RAWTALK - Faze Rain Explains The Fall of Faze…

Episode Date: February 22, 2023

We have the one and only Faze Rain on the pod! These game enthusiast discuss the video game culture, his journey, success, & growth throughout the gaming world. He explained his love of the game playing all day & working with Faze. They discuss the journey and evolution of content creating.SPONSORS HTTPS://www.getroman.com/BradleySUBSCRIBE HERE: https://www.youtube.com/c/REALRAWTALK?sub_confirmation=1LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/rawtalk/id1294154339 FOLLOW RAWTALK PODCAST:INSTAGRAM | https://instagram.com/getrawtalkTIKTOK | https://tiktok.com/@askrawtalkFOLLOW BRADLEY:INSTAGRAM | https://instagram.com/bradleymartyn SUBSCRIBE TO RAWTALK PODCAST CLIPS: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvzSBNBOK599FqzrTZS8ScQ/?sub_confirmation=1SUBSCRIBE TO LIFE OF BRADLEY MARTYN: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWTQG2aMDYKGDqYEGqJb1FA/?sub_confirmation=1SUBSCRIBE TO FITNESS CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/bradleymartynonline?sub_confirmation=1RAWGEAR: https://www.rawgear.com (CODE:RAW)

Do you smell like marijuana? I do? Yeah. I didn't smoke today to make sure. You smell like marijuana. I mean, I do smoke, but. It's probably in your car. Yeah.

Why is that a bad thing? No, no, I don't care at all. Oh, you're just saying, that's like a point. No, I was like, I was like, okay, I know it's not them. Unless it's you, Nate. No, I didn't smoke today. Okay. Nah, it could be Nate.

No, no, I didn't smoke today because I don't want to be, you know. Yeah, because, oh, shit. I don't want to talk about the one part we had where the dude was so high. I don't get high like that, to be honest. No, bro. Bro, you know, don't mention names. All right, so, you did one podcast. Out of, I've never, I've like, I've never had this happen before.

I did a podcast with a guy and my thought was like, you know, I guess the guy was why I bring up this weed thing. He came in super high and, like, really high. But like weed high or like? No, he was like weed high, yeah. He's probably too high. Okay. And we're going to talk about other highs in the second here too, but.

Yeah, because I saw you did ayahuasca, which is sick. We're going to talk about it, yeah. But so anyways, he comes too high and I'm trying to interview him. And he's like, his questions are like, answers. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, shit, dude, deep.

That's deep. No, but anyways, um, dude, what, first of all, I don't want to get into all the drama shit first. I love that you don't do intros by the way. Yeah, I don't know why I hate intro so much. I think they're so like outplayed. It's like started, bro. People are here to see what they want to see. Yeah, yeah.

So not the drama shit right away, but let's talk about you. Like, you had a pretty crazy, um, time on YouTube. you've had a crazy time yeah like you've gone through a lot of shit because i've seen a lot of stuff um you've dealt with like you know some substance issues yeah which i'm bro i don't you can ask me anything i don't yeah yeah no i'm a super open book you know people learn from things like that and also i just don't like really closeting secrets and shit like that it's like why it's like also also i feel like it also motivates people to tell the truth also and that kind of destroy the stigma but around a lot of different things yeah you know i mean so so first of all i mean to the people who

Don't know how did you get started in like on the internet first off so YouTube I found it in oh I started YouTube making video videos in oh six So it's been a really fucking long thought I was 10 years old I started making videos for like originally like w w e intros like compilations like jeff Hardy and shit like Wait what and I take rap songs and I put the alvin and the chipmunks shit Alvin and the chipmunks like pitch on it with audacity and I'll put Alvin and chipmunk remix to like little john and like I don't know motherfuckers like When you were 10 yeah oh my god I was trolling I thought it was funny that was my first like 30 k views I I was like, oh my God. I'm like Little John. It's funny as though.

So what made you want to be a YouTuber? Originally, it was just like interesting that there was like videos online and shit. So I would just post random stuff. But I didn't want to be a YouTuber. I was just posting videos. And then when it came to like Call of Duty in like 2009, me and my friends from school, we just upload YouTube to show each other montages and clips and shit. So obviously there's something to that.

Like when did you start getting heavy into video games? Always. I was in video games before. Like even in 06, even I was only uploading like Dragon Balls, in like Naruto music video or anime music videos are so lame but like I was making shit like that and I would even let's record my screen and up with like Dragon Ball Z game played it's like I've been doing gaming for a long time yeah and what do you what do you like most about it and you still do it to today um yeah of course not as much I still play a lot though um if I saw when

I start making content again for them I'm of course gonna play every day but I just I don't know I just like video games that's always have since I was a kid and maybe it was just I didn't really like my area growing up where I live that's I just stay inside I'm playing inside yeah I fully really I love video games man I'm heavy like nerds Even, I play a lot less now just because the amount of things that I have to do. I played everything. Oh, like Halo. That's my favorite game of all time.

You know that? Halo 3. Yes. Halo 3? Specifically, yeah. Three? Three specifically. Not two.

Two is cool, but three is like super ahead of its time, bro. It had everything that a game should have today and it still doesn't. It's insane. It has everything. Yeah, that's true. Like I made montages from Halo without like anything to record with because the bungee. Dot net used to have like, you could upload your clips there. It was crazy.

We got to, I mean, I don't want to get too into Halo because it's like a really sad spot for me, but like, I guess I want to ask you this question before we get into the rest of this interview about you. I want to, I want to know your opinion on why do you think some games just completely go to shit eventually. So I used to think for a long time, Activision was stupid. I'm like, how do they not listen? How do they not listen? Why do they keep doing this? Why are they dropping a new game every single year? What the fuck is wrong with their brains? But then what I realized is that the only reason they were doing this is because the people at Activision aren't necessarily fans of gaming or call a duty. Oh, which is money.

They were building IPs to sell it. Microsoft that's all they were doing there's no other way for me to see it because they would have made so much more money and been a bigger like game if they just made call of duty took the best of everything and it's updated that game like counterstrike or league of legends or all these other games that's the meta you don't make multiple games every year you make one game and you perfect it you make it as good as you can but i feel like that's a newer style of like production now because it's the way that's been out for a decade legal legend's been out for like over a decade it's like did they have um in game purchasable shit but that was like is it after

all those games have that but did they have it did counter strike i mean you know the countestrike gambling stuff right like the skins and everything that's been around since like 2015 14 so i see i'm not wasn't that big in a counter strike okay that was before fortnight four years before five years before okay so even longer because it came out in 2012 so what what so did the counterstrike start the in-game purchase thing for that they started it but they were definitely like the most like i don't know another game because fortnight made that shit famous like they made everyone do that but here's the issue of fortnight too is that you just buy your skin and then you can't really like sell it or do something with it but it's also made for kids so they don't want kids like selling skins and doing all that shit yeah which is the

So you're saying, because I didn't, I kind of knew about this, like there were scandals and all the shit. People were like selling. Yeah. Dog, if only you knew. Dude, someone just got like an AK that's a case hard and blue gem selling it for, he said, I'm going to entertain offers after $400,000 dollars. Recently. Yeah, like, what, a month ago? All the people still do that. Bro, everything that I used to have in like 2015 skin wise at one point I had like a $200,000 like inventory in 2015. Shit would be worth like a million at least now. Today. Oh yeah. People still do that. Bro, yes. Even Tico was telling me he had a dragon lord one of these. like snipers in the game and i used to have like 10 of them bro but apparently they're like i forgot how much what the exact numbers i don't want to like bullshit but it went up significantly so i'm assuming these are skins that you get from like achieving certain points no no it's all random no it so they have they have cases so you get like these little like cases and you have to buy keys okay so that's the thing okay anyways sorry i this i'm such a nerd because it's uh okay let's talk about you man so you you you're like okay i'm 10 you're making these videos he's like

fucking wrestling things and then what you go like i'm good at video games and my i'm always curious about this video game thing like because um i was good at video games but there's just a different level of like good at video games when it comes to like streamers and like people who are really good at that shit the craziest thing is in my opinion a lot of these bigger streamers aren't even the best they're just like known as they're entertaining too that's what it is it's like unless you're the literal best like the number one guy being the number five guy isn't that good. I'd rather be number 50 or 100 and be way funnier or way more entertaining or just a

cooler person than number two and is kind of a dork because those like number or not number two, number two still do well, but like the top 10, like if you're not entertaining within like after five to 10, you don't really get as big in my opinion. Like I don't see that many like gamers that are like really like have no personality like no energy get to a certain point, you know what I mean? Yeah. Well that's like the same thing we could talk about in the fitness industry is like someone could have like the greatest physique but if they if there's no substance to them at

At some point, people are like, I'm bored. Exactly. So people are, they're here to be entertained, right? So in the beginning, they watch, like, those good players to see how they can make themselves better. Yeah. But you'd rather just watch a guy who's, like, really good at the same time. So were you, like, really, really good?

Were you mid? And on the good, really good. It was a whole different world back then. Back then, it was like about trick shots, man. So at that, at that point, when I was on face, it was entirely about how good you were. It did not matter who the hell. I don't even know what I looked like, what I sounded like.

It wasn't about any of that. Yeah. You know, it was just straight up about how good you are at trick shotting. And then like in 2013 is like when it started shifting a little bit, 2013. How come I can never pull that trick shot and you shit off, dude? He's got to do it all day, bro. It's like anything. You know what I mean?

You're just spinning around and you're just randomly shooting. You don't randomly, you time it. It's random. No, it's not. It's luck to hit the actual nose go, but the timing, you know what I mean? It's all bullshit. I think it's just like, you know that, you know that, uh, fuck, what's his name? The actual shot hitting his luck, though.

I agree with that. Tristan, you've seen Tristan. Is he just ran up. Okay, but same thing. So you don't think he knows how to get himself in that position to then throw the ball. Yeah, but he's there. That's there. You just see the one clip.

That's what we were doing. It's in a private matches for four or five hours a day and then getting in the game for like 10 hours. Like all day, bro, all day. So it's like eventually you figure it out like anything in life, right? Why do you think that shit became so popular just because it was a while? They would jump off and spin and fucking. Yeah, because people cared so hard about call duty back then and they all wanted to be good. And then there was people that were doing that.

It's like, what the fuck. Yeah. You know what I mean? So let's talk about the evolution of your content. So you started making content. in like this like kid stuff and then when were you like you I'm good at video games I can do this and then you start linking up with phase and you start creating this relationship it was uh 2011 like 2011 like the year after phase like was create essentially and um I was supposed to get

phase in 2011 but then like I don't know if you know apex he's my daughter now but he hated me so much when we were 14 because I showed a call a duty spot by accident I didn't know it was a secret I showed it so he hated me for a long time so it delayed me joining phase by like a year and I kind of gave up bro I started like playing with all the kids I went to school with and stuff and not like my gaming friends and like I got worse and I wasn't even a contender for phase at that point. So you knew you had a chance to get in but then you fuck something up so then you're like oh fuck I ruined this opportunity. Yeah like he like he like she bass and to tell me back then he's like yeah we can't recruit you because like there's people

on our team that don't like you and it was Apex at the time right and he was making everybody hate but he was a kid like we were both like 13 14 no kids like it didn't matter you know yeah so yeah then a year later so year later you get in and and and what is this like you know obviously I've seen some some of the recent stuff you're talking about like you know Well, not in crazy detail, because I feel like you, at least I haven't seen any interviews of you really going into detail about it. That's why I did that long ass one. I'm telling you, though. Yeah, and it hasn't dropped yet, has it?

No, and you know what's crazy? I was thinking about it yesterday. Like, I talked for five and a half hours and I bet I left out so much details, real. Yeah. Because it's so much. But I explained the general story, but there's still so many random details. Oh, yeah, that too, that too, that too, that too. Yeah.

So we were to try to get into a little bit. I guess I'm curious, like, before, before that happens, though, like, I guess describe, describe to you, like in your, in your, in your, perspective what's your relationship with like was phased from the beginning like obviously it was all the boys yeah right and at some point i knew this because i remember i was making content and i saw like i saw kind of the progression of phase uh going from like the boys content and then not becoming corporate but like they got they got people bought people were like yo there's a lot of money in this shit we're going to buy in and i was always curious i don't even know if you get say this and I probably can't. If you don't mind, I'll say whatever I know. And then if you let my

lawyer look at this before we post it, then I'll say whatever you want. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. So my question first off, I guess I was always curious, how much did the people who came in buy and how much do they own? Well, the issue is there was a bunch of different, most of it, to be honest, that's the thing. But it's a lot of different people, right? It's like the people that actually are phased. And that's what started a lot of this. And I'm going to get into that. Why I ended up feeling that way because it just felt so wrong to me that so many random people got brought in slash bought in and then the people that deserved to have shares and ownership of the company did it and now they're being like manipulated into working for what they already should own so they got turned into employees and

it's weird to me yeah you know what I mean it's tough it's tough though because like you know people with money come in and they buy whatever like it's hard to like I can understand both sides it's just like it's then for like individuals to protect themselves in the situations yeah you know what I'm saying absolutely a lot of us were younger too at the time right yeah so you get the business guy with the money and the acclimate is going to come in and be like, you know, I could not necessarily take advantage, but I'm going to do my best to protect myself and my interest, right? So like, you also can't blame.

I wouldn't blame these people for treating it that way because like that's how kind of business works. And I mean, if I've been around a block enough to know that motherfuckers will run you dirty like the minute that they can. But my question is like, where, where were you in it before like, because you've had some ups and downs, obviously with yourself, um, on social media. Like, where were you in it? Like, how did you know you were invested to a point?

point where for you to come out and say, yo, this is what I think is what happened, you must have been told something that like, oh, yo, you're going to have this, you're going to have that. And then something changed. But that's the thing. They were never really transparent. Like me as a major shareholder, I never knew how much everybody else had. When did you start to get shares when you were like, this is what I have? We split it 25, 25, 25 in 2015, early 2015. We split it four ways. Banks. Me, banks, Tommy Apex. We all spent at 25 because Tommy at the original like when it was just like a you know before it was just like a clan or whatever was you four 100% yeah okay I was always curious yeah okay so we all own it

equally and then a bunch of like fuck shit happened and you know but I'll I'll get into all that yeah well so what so what happens so you guys own a four ways did our old CEO no it's crazy nobody knows about him nobody even knows like everything he did I might have went over it with that other interview I might have so what happened um pretty much but so hold on let's take it so you guys are four together like yo we're in this we're equal yeah and you guys were all good Yeah. And then someone, we're on the same page. Someone brings in like a money guy. It wasn't even a money guy. He was a finesse guy who told him, oh, I know guys from here, here. I can help you guys do his structure, this, that. But he's just a pathological liar who will, like, I genuinely believe has like a real mental illness.

Like he really can't stop lying, bro. Like it's insane. So, but he, he must have got in with money, though. He brought in a guy who he said he knew since he was a kid who was like royalty in Norway. And then he invested a lot of money. And that's why, you know, he still has what he has. But. That guy ended up stealing all the money, essentially. The other guy. Oh, yeah. Had his wife on salary, allegedly, by the way, for $600,000 a month for his wife. Okay, $600,000 a month. Allegedly.

That's what I hear. What can you say? Like, how much money a month is fucking Faye's bringing in at this point? It was a, I mean, bro, it was, it was the first, like, really massive, like, gaming fucking entity. Like, as far as on social where people are like, yo, this is cool. That's why my biggest thing was preserving that for Faze because, to be honest, like we could lose all of our esports teams, cool, fine. We just go buy another one like every other org does.

Who cares? People aren't really attached to orgs for their e-sports teams like that unless that team has stayed around for a long time, like optic. Optic, like, call of duty might be like the only exception because they're like scumping people like that. But like other teams, like no one gives a fuck. You just like it's all like pros. And if they do well, they do well.

Like even our Atlanta phase, I like all the boys on the team, but they're not like ingrained into the phase identity like that. It's not like they've been around since 2012, 13. So it doesn't matter as much. What you have to preserve is like the content creation team. that side of the band because that's what gives the rest of the esports team strength. Yeah. Right?

So yeah, well that's a thing, man. I don't want to blow that and these motherfuckers are stupid as hell. And there's saturing that shit, selling that shit out and focusing on like that end, the esports end, which isn't even profitable. So it's like, what are you doing? Yeah. I mean, I get it. I get it.

I can understand both. I don't know how much, I don't know enough about the esports and how much actual physical dollars are in that. But I do know what you're saying about the content creators and like them being a really integral part. Like brands nowadays can be very successful without content creators, but, but it's very, very hard to get to that point. Yeah. And nowadays it's like, like, especially all the new things coming up, if they're not, if they don't have like a strong backbone of people who are like, you know, you know,

this is the brand I fuck with like they're reping it because people are more engaged with people than they are with companies. And they've always been that way. But nowadays. Any massive company, like even if Apple tweets on anything, they're going to do like crazy engagement, even though we all have an Apple phone. No one gives a fuck. Yeah.

No, because people love people. Exactly. So that's so I totally understand that perspective. So it sounds like, I mean, again, I don't know all the details. It sounds like, like, but I saw. the stuff i saw the video i saw your video talking about and i was like this kind of makes sense like this kind of happens when money comes in and then you see straight out of compton was that you seen straight out of yeah and then they're like yo we can we can profit off this and then it kind of takes away

from what it was originally yeah so when did that start happening oh fuck like 2018 2018 it's been a long time bro and how so what what were so even like when i saw you on calabats for example like that's i was going through it bro i was dealing with that guy that old CEO and it just sucks man to feel like your whole like company got robbed away from you and like our connection especially like all of us like I guess like the younger guys like we have such a strong emotional attachment to phase because we were all like massive fans at one point joined in it was a huge deal to us you know we made it like this that so it's like I that's why I don't give a fuck about the money that's why I did my thing is my shit was worth 60 million dollars at one point fuck that don't

care don't care I don't want to make that money if phase is dying I don't want to sell out my shares and like let phase die I can't do that every we all had a million shares each at the time and then he randomly gave them all 400,000 and not me So it's like, to me, it bothered me because I never took a salary ever, ever, ever, never took a salary because I'm like, I want phase to have the money. I lent phase $300,000 to buy our counterstrike team at the time. And obviously I wasn't like, and I have like fucking $10 million or something like that. I was like, it was a decent amount for me. It's probably a little bit more 10% of what I had.

So gave that to the counterstrike team. And then they kind of just like said, fuck you for like six years, bro. Like for that money that I gave them, for never taking a salary. And in my head was like, I'll take care of this brand now. So they got me later. There was no got in me later. But what was, well, yeah, what was saying, fuck you? What does fuck you mean?

What was that mean? Well, they made up a trillion different excuses to why they couldn't pay me back, like so many different excuses like, oh, we can't because of this, that, that. And then apparently, like, through passing, I heard from like somebody else at the old CEO said like, fuck him, he's not getting his money anyways. He thought like we're going to give him his money. The old one, he's gone. And like, he scammed a bunch of people.

Like he even scammed all of us out of like hundreds of thousands individually investing into his company. And you guys are all good with that. And they're good with that. So, but my question, like, like, he's good with that. Meaning like you guys are good with what each other have. You four are good. I don't care, yeah, no, that's the thing.

With us four, I don't give a fuck. A lot of them, like we have a glorified middleman who got more shares than like Alex and Rug combined. Like, why? How do you come into the company and be a glorified middleman? All he does is pass information for Lee and he gets more shares than Alex and Rug. How?

Yeah. In what fucking world? Why do these boomers just to walk in and take more shares than the dudes that built it? And let's just be realistic about who's more valuable, like who can be replaceable. We could swap out every day and nobody would notice. We can't swap out Alex and Rug every day

and nobody would, that's not how it works. They're the ones with the levered, But the way that they did is they came in, set up their flag, started bringing people in. And it's not like we got paid. If we all got paid for this to happen, sure, we sold out the company. It's our fault. But it's never happened. It's not like any of us got paid for this.

Not even Apex banks. None of us got paid. Right? So it's not like we sold out the companies. It's that we trusted people to help us with our business structure. They brought it one person. They brought it one person. We did deal with a lot of lawsuits that we had to end up taking money to pay for.

So that's an issue. Yeah. But then a lot of it was just them hiring incompetent staff and over hiring. Who's them? The corporate structure? Corporate motherfuckers. You know what I mean? I don't I don't necessarily want to name it. Because obviously it's not Tommy Banks and Apex.

All this phase that everybody sees, it's not us. It's not phase. It's not us deciding it. Half these members, when they see like Disney go up, they just found out. We're doing a deal with Disney. When they see that this is going up, they just found that shit up. And it's just not the phase way, bro. Like, we all got to know this shit, come up with the plan.

Yeah. Do we like this? Do we not like this? Oh, who would put it on their channel? Oh, who would do this video club? They just, they don't think that way. They are on their weird middle age, midlife crisis ass, like trying to be phased, trying to get the cloud retention and act like they're it's weird it's weird all the

politicking at the warehouse is weird to me y'all are old so like y'all are old stop it so does does how does how does thomas feel about this how does apix feel about this have you talked to them like yeah no they agree that we need to change this like they agree with that tommy's always said that banks has always said that but they don't agree with my approach to go public that's that's the thing they disagree with 100 because they're like no we just handle on the inside we don't need to do this but it's like dog i've been trying for years yeah so do you think like the outward reflection is not what phase should be like because obviously that's the thing we're talking about if we're if you're saying right now hey it's not about the money for me yeah yeah so remember i was a

huge fan of phase right so my the idea of phase it's like the logo it means it's like a symbol of right for all like the young kids who want to turn content creation or anything into a career like that idea of i don't want to live the nine to five life go to school do all the bullshit i want to do something on the internet just outside of that right there's something different than the regular life right so that's what phase always meant to mean a lot of fans that you could make it on video games you can make it on youtube you can make it on this which is so fucking cool by the way extremely and then it was like you see these group of dudes all live together all trying to make it like you know what I mean so that was like enticing to the viewer and like

yeah it was a thing they'd watch that it was almost like we were a real life sitcom in a way like they'd watch them be like damn i wish i had that i wish family camaraderie all that yeah like it's just something that fans would relate to and they'd respect and they would want to be a part of right so people watch sitcoms they want that friend group they want that life they want that whatever So that's like why that shit's popular And that's what phase needs to stand for Back in a day whenever we'd recruit a member They would instantly pop

You joined phase immediately you have a career Made it off right now you join phase bro Like no I love pros I think he's a great guy But like notice back 10 but he joined phase one We spent what six and a half million dollars On that fucking phase one thing That's when they overspend crazy for 3,000 viewers Imagine that crazy

He joins phase He gets 2,000 subs bro That's insane You understand when I used to tag any of them on Instagram back in the day It'd be like no less than 10K followers also just off a tag but Instagram back in the day is a very different thing than Instagram today what do you do people not still get as many followers off per fuck no oh really yeah it used to be juiced it really did the back in well bro it no no it was

it was fucking it was yeah so I'm thinking I used to tag them would blow their shit up but now it is a little different okay so it's like regardless so putting in that much effort and resource into it I would hope that you'd get more than 2,000 subscribers off spending that many millions I would hope so personally for sure right for sure but regardless it wasn't even about Instagram that was just an example even YouTube You join, you'd get 100K on YouTube off from, even the first week when you joined phase back in a day. Not like that back in a day, back like back, back like 2013, 14, 50. And that was because subconsciously to the phase fan, wow, a new phase member, he's dope, he's valid.

They don't need to prove it to me because every other phase member has been valid. So you assume that they're good. You know what I mean? The way that somebody joins the NBA and it's like even the worst player in the NBA, he's still better than you a basketball, I'm better than me a basketball, right? For sure. It's like, you know what I mean? So then it turned a point to where we start recruiting, we just start over recruiting. we start recruiting celebrities, that's my least favorite one.

Because the celebrity's not a phase member. That's a spit in the face to the fan. But they're trying to grow the brand. But that's not what you do, and it actually takes away. They think it's growing the brand because, oh, we're going to fucking dick ride all these people that have followers and our big rappers or whatever. But it actually does the opposite. Why not just make them ambassadors?

Why not just do collapse? That would grow the brand. Making them a phase member is a spit in the face of the fan that wants to be in phase. It is. And I've been screaming out since day one. I'm like, why do we do this? Y'all are on dick. Y'all just want to meet these celebrities so bad and act like you're doing something for.

You don't think, you don't think involving the celebrities is a, is a good thing. Involving them, not recruiting them. So, so here's saying, Ambassador, collabs, but never recruit them. So here's my, I'm going to give you, I got a little, here's my perspective on that. I'm not saying you're wrong, but, um, I also, I don't fully see it the same way because when I look at it, you're talking something that we know from the inside, right? Ambassador or you're talking about being a part of phase. So as long as they're not labeled as a phase member.

Okay, but so here's a deal. on the outside from a from a like a fan standpoint everyone watching this content there's no real difference with when they see oh their phase is doing something with them and he's an ambassador versus like oh that guy's in phase no it's a huge difference i get it for the for the third person like the random dude doesn't really know phase like that but to anybody that actually keeps up with phase of it is the reason that phase is where they are today and like the backbone of phase i'm talking about the audience remember about our main audience because there's phase fan like phase has gone so big to the point now where it's like there's phase fans that actually know show you're shit and then there's people that know face. So there's phase fans and there's people that know face. So here's the deal. And the people that know it's only because of the face fans. So you have to make these motherfuckers happy. Because these motherfuckers, they're going to know about it's regardless.

Check this out. I got to give you another counterpoint. Check this out. So these motherfuckers, right? The ones inside the real face fans, which ride or die, these help build the company from the beginning, right? Absolutely. So now, here's the deal.

10 years go by, these guys don't care. And I'm just, I got to play devil's advocate here. 10 years go by, these guys don't care as much because now they have families. Absolutely. Yeah. So in order. order to get new, new of these guys, you have to bring people who were just like, oh, I know little Yadi, I know this guy.

No, no, I agree with that. And then they become these ones. But they don't have to be labeled as phase members because that's a thing. If you do, if you make them as ambassador or you do collabs with them, this side will still like be interested, right? But these people, the main core will be the ones, start I'm the student this says, because you know what I mean by now. No, yeah, yeah.

But these people are going to be the ones that are, like, upset about it, the ones that are going to stop believing in phase. Like, they're the ones that come on phase, phases recruits anybody nowadays, forgot this guy joined phase. Oh, another bullshit recruits. Those are the guys you don't want to piss off. But so I guess what I'm saying is like the, it's just our reflection. Like how do you do it, right?

Because someone's going to see it whether you're this guy or this guy and you're going to be like, yeah, well, he's fucking with it. Because like, look at the, look at the pro sports. Like, look at the Lakers. They'll have motherfuckers. They'll have rappers that come and they'll show love them. I'll be like, oh, this dude came to a Lakers game. But they're going to throw him in a Lakers uniform and be like you're a Laker now.

Like you have to have a certain qualification to actually be considered a phase member. Oh, okay. You have to be a creator, bro, like an actual creator. otherwise it just takes away from the definition of what a phase member is right you got your mate you have to make you in your opinion then what it is to be phase and a like should be is like to be a content not just like a celebrity who like make some content yeah because then it's just like what are we doing with them unless they're actually committed like for example like and i like and i like like them all as people by the people that we did recruit i just don't agree with the move as a member right

it's like i can i can love you as a human like i love my mom i'm not going to hire as fucking cfo for phase right it's like it's like this because i love someone or think they're a nice person that mean that they are deserving of the position. I have to be very like separate with that. Otherwise, you'll just hire people that aren't competent for a very long time because you like who they are. Yes. And you can't have that for Brandon's biggest phase. No, so I'm just trying to, I guess I'm trying to really like decipher because like we're talking about from the outside in, right? What is someone like perceives as someone being a part of phase as a member? Oh yeah. Definitely there's being like a content creator. Someone that's going to, like, that's what I'm

saying. If like someone like Yadi, for example, actually showed up to shoots like once a week or twice a week and like helped us on that end, that's way more like, you know, like, negotiable. Then I'm like, okay, that makes sense. But dude, we've done like one shoot with each of them over like five years. Like nobody does shit, right? And I don't blame. They have their own lives.

Like, Kyle Murray's in the NFL. He's busy doing NFL shit. But like, then why do we recruit? Just for like one collab, one post, one intro, one one announcement? That's what they do for? Snoop Dog. What have you seen with Snoop dog since we've announced them? Yeah, there you go.

What have you seen with the audience since we announced them? What have you seen with offset since we announced? So, but that's my, that's what takes away. That's what gives the, the fan, the idea of like, okay, that's another phase member. If there's no match, there's no follow-up, these motherfuckers are so, they're so stupid that the only way they know how to get interaction is by an announcement. That's the only thing that works.

When we pose an announcement, we get interaction, we have a great day that day. So they just chase announcement and announcement. But it's then it's just the wording then. It's just the wording that needs to change. Of announcing them as members, you're saying? Yeah, which is like, hey, we're doing a collab with this person. It's just the wording. It's also about just like the follow-up, actually building a core that's constantly doing

things and then just like meshing them together. Like having that mesh is important. and that group effort, right? It's like everyone's kind of solo separate. Like, there's no real, like, community with Faze nowadays. Back in the day, the Skype chat was the hottest thing. Like, when I joined Fah's, I was so excited just to be in Skype chat, talk everybody. That's, like, what it was.

It was actually, we talked to each other. If you think anybody in Faze actually talks to each other, you're insane. Nobody talks to each other. There's small clicks, so there's, like, nuke squad. People were randomly talking, but it's not like that at all. In New York, when we lived together, someone came to kick it with me, they're coming to kick it with all of us. Someone came to kick it with all of us.

You know, I get it. So it's different. Even when you came to, like, Calabasas for the fight, like, we're all there. Not everyone, like, but other people like that live there and other people. But see, we're kind of talking about two separate things, right? Like you're thinking of like the, you know, the Renaissance. This is the great era, like the golden era, right? And then it was like this.

What I'm talking to and speaking to is like they're still trying to further this brand. In my perspective, the way I see it, trying to further this brand. I think it's just in the narrative around the announcements. But it's okay. That's why I'm very like in the middle. I understand the business aspect of it. And it's okay to try to grow the brand doing that. But you can't take.

take away from the OG fan base. I know, no, I'm saying, I'm not saying taking away. I'm saying, but it does when you recruit them. Well, no, so let's say, that's what I'm saying if we change the word. I'm not saying making any decision for phase. But that's why I've been saying this whole time like ambassador or collaboration purposes. Like yeah. Yeah, because they don't know, it's way more fucking clout if they say phase member.

Because they're all boomers, bro. They don't understand that shit works. That's what I'm saying. It's just the wording that is funky to me. Yeah. And funky to you. And the thing that it's like, you know, we just did a, we did this event or we did this collaboration, we did this, you know, collection of whatever with this person because they

fuck with the brand. And it's like, it's like we did an OTF thing with Dirk, right? And I think that one's fine because it was a collab with Dirk. OTF, we didn't recruit Dirk and make a whole like, oh, phase Dirk or something like that. It was just cool. That's fine. That's fine. But recruiting him is like for what? He's not a phase number. Like, why are you trying to paint a phase member that? And then we lose like weight on our recruits because then people don't care as much more. Why someone like pros gets 2,000 subs when each one's phase? Because we've diluted the idea of what it means to be a phase member. So it doesn't mean as much anymore. Now it's like subconscious to the fan. It used to be they joined phase, auto sub. They're probably lit. I'm about to find out.

Now it's like, all right, they're doing phase. Let me see. He has to prove himself now. Then he'll earn my sub and follow. Now you got to earn it. Yeah. Now you don't join phase and make it. You join phase and have to earn it. Do you think some of that is just, do you think some of that is just evolutionary of the internet? No, because if somebody joined, um, sidemen right now or A&P right now or AMP right now, or A&P right now, they would immediately pop. One billion percent. Yeah. If somebody joined A&P or sideman right now, they would boom. Because they're still holding on to that, like, core value. So then I guess the question is, do you-

Or Nelk? Imagine I'm enjoying Nelk right now. Yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah, it would pop. Like, look at Stiney, bro. Yeah. Like he was, like, wasn't he like, Steve's like assistant? Yeah, he was. And then he ended up becoming like, he has millions of followers now and he's on pocket.

But come on, bro. Like, that's what happens when you like stick with a group and you don't like, imagine if y'all recruited a Nelk member every other week or every two weeks. And then they never showed back up. Stiney would have, I promise you have way less like everything if that's what you all did. I don't think you're in. Are you a knock?

I'm like, I'm not like in it, but I'm in it. You know, I'm 100% of the podcast. So you're definitely. I love the fucking podcast. But like all the I, I filmed content with them for a very long time for like on the kind of come up with Steve before like he went and did his stuff and everything.

Yeah, before he went and did his own channel. So we did a ton of content together. But, you know, they filmed a lot of content obviously without me because I'm not as into the prank stuff. Yeah. I'm not as comfortable doing that kind of shit. But, but overall, yeah, I mean, I make a ton of content with them.

But I wouldn't call myself a NELC member in a sense, right? But those are my guys for sure. Yeah. So, yeah, okay. So I'm curious, and do you think then just we got to, this is something like the uncomfortable thing to talk about is like, is it just because phase is less popular now? Is what because phase is less popular?

Like, is the reason a phase member? Yeah, like something become a phase member. It's not big, but phase is less popular because of things like that. Constant recruiting members. You don't think it's just time? No, we'd be way. good side, man, bro. They're the perfect example. Yeah. Like, it's not that. If you, if we kept it up, it would not be that way. But also, like, our old CEO kind of got in between us also.

He, like, kind of turned us all against each other. He was really weird and crazy. I'm saying, full-blown manipulate. Like, come to me. Banks said this about you. Apex said this about you, but you're this. And then he'd go to banks and Norton said this about you and Apx said this about you. Jesus Christ. He's a monster. He's an absolute monster. You guys all agree to that. Unanimously. There's not a single human in phase that would ever say he is anything less than a monster. That's fucking crazy Yeah, not a single person

Not a single person But I mean it kind of like It sucks because things like this Like just you can't fully avoid Like I don't want to call it the Like we talked about earlier About becoming corporate But because you do want to grow

And I tried one thing to try to like fix it Because the only thing that made sense In my head was okay We're all unhappy with Faze We all individually go to fight this battle Why do we not build a union And call it a day Now it used to be if we built a union

If we all just said we are one We have one opinion If y'all fuck with us It's over So that's my days without it So that's my question to you, like, you four. Why do you, why are you guys not on? I tried.

So why are they all not on the same page? They were. They were. They definitely were. And that's the thing. We had a meeting with like the top executive people and the founders. And we agreed on anything the founders say goes. They agreed.

They agreed. They agreed that whatever you four decided on it goes. What's the first thing I did? Did you put in writing? It was in a meeting. It wasn't necessarily in, uh, wasn't Australian writing. But, um, it was in a meeting. And, um, the first thing I did after that is I went out and I tried to get like Alex and

Rugg and like Tico. Alex and Rugg, I put 27. million dollars worth of shares added for their shit like I really went hard for them yeah rug is rug is a massive part the last few years rugs is the goat I love rugs like massive he's so massive you can't even show to this fucking podcast yeah he's also in san die he's also in san diego bro yeah but i came i drove down to san diego twice the film content well oh really and you're like yeah and i told him he said yeah i'll come up to when i come to and he came to la and do some other shit and didn't show up still no but probably because he was in

for like a day or something no bro yeah i'm not having that shit rug okay you don't show up Oh, you a bitch. Anyways, I mean, no, honestly, I get it. People are busy, but, you know, I did show up. Hopefully he shows up. Anyways. So, but were there other, other people that you feel like should have been treated differently? Tico.

Yeah. Because that's the thing in the beginning, like certain people thought like Tico was like upset because he thought he should have had what we had. But it's never that. Tico is very similar to me as like he just wanted to feel the love more and he didn't like what was going on regardless. Like he's just not. And I don't want to speak for him, right?

But yeah. Just he's had his little things. He's just on. happy, right? Again, I don't want to speak. I don't want to say things he said, but yeah. Let's talk about you. What, what did you go through that really got you into doing shit that you probably should have to be stuff? Yeah. I don't, bro, you don't have to be soft about it. It's like, I don't care. I don't care. No, but I mean, I'm just, I'm not going to, I'm like, what made you fucking want to kill yourself, you know? I wouldn't care if you said it. Yeah, what was it? Um,

it was a few things. Honestly, phase was a huge part of it, but I don't want to blame him like that. Of course. Um, to be honest, also does people in general, I like have such a strong. hate for like certain type of people that are like very like not courteous people just very like me me me me head ass like they just like care about themselves too much don't give a fuck about anybody else people on the internet not even bro it's mostly people in real life really I like people on internet way more because at least when I see them talk to them like it's funny they're trolling they're not even being serious because every time I've ever talked to a hater in life no no no I've never met one in real life I've ever met one yeah yeah talk to one on

internet uh yeah yeah yeah 99% of time they're like oh I just I love you bro Exactly, that's why I said that. Because I'm assuming it works like that with you too. Every time. One time a kid hellless energy, I'm like, I'm so proud of you, bro. I literally told them, and I always tell them when they switch. I'm like, bro, I respect you more if you kept talking shit. Don't switch up now.

Keep talking shit. I like it because it's like, at least you being real about what you're saying. Yeah. I don't want you to switch up and try to be on some fan dick. They always switch up. Yeah, they always switch out. Oh, bro. One kid is like, yeah, I said, fuck you bitch.

Yeah, one kid. I started out. I was like, yeah. I was like, yeah. I was hype for him. but um yeah uh wait what the what i keep forgetting that it's all good the question was i'm gonna say just keep it blunt why why did you uh oh yeah oh yeah so yeah people um the face shit and like bro i was just a bitch relationship and stuff you know what i mean

it's like a mix of all they like i can't do it so i just like got butt hurt and shit and it was it's like a snowballing thing too and it's like you know i was like i made three videos a day for three years bro so that was like my whole identity was like this workhorse right and then i stopped because like it was at apocalypse time my money went down crazy Oh man. This was when they did the old family friendly thing. Oh, yeah. I uploaded like a vape video and like after that, bro, I got cut what, like around like 70% I want to say. Bro, I'll never forget that time. I remember I uploaded one day to the next and I was like, so just like 60% of people stopped watching my videos from yesterday to today and then every day after. But your views went down too?

Yes, bro. My views stayed the same. That's the problem. My views stayed the same, but the money went down crazy. No, my views were just, I was like literally, I remember I had averaged like three. 300 like three 400 and then it just went to like 100 150 100 I was like you never really knew why oh because oh I swore I swore a lot oh okay so it was right when they were like putting in this like overly family friendly friendly stuff even now you see what they're doing can't swear the first 15 seconds straight up now now now they actually said it fine but they're finally at least they're saying things yeah because it's been that way bro honestly like now but now they're just

like super strict on I notice like 99% these fucking videos get like demonetized oh yeah so it is what it is but they're not going to push some shits because then it's like why would I put something I'm not going to make money on yeah like why would I recommend a video that's not going to get me paid yeah yeah yeah remember they make 50 50 off or I think it's actually 55 off everything yeah yeah so it's like why it's like I can push this it's fully monetized versus that and it has why like the retention and like um like audience retention and click the rate matter so much right because that tells you it's a good video retention they're watching the whole thing click the rate they're clicking on it good video yeah yeah yeah

engaging with it bro it's YouTube's changed so much it's fucking insane um I guess, but let's go back to, let's go back to what we're talking about. So it's, it's got to be deeper than that, though, because like to consider something. Well, I felt like I lost my whole identity and I was smoking a lot. Like before, from 2015, 16, 17, I was smoking every day, but only in night, right? Because I was too busy. I had three days a day to make. I couldn't smoke in the morning and fuck that shit up.

So I was like, very disciplined on that. I just couldn't fuck that up no matter what. Even sometimes I think back now, I'm like, damn, like, I remember how sad I got at certain things. How did I still post three videos that day? Like, not give a fuck. It was just discipline, to be honest to me back then. I was like, no matter what, got to post these videos every single day, no matter what happens.

And I can't wait to get back to that person. It's like, not give a fuck with anything. I'm in the process of that right now. So you're going to fully come back and run content? Oh, absolutely, yeah. I want to get back into that ball. Because how old are you? 26.

Yeah, he's still young, dude. Yeah, it's honestly like with YouTube too. It's like, bro, even like big Mike, and he's like 40 some. Yeah, I love that. Yo, Google how old Mike is. I think Mike's like 38 or so. That's what I was 40. Like, he's on his boomer shit and he's uploading too.

Like I like it. People love talking shit though. I know. Even to me, they're like, start a family, you fucking loser. Bro, I'm 33. I want a family. Listen, I want a family. I heard what you said on that one podcast.

It's fucking, it's just hard. Like, bro, I'm not going to lie, man. It's just Mike Malick. 38, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So it's, it's hard to just for me, I've always had such a hard time, not commitment, but like, commitment because of the fear of loss and the fear of rejection, the fear of like,

not stacking. up or being good enough and like because of all the shit that I've dealt with in my life and my father took his life when I was young so dealing with it's like someone taking themselves out of my life why you're sorry and I apologize that for saying like I don't give a fuck about it because I'm sure you have a personal relatability no no it's fine um so yeah my relationship to to that to that has always kind of made it hard for me to like fully commit to another person in that sense of love right because you're I'm always afraid that oh someone's gonna they're gonna they're gonna go away from me they're going to take it away from me they're going to leave me that you know

I'm going to be alone. So it's hard for me. That's a real fear too. That's like why a lot of me wanted to stay alone for a long time. You know what I mean? I'm in a relationship now, but like there's a time where I wanted to be alone forever because I'm like because of that to be honest.

So I feel you. Like some like as if like someone would fucking. No matter what you did. Yo, I had three long relationships and each one of them I spent a crazy amount and money on them, but time and money on those women. And then it was just over. I'm like,

damn. I just like felt like I lost all that and they're gone. It's like for like for nothing. I'm like why I don't know. I don't want to put all this effort and resource into somebody and then it's like kind of it end. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, for me it was never about money. It was just purely that like, yo, I don't want to experience loss like the way I felt it because I was so I remember when I was younger. I was so like, why me, why me? And I developed that habit thought around like, oh, I don't ever want to feel like this. So I would just avoid. Like if something was getting too good, I would push it away.

I'd be like, self-sabotage a little bit? Yeah. I'm like that too a lot. Horrible. So anyways, let's get back to you though. So as far as like the suicide, like to, you were genuinely contemplating this? I tried over a hundred times, gang. Yeah?

But how do you try over a hundred times? I don't know. You try to take 200 perkinsets and see what happens. No, that's insane. You know what I was tried? I was like, try. I've tried so many fucking times. But how could you not have OD on that many?

I don't fucking know. Bro, for the long time, I thought that shit was a myth. Because what I say sounds fake. What I say sounds like he's just saying 100, but he means five. That's why after I got hurt, six months, nobody came and saw me. And I don't blame them because I don't think you understand how much of a school thread I was when I was going crazy. And I don't have to mean a school threat. I'm just using that as like a word.

It's just like a cod thing. But I just mean like a psychopath I was like for real. Like I threatened to shoot a cop, bro. You what? I threatened to shoot a cop, bro, like, through his face. And like I ended up getting a lot of trouble for that. But like, can't do things like that. So what I was going?

It's a Xanax, specifically the Xanax. So in Canada, the day, when I was trying to do that before, I would buy hell of Xanax and Perkins to try to OD. But the Xanax were fake in Canada. So I was used to taking like a hundred fake Xanax's, a hundred fake bars. I was used to doing that. So when I came to America and I did it with real pills, that shit, bro, you don't wake up from taking. With Xanax here, I was only doing like 50, but every day, like 50 Xanax, two milligrams a day. What?

Yeah, I know, I know. But to try to OD with like Perkins that's two. Perkins are more expensive. It's taking like 30. Bro, I don't understand how you're alive. That doesn't even fucking make sense. I don't either, bro. My liver completely failed and I have like CRPS and I don't fuck up.

But I don't know. I don't know. Do you still have liver issues? liver no I think my liver is good now but I still have like CRPS Complex Regional Pain Syndrome so weird shit but yeah like it's I know it's

I understand it sounds like fake but it's I don't know what else to say That's insane The day that I OD before this happened Like the last time I like really did They tried the OD 100 Perkins at 30s So that should cost like four bands

For those 100 pills 100 of those 100 Xanax 2 milligrams 30 Adderall 30s And as much lean as I was drinking All in one sitting In a single sitting So hold it so what's your thought You're doing all this shit.

I get it, but people are not going to believe it. I think it's a cap, but I swear my mother's life. It sounds fucking insane. On my mother's life, it's 100% true. And again, people will not believe it, but it is what it is. Like, it sounds crazy, but. So you're sitting there and you're like, before you're... I'm just trying to die.

I don't like drugs like that, to be honest. You're just like, I'm going to get as much as I can. You're sitting there and you're like, I'm going to do this. Yeah. I mean, bro, but I've been doing it. I was doing it for so long at that point. I didn't care. Like, and this is one of the worst things about suicide and like the, like, thinking

stop planning for your future. You really stop, like, all the optimistic feelings that you could gain as human is gone. You don't think about those things anymore. That's why even till his day, like, I lookie told what I'm like, you either do it or you never think about it again. I'm like one of the other, no fucking mix, like no in between because the in between is the low key the worst part. Like for myself, I would never advise someone else to like go do it.

I always say like, don't fucking think about it. But for me, I was saying myself like either fucking do it or don't want to think about it. I don't want to do it because my mom, things like that, I put her through so much, right? So I'm just not going to do it. I can't even remotely ever even say it's a joke like I want to off myself or none like that because what it does to your brain just like it eliminates like you're the way you think of a future bro and it's so bad I hate the way that it made me like give up on my future for so long it's like why I haven't like necessarily came back the way I showed up over the last few years because I've just been thinking what's the point I'm to be dead soon I ought to pay my taxes I'm going to die soon type shit yeah so you're let's go back to this this moment like this specific one with all this shit you're you're before you start taking it you're just thinking like nothing matters Yeah. I mean, because I thought about it in a sense that I realized that everything was like fake and I thought nothing mattered and people are fucking shit and this, that. But like you get, you know, you get like caught up and all that type of thinking. It's just not true. One, it's just not true. Sometimes you feel like it is basically your experience. You're not afraid of death. Hell no. No. I mean, I. I mean, I. I am. I don't know why. I mean, I could be having the best day in my life. Things are going. I still just don't care for some reason because I genuinely believe whatever is meant to happen will happen. So if I'm someone, you know, trying to end my. life they can have my life yeah you know for so i just i don't know i guess i don't know why i have such

a built-up fear around it because of the unknown like just it's a black screen i don't know it's it's going to be a black screen turn off your tv same shit but it's like yeah black screen that you're not aware of that's why i have this fear around yeah but it's just everyone's gonna be like yo you got to find god bro that's what they're going to say to me they always say that and it's not and i don't struggle i struggle a lot with that like that the idea of of uh what's what's next i do though I do believe there has to be something I don't know it's not I don't think it's the same way we experience this as we're experiencing it but I do think and I do know that there is a fact that all energy is transferred absolutely right so there's some movement that's very real there's something

that's a fact science agrees everyone agrees with that it's a there's some transfer I just obviously it's not like me as a human transferring around because me as a human is gone right so there's some sort of transfer of something else and I don't know what that is or feel like and it's like no one I've always struggled with it because you know no one's died and came back and was like yo bro i've been dead for a year let me tell you about it yeah you know so i've really struggled with it um i don't really want to get into that conversation too much but i'm just really interested in in the thoughts that led up to this and so you've tried multiple times yeah but so in my mind is like if you really wanted to just because i've really seen

suicide like my dad hung himself yeah you don't try you just do it or you don't yeah you either step in you're not so was was there a part of you that obviously you didn't really want to do it honestly because I was just a pussy and wanted to do it the most chill way possible so I thought that yeah I thought I was like all right that's chill this fucking take out of the shit and go to bed and not wake up but cool obviously you like seize out and all that little bullshit but that's fine I didn't want to like bro this was my biggest fear was like shooting myself and me living because I genuinely believe that would live through that no matter 45 a dagle don't matter I felt like I was going to shoot myself in the head and live I believe that in my heart

heart I believed it so I'm like I can't do it because I'll live so I had like no options other than that I was like that one's the chillest one if I don't die I just wake up it's fine I didn't really think about the problems I could come with it I didn't know something like this could happen yeah you know well so what what I this might be a weird question to ask but like taking all that stuff in one sitting like what's what is the highlight it's how remember you're just out no you're just out like no 30 minutes but that's the issue is so from 2020 April to June July July, July 4th, actually, I don't remember nothing. I blacked out for over three months, bro.

So what? You must have been just waking up. Bro, that's what I'm saying. I'm an idiot. Every day, he was waking up and his pop and zanz every single day. And by that idiot, I mean myself. Yeah, of course. In a way, when I watch those IG lives and shit, I'm like, bro, that's not me.

Like, I don't talk like myself. I don't think about myself. Everything I'm saying is just not me. It's not what I would say or even think or everything's chalk. So I genuinely feel like someone, not someone, but the way it looks and feels for me is like someone else was in my body to win everything because it's just not me. But it obviously wasn't me. It's just like that different state.

Xanax makes you a psychos, all I'm going to say. Yeah. An absolute cycle. Not if you take it as prescribed, obviously, but anything above that year, absolute psycho. It's easy to abuse.

Tolerance builds fast. Bad idea. Yeah. Every time I get it. Because I get it from, like slight anxiety on planes and I'll take it and I take long flights, but I only take like once like. That's why actually started taking it.

Oh shit. Yeah. I was always, I know about it. So I'm like preemptively like, I know this is, I'm staying away from this. Yeah, but I never like took it casually like that, right?

Like, I never took it, like, on a day, like, just to go chill or do something. I would only take it, like, flights or off myself, no in between. You know? I just hope people understand, like, this shit is serious. Like, take these things, like, these opioids shit is, like, a very serious. Well, those are benzos. Those are benzodiazepines. Okay.

They're, like, anxiety medication. Opioids are painkillers. So, like, it's like in any more. All of those. Norcos, even lean, like the codeine has opioid in it. Heroin's in opioid, but it's just a different strength of it, right? So that's when people say, like, lean's liquid heroin. and it's like technically, but not like,

yeah, it's not the same thing. It's not like, have you done other, have you done like mushrooms or anything like that? Mushrooms actually what Loki led to all that shit because I use it incorrectly, right? I love mushrooms. I think they're amazing, but you can't take them too often

because it's good to go to that like, you know, different type of thinking and heightened, you know. Yeah, it's good to feel that way, right? But you can't do it too often. You have to do, go there, take what you can from it, then go back to reality and apply those lessons from there to reality. You can't live in there

or do that shit too often. Otherwise, you're, it kind of distorts your reality. You don't really know what's real, what's what. Yeah. If you do it too much. So I was microdosing, but my microdose was three grams. Oh, that's not a microdisc. Yeah, I know, but I thought it was.

I thought it was. So I was doing like three grams a day for like two months. And I was. Holy fuck, dude. It was chill, though. I was uploading every single day. And I felt good. I was like, wow, like I feel back like myself.

But then I got shroom poisoning. Shroom poisoning. Yeah. It was the weirdest, most disgusting headache of all time. And like, I was just sick in my body. And then I got restless leg syndrome from it. It just led to so many problems. And then it threw me off, like, YouTube again.

And then I got so, I don't know, I guess because I was also just, like, fried, I was like, I'm so mad that like, as soon as I get back on my shit, I get sick and everything gets thrown off and I'm sick for this long. So then I was just one night, bro, literally one night in April. I remember I was like, I'm off myself tonight. And I took like all those Xanax. Don't remember anything for three more months. And I guess I just did it every single day.

Every single day. I got a question. Obviously, like, nothing's wrong with you, right? You've gone through a lot of stuff. You've obviously experienced a lot of stuff. I'm curious, like, where does it all come from? Like, how do you think you got to this point as a human? I used to see a family member of mine always try to kill themselves with pills when I was a kid.

So I feel like that's where my mind association came from pills off myself. Because I even tried when I was 14. Well, why did you try when you were 14? I don't know. I was butt hurt, bro. I was just, I don't know. I, like, have a lot of this, like, built up depression in my life. It's had a really shitty childhood.

You know what I mean? So, like, it just always been but hurt. What was the worst part of your childhood? But this, honestly, like, just my dad left me when I was like 10 years old, right? And I didn't really care about that. I don't care about that too much. But at the time when I was a kid, my mom wasn't who she is today. You know, my sister isn't who she is today.

I didn't have great relationships with them when I was younger. And I just felt very, like, alone, very misunderstood by them. I didn't, I used to my original Twitter, like the same account I have now. All my tweets are like 2010, 11 to like 13 is me straight talking shit about my mom and like stepdad and shit and sister. I have a question based on that. Straight up. I used to like, I have a question about this

because you're young and so do you think that like your thoughts of suicide were related to the internet? Meaning like you had, you're on Twitter, you're able to go and look at things because I'm so curious.

I just feel like the world, let's say, you know, 20 years ago, people probably thought of suicide. I don't know, I can't say this, I don't know the numbers if it's true or not less

because there was less stuff to look at like that was outside of your own life. Yeah, Out of the side of the mind, right? So it's like people also always compare themselves now to everybody that's on social media. That's why Instagram, some people get played by that every day. They look at someone's posts.

They think they're living an amazing life, not struggling. That's the worst is what these social medias have, like, put into people's minds that no one else is struggling. Dude, we're all going through shit. Every single fucking one of us, Mark Cuban, his billionaire ass, I promise he's going through shit. Everyone, I mean, everybody is, bro. But people like to think, like, wow, his life's perfect and I'm the only one struggling.

Bro, what? Like, it's not a reality. We're all going through shit. And everyone has had to learn to be a little bit more understanding with it. So I'm trying to get to understand. So like do you think that because at 14 years old to consider that like you have to be there has to be some sort of. Also I broke up after that just remembered. I also gone to like my first break.

I was in a girl. I was with a girl from like from when I was 11 to 14. Yeah, but you're 14. I thought I was never going to have sex again. I thought I was never going to have sex again. Bro. You're 14 like there has to be. No, I thought it was over.

No, there has to be some outside influence where you think like oh suicide is a thing I could do because someone I saw my whole life was a kid and I saw like oh bad situation pills. cool so you grew up seeing that's the way i like thought like when things got really bad you pill it out like when i was a kid i didn't know i like you know i'm impressed my little baby like i don't fucking know like when i was a kid obviously like and it just like was a part of me so whenever i would like go through extreme moments like depression or sadness that's what i would resort to obviously now where i'm at today in life would never right yeah but it's like so then how would what would you tell a kid or a person who's like maybe locked up in some sort of like mentor tomorrow about their life and where they're at like because this is the thing

that I always, like I had a conversation with someone last night about like life and relationships and all this stuff. And I, and I, I realize everyone gets to the same point where like there's this distortion between what they want. And let's say, for example, in a relationship, what someone else wants. And then someone else like learning everything uniquely to their life at one point and then having a perspective on how things should or shouldn't be in a relationship, let's say, for example, and then the other person doing the same exact thing and then them not be able to come to some sort of terms or agreement or understanding so that they can make a thing work. So my point is like to the person who has like built up so much around an idea of something, how something should be or like I, like I specifically, I should have a family like this. I should have a father like this thing that I saw. So that's what I'm saying. That exactly the point, right? That's the point I'm trying to make. I believed because I saw outside that guy has his dad and his dad treats him like this. Why do I not have this? Why did I get treated like this? Why is my life like this, right? This comparison.

So my point is what would you say to a to a person who's like stuck in that thought where they're like, okay, maybe this is the way I want to go because I'm so afraid to continue on the way that I'm continuing on. What would you say to that person? You're saying continue on in fear of being stuck in that type of lifestyle. Yeah. And like because like imagine this the person you're speaking to is just we're just speaking to someone who's like who has actually contemplated suicide who maybe is, right? What would you tell that person to get themselves out of it? Because you're obviously here now a completely different person than you were then. And it's just hard, man, because I do talk, I like do talk to people about this all the fucking time.

Because I went through that, you know, it's obvious that people are going to always be. It's good to talk about it, though. And I love it, to be honest. I love that. That's why I talk about it so I can help as many people as I can with it because I was at a point in my life where, bro, I would tell my sister like, like it doesn't matter if my life gets perfect or not. I want to kill myself. I want to die. I don't care.

I don't care. It's not for me. It's life shit's not for me. But it's your perspective, right? It's entirely your perspective. And I don't like things like this aren't very they're not black and white at fucking all. Nothing really is. Yeah. There's a few things that are. But like generally things like that aren't. And it's kind of just like you need context. It's all like case to case. Everyone's different. And that's like why trying to like turn it all into one big you know like if you're suicide do this or if you feel suicidal just do this. It's like not like that. Everyone has your own issues and there's specific reasons and there's a root to why they feel the way they do. Absolutely. Many variables. Even though me and you could have had a very similar come up and same feelings, it's still different. Because of all the variables. And because the way we learn, you learn is different.

And exactly. Our like a fucking, just our body chemistry and the way we think and all that. Like there's so many variables when it comes to that. So, but the thing behind it is your perspective of it all, right? It's like your perspective. Like, yes, things are hard now, but it can get better. A lot of people eliminate the idea that it can get better. So they're locked up in the idea of what it is now versus what it could be

with the right work and dedication to certain things. And also, people aren't very accountable. I wasn't for a long time, right? So I would think, why are these things happening to me? Yeah, this is important. Yeah. And again, life, reality, the reality of life is, again, no matter, because that's the thing people have lied to themselves

and think that other people have a fucking, a life where it's a high and a complete high the entire time. Fucking impossible. Life is this, no matter who you are. Fuck yeah. Right? So all you can do is embrace this and prepare for this. So that you can thug this out and get back to this.

Yeah. And enjoy all these and embrace all these and fucking just be strong for all these and just wait, wait, let it have its turn. Yeah. And learn what you can from it. People are, that's what I'm saying. Like in relationship to the social media in general, People are like because people look at this shit and they go it's his life's perfect and then it makes it harder to realize it Instagram is the biggest cap like bro

Instagram social media in general it's bullshit fine use it but know what it is right of course it's like the same way like I watch the news sometimes but I'm like what are they trying to tell me yeah that's like I'm not like believing what they said and I never believe and then and then and then here's the other thing to it what you said just prior to what you said about being ready preparing like enjoying this preparing for this being okay with it is the accountability thing this is one of the biggest things I seem to have this conversation I again I had this last site with someone else in relationship to someone and relationships and how these work and I'm like people don't realize how important it is to not go like this this happened to me I'm hurt you it's your fault yeah they did they did this so I did this you know what I'm saying when that so this is the thing people forget every single thing that happens to you but unless I like pulled up I never met you and I randomly like shot you right I did that to you there's no reason something happened with me I didn't know and I just killed you how you think I don't why was I here okay I get it but that's

where I'm kind of me not to be here but it technically is but so that's where I'm going with this this thing right so there's complete there can be complete random circumstances but 99.9% of the time you find yourself in relationships because you put yourself there and you didn't put yourself there because you want to be treated badly or you didn't put yourself in a situation because you want yeah most people don't most people don't go into things being like I'm going to fuck this shit up and hurt everyone around yeah right but this is the thing that's the thing that's the thing that's really important for people to understand. You are a, you're like a, you're a, you're a, you're a product of your circumstances based on your actions. Like, now, someone can do something to you,

but it is still important for you to understand that just because someone did something to you, there's something else there that like you allow yourself to be in that position to, for it to happen, right? There's some way you got there that gets you further in that, in that like relationship or situation that is allowing for these things, not that you're like willingly going like, I want these bad things to happen to me. But it's really important for people to understand. that like for example if I wanted to be able to have a great relationship with someone right I have to be able to have a great relationship with myself first right billion percent you know what Will Smith said about like him and Jada back in the day not now I don't like now that

whole thing's chalked but before all that happened yeah it's funny it's funny all talk but he said like I like Jada her responsibility isn't to make me happy I have to make myself happy she has to make herself happy then we have to come together and share that happiness yeah I agree yeah so that's what it is man I can't be reliant on like your significant other to make you happy that's that's a recipe for disaster yeah bro absolutely and that's the thing like a lot of people when things happen they go it's because of you this happened when he did this or when she did this it's that person did it to me not like you know how did i find myself here and what what what did what am i allowing in my life to to happen my fuckers like blaming everything

yeah so that's like mercury retrogate and shit they think that could affect them because i wanted to blame something it's so easy just to go outward and i just think if if more people learn to like take accountability for like where they're at and how they got there like whether not every single thing is your fault or not I'm not saying that I'm just saying like but you are you you need to accept that that your circumstances you do have the power to change them because if you go it's that person he did that to me she did that to me you're never giving yourself the power to be like what do I need yeah what do I want because you just go a helpless little person in the world where everything's happening to you exactly and that was to be honest one of my biggest things in 2020

when I got hurt you know how long bro for the first like six months I was like why me why me with this because it was really bad, though, to be honest. Like, it would hurt so bad. Like, to give you a perspective, like, I was stuck in bed for about nine months to a year. They couldn't even leave. How did you not get big? God. I'm so grateful.

I'm so fucking grateful. We have no idea. What were you eating? Everything terrible. Yeah, just fresh brothers and bread and fucking cinnabuns every day, like, garbage. Genetics, man. You're lucky. Not, I used to be fat, but it's like, I used to be like, well, 215.

And I was like, I was chubby, though. I was like, really chubby. Like I definitely every time I sit fat or just like kind of slightly overweight But then when I lost away everyone used to call me fat it was weird like nobody called me fat when I was fat but then when I lost weight I was like damn you were fat because I dropped 60 pounds and like not that long and I got too skinny and shit I went to 159 bro which is really bad for my height right like I gotta be at least like 190 yeah you're tall I'm six three so it's like at least 185 one nine that's yeah but so for the first six months just to give you an example like of course my man that shower every day cares about hygiene I didn't shower for six months I couldn't leave my bed

I know but I couldn't leave my bed dog Like it pros me I felt disgusting Couldn't not leave my bed But you had to clean yourself at some point Six months you can't I mean like in a shower Of course my mom would bring me shit

I'd fucking just you know In bed I take bed showers But like I didn't get to be in a shower For six months Whenever I had to go to the hospital or anything Please guess how I had Uber'd there Not with an Uber I had to call a private ambulance Every fucking time

It's like three grand I know That's why I lost a shit ton of money In 2020 because like even when I did like ketamine infusions each I'm talking about so people listening each time you call ambulance depending on what state you're in this could be about three grand to take you somewhere so I would take six hours to wait for the thing too because they're always like out so one time I was in Cederson I and I have to wait six hours

there after they dismissed me for the ambulance to come pick me up because I couldn't sit I couldn't even sit in Uber I had to always be like this and I all sorry my bad and all day I'd be like rocking back and forth and like grabbing my dick low key because the nerves were so like what did it feel like so it felt like even like right now my leg The only way I know how to describe it, and it's gonna sound kind of fucked up, but like, you know who Winnie Harlow is? Yeah, like, multi-color?

Yeah, so it's like the same thing in terms of feeling. So it's like I can feel perfectly right here, but then not here. Oh, fuck, like spots. And sometimes it'll be itchy in my, my foot is fully numb. Sometimes it'll be itchy right there and I'll have to find the spot right here to scratch it.

What the fuck? I'm broken, I'm a glitch. So it's like nerve shit. Hell yeah. But in the first year, it was so bad, like a blanket would feel like, bro, you just dropped a fucking 300 pound weight on my foot. A blanket.

Yeah. So imagine. hitting it like you bro like now i can like you know wait so your your nerves are just shot yeah that's but it's like what's annoying is they're not dead i wish they were dead but they're not dead they're like fighting for their life but if but if they were dead your fucking leg would just be like a noodle no no because like i mean actually i don't know yeah for sure if you had no nerves your shit would just be like but like you have a fucking noodle leg his like his like arm you know what top is right obviously yeah his arm is like fucked up here because he got a car accident

but he like can still use his hand and everything he just doesn't feel it yeah i don't i don't i don't know I don't know either, do you. I feel like you'd be dragging your shit, like running in this shit. Maybe, maybe, but it feels like, maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. Yeah, but my foot is fully like numbed out. Like I don't have feeling in it. And it's, I still use it.

Do you do anything weird with it when it's numb? You're like, do you like, but it's no, it hurts. All I feel is pain. It's numb for all sensation except for pain. And it constantly feels like it's like bubbly and like hurting like the pain's move in. Oh, what the fuck? How do you, how do you relax then?

No. That's why I was like, well, I take gabapentin and Lyrica every single day now. That helps. They're like nerve medication pills. And apparently my fuckers get high off Lyrical, which is crazy. I don't know how, but whatever. Yeah, so that helps with the uncomfort feeling all day. Like, it doesn't hurt as much anymore.

It's just uncomfortable all the time. So you got this because of the abuse of all the shit. No, I did it because of the one thing I did, the final OD, the 100 Xanax, the 100 perks, the 30-30s and the lean. Well, I don't blame the lean. I'm going to take it back. But the other three, I blame the other thing for sure. And your body was like, fuck you.

Yeah. You're going to deal with this. That sucks. That's the one drug I still, like, kind of like, is like lean. But I'm never, like, I would never actually have it on. What do you like about that? Taste fucking amazing. Just a taste.

Absolutely. I don't like, I don't get high off it. That's the thing. But people will abuse it. That's why you can't say things like because people will end up wanting in and abusing it. Also, it's crazy expensive right now. I'm not buying all that shit. But I don't know.

You should never do it, honestly. I won't. That's terrible, man. Is it though? Yeah. I get it. It's not even a stigma. It's not even a stigma.

In my opinion, if you sip, lean twice a year versus drinking alcohol once a week. I think that, yeah, but if I drank out, I've had a motor. Della right now. I'll be like, hey, enjoy that. No, but that's the thing. That's the reality, though. It's like, if you drink alcohol, people like celebrate it, oh, that's a nice drink. But if you smoke weed or you do anything else, it's like, well, druggy, dude. And like, what do you think?

Motherfuckers, do you think they smoke weed and beat their kids and do all that crazy shit? Or they get drunk and beat their kids to all that crazy shit. There's just different levels, though. Like, I know. I can have a drink, chill, have one drink, two drink, be great. Yeah. Then there's a difference between, like, someone who's like 10 fucking drinks, 20 drinks, right? But it's so, there's no law against it.

Yeah, no, I know. I know, right? There's no law thing you can't seem alcohol, but you can't drink beyond this much. I'm not like drugs are terrible guy. I think people need to learn how to understand that like moderation is the most important thing. For most people, it's terrible because they don't know how to use it. If I, someone like me who feels like how to use it wasn't able to use it the right way, I just feel like everybody uses it. Like most people don't know how to use drugs.

Of course there are people that can. They can handle. They'll use it the right way, but most people won't. And that's the issue. And that's why they would rather make it sound worse than it really is, even though it does get very, very bad. But after like extreme abuse, because. a shit like that. So it's like just make it bill of fire off rip. Only tell them, only take it. It's medicine when a doctor tells you to take it. It's drugs and you do it on your own. You go

rogue and take them. But when your doctor gives it to you, it's medicine and it's prescribed and it's chill. Like if I got a doctor prescribed me fucking like lean once every month, you'd be like, well, you're just doing us prescribed. But if I bought it off the street, oh my God, you're doing drugs. Well, it's hilarious. Yeah, but it's also like if you bought off the street, how much more are you doing than when you would be what's prescribed? Like that's the whole thing, right? I get it. If they go, like, you could do this safely. Not that I'm saying, like, there's obviously some drugs that, like,

they really teeter that line of being safe. Like, like, a lot of these fucking opioids and, like, painkillers is, like, really... The withdrawals are so bad, too. Insane. Dude, it's terrible. Every time I get prescribed that shit, like, anytime, like, if I do, like, mouthwork or anything, I just stop. I don't even take it.

I'll just be like, I don't even want to take this because I know. But I do want to say, by the way, like, I would never, like, use it, like, multiple times. Like, even, like, personally, I would never, like, actually take it and then take it again tomorrow in the day after. Like even the times that I have sipped since I've been sober, I bought a very, like a daily amount, like for the, for the session. Nothing past that. Like I wouldn't actually like buy a full bottle. Wait, wait.

Do you just say since I've been sober and then the amount I take is still drugs? So I did, first year that I was hurt, I did nothing. Okay. But then after that, I was like, I want to try. I just want to see like how I feel about it. I think it's slippery slope. I'm be honest with you, man. I don't care.

I tell my mom everything that I do. I don't do a drug without telling my mom just so she's fully aware and like, you're like mom about to sip this right now. Straight up. Okay. straight up I tell her everything so she's aware what does she say she's like you sure she knows she knows me she knows that I am so fucking traumatized by what happens and I'm so like I never want to lose my mental clarity no matter what I can't I because of what happened to me like bro I lost three months in my life where I don't even know what I did what I said everything I can never

have that happen to me again I'm so traumatized by that I mean bro fuck that you were talking about killing yourself yeah fuck three months it's the other bullshit it's no no no fuck that shit what do you mean killing yourself forever I heart obviously I harm my mom and stuff like that but like what I was doing on those drugs without my mind, I was doing way worse to other people because I don't care what I do it myself. I care about what to do other people. And those drugs were making me do bad things to other people.

So that's what I care about, right? I don't want to harm other people. I don't care about harming myself. So to me, it's like I will never lose control again. I can't. I can't. That's like I'm traumatized. So lean whenever I would sip it or even like a,

I don't lose my mind like that. Xanax I do. So that's why Xanax will never even try again. We'll never do it yet. Nothing. Don't want no parts of it. None, because benzos are terrible. But then opioids, it gives you like a fake eye.

Sometimes you actually feel better and more optimistic, but I don't rate it anyways because it's very addicting. Withdrawals are terrible. What it ends up turning your life into is just garbage. So that's what I'm saying. But again, I know it's like that's, but I have this problem to where I know it's not the smart thing to say publicly,

but I'm just too real for my own good. I can't help, but just talk about everything. I mean, it's fine. What you're saying is not crazy. I don't know what you're saying is not crazy. I get it. Yeah, but I'm saying that's why I would never have it on me.

So if I were to Sipoli, like I told you, I did after and I was actually so grateful that I did lean in perks after. Because when I took a Percocet after, I was sober for a long time, I realized, oh, wow, it actually heightens your emotions

way more than I realized, like way more than I fucking realized because I was with this one girl that was giving me them and I told her, I loved her, but I did not love her, but I told her I did. And I just realized how it made this level of emotion be this.

So in 2020, I was going through a lot of bad shit. Let's say it was nine out of ten in terms of how bad it was. Perkinsets made it a 15, 20 at a 10. You know what I mean? It makes some, it makes good things better. and it makes bad things way worse.

And you can't control that, right? I feel like that's why I feel about marijuana. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. It's an enhancer. I see marijuana as like a baby psychedelic, right? So that's like also why it's Loki a bad thing if you like smoke when things are wrong

because you're training your brain to smoke whatever thing when shit hits the fan and it's like kind of dealing with it. Yeah. But I don't know. Because it always pulls up for me. If I get too high, my anxiety or if I'm just anxious and I smoke, I'm like, oh shit. You're having a great day and you smoke. It's an even better day, right? Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. So, no, I feel you. So where do you go from here, man? Like, what's the plan? What's the plan with phase and what's the plan with your content?

My content is do me. You know what I mean? I'm going to be uploading. Like, I have multiple different channels kind of like at three. So on the main channel, I'm going to be uploading more just like opinions and takes on certain shit. It's like kind of, you know, like you know, I do penguins similar, but not like ripping off his style. But it's like react into this like viral shit that has like I would have a good opinion on type shit. Yeah.

In my vlog channel, I just want to really talk to people, share my experiences, share opinions on certain thought processes or the way that, I don't know, just like a lot of different. like real shit to try to help people to speak on my experience like that and then my gaming channel just like pump out hell of gaming. Yeah. I got to be an asshole for a second but I asked you this question. Um, were you using like the phase is shitty to like bring yourself back to life? Not at all. Okay. Because some people are, you know, some people are you right see that. I hear you. And that's like why I've been telling so many people like when I'm talking about behind the scenes, I'm like, I don't want people to ever think I'm doing this for those reasons. And people thought like to promote your weed brand. I'm like, that's why I went out of my way to

not promote my weed brand while I was doing this because I don't want people think I'm doing it for the wrong reasons would imagine you're like face sucks by my marijuana no I know I know you would not have been terrible no but that's why I know I know I've been wanting to get back into contact but I've wanted to deal with this face situation first because I don't want to start posting videos act like everything's good while all this fuck shit's happening in the background so that's like why I didn't want to start until I handled all that you know what I mean I just got out of a wheelchair six months ago I was for two years so it was a long time I was in that bitch and I was like

dying I was in pain so it was hard for me to make videos when you're in pain all day right yeah very hard because like you can't even think that's also why sometimes like my because I'm uncomfortable it takes away from my thing because I'll be like going off the thought process then I'll remember the pain for a second and like throw me off yeah you know what I mean it's kind of like just hitting the fucking bump while you're driving really fast like yeah so what what have you learned I guess mostly from your uh I guess your phase experience and then what have you learned from this whole like uh I guess what's the phase experience I just got to keep trusting my gut when I told them all don't trust this guy don't give him this don't let him in

I just got to quadrupled down on that. My gut does not latch me. I don't think I've ever had an opinion on someone that didn't age perfectly. Even when I, like, confused myself and I said, like, oh, I guess I was wrong about that person. Nope, give it two more years. The true colors, then I end up coming out. I'm always fucking right about people. That is God's gift to me.

So I will never in my life let other motherfuckers brainwash me that I'm thinking that I'm crazy and I'm wrong. No, because I've let that happen way too many times. Like, I knew this motherfucker was trouble. And they said, no, bro, trust me. He's like my dad. I love him, bro. You got to trust him. And I end up fooling for the people that I think I do trust.

then, you know, I don't give a fuck what people tell them anymore. I'm completely trusting myself 10 to 10 times. Do not care. So that's something that, but that's me personally, right? It's because, bro, you know what it is? Like, why would? And I, again, this also wanted to say, back to what you were saying, I just want to cut you off.

I don't blame a businessman for doing businessman things. I don't. I don't. I knew that they were coming in for the money. You think I thought they were coming up because like, oh my God, I love trick shoting in phase, dude. Of course. I can't wait to see all the videos.

We have a fuck. Yeah, we all know that. Exactly. So why are they falling for it? because they tell you they care about you because they sit there for five minutes to pretend like they care about your problems are you stupid so I honestly blame my fucking brothers I blame most of them for not standing up and for not fucking taking control this and letting this shit happen yeah betas absolute betas I don't want to use that word

but they are they're afraid they're afraid how am I willing to give up more than all of y'all with less it just makes no sense to me it's like that should have meant more that someone that had way more is giving up his shit and risking his shit for y'all that have less that's the point that was the point I was doing all this and it was a that's what I'm saying there was multiple different like lanes like they owe me a lot of money to they owe me shit but I didn't it wasn't even about that if they just owed me money and everything else was fine I wouldn't have said nothing yeah because I would have handled that a different way you know what I mean I would have just yeah but I would handle that a different way but I would handle that a different way but yeah man I mean I the trust in your gut thing's huge I think I think we always really know I think most people do really know what it is absolutely and they just go but they look for the good because I've done that so many times it's backfired it's hurt me so many times. And it's me ultimately like I did it to myself like we're talking earlier like I blame myself for it I do Yeah I take full accountability for trusting these people for letting this happen in 2018 19. I realized it was even worse and it kind of broke me down into like Pushing away rather than

Facing them every single day making them so fucking uncomfortable until that they ended up leaving type shit I let them make me feel so uncomfortable that I left yeah I should have just shut the fuck up and it's pushed every single day You know what I mean but it felt like it was almost getting to a point where it was out of my control and the problem is bro when you have like a situation where you're 25 25 25 it's not necessarily just up to me at that point it's like if three people get played the fuck am i going to do yeah or if two people get played and then they play another one what the fuck am i going to do right so it's always three to one yeah in certain situations with trusting people which ends up backfiring and motherfuckers is don't learn yeah they're not the next the next boomer is going to be nice don't

worry yeah it's fucking crazy man like i that's the thing with the i don't know if people really realize how crazy business can get because like there's people that you can consider like family even and will do you dirty like because they'll always just brush it off as business they're like oh it's business morals don't matter in business yeah and it's not even like a thing to make it matter like people don't care like no it's business this business but to me it's like if i had a fucking like brother who we did and he just businessed my ass oh man yeah it's tough it's tough i bro i've been through so much shit so much i believe you one of these days i can't wait to actually really talk about it which i think i will pretty soon well that was me for the last like

years I sort of got like the last five six years and there's still so much to talk about but I don't care I believe that like I was meant to do this I honestly a lot of me believes that I didn't die so I could expose it because you know what would have happened if I died brother what I would throw my ass on a t-shirt and give my mom none of that they would they would I know so bro they would have milked the living shit out of my death for real though the same people I didn't come see me for six months after I got hurt in a wheelchair same fucking people you don't think they would have gave your mom any I think I would cut her maybe two percent two and a half percent wow you know it's like me and step and steve sold me the drug shirt

dude you know many shirts they sold he gave me no money you're lying on like the brad sells drug every single thing except for like the it was like the pharmaceuticals ones that was recent they gave me like 10 and then there was one other one prior i think but everyone when it was like i love that you just saying that too you don't give a fuck you like i've said it before i don't talk to see i've done to talk about on podcast like but you're probably the same way to me it's like everything that you'll say on these podcasts like that you've said it to their face obviously right yeah i don't care i never feel like i'm talking behind anyone's back because i say it to their face every single time it is what it is like the same time it's like unless i was like

it's not like i was there and i was like no you can't do this yeah because i could have said no don't do this i want this and i did it so it's like i was at the same time like i don't give a fuck it's just true just you would think that like morally that they'd be like i got to cut it if i'm using his fucking name yeah yeah yeah but then but then you know you could they could argue oh you know we're helping you or we're giving you this in the audience or whatever the So there's so many different perspectives to everything where it's like, You have a pre-existing audience. Oh, a big one, yeah.

And also I was a massive part of the content. Yeah. But it is what it is. At the same time, like again, like we were talking earlier, someone's perspective on a thing could be completely different than mine based on everything they know. I don't blame or faulting for it. Like it makes sense in their heads.

Isn't what I'm saying. For me, it would have made, exactly, it makes sense in their heads. And for me, if I wanted it to be what I wanted it to be, I should have pushed for it. You would have been like, don't drop that without my. Exactly. And exactly what I should have done. I gifted it all. Like I gave phase the money

Oh like I never took a salary But I never wrote Giving away my salary right now But I'm owed that later That's what I should have done Yes I should have been like I'm giving you guys

The 300,000 worth the camera But I want a million later I should have done shit like that But I didn't because I'm an idiot And I was 18 I was like I trust see Idiot So that's what you gotta learn

Exactly Yeah Even same shit like Like motherfuckers will tell us things In verbal conversation And say I didn't say that So we record shit now Yeah get it in writing

We record shit now Yeah Not even writing I'm just recording shit And fucking making them look like lies when they say they don't, like, well, that's, well, yeah, it's illegal, but I don't care. Yeah, it gets, always get stuff in emails. Yeah.

The emails are good. But yeah, man, it's, it's a thing where it's like, that's what I'm saying earlier. This all comes back to that like accountability and self-worth. Yeah, you can find yourself in a situation. You could really try your best. Obviously, sometimes you can still get duped and taking advantage of. Yeah. But the thing about it, too, is so difficult for people to realize because I, you learn in, almost in sections and chunks.

And then you go, you've already kind of got fucked and then you come back and you're like, oh, wait, I know that I should have done that. now but I didn't know enough then to say that then exactly but then it's like then you go further and then you find yourself in a new situation you're like fuck it's the same thing but it was disguised differently and it's just like you have to be okay with it and then just like you just get better man like you get better at knowing when to be like oh wait wait I see your shit exactly here's what has to be here's how it's got to be period and that's I mean that's what I've learned along this whole journey of like just life in general social media and people interacting and and just being more like raw like this is hey this is what's up this is how I feel this is how like period

I don't want to deal with this. People respect you more for that anyways, right? It's like, just being honest about this is exactly how I feel. And you feel better about yourself too, just always getting that shit off your chest, not living with it. You know how much that I have to live with? Like, I wanted to tell people stuff like that, but I just didn't. Because I don't want to, like, make them feel a certain way.

I don't want the confrontation or whatever. Yeah. But it's the most, you got to, bro. You've got to do those things for yourself. Otherwise, years are going to go by and you're going to wish you did. Yeah. And you might just get played or something bad. I don't know, there's a lot of bad that can come out of that.

I'm not telling people how you feel when you feel that way, especially with like business and stuff. You got to. Yeah. Yeah, man. You got to. Fuck. Otherwise, like, it just turns into a lawsuit, you know, time and time.

Do you think it's going to go that way? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, fucking yeah. Which I don't care. It's whatever. Yeah. Whatever happens happens.

I'm not true. Are they pressing anything towards you? Like, we're like, yo, you know. Well, I mean, we got a fucking our CLO, like our legal. She ended up selling shares behind everyone's back. She's not supposed to. And, you know, we can't argue. She did know,

certain information about the stock so maybe she shouldn't have sold that kind of sounds like insider trading to me you know what I mean like just saying there's a whole article that came out like CLO sells her shares but a da when we weren't allowed to sell our shares and so it's crazy that she was allowed to sell her shares and we didn't know about it right it's pretty crazy crazy strange coincidence right and you know she also knew who wants to sell how much they want to sell she knows all that information so her dumping before that happens sounds pretty sketched bro that's all I'm saying and she's also on the board of B Riley which invested in started this back with phase so it's also pretty interesting as well

that's tough crazy amount of coincidences man yeah can't believe that right yeah that's a wow it's crazy world good old insider trading there good old insider training so there's that you know there's a bunch it's just for i see this for what is all these execs come in they don't give a fuck of a phase of this culture anything they just want to fucking go to these parties make the make the network off that they can off phase take its resources take the salary take the shares be absolutely incompetent do fucking nothing to bring phase at the top and then just leave take the shares take their salary former phase in their buy and move on yeah it's disgusting i absolutely hate it it's just like what i always envisioned the warehouse to be was all fans

because bro you know how many fucking workers like they go to lincoln to find employees why do you not just go on our instagram and say hey we're looking for youtube betters looking for thumbnail guys what the fuck that's where the more common people are going to be what are we doing going to HBO and getting people for. Yeah. And paying them 100,000 dollars a year instead of just getting fans who would also, by the way, be interns for us. So on a business level, it makes more sense because you don't have to pay them as much.

Yeah. So those are young, up and coming, and they consume the content. These execs, as soon as they leave the building, you think that they're looking at anything phase at fucking all. Yeah, so they're not really in touch. Of course not. Yeah. So, but that's the thing, like when I think about it, like they don't also know

that because they came from a different world and they're thinking, I'm using the same. No, you're fair. That's fair. But they're thinking I'm using the same things that I know here. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying that's their mindset. Exactly. They try to go off what they know.

But what they know doesn't apply. For sure. At all. Like HBO and like YouTube are two completely different types of like content that are being made there. Yeah. Completely. And two completely different worlds. And that's why they think and it's like I don't, I'm not like the guy that I was specifically from HBO and Casey's watch this.

I think you're an amazing dude by the way. It's just like your skills and what we need for YouTube is don't match. He doesn't work at phase anymore. He's actually gone. They finally got rid of him. You know what I mean? And that sounds like because I think he's a nice guy. But again, like nice guy doesn't matter when it comes to this shit.

Right. Yeah. And what do they know, but they know how to spend, all they know is for production is to spend $300,000, $400,000 is to spend $300,000 on a Nike shoot that we ended up scrapping because they overpay for fucking everything. They don't understand that we made millions and millions of dollars off a fucking camera, single G7X dog. That's what we know. They want some reds and all this shit. That's what we know. We know that we just have to fucking hold a $500 camera and then make a fucking banger that makes $1,000.

They spend this to make this. We spent this to make this. It's all sorts of backwards. And it's like for who? whenever they film shit super professionally it flops. No one cares about it because there's no relatability. Even when I tried to use like those type of cameras, people said stop. Whenever I big

vlog that people say stop. Go back to your own camera because it just doesn't feel the same. It's holding those big cameras and like the nice ass cameras versus like just the nice G7X that just feels like, I don't know. They can feel you through the camera. The authenticity in it. Yeah, it's like, so they just don't get that. They don't get how to make the fans feel a certain way.

They don't understand. Some of these motherfuckers at the office think that people care about me for my trick shots back in the day. Like you think a dude ever comes to me in a person says like, bro, your chick shot off. Come on, dog. No one gives a fuck about that. It's about the way that I made them feel over the years, right? That's what every single human unanimously cares about me for.

That still cares about me. The way I made them feel, the shit that I taught them. That's what I forever want to be because that has the most longevity. How many times have I fucking said that same thing, dude? That's true, though. It's absolutely the truth. You think people give a fuck about you specifically for, I mean, I'm sure there are some people that care specifically for the, like, workouts that you do.

Kind of, not really. But there has to be at least like one or two, right? Some, yeah, some because, but that was because. I was because. I think the bulk isn't that. Yeah, no. That is a lot of it because it's teaching. So people like a few things, right?

They like to be taught something. They want to know, oh, this person taught me this. I appreciate that. I got this from. I think everybody likes tape right now. Yeah. Or they teaching or they want like to be made to laugh or they want to be able to feel like motivated or inspired or feel like, wait. This person is like me like because I can see some things that this person says that I can relate to.

The relatability. And that's what matters so much. They see you as a friend. What do you think about tape, by the way? You should brought that up. Absolutely love them. I absolutely. Bro.

I just don't know about all the, of course, I don't know, you fucking support a Stux traffic. I don't, like, I don't know if he did that shit or not, but I also don't think so, personally. But also, I don't want people to be like, oh, yeah, yeah, fucking, you're believing like all the things. I'm obviously still no matter what, no matter how much I like someone, I'm always open to both sides.

I'm not an idiot. I'm not fucking like a Democrat or a fucking Republican where it's just one side or the other. I do not think that way that entire thinking is wrong. There needs to be an independent party, but they'll never do that for control, obviously. But that's a whole different story. Yeah, I don't think that. not one or the other like not black and white life is great i'm not so you have to consider all the variables and people rarely fucking do that no they almost never do that yeah even that shit did

sound kind of aiy though yeah voice mail sounded pretty ai i'm not gonna lie yeah i heard that and i was like is that him except what he said loki when he's like you're really mad i strangled you a little bit i'm like that low key sounds exactly like how he'd say it i was like bro but i don't know i hope it's not true i because some of the texts were actually like really bad i like yeah that's bad like I didn't see the text of I only saw like that that that thing just throwing the R word in there a lot saying like he liked that he did that type shit in the text oh sure yeah obviously that's fucking terrible but regardless like I don't know he he he does preach good thing for people preach good things for people you can't argue that yeah how many more people have probably started going

to the gym and being more disciplined taking care of their life or want to because of him yeah it's like that's a good thing for the world how can you argue that yeah if people get caught up in what he says and not like what he's actually doing for the world like how much do you think the actual like misogynist rate has gone up in the world since day like true misogynist not like trolls not people are just sane as a joke because I've become my girlfriend my property all the time as a joke but like I'm not seriously misogynistic I just like it's a humor right I'm not she knows not that and she calls me her property as a joke too so it's like it's just a joke so well people are really sensitive these days that's the thing I

know that's what this all comes down it was like I want to be mad about everything I feel like that comes to entitlement thinking that your feelings actually do matter like our feelings don't matter like they do to us but like in the grand scheme things they don't in my opinion. Yeah. And people are so entitled, bro. Yeah. They think that we're the fucking best.

That's even why like, I don't know, certain like things. Actually, I don't want to say because it's like people are going to get so but hurt about it. But yeah, I don't even know. Certain things are like, you know what it's just not even worth it, bro. No, yeah. But that's what's so funny about it. And I, for some reason, I was getting these conversations with a lot of creators is like,

we've gotten to a point where like the fact that we can't even say certain things is like, that's a, there's a problem. there. And so that's the thing. Like this guy came out and just said all this shit. And I think that's why people were like, wait, I like this. Even though the only one has to agree with everything he says, he just started saying a shit that everyone was like, oh shit, I've thought about that though, too. And someone's actually saying it now. I forget what podcast was. One guy said, he's like, I don't like annotate at all, but what he says is very factual a lot of times. And he just goes over that. And that's like a very fair way to think about things.

Like you can still not like somebody, but then agree with things that they've done. Right. You can say, oh, no, I like this, like this. But I absolutely kind of hate the overall vibe and like what he preaches and this that. I don't like that. I don't like that. It flexes the cars and the money and stuff like that and teaches people that money matters. And that's your, you know, that's the sign of success and things like that. Because some people genuinely don't really care about the money part of it. For sure. So to say that you have to have a Bugatti and things like that to be successful.

Right. I get it. Like I can see why people don't like that. But for other people, it is motivating. For a lot of other people, it is motivating because a lot of people do want that. A lot of people want the nice car, the nice crib, the women. People want most guys want that. Yeah.

So I can understand that. But it doesn't mean like, like, for example, like you see all, I'm sure you see all those shorts of guys going off to like girl saying like, do you look Andrew Trey? No, why? He's misogynistic. What is he done misogynistic? I don't know. It's like you've seen a bunch of those. Yeah. We're like, just because I've been heard. They are black and white thinkers. Yeah. They will, but even that's like Democrats are, bro, like Trump and shit. They hate him for everything he's done, but they'll never give him. Like I can get saying like fuck Trump for this for this for this, but he did this. I'll never see that. But I'll never see that. But he did this. And that's just not a fair

recently. It's funny. There's like this. There's like this. There's, remember this whole like, they're like, we got to put Trump in jail because he took these documents. Now it's like. No way. they're mad that he stole fucking documents. But, but yes, but now, now Biden, now Biden has documents that they found when he was VP. And they're like, oh, wait. No, no, it's fine. He didn't mean it.

But that's what I'm saying. So it's like, that's, this is my thing. Fuck, I hate politics. It's stupid. I hate, if anybody's political, I think they're an idiot. Yeah, this is my thing. Fuck politics when it comes to this in this sense. I'm just saying everyone, for some reason they do this.

They treat everyone else as if they're fucking perfect, as if they are perfect. And it's like, yo, we're all imperfect. And it's like, you look at someone, you go, all these things he says, all right, all these things, oh, he's bad. And it's like, yo, everyone, like every single fucking human being is not perfect, is fucking imperfect. Do you know why I hate politics so much? The foundation of it is entirely flawed. You have to pretend to be perfect.

You can't tell the people about what you've done wrong. Like, I could never do something in politics for how honest I am. It's fucking impossible. They'd pull anything I've ever done and exaggerated and stretch it to make you sound way worse than it is. So the foundation to be a politician is to lie, to lie and make yourself appear a certain way. Because if people even know that I did this, they'll use that against me, then I won't win. So you have to lie. So every politician is a scumbag.

On every fucking end, they're scumbags. And that's why, low-key, like, Dave should have made a great point. I'm like, oh, he has been. When he said, like, I call Trump an honest liar. You know what I mean? Because, like, he will do things. That's why. And that's why so many people loved him.

And that's also why so many people hated him. But because I can see why people love them for that because they're like, damn, at least a politician being honest with what he's on. But then everyone else was like, but he did that. Yeah, but the other motherfuckers aren't telling you what they did. And they already in they, and bro, that's, and I'm not a trumpy by like, I'm not like, you know, a fart of like I'm not political at all. Like I don't, Canadian dog. I'm fucking out of this, out of this fucking debate.

I'm Canadian. Yeah. But I can still see things for what they are. Yeah, yeah. And that's it. It's just crazy. That's the bigger picture. The bigger picture is people expect everyone to be perfect knowing that they're not.

They're themselves. Exactly. And that's what frustrates me. Nobody's understanding about that fact. And nobody can say like, well, I did this in my life. for example, it's like me trying to judge someone else for something really bad that they've done when I've done really bad things in my life as well. But it's maybe not the same, but I should still have that level of.

Yeah, no one, no one does that. No one has an introspective. That's why I wanted to off myself for a long time. I'm like, everybody doesn't understand. I want to get out of here. But like it's never worth it, man. Because it's like, no, no, I know. I can just go be in like Tallum or something and fuck everyone.

Go disappear. Yeah. Do something else, man. No, and that's what I realize. I'm like, but why am I living my life? Like, but you know what it was? And you know what changed over the last two years, which I'm so fucking grateful for, is before that, I got my validation from people, unfortunately. Like, that's even why I bought, like, supercars and jewelry and all that kind of stuff is because I want validation from other people.

Eventually, it led to me actually liking cars and liking jewelry and actually liking it for what it was. But in the beginning, that's why I'll never waste something Gucci ever again, because I know I bought that Gucci. So my fucker saw me in that Gucci. And I think that's the lameest shit ever. I feel I remember seeing you in Gucci. Please stop. I swear to God. I swear to God.

I know. But I'm saying now, now. I'm saying in 2018. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a long time ago. I know. Probably 20, I was wearing Gucci.

And again, it's like disillame to me, bro. I don't like it. I don't like, yeah. I like, Valenciaaga pieces

and like certain designer pieces that you don't see what it is, right? Like, you can, it's just a blank. That's why I like, you know, it's just like,

you know, it's just like, but I hate the flashy shit. I don't like any of that. Yeah. Because it just like, I never like manually thought, oh, I want to buy a car in Gucci so I'm cool.

But subconsciously, that's why I did it. Yeah. You know what I mean? I never actually thought that. I lied to my motherbook. Oh, I like it. No, I know why I bought it. That's not whenever I see anything Gucci in my closet that I fucking said, it's get so mad.

I want nothing to do with it. It's annoying to me. But see, this is the thing. Like, and this is another thing that's important. You're growing. You're learning. You're getting older. You're learning more about life.

What's important to you. And that's another thing people hold everyone to a point. Like, for example, we talk about mistakes someone makes and they go, that's you forever. Remember when he did that 10 years ago, though? Fuck that guy. It's like, bro, like, humans can't learn and grow. It's getting harder on our generation a lot because everything we've done is on the internet.

Everything. So it's like, think about like my stepdad who's 70 years old right now. Like, I can't see what the fuck he did when he was 30, 40. Imagine 18. Dude, he was probably the cringiest motherfucker when he was 11, but I'll never know. Yeah. We were all of it. It's a weird.

You can see me when I was 13, fours on the internet. And it's cringy as fuck. What it's like, yeah, it's a weird concept that like literally our kids would be able to look at. Your grandkids' grandkids are going to be able to see what the fuck you did on the internet. Yeah, it's insane. That's insane. That's fucking cool too, though. It is cool.

It's cool. But it's like, we're still at a point where people aren't as understanding for it to be like, because they'll use it against you, is what I'm saying these days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just being understanding, like, oh, well, it was a long time ago. He didn't know anybody. I'm sure he, like, you know, he learned and he grow it and shit like that. Yeah.

I said that's so weird. But, yeah. But I, like, what the best thing that I have now is I get validation from myself and only myself. like I there's no way like another person's opinion of me makes me feel better or worse but myself it just doesn't my mom's but like in general like her telling me that she's been so proud of me for the way I've been handling myself emotion stuff like that makes me so happy because she's seen yeah so bad she and my my sister and mom they're not like yes men at all right they will talk shit and I'm that's our dynamic of our family just talk shit yeah I love it

like if you heard the way I talk about me be like god damn like I talk shit she talks shit my sister talks like challenge each other yeah it's fun like she's my friend like i see her as like my best friend i barely even see her as my mom sometimes like i do she's my mom of course but like our relationship is way more best friendy than like how someone has the utmost respect for their mom and they're afraid to like swear or say certain shit around the fuck no like hell no that's not like me and my mom's like because you know most people how they are with their parents like oh don't say this around my mom yeah i'm here we can still be talking about hookers and fucking somebody's to be yeah my mom might like not want to talk about on camera she'd be like oh

camera she wouldn't because they're going to think of a bad mom but in real life she does not give a fuck yeah she wouldn't do it on a podcast but she do it in real life yeah that's cool that's how i developed a similar relationship i love it though i wouldn't trade it for anything for real like that's why she's i love her so much bro she's not queen it's beautiful man yeah no everything i did like the first thing i did with my money bro was retire her when i had like when i was making 10k month when i dropped at a high school i gave her six yeah yeah first thing i did was retire her that's all i cared about doing because she looked at a dollar store for such a long time like hated her life yeah so that's like the first thing that's beautiful

that's why i love bro i like feel something special every time i see somebody like like creators take care of their parents but i feel like you have to if you're a creator you're not take care of your parents like you like you have to unless you know i can't say that because some people really do have bad relations with their parents yeah i mean those moms are pieces of shit straight no but for real bro even one of my homies that died like what his and i already knew he told me his relationship with his mom how like she always like wasn't a good mom this that and then bro after seeing what happened when he passed pissed me the fuck off having context about how the way she was and then she didn't give a fuck about him just

wanted all the money that he had and like she was fighting over money about that that shit hurts me bro like yeah so i'm saying not everybody some moms don't deserve it bro i'm sorry it's just the reality some that's tough well there's a lot of people like that who are just like but like i'm sure 99% do though like all the moms that i've had her like yeah it's right but there's an accepted for everything right you can't bro with eight billion people on earth like come on yeah there's gonna be bad people it's gotta be like real about shit right that's why it's about accountability absolutely yeah gotta be i'm gonna piss real quick and then we're gonna we're gonna wrap this up. Yes, sir. All right, boys, quick interruption from the podcast. One of our sponsors,

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Nah, I. Every now and then, it's whenever. Yeah. Yeah, because I like, I'll get a little too much anxiety if I smoke too much. And so like I realize it's like I love it in certain moments and like I like a little bit pre-workout, a little bit of caffeine. But it's just like if I just go too much over the edge, I'm like, oh, I feel really uncomfortable. Yeah. And I hear you.

So part of me is just like, is it worth it? Sometimes it is because I really enjoy. I'm not going to lie, man, like working out being like just enough high. The pump's crazy. It's like, it feels so good. I know. So I'm like, fuck I want that. But I don't want to go over the edge and then it fucks up.

know, four hours of my day because I'm anxious. Yeah, exactly. It makes you comfortable. You know, it makes you very comfortable in the moment. That's what, which is an issue. Yeah, but so yeah, no, no, I, I'm not, I don't have anything against marijuana. I just, I just, I just, I just probably did it too much. And what, these are just mushrooms, though.

Oh, yeah. I love mushrooms. Do you take them off to? Uh, I haven't, I'm going to start again. I normally microdose, though, but not like your microdose, which is not a microdose. You're taking fucking mushrooms. I take like, like, like literally, but it didn't hit me like that. So that's why I thought I was microdosing.

Well, you have a high tolerance, clearly. Unfortunately. Yeah, I don't. If I didn't, life would have been so much easier. I would have just smoked, like, I hit a weed, you know, tenth of a Xanax and called a day and never would have gone down. Yeah, dude. I have an extremely low tolerance to everything.

But you're so big. Yeah, I don't know. I think my body just, I think my body is very efficient, like, meaning like it takes something and it uses it. That's good. So it works for me. Exactly. I've been that way.

Even like a little bit of caffeine gets you right. Like you need that one. A little bit of caffeine. I need so much caffeine. I need so much. Even when I would take the Xanax, I would take 0.25. Yes, bro.

Never mind. We want to hold it. So for me, this to give you like a, exactly. Like the day that I OD'd, I took a thousand of those. That's what I'm saying. I can take point 25 on an airplane and be like, oh, this works. That's crazy. Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. So I can't even imagine taking that. Like I would be, I'd be in the hospital. Like I would be like, or just asleep in the hospital. Yeah. I don't know. Probably asleep because I don't think I can make to the hospital. I'd probably wake up in a hospital.

I don't know. Anyways, I, yeah, the drug things, it's crazy. this whole shit again I mean it just comes down to just I don't know then it's funny self accountability moderation understanding that you know in all these circumstances business life is I'm only like this because of what I've already like use and stuff like that but if I could go back bro I won't do none of it I would tell every single person every single person that hasn't trying to think yet I'm like please don't ever but it's the people talking about money you're talking about drugs other than honestly the only thing I will argue

is like sometimes some psychedelics aren't because you don't do them all the time and it's not like that right it's like for somebody who doesn't do drugs is to try shrooms once for perspective not a bad thing but i would never say try a percocet or lean or xanax or anything for perspective yeah i would i absolutely absolutely stand by the fact that everyone chemical balanced intact and don't do none like if you haven't done anything yeah no especially not nicotine because that's the only reason i smoke weed every day is because of nicotine i'm so fucking addicted to nicotine's insane so you smoke weed because of nicotine i strictly smoke weed because of I like weed, but I just wouldn't, I wouldn't even smoke weed every day, but it was just for

the wheat at all. So like spliffs. Not even. I smoke blunt splits, which is even worse. Blunt weed and then I put this really strong tobacco in it. It's fun because tobacco is like a really, it's a really, actually could be a really beneficial thing. It's just done too excessively and it's crazy. Really? What do you mean about beneficial? There's actually I heard that there's a lot of health benefits of tobacco. Tons. Tons to tobacco like really. And it's refined state. Not just like not just the way we have it in cigarettes and all the other bullshit like in it's like more natural actual state there's a can I show you on yeah this this what I use let me see let me see it up that's what I strictly

use it's natural tobacco there's absolutely no flavor nothing added I used to smoke backwards but then the flavors are just so cancerous so I kind of I mean I guess it's all cancerous but yeah but this extra cancerous but you can use things like this we're in a in a in a in a more like yeah exactly in a more meaningful way that's not it's straight tobacco. So yeah, what's that? Strictly grover, bro. Yeah, you can, you can, there's ways to do it. I mean, obviously people, like I said,

everything's in excesses is what's fucking things up. Exactly. But there's actually are, there actually are health benefits to this. So dude told me that in the sauna one time. And I thought he was bad shit crazy. Not a fucking, really? You know, this channel,

make himself feel okay for smoking. No, it's true. I mean, it's, you know, if you do it all the time, it's like, and you're just doing it excessively because you're just doing it for other reasons, but like people have used this stuff

for thousands and thousands of years for actual medicinal benefits. But we get caught up in like, speaking it to making it something that it's not. But you know that's why I kind of like I tell people like I'd rather you smoke cigarettes than a vate. But you see cigarettes have extra shit. It does.

It does. But I still think that at least with cigarettes we've seen what has happened to our like, like where we all have like grandparents or like aunts or whatever. They've been smoking since there were 13. And yeah, a lot of them get good old fashioned lung cancer at like 40. I see where you're going with this. But like with like with vapes, you see kids on breathalizers at 20. That's insane. That does not happen with like that.

Well, there's definitely some other shit in those in those veils. idiots always was doing it and I was like you fucking idiots what do you know I's I vaped for a little I even have like a character of vape lord Nord but I am so beyond I'm so against them now because I just think it's like dude it's already unnatural that we're smoking things too accessible too but now we're gonna put artificial flavors and that's insane yeah and it's too it's like it's like it's that's the okay you charge it too I have to at least work and roll my shit you know what I mean I have to fucking cut that shell break up the weed like it's a process right and I can't just smoke anywhere with the when I used to smoke like jewels and shit

on a plane there is literally no spot I couldn't smoke. It's impossible. And you can charge that bitch anywhere because it charges the other devices. That's fuck, dude. And you just buy extra pods and you can always just replace it. There's no issue. I actually I just have two jewels on me all the time. That was honestly like new age, new age beginning of cigarette era again where it was like ever got one addicted to like something that's like really probably sketchy. That's loki why I'm still so addicted to nicotine. I need to cut that shit bad bro. Like I need to because it's, I'm too addicted to dog. And that's the one thing I've ever been addicted to is nicotine. I've never been

drugs are addicted to drugs or nothing like that, but nicotine for some fucking reason. I mean, you could do it though. I know I can't. Just time me. Absolutely. I absolutely know I can. I just don't want to. That's the issue.

But I want to. I want to because I'm like, damn, I don't want to be addicted to nothing. But I don't want to do. I feel so good, dog. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it likes about being uncomfortable sometimes. I know, I know.

That's the thing you get the most when you're uncomfortable. That's when you actually like learn and grow. You don't gain nothing when you're comfortable all the time. Yeah. You should challenge yourself this year. Try to do it where you're not addicted to it. Well, actually I have like cut down significantly like before I've pretty much changed smoke all day for the most part But now it's like I try like I haven't smoked today. I don't know nicotine today so far and I'm gonna wait for five hours

So it's like that's good for me. That's incredible for me by the way. Yeah, it's just funny when someone said that I know I know I know but technically if you kept my sleep too we're doing a lot more hours that's hilarious like I'm just that'd yeah I just be smoking it every single day you know yeah you should try to I don't I mean you you know what you got to do You gotta want it, that's all. No, and I do. You know, I've gone to the point now where I absolutely do. So we're in the process of cutting it down,

but damn, I feel like I'm gonna stop you be able to just go cold turkey, huh? I don't know, well, I mean, that's the hardest way, but it works. I did that with like all the other drugs and everyone, that's why everyone thought I was gonna like relapse or whatever, which I technically did relapse, but never like that.

Why don't you start doing it instead of just stopping it? This is me being like, I'm apparently a drug fucking specialist, but I'm like, I'm like, yeah, yeah, apparently. Why don't you sell me any when I was I don't remember no no no it wasn't actually a drug doing I know I'm kidding um no no seriously I think maybe what if you start just smoking nicotine like uh with with intention instead of just to smoke if you're like okay I'm meaning like okay I'm gonna smoke this nicotine because I want I want a little bit more energy to focus on this and then you're doing it with that in mind

instead of just like I'm doing it just because I'm bored and I should be smoking nicotine so it's like because I love smoking like on car drives for example so like yeah oh that's probably bad to say Right, but it's okay. That's like, I like, or like watching a movie or specific things like that. So you're saying this more give it a purpose and not ever do it. Try that. That's what I've been doing, though. That's what I'm saying.

I've had no purpose to smoke it. So I've had no purpose to smoke it. So I'm just doing it because I should be doing this and your brain just like, you need it. You need it. So you do it. Being like, you know what? Tonight I'm going to lay down. I'm going to watch this show or this movie and I'm going to do it then and I'm going to, like have this moment.

Or if I'm ideating videos and shit like that. I'm going to, I'm going to use it because it's a tool. Yeah. And it becomes not a tool, all these kind of drugs. When you use it all fucking. Yeah, then it's just. I feel like that's the worst part about vapes is that's what it programmed my brain to be because I never used to think that way by nicotine at all.

Yeah. It used to be moderate. Like I used to smoke a blunt every now and then, not smoke one for like three days. That's impossible now. Not impossible. That's just not what I do now, right? Yeah. So I'm telling you the fucking like jewels and the pops and all them bullshit vapes,

they program your brain to constantly get that fucking dopamine every two seconds, every three seconds. So now you, now you got to just program yourself. differently yeah take no no and i that's what i've been doing because i realized that a long time i'm like yeah that's like why this shit's fucked up yeah do you have any questions for me um i always like to do this shit any specific no nothing specific nothing ever specific oh yeah man just in general not necessarily just like you know like how you've been bro you've been good honestly i've been a little stressed i just opened a gym uh two days ago where was it it's not it's not a wined no it's an incino okay it's not far yeah just open a gym and uh it's a little

frustrating because like you know you open a gym and I've spent you know obviously tons of money and that's really the important part but you you you want people to be like oh this is amazing and everyone thought it was amazing and then I did this I was like we were in this moment where we were we didn't plan it as good as we should had and like people we needed people to leave because there was so many people outside there was like a massive line yeah so listen so this is what happens I invited a bunch of people to show up right you saw the flyers and shit I was I don't have a post of my story so all these like I invited all these influences out to come to be at the event.

Adam, Mike, always people to show up so that people can come and meet them and see the gym and all that stuff. And, you know, there's thousands of people. They're all lined up wrapped around the building. It's pouring rain. But first, a bunch of people come in. It was like, I don't know,

a thousand people in the gym packed, right? Dinner for like an hour and a half and then we're realizing like, oh shit, there's more people outside. We got to get them in. The line's not moving. So we need to get some of these people out, right? So we're like, a few times go by.

We're like, yo, you guys are like, yo you guys got to get out got to get out no one's leaving yo you guys really got to get out because like we got it you know when they leaving though was they not listening or they don't give a fuck kind of bill i don't just both they didn't probably probably were like yo i want to enjoy i want to experience this i want to enjoy this right but so did all the other people so it got to the point where we're getting up there and i and i get up i get up on top of the thing in like a stand on somewhere in the gym and i'm like yo everyone's got to get if you're not an influencer and i said this in a way that it's like i'm going to tell you what happened

after but I said like if you're not an influencer you got to leave but the whole idea was if you weren't one of the people that I invited you know to stay to leave everyone unless you're one those people because people came to see all those people because we promoted it right so then I say that and I'm I'm basically saying like yo if you're not one of these influencer people you guys got to leave on the internet you know how how it goes on the internet of course me like he's keeping out everyone who's not an influencer he's so lame only cares about the influence he only cares if you have followers someone videos that though and they cut it so it's like if you're not an influencer get the fuck out and it's just like people are like this dude's so

cori yeah it's like bro all we were trying to do was create space for the other people who are outside it's so shitty to when like they cut it to like make you seem a certain way I mean like it's like and then I look at it now it's like I could have been more like oh if you're not an influencer that I invited specifically to this but I'm like yelling and it's annoying to me because bro I was drunk I was I was drinking so I was like I'm trying to fucking because like I'm stressed like we haven't slept for like days i'm like yo i want to celebrate this i'm drinking so i'm out there like i'm not being like specific with my words but i get it's like someone's gonna go well you have such a responsibility you should be it's like go fuck yourself dude you

i got you're perfect in every way no what i was trying to do was simple there was a thousand more people outside we wanted them to come in and to experience the whole thing yeah so we were trying to move people out multiple times and eventually we're like yo you guys got to get the fuck out and then that's the clip and it goes viral it's like yo go suck my dick straight up suck my dick straight up I mean that for real you guys are fucking scumbags for that it's always the people that like don't even put themselves

no but it's like here's this is the thing it's always the people who are never there that's always the people who aren't actually there so the people who don't actually understand it they go oh yeah I wasn't there fuck this guy he has a gym I'm gonna get views on my Twitter on my fucking TikTok whatever the fuck it is and also they know that they get engagement and attention

talking shit exactly that's what people do they literally talk shit for those reasons whenever he's to get crazy comments on my videos it's so that they want to be the thumbs up comment. It's all they want. They don't actually want to hurt me or say anything about it. They just want to get the thumbs up comment. Yeah.

It is what it is. But it's just frustrating because like you do all the shit and then you're just like, oh, really you fuckers like made it about that? Yeah. You fucking assholes. And the whole thing's free. It's like,

and people were saying too, oh, he charged for people. I didn't charge no one to get in. Didn't charge no one to get in. Didn't charge for food. We gave everything for free. Yeah. In fact, I'm fixing the door because they broke it.

That's why it's like a middle of ground. It's like, Do you either to stop giving a fuck or whatever it says or do you keep like I don't know I'm at a point now I'm gonna tell you

I try but at the same time you're never gonna be perfect right even if I said everything exactly exactly how they thought I wanted to say it you should have done it you should have had this should have had that

like they'll still find some shit they will always find some shit to be mad at and I just realize what I know that I'm gonna be doing more of is I'm gonna be saying suck my fucking dick I'm doing me period

and because I have never ever been mean to anyone intentionally Just because I want to be a fucking asshole. I have never done that shit. It's like when you know your intentions as a human, you know that you're not like that, but then everyone's painting you to be that way.

Bro, I've been painted that way so many times and so many situations because someone else wanted to make money from that. And a lot of those news people, like, I don't know if you know, like, do you know who like Jake Lucky is and people like that?

I've seen my Twitter, I think. Like that dude built, he started his career trying to expose me for scamming people on Counterstrike, on a gambling site. They all wanted to believe the story because they boosted their channels and got all the attention off painting me

to be like, a scammer and an owner of a fucking gambling site and things like that. I said everything that happened. I've been so transgresses they want to paint you that way so they can boost their careers. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like I said, it's like, do you say anything? I just realize I'm just like, I'm just going to speak candidly about it.

I don't give a fuck because like no one's perfect. I'm not perfect. Could I have done things differently? Sure. Could I have done it a little bit better? Sure. But at the same time, like, I'm going to be honest, man. That whole thing was rushed at the end of the day.

We had a deadline. We had to hit it. We built that gym in five fucking weeks. Yeah. We had six months to do it. There's a whole bunch of issues that happened because I didn't do things the way that I should have handled them earlier on in the thing. So it's like I'm accepting that. But at the same time, to be painted in some negative light that I know is not me genuinely, it's frustrating because it's always people from the outside who just go like, I want to make you look this way so that people think this way about you so that people think this way about me.

I'm good. Look at me, guys. Buy my shit. Search my videos. Like, oh, suck my fucking dick, dude. Straight up. And I just realized like I just got to the point where I'm just going to say it. and I'm done not saying shit because people want to just get fucking cloud reviews.

I'm going to sell the truth because there have been times when people ran their mouth about me years ago and I held my tongue and it did more damage than it did good because I think, oh, I'm going to be the bigger guy. Not that I shouldn't, you shouldn't be the bigger person or whatever or like avoid the drama, but there are some things that like you just need to tell your truth. That's it. But the problem with that whole situation too at the same time, not the gym thing. Just internet drama.

Someone can say one thing about you. And you could say the other thing that could be completely true. This can be completely false, right? Like, whatever this is, however they frame it, some people are still going to see and go, that's true. No matter what you say next, that's wrong. Yeah. Just because it's a reaction to.

You know what I'm saying? So you don't really win. But then I'm just, I just realized as I've done this for so long, like, if I don't really win, then fuck it. But you know, that's like a never-ending battle. Exactly. So it's like you kind of just have to take things as they go and just like, whatever happens, happens.

All you can do is just say your part. show who you are and that's it and if people take it the wrong way and people don't believe who you are and they think that you have negative attention fuck them bro yeah because people I also feel like a lot of people and I said this in one of those videos the other day like again I want to bring up the gambling thing again I thought a lot of people thought that I did this and I built like a shell company all these things and like I scan people because that's what I mean like that's why like some people like sometimes like the boyfriend gaslights his girlfriend and are you a cheat or you because he's the one cheating he's the one talking to bitches so he's like

he gas lights her and his beer but that's what I'm saying that's what a lot of people do is they project Yeah, for sure. They are on to you. So they think if I was in that position, I would for sure scam people and take the money. So they think I would. And I'm like that, but I'm not like y'all.

I don't what the fuck you want me to say. So it's like a lot of it is projection, bro. People, and that just shows you who the shitty people are because that's how they think. They think that you would do that. Even though I don't know for sure, they just they think you would because that's what they would do.

Yeah. It's fucked, man. Yeah. But that's how I am right now if you ask. Yeah. So how are you? Yeah, because this is recent. I was like,

these fucking assholes, man. fucking gym's glorious and they're like he doesn't like regular people like bro what the fuck who's gonna be working out at your gym regular people what the fuck who are there to pop it off they're probably not going to that gym no they are they are yeah yeah most of them yeah but also dude you know they go somewhere it doesn't even matter it's like i that's just a crazy thing specifically invited influencers that live in the area that would like i mean i invited tons of influences that i knew and it basically just showed up and i had them post it and they posted it like i posted all of them they posted if they wanted to it is whatever

was it was just the goal was just to make the shit hype and have people show up of course and then you know we just didn't do the best job moving people through but like you don't got to go shit on someone yeah you know it's like man you know what color is your fucking gym no i kidding i kidding yeah i'm kidding i only said that because i saw a comment that's all comment i was like that was funny but yeah anyways that that's where i'm at um but you should come by and train man i would love to bro yeah it's not that far for me i live in like burbank so it's like yeah it's close then it's closer than than my first gym which is right over here in Wilden Hills.

But yeah, man, I appreciate you coming. I appreciate being, this was honestly like a great conversation on a lot of levels. And I appreciate just like the, just the genuineness in it. Of course, well, that's all I can be. Yeah. There's too many people out here that are just like lying and just like making themselves.

Like they care too much about their image. Like I say things almost to destroy my image every time I talk, to be honest. That's the reality. If you're a real person, what you say isn't always what people want to hear. Yeah. That's why I can understand why people don't want to be around me sometimes

because like I'm the friend that tells them, now you're fucking up there. Now you should be. doing this better. It's not like, I think I'm better than you. It's just that I feel like somebody should tell them that. I wish people told me that. Yeah. I don't want to tell me when I'm wrong. I don't want to be friends with you if you don't tell me when I'm wrong. I care. Yeah. Because it does, I don't feel demeaned by you. That's the thing. People get defensive and they feel like they're being demeaned when I say like, yo, you look at you look at, you know what I mean?

Like they feel like, wow, he thinks I'm not good enough and they start like shut it down. I agree. I agree. I think it's a sign of caring. Yeah. And that's like why me and my family are the way we are is because they get that. That's why I talk shit to them because like, who else who else cares about them enough to talk shit i always tell them how much easier it is for me to be like now keep killing you got this queen and it's like shut the fuck up and not say anything it's so much easier yeah it's like say yeah no you got this instead of giving some of the advice that they need to hear yeah and i'm thinking about like what the fuck do i gain i'm telling you this most of the times when i give people advice and i say things that i'm just being real with people

what do i gain realistically nothing nothing i'm doing it for you but people aren't able to identify that they think about and then i'll listen to the guy who's getting paid from them and who says no no no you're doing great the motherfucker that's not that's afraid to lose their job and all that. Because that's what a lot of it is, a phase two. A lot of the employees, executives even, they come to me like, bro, I wish I could do what you're doing, but I'm just an employee. I can't, I have to play the game. I can't do this. I can't speak. I'm worried about myself. My deal. That's what it all is. So I'm just like, fuck me. I'll sacrifice myself. Yeah. That's okay. Yeah, you clearly don't give a fuck about that.

I just off myself for four years. I know, give a fuck about like staying the truth online. Like, what the fuck's the words that can happen? Like, what the hell? I just don't want to deal whatever, I don't ever want to get the situation where it's like, I keep doing this. I end up in like Tate like situations or like situations where you know the elites try to fuck with you. I don't really want to end up a situation. I kind of dealt with like a mini situation with that with like phase because you know I'll tell you as soon as you end the pod because I don't want to incriminate somebody. But yeah, we got to end it because I want to hear that story. Yeah. It's it's not that deep but it's just you know you never know. I like here

and know what happens. I like the off off camera camera talk. That's dope. So yeah I appreciate you coming man. You're awesome. I appreciate all the time. Look forward to see what you do next for sure and uh yo subscribe to the channel podcast on iTunes Spotify all that good shit you know iTunes Spotify too iTunes Spotify YouTube YouTube does the best though I'm guessing right yeah well no dude actually my downloads are pretty lit on Spotify yeah audio on iTunes oh fire iTunes the downloads are lit bro that's crazy I see most people just want to see the video because whenever I watch podcast I never listen I just yeah oh this two I think like they're different like uh fan bases for that there's a lot of older older generation more listening to that though because there wasn't as much of video podcast back yeah

so having both is dope because like obviously new guys coming in like we're talking about exactly i hear you anyways um yeah subscribe to the channel thank you for coming and uh yeah i appreciate you man yes sir sure