REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 134. How To Build Bulletproof Confidence

Episode Date: August 21, 2021

If you're waiting to feel more confident, you will be waiting forever. On today's episode, Andy talks about where real confidence comes from, debunks the idea that people are born with confidence, and tells you the steps you need to take to build the confidence you desire.

What's up guys, it's Andy Frisella and this is the show for the realest. Take a bite of the lies, the fakeness and and delusions of modern society, and welcome to motherfucking reality. Guys, I wasn't planning on doing a show for you guys today, but I started thinking because I had a couple of questions come through that were more so based around the context of what's going on in the world where people are confused and they feel not sure of themselves. And, you know, really what they were asking was how to be more sure of themselves, how to be more confident and how to get that on track. And so I did a little story and you may have seen it, but probably not because I got shadow banned for posting a literal cartoon on my story of ants. But that's neither here nor there. You probably didn't see the story. And what I said in the story was basically, look, you guys have to understand that confidence is not something, and I've said

this for so long, I've dedicated so many years of my life to getting this message out, but it's still not registering with a lot of people, all right? And I want to make this something that you cannot ever forget. You have to understand right now that if you wait for yourself to just naturally feel confident and you look at other people and you see, oh, that person seems like they've really got their shit together and they seem so confident all the time and they always know what to do and they always, listen, you are confusing yourself out of the reality and victimizing yourself unintentionally. And here's what I mean by that. That person that

you see who appears to have their shit together all the time, first of all, has probably earned the right to feel that way. Now, we all know some cocky fuckers who have never accomplished anything in their life, but think they're awesome. And we see this a lot at like the lower levels. Right. And it's usually the people who think they know everything and that they're so great. And, you know, they but their life doesn't reflect it, that they are, you know, the people that that think they know the most. You know, when we talk about the Dunning-Kruger effect and if you Google that, it'll tell you what it is. But basically, it's a false sense of confidence because you don't really know. And right now we're seeing that a lot in society. You know,

we're seeing a lot of people talk about a lot of shit that they fucking have no idea what they're talking about because their favorite celebrity or their favorite influencer who posts pictures of their fucking asshole on the internet is telling them to do that. Okay. So what does real confidence, where does it come from? How do we get it? And how do we, how do we make sure that we keep it? Well, here's the thing you need to understand guys. When you do everything you can, when you on a daily level, and this is why I talk about Win the Day, which is episode 16 on Real AF. When you literally execute on everything that you could and you do everything that you can, you have no other option but to be moved into a place of

confidence. And let me give you an example. Right now, I have a contest going on at my office, an eight-week transformation challenge that we're doing with FirstForm. We do this many times a year. But this time we're doing it in the office, okay? And I made a bet that anybody in the office, and we have hundreds of employees, that beats me in the next eight weeks for a transformation, I will pay $1,000 to. So here we are five weeks in, and there's a couple of people who are doing really good, like really good. And I'm doing really good. I've done literally everything I can fucking do. Okay. I've, I've done every cardio. I've ate every piece of food perfectly. I've done all my supplements perfectly. I've done all my weight workouts perfectly. I've given everything that I can. So I can't be upset that I may have some people do better than me. I feel very confident about what I've done

and very confident in my abilities. Okay. And this is just a small example of how this works. I'm not threatened by anybody. I'm not insecure that someone is doing a good thing. But when you lack confidence, that's where these feelings come from. That's when jealousy creeps in. That's when fear creeps in. That's when insecurity creeps in. And that affects your anxiety levels and the way you think about yourself and the actions that you take. So the first step to curing this is understanding that what you put in, you will get out. What you put in, you will get out. Okay. What you put in your body in terms of water, in terms of healthy food, in terms of movement, in terms of positive

mental stimulation in the form of reading. And I know this sounds like 75 hard. I don't want to make this a 75 hard promo, but this is why I developed the program. Okay. When you do those things and you give it everything you have, your confidence level rises. And anybody who's actually completed 75 hard and especially the Live Hard program understands this now. Okay. It's a tool that's brought awareness to show them how to create momentum and confidence on demand and a bunch of other things. But the point I'm trying to make here is that if you never realize that what you put in is what you get out, you are surprised when you put in negativity and you put in alcohol and you put in not training and you put in sitting on the couch and you put in all these other things and then you're surprised

that what you get out is shit. You shouldn't be surprised. Okay. What you put into yourself, you will get out. And so when we're thinking about what's going on in the world and we're thinking about all the chaos and we're thinking about all the uncertainty and all of the frustration, which is plentiful, we also have to remember that to minimize that in our own lives, we have to take care of ourselves. We've got to take care of our brains. We've got to take care of our bodies. We have these experts out there talking about health that are, you know, a hundred pounds, 200 pounds. And in the case of Illinois governor, you know, fuck dude, these people don't care about health. It's like I said on the show yesterday. All right. You can't talk to me about health. If you haven't put in the work over the last 18 months to get healthy. You don't care about health because if you were that scared,

you would have done that. Period. All right. So leaving the idea at the doorstep that you can, that, you know, myself or let's just say somebody like David Goggins or what, and he tells you the same thing, bro. He'll tell you the same thing. People lie. People pretend all these people out there that you think have all their shit together. They are fucking lying. They go home at night and they have issues. They go home at night and they have struggles. They have thoughts. They have these anxious feelings that you have. All of these things that you have, they have. They just don't tell you because they're so in love with the image of themselves. They want themselves to feel above you. And they're afraid that if you see that they're actually real, you won't love them anymore. But the truth is you'll love them more because they're more like

you. All right. But these people will only come to those terms on their own. I just want you to understand that these people are no different than you. And they are not born with confidence. They created confidence. They built their lives. They built their businesses. They built their bodies. They built their minds, which in turns makes them believe in themselves. And so when you think of it as a trait that someone is born with or has, how could you ever believe that you could create it? See, you're automatically putting in a mental block in front of your brain that says, I can't be confident because I wasn't born with it. And that's just simply not true. So the first step to really understanding how to become more confident, guys, is to let go of the

idea that it's something that people are born with and embrace the idea that it's something people create. Okay. I was not a confident person growing up. I would classify myself as an extremely confident person now. But the reason I'm extremely confident is because I got my shit together. I stopped being a fat fuck. I stopped being a lazy fuck. I stopped doing the things that I know I shouldn't do. And I started doing the things that I know I needed to do. Okay. And those things over the course of the last few years have transformed my confidence from someone who had to cover up their lack of confidence with cockiness into someone who is legitimately confident. And there's a big difference there,

guys. And I have no problem saying it, okay? Because a lot of you go through this same process. So realizing that you create that is the first step. The second step is what do you got to do to create it? All right. Well, that is a great place for 75 Hard and Live Hard. If you don't have structure and you don't understand, that program was specifically designed to solve this problem. It's free. I don't charge for it. You can go listen to it at episode 14 on Real AF. It'll give you all the steps. You can go to 75Hard.com. It'll give you all the steps. You don't have to buy anything. You don't have to use any supplements. You can do any diet you want. You can do any workout you want. It's scalable, whether you're 600 pounds or 800 pounds or fucking 100 pounds. Okay. So there's, there's no reason to not work

on your mental here, but regardless, let's throw all that shit out. How can you do things right now that are going to make you more confident. Well, that comes down to you understanding your internal dialogue. Today, when I was on, I was on the elliptical for my first set of cardio. All right. And I was only supposed to do 45 minutes, but I got to 45 minutes and one of my friends was standing there and we kept talking. And so then I noticed I went to 55 minutes and I went to 50 minutes and I said, well, I'll just do an hour. OK, so when I got to when I got close to 55 minutes, I was like, fuck it. I'm busy. I got a lot of shit to do.

I already did more than what I already did more than what I thought I was going to do. And so I got off the fucking elliptical and then my voice in my head snapped me and said, hey, motherfucker, you just quit. You told yourself you were going to do a full 60. Get back on the fucking elliptical and finish your five minutes or this is going to turn into a downhill spiral and you're going to fucking lose everything you have. And I shit you not, that's exactly what my fucking brain said. Guess what I did? I went and got back on the elliptical. OK, and I finished my 60 minutes. And that's what I'm talking about. You have to start to develop and understand and be aware of your own internal dialogue. So when you say, what do I need to do? You need to do the things that you are told that you tell

yourself you need to do. You're already having these things come up in your brain. You're just ignoring them or you're justifying them. All right. You are not hearing the boss voice that exists in all of us. You are only hearing the bitch voice. And the bitch voice has gotten so strong that you barely recognize the boss voice when it speaks up. And you're so used to not listening to it that you don't listen to it at any time. But that example that I just gave you is an example of fine tuning your own internal dialogue to where you're paying attention to what's happening and you're reacting in real life to the voice that benefits you more. All right. So what is it? What are the things that come up

on a daily basis that you consistently know you should do, but you justify not doing them or not doing them now or not doing them because of the way you feel. All right. What are those things? Because we all have those triggers in our brain that tell us, hey, do this. Just like that voice that came in my head and say, hey, bitch, you ain't done yet. I listen to that voice. Okay. And that voice can be hard to hear when you've let it die for the last 10, 15, 20 years, but it's there and it's in you. And it's something that you need to learn to hear again, if you want to truly become the master of your own domain, because without you being able to listen to you, how can you believe in yourself? How can you have confidence? How can you have self-belief? How can you have anything? Okay. It's just like,

let's remove it from the internal into an external situation. If you had a friend, all right, who constantly lied to you, who said, bro, I'm going to be at your house today, 8 a.m., and they didn't show up. The next day, they say, I'm going to be at your house at 8 a.m., and they didn't show up. And this happens for three or four days. What do you think? Well, you think he's full of shit. That's what you do to yourself, too. It's no different. But what it takes to correct that is you becoming aware of these two voices and choosing to listen to the right one. And when you choose to listen to the right one, now you're on a track where you can correct very quickly and start to feel good very quickly. All right. So those are just a few words of what I wanted to say in my

one minute Instagram story, but it took longer than a minute is what I'm trying to say. But guys, the thing is, is like, Hey, look, um, remember this when you're doing everything you possibly can, you can't not be confident. You can't not feel good. You can't not be strong and feel empowered and feel like you can do things. And right now that's extremely important. All right. We have a lot of words going around the world about health and how important it is. We have very few people actually practicing outside of you guys. So that's the show, guys. Look, it wasn't super organized. These are just some thoughts I'm pulling off the top of you guys. So that's the show guys. Look, it wasn't super organized. These are just some thoughts I'm pulling off the top of my head. Sometimes that's just the way it

goes. If you want to find out about 75 Hard, you can go to episode 14 and listen to it for free. I also referenced Win the Day, which is episode 16. And then there's episode 80, which covers the whole Live Hard program. If you go listen to those and you execute those things, I promise you, if you start today, right now, and you do exactly the Live Hard program for one year, you will come back a year from now, one year from now, and tell me that it was the best fucking year of your entire life. I am 100% confident in that. Okay. So do it and stop waiting for you to catch the wave of confidence. That's not how champions live. Champions create it every single day through their actions. Now, if you like the show, if you learn something, if it helps you get some perspective, share the show for us. All right. I love you guys. I appreciate you guys. I'll see you next time.