RAWTALK - LANA RHOADES BABY REVEAL, LIVING IN A MOBILE HOME & IM THE FATHER...

Episode Date: May 3, 2022

Come take a stroll with us and our extremely beautiful, smart, successful guest LANA RHOADES and her son MILO. On our stroll we take a trip down memory lane with Lana talking about her childhood experiences, siblings, family, health, mental health and self care. We converse about sensitive topics that are relatable and not always easy to talk about like body dysmorphia, loss, relationships, suicide, traumas and other challenges some may face. So take a walk in the park and listen in on their conversation.SUBSCRIBE HERE: https://www.youtube.com/c/REALRAWTALK?sub_confirmation=1LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/rawtalk/id1294154339FOLLOW RAWTALK PODCAST:INSTAGRAM | https://instagram.com/getrawtalkTIKTOK | https://tiktok.com/@askrawtalkFOLLOW BRADLEY:INSTAGRAM | https://instagram.com/bradleymartynSUBSCRIBE TO RAWTALK PODCAST CLIPS: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvzSBNBOK599FqzrTZS8ScQ/?sub_confirmation=1SUBSCRIBE TO LIFE OF BRADLEY MARTYN: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWTQG2aMDYKGDqYEGqJb1FA/?sub_confirmation=1SUBSCRIBE TO FITNESS CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/bradleymartynonline?sub_confirmation=1RAWGEAR: https://www.rawgear.com (CODE:RAW)

Oh, this is, she needs no intro. What do you mean? Oh, thank you. She needs no intro. Thank you. Yeah. Well, thank you for having me on your podcast. Absolutely.

I've been wanting to have this conversation for a while with you, for a while. Yeah, well, I've been living just like all over the place. So I actually haven't been back to L.A. And I think over six months as well. It's my first time. Did you avoid it for some reason? Okay, so this is what happened. So I became pregnant.

I thought I was going to keep. doing everything that I was doing, but the hormones and everything that happens to you when you're pregnant is so crazy, it made me just like, I really, like, isolated myself when I was pregnant, and I didn't want to be, like, be on camera anywhere. It was really, really weird, and I thought that it was the best choice at the time to isolate myself and, like, pull away, but I've actually realized that's super unhealthy, and I wish I would have just kept living my life the live that I was but however I didn't choose to do that so that's why I haven't really been posting so I haven't been to LA and now like three and a half months postpartum

I'm like just starting to feel like myself again to get back into it yeah so what what what what like I guess mediums like podcast you like what kind of things are you going to start making content in again like do you plan to do vlog stuff again do you plan to I for whatever reason I can't shoot my own blogs. I like being in other people's blogs. Yeah. But for me, it's just such a pain and like I don't feel like they're good enough when I shoot them myself. Wow. That's funny because that's like the most common like beginner YouTuber feeling is like you suit something. Like most people shoot content. They're like like when I first started, I shot it. I must have shot like seven videos, eight videos, maybe even 10 videos and I was like, no, these are trash. I'm not posting

any of them. That's how I feel every time. Like I'll get an ad for like $50,000 for mine. And then I'm like I'm sorry I can't do this because I don't want to post this my blog is shit yeah and so I end up giving up money just because I don't want to put out something that's like embarrassing or that I feel just isn't up to my standard yeah so what about the podcast stuff would you are you going to continue that I do want to do a podcast because you were good on it I do want to do a podcast because I generally enjoyed doing it I felt like it helped me improve a lot within myself like you learn so many things from the guests that you have on or the research that you do for the podcast also just listening to yourself talk you realize things that you need to improve on like using less filler words

the way that you speak and so i really like that aspect of having my own podcast so that's why i might do one again just in a different direction i don't really want to be in like the like influencer drama space or like talking about gossip or any of that because i did get in a little bit of like trouble like I would talk about people anonymously anonymously anonymously you got you almost you're so close it's all good anonymously I have trouble with that word um which is something that I need to work it's fine it's fine but yeah so I was talking about people without using their names and people just started like putting two and two together and then like oh wanna said this about this person and so like I just don't want to yeah talk about personal stuff like that anymore

Yeah. I mean, that's the thing on the internet. People also like to make things about themselves in any situations that they can be like to pull it to like make it something more than it is, whether it be for like cloud or for views or for something like that. Yeah. And you became like at one point with Mike, not not this was a bad thing by any means, but you became at one point like one of the biggest like quote unquote click baits on on the internet. Yeah. On the vlogs and all that stuff. I guess I still have it, though, because I just shot a video with him and it went trending. Yeah, I saw that. Yeah. I saw that.

So what do you think it is about you that people find, like, that are so, like, they're so into you. What do you think it is? Sorry, this is. You can rock him a little bit. Yeah, rock him. Come on. Daddy duty, Jacob. Let's go.

No, you're not. I haven't watched you in the side of my eyes. A little, like, pussy rock. Like, is barely anything. Yeah, dude. You got to get some muscle in there, man. No, don't hurt him. No, don't.

shaken just kind of this is so funny this is so funny right now because this is like you can you can try to give him the binkie too can you please be a father right now jacob come on you need this dude you got your sister's having a kid we need you to step this up man this is so funny i feel like the people listening won't mind though because they're all super intrigued by him yeah the baby is like a very he's more famous than me yeah everyone wants to know everyone wants to know who the father is you don't you don't say this um i mean i'm fine like talking about the situation yeah just something that i haven't really talked about however again i want that word i want to keep him anonymous yeah i said that one right yes um anonymous just out of respect for him because that's what

he's asked me to do got you okay so okay yeah i'm not i'm not going to pry more than that um let's i want to ask you though about what it what it's like being a mother and like dealing with you know the internet and the you know the everything that comes along with it and obviously like keep keeping your kid off of it and people are all curious who the father what's a relationship like how did this happen um what is that like and you're so young which is another thing that's another thing that kind of blows my mind yeah i was 24 when i became pregnant with him yeah now i'm 25 so i mean i feel like that's a good age to have a kid but only downside is i guess that what i do for living revolves around my appearance and the way that I look so that's been extremely difficult just I don't really feel

comfortable I'm just starting to feel comfortable even though I'm not where I want to be yet physically in your body in my body yeah and I have to just you know put myself out there which it's a struggle for a lot of new moms just they're like I didn't get stretch marks I don't have extra skin I'm extremely lucky but I am 20 pounds heavier than I was I feel like my face looks different and the reason why it's important to talk about it is because a lot of moms who had kids also feel the same way yeah so that's been a struggle being young and having a baby and then also having social media as a career being a model like that type of yeah having to having to perform a look a certain way or be perceived a certain way so that you can continue to post

content everyone's going to tell you how they think that you look you know they don't care that you just had a baby it's like oh you're fat now yeah this is such a crazy thing though like the internet in general is just it's a place where all sides of every story is are never really told and people just kind of pick and choose the points that they want to like analyze or like hyper focus on and then oh yeah i've experienced that so much yeah like you can do so much positive or something can just be completely different and you can even tell people like no this is what happened but people are still going to go with like the mean version or the negative version why do you think that is why do you think because i've experienced this so many ways my own my own way and i've

experience not I mean I think I have similar things in some some projects and some aspects that you've you've experienced but people they I don't know it's like they want the truth but then when they're told the truth or when they hear the truth and then they don't they want it to be something almost like more nefarious or something bad like they're more drawn to the negativity in a situation that's scientifically proven that people pay more attention and are more drawn to negative things that's why social media purposely like those things i guess go viral or they're like more put into the algorithm um it's been shown on social media with like statistics yeah so it's just that people i guess find that more interesting yeah yeah so and no one wants to make an article about

like um bradley martin saved a drowning homeless person like no one cares about that it's bradley does drugs and steroids yeah they they want to it's it i don't know why it's that way i mean i guess i i see why people look for the the bad in situations i feel like it's more related to like i don't know people are maybe avoiding certain situations of their own life so they it's easier to look outward and be like everyone else shit's fucked up or that's going on like you look it's easier to look for bad outside than it is to look for like the own bad inside you know the things that you need to work through i mean even what would you click on you know how like news stories pop-up notifications on your phone one's like this person just got married and is so happy

or this family of four murdered like which one are you going to click on yeah you know I think that's what it is I try to avoid that shit completely to be honest because that shit to me I see it and I see it for what it is and I'm like I know there's no there's like I'm not even like trying to go into that I don't even want to put myself into that because even I've even as I've gotten older I've been like watching less and less like horror films watching less and less just anything that is like feeding that negative in my mind i do that too especially with music i used to listen to a lot of like sad songs and sad music but i just want to feel like good and happy all the time i think it's great like to push that negativity out in every way that you can yeah just to preserve that a good

mindset yeah i work on that heavily and i and as i've gotten older it's become more and more important And I actually notice a really big difference So the less that I Involved myself This baby wants to be on the podcast right now That's what it is All right guys, quick interruption We got another sponsor

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yourself so being like being a mother is it what you thought it was going to be when you were a kid growing up um you know because like what was your perception of being a mom you know so i never thought that i would be a mom when i was a kid um i never thought that i would like boys either when i was a wait what what do you mean i always told my mom like i'm never getting a boyfriend and i'm never going to have kids. I just want a bunch of dogs. Like, just because, like, you just weren't interested in them or it was like? Yeah, I just was never interested growing up until maybe like 17. I was like, I want a baby. Everything changed. And I was like, I want a boyfriend too. So, so, so being a mom though, like what is it, what is it actually like in your single mom

essentially? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, what is it like? Is it what you thought it would be like it's way easier than i thought that it would be and way more enjoyable than i thought that it would be yeah um he's also a really great baby like he hardly cries he does like to talk a lot and he screams in like a talking way that's something new that he started doing this month um but you know i've struggled a lot now he's perfect um i've struggled a lot um just with like depression most of my life and so one thing that I was scared about with being a parent was will I be good enough because of my depression like there were times like I've had a lot of pets that I've taken care of and there were times where I just like I can't get out of bed and I know the

dog's going to like pee on the floor or something but I just felt like I couldn't get out of bed and so that was one of my fears as being a mom like what if my baby needs something and I can't get out of bed but after having him that fear completely diminished because he like he's all that I want to like take care of and do like it's never a problem to wake up at 1 a.m. 3 a.m. 4 to defeat him and so that fear was completely irrational because he just became the most important thing to me as soon as I had him well I think depression a lot of times for for some people I don't know how you this came about in your life or how you got depression but it's sometimes related to a lack of purpose in life and obviously having a kid it's like it's a very clear purpose so it's

like of course you'd have the thoughts are hopefully if I I'll be able to be there for my kid and I don't want to have these like feelings not allow me to be there but that's like that's like the most purposeful thing I think anyone could do just have a kid and I think the fact that I was having that fear about it just showed how much I care and you know have love for my child because you're scared that you're not going to be good enough because you love them so much yeah have you ever heard any other experiences or times in your life but you felt like you weren't good enough besides a relationship to the kid besides besides your relationship to the kid so any other moments in your life yeah yeah i mean definitely i think everyone feels that way i think everything that i've gone new into

i always thought that i wouldn't be good enough like even when i first decided that I wanted to go work at a restaurant like Hooters when I was 17. I was like, I'm probably too ugly. They're not going to hire me. Like, I'm not good enough. Of course, I got hired right away. And then, you know, the same with when I first decided to get into pornography. Right.

I didn't think that people would think that I was good enough looking or that I would be, like, any good at anything. Because I was so inexperienced. Yeah. But somehow I became number one in that. Yeah, that's a, that's a, and you did that very fast. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Um, because I only did that for like four months of my life when I was 19. Four months. Or sorry, eight months. Eight months. Yeah. Um, so that whole experience, do you, do you ever think? Because, you know, everyone, you know, everyone has such a negative, uh, view on that.

Not everyone, but a lot of people have this, like, perception of, you know, or when you have a kid or what are people going to think? Like, what is your kid going to think? Like, all this kind of like, kind of like, kind of like, kind of like, kind of like, like negative thoughts on that do you ever worry about that in relationship to your kid knowing like what his mother did or what you know you know not at all i myself am against pornography now um from my own experiences um but i think why why are you against it now i just didn't have a great experience and i don't think that it's great for other women or even men who do it i don't think that it's great for them what was so was what was what was bad about your experience i don't

I'm sorry, I'm just kind of... Oh, it's okay. Yeah. I just had quite a few bad experiences. So there's different levels to it, obviously. It's mostly hardcore pornography that I have an issue with. I don't mind girls. Like, I mean, everyone can do what they want.

I just don't think that they're making the best decision for themselves going into that career. But like the whole only fans thing and like girls posting their nudes, like that's fine. Like, it's just your body. but I don't think that having like sexual relations with people that you hardly know is good for your mental health or like your heart yeah can you speak it you can speak on that person I'm assuming you've had yeah yeah I mean there were times when I was doing scenes that I really didn't want to do with people that I really didn't want to let touch my body why why did you do it I just felt like I had already signed up for this there's also a lot of pressure so the agents Like, if someone's going to do it, I don't think that they should have an agent. That's where a lot of the pressure to do things that you don't want to do comes from. And being an 18, 19-year-old girl, you just don't know how to say no. You want to make everyone happy, and I was very much a people-pleaser.

And so I just wanted to make my agent happy. I wanted to make the fans happy. I wanted to make all the directors love me. So I felt pressured, and I felt like I couldn't say no in a lot of situations. and that's no one else's fault besides myself because I'm the one who didn't say no and I'm the one who didn't stick up for myself so it's my own problem but it is you know experiences that I have to deal with now yeah so I'm curious about your childhood you don't really talk a lot about like your family dynamic and like your upbringing yeah

so what what happened with your I know your sister she dealt with like a lot of issues yeah so my sister has she first like we started noticing that she was like different or mentally ill when she was like 12 and you were how old I'm three and a half years younger than her okay so you were younger than her yeah so I was younger but I sort of always played the role of like the older sister taking care of her because of how bad it was um so her mental illness like progressed over time at first it was just no one in my family family knew what this was, but she started pulling out her own hair. So she'd have no eyebrows, no eyelashes, and she started pulling out hair in her head as well. And she's like plucking it out?

Plucking it out. And then looking at, you know how there's like a follicle on it? Yeah. And so she was like fascinated by the white like follicle at the end of it. So later we found out this is a disorder called dermatolomania, which is where you pull out. This is a real thing. Yeah, it's a real thing. Oh, my God. So it's a mental compulsion disorder. Okay. And so that was how her mental disorder, like, manifested itself first. And then came her anorexia.

She had severe anorexia. So she was also, like, bone thin. What though? Yeah, so imagine, like, I was very young. So I see this person who has no eyelashes, no eyebrows, like bald spots that they inflicted on themselves, and extremely skinny. My sister looked like a monster. to me at that age. I was scared to look at her. Wow. And my, I'd tell my parents, you have to make her draw eyebrows on for me to look at her because I was so scared. I felt that she was like a monster.

Wow. Wow. I've never even heard of something like that. Yeah. Well, I mean, there are so many different disorders that people have, but, you know, a lot of people aren't aware of. And then I'm sure you're more familiar with like bipolar and schizophrenia. Yeah, of course. So then after that, she was diagnosed with bipolar when she started having suicide attempts. And then after 18, she became like very like out of touch with reality. And that's when we're like this is schizophrenia. Did you ever worry that like you would have any of those things just because of a relationship like genetically like, oh, she's my sister.

Maybe I'll have something like this. So I always thought that, you know, I. got extremely lucky i got a good healthy brain yeah but i feel that because i saw such severe mental illness in her to like her mental illness is very very bad like the most severe that you can imagine like yeah needs to be hospitalized that type of thing still to this day um she's pretty much catatonic now which means that she's like you can't really even have a conversation with her. She just stares off, like laughs. Maybe can give you like a yes or no. So it's like to the full degree. It's very severe. But because I saw her mental illness and how bad it was, I thought

that's what mental illness is. So I feel over the years like I've had depression and I've had issues, but I was like, I'm not mentally ill. I don't have a problem. I'm fine because that's what mental illness is. So I downplayed my own. I see. it wasn't to that severity it was a comparison though you were comparing that it wasn't because it wasn't as bad that like you weren't really dealing with something yeah and that i don't need therapy or i don't need medication so have you ever have you ever gone to therapy have you ever done any of that stuff now i've done i've done therapy on and off and i am looking for like a good therapist to go to it's just such a leap to get over the hump and like find

someone that you like and i guess i'm just like putting it off but i have noticed since having my baby. I don't know if it's the hormones as well. I noticed like my moods definitely like dipping up and down. I think the hormone fluctuation. Maybe. Yeah. Or it's or it's triggered. Maybe something like underlying because luckily I'm very good at self-regulating. So I notice like I'm walking down the street and I'm super happy right now. And then 10 minutes later I'm like well this whole day sucks. Really? Like it's that drastic? Yeah. In like a 10 minute period. and it's like well nothing happened but because I'm so good at self-regulating and I know that those are just you know it's not actually what's happening right I'm able to tell myself like no it's fine you're good

you're going to feel better in 10 minutes and an hour when you wake up tomorrow how do you think you learned that ability like of self-regulating like you being able to understand that this is happening to me this is how I feel but this isn't exactly what's going on like where did you learn that from I suppose just I wasn't really as aware of it but I guess I have been going through that for like years and so just from experience you realize like hey I felt like this before and then I like 10 minutes later or the next day you were happy again so just ride it out yeah that's really important you say this though because I can look back on all my anxiety my moments my panic attacks and that was one of the things that really brought me solace was I realized in the beginning it was always like this is it this is because I always had a fear of death and my anxiety was revolving around that and I was like this I'm going to die this is the moment this is the thing and it would be to this crazy degree where like my heart rate would like increase like physically to a crazy amount because I'd be so worked up so worried yeah and then it would always pass eventually and I'd be good and it would happen time after time after time what are some examples of things that would like throw you into that oh man I It was I hyper focus on things. So like I'm a very like my mind's very, very active and I'll hyper focus on things. So what happens to me a lot of the times is I'd lay in bed at night and I'd feel my heartbeat. And then I'm going to have a heart attack. Yes. And I start to be like, wait, did it skip a beat? Is that normal? Is it beating too fast? Is it beating too slow? So I and and I can't even. Yeah, a lot of times I'd end up crying. And the times I couldn't I couldn't I couldn't I couldn't differentiate like I just kept thinking like something. things wrong with me and and then it would just kind of grow the worry would grow and then like I would get almost somewhat erratic and I'd have to like I'd either be like calling my mom or like

calling a girlfriend at the time and next thing you know like I'm calling the fucking the ambulance and then they're like they're like they're like they put the EKG thing on me and they're like you're good you need like an adivant which is like an anxiety medicine and uh I realized over how many times it happened to me that was the thing that brought me real sauce like the same exact thing you said was this happened and it wasn't the last this baby so fucking cute I'm over here oh my god so this wasn't the last it's like it's it's not going to be my last time because it was like you know a hundred times that it happened and I was like okay I'll be okay and then I started to learn that and it started to change my life because I was able to recognize it yeah but I have a

question I have a question for you what's your relationship like with your father um so my mother and father got divorced when my mom was pregnant with me so my mom was actually single mom as well and my parents had a really rough divorce and um my mom just was like we knew she didn't want us to like our dad so it was now so at what age were you when they got divorced oh so you there you were in the bit you were baby you weren't even now yeah so I didn't go through the divorce, but we had a really nasty, like, custody battle when I was older, and I'll be becoming a mom, like, I just don't really get where my mom was coming from. The situation that I have, like, with my child's biological father is, like, I would never want to cause any harm to them or their life. Like, I don't even take child support or anything.

And there's nothing wrong with taking child support if you need it. However, I don't need it. And so I don't want to be, you know, take it just to be spiteful or to do, what's the word I'm looking for? Or just take advantage of the situation. Yeah. Yeah, like, that's not me. And so now when I look back, I always thought that it was normal the way that my mom acted about, like, custody and the divorce. And, like, I feel so many women get spiteful as well when the relationship doesn't work out.

And they involve their children in that spite, which is. something that I don't understand like me and my sister weren't allowed to like our dad growing up because my mom would get angry and yell at us basically so you you thought you you felt you weren't allowed to like your dad because she would be like you'd say something like what would show you that um like if if you were like oh I want to go see dad she like you should want to see that guy like that kind of stuff we would never be allowed to say that um so this is so bad but my mom So we would go to court for custody, and my mom would feed us, like, lines to tell the court about my dad. And we would have to, you know, we just wanted, she was our mom, we wanted to make her happy.

Of course. And so I feel this stress also is what triggered my sister's mental illness. I was so young that I didn't even, I didn't even really know what was going on. But my sister was sort of, like, leading the way, like, we have to do what mom says, and we have to not smile in the birthday picture. at dad's house because it'll make mom mad. Do you remember that or saying that to you? Like that kind of stuff? My sister's saying that, yeah.

And then I do remember my mom like in the car bringing me home from like preschool and she's like, so what are you going to tell the court on Wednesday or whatever? To me, I just, you know, I've always been like I don't really hold on to things. So I just sail through things in life. So it didn't really affect me that much. But now becoming a mother myself and having like the situation. that I have with his biological father, I just don't really get where my mom was coming from or where a lot of women are coming from that act that way with the custody of their children

or like in a divorce. Like why do it in a negative, such a negative way? Yeah. Like if you have problems with the father, like take that up with him. Don't bring your children into it. Yeah. I think it's a different type of manipulation, right? Like there's something that happened there that she felt resentful for and then.

But why would you want to hurt me? and my sister. I'm not saying it's right. Kids should be completely left out of it. Yeah. That's part of the reason why I also respect the wishes of his father not to reveal his identity online. Like I don't want to cause any issues for my like son growing up or I still don't even know how I'm going to address that situation to him because he's not involved whatsoever. So. The father. Yeah, he's not involved with zero. Zero. Like money, nothing. Nothing. No money. No money. No money. me I'm not seeing Milo anything okay and that's by his choice by your choice oh no that's his choice okay yeah and so however despite how I feel about like the whole situation if I feel that I was

wronged or not I want to keep the be as respectful as possible and keep the best relationship that I can and be as kind as I can because what if Milo grows up and is like I really want to meet my dad. I don't want to affect the relationship by me acting in a way that would make his dad never want to meet him if it was a possibility when Milo was older. And I think this comes from what you've experienced though. Possibly. Yeah. And so like now that I'm thinking about things that way, I'm like, why the heck did my mom do that? Like I always thought that it was normal. And like you hear about a lot of women acting in that way during a divorce or custody or whatever. And I just, I don't get it like your child should be the most important thing yeah i mean it's that's that's that is the most

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raw talk and yeah let's get back into this podcast uh i have a question for you said something that i found interesting you were always able to like let things go but where did you learn that though because you if you're able to do that even at a young age it's like who was teaching you that i think that it was just a natural ability that i've always had i've always been extremely resilient and just on like if something bad would happen i just be like okay on to the next what's the solution what can i do next to make me happy it's sort of just a built-in personality trait that I have yeah that's I mean damn that's good so there's no there's no like thing no one taught you that no one said hey this is how you should look at things no it just

naturally yeah so you you you have your son um you're gonna keep making content yeah right um do you do you ever worry that like like I asked you kind of earlier do you ever worry like of the you know what's going to happen when he's you know 12 years old when he when he's 15 16 are they ever going to like say oh your mom did this and that you don't worry about that kind of stuff what would you say to the people who talk like that it's such a long time away yeah and also i think if you have a parent who has made a lot of bad decisions in their life it's something that you can look at and you can hear those lessons and be like okay i'm not going to make the same mistakes that my mom or dad did

yeah that's beautiful that's amazing this kid is like he's really drawn my attention i'm not going to lie. He's a cute kid. So in relationship to, in relationship to Mike and the stuff that you, I'm not making switch in a conversation a little bit, but the content that you made over the years, how did that affect your career overall? Because I know it was like you, you came from the adult industry. And then what I would say, obviously, you were one of the most popular adult actress just very fast right you were number one and then you got onto the social media space like i guess it was like Logan had this like reveal type thing and then you like blew up in the space and now mike's vlogs um how has that changed your like direction of your life because i feel like

that was something that like completely changed i mean unless it was like already in that way you were already on a certain path um yeah so essentially i had done adult films for eight months at 19. I had met another like Instagram YouTube guy, not affiliated with Mike or Logan. And I never like shot content with him. But he was telling me like, I'm making $15,000 to do an Instagram post or like for this YouTube ad. And I'm like, well, I'm getting paid $1,200 to do this scene. How is this fair? And I sort of realized that I was being taken advantage of like doing sex work for an amount that. but people are getting paid way more just to post the picture on Instagram. So I completely quit doing adult films. And then I actually became number one porn star from expanding my Instagram. So I focused on growing my Instagram. I would post every single day.

And the algorithm really like picked me up. Yeah. Because of the way that I was posting and the content that I was posting. And that made me number one on Porn Hub. So it wasn't so much the porn itself. it was the social media exposure yeah and then you started then you started doing vlogs and stuff with Mike you guys obviously started starting dating like where did that like did that because I feel like that from my perspective looking at it Mike's channel blew up but you

also like took off to like a different height you know like numbers wise and all that yeah I mean I already had like I got like 8 million followers on Instagram before before now I have almost almost 17 million. Yeah. But I did notice a big growth when I was first in Logan's blogs, but it did help people see me more as a person and the positive attributes that I have outside of, oh, she's just like hot or I just want to fuck her. Right.

Yeah. I think that's the biggest thing in social media, like the two people that I think about, and I think you guys are actually both working on the same platform, is Mia Khalifa. Oh, did they, I'm not sure. I think we signed her on centerfold. Yeah. hasn't her bio um but you two are the two that like outside of that you guys like took this a whole new life on social media like to a crazy degree yeah she's done really well for herself as

well um and she's been retired from that industry even longer than me and she's managed to make a career up until this point and ongoing which i think is really inspirational for other girls who might have made the same decisions and knowing that they can become successful outside of that and that there is hope you don't have to keep doing something that you don't want to do yeah i have a question for you what what do you think you're most um proud of yourself not in the sense of achievement wise um in the industry or on social media or in that but just in life like what do you think you're most proud of yourself of it in life right here right here yeah this baby i'm so proud of them every day like even

Even if he takes a poop, I'm like, you are the most amazing creature on the planet. You make me want a kid so bad. Oh, man, I don't want a kid so bad. I'm getting fucking old. Yeah, no, but seriously, it's so enjoyable and amazing. Someone was just asking me yesterday at the playful office, like, aren't you, like, annoyed you have to change his, like, poopy diapers? And I'm like, no, when you have a kid, like, you feel proud even of them, like, taking a shit.

You're like, yeah, that's it. Yeah, like, every time he smiles. when I'm changing his poopy diaper, because he knows that I think that it's, like, amazing and good. So I'm, like, cheering him on. It's beautiful. So the Playboy thing, what are you doing with them? We do, so I have a friend who works at Playboy named Holly.

She's been my friend for, like, half a decade now. Yeah. So I used to work with her at Hustler. Oh, my God, beautiful. Oh, did you like the people at Playboy? boy yeah he met all the girls there and they were so nice to him um so she when she moved over to playboy from hustler because i used to work with her at hustler that's how i met her um we she bought me in i started working with them on just all of their projects so we do clothing together

um we're also part owner in the new platform that they have um center folds yeah what what is that Because I see the pictures. I don't really know exactly what it is, though. Is it launched yet? Is it like? Yeah. So it's already, we did a soft launch. Okay.

We're doing a few tweaks to the platform before we do a hard launch and like really start promoting it heavily. But essentially, I guess the most mainstream thing to refer to is only fans. So it's like an only fans platform. However, we do not allow penetration or sex. So you can't post whatever you want. nudity. Okay.

My, I love it. I have a profile on there and I also help on board other girls, but my content is more so like I have like. Yeah. I think he wants to be part of the conversation. I want to tell you. I post like my, my skincare routine, like, you want to talk.

My travel guides, just, you know, a little more insight into my. life than you can see on my Instagram yeah so my profile is very PG I feel like he wants me to hold him I wonder if I feel like that's what it is I got it oh gosh oh hi now you're definitely gonna like get some girl pregnant after this yeah 100% you can have one all right you okay good that's mom over there hi baby that's mom over there just really made me want a kid I'm not gonna lie to you have one he's like wait that's my mom Yeah. Who's holding me?

Yo. Oh my God, you're so cute. Oh, he's smiling. Smile. Mommy. He's smiling so hard. This is a big moment for me. Really?

Have you held a baby this young before? Yeah, my half-sister. Yeah, Faith. What about a boy? A baby? Not a boy, though. That is different. I've never held a baby boy, no.

He was the first newborn baby. ever held he seems a love that you're sitting over there right now and he can look at me and he can look at you yeah and he likes looking me talk too so this is the this is the thing where you're like this is the thing that I'm most proud of yeah what what have you learned though in your life that you're most proud of yourself like what what like what feet mentally you're like I'm glad I finally figured this out about myself um yeah so over the past year with all the the the past year for me difficult just because I did choose to isolate myself essentially for almost a whole year of my life I barely saw anyone and it was just the very lonely and like I was wondering what

you were doing I was like this she doesn't post anything like just not like in a great place I just wanted to have the baby here not be pregnant anymore I had an extremely rough pregnancy um so I went what you mean rough like just because physically okay I was so sick mentally and physically. So it just was not a great time for me and I just could not wait to not be pregnant anymore. And so I just wasn't living my life at all because I was like, I'm going to live my life after I have the baby.

I see. No one should do that. Regardless of what you look like or how you're feeling, you should always, you shouldn't isolate yourself and you should live your life every. Your life is so short. You should enjoy every single day of it. However, when you're in that mental state,

it's very hard to see that um so the last year i had a really rough year just like alone and then i had my baby which was the best day of my life and i'm not sure which one it was but i'm able to be happy now with like essentially nothing like the things that i thought were important before or that made me happy i realized are very unimportant and actually did not make me happy like physical things. I'm living a very minimalistic life nowadays. Like I just rented a trailer or a trailer home or a mobile

home that I'm going to live in for the next year. Yeah, and I barely own anything anymore. I sold all my houses, all my cars. I'm super into like sustainable clothing. All the clothing that I buy now is used and then as soon as I'm that's awesome. I sell it.

I like to have just very minimal things and I've realized that getting a Lamborghini or getting all of these... Doesn't mean shit. Yeah, it's really just to show off to people around you. It doesn't make you happy. Yeah.

Like, I could move to a shack in Hawaii with him and be the happiest person in the world. So I think that was... Oh, also another thing that I've realized that it can really lift you out of depression and make you feel better when you're not feeling good is service to others. And so that's something that I focus on a lot nowadays. and those two things like really realizing the importance of of things in life instead of focusing on the things that aren't yeah has changed my life dramatically and I think is I'm happy that I'm finally to this point because for a long time I was just doing

things that I thought would make me happy and they didn't it sounds like you said you were doing things that you thought would make other people around you happy like trying to make up please other people like you know like you're talking about earlier on your career like the agents the people who are part of your life like oh i want to make sure they you know they're happy and what i'm doing here doing there and you're never really focusing on yourself i mean even even at a young age it sound like you were focused on trying to make like your family dynamic happy with your sister take care of your sister in a sense and it's like now you're finally getting to a point which it's it's beautiful though because you're still so young to

have figured this out at this point some people still takes 10 20 more years to be like okay this is what really matters in life but you figuring out how to like actually live for yourself and make yourself happy and you realize how simple it actually is like it's just the minimal things like you said if you just lived in a shack but you had your kid you had everything you needed you know food shelter that's all it really matters like nothing else really matters like yeah I think your health your family this kid I want a kid so I'm so sorry this is this is I'm how comforting is I love this I just I have to say this. I love this. He's like a natural anxiety soother too.

Like when you're holding him, I feel like you feel less anxious. I'm sorry. Do you feel that way? I feel amazing. He's a little ball of happiness. He's definitely changed my life. So, so sorry, continue. I was just saying the things that I find to be most important are your health, your

happiness, and being the best person that you can be to other people. Yeah, simple, the simplest things. Mm-hmm. I just wonder why we tend to, like, get ourselves so caught up in, like, all the other stuff. And I think social media has done a lot to create this draw towards a lot of things that are not really important, but are perceived as like, oh, you should have this or you need this or you need this attention. You know what? I think things are going to start going in the opposite direction.

Like a lot of people who have a lot of money and are very successful, some chase more money. once like once they get $10 million, they want $20 million. But I feel some people like Elon Musk, for example, once you have everything, what do you next? That's the big question. By Twitter. He actually lives, I've heard, below the poverty level. So he's also very minimalistic.

I think he lives in a tiny home or some sort of small minimalist space. Yeah. Well, they will say people watching this will be like, he has this multi-million dollar thing in Texas and because there are all this other stuff that he does have other properties but I know I think what you're saying is right I don't know exactly um I think that's his main residence though the one in Texas no the um the one he actually lives in yeah the small house or it might be a mobile home as well I'm not sure yeah but yeah what do you do once you have everything I think it's going to be a trend over the next year

people not like wanting to flaunt their wealth on social media and more so being more conservative and sustainable living i think it's going to be a big thing over the next year just in fashion as well because i'm very um i do a lot of clothing stuff and so that has really been i've noticed like a huge spike in it just vintage clothing thrifting clothing like it's the cool thing to shop at goodwill now. I'm dying right now. I got to go pee like a baby. I'm so sorry. Yeah, I got him. I just do things to you that are so different. Like, I don't think I should have held that baby because like I really want to have a baby now. Now I have a baby. I know, but the minute I held that baby, the minute I held that baby, the minute I, I'm telling him though, I feel like he's going to have a little girl.

No, I want a boy. I wanted a girl and I couldn't imagine having a girl now. So wait, should I say I want a girl so I get a boy? No, but I think, I don't know, but like you just look like a girl mom. I mean, girl dad. No, I'm getting,

no, I want a boy. No, stop it. No. Yeah, I can see him like dressing up his girl and like tutu's

playing tea party with her. You want a lot because he'd be so protective of her and the thing is that things get the way, just a lot of things are changing in the normal. I want, I need,

I mean, you get what you need in your life. Like God gives you what you need. Yeah. I agree with that. I've always wanted two boys. I mean, you might have a boy too, but like I think you'll have a girl person and a boy. Also it just doesn't matter.

Like, we all have this image of like what we want our kids to look like and what gender we want. And then once you actually have a kid, it doesn't matter. It doesn't like, yeah, it really doesn't matter. And you just think that they're perfect. Like, he looks nothing like what I thought he was going to look like. But as soon as I saw him, I'm like, you're perfect. Beautiful kid. Beautiful.

But let's go talk back about what you're saying about the minimal, the living minimum. I find that's so interesting. Like my brother lives in a van. He lived in a van for the last like before it was a cool thing. He lived in the van for the last, I don't know, eight years it almost seems like now. Eight years? Yeah, maybe seven, seven, eight years. Or it might be five.

That's still, like that's half a decade. Yeah, it might be five. Very long time to live in a van. Yeah. And there's something that I do find so intriguing about that because the idea of living minimally is, I think, one of the most powerful things. I think it's one of the most important things, too, because I'm not saying you need to live in a van to experience this,

but like you said, you think there's going to be a shift, and I fully agree in the next few years where people are going to be more focused on, like, what actually matters. Because I feel like in life, everything comes in cycles where it's like everyone's focused on this. And not to say that people aren't going to be focused on making money

at that time as well, but I think it will become more of a prevalent thing for people to be like, well, I don't need as much. I don't need as much and maybe there will be more people willing to talk about like not not needing it yeah and also just going back to like fashion like so there's trend forecasting for fashion which usually is so like in like speaking about lifestyle over the past couple years you know e-com really took off and there were those kids posting on social media like I started an e-com business and here's all my cash and these are my five Lamborghinis and now I live in a big house and I'm 22 um so that was like sort of the trend over the past couple years and then usually things go from in trend forecasting they go from one extreme to the other yeah so because that was like so extreme like being a millionaire and having here's on my money yeah now it's like

very refreshing to see the opposite and so just going off a trend forecasting standpoint I think that's what we're going to see being like way more way popular and trending in the future yeah Do you think that has the same thing, that same concept will be, we'll be with the ideologies about like, like you said, and not just the idea of flexing, everyone's like flexing, look at my stuff, look at my stuff, and then more people actually talking about what actually matters, meaning like the type of content that people make, are you think it's going to shift towards, I guess in a sense, more wholesome, more people talking more about the things that actually matter. And then that having a rise and what's actually popular, meaning. Are more people going to start watching more of that content? Or do you think, because when we were talking about this earlier, are people still going to go towards the negative and the, you know? Yeah. So I think in order to get to that mindset,

you have to go through a personal experience like I did. And so if the trend shifts to that, people are still only going to be doing it because it's what's popular right now. And they want to do the popular thing. So they're going to post, oh, this is me living in my trailer park because that's what's cool right now. You know, so it might not necessarily be for everyone because they've had this life epiphany or realize what's really important in life. They're just going to do it because it's cool and it's trendy.

Yeah. And then it will, so it's like kind of just genuine. Yeah, sort of. I mean, that's most of social media in general. Here, I'll hold him. I think he wants me. This is so cool. I got you, man.

I got you. I got you. Nice and quiet over here. No problem. We're doing the mic thing here. She's doing it different over there. I want kids so bad. Am I in it enough? The microphone? Yeah, I think you're doing. You're doing good. Yeah, so I just, whoa, you're a little heading out there. I'm, uh, I'm, sometimes you like planes of head. He'll head bite you. Where is that? You're trying to knock me out. He loves this. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Because I'm really trying to figure that out. Like, I, I really, and I know it's time for people, like, it's timing. It's always about like, I know you just. find me so interesting right now it's always about timing of like you have to go through something to know that okay this is my time to finally understand it I just wish that I don't know I just

I guess I wish I wish people were more open to the stuff that is it's not as clickbait it's not as cool it's not as like car it's not as flashy it's not as the girl you know and more open to really trying to learn about themselves and like their direction in life before like they're hit in the face with life and then they want to know you know like proactively I wish people were more proactive with that part of their life but it seems like it's just a human nature thing that you just you can't be you have to get it's almost like you have to get hit in the face you have to learn a lesson then you start to look for that kind of like they say they say smart people learn from other people's experiences and dumb people I guess like me because I was learned from

my own I shit I do too um yeah so a lot of people aren't Like you said, they're not searching for answers or ways to improve themselves or their life until they've hit rock bottom, you know, in depression or just feeling like their life sucks to seek out a new way of life. Yeah. This is amazing. So I have a question. What's the question? So in regards to like social media and stuff and you living like a more minimalistic life, the glamour and the tension on like YouTube, social media, I know you're still doing like the centerfold and everything. um do you want to do like more like not so much mainstream like doing like businesses such as that

or will you continue doing like blogs and all that i know you said like you don't like doing your own but yeah do you see yourself doing stuff like that i was going to ask you about business stuff so i'm more in like a business aspect especially i'm getting older now and then older you're what are you talking about you're so young i have a real like problem with body image as well so like getting older and having a baby it doesn't for me it doesn't work with like being in front of the camera so i have wanted to shift more into the business aspect so i don't have to be in front of the camera as much myself although i you're still super young yeah i mean i'm 25 but in like social media age like that's kind of old i know i'm imagine brad be 33 this month

Holy shit Imagine Brad and Mike I'm like a dad Yeah you're a dad You do business stuff You have your gym I feel like you're very much On the business side as well

Yeah I have And it's always been a focus of mine To be honest Not that I was like I came into this I'm like oh I want to do this And make money But I always remember

Actually I'll tell this story So wow he's so happy I'm here Oh my God You're so cute You're so cute Yeah I am you're so cute I know I'm here so when I first got into the industry fitness stuff I remember I wasn't as popular I can't even this is so fucking I've never been this distracted in a podcast before but I don't even care um wow this baby's adorable I really want a kid so I had I um sorry guys I I wasn't as popular in the very beginning obviously

like you kind of I was doing competitions and like fitness competitions and I was growing on social media and I was one of the first people to grow on social media

but the timing wise was like there were other people who were more popular in the industry not on social media oh my gosh amazing not on social media though they heard this is so funny the balancing act of

I know look to me all day long so join your conversation I know okay you could we got we got this together so the balancing the balancing act that's going on right now is crazy but on the competition industry there was a guy who was really popular and he does have much social media and I remember I asked him because he was on some certain I'm not gonna name these people because I don't want to cause any like issues for

these people but I was a I reached out to one of these guys who was one of the top competitors at the time and I was like hey I'm looking for sponsors right I want Because this is when I was like 22, right? Just, just competing. I wanted to make some money because I, it was always something I was like kind of struggling with at the time. And I said to this guy, and again, I don't want to say exactly who it was. I don't want to say what position he had, but he did well in competitions at the time. And I was like kind of just getting into it.

I was on social media, but two separate things, competition and social media, right? Yeah. So the competition were. On Instagram or Facebook? Instagram. Instagram had just started. beginning of internet. Very, very, very, very beginning.

So, but in the competition industry, he was more popular, more well-known, more connected. And I said to him, I said, hey, I'm looking for sponsors. And he said to me, oh, we don't, we don't need anyone. And he said in a way that just felt very like, just rude. Very, very rude, extremely rude. And I was like, okay. And then I remember, I started getting popular on social media. And I was one of the first people in that industry to ever.

I remember I was the first person in the fitness industry to have 10,000 followers. And I go to shows and they'd be like, that's the guy with 10,000 followers on Instagram. This is like now everyone has millions, but this was back in the day. Yeah, things were different. And then that's when they would start to like, hey, you want to come like, be a part of this? I know. You want to be a part of this? And then like I said, they didn't care about me when I had nothing to give to them.

But the soon that they can get something from me, they came back. And I remember thinking like, okay. I, it was a little bit of a spiteful thing. I was like, all right, fuck these people. I'm going to do this all on my own then. And that's what made me get on the business tip of like, okay, I'll just start my own clothing company. I'll start my own thing. I'll start my own business because, you know, I realized that people were just kind of shitty.

And I was like, okay, I'll just do it for myself then. Yeah. I've sort of had to do that in a way as well because there's opportunities that I want that are harder for me to get because of my past profession. that, you know, if I was someone who had 17 million followers and, you know, the engagement and the popularity that I do, I would for sure be able to do these things if I was famous from something else. Yeah. But I'm not so, like you said, just like starting your own business, if there's something

that I'm interested in, I'm not going to let other people tell me that I can't do it because they don't want to work with me. I'm going to start my own company and beat them out competitively. Yeah, absolutely. make my company more popular than theirs. So have you met anyone or do you have any people in your life that teach you business stuff or that show you stuff or that have like open up your mind in that sense? I mean, I get inspired every day by things that I see that I would like to be part of.

And then my manager is really great. She knows a bunch of people in all different fields. So she's able to connect me with the right people to help me on the, those ventures, which has been very helpful because in the past, when I did not have a manager or that support, I would have like a really good idea, but then I would spend way more time necessary, like launching a business or sourcing products or doing the things that I needed because I didn't have people to help me. Yeah.

So it's definitely important to have the right people around you on those ventures. Yeah. It's definitely, that's sometimes the most challenging part, though, too. because I mean you could find people who you know are self-serving or don't have the right intentions or yeah I mean that happens a lot especially in this industry if you make people a lot of money like they always want more yeah I've experienced that always a problem but you just got to put your foot down which is one thing that I've learned over time from being someone who would never say no to anything or anyone to now even if it's hard you have to say no or be like hey, why do you think that you deserve this percent or that? You've got to be your best advocate in all circumstances. Are there any situations you could speak on specifically about that? Like any situation you're like you try to get taken advantage of?

Just anything now. So one thing that I did learn over the past couple months from the whole NFT like thing was just saying no when I'm not super comfortable with brand like saying no to money or sponsorships or deals that I don't know much about or you know it's not really in my lane like this project I originally said no to not because there was anything wrong with it I really thought that it was going to be great for everyone involved and I experienced something very similar yeah I saw that you did, and that also, like, mine was very, very public, but a lot of these projects, they're just, they're just failing. And then because people aren't happy that what they invested in failed, all of a sudden it's a scam.

I had the best intentions possible. I was working literally the day after I gave birth on this project. Like, I put so much effort into it, and I really wanted it to succeed and do well. I haven't gave you and my other friends, what's it called, pre-sailment, the white list. Like, I gave it to a bunch of my friends because I thought that it was going to do well for them. Like, what was spread in social media about it was just so people could get views off my name because I tend to go viral and they made up stuff that I deal with the same shit. Same shit in the same situation. Like I had experience with these, it was ultimately my fault because I made it as.

decision just not so much prematurely but I trusted basically people that I shouldn't have trusted and I had a similar thing these two kids that were came with the idea and I was like wow that's a great idea so when I was thinking about doing an empty it was exactly what mine was was this whole ape thing and but it was a jacked version of it which I was like okay that makes sense it's on brand for you yeah very on brand and I reached out to them and I was like hey I want to be a part of this and it wasn't like I was trying to get paid to get promo or whatever but the kids were like yeah we're going to do this we're going to do this we're going to do all this stuff all this stuff and then as soon as we dropped it I don't think the kids knew they were getting into

and how much money that was going to be there or maybe they did and maybe they were just trying to be shady but eventually what happened was they tried not to pay two of the other people who are bigger partners in the group with me that were like main marketers for that like in the nfts space yeah kicked them out then they got vocal and then they started talking shit about it and then I had to come back in and talk to those two guys, these two younger kids and say, hey, what the fuck are you guys doing kicking these people out? Like, that is like a main mover in this whole project. Yeah, and they put work into it. And they put work into it. And they put their time into it just as I did. And it's so crazy because these kids out there were just going to kick them off and like just, I don't know, dip. But I ended up having to

like threaten to sue these two kids to give the company basically back to us so that one of the other guys who was in the project who's still leading the project now could manage it properly but of course everyone looks at me like oh that guy's a bad guy because because I have the biggest name in it you have the biggest name even though you probably like me I wasn't responsible for these like it was never part of the deal for me to be responsible right for like the roadmap and the discord the money like I never had access to a wallet or anything I was just being paid the percent that I was told for being part of the project yeah Um, so very much like you, it was just, well, we had in, so what happened?

I had to sue these fuck. I had to try to threaten to sue these kids to get money back to the project so that they can continue the project. There's still new project today, but it's like I had to, I had to do all this shit. But you didn't sign up for it. No way. I signed up because I thought that there was, we were going to really do these things. And then all of a sudden, they just like, I wake up one day and they're like, the two guys are hit me up like, yo, they kicked us out of the company. They took us out the discord.

I'm like, what are you talking about? And I'm playing damage control trying to figure out. what the fuck happened and none of this was ever brought to my attention until like people are talking shit about me on the internet and I'm like what the fuck is going on and even to this day kids talk shit about me it's like you don't you don't know the story you don't know the whole story and it's just it's just frustrating if you tell it they're still going to run with the other version of course what I've experienced because I've literally said it a million times what my intentions were how it was supposed to go and the facts

and people don't care yeah that's the thing but that's what we were talking about earlier People, it's like they want to live in that negative space. And like I said, is it because that there's something else in their life that it's easier for them to look at you and other people that they look at as, you know, influencers or celebrities or whatever and look at them in a negative light so that you don't have to look at yourself in your own real light and figure out your own shit. It's easier to point fingers at someone else. Yeah, I don't really understand. And then the kids on the internet that talk shit is like, you're literally doing this just for views, just for money, which is another funny thing. It's like, hold on, you put your name in a title or my name in a title and then you try to bad mouth me or you in relationship to something that you don't actually know about just so you can make money. Who's the real scumbag in that situation?

Well, and the fucked up part was, I mean, I don't want to talk about anyone specifically, but the person who started it, they had information beforehand. Like, they knew that I didn't scam anyone and they still chose to do that video. and I had like just had a baby two like three weeks prior like I don't know why someone would do that and choose to cause that type of trouble or drama for me like I was getting death threats because of it like for their own benefit yeah for their own benefit and it's like but this is one of the biggest problems on the internet yeah in general when people do stuff like that though it's no reflection of you it's obviously something inside of them that is wrong so I just try to not focus on it and just move forward you know yeah it's just that you can do it's frustrating was like you should sue them because what happened was they made a video then everyone else was like let's get views off of it too so then other people made videos other people wrote articles and it became another viral thing and everyone was like you should sue because it was quite damaging yeah for the time and it was really stressful having people like threaten me

a month after I had a baby. Yeah. But my mom always told me growing up that, like, suing people was wrong. And I also just wouldn't want to go through that process because that would force me to live in a negative mindset longer than I would need to. Yeah. So you just focus forward. Yeah, just focused forward.

And I've been in the industry long enough that I know that these things just, they eventually smooth over. And the reason why it didn't get to me as much was because I knew that it was absolutely untrue and that i would never do anything like that like i'm always like how can i help other people i'm always very generous i had people reaching out to me when these articles were coming out people that know me and they're like this makes me so sad that people would say this about you because you're the opposite in real life that's it's always the people who really know you are like this isn't right yeah like this is crazy and like people are like this makes

me so sad that people would say this about you yeah so i i i didn't really take it to heart besides like some of the like the threats honestly were really stressful for me but besides that I don't care what people are saying online especially if it's untrue yeah because why would you care yeah I mean it makes sense yeah it's just frustrating sometimes because it's like I don't know I guess over all the years of me doing stuff like I felt like I've always only tried to put out good stuff and it's like the minute someone could tweak something for their own benefit so that they look like a good person you look like a bad person is like that's their number one priority is like oh i can i can get something out of this and the people who view it they don't understand that that's

the reason why the person is doing it they just go oh they're talking about this person that person's bad instead of like wait you're just doing his name and a title and this for views to make money and get articles written about you it's just a frustrating thing and i just wonder like is that ever going to end on the internet i don't think it will You just have to not engage with it, and I think if you don't put any energy into it, somehow I feel like the universe sees that, and then less people will put energy into it. Like, if something's negative or bad online, I'm not going to click on it. I'm not going to give it a single more, like another view. Yeah.

Because I don't want to add to the algorithm picking it up. Yeah. No, I get you. That makes sense. So what other businesses? What are the things that are you working on right now? besides the centerfold thing getting back into vlogging i'm doing a lot with Playboy um all their clothing um and they have a few sister companies as well they own a couple

lingerie brands so i've already done a lingerie line with their sister company yandy which is sort of like a fast fashion i saw this yeah lingerie so i think we're going to be doing something else with them in the future and then they have another um laundry company called honey bird You've probably seen a lot of girls on Instagram. They do a lot of stuff with influencers. Like all the hot Instagram girls do Honey Birdette. Honey Birdette. You'll definitely see it like after this because now you know the name.

Yeah. My phone just picked that out. It's going to go there. Playboy bought them a little less than a year ago as well. So I do a lot of things with all their clothing. Are you involved in these businesses like. I don't have Playboy out right now. Yeah.

Are you involved as like a like an owner? Um, yeah, so I was given shares in Playboy last year. Nice. So it's not just like a get paying you to do stuff. No, no. We're like fully partners. Partnered together. Amazing.

I mean, obviously it's a very small percent because Playboy is a huge company. It's already massive. Yeah. It's massive. It's been around for decades. Forever and ever. Yeah. So yeah, I do have.

somewhat of a partnership with them on various things and I don't get paid like per posts by them if that makes sense I get paid like per cents of what I do and then I have like shares that I get paid distributions make sense yeah what's your like relationship with Mike now did he help you with business stuff because he's a very smart guy um when we were dating he would get me like brand deals and stuff like that. But I've sort of elevated beyond that into having actual businesses of my own. Yeah, for sure. Is your relationship with him still good? Honestly, we don't talk that much. Yeah, that's what I, when I tied him on the pot, he made it sound very similar. Yeah, we don't talk very much. Like he, sometimes I'll, I'll do

like a vlog with him just because I want to, you know, help him in any way that I can. But just like that, if I need something. Which, by the way, thank you for coming on my podcast. You're helping me. no I really appreciate it it's amazing yeah I wanted to I didn't really think of it as like charity no not charity but it's like you know it's like yeah I just appreciate it I know you don't you get to choose what you want to do at this point you know yeah definitely so I'm grateful that's all no you've always been cool and like I I've watched some of your podcasts and you seem genuine and fun to talk to so yeah hell yeah I love it so you so you guys just don't you

guys don't speak really much no like if I if I need something I'll ask him and he'll do it and then if he needs something he'll ask me and I'll do it yeah but other than that it's pretty transactional yeah yeah for sure how you so are you're not you're not dating anyone else not seeing anyone else just just a baby yeah I don't really have a desire to date anyone at the moment at first I was like I'm not pregnant anymore like I just want to get on with my life and, like, you know, date people. And then, I don't know, that just kind of went away. And I have no desire for, like, sex or dating or anything.

What's your main focus? Besides the baby, obviously, I know you'd say the baby. Besides the baby, what is your main focus outside of that? Probably my list of priorities are probably the baby, my health, and then work. I love it. That's simple, though. That's amazing. Yeah, and just like enjoying every day.

Yeah. When before you had the baby, what was the list of priorities? Were you ever not focused on your health? Not really because I didn't have any, I never experienced health issues until I was pregnant. Okay. Probably it was boys before. Really? Yeah.

Oh my God. Like doing things to make myself seem more appealing to boys. Like even like my career stuff like I would do so that people would like like, look at me differently. I guess like my focus really was on other people before and I felt like I had to prove something to them like going back to having done adult videos. I always felt like I had to prove that I wasn't like a giant horror basically to the entire world. I just don't feel like that anymore. Like it is what it is. I'm at peace with all of my decisions now and I no longer feel the need to. When did that when did that fade away? I'm just I don't know over the past. I'm not sure

if it was the like rough year that I had or just having Milo in my life but I it's it's a funny answer because like you said earlier when you were younger that you like you did you you told your mom that you're like you didn't think you were going to like boys and then you grew up and you're like trying to do everything for boys yeah and or other people to make them happy yeah and then like wanting a boyfriend and like wanting to be loved you know actually that might have went away because now I have an even better love in my son. Like, it's unconditional. And, like, I have someone to cuddle with every night now.

And just, I love him more than I could ever love a man. And also, he's so young. He really needs me right now. And so I wouldn't want to invest time into a relationship that could possibly fail and not benefit Milo in any way. And it would take away from teachings and quality time that I could spend with Milo. You think that having the babies taught you more about loving yourself as well, though? I think that more so came from the past year of my life because I really just hated myself when I was pregnant and you can't live like that.

What did you hate though? Just the way you felt or like? The way that I, my mind just changed from all the hormones. I thought that I was, I mean, a lot of physical changes happened. I was also really physically unhealthy. I thought even like my ankles were hideous and everything was awful. Your ankles? Yeah, even my ankles.

What's wrong with your ankles? I would look at any part of my body and just thought that it was disgusting and horrible. Wow, you're crazy. That's wild. Right, you never heard of cancels. Yeah, of course, but she's got great angles. She got nothing wrong with her ankles. I know, but like I'm assuming that's what it is because women's feet tend to swell.

Are you saying, are you saying? They swell up. Yeah, they swell up. I don't know. My face still isn't completely back to normal. My face. like really swallowed up with water really yeah and so this was really I always thought that I wasn't very bane but I realized you were like wait a second what's going on the weight gain and the the

water retention and the health issues that I had that made me considerably less attractive I realized what an emphasis I put on being physically attractive and it's something that I'm working to focus on less now yeah yeah because it's to an unhealthy degree. Was it always to an unhealthy degree or like? Yeah, I've had body dysmorphia for a really long time. Yeah. And so it's just one of those things also that you have to self-regulate and be like

other people who are overweight, they have boyfriends and they have friends. People aren't not wanting to like, they don't think that you're disgusting and horrible. No way. And so I would see people walking down the street in New York and I'm thinking like, oh, I can't hang out with people because I'm too fat. they're going to judge me and I would see someone who has like they're overweight but they have like this really hot fit boyfriend I'm like people can still love you even if you're not yeah not what the ideal is thought of and some of the things too aren't like it weren't even wrong with me

that I see sometimes like what things I mean I see things like horribly sometimes really like just in life in general or just about yourself about my appearance but it's I've had this condition for a really long time starting since I was 14 I thought that like my nose was way too big for my face I thought that I was deformed really yeah like I would look in the mirror and just see a deformed person and when people would tell me that I was pretty I used to think that they felt bad for me because I was deformed it's so messed up they felt bad for me because I was deformed and so they would like tell me that I was pretty to like just be nice I have a question that's crazy go ahead so my question is is because like you're beautiful by

clearly you know body dysmorphia is a thing we all have it I mean I would like to say I think we all have it to a degree yeah to a degree and so my my question is is like did you find yourself feeling this way about yourself because you heard stuff constantly like growing up whether I'm not saying your mom did this but like just examples of like your mom being like hey oh you're overweight or like just saying things or putting flaws out that you started picking up as a child Like your mom would be like, oh, I'm too fat. And like, did you start catching onto that and it like rubbed off onto you or like just outside sources or is this just something on your own?

So mine came about from a trauma that I had around that time. And I, my self-esteem was really lowered from the trauma. And that's what triggered the body dysmorphia. What age and what trauma? I was like 13 or 14. What trauma? Something that I haven't like I have never talked about. fine cute you're not comfortable talking about it i don't know it's just the funny thing is that it's

not even as bad as other things that i've gone through in my life but for some reason this one was just the one that really affected me it's it's strange because i know i've been through way where i got to know what it is yeah i'll note it right now i know some other like some other celebrities have like talked about having a similar experience like Paris Hilton recently came out she was sent to a boarding school when she was I don't know how she was I didn't really listen to the story in full detail but I saw it on social media she was sent to a boarding school where they like just treated her inhumanely and so when I was 14 I was sent to a boarding school as well and I actually don't know if I can talk about it

for some reason like it's not even the worst thing that ever happened to me but it's just it's still like affects me to this day yeah um yeah I get I mean I don't get it obviously I can't relate directly to it but it's just a lot of like physical abuse yeah I'm sorry yeah yeah sorry for asking you the question Yeah, I did not mean to make you cry, promise. I want to someday be able to talk about it, but he's smiling. But I don't know.

It's just so weird because I know it's not the worst thing that's ever happened to me, but it was the one thing that caused me to have, I think, a lot of the compulsions and mental dysfunction that I do have. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Okay. Yeah.

I don't want to go deeper into it. I don't want to cause any. Yeah, I mean, long story short, it was just like physical abuse. At a boarding school. Yeah. Yeah. That's Jesus, man.

Well, you've grown into, you've grown into an amazing person. There's no doubt about that. You have an amazing son. You have a great heart. It seems like that way, at least from what I can tell. And, yeah, I mean,

you've obviously really grown from that to this point, you know? Well, that's the one thing. that I think about as well any trauma that you go through in life I would never take any of them back because it 100% takes you to a better point in your life it makes you a better person also gives you compassion for others which is very important yeah my life it's a good story of that um so i fully i fully can relate i fully can understand that and people listening i think it's really important for people to know that like whatever you are going through in your life at any point point it doesn't always have to make sense to you like because that's the thing especially when

you're going through the negative stuff and never really make sense to you it's always in hindsight it's always looking back when it makes the most sense and um I guess my advice would be just like just keep going yeah just keep going and at some point even the shittiest things they become positive yeah always becomes positive yeah and like you said you can't see it when you're going through it But then afterwards, you're like, okay, I see why this had to happen to me. Yeah. And I'm happy. Like, I almost see the bad stuff that I've been through as a blessing.

Oh, yeah. Because it's turned me into an incredible person. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't have anything in my life if it wasn't for what happened to me when I was young and what I went through. I wouldn't have any sort of life experience to speak, to share, to give, to do any of that. I wouldn't, I wouldn't have any of that if I didn't go through. Are you okay? Yeah.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Maybe he wants his papa. Here you're going to go. You hungry? I actually have questions for you. Oh, yeah, go. Yeah. So I've listened to some of your experience with your dad, right?

Yeah, my father. So obviously I had, you know, some similar things growing up with my sister trying to commit suicide in front of me like multiple times. Did you, like, did your dad have any sort of like? mental like was there any like foreshadowing to what was coming like did he have any sort of like mental disorder or dysfunction prior to that so the story as I understand it and from what one of my mom has told me is my dad um at the time of his death was completely sober number one which is always news to me and I was like kind of shocked by that I thought he would have been on drugs or something like that when he took his life but he was completely sober but he had been going to

like a doctor for depression and they said that he was like clinically depressed so like his serotonin levels were completely like bottomed out like this he he wasn't able to feel it was like a chemical a chemical imbalance yeah um and i know he he i don't know how exactly he got there but what i understood is that his his um his dad passed away and then he felt like he had this he never got to say things to his dad that he wanted to say and then his mom passed away shortly after and he had a similar like you know relationship with his mom where it wasn't always the best and I think he felt like he didn't get to say things he didn't get to like kind of speak his peace or like amend that before she she left his life as well and I think he held a lot of resentment and he just it just

must have just cycled through him to the point where it's like caused to this you know this breaking point of clinical depression and um you know that's it oh fuck sorry was it a hard question for me to bring us that's all good but um no it's fine it's the reason why i get emotional i think about it's like i always wonder like one of my one of my biggest fears and i asked you kind of this earlier without any real reason why you would have known but i've always worried like would that happen to me like could i get to a point like that because genetically obviously we're similar right it's my father yeah and i always wonder like damn what if i what if i go through enough like hardship or enough stress or enough anxiety or enough

like these negative feelings that like i get to a point where there's no return because because that's the truth like he got to a point where stone cold sober he ended his like he hung himself like to put to put something around your neck and to he was in his garage and to step off a car with like i don't know he had like some yellow fishing wire into hang yourself is like the craziest concept to me is like you had to put it around the thing you had to think the entire time you were going to do this very clear-mindedly that this is going to happen I'm going to stand up here I'm going to put this around my neck and I'm going to end my life and it's going to be over and I have to consider all the circumstances the fact that he has two kids the facts that he you know he was divorced

for my mom at the time but he still had a you know he still had that relationship with her and he was ready to just say fuck it all because he felt that bad and I worry sometimes that I would get there I think though you can think to how it made you feel that your father did that however it is really crazy what a chemical imbalance can do because that's what you're saying about the way you feel and hormone fluctuation pregnant it took me to a place that I never thought that I was yet as well because I've always been, like, pretty happy and go lucky and able to get over things, and it just took me to a place where I couldn't get out of bed. I didn't want to see anyone, and I never thought that I would be like that either.

So I guess you can't really predict those things. However, it goes back to if you can in those moments, self-regulate, and also think about when it comes to suicide, I think it's a lot more painful for the people around you. And you could think about how that made you feel when your father did that. I know this is hard to think about also when you're in that space, but I never understood why people who wanted to kill themselves, why they didn't just say, okay, I'm not going to live for myself anymore, but I'm going to live to be a benefit to other people. Like even if you're at the worst place in your life, why don't you dedicate your life to

people who need you. You know, you don't have to live your life for yourself if you can't. Why don't you go to an orphanage and volunteer until you feel better or, you know, go to Africa and, like, save children, like, give all your food to children. There's so many things you can do to help other people that need you if you're suffering and you don't want to live for yourself anymore. And that's why I never understood wasting your own potential in your own life, even if you don't feel like you have any one person like you can help so many people if you dedicated your life

to that so why take yourself out of this world when you could help hundreds of other lives i think it's hard to think like that though when you're when you're in it yeah and i think that's what it comes down to right because i can think of a moment in my life where my hormones were completely fucked up of my own doing and i wasn't aware of why or how i got to that point and i remember this so clearly where i was i remember i must have been it must have last lasted for about eight months of my life. I remember driving to the gym. This is like right around the time I first opened my gym.

I'm driving to the gym and I'm thinking like, damn, did I just, did I ruin, like, like the hormones and stuff that I've been doing? Like, did I ruin my life doing this? And like, I remember driving to the gym thinking like, if I feel like, if I keep feeling like this for another year, I'm going to die. Yeah. I was, and I'll explain to you what, like, what got me there. But I remember getting to a point where it wasn't even like, I could.

could think about any other option the way that I felt like the way that I felt when I when I say depressed and feeling depressed it wasn't like I'm sad about my circumstances because like this girl left me or I'm sad and like I don't have money it was like I didn't feel anything that type of depression that I felt was like I didn't feel it was like if you stabbed me I'd be like you felt like an emptiness you felt empty so you can't think like oh um you know there's other people that I can live for you think that it just nothing matters like nothing matters and I felt like that before I felt like that for about eight months in my life and I was like if I keep feeling like this I'm going to die like I'm whether it's like I'm not that I was going to kill

myself I have have thoughts like that in my life like when I was younger but I think also this is because you had that experience with your dad I have this too because suicide was so prominent for me growing up when something bad happens or I'm feeling like that's instantly what pops into my mind like you should kill yourself and it's really common for people to have intrusive thoughts like that do you feel do you feel that way too like yeah I've had moments like that but you were so like overexposed to it it was a huge thing that happened in your life but here's a difference I have moments like that in my life now but it's very like short this was happening to me for I'm going to explain to you what happened about eight months where I was like this is going to be it and the reason why I wasn't

And I wonder this about my father sometimes. I wonder if he had just got his hormones, like fully checked, like a full panel if he didn't check. Because at the time, I basically had, when I went and got my blood work done, I had testosterone that was 14. And typically for a male, it should be a lot higher, right? Yeah, it should be about 250 to 900. So I had the testosterone of like a 14 year old girl. And now here's the, now here's the crazier thing. My testosterone was 14.

my estrogen the range is somewhere like 40s is kind of high 50s high right 50s very high you don't want to be past that guess what my estrogen was my estrogen was 349 what the how was it because you were doing yeah so I had I had fucked up my no it wasn't that I stopped it was it was wait so that happened while you were taking test or yeah yeah that's how if you're literally injecting okay expired expired expired So there was like one of the craziest moments in my life Because I remember I my biggest issue was I was avoiding forever Just checking it Yeah Because I was afraid And that was the thing I'd tell anyone listening Like the biggest mistake I ever made was avoiding

Because were you taking the test unprescribed or? At the time yeah Yeah so that's why you were afraid to go So I was afraid to look So the best advice I tell anyone is like You have to get your blood work check So I'm curious if in my father at the time I wonder what his level

I'm not saying like he needed to have crazy testosterone, but I know testosterone is something that if it's very, if it's very low, there's so much dysfunction as a man and as a woman, right? If it's too low, your ability to deal with stress, your ability to sleep, your ability to like all these hormones to be regulated properly, just go out the window. And my blood work was a mess because of it. And I was so afraid to look at it and I finally looked at it. I was able to fix it and change it over the course of like two, three weeks later. Did a doctor help you with that? Yes. Yeah.

So I wonder if, like, my father, I wonder if he ever checked his hormones, like, on that level, would he have been able to, you know, not be in that position? But at the same time... It probably wasn't as available to do things like that. Now there's, like, so many health clinics where it's the first thing that they give you when you sign up for a membership at these health clinics. I just think you don't even think he, no one was thinking about that. Yeah. They're probably just like you're depressed. Yeah, like you need medication.

Yeah, you should take this pill. Not the underlying issue causing it. So I wonder if it would. have saved them at the same time though in my on the other side of my brain is like very clearly like like we said earlier if that didn't happen in my life like I wouldn't be the man that I am today I wouldn't have I wouldn't have been able to do anything that I've been able to do at this point because a lot of how I got to this point at least through my journey specifically in fitness was because of the resentment the the the the

the emotion, the anger, everything that pushed me in the beginning before I ever shared my story and shared my journey. It was the thing that when I was in the gym, I was like, oh shit.

Like, I felt like I had to prove myself like I was good enough. Like I was worth it to be there for, you know, like I'm going to prove to myself that I'm good enough. to uh to be there for you know mom yeah and kind of in a sense to in a sense to my father as if like you know he had left me and i'm thinking well i'm going to show him yeah because you felt why would you leave me exactly and i felt abandoned and it definitely like just as a parent 100% it was because of

the imbalance in his brain because if he was thinking properly you would have been you know, the most important thing. He would have realized that it has nothing to do with you. And I know it's so hard because we're not in that state. But just like my sister, for example, her mental illness and her chemical imbalance is so out of control. She's lost touch with reality. So anything that she does, you know, you can't take personal or think that it's a reflection of you. Yeah.

Or that you're not worthy. Yeah. But I, and it's, you know, I really, I really mean this when I say it now, like, I would not have what I have in my life if it wasn't for that. So to people listening, too, at the same time, as much as it's like, it had tormented me for a very, very long time in my life, it took about like 20 years for me to start to realize after being on the internet making, like, oh, wow, I'm actually helping people because of the stories that I'm telling, the content that I'm making. And it was all a derivative of my childhood and my life. So that's the thing that I think is most important is just understanding that whatever you're going to Like I was saying earlier like it doesn't make sense

It doesn't have to make sense right away But if you keep going eventually it could really make sense And sharing those stories is an act of service towards others Because it really does feel great when you've gone through something And you feel like you're the only one And you hear someone else on a podcast Or someone that you look up to you sharing the same experience And that you do get through it

And it builds tenacity that you know pushes you forward in life and gives you strength to be go and get the things that you want which i think you know struggle as well for me is what's made me so tenacious to reach for everything that i want and actually put in the work to get it to yeah to achieve things because i don't know if it's that i like you felt like i have something to prove but i felt like i had like i need to have something you know yeah i totally right to that it's a little bit of that it's a little therapy session that the baby actually fell asleep the baby the baby the therapy too oh my god wow fuck I feel like I always feel I mean the people who watch this is supposed to be like this guy just

fucking cry this guy's a bitch but I uh I'm generally good to show your emotion yeah I think it is too I think it's necessary as long as you're not like ugly crying yeah I don't know I can't tell I can't see myself you know okay you had like he hides his face okay cool he hides his face in the camera yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah um do you have any other questions for me that's pretty good you got me going on that one i think i had one more thing to ask you but i forgot this i know you're a podcaster you're built for it i was just genuinely curious yeah because we haven't spoke about it before and like i heard you talk about it before and i sort of related to it and i always love hearing about other people's life experiences

as well as well. Yeah, me too. It's my favorite thing, just hearing about the things that other people have gone through and how they grew from it and... This is pretty much the whole reason why I have this podcast. This is my favorite thing to talk about because even this moment for me is cathartic in the sense

being able to feel better about my circumstances and whether it's helping someone or not it's like it feels good to me and that's why I do it, which is really a picture of everything that I've done in my life and it's just so happened that worked out in a way that people liked it. I never did it to try to like let me let me like do this to like make other people happy. I just did it because I was like this is something that is

genuine of my heart and like this is who I am and this is this is just if I'm going to get on the internet that's what I've always wanted it to be. And that's what you should be doing like sure you like that's something that I'm sort of doing now as well like with my Instagram like turned off all the likes and the comments because I'm going to post stuff that makes me happy that I like now and why am I going to post pictures just because I think this one will get more likes. Yeah. You know, just doing things that genuinely make you happy

and make you feel good, even if other people online aren't interested in it. Yeah. It's a tough. It's definitely a tough balance for sure because, like, you still want to get engagement and all this stuff. It's weird.

As long as you can financially support yourself, I just, I don't really care about engagement anymore. It's just all about just doing what feeds my heart. Yeah. At some point that you can, You kind of, I mean, for people listening, right, at some point, you kind of had to, though, right? You had to kind of, like, play the game. Yeah, I mean, definitely when I was pregnant because there weren't many other opportunities coming in,

I took, like, some brand deals or, like, did the NFT project that I didn't really have a ton of experience in. I think if I was able to do other things during that time, it would have been more focused on things that I actually enjoyed and loved. Yeah. Um, so yeah, definitely I have, I have done that before, but when you come out of like a scarcity mindset, I guess, which a lot of people are in, but they feel like they have to do things, they have to support their family or they have to support themselves, um, I'm very fortunate to be like abundant in my life to the point where I can help other people now because I've already helped myself so much. And also just really focusing on things that I am. enjoy and love when it comes to career. But also I do have to say I was talking to the people at Playboy about this. A lot of people don't know. Like in Logan's blogs and like on Mike's blogs, we're like like like, oh, Lana, make so much

money on only fans. I actually never really did the whole only fans thing. So I never made like that only fans money that everyone thought that I did. Yeah, it was just like a joke. Like I, by that point, I didn't want to post nudes online or like do any of that. So I didn't do it because I'm always going to choose my opinion. and happiness over extra money but but you did have only fans right um i never posted on it like yeah i made an account but i never posted on it what the fuck yeah so i that was just like a joke

for the vlog i never actually really did only fans um but what i was telling the people at playboy is that i feel a lot of because the girls are making so much on only fans they become complacent with just making the money and not really pursuing their own passion or what they really want to be doing and you're focusing all your time then on your only fans when you really want to be designing clothes or you really want to be doing a podcast but you're just complacent with making money but you're feeling extremely unfulfilled yeah so i wouldn't recommend investing all your time into just something that's for money instead of pursuing your passions because eventually if you work hard at something you will make money in that too yeah i mean this goes

for anything not just the whole only fantasy yeah as long as you're working you're always going to make money yeah i mean it might be a slower start but yeah you'll get there people i mean people don't like to accept that i think i think they just everyone wants it now it's like this instant gratification area everyone wants it like they see the young younger guys younger girls like in their early 20s making money and they're like all these other kids think I got to make it then I got to do it then and it kind of drives people to that kind of stuff to do it maybe even prematurely then when they really want to I think they just like they want the money more than they want anything and it's an interesting thing for sure well that's because they're still in like a I guess

a scarcity mindset like I need money to take care of myself and I guess money at some point can can be a passion like you think that your life your life would be so much better if you had this money or this car or this house and then once you get it a lot of people who have got it say okay what's next yeah and oftentimes the best time of your life is like the climb to your goal versus when you actually get there yeah that's a fact um so I think what some people like myself have realized it's just like not relying on happiness for those external things yeah It's just not as important as people think. Well, it's definitely an interesting concept because if you,

I think people focus on like, it's just a weird thing. They focus on either just making the money and not how they're making the money. And then, like you said, you get to a point where you have the money, you realize, okay, what really matters. And I think if you can, from the beginning, start to figure out like, okay, what really matters to me and focus on that to make the money. Instead of just thinking about making the money. that's really how you should start right but people don't people go people go nowadays

you're wasting years just making money that you could be building a career off of your passion that then will make you money not only that like some people go the wrong direction because they they their perception of like how to make money is based on everyone else right yeah instead of like what is really fulfilling to me is only inside of you it's not just what everyone else is doing yeah someone might be doing something like along the line you're like okay that might be fulfilling to me or could be fulfilling to me but like just looking at it from the outside and going like I'm going to chase that and then you let's say maybe you even get there and you make some money you look around you're like wait this isn't fulfilling me it's because you never really went towards the thing that actually fulfilled you went towards something else that was trying that was basically fulfilling someone else exactly yeah yeah I got to pee one more time sorry I think I think I had to go pee so bad like I feel so bad I've never peed more than the baby yeah it's you know what it is I think it's because I started I started taking a little more like a stragglest which is like I started I started taking a little more like a stragglest which is like I was like a stragglest which is like like a kidney flushing thing yeah that's definitely what it is because that controls your bladder

because i'm like what the hell are you outtake yeah are you a scientist um i mean i really absorb information especially about health really yeah are you in like supplements and stuff like um so i have been just because i had so many health issues with my pregnancy and then like massive massive weight gain and then that causes issues with all your internal organs as well i just noticed my body was not functioning properly after my pregnancy so I've been on a journey over the past three and a half months to just like recover and I've done so much research on like diet and supplements that you should be taking and fasting and you know ketosis and your mitochondria and all of that yeah so I yeah I'm following a really strict diet right now that's not necessarily just to lose weight

it's also to improve my brain function. Yeah. So I do do a lot of research into that. Oh, I love it. Yeah. That's awesome. That reminds me like when I was, you know, it's so funny. I got to, I told this story before, but I want to tell it again in this podcast. It's funny because it reminds me you, like, you were kind of forced to learn more stuff, right, in a sense?

Yeah, because I just, my body, my mind was awful. Yeah. So when I was 18, my dick stopped working. Really? Yes. Well, that's something you got to fix, right? Yes. And I was like, what's happening? But basically what had happened was, was that I, prior to this moment, I was, I was super into working out, but I didn't know enough. I didn't know enough about diet and about nutrition, about the way your hormones could be affected by that. And I was very, like, my personality is very like all or nothing. And so I'm doing everything to the craziest degree where I'm thinking like, okay, if I'm dieting, I mean chicken with like no fat, I mean cottage cheese with no fat. I mean, blueberries, I mean, spinach, oatmeal, no sauce.

It was the crazy. That is the most important thing for your brain, because your brain is mostly made of that. Your brain and your hormones. Yeah. So I was eating like this and I was so crazy about working out that like it was to the point, this is when I lived at Sacramento State. I lived in the dorms.

I remember this shit. Like it was yesterday. Actually, it's pretty funny. I would, uh, I'd eat food at like the mess hall and then I'd go straight back to my room to like do like a hundred pushups and a bunch of curls. I had like, because this is when I was like crazy about working out. Yeah. But so crazy that like to the point where I remember trying to fall, this was a real disorder. I'm assuming I know this was a disorder. I would like try to fall asleep. And at every

moment of the day, even up to sleeping, I was contracting my abs. Yeah. So you had an obsession. Crazy obsession. Which I guess that's sort of an eating disorder. It was. Yeah. And I got to the point where I looking back now, I know what it is now, but I was like waking. up every like seven 10 15 20 minutes 30 minutes hour to go pee my body was like eating itself because I wasn't giving it the proper amount of nutrients at the same time I was my output was way too high and it got it got to the point where like my dick shirt up didn't work and I remember going to the doctor and he's looking and I remember now but your your brain wasn't functioning properly either no no absolutely yeah it was terrible but I remember the doctor saw me my like doctor of you know

my whole child that he was like what the fuck are you doing like are you eating like he remember seeing my face was sunken in I remember I was like I was working at uh like Abercrombie and Finch as one of the people who stood in front of the doors and like had their like shirt off and took photos that's what I was doing and yeah like I remember how this like gave you the obsession no working work just the the not knowing what to do like eating wise and like the obsession of training was just like it was an escape for me and then it became this like different obsession next to that which was like I can't let it go away because once I started to get it I was like I need to keep it and so I felt like if I wasn't contracting my abs or if I wasn't

doing push-ups after I ate or if I wasn't doing curls like it's going to go away I was going to lose it and it was and this has to do with loss in my life in general it's like not want to lose my father lost my father my relationship with loss has always been so difficult so so so difficult and yeah exactly and yeah I completely crashed my hormones but then right after that when you know the doctor's like he was like try this like dick pill thing and then like that worked and then um he was like well you should just be eating more like you look sickly like something's wrong and then um that's when i picked up a nutrition book and i started to learn everything about nutrition i picked up a book about endocrinologies to learn everything about hormones and

that's when like i changed like my life essentially from that but that's what got me so because part of that i was really into working out because of the you know the aggression to let it the emotion to let it out and it's still maintained that you know throughout but when i was 18 19 is when i were really smart about what i was doing yeah and when i was like okay this is i need the proper supplementation i need the proper food i need the proper water i need the proper sleep all that stuff but yeah anyways that was just an interesting story because like my dick didn't work and that was the scariest moment i think one of the scariest moments in my life no i swear to god i was 18 i was like what i remember feeling like you were going to die okay well that was those two are equally scary all right

So it was something that's very important to you. So it pressured you into, like that was like your rock bottom. Oh, yeah. Your health and your physical health. There was something that was really important to you. Yes. Forced you into really caring about your health. Yeah.

I remember I had my, I had a girl at the time. She comes over and I'm like, my dick is like just full. I didn't even. She probably was like, do you not find me a track? Yeah. No, it was like terrible.

I mean, it was fucking. It couldn't even. It didn't matter how much I was like, I'm going to have sex. It was just like. And I was like, what's wrong with me? This never happened. And I'm like, you know, physically I'm in shape, but my sexually, because of the hormone fluctuation and how it was so, so, like, low, it was terrible.

It was crazy. But now I learned so much from that. Yeah. And diet is crazy too because there's so many theories on, like, what method is best. Yeah. It's so hard to decide which one is best for you. I think everyone should just try different things and focus on not necessarily is this one making me lose the most weight.

but how does this make my digestive system work? How does this, how do I feel like my, honestly, I think the best way to tell what diet you're doing is best for you is how your brain's functioning. Do you have a lot of brain fog? Are you thinking quickly? Are you able to just be your fullest self? For sure. And for me, that's really how I judge what I'm eating.

Like for breakfast, I eat 70, 30 grass-fed ground beef for the fat content because I've noticed, my brain functions on a completely different level when I eat that fat in the morning. Yesterday I didn't have any ground beef and I had to eat hard-boiled eggs for breakfast. I had so much brain fog. Today I obviously knew that I was coming on a podcast, so I ate ground beef. Well, this is the thing you said that is so significant to people listening. There's no one right diet, but you're exactly right and you're spot on 100% that you need to listen to yourself. Like listen in a sense of.

Yeah, observe yourself. Yeah, take inventory. because, like, you know, for someone listening, they might hear the ground beef, oh, I need to eat the ground beef, but that might be the thing that just works really good for you. Yeah, they should try it for sure

and see how it makes them feel. But I was plant-based for almost my entire life, and now I'm like nearly carnivore. I love it. I love it. But that's the thing. I mean, this is people, people takes too much of like,

okay, that person did this or that person said that and I'm just going to copy it. Like you said, it's about taking the inventory about how you actually feel like is your brain foggier like does your stomach feel upset like how does your energy level like do you feel better throughout the day if you ate something an hour ago do you feel like you want to go to sleep or if you ate something an hour ago do you feel energized you feel clear then you start to you start to you know okay that's how I felt okay then you go okay these are the foods that make me feel good and you can get this stuff you can get

a little bit more detailed if you want to like go get like a you know a gene test if you want to check like an allergy test like this stuff will kind of give you more clarity on that on those things for yourself but doctors still even are going to give you their opinion and I find that most medical doctors their idea on nutrition is very dated like I hate nutritionist telling people like yeah you should eat bread and and like processed food bullshit yeah like in no way shape or form is anything man made or processed good for you and you can tell as soon as you can consume it makes your stomach feel uncomfortable it's there's barely any nutrition in it that's the one thing that i would say it's just not healthy like that's not even one thing that you need to trial

and air like for sure it's just not healthy it didn't come from the earth it it's not going to well this is like when i think about fucking cereal like how they used to make cereal was like so healthy like i remember being a kid like i was slamming fucking healthy it's not terrible i was slamming like fruity pebbles and they put like cold grain like it's like fucking 80 grams of sugar yeah It's such a creative, but that's a whole different. It's marketing. Yeah. I don't get why nutritionists, like, preach that too.

You need, like, carbs and you need this. It's all about that money. The pediatrician told me to start giving my baby rice cereal to, like, wean him into food. I'm like, no way in hell am I giving my baby a processed carb. Yeah. He's going to eat, like, fruits and vegetables and meat, like fat, I think, is the most important thing, which also it's recommended by a lot of nutrition.

nutrition is not to eat high fat but as long as it's not saturated fat I think it's immensely good for you yeah I mean even some saturated fats are really good for you is made of fat so why would you not eat it fat right and even even some saturated fats are really good for you yeah depends it depends on the sources you know level it out yeah but it's it's interesting I I didn't I didn't think you'd be so into nutrition but is it be do you think it's because like for yourself your own body or is it for your kid Like, what got you most interested in it? Well, I've always been very healthy because my mom is a health freak.

Like, she is the one actually who never let me eat processed carbs growing up and taught me about processed foods. So I thought that I was extremely healthy just because I mostly lived off fruits and vegetables most of my life. However, now after having the health problems that I had and then seeing what actually works, I realize, that there's so, like, there's so much more to it than just eating more vegetables. Actually, I don't eat many plants anymore because a lot of people don't know this, but when you consume vegetables, they have a defense mechanism in them that releases toxins into your body. So, yes, you shouldn't avoid plants completely, but you're actually putting toxins into your

body by eating them. So I don't, not even, like, stuff that's sprayed on them, like chemicals. You're talking to the plant itself. Yeah, the plant itself attacks your body. Because it doesn't want to be consumed. Yeah. Yeah. It attacks your immune system.

That's what normally like that people get the bloating from certain things. You know, I find it really interesting. I mean, when you're talking about general, like, medicine and doctors and prescribing certain stuff, and it kind of just, the information is awful. I actually have a buddy of mine who was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. Yeah. Did he go carnivore? No. He, I mean, yeah, I don't know exactly his diet, but he, he, you know.

He was basically told by this doctor that, like, you're going to have this for the rest of your life. And this is like, he's like, he's like, shitting blood, because the ulcers and all this crazy stuff, right? And he's like, the doctor said, you know, you're going to have this rest of your life. You need to get on prednisone, which is like one of the worst type of cortical steroids, which is a, it's a negative steroid for your body, which is detrimental to so many other things in your body. It's not like a performance enhancing steroid, right? So you're going to have to be on this for the rest of your life. Like, you're going to have to be taking these medicines, all this shit. my my buddy is so fucking smart such a smart guy the guy who taught me so much about nutrition

about uh hormones everything and he was like okay no this guy cured himself with food with with his habits nicotine was a big thing like i'm not saying go smoke nicotine but small amounts of nicotine and like with his diet changing his diet a certain way absolutely it's a diet And he went back to the same doctor and the doctor was like, what the fuck did you do? You have zero signs of this in your body and it looks like you'll never have this again. So this is the crazy part is that there are doctors all around the world telling people like, this is what you have and this is going to be here for the rest of your life. And they just because someone like my buddy Brandon knows enough to be like, no, I think I can fix this based on the science.

Because he's a nerd. Like he's so, and I don't mean nerd in a bad way. I just be nerd and like. Like he nerds out on this subject. And he's determined to figure it out. One of the smartest people I know in life, one of my best friends, he, he fixed himself. He goes back to the doctor and the doctor's like, this is completely gone. You have no traces of this ever coming back.

What the fuck did you do? Yeah. And it's just like, I'm crazy. It's crazy to me because I just wonder how many people in the world are just constantly diagnosed with shit that like they could change through their diet, through their habits. You say most of the diseases are caused by what you're eating. Always. I do have one question, though.

What is the benefit of nicotine? So specifically with Crohn's disease, I think it had to do something with like slowing down at the time. It was like the bleeding, something like that. I don't know exactly how. Is it like a blood thickener then? I don't think so. I don't know how it related to the ulcers.

But he was like he was noticing that like the nicotine was helping. He had changed like supplements that he was taking. um and then his diet completely and it changed but i don't i again i can i'll probably get him on the podcast actually i will get him on the podcast shout out brand i'm going to get him in the podcast one these days yeah he and i actually want to talk i mean he and i have crazy stories about just life in general but this thing i'd love to really talk about too because like he literally fixed himself of Crohn's disease which is something that it's an autoimmune disease that people are diagnosed with and their whole life is like that yeah and they deal with it forever and they just take these

drugs and it fucks their like cortical steroids will fucking wreck your life it's like it can fuck up your sex drive it can make you fatter it can make you lose muscle yeah it's like the craziest shit and these dogs are like take this for the rest of your life otherwise you're going to keep dealing with the bleeding of the you know that he was basically shitting blood so I'll have him on because I do want to I want to know exactly what he did because he you have a lot of people interested in health as well that listen because you do the whole gym thing Yeah, I'll probably listen. I want to hear how he like healed.

Yeah, I'm going to have them come in. Brandon, I'll have them come on for sure. I love those types of podcasts. Yeah, I will. I'll get them on. I will. Anything else like, because you're, that was really like, I didn't know you'd be interested in that at all. Anything else it's like odd about or not, it's not odd, but anything else that you think people wouldn't know about you that you're interested in?

Because that just made me think like, what else? I mean, I'm a very like, eccentric person. So I'm sure there's a lot of things that I don't think. are unique but other people with okay so there's nothing else that you're like you're secretly like really into just like the sustainability the minimalism i love that health because i think health is like definitely up there on my priorities and i mean if you don't have your health you got nothing yeah what else do you really have you can't take care of your child you can't work you can't enjoy your life yeah damn that's it so we're gonna we're gonna before before every podcast

ends because the baby's back now and I know he's going to want some attention before I hello before every podcast ends we do some cruncher and he's lifting his whole oh yeah we do uh yeah yeah we do audience questions so at the end of every podcast if you guys want to get your questions answer with myself and the guest uh shoot them at uh email ask raw talk at gmail.com send us your questions and go to uh get raw talk this is on instagram if you guys want to like dm your questions there well do you have some of those questions ready yep okay wait was this live no not live no everyone says that though no it's not live they just email it in advance and you're like looked around for cameras and shit or what he went live but i was like i didn't know if it's

no it's not i wouldn't do you like that so he was able there was a lot of questions about mike but we're going to avoid those ones oh because oh that's because i did that on the live yeah okay yeah but i'm gonna so this one is one that i pulled up earlier it says i'm currently 300 pounds i want to drop to 200 pounds. What are your keys to self-motivation? Whoa. And better health type too. Okay. So this guy's 300 pounds. He wants to drop to 200 pounds. And he's asking what are the keys to self-motivation? Yes. Well, I mean, this is the, no matter how much you weigh, no matter what your goal is, the, the key is figuring out why that's important to you. So beyond just losing the 100 pounds, beyond just building the muscle, whatever the goal is,

why is it significant like for this guy asking what is the reason why you want to lose the weight like and you have to draw these lines really clearly like is it to feel better about yourself and in what sense like are you trying to like you know maybe preserve your life i don't know if you are you worried about dying because of your weight um are you worried about your ability to i don't know talk to women i'm not saying this is this is what is happening i'm just saying you have to draw that line finer so you go oh there's no way that I'm not going to let myself do this because it's very very important for me to do this right if I just said hey I want to gain 10 pounds and it just is like that's my surface level thought every time I think about it then your drive can wander like

your your motivation to get there can can falter right so it's about drawing the line much finer to like why in your heart is that goal important to you and then you never skip a beat you'll never miss be what about you what you think for me it's I love binge eating which is like oh my god me too like it'll be extremely like healthy stuff like I can eat like three pounds of dates like that's oh my god me and Steve crush dates and cashews oh my god yeah you stuff them inside so good it's so good that's like my thing that I have to accept because that's why I can't lose the weight because I love dates um but for me it's just instead of focusing on the weight because that even though I really do want to look like what I feel like I should look

like again and like what I think is myself because I looked like that before and I'm 20 pounds heavier than I was before. Just thinking about that isn't enough for me. It's more so focusing on how does the cardio that I'm doing make me feel. Once again, how does my brain function? How is my energy level when I do this or I eat this? Just focusing on the small benefits along the way. Almost like looking at the reward, like what you're getting for yourself. The reward centers that are being released in your brain naturally just from you doing those things will help keep you on track. I think more than having a goal of wanting to lose 100 pounds. Like I think that's great to want to be healthier and want to look better and weigh 100 pounds less if it's an unhealthy weight for you.

But there are rewards along the way that I think you should focus on just anything becoming healthier makes you feel so much better. Yeah, and it makes a rest of your life better. Yeah, it makes everything better. It makes your mindset better. It gives you more energy to do the things that you want. There's just so many benefits besides just losing weight to obtaining that lifestyle that does induce weight loss. Yeah, absolutely.

She nailed that. Shoot us the next one. Okay, so this person asks, what's something people often misunderstand about you? Oh, my God. Me? I mean, for both of you guys. man um it feels like a loaded question um

well what's the first thing that comes to mind I don't know I mean maybe that I don't know trying to think what people misinterpret I don't know what did you what did you think about me before you met me because like maybe from an outsider standpoint right that'd be the I've always thought you were really nice

and that was like my first initial um like observation of you and now you're like this guy's a shithead right no you've always you've maintained that okay cool yeah all right i don't know i don't know what what i mean i there's definitely misunderstandings because i i think i don't know if people see me on the internet like big guy whatever strong guy shit content that i made in the past like lifting girls fucking off they're like maybe i'm like a a douchebag or like a fucking like uh what's it what misogynistic is the word yeah which you're not at all you're actually very

respectful to women i think yeah i appreciate it um I think that comes across sometimes maybe just because you see it on the internet. And like I'll make jokes or whatever the fuck just for content. But yeah, that's definitely not, definitely not my character. But what about you? What have you been misunderstood? I think, you know, I think it's kind of the same thing, especially in this space. Just people thinking that it's okay to bully or say certain things are being mean to people online because they think, oh, they have money or.

They don't struggle like I do. It just is the perception that I'm not a human like they are. Yeah. And that, you know, like, treat me like how you would treat your friend or, like, I'm just the person like your friend, your brother, your mother. Which I think people need to keep that in mind for anyone that they see online. Like, they're people too. Yeah.

You know, just dehumanizing me or dehumanizing you. Yeah. I think it's, I think that's one of the most common things when it comes. the like celebrity or people on the internet that you don't know in person to just you know hear something or see something said about them and then you just make this this assumption that this person is who that is but it's like it's not that simple think how many times in your life person listening right now that in out of the 10 people you know that one person talks bad about you to two of the other people and then you're like wait a minute that's not who I am and

you know that that's not who you are and then you find yourself even in that small microcosin being like what the fuck's going on and then people judging you based on some random shit so now imagine that on a scale with millions you have what 20 19 18 million followers like all these people be an insane amount of negativity yeah and people think that it's okay to bully people online because they're like their life it's perfect they don't have the same struggles as me everyone has struggles just the same as you and I think should always know that and treat everyone with kindness whether they're a good or bad person yeah that's it that's fucking can't say that better myself you have one more for us sure so this person

asked can you tell a story the first time you pulled the trigger on a on your first large investment starting your businesses or just throughout your career okay I could tell the story about starting zoo culture so um for zoo culture I I at the point at this point in my life I had been very successful on the internet and I made a bunch of money doing like internet shit to say the least and I got to a point where I was like okay I'm going to open up this space originally it was for me just to shoot content but regardless of that my mind was like fuck this is the first time that I will ever have used my money a lot of it I think Jim cost me like 500,000 just in the equipment out yeah just the equipment outside of signing the lease which is like a

seven year lease which was like I don't know how four million dollar like that's bold yeah 500,000 dollars equipment and then four five million dollar like I'm going to pay over this term and then being like locked in you have to do this and i was extremely stressed extremely worried like this the first thing in my life that i took outside of the internet and i'm doing in person brick and mortar store didn't know how to deal with like employees or any of that stuff that could come along with it and i remember i'm really grateful because i was able to call a friend of mine who's like a very very successful as billionaire dude very successful person in the industry in the entertainment industry

and I called him and I'd known him for years because I trained him before like I kind of got into social media and the best advice he ever gave me in regards to this circumstance and my fear of doing this was he said look at your life

and look at where you came from and what you had like when I first met you and where you are now why would you not try and why would you not believe in your ability now and that was one of the most significant things that someone had ever said to me I think was instead of like being afraid of that moment like and rise into that moment was well look at the rest of your life and all the things that you've come through all the things that you've learned and like why would you not try to do something that like you're also really passionate about and and that was a big turning point in my life and recently again I just signed another lease for even more money like three four times as much the amount of money per month for another space for the to the moving of the gym to a newer location and I just realized like fuck it like you just have to take those chances you

have to take those risks otherwise what the fuck are you doing with your life if you really want something if you have like big goals and big dreams and you don't take those chances then you're not going to get anywhere you want to actually go like period yeah so and it's like what's the point like yeah let's say if i did it and i failed at least i fucking tried you know and i would i would have so much more like resentment in my life if i didn't try i know that yeah also this is how I think about it. One of my best business advice that I got was also from a very successful entrepreneur who has like a billion dollar company as well.

Yeah. It was actually when I was like a hooker. Okay. He hired me. He hired me. But like we would talk and like he really wanted to help me with my life and like the next steps for me. And he gave me really good business advice that I still follow to this day.

And I tell everyone, If you want to start a business, don't think about if you're going to fail because even if you invest money and you lose it, money can always be replaced. But if your business fails, you still gain so much knowledge from learning how to build a business, how to source products, how to make sales, just everything that you learn from hands on going in and starting a business, you learn more than people are spending maybe more money to go to business school to learn. So I always say just do it, especially if you don't have kids yet and you don't absolutely need that money to put food in people's mouths. Yeah. Go crazy. Like take chances and like you gain knowledge from it regardless. So it's worth it.

Even if the business fails, you know better for next time. Yeah. I mean that's just and that's a part of life. Not everything's going to be guaranteed. But now I got a question for you now. Wait, you were a hooker. I mean, it was very, very short when I was like, I don't want to do porn anymore. Okay.

And like people would want to. hire like porn stars for private it was like I think I only did it for a month but this advice that this guy gave me it stuck with me and it's definitely when I was like taking chances like should I really invest you know like half my money into this business that I really want to do I always just did it and sometimes some of the things that I wanted to do failed but I really learned how to start a business and grow a business and so in the future I'm going to use that and I feel that I learned more people more than people who went to business school for 100 percent probably spent the same amount of money yeah I mean there's no doubt about that like you

learn through experience I tell my guys all the time like the videographers and editors is like why would you go to film school it's like anyone who's going to hire you or if you wanted to do something on your own no one's going to be like hey what school did you grab they would be like show me your work you know it's like show me what you've done what you're trying to do no one's going to be like show me your credentials like of your school they're just going to show me what you know and that's 10,000 times more valuable than just being like, oh, I went to the school. Like, people don't even care about that shit anymore when it comes to like hiring people. Also, what can you really learn from a book versus trial and error?

Crazy. It'll be ingrained in your mind after actually performing it versus just reading it and taking a test on it. Yeah. And it's even crazier if you think about the concept of like, this is just a small example, but they now have social media courses in college. It's like, who's, who's running that course? Like, is it me? No, it's like, I was in it.

Joe Schmoe, who actually knows nothing. So it's just crazy. The fact that they. It's a waste of money. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Oh, that's exactly right.

So it's just the whole thing's been that way. It's just like, it became more relevant, like, prominent when I was like, well, that's really a scam when I, I remember hearing about a business degree and it being a social media, like profession. I was like, what? I heard that on the radio actually recently as well. And I was like a social media degree. Yeah.

What? Yeah. Yeah. Like, I'm not the professor there. Who the fuck is teaching that class? because I was in it from the beginning. So anyways, long story short. I'm also curious how much money did you make that month,

that month of doing that? Was it a good amount? No, it's like nothing. Like sex work doesn't pay you anything. It was just until I figured out what I was doing next. Because I knew I didn't want. Well, sounds like you got some great fucking advice. Yeah, no, that was worth more than anything.

Yeah, hell yeah. All right, we got the next one. Here's with the next one. All right. So this one says, I've been watching your channel ever since you started YouTube. I'm a 25-year-old, above average, height and consider myself fairly good looking.

I'm in a good career with progression and earn a comfortable wage. My question is that I have... What if you just stopped it there? And he was just like, stop it there. He's just like, check me out. That's how I thought. Okay, go. So he was like, my question is that I have never had a girlfriend or ever had much experience

with women. Wait, how old was he? 25. And I can't seem to break out of this subconscious habit of avoiding the intimacy of being in a relationship. I don't know what is stopping me, but I generally don't know how I would go about meeting women and overthinking every aspect of it due to the lack of experience. I'm naturally an introverted guy too, and I keep to myself most of the time. Do you have any advice?

Wow. Okay. So I'm glad we have a girl on the podcast to talk about this to help answer this because it sounds like there's some, some use the biggest glaring thing is that I have a hard time like creating this like being able to be in this intimate. relationship type thing so it's hard for him to get close i guess to women maybe you have to explore something that's gone on in your childhood that's like stopping you or blocking you from allowing you to experience this or to feel this or to be allowing yourself to feel this um but that's all i could think of because you know he said he was like above average height which is dope he thinks he's good looking which is dope that means you have confidence like there's like what would be stopping you in

my mind i don't know it's to me it sounds like anxiety and not feeling like he's good enough because he said he's a hard time like approaching women right to date um honestly what you have to do is you just have to do it and even if you get rejected which is really hard or you don't get you're you feel embarrassed by the outcome you just have to keep doing it the best way to overcome things is just do it put yourself out there and and live life and once you get a few good experiences or positive reactions from women it will become a lot easier i'll give you boys an example Do you know how many times I slid into her DMs on Twitter or Instagram to try and get on a podcast? But she's here now.

Yeah, I'm here. She's here, you see? Well, it was probably just because I was like self-isolating while pregnant. I'm just fucking with you. I'm sure a lot of people thought that I just like didn't fuck with them anymore. Like I'm fuck. I'm just, it was just a fucking with you completely. Just a joke.

Because like, no, that's what I'm in. So your point is just fucking do it and try. Yeah. Otherwise you don't know. You just got to keep trying. And so like self-esteem is built on your experience. so if he feels like he's been rejected when he's tried it's definitely a lot harder but once he gets a couple good experiences and like positive reactions to him

trying to talk to girls it will become a lot easier he's got to get some notches on the belt yeah yeah once you yeah once you say about jacob you know he had a really hard time getting pussy for a while no for real and now he's like a demon yeah once he feels once you feel like you can once you only one time yeah he's that oh yeah I'm saying all it takes is one time for you to get a good experience. And after that, it's like, okay. Yeah. And once you feel like you can do it, other people are going to respond to you like you can do it.

Most of like people, the way that people perceive you is mostly based on how you perceive yourself, I feel. Damn, that's fucking facts. Wow. I really thought about that right now. It's true. Like if I think, I really believe if I think that I'm ugly and that no one will like me because of it, other people are going to see me that way and not like me. but it's not really because I'm unattractive. Damn, you really, you put that in perspective, though.

And I know it's not just a mushroom stock, but I was thinking about points in my life where I felt a certain way about myself and then, like, that's the kind of energy I'm getting back from other people. It really, like, if you think super highly and positively of yourself and you put that out there, people, whether you're, I said this a million times,

you can be very unattractive, but if you think that you're hot and that you're deserving of dating a supermodel and you approach them that way, you're so much more likely to get the response that you want. So it's almost twofold, though. It's not just confidence. It's like just a literal, like belief.

And you really have to believe it. And sometimes it's hard if you've had those negative experiences of being rejected. Reinforced it. And then just keep building up on it. Yeah. Because I've like, I've been down bad sometimes in my life too. And then it's like I can have a few good experiences and then it completely changes how I feel about myself.

And then it's just like abundance after that. Yeah. Yeah, hell yeah. That was, you crushed that. Damn. Do we have any more? Is that it? I think it's it.

Is that there? Is that there? I can pull more if you want. What do you think? One more? I don't know. Let it go. The baby needs attention.

He's like, no more. No more. Okay, that's how we're going to end it. Subscribe to the channel. If you're on YouTube, drop a comment, drop a like. I appreciate all the love. If you're not on YouTube, you're on iTunes. Thank you so much.

Drop a little review on iTunes. maybe we'll be on Spotify soon thank you so much for coming on the show you're amazing you're young you're very successful you're beautiful you have an amazing young boy and i wish you so much so much success you too thank you somewhat absolutely cool oh wow she crushed that how many podcasts have you done oh wow she crushed that yes we're going for how many podcasts have you done like