Quorators - Would NASA Fire You If They Found Out You're A Flat Earther?

Episode Date: May 8, 2023

Comedians Alex Ptak and Jeremy Kaplowitz explore the mysterious land of Quora.com to answer life's questions. This week's questions include: I'm 14 years old and have smoked 3 puffs of a cigarette. Will I get cancer or will my lungs be damaged? How come there is no one living in Africa if that is where human beings evolved? If you farted inside a jar, closed it quickly, and opened it 10 years later, would you be able to still smell it? ----- Send quoras and qommunicate on our discord https://discord.gg/7pPYuKuYCr Watch the show on http://youtube.com/@quorators Listen to Alex's audio drama series Theater of Delights https://soundcloud.com/theaterofdelights/sets/season-5-gran-nidorino

It's Quarator's time. It's Quarator's time, baby. Let's get to it. Lean back into another great episode of Quarator's, the number one Quora podcast where you are on Quora and you read the questions. It's the questions website. We're the question guys.

Get ready. We're the question guys. Get ready to ask questions and answer the questions with the question guys. We're your question guys. It's Alex and Jeremy. Guess what? We are both going to be on trips soon. So this one, we recorded right after the last one.

We recorded right after the last one. It's going to be a silly episode, I think. Oh. No? A little bit irregular for us. Okay. A different change of pace. Now I've got a steaming cup of brown here.

Ooh. Ooh. How sick are you of these guests always asking questions? I don't know what Quora is. What did the knowledge is forbidden? I've only been on Twitter. Shut the fuck up. That's not what it's like.

This one's just us. It's people who know the lay of the land. You know those plays that people do about Lewis and Clark in elementary school where it's like this is Lewis and Clark and their friend Sacagawea? This episode is like if just Sacagawea got a play where she doesn't talk to anybody. It's just somebody who knows the environment. Isn't it fucked up that Lewis and Clark- And is sold into sex slavery to a foreign trader. Yeah, well, that part's also fucked up.

And it's wrong. What I was going to say was less fucked up, I'll admit. Yeah, what's up? That Lewis and Clark is their last names. Damn! Killing spree. I never think about that. You think-

You always think of it as a guy named Lewis and a guy named Clark. I've literally never thought about that. It's their last names. It's like John Lewis or whatever. Yeah. I'm curious. It'd be like we'd be Patak and Kaplowitz. Yeah, but it doesn't.

No one would assume. Ugh. Europe must pay for their crimes. What do you think their first names are? I'm curious. I think it's Meriwether Lewis. It's true. Meriwether Lewis and William Clark.

That's kind of boring. I was hoping he'd be like Rosenthal Clark. Well, one of them is named Lewis Clark, so that's confusing. Can't I just be happy with a Meriwether Lewis? That's already so batty. That's a good name. Yeah. My name is Meriwether Lewis.

That's a content name right there, baby. Hello, I'm a stand-up comedian. Subscribe to Meriwether Lewis if you want all the Meri points. We're getting merry on the MeriCast. You girls ever take your tops off? I'm Meriwether Lewis. He's like an Andrew Tate-style podcaster. Unlock yourself.

Find the Northwest Passage. Acquire land from France. i aspire i aspire to be manifest your destiny manifest your destiny with my brain pills um that's a fun little bit all right hey just joking about that no sorry i wasn't saying that to um to like undo it and be like just to be clear we're joking we don't think that's who lewis and clark is i was just trying to wrap a little bow on it yep that's true and say on to the podcast i think we're all on the same page we want to read some chorus now Now, because we are recording right after the other one, there are no answers.

There's no answers to our quora. We'll read them both next week. I suppose next week it's double your trouble. Oh, I actually take it back. There are two answers. Oh, holy shit. That's really weird. I guess let's get it up there.

Why has nobody ever invented a toilet for horses? Now, there are two answers immediately. Are they both scrambled eggs? No. Neither of them is. Oh, no. One of them is scrambled eggs. Okay.

Damn, dude. The speed on this is unreal. Notifications on for Alex's. I got lunch and came back, and there's wrong answers on my computer. So anyway, thank you for that one, Jack Carpainter, who gave a scrambled eggs answer. And he gave us a picture of a horse. Thank you. Something about Goku is in here, which I really appreciate.

Love Goku. Love Goku. Come on the show. Goku, we love your work. Chef's kiss, the way you Dragon Ball. Alex doesn't know anything about Goku. Is that like a kind of car? um and we have two we have two new jock persona i'm trying out a guy thinks goku is a kind of car

so what it's like a kind of car what's that like another bikini model he doesn't know what it is nope he thinks goku is like an italian model that he could date because he's well he's single i'm the characters are merging but anyway what's the question for the horses i'm sorry uh there's two answers it says we have two answers but there are really three and there's two non-scramble deck of answers. One of them says seat design and the other one says it would be difficult to train most horses to use it. Same for dogs, cats, sheeps, cows, and other pets.

It would be difficult to train them. Seat design I think you can get around. Because horses sit. Are horses a pet? They're livestock. I think that's different from a pet. For a time considered, transportation. Every time, and I finished Last of Us

this week, and this isn't a real spoiler for Last of Us so much. I think I've noticed about media in general, but anytime somebody is like, I'll distract them on my horse. Say goodbye to that horse. Oh, yeah. That horse is about to get shot in the goddamn brain. Post-apocalyptic TV shows love

to kill a horse. I think just humans love to kill a horse and they reflect that in their narrative. That's enough more than watching the life drain from a horse's eyes. Saying goodbye to the sweet apple of life. Not so fast anymore, Secretariat.

Secretariat said it's too good for two Well, not anymore Anyway, that's the answer to the hoist toilet question I bet we're going to get even more stuff on this Maybe we'll read it again next week I like that you said hoist at first Well, get the hoist toilet question Thanks for your answers on the hoist question

It's so hard being in my 30s Seeing as I was born in 1947 Evan, that'd be cool if when you moved to New York You developed a transatlantic accent I'd love that. Like an FDR-style chitter-chatter. Rent is so expensive here in sunny Brooklyn. You're the rent is too damn high guy from the 40s.

The rent was also too damn high then. There was a coalition of homeless. Yes, I remember. I also remember that guy. Remember the rent is too damn high. And he was right. He was right. And that's what we all laughed at.

Jimmy McMillan. We laughed at him because he was right. We said, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. What a fool. Now here we are getting fucked on rent. We really are. bring him back bring him back i think he had that's what we want to talk about this week it's not all quora all the time it's the jimmy mcmillan gas i think that's his name right

niche political figures from 15 years ago i think everyone who listens to our podcast is like our age thankfully that's true hey so there's no tell your kids about quaraders if there are i don't know maybe there's some zoomers who are like i don't know what that is if you're a zoomer dab in the chat. Throw a dab in the chat. Ah, two episodes in a row. Oh, man. This is going to be a loopy one. All right. Let's read a question.

Let's get into the Quirk Place. Is that our Quirk Place one? I don't think we have one. I'm going to do some work on the soundboard. I've been pretty busy for the last few weeks, but now we're going to get some good sounds. You stay tuned. There's going to be better sounds. Oh, man. I'm going to the YouTube

audio library, our new favorite thing. All right. We'll find another Quirk Place song. This is like a new segment we do where we click random copyright-free songs. Should I not do this? This is a bad idea. They have sound effects on here. I know they have sound effects on here. I just made an audio play.

All right. You don't want to hear factory background? No, I don't want to hear. I thought you were going to do a song. Why did you type in the... Welcome to the Quirk Place. Oh. yeah a workplace can be anywhere you can work in people work in india

sure they do what's the question the question is from cody cody a co-worker brought a cheesecake that she made herself to work and it was horrible we told her it was good so she wouldn't be hurt now she brings it every week how do we solve this uh and so if i solve you mean have her stop bringing in cheese yeah because they just can't be eating fucking cheesecake every week so one creative solution would be to get her to donate that cheesecake to an office in need sure that's smart that seems like a nice way she's still validated and you don't have to eat the cheesecake i was gonna say try to get her fired for an unrelated reason that's probably the most practical solution frame her for a murder yeah say she murdered one of your co-workers

one of your co-workers is gonna have to take the fall yeah first you murder one of your co-workers then put her fingerprints on them. Get a lock of her hair. Yeah. Yeah, murderers always drop a lock of their hair on the face. That's a big one that they do. They do hair and sperm, blood. Oh, yeah.

Murderers love to fucking cum on our body. They love sperm. Murderers are so nutty for sperm. They're nutty for nutting. I'm nutty for nutting. It's like serial character, serial brand character, but pornos. I thought you were going to say serial killer character. Oh, no, sorry.

Well, it's actually a combination of things. It's a new kind of brand place you can get. It's a serial killer, and he murders your taste buds. I was thinking, I can't think of like an actual murderer who nuts on all of his corpses. I feel like most of the serial killers, they like, I mean. There's cum involved. Yeah. But it's never like...

Maybe not nutting on. Sure. And I think it's just that much like sand in Star Wars Episode I, it just gets everywhere. It really does. And so if you have a little scooper and you're on the case... I hate cum. It's so coarse. It's so coarse.

It gets everywhere. It's in my hair for days. Boy. What was the question? How do you get her to stop breaking the cake? Just use your fucking words. Come on. Throw up.

This is the tired episode of the podcast. Grow up. If I'm being a bad parent, I murdered my son. Yeah, you are. Next question. Come on. What are you, stupid? I'm sorry.

My time is important. I think that you fucked up. I mean, this is obviously a deranged person. If you make cheesecake for your coworkers, and let's say it's genuinely good, and they're like, this is good. Thank you so much. Now you're like, every Thursday I bring in a new cheesecake. Like, fuck you, dude. You suck.

Yeah, just eat the cheesecake. It's really not a problem. No, I'm saying, like, don't bring it in every fucking week. That's weird. The dynamics of this get me to believe that this person really needed a compliment and then got one cake-wise and is just now forging an identity from that. So here's what you do. Get them to do a different thing every week. Yeah.

What if instead they... You're so good at filing. Yeah. File. You're sick at filing. No one files quite like you, Diane. I have a friend who in college made me pad thai, and it was really bad. Must be nice.

And I was like, yummy. And then he kept bragging to people like, I'm so good at making pad thai. Jeremy loves it. And like two months in, I was like, I got to be honest, dude. I fucking hated that pad thai. Oh, my God. And he was really offended. Yeah, I bet he was.

But I was like, stop using me as a, I can't do it anymore. Don't mention how much I love your pad thai again. I was like, I couldn't do it. Is this going to be the episode where we talk about how you don't like food? Maybe. He used like peanut butter or something, like instead of peanuts. It was like something weird. Yeah, I'm not saying this is great pad thai, but I'm saying like.

This is a current close friend of mine who, if any of my actual friends listen to this podcast, will know who it is. So I'm always asking you what you'd like to eat for food, and you say I literally don't care and that you don't really care about food. Is that that all food kind of tastes the same to you, or is just like, would you switch to Soylent if you could? No, I don't think I could do it. First of all, Soylent's very hard on your tummy, TomTom. I don't think I would like Soylent. I had a roommate who was into it for a while, and it's like a crazy thing to eat regularly. I know someone who also did it.

Also, just like, don't, I know this is like a hacky thing to say, don't name your food after the fucking dystopian sci-fi food, right? Sure. That is weird. Sure. I know it's a joke or whatever, but it does get to me that like. Not everything's a joke. Sometimes it's food. You know what I mean, though?

I feel stupid being like, oh, it's named after Soylent Green. But literally when they eat it, I'm like, that's Soylent Green. It's the fucking thing from the thing. You know it's people. You shouldn't eat people. Anyway, so my thing is that, no kidding aside. Yeah, try to distract me from your weird food. I don't dislike food.

We just got Mexican food. Delicious burrito. Yummy ones. But I don't feel like hungry that much. And I feel like I've read that there are people who have trouble eating too much. There's like a chemical in your brain that makes you hungry so that you survive. And they have like too much of this chemical. And sometimes I wonder if I don't have enough of it or something.

Because I have to force myself to eat a lot. And if I don't eat, I just get sick. I don't get hungry. You're lacking nourishment. Yes. Just so you can be like one of the girls on the magazine. Yeah, exactly. I'm trying to start my...

That's why I smoke cigarettes all day. There's a rumor I'm starting that Jeremy is anorexic. putting that on the internet. As a kid, I did take medicine to eat more. Yes. But it made me

fall asleep constantly during the day. Old sleepy Jeremy at it again. Old sleepy Jeremy. Are you sure it wasn't the food that was making you so sleepy?

Because that's my main thing is I eat a big meal and I got to lie down. And that's why I have GERD at a young age. That's true. Did I say on this podcast that I was negative percentile

in weight and height? Yeah. Because that one always blows my mind. You took hormones and that's how you got so... He shouldn't be so big, folks. I shouldn't.

It should just be me and a little guy. My parents sent me... He's a little pocket monster. My parents recently sent me an NPR interview with this guy who has dwarfism or something, who was talking about how if you take HGH, it will ruin your life and you'll die young. My parents were like, isn't that interesting? And I was like, you made me do it. Why would you...

Jeremy, you were so desperate to be huge. It was, quote unquote, my choice when I was 12. right you know and then it's like hey did you know that apparently you might die young well you were a real tyrant back then okay well now we've addressed the food thing um yeah you got to give her a different uh activity she's gonna do every week we're still on that cheesecake question i think i nailed it but what do they have to say okay here's what you and your colleagues need to do stop eating the cheesecake oh yeah in the in the marketplace of ideas you must reject her cheesecake. When your co-workers ask

why no one's eating the cake, explain briefly about the indulgence and that rich dessert should be a rare treat for anyone, not something eaten regularly and frequently. That's honestly true. Defeat her with science. You don't have to tell her it's bad. You can just be like, I don't want to eat fucking cheesecake once a week. It's not cake time all the time. It's not time for cakes.

Your cake is pissing me off. I also gotta know what job this is. I'm imagining an office job. I'm imagining it is an auto garage. Sure. You know, and they're all covered.

Their hands are covered in grease. And they're like, I'm not always going to wipe these off for cheesecake day. It's always cheesecake time for Carol. Everyone's like, that's so true, Jason Statham. I'm imagining it as police officers. It's too much bloody cake. It gets all over me hands and I touch a Pontiac with it.

I did a job like this called the Italian job once. Everyone's like, we get it. We get it. Sorry, Waffles. It's sad that he has to work at Pep Bros now. Yeah, he's not doing well. Damn, what is the name of that place? Is it Pep Bros?

Pep Boys. Pep Boys, right? You know when you say a word wrong on the camera and it's the worst moment of your life? Episode two of the day. Pep Bros. Okay, yep. You fucking idiot.

Pep Bros. I like this answer from Deb. I'm a baker and love to give my baked goods to friends and family. I would, all caps, never want anyone to lie to me about how it tasted. I mean, never. Call her and tell her before she does it again.

Save her the humiliation and the cost of supplies and time. Tell her you aren't going to tell anyone about the conversation. If she wants to bake and try a different recipe, someone tried and tested on a friend will not lie. I don't know if this is it, Chief. Don't ever lie to her again. Call her right now and tell her you were lying. Call her on the phone and tell her her cheesecake is disgusting.

We're all pretending so you don't cry again. We think you're going to hurt yourself. Oh, we don't want you to become anorexic, Jeremy. Just because we won't eat your cake. Anyway, this seems like very easy to say. I don't want to eat cake every week. Jeremy, I love your cake. I think you should bring me cake every week.

I'll do it. Okay. I will absolutely eat cake every week. I have no reservations about that. Yummy. Yummy. What's the next question? The Quirk Place.

Okay. Okay, this one's from Jade Driscoll. This is more quirk, please. Yes. I love to quirk. Would NASA fire you if they found out you were a flat earther? This is very interesting to me. Me too.

NASA, first of all, kind of big on the Earth being a sphere. Yeah, what's your take on it before we get into it? Oh, I think it's a sphere. I think it's a sphere as well. Yeah, everything I've seen, it kind of seems like it curves when you get far out enough. Like even when you're in a big plane, you know, when you're really high up there, you can kind of see a curve in a little bit. It's true. You can see a curve a little bit.

It's true. To a good enough altitude. Don't look up how high that is or if it's impossible. I've seen that. But I feel like I've seen it. There's a very good documentary called Beyond the Curve or something like that. It's on Netflix, I think, about flat earthers. I recommend it.

It's basically just about these people who become flat earthers, become really popular in the flat earth community on Facebook and YouTube. And then they become too famous for them to ever deny it because it's like they have like Patreons, they have merch, they're going to meetups, they have friends for the first time. Sure. And now once they're like, they'll do an experiment and be like, I don't know, I just want to be around. And they're like, well, my whole career. Financially, I can't think that.

So it's very interesting. That's so interesting. You know, and this is just a tangent on the thing I was saying earlier, but B.O.B. had that song about airplanes and how they were in the night sky like shooting stars. Yeah. But when you're in an airplane, and he's a flat earther, and you can see that it curves. Yeah. So has he even been in an airplane?

Well, he's confused. He thinks they're shooting stars. Oh, they're not shooting stars. No, he's very lost. He's just got to read like three Wikipedias, and he's fine. Yeah. This is the most contemporary artist I know, but there'll be a lot of discussion of him this week. I think that NASA, it would be very funny to sue NASA for discrimination.

Yes. because you were fired for your beliefs that the Earth is flat. That's the thing. So I think it would be frowned upon to think of, like, something clearly scientific or anti-scientific like that at NASA. But also, if you just do your job well, there really is no reason for them to probably can you for this. Well, if you keep suggesting stuff where you're like,

let's try to get, we should send a rocket to the ice wall. And they're like, well, what's the ice wall? I've got to tell you, there's no ice wall. The ice wall that surrounds the disk that is the Earth. If we don't know anything about these dragons, We're not going to get very far, people. Yeah, exactly. They're huge.

Why do we keep trying to go to the moon? It's just a picture. We're just going to hit the ceiling. We keep going up there. So that, I think, would be funny. I think as long as you don't become the director of space, you're probably pretty good. NASA is severely underfunded.

That would be such a fucking funny scandal to come out if it was revealed that the director of NASA was a flat earther. That would be tough. I feel like all the articles would just be like, NASA shrugging. Like, I don't know how this happened. apologies not everybody got to go work at spacex it really is crazy that we just give all of the nasa money to spacex now yeah like it's a company i'm sure they're doing it they'll figure it out

they'll figure it out eventually um all right let's see what these people say so this one guy says that he is the former ceo at nasa told my calls that i don't think that's a pretty big i My LinkedIn is entirely directed towards being CEO of NASA. I don't think this is true. Dude, stop doubting Jeff Hamilton. Are you kidding me? In six months, I'll have my 40th anniversary with NASA. In 40 years, I've personally known three people who were fired.

Two were fired for making death threats. It's very common at NASA. One of those appealed and got his job back. I'm going to open the windows on your rocket, you piece of shit. How did he get it back? Good luck going out in the moon bounce in your suit for the holes. I'll fucking kill you, Buzz Aldrin.

Having crack pop movies. Are astronauts just driven to murder? There was that one who peed herself and wore the diapers to drive across the country to kill her girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever. Well, astronauts are crazy, right? Because they're like fighter pilots. We've walked right into your stand-up.

Yeah, about these astronauts. Is there anything more crazy than astronaut? You told me they want to go to the moon? The earth is flat, motherfucker. Are you two astronauts? And you're sisters. Dude, so the thing is, the crowd work bit I have when they are astronauts is fucking amazing. Oh, my God.

It hasn't happened yet. No, you got to hit it right, though. If you keep doing it, it'll happen. I might need to use plants. Sure. Will you come to my next show? Yeah, I'm an astronaut. Sure.

I'd love to and answer earnestly with my expertise. I've heard of people who are out of their brains, but you're out of this planet. That's good. And then everyone fucking loses it. Yeah, they have to close the show after that because it's a fire hazard how many laughs can be contained in a building.

Anyway, can we please listen to this man's experience for a second? Having crockpot beliefs may get you laughed at, but as long as you do your job confidently, being a nut is not a firing offense. Uh-oh, I'm very wise. A flat earther could probably find a job he could do whereas beliefs were irrelevant. I'm very wise, and I know how things work.

Calculating orbital trajectories wouldn't be a good career choice. So that's what I said. Yeah, sure. But you just have to work in accounting or whatever. You can be a flat earther and do the books. Yeah, but if you, I mean, you might just have to go against your beliefs. I've had jobs, you know, where I have to go against my beliefs, I'm sure. Sure.

I was a lifeguard, and I always thought that the kids should drown. Yeah. But I didn't do it. That was good you didn't drown those kids. uh and i had to round up all those dissidents oh yeah that was really hard for me but sometimes you just gotta get that paycheck you gotta you gotta get paid and i was director of ice no ethical consumption under capitalism right folks monday through friday that's why i'm director of ice and that's why i'm director that's why i'm ceo of nasa so what does that mean

i don't know i don't think it says upvoted by seth former ceo of nasa so that might be seth Yes, Seth claims to be the CEO at NASA. Who is Seth? Seth is a guy who has a black and white profile picture. Oh, you don't know Seth? When he's not directing NASA, he's on Quora.com. He just answered a question a few days ago. He says, do Saturn and Jupiter have different effects on people's personalities?

He says no. CEO of NASA here, not yet. We're working on that. Someone says, what is the name of the rock that could be found on Earth, the moon and mars and he says in the do your own fucking homework region whoa boom welcome to quora welcome to quora this is why i was fired from being the ceo of nasa it's because i go blue too much i was telling people rocks are fucking shit um anyway people seem to say that no you would not get fired depends on the job you have no i don't think i think they would laugh at you

It depends on whether it impacted on your job. This is basically what we said. Yeah, so we're really smart. I think we were right about this. We're so fucking smart, dude. It's a show for smart people. Someone says, why would you want to join that lying organization that, quote, faked the moon landing, arranged a worldwide conspiracy, and prevented people from getting to the edge of the world? This is, again, because it's against your beliefs.

And the answer is, we got to get that paycheck. Got to get paid, baby. I don't care if they're lying about the moon landing with Stanley Kubrick. That's their version. I'm trying to buy a Tesla. Yeah, dude, you got to get that Tesla. I am interested in how many Flat Earthers own Teslas. That's something I'm...

Oh, yeah, that would be interesting. Do you think they like Elon Musk? Because they seem like the personality that would, but he is... He's ruining the space race. Yeah, kind of famously not a Flat Earther. His rockets don't go anywhere. I bet they love him.

Yeah, maybe. They're like, just like I thought, they just explode. That's true. Wait, that is a good point. They might love him. Maybe they think that he's trying to prove through reverse psychology. Why would they need to go up there? They could just blow up on the way.

They're just going to hit the ceiling. I think flat earthers must think there's a ceiling, right? I don't know. It's like an aquarium. Yeah. I mean, some people think it's just a disk in space, I think. There's a lot of different sects of the flat earth community. Yep.

And there's hollow earth as well. That's a separate one. Hollow earth rules. I love hollow earth. Yeah. It's Godzilla versus Kong rules. Yes. Yeah.

That one is just like, what if there's ancient civilizations under the earth? That's fucking dope, dude. We all want that. Yeah. I would love to dig down and find Godzilla. It seems like that would be a very attainable goal for us to have. What I love about it is that Kong digs down into the earth, finds out there's a whole other world there,

and he's like, oh, my fucking family lives here. It's my Kong family. Yep. And they don't really run with that at all either, if I recall. Here's another one from Jade. um today i got fired from my job because of my quora questions i don't get it my questions are insanely intelligent and debunk atheism why was i fired i think this is very likely a troll this is almost certainly a troll but it's a funny troll like all great fiction it shines a light on truth

i like the idea that they were fired for their quora questions i think that's i mean even if it hasn't happened to this person specifically it certainly has happened to somebody somewhere i think it's um so this person's perspective is i'm a christian poster i'm yeah i think if you no matter what your job is no matter what your angle is if you cyber bully intensely and then your employer finds it it looks pretty bad yeah that's kind of how things work i mean if it is i'm never getting a job again that yeah you're kind of a big fucking cyber bully yeah you're I'm always picking on teens. I find vulnerable teens and I bully them.

Yeah, and they're just trying to get through school, bro. I say, nice backpack, idiot. Yeah. And then I do a gif of them getting pushed into a locker. Oh, you think razor scooters are the way to get around, huh? I used to ride a razor scooter to school. Pull up in your whip, in your Bugatti. Bugatti Kaplowitz on the cruise again.

Not to be like an edgy atheist or something. I can't believe we fit anorexic Jeremy and Bugatti Kaplowitz in the same episode. Are those so opposed? Well, I guess it's like a really thin CEO kind of guy. It's one really cool guy. That's what I'd say. Yeah, he's a very thin Bugatti-owning man. But we're worried for him.

Yeah. He put all his food money into cars. I'm just a normal guest on Red Scare or something like that. It is crazy how much money I spend on food. Yeah, it's a lot of money. Any money that isn't being directly siphoned away to a necessary expense or rent is pretty much like, I can get a big hamburger with this. Well, that's how I became a billionaire is I stopped eating food.

It's called hustle mindset. Hustle. It's the Jeremy no food money strategy. Focus on your money. Do not focus on food. Why did I get fired from my job? Because I was debunking atheism. You can, if you're going to buy a burrito for $10, you could just eat $1, and that's saved you $9, and you're eating something.

I've been meaning to talk to you about this dollar eating you've been doing. It's very unhealthy. I love the idea of a Christian debunking an atheist as being like, hmm, God isn't real? Well, then why does it say so in the Bible? Then why is every moment a shining beacon of light? Your move. How is my heart so full of love? How do you explain the miracle of birth?

Look at my child's eyes, you piece of shit. I've definitely seen that one around. Yeah? Yeah, post a picture of your child and say, oh, there's no God? There's no God? How did this happen? Look at my handsome little baby. Look at my little boy.

I created this with my seed. Oh, God. My seed has reaped fruit. I'm nutty for nutting. Another serial mascot? That was the first one. Of nutty loops. Yeah, pornos is what I came up with.

That's so fun. Remember from the beginning of that episode. I know, I know. Anyway, I honestly have lost track of what episode we're on. Well, we're trying to figure out what happens if you get fired. Okay, so if you... Good lord. i'm trying to find like i'm trying to find like a good answer here but most people are just being

like well nice try troll but you've fallen for the biggest fool the trick in that you've posted your quora under your name and i can't yeah whatever anyway i had that sound too loud sorry about that it's okay um i got distracted by this post for the most she is the most beautiful woman in the world see you're that's just hayden panettere i don't know who that is this is a tide commercial for hayden panettere apparently no it's from your money magic that's just hayden panettere from heroes well the article is she's the most beautiful woman in the world the most beautiful women to ever exist wait till you see number four oh god it's 2006 again oh god we're doing christian versus atheist debate so yeah that's true we're kind

of a time capsule option you have online if you'd like to just take things back to a simpler time uh there's no good answers war in iraq was raging oh yeah back when we thought it was cool we said let's get isis started let's get it let's get a head start on that is anybody in here answering the question no people are just like well nice try mr troll well i know a lot of people are like maybe you were fired because you're not smart you're actually quite dumb the answer is don't cyber bully is the answer is i'll be doing the quora answers today one guy says to quote samuel l jackson because you're a lying motherfucker i want to be clear i don't think samuel jackson said that i'm sure he'd said motherfucker in a movie so yeah maybe his character said that yeah

but that's not him don't put don't put movie words in his mouth don't do that dude don't do the monologue from pulp fiction as samuel jackson he's just trying it's a very slippery slope because then you start saying like it's just like joaquin phoenix said and then you're quoting yeah the joker nobody wants that okay let's read another question please welcome to quora md uh you gotta do that one where is it we have we have not been owned by the dookie hauser theme people yet so we will keep doing it it's on my desktop bro desktop come on bro they're all watching us i don't see it it's under quarators oh okay segment sounds yeah doogie hauser md welcome to quora md it's a little place where we find out about the human body and what you can do to fix it and how you

have cancer surprise it's quora if your hand is bigger than your face you may have cancer you may have cancer and you do this goes for a while you can go ahead and shut that okay what's the question quora md this is from jack of knights i am 14 years old and i've smoked three puffs of a cigarette will i get cancer will my lungs be damaged okay i like the last question we are going to get out in front of this it's a troll yeah it probably is right but this is something that little children they wonder about. It could be real. They do bad things,

they wonder if they're going to die. I think there's like a 5% chance it's real. Yeah, sure. I wouldn't bet on it. I wouldn't put money on this, you know, that it's a real question. But at the same time, every time you take a puff,

you're risking it. Yeah, it's true. The same risk we're taking answering a fraudulent quora you're taking with your lungs when you suck down that tar. Due to reading this quora. i'm not a doctor myself i couldn't say yes or no what i couldn't i thought you were a doctor

patak which one's patak md which one do i usually say on here do i say i am or i am not oh i do say i am legally i've been meaning to talk to myself about that but uh talk to yourself uh i'm sorry i misspoke i am and you will get cancer from let's read some of these answers because i like them a lot this one's just from mary flynn first one i'm going to read is jesus fucking christ how did this get into my email why did you smoke cigarettes in the first place yes we will get cancer and have your lungs damaged you should know better you should know better this is a stranger on the internet um here we go i'm 25 and i had been smoking since i was 13 years old do not do it it all started when one of my best friends was a smoker at the time she was older so i figured

Hey, why not try it? First, it started off with one every now and then, and eventually I was smoking half a pack to a whole pack a day. I recently stopped smoking cigarettes, and it's something I never thought I had the willpower to do. I'm so glad I have. All right, well, that's just a normal story. I'm going to read the rest of it.

Wow, still think smoking's cool, Interrecting Jeremy? Just because you can... If you save that money, you'll get your Bugatti faster. The episode is all, like, falling in on itself. It is. Also, this character just becomes more robust as time goes on. Is Jeremy in a Bugatti and he smokes and he doesn't eat? This is a huge character for us.

We should copyright it and we should write a movie. Jeremy Cocaine Pluits. Oh, that's interesting. Coke Pluits. Your name is not easy to pun. I got to say that. Let's get that out. I don't think I would be very fun on Coke.

I think I'd be annoying. I feel like I've already got a weird energy. This is my entire diagnosis for Coke, which is just like, if you enjoy coffee wait till you have coffee that can stop your heart sometimes guess what i don't drink is coffee yeah so it's just not the drug for you i don't think it's true you just have a lot of opinions really fast i don't need that you don't need that i don't need more you gotta keep it cool i need to quiet down keep my thoughts to my fucking self that's enough let's get that louder that's enough thanks thanks for that um one guy says a tedious many times ask

questions from quora i've done something fairly trivial or stupid will i die i note the question is anonymous if sniffing fumes from sold solder touching lead had a drag of a cigarette vaped been vaccinated etc were lethal we'd be kicking bodies out of the way when walking down the road i tell that was a crazy way to write that statement but i do think that's correct yeah that you can do bad things and not die all the time yeah for sure and so if you're young and you're considering cigarettes jury's out one guy posted a link to an article that says living in cities is as bad as smoking 20 cigarettes a day not true i do not believe that a lie i mean if you live i guess next to where they're burning trash sure yeah i guess somewhere in the world

that's true and you got us there in new york city though no i refuse to believe it that's Because it's a level of pollution that somebody got rid of a hundred years ago. If you live in a city where somebody is smoking in your apartment 20 cigarettes a day, then maybe. I suppose, yeah. If you're like kissing them a lot. If you kiss someone who's smoking cigarettes all the time, are you getting all that cigarette kiss smoke? Is that damaging you? Maybe.

Sometimes I worry about some kisses I've received. Yeah. Smoker's tongue. alex loves to kiss i love to kiss let's get that on the record all right let's read this get that out here i thought that was gonna be a honey honey honey if you farted inside a jar closed it quickly and opened it 10 years later would you be able to still smell it see this one's fun because i feel like i do know the answer which is that part of the fart gets out in the jar.

Yeah, after 10 years. 10 years. I mean, it's not like, unless you're closing it in like the X-Men chemical sealer or whatever, I think you're probably letting some fart out

over that time. You need a strong seal. I think that sounds about right. Yeah. Okay, so what did the answer say? There's a long answer. I'm going to read it. I'm going to play a thing.

What's a good song? I'm so wise today. You are so wise. I'm really, I know how the chorus go. I'm trying to find a good nice. I tried this and only opened it yesterday.

I felt so stupid. Had waited ten long years. Unscrewed the cap and stuck my probiscus? Probiscus. I don't know why I couldn't read that. Deep into the jar, I inhaled with an intensity that only ten years of curiosity could enable.

I almost passed out with the volume of unexpected extra oxygen my eager brain had to deal with. Nothing. Not a wisp of malodor, nor a trace or whiff of the stench I had anticipated for ten long years. I sat back and contemplated my disappointment and kicked myself. Had the wretched fart that I had trapped inside the vessel stunk in the first place? For crying out loud, all those years ago I'd forgotten to check. I wandered into the kitchen and dug out a suitable receptacle, determined to carry out a more scientific experiment.

I hung my bare buttocks over the open glass and squeezed. unfortunately i shat and half filled the jar well in 10 years time i thought screwing the calf down tightly i'll be guaranteed a gut-wrenching odor that will make a blue bottle vomit and then all the comments are like this is the most funny fucking thing i've ever read in my fucking life you sir get reddit gold you get it you earned it with that great paragraph you wrote this off sorry yeah that song rocked actually it was way better than the answer the answer was just like a poetry slam prose kind of thing happening but the song was really interesting was really good bear big fan of that what was that one called thank you that was called the bizarre canon

okay from our new dixit like aladdin's bazaar not like a bizarre strange thing um but wow what a song good song well done yeah i don't believe a word that guy said um but it was a thrilling adventure to read yep okay um any good answers uh i don't think so not a one just that guy who made a whole movie about it let's see let's see um uh if you fart inside a jar okay obviously the op suffers from fourth grade potty humor and is fixated on their own body out gassings someone's fixated on their body out gassings so yeah they're saying that it has to be 100 airtight otherwise yeah okay respect that's what i said yeah respect alex is so fucking smart today i'm very wise this is so wise i'm gunning for ceo of nasa after this i may be anorexic ceo

jeremy capowitz but alex is just a wise man you just get some more food in you and stop driving around that bugatti all day you could read a book and learn something all right let's move on to core romance let's rock welcome to core romance where love rules here we find the questions about who's shagging who and who's got the mojo of the song that segment ended, but I can't wait to find out. Can I ask you a question, Alex?

Yeah. It's a dating question. Sure. How do you tell which Thai massage parlors give a happy ending? I'm glad you asked me this while we have no guest. Yeah, I can just imagine Sam Ruddy or something being like, pass! Pass! Skip!

Do not read the answers! You must know. Okay, so as someone who has myself not gone to Thailand and then had sex with the people massaging me, I would guess... Have you ever gotten a normal massage? Yes. A non-happy ending massage?

Yes. I never have. I've only gotten happy endings. Yeah. Well, they touch your body, and then they can't help but go all the way. I don't know what they see. Once you get them in the Bugatti,

they got to touch the body. You're always saying that. Once they're in the Bugatti, they're touching the body. Oh, my God. I don't have massages with sad endings. It's so toxic working with you. I call them sad ending massages. Don't leave me with a sad ending here.

Come on. Come on. You got it, my Bugatti. So let's just guess. Let's guess. How do you tell? How do you tell? There's a pineapple on the door.

I don't know. Yeah, I think there's a pineapple on the door. um there's got to be a symbol like that right like because you can't if it's if it's a case by case basis you're gonna end up harassing and like getting in trouble with everybody yeah i think it's like you go per shop sure like per shop like if you go and you're like i'd like a casual massage at like a goo makers anonymous that's the name of the massage parlor then yeah i think that's gotta be a fucking happy ending one if it's called goo makers that's what i'm That's not even a good name for a massage parlor.

That was just a first draft, but we'll circle back on the name. But the point is if it's called something like Goo Makers Anonymous, you know they'll make you goo or else. Yeah, or else. Or else. If you don't come, you are going to have to like – You die in seven days. You have to work at the store or something.

Like if you don't have money to pay for a restaurant. If you don't have money at a restaurant, they make you work there. You have to start giving the hand jobs. If you show up and you can't finish, they make you start sucking off dudes. It's one of the rules. Is that a joke, the masseuse who keeps doing blowjobs? Because the whole thing is your hands do all the work. You're just really bad with your hands.

It's a mouth masseuse, though. You're just pumping. Your shoulders are so tight. Let me get your hand real quick. I'm really digging my tooth into your spine here. Hell, there's a lot of stress. I'm a mouth masseuse, and I will not give you a blowjob. This show's gross as hell.

Hey, we're not talking about bestiality. That's good. All right, well, let's find out from some actual perverts. Sure. I feel like there's something we wanted to say about massage powers, but now I can't remember. Oh, well. Simple.

Look for a pink-colored signage or massage staff wearing tight-fitted tops over silicon-enhanced cleavage. You should be in jail. All right, next answer. There's no judgment here. I think my honest answer would be to read the Google reviews. I feel like if you... Oh, for real, for real. I feel like for real, if there's like a...

For real? i think if there's a uh massage parlor for real that uh does happy endings the every google review is gonna be from guys that look like this and are just not me but like the character that we've just read from and is like yeah this is a pretty good fucking massage parlor five stars let me say massage itself wasn't very good but five stars overall i can't say why but it's five stars yeah get out my big hat because that's for real I had a pretty handy experience

this guy keeps using the word handy in his review thinks he's being clever they did a pretty good job with their hands their hands were well applied let's just say they jacked my penis off

the thing is any reviews for a massage parlor are going to be weird yeah yeah that's what i think uh i think as someone else said the only way you can tell is to visit a massage parlor and see what happens fuck you yeah that's what i mean that's not that fucking question go to every massage parlor and be like they didn't jack me off again even the thing is even if you are at one of them they're not going to just do it you got to be like asking for it also the person who asked this question knows they can do that they know they can do that That's if the Quora fails the plan.

But luckily, every sex criminal in the world is on this website, and they will have your answer. I think many, if not most, licensed massage therapists act professionally and are therefore unlikely to offer anything that resembles a happy ending. These professionals are probably very offended. You're a child! If you ask for anything that's not on the menu, you're asking like a secret burger at McDonald's. Yeah, I'd like an animal style, if you know what I mean. Going in and asking is like a pretty horrifying experience for the massage person.

I imagine it happens a lot. I'm going to need you to get out the Thousand Island. The dressing? Yeah. Oh, because of the McDonald's bit. I got you. It's like people who are like they order food that they know the restaurant doesn't have. And they're like, you're telling me you don't have any dressing in the restaurant?

Yeah. You're telling me you don't have hands that go up and down? See, this was interesting asking you about the food thing, because I have a lot of friends who are like, I only eat chicken nuggets. No, I'm not a fucking weirdo. I'm not a, those people are freaks. I'm anorexic, and I have a Bugatti. I don't get hungry very often, but I'm not like, I can only eat spaghetti. Yep, yep.

And that's it. That's what they sound like, folks. I'm a little baby. I only have spaghetti to save up for my other luxury car. yeah well the while you were out at the fancy burger store i was at spaghetti's or us saving up for my porsche entertain hustler child is still a big hit for me i think that's funny yeah that's the um the bit you did on stage it is and and i was like two thumbs up two thumbs way up and then the world hates that voice yeah what can you give us a sneak peek of it for the listeners

I don't really remember. It was something like, I like... The joke was that Andrew Tate is making children misogynist, and the joke was just like, you bitch, I'll have my chicken fingers. The bit I remember you saying was going like, mommies belong in the kitchen. Yeah, something like that.

Something like that. I liked it. It's the voice. People hate that voice. I love the voice. I'm a big fan of baby voice for non-baby characters. You should have a baby, because you'll get to hear it all the time.

I don't know if that's true. Babies talk like babies do. But they don't say Andrew Tate stuff. If you teach them to. If you raise a young cobra, my son. That's true. That's true. Get out there and propagate.

You know what? Patreon goal. Patreon goal. Jeremy's having a child. That's happened to the last Jeremy you've podcasted with. We need nine months. Yeah, that's true. It was a huge disaster.

I'm 1-0. And Jeremy co-hosts that Have a Baby. It didn't go well for that. He left and he never returned. like a father going out for cigarettes. I mean, it did end well for him that he had a baby he likes. Seems like a very nice

boy. I guess podcast-wise it didn't end that way. Yeah. Alright, good point. Who are the podcast listeners if not our children? That's so true. Anyway, is there any other signs about how to get sex work at a massage parlor? David Blades, who I cannot imagine is a real

name. David Blades. David Blades! He has studied at some college. Ha ha! That's the funniest description for David Blades. Usually the ones with the hot, sexy girls. Show me the lie. Show me the lie. That's where the hot, sexy girls are.

I like this one. This guy's too. David Blades. All right, let's click on David Blades. It's Blades plural, by the way. Oh, I'm sorry. He lives in Thailand. Okay.

This is his photo. So far, we're matching up. David Blades. His picture is him, like, fucking chest out, wearing, like, sunglasses. It's a normal picture. No, it's not. It's David Blades. Check again.

Check again. I think you'll find it's David Blades. He's wearing a backwards hat because he's cool. A lot of his answers are about living in Thailand. If that makes sense, that's where he lives. All right, there's a Trump one. Yeah, the question is, I thought Trump's plane was broken down. Is the plane he flew to New York the same one he had before he became president, or is it a different one?

And he said, this was liberal news. Liberal news. Trump is on the missing Malaysian plane. This was liberal news. He never used it when he was president. It had to have got out of mothballs after he finished his presidency, so it took a while to get it back to perfect. So everything is fine. Does this guy run Donald Trump's plane?

What the hell is happening here? Okay, if you're Donald Trump, who are you giving your plane to? Some fucking dumb secretary of blah, blah, blah. Or David Blades. And the question answers itself. Who went to some college. Before he moved to Thailand to get access to the beautiful women. I fucking hope that's his real name.

Oh, David. David. David, your body is a wonderland. Oh, boy. All right. It can't get better than that. We should move on. Okay.

Thank you, David. Thank you, David. Thank you for your service. This is from Kirk Deller. And this is on ConfessionsPersonalStories.com. A psychic said me and my boyfriend will break up. I'm in an amazing relationship and we love each other. The psychic has been right on the other things in the past that it worries me.

What should I do? So I'm going to need to know those other things the psychic was right about real quick. Sure. I know we can't find out because it's a question and it's over. but what other stuff were they right about were they right about the election were they right about the weather were they right about your life love life previously i think that you should break up with your boyfriend dumping somebody because of a psychic is a seinfeld ass plot i am very into it is i would like to be a fly on the wall in that break can i tell you a fucking seinfeld

ass plot that i heard about recently yep i wrote this down welcome to seinfeld plot i'm david blades and i've had some college and i'm larry david and i'm anorexic jeremy and i have a bugatti i hope this isn't too dark but a friend of mine from high school haven't spoken to in years a year ago or so his dad died suddenly okay and then he we are all stardust very recently after that like weeks later started dating a death counselor okay isn't that weird isn't that a george sign george costanza ass thing to do um i i don't really see how it ties into the father dying the person's job is that she's a therapist okay for people who have had a recent death oh oh death i think you said a deaf counselor and i was like i don't really see how that's related

and that is ableist and jeremy is canceled even with his fancy car but no that is uh that's some george costanza shit to do yeah that is a tv show ass uh plot but uh it also makes a lot of sense because it's kind of like i just want to talk about death all the time good thing i have this person who's an expert on it right yeah yeah and that could go either person in the relationship could be saying that yeah let's just say they're not dead down there that's something they'd say on seinfeld yeah if you know they'd sprinkle it they'd make it funny The thing about Seinfeld is they'd make it funny. Check out Seinfeld, 1991 to 1999.

I think it's 1989 to 1999, but I could be wrong. Yeah, what happened there? What do you mean? Why was it? I felt like there was a gap for a bit in the first season of the show. This first season is called The Seinfeld Chronicles. Remember that? I never should have opened up this box.

I know this is something you have a treasure trove of knowledge. Back to the Quora. Can we not focus on the Quora? Okay. I think you should break up with your boyfriend. If you want to believe in magic, that seems more powerful to me than believing in some shitty relationship. It's more powerful than love. Boyfriends are everywhere.

Boyfriends are, you can't fucking throw a rock without hitting a boyfriend. You have two choices here. You can stay with your boyfriend and think magic is fake now. Yeah. Or you can continue believing in the power of psychics. Or psychics. And just find some other fucking guy. And the other thing, too, is, like, you're pretty much asking for a negative energy return if you go against the psychic.

Like, you're waiting for something bad to happen. Yeah. And so you're just inviting that into your home. Which is a foolish mistake. As we all know. Dump his ass. There's a boyfriend a minute out there. Yeah, boys are dime a dozen.

Just go to the next recommended YouTube page. There's boys on there. Take one. You can find one. Just go date Ninja. Talk to your fucking. Take Tyler Ninja Blevins. take him home tonight remember he bragged about his wife wearing a bra i missed that but i uh

there's a lot about tyler can i find this i don't know yeah i had to find it we're at the point of where we're digging up ninja tweets it's so funny you will like this tweet okay all right uh ninja tweeted should i be following ninja no okay ninja tweet this is not ironic this is something i text jeremy this every week i said should i be following ninja he tweeted um he tweeted i'm in the middle of carrying a league of legend game about to close it out and my braless wife brings me a sandwich not asked for with chips as i get a double kill bot lane so how is your day going i you know i'd love to laugh but it is still very rewarding to get a double kill in the bot lane I just love the idea of bragging about your wife not wearing a bra.

Here's the thing is most of the gold in the game is accumulated in the bot lane. That's where the carries are. You have to feed. You have to get your carry big. Guess what, virgins? My wife's boobies were under her shirt. She's bra-less. Also, and let's talk about it, the bra is tyranny.

A lot of women don't need the bra. They're burning them. And they're burning them. Anyway, date ninja. And they're all doing it to date ninja. They're waiting in line for this old sop to cash out. They're waiting for him to leave his wife. She's going to be out of the picture soon.

There are other women without bras. Once she stops making those sandwiches. Literally the minute she runs out of bread. You are in there. I want to see the quarrel advice. Okay. Someone says, if you're happy with each other, just keep doing what you're doing and be honest. Keep it up.

One person says, being a Christian girl, I do not believe anything a psychic told me. However, I do believe in prophecies, so go figure. Okay. So that's more about you than about the question. I don't believe in psychics, but I do think that you should listen to the psychic because you seem to like it. Yeah. Personally, I don't use psychics for entertainment purposes and not take one scrap of notice on anything they say, which is important to you. It's not 1650.

Everyone is being so mean to this poor, loveless woman. One guy says, look up Bible verses on psychics. Rest assured, your worries will be cured. What are the Bible verses on psychics? I think they're like, psychics are liars. Psychics. They try to fuck your boyfriend. Maybe that's the angle.

The psychic wants to fucking have sex with your boyfriend. They think your boyfriend's so hot. I'm looking at my orb, and it says that your boyfriend sucks and should be my boyfriend. Your boyfriend is an AD pro in bot lane. and everyone wants him. She is. This is Ninja's wife. It's sad, but it's Ninja's wife.

I love giving my boyfriend sandwiches he didn't ask for with chips while he gets a double kill in the bot lane and I'm not wearing a bra. Yeah. But my psychic wants to have sex with him. Yeah. Well, that's messed up.

Let's do a little bit more. Okay. We have two more questions. We have one from Hisquorical Teachings. Okay. This is a very appropriate song for this question. Which is, how come there is no one living in Africa if that is where human beings evolved? Big fan of this one.

This has been in the dark for a while. Yeah. Another one where I feel like guests would be like, I don't want to talk about that. I don't want to. Hey, it doesn't make sense, but I'm not touching that one. There's an easy answer here. What do you think they mean is my question. Just want to real quick point it out just in case someone doesn't know.

People live in Africa. Tons of them. A lot of people. Like a whole continent of people down there. Some good, some bad. And on the map that you have at your house, it's probably even bigger than that, and there's even more people in it.

Yep, because of map fraud. Because of map fraud, which is real and is wrong. So I would say, why is there no one living in Africa? There is. Yeah. Also, humans didn't evolve in Africa. I thought that was the whole thing. Are we going to talk about the Fertile Crescent again?

well i mean a fertile crescent cast humans like spread out like yeah i think you know and the thing is the subdivisions of humans is just like neanderthals or whatever other thing it's like when do you start calling it a human they're probably all over the place it's true what came first the chicken or the egg the chicken or the human the human egg or the humans humans came from chickens they don't want that much we find out that humans had eggs but guess what they did and So, yeah, I don't know for sure that they evolved there. I think that's kind of a generalization. But at the same time, people definitely live in Africa.

Big flaw of the website is I can't follow up and ask them questions. This is a recent question, too. Oh, damn. Okay, so if we respond to this. This is from April. Maybe they'll. I mean, every question, I think every answer is going to be like, what the fuck? A lot of the questions, no one living in Africa.

There are still millions of people living there. Sure. I mean, that's what we said. We don't like their answer. One guy says he's in Africa right now. That could be a very common response to this. I am currently in Nigeria. I love the idea of this guy coming up with this question and being like, holy shit, I fucking solved it.

What did they mean? I think, I don't know. They must think that it's the Lion King. That's what's in Africa. It's just cartoon lions. That's got to be it, right? Who lives in Africa? Simba.

Simba lived there. If humans are from there, how come Simba lived there? We all know about Africa. Timon lives there. Pumbaa. Pumbaa. A third character. Yeah, I can't think of another way to interpret why are there no humans there.

That's not like a vicious rumor. It's gotten out. So you have to imagine this is a creationist, right? Sure. So their whole thing is that they're like, evolution clearly isn't real. checkmate there's no one living in africa doesn't make any sense right so what i implore them to think about is uh like all the stuff about moses yeah which takes place in africa in africa look it up so gotcha got got your ass next question all right if we move on from that one do you have

any other thoughts i'm glad we addressed that before you know that we have some guest who's like oh africa is such a text you know i can't i can't touch that i need to leave it up to the scholars and the thing is they just think timon and pumbaa are there and it's sad our guests they don't know how to answer it because they don't think anyone lives there i don't want to touch that it's a good point and i just don't want to get into it it's just it's a whole world of conspiracy you know the grinch is in africa all right this is our final question this is from quarantine so drop it that's enough

that's enough my 18 year old son continues to play video games even after i smashed his laptop and deleted his steam account how can i permanently put an end to his gaming okay and again where is he gaming what's up so he smashed his laptop and destroyed his steam account does he still have an xbox oh that might be it probably his dang xbox i think what you need to understand is that your son is a gamer it's in his fucking blood he will game or die yeah you know you take a fish out of water he fucking dies you take a gamer from his gaming yeah that's right he'll fucking turn really dry if you take ninja out of the bot lane and remove the sandwich from his brawless wife it's like taking the air out of a fish's

uh yeah i think that's true yeah you can't stop a gamer you can't stop a gamer from gaming fucking game i had did you have growing up limits on your gaming um yeah my mother was very big on the half hour a day thing for a while and i think that really just opened me up to spending eight hours in a row gaming the second i got out of there right i have a lot of memories of my dad turning off my xbox in the middle of games so out of anger it's one of the worst things you could do to a person we were me and my friends were all trying to do the achievement in halo three where you have to finish the last level with ghosts and we were like two hours in we were almost done with it and my dad unplugged my xbox which ended the match that's outrageous

and it was a uh it was a rough time for did you have you been selling all your food for car money i stopped eating after that and i bought a bugatti and now i'm rich now i'm a millionaire Cobra Jeremy. That's why I'm balding. How can I put an end to his gaming permanently? Kill your son. It does sound like... I want to put an end to his gaming permanently.

He is a gamer through and through. He's going to game no matter what he does. Yeah, if you want to stop your son from gaming, you have to end his life. If you love your son, you'll let him game. He's trying to join a clan. Here's the thing, too. if you kill your son you better hope he doesn't respawn because he's a gamer he's how we work

that's just how they are in the game and we come back and we're dropping yeah they're dropping in with our team i don't get my husbands to game together why are there so many questions like this i don't know it seems to be a thing where people try to come up with the best way to abuse their children and then talk about it on quora i assume i just don't know why like quora specifically has this community of i don't know how do i hit my son with stick you know and all the questions maybe this is why because every answer on quora they're all like how dare you do this to your son yeah you're a terrible parent and i think most other places they would just be like you're a liar yeah this is a lie there then again who's the most famous people on twitter it's

like you know bean dad yes and he who is he if not talking about twitter's quora user yeah bean dad he essentially stopped his daughter from gaming permanently yeah re her bean game yeah if i'm remembering teacher how to do it or something um you made the song whatever who cares we're not here to talk about being dead we're certainly not oh what's this picture with a pc um this is the pc that he got at nine years old okay why would you do such things this is by epic gamer plays yeah he's got a youtube channel go sub now it says we can go should we go see all right go check out the youtube channel all right really quick but then i'm gonna read epic gamer plays there's no link anywhere you gotta go like to the channel all right let's see

and his video is funny cat with vine boom and he has 67 subscribers all right okay hold on now should we you cannot be typing like this with 67 subscribers should we subscribe to epic gamer plays there's a chance epic gamer plays like finds this if we subscribe there's a 100% chance i don't want to offend epic gamer plays but he's so close to the freaking epic number of i gotta tell you though like the cat a cat is not a game um four months ago he said hey guys epic here i took a long break from youtube because of school and other things this is a child yeah obviously based on everything about this but can we please read their answer it's a podcast If you're listening to this, don't bother this child.

Don't. I know that most people would have to say that too, but for those of you who are like, I might go bother this child. Leave Epic Gamer Plays alone. They're eight years old. Now, here's the computer they got at nine. Okay. I've been gaming since six years old on mobile for the start.

And my parents have had no problem. I even taught my dad how to play some games. He even showed me a game he used to play. And if he wants to game, why can't he? If he were doing something bad, like doing rugs in the game or worse, you should check the games he is playing. But if not, let him play the game. Some people make thousands, even millions, by playing games,

let alone play a game that they don't own. And he's 18. He's an adult. He can make his own decisions. That's actually very mature Epic Gamer plays. This PC is pretty new looking for having gotten it at 9. You know, Epic Gamer Plays actually gets to the core of the issue here, which is that, like, all of these start with, like, my 18-year-old son, which is how you know they're a joke. Yeah.

Also, I just want to say, Epic Gamer Plays, this is exactly how I talked on forums when I was this age. Yes, dude. Oh, my God. I have IMDB reviews from when I was, like, 13, and they're way more soy than this. They're just like this. Also, it's so important to know, Epic Gamer Plays is with a Z, so you know he rocks. I found an old forum once that I talked on all through middle school, and all the comments are just like, ha ha, no, I'm not gay, I'm just strange. I hate that that was your catchphrase.

People kept being like, what are you, some sort of queer? And I'm like, I'm just 13. Yeah, that was before you could say, I'm married. Anyway. It was before your Bugatti. All the answers here are just like, yeah, you've broken the law by breaking your son's computer. Yeah, well, you don't break his computer. Yeah.

And you're lucky he doesn't sue you. Bam Margera's brother sent the state troopers after him right now. That's true. That is happening. So. Yep. Need I say more? Bam.

And that's Corators this week. And Bam, we wish you luck. I want to do one thing before we end. I want to check to see if anyone else answered our horse question. Sure. They have not. No, they have not. Great.

What's our question for the week? I don't know. What do we want to ask about? Huh. What have we talked about today? Bugattis? Let's do like an Andrew Tate style question. Okay.

How do I get... A corporate question. How can I convince my girlfriend to make warm baths for me every day? Oh, yeah. Is that anything? Warm baths? I don't know.

It is weird. I feel like that's a big premium on Quora. How do I get my girlfriend, my wife, to make me sandwiches with chips while I play League of Legends? Oh, yeah. I just... Oh, wait.

Okay, what if it's... I just started playing League of Legends. How do I get my wife to bring me chips and sandwiches? The problem is that too many people will know this is Ninja. Because it was a viral tweet. I'm the only one who hadn't heard of this. That's too bad. Sorry to call you out like that.

Okay. Okay, here's what we're doing instead. i want to marry tyler ninja blood okay i want to marry tyler ninja blevins how long do i have to wait okay i want to marry tyler quote ninja make sure the n is capitalized that's how it's spelled how long do i have to wait okay all right see that's gonna get engagement because we're talking celebs. Ooh, people love the celebs. People love Tyler. They love his braless wife.

They're gonna love this question. Can't wait to hear back from them. In the meantime, we can't wait to hear from you on our Discord. Join that with the link below. You're on the stop it buttons. You're gonna have to

click the goddamn link to the thing and that's it for the show. How do colors change? yeah it's a different board uh go to discord go to discord hit the sub button we have a show coming up hopefully there'll be a ticket link by then but maybe not august 5th in new york city we'll put the link in the description as well and i'll see you there please come in the meantime question everything bye