should be rewarded no I like it less that he's not doing it on purpose it would make me feel better if it was a photo op but the fact that this man is just out there

doing salutes anytime he hears the fucking national anthem is insane he's just a well trained guy that's what he does we could go the other way with this it could be just like manic bipolar behavior he's having a break and he's just saluting the flag

he doesn't get back in the truck he just runs off he kills several people after this He took out his UPS gun Killed the third base coach Started a one man show Right there in front of my house I like this one

Not many arts events begin with The National Anthem I've noticed That's something I'd like to change more We have a show tonight A stand up comedy show Please open with the National Anthem You and I should sing the National Anthem We should

The Gamer National Anthem It's a video game themed show So there's nothing gamers love more. Put it at the end of the year. You think I can find a gamer national anthem online right now? Yeah, just 8-bit national anthem. No, I'm saying like with words. No, I don't think you can find that.

I'm Googling it. I'm Googling it. And the bomb bombs bursting in air? Yeah, there you go. We're writing it. The Rocket League's red flare? Unless you're clicking a link that's on Quora right now. You are out of pocket, my friend.

This is not a Reddit podcast. Is there one on Reddit? yeah it says what song is classified as the gamer national anthem because i'm not really sure always questioned it get off of reddit oh it's probably the portal song right people are saying halo this is a triumph well hey you know what this could be our quarter later okay what song would be considered the gamer national anthem a moment of silence let's all think it over then put it on the show later okay uh let's do another quarter okay oh wait i want to read this comment real quick i just like this as i've never been in the military however whenever i hear that song

wherever i may be i get tingly and teary and put my hand over my heart it makes me very emotional grow up mary sick behavior this is bizarre yeah you're unwell you need help you should not be getting emotional hearing the national anthem you should not be crying you shouldn't be crying like a lion who was yelled at by a drunk man on the safari why you know i've we've all been making in front of this lion but i've cried after we should get that yeah i cry every time i get smashed in the head of the southern comfort bottle we do not support abusers on this show all right facts facts facts this is an anti-abuse podcast uh unlike some of these other podcasts um what is one thing you always judge people on do you guys have a quick answer on this

what's one thing you always judge people on appearance for me it's Yeah, I like to judge a book by its cover. Right. That's my big thing. That's my number one, I think. I see a cover, and I'm like, I know what this book's about. I also buy books that way. Yeah, that's the only way to buy them.

Especially if you're reading fantasy sci-fi, you're like, this one looks dope. This has got a dragon on the front. Look at all the colors. I see a knight with a sword. Wizard, nice! I don't know, Chris? They're playing some sort of Game of Thrones. Well, you can tell they're playing a Game of Thrones.

They have their hands over their hearts. I go to the bookstore and I ask the clerk, do you have anything where like, I don't know, kings clash? Is there any like, I don't know, some sort of storm of swords I could read about? Where's a crow get a bite to eat around here? What do you think, Chris? Anything you judge people on? What's one thing? Don't give us two.

If someone says it is what it is, I really discount that. Yeah, I just don't want that around me. It isn't what it is. It could be anything. Leave me alone. That's your activation word. Yeah, that is like when, you know, my... The winter soldier.

Yeah, exactly. That's what I was going to say. You're a Manchurian candidate. It is what it is, and you go... And you start killing people. Don't start saying that. You start going John Wick like you saw a bunch of dogs. I remember I walked into an office at my old job,

and they had a picture of Einstein on the wall, and they had added on a speech bubble that said it is what it is. He never said that. I know, I wanted to burn down the building. You should have. It's the most anti-Einstein statement I've ever heard in my life I love the idea of Einstein

Relativity, it is what it is I like to say it is what it is For now, that's my counter curse I like that it's a curse I like that you see it as a spell Well it's like a complacency spell It's like, you know I like it, yeah, I'm into it

Yeah, not that one specifically And also their hair And also their hair, that's fine i was gonna say not that one specifically but phraseology i will hold some phrases against you i'm trying to think of other silly phrases einstein could say that would be funny just einstein being like it do be like that saturdays are for the boys all right well you know that gushy squawking when you walk in with those high heels he discovered that he discovered that uh what did you say you know that

That gushy squawking. Well, that's the thing is that the scientific community did not know before him. But now we know. With math. Yeah. He did math to find out that that gushy whatever he said. I keep forgetting it. Whatever.

Who cares? You'll know it when you hear it. Alexander Porter says he's a cancer survivor. He's a serial dater. He's a world traveler and he's a humorist. This is better be fucking funny. Yeah, I'm ready to laugh. I judge people based on when they choose to have showers.

If you have a shower at night, you are a normal human cleaning yourself after a day out in the world working a good, honest job. For example, if you work a night shift at the local sewerage farm, which is a funny way to describe that. As many do. If you're farming sewage at night, there's got to be a 24-hour op there. You plant a bunch of toilets, and then every spring you go and dig up all the shit. Yeah. And the fertilizer's right there. you'd want to hit that pillow free of muck people who shower at night have their lives together and

are to be admired but there are dot dot dot others if you shower in the morning you're a deviant of some sort cleaning yourself in anticipation of all the horrid things you get up to do during the day you know that physical emotional possibly even spiritual filth waits for you and you embrace it with droplets of water clinging to your sinful face i love this guy maybe it's just me but Showering in the morning seems strange. Seems strange? I disagree with this strongly. He's like, if you take a shower in the morning, you deserve to die.

I hope you've burned in flames and you go to hell. Personally, I think it is weird. I don't agree with what he's saying, but I'll fight to the death for his right to say it. He says it's like eating dessert before dinner. Sure, it's technically permitted, but there's something unnerving and unnatural about it. Oh, camouflage. I've never seen someone in it, but if I did, I wouldn't like them. Camouflage is a good example.

that's that's under a pier so um showering do you shower in the morning or yep i do i mean i'm a morning shower i think morning is like 80 percent of people i think morning is more popular you a morning guy i um usually like if i'm going to exercise i'll wait until after then which is often like the middle of the day sure i've done it i've done it that's the most uncanny option there is um yeah but you know but the morning if i if there's nothing going on the morning is the way to go because you feel really great start your day yeah and then i get to weave all my filth in my bed where it belongs although you know in his defense in the same way that i'm treating like if i went to the gym if i worked every day at the sewage farm yeah then i too

would shower at night and the sewage smell would never truly come off would be my main complaint i have in life you never get the plague though no that's true we talked about this earlier was that off mike yeah okay well what you need to know is that you didn't get the plague if you cleaned the sewage in the medieval ages, but it wasn't because of all the bad spells. It was because they showered. Yes. Speed run on that fact. Facts.

Killing spree. Pretty good. I actually reached for killing spree, but hit, uh-huh, honey. And so you were right to say it. We were on the same wavelength. I think if I worked at a sewage farm, I'd be a very different person all over. I think everything about me would be different. I think I'd have no similar

qualities. You seem like you've never worked a day of your life at a sewage farm. No, my thing is I'm trying to cultivate the softest hands. I'm not sure a sewage farm

is a real place. Well, that's a whole other thing. You know what's actually really good for your hands is just raw waste. If you can get into it. And I encourage you to touch it directly.

When I go to the bathroom, I just shove my hands and wash my hands in there. Ew. I don't get a shower at night. Good Lord. I like that you said that like Norm MacDonald's.

Oh, it was gross. Anyway, he goes on to just keep complaining about people who shower, and he has a stock photo of a woman in the shower. Oh, good. Now I can picture it. Now you know what a shower is. I'm done with this person. Get them out of here.

Yeah. I'm trying to see if anyone else is replying to say anything. Not really anything interesting. Most people are saying they shower in the morning and night, which is like humble brag. Is it humble brag or just an obese person? they can just be clean i mean and i sweat a lot so i also do this but i have like noticed like if you uh it gets hot out and then my social media becomes full of my fat friends being like

uh-oh two showers a day time we're back again who's the time who has the time who's showering two times who are these people they're too clean they get back from the sewage farm I still smell like the sewage. What are you farming at the sewage farm? You might as well take the extra minute. Shower in the morning, too. Why not? Smell twice as nice.

I like this. This is a fun bit. We've got to get Jerry on the pod. We have to, Jerry. He loves you. Oh, yeah, it's true. I've been looking to get into more classic cars. Yeah.

Do you guys think Jay Leno's going to look like Two-Face after his fire? Do we talk about this? I do think that. Whoa, he was in a fire? One of his cars exploded. Which I assumed was a Tesla It has to be a Tesla That's the main exploding car

I don't think I've seen like the smoking gun Somebody say like yes we know for sure it was a Tesla But it's like of cars that explode One of Jay Leno's cars exploded I didn't know Teslas were exploding That's like their big thing When they're not hitting children It's kind of their new feature

It's their famous attribute Is they will catch on fire and you can't get out And the fire department can't put it out Because it's a lithium fire which is, like, resistant to all standard forms of fire prevention. Yeah, it's the strongest fire imaginable. It's a Charizard flame world. That's immediately where mine went.

Really? Charizard? Yeah. Chris and I are linked up to that. I don't know what's going on. Anyway, yeah, that's that question. That's fucking crazy, bro. Do you have any more thoughts on showering?

No, I think he was right, but that there are many options. I like to brush my teeth in the shower. I do that too I do that too unhinged you guys are crazy people and also I don't think it's very common either

no that's insane they have hangups they have hangups that's the craziest thing I've ever heard you can get covered in toothpaste it doesn't matter it doesn't matter

it washes right off this is insane and here's the thing too you put your conditioner in you gotta wait for that to say hey wait what are you doing you got time to kill in there

you guys are out of your minds I have very bad teeth genetically I gotta stay on top of this me too I'm from England oh my god do you want like shower water though

in your mouth. I feel like that's going to get in there. It's the same as sink water. Once it's come from your face and everything. I'm doing it straight up. I'm getting blasted. I put my whole face in there. I'm realizing I've never had toothpaste on my penis before. Oh, well, you haven't lived.

Your monitor shut off, so I can't read this next question. Fix the monitor. It's that one. Yeah, there we go. Aha. Did it work? It's coming back on. I just had to tell him to fix it. How did you do that? I flicked it back in.

I think I knocked it. It's an extremely loose cord. Yeah, this happens all the time. Okay, well, you guys are crazy. I'm going to read this next one. Sound off in the comments below if you brush your teeth in the shower. Hey, if you like this podcast,

leave more mean comments about Alex. Yeah, lay off Jeremy for a minute. As a police officer, what is the most disgusting thing a suspect has ever said to you? All right. Now, we did have that one the week I did this with Dan about the guy

who said he put his whole hand into his ass and he was possessed by a ghost and then climbed a wall. A whole hand in his ass? Well, he was possessed by a ghost. He was trying to pull the ghost out? No, the ghost was making him do it I think is the implication.

He was trying to be puppeted or something. I don't know what he was trying to do. I think this is a closeted man who was like, a ghost made me get fisted. My point is, I think we have to assume no ghosts for this question because otherwise all your answers can get to very high power levels. That ruins the question.

Can I propose, is this a cheat code for Quora? Is it always funnier if the question starts with as a police officer? Yeah. Because police officers are just kind of crazy people. I have noticed when summoning the questions, I do look for those the most. Should we do a question that says as a police officer? Yes, that should be today's question, right?

Yeah. We should have the chief of police on and ask him a bunch of Quoras. Well, I just mean when we type what up. because you because we you know people answer and then you can see like this guy answered james philippello okay and this is the most police officer man i've ever seen he's got a huge mustache it's photos from the 70s my favorite thing about the police officer quoras is they do list like their actual resume yeah in the comments where it's like oh i can find your employment history from quora yeah good he has a book called one cop's life okay true told through

short stories from the horrifying to the hilarious. This is the most on-brand Quora user we have come across in the entire history of the show. I think this might be an excerpt. Oh, no, it's not an excerpt from his book. He's just saying that you can find it. He's saying, if you like this. He's got 39 years

as a frontline supervisor, manager, and instructor in federal law and four. So this is the grossest thing that a police officer has seen. Yes. Most disgusting thing a suspect has ever said to him. Here's my guess. I'm innocent. You're a traitor to the middle class. Yeah, I'm going to say probably something like, I love crime or something.

One time, a criminal said, I love crime. I turned around. It was the Joker. I was thinking of the Joker. Yeah, he loves crime. All right. A man with a white face and a red mouth. He is the clown prince of crime.

It was Rudolph the reindeer. Gag alert is the beginning of this one. Gag alert. I don't know if he means that you're going to gag or he's going to say a gag. That's a great joke. Let's find out. Gag alert. I said that before all of my jokes.

Woo! Woo! Gag alert. I arrested a person on a motor vehicle stop, such a cop, because they had a failure to appear warrant. This person was dressed in a fast food uniform, and I recognized him from my many trips to this drive-thru window. Classic cop.

This guy really is a cop. I tried to help him out with his warrant and let him make three or four phone calls until he finally reached someone to come bail him out. This man is really painting a picture right now. He's an author. I typed very slowly to stretch out the time frame, allowing the person with bail to arrive at the station and save him from the indignity of going to the county jail. I let it be known that anyone in our town with a job was a VIP in my book. What?

That's so nice of you. He was appreciative of my efforts. As you slam this perp. But before his bail money arrived, he took me aside and said he had to tell me something. I said, okay, and closed the interview room door. He said, I don't think you should eat at our restaurant anymore. I, of course, asked why. He hesitated and then said quietly, when police cars come up through the drive-thru window,

a signal would be passed back to the people preparing the food, and they would do some disgusting things to the food. This guy rules. Patriot roll call. Boycott the Starbucks at 3, 4, 7. They are doing drag queen shows at the Starbucks. I tell you, I almost puked right there just thinking about people spitting and worse in the food I had been eating.

They would make love in my coffee. They'd shrink down small and make love in my coffee. They would shrink down small. They'd get a bell that summons Tinkerbell, and she'd get in the coffee with all her parts. All of her nasty little parts. Tinkerbell is hot. When she gets stuck in that keyhole when I was a kid,

that really did something for me. Low-key, she fine. On my old Mario podcast, we interviewed the guy who wrote the Zelda cartoons, and that show the Zelda cartoons from the 80s are extremely horny

and there's a little fairy in that who's very very sexual and she's trying to fuck Link all the time and we interviewed him we asked him about it and he was like

we were talking about the show we didn't bring up that it was horny and the guy who wrote all the episodes was like yeah that show was so horny I probably made it so horny

because my first boner as a kid was watching Tinkerbell and we were like that's really strange cool guy I was watching the girls on trampolines

section of the man show that makes more sense than Tinkerbell but they're both great options. Tinkerbell seems like it's going to create a fetish of some kind. Yeah, we've got to warn them in the 1940s for doing

this too much. Walt, don't make ladies small. It's not safe. She is thick, but small. How does she do it? It's paradoxical. It is. Tinkerbell, how you do it, girl? I'm amazed that so many people have such a recollection of their first boner.

I don't know how people... Do you have a memory of your first boner? I remember it was alarming. I was like, what the fuck is going on? I remember I told my mom. I was like, Mom, something's wrong. That is the beginning of most Quora answers. I think I also told my mom,

but again, it wasn't because Tinkerbell was on. Tinkerbell wasn't related. Mommy, I have a boner. I think it's super normal. I don't know. You guys are brushing your teeth in the shower. There I was, six months old. They had to do

experiments on me for years. This is the boy who pops too soon it's such little blood it's like arm shrink um anyway the fucking police officer they're spitting his food uh i don't know i let other cops know about the place and waited a couple weeks then they let the manager know he said heads would roll and they would be installing cameras in the food prep area um this guy's a fucking rat he's a fucking rat he fucking ran into the cops his reward was like getting out of jail slightly faster and he was like by the way let me tell on every one of my criminal friends yeah ruin a fun little gag how much time am i

facing none here's all the bad stuff we do to you he folded so quickly i mean i wonder if this make sure your friends with guns burn down my employer my question is i mean look we're you know cops notably always tell the truth yes but uh i wonder if he even though he says like and then i sat him down and said you are free to go you're a vip in my town tell me your secrets if really he was like punch punch punch punch punch i know you're spitting in it i know you're spitting in it something you said really destroyed this is a tangent but uh great movie idea and i don't think anybody's thought oh lay it on me abraham lincoln cop abraham wicked cop he cannot tell a lot is that washington shit okay george washington cop george washington cop oh people

like him less than abraham lincoln though so that is gonna be tough yeah they're both cops president cops okay president cops president cops this is not in the past this is current cops these are like door-to-door cops and also they are presidents of the united states the american public no longer trust the police they went to the past and brought back america's oh my god yes the faces that you are on your money people you can trust you can't bribe them because they recognize themselves. That doesn't make sense. Hamilton keeps coming

and people are like, is he a cop? And they're like, he wasn't a president. And they're like, Hamilton's not a cop and it's very confusing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You wouldn't lie to Teddy Roosevelt, would you? Open up, it's me, Abraham Lincoln. And Taft is the commissioner because you gotta give him a desk job.

Four scored, I'm gonna beat your ass. You're gonna have a lot of Hollywood ideas today. This is huge. No one steal this idea. This is a huge movie. We're going to write it.

And we're going to write it. This guy rules. I would like to follow more of his posts. Yeah, I mean, we can read some of them. Which I think is a feature on Quora. I just don't know how to submit it. I'm going to follow him for you. You now follow James Filipello.

Filipello. You're the chief of our Quora account. He's got a lot of... All he does is answer cop questions. That's a police officer? Yeah. That's good. Here we go.

Here we go. Okay. Why is car culture so prevalent in America? he says hormones i agree i agree quick ask of the room is it hormones hormones no uh uh yes damn it's a dead heat it's a dead heat uh we got one more quora question and then let's ask our question yeah i think that's a good idea this is from scott olinger who answered our um gang question and now is only getting questions from about gangs.

Nice. This question is, and I'm curious if you guys have an answer to it. I'm 12. Can I still be in a mafia gang? Okay. For sure. Yeah, I think the answer is famously, yeah, gangs are very open minded about young applicants.

I love the idea about getting ID'd and you're like, I can't get into the gang. They keep checking my ID. Yeah. They're too young. Come back when you're older. I remember bad influence older kids in high school telling me when I was young, you should sell drugs because you get caught

and you don't get in trouble. Yeah, is that true? You're under 18. You won't be doing any tie-dye. Did you do it? No. No. I've never broken the law. Do you spit in our food? How old is the guy at the beginning of Goodfellas? Oh, he's a child.

I think he might be younger than... I think 12, they start letting you carry packages and stuff. Yeah, that kid who Merc's combo in Breaking Dead. Yeah. He's not in the gang, though. They just use him. They don't make a made man out of him.

I don't know why you're gatekeeping being in the gang. I don't think combos should be admitted. Can you imagine how sad that kid would be if he heard you say that? That he wasn't really in the gang? He has no honor. I'm in charge of this

very hispanic gang this is a very long answer from waro andrea and the first sentence is it depends on what career trajectory you are at and what skills you bring to the table for the mafia oh that's oh career trajectory yeah you go to your guidance counselor they're like what gang would you like to be you're gonna have to learn to code uh it also depends on which mafia and particularly prefer and where they operate the particular thing sorry i'm sorry isn't mafia just the Italian Mafia? No, no. There's Russian Mafia, apparently.

I guess that's the mob, Russian mob. We're just saying gang. Okay, I'm being too... No, no, no, you're right. Well, this person... I don't think we should read this whole answer because this person just explains all the different types of gangs.

Okay, yeah, we don't need to... I mean, I can read a little bit of it. There's the Magia from Marvel Comics. They weren't allowed to say Mafia, so it's called the Magia. That sucks. That's so much worse than Mafia for some reason. Who said they weren't allowed to say the Mafia?

The Mafia. They would have killed Stan Lee. Oh, yeah. Maybe that is legit. Can you imagine if the mob ordered a hit on Stan Lee? Imagine if the mob ordered a hit on Superman. Imagine if you will. Well, the thing about Superman is that he's weak to the Mafia.

Because they have Italian magics. They can make a chicken parm like nobody's business. What is Italian magic called? sauce gravy there's no name for like Italian voodoo we're queuing up

a great racist joke no one knows the end of send us an email at quarators at gmail.com to let us know what do Italians call magic showering at night

am I right am I the only one who's seen this why do they call it a mafia Italian smell I don't like the Italians. New character racist, Jerry Seinfeld.

They're not white. I say it. I don't trust them. Go back to Italy. This city is full of criminals. This city is so dirty. It's Travis Bickle Seinfeld. Yeah.

Someone should kill the president. All right. Do we care about these different descriptions of mafias? I do not care about that one ounce. You don't care that the Russian mafias are the most robust in areas where they have to live in or are for some reason attracted to sunny beaches around the world? No! They own a lot of property in my hometown of Schenectady.

Is that true? Huh. Schenectady, the place beyond the pines. I know where I'm not buying a home soon. And for this reason. Because of the Russian mob. They wear tracksuits. That's a stereotype, right?

That's a vicious stereotype. You do not want to say that on a podcast. I'm sorry. Let me publicly apologize for that. Now back to my character, Racist Jerry Seinfeld. Oh, Racist Jerry Seinfeld. Putting any adjective in front of Jerry Seinfeld is a good character. There's no adjective you can...

Green. Green Jerry Seinfeld. I'm the Green Lantern! When you hug blue and yellow, you get me! You're blue, I'm a deer, I'm a die, I'm green! I'm rich because I'm green! You know what makes it good is it's just a very easy impression.

Yeah, it's just very easy. There's nothing funny about him. It's a fun, wacky voice. It requires no talent to do the Jerry Seinfeld impression. I can't do it. You can try. Do you want to try? Before the show ends.

I'm really bad at impressions. Okay. It's true. Oh, I'm Jerry Seinfeld! Oh, I'm Jerry Seinfeld! Sound like him. All right, this is a... What's the deal with...

You make him an old man. This is Chris doing Naruto Jerry Saito. I'm green with the... I run with my arms behind my back. What's the deal with the moon? And it invented ninjutsu. You got it. There we go.

That's a goddamn show. I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry. The thing is, though, a bad impression is so much funnier than a good one. Especially when it is honestly your best attempt. what's the deal with Sasuke? He's always leaving town. This is a very Naruto-themed episode.

Oh, I lost Pat. Oh, no, I'm back. Hey, Chris, fix that real quick. Oh, I'm gone again. Oh, we're back. It's really funny to have the guest fix my computer. I'm really enjoying this. We are never moving out of my kitchen. We will never leave this kitchen.

I'm very lazy. Your wife loves that we take over your apartment. That's all the Quora's we got for today I think Do you want to ask a Quora? Wow another Quora's Another hard day's work Another set of Quora's in the books

Let me wipe off my incredibly pillow soft hands Later we'll go back to the sewage farm Okay so we gotta write one and then we're out of here Yeah then we're fucking gone Then we're out of here As a police officer Yeah you want to do as a police officer? Yeah put out your little stance

There we go. Good job, Jeremy. My microphone is down because I hold mine because I'm trying to become big and strong. Okay. As a police officer, we started that. I thought we had one earlier about animals. The earlier one we had was the

What is the Gamer National Anthem? What is the Gamer National Anthem? Oh, true. As a police officer, what is the Gamer National Anthem? I think that's very funny, but I really want answers. Because we're on such a dry spell, Chris. It's bad. Oh, no.

It reflects poorly on us. You know how when people don't hook up for a long time, they become, like, dangerous. That's us with not getting answers on Quora. Yeah, I guess I do. First of all, I absolutely know what you're talking about, about single people being dangerous. Okay, so...

I have a Quora infill. We need to pick... I don't think we... Let's do the... What's the Gamer National Anthem one? I think that's a stronger choice. Do we need to mess up the grammar, or we can just say that?

What is the Gamer National Anthem? Do you guys purposely have bad grammar on some of it? Well, we try to make it so they don't want to answer it, yeah. Okay. We try to blend in and look like a local. I would put Gamer in caps. Gamer. Yeah, all caps or just to the G.

All caps Gamer, because gamers love caps lock. What is the Gamer national anthem? What is the Gamer national anthem? How about this? Gamer. I'm sick of people telling me it's the regular. Oh, say. What is that song called?

Star Spangled Banner? Star Spangled Banner. He's British. Now that's a song. That's a good song. Oh, yeah. Oh, there you go. His hat's over his heart.

His Dragon Ball Z beady is over his heart. Chris, can I just say, as an Englishman, you do not have a trace of an accent. That's true. When did you move over here? No, when I was five. Oh, my God. We're stealing valor. So Chris and I lived together in college.

And we knew he was British. No one was surprised to find that he was British. The school tells you before you move in. They say if your roommate's British, you get an automatic A. I came into your room with a flag and said, this is my room. You may find wooden teeth on your counter.

When I met Chris's mom for the first time, I was like, oh, she's like British. Oh, she's like British British. I was born with that next time. It's like the Jerry Seinfeld thing. I just can't do it. Okay, so real quick. What is the Gamer National Anthem?

Is it more Quora to say what is a gamer National Anthem? No. Just do the. We want it to be clear. Okay. Okay, and then tag the police officers, guilds, tag everybody. Oh, yes. Quora is trying to make us say what is the game's National Anthem,

which makes less sense. That is not it. That is not what our question is. No. Okay, National Anthems, nationalism, and country. Nationalism is added, which I think is really funny. I'm here on Quora nationalism with a variety of criminals. Oh, add video games.

Oh, add like specific video games like Assassin's Creed. I think those guys will know. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I will absolutely do that. But real quick, it says select any topics that describe the question. And it's like patriotism, nationality, gamers, video games, India. Yeah, I think those are probably the most numerous Quora users. So we're probably going to want to get them on there.

I absolutely did it. Okay. Yeah, tag every country that exists. I'm going to do Halo. What's another video game? Call of Duty? I've only played Halo. Joust.

Okay, I'll add joust. I'm sure that's a very popular discussion topic. Oh, what are those? Jousting, I did. What are those old games that are like a movie? Those are movies, Chris. Those are movies. Those are films.

Taxi Driver. You know those games where you have to go and then you all sit down and you watch it? Yeah. What was that game with the rock? That's Fortnite. That's literally Fortnite. I love Fortnite. I unironically love

Fortnite me too it's sick there's nothing better we've been playing so much lately than Fortnite there literally isn't it's such a good game

it's fun no one is saying that it's not we're all in agreement okay well Chris thank you so much for coming on this show you gotta tell your folks

at home where they can find you and see your great Jerry Seinfeld impressions thanks for having me please listen to Deep Dive in the Shallow End which is a podcast

I do with Jcap over there and Jcap is what I call him that's a really cool thing I will never call you that and the nickname you should come on Alex you should come come be a guest

hey I love the shallow end there you go and you can deep dive into it splash I'm gonna press the stop recording button alright bye bye now

keep quarin'