REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 126. Q&A Part 3: Confidence, The Universe & Finding Your Purpose

Episode Date: August 3, 2021

How do you forgive someone who has harmed you? On today's Q&A episode, Andy explains how the energy you put out into the universe comes back to you, the difference between cockiness and confidence and how to make the transition from "nothing to lose" to "something is at stake" in your entrepreneurship journey. LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Book Andy to Be on Your Podcast Follow Andy on Instagram Follow Andy on Facebook Take complete control of your life - 75 HARD Get my raw & uncensored advice about success & life delivered to you daily!

What is up guys, it's Andy Frisella and this is the show for the realest, say goodbye to the lies and fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today uh we're not going to keep calling this surprise motherfucker because it's not a surprise anymore this is our third q a episode uh i got my man dj dj dj white lightning white lightning asking me the questions and uh i'm having fun doing this guys uh this is this is a fun episode for me it seems like you guys are really digging it so i think we're going to make it a regular feature we're just going to start calling it uh q a or we'll come up with some weird name but this is the third version of it we'll name it appropriately i'm not sure what we're going to call it but

before i get into uh into the the stuff okay before I get into the stuff, okay, before I get into the stuff, I want to remind you that we do this show for free, okay? I don't get paid to do this show. Spotify is not paying me. iTunes is not paying me. Nobody's paying me. We don't run ads. Okay. I want this to be a value exchange. So if you get something from the show, if you, if you get some knowledge, if it made you think, if it gave you a new perspective, if it made you laugh, if you enjoyed it, give us a share, tell one friend, that's all I ask. So with that being said, what do you got today? Yeah. So, I mean, you guys know the rules. There's three questions I get to ask Andy

and stick with three and we'll make it work. So, the first one is, how do you differentiate? Did I say that right? Differentiate?

I think so. Yeah. How do you differentiate cockiness versus confidence? So, let's say I've been working on my craft for a few years now and literally- Are you talking about you or are you asking a question? No, no. I'm just, I've been working on my craft for a few years now. And literally- Wait, are you talking about you or are you asking a question?

No, no. I'm putting it in perspective. All right. So this person, they've been working on their craft for a few years now. And literally the entire time they've been called cocky by friends, families, competitors, but they truly believe that they are the best in their field. So how do you differentiate cockiness versus confidence? Well, look, man, um, there, it's a very thin line there. Uh, confidence is earned, man. It's, it's, it's true. Confidence is, uh, everybody likes to say it's quiet. It's this, it's that it's not any of that shit. It's actual, your actual, you know, rating on how much you believe in yourself. And so a lot of people try to mask that with like a cockiness or a, uh, you know, a persona that makes them seem better than they are. And what they're trying to do is feed their belief in themselves. So it's a false cycle. So they are acting cocky because that makes them

believe that they are great. And that's one version. The other version is someone who is so confident that they appear to be cocky and it's being read as cockiness by everybody else. And that's very common. You know, a lot of people mistake real confidence for cockiness. Um, I think that's a, when you become super confident to that point, to where you're coming off as cocky, it could be cockiness. It could be confidence, but it could be someone's persona. It could be their swag. Who fucking knows? But the truth is, if they're good and they believe they're good, most of the people are going to call them cocky regardless. Whether you say anything, if you say any fucking thing that touts your own horn or touts your own skills or makes it seem like, you know, people are the fucking losers

of the world are going to say, oh, you're fucking cocky. No, motherfucker. I put 20 fucking three years into this shit. I've ate shit for a long time. I know what I can do. That's not cockiness. That's reality. So, you know, everybody's definition is different, but I will say that most people read all supreme confidence as a cockiness, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. If you're really that good and you're still humble enough to know that you have things to learn, I think that's a really good want to be is where you overestimate your skill set and then you get into a fight or a battle or a position that you don't have the skills to control and then you lose. That's where cockiness can hurt you. But like, dude, anybody who's a high performer, anybody who's really good at what they do. I'm just like any CEO who's great. Any of the ones that you guys see is great.

Any of the ones that you guys see as great, any of the athletes, okay, any of them, to get to that pro level, they got a fucking ego and they have a cockiness to them, all right? It's required to go into these fucking situations of greatness. Like if you don't believe in yourself and you don't have that swag, how the fuck are you going to go in and fucking go against other people that do? So, you know, it's a touchy subject and it's not as cut and dry as what the average fucking Joe will try to make it seem like, you know? And to be honest, I don't really give a fuck if someone who really hasn't done shit in their life is calling me cocky. Why the fuck would I care about that? You see what I'm saying? And you shouldn't either. You listening. Like when you're getting criticized, like, dude, if you're getting criticized by people who have done the shit you want to do and they're saying, hey, bro, you're fucking cocky. That's when you listen and you say,

all right, I need to get humble. I'm not as good as what I think. When you're kicking everybody's fucking ass and the fucking person you knew from 30 years ago says, oh, I don't like him. He's fucking changed. He's cocky. No, they just got really fucking good and you don't like it. Right. Because you can never do it. That's right. So that's how I feel about the cockiness confidence conversation. Personally, I think people rally around people who are supremely confident, whether that comes across as cocky or not, because it gives people permission to feel good about themselves. And the fucking the do-gooders and the fucking naysayers and the fucking people from your old neighborhood back in the day, they don't like that shit. But the good news is that shit's irrelevant.

So I know it's a lot more fun when you believe in yourself. Oh, for sure. I mean, but you got to be honest with that, though. Yeah. Like you said, I mean, if you. That's what it is, dude. It's really what it is, is the awareness to be honest with yourself. Are you that good?

Yeah. Does your life tell you that good? Do the results you're getting tell you you're that good? Right. That's really the truth. Right. Because if the results aren't there, then you ain't that good. That's a fucking fact. If the results are there. Cool. You know, and like. I wouldn't. The answer is, you know, it's different for everybody,

but that's how I think about it. like it all right next question so you talk a lot about you know what you put out into the world is what you'll receive right what you put into the universe it comes back to you right so how do you handle tough relationships or or bad people and not hate them or not put that negative energy back into the world like how do you not hate somebody and and even though like they could have did you completely bad you mean like stabbed you in the face like stabbed you in the fucking face right like how do you not put that negative energy out into the world well because i realize and i'm smart enough to understand that what i put out i get back period so it's not worth putting that out because I know I'm going to get it to fuck back. So I got to do whatever the fuck I can do to release that for my energy. Um,

and you do that through forgiveness and you do, and as fucked up as that sounds, the guy that stabbed me, he, he did his time in jail. I hope he's doing well. I hope he's building a career. I hope he's living life the good way. You see what I'm saying? So not only do I not hate him, I actually wish him very well. And I believe that that energy that you put out towards people comes back. And to be completely honest, look at my fucking life.

Right. Okay. So I can sit here and question it and say, oh, well, that sucks to have to wish those things for people. That's because that's what I hear a lot, right? Like hear people like, how the fuck do you do that? Well, because I know for sure that the hate and the negativity comes back and it hurts me and it kills my energy. It kills my soul. It kills my momentum. So why the fuck would I want to do that? Why would I want to kill myself to hate someone else? You see what

I'm saying? So like, dude, I'm a true believer, a true believer that it's not just what you say, it's your intent. And that's the important part. So like you could say these words, oh, I fucking love this person. Like, oh, I really forgive that person because you're trying to appear good. You're not going to get that back because it ain't genuine. You have to convince yourself in a very real way that like, Hey man, uh, this person made a mistake and bro, this is biblical shit. Okay. This person made a mistake. Um, I've made mistakes. I forgive him. I hope that he moves into a good place in life and does well. And that's the energy that you have to have if you want to receive that sort of energy right if you want to receive good things and i believe that with my heart and soul

you couldn't argue me out of it right and so i live that way well i mean bro because i think in those situations it doesn't matter how bad those situations are there's always something you can take from it like like like being stabbed put you in a situation and a time and place in your life that you were able to fucking pivot like nobody else could ever fucking believe. Right. And like if it wasn't for that situation, do you think you would even be in the same spot? No, I wouldn't. You know.

Absolutely not. And so, I mean, that's how I would look at it. I agree 1000 percent, man. I mean, you got to look at the positives in those situations. Dude, you know what? Sometimes those forgivenesses take time. Yeah. Oh, for sure. situation. You know what? Sometimes those forgivenesses take time. Yeah. Like if you

have somebody who did you wrong, maybe they did you wrong in a relationship or even worse, maybe they stole a bunch from you or hurt somebody. Listen, man, hanging on to that shit is only going to fucking eat you up. You know, you learn a lesson, you chalk it up on a bottom line scale. Hey, this is what happened. Yeah, I don't like it, but how am I going to move forward in the best way possible? And the best way possible is for me not to agonize and torture myself over this and instead take the lesson and move forward and wish that they do good from there on out. I mean, that's biblical, man. And I think, I think I truly believe, and a lot of people don't believe this shit, but dude, I'm, I'm an idiot. All right. I'm like a normal dude from fucking Missouri who grew up on a gravel road, who lives this extraordinary

fucking life. And I think a lot of it has to do with me being able to get myself to those kind of vibrational places. You know what I mean? Do I get mad? Do I get angry? Fuck yeah, I get mad and get angry, dude. I get madder than anybody. But at the same time, I understand how this works. And so I correct it as quickly as I possibly can. Yeah. Fire. Okay. Last question. I really like this one. I'm excited to hear what you that's a cool outfit you got on today you like it

well I'm a dude that suns out guns out so you know I had to show off the biceps they're getting there you got names for them Lefty and Lucy

Lefty and Lucy I don't know that was probably ass I don't know you put some thought into that come back yeah

White Lightning Black Hammer I don't know but I really like this I like this question a lot. Now, I'm really interested to see what your answer to this is. OK, so can you beginning, the transition from, I have nothing to lose. I have fucking everything to lose after you start getting some success. So how do you fight that fear? How did you, how did you handle that transition? All right. So, so understanding that mentality is what kills companies. That mentality is what keeps companies from progressing. So what usually happens in this scenario that you're describing is people in the beginning, they have zero options. And I talk about this all the time,

zero option mentality. We talk about it in 75 hard program. I've talked about it in personal development for years and years and years. Other motherfuckers have tried to steal it, but they don't live it. And they look stupid because they don't live it. I live this shit. I don't have a fucking option. Okay. When I'm broke and I didn't have shit and all we had was our one store, we have a fucking option to take a day off. We didn't have a fucking option to skip every single holiday for the first six years. We didn't have those. So what do we have? We couldn't afford ads. So what do we have to do? We had to go out in the community and meet people and do things because we had to, or we would fucking not survive. The biggest thing that hurts businesses is when they stop having that mentality and they start having the abundant, you know, we've made it, or we've got some shit to lose

mentality. It's no different than if you're a football coach and you start running prevent defense when the other team is fucking down by 14 points with the whole fourth quarter. Okay. That's the equivalent. You're going to lose if you start thinking that way. So the goal is to always keep a zero options mentality. And how do you do that? Well, it's kind of a mental fuck, right? You have to convince yourself, even when things are good, that you have no option but to perform. So how I do that is I transition from it being around my own personal success. So like when I started, dude, it was just me and Chris, you know, and then we added people slowly and surely. But like, I couldn't fuck, we couldn't survive. So what else are we

going to do? We have to do it. So now, you know, obviously we're at a different place. We're 23 years into this business. Both of us are in a financially amazing position. You know, business is growing hand over fist. All of the companies we have are growing hand over fist all of the companies we have are growing hand over fist um it's a good time now so how the fuck do you keep from getting lazy and see i love this because all my competitors think that we're real fucking lazy up here like they think oh andy's andy's rich he's just sitting up no motherfucker you have no idea every day i come in here it's fucking day one and everybody here knows that shit I come in here, it's fucking day one. And everybody here knows that shit. I come in with intensity. I come in with purpose and I come in with urgency. All right. Actually,

I was thinking about this when I was working out. I probably have way more urgency now. And I work way harder now than I did even five years ago or fucking 10 years ago when I was laying the groundwork for what we're doing now. So I'm picking up steam because of that mentality. And the perspective switch that actually happened for me was moving from focusing on myself and my own income and my own personal situation to now I understand when I look through this office, my obligation is to these people. Okay. So if I don't come in and I work way harder for that than I ever did for myself. So anybody out there thinking I'm sitting on my hands, my feet up enjoying the good life pro you're fucking wrong.

And you're going to have to bring it to come get me. That's a fact because I am far more motivated to work for them than I was ever to work for myself. And so now the zero options mentality goes from their lives to me. Does that make sense? I have to fucking do this because I am responsible for all of these people

and their lives and their kids' lives. And they're like, people don't think about this as an entrepreneur. They think like, oh, once you start making it, you just hire all these little fucking ants and they work for you. No motherfucker. You want to build something, something great. You want to build something that you're proud of. You want to build something that other people care about. Guess what you got to do first. You got to care about those people. And so I come in here every day and I make sure that I do

everything I fucking can to make sure that these guys are going to win and that's it. And so I don't have an option because guess what? Not a single one of those guys is winning the way I'm winning, but also not a single one of those guys has been there every day besides Chris. So I'm trying to get them there. You know, one of the goals that we have here is to make our company, the company that produces more seven figure earners than fucking any company that's ever existed. That is one of my personal goals. I want more seven figure earners inside my company than any company that ever existed. And I'm going to fucking get there, but I don't get there by thinking about my nice house, my beautiful home, my awesome garage, my fucking lifestyle. Like I get there by understanding that

none of these motherfuckers are there yet. So I got to, I got to work my ass off. Right. And then when they get there, they're going to feel that same obligation for the people below them. And this is how you build something great. You put other people first, you put them before yourself. And what it does is it takes away the complacency and puts urgency back in. All right. But most businesses fail because of the question right there. They think, cause dude, I'm going to tell you right now, whoever asked that question, you ain't doing as good as you think you are. Like you're just doing better than you were. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. So, so, you know, they don't realize like when you scroll through the realtor apps or Zillow and you see $30 million house, go look at it anywhere in the world right

now, anywhere in the United States, 30 million, 20 million, 15 million, sell, sell, sell, sell, sell, sell, sell. And guess what? You didn't buy one of them motherfucker. So you got a ways to go. So you didn't make it. Who are you measuring against? You're measuring against your old neighborhood buddies, the kids you went to high school with. Oh, so you won the competition of the fucking regular people that you went to school? Congratulations, bro. It's not that fucking hard. Most people don't ever read a book after they graduate high school. They don't try. They just go through life. They check the boxes, kids, house, debt, and they keep moving. Dude, if that's how you want to live, I'm not here to judge it. But if you want to get, it sounds to me like that person searching for some urgency,

just realize you're not that fucking good. Can I follow up question on that? So when you breaking the rules, I'm sorry, but I've got to go ahead. So you have an exemption this time. I appreciate this. It's because you didn't wear your sleeves. I appreciate thank you you got the no sleeve extra question bonus no but serious so so serious follow-up though so what what do you think a trip like what what caused that sense of urgency like do you remember it was it a specific thing that like oh shit i got you know these people in this office to worry about like what was there like a correlation oh Oh yeah. Yeah. I tell the story all the time. I, I, I'm, I had pneumonia real bad, uh, 2014 or 15.

Yeah. And I tell this story all the time. Um, I've told on the podcast before, but basically I was at home for three weeks with really bad pneumonia. Um, and I'm, you know,

at the time I'm making the most money I've ever made. I see my sales coming in every day. I didn't go to work for three weeks. And I'm like, fuck, this is pretty cool. Except for like after a week, I was miserable. And after another week, I was like, fuck, this is why successful people kill themselves. Right?

I didn't have a purpose and I fucking figured it out. I had fulfilled my purpose, but I hadn't fulfilled, I had to find another purpose. So that's when I transitioned immediately from it's from myself to them. And let me tell you what, what do you think happened to the company when I did that? Oh, here we are. Yeah. Right. Right. So, you know, really F I love it by the way. Just saying, man, like it, look, dude, people hear that shit about putting other people first and wishing good for them. And they think it's fluffy, uh, you know, fucking guru shit from, you know, the internet. It's not, it's real shit. They just do a terrible job of explaining

how practical it is. So, um, hopefully that helps. Absolutely. All right. So guys, and just a reminder, if you have questions, I want to answer them. All right. If you write a 20 paragraph question, I'm not answering it. Keep your questions short. Keep your questions to the point. You can email them to askandy at andyforsella.com. And that's how DJ is going to work through and pick the questions.

So if you want your question answered, I would butter up DJ because he gets to pick them. So I appreciate you guys supporting the show, sharing the show, leaving positive comments about the show. It's very cool to see. I appreciate you guys, the love you showed on the State of the Motherfucking Union. Those are things that I feel I have to say. Those are things I feel obligated to say. And I realize that you may disagree with me, but I hope that you have enough respect to understand where I'm coming from. I love all of you guys. I appreciate you guys. And I'll talk to you soon. Fuck a bowl, fuck a stole Counted millions in a cold Bad bitch, booted swole Got her on bankroll Can't fold, that's a no Headshot, case closed