REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 135. Q&AF: Getting Out Of Ruts, Avoiding Destructive Paths & Impacting Your Child's Health

Episode Date: August 25, 2021

Do you find yourself in a rut? On today's episode, Andy answers your questions of how you should deal with negative people in situations you have to be involved in, how to stop yourself from going down a destructive path and how you can motivate your child to take their health seriously.

What's up guys, it's Andy Purcella and this is the show for the realest, say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness, and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today we have another episode of q and af i kind of like that dude i'm digging it we don't have dj today instead i got my homie madat here uh one of the most american dudes i know that's right what's up brother how you doing i'm doing good you're looking looking good over there thank you right back you. It's like looking in a mirror. All right. All right. So, guys, this is how the show is going to work. Madat's going to ask me three questions. I'm going to give three answers and then the show will be over. So that's how the show works. Now, we do have a fee for the show. The fee is if you get some value, if it made you think different, if you learned

something, if it made you consider a perspective change, if it helped you, share the show. We don't run ads on the show. I don't run ads for the show. We've been able to maintain a very, very high ranking on iTunes and all platforms for a long time based off of a very simple concept, which is if we deliver value, you deliver value back. If we don't deliver value, don't deliver value back. 100% okay operating on those terms. So let's get started. Question number one. All right. How do you deal with negative people in a situation you have to be involved in? Oh, did he give any context for what that would be? Well, look, man, the thing is, is that we're always going to find negativity in all situations. OK, we can't control our circumstances.

We can't control the external circumstance. We can't control somebody else's mood. There is always going to be situations where we have people in situations, whether that be at home, whether that be at work, whether that be in a team setting that are going to be negative. And a lot of times these people aren't necessarily negative people. They're just having a bad day. So my first thing would be to consider, is this person actually negative or are they just having a bad day? And if they're having a bad day, you know, you can approach that in one of two ways. One, you can have talk with them about what's going on. Hey man, this attitude right now is not real

productive. Let's get it. Let's get in line. Let's accomplish this goal. That's how I would handle it. Another way to handle it would be, you know, just to let them have their bad day and to keep moving forward and kind of brush it off. Now, the problem with that is, is if you're in a team environment, when you do that, a lot of times these people that will actually contribute to more negativity because you're moving forward without their input or out there, their value, so to speak. It makes them feel a little bit on the outside. Sometimes that's good for people.

They need to know like, hey, if you're going to be a negative motherfucker, you don't have a voice or a place to move forward here. You know, in family situations, that's a little bit tougher, right? We can't necessarily tell our family to get fucked, but sometimes we have to. So especially if you live in one of those Italian Sicilian families, you know, fuck you is one of the things that is the terms of endearment in those families. Bosnian family, Sue. Really? Swear to God.

Yeah, yeah. It's like, hey, fuck off. What do you want to eat? So, so guys, you know, sometimes we just got to deal with other people and it comes down to do you want that to affect you or do you want that to get you off track or do you want to stay focused? So I think a lot of how we deal with negative people is one understanding that everybody's human. We all have bad days. We all have bad times. If someone's perpetually negative all the time, that's a situation where you've got to consider like how much is it worth you being around this person?

What kind of mental energy drain does it take on you? How do you feel after? And if it's constantly the same where it's always taking from you, you feel after? And if it's constantly the same, where it's always taking from you, you have to keep in mind that we only have so much energy to allocate during the day. And if we're spending it on people who are draining us, that means we're going to be less effective in other areas. So that would be my answer on that. You know, sometimes it's just the way it is. And if it's a consistent problem, you need to address it. Nice. Question number two, my business is rocking and we're doing decent. I know there's a lot of potential for me, but I've become really negative and I don't feel like doing anything. Did you ever

feel this way? And if you did, how'd you get out of it? Yeah, man. Look, dude, business is a tough road. That's why most, look, there's 7% to 8% of people who are actual business owner entrepreneurs. And the reason for that is because it's fucking hard. It's difficult. It's frustrating. It's painful. It's oftentimes thankless. You know, a lot of people think that, you know, people who are running their own business have this amazing life. And sometimes you do, if you make it amazing. But the truth of the matter is, as you being a business owner or an operator, you're going to have to deal with a lot of shit that most people can't deal with. And so it's completely, completely normal to feel negative or frustrated consistently.

The trick is that you have to control, and this is why I talk about the bitch voice and the boss voice so much. You have to be in control and be aware enough to recognize when you're actually spiraling out of control. Because usually what happens for people is one negative thing happens. You know, they get a call that they didn't count on coming through today that wasn't good news or something. And that sets them in motion to spiral themselves down. They start doing things like they look at every single situation and they say, well, this is this and this is that too. And this is also bullshit. And before you know it, everything sucks. You're completely pissed off and you're in a place where you weren't even 20 minutes ago because you talked yourself into it. So I think becoming aware, and by the way,

I'm not perfect at this either. This still happens to me sometimes where I spiral myself into a place that I didn't intend on being. And then I have to work myself out of it. And the way I work myself out of it is by execution. All right. When you are running a business and you are doing things, what I've found is that when you're frustrated and you're angry and you're super pissed off, the best thing that you can do is something that you know is going to be productive for whatever it is you're working on. So what I used to do in business in the early days when I was frustrated and I thought no one gave a fuck and they didn't because we weren't giving them a reason to give a fuck. What I would do is

I would go out in the real world. I would go into a place of business. I would introduce myself. I would have some sort of goodie or something to give away and say, hey, I'm Andy. This is what I do. If I can ever help you, this is where we're at. And I would have a conversation with someone, not in a sales way, but more so just like, hey, introducing myself way. And what I always found was that those things sort of set my mood back to where they needed to be, because the reason I was feeling frustrated, angry, mad is because I was having anxiety about things not going well. And so what I really needed to do was I needed a reminder of that this can go well. So I went out and created opportunities with people I didn't know to have great interactions, which made me feel good

about what we were doing. So it sort of took me from that negative vibe into a more optimistic, positive vibe. So first off, yes, it's completely normal. Second off, be aware that you're not spiraling yourself down. And when you stop spiraling yourself down, start to practice gratitude. Know that your bitch voice is causing this perception that actually isn't even true. So start to think about what you're grateful for. What is going well? Because I promise you, there's things going well, even if you think there's not, you're just not willing to see them. All right. And thirdly, go out and have some interactions or do some things against what your goal is, meaning executing towards that, that will make you feel better in the moment. All right. Those things help a lot.

That's how I handle those things. Anything in regards to avoiding like the social media trap of seeing all these young entrepreneurs with their like Lamborghinis? Oh yeah. Yeah, dude. I mean, that's a big thing. You know, understand that what you see online in terms of business, most of it's bullshit. You know, everybody's wanting to glorify themselves in a way without realizing how demoralizing it is to other people who aren't willing to lie and tell half-truths about who they are and what they're about. I'm very confident that if you check the bank account of most of those people, it's not very positive. Okay. So

you have to remember that. You also have to remember, and I said this on my story the other day on Instagram, that when you see someone doing things and it seems easy for them or, or, you know, they just always seem like they have it together. You have to remember, and I can't stress this enough, that they are posting their wins only. They are not talking about the struggles. And I'll be, I'll be honest. Most of the times those wins that they post aren't even the whole truth. They might've won like 10% of that and then made it into this whole story. The truth of the matter is, guys, and I've been doing this for a long time, is that there isn't a day that goes by that doesn't challenge me. There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not frustrated at some point in the day. There isn't a day that goes by that I

don't feel like that I'm confused or that I might not know what I'm doing. But the thing that overcomes all of those things is consistent action, showing up, executing consistently. You know, four years ago, three years ago, you know, we were in a different headquarters here at First Form. And I didn't know how we were going to build the new one. I didn't know what we were going to do or how it was going to happen. I just took it one day at a time. And now here we are. And that's how things happen. Most of us don't know what the fuck we're doing, including me. All right. The best thing that you can understand is that you're not going to know. But as you work, as you improve, as you make progress day by day, by day, by day, the path becomes more clear to you. And so you're not going to know the path on day one,

which is what keeps a lot of people from even going because they're like, fuck, I can't see the whole path. I don't know how I'm going to get there. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know how I'm going to create this. And the truth of the matter is you don't need to know that shit. You just need to work today and then again tomorrow and then again the next day. And the path starts to become clear after time. Win the day. That's it. And yeah, when the day is episode 16. Go listen to that. Final question. I have a 14 year old son who is overweight, but no matter what I do or say, I cannot get him to care about his health. How can I motivate my son to work out

and eat healthy without lecturing or forcing him? Well, first thing is you can't force anybody to do anything. That's the thing. So look, man, this comes down to a leadership issue. I will bet you that that person who wrote that question does not lead with themselves. I bet you they're in mediocre shape. I bet you they work out half the time. I bet their diet's half ass and they happen to be indecent. Maybe they're not obese or overweight. Acceptable shape. Yeah, they're in acceptable shape. And so you're trying to lead someone to conquer something that is extremely hard, that's going to require so much more discipline than being in acceptable shape. Okay. So what you have to understand is that if you want your son or your daughter to follow you, you have to lay down that leadership literally every single day through your

actions. If your son or your daughter sees you get up every day, do the work, put the healthy food in your mouth, drink the water, and they see the results, they're going to start to believe it's possible for them too. And not only that, they're going to start to support you. And then they're going to say, well, fuck dude, maybe I'll go on a walk with you, or maybe I'll go to the gym with you. But yelling at someone and demoralizing someone and saying, hey, you're fucking fat. You need to lose weight. When they're not ready to lose weight, that just pushes them further that direction. So it's a very delicate issue, but the truth is, and this is why the quote that Vince Lombardi has is so good, where he says, you know, leading by example, isn't the best way to lead. It's the only way to lead.

So this is a leadership issue from parent to son or daughter that you have to be living what it is you want them to do. It's just the way it is. And I think to that person who wrote that question, if you tighten up your life, if you start executing on the things you would want them to do and they start and it starts to become obvious and this might not happen in a week or a month or even two or three months, but eventually it will catch because that person, your son, who you're talking about is going to have experiences that make them not really want to be where they are in life. Dude, I've been fat. I've been 350 pounds. The shit's not fun. People say shit. You can't try on clothes. Clothes don't fit no matter where

you do go try on. You can't go to barbecues. You can't go to a pool. I mean, you can, but you feel bad. There's all kinds of things that come along with being extremely overweight that are no fun. And eventually people usually come to a point where they're sick of it and they want to do something about it. And so the key for this man or whoever's writing this is to, when that person is fed up with where they want to be, they should be able to look right at you and see that you're doing the things they should be doing. That's how this is going to get fixed. So, and that goes for any problem that you might be having. So lecturing people and saying, do this, do this, do this. When you're not doing it, will never fucking work. It will never work. So, you know, uh, lead by example. Yeah, dude.

Gandhi's quote, right? Like be the change you want to see, be the change you want to see. You want to see your son change, then you fucking change. That's what will change it. They can fix a lot of problems in the world. Dude, they'll fix them all. They'll fix them all. And as always, if you have a question, you can submit it to askandy at andyfrasella.com.

Look at that. You're picking up. Dude, that's so good. So guys, that's the show. That's three questions. We'll have another episode for you next week. I appreciate you guys.

I love you guys. And show, show. I'm sleeping on the floor. Now my jewelry box froze. Fuck a bowl. Fuck a stove. Counted millions in the cold. I appreciate you guys. I love you guys and show show