Ray William Johnson: True Story Podcast - They Stole a Penguin

Episode Date: May 30, 2025

Two guys in Gold Coast area of Australia stole a penguin from Sea World

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Don't worry, I can fix this. LifeLock fixes identity theft guaranteed and gets your money back with up to $3 million. in coverage. I'm so relieved. No problem. I'll be with you every step of the way. One in four was a fraud paying American. Not anymore. Save up to 40% your first year. Visit lifelock.com slash podcast. Terms apply. So this guy got arrested for stealing a penguin? Now his name is Reese and Reese is 21. He's a Welsh contractor living in Australia and one day in 2012 he does one of the dumbest things I've ever heard of. So he's chilling at home with his friend, this guy, Carrie, Carrie's 20, and they're hanging out at this apartment and they decide, hey, let's go out and get drunk. And pretty quickly, they're off to the bar to get a few beers.

And after they're there a while, they end up at a party on the beach. And at this beach party, they're really hitting the liquor hard. Like they end up drinking a liter and a half of vodka between them, which is almost an entire bottle. And as the night rolls on, they're having a great time. And so they just keep drinking. And one of their local buddies joins them, his name's James. And between Reese, Carrie, and James, one of them has the worst suggestion ever. One of them's like, hey, you know what's right next to us?

What's that? SeaWorld. Want to break in? All right. And pretty quickly, Reese, Carrie and James are breaking into SeaWorld Australia. And so they're there in the park and they're wasted, walking around, checking things out. and I guess they come across the shark enclosure and they're like, fuck yeah, sharks!

And so they go inside and they find a fire extinguisher, and they start playing with that and they're spraying it all over the place for some reason, just causing havoc. Then they go over to the dolphin tanks. And one of them's like, I'm going to get in. And he starts stripping down and one of the others films it, because, you know, you got to film your crimes. I'm going in there, man.

Look at dolphins. Yo, look at them. Let's go get a penguin, man. We're being a... Now, I don't know if you heard that, but he said, let's go get a penguin. Because this is when they get the bright idea that they're going to steal a penguin.

And so they make their way over to the penguin enclosure. Which, it's weird none of these enclosures seem to be locked. But then again, maybe the people who run SeaWorld just assume no one is going to be dumb enough to break in and steal a whole ass penguin. But anyways, they get to where. the colony of penguins are chilling. And I don't know if one specific bird catches their eye or if one of them is closer to them than some of the others,

but they scope out the penguins and they decide they're gonna take this little guy. His name's Dirk. Now, let's talk about Dirk for a second. Dirk is seven years old and he was born in captivity. And so he's lived in an enclosure his whole life. And he's just a little guy, he's like 13 inches tall, just over a foot tall.

And his particular breed, the fairy penguin, when they choose, a mate, it is for life. Like they are monogamous as hell. And Dirk, you know, he's got himself a little boo. Her name is Peaches. And Dirk thinks Peaches is foin. And the last thing he wants on this earth is to be separated from Peaches. But Reese, Carrie, and James, they don't know all this and they probably don't care because they're still really drunk. And so, boom, they snatch Dirk up and they head for the exit. Sometime later, Reese and Carrie get back to their apartment. And they take some pictures of Dirk and some videos.

I'm Mr. Penguin. I can't believe how a penguin, my apartment, man. You stole a penguin. And you can actually hear how drunk the dude is in the video because he starts quacking at the penguin. Anyway, once they get tired of playing with him, I guess Reese puts him in his walk-in closet and he shuts the door and he locks him in there.

And then both the guys go and pass out. And poor Dirk, I mean, he's just, It's all dark in there, and he doesn't understand what the hell is going on. The next morning, Reese is like, wow, that was a crazy night. We broke into SeaWorld and swam with the dolphins. But swimming with the dolphins is the last thing he remembers. And so he gets out of bed, and he's all hungover, and he's got to start his day. He probably got dressed and brushed his teeth thinking,

oh, well, this is this going to be just another fairly normal day. Until. Ries goes to open the door to his walk-in closet, and he looks down and standing there is a whole ass penguin looking right back at him. And I'm sure he probably freaked out like, Carrie, why is there a fucking penguin in the closet? I mean, who knows if Carrie even remembers last night either? Meanwhile, back at SeaWorld, I'm sure the staff has opened up the park by now, and I'm sure they've noticed one of their animals missing, and I'm sure they've got their whole staff scouring the park looking for Dirk.

Who do you even call when a penguin goes missing? Regardless, being that the guys are in their early 20s, they think this whole situation is just hilarious. They're like, bro, we've got really drunk last night and stole a penguin. And so they take some more videos and some more pictures of Dirk, and they're like, oh, maybe he's hungry. And they try to feed him people food, but I guess Dirk really isn't feeling that. So then they're thinking, well, penguins like water.

We have water. And so they put him in the shower so that he'll be in a wet environment. But pretty quickly, they realize they have no idea what the hell they're doing. And the novelty of this whole experience is starting to wear off. And so finally, they're like, oh, hell, what have we done? I mean, they don't know how to take care of a penguin? I mean, like, what if he dies? And so they decide, like, all right, we got to get rid of him.

But how? They can't just drop Dirk off in the middle of the street and walk away. Someone would probably see them and call the police on them. So instead, they take him over to the local canal, and they drop him off thinking, oh, he's near the ocean, he'll survive, he'll be fine, and then the guys leave. Here's the thing about this canal, though. This isn't just an ordinary canal. This canal is apparently very popular with local sharks.

And remember, Dirk was born and raised in captivity. Little bro doesn't know what a shark is. And so he jumps right in the water, and he goes for a swim. Lucky for him, there are no sharks around at this moment, but when he gets back on land, there are some local dogs that spot him and they start going nuts. A ro, ro, ro ro ro, and they chase him around. And poor little Dirk, I mean, he just wants to be back in his enclosure with his love, peaches. I mean, he was just minding his own business when a couple of stoners came along and snatched him up.

He didn't ask for any of this. Meanwhile, by now, Reese and Carrie are chilling back home. And they've gotten rid of Dirk, and so they're safe now. and they're back to thinking that this whole scenario is just hilarious. And so they take some of those photos and videos from the night before, and they post them on Facebook bragging about what they did. And one of their friends sees this, and their friend, they don't think this is funny at all.

And so they call the police. And immediately, local police go out looking for Dirk. Twelve hours later, police finally find him, alone and shivering, hiding near a jetty pylon. And he's traumatized, but he's not hurt. And eventually, Dirk gets back to SeaWorld where he is finally reunited with his beloved Peaches. And so then, bam, Reese gets arrested. And so does Carrie and so does James.

And here's a picture of Reese in real life. Here's a picture of Carrie in real life. And I couldn't find a picture of James, so here's a picture of James Earl Jones. Anyway, they take a plea deal and they get fined $1,000 Australian dollars. and they have to write an apology to both SeaWorld and to the public.