RAWTALK - WE DATED FOR THREE YEARS? FT. JAZMINE GARCIA

Episode Date: July 20, 2018

Bradley Martyn & Jazmine Garcia dives deep into...

Oh, all good? Are we rolling? Hold on a sec. Wait. What kind of clap? Hold on, I swear to God. I'm trying to get so I get like a good cut. Yeah, I could see.

All right, so it would be like, uh, okay, that would be good. That was a good one. All right, so like I'm going to sit like this because it's my good side. Okay, I'm going to sit like this. Do you have a good side? No, I don't know. I feel like we're talking to each other's shoulders. Every time I, I know, it's very, it's very blocked off.

Every time I take a picture with Nikki, Nikki, he's like, like, um, actually I need you to move to the other side. I'm the same way. I feel weird that I'm a guy and I do the same way. No, a lot of guys are like that. Damn. Is it weird to have a side? I just personally don't get it.

You don't have a side then? But I feel like I must because I know I take pictures and I'm like, oh, something in this picture isn't right. And then I'll switch it somehow. So you just not accepted your side yet. I don't know what my side is and I'm not ready. I'm not ready to make that commitment in my life right now. That's a big commitment because once you do that, then every photo you

take the other way. You feel horrible. I know. And it's funny because it's not always just like you feel bad in it. I think because you feel bad in it, you look bad in it. Yeah, because you're overthinking it. Exactly. You're like, oh, this is going to be a bad photo. Oh, here we go. And then you see it for sure on the face and the photo and I know I've, you know what I do though? I've developed something. Okay. This is a, everyone listening and watching the podcast and are you listening right now, I've developed a move to avoid the bad side. What are you talking about? So listen, this is what you do. Okay.

Wherever you're going to take the photo. So I've developed two different things. There's two different strategies for people listening right now. Okay. Girls, guys. This works for both sexes. Listen closely. Yeah.

So when you're going to take a photo, you have to strategically place yourself. When you know like, oh, let's go take a photo. You're like, yeah, yeah. And you have to like kind of like. Plant yourself? No, you kind of like crete to your side. So like if they're on like your right side or in front of you, they're like, hey, let's go take a photo.

You're like, yeah, let's do it. And like, you know the group of the people are taking the photo. so that, okay, we're going to stand over there. You strategically, like, if you're like a left side person, which I'm like a left side person, I'll strategically, like, kind of wait until everyone else is getting set up, then I'll come in.

You're so stupid, Bradley. Is that what you were doing back there when those guys wanted to take a picture with you? Yes. Yeah. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's hard where it's like, they're coming dead on.

You're like, oh, shit, what I do? You're approaching really fast. So sometimes you'll be like, I'll look around like I'm busy. I'll be like, yeah, well, I got to, hold on. And I'll, like, walk, like, to a different position that I know. All you're doing is now anytime you have a meetup, people are going to be paying attention. They should already know this. I tell them this all the time.

I tell them to, I tell them to. You tell them that you have your side and everything? Oh, yeah. Yeah. They know that it's my side. That's so sweet. They're probably like, okay, anything for you, Brad. And then the other move when they're, because I'll be honest, I'll go to meetups.

I'll go to things more like people, they have their side. And you always feel it. When someone has their side, because it's always my, like, when it's my side, I'm like, I feel them, I'm going straight forward. I'm like, oh, okay. But it's fine. So I'll let them have it. right because like it's their photo I want to have a good photo you're so

so listen listen so I developed the number two the number two oh my God yeah how many methods are there this is this is serious this is serious guys so for me I don't like I don't like the way my face looks on this side but also don't like my body I'm just really like just I hate my knowledge but what is it on the other side that you feel looks different like do you feel like your biceps don't look as big my shoulder it's like my shoulder alignment so like I've had injuries like on this side okay Yeah, like my shoulder doesn't sit the same on this side as it doesn't. That makes sense.

Like, is it just like more stiff or something? Yeah, it's more like sunken down. So this one pops a little bit more, so it makes you look, just makes you look better. Yeah, yeah. And everyone has whatever. And it's always like you notice it the most. And like, because when you see, you're like, damn, I know you're like focusing on it. Right, right.

And it's not that serious. But to me, whatever. No, I do. I feel like I have like a butt cheek that poses better than the other butt cheek. Like if I'm popping my bat on one seat, one side, that butt cheek is going to look better. and I think it's my right butt cheek. You have a butt cheek that poses better than your other butt cheek. I think so.

You're talking about because of the amount of muscle in the butt cheek is like hold it higher or lower? Let's be real here. Okay. Like we could joke all we want that like I've got butt muscle, but I really don't. It's just, it's just pure fat at this point. Well, then you're blessed. It's like you got it to go the right place because some people get that shit like.

That's true. I know. Like all of my fat has always just been stored like in my hips and butt area. But no, I think it's just. So you get more fat. There's probably more fat in one butt. cheek than the other and so I feel like whenever I'm taking a picture in front of the mirror but then again see I could say that I could say oh the right cheek is better but it might just be where the light is hitting right because the lighting plays a huge

factor absolutely yeah I don't know it's crazy it's crazy how like these things I'm telling you I'll finish my other point because I didn't get to like my number two but I'll finish it after this because this is more important what you're saying is more important my butt cheek being bigger than the other is more important but it's crazy how I remember at one point in my life And this is not the importance of it. The importance is, like, I remember one point in my life. I hated taking photos before the internet, before all this stuff. And I dated a girl way back in the day who, like, would take photos all the time.

And I felt awkward as shit. Like, I just worked out, and that's all I did. Yeah, yeah. And she was like, take selfie. And I was like, what the fuck? I never used my phone or anything to take photos of myself. Back when it was still an iPhone. Now you're like the jacked selfie god.

Now it's all, it's stupid, right? Jack selfie god. How much we tie to, like, the way we look in photos is so crazy. I know. I know. But it's like, I think you have to. It's like if you're in this, I'm going to do this lightly, profession. Because it's like that is, that's your business card.

Every time you post something. It's like, people are all making an opinion on you. And it's funny because we like, we like, I mean, some people fucking destroy themselves over what they, what the opinion of other people is of them. And totally. That's why my dumb ass decided to create ways to avoid my bad side. So the last way is pointing. What do you mean pointing? Because I don't like having this down because my shoulder don't sit right.

Oh, so if you're taking the picture, you'll play. So if you see me pointing, that means I'm on my bad side and I'm avoiding it. So instead of like letting my arm hang or like be here, because I don't like the way my shoulder hangs, I'm pointing. Yeah, I got it every time. Wow. So you just avoid, you're negating it. It's like, I don't like the way this looks, but when you go like this, you can't really tell how it. Hold on.

What was the time period for you to figure out what worked for you? Because I feel like even now, like when I would go and travel with, like, brands that I was working with on different tours and stuff, and I would have little meetups, my pose was different every hour on the hour. And then I'd look back and be like, what the fuck was I thinking? You know, because I'd do this weird, like, full body stance and my arms by my side. Like, at one point were you like, oh, this is what I have to do to make sure that I'm happy and like 90%, like happy with 90% of my photos. All right. So just, I'm going to tell you, so just straight up, like, I remember, like I said, I didn't like taking photos. Yeah.

I didn't like doing any of that. And then I realized, I have to think this is a part of what I do. Right. And then once you started, like, meeting people who follow you and they want to take photos, I'm like, whoa, this is like a big part of what I do. Because then it sucks, too, because, like, you'll take, sometimes you just take bad photos or you'll take a photo where it's just like, just a shitty angle of you.

And you have to be like, well, fuck it. But I remember actually way back in the day when I started filming YouTube videos with Yousef. I still, Bradley, I still remember when you started a YouTube channel. And you didn't upload anything. Yeah. No, like, I remember when you had, like, I remember Foozy Tube uploading the video with you. Yeah. And then being like, oh my God, when is he going to upload a video?

And you had like, like, 50,000 subscribers in like a month or something. And you had no content. And I was like, this is literally a waste. And then you became a huge deal. But I remember being like, when the fuck is this guy going to upload? So you were, so you followed me then. Bradley. Bradley.

What? Rodley Martin. Oh, my God. Should we really, can I explain how we met? Yes. Yeah, I mean, go, yeah. That's why we're here. We're here to talk about, whatever.

Great. Everyone's going to think that I'm just like an Instagram. What is a, uh, a thought? No, this is like, I think this is before, like. No, this is way, this is like, you were still very early. You were already big, but this was still very early. Yeah. And I was like just getting into fitness.

And I just. How many years ago you think this was? Oh my God. Dude, like, well, if I've been on YouTube now for three years, four years? God damn, time flies. I started my channel in 23rd... Wait, what year is it?

2018? What year is it? Yeah, time flies. So I started my channel in 2013, but I had already had it, and then I started uploading content on it like a year or two later. So I've had my channel for three years, so I've probably known you for like three years because it was like, I don't even know if I had a YouTube channel yet. I feel like it's longer than three years, though.

I feel like it's been like four or five. Yeah. Maybe it has. It definitely has. Maybe, I feel like I've known you for four years. Okay. Okay, we're going to stick with that number. Yeah.

I could honestly probably go on Twitter and find, I could probably find, oh no, I probably deleted the DMs. You probably did. Yeah, there were DMs. So basically. Did you slide into my DMs? No, I think you slid into mine. Oh, yeah.

Or maybe I slid into yours. Honestly, I had a lot of balls back then, so who knows. Okay. But I remember, I went on Instagram. I'd already known who you were because of Fuzi Tube. And then I think maybe I felt. found your Instagram somehow. Yeah.

And I posted you as my Man Crush Monday on Twitter. So sweet. I was like, Man Crush Monday. And I think I had even posted it on Instagram when it was normal. Remember when it was normal to post like your Woman Crush Wednesday or your Man Crush Monday? Like you could just post it. People did that. And it was like not weird to post a picture of somebody that like, and you weren't even in it.

That's what's crazy. And like, and then you got more popular. Then it becomes very weird. Oh yeah. That's true. Yeah, because posting somebody else would end up bringing in more followers. Some shit like that. It was something weird.

Instagram was so different. But I also mean just in general, it's like now that you have a following or whatever, it's like if you did something like that, they'd be like, oh, what? Oh, I know. Yeah, exactly. It would be such a big like gossip thing. It's a big deal. Yeah.

But I had said that. And then I think I don't, I don't know if it was you or me that slid into the DMs, but somehow it happened and we ended up hanging out. And thus was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Yeah. It's true. Also, you guys should know Bradley and I dated on the low for three years. What?

When did this happen? Oh, you didn't know. What did this happen? You don't remember? No. Bradley, I would like sit outside your door for hours. Whoa, I was not an honor. Remember and I would bring you flowers and I would just sit there and wait for you to come home?

That's before I had security cameras apparently. Wait, you really don't remember. Dude, that'd be so funny. Could you imagine? If you did that, legit, like, if I found out right now, oh my God, that would trip me out. I'd be like, Steve, cut the tapes, cut the tapes. Steve, cut this off, bro. Whoa, that's funny.

I just wanted to shock people for a minute. 9-1-1. Hello? She made it. It's me. I've, like, rigged the lines, and 9-1-1 is going to be me on it. From my phone, when I called 911 is you. Yes.

That'd be funny, your phone start ringing. Yo, I don't know what I would do. Have you ever had a stalker? Yeah. Really? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I actually, I mean. Like a serious, like a.

Okay, so I feel like I feel like I, I did. I actually made a video on this like years ago. And it's really scary. I was like 16 years old. I was living with my mom. My mom was sick at the time. And... Oh, this is before any internet shit. Yeah. This is like when I was just still in high school. Like I didn't even have a YouTube. I mean, I did, but like it didn't really count. You know, there was like three subscribers. But where we lived, it was like an apartment building and it was like in a small town. I grew up in a town called Pleasant Hill. From the Bay area, right? From the And the apartments that we lived in, there was like, you know, you drove in through the parking

lot and there were some buildings here and then there was two other buildings on the outside. But you could, it wasn't gated. It was like open. Anybody could just drive in and, you know, get to your apartment. Did you find spy photos like those? Yeah, exactly. You're such a troll for that. You want to explain what that was?

No, no. Because they have no idea. I know. Sorry, guys. I apologize, trolled. I have some photos over here of like places around the gym that I was joking earlier that there were spy photos on like one of her vlogs that she just was filming. Sorry I threw that off. Twelve minutes. Twelve minutes. Sorry, Joseph. But you got some wish. You can cut that up.

Yeah, Justin will splice that it to something. But no, I didn't have any spy. There were no spy photos, unfortunately. But I had a very set, like, regimen where I took my shower at like nine o'clock each night, like my lights turned off probably by 10.30 in my room. So because of the way that it was facing, we were in the back buildings. And it was like the bathroom window, the the front door and then my bedroom window. My mom, we lived in a one bed, my mom always gave me the room. And the bathroom window was big.

It wasn't like those little ones. Where's your mom's day? She's stayed in the living room? Yeah, with her queen bed and everything. She was like, you're a teenager. She was the best. Holy shit. I know, I know.

She's like, you deserve your own room. You're a teenager. I want, like, if I can't afford for us to have. She must be really proud of you now. Do you know about my mom? Yeah. Okay. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Still, though. Yeah, that's true. Nobody ever says it like that. And I was like, oh, my God. No, regardless. No, I have no doubt that she is. I feel like she's constantly looking down.

She's like, oh, my God, what even? Because social media wasn't even a thing. So she's probably also very confused up there. Like, I don't understand. What is the sorcery? Yeah, but, but yeah, so she, and that was one thing that she would always say to me, was like, I don't want you to ever worry about money the way that I did, you know? So it's really cool that everything has kind of happened the way it has.

I feel like she was able to do more work up there than she could have done here. But anyway, going back to that story, She would sleep in the living room. She always kept, even though she was like sick, she had cancer, everything, she kept a baseball bat by the bed because if anybody ever came in, she was going to be ready to fuck them up. Yo, I love your mom right now. So I don't even know where she got this baseball bat from, probably from like a thrift store,

but it was like she was ready. Was it a metal or like a Louisville slugger? It was a Louisville slugger. Damn, it was, she's ready to go. And so I was taking my shower and the bathroom windows were pretty big. Like, I wouldn't say a man would be able to fit through it, but like I would have been able to fit through those windows. like they were they were pretty big so I was taking my shower and oh this is important our windows faced like a swamp area it was just like a bunch of trees there was like a weird I know it was like there was like crocodiles I don't even know it was so weird so there was like there was like there was like there was like there was like a swamp and somebody could easily like we'd always say like somebody could easily just sit in those bushes and we would never even know anyone was there yeah exactly literally so terrifying so I was taking my shower and I just remember

the window was in the shower, right? So it wasn't like, it's like if I was showering, they would be able to see my hands. Yeah, because the window's right there. Exactly. Got it, yeah. So I'm taking my shower

and I see something hit the window, like a white flash. And I kind of freak out. And like, when that's happening to you and you're in such a vulnerable state, you're not thinking that there's somebody there. Like my thought was like, oh, somebody's just crossing the pathway

because, you know, it was a bunch of apartments lined up. I was like someone's probably just crossing. And my fucking thought, I still remember was that somebody was spinning their zipper. Like, you know, like, the strings on your hoodie. I was like somebody's probably just...

How was that the first thing you think of? I don't know. Someone's spinning a zipper on a hoodie. Because you're in denial. You're like, oh, that's what it was. That's definitely all it was. White Flash is spinning a hoodie zipper. Because that's what I used to always do.

So I was like, oh, somebody probably accidentally flicked my window. Fucking idiot. So that happened. Somebody hit the window and I was like, oh shit. And I kind of like cringed for a minute. And then I was like, no, no, it's nothing. And then something banged on the window. And I ducked.

Like my natural. was just like duck below and oh my god this is still like the most terrifying thing i was down there my heart is pounding my mom's asleep and she had just had chemo that day right it's like the worst situation yeah and i look up and my window is now halfway open whoa the bathroom window is halfway open and the screen is gone and all i see is darkness right because it's night time and my thank god because i still wonder what would happen my fight or flight response was to get up slammed the window, scream bloody murder, and just, like, close. I was like, what the fuck, motherfucker?

And I just hit the window, slammed it shut, locked it. And you were 16? Wow. And my mom woke up screaming, like literally just got up screaming with her baseball, about adrenaline rush, ready to kill somebody. And whoever it was, I think it was just like a peeping Tom, you know, who had figured out my schedule, figured out, like, what time I took my shower. I'm trying to figure out what the fuck he was trying to do through that little tiny shower window. Well, so what's even scarier.

So we called the police. The police came. You could see the fingerprints of somebody's hands like dragging the window. The screen was removed. The guy took it with him because he probably knew fingerprints.

He was like smelling that shit like... Ew, Bradley. No! I hate you. I mean like, what else is he doing with that shit? Well, he probably knew his fingerprints were going to be on it because the fingerprinting is so nasty.

I'm sorry. I had to make light of this weird-ass- No, I know. It's really weird. But it's okay. It was so long ago now that like I'm able to recount the story and just be like...

Do you think that like fucked with you a little bit though? Oh, my God. Well, so listen. So basically, like, of course, because what ended up happening was the management came after all the police were there, and they're like, you know, they never found the guy. Or girl, who fucking knows. But management was like, oh, we saw a guy standing outside your door yesterday night.

And I'm like, what the fuck do you mean? A guy was standing outside our door. And apparently there was a man. They couldn't identify him. And he was just literally leaning on the railing, staring, staring at our door. door and they drove up and they were like hey what are you doing here like do you know these people and he's like oh yeah these people normally leave like recycling out for me we never did anything like that like what are you talking about so there was just a man standing outside our door at like 10 o'clock

and what's scary to me about that is that my bedroom window is right there so like I'm over here in my bed or on the computer or whatever and there's just a man just outside the wall so that I never found out and now it's affected me where I never want to have a window in my bathroom. Like legit. Never. Never. Never. And I know it's technically better because that's how you avoid mildew in your bathroom, but I don't want it. I don't want it. I'm so scared. I mean, if it's a tiny one, that's different. But like my, I still wonder, like, what was his plan? Was he going to, like, oh my God. Help wash your hair maybe. He's like, you just, you look like you need a little bit of help. Let me just help you out. Let me use my strong hand. Oh yeah, yeah,

right there. Yeah. That's it. You ever scary movie, the strong-hand guy? No, that's a thing. You didn't have seen a scary movie where the guy, the Butler guy, had a strong hand? No. Oh, my God. Oh, wait, you're talking about the movie scary movie? The movie, it's like a joke. Oh, okay, I probably. And he goes to, like, reach to help somebody.

He's like, let me use my strong hand. And he's like, it was like a deformed hand. I probably remember, but I don't. Okay. I watched all the scary movies, though. Don't worry. But you are that old. Oh, okay.

Check, that old. Check. I am that old. What's it like being? Almost 30? A hundred years old. Almost 30? Almost 30?

I'm 29. Oh, my God. You see this beard? That's an old man. I have like three grays right here. Do you actually, I don't have my glasses on, so just consider it a blessing. I can't see it from here. But did you realize that you have like different colored hairs in your beard? I'm a Viking.

Are you? Yes. When did you become a Viking? When I met Thor. Really? Yeah. Did you actually meet Thor? Well, no, no.

Not like Thor Thor, but like the guy that plays Thor. No, no, no. Oh, you're talking about. Not that pussy. Not that actor. Hey, wait a minute. No, obviously he's probably a cool guy. I don't know.

I'm talking about the big giant. Yeah. He's from. Um, Norway, Sweden? No, I'm not talking about like where he lives. Like he, what show is he on? Game of Thrones. Yeah, I haven't watched him.

He's a strong, he's a professional strong man. He's huge. Oh, really? Yeah, you didn't know that, Thor? No. What? I know. I know.

So he's a giant, he's literally like six, seven, six eight, like giant huge. What? How tall are you? Like six four? Six three. I mean, you made me feel good though. Yeah, he may feel pretty good. Six four, yeah, six four.

Pretty fucking tall. No, but he's huge. Like, say next to him, I'm like, this is like what they, I remember, people would be like, how talls he, how talls he? Because I come in and be like, I saw you do a video with him. And I'm like, yo, this dude is literally, these are the kind of people that they wrote like mythology about back in the day. Dude, that's crazy. He's literally a giant, he does not look like a human. He does, but he's like, he's like a giant monster, but a nice monster. He's a really nice monster. Yeah. Does he have an accent? Yeah. What's his

accent like? Can you impersonate it? Oh, you don't want to like accidentally make fun of him? Yeah. Can I do it? I don't, sure. It's like, it's like, Hull. Nope. No, I was doing Russian. I don't know why. You just literally made your voice on Holo. Hello.

You were like, hollo. Holo. Holo. That's not even an accent. That was Russian. Do you speak another language? No, I don't. I'm not, I'm Puerto Rican, but I'm not really,

why are you hiding behind the mic? Because I don't speak another language. You're all, I'm just like, where are you going? I don't speak any other languages, so that's fine. So let's talk about your mom some more. Okay. Is it hard for you sometimes?

Oh my God, yeah. I feel like my mom is something that I keep pretty near and dear to my heart because, you know, like she passed away when I was 17. And my mom's only goal throughout all of her chemotherapy was she wanted to make it until I was 18 and she wanted to see me graduate high school. She didn't make either of those things. So something a little known fact that it's not known. nobody knows this but um for my senior year you know my mom was like I had gone on to independent study and she was like I think that you should go back for your senior year and I had said that I wanted to go back just to like experience my last year of high school um I went in

the first day and I texted my mom like because I had gotten so used to running my own schedule and going to school once a week to meet with my teacher I texted her I was like mom I can't take these teachers telling you what to do seriously can you come and get me I just want to be at home with you. So she picked me up. I completed my senior year in three months when they told us that she wasn't going to make it much longer. So I was like, okay, if she's not going to be able to see, you know, my completed, or my diploma or whatever, I want at least, I want her to see like a transcript that just shows all A's got it done. So I busted my ass for three months, finished senior year. School started in August. I finished by like November. And, um,

And that was really cool. Like, that was a really good accomplishment. And I remember, like, she was, you know, it was a proud moment for her to at least know that she'd see that. But, yeah, no, I mean, it gets really hard. My mom was truly my best friend. My dad is not a part of my life at all. My brother is one of the greatest people I know. And I feel like he really took on that role, I mean, my entire life.

But especially after she passed away, he really embodied being a parent, both types, which is a lot of pressure. How old is he? He's 11 years older than me. Okay. Yeah. So, and at that time, gosh, he was like, I never thought about. He was like 27, you know, 27, 28. So, yeah, it was really hard.

But, I mean, I think now I've gotten to this place where I've accepted it because for so long I was so angry. You know, I was just like, why? Why would you take the only person that I had that I lived with? Like why, what reason, what could come from this? Sorry, I keep having to clear my throat. But I think I've just gotten to a place where I've been able to accept that there were probably major lessons that I needed to learn on my own and that, you know, my mom came and she

accomplished what she accomplished in those years. And I know that after she had me and my brother, she felt like her only real job was to just be a mom, you know? And so she was able to do that for as long as she could. could and then yeah and then and then and then it was just me and my brother and I miss her I miss her every single day um there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of her but I know that she's proud yeah do you do you think because I can relate obviously like I lost my father when I was young yeah I can't say obviously because I don't know if everyone knows that but I know I've

talked to you about yeah um do you find like strengthen it though like now because I like you said like a lot of things I totally relate to like and you're like what the fuck why me all this stuff I dealt with all the same things and then later on in my life I'm like it's giving me so much more power than it took away totally even in the time so in the time when it took away all my powers when I was young and I became like you get like these hopeless feelings hopeless emotion especially when you're like for you you were a kid and like your father figure is such a huge thing as like a growing boy so it's like to have that absence and especially like with the whole story of of what happened I could only imagine how mentally debilitating that was as a kid. I mean, I'm definitely, I'm trying to put the vibe out there that, like, no one's, you know,

like, upsets is worse than someone else's. Right. I'm just really interested in, like, being older now. Yeah. And, like, being past it, obviously, because it's happened. It's been some time. What do you think you, like, you can take away, like, strength-wise most from it? Because I think it's relevant to people who are listening that at some point in your life,

you're probably going to deal with, you're going to deal with death because it's inevitable. Right, right. And whether it be like someone very close to you or someone slightly distant, like it kind of, it's never like, oh, it's harder or not harder. Right. But it's like, what do you think you learn from it? I think, I mean, it took me a long time to get to this place, but I started to learn about truly being independent and also like learning how to love myself when other people couldn't, you know, because if there's any, there's no true love than a mother's love, right? I mean, it's just, it's like the pure, right. It's just like the purest kind of love.

And like, I think I was super, super dependent on her, obviously. I mean, I was 16, 17 years old, but I think I would have spent my whole life being dependent on her. And I think losing her, it forced me to figure out who I am, who I want to be, the type of person that I want to grow into. And it also made me kind of ignite being the person that she raised me to be. you know, she raised me with all these morals and just how to be a good person and things to look out for and warning signs and, you know, when it comes to guys and when it comes to friendship. And I feel like it was like the true test after she was gone was to figure out how to take all the lessons that she taught me and really become the woman that she would have

wanted me to be after she left. So I mean... Do you think that you are today? I do. I do. I think, I mean, I'm sure I've done things where she's like, you little fucking brat. But I genuinely believe that if she was looking down to me right now, she'd be like, that's my girl. Of course she would. Of course she would. Yeah, she believed in anything I wanted to do. I remember, like, when I wanted to move to L.A., and she was sick, and I was like, but I want to be an actress. And she's like, if I could figure out a place where I can continue my, I can continue my chemotherapy in L.A., I would do it.

Like, she was just so, like, I don't care what you do. I just want you to be great at it, and I know that you're going to do great. like that was it she she really didn't care i mean obviously my mom didn't want me to go and become like a stripper or anything like that but it was just kind of like i know that you're destined for great things so just do it and i'll be supporting do you think that her like um saying that or teaching that made you believe that more in yourself oh my god are you kidding yeah i heard it from her and then i had my brother as like the voice right there constantly in my ear like remember this remember this remember you can be anything you can do this like i believe in you and so when you have two of

the most important people in your life telling you that hell yeah you're like i can be i could be anything that i want do you think if you didn't have those people in your life that you could have figured it out because i know there's some people out there listening who would be like i don't have anyone telling me that shit yeah you know um i that's such a good question i think i think if there are people out there feeling that way that they can and i want to be that person telling you that, but I don't know. I don't know if I would have figured it out because I, where I grew up, where I grew up, a lot of people just ended up staying out there.

A lot of them ended up just getting pregnant, which I shot out to you guys. I want to say, though, that shit happens everywhere. It does. It totally does. Yeah, it's not even just to my town, right? Everywhere. Yeah, people get stuck and they get comfortable. And it seems to especially happen in the small towns, though, because you just get,

you're like, oh, this is just, I'm comfortable here. I don't want to leave. What you see, though, too, is you're like, well, this is what I'm used to. You don't see, like, if it's a small town, you're going to have less people going out and doing things. So you have less example of people able to go do other things. So you look at your limitations, like, oh, this is it. Well, so, like, and honestly, that's why I feel like if I didn't have my mom or my brother in my ear, I would have gotten stuck because, you know, when she passed away, I sung into, like, a deep depression for, like, a year.

I was in beauty school. I did the beauty school thing. I wasn't passionate about it. And I was just kind of, like, bouncing around in, like, salon jobs. And I was working at Nordstrom at, like, a long com. makeup counter and, you know, doing whatever. And then one day I was like, well, first of all, my brother was always in my ear, like, you need to get on YouTube. You need to get on YouTube. And I was like, what am I going to do on YouTube? I started doing beauty tutorials and never really

picked up. But he is like, if you just get consistent, I know, I know for a fact that you will be successful. And so I kind of started to move away from beauty. Is your brother a psychic? Dude, my brother is honestly like the greatest. He's insane. I mean, he's one of the most brilliant, intelligent people that I know because anything he has told me to do has always wound up successful. Always. I give him literally

99% of the credit of my YouTube channel because 1% has to be me because I did it. Well, there's more than that, but I respect that. But no, my brother, like, I don't think I would have done it. He was always like, did you record a video? Are you going to edit it? When are you going to do it? What does he do? He is an entrepreneur

himself. He actually, he's been an entrepreneur since he was like 16 years old. he started on eBay and then he like worked up to like he started doing like Amazon stuff for a while he did he's done so many different things but um that's dope but yeah he is an entrepreneur himself and he runs he does like um how do you explain it like where you go and you find like very vintage clothing and then you resell it and people know you know that it's a vintage piece and then they bid on it and go crazy and then he sells that like auction stuff yeah but it's all online is it on eBay or Amazon I think it's eBay yeah yeah yeah he's like yeah auction And he, I mean, and he's been doing it successfully for years. He has, like, his own office. I mean, it's like a, it's like a real thing. It's like, yeah, it's really, really cool. My brother's, that's, that's impressive.

He's a true entrepreneur. I always tell him, like, if you were to go out and do, like, speeches, people would, I could go on about my brother forever. He's the greatest person. Damn, I want to get your brother on you. I know, right? No one knows who he is. Like, people are always like, who's your brother?

You have a brother you never talk about it. I'm like, dude, because I keep him very, he's my, he's my, like, mine. You're a muse. He's mine. He's my brother. Yeah, he's my inspiration behind everything. And so going back to like the, you know, having that voice in your head of somebody just constantly encouraging you and believing in you. Can you do it without it?

That's the question. Yeah. I mean, now, now I can now that I've found my own way. But I think anybody can. But you have to, I mean, it's ten times harder because you're your own motivation. You have to seek those positive comments. You have to put that energy energy. Don't worry. I do it all the time. I slurs shit all the time. I'm like, what's going on? You have to put that RRRJ out. You have to put that energy out into the universe that you can do this. And it's so much harder, right?

I think it's so much harder because people are like, well, I don't feel good about it or like, they just, I don't know. One bad day and it ruins any progress that you feel you've made. Yeah. And I think it's important to like point out something. I kind of talked about this a little bit in my last podcast, but it's like, it is so much harder. It is like exponentially harder. Because like you said, there's no one there to tell. you otherwise and it's all up to you. It's all up to you. That's hard. And then it's like you have your friends in your ear who are like yeah you could do it but I even remember when I started my YouTube like my friends were like you're quitting your job. I'm like yeah like it's gonna go great like I'm making like 500 bucks a month on YouTube and they're like okay yeah like you got it jazz like great job you know. Keep it up so and it's like these weird voices that like want you to succeed but it's also like what the fuck are you doing so

I don't you run to that a lot too because then it's a doubt it's a doubt I think I think people get really not fearful of their own like aspirations that like when they see someone like you or someone who's like want to pursue something like that they're like oh that's really hard and then you start to do it and they're like oh and it's like they're almost like more doubtful of themselves because like they wish they can do it sometimes so I think it's important to note guys listening a lot of times people around you especially when you have like big goals or big aspirations or big dreams they may not always line up with like your perspective 99% of time they're not because it's someone other person based on their own whole list of like influences or people

that they had in their circle or parents that they had or didn't have the way they treated them like I urge you guys to not I mean it's so hard to say this because it's like just fucking difficult to accept right you it's it's kind of corny do your best to not listen to negative shit no matter what the cornea statements are always the truest ones though right fuck just like why do I got to be like believe in yourself you can do it really but that's really it yeah And it's like, it's so easy to say that shit. And then people are like, but I have all this shit stacked against me. What the fuck?

Yeah. And it's like, okay, fine, you do, but you do. That's it. Well, like, I feel like the most comments, like, you know, I'll get comments for people and they're like, I'm so inspired by, you know, the fact that you're a Latina and you started a channel from nothing and everything you've had happened to you. Like, where did you find the time? Or like, what did you do?

Like, how did you start with the, whatever? You always get the questions about, like, the camera equipment or like, you know. And it's like, guys. when I started my channel, I was making $700 a month, working at a salon, commuting an hour and a half away. I started vlogging with my old, old little cannon power shot. Like, I mean, it was a little rinky-dinky, hot pink camera, exactly, 4-80.

For sure. And then I was like, one day I was like, oh, I think my iPhone quality is going to be better than this. So I started with my iPhone. And then I was, I had the time. I was working 40 hours a week and I still had the time, you know, commuting another two hours, you know, out of that day.

So it was a lot of driving and it was a lot of working, but... You just forced the time. You made it time. Yeah, I made it work because I wanted to do it. And so I think it's so important that, like Bradley said, obviously, don't listen to the doubt and try your best to believe in yourself. I know that, like, I don't know. Can I recommend a book?

I feel like a lot of people... Okay, people always talk about the book Big Magic, I think it's called. I haven't personally read the book, but I know it's one of those books. I have that book, haven't read it. Really? I always hear people that are like, oh my God, I was so, you know, like, I can't do this. I don't believe in myself. But big magic and the subtle art of not giving a fuck will just, like, change your perspective.

And I feel like be that voice of motivation when you're not getting it from outside sources. We all need it. We all need it. And those are the books where they literally are talking to you. And they're like, don't give a fuck. Be who you want to be. Do what you want. Pursue what you want.

Otherwise, you're just going to be unhappy. You know what's the craziest thing I think about with all this the dynamic of like, don't listen to the negative shit people say and like believe in yourself and the craziest part about all that is all that's true it's so true but at the same time you cannot succeed in life without other people that's where you run into this like well what the fuck do I do yeah yeah yeah because like you can you can believe in yourself all you want but then it's like you're gonna involve you're gonna have to involve other people along your journey whether it be like maybe like to help you learn a new thing that you don't and they know something about or like

just direct you somehow totally and you're gonna run into that person which you need some type of information from. And at the same time, they could give you like, oh, you know, well, here it is, but like, that's a dumb idea. They could, they give you both. And it's like, you're like, fuck, but like, I need this, but like, I don't need that shit. Yes.

It's like, you have to just be really good at discerning, like, what's really important. What's bullshit and what is going to help you. Exactly. Yeah. I think, like, I went through a lot of that, you know, like when I remember when I first met you and you were like, you need to be careful. Like, that was one of the first things you said to me when I was starting social media were at Barbell in L.A., and you were just like, you need to be careful.

Like, I'm going to tell you right now, you have a growing social media. People are going to try and take advantage of you. Let me give you some knowledge that I wish somebody had said to me. Those are the people that are most likely going to actually give you information that means something. Because other people are usually just, I mean, whatever, ideas and stuff are useful. But when somebody comes to you and just says like, I remember that conversation too, yeah. Because I remember being like, oh, my God. I remember getting paranoid.

Like I was getting ready to sign with a company. I didn't mean to make you paranoid. No, but it was a good. good thing. It was a good type of paranoia because before I was so comfortable and like I remember I had an old sponsor. I ended up having to get a lawyer involved because they wanted to sue me and take money. Oh my God. It was like the biggest scam ever. Oh man. I have so many fucking stories like that. I've gone through a lot in this fucking industry. Really? Oh my gosh. Especially at the beginning because you don't understand it. It's so new to you and somebody comes to you and says, I want to pay

you $400 a month to wear my clothes. I was like, what? All right, let's go. You know, I didn't know anything. And so I was, I think I was just getting out of that. And then you were like, okay, before you go into this next thing, be aware of this. And this might happen. You need to be aware of this. And your value is this. And I was like, oh, my God. I just thought I was a girl uploading videos on YouTube. And then you dropped all the knowledge. So yeah. I hope it helped. I did. I mean, it still stays with me even now because you had already known so much and I knew nothing. So obviously, like, if there's anything that I could say is, you know, when you decide that... Oh, yeah. Sorry. No, say it. I got excited. No, you're going to say it,

I think. Okay. Well, no, probably not. Yeah, you are. Okay. Let's see. Let's see. All right. Go ahead. I mean, I believe in you. It's a long shot. You got it. No, you got it. Well, I was just going to say, like, obviously, once you decide to do this and once you decide to... Or do anything. Or do anything. Yeah. Well, when I say this, I mean, yeah, whatever it is that is your this. Yeah. Once you decide to do that... and pursue it full throttle, obviously pursue it full throttle, read self-help books, you're going to need them, count on the people that are closest to you, but also don't count on them too much. And really try and create your circle of people, because it's going to be such an

important part of this journey. And people are going to exit the circle along the way. I lost so many fucking friends, so many. But then I gained so many even better ones. And then the ones that stick it out for super long like Bradley like it's awesome because then you're able to look back from the very beginning but just be patient and fucking just kill it you can do it that's close to what I was going to say yeah all that is so true yeah specifically the only thing I would say different is like you have to look at who you're listening to so if there's a person who you're going to get advice and they're teaching you let's say about camera equipment right but you you need to know a little bit about camera equipment but at the same time you with the camera

equipment your your goal is to do things in front of the camera and let's say that person doesn't do anything in front of the camera you're not necessarily going to listen to what that person telling you to do in front of the camera maybe behind exactly if someone good like the thing you want to do like I came to you because I was already doing it I was like you I got some advice because I've been there yeah yeah so like listen to his advice so if someone's coming to you and they're like that's a stupid fucking idea but they've never been there right and they don't know if it they don't know it yeah that's that you've got to be like well okay do you do it yeah shut the fuck up exactly yeah yeah like and it's it's

so hard for people because initially, especially when you're young, you're just like, oh, well, if the person's older, a lot of times you're just like, oh, that person's right. Right. Because they're older. Yeah, you just assume. But it's like, that person could just be a fucking hater because they're mad about their life because they didn't do some shit that you're talking about doing. Oh, totally.

Totally. Actually, today, today I posted a picture on Instagram and I just was like, like, like, like, like if you're tired. I couldn't think of anything. It was super early this morning. I'm getting there. Trust me. Not tired, but I'm getting on Instagram.

I'm like, what does this fuck doing? I was like, I was like, I typed to like an emoji. I was like, okay, I should at least put words, like if you're tired. And somebody, it was a good one, right? And this guy was like, get a job. I was like, dude, I'm a CEO of my own business. You're buying your own living space. Oh, yeah, I'm buying a condo.

Wait, is that what you're talking about? Yeah, living space. Oh, I've never heard somebody call it that, like a home maybe. Living spaces. No, because I just mean like it's a place where you're living. Yeah. You know, because I don't want to put you out there like, oh, you know, you're buying a mansion or you're buying a condo. I am buying a mansion, a 960.

from the mansion. That's my point, though. It's like, I don't want to put it out if it was a house or a condo. Yeah. Oh, no, I don't care. Yeah, I'm buying a condo and I'm... You're buying a shelter.

It's just a box. It's a box. I got it at Home Depot. He's got some nice floors, though. Yeah, it's cardboard, but, you know, it'll work. No, so, you know, when he said that, I literally just responded and I was like, I'm a CEO. Like, it's a great job.

I love what I do. And it's so funny how people, like, going to what you said. will demean the social media world or really, God, anything, anything that is out of the ordinary and not, if you are not working a nine to five that is like under another business, it's like you don't actually have a job.

Yeah, I think it's bigger than that. I think it's more like the person just maybe that, because they're following you, obviously, they're commenting on yourself. I think it's more like maybe they look at what you have or what they don't have more likely and they're like, well, you know, I want that. So a lot of times you just like.

Like, I couldn't imagine, I couldn't imagine being that way. And that's fine, you know. Well, that's why you're this way. So that's why to everyone listening is like, if, if you find yourself going on someone's page and, like, talking negative about someone or something that someone has that they're doing, like, you need to stop for a second and be like, why am I doing this? Yeah. What is this benefiting me?

Yes. Because the people that, like, maybe you're talking about in their success are probably, and they may be less successful, I don't know. But in most situations, if you're going, like, poking someone, they probably, have something to poke right so it's like you got this if you're one of those people you spend your time and energy to like talk negatively about someone else like you'd probably be much better talking positively or doing positive things for yourself you're putting all that energy but then that goes the same way to people who listen to it no it's true that's so true you know what

it's so funny you should say that because so there i don't even want to say the name of the website because i don't even want to give it any any sort of clout at all but wow did you guys hear me say clout like as if I'm like chute like what I'm so trendy um yeah like who am it's lit yeah it's yeah okay you can you again um I'm turning 24 on Monday oh my God what 25 yeah what are you talking about are you jealous well at 25 there's a secret I want to know yeah you got to be 25 to know all the 25 years shout out all the 20 shout to all the 24 year olds turning 24 on Monday July 23rd you know what happens when you turn 25? What? Oh, I can't know because I'm not 25. Well, I'm gonna tell you so you're ready because

it's gonna be an experience. Okay. Everything happens faster. Oh my God. I swear to God. The minute I turn 25, that's the secret. You realize that at 25, you're 26. What do you know? I swear to God. It was like, I was 25. Next thing you know, I turned around. I was like, wait a minute. And then I like took a breath again and I was 27. I was like, what is going on in my life? No, but I think it's just you get more busy. Like you might get more busy. Well, you also become like more aware of who you are And normally at that point, you've started to, like, figure out your life. And so things start to happen a lot faster, maybe. Yeah.

And I want to mention this real quick, because I think it's important to people listening. And I told us to Tila last night because she was like, yeah, everything is. She's older. She's getting older. Obviously, everyone is. But she was like, oh, I'm almost this age. And she was talking about, like, she, time's going by fast. Right.

And what I learned, looking back, and I wish I did this more. And I'm doing this more now. Like, I learned that as you're growing in life and doing things and, like, you know, achieving stuff or trying to achieve stuff, whatever it is, you'll notice the more things you start to do, and if you start to get good at something, you start to do it every day,

you start to do it often, you'll notice that your time will go by faster. Oh, for sure. I forget who told me this, but what I learned to like, not like, you can't negate that because time's always going to go by, but to like to slow that,

to make it feel like it's slowing down is to try and learn something new. Yeah. Oh, for sure. So like, let it be like, learn like a new language and learn something like you're, because you're getting so,

you're so used to like, this is your grind, what you're doing and like you'd be like shit two years just went by right what the fuck like i feel like time's flying to slow yourself down try and learn something brand new because like you're out of because think about this when you're in high school it feels like fucking forever yeah oh my god you don't know yes you're just like you're learning they make you force you learn that's such a good point and then you get out and you start doing things you like and it's enjoyable and time kind of flies yeah time flies when you're having fun yeah yeah yeah so when you're doing what you know

it's like boom boom boom boom boom boom fuck two years went by well it's so funny you should say that because literally I've been getting this itch to like go back and get lessons for something because I've been feeling like recently I'm like wait a minute I could have sworn it was just January and now it's already the middle of July and so I was like you know what I think I'm going to take a piano lessons or like I want to go like I need to go back to take my Spanish lessons like just something because you're right like it does slow things down it puts you more in the moment because you're like wait I don't know this in it yeah yeah it slows things down so I think that's really important to people listening I like that I like that a lot

I feel like there was a point that I was going to make And I interrupted Yeah you totally I'm sorry guys But it was a good point So it was probably better than whatever I was going to say I have no Yeah I lost it

It's gone It's okay Check this out I tried to whistle it didn't So next time we do a podcast What are we going to talk about So we could hype it up Sexual stuff

Oh my god You animal Sorry he's all sexual His eyes turned red That's right, right? No, like an animal like that. No, relax. No, like, because the last time you're on here,

we talked about some, like, pretty interesting stuff. I know, this was a very serious one. I know. I'm sorry if you guys were expecting quirky stuff. It was intimate. I thought it was really good. I appreciate it. Well, I think the next time I come on,

Nikki should come with me. Okay. And we will talk about a bunch of different things. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a good idea. Yeah, we'll talk about, we could talk about, we could talk about boys dating because I have some dating stories now under my belt oh yeah

you wear a belt since a girl yeah I wear no I don't it's a mental belt oh that's like a metaphor it's like a chastity belt a mental for a what metaphor but mentally for mental for some it's fine yeah I wear a belt yeah I wear belts do you really wear belts no seriously if I'm wearing really baggy shorts. Like these Levi shorts have recently become a thing. They're like the mom shorts. That's a thing now? It is a thing.

But they're, you know, the mom shorts like they fit my butt, but they don't fit my waist. I got to like cinch it in. So then that's when I wear a belt. Aside from that, no,

I don't wear belts. I don't even, my jeans don't even have belt loops. Shocking news. Just fascinating stuff here on the culture cast. Oh my God. We get all of that. Dicey details here. Let's go.

Okay, so next time we'll have you two on here. We'll talk about boys, dating. All that good stuff. Okay. Embarrassing stories. I appreciate you coming on. Thanks for having me. And you, I think you were more on time this time.

No, I wasn't. I was 40 minutes late. Whatever, it's fine. We were lit anyways. I appreciate you. Any last words? I feel like I have to start saying. I'm going to start saying that now.

I like that's going to be a thing I'm going to say. It's like a good way to close it off. Any last words for you? Oh, yeah. I want to make a quick apology to anybody out there who is. super pissed at me in the last podcast because I don't I talked a lot about the fitness industry and I feel like a lot of people thank you actually you saying that is this is the perfect time for me to say this a lot of people were super mad like I didn't even want to go

and read the comments because people were so mad at me because we talked a lot about the fitness industry I don't even remember what I said but it was just I was in this place where I was like look fitness I don't like any of it but I was going through my own thing and I guess when I talked about it with you like I feel like you were able to understand where I was coming from more because we're both we were both really in it you're really in it I was really in it before but you know if there's anything that I could say in response to anybody who was mad is that what do I say I'm sorry fitness was a huge part of my life and it's it got me where I am now it still is a part of

life, but I think I've just been in this very transitionary period, and I think when I was talking about it, I was at the beginning of my transition, and I was just very, like, gung-ho about it. Number one, to everyone listening and to you, you do not have to apologize at all, to any of these people or to anyone for where you were in your life. Yeah, that's true. That's who you are. Yeah.

So you don't have to say sorry, because at the end of the day, if someone was going to judge you based on, like, how you feel, it's like, that's silly because there's tons of people out there listening, and if you are listening, like, there's been moments in your life where you felt a certain way and you reacted a certain way and it's just kind of what it is. Yeah, that's true. It's not like you came out here

like fuck everybody in the world. I know, right. You're really ill intention. Well, I think what it was is that people were like, you know, she's saying all these things about like, because I was like, girls doing their booty poses with the shaker bottles and I have the same thing.

They call you hippocry. Right. That's, fuck it. Yeah. Like you felt a certain way because of what you were going through Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And you're growing.

And you sit here. If you want to say sorry, I'm sure they appreciate it. Yeah. I don't think you have to say sorry because it's who you are and it's what you were going through and I just think it's silly

that anyone would be like I'm sorry for who I am because like you're it's like I'm not fucking perfect you're not perfect Steve's not perfect no one's perfect we're trying to be better

and it's just like I respect that you said sorry and like I'll co-sign her sorry but I can definitely say I understand there's moments we're like you just say stuff

and motherfuckers have shit on me in this industry hard hard for some from bullshit some bullshit and you know what it's like

I can be sorry that like things happen a certain way but like I know in my heart and my intentions were never ill or always pure so at the end of the day I can't be like sorry for something I can't be sorry for

like if I went out of my way to hurt someone's feelings and do something wrong someone like you're saying sorry for like who you who I was in that moment yeah that's true and it's just like I couldn't I can't do it

but if I like went out of my way to hurt you and hurt your feelings and make you feel bad and like purposely like I'm gonna hurt you then that's a good point that's a good point I think you're you can't be sorry for you growing right yeah I think I guess the better thing to say would be like I was just misunderstood maybe maybe it my my message was misinterpreted yeah and misunderstood but you're right that that is what I was feeling in that moment and I should be unapologetically myself hell yeah so should everyone else listen hell yeah dope how we came to that like I know and then it wasn't fucking done we came back with one more lesson either either let's go all right I appreciate you coming thank you for having there's no One of the last words, right?

No, I think that's everything. Okay, I'm going to say that every time in the podcast. Yeah, I love you guys. Make sure you subscribe to the YouTube. You guys have seen us on YouTube? To YouTube? Subscribe. Yeah, subscribe.

To the YouTube. We post in once a week video, audio. So it'll be on YouTube, CultureCast, on iTunes. I think it's on Google Play. Nice. It's on SoundCloud. So if you don't have an iTunes, you can find it on SoundCloud. You can find it on SoundCloud.

You can find us everywhere. We love you guys. Thank you so much. Bye.