RAWTALK - MIKE MAJLAK ON HIS FALLING OUT WITH LOGAN PAUL

Episode Date: April 13, 2020

Had the pleasure to sit down with Mike Maijlak, Mr.Night Shift, Mr. Overtime himself, also impaulsive co-host to Logan Paul to talk a little bit about the current falling out he and Logan are having. We also talked about SO much more. Anxiety, Big life lessons, drug abuse, some of Mikes lowest moments and of course some of his highs! A little bit of Lana Rhoades. ENJOY!

You're live. It's not the first time we've done a podcast together. Yeah, you were on our show. Yeah. So I was saying before we started on, and we got on this, podcast is like what you do now. I mean, it's one of the things. You know, it's one of the things. I mean, we've done 170 episodes now.

Impulsory? 172 episodes. I mean, what about night shift? Probably on like maybe episode like 50 or some shit. It's been, it's been going, bro. We, uh, when you live with somebody like Logan Paul and you work with somebody like that, I think a lot of people get hung up

and want to think a lot about how talented this kid is. I'm not going to take anything away from the kid's talent. He's talented as fuck. But his true factor, his factor that changes him

from everybody else is his work ethic. Just doing enough. That kid grinds. And he'll always say Jake grinds harder. Logan works from the morning,

from the moment he wakes up in the morning until the moment he goes to sleep at night. That's all. he does the only thing he cares about his content the only thing he cares about his filming making the best content first fans um and so like when i came on the scene and started working under him that was the only thing i knew you know i started putting out videos for the night shift that i told

him i was like yeah i'm doing it for fun and he's like not anymore you're not not when it started going 100 000 a million views yeah and now it's at you know five six million views sometimes i think it's like what i noticed because i knew you before you guys started doing the whole podcast shit together and then the minute you started doing podcasts that's when you started really fucking shine in my opinion that's what it looked like to me because you had a you have a very different um approach to doing the same obviously you guys are in the same podcast show together but you have a very different like uh personality just in general but it blends really well with the thing but what's what's going on right now with you and logan i had to bring this up i just

it's the weird thing about it is like i guess it will depend on when uh because you're not living there right now i'm not but i guess it will depend on when this airs You know what I'm saying? I know you said you probably get it out pretty soon. So yeah, we had a little falling out. Listen, it's not easy to work and to work and live together, work, play, live, romantic relationships with like people and just all of that together under the same roof all the time. And yeah, I mean, the catalyst for it is hilarious. I know.

Everybody's talking about the shrimp. You told me. I just, we got to talk about that because I think it's funny. I mean, like I said, when is this going to come out? Probably fucking just post it tomorrow. I'm just going to run it tomorrow. All right. Cool.

Yeah. Then I can. So by the way, guys, if you're watching this, I'm going to be posting these once a week from here on out until you never hear from me again. Because I came back like three times. I've been doing a podcast for like three years. You should. And I get down and up, down and up.

But I actually do really enjoy this kind of content. It's fun. It's the best, bro. Podcasts are hot right now. So once a week. Once we post Steve, every Thursday. Every Thursday I'm going to post a podcast. This is my first one back.

it'll be a good one bro it'll be fun we got a lot to talk about yeah so okay subscribe comment all that good shit uh yeah so tell me tell me the story

because you told me this already I just wanted to put it on the on the fucking on the internet because it's hilarious yeah I mean the the catalyst for it is this shrimp and Logan Paul has everything he has everything in the world

he's got the house the cars everything you know and uh and if he doesn't have he could probably get it yeah and so his birthday was coming up and for my For my birthday, I don't know if your viewers know it, but he, you know, kind of infamously or famously gave me Lana Rhodes

because he knew I was a big fan. Right. And he called up Riley and Riley activated. And that's actually how you met. That's how me and Lana actually met in real life. It was on a vlog. I didn't know anything about it. I turned around and there she was behind me.

She smacked my ass. And the rest is history. And now we're dating and, you know. And you were actually like a real fan of Lana Rose prior to this. I was. I think he played it up a little bit. Like obviously like I was, you know, I'd seen her shit.

Like I think every guy. I've seen a little bit of her work. But I wasn't like some mega fan that was just jacking off to all her shit. But I knew she was and I knew she was like the top. I knew like she was like the unattainable. Like she had stopped shooting porn. Like she was out of the game. She hadn't shot in years.

And I was like, yo, this girl was so bad. And like I want to meet her. And then we met and we hung out. So anyways, we get more into that after. But anyway, so his get his birthday's coming up or he's coming up. And it was, it was April 1st. And I was like, damn, what am I going to get this kid? And his birthday is April 1st?

Yeah. April Fool's day. That's kind of sick. It's kind of sick. Craziest day for birthday. And he historically hates his birthday because his brother pranked him and people have pranked him over the years and he hates his birthday. He's like, yo, it's my favorite thing in the whole world. I love the fucking mantis shrimp.

It's my favorite shit. It's got the strongest punch. I know. It's so ridiculous. It's just so funny, it's so, the whole thing is so ridiculous. And so he's like,

so he's like, it's got the strongest punch, it's got the best vision in the animal kingdom. The shit's so dope. So Mac had this idea and he's like, let's get him a fucking mantisher.

So we activated on it. Me and Danny, his executive assistant, activated on it. I love Danny. She's the best. Shout out Danny. And so we're just like,

we're just like, you know, going through the motions trying to figure out, like, how are we going to make this happen? And it's going to be like, it ends up being like $1,200.

We got to get this. We got to have the people come install the shit We got to do all these different things to pull it off And we and I start hyping it up And I'm on the podcast and I'm talking about it And I'm going through all the different things And I'm hyping it up too much Was this a few days before the first?

Yeah, it was like a few Yeah, it was like a few days before the first was going to come As you know, Logan has everything Right The kids got everything in the entire world He's got the cars, the house, the girls, everything Right? And if he can't afford it

He's going to get it, yeah. And so he had been talking on, like, podcasts and stuff, he'd been talking on to me, to me in person, on the vlogs, everything about this mantis shrimp for the longest time. It's his favorite animal in the whole world. It's got the fastest strike. It's got the hardest strike and it's the fastest, like, animal in like the king, animal kingdom or some shit like that. And it's colorful. And it's super colorful. And so he's always talking about this mantis shrimp, mantis shrimp.

And so we didn't know what to get on first birthday. And our roommate Mack had this idea, yo, let's get him a mantis shrimp. As soon as I heard it, I was like, damn, you know, he's going to fucking love that shit. He's going to be so excited about it. And so I started hyping it up, hyping it up, hyping it up on the podcast. And this was problem number one. Okay. Too much hype.

Setting unrealistic expectations. I thought I really did. I wasn't doing it, you know, for any other reason besides I really thought this kid was going to get absolutely amped about the mantiship. I was like, it's his favorite animal in the entire world. He's going to love it. And so it's a couple days before his birthday. And we get a call from the animal people.

And then they're like, yo, bad. news man the ports are all closed we're in the middle of a global pandemic we can't get you the colorful mantis shrimp we're not going to be able to get it for you and so i'm like fuck the regular one though all right just get the regular one so we get the regular one it's this brown ass fucking little mantis shrimp and his birthday rolls around and uh we give it to him i'm filming it he's filming it and at first he's super excited i take the blindfold off everything but you got like a cage you got a ton of shit for this right yeah Yeah, so he, so it, it was like a $1,200, like, tank.

Like, you had to have all this installation, all this shit done just to house this Mansus Shrimp because it can, it strikes so hard. It strikes really hard. So you have to get really thick glass. It could break the glass. It could break the glass. Holy shit. And so we do all this shit and we gave it to him.

And at first, he's acting really excited. But then as the day goes on, I, he, I start to realize that he's not as pumped about it as he's, as the, as the day goes on. I mean, that's a day. So. dinner comes along and I got Lana with me and we're sitting at dinner

with a group of people and Jake's there and everybody's at the dinner table and out of nowhere he points the camera at me and he's like yo man you got me this fucking

shit ass mantis shrimp and I thought it was a prank I was like yeah because at first because the way I was raised and the way I was brought up was if someone gives you a gift

even if it's a pile of dog shit in a bag you're like yo thank you so much for that gift even if you fucking hate it that's the way i was raised if somebody gives you a handgun and it's pointed at you and they're like yo the only person they could shoot is you you're just like yo thank you so much for that man that was really fucking like you just say thank you and you walk away because gifts aren't mandatory they're not they're not and so and so but whatever that's neither here nor there but here's another learning i got out of this besides set realistic expectations right don't expect other people to always act the way

way you do that's huge massive it's been a massive learning for yeah and so like cut just because i was raised and by the way pretty much everybody was raised that way if somebody gives you a gift even if you hate it my mom gave me socks haines socks every christmas every fucking year i hated her i hated her for it mom i don't want no more fucking haines socks i hate hain socks but every time i got my said mom i love you thank you for the hand socks even though i fucking hated them and um Um, and so, so a part of me thought it was a prank and he was just trying to make like a bit of content out of it. And so I played along with it at first, but as the night went on and the cameras turned off. I went up to him and I said, yo, please tell me this is a prank.

Like, please tell me that like we didn't put, because this is off camera. Yeah. Another part of it that's important is that like the whole group put in money to it like the rest of the employees, like a bunch of people. And he, he directed the, I don't like the gift that just me. And that was fine. And that was fine. but I started to feel bad for the other people that were involved in the equation

and so once the cameras went off we got in this fight in this argument and I said a bunch of fucked up shit and I got really angry and I lost my cool and I said it made you the maddest though like what made you feel like you uh there's a lot of factors

like some of it I'll talk about on the show and some of it I won't but I just I don't know I guess like I just felt like dismissed a little bit and like I really had hope that he was truly going to enjoy the present and so and by the way also like commissioned like a piece of artwork for him which I saw was dope as fuck from the UK and he didn't put that in the vlog and so like I was kind of like I was just like I don't know I was just

kind of upset and I said a lot of shit that I didn't mean and we got in a huge fight and then I ended up you know leaving that night going to Lana's house and uh the next day you know we we kept kind of arguing and going at it and he was like yo why don't you kind of grab your shit for a couple days and take off oh fuck so it like it's stuck around it's still around it's still around and it's about a week and a half after and and so like the shrimp was the shrimp you know like it's all funny because the shrimp is so stupid and it's such a small thing and it's such a small thing but it but it expanded and really grew into something that was a little bit bigger and a little bit more meaningful than that and so um what what do you think is the main issue because when you first told me the

story i was like what's really i mean you know the biggest thing at the end of the day is that I spilt shit all over myself the biggest thing at the end of the day is is what I said it's about me expecting things people to be the way you might be people to accept gifts or to be as excited as I am about something and I truly was excited I really was and so you know I made a lot of I made a lot of mistakes in it and it turned into this thing that like I think the internet's like kind of aware of right now and uh but deep down dude like I love that kid I really do dude I I truly, truly love that kid.

And what he's done for me over the past couple years is I could never repay that. You know what I'm saying? And by the way, vice versa, he would sit here and tell you the same thing. Our value is tremendously symbiotic. I joined him at a time when things were the darkest they had ever been. It was just post-Tokio. No one wanted anything. They didn't want shit.

They didn't want shit to do with us. And I was there. I was by his side. And I went on every show, every podcast like this. And I said, yo, I love this kid with all my heart. He's changing. He's a good person deep down. I know him.

I see it. And I'll fight for the kid forever. And by the way, it's going to be good. Everything's going to be fine. It was just, I think it's also like a product of like quarantine. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, we're all a little fucking, a little messy. Facts.

Yeah. I think, I mean, just being around and being in like the same space with someone for so long. Like you said it specifically though, like the same friends, like your, your, your business relationship. you're also like working current working relationship while while you guys are still at I know you're still working with him and for him like working together I'm wearing a maverick shirt right right but and I remember I remember we were actually training the other night when he first told me the story and like in between the training he's like working on I was massing copy for his pandemic masks right coming out so you're working on this so oh listen listen this is everything's

really close this whole quarantine thing I think makes people a little bit like just on edge I feel like it's crazy yeah it's crazy it's great But I mean, as far as mine and his relationship goes, like, I just don't know that there's anything else like it in the internet space. We live together. We work together. We've been through so much shit together. And I think one of the things that's kind of ingrained in me because of the shit that you know about my past, which, you know, I'm sure we'll get into a little bit today. Yeah, I want to talk about that. Yeah. I, uh, I value different things than a lot of other people. You know what I'm saying? And like one of the things I truly value is loyalty. If there was a day that came up, even if that day is today. where someone outside of the Maverick organization offered me more money or there was more clout to be had or something like that, I'm not going.

I'm not moving. I have intense, intense fucking loyalty. And there's a lot of people in this industry who would. Oh, bro, everybody fucking would. Everybody would.

I just, the thing about this is like, I know that this kind of shit, entertainment, Hollywood, clout, money is here today, gone tomorrow.

Yeah. It fucking is. bro and and it's like whereas a lot of people have are able to fake this extreme interest in like the new palette of the week or like what TikTokers hot like I have to force myself to give a fuck about that shit because I just don't care I don't give a fuck I feel you it's so hard for me too because I've seen it all I got a I got a text yesterday that another homie of mine just died from the same epidemic that almost took me bro and so it's like yo shit shit is so much more real than this bubble you feel me and so like my my everything's a little bit different

for me my loyalty remains constant it's very important to me i feel you man i know um i know you struggle with anxiety it's something we actually like we were actually mid podcast and uh he like was just like yo let's just stop this i got to go take a breather we went outside and talk um i relate to that shit so heavy and i i guess i wanted to bring that up obviously because like i think a lot of people listening could benefit from a conversation about this kind of stuff because I don't think enough people talk about it, specifically people who have a voice or people that people are actively listening to or trying to learn from. When did that start for you? Because I'll tell you I wouldn't start it for me. It's tricky to really pinpoint it because so

like I think mental illness and substance abuse are two things that go so incredibly hand in hand that people don't put in the same conversation always. And they are they are eternally interlocked. And so I don't know if the reason why I spent 10 years struggling to be an addiction to heroin and oxycon and Xanax and those drugs was a result of my severe anxiety or if it was a contributor to my current severe anxiety. I can't I can't figure that out. You know what I'm saying? Like which one came first? Yeah. But to be honest with you, my anxiety has been really bad over the past six to seven years.

I got clean about 10 years ago in 2010 and maybe in about 2013, 2014, I stopped being able to completely control how my mind works. You know what I'm saying? And that revolving cycle of thoughts and that feeling of, you know, like, I'm not good enough or those insecurities. And they manifest themselves into anxiety attacks from time of time. Yeah. Especially when I'm in new settings. and so like a lot of people might remember episode one of impulsive where I had a pretty infamous one where I had to leave the set for a little bit but I've gotten better at it I've

gotten better at controlling it I've started to find some natural remedies as well and just like I have a CBD pen with me right now or like I'll take like CBD tinctures as well as like deep breathing and just trying to stay like stress free but yeah I mean it's something I still struggle with and it's and it's it's funny because it's my biggest gift and curse because it's a curse because I hate it and I wake up every fucking day bro and I fucking hate it dude I thought like honestly it's like it could like drive me to like insanity some days how bad it gets you know what I'm saying like just not having control and just like not being able to to just enjoy like the simple things of life like I know I should be the fact that I'm still breathing when so many

my friends from my life aren't you know what I'm saying like but try telling that to somebody that's suffering from depression anxiety you know you should be more grateful you should feel better by your situation it doesn't help yeah until you're able to control it yeah I mean bro my my I don't know if I ever told you this in detail my my father took his life he was heavily involved in substance abuse and he took his life when I was

six he hung himself and that was when like all the shit started for me and it was damn this is a way different vibe than my bad yeah no no no no no no this is bro this is fantastic it was a that's when I because I asked you something earlier and you were talking about like the money and shit not matter and all this and shit

and like I asked you where it started I remember being young and I remember like your whole life kind of feels normal and then something like in my life and in your guy's life listening like something drastically really changed for me and I remember like every single day after that like my the things that I thought of and the things that consumed my mind were so different like everything became so real and like my thought of like my own mortality Like, am I going to die? What is, like, what does that mean? Because prior to that, six years old, you have no, like, everything is temporary.

Yeah. Completely temporary. Of course. You get cut. It's temporary. You heal. It's gone. Your mom telling you, your dad's not coming back.

You're like, what does that mean? So I remember every day moving forward growing up, I'm like, what about me? Am I going to die? Like, why did this person leave the thoughts of like, I'm not good enough? The thoughts of like, what am I going to do with my life? How am I going to die? And am I going to die? Like, what does that mean?

And I remember thinking growing up about other. kids like I remember like going to class or going to school and like walking to school and then like going off and like the cut which is like you know like where people go smoke weed and stuff yeah of course and crying and thinking about like do other people think about the things that they're thinking about like because I remember prior to that I was much more present I was way more just I was doing things and I was just like like I didn't think of the future it was just like I'm alive and I'm doing stuff I'm riding my bike with my friends I shit my pants because like I was trying to make myself fart and laughing on the curve and and then it was like I thought of

Everything. And then I started thinking too much. And that's why now, like you said, the blessing and the curse. But in my life, like, there's, I just remember that overhaul of like, I can't stop thinking. And when I, you know, like, when we were doing this podcast and you were like, fuck, I need to take a, I need to take a minute. Like I so strongly relate to that. And I remember it was probably like three years ago. My anxiety was like at its worst. Like I, every single night, I couldn't go to sleep. And it was just like constant my cycle over and over about thoughts of everything. Yeah. Am I going to. continue to be successful like am i going to die like and i've had and that's why i asked you what kind of anxiety was it like what kind of anxiety do you feel is it physical is it just mental yeah um and it's hard because like i guess i've gone through i've gone through so much of it but i can definitely say at this point in my life it has gotten a lot better that's awesome i'm and listen i'm i'm in the same boat you know what i'm saying it's it's much better i've had times where i hate to say this yo but honestly like i've had times where like i didn't want to be alive you know what I'm saying like where we're like I I've had moments like that but I'm so

afraid of fucking what that means yeah yeah no no of course like I never I never planned my death or like or like or like even thought about it like that seriously but like you know I'll always remember a conversation I had with my sister and like I don't even think I might not be able to make it through this but like a conversation I had with my sister in Nantucket we took a family trip there and time I spend with my family now will always mean some something more to me than it ever has because I almost lost them all. You know what I'm saying? Because of my own actions.

You know what I'm saying? In those 10 years that I just hurt and abused everyone. They were collateral damage to my addiction and my dealing and the things that I did. And when I get time to spend with my family now, it means the entire world to me. And so I was with my sister one day and it was just like this sunny day and Nantuckie. We were there for like some trip. And I told her like this was probably like 2013. 2014 i was like yo like um i'm just not in a good place right now you know what i'm saying

and like um i was like i just uh like i'd think about not being here you know what i'm saying yeah and uh like i'll i'll remember that and and it's good to remember that because i don't feel like that now yeah and um yeah that's important yeah that's important important man because I'm sure there's people listening to people who can relate to feeling that and not not being aware that it can go away yeah and your life right now is so different like well that's my biggest so that's the biggest uh that's the biggest uh kind of pedestal or or vertical that I stand on for people that watch me and um is just to let people know that it will get better you know what i'm saying and and uh i know i get like i'm like a little bit worked up thinking

about like that day but my days aren't like that anymore and so like i i like to tell people that no matter how dark your road gets and no matter how much you feel like the world is um weighing down on you and putting you in a in a place that you could never make it out of and the day gets so dark and there's nothing left uh you can't see anymore because everything is so clouded clouded keep that little light just that little light

I had just the littlest glimmer left you know what I'm saying of that light within me to keep going and that was what got me through and now it's a big fucking bright light

and I deal with a little bit of shit from day to day but I'm so fucking blessed and so lucky to be sitting here with you today and just like having a candid conversation about shit

that like I could never I could never even try to say like I'm sad about shit or anything like I struggle but I'm good though you know what I'm saying yeah I feel you so heavy man like it's it was it's crazy because like people will people will ask me over the years of me filming content like making because I've talked a lot about this stuff in the past on my YouTube but it was always videos it never really got as much like engagement reviews or followers or likes because it wasn't like you know something viral wasn't something crazy I was just stand

and talk about stuff like this and I knew that uh well looking back now I know that that that was the thing though that kind of got people most engaged with me the thing that helped like really grow what i did but it's it's interesting because when you're in it and it's the shittiest time you're like what the fuck is why why am i i remember from six years old to like fucking 22 i'm like why is this my life why did my dad lead me i'm graduating high school i'm thinking like they all got their family graduate like what like i don't how come i don't have this am i not good enough all those thoughts of like just not feeling like enough not feeling good and then all that shit and me trying to process it

it for years to try and figure out like am I good enough like I'm proud of myself how come someone was like I dealt with a lot of that I'm sure and and then years go by years go by when like then I started to just talk about those thoughts that I had and obviously it was in relationship to lifting and that's when I would talk about it and then to look back now like years and years of doing that and then seeing like the the life that I was able to build that completely felt like completely out of touch for me like 100% out of touch when I started like I remember when I first started like

doing shit and I was like I learned how much Mercedes was like 16 and I was like what? I was like I'm gonna get that when I'm 50 right and it's crazy because like shit is so like it seems so fucking far away when you're when you're like starting or when you're going through it and when you're in it like the dark shit but like it's so interesting

interesting now looking back that all the good that I have in my life and all the great relationships all the friends like all the people that stuck around stuck around through me sharing like the fucking the fact that I would call people at night or I would wake people up and be like yo I'm having a fucking anxiety attack can you just sit with me and now I'm looking back now I'm like all that shit that I went through is also the reason why I have all the beautiful things that I have my life today that's the only reason I'm here the stuff that I went through the things that I've been through and and the reason

why I'm also a little bit more like emotional and a little bit more in tune with my emotions today and with my past is because I'm finishing the final draft in my book, which is coming out on May 5th. Whoa, that's lit. I want to write a book so far. I was just having this conversation with Dan.

I know Dan's writing a book. Dan Bill Zerian. He just told me. You got to write one. I've been talking to him. I've been talking to him on Instagram DMs. It is the most insane fucking process.

It is, I started writing this book about six years ago. It is cathartic, therapeutic painful i mean i can't tell you the amount of times where i was writing about a topic that i was discovering in myself as i went and i didn't even realize that my hands my keyboard were soaked with tears i mean soaked like i was just draining out of my fucking face trying to i mean this this book is is everything there's not a piece that's left out there's nothing that where i was like yo this is i'm so ashamed of this moment that i can't put it in the

book, it's everything. It's a visceral tale of the underbelly of the current opiate epidemic that exists in the United States, that more people have died from than World War II and Vietnam combined that no one's talking about. Yeah. Um, where, you know, hundreds of thousands of people are died. Look at, look at the pandemic that is, uh, coronavirus, how it shut down the entire world. More people have died of opiate overdoses than, than the coronavirus in the United States over the past however many years and really nobody's talking about it and these are and these are good fucking people bro these are good fucking people these are fathers mothers basketball players who hurt their ankle and Purdue pharma said yeah take oxycon

it's not addictive it's not addictive go ahead take it and the doctor said it's not addictive Purdue told us it's not addictive and they fell down this spiral into fucking heroin and died you know what I'm saying I get a call I get a call once once every two weeks once a month of another homie from Connecticut that dies. You know what I'm saying? The kid that died yesterday, a good friend, my boy Dante, one of the happiest kids, bro. I mean, I spent so many nights of them, so many, so many good nights. It was an all-star basketball player, just loved life.

He's gone, you know, in his late 20s. You know what I'm saying? And now it's like, I get that call. It doesn't even start up a reaction in me because I can't count anymore. I can't count how many moms I've hugged over 20-year-old's. you know what I'm saying because of this epidemic and had you know like the mom asking me why why the fuck did this happen to my son he's 23 he's 21 he's 22 he's 19 like I started going to those funerals when I was like 22 years old and it never stopped yeah you know what I'm saying

and so it's like it's a wild it's a it was a wild ride for me I've had every you know crazy fucking I've seen so much shit it's all in the book you know I've seen everything everything Can imagine been through every bodily injury I've had bones rip off You know my fucking body I'm completely damaged from the toes to my head So what do you think what do you think was your lowest point then? Because I remember you posted a picture and I was like

How long ago was 10 years? I don't know if that was it for sure But I posted a picture of me bleeding Yeah you had blood all over you I was like what the fuck But that made me think of this question That was after I got clean and I got hit I got hit in the face with a bottle during a fight On Christmas Eve

That was Christmas Eve And I had to go home after I got clean and tell my mom that I got hit in the face with a fucking bottle, bro. I don't want to fucking start crying again. I'm going to, I'm going to get through this one. You got to eat. My mom, in 2010, I was, I had been a drug addict for eight, nine years. You know what I'm saying?

I was 26 years old. And I had been doing it. Yeah, I'd been doing heroin, Xanax, OxyCon. I had already seen, you know, so many of my good friends are either jail, dead. I mean, this is the end. This is the end of that part of the story. Like, I'd seen everything. I was in the darkest place you could ever fucking imagine.

I was living with rats. You said 26? Yeah, it was 26 in 2010. And I got the opportunity to try crack cocaine in 2010 for the first time. And I just didn't even give a fuck about life anymore. I didn't give a shit, dude. My life was meaningless. I had nobody left.

My family was all there, but they couldn't talk to me because I just heard them time after time. But my mom always stuck around. And in 2010, her father, who was like her hero, World War II vet, you know, Okinawa, Japan, just like the real fucking deal. He was dying of Parkinson's. Fuck. That's such a shitty design. Yeah, he had Parkinson's dementia. He didn't know, you know, where he was.

All his friends were gone. It was just terrible situation. And she couldn't afford to put him in a home. He was going to lose his house and the state was going to take everything. And I convinced her that I was strong enough to take care of him. And I was. And I was. And for four years, I took care of him.

And, well, he had Parkinson's and had, you know, these insane fucking attacks of hallucinations and seeing things that weren't there and and you know shitting on the like just the most terrible fucking things the the way I watched my grandfather go out of this world was absolutely horrifying and I watched it for four years day in the day out and um in the beginning of it I was still struggling very much with my addiction and there was a day where he was downstairs in his recliner uh calling for me to come down and help him because he was stuck in his recliner and I was upstairs smoking crack um and I was too paranoid to help him and um I was just uh there's just no shame like that you know what I'm saying like there's no

there's no way for me to explain what that felt like you know what I'm saying and uh and that and and and and you know that that was just that that was that that was that was just the lowest point of my life you know what I'm saying and And that was only about, that was only about three or four months before I got clean. And then, uh, you know, obviously everything that you see now is a result of getting clean. You know what I'm saying? And so, you know, the, like I said, I don't do this for, I don't want to talk about this shit. I don't want to talk about this shit.

You know what I'm saying? Like my, everything in me wants to lock this shit away and never talk about it. But when I have a kid that's 17 years old, DM me from Wyoming and says yo I've been shooting heroin for three years and I and I don't want to live anymore and I started watching your content and hearing you talk about your mental illness and your anxiety and the fact that you made it out of the shitty situation that you were in to become someone that I watch and that I aspire to be and that I'm proud to watch and enjoy your story it's all I's about it made me stop shooting heroin one it took one person to tell me that yeah and now it's thousands of people. Yeah. I can't stop the fucking DMs of people that are just like, yo,

your story has inspired me to stay alive. And so like, yo, I don't want to talk about this. I'd rather talk to you about the fact that I have a fucking dope-ass girlfriend or like that my friend's Logan Paul. But this is what's needed, man.

Yo, but like honestly like, this is 100% what's needed. Like this is the same thing that, not in relationship to drug abuse, but my, my story with my father, I got so,

because I used to share a lot more of it. And, and I, started even when I started the podcast I did more of it as well in the beginning and that was what I got the biggest response to it fuck all the like the lifting shit and the cool shit I was able to do like that was cool would get people in but the things that people really need the most is shit like this max so like I know you don't you say you don't want to talk about it you say like you'd rather talk about obviously your girlfriend then good things in life but bro this is like

this is why I guarantee you have the success you have yeah yes you're entertaining you're a great you're a big fucking personality you're funny you're fucking smart you got a ton of other great things but the reason why people stick with you I guarantee is because of this 100% and it's just and I think like the bigger the bigger picture of it is because of course I'm looking for balance like I don't I want to entertain people I want to tell jokes I want people that because because that's another thing that I've found is that that's another way for me to get people that are depressed or anxious out of their feelings is by making them laugh you know what I'm saying and so I love and so I love doing that but like the biggest thing the biggest struggle I've dealt with in this

city so far has been this misconception uh from the public that they think they have things figured out about us you know what i'm saying or or by the way this misconception that we have things figured out you know what i'm saying like like yo honestly like like yo i don't i i i wake up every day and i'm i'm i'm like yo what the fuck it's good you know what i'm saying like what am i doing dude like i don't like i hope i'm doing the right thing like can i should i be doing this should I be doing that. I'm just like everybody watching this shit. You know what I'm saying?

And like I truly believe that. I don't just say it. I don't just say it. I went bro when I when I'm out in the streets or at an event, I love my favorite thing is spending two, three, four hours talking to the people. Do you remember Challenger games? Do you remember that shit? Yeah, of course.

After that shit ended and everybody went to that tent to have the hot dogs and burgers and party and like take shots and shit. I just stood in the field and just chill with the fucking fans, bro. because honestly this is not this is not a fucking like hurrah statement like wow he's so relatable

this is not that nothing makes me happier or like feel more like I'm a normal person than sitting and talking to like the person at the bus stop yeah you know what I'm saying or like talking to like the late

simple shit bro I don't know why I just enjoy it so much I literally get like it gives me the biggest feeling of just like yo well because I think you understand what actually matters you said it earlier like making money and shit is cool because you've done it you have it you didn't have it i can completely relate to that i understand that i didn't have it

i had it i used to think it was everything i have it i realize it's it's cool because you could fucking do more things you have more time to fucking put somewhere else maybe because you don't have to work on trying to get the money um granted don't get don't get me wrong like this shit is a ton of fucking work all the stuff that we do making content i think it's a big misconception on it but once you have it you realize like oh i thought i was going to be happy with all this shit and you realize like your happiness is increased a little bit because you have more time but it doesn't make you fucking happy the things that have made me most happy is exactly what you were saying earlier getting the messages about someone saying you saved my life that's

the shit that fulfills me well also well a note on that too is that goes back to like different strokes for different folks too yeah because I told I knew dude the day I got in this city I identified within a month of living here and operating in this space who I fucked with immediately bro it was the fastest fucking thing dude some I was wrong on some

but I liked Logan I had spent time talking to him I knew him deep down I knew he was a he was a warm-hearted deep down because he's bro he had a fuck he had a chauchy ass fucking Demeter at one point he was not super likable

he wasn't just how he was 2017 like he was on top of of the fucking world his ego was out of his mind but I met him and found out who he was as a person smart as fuck

driven right down to earth cared about people and so I knew I fucked with him and then I came here and I started meeting people I met you

yeah and I met Banks and I met Adam 22 and I said yo I fuck with these people yeah and I look for the for the like

what is the one thing that all of the people have and it's just authenticity dude it's just i fuck with i really enjoy real people that aren't scared to talk about their shortcomings that aren't scared to to to just that are just real like there's no script with you there's no script with banks he may may have slid into it a couple times but that like banks dude me and that kid have had a uh a relationship that is incredible like i i love that kid that dude that dude's my fucking homie and i know a lot of people i know a lot of people have their things to say

bottom and they have their once again their misconceptions based on what they've seen on the internet and they list of all that bullshit but like he's from the east coast he's from like a similar neighborhood as me and uh that that kid's like my homie you know what I'm saying I love that kid and I'll always ride for that dude as well but like I knew as soon as I got here I was like yo these are the people that can relate to that yo like I just want to be like I want to do something real you know what I'm saying like I told you I just don't I can't like you can't force me to care about the James Charles palette. You can't force me to care about

the Addison Ray dance moves. I love it and I'm so proud of them for building something. But unfortunately it's just not my, it's just not my vibe. You know what I'm saying? Well, the thing that I love, man, and I'm older too. Right. That's another

30. I'm about to be 35. I'm about to be 31. That's what I'm saying. So here's a deal. Like I noticed. Is that what it is? I don't know. I don't think so. I think it's where you come from what you've been through. But I do know like even right now we're doing this podcast and we're talking like it sounds cool because we're on these headphones and shit but guarantee this if we sat and we or we sat somewhere and had none of this shit on we'd have the same conversation if we were trying to have this

conversation like when we went outside and he was he was dealing with his moment of anxiety it's pretty much the same thing we came back and talked about like but there was there was almost like no break in how we that's it that's what it is that's exactly so sorry yeah that's exactly what it is it's who are these people that I can identify that are no different on camera and off camera. Right. And that's the only thing I ever aspired. And that's exactly how you are.

Bro, that's all I ever aspired to be. That's all I ever aspired to be. What you see for me is exactly what you get. Yeah. Like, that's all I ever wanted to be and all I ever wanted to do was just ride for my team, which has and will be Maverick. You know what I'm saying? And I've done a lot of shit for myself, but Logan, as I've said in the past and

a million times today already is the homie and has taken care of me and I'll always fucking, I'll always contribute to that camp. Always. yeah um and like and just like live a life where yeah like i want to help people you know what i'm saying i want people to gain some sort of inspiration from my from my story so let's talk about this real quick let's talk about the fact that i don't know over the last what it's the last three months four four months you fucking exploded on youtube yeah like i look at your page and i'm like this like i swear i thought i'd looked at it like two weeks ago and you had 500

000 subscribers now you have a million it's weird and and everybody's like and you're getting fucking views, bro. It's crazy, bro. Six, five, six, seven. And, like, it's just every video, too. It's insane. Listen. Congrats, by the way.

No, and thank you. I'm, I'm gonna say something. Thank you, Lana Rhodes. Thank you, thank you, Lana Rhodes. I'm not, I'm not gonna fucking, I'm not gonna half-ass around it. The guys out there want to see

what is this girl like outside of the shit I've seen from her. Right, can't blame it. But let's also not get it twisted. You know what I'm saying? I had videos with a million views on it before she came along you know what I'm saying where I was out hanging out with the rest of Hollywood doing my shit I'm a fucking entertainer I know that I have what it takes to do that of

course but that said yes thank you Lana Rhodes like I appreciate no bro I love it I love it but you bro before Lana man like you always had a big fucking personality yeah and that's what always that's what kind of like what's what got her that's what got her you know what I'm saying like Logan he introduced me to her in a one second video but no one knows the the background of how it all came to be you know what I'm saying like it was It was just like any other relationship. I got to ask. So was it like you met her and it was like on camera and it was cute and then it was like, were you like, yo, give me your number?

No, so we met on camera. Did you slide the DMs later? No, none of that. No, we met on camera on the vlog. And that and then the next day we went out to a birthday. It was either that night or the next day we went out to a dinner for my birthday. And that night, we were at Tao. And honestly, fuck, dude.

Like I kind of want to, I'm trying to think like how crazy I want to go. right now with like shit because even though what you see is what you get with me on camera I don't always show you everything and so like what I'm saying is real but like I never know how far I want to get but I had this like little thing going on with another I've had a bunch of different things going on with like different adult girls got it and I had another thing going on and she and that you said adult girls like other adult industry girls yeah got it and uh and one of those girls came to the dinner as well and it was never me and her never had like a relationship like we weren't like me and Lana you know what I'm saying

man like me and Lana have a real relationship but I had just fuck we fuck that's fine but she came to the dinner and so it was this really awkward situation where banks was there and and this girl was there and me Lana Riley Logan it was this weird like Tao dinner and uh we I was sitting next to Lana I purposely like sat next to her because I was enamored by her like I was like this girl so fucking beautiful she's so cool like she was such a dope down earth down earth girl and we hung out we went to the club after that she hates the clubs she doesn't like going out she doesn't want to see people she all she cares about is work she That's it And slowly but surely we started texting We hung out And then it came time for Jake Paul The fight in Miami And I was like Yo do you want to roll to Miami

I'm like the private jet and shit? And that's when it kind of like That's when it kind of took off So I thought you guys were dating before that Because when I saw it Because we were in the private jet together Yeah I thought you were fully dating

Because when you guys got on the jet It looked like you guys were already fucking dating Between all of us Between all of us like we rushed it we rushed into things and like a lot of it was like yo this girl it's so weird to say it and like to say it in like just a chill setting like outside of the shit you've seen from her or people have seen from her like on videos she doesn't she's not out there fucking she's not she's not like the normal porn star or the normal la girl yeah she's very fuck she's been married she's been married

for the past fucking two or three years and she's been out of the game and she's been off the fucking map living in in Chicago she's not married now though oh fuck is it's like a oh my god this is so deep oh shit bro and that's it that's the other thing i can never even get into like half of it my bad my no no no it's fine this is all known shit like she's said they're separated got it got it got it they're like legally separated or whatever um and so yeah so we hit it off but she was she was like crazy she was like enamored and she'll tell the other story that like i was like really after her and like we'll both play that kind of cool card but yeah we fucked with each other.

Like we fucked with each other. Obviously you guys are together. Yeah. And I thought she was so beautiful. I thought she was so cool. And I was more than willing to overlook her past. She was more than willing to overlook my fucked up past and my fuckboy days, which as you know, probably better than most were a plenty in this city.

And so, and so she was willing to like overlook that shit. And things were good. Like we were just kind of getting to know each other. But it was also my first relationship in almost 10 years. like and not to mention on the internet and on the internet in front of all in front of everyone to see and so I struggled with it a little bit and even and when she was telling me

yo um I want this to be something I want this to be exclusive like I really do like you as a person I want to be with you and shit like that I was I was saying it but it was so early in the relationship that I wasn't meaning it and that's how we ran into the scandal that happened with the girl in New York that I'm not going to talk too much about today but and that was

obviously like a huge um a huge issue but we bounced back from it i've been so that actually happened though yeah okay yeah and i and i've been completely um i've been completely yeah like enamored with her i mean she's she is she's absolutely incredible so when we were on the plane you weren't like official official because i bro what i know i know because we were just in that honeymoon period where it was just like everything was so like new oh that's crazy yeah because i saw you guys in the plan i was like oh they've been dating for a while at that point it was still like open like She was talking to me about, like, yo, we could do,

we could have threesomes if you want, like all this shit. And then slowly, but surely it's like locked down into a situation where we were like, it was just me and her. Yeah. And like,

honestly, I've never trusted a girl as much as I trust that girl. Like, she truly, like, she's dealt with a lot of, um, a lot of mental,

uh, illness and a lot of, um, problems from her past in shooting. It did, it really ravaged her. She, she was not,

there's a lot of girls out there that, And I don't want to speak on this too much for her because I don't want to, I don't want to misquote or anything like that or say something she's not, doesn't feel comfortable sharing. But I think there's a lot of girls out there that love doing porn and love doing adult work. She's not one of those girls. She just, she didn't, uh, garner the same kind of enjoyment out of it that other people do. She looked at it surely as like a way to, to, to make money and to, and to get big. And so she, she loves like other girls having a partner that she loves. Yeah.

And that's who she wants to be with. And so, like, it's so weird because honestly, like, bro, there, I can say with a, without a shadow of a doubt that there's no girl out there getting the, getting DMs from the kind of dudes that she gets DMs from. I mean, bro, bro. I believe you. Who's who's? I wish I could just go off right now and just call out, like, 18 different rappers. Bro, soccer players worth hundreds of crazy. And then there's, and then there's little old me.

Christian Rinaldo? No, not, not Rinaldo. I mean, I don't know he could But I've never I've never seen Because she'll show me That's the difference about her Who's the biggest name that you saw No fucking way I'm not doing it

I'm not doing it I'm not doing it I tried to ask her about who been in her DMs Who? Who? Kinsey Oh yeah yeah No bro It's it's wild I mean I'm talking like your A list rappers

Your A list soccer players Talking about Drake I just don't I'm not gonna say any names said But it's wild It's wild And so I'm just And so

He Tutsi's lying in it But like but like whereas Whereas, like, other girls would either open it, even in a relationship, other girls might open it or respond back. Of course. She, she shows me. She's like, yo, look at this. And then she deletes it in front of me. Wow.

You know what I'm saying? And so it's like trying to navigate relationships in this entertainment space is so fucked. But, like, it's just, she's, she's been incredible, bro. And she's, she's so supportive. Like, as soon as this shit happened with Logan, I went, I've been at her. house and you know she'll like cook food for me you guys don't have any like none no beef no i mean she'll get mad occasionally um about girls at dm me yeah especially if it's like other adult stars because that's like her like she she's got some enemies in that space i got it and um

and like other like instagram girls that are like bigger ones like if that happens but um i'm not mess i'm not answering those either you know what i'm saying like i'm not responding to any bitches are like talking so you're really you're really like here for this for real yeah i mean i like i like i it's tough because of the city we're in and like the space we're in and so like i don't want to you know be like yo expect a kid tomorrow or some shit but like i mean i fuck with her i fuck with her heavily she's a great person and so like no matter what happens you know between us like she's gonna crush it that girl's a hustler bro yeah like just she'll just be like I want to Lambo today and I'm like babe please don't buy a Lambo and she just pulls up in it

you know what I'm saying like she'll just go buy a Lambo she buys houses like she'll she's fucking cakes bro and that's been another only fan shit or what yeah only fans like she was doing private Snapchat she was making like crazy money monkey on that shit and it's just like that only fan grinds crazy I know trust me I've heard about it that shit's crazy I'm like that you're about to start on maybe I mean it's like it's so crazy I mean, I would need a girl, you know? She's been trying to get me to, um. We talked about this briefly.

I didn't know if you want to bring it up, but I want to ask you about it. Yeah, she's been trying to get me to do it. To do, um, only fans. Because that she would make, she would make a half a million a month. I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised. And I'm like, I've been, I asked her to say, I'm like, let's be honest. I'm like, what's my fucking cut?

What is it? Exactly. You got to talk about that. She's like, motherfucker you ain't gay. Shit. She's like, you know what you're, she's like, you know what your dick means to only fans. If it isn't for this shit I'm like dude nothing

But now but she's No but she's fucking with me Like if we if we like came up To some sort of agreement She would She would You gotta get something I don't know

I don't know that I could do it bro Yeah this is the question I wanted to ask you Yeah But if you did it You have to get something To put your dick in there Because now you're putting your whole

That's now you're a porn You're doing porn star Yeah I'm a porn star Yeah you know what I'm saying And I don't know if I don't know Especially because she was She wasn't just the only fans person She was a real porn star

Oh the real deal So it's like If you end did that now you're a you're a porn star facts yeah she was the real deal i mean yeah she had she had true true true true so so yeah it's all it's all so like imagine me at my grandfather's attic this is smoking crack in 2010 in milford connecticut shout out milford connecticut yeah thinking to myself i'm gonna be sitting on a podcast in la talking about if i want to do porn with the number one porn star in the entire world it's fucking insane life makes no sense it's crazy it's sick though it's so

dumb. It's so dope. It's so dope. But that's why I don't try to ever plan shit. Like if you ask me right now and you're like if you ask me today and this is this is another gift and a curse if you ask me to you're like, yo, what are your goals right now? I have none. I haven't had a goal in my entire life. I've never had a fucking goal in my and it this is so bad. Please if you're watching this do not adapt this style unless you want to if you want to I'm bro I'm already be a part of you. It's a part of me. I'm a wild soul and I got so used to yo is tomorrow coming. I don't know let's live for today you know what I'm saying but the crazy part about that man like that's how you get things done though it's weird that's the thing like don't get me wrong like

I because this reminds me back this takes me so so far back to when I was a kid and they used to be like you got it right in the planner you got to write in this planner for like the homework and shit for the week yeah I used to fucking hate it I would be like I just never did it and my whole life has been very similar to like not that I didn't have things I wanted to achieve but it was like it was so hard for me to be like okay I'm gonna do this and do this and do this I just tried to work every day, do something every day and try to, and like I said, try to be as much in the moment as I could despite everything else. It was like, but that's a crazy thing is, again, people listen, I'm not saying going's like, fuck all your plans and your goals. You have

to have a goal, like a big, like a big wide view. Yeah, a big wide view. But like your day to day, you should be doing something every day to get closer to like one of those things or the bigger picture. Something. Working on yourself. And that's like, that's good advice too to people out there that are like lost like because because there's a lot of there's a lot of people on social media that speak in these like niche spots of like yo you're you've made a million dollars here's how you get to 50 and there's a lot of people that talk about like yo you got a degree in this here's how you become the perfect entrepreneur the voice i want to be on social media is yo you haven't left your room in three weeks because you're so scared of going out in public because you have

fucking stinging anxiety and depression and fucking manic disorder here's what you can do today to be better than you were the day before. That's the fucking voice I want to be, bro. Just anything. Do something for me, and I know you could relate to this, more than anybody probably. Exercise has been a huge part of it.

Oh, my God. It's been all of it. My whole life, if I can look back my entire life, it had been closely connected to working out. And everyone that I met throughout the gym through my whole life has been like the conversations that I,

like how we're having this conversation now about life. And we've had conversations in the past, not in this of detail. but like those conversations that I would have with other people in my life before I became like this person on social media to have this opportunity with you I just had with people in the gym and I would talk about where I was at in life how I felt my anxiety what's what's making me feeling better like and then I was working out and it was just all therapeutic like working out itself it's therapeutic and because like when I'm doing it other shit sends a fade away because I have to focus on what I'm doing literally in the moment and that's what we're talking about being in the moment and then also all the people that I met throughout and had conversations with like help me to tailor my life positively all the way of like moving up till now. So it's like that's the thing that I keep learning. You got to have a plan, yeah,

but it's got to be like this macro vision and you have to be like everyday work. Like trying to be in the moment because that's when you're truly successful. If you're able to sit in the moment and be like we're having this conversation and this is what matters most. Right.

So then when the people see this or hear this because this is what we're doing, it's actually real. It's genuine. This is what we're really talking about. There's no cuts. There's no, like, we need to start this conversation

over again, say that again, ask me that question. We did have to do that. That's because you had the anxiety. That was a real thing we had to leave. We were just going to leave fucking the dead space. But this conversation is us literally speaking about how we really feel in the moment. And that's what's most successful.

That's what I can say it made me most successful in my life. Yeah. Without a fucking doubt. It's so funny because like when you ask me to do this, dude, it's like it goes back to that thing where I was just talking about like the people that I really fuck with in the city. I've gotten asked to do like a shit ton of podcasts. Well, because you're fucking great out. It's my thing. Like I love talking just like being on podcast and shit.

And it's funny because like over the past few months, I've only done two. I did yours and banks. That's it. Let's go. Oh, and Adams. Let's go. And I guess like, no, I was going to hit on something. I'm like, uh, I'm a work in progress, bro.

And I think everybody out there is, but like I've been taking some heat like on social over the past, you know, um, month or so. Ever since I, once I started getting big. Of course. The heat turned up. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you touched on this in the gym. Yeah, and once you start to get into that 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 million range on YouTube, motherfuckers are just trying to mow you down.

They're gunning. And obviously, like, I'm not, I don't, I'm not responding to 99% of them because Logan taught me early. He's like, yo, you respond to people that get less views than you. You're making, you're winning them. You're winning for them. Right. You know what I'm saying?

So there's a lot of people out there that are making like hour long videos on why Mike is a fucking, you know, unloyal. scumbagger whatever and I'm just sitting there I'm like yo if I respond to this dude he's gonna go from 14,000 views to 200 800 whatever thousand views and I'm gonna fucking lose so I spend most of my time not responding

but I don't talk to you about it a little bit today you know it's just it's been a lot it's been a lot it's never it's never fun when when that kind of shit happens what do you see the most right what it was like what uh hate wise negative it's a lot of it's not well there's a lot of it has to do with Lana.

There's a lot about Lana. They're mad that you're fucking dating Lana? Some are. Some are, but they'll disguise it in, um, yo, you're fucking disgusting, bro. You know how many dick she's like, like that kind of stuff. And like, and like very, like, very, like nasty. Like, they'll say it like, got a nasty shit. And as I said, too, like, I don't have to answer to them.

I'm happy. I love the girl's dope as fuck. And she's, and by the way, she doesn't do that now. And I think that's been another thing that's helped me with it is just because she's like out of the game. Um, but like, so I've dealt with like, some of that stuff that stuff's easier to write off but then i've had some people that have made like character notes on like my ego and so like that's been something that i've just been trying to

like understand like what statements are am i making what um how am i acting that's giving people the uh idea that i'm losing track of who i am as a person you know what i'm saying and so like there's a lot of things and you don't know how much do you want to pay attention to them listen right I have had an ego my entire life I think I think everybody does to an extent 100% when I sold my first bag of weed when I was 14 my head started getting bigger and it never really stopped I've always been I've always been I always have tried to walk the line between confidence and cockiness like I don't want to be cocky but I also know on a lot of aspects that I kind of have a right to be on certain things and I think that people should I don't think

people should be scared to be extremely interesting topic it's bro it's scary though because i don't want to come off wrong no it's fine and i want and i and i take those notes and i want to make sure that i stay in check but also at the same time like if you're watching the show and you're the best in your field own that shit own that shit yeah i feel stay humble listen as i said earlier fan comes up to me that person is right here with me person on the park bench person Odine on hair Whatever the fuck That me and that person

Are exactly the same I will sit on the ground with them I will talk to them There's no difference between me and that person But I guess like I've seen some comments About people saying that like certain things I don't I haven't noticed it that much And but it but it's

If anything It's a good note to get So that you're so that it's at top of mind So you don't get there Like even if I'm not currently You're always thinking about like How can I try to stay like humble With all this shit that's going on?

It's crazy. But it's crazy though, man. This reminds me when I first competed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So when I first competed, I remember the very first show I did. It was the very first time they ever had this thing called Mensa Zique, which is where it's not bodybuilding, but you wear like board shorts. And it was in the first shows in 2011.

Yeah. And I competed my first show, I got eighth place out of like, out of like nine people. Because someone told me you should do this thing. It's new. I was like, okay. I just showed up like, got a spray tan like eight pizza the night before and put on some board shorts. Got eighth place. Nice.

Then I saw who wins. got to do next show I win first and overall so I win the whole show right and then then I was like this so this had to be me at like 22 and then I'm going against other competitors now it's a very small group of people because it's not a lot of people can do these competitions right and I was the kind of person who would be like oh I'm going to win this next show and I would tell people and then later a lot I would hear that people be like oh brad's a douche back yeah yeah but I remember thinking like wait but like I came from a sports background it's like wait we're we're We're competing.

Right. I'm not supposed to be like, hey, we're all looking really good. Look, they can all look amazing, but like I still have to feel like I can be the best to be the best.

Right. I think that's what people fail like when this whole confidence and cocky thing is like, it's different to be like, yo, I'm better than you. Like I'm going to be better than you.

Right. But it's in then saying like, or saying like, oh, I'm going to be my fucking best. I'm going to be the best. I think those are the things when people, if they,

and a lot of times it's up to interpretation to people listening. Sometimes they'll just hear it as like, oh, that guy thinks she's better than me yeah but at the end of the day like i know that i do need to feel like i am my best version to be my best version and to be able to continue to be better so it's like it's kind of like what are you hearing and what are people willing to hear it's so tricky and also like it's it's been a lesson for me like your your sport was that was these competitions

my sport is very much the podcast realm and so when i go sit down and i offer uh thoughts or feedback on a certain topic that there are sometimes younger people or people out there that can't relate that see me as and say that I'm like rambling about shit I don't know about. I'm talking about shit that I do know about. I talk about and the stuff I talk about comes from a place of having lived it. I'm 35 and I've lived through 10 fucking lifetimes on this planet, literally. You know what I'm saying? And so when I, I think it's sometimes my confidence in how I say things that could be potentially argued as opinions that gets people to be like, yo, this kid has like your ego or this kid thinks he knows better than, then so and so.

But I mean, listen, I'm not even saying people are wrong. Like I just, it's just something that I've been, so it's something that I'm working on. Exactly. And that's, and that's the biggest step, like it is just is being aware. You know what I'm saying? And so like that, but like the shit with Lana and like, you know, obviously now with this new with Shrimp Gate. Shrimp Gate 2020. You know, that's been like an interesting shit too.

How long do you think it's going to take to you get back? I'm meeting with him tomorrow. Okay. And we're going to have a conversation about what went wrong and like how it, how it could have gone differently. That sounds good. Yeah. Yeah. We've been, as you know, we've been talking.

Yeah, of course. You know, and so everything's going to be fine. But it's I think that's what this is all about though is the awareness The awareness of yourself Awareness of like What's you're putting out there

What how someone might perceive it Because that's the thing I realized a long time ago When I got fired from 24 hour fitness Back in the fucking day When I was like 21 I think My perception of who I was To everyone else

Is different than what the perception of They had of me That bro That is That's it It's so big It's so big It's been

such a big lesson for me and like these lessons that I've been getting as a result of negative things which is so important like think about that for a second it's always a negative thing that happens that produces a lesson for you and so like coming right and so like this being kicked out of the house thing or like you know Logan saying like why don't we take a little bit space I've learned so much about what happened and I've been ruminating on it but it's produced some really good learnings like expectation setting and not expecting people to think the same way as you and another one that I've learned which you just put stated was there's a big there's unfortunately because of

interpretation a difference between what you are trying to get people to perceive from something you say and what people actually perceive from what you say and a lot of that comes down to how you say it and your delivery and stuff like that but uh it's just been such a learning lesson for me to try to figure out like how do I get these thoughts up here that are high level and really valuable fucking life lessons and thoughts on business and how to succeed and how to get into dark places in your life and try to put them into a package that is digestible by every single person that watches. And then quickly, and then one other thing on that quickly too is another lesson I've

learned over the past couple weeks was not everybody is going to want to or like to digest the content you're putting out. This is all what it comes down to right here. This is all comes down to this. Timing in someone's life and what they've been through and what they've learned on their own. Like the thing is like you could have it exactly like you could have it all figured out for you

and your opinion on something and then someone's going to hear it but based on where they're at in their life and what they've been through, what they've learned to that point, their age, all this shit has, where they're from, their childhood, all this shit has to do with how they receive that message.

So I think the best way when you're talking about giving messages to people and this is just my, and again, this is just my fucking opinion on this is if you're sharing something from a place of genuine within you, like how you do and how you speak, that's number one. And then number two is understanding like when I lend my opinion, at the same time I try to lend an opinion, I try and lend a personal like reference point in my life

why I have that opinion. It's hard sometimes because like you can't put it all really like close and neat. And I notice it's funny because if you, part of your anxiety earlier, I don't know if you noticed this or not, it was like when you dipped you were like, because you were like telling the story and you're like, oh shit, I need it like I need to take this moment. And it was almost like you were outside concerned with the way in which you were going to tell the story like it's conciseness how like how concise it was going to be. That's true. So that's been that's been a sorry. I want to I want to let you know. No go no. So what I'm saying is like I'm not trying to fucking dissect you. I don't know you well enough. It's a good point. But that's been a that now has been a side effect of impulsive and of Logan. So Logan's style and Logan's delivery.

style is immediate and quick and concise, succinct brevity. He wants to get you a message in one second or his vlogs are four minutes, you know, whatever, right? He wants, it all has to happen very quick. And one of the things I've tried to tell him and that some of his, some of the fans of impulsive that aren't big fans of me is that that's not the podcast setting. No. The podcast setting is this.

Right. Kicking it, having a conversation, talking authentically from the heart. I see what he's trying to do though, because his initial audience when he started that which I think is much different now because he has a much I think older there's a this is a much more diverse demographic now watching that yeah when it started I think it needed that oh yeah because that's what that's his majority of his demographic was younger probably trying to get information right now yeah but now I know it's way different it's so funny dude I think you brought I think you I mean this is no this is no dis at all to Logan I think you brought a lot of that to that podcast I think

you brought a lot of older audience to that oh yeah oh dude of course I mean it's funny because this has been another you know me and him have had a bunch of riffs back and forth on the style of the show how we want the show to be what we want it to be like in meetings and shit yeah yeah in meetings like not on the show like yeah we'll meet afterwards and talk and we've got we've gotten some heated some heated shit at which creatively like we've got two creative people like it's fucking good it's fantastic I think there there who think like this is Logan show and Mike's on it it's Logan has been very collaborative with me it's been our show since since day one you know what I'm saying and there was always

this thought in his mind which was I wonder in both of our minds I wonder what the fans are going to do if Mike isn't on the show because their fans have been vocal on both sides like talks too much he hijacks the show he interrupts the guess he thinks he knows best he's got a big ego other side Mike's been through a bunch of shit I love listening to him he's inspirational he's aspirational I could relate to him I could see what he's saying he tells funny he has fun these jokes he keeps the energy high yeah you've got these warring factions of fans on the show and so the question was always yo what's going to happen and and once i wasn't on the show for two days the first show was very much like wow this is like kind of a nice breather it's a different pace but

then on the second show i think you saw a lot more of those fans of mine activating like yo this is not what we signed up for like we love you two together yeah like the energy you two bring together is like on some like abbott cost and costello type shit like you two make each other better you make each other smarter and so it's been an interesting situation to be able to step back and see what happens when i'm not there and to see where i could what i do add to the show and and um you know me me and him will continue to you know try to creatively find a way to make that the best show possible and i'm and i am a work in progress he's been on camera a lot longer than me. He knows about give and take better than me. There's a lot of aspects of the show

that he is better than me on. He's a great host. He's a great core main host of the show. But I'm a work in progress. I've interrupted a lot of people in the past. I think I've done a lot better on that. I've, I also get a lot of those comments. They're still there. Yeah. They're still there. But I think if you, but I think it's so funny because it's so funny because if you get the audience and habit of leaving a certain comment by one of your actions even if that action stops that comment continues i stopped interrupting people 30 episodes ago yeah like the drug dealer comment that i have yes exactly you'll be a you'll bradden bradley martin because of steve will do it because of the knellcois bradley barn will be a drug dealer for the next 20 years and i've never and i've never sold a drug in

your life that comment will continue and so that's and so it's it's it's mike only talks about Lana and heroin some of the people say right you know who brings up Lana not me Logan he wants to find out what's going on with your relationship I don't bring it up yeah you know what I'm saying it's very similar to this podcast right gets brought up I'll talk about it course if somebody brings up heroin addiction I'll talk about it but like all that stuff all those interruptions that shit ended 30 fucking episodes ago but the but the detractors and the people that don't like me will continue to talk on and so like one of the biggest the biggest lesson that I've gotten this this whole episode has been kind of like this here with me and you has been like me talking

about what I've learned kind of over the past two weeks the biggest lesson I learned that goes hand in hand with you can't please everybody different strokes for different folks some people are going to like you some people are going to fucking hate you yeah the biggest lesson I've learned is to not get too caught up in that ongoing struggle of online sentiment There are so many young creators out there. And I know I said I don't care too much for the content of Addison or James or like any of those people. But I do care about them as people. Charlie DeMelio is from Connecticut, from Greenwich.

She's not too far from where I grew up. And she's been very vocal about her struggles with depression and anxiety brought on by comments from fans and hateful comments from fans. And over the past two weeks, I've fallen into a pit, bro. I have been reading all of it. even over the past two months since I started David Milana because I really got so I got so caught up in what people are saying and I think one of the biggest lessons for me is like

yo know who you are know who you are be rooted in who you are I can say this without a shadow of a fucking doubt as I sit here today I am a genuine authentic, loyal good-hearted person and no one

no online comment no Twitter comment no impulsive YouTube sentiment can take that for me ever and I think that that that would be my one lesson to every young creator out there who's just starting to get five 10 15,000 comments a day yeah know who you are I fucking know yourself I can relate to that so hard there was a moment um in my fitness history uh filming content making content where I was kind of at the peak of like my growth on my fitness content. And I had just recently dropped a video like Kidding on Girls in the Gym. It's got millions of views. And I had recently tried to, and I never really talked about this.

And this is something that I learned. I let someone, someone made a video about me completely slandering me online. Someone who was a business partner that the relationship turns sour. And there was other people involved who made this whole relationship basically go to shit. And this person lied about me said a bunch of shit that I tried to deal with his girlfriend and all this shit that was just a lie and it was blatant bullshit lies

and I was popular I was more popular than this person at the time so I decided I'm not going to say anything I'm not going to say anything and I read comments after comments I'm this fucking snake I'm this person so all these people and the biggest thing I learned though

I fucked up I fucked up because I didn't just do I didn't do what I am and who I am just tell the fucking truth and just talk about it I tried to avoid the situation and it did way more damage to me. I lost 70,000 subscribers

overnight. From not from not saying shit because this person made a video but I kind of came from a point where I was like wait, I've done so much good and I put so much good out there. All I did to that point was try to put out good content and they talked about my life, everything that I went through everything. And this person made

a video and just slandered the shit out of me. Just fucking lied bullshit fucking lies. And this person had my number, could have came and said all this shit to my face decided to put it on the internet for fucking views and I avoided it. But that fucking just, it like, it fucked me so bad on the internet

that like what you were saying about it, it affected you the last two weeks. This affected me for probably like a year and a half. Yeah, wow. Me wanting to make content or wanting to like being like almost like hurt that, wow, after everything that I'd done now that someone could say and just make some shit up, I realize this is what I'm going to get to this point in a little bit,

but I started to realize like what you said and this is so much more power to this point. You have to just. Understand you cannot please everyone and I struggled so hard trying to please everyone that like bro I'm talking about imagine imagine imagine you lost 70,000 subscribers over now You just hit a million yeah So you went from a million down past a million because you were like oh I'm a million then you went down And you had to hit a million again yeah so and this person and as soon as they talk shit about me because I was going like I said my videos is going viral They're at fucking they now now they start growing now they start blowing up now they're the good guy and I'm a fucking snake because someone lied about me

I never I never made a video I never came back and said this is what actually happened. I kind of came back and tried to apologize because I can notice this person was so hurt. And then I was like, why the fuck didn't I just be who I am and tell the fucking truth? I tried to like avoid and like babysit the situation so that I wouldn't have to deal with it more. And instead it just made me deal with it way more. So what I'm saying to everyone listening is like, if you're a content creator as well

if you want to be like you have to genuinely be yourself no matter what. Because understanding the fact that you're not going to make everyone happy is so fucking important but like the minute you stop being yourself that's when people are like oh he he is that person that someone so because like you said once you start hitting the five four six million views everyone's going to come for you yeah and the minute you you're not like if you start to not know like this one I'm trying to tell you in specifically yeah don't read all this shit and then change yourself I know you're looking around you're like okay where could I take note an inventory and become better that's amazing criticism but don't like don't let it change who

you are your core yeah because who you are at your core I after knowing you long enough and talking and you having a conversation with you like that's why people love you that's why i love you as a friend you're a good person and you're fucking real like but so by the minute you you don't show that because you're trying to like hide or avoid or change or like try to make everyone happy that's when you fuck yourself yeah and that's what i did and i look back on that moment i'm like why the fuck did i do that that that shit like stuck with me for fucking years bro years that's crazy that person like it's after that moment i was like wow i i can't believe i let that happen to me i fucking

can't believe that I allowed someone else to change the way that I viewed myself where like my almost like my content became different because I was hurt and I was like I was like I don't really want to share shit I don't want to like let this out because like no one gave a fuck they the minute that someone said some fake shit it didn't matter I was like if I respond because I'm like in my head super analytical I'm like if I respond everyone's just going to be like you're just saying that because he said that now you're a bad guy you're fucking is there any worse feeling in the world than having someone say something about you that is completely and utterly and even in a lot of ways

proven to be untrue but having but they have like a decent amount of cloud yeah and they just listen that those people listen 100%. There's no I've never had that feeling until I got here where if someone's against you and they're able to

rally a crowd I mean this is the whole cancel culture thing yeah too but just on the mic a microcosm of it for you or for me in the fitness industry in the fitness industry or in the YouTube industry but it's crazy to imagine that like someone could just say something and no one will do any digging no one will look back and say damn like that kid's been riding with with this motherfucker for three years now and has put

his ass on the fucking pulpit to defend him it was so I just want to say this man I was so pissed I got him and his fucking girlfriend so much goddamn clout fuck so much fucking clout and I was fucking so nice the craziest thing is I the whole time right this person was like fucking off doing whatever they were doing like they were having an issue in their relationship I was trying to help like the conversation

that I had with this person was like don't worry it's gonna be okay and then I got turned that I'm some fucking scumbag trying to fuck this person's girlfriend I lost 70,000 subscribers overnight and this person got more popular

and now this person's a good guy it's bro imagine so no it's so close imagine you're sitting at dinner with your videographer at the time Kevin why she'd fucking call to me imagine it's the dude

so no listen oh my God have you or it's the dude's girl at this point at this point it's like at this point I would not care what came of this if someone saw this he saw us and says something I'd be like cool run I don't give a fuck yeah the damage has been done right doesn't matter right and at this point it's in the past but imagine being at dinner with that girl and your videographer and you and you like I'm having this conversation with my my buddy Kevin and the girl and she's complaining about what he's doing and she doesn't trust this and

I'm like he's in Australia or whatever the fuck I'm like don't worry like he's gonna come back because we were homies yeah we were fucking friends you were like having his We were fucking friends being like, don't worry, chill out, it's going to be okay, he's going back. Don't worry about it. And then all the shit going south and then both of them just ride in the fucking clout train. You could hear that.

Do you hear the cloud train? As soon as the shit hit the fan, no one came out and said, oh, the girl didn't come back and say, no, he never tried that. She just rode the fucking clout train all the way up. All the way up with names in the title, put my name in a fucking title. My shit was going viral.

And then I had to turn around and be like, I'm not going to say anything. I'm going to be the bigger. man and then I got fucked and then for three years I was like I don't know if I should make content like this anymore I feel I fucking just hurt and then I'm like

bro that had that fucking wrecked me dude I won stuff that's crazy that's what I'm trying to say like yo if you're if you want to get on the internet or just fuck it just in the world in general like fucking be yourself no matter what that's it no matter what authenticity will win 100% of the time you're gonna fucking make mistakes

own it talk about it like and I try to avoid like even saying anything about the situation like maybe I didn't know maybe I should have just never said any single words to this person whatsoever but it's like I should I was like I had so many receipts I should have screenshot and all the

all the shit of this dude talking about how he's cheating on with this fucking bitch and he's showing me like I should have shit like because he's trying to blame the relationship problem on me I should have been like yo what about this do you understand

do understand that what you're talking about to me right now is so tightly ingrained to another situation I'm currently going through. I have no idea. Where I tried to help somebody a hundred times and they went out of their way to shit talk me behind my back and like I'm not,

this is one thing like I'm not getting into today. But that feeling of getting burned by someone that you've like gone out of your way to like try to do nice things for is the worst feeling in the entire fucking world. It is the fuck. And then I mean with you at least or with with me at least it's not going to like there's not on the internet to me. It is. It is but not it's not he's not like trying to be.

crazy about it like make a video about me of all the shit with you like that's fucked bro that's fucked up oh it i'm talking about like imagine going from hundreds of thousands of thousands more while i went hundreds of thousands less and everything was like this and then look i'm the good guy and then i'm the fucking bad guy and everything i done prior to that moment was good and i did my best to try and help people that's why and it's just everything switched like a fucking light imagine all the fucking comments i got on my instagram talking about how i'm this and how i'm that And I'm like, none of you motherfuckers ever were even there or saw what the fuck actually happened.

You just took someone's fucking word because they fucking wanted this shit on me. That's why whenever somebody talks about this city and like even when we talk about it, I don't like I don't know if I wish this for people. You know what I'm saying? Like I really don't. And yo, listen, like this is not me.

This is not me like trying to be like, oh my God, like anything about this life is fucking hard because we've both seen fucking hard days. We're both seen dark days. I'm blessed as fuck to wake up in Beverly Hills and leaving a fucking Lambo if I want like all this shit to the side is great it's all fucking great but there's a lot of pressure and a lot of fucking factors that people don't see yeah and there's a lot of comments and a lot of sentiment and a lot of shit that happens on the

internet from people that don't know even it's not that they don't know the whole story they don't know any of the story like even as far as the impulsive fans go and why things happen the way they do on that show they don't know what goes on before and after the show they don't know requests that are made to me of keep the energy up. Yeah, we have to do this. We have to do that. They just assume that things are happening a certain way. Right. And they run away with it, bro. And so it's that that misconception that people even have any clue of what's going on. I think when it comes to just one of us, when it comes to just knowing about your favorite creator, I think people can get a pretty good idea of who we are. But when it comes to trying to have an

opinion about the relationship between your creator and another person, that's where shit gets fucked up. I tweeted this before I came in here today. And I'm sure we're getting close to wrapping up. I said, relying on your good intentions, relying on your good intentions to keep you out of bullshit in life is similar to counting on your good driving to keep you out of car accidents. Your maneuvering can be flawless and some motherfucker will still teabone you at one of life's little intersections. Everybody wants to say, I'm the best driver. I can't get in an accident. It's not about you. It's about the other fucker. that's driving down the road like a moron

that plows in you and kills people and so I think a lot of people think they have our relationships or like my relationship with the other people figured out and I think ours, my ear is a little bit easier to figure out because we talked for three hours and people know we're just too down to earth straightforward real people

but just like yo you don't people don't know they don't know all the little factors and all the little intricacies that go into the relationships that exist and I think it's clear for the people listening too Like fuck us and people on the internet Just in your own life Imagine how many situations you've been in

When someone that doesn't really know you That well has a judgment on you Just period Like fuck the internet In life Like that's so common Just on the internet It's so exasperated

Because it's a Everyone can come in view And watch and click And this is viral And so many people are here And everyone can have an opinion But not know what's really going on Just like someone could be

In your life and be like That person's talking Oh yeah fuck you Because you do this and that But they don't really know the situation Right So it's kind of like That's the thing that I'm learning with that

is like yo let me just fucking let me be good with this however the fuck it is and let me continue to be myself that's it and that's it and try to be happy and try to live in the moment and try not to put so much pressure on what other people think how they are going to think of me yeah and but you're you're smart though man with the trying to take the reconciliation like trying to see reconcile like how did this then affect someone else like to learn to do more of that because i remember at one point when i was younger i was like no they're just a fucking piece of shit and i'm right that's been me that's been my style since i got here that's been my style since I got here. My style since I got to LA was, yo, this is me. I hate to be like

this, but unfortunately, if you don't like it, go fuck yourself. I've said it on the show a hundred times, a thousand times. And in a lot of ways, that still is going to be my attitude. And I'm not, I'm not super great at, uh, I say this all the time. I take constructive criticism and life advice from my generals. Those are the people I listen to. People that are qualified to give life advice, people that I have ongoing relationships with, and people that I trust. Yeah. Unfortunately, when people try to source their constructive or creative criticism or life advice from comment sections, they're getting constructive criticism from people who don't

know fucking shit. They don't know what's going on. You just see the one hour of what's on camera. And so I take a shit ton of life advice from my generals. but I don't I have to really force myself to not get too caught up in the fucking sentiment because as much as I as much as I say fuck you I don't care after a certain amount it's just still hurts yeah after a certain amount it's like god dang bro I'm doing the best I fucking can here come to some fucking slack bro yeah well I think you're doing a great job man and this is

this has been a fucking dope podcast and I'm glad this is the first one back yeah um and I haven't done one in a week because I've been off the show so it's like you let it out I fucking love it man so make sure you guys subscribe to this fucking channel turn the notifications on all that good shit i'm posting every thursday probably at 10 a m and makes you guys check out mike's night shift yeah the night shift uh impulsive obviously where you could hear me and logan talk about a bunch of fucking random shit and then uh for anybody who like resonated or my story about like my past resonated with you i i hate to even sound like i'm marketing it but the fifth vital um which the title will make sense once you get into the book is coming out on may 5th it is my it's everything

It's my life. It's my baby that I've that I've written for five years. It has... Do you have a copy that I could read now? Yeah, I can get you a manuscript. Are you going to do an audiobook? You got to do an audio book. Yeah, it's going to come out on globally on paperback and digital on May 5th

and then I'll have an audio book soon thereafter. Are you going to read the audio? Yeah, yeah. That's how I've been asked to. You've got to. Because of my voice is so... You got to. Some people, another thing that some people like and some people don't.

But yeah, the fifth vital, it's everything. If there's things about you that are about me that you might not like or you might not like or you might not understand. I just encourage people to read that book. And you'll learn what you have to know about me. For sure. Thank you for coming, man. Thanks for having you on.

I'm going to fucking, I'm not playing. I'm going to read that book. I'm listening to that book. I appreciate that, bro. No, that's fine. However you want to get it. But yeah, it's a thriller, bro.

It'll be, I don't even, I don't know how to say this without it sounds like an asshole, but like it most likely will probably be a movie in the next year or two. That's cool. I've already, we've already talked about it. It's like 300 plus.

page it's a big boy oh yeah it's a fucked it's a fucked up tale of just you might have inspired like the conversation i had with dan now and then now this conversation i might start it's crazy i talked to him about it the other day i said just make sure you self-publish yeah we were doing your own shit yeah i talked to him i was like uh if anybody who thinks about writing book you dan uh write it but then make sure you get somebody to yeah did you tell you about gogans nah i haven't talked to him at length just like passing by but we can talk about after yeah for sure all right so thank you guys again thank you so much man you're fucking dope as shit.

That was amazing. Yeah. And thanks for being really candid and straightforward. Yeah, but for real. Always. Like, fuck just on this, but just in life. So thank you, bro. Thank you guys for listening.