RAWTALK - Bert Kreischer Addresses Joe Rogan Rumors, Getting Drugged by Ari & The STD Scare He’ll Never Forget

Episode Date: March 18, 2025

On this weeks episode of RAW TALK, Brad sits down with Bert Kreischer and talks on why he never showers, how he accidentally became a comedian, the time he convinced himself he had an STD and much more! Hope you guys enjoy, see you next Tuesday!Sponsored By: Huel Get Huel today with this exclusive offer of 15% OFF + a FREE Gift!at Https://www.huel.com/rawtalk #ad #huelpartner

Charcoal's the end-all-be-all. Charcoal cures everything. Yeah, you take charcoal and you can clean your liver. Yeah. No, no bullshit. I bathe in charcoal. Dude, charcoal's the shit. I swear I really do, though.

I put charcoal in my hot Epsonson-salt bass. You ever take bass? Yeah. Are you a bath guy for real? I'm not a shower guy. I'm not a, I don't like showering. So how do you stay clean?

I'm not a big fan of it. You're just a dirty guy? Dirty. I shower today. I'm excited to do a thing for the LA Times, but normally I wouldn't shower. What is your wife thinking about you being dirty all the time? She'll tell me when I have to shower.

She'll be like, yo, it's time for a shower. Like, okay, so are we rolling? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so like, okay, so I'm number one. I grew up in Florida. So pools count as a shower for me. even though you got to get the chlorine off out. You don't even care.

No, chlorine's on. It doesn't matter. So I get in the pool and that counts as a shower. That's a shower. If I'm in the hot tub, if I scrub my body hard enough, that's coming off. I got rub my body. In the hot tub? In the hot tub, I'll rub my balls and asshole.

I get my arms. I have soap and shampoo next to the hot tub. So I'll shampoo my hair, do my beard, go underwater, rinse it out. I do it in the pool. I do it in the hot tub. I have an outdoor shower in my back that if I have to take a shower, I'll take a shower there. but I'm not a fan of showers. I'm not a fan of like indoor showers.

Kind of tweet me out a little bit. Now I'm really curious. Are you the kind of guy like, I actually don't even know if you use, uh, claws to wash yourself? I just use your hand. No, no,

no, okay. Hold on. Now let's talk. Because I was going to ask, are you like the same cloth for your butt for your face guy? First of all, I don't,

I've never, I never washed my face. I've never washed my face. Okay. Never wash my face. Washing your face is how you get acne. That's how you get acne. To do you,

because it's, you know what it is? this you ever look at someone i don't know anything about farming but people that over till their fucking thing start having the problems and then we have the dust bowl what you need just let it grow natural yeah like acutane gave everyone acne no basically killed everyone so fucking bad for you acutane is so acutane i think the people at carmex created acutane carmex yeah he was on acutane well everyone up everyone who's ever taking acutane their hormones are their lives they got acne. He's the only one that doesn't look like he works in Antarctica that didn't

that took acutane. Everyone that took acutane looks like they just got off a shift in Antarctica. Their lips are peeling. They're broken. They're red. Their eyes are it's dude, acutate's so bad. I don't have acne. I've never had acne. Um, but I've never washed my face. I never have washed my face. As a matter of fact, the only times I ever washed my face is when I was in like seventh grade and that's when I started getting acne like right here. And then I stopped just went away. Yeah. You know, I'm not going to lie. I have definitely, I'm, I shower. I don't know, but I can't relate to the night.

Every day? Yeah, every day. Well, hang on, let's get through this then. Because let's really break it down. Okay. Right now there's people listen to me going, oh, hold on. Shut your mouth. Do you wash every part of your body every time you shower?

Yeah, because I sweat a lot. I'm, so do why. Hold on, but you wash your feet every time? Okay, no. Okay, then that, let's start. So now already you're admitting that you don't wash your whole body. Yeah, and, but I'll tell you, I've had problems from that because then I've got the foot bullshit where,

my feet itch oh okay can i tell you that's a problem from wearing shoes too much so i just you know not shower not wear shoes so just just to be a dude i never wear shoes so it's the shoes that are causing them buddy the more we can go back to the primal being we were okay the hell we're gonna be do you really believe that i really do i kind of do too okay let's okay let's for those you don't know me my name's burke crier i'm a stand-up comedian but i am a very big drinker so let's put that We just need to mark that right there. I feel like we know that. I feel like they would know that.

I don't think so. Just looking at you. No. Just looking at you, they know you drink. Like you, bro, if I'd never seen you anywhere on the internet

or in the world and I saw you, I know you're a drinker. Just by the night. All right. Let's do it in the comments then. Right now, everyone watching,

everyone watching. Do you think I'm strong? Just I drink every day. Do you think I'm strong? You, if I didn't know you, I would say you might have a decent bench press just by looking at you. But you know,

know me. And you know I'm a savage. I know you're pretty strong. No, no, rephrase it. I'm stronger than 95% of the men watching this right now. Oh, maybe not this. Maybe not this. Maybe not this. Yeah, wait a minute. Okay, hold on. They took that as an attack. How much, how much, you know how much I can bench. Yeah. I think you could bench like, based on that last video, because I know you had that whole competition, you could probably bench like for one really hard one like 340. Maybe. If I hadn't done 320, 320, then 325 and I just got to 340, maybe, that day, maybe.

No, I'm saying, I really think you could. If you warmed up properly, if you, like, tried to actually, because I saw you hit that, and it was like, it wasn't, it wasn't max. Yeah. But here, so let's go back to the, we now we've all established these facts. Yeah. We're going back to the washing ourselves. Now, I whole, wholehearted American.

And I never had a problem with diet with all the, like I was just like, whatever, man. You sheet it. And then. But you're fat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you did have a problem with it. No, no, no, no. I never had a problem.

I was like, this is what you're supposed to eat. You know, you're supposed to have pasta. You're supposed to have rice. You're supposed to have bread sandwiches. How are you going to get sandwiches in your mouth without bread? Yeah. This is what I don't get it. And then I went carnivore.

Like, I'm talking, and no, I talk in hyperbole, but I'm talking strict carnivore. Strict carnivore. All I ever ate. eggs, rib eyes, and maybe sauteed spinach. That's it. And, dude, I lost like 55 pounds. Inflammation went away. I felt so clean.

No booze, no booze, no nothing. And I started going like, and I was, you know, talk to people about it, that are, you know, buddies of ours that are, like, really into that lifestyle. Right. And I started going like, man, maybe there's something about this, like, caveman lifestyle or this, this this what is it what is it called a uh the key uh keto keto carnivore may and i started getting really crazy about it and i was like yo maybe if you're asian you're supposed to eat rice and smoke cigarettes and smoke yeah because they live forever maybe if you're italian you're supposed to have pasta

because those people are fat and they have pasta with every meal but but it's different like italian american pasta and italy pasta is completely different yeah but but that that's because we we whited it up we They had to sell it to us whites. So they had to go like, you know, we can't make the real stuff. It's too expensive. There's too many of them. Let's pump it up.

Yeah. Well, we've, I mean, dude, if we're talking about diets and just the American sort of culture as far as any of this goes, like, we've been due since day one. Because it seems like it's been this giant sciop to make everyone fat, unhealthy, and sick so that we can just sell them pharmaceuticals. That's what, that's what America is. Dude, I'm like, you know, I go back and forth with, uh, with, with, with, One of my buddies is obviously a very big fitness guy.

And he will not, he will not let me stop, he will not stop texting me about statins. And apparently the study on statins, and this goes back to the whole thing where I got a little obsessed with like, that's when I, when I started losing weight and getting healthy, it's when I stopped showering. And I didn't, I wasn't smelling.

I wasn't smelling. I'm just like, how do you put the two together? It's sweat. It's clean sweat. It's clean sweat. Not if you're drinking all the time. No, I wasn't drinking at the time. Okay, okay.

Oh, if you're drinking, Your sweat comes out like piss. It's bad. It's, dude, people smell. And it feels like piss. It's cold. It's not good sweat. It's really bad sweat.

I have two different sweats in my life. I have new sweat and old sweat. New sweat is when you're fucking living your life right and you get in the gym. And it's just, it's dripping. It's dripping. And it's coming out like, yeah, boy, get after it. And then old sweats like, here we go. Toxins is nasty shit.

Where are you going with this point? I don't know. Oh, okay. Okay. Oskie, because you, I feel like you're going to go to some tangent about, like, carnivore lifestyle. No, no, no, no. Carnivore lifestyle, I, the hardest part is once you, once you cheat a little, carnivore lifestyle is like, like getting your dick suck at the strip club.

Once you get it done once and that's, and you may have a little bit of bread, you're done. You're done. Your marriage is over. It's done. Yeah, you're done. You might as well fuck everyone. You're done. Just because it's, because it was like, why am I doing all this work for this over here? And this is so simple to just pay. So easy. It's like, why wouldn't have pizza? This.

Why would I do all the work to do you know how hard it is to go to a restaurant with people and then they go I did it the other night I went with my with two of my friends that are bigger guys it's an understatement but bigger guys yeah and the chef comes out like fat like I think one's how big's dark oh he's a big dude he's a big dude but he's lost weight is lost weight he has lost weight he has lost weight but he's still a big guy chef comes out and he's like dude it is such an honor to have the machine. I'm such a fan. I have my wish list of people to cook for is over. Can I just send food to the

table? Do you know how difficult it is to go? Actually, I'm carnivore. Yeah, I can't eat that. So I just go, all right, do it. And then once you do one of those, then the next night, you're like, I was like, this is homemade bread, and we're in Spain. I'm going to have a little bread in Spain.

What a hard life, man. Just getting a fucking chefed up food. What do you enjoy the most about about this whole internet and like being a comedian and having popularity i don't know you ever thought about that i haven't i haven't i'll tell you what i enjoy about where we're at creatively as comedians is we're in charge of our own destiny and that it used to be uh king makers you know that they like tastemakers that you know the people at comedy central will be like, okay, you can be famous now. Yeah.

And you'd be like, oh, thank God, I've been waiting my turn forever. I had to wait behind Dane, Nick Sports. It's like, it's like crazy that you're like, oh, thanks. I remember when I, trying to get a half hour comedy special presents. People don't even know what that is anymore. That was like the hottest thing to get. Yeah. And I waited and waited and waited.

You're just waiting your turn. And then you see people get it before you and you're like, oh. Why were people getting that? Was that just a popularity contest within the industry? You know, I don't know. I never got it. So I couldn't tell you. I never got it, so I never, I think, you know,

I think some of it was casting, you know, some of it was like, you know, they can't just put 10 white guys up. So like, when we need a chick, we need a black guy, we need a gay guy. Yeah. You need representation. So I think that was part of it.

So I think I was always competing for lack of better words against like straight white dudes who looked like they'd be fun at a frat party. And so there was like me, Kyle C., Dane Cook, Mitch Hedberg was way ahead of me. but like Mitch Hedberg. And so I think that was you were looking for your slot and then it just never happened. And then when the internet showed up,

and more importantly, technology caught up to the internet or the internet caught up to technology. I remember being able to make my own videos that I wanted to make that I thought were funny and post them and then they would get good response. And I was like, and then fans would find you from that. I remember doing podcasts and being like getting, I remember doing the first time I did Rogan.

I remember getting in Red Van's car leaving Rogan's house. Rogan's kind of a tastemaker now, I'd say. Yeah, but his, but he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's not, he's not, he's not, he's not specific. He likes a lot of things. Right. But at one point, I feel like it was largely comedian dominant. He was putting a lot of comedians on. Yeah, those were, yeah, those were, like when back in the day, right, there was all comedians. And then, and then I think he, I got to be honest with you, it's tough to be Rogan.

and have a comedian come into his world because all the comedian wants to do is ask advice to Joe. And then there was a period, I don't know if you'd catch the clips, but Joe was given advice to a lot of people and there were great advice clips. But I think Joe was kind of like,

yo, I want to challenge myself. And so then he started having all, wow. I remember the, I remember being at his studio one time and he had this guy that was like the foremost expert in mushrooms. By the way, now I know the guy's wildly famous. He's like, he has a documentary on Netflix about it. And Joe had him there. It was me and Ari and Tom, and he was like, you boys want mushrooms.

And we're like, yeah. And he just broke us off some mushrooms. And we're like, who was that, Joe? And Joe's like, don't worry about it. Come on, let's come in here, a party. And then we watched the episode, and you're like, oh, you talk to that guy. I think it's like Paul Hammett or something. Yeah.

Yeah, but like, but I think this generation of Joe, this iteration of Joe, because he's always been curious as, he's the most curious dude. And he's wildly passionate. Like he gets into things. things. And, and, uh, and, and, uh, I think this iteration of Joe where he is like, like, all, like really having like, I know that there's something to be controversial, maybe on this podcast, but when he challenged the vaccine. Yeah. That changed Joe forever. Joe's, Joe's like, yo, I'm not going to just sit back and be silent. I, this is how I feel. And that was always him.

There was always him in the green room. Always that way, but aliens fucking 9-11. It was Joe was always that way. But when he did it like that on that, the podcast. I think that really changed Joe and I think it really changed the people that showed up and he had fucking Bill Murray on the other day. That's wild man. That's and I'm so happy for that. Like if you're saying he has less comedians on so maybe now I only do it like three times a year or twice a year. Yeah. And and but he has Bill Murray and Sean Penn and Mel Gibson and I'm like I'll sit back and just listen to those as opposed to me tell the machine again. Yeah. You know? But yeah, but I'm really grateful for my experience with him because he changed my life,

you know yeah yeah a lot of people say that about them in regards to you specifically have you had a falling out with him at all recently no the internet loves to talk yeah they just they they run crazy narratives about you do you know that no you know do you look at the comments oh i don't look at comments i thought you said you were getting back into the comments i was gonna i was gonna get back in the comments i thought it was like it was unfair to the people that love me that give me positive stuff well why do you why do you think people have this sort of skewed perception of you like a negative perception of you i mean i obviously i have fucking tons of people think negative shit about me i've been on the internet for so long yeah but like the number the number one beef about you is that

you only care about yourself well i probably do you think that's true well don't you care about yourself i totally care about myself there we go all right so stop reading those keep why why why do you think people have beef with you i have no idea i've never met anyone that's ever had beef with me no one in no one in real life i've never met someone in real life yeah that has beef with me that's never real real i've never i'm telling you right now not once in my life has anyone said they didn't like me to my face why do you think it's so i mean i i know i think i know the answer this but it's so easy to just get on the internet talking about anyone yeah of course i've done it yeah i'm sure you've done it too kind of i'm sure you have i have but i have an accident you don't even realize

you're doing i have been in real like but from real life circumstance where people have done me dirty where I'll say some, like, in passing about it. Yeah, no, I don't know. I mean, it's crazy. I remember the first time I ever heard someone say that Joe didn't like me was a comment. I think it was a video. I might have addressed it.

I think the number one mistake I probably ever made if we're looking back at that was addressing a video I saw on Two Bears because Two Bears was so big that that gave them a platform and they realized at that point, they're like oh bert may watch these and this may help my channel yeah and so that was the mistake i think that if i've ever going to highlight a mistake i made because someone said someone bit of video about joe doesn't like bert um because uh bert is his drinking too much

and it has a clip of joe talking about someone who came over got so fucked up he thought he had a stroke um what's hysterical about that to me is that that incident did happen with joe and a person and when it did joe called me immediately and was like dude i got to talk to you about dot dot dot this person and so i knew who joe was talking about yeah and we talked about it and then the next morning that person called me to talk about his interaction with joe and i was like yeah and so i was in the middle of all that but then the internet just spin it spins it and then makes it about you and then and I and I addressed that on two bears I remember being like yeah yeah it's not me guys and then I saw that clip that is that is what uh I think that's what

people go like oh bert's gonna give me a shout out because I said something negative about him yeah that's so I mean there's whole channels built on shit like that oh yeah and by the way it's like I mean I can't hate on them because I don't buy because I don't I don't watch them but like they're gonna do what they're and they're and you know I really wish I really because some of them are really good. Yeah. If we're going to say anything for real, I wish a couple of them

would just send me a resume. Yeah. Because I'm like, yo, man, your editing skills are fucking wildly good. Yeah. You listen to every fucking podcast. You're dialed in. You got the media game on lock.

I mean, I remember, there's a, like, like I said, I have not been online. Like, I had to change my algorithm on YouTube to a certain point, and I mean this with respect, but there's only reason

they're using me they're not using me because it's me they're using me because i'm so big yeah some you know i'm i do arenas yeah so they're using me because it will get clicks they're not using because it's me and i talk wild so they can i'm like a fucking this this interview is they're jerking off going he's saying everything yeah yeah so that's me i talk a lot but uh but i just it's like you can't i i when i started showing up in my own feed it was it would be it would like it fucked me up i was like yo i can't see stuff about me yeah or i can i don't want to see stuff about my friends so i had to change my algorithm um on on youtube because i i used to enjoy youtube i don't watch youtube at all anymore you just what you just start watching like nature

video that's what i said twitter's bad dude i've never i stopped doing twitter a long time ago i stopped that a long time ago twitter is like it makes me feel like i could only talk about politics oh i and i don't talk about politics at all it's crazy i don't talk about politics at all so I'm like, I don't want to fucking deal with it. It's a nastiest rabbit hole of politics. Like, just the world ending type of shit, man. No, yeah. I'm, I've been off Twitter, I would imagine, for a couple years now.

Yeah. I got off it when it was still Twitter. Yeah, okay. So, yeah, whatever that is. It's rough now. Like, I still love it, but it's just very like, it just, every day I get on, I'm like, okay, World War III is about to happen. It's like the craziest thing.

Like, it's a war zone. Yeah. It's fucking nuts. man oh it's it's bad i think i think you got to look at it this way it's like your your push versus your pull right so like sure if you're getting negative shit on the internet and but you're also not making money and you're also not getting views and you're not getting love from anyone then maybe i check something if you're getting negative shit but you're getting great money and you're getting great views and you still have like a prosperous business you get love from everyone

you meet then it's like then you're like okay that just comes with the territory I guess. Yeah. It just seems like now it's almost like, because I've been doing the internet shit for so many years. It's like, it's almost like negative shit is what rises everywhere on every platform. Yeah,

but it sells, man. I don't know. Have you ever been like, uh, you ever, I don't know, I don't even know the right way to say it,

but like, have you ever read negative shit about someone you didn't like? Wait, red negative shit about, like, ever seen like a review of someone you don't like and someone lights them up and then you're a little bit like fuck yeah fuck that guy i mean i don't really not like anyone i don't have a reason to not like anyone unless like personally i don't like them yeah that's what i meant personally i don't

like them there's no there's no celebrity that i outright go like dude dude fuck kieran colkin yeah yeah yeah yeah but there's people that go fuck kieran colkin was like why though unless they know why would someone say fuck burr krecher they don't even know me yeah like It's like, that's crazy. Like, I'm not sitting out like, fuck Brad Pitt. Like what? Yeah, I guess that's, that's just kind of like the price you pay to just be on the internet. It's like to put yourself out to that level.

Dude, there's people that don't like Dave Chappelle. Yeah. There's people that don't like Joe Rogan. Yeah. There's people that don't like everyone. And you just have to go like, listen, man, it's not the world I live in. It's not my surroundings. I'm happy.

I have two great kids. I'm happily married. my dog's got cancer i'll deal with that yeah but like that's my reality is you know we may lose our dog a little earlier than we wanted to yeah and then i go okay so then if i still put out good work i got projects lined up my new specials come out right now or whenever this drops lucky's out march 18th watch it man look there will be channels dedicated to hating that special but for sure but doesn't yeah but it doesn't matter it's like yo whatever you have how many how many specials on Netflix like four I think six or maybe five and then you have but are you counting the the machine thing

machine I shot up for showtime that's on Netflix yeah uh hey big boy secret time razzle dazzle this will be five fuck you're crushing it maybe that's why they they love to hate I guess I mean that's one of those things but I think I think the cool thing about this conversation is because like a lot of people that the hate normally comes from a place of like they wish they could be doing something obviously not everyone's going to be able to be a fucking famous comedian that's super hard to do that's probably one of the hardest things in my opinion but like the point that you're making about that's not your real life and the people because I think a lot of people want to make content want to be a part of this industry in some regard or some way um but they're afraid

because of that really like just the even the judgment before people ever get on camera like they judge themselves so they have two friends that are judging them being like ah it's fucking lame or because I remember when I first started making content it was just like everyone was like the fuck are you doing like what is this like back and back when i started youtube it was like a very weird thing it's a wild it's a wildly a dare i say narcissistic thing to think you belong in front of a camera and then we all have it to some extent yeah but to be like yo you should stop and listen to me yeah it's wild to think that like trust me my dad tried to shame it out of me so badly my whole life my dad was like yo what the fuck are you doing sit

down shut your goddamn mouth you just fucking listen you grew up like that yeah and i but that's not who i am it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not i was a kid i wasn't i've told this before but i begged to share that it's it's worth the conversation when i was in when i was six years old i was playing second base for the yankees uh pinto league forest hills baseball teddy church is playing first base and uh fly ball bases loaded fly ball to me i catch it at second second base I spiked the ball I ripped my shirt off and then I started dancing

At six years old You're the same guy Now listen Those same people that make Videos that say they don't like me They wouldn't like that kid And there are people that didn't like that kid Yeah

There's people that like And my dad was like What the fuck? Yeah But there were parents that Thought Who the fuck is that kid? Who the fuck?

And now I'm the parent That would be like What the fuck? Give me I want more of that kid Don't beat that out of him Don't shame that out of him. Yeah. Keep that going, man. And my dad just, I mean, my dad was just a hard working nose to the ground, eat shit, cash chicks kind of guy. He was a lawyer and he was like,

yo, the fuck you doing? And I was like, what? He was like, dude, act like you've been there. Like, what, you just made, like you look, and I did, granted, I caught the ball, spiked it, and then all the kids ran in and we lost a game. But, but like, yeah, but like that's, you know, that's just who I am. So there's a part of me that, you know, teachers didn't like that part of me. Yeah, I remember the coaches hated that part of me. Coaches hated who I was. Why do you think it wasn't beaten out of you then?

Like if you had a father from your whole life doing that. He didn't never hit me, never hit me, never beat it out of me. I don't mean beat out of me. I just meant, I didn't mean physically. No, yeah, I know. I think it's just it's, it's, I don't think I'm one of those people that gave up. I never fell into the, for lack of better words, the hate world. where I was like, yeah, I guess I don't deserve that.

Why, though? Because I don't deserve that. And then fuck everyone who thinks they deserve that. It's just, I never was that guy. I was like, I was thought, I was thought you're cool if you were, like, different than everyone else. But there was a guy that played basketball. He was, we were in high school. He was a senior and he had a goatee and you weren't allowed to have facial hair.

And the priest made, wanted him shave it. And he wouldn't shave it. He had a goatee like it. And I was like, that's fucking badass. And everyone's like, dude, just shave your fucking face. Be a part of the team. I just thought that was cool. Like when Dionne Sanders showed up and I was like and did prime time with the Jerry Croles on ESPN on the cover of Sports Illustrated, I was like, that's fucking dope.

Yeah. Like I just didn't, I didn't under, I wasn't the guy that was like, ugh. I've never been an ugh guy in life. I've always been like a, this is funny shit. Like I was just driving here going and it's a shit day in L.A. Yeah. And I was like, and I was like, Pete, what song was I singing in the car out loud? It's a beautiful day.

And I was like, I love this weather. I love this weather. I love this weather. Yeah. I fucking love this weather. Yeah, it's great. So you just been optimistic, dude, your whole life. Yeah, that's why I called the special lucky.

I'm the luckiest man in the world. I'm lucky as fucking shit. I'm lucky to be alive today. I had a moment in the middle of my workout today. I had a wildly fun, crazy workout. And I had a middle of workout where I walked outside and it's raining outside. I'm outside my gym. And I thought of, like, all my friends that are, A, too sick to work out.

be dead, C, don't have the opportunity because they work too hard to work out. And I thought, how lucky am I that I get to wake up at like 8, 8 o'clock, get into the gym, and then sit out in the rain, already sweating my ass off, steam coming off me and going to and I'm halfway through. That's the best feeling going to work out. Maybe not for you, but for the regular guy,

when you're halfway through, you're like, oh, it's coming to an end. Almost done. Almost done. But yeah. Why, have you always gone in and out of like loving working out No, I've always worked out. All right, guys, quick and rush for the podcast, Heel, listen, if you guys are trying to gain weight or lose fat, trying to look better, feel better, this is a solution. 400 calories, proteins, carbs, fats, everything good that you need in a meal.

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But if you're an Amazon shop, you can buy it there as well. but I don't think they get a 15% discount and a free gift which is pretty nice give it a shot if you guys are having a hard time trying to get enough calories this is the answer honestly it tastes fucking amazing and I'm not just glazing I honestly wish that this is my product

and I wish that they would give me equity but that's one of the conversation anyways I love you guys let's get back into this podcast be small forever or be jacked the choice is yours go to heel dot com code rot talk I love you guys what's so what's going on with the it's just me I like to party

no matter what no matter what Do you ever see yourself, like, completely having, like, a body transformation? No. I don't want it. I mean, I, sure, I'd want it. But, you know, I get a little, I do have OCD in real life, right? So I get a little OCD about diet, and it does turn into a little bit of an eating disorder. Like, not like a real one like the people get, but like a little bit like where it just become unbearable.

And so, like, even when I lost 55 pounds, I mean, I would like, I would like, like, I would like, I would like snap if if I was like whoa whoa whoa is this tomato sauce on this and they were like I go I can't fucking have tomato sauce I was so upset that no one could understand the concept of ketosis I mean I pissed on a strip I pissed on a strip every piss every piss you're lying no way every piss when I got into when I was it when it would come out purple or brown I'd be like fuck yeah and I'd be like go to bed hungry go to bed hungry it's just going to shred off you. Dude, I can't do that.

The hardest thing for me ever is is not eating at night. Oh. It's the work, my biggest, my, it's like, if I could just not do that,

my whole life would be better. I'd sleep better. I'd look better. I'd feel better. And I just can't avoid eating shit at night. Are the best is when you forgot to eat? No, because I'll,

I'll wake up. I swear, I'll wake up, literally, but say I went to bed at like 12. I'll wake up at like two and crush whatever is in my fridge. I must be a zombie

because it doesn't matter I'll go eat a whole fucking thing of ice cream and fall asleep Oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I you can I will you will not catch me eating ice cream I cannot I've done it but man it uh uh no I'm just I've that Do you eat shit at night like that though? No dude I eat him I'd still like last night I have broccoli with spinach and zucchini

And steak and that was it And then I ate at like like 8.30 by drink. That's my problem is I'll have a drink and then I'll have like this with porosos and soda and I'll be like cool have another one cool get into the hot tub walk in the house I'll make a drink I'll have some of it that I poured out and then I start murdering water I have like four liquid deaths before right before bedtime you really like to drink for real I love drinking I love drinking, drinking. Like, I love, dude, I love, I love, I love, I love cups, I love ice, I love fluid, I love, dude, if I go to an event, I don't even know if you can find the picture.

If I go to an event and I know I can't drink, since it's work, I will go and get a drink that I want, like a styrofoam cup of something or a big gulp. I went to a Netflix event at Kevin Hart's house. What picture? Put up, put up Bert Chrysier, Netflix, Big Gulp. I'll guarantee you something comes up. wait when did you become such a big you just so you like liquids i love drinking dude i love i love iced coffee there's got it just a yeah there you go there you gop two bears one cave that's me a t i have a picture of me t i and tiny and lian i have a fucking big gulp in my hand

you don't post it no i didn't fucking realize you should do it now i didn't even realize had a big gulp I just knew I wanted a drink. I was trying not to drink, but I need something. But where were? It was a Kevin Hart's house. You brought the big gulp to it. I bring a drink everywhere. The first thing I saw when I opened the door was the drink.

What's in that? Diet Dr. Pepper, Diet Dr. Pepper, Blackberry. Just. Dude, when I wasn't drinking, when I wasn't drinking, I'm not even fucking around. When I wasn't drinking for like three months. We were on the road. My team knew I needed to drink the second I got off stage. But I had no alcohol.

Without a doubt, it was a styrofoam cup with crushed ice and diet A&W root beer. Two of them there. And I just fucking sip on it. I love drinking. How often you drink alcohol, though? Every day. Is this why the sober October thing fell out? Because he just knew you were never going to actually stop drinking?

No, it didn't fall out. It was just like, we just. we just the reason I mean the reason it fell out was that sober October was always

fun for us because we always joked and busted balls and then Ari drugged me and we no one talked that month and so the next month we're like yeah it's not fuck it

and then I think Joe did it maybe by himself that year he was like I'll do it you know because his fans want him to do it and then one year I think me and Tom did it no no we did it again

me and Tom and Joe we did 100 pushups But it's just kind of, you know, one little thing, like getting drugged kind of just put a stink on it a little bit. And we were all like, it wasn't as fun as it was. Because Ari drugged you. A little bit. And, you know, it took Ari and I a while to repair our relationship, like to genuinely. Actually?

Yeah. See, this is what's crazy is like, you can make all these videos, but these are like real relationships. Yeah. You can ask Joe any time. Never once have Joe and I ever had an issue, ever in our entire lives. I was texting him right now. because I'm seeing him Friday. Yeah.

And so, but we won't post about it online. Yeah, yeah. So then, so then I guess it's not real. Yeah, well,

yeah, that's the, do the fuck. Can you imagine if I was the kind of guy? Can you imagine how lost I'd be as a human? If I had read that, Joe and I had a falling out. And then I was like,

yo, Joe, I'd love to see a Friday. Hey, Joe, can we get a picture? I want to post this online so everyone knows that that would be fucking broken.

You'd fucking suck. You would suck as a human. You would fucking be a terrible person. So then what would I argue is better? Live in the dark and not know what people say and just live your life. Yeah. What's your real life? It's my real life.

Yeah. Like you guys, you guys talk about Joe, not the way I talk about him. Yeah. Like, so I talk about him as a, it's so funny, he's been a genuine friend of mine for, you know, I guess probably 15, 12 years. Yeah. Like a big brother to me. I love him to death. uh we've disagreed of course we've had we have difference opinions on everything he doesn't get me

and i don't get him at times but we're friends we've been friends forever and we're going to stay friends and no one's going to change that and i but if it gets you views let it let it get you views if you monetize it i guess i'm hoping they're monetizing i thought maybe want to fight shane gillis now because of the they took the the spot for the pod instead no your parks you know hold on see that's wild i'm playing the game i'm playing the internet play the game play the game do you know that's what they say you know i just really i was honestly i spent the last couple hours just looking i was like looking at stuff and i was like damn they really they believe this people really believe this i guess you know it's funny when when i was

young and like you'd see if you'd see a thing that would say on the on the thing on like the inquire tom cruz is gay yeah and i laugh but then i go wait is he he rich your gear put a hamster up his ass. You'd be like, I think you might have done it. And then it becomes you and you're like, hold on. I didn't put a hamster up my ass. You know, what the fuck? No, man. I, listen, I have known Shane longer than the people that hate Shane have known, or that love Shane, no, have known Shane. Yeah. I've known Shane for an extremely long time. And, uh, and I've, and Shane will say this or not. I don't know. I've been one of, I've been a big Shane fan before anyone was a Shane fan. And I've been a Shane supporter when

And it wasn't cool to be a Shane supporter. And I have taken them on the road with me. You can post pictures, Burt Kreiser, Shane. You're going to see a lot of us, one of us at Red Rocks. I brought him out with me all the time. When I first did fully loaded, I was like, dude, you're one of my favorite guys in the world. I have to have you on this. And he was like, done.

So I love Shane. And Shane on Rogan, in my opinion, it personally is better than me on Rogan. I think he's funny as fucking shit. Shane Gillis is one of the funniest human beings I've ever fucking hung out with You've never caught me say one bad thing about Shane I've always celebrated him In real life though like because I I had Kevin Hart at the gym once

And I remember being like well this dude's actually fucking funny in real life Not just on camera like completely off camera His personality is just funny Yeah What other comedians you know are like Shane sounds like he's one of them Do Shane the hardest we've ever laughed Is we're in the bus time and uh we're watching apocalyptic and we're all a little fucked up we're really fucked up

and we're like an apocalyptic comes on like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa let's watch apocalyptic it's like fucking two in the morning two in the morning there's probably like what 10 people and 10 dudes in the bus this back in the day like this is by the way for the record chain wasn't famous yet okay yeah he might have been on the s and l shit might have gone down i think but it's right after that so we're in there we're in the bus and uh and uh and my cameraman john manz goes oh turn the uh turn the subtitles off and shan goes what and he goes no turn the subter you're not supposed to watch it with subtitles and Shane's like hold on man's when did you start speaking ancient as tech and he goes no no no no the whole movie's told through action so you don't need to see

the words and we're like and I'm believe I'm high as fuck I'm believing him I was like I go hold on play played a little bit without the subtitles No, this is too funny. Dude, we were... Oh, bro. Shane is lighting. Shane is a bully at best, his highest quality, and he is lighting John Manns up. So then he says to Man's, he's like, man's, I got it fucking out for you.

You know what? I'm going into Austin. I'm doing Rogan on Tuesday. I'm going to tell him you're a fucking pedophile. And Manz goes, you can't tell him him a pedophile. And he goes, I'm going to tell him you're gay and you're a fucking pedophile. So, Shane goes on Joe, on Thursday. and I get sent a clip immediately.

He's like, and Joe's like, what's it like being on the road with Bert? He's like, it's fucking awesome except for this guy, John Mans, who's a pedophile. And Joe goes, hey, man, maybe we shouldn't talk about this. He goes, oh, no, no, I told him I'm going to light his ass up on this podcast. And he destroyed John Man's. Dude, John Man's was up in arms. He was so upset. He called me.

He's like, dude, we have to do a rebuttal podcast. So I had Manz come on my podcast. And he's like, I go, Man's, have you ever had sex with a child? He goes, no. Well, hold on. It's so fucking fun he is the fucking funniest dude those days back in the day when we'd all just tour like that that's my favorite time of touring it's because you got to think all the guys that like that now are wildly successful yeah bigger than me I would argue

Mark Norman Shane Gillis Tim Dillon dude Dan Soder Big J O'Kerson all these dudes would come out in the road with me and we just be in a bus and it was and they're the funniest individuals we used to do a thing called um fully loaded we'll still do it we're gonna do it we didn't took up this year but we're still doing it but i remember one morning it's it's gillis big j mark normand like Whitney cummings uh uh uh like a whole list of comic like the best comments yeah and by the way at the time not all as famous as they are today all of them stavi like just it's fucking and we're having breakfast my daughters are there we're having breakfast they are busting balls like crazy. We are laughing hysterically. It is the hardest we've ever laughed.

And we're like, all right, let's all get on fucking bathing suits. We're going to go get on a boat now. And we're like, great. So we all put on, everyone leaves. It's my daughter, Georgia. And she's sitting at the table. She was like, holy shit. I said what? She goes, I don't, I've never laughed that hard in my life. I said, yeah. And she goes, dad, this is fucking amazing. And I said, yeah, and she goes, this is your life? And I was like, yeah. She's like, these are your friends? I was like, yeah. She goes, no wonder you never came home. It's just the dude, you live on a bus, and it was the greatest.

Do you think there'll ever be times like that again, or everyone's too spread, too busy? Dude, I'll tell you what. And it's because the guys like Shane, and I was, dare I say me and Mark Norman and Adam Ray and Tony Hinchcliff and Nikki is like, there is a need for us to be around each other. So like I did a show at the Super Bowl

at whatever the, you want to Lakefront Arena. Yeah. Me, Nikki, Tony, and Adam Ray. And I get a text from Shane. He's like, can I hop on? No, listen, just so we're clear. And I said this to Theo on Theo's podcast. I reached out of Theo to be on.

I can't afford Theo to do that. Theo can sell the arena on his own. Yeah, guys. He doesn't need me to help sell an arena. And so all I can do is be like, do you want to do like 15 minutes? But I can't even afford his 15 minute quote. I can't. Theo and Shane, I cannot afford.

Dude, I couldn't afford I got Tony and Nikki before the fucking roast. I couldn't afford them today if I tried to book him today. I couldn't afford them to be on a like a on a show with me. Yeah, because I was I always do that at the Super Bowl every Super Bowl to me Shane Mark Norman Big Jay I think everyone we've ever done me Shane something like he did the one me Thomas Shane and Bobby Lee me Shane Mark Norman yeah and Big Jay and then I got a text from Shane he's like yo Can I do your Super Bowl show? I was like, I can't afford you. He's like, obviously, I'll do it for free. Yeah. And you're like, yeah, it's a fun thing to bring out a guy that you love to death and to see an arena of people as a surprise guest lose their fucking minds. Like, I brought him up.

I hosted the show. And I was like, ladies and gentlemen, this first guest, you may know him from his hit show tires. And the place went, holy shut the fuck up. I go, you may know him from special beautiful dogs. And I'm watching Shane on a thing. Guy Fiatty's popping him on the back. And he's like, oh, fucking let's go. Dude, it's the greatest feeling in the world.

It's, it's the best. So, so that stuff, like, when you talk about paying for someone, they, they have to, do they have to be paid because of like they're the management or like, agents and lawyers, like, so like if I, I couldn't announce Shane. Because if I know, now Shane, I'll, I'll possibly sell two shows at the arena. I see. You know, if I had, if I, you, you, you pay people so you can use their name to sell tickets. Yeah.

So, like, when we do. fully loaded um i usually go mostly with just the people i love because i bring my family with me and so it's like all my favorite comics to be around and um and comics and sell tickets so when we do the gorge it's like a 35 i mean i don't know what it sits but i think we sold 35 and so you do the gorge you bring names that help 35 000 yeah damn yeah selling out fucking arenas must must be a crazy feeling it is it's it's pretty cool yeah it's pretty cool yeah Was that something that you, you, when, like, I kind of want to take it back to, like, when you were a kid and you were, or you were a comic in the beginning coming up, was it something that you were like, oh, we thought you would be doing? Or it's just kind of, you're like, holy shit, that's turning to something. No, I didn't think, I mean, I didn't know I wanted to be a comedian until, like, college, I knew people said I was funny. You should try comedy. But there were, I didn't know that was a real thing. It's like, you know, when you look back at, not to take this back to bodybuilding, but when you look at Arnold and, and bodybuilding was like a weird thing back there.

And so the idea that he did what he did is insane. When I looked at comedy back then, it was kind of like bodybuilding. Like it was like, people do that? Like, I didn't, I didn't never. I mean, I've seen it a couple times on TV on like Leno, but or a tonight show with Carson. But I was like, I can't do that. Like, that's got to be something. And then in college, everyone said I should be a comedian.

And then I got written up obviously in Rolling Stone magazine. And then that because of that, I tried comedy. But when I tried comedy and I did good, I was like, oh, I'm just good at it. it and I enjoy this, I'll just move to New York and then, and then we'll see what happens. I didn't know you can make money at it. I didn't know you could make money on the road. I didn't know the road existed. I knew you could make money living in this city. I knew you could book a commercial and I knew you could get a sitcom. That's, but I thought that's how you make money. And then, and then I remember hearing about the road and I was like, oh, people do

the road. But then when you do the road, I was like, no one did. No one did arenas. I mean, Dice did and Dane did. That was it. That was only people, Steve Martin did. That was it so those were intangibles and then the first arena i mean theaters were like crazy like to do theaters but were you ever like on were you ever doing stand-up and it was just like thousand people 500 people oh is that i don't know what so a thousand people's a lot yeah it's a lot oh yeah yeah yeah but even less than that like 300 people like 70 people 70 yeah like dating funny Bones, 75 people on a Thursday night. Friday night, early show, 85 people. Those were my weekends. Those were, and I get paid $1,500 a week. How long were you doing that for?

Jesus. So Georgia was born in 2004, and I, and I didn't get success until 2017. So, but how are you tributing your success? You're just like the amount of money. Meaning like a fan, like someone came to your show because they knew who you were. Okay. So like at 2007, 17 was the first time people started coming to my shows that year that January just on a lineup of comics I was just, I was, I was, I was good at selling beer, because I drink, so, so clubs loved me. So, like, I'd go in and, and I was also like, look, man, I've always said, and I've always said, you know, I have, I had, I wasn't, I had to, like, hustle to get comedy. Like, I had to, I couldn't, I was never one of the chosen kids from Comedy Central.

So, like, it's like, I didn't ever had a career of, like, oh, dude, this, this is handpicked. He is brilliant. And so what I do is I'd get done my show and I'd tell everyone. And don't leave, go to the bar. I'll meet you out at the bar. We'll have drinks out of the bar. And what that would do is that would up my bar sales for the week by like, you know, a thousand bucks every show.

And at the end of the week, the manager's looking at the tabs going like, dude, we didn't do great numbers, but our bar sales were through the roof for like an average week. We got to bring this guy back. And so I started doing that. And I did that. I mean, I was a feature for like the first two years of George's life and then started headlining, but you're getting like $1,300 a week for a headlining gig. and by the time I was about to pop

meaning like sell some tickets I was maybe getting like 5,000 a week I think maybe 7,000 a week was like a good week but it was only clubs that like they knew I had radio relationships and like I could like DC and Tampa

like Philly places I had radio relationships where they would be promoting that you're going to be somewhere so some towns some large cities like Tampa, Philly D.C., certain cities like Bob and Tom areas. If you can get on radio,

then in a weird way that club is like, they'll pay you a little, not, it sounds like mismanaged in my words, but like they'll pay you a little extra because you can get on radio. So you, because you can sell tickets on radio

if you do good radio. And, but there are guys that wouldn't do radio and so they just didn't, you know, that you're not promoting your own shows. Radio's kind of washed now. It's just like you have a podcast, huh?

No, not everywhere. Like the name places I just named, those people still own their market. I mean, they own their market. You've got affiliate press and Steve, you will sell your weekend out. You do, if you can get on Elliott in the morning,

that was like the big, that's a big example. It's like, Ellie in the morning of DC, DC 101 was impossible to get on because Elliot was like, had like specific tastes in comics. So they'd call them up every weekend.

You go, yo, we've got dot dot, dot. And he'd go pass. And they go, yo, we got dot, dot, dot. And then they go, yo, we have Jim Gaff. And he goes, oh, I'd have Gaffigan on. And they're like, okay, we have, is that just a relationship thing or just it's just who he thinks he'd vibe with okay and so then

we were doing the we were doing the uh jameson comedy tour and they pitched us they we'd like to have the jameson guys in and he goes i'll have bert in and i did not know him and they were like and it was wild they were like yo eleus having you in studio in you have to kill it you have to kill it i was like we okay what is it they're like it's the hottest show because you're doing it we'll sell out the whole weekend what year was this Georgia broke her teeth she was probably four maybe three so probably 2007 2008 and so I went in and did Elliot and it was really good like it was and I mean I would I would argue I'm not as good on podcast today as I was on radio or I was on podcast when I started so I think my interviews

have changed a little more I think there's more questions for me so I answer things as opposed to more comedy, but back in the day, I was destructive on fucking radio. It was strictly comedy. Oh, do I just do bits? I was just fucking, you never knew I was doing a bit.

I'd fucking slide bits in, and then they'd be like, God, man, but it was like, you can't do that on podcast. When the first time, I tried to do that on the first time I did Rogan,

and he was like, huh? Like, what the fuck are you doing? Are you doing a bit? Yeah, because he knew. And I was like, no. And he was like, and I was like, okay. Like, I tried to do a bit

that murdered on radio. murdered and he went like this because he's a comic and he knew what I was doing and he was like cool and then he started picking it apart a little bit

and I was like in real time I'm like hey man don't do that and then I said then I had a bit I had a bit and he threw it he threw to me

and on radio I would have done the bit I just would have done the bit and I knew that he didn't want to get a bit and then he was like he was like what do you have an opinion about that

and I was like well yeah yeah and he goes I was like, dude, I don't know how to do this. Like, it's like, are we just having a real conversation? And he was like, he's like, yeah, man, but tell me your bit. He fucks the whole thing.

And I, no, but he's just so real, man. I know, I love it. He's like, so real. And he's like, and I tell him the bit and he goes, uh, that's good. And I was like, fuck. But yeah, like, uh, so I did Ellie in the morning. I got hammered on air. I gave out my wife's phone number.

Like it was just, I gave out my, my, my, my, my, uh, Facebook login. like they took over my Facebook it was crazy it was wild debauchrous and then at the end of the show Elliot's like I knew you'd kill and I was like really he's like do you know why I had you in I was like no and he gave me the secret handshake of our fraternity he was in ATO also he was like he's got to help a brother out and I went shut the fuck up been friends with that guy for 20 years and so but yeah radio radio still owns certain markets still still owns it. And Bob and Tom still pops, man. You do Bob and Tom? It's, it's big. You'd be shocked. But so do you think it, do you think like the rest of the game is

completely changed? It's almost just like a podcast driven now. Oh, I mean, I remember the the canary in the mind for me was Tom. Tom wouldn't do radio. He just stopped doing radio and he wasn't even famous. He was like, no, man, I just, my podcast fans are coming out. And I was like, podcast fans. So what are you talking about? What year did that really change for comedy? I was probably 36 or 37 years old. So, 15 years ago 15 years ago find out when rogan did his first podcast but 15 years ago um i'm guessing 15 is when i started i remember we were upstairs and georgia was on my laptop and she was watching joe and tom 2009 so yeah 2009 what is that 15 years ago about yeah i'm terrible

of math i'm too i'm only good at in 45s so what what no the 45 that's my best that's my favorite that's straight up true yeah no 135 225 i can do that all day i can do that forever yeah but anything else is like what are we doing that's great i'm not good at i'm not yeah other numbers fuck me up i'm also really bad i remember dates and like fucking i can remember things based on like tragic events like I try to remember like I remember 9-11 9-11 is like a big one for me I remember it's either before 9-11 or after 9-11 yeah and then uh 2000 I remember 2000s we all sat around its computer to watch at the world's gonna see if it worked uh I remember the fall of communism was 1989 um 1989 that's where I was born I was in I was in Mr. For Real? I was a

junior in high school so maybe it was 1990. But, no, 1999, I was in Coach Wiener's class. But yeah, I don't, what it happened is, I remember Georgia was in Georgia and New, Georgia knew Tom and my daughter's knew Tom and Christina since they were born. And they would, Tom McSina didn't have any money, so they'd come over every night and eat dinner with us. And the girls would do Naked Time. They called it Naky Time at like, at like 5 o'clock.

And Tom was like, we're going to show up after Naky Time. Yeah, yeah. And they walk in and I go, girls. naked time and they'd take her clothes off tom's like god damn it so so georgia saw was that like to shower or bathe or something like no just run around the house naked oh okay yeah kids do that yeah and so georgia saw tom on a pot on my my thing i'd like a my twitter feed on my computer was going and georgia saw tom and she clicked on it's like four years old she clicked on tom and the jo rogan pot experience was on my thing i didn't know what it was and it was snowflakes coming down and they were just

reading comments. I was like, what the fuck is Tom doing? George had it in her lap. She's watching the Joe Rogan experience. And I'm like, what are you watching, George?

She's like, Uncle Tommy. And I was like, huh? She goes, Tommy, dad. And I was like,

wait, what is Tom doing? And I saw, it was my first Joe Rogan experience I saw. And then I became obsessed. I loved it, dude. It was like,

it was like the best. I'd be on the road. I put it on the iPad, get in bed and listen to Joey Diaz just tell fucking wild stories and be like, oh, it was the fucking greatest. Man,

he's that dude's fucking hilarious. I'm curious like where do you get your bits from and do you write them? Do you have help writing them? No, I don't have help. I wish I did. I would love to have a team of writers. That would be great. Yeah.

No, but I'm a little, I'm a little specific about it needs to be my story. It has to be my voice. And part of the thing about doing standup for me is solving the math of it. So like if I don't solve the math of it, I can't like it's not, that's why I do it it's like can you imagine being a painter and the guy traced the lines for you and was like all right just fill in there and then you're not i don't think you're like a painter i mean maybe you are and i'm sure someone's getting upset they're like that's what i paint but i like to trace the lines

and i like to fill in the lines i like to do it all yeah like that's the fun of stand-up for me the fun of stand-up isn't necessarily even only a comic will get this it's not even like it's not even the time you tell the joke and it kills it's the set before that where you figure it out because you fucked it up but you figured it out and you can't wait for the next time

for you to get on stage to tell it the way you should have told it that time that's my favorite part of stand-up so where do you do that now at the store I like to do like runs

I'll take my bus and I'll go hit clubs and do like 14 days out on the road do a circle of the U.S. and then come back I like doing that I'm doing a thing like a TV show

and I'll be living in a city for like, you know, seven weeks or whatever. So when I'm there, I'll just lock down a club there and go every night. And that's where you work on your list. And yeah, and just write and try to figure out things out and just free talk. Talk to people,

do a little crowdwork. I don't do crowdwork for clips. I do crowdwork for the bit to like, you know, dot, dot, dot. And then they give you something and then you have something about that. You're like, oh, this works. It makes the whole bit better. Yeah, yeah.

Like, uh, like, uh, like I remember it's funny. it's it's I can't think of an exact example but like when I was younger that's kind of how I write on stage is like I do a little crowd work and then if I could come up with a bit out of that I'd be like oh we got that like boom um but a lot of it a lot of it I mean a lot of it was the girls is like the shit would happen to the girls and Liam would hit me up and be like uh like yo you're never going to believe what happened or I'd witness something like I remember one one of my favorite thing like when you're talking about watching a bit happen I was at Iowa softball practice and the coach was doing practice without a ball just to make it a little

quicker so that the girls can understand where the play would be. You don't imagine her like, hey guys, all right, ground ball to Lily. Run her on first base, Lily, what are you going to do? And she goes, throw a second. And then she'd pretend throw. And then they'd pretend to catch it. And then throw it to first. And they'd go, double play.

Way to go, everybody. And I was in center field. And he goes, all right, base is loaded. Fly ball to Isla. And Ila starts backing up and then turns around like it flew over her head. and I am sitting there going what did I just fucking witness? I was like that's the bit

I'm done that's the bit like why did you just catch it? Why didn't you catch it then she threw a glove in the air like fuck like she's faking that it's yeah that it's a whole like I thought it was so funny and I called Leanne I was like you're never going to leave what your idiot kid did I mean this is the bit the bitch just is the thing

I go what and I was like she just missed I forget what the verbiage is and Leanne's like don't bring it up she's like she's like that's her beautiful little brain do not break it like let her that is who she is don't fuck with that if you shame her about it's what your dad did to you but like I couldn't sit with it I'm in the car I'm like you had to say so I was like yo what happened with that fly ball and then she looks in the rear view mirror at me smirks and goes yeah coach really got a hold of that one not yo she's funny dude she's that kid that kid made me

so much money. Holy shit. So much money. You have no idea. And I mean, she said, she has said stuff to this day that I, I can't say that she won't let me say. She's done stuff that would be a, I'd have a brand new hour that she's like, yeah, you got to pull that out.

And I'm like, baby. She goes, I said that to you in private. You're my dad. I can feel safe with you. And I'm like, God damn. So most of the stuff is just like real life shit. All my stuff, stories is real life shit. Like, like, I was doing an interview.

the other day and they were asking me about um the closing bit on this on this special is uh pretty intense it's about our dog passing yeah kind of ironic that our dog has cancer now and we're we have another dog and that it's he's really sucks these big dogs don't last forever i know i have one what do you got i have well you didn't i they were in the the kennels when we walked in but i have a king corso italian mass big dog and i have two two pit bulls okay i have bull massed my older pit bull she's got a few years left that's gonna be like the worst day of my life when that dog goes

dude it's that's what the bits about is about losing our dog and it's very emotional so if you if you've ever had to put down a dog it's gonna it'll be an interesting bit for you to watch because you'll laugh a lot but there'll be times where you can't help internalize and the guy said to me he goes

why did you choose to put that in your special and I said what do you mean he was like I don't know like aren't afraid it's gonna upset people and I was like yeah that's what but that's what like my comedy isn't about trying to alienate people it's about trying to bring everyone in so that we realize we're all fucking similar yeah like we're all the same we're all like

like we all have these shared experiences and like you know we all got a kid that's weird as fuck everyone does I've if I had one person say to me if I had a nickel for every time someone said yo I have an Ila I was I'd be I'd be crazy wild rich every someone comes up and goes I have an Ila or now a lot of the specials about you know

my relationship and Now the girls have left and Leanne's going through menopause and dude in the special I do I tell a joke I go my you know whatever I'm not going to do the bit but like I do it and this guy in the special goes me too right here and it's like dude we're all similar that's like and I'm not saying like look I know that what what what the internet likes is like edgy shitty like not shitty but like shit like shit on people like hard shit bring the hard shit it's just not what I do so I don't I mean so I mean it's happens but comedy comedy i feel like like is mostly the reason why people love it is because it's relatable and it's on that line of like yeah edgy sometimes but it's also just like people can be like damn like you're like you're describing your your audience saying oh i have this i i can relate to that yeah that's what makes comedy great though dude i i mean that my i mean like there's a lot of things to make comedy great like when you take a bit that is just well fought it's just well like uh i'm trying to think i got are you shane because he's a easy example Shane had a bit

that was like that we played in the bus one night and we were crying laughing and it was about the guy who created the special Olympics i didn't see it just all that's all say so everyone go find that and it's so good it's but it's a what it is is it's a perspective of like you took something that you're you're familiar with then turn it on a his head a little bit and thought, you know, like, how, how did they come up with this? That's kind of wild. I mean, this is his joke, but he's like, it's kind of wild. Like, one guy in town was like, yo, yeah, like, who thought?

Town over says theirs are faster than ours. Yeah. And it's also, it's like the thing with, like, great, great comics is like, same with hip hop. It's not what they say, but how they're saying it. Yeah, it's always how you say it. And, and, uh, and like, I love that. I love the play on words on stuff. I love when you write a joke that's not technically funny,

but it gets a laugh. And someone's like, someone's like, wait, like I have a joke in the special that is exactly that. And Chad Daniels came up to me and he goes, I got to, I got to stop you.

I know you're shooting your special in like two weeks. But he goes, it doesn't make sense. And I said, what? And he goes, no, like the joke, like mathematically it doesn't work.

Like it doesn't like, can I just, can you try it tonight just a little different so that it makes sense? sense for me. So I tried it. It didn't work. And he goes, well, fuck, I don't know, man. I guess funny's funny. You can't fucking, you don't know why it's funny. It makes you laugh. Yeah. That's a fact, man. There's a, there's two bits that are so viral. There's a bit, like, one of the funniest clips I've ever seen is Bobby Lee explaining to

Shab about, like, being raped or molested. Have you seen that? You haven't seen that? I don't want to ruin it um but then there's also one sounds hilarious no it's fucking like it goes viral like i feel like every year was this when he got molested by the down syndrome guy yeah yeah yeah and he's and they're trying not to laugh yeah yeah and he says it differently the second time the third time and they keep laughing yeah and then there's another have you seen the bit with shane gillis where he's talking about like something like there's like he's talking to a black guy about like a room and he's like something about other people shit being in it that's super viral as well I don't want to fuck the joke up because it's like I don't want to say it wrong no no no I what would be cool pull it up pull it up

Shane Gillis uh um um black guy yeah black guy's black guys black guys might be it black guys apartment black guys apartment yeah yeah black guy's apartment yeah yeah yeah you have live laugh love cursive in your apartment My apartment's black as shit Just so if my family comes I'm like, no, she's a good one Yeah What do you have in your apartment That makes it black as shit?

I can't think of the name of it Other people's stuff That shit So like my The reason why I brought this up is Like How do you Maybe this is me being really curious

Like how do you do stuff That's like somewhat Uncomfortable with people How do you make it comfortable like how oh you don't you don't you just roll the dice okay yeah you don't you don't you can't and sometimes it doesn't work and sometimes it goes fucking flat so it that's the i mean that's the thing is everyone wants to say they're a comedian take a big swing in a room see if it fucking pops off take it take a big swing like i i one of the ones i that like back in the day it's like

a bunch of comics in a room and there's this black comic and uh on stage and yeah he's an older black comic But he's like, I don't know, he's got, I think he's from Chicago maybe. And he was like, it was like all us in the back, like all me and my friends. And I had to follow this guy. He was murdering. He's like, man, white kids these days, they got make-believe diseases. Shit my mama would have slapped me for. They give it a name.

ADD. ADD. You know what ADD is? A slap by your mama? You get no ADD. Dyslexia? No, man, that's how dumb as fuck. your mama slap you read boy and like just going on right yeah and then and he goes all right

that's my time and I go up on stage and it's silent I go hey that was great keep it going for that guy yeah and he's like I was like I just have one I just have one footnote in your set um you guys do get these diseases like ADD and dyslexia it's just you guys drop out of school so early we don't have time to catch it and the place went crazy and he and my friends were like what the i used to love taking those chances but i just but that the thing is like you say it because you're a comic and you can't hold it back you go i got to try i gotta it's the fucking live by the sword die by the sword i gotta and then there's times you say shit like that and it does not work and you're like yeah you continue on you're just

go all right and by the way that for me was the miami improv i would fucking I remember one time I was in the I was at Miami Improv and there was a I was bombing I was bombing so bad and I was trying to talk to this guy in the front row and he would not have it and he starts going like this and this is a packed room full of like Latinos like this and I go um with like a piece of paper with nothing just like this and I go what's that and he goes I'm going to beat you with that baseball bat and I go oh you must be Dominican nothing nothing nothing and I'm like um That hit, that would hit, though. Nothing. No. What? No. No, you know how I got myself out of that situation?

I said to the audience, I was like, all right, I, look, there's clearly a language barrier here. And I said, I think you guys don't like me because I'm white and they started cheering. I go, okay, totally fine. But I'm a good comedian. It's just, I don't think, I don't think you guys are getting it. So what I like to do is I like to bring like a Latino dude up here. Like, I mean, the most Latino Cuban. I'm talking cichletta or whatever chanclars like I want this guy and this guy comes up

And he's like fucking got the wiaveira on and he's like fucking dripped out and he's like yeah and he starts and he starts dancing the place goes nuts I go okay okay but there's some black people in here now I want to bring out the most thugged out black dude on stage And this guy comes out gold fronts fucking braids and he's bigger dude and he's like yeah and I was like all right bring up three chairs Bring up a table bottle of tequila I go I'm gonna tell my jokes and I just need you to translate them to your people and they're like all right so i was like i was talking to a young lady the other day yo no this is a good fucking bit dude you did this completely on the fly i had to i was bombing so bad and so he's the the cuban guy's like so i'm speaking to his mummias right give it to the black guy and the black guy no joke goes man can a play against some conversation place fucking i mean

we killed so hard and by the way at a certain point i just had because i knew my joke i knew the joke i had written the joke so i i would give them the joke and let them guess a punchline and they were pretty fucking funny like that's like you know do you know how to go you know what you know the best way to go down on a woman and then the Cuban guy grabs the mic and he's like yeah you put your lips right next to her clinton you go the place blows up right i had never heard of that never heard of that Give it to the black guy. He goes, man, I don't eat pussy. And the place is going crazy, right?

And then I go, no, no, no. Guys, what you do is you put your lips around it entirely, very gently just go, ha. And I mean, it was like gold in that room because you could make up a moment, have a moment. That's, you know, I got to say that that's what the specials are now is trying to find that moment. I was talking to Chappelle right before I shot my special. I was lucky enough to spend a couple days partying with him. Yeah, and we're like, it's like fucking four in the morning, and we are, we're at it.

I go, bro, I got to, I got to tell you something. If I don't take this opportunity to ask you comedy questions, I mean, you're the best. You're the best I've done it. He's my age, but he's like a hero to me, man. Yeah, he's a goat. He's a goat. I'd be fucked up if I didn't ask you these questions. He goes, all right, what do you want to know?

I was like, shoot my special. He goes, how many shows? I said, six. He goes, perfect. I said, what am I, when you do your specials, say, seem so loose are you doing them like do you run in an hour and he starts breaking down how he does it and then he said to me he goes what you need i'm gonna fuck it up because i don't i was drunk but he's like what you need is you need to take all that oxygen and turn it into a molecule and you got to hope that

molecule shows up in that show and that it's a special moment and then let that molecule explode and he kind of broke down the way he does it and he goes so you don't need every show to be great what you need is to be looking for that molecule and i was like it dude it took so much pressure off me because i put a lot of pressure on myself and i enjoyed this special probably more than any of them so i shot six we got it in four but the show we use is the six show and that's when the molecule showed up it was fucking awesome that's when it hit yeah so what what do you mean by so he meant just like you're you're doing all these different shoots to create the special yeah but you're not trying to force that moment you're trying to find that moment so the first show i did so

So, yes, I'll break it down in specials. So the very first time I did a special, forget the first two. Forget the first two. The secret time, or no, comfortably dumb in the machine, ignore those, scrap those. Let's talk about secret time. I got up on stage and I was crushing with this hour. And I got up and I tried to force it a little bit. And man, they can smell it.

They smell forced in the room. You can't really tell it on the camera. There's people that have bombed on their hours, still good hours. Because look, as long as you're receiving it on the screen at home, you're going to love it. If you're a friend of the guy, you'll love it. I bombed. And I got out and I was like, fuck. And my wife, my dad always told me whether it's true or not, he always said you love pressure.

And I think it had a Pavlovian effect on me. And it made me believe I love pressure. I don't know if I do or don't. But my dad is, ever since I was a kid, was like, buddy, if we need someone to hit an RBI, if we need a base hit you're the guy they put in you love that shit you thrive off pressure it's why i talk wild about athletics it's why i made that bet like a bench 320 because i love i love that shit i love saying wild shit i can run the l a marathon with no training at all but you don't know if you actually do you just like it was kind of that was baked into you it was baked into me he he did that

yeah and so i love fucking i love that energy i love a competition i love it i love i love a crazy bet I loved sober October. I loved challenging Joe. Those were the funnest times of my life. Yeah. And so I'm getting ready to shoot the second show. We're only doing two shows in Philly for Secret Time. And my wife goes, well, you love pressure.

Here's where we find out how much of a diamond you can be. And I was like, oh shit, I do love pressure. I was like, oh yeah, fuck yeah. I was like, I'm in my space. And dude, that show organically, organically was one of without a doubt, one of the best sets I've ever had at a filming just organic as it was there was a period where we were afraid because there was an older building that it was going to fall down I mean they were stomping so hard on the ground stomping and I was like fuck so when we went to do the other

specials I in a weird way I kind of would put a lot of pressure on myself and then when I did this when I and that's why I'm doing six shows I did two then four then another four that I was like, fuck, I'm going to do six so that I don't have any pressure. I don't want, I just want it to be fun. And man, I got it. The first night, second night, banged them out. And I was almost angry that I'd put six. I was like, I'm ready to party. I'm done. And my buddy, Tony, who produces it is like, he just change it up. Have fun with it. Don't do the same set. Fucking tell some jokes I haven't heard. I told two stories I'd never told the whole week on those late, two last shows. Both of them are in the special. And it's just, it's because I wasn't forcing it. I was looking for the fun

of it. So that's what you mean. Like you, when you say you're not forcing it is for like people watching, you mean it's not like written bits that you're like, okay, I'm going to hit this. It kind of bits that come up or bits that come from the bits that you wrote. It's, it's allowing your spell. So I'm not like a real scripted comic and that I tell stories. So everything's kind of got a flow to it. And so it's allowing the flow to change up. We're thinking of something on the fly and being like, y'all, I'm going to slide this and I think that works. Like, I had a joke about my wife being like a old baseball glove that I just kind of threw in and it worked and I'd never done it.

I'd never done it on the road. I'd never written it and it just and it just came out so good. I mean, it was like, it was like, and then I got offstage. He's like, where did that come from? I go, I just thought of it. And it was, it was like, I mean, it was like, it was like a fucking joke that I would, today I wish I had thought of it a week later so I could use it in this act because it's such a good joke.

But, but yeah, it was just a free flow. And I told this story about Snoop that I'd never really, hadn't been really telling. And it just kind of happened. And it was like turned perfect. And you know, a lot of it is, you know, because I'm not really scripted per se, so a lot of it is just riding the energy of a room

and taking their energy and putting myself right in front of it and feeling it and responding to them the way they are and like matching them. Yeah. Yeah. But that's a crazy talent. Like that's... It's not.

I think anyone could figure it out. Really? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I say that. I mean, I say that. You know, when I, I got to be honest with this, like, there's parts of stand-up I can't do. Like, I can't, I'm not good at roasting because I'm not good at set up punch jokes. I'm not good at, like.

What do you think about the crowd work set that became, like, I think I feel like Matt Rife made it really popular. Matt Rife's really good at it. Yeah. Is that something do you think, like anyone could do or that's also a single talent? No, not, not anyone can do. I'm telling you, no, there are people that cannot do it. Like, Nate Bargotsie will tell you right now, he can't do crowd work. But Nate Bargotsie, one of the most brilliant comics working.

but he's just not good at crowdwork um crowdwork you got to be quick on your feet and you got to be really raw and honest like you got to be able to just be you got to say the wild thing that like yeah like uh like like like yeah i used to i used to be really good at crowdwork but i was also i was i would say i was fearless but i would say also i was oblivious like i'm oblivious to certain shit shit doesn't land on my radar and so like but that's probably why you're funny that's definitely part of why you're funny I think so, yeah. I mean, I hope so.

But like I say shit sometimes where I'm like, like, what were they? I was at a dinner the other night. I was in Spain with this lady and her husband and my wife. And the lady said something. That sounded like some swinger shit. I don't know why. Maybe because it was Spain.

Yeah. I don't know. It was not swing or shit. Okay, cool. Although they were our age. And by the way, I mean, I think we were into it. but uh but the lady said something wild and her husband's like what and i did we just met them and her husband's like hey what the fuck are you doing and i said no no no no no i love this shit

like i love when someone said something really fucked up because i go you're playing in my space now like this is where i love to talk about we were talking i wish i could remember what we were talking about but it was like so fucked up i love that i love when people trust you that's why i love great that's why I love comics is they say crazy shit yeah and you're like oh you're that's a safe place with me you can land there do you think do you think that nowadays people are coming back to the the darker and the crazier shit humor I feel like that's coming back because you remember you remember like uh I mean Dave Chappelle the goat and do you remember the Chappelle show yeah of course remember how fucking insane the shit that he would do was yeah like do you think that

I feel like that comedy's starting to come back but I don't know if like I feel like I feel like the internet in a lot of ways won't let it because it's it's too we can't listen to the internet no no i don't mean the internet like people i mean the internet like platforms well i don't know i mean i don't know i'm painfully oblivious like i don't know i don't know what the regulations are on podcasts i don't know what the regulations are on youtube yeah i don't watch a lot of shit um i don't watch a lot of shit on youtube anymore i used to love putting on a at two hour documentary on the Huns and just fucking lay it going to bed to it so fucking good i love shit like that i mean i i i just don't like youtube kind of fucked up movies for me because i get into the

shorts and then they'd play a scene from like a crazy movie and i'd be like well fuck i got to watch that movie but i didn't have time to watch a movie so i go to wikipedia and just read the movie and like i guess i saw uh what's the one with the the guy that goes to prison There's a lot of shot caller. I guess I saw a shot caller. But you read it. I just read it because I was like, I see the last scene where he goes into the cage

with the other guy and I was like, well, fuck, well, I know how the movie ends. Let me read the plot. Yeah. And so like, I mean, I watch all of peeky blinders on YouTube. Just all the best scenes on YouTube. And then I was like, fuck, I got to watch peeky blinders. And then I watched peeky blinders.

I knew what was going to happen in the scenes. I just didn't know who the people were. Did you still like it as much though? I love peeky blinders. Yeah, that was a great show. Dude, I love. I've said this before, but I love loving shit. Like, to love shit.

That feeling. Oh, man. I mean, I, I, I, my optimistic look is the, the people that create bad videos for people like us and anyone out there. Yeah. I, I, I can't imagine they're loving hate, right? So I think they're like, love songs to us, I guess. Because like, because I, like, I can't imagine there's someone that just lives in hate, right?

I don't think so. I don't think in real life they do I think they see that they can get the engagement of the clicks and that's why they do it like that's why it exists Oh so they love the attention Yeah or the but they're not But they're not putting their face out there are they

Some people will like clip up like they'll put their face Very rarely but some people do that Or they're trying to create sort of commentary Like a commentary channel based on like what you're doing Or another comedian's doing or you know in the fitness base What a fitness person is doing or not doing like people will put their face to it Joey Swolda is that Yeah like that's a great example of someone that like

Like their bit is someone else's bit and his reaction to the bit. Yeah. Or to the content. Yeah, I got to try this. When did you guys start this like a year ago? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, fuck yeah. We were just talking on two bears today about it. This will be out. I don't know when this drops. Maybe you've already seen it on two bears. But I was saying to Tom, I saw Tom get his car hit, right? You got us what? You didn't see this?

No. It's kind of crazy. So Tom, a lady backed into cars, Tom's car. Yeah. Tom Segura, backed into his car, and then he caught her. He saw her do it. And he said, hey, you just backed into my car. And she goes, yeah, I didn't think I, I don't think I did.

Here, let me take a shot with you. She goes, I don't think I did. And he goes, I saw you. Oh, you got a good shot. I got a little more. He goes, I saw you. She goes, no, that wasn't me. And he goes, no, I just watched you.

Here, cheers. Thank you for having me on your podcast. Absolutely. Thanks for coming. oh it's good it has like a it has like a different like a really different hit towards the end thank you so much what the fuck dude yeah it's it's really great vodka by the way i wish i brought you a merch bag our merch is even better wow i wasn't expecting that so the way it doesn't it doesn't it doesn't i got it got to glaze a little bit it doesn't it doesn't bite like a like a like

if i don't know what the smearingoff kind of shit smear enough kind of tastes like a doctor's office a little bit Yeah, it doesn't have that light. Like a little, little fucking prel. Like, what the fuck? Yeah. That is really good. Like, no bullshit. I wanted to make a vodka.

I was, Tom and I both were very, uh, involved in the process of the tasting. Yeah. And even though I wasn't drinking at the time we came out with a vodka. And, uh, I think my first drink back was a bottle of porosos. Yeah. And, and I wanted to have a vodka that you could, this is going to sound fucked up, but you could have in the morning at an airport and it wouldn't overwhelm your taste buds. And you'd be like, okay, I'm back.

you made like a vodka kind of for yourself I did did 100% did but by the way I put my 10,000 hours into vodka I definitely I remember the day I switched over to vodka I remember the day I'm sitting on a fucking plane I'm leaving Philly and I'm and a lady comes up

right before takeoff she goes can I get you something to drink before takeoff I said I'll have a cold beer she went great McCown Hine again I said I'm going to be great sitting next to a beautiful man with a chiseled jaw abs I can see through his linen shirt hands that are like a fuck like like the david just perfect and he says i'll have a double

titos and soda and i said what's that and he goes it's vodka and she starts to walk away and i was like why and he goes what's in my contract it's what the fuck what the fuck this guy do i said what do you mean in my contract goes i'm a male model and the only drink i'm allowed to drink is vodka because it doesn't bloat it's healthier kind of keeps me lean so i can look like this and i went She's over to take the people at the row next to us. I'll go, excuse me, ma'am. I'll take a double teedas and soda as well. No, no beer for me today.

And I switched over to vodka that fucking day. And I have, I, I, I've been a vodka. So you switch to vodka because of man love. Because one gorgeous man. That is fucking crazy. One gorgeous fucking, I'm talking. Man love switched you. He had a linen shirt on.

I've had moments on. I've had, I'll tell you, these are, I love these moments. I had a moment on an airplane, right? This is, this is my favorite. Sit next to a guy, he's got a Rolex on, fucking man. This is like a, this is a dude. But he's a little bit, a little bit older than me, not much older than me. Yeah.

Not much older than me. He puts his phone down and there's no case on it. And now I'm a little buzzed. You know, I've been drinking at the airport bar before the flight. And I go, ooh, no case, huh? And he goes, yeah. And I go, where are you going to break your phone? And he goes, no.

so really he goes yeah because I'm a man and he goes I take care of my shit so real I'm not gonna put some otter box on this and look like the guy he goes you know what you look like when you have an otter box on he goes you look like a guy who doesn't care about his shit I clean my car I work out I take care of my family and I don't have a fucking case on my phone

I walked I took my case off right away I go you're fucking right I broke my phone the next day the next day I broke my phone and I went through three phones before I was like I gotta put a fucking case on it these things break like crazy bro I dude I had a fucking, I have a case in a screen protector and I still broke my fucking phone. Some bullshit.

That's a scam. My daughter, Ila, is the exact opposite. My daughter, Ila, I see her, this Christmas, both girls come back from college for Christmas break. And both fucking girls, their phones are shattered. I mean, like, screens like this. So I buy both girls for Christmas, new iPhones, right? Yeah.

I'm like, I'm your dad. I want you to take care. I want you to be taken care of. want you to be on some street corner going I can't swipe up it's been too cracked you know that's why i do it ida opens hers and goes can i return it and i went what she goes i don't want the responsibility of a new phone this phone's safe and fun how old is she 18 wow she was like yeah she goes i'd rather i go baby don't return it she goes dad i'll never use a new phone because i know how i felt when i dropped this phone and this happened and i don't want to feel that again i'd rather just

have this so responsible and i was like really georg just had the same goddamn thing both of them just kept them in the boxes and they're like when it breaks and i can't use it i'll use that one damn wow who did that who raised them no not me no not me no not me yeah i was a i was a i was an interesting dad i was not i was around and i was good and i was fun but i wasn't like let's do homework guys it was never that guy yeah your your your wife does she Does she play a role in a lot of your business stuff or in your life in general? Yeah. Obviously, I would, no, no, I would argue.

No, I know what your question is, but I would argue my wife is my business. Like she is the reason my business is successful. My wife is the kind of person that was like, you know, you need to get the fuck away from Travel Channel. And I was like, but I was like, but it's a paycheck. She's like, don't worry about it. We'll figure it out. I remember saying my wife knows money. So I remember saying to my wife like, uh,

I remember saying, like, when I got let go from Travel Channel, right before then I was like, if I don't get Travel Channel, like, what if we can't pay our mortgage? Yeah. She's like, baby, our mortgage is nothing. Our mortgage at the time was like $2,400. And I was like, what do you mean? She goes, baby, if we, I set it up so that we have a really low mortgage so that we can afford to pay our mortgage.

I said, but what if we can't afford it? She goes, then we can't live in L.A. I said, what do you mean? She goes, we can't find an apartment to rent for four people for $2,400. No, impossible. And so I was like, oh, my wife is so fucking smart. She bought our house that we have now, the house we live in. And then we were doing podcasts.

I'm a cheap guy. Ultimately, I'm a cheap guy. Like, I bought that house mostly because I was like, I could put a podcast studio here and do my cooking show out of here. That'll be great. That's how I went to, right? Because I went to the cooking. No, no, no, no. Okay.

So that was, that's my wife then, watched that happen. And we had a night. It was a fun night. Nothing bad happened. But it was me, Eddie Bravo, Sam Tripoli, Ila. I think, no, Georgia was in college. Leanne, me and Eddie, I think, are smoking weed by the fire pit. Ila comes out.

Ila starts talking jiu-jitsu with Eddie. And it's just a wild conversation. And Sam's talking conspiracies to Ila. Ila's eating the shit up. Eddie is talking rock music to Ila. It's a really fun night. But it lasts until like 11 o'clock at night. And I'm wasted.

Sam's sober. Me and Eddie are high. Eddie's showing Ila fucking jujointed. Jitsu moves and uh and Ila then signs like he gets her a personal trainer to train her jiu jitsu at our house I mean it's like fucking crazy night right Liam the net the next day she goes that ends tonight I was like what she goes that was fun but one night it won't be fun one night it'll be people we don't know like Eddie and Sam and and I can't have them in my house with my kids like that she goes Eddie I know Sam I know I trust them but one night it won't be them because this is you

film this is you like kind of all in the same space all the same space so so like So, like, it was me, you, and riffraff. Yeah. And so, like, my wife was looking at it, like, I don't know riffraff. And if he comes to my house and he hangs out with my kids, I want to make sure that, I don't, I want to make sure the people to hang around my kids, I know, like Eddie Bravo and Sam Tripoli. That makes sense. Here, I'll do another one, too.

Yeah. And so, so, uh, here's, congratulations, brother. Oh, yeah. Were you surprised? About what? The 325? I was very surprised. You didn't think I get it?

No, I was surprised by how little it looked, meaning, like, I was surprised by how little it looked, Meaning, like, I thought you were going to, like, I looked at it. I mean, I've been in a gym forever. I was like, you could do more than this. So when you were hyped up about it, I was kind of like, wait, but he can do more. Were you watching? Because I was, I was always wondering, like, anyone that really lifts weights. Like, Jason Kelsey, like, so I'm ultimately like you guys.

I'm a little bit of a meathead. Jason Kelsey that night was like, bro, I'm an ultimate meathead. I'm going to be there for this. I get off on this shit. Yo, it's hype. It's so high. Oh, dude, I'm fucking, all I get are videos from dudes like, dude, that was amazing. this out like do you know who deuce gruden is no john gruden's son oh i know who john gruden is

duke gruden just threw up four 475 and he's like he's like not he's not a huge dude but he's jacked as fuck dude i get off on meat head shit cheers yeah cheers to meet head shit hell yeah but no i was shocked genuinely like how easy it was but go ahead so my wife so my wife is just smart as fuck and second that night happened it was a positive night nothing bad positive night but my wife's like yo we're getting our business out of our house and she went down the street found a house down the street

and bought that house and then gutted it and turn it into an office and and and then that's the way her brain works because I went to I went to that house and it was like set set there was like seven sets in that house yeah is that that's where two bears is as well. Yeah, two bears goes right now we're doing Tom's in L.A. all the time. He's coming out to L.A. more often because he's got a TV show. So we're doing it out of two. Me and Tom are doing out of there almost every episode now. But I, but you know, it's so funny. We just talked about

this today about, oh, I never told you about the Tom. I got to tell you about the Tom getting hit in the car story. Oh, yeah. Talk about the internet, right? Yeah. So, so I see the video, Tom, Tom's got a custom Porsche. It's a beautiful car. I'm not in a car. I'm not a car guy per se. Yeah. But I can appreciate a beautiful car. Of course. Lady backs into his car with her trailer, puts a hole in his front bumper, like a hole in it. It's the size of her trailer.

The paint is on her trailer. It's her. Tom's there. He watches it happen. And he says to her, you just hit my car. And she goes, I don't think so. And he goes, no, I watched you hit it. She goes, no.

He's like, no, you did. And by the way, there's surveillance video of this. Tom doesn't know he's being recorded. doesn't say anything inappropriate little heated but he's like yo where are you going and she just drives off what the fuck she drives off it's some la shit uh they live in austin oh that's austin oh that's austin they well la's going to austin we all know that's happening so as a uh so as a so as a so i watch it and i go that's fucking crazy now as an exercise i go what okay so the negative side of the internet what are they going to say like how do they how do you light time up someone's going to light time up

Someone's going to think it's Tom's fault. But anyone in the world, you have to know it's, Tom did nothing. He watched a woman hit his car and then she drove away and he stopped her. He was like, whoa, you can't drive away. Like just, like, he hasn't said like, you know, you have to pay for this now. I need your, he didn't say anything. He just said, where are you going? You can't drive away.

That's illegal. It's called hit and run. Yeah. And I said to Tom today because I haven't talked to him. And I go, yo, so did anyone like give you negative feedback? about that and he was like are you serious he was like a lot of people thought i was in the wrong and it's just i mean i don't i wouldn't even say it's trolls it's not it's just some hurt people yeah like hurt people hurt people yeah as a fact and we found one and it was like oh my god

it was crazy that a person would allow their trauma to process through them in a way that they would find they would actually find Tom at fault and dude we laughed so hard and lit this guy up online we went through his profile and we were like what was what was the fault that he's the tom's rich oh he should just let you go bro fucking rich guys dude this is what they do they they another rich guy another rich guy fucking it's so annoying dude that's the dumbest thing ever it's literally the stupidest fucking thing nah you got to you got a backwards you got to reverse engineer it, okay? So, okay, so I've been doing this game in my head trying to reverse engineer it. Now, I'll tell you number one right now, without a doubt. And I know this man,

he's my best friend. If she had just gotten out of her car and said, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Please let's say she exchanged numbers, you know, and I didn't mean to do this. I can't imagine how much this is going to cost because it's a custom fucking Porsche. Yeah. Tom's never gonna let someone someone's life get ruined over his fucking bumper he would never say here's the bill is $13,000 she can't afford that yeah I'm just I'm just guessing based on her car how old it was yeah I'm just betting the fact that she did run away from it that her mindset had to be like her mindset has to be honest it has to be like oh fuck I just hit a Porsche and I know I don't know how much that cost but I know that's not in my monthly budget and I'm holding on

making fucking ends meet yeah so I I just need to help myself and get the fuck away from and hope no one sees this and that this problem goes away. I understand all that energy. But if she had come over and done the real thing and said, said to Tom, I have no idea how much this is going to cost. I'll probably give you everything I can,

but this may take me a while. Tom's a girl would just be like, yeah. Don't worry about it. I believe that. We're good. We're good. So I'm assuming that's the energy of the internet is they're trying to re,

you know, put themselves in her place, which is a fair thing to do. Right. It's a fair thing to do. But to say that someone breaking the law when it would have when you if it had happened to you you would have had everyone would have had the exact same right interaction not one person watches their car get run into and goes don't worry about it i got it fucking unreal but that's the internet so it's like so you know

i guess the it's the first time i got to the comments and probably uh probably a year and a half Almost two years, first time I got into comments. And we read it on the podcast and I saw his comment and I went, shut the fuck up. There's a guy that really believes Tom's at fault here. Did he get a bunch of engagement, a bunch of likes? Sure. Of course. No, he got, he got, I think what he's looking for is the fighting online.

People arguing about it? I don't know. I don't know, buddy, I, I have never left a negative comment. Like I, me neither. I've never left a negative comment. There's people listening going, yeah, who the fuck? Who the fuck gets on? There's stuff I've seen that's, like, crazy.

And there's stuff I've seen that's mean. And there's stuff I've seen that's bad, like bad where I go, ooh, that's a gross look. But I've never, like, taking the time to be like, this is what's wrong with people like you. Like, but that's, that's, that's, that's the weird thing about just the world today is like it, it was never, it was never that accessible before. And now it's like, the thing that I don't understand is that I'm trying to, put myself in the position of that person who's, like, doing that. And the idea that I keep coming to the conclusion is, like, where, where does this take you, that person, right?

Do you think they're just letting go of whatever it is that they, like, me doing this makes me feel good? Because I can't imagine, like, if I, obviously I'm in a different position to say, say this, but it's like, I can't feel like that would ever make me feel good. If I just go shit on someone or if I say, like, something's fucking that's, like, because if that happened to that guy who let me. that comment his exact reaction would be probably what tom's was identical but identical and we googled his car it's not that nice but yeah but either way we actually found that guy's car we saw

a picture that guy's car in his feed and it's not a nice car and by the way i don't know if he'd noticed if it got hit but if he saw it hit he'd be upset and and he would think and i know this because i'm that regular person i'm a regular person who's had damage to their car and then when a car accident happened go great we'll fix both of them yeah but i guess my question to you is more so about like the idea of where do you do you think it's going to get better do you think it's just going to because you don't really remain in the comments so i guess you're not really great to answer this but overall the idea of people fucking their negative whatever they're going on in their life that's bad they're like putting it onto someone else or they're trying to like dismiss it through

some sort of like negativity do you think that only grows or gets better do you think people recognize it like hey what what is this actually doing for you because there's no there's no real like I'm like what's the fucking point because people like it's almost become a popularity thing like you don't read a lot of comments but people will try to have like sort of the nastiest comment

just to get the reaction from everyone else also in the comments to like it to engage with it. It's like a weird it's just a weird like I don't know if it's parasocial like relationship to the content creator to the person that they feel like they've watched or they almost want to hate

but it just seems like I don't know where we're going with like technology and AI and all this shit and just like how people are I don't know like not living their real lives and they're just like living in this weird because like again if that guy if that happened to him he's for sure being like bro pay for my fucking car like that was you yeah but when it when it comes to someone else it's like oh it's this weird measuring of I don't know good and bad it's it's a bum it's a bummer it's it's a bummer only when it happens to you you know like like uh i remember the first time i ever saw something negative about me and it kind of bummed me

out and then i sent it to tom because i couldn't watch it and i was like came in can you watch this and tell me if like how bad this is and he watched it and he goes i mean it's not it's not that bad he goes if it wasn't you you wouldn't bother you like if it wasn't you you wouldn't look at it you'd be like eh whatever and then i was like really he's like yeah a lot of it's like kind of changing the narrative of shit it's not real yeah i was like okay and then uh and then and then but like I'm also oblivious like I really honestly I swear to God when I say this and I know I hope that this if there's someone that doesn't like me that's watching this to find clips I hope you enjoy this because this is real like I thought my movie The Machine like killed it in the box

office the first week I just don't I don't know anything and I it wasn't until I sat with Tommy and I was he was like he was like so what did you think about the open weekend because I got a text from Arnold Arnold texted me yeah he was like hey man he was like hey man he was like hey man you came in number three in the weekend that's a victory or number maybe three or four I forget right because that's a victory and it was like any just letting you know you should have to be very proud so that's all I read that was real right that's real and to me yeah it's like the biggest movie star of my generation mass reaches out to me and text me and tells me you know this then I go okay that's real so I held on to that and then Tom was like um did you did you read any of the reviews

I was like, no, I don't want to read anything. He was like, well, it's like, it says your movie bombed in the box office. And I was like, for real? And I guess it did, because it didn't make $35 million the first week or $45 million. I don't know what it made. I really honestly didn't pay attention to it. All I was doing was connecting to the realness of like, I had the greatest time making the movie.

I had the greatest time watching the movie. I had the funest weekend at the premiere. I had the funest, like, I had the greatest time of my life. So that was what was real. And then I was like, and then all of a sudden this narrative that wasn't technically real to me took over. And I was like, well, that's unfair. Like I ate breakfast next to my favorite porn star the night after the premiere. I'm sitting next to Christy Mack at breakfast.

She went to my premiere and I'm talking to her. She's reading a goddamn book. And she was like, the movie was fucking amazing. And I was like, thank you. That's all you want to hear. And we went out and we dropped into movie theaters and people were there and we were say hi. And I was like, so like, I'm the worst judge at this shit because like I go on like based on how I feel about things. You know what's interesting about that though is that seems why it's like you have your success.

Everything you described throughout this whole entire podcast is like in relationship to even as you were as a child and the way your father was kind of treating you and just being like in the moment almost and like just enjoying whatever it is and like kind of just being yourself. Yeah. And even the way you talk about comedy and how you make comedy, how you how it's relatable to like things. things that are relatable to you, all your success seems to be built off of that. Yeah. I mean, the only, the only thing that I've ever read about myself online that has bothered me, which is pretty accurate, is that I'm annoying. And I go, I agree with that.

Like, I can be a lot. Yeah, but like, but it's like also, it's like also then just don't listen. You know, it's like, yeah. It's like, look, I got to do this because it does, there are people that don't believe that way. But that's the thing I always heard is like when I was a kid. Well, that's still the same kid. That's so funny.

It's still the same kid. Oh, I'm going through that in therapy right now. It's the same thing. I'm going through that in therapy about, like, why I listen to people and why I process people's opinions. Like my wife said to me the other day, something of, why would you listen to this person who, I mean, I don't want to get into too great of details, but I think it's fair game at this point. I mean, I think I share so much.

I might as well overshare. we were talking about the Gillis Norman the Protect Your Parks and sober October. Now granted, I'm certain I haven't seen anything online but I'm certain I know for a fact that that conversation is fodder for

fucking whatever podcast weekly is. It is why I brought it up. Yeah, I don't, I haven't seen it. I've lived it. I've lived it. I don't have my own opinions but I've lived it. And and uh and i could tell you why i could tell you why we don't what that's it's crazy to think it's crazy to think anything but i could tell you my own opinions on things but it's it's also

pointless my thing to that in that group of guys is like let's talk about us about this i'm not gonna what am i going to try to go after the other podcast no it's let's talk about us and rye made a comment you make everything about yourself now i love already death i love him to death great guy he had him on here he's fucking hilarious he's amazing Yeah, but Ari is also the guy that will shit on this coffee table to make sure he makes it about himself, okay? Ari shit on the stage at Legion of Skanks. Oh, no, I'm good. At Legion of Skanks, he shit on stage to promote a fucking, he ruined a show. Yeah. To promote his new Netflix special. So like, and by the way, let's be very clear. I do make things about myself. So does Tom, so does Ari. So does every comic. That's our processes to make it about ourselves. So. Um, which is what makes it relatable. That's the point. Right. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, but it was a critique on me. Yeah, I hear you.

And I said, and I talked about it in therapy, and I, and I, in our couples therapy, even, me and Leanne, I brought it up, Leanne goes, this is something we should talk about now because it's bothering you. So this didn't have to be, this therapy doesn't have to be about us. Let's talk about it for you. What are you going through? Process it. And then Leanne said to me the other day, it's crazy that you would, you would listen to Ari before you'd listen to me because I would tell you what I just said. to you about what the therapist said is like you guys are comics you make everything about yourself she was like it's crazy that you would listen to ari and you would think that's the

truth I go no no I don't think that's the truth I listen to criticism sometimes more than I do the truth the critic I always felt like because of my dad the criticism might be more accurate like if someone's willing to critique you that might be more accurate and I it took me a while and I'm still working on it to get to the places now find the truth find the truth and get to the truth and the criticism is always going to be there well the criticism is also also just based on the person criticizing like who they're criticizing based on themselves dude so so how many fat people and this is let's work this into this yeah hey please tell jennifer it's going to be a while i'm having a great conversation and i and i apologize i'm talking to my assistant yeah i'm a fitting

but i don't want to leave this i'm having a mo i'm like i'm really enjoying this conversation yeah thank you i'm too let's think about all the fat people or or maybe the people in the people in the that live in Brooklyn that aren't into fitness that would criticize you and go okay all right I'm gonna give them their criticisms but like look at this fucking guy

lives in Hollywood makes content owns a gym okay he first of all he's a narcissist he cares about his body he doesn't care about anyone else is he married does he have kids exactly okay I'm guarantee he was on steroids this is this is exactly what's wrong with America today I guarantee

he voted for Trump he's friends with the knelt boys like this is the criticism yeah now let's take a look at who criticized you and then go oh right wait holy shit you're you're overweight you're overweight you're in a thruple you you with two dudes and a chick you're the dude and you're the bottom dude and like and then you break it down you go oh you got to look at the criticism it's not yeah well the criticism is is is based like as people we always project like we project how we feel about ourselves on to other people all the time Especially, and it's easy when there's people who are in some sort of spotlight to, like, oh, I can pick apart the things that I don't like about you because I don't have to look at the things that I don't like about myself. It's easier. That's just an easier way to do it. Well, even on the exterior, you're someone who looked internally about how do I fix the things I don't like about myself. How do I work on me? Like, just looking at your exterior, you're like, I don't, I want to be better. I want to get healthier. I want to feel good about myself.

I mean, dude, it started because I wanted to feel good enough, period. Like, I grew up without a father. Yeah, no. And my whole thing was like I felt like I was trying to prove this point to, you know, people in my life that I was good enough to like to be loved and to be there for. Like that's what I struggled with my whole life. That's the, the interesting thing about it is that criticism or that I was creating for myself was I was able to turn into something good. But, but a lot of people now, they don't they don't try to find any of the good for themselves. It's just like outward projection. They'll fuck you. You're this guy, whatever, narcissist, whatever they want to say. And they're not actually trying to make anything better for. themselves because they're in doing that allows them to avoid themselves oh and that's what most people do that's why the people i follow on the internet on on on instagram like the people that engage me that that i i i get drawn to are like uh i wish i knew his fucking name i'd love to give him a shout out but there's a guy who's like i'm tired i'm tired of being fat or i don't know what his thing is it's like 420 pounds and he's like i'm gonna lose the goddamn weight i hurts to walk and i'm watching him walk his first mile like that's the people i i get drawn to yeah is i don't i don't

look for negative shit online and i and it shows up but like but i look for the i look for like the people to root for i love a young band i love i love any fitness influencer i can't help it i like any fitness influencer gets me immediately because i go i always love programming i love fucking i love dude i get i get fired the fuck up that's okay i got to explain this shirt okay yeah go for so do you know this shirt i saw it on the site do you know what you know what's inside the writing so there's a like probably the thing i get notice notice for the most without a doubt is a speech i gave on barstool sports to caleb presley and to uh glennie balls and it's i'll never quit drinking i'll never quit drinking i always stay healthy

enough so i can keep drinking there's nothing better than getting on a plane the store saying what do you want double jack on the rocks lots of rocks right yeah yeah yeah So that is what is filling in this body is that speech is all the fucking text. It's funny. There's a lot of people who work out so they can fucking, they can do it. They can party. They could drink. Yeah.

Yeah, dude. And then. It's very real. And then my favorite line of the whole thing was Glennie Bowles when he goes, bro, you just hype me to fuck up. And so I made this shirt. I made this shirt from me because I was like, I was like, I love working out in sweatshirts. I love, I love lifting in a sweatshirt.

Yeah. I love sweating. I love it. and so I made this I was I'm gonna make a line of them I'm gonna do the the one of the best workouts shirts ever especially if you have fucking traps is the the the gold's teaback the yeah that gold's is fucking dope I want that one I want the I want the I want the the gold's old school Arnold one with the with the tight arms the makes your delts look fucking awesome I was like is it tea no it's this it's this one there's two he's got the

teaback one that he wears and then there's like the old school tank top Oh, okay. I know you're talking about it. And so I was at Golds one day, and the guy was, look, I'm going to get merch from them. They're giving me merch. We did an interview with Arnold. And they're like, hey, grab whatever merch you want. And I just saw that like the bent barbell with them like this. And I was like, I was like, yo, do me a favor, Pete Nyes.

I'm going to get into a front squat. I'm horrible at front squats. I'm going to a front squat. We put way too much weight on it. And I go, when I get down to the bottom and I'm struggling my hardest, shirtless, in boy shirts shorts i go take a picture he took like 10 pictures of me pinned and by the way i can't even do this front squat i have to do this one yeah yeah yeah so if you can see my arms are like this and then i and then i go send that to a graphic designer and have him write the i'll never quit

drinking speech inside it because dude there's a ton of people like me that only work out so we can there's a lot there's a lot i'm actually shocked like it's a real thing oh hardcore hardcore and i love when you break one of them like when you break like especially a crossfit dude because they're when you're like hey man you want to you want to get high and they're like and then they get high and they haven't been high on one they're like dude it hits immediately and you're like oh you don't do this all the time huh hey do you like tequila i only drink tequila okay here i take some of this crossfit dudes crossfit dudes oh my god dude how many crossfit guys pete have we gotten fucked up with on the road and they switch

over real quick and they're like oh yeah fucking wilder tonight by the way they're all navy seals they're all navy seals yeah you don't want to fuck with those guys dude you've been going to therapy though for real yeah of course have you done that a lot in your life yeah I've done well I've done it touch ago at the times when I was doing the best in life

successful would like stand up I wasn't doing it not because I didn't need therapy because I was talking too much like you can already hear my voice falling out yeah my voice is uh i'll be like beethoven like beethoven lost his hearing at 22 or whatever i'll lose your voice i'll lose my voice and i'll be done stand up dan i mean do you do you think you'd be done stand up actually well i know i won't be done for another like 24 months fair um but maybe after that i don't know you think you just focus on just content shit and movies i don't know

i think it would be cool we'll see i got another tour i don't know when this is coming out i don't know if I've announced the tour but it look who knows when you're gonna watch this I've another tour that I'm planning uh call permission to party uh in the fall yeah announce videos coming out you'll see it you can get tickets go to burp burrbert.com I got the special coming out and so I'm gonna I'm in a two special deal over at next so I owe them another special yeah and um I got a bunch of projects I got like three projects lined up that we're doing and so this tour may start and pause for a second and maybe like October or September to I think it's probably September to

December and then it may pause but I'll never stop doing stand-up but the touring the way I tour is what I would put pause on slow down yeah yeah like I just man so it's a lot Pete is with me I hope Pete if you don't want this in the podcast I won't put in the podcast but I'll ask them to edit it out yeah whatever you need but Pete's been with me for but three years and it's it burns a hole in you like it's tough yeah touring like the way I tour I tour I tour pretty aggressively and Pete got to a place where he's like hey maybe I should be looking around for other damn because it's because it yeah it's a lot it's tough to live I mean that man lived he lived he had a place in Atlanta that he never went to and lived on a bus

with me and then at one point was like should I move to L.A. and I was like I don't know we you basically just live in the bus and they stayed at my beach house and he was like beach house pretty nice yeah I was like yeah just stay there And for what, like fucking five months? Yeah, and then I was like, maybe I'll get a house here. Like, can imagine having no home? Yeah. And that's how, but if my assistant has no home, and he doesn't need one,

imagine how little I was home. You're moving. Yeah, and I'm also doing projects. Two, two questions. Shoot. Are you happy? And the happiest ever been in my life. Have you ever, at what point, this is the second part of the question,

at what point in your life were you least happy? I can't say least happy. I don't really operate there, meaning like I, like, I'm sure I get depression. I don't know what it looks like. Not lowest. It's, I'll tell you that. Oh, hold on.

Hang on, I got an answer for that. You're right. I got two answers. Okay. Let's do another shot. Yeah, I'm down. This is good. This is great.

You can pour mine. Oh, yeah. I've been meeting this for a while. I've been trying to schedule this for. Dude, I'm so happy. It's funny too because I, when you're talking about how busy you are, Bro, I've been trying to schedule with you for like a year and a half. I know.

But you know I'm like I'm a fan. So it's not like when I say I can't, it means I can. I know. No, but I, that's, I'm just speaking to the fact that I know, you know, you know, what you're talking about with your assistant, how fucking busy you are. Yeah. Cheers, buddy. Thanks.

Thank you for having me. Yeah. Thanks for coming. For real. Oh, that one went under my tongue. So, at least happy I ever was. once again if you don't like me you're going to love this

yeah the uh I have my first one night stand I never had a one night stand I only been with like two people in your whole life at this time at this time yeah maybe maybe three I think I don't know what do you think your body count is sorry side oh it's six really yeah six six total yeah

six people women six women yeah okay okay okay six and a half I count below jobs No, six women So this is number three I think And I may be off I'm a little buzzed So first one I stand

I was working at Barnes & Noble I didn't wear a condom And I know I never had a one I stand before So I was like I was like dude It's happening you fuck And it's awesome And by the way I got to tell you

I lasted the longest I ever have And I performed the best Without the condom Without the condom Without the condom I didn't come fast and I very come past. Wait, what the fuck?

It doesn't even make sense. I know, I know, I know. Dude, first time I had sex with Leanne with a condom on, came in like three pumps. No condom, I don't come. I don't come. What?

And I don't know. I lasted forever. And this is your worst moment in life. Sounds like one of the best. No, no, no, no, no. But I never heard of one I stand. Okay, okay. So I get done.

The next morning I'm in the shower, I'd never had a one I stand. So I'm like, getting the shower. I was like, that was kind of fucked up. Like, I really barely knew that person. Yeah, I met her through friends, so we were all, I was friends with her friends. Yeah. I was like, that was really crazy.

And I was like, wow, that was wild. You wash your dick, and you're like, hope I didn't get anything. Yeah. And then I go to Barnes & Noble. I was working at Barnes & Noble that day. And there was a gay dude named Andrew who had just come out of the closet. He was from Omaha, and he was fucking nonstop. I remember he came in one day and he had a black eye.

I said, what happened? I got fucked out of my loft last night. And I was like, wow. He's like, dude, I'm getting laid everywhere. And he was just having his coming out party. So me and him used to take the freight elevator to the bottom to the basement and smoke weed. So he grabs me. He's like, hey, can I, can I bring you down?

Can I get some talk? I need to talk to you. Where is this gone? And so I was like, okay. But he was a cool dude. I never really knew gay dudes growing up. It's old. It's a different generation.

For sure. I didn't know gay dudes in the 90s. And this is 96. 98 maybe 99 and so we go down and he has a medical book and he was like I something's wrong with me I think I got something and I was like really and he was like yeah I said what do you mean and I just had my want to stand and he was like I think I got something oh this is like reading Google no but we didn't Google wasn't around good there was no Google no but that's what I'm saying today it'd be like reading

so he opens a medical journal he had gotten from upstairs and he brought down and he starts flipping through pages and he said I think I got that and I was like okay and he's like you take a look at my dick and tell me if you think i got it and i was like yeah so he shows me his dick and he got it he's got it and i'm like what is it he's like it's genital warts and i was like okay is that bad and he's like i don't know i don't know i think i got more stuff too and i was like are you fucking serious he's like dude you cannot be fucking around in this city and i was like i just had a one i seen last night so i go upstairs by the way i hope this barns and noble still around so anyone can

go to this actual bathroom, I go upstairs to the second floor, around the corner, just past fiction on the left, there was a bathroom. It was like a solo bathroom. And the first thing I do is I checked my dick. Now, I never looked at my dick before intensely. I'd never been like a guy to like examine my dick. It was just my dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd only been with two other chicks. Never put my dick. And by the way, we're condoms with both of them the whole time. Never had a worry in my life. And I saw what you, what we would all now call a circumcision scar do you know the like the brown part of your dick that where you've been circumcised and i panicked i was like god damn i got it i got the kiss the ring of death whatever it is

the ring it goes all the way around my dick and i fucking i was like oh sit i'm done i'm fucking done i sit i'm broken i'm dirty no one wants me and i spiraled in a way i've never spiraled before i go to cbs i buy tanactin I go, it's probably just a fungus. Spray my dick with tanactin. In Parsanoble, it's burning. And I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, no, this is what cure feels like. I go back, you got to realize the internet's not what it is.

The internet's not what it is. And I Google genital warts. I have to have genital warts. It's because he's got it. I have to have it. Because that's way OCD works. It's like you, you got the thing. I got the thing.

You tell me you have pancreatic cancer. Dude, I must have that. That's what this thing is. the first thing I see them I definitely have OCD oh because like even talking to people about things I don't even like to talk sometimes I don't even want to talk about it because you'll make me feel like I got it bro I talked to a comic um oh fucking god I can't remember his name he's passed now he had he had leukemia I said how did you know and he goes I was uh rubbing under my arm and I found a lump fucking the next day I felt a lump and I was like yeah I'm that guy I'm that guy

Yeah. So I go home. I'm keeping this. I'm trying to hold it in. I buy beer because I know beer cure is OCD. I buy beer and I buy weed in Washington Square Park. We have two eight balls. I go home from work.

I get online. Now, what we had at the time, I think, was called Ask Jeeves. I was like Jeeves. Take a look at my dick. Tell me what I got. Bro, as Jeeves is crazy. Jeeves is like, bro, you got you out of awards. Like, you got it.

Now, mind you, I'm looking at dicks. I'm looking at dicks. And this is through therapy I've had to talk about this. I'm looking at dicks with circumcised ring marks. Yeah. And I'm looking at the words going, no, that'll come, but I got the ring mark. I got the same ring mark these guys got. We all fucking got it.

God damn it, man. Jeeves is like, bro, this is what you got to do. Dip your balls in dick and white vinegar. So I run to the store. bottle of white vinegar. I get a bowl. I'm naked on my couch. I got a bowl of white vinegar my balls and dick and a bowl of white vinegar with an eight ball and a joint and I'm watching Quantum Leap and my roommate walks in and he's like, what are you doing? And I go, how to one I stand last night? I am a fucking broken man. Now, I will say that moment, if you're saying I couldn't

see, if you're saying to the hater that says the negative comment on all our videos that just goes, ah, fuck that guy. Now, I can understand that guy based on that day. I can understand that guy based on that day, because the next day I walked to Barnes & Noble, and I walked through the park, Washington Square Park, to go to work, and I looked around and I was like, how can anyone smile on a day like this when Jeeves told me I had fucking general warts last night? And now I got to live with that. Every chick I meet, I got to go, give you a heads up, I have genital warts. We talked about this at dinner last night with fucking bow, Pete. I swear to God, I swear to to God. Do you know the day I found out I didn't have general warts? The day we got, found out

We were pregnant with Georgia, and they did blood work on both of us. And the lady, the nurse said, you have no venereal diseases. And I had, I had met my wife. And I, hold on, listen to me, listen to me, listen to me, listen to me, listen to me, listen to me. I have met my wife. I had said to my wife, before we have sex, I think I have general awards. And my wife said, okay, can I see? And I showed her, and she goes, I'm not seeing anything.

And I was like, it's there. she was like well I'm just letting you know I don't feel like it's a threat we've been dating two years we got pregnant with Georgia we were in the gynecological office and they did our blood work I didn't know they were doing blood work and they go you guys tested it for negative

for everything and I was like what you tested this for everything and they're like we test you for whatever it's called VPC or whatever it's called APB or whatever HBO and then HBO HPV HPV yeah and like you guys have nothing and I go

Wait, hold on. We're pregnant with the baby. I've been dating her for two years. We're about to get married. And I go, hold on. I don't have general awards. She goes, no. And I went, wait, I don't have general awards.

And the end goes, I told you didn't have general warts. Dude, I live with that. I live with that. By the way, I got over it. And I was like, oh, you know what? I just got to be careful with everyone. I got to tell anyone I date. Every girl I ever dated was like, I think you're fine.

I think you're fine. If I ever had sex or someone, I was like, do you know, I have general awards. I'm like, yeah, I don't really see anything. I was like, it's there. Like it, that's, but that day. How many years was that? 26.

30. Holy fuck. 30. 20, 20. It's probably three years. But also I only, but also probably the reason I only had sex with like fucking six chicks is because I was just like, it's a tough conversation to have. Yeah.

I want to be honest with anyone. And like. And like also. That's a right thing to do. Yeah. And I was like, but, but it's the right thing to do. But I never had it. No, of course.

I could have been raw, rogging bitches. all the time. Yeah, you could have got way more pussy. Dude, whatever. I'm, it worked out fine.

But here's a deal. That day, walking to Washington Square Park, and, and what's interesting is, in the subsidiary part of this story, is my cousin knew something was up with me because I was going through OCD,

and it was just, I would look at my dick a hundred times a day. And I started fucking with it so much that it started to become inflamed. I've got tenactin, vinegar any fucking balm i'd put it on my dick to cure it oh fucking uh what is it not compound w what's the what's the wart fucking remedy that they go do not put it on your genitals i go they're probably saying that to the lunatic dude i went to my cousin abes

and i was coming back you're about to give yourself something dude when i i went to a doctor what's crazy is i'm i love of sharing and i know that this is the not the part of the internet that they like you. They love hearing it because they go, I can't wait to use this against him. But whatever, I don't care. If it helps one kid going through it,

it's worth all of it. I had fucked with my dick so much that I was in Philly. I was coming back from Philly to New York to Penn Station. And my mom was looking for me. And I wasn't, we didn't have phones yet, I don't think. Because I called her from a pay phone.

We have pagers. Damn. And I called my mom from a pay phone. She goes, hey, I talked to Abe. I talked to Ty. I feel like you're going. through something, we should bring you home. And I was like, no, I'm good.

She goes, I got you a flight. It's out of LaGuardia. Why don't you just head out to the airport, hop on a flight, 4-9-11? You could show up. They had a ticket waiting, an actual ticket waiting for you. And I was like, cool. I came home. My grandmother that night, I landed.

My grandmother gave me this exact necklace with this St. Jude's medal. And my grandmother and I drank vodka on ice, or maybe white wine. I can't remember. My grandma was a vodka drinker. She goes, your mom and dad say you're going through something. They didn't, no one knew what I was actually going through. They just knew that I was off. Yeah.

And she goes, this is St. Jude. He's the patron saint of hopeless cases. You should pray to him anytime you feel lost or you feel like you don't have an answer. And dude, I was like, that's how I feel. Put it on. I've worn that, that, this cross, this medal's every day since then. And my mom said, what's going on? And I said, I need to see a dermatologist.

I went to a dermatologist before, I was going to a one. white spread panic concert on Friday where my friends were going so I was like I'll go with them I went to a see a dermatologist on Thursday and the dermatologist looked at my dick and he was like have you been applying any balms or sals to your dick and I was like I have and he was like okay let's stop with that this is by the way this is how crazy I was he goes you have nothing you're fine just stop playing with your dick and I was like okay and even after that I believed it in even after that I believed it isn't that crazy Fuck.

Now, having said that, that's probably the lowest I was in, like, sadness or whatever of, like, hopelessness. The real part, the real part of that answer is, um, after I got written up in Rolling Stone magazine, I thought, like, I thought like, fame was the thing, you know? I was like, that's the thing you want because it was really fun. Being famous at school. It's cool, and you can, whatever, you can say whatever you want, but they're all lying. It's awesome. Yeah. And all the fucking actors that are like, please, no pictures.

Don't take a picture of them for a month. See how they go. Yeah. They're going to be like, oh, wait a way about me. And then they start doing a reality show. And you're like, oh, yeah. What happened to the fucking cool guy shit? And then I got everything I wanted.

I came, I got several of Will Smith and came to L.A. Got a TV show. And one day I was driving to work. And I had everything I thought I wanted. And I was like, I was like, Expedition, Jason Williams, Jersey, winter in L.A., windows down, listening to Jarl rule on Franklin, turning on to fucking Ivar or whatever, Vine. Yeah.

And it's like the moment. It's like the thing. And I'm like, fuck, yeah. But I didn't feel that way. And I was like, hmm, I thought this would be better. Like I felt really empty. And I was like, God damn it. Well, I guess so this is what success feels like.

I was like, I thought it would be like really cool. Now, cut to today and you go, how do you feel? Do I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life? So what is what, what do you think you learn from then to now that makes you recognize it differently? I thought it about you as I pulled up to your house. Now, I don't know your situation. I don't know if you have a girlfriend. I don't know of you of kids.

I don't know any of that. All I know is that you are, I said this to you as you walked out. So this is the thought I was saying as I pulled up. You are the poster boy for masculinity. You are the poster boy for bros. You are the jack dude Hot chicks around you all the time Cool fucking friends

Great dogs tons of cars Big house Great backyard Fucking all your toys Are everywhere This is you man And I said to Pete pulling up And raise your hand

And when I tell a lie Pete I said So what's the deal Do you take your franchise playing Years which is right now for you This is your franchise playing years And do you fuck all the great shit

or do you take your franchise play in years and find the great chick? Settle down and go, y'all, I'm not fucking anyone unless they earn it. Like, like how do I get the bad bitch? I'm done. I'm not going to,

you're not getting into my life if you're a little bit crazy. And you might distract me for three weeks for finding the one. I said it as we pulled up. And I was like, this is crazy because I know what happiness is. And it's, dude, it's fucking finding a chick that gets you.

It gets you and really gets you. And it's like, and it's like, yo, you're fine, you're not drinking too much. Yo, we got to pull it back. Hey, you got to start working out. You're getting fat. You know, like that shit for me is Leanne. And I was thinking about that when I pulled up thinking about you.

I was like, dude, you're the fucking, like anyone watching this goes, anyone watching this right now, if you said, and be real, if you said, yo, freaky Friday, like Lil Dickie and Chris Brown, I get to flip. one day and be him and wake up with fucking abs and jacked and go into a gym full of fucking beautiful chicks. They're like, Bradley, Bradley, I'm doing my glutes. Will you feel this? And you're like, okay.

And you fucking get in a jack truck. You have awesome. I mean, you're everything, everything college dudes want to be. I appreciate that. I do. And it's the kind of, is the question in regards to like the woman aspect? Yeah. Yeah, brother.

I mean, that's, for me, that's been the harder thing to figure out. I've had a harder time with that, that aspect of my life. Because for me, it kind of goes back to sort of the issues that I have with my father about being good enough and being able to show up. And I think a lot of the times, I mean, I know for a fact, I pushed away a lot of good things in my life because I felt like I didn't deserve them in regards to other people. Yeah. I was really good at controlling what I could control for myself. I was really good at like, okay, I can focus on this business. I could focus on this body part.

I can get this better. I can control this, but I can't control other people. And so that always made me afraid, I guess, of other people. And so there's been a few relationships in my life where long relationships, two seven-year relationships where I was always halfway in, halfway out. And I was always afraid to fully dive in because I felt like,

well, they're going to leave me. My father left me. I'm not good enough to stick around for it. And so I would create sort of circumstances, you know by my own accord and and a lot of times by the other people that I was dating you know kind of the you know you play that back and forth game with people where I'm not in and they recognize that so then they're not in and then you're kind of playing this like back and forth game and I struggle with that a lot in my life because I was good at all the stuff that I could control

but when it came to other people I was very afraid of like diving and just going all the way in now how do you feel about control when it comes to negativity from the internet does that fuck with you that you can't fix it or like make it i i i i dealt with that really really really hard in 2017 where where i was i was in a situation like making content with another creator then making a company and then you know the whole situation fell out but i was the bigger creator at the time so i tried to make sure that i was going to still be ownership in this whole company that we were doing together and then that person was able to spin it on me and like turn me into this like evil villain that i never was it was just this was the

agreement and it fell out because of other people and then I had to just become this like to the audience I was this bad person and for a very long time I'll never forget I remember how I just opened my gym and I remember thinking like I don't even want to do this shit anymore I don't even want to make content because prior to that moment to everybody I was a I was a hero and then this was the first time on the internet where I was like everyone was calling me a snake and I was this bad guy and I was like none of this is even true none of this is even the real story it's just what but that person spun for their own benefit. Yeah.

And so to answer your question as far as like, do I let that affect me now? Not at all now. Now I've been doing it for so long that I've recognized that no matter what someone says or, you know, post or says towards me, it's like I'm still me regardless and I've been me the whole time and that's what has added to my success and had to allow me to have the success that I have.

Because I've always been that person. Yeah. And I wasn't the person that someone else created. It was just like a moment in time that I had to like kind of deal with that. well this is just the internet and there was a moment where I'm not going to lie I was like I don't even want to do this anymore I don't I don't like the fact that I did so much good for so many people I felt like I could have saved the fucking grandma from a birdie building they would have been like you're still a bad guy because that guy said it and that that had to really overcome that um but yeah man like the the the girl's side of things is is the hardest thing because it's like how do you pick the right one how do you know someone's in your life for the right reasons and like the you know it was easier then because I have less than i had less that people to for people to care about whether it be money or or popularity or whatever to like build someone's career on access access is a big yeah access but i can't imagine losing leann and having to deal with a new chick who's now got

access to shit she never had yeah and then goes and then is like it's like oh my god like lian if if if i ever get a private jet lian's a fucking livid yeah livid and and i got her i got us one one time to come back from austin because it was like i was trying to catch up with the girls before they went to college. So I go, and Leon and Austin, I go, yo, I want to get out tonight. And I got a surprise jet. I'll never, man, I really fucked. I fucked up bad.

And the pilot was a fucking lunatic. He put a Batman mask on backwards. And I started going, whoa, it was bad. It was really bad. It was really bad. And Leanne's like, you're a fucking idiot. Like, she got livid with me. And I was, it's like, this is, you know, I don't know.

But Leanne grew up poor. But I know what you're saying is like, is like, how do you find the chick that loves you for you? Yeah. Is it going to leave you? You know what? Can I tell you? I can't get into detail on this. But like this is a breakthrough in my couple's relationship, uh, uh, therapy with Leanne right now.

Is, um, when you're afraid someone's going to leave you, you measure yourself and you're not fully yourself at times. For sure. And, uh, and Leanne's been left a lot. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, adversely there's moments where we're in a really intense conversation and she will hold back things because she's afraid to tell you what you feel she's afraid that that thing will make you leave and we've been together forever but it still shows up in our relationship yeah and it's wild man

it's so hard to get through yeah i struggle i struggle with that heavily for sure that's the thing is it's it's and now i'm in a way completely different position where it makes it way more complicated to be like is this is this the one is this the right one is this the one is this the one or is this the one that wants the thing to be the yeah are they here for the right this is what i pitched you okay i'm gonna move into your house and i'm gonna i'm gonna get a wheelchair like a like a stephen hawkins wheelchair okay and i'm gonna be in the corner like i'm paralyzed and when you bring a girl home that you call me go bird i'm bringing a girl home i'll come over i'll get in the wheelchair and and i'm gonna shit my pants and then you

walk in and you go oh this my uncle joey um he lives with us uh he can't hear anything he can't talk i think he should himself i'm gonna take him in the bathroom and clean and then you take me me away and I'll go like I'll immediately I'll be like she's not that hot and you'll be like okay I'll get rid of her or I go I like her keep me in and you pull me out and you're like all right he's clean he's just gonna say here we're gonna talk and then you're gonna talk with her I'll be like this and then you'll go have sex with her we'll have a live stream up on the fucking TV so I'll watch it I'll be normal I'll be like yeah no I cool cool cool cool she's beautiful great party those

are real that's awesome that look like any work done and then and then then you'll be like hey it's time to go and then I'll be like oh and she'll walk out and then I'll be like all right here's my deal this is what I think about her I listen to the conversation I watch you guys fuck I watched how she reacted when she thought I shit my pants and you cleaned it now these are the notes and so I'll just give notes it too honestly that might be the play that you might have fixed it you might because it's like you know you ever you introduce a chick to your dogs and your dogs are like no right you dogs are like who the fuck's this guy hold on I got a problem And they go smell her pussy, and they're like, eh, I'm out.

Yeah, I, yeah, that's, that's what you got to do. You need, you need, there needs to be more of those or a robot. If Elon Musk could design a robot, it just was like, Bradley, this one needs to leave immediately. And you're like, what? He goes, I've run her profile through my algorithm. She apparently is an Instagram whore. And you're like, thank you. They look at everything on the internet.

Thank you, Arnold. And you're like, I'm so sorry, you got to leave. like the eyes come up eyes go chung chung chung and it just does a profile of her real quick she's like wait what's your robot doing and then the robot like does it like you see the beams go out and go bradley her mother's very overweight she's going to gain weight she's going to gain weight leave now that would be badass yeah i think that might be in the future like i feel like that is our future in a very fucking way he's got robots for 35 grand they're coming out. I'm getting one immediately.

You're going to get one? Are you fucking serious? I mean, imagine the content. You can get a real fucking latex woman that you can fuck for $3,500. I didn't know that. And you can make her the way you want to make her. Dude, I so badly. I'm glad you know that. How do you not know that? I don't know. I'm not researching these things.

That's my algorithm. I don't watch videos about myself. I watch it. I got videos about you. I went to one and you can make her. And she's like this. She's like. Did you see did you see the movie companion? No. it's a movie about exactly like well the whole bit is like this guy you don't really realize that he's basically bought a robot but in the movie he's having the robot like kill this guy to like get this money that they think that the guy has yeah but you don't recognize that she's a robot till a little bit way in but she's full on like this sex robot basically but it's like a real human looking person I'm telling you man I gotta be honest with you two things if tinder have been around or sex robots I might not have gotten married like if you had sex robots and you're you had sex robots and you you could like dress her up the way you wanted to and I could just be out with you guys and be like

yeah I didn't get a real one but I got what I had at home especially when you're talking about the whole dick story yeah for sure you would end up there bro because you'd be like I don't even tell this robot clean the only problem with your sex robot is cleaning her up you got to get that big body into the shower and wash her pussy for you're like nah I'm out I'll just buy a new one they're 3,500 bucks but if we get a nice one like they'll probably clean themselves now dude do you realize there will be a time where we will have fuck robots it's insane it's It's insane, and I pray to God I live that long. I pray to God I live that long.

Do you fuck a robot? Wait, hold on, you wouldn't fuck a robot? I don't know if I'd fuck a robot, dude. Well, you're still fucking real people. Yeah. I mean, I fuck real people too. But, like, my wife, like, it would be so cool to just get a fuck robot. Like, okay, hold on.

Hold on. Here's a deal. Do you have a, have you ever fucked a flashlight? Never. Um, either then. Yeah, you can. Of course I have. of course i have i of course i have how was that i bro i've never i've seen i tell you what

the first time is better than the second yeah that's fucking gold second time's rough you're like what there's no third time you're throwing out on the second time you're like all right you're a whore get out of here oh i don't know if i could do it man oh i know if i can do it there's a thing Dude, now I'm way oversharing. There's a thing called a manwond that is fucking and shut up, Pete. It's so fucking. Dude, we found this in Austin. I found this in Austin.

He said, no, don't we, me, motherfucker. We, we, I say it because it was a big group of us. We were doing two bears. I went into a sex store. I bought a bunch of toys and we were going to profile them on two bears. So we were going to try them all out and see which ones we liked. Yeah. So it's all male sex toys.

And it was like aggressive. Like butt plugs. dude a butt plug's so hard to get in your ass you have no idea you can't get it in your ass I'm just gonna let you know you gotta want it in your ass you can't just get it in your ass wait but plugs are insane but you try to get a butt plug in your ass both time and I tried different butt plugs matching butt plugs and we tried and we could not get them in our asses but I mean here's a deal okay upside okay downside your friends friends find out you to use a butt plug in your ass that vibrates and you get made fun of for like

a year of tops. Upside is you turn out, you like butt plugs and then you just throw something up your ass and you go, oh, okay, I'll take it. I'll take the year of that versus the lifetime of fucking wild orgasms. So we try butt plugs,

we tried a bunch of shit, penis pumps, everything. And then the one thing they only had one of was this thing called a man wand. And it was a little too intimate to share it. I think I might have shared it. I don't remember, but neither of us could use it. What does it look like?

Dude, it's a vibrator with a attachment with like a hole for your dick but the hole's too small for your dick like it's it's for a soft dick that's it that's it's it's it's it's it's it's too small for your dick i've never seen that my life okay i'll tell you this i'm i'm being very real right now okay i buy it i show tom we make fun of it and then take it home that night you know every guy knows this feeling of like i'm definitely going to try this Yeah, that's fair. Every guy's like, we'll see.

I put my limp dick into it because you can't fit a hard dick in that thing. I put my limp dick in it thinking, what does this feel like? I turn it on and I'm not joking in at least, I'm going to say at most two minutes. I have the wildest orgasm I've ever had in my entire life. What the fuck does it do? Do you ever, you ever give a chicken orgasm and they go like this? They go, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, oh, no, don't touch me. Ah, ah, ah, and you're, like, looking at it, like, what the fuck did I do?

It was one of those. Our orgasms are like this, ugh. That was good. Yeah, yeah, I agree. Like, our orgasms are like, ugh. Yeah. Oh, it was really awesome. Yeah, yeah.

Those chick orgasms are like, the fucking, ugh, leave me, don't touch me. Walk away. Go to the other room. Go take the dog, feed the dog. And you're like, I, I, and I was like, I was in our tour bus and in my bunk and I went and I was like

it's like fucking two in the morning I'm hammered. I'm turned on. I'm like, Nicky Glazer done a podcast about this thing called the womanizer and I just heard it. I was like,

I got one of those fucking things in my bunk. So I try it. Dude, I was like this. Oh, God. What does it do though? It just vibrates? It vibrates at this high level.

I don't know, man. I really don't know. Oh, can I tell you what's crazy is that probably six months before that me and Tom have been at this dominatrix house

for a segment for a segment for two bears for two bears and we've been at this dominatrix house and so for a segment for a segment we're doing a segment yeah but you can find it online I'm sure we did all this stuff online and uh she did this thing where she tethered our cocks together with electric electrodes yeah you guys are best friends oh dude we've had the exact same dicks holy shit and so our dicks are this close together they're tethered together with electrodes she has an electrode thing and she's hitting different levels and the idea is who's

gonna tap out first like at the most pain okay and so she gets to like a fucking nine and both of us are like ah and not even enjoyable and then and then we get to 10 i think we both get 10 we both tap out at 10 at the same time tom's like who enjoys that she's there's no one it's about control and he goes So he was like, I thought, like, I thought, like, I thought, like, I thought, like, I thought, I didn't know what was going to happen. So I was why I was nervous. She goes, oh, oh, do you guys want to come real quick? And we were like, huh?

She was, would you guys like to come? And we're like, is that a true question? Tom's like, you answer first. I was like, no. She goes into the question mark? And we're like, hold on, wait. Because I mean, it's like, we're not, we're not those guys, but we're like, wait, you can make us come?

Because I'll make you come in two minutes. And I was like, wait, how? She goes, I got this vibrator out there that'll make it come in two minutes. I remember hearing that. I sheled that in my fucking head. And then I'm sitting with that fucking thing in the room. Go, what is this?

And I was like, God damn it. I'm so glad I didn't do that with Tom to watch him just go, what do you do? Huh. Don't touch me. Fucking fill me a bowl of water. Like, whatever. You guys are for real best friends.

Oh, dude. The best part of that whole day is like, I get recognized more than, Tom just because I think I'm louder and I'm shirtless and you know my voice whatever and at the end of the day we're totally done the whole day and we've talked about this on podcast so you can find all this online the end of the day we're leaving this dominatrix house and what we find out is this dominatrix house is just house in the valley that a bunch of dominatrix is rent and they have a bunch of different rooms in it like a podcast imagine a podcast studio or like a

creator's house but it's for fucking dominatrix so they each get time in the house so they book time in the house and then they get clients they torture them no one double books yeah but as we're walking out we're going to the lakes we're shooting and as we're walking out another dominatrix walks in and she goes oh my god oh my god and i'm like here we go she goes tom sagura and he's like oh bitch looks at me he's like what do you think about that and i was like i was like wow she goes i am the biggest fan I'm the, and he goes, do you know my friend Bert? She goes, no, Tom, you're the greatest comic that's ever lived. She goes, would it be too much to ask to get a picture with you?

And he was like, no, whatever. So they go over to the fucking Iron Cross or whatever, her, the dominatrix. Tom's in regular street clothes. They're both dressed at Dominatrix. And they're like, can you grab a picture? Okay, cool. Cool. All right.

On your knees, piggy. And Tom's like, what? She goes, on your knees, you fucking pig. And Tom gets on his knees and takes a picture of two dominatrix. I was like, I'm so glad I didn't get regular. bro what the fuck on your knees piggy what he did it he did yeah yeah it's like yeah who do you want to have on your podcast that you haven't had I think Joe Rogan so one person do you know Joe I met him a couple times yeah I don't know him like you know him yeah

I met him a few times well me and him don't talk anymore yeah no no I met him I met him uh once when my gym was first opening because we had the same landlord for his old studio it would oh for real yeah and he was he was looking at um Jim florin for his space because he had like a whole gym set up yeah so the landlord was like well we just opened a gym over here and then he came over I took a picture with him and I met him a few times at the UFC um I talked about like staying open during COVID and shit like that and I remember he told me at the UFC because I was like I was like well they might because they were I kept my gym open all throughout the pandemic and they were uh they kept taking me to court and he was like

yo they're gonna fucking throw you in jail and I'll never forget he was like it was so funny because he was like, well, if they throw you in jail, let me know because I'll have you on the podcast. But they didn't put me in jail. And I was kind of mad that they didn't put me in jail because I would love to go on the pod. But genuinely, like, he's the one dude. I think I'd just love to interview.

Because obviously he does, in my opinion, some of the best interviews. Yeah, of course. I would just like to interview him. It's funny too, man, because he's, I've had people he's had on the podcast and then I listen to my interview versus his. I was like, God damn it, man.

I just, first of all, I don't listen. Like, I just don't listen. People answer things. I go, cool. But hey, do I tell you this thing about me? And they're like, huh? Yeah, that's the, that's the biggest beef for you on the internet. I get it, though.

Who gives a fuck? No, dude, I don't do. I don't feel a fuck. No, it's like, it's like, okay, no, I get it. I get it. It's just different. It's different content style, different interview style, like different like what you're trying to create.

It's like, listen, I totally, I totally understand that. I make the thing I make. Yeah, that's it. If you don't like India food, you sound like the guy standing outside of, an Indian restaurant going, why are you eating this? It's horrible. And you're like, I like it, man. Or like, why is this not pizza?

Because it's Indian food. Why is this not pizza? Yeah. Dude, I'm not, I'm not, you know. Yeah, it's completely different styles. And there was a period where, where I was very critical of myself, beginning of our therapy sessions, therapy opens up shit in you. And I was very critical of myself.

And I started really becoming introspective about what I wanted to change about myself and what I didn't like about myself. And what I, and by the, and by the. way I'm very comfortable with people so people don't mind telling me what they don't like about me and and they wouldn't do that to a lot of people no one does that to tom scura no one no one tells tom what they don't like about tom they just don't uh in person never never but like my office will tell everyone like the day i was like tom and i did a podcast i was like hey do i not do i not listen and everyone's like not at all and i was like for real and they're like you barely you never listen

I was like, what do I do? And they're like, you talk. And I was like, but wait. And I got critical of myself, talked about it in therapy. And then the other day, I had Big Jay on. And Jay's like, hey, man, enough of like people criticizing you for being you. He's like, that's who you are. He's like, dude, you got to fucking ignore these people.

He's like, you got to ignore your friends even doing it. Because a lot of them are just busting your balls, but you're taking it real. And I was taking it real because I was like, I don't know, I wouldn't say something to one that I didn't mean you know like I don't say like I don't say like I don't know what I even say but like but I just I don't know I don't well bro at the end of the day man like like I said earlier you you you have your success like you're you and you're at a crazy level because you're you're dude it's live by the sword die by the sword it's like trust me when I say I remember do I mean no one realizes

this now but when we did the first sober October I thought I fucked my career up like Joe asked how much I drank and I told him nine drinks a night Tom starts laughing Joe goes nine drinks a night and then Tom goes Joe they're doubles Joe's like 18 drinks a night yeah and I was I got in bed that night and I was like I just I real I was like I was like I ruined my career after you're 18 drinks I was like I was like yeah I was like what like because I know everyone thinks I'm a sad story yeah like like I'm a real alcoholic I remember Joe going like he can't quit drinking man you'll start having strokes and I was like what in my head I was like I don't drink all the time like I

take nights off all the time but like wait what and I but I believed him because I do I'm very I listen to criticism pretty acutely and and yeah and and then we did so over October and it turned out to be one of the best things ever did yeah it's fucking awesome it's a great experience is there anything else like that in your life that you you you thought at one point was like a terrible terrible decision it turned out to be fucking amazing. Almost any decision that's turned out good. Anytime I did something good, it was the worst decision of my life.

That's so funny because I'll never forget. When I got really viral for filming like crazy weight lifting videos, I'll never forget it was always like someone around me when I'm going to film it. They're like, yeah, I don't know if this is a good idea. And I was like, that's exactly why I have to do it. And that's what did the best every time. I'll tell you right now.

So we did our second sober October, and this kind of changed my career a little bit, in my opinion, and everyone's allowed to their opinion. But if you disagree, you're wrong. We wanted to do, we were looking for a challenge for our second sober October. And I said, I think, because I was obsessed with it at the time, me and my girls, I was like, I think we should do hip hop dance videos. For the whole month, we train with a hip hop dancer. and then we each put out a hip hop dance video and then the internet can vote on who has the best hip hop dance video

No way Joe's doing that Immediately he was like absolutely fucking not He's like I don't listen to hip hop I'm not going to spend the month Listen to a music I don't listen to I'm not doing it I go Joe think and I Ari was in Tom was in

And they were like you got to convince Joe And I've never even seen Joe dance I don't think I've ever seen I've seen him do a split You can do the splits Oh, yeah. Oh, but that's some of the MMA shit. He's like, really.

So I tried that whole episode. I don't even know if it's an episode or who knows any more things are on podcasts or their conversations. Yeah. And so, and he said, no, absolutely not.

And he goes, you have no idea how foolish will look. And I was like, well, that's the fun of it, Joe. Like, we're fucking fools.

He was like, no, absolutely not. So I decided to do it anyway. I was like, fuck it. So I hired a hip hop dance instructor. I thought what I'd do is I do the hip hop dance.

I'd then, uh, I'd then show it to these guys personally. Just you yourself and then be like, come on. I'd do the hip-hop dance video. I would then go on the podcast, show it to them and go like, how cool is that? We should have done this. I didn't realize I underestimated how bad of a dancer I am, but I, I, I underestimated how how viral bad dancing is also. Oh, yeah.

So we do the video. I'm sure you can pull it up. I'm sure you can find. Pull it up. Pull up. Pull up. Burt, hip hop dance. Burr Christ,

your hip hop dance. God damn it. What the fuck he's logging? It's that video, though. With the... Look, that's, hang on. Just so we're clear. This is me pitching the hip hop dance contest for Sob Rockober.

No, no, don't click it. I don't watch shit on me. I don't watch shit on me. Okay. Don't watch. I don't want to watch any video about people talking about me. Just go to, videos and then you got to go to the YouTube right there right there go up go up it's right

there yeah click that yeah but this is Conan talking about it oh okay so but you can't see the whole dance you got to fucking see the whole dance all right so don't worry about it hit pause go to the dance go to the dance no no no that's not the whole dance it's just Conan okay so it's a clip of the dance so I can't believe that it's only on Facebook I'm sure it's on my YouTube go to YouTube and try and find it we'll talk and so I'd learned for $1,200, I got this young lady named Dee Glazer, who my daughters and I loved her dance videos. I hit her up, I was like, yo, you teach me a hip-hop dance.

She was like, yeah, I guess. And so we did it. And for $1,200, we took like three dance classes. Then we went to a studio. We shot it. We posted it. And as we shot it, I thought this would be a cool way to announce tour dates. Right?

Yeah. So I put tour dates on the side. That's it. me move is that it yeah that's it i think okay go to the back go the back oh my god i'm so excited okay can we play this yeah play this okay is that the girl that's de-glazer yeah so she had a little camey all right yeah yeah so she's time little money need a big boy pull up 20 inch blades like i'm little charred now i'm everybody flocking near a decoy it's not that bad

not that bad i got a lot of 7 20s bump and fall out boy you was talking shit in the beginning back when i was feeling i was giving are you like man i could have done that move better or what i wish i had a second shot So they're going to keep when I roll like the army

Get my bottles these bottles are lonely It's a moment I'm sure I've got I'm saying wow So then So then keep going So I put tour dates on this show On the side, right? Yeah

It's kind of dope I kind of fuck with it Yeah Sold out everything immediately Yeah I mean you don't Obviously you don't take yourself serious No yeah right I sold out everything immediately

Immediately And that changed the way I looked at the business I went okay so hold on So then the next one I did The next one I did was I got a marching band to come to my house So why did that change the way you looked You were just like

I posted that We were looking at houses at the time And I posted it And we were driving on The south side of Ventura Yeah And looking at a house that I was like that I was like We couldn't afford it was a $3 million house

And we were looking at it to put a perspective On what houses looked like we definitely couldn't afford it right and and i posted that video and three comics that i really liked and respected texting me within six minutes of the video hitting instagram and they're like this is fucking amazing and i was like oh shit and then uh my agent called and he was like he was like dude this video is crazy it's so good and i was like oh thanks and by the way i was like i think the dancing okay but i don't know it's like it's funny it's goofy it's whatever great and so and he was like dude i think this is going to move some tickets and that night they're like yo we need to

add shows and i was like really he's like everything cleaned up everything cleaned up for the whole tour i was like really and he was like yeah and we're going to add shows we added like four shows in some in theaters we were writing four shows in some places and i was like wow so the next time they're like yo i mean this is like crazy they go hey uh we're going to kick off the i think the birdie boys world tour whatever do you have birdie boy u.s tour do you have uh can you do a promo video for it. We're going to put you in bigger theaters. And I went, yeah. So I did, I hired a marching band to come to the house. And I literally no preparation. And this all started with just a conversation on a pod about doing this conversation on a pod of them telling me,

I think that's the silliest idea. I then, it's like, fuck it. I'll show them the idea. Then I posted it. But you didn't think it was going to do that really. I didn't think it was going to prove them, you were going to get them to do it. I thought it was going to make them laugh. Okay. I thought, worst case scenario, we go on the pot, I show it to them and makes them laugh. Yeah. But when I did it and I put up tour dates, I go, I'll post it now. They'll see it. We'll be in the chat thread. And the chat thread was hysterical. Joe's like, you showed your hand too early. I knew those pants were coming off. Like, like, like, and so, so then the next one I did was a marching band, hired a marching brand, no preparation. A GoPro. I think we shot on a GoPro. And I was

like, and I was like, you guys know a song? And they're like rubber band man. And I was like, cool. So we shot the marching band video and that sold everything immediately too. And I was like, fuck. And then I got this confidence about me. I was like, yo, let's go big. And they're like, red rocks and I was like let's do red rocks 10,000 seats I was like I never sold 10,000 seats at the time and I was like dude I was struggling I was coming up promos all the time nothing was popping we're like floating around 5,000 tickets and I was like I may not hit the 10,000 and then I blew out my arm I was in Serbia the whole time I blew out my tricep yeah I had to have surgery and I was like I got my read probably the best read I've ever done in my life is best promo is I'm going

into surgery and they're telling me they're going to count me down fucking backwards from 10 or whatever and I said don't do that I said I'll tell you what you're in control of the gas right I said I'm gonna do a read to promote my show at red rocks I go when I get towards the end of my read cut my kick my gas in like so you're going out so I'm going out as I'm doing the read holy shit that's creative I go rolling into surgery I go hey guys I mean you can find it I'm sure somewhere hey guys it's burr Kreischer uh I'm terrified sitting on a steel bed about to go into surgery And if I don't make it, I just want one thing, a one thing, I have a show at Red Rocks and I do the read. And they're in the room.

One guy goes, you're going, you're going playing Red Rocks? I go, yeah, I'm playing Red Rocks. Jimmy Buffett's there the week before me. I'm there the week after. And he's like, shut the fuck up. I go, you should come. And he's like, really? And I was like, yeah.

I was like, so I'll be at Red Rocks, September 5th, and the phone drops out. And I told them, I said, please, all you need to do is hit record and save that video. I came out of surgery, I go, do we get the video? No, first thing. Sold out Red Rocks. Holy shit. Yeah, sold out Red Rocks.

That's the marching band video. The Blue One? Yeah. Click, let me see that. No, the one below it, yeah. Yeah. That's Marching. What's up, everybody?

It's your boy, Burke Kreisher, the machine. Super excited to announce my 2020 Bertie Boy U.S. Tour. Presale starts right now. Go to burk, burt, burt, burt, burt.com, and use the promo code, Birdie, boy before general wholesale starts this Friday. Let's give a little razzle dazzle boys. Would you learn that twist?

I just figured it out. The best part is you just don't give a fuck. That's the key. Well, I want to see him passing out. I want to see him going in it. Because dude, I went and got, I got, I went got my nose worked on.

Like I got a deviated septim and I had it fix. Dude, that's the worst. That was the scariest moment was going under. Did they hold a mirror to your face? and you breathe in and your nose closes. Yeah, and they did like the way hold your nose and have you breathe. I could barely breathe out of one else.

Type in Red Rocks surgery. I'm going into surgery right now. I just, we're playing Greenwich, Killier, over a revival, perfect way to go under. I have a great team around me. I have a great team around me. We're all going to go jail now. But what I want to tell you for real,

while I lay here on this gurney in panic, is Red Rocks, September 8th. I won't be performing at Red Rocks. Okay, your tickets at burr, burt, burr, burt.com. Jimmy Buffett's there the night before and the night after. I can't wait to do Red Rocks. I have invited my anesthesiologist. Right there.

Who's going to be attending. I love you guys. God bless. I'll see you on the other side. It's like such a good fucking idea, though. Was that really like your come up where you started like really started to nail? Well, yeah. Then what I did is I bit off more than I could chew because what I did is I,

set the bar of like, yo, put me in the biggest rooms, I'll fill them. And so then they're like, cool, we did this. And then they're like, let's do arenas. And I was like, sure. And then I was like, fuck. And then I started like really hammering promos. And I did, I think I did it.

I did, I did one, I hired synchronized swimmers. And I did, I think I seen that. I did that. I did, I started doing like crazy, like big promos. And, you know, by the end of my arena tour, which was like, I think it was ultimately, almost two years or a year and a half I was just burnt I was like dude I'm fucking done from making the promos or from the promos it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like

you would just get a call like hey the gorge seats 35000 or go seats 50 thousand or go seats 50 that's crazy numbers and they're like we need promos for the gorge we we always have tickets you always have tickets to move yeah you always have tickets to move even in in arenas they're like you can do end stage you can do uh in the round and I was always like end stage And you'd go and they'd be like, yo, if you want with 50, you know, 3,000, 7,000 more tickets, we can go in the round. Then you'd have to come up with a promo video to sell in the round. Yeah. And you're like, I just got to a place where I was like, I was, towards the end of this last tour that we ended in July when I did the special, we were doing fully loaded.

And, and I was like, I was like, I was just like, I'm, I needed some time to enjoy promo videos. like these were fun these were fun and then they weren't fun anymore they were just like they were business and i was like i'm only doing them if they're fun and uh and so there was just business and then and then we i took like a take i think i'll take as of total i'll take a little over a year off a year and a half off from tour um before i go on the road again i'm sure i announced it but i'm doing a tour starting a september and we just shot a promo video for it and it was fun as fuck and it was like really fun and it was hysterical and we laughed hard as fuck we shot two promo videos and i was like oh this is the energy i've been looking for is like finding fun

in it again yeah so and then and i and i it's showing up in my stand up where i'm like oh i'm having fun writing again it's not like a business it's not a job where it's like boom 18 months you need a new special boom 18 months you need a new special let's talk about that a little bit because i can relate to that directly like the the idea of having to feel like you have to perform you have to do things you have to show up you have to make the content what for you how are you finding the fun in it again like what's making it fun again because it's still the same thing i think getting away from it for a second getting out of the grind getting out of the getting out of the like the like washing machine of it of like i mean we would we i would shoot a special

i shot a special in november once and i started a new world tour January 1st so I'd take like a month off with no like I had to write a new hour in a month and then I'd just be like boom Amsterdam here we go and then I'd do that and then we go to Australia and then we'd start an arena tour and then I'm just like I don't want to make it a good show so I just write like crazy and I'd be like just emptying the boat and then not thinking about like taking the time with the material and letting it like I'd take the time in arenas so I was just like I need to take some time off and and promos were like promos honestly because promos for me move the needle for business for for sales for ticket sales and uh it's the thing i love the most about

what that earlier question about what's great for comics is you get to decide you have more control you can build your own fan base you can sell tickets for your show it's really nice to be able to put a promo up like that surgery one and sell 5,000 tickets in a day yeah and go boom and create a content that people want to share you know and and uh but yeah i think i needed time off just to like not have to create anything and just like sit and uh and kind of just just relax but the you know it's it's still hard work it's like because you start getting your head am i doing anything and this yeah so because it's still relevant that kind of bullshit that whole conversation but but in order to continue to like be truly authentic to yourself and like for you everything

explain as far as like it being genuine and real and relatable is like you have to have time to even make that because if you're always going then you can't slow down and be like well like i'm not even getting new material or you know it's interesting yeah yeah i think it's also you need a couple days where you just sit on a fuck in a hammock and just don't think do nothing and just go like oh like i could never do that when i was on tour i was just be like yeah what do we need what do we got to do What do you do for stuff like that? Do you ever like, do you take trips? Like, do you fucking chill?

Even trips were like, I mean, I'd go on a trip with my kids and I'd get a new bid out of it. So even like trips were a work thing. Yeah. Like I'd take a trip to fucking my wife's hometown with my kids. We go ziplining and I had a new fucking 15 minutes. And so our trips turned into work. Everything turned into work. Everything was work.

At one point I was like, I'm coming home. I work with my wife. We're down the street working. We're still working at home. Yeah. I was like, yo, we got to stop working. Like, this is... How do you do that, then?

I had to get off the road. I had to get off the road. I had to get off the road. And then be like... And be like, yo, you want to watch Peeky Blinders tonight? And then you watch Peeky Blinders and you're like, tell this is like regular. We're being regular again.

We're not obsessed with this fucking business. Yeah. Yeah. It's been... Dude, this time off the road's been fun. I'm excited for this new special and I'm excited to get back on the road. Because I'm like, like, just bait. We shot the promo yesterday.

and it's fucking it's really it was really fun yeah and that's the register for me is like did I have a good time doing it it was fun and uh and I was like oh cool man let's go on the road again that'll be fun and the girls are in school lian's at home she can hop on the road with me when she wants we're going to Vegas this week to go see slap fight with Dana and then uh jo's at UFC he texts me he's like do stop by UFC so we're going to see I'm taking Leander our first UFC fight bro those are the best fucking yeah the best fucking friday saturday come home sunday morning or go to new york and go see raw monday night raw that and like like no kids we can do whatever the fuck you should how have you not done a wrestling thing yet that's what you need to do

what the fuck yeah they need to get you on on one of the because you know like recently they got all these like streamers and i think Travis got recently was there yeah you should get that's that's what you got to do they got to pitch you on that would you do that Bro, I can see you with your shirt off. Oh, my God. Bro. Oh, my God. That would be fucking hilarious.

I wonder if I could body slam somebody. Have you ever body slammed anyone? No. You want to try? No. No. Especially not you. Okay.

Jesus. Who isn't a street fight? Me or you? Street fight. Don't say street fight. Like, that's different than a fight. It's like on the street. Are we both wearing shoes?

you both don't have shoes on oh it's me it's you because i have rough feet i don't have a problem so you're used to it i'm used to it i think you're gonna be like owl pebble but it's a street fight it's like we gotta it's like die deliver die you have kids that's a little more i don't have kids you got more to fight for you know you gotta be honest with you man i'm not a good fighter i'm really not a good fighter and i've talked wild shit about fighting people i am not a good fighter i'm just trolling you yeah no man dude i got to see you i that would be a really funny bit though if they had you in w v somehow oh that would be crazy well i think i'm i might i may go well find out if i'm going to raw on on monday i'll find out this week only because if we

if we have press in new york then i'll go and if i go i'm going to raw i feel like you can do the steve austin's smash the two beers easy i can fuck that up legendary legendary steve i've I party with Steve Austin. We got lit one night. He's the man. He's the fucking man. Fuck, he really is.

Still in great shape. Crazy. And fucking wildly funny. Is he? Oh, he was fun as fuck. He was fun as he's, he's,

dude, I was one of my favorite guys to party with. What? I parted with some of the legends. I got to party with John Daly the other night. Whoa. And that was a good one. That was a good one.

Who do you think the most, the dopeest person you ever party with? Like for partying. Or maybe surprised you. I smoked weed with Snoop. Yeah, I drank with John Daly. I drank with.

Sammy Hagar, I drank with, like these are my legends. I drank with Slash. Wow. One morning, six in the morning in my green room. Me and him drank a bottle of brandy together. That's legendary. Yeah, and that was a fucking cool one. Yeah, I've gotten some good ones on my list.

I kind of want to, I kind of, and I know this sounds bad, but I kind of want to like be there, if Benefleck ever falls off the wagon, like in party with him, Robert Downey Jr. Like that would be, some people to fall off the wagon would be a fun one. Robert Downey Jr. would be the craziest. He would, I would, see, can I tell you

that I actually regret saying that because he is someone that I look at and I go, dude, thank you for getting sober because you gave us so much entertainment. Like how you stayed on drugs? Yeah. We wouldn't have gotten all these fucking Iron Man goddamn movies. Yeah, he's a legend.

And he's so awesome. But Ben, I'd party with Ben. If Ben ever needs me, man. If Ben reflects listening, and I know you listen, Ben. just hit me up one night and you're like man I'm not feeling good people that are sober they know

if they're going to break it fall off the wagon hit me up man I'll come over I'll come over I'll be a safe place to land I'll call Jennifer Garner we'll get you to rehab the next day you'll show him the sex toy thing oh no oh are you kidding me I'm just playing my promo reels for him

I'm like Ben you're not going to get to talk guess who's talking tonight I don't listen Ben we're docking and you're watching my fucking promo videos you know you're hilarious man i love you today thank you for coming thank you for having me man fucking i really appreciate it thank you you're the man brother thank you so much so so your stuff is you're going on tour september yep permission to party world tour uh new special lucky march 18th

oh vegas march 21st 22nd uh for the double down two shows resource world theater and the great outdoors comedy festival dude i've been so off tour that i fucking haven't promoted in a while that it took me a second whatever fuck yeah i'll see you guys on the road see you guys love you guys every tuesday subscribe we're out of here thank you