REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 142. Creating Loyalty For Success

Episode Date: September 21, 2021

What does loyalty mean to you? On today's episode, Andy debunks the idea that loyalty is how long you've known someone, defines what loyalty actually entails and how being loyal to yourself can open up tremendous opportunities for you.

What's up guys, it's Andy Priscilla and this is the show for the realest, say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality. Now, before I get into anything about the show, because I know some of these clips are going to get shared around a little bit. I did just come right in from the gym. I've got to catch a plane in literally an hour. And so I didn't get to change my shirt. So if you're watching this video and you're like, man, guy's sweating like a motherfucker. That's why. All right. So usually I change my shirts. I keep some laundry up and some fresh laundry up in my office, but I misjudge my inventory. Common mistake of a rookie business owner, right? Not doing my inventory. So here it

is, sweaty and everything. Guys, today I'm going to talk to you about something that I think is super important. And it's something that I see a lot of people really struggle with in terms of personal relationships in life. And I see a lot of people really struggle because of their misunderstanding of the concept of loyalty, which is what we're going to talk about today. A lot of people think they understand what loyalty is. A lot of people, you know, they brag and they say, oh, dude, you know, I'm so loyal. I'm such a loyal friend. My friends are so loyal to me. And if you ever really look around at the people they're talking about, 99.9% of the time, what they're actually talking about is just people that they've known for a long time,

people they grew up with, family members, friends they've had since high school, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And let me tell you something, and this is probably going to sting a little bit, but it's the truth. All my high level friends, all my friends who are very successful in business and in life, very few of them are still friends with people from their past. You have to understand that's a reality of life. And what I see is people not really understanding the concept of what loyalty is. You know, you think you have loyal friends, but do you really? You know, are these people helping you with your goals? Are they helping you with business? Are they supporting you? Are they putting you on to new ideas or new skill sets? They're usually not.

Okay. Usually the people that you are most quote unquote loyal to are the people that are saying critical things to you. These are people saying, Hey, you know what? I don't know if you should really be doing that. Or, Hey, you know what? Uh, you're getting a little too cocky or, Hey, you know what, man, you know, you got to remember who you are. You know, motherfucker, I ain't trying to be who I am. I'm trying to be a more progressed, more improved, more skilled version of that. And people who understand that are the people that you should be building relationships with. Okay. Loyalty is not something that just exists because you've known someone for a long time. It's a state of being, okay? It's a commitment or an allegiance to the future self that you're trying to build, all right? This is why it's important to audit who it is

you're taking advice from and who it is you're spending your life with, all right? A lot of people think loyalty is just about knowing someone for a long time. And guys, there's no reason that you can't be friends and support people that you've known for a long time. But the problem that usually happens with this is that as you grow, as you become more, as you work harder, they start to actually hold you back. And this is very dangerous because they put things in your ear and they put energy on you that isn't productive to who you want to become, right? They judge you for not going out on the weekends. They want you to go party all the time. They want you to go out and do things that aren't conducive to who it is you're trying to become. And guys, I got to tell you, that's not

loyalty at all. Because if they were actually loyal to you, they would be doing everything they could to contribute to you, not take from you and hold you back. And this is a hard concept for people to understand because they feel like if they move on from these friends, if they move on from this group of people, that they're going to be alone. And that's just not the case. Not one of my most successful friends are alone. They're surrounded by other people who are in support of their goals, of their dreams, and what they're trying to accomplish all the time. And you know why they are? Because it's necessary. It's not an optional thing.

So if you let these people, and you guys have heard me talk, if you listen to the show for a long time, I talk about anchors and propellers. I did a whole episode on it. You have to get rid of the anchors in your life, all right? If you're running a boat and you're trying to move forward as fast as possible, you cannot have anchors holding you back. You have to cut those lines. That's the reality, right? And you got to replace those lines and those anchors holding you back. You have to cut those lines. That's the reality,

right? And you got to replace those lines and those anchors with propellers, people who are loyal to who it is you're trying to become, people who are going to hold you to a high standard, people who are going to push you to be better. And every single great human surrounds themselves with people like that. Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade, who they surround themselves with. Other great players. They surround themselves with one of the greatest coaches of all time and Tim Grover, personal development, discipline coach, who will call you on your shit no matter who the fuck you are. That's who you want to be around. Those are the people you want to surround yourself with. not Tommy and Bobby and fucking Susie from the old neighborhood who aren't doing a motherfucking thing except

drinking beers at two o'clock on a fucking Saturday, watching football every fucking week while you're trying to take advantage of the time and the opportunity you have to become better. All right. And I know not everybody resonates with this message. I'm not saying you got to give up all your friends. That's not what I'm saying at all. But I am saying this. If you want to be great, you have to learn to understand who actually is loyal to you and who you need to be loyal back to. All right. Who do you need to contribute to? I would contribute my energy to the people that are contributing theirs to me. That's just my personal understanding of what I think loyalty is. You help me, I help you. You push me, I push you. You drag me back, I cut you the fuck out. That's how it goes. All right.

And a lot of people don't understand how necessary it is because if you misjudge the idea of loyalty, you will actually hold yourself back from everything that you could potentially become because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings. You don't want to have a conversation with someone that might be uncomfortable. You don't want to hold them accountable to the energy they're putting on you, right? I have a lot of people in my life who dump on me. They think that I can solve every motherfucking problem there is. You know, if I go in my DMs any given day, I've got hundreds of people putting their fucking problems on me and I'm sorry, I can't respond to those messages. You know why I can't respond to those messages? Because I have to be the best version of myself. I have to go out and contribute to the people here, the hundreds

of people in this building and in my immediate life that I need to be working for to make the best product and career that I can build for them. That's where loyalty is, guys. All right. Cut the noise. Cut the anchors. Start paying attention. Who's contributing? Who's making you better? Who's pointing out the holes in your game? And by the way, that's a whole nother topic I could do a whole podcast on. All right. You have to be able to look at yourself and say, man, you know what? Here are the holes. Here's the things I need to get better at. Here's this. Here's that. Here's that. You know, all too often right now in society, everybody's worried

about pointing everybody else's holes. They're pointing everybody else's remarks or what everybody else is saying. They're criticizing everybody else. Motherfucker, all those people that criticize you, all those people that say you should do this and do that, look at what they're doing. Are they doing anything or are they just taking up space and breathing in the fucking air? Because I'm going to tell you right now, if Ed Milet or my brother or my business partner calls me up and says, hey, you got this hole in your game. I think you need to take a look at it. I'm not getting angry at them. I'm going to say, hey, fuck, dude. All right. Thanks. I'm going to work on that. Right.

But dude, that's not what we do. OK, what we do is we attack people for the things that we think they need to do. And most of the people that attack us are not doing shit. You know, I said on my Instagram today, you ever noticed that the people who are out there screaming the loudest about what you should and shouldn't believe, what you should and shouldn't do, how you should and shouldn't live are the people with total and disgusting dumpster fire of a fucking existence on this planet. They're the loudest ones. They are the loudest ones. The loudest ones are the people that don't have fucking shit going for them. So what should you do? Because we can't eliminate those people from our lives. We got social media. It's real simple. Block the fuck out of them and

delete their fucking existence from your brain. You don't have to listen to that shit. You don't owe them anything. You don't owe them a response. You don't owe them anything. But who you do owe things to are the people who contribute to you, the people who show up for you, the people who help you make a better life. Those are the people that deserve your energy. Those are the people that deserve the responses to the comments they make, not these fucking dumb fucks from who knows where that could be a total fucking fake. It could be your biggest enemy pretending to be a regular person who fucking knows. And more importantly, who fucking cares? Okay. We spend so much time and we've been conditioned to believe that, you know, other people out there in the internet world have some shit figured out,

bro. If they had shit figured out, they wouldn't be on your page talking shit. I don't know one motherfucker, not one, not a single one of my friends. Like, and you guys see who I'm around. You see who I spend my time with. Okay. Not one of those people have I ever seen go on someone else's page and make a negative comment. Why is that? Because they value their energy and they value their time and they know it's irrelevant. And they know that no matter what they say to that person, that person is going to continue to live in their own ignorant little bubble and they're going to stay right where the fuck they are. Okay. So like I said, a few episodes ago, this is not about pulling those people with you. This is not about getting Tommy and Susie and Bobby from the fucking old hood

and dedicating all your time to improving their lives. This is about you running as hard and as fast as you fucking can and becoming the motherfucking example that not just them, but everybody can follow and learn from. And what serves a greater purpose than that? Okay. When you live a quality life and you do everything you can to be the best person you can, and you do everything you can to build the best life you can, those people will either run with you or they won't. And I can tell you from experience, this is a mistake I made. You will hold yourself back a lot of times forever by trying to pull those people along. Those people have different plans for themselves. They have a different identity for themselves.

They see themselves differently than you do. And you need to understand that so that you're not dedicating a disproportionate amount of energy to them, you know, trying to get them to get it. Like, what is there to get? If you get it, why don't you just go? Okay. That's the most noble thing you can do, right? Because it's going to help more people. They may not be these three people, but it's going to be a lot more people. All right. There's people that I know from the past that probably fucking hate the shit out of me. Okay. But it is what it is. There's a lot more out there that don't. And there's a lot more motherfuckers that go out there and win or lose 20 pounds or a hundred pounds or fucking 600 pounds or build a business or do this or that because of the shit that I say.

And those motherfuckers were saying to me 10 years ago, Oh, who do you think you are? Tony Robbins? No motherfucker. Actually, I don't. I think I'm the, I'm Andy Frisella, you know, and a lot of you guys missed this point. The person that you need to be most loyal to if you really want to embody the idea, the state of being of loyalty is yourself. And that doesn't mean fuck people over. That means do everything that you need to do to take care of yourself, to build yourself into the best version of yourself and eliminate all the shit that doesn't contribute to that. That is being loyal to self. That is not being disloyal to them. Loyal to self is the first thing that has to happen

for you to be loyal to anybody and for anybody else to be loyal back to you. Because if you're pretending that you're something else, if you're playing down, if you're trying to soften who the fuck you are for other people's comfort, they're not actually loyal to you at all. They're loyal to a version of you that isn't even who the fuck you are. You need to really think about that, okay? You have to be loyal to yourself. You have to be committed to yourself. You have to be dedicated to building the best possible you before anyone else can even think about being truly loyal to you in terms of who you're trying to become, in terms of what you're trying to create, in terms of what life you're trying to

build. Okay. These are important things to consider. You should be looking at your friend's circle and looking at your peer circle. Who are you texting with? Who are you DMing with? Who are you spending your time communicating with? Are they contributing or are they creating distraction? Are they holding back? Are these people of like mind or are they interested in different things? Are they trying to be better or are they just trying to exist? And by the way, I'm not judging anybody. Life is really hard right now for everybody. Everybody has a different comfort level, but I know that the people that listen to this show are people who are fucking weapons. Okay. These are, you guys are weapons in the fucking making. If you're not a weapon already, which a lot of you are, you're going to be one. That's why you

listen to me. Okay. Let them go be fucking spoons. It's okay. We need spoons too, right? You can't just be a fucking switchblade all the time. We need some fucking spoons. It's all right. It's nothing personal towards them. Okay. So think about that and think about these things. Audit your circle, audit your friends, audit your relationships, and see who you're spending time with. And if you need to upgrade that circle, this is a very important point. If you need to upgrade that circle, audit people you're trying to learn from. There's so many people out there right now trying to claim to be these experts at fucking everything, guys. And you can look at them and tell they don't have their shit together. You can physically look at them and say, this guy don't have it together. This guy don't have it together. Okay. So look for the holes in the people's game.

They're trying to teach you. Are they improving those holes or are they just letting them be? Because dude, it's important. It's a big deal. Your whole life depends on your, your, your peer group, whether you realize that now, or you're going to realize that 20 years from now, you're going to realize that in 40 years, your peer group will define who the fuck you are. There's a reason that saying exists. You know, you are the sum of your five closest friends. That is true. That is true. Okay. So if you look around and your five closest friends ain't doing shit, guess who's going to be the sixth one ain't doing shit. Something to think about guys. So you have to understand, it's not about what you think loyalty is. You have to understand that being loyal is a two way street and it should be an alliance and a commitment to helping each other be better and be the best people that we can. And the sooner you can understand that, the sooner that you are going to start moving forward. You need to let go of these people. I'm not saying be mean to them. I'm not

saying, hey, fuck you, blah, blah, blah. But if these people are constantly antagonizing you, they're constantly saying negative things to you. They're constantly saying the passive aggressive bullshit that we all hear as people who are on the pursuit of success, right? You all know what I'm talking about. The little comments that people say, and you know, they try, like I used to get the one, you know, like, oh dude, you're going, you're working too hard. You know, motherfucker, that's your opinion. That's not my, that's not what I want. Like, what about what I want? What do I want to, what do I want to be? What am I trying to get to? Who am I trying to become? Be loyal to the people that understand those things and your life's going to get a whole lot fucking better

Went from sleeping on the floor Now my jewelry box froze Fuck a bowl, fuck a stove Counted millions in a cold Bad bitch, booted swole Got her on bankroll, can't fold Dust a note, headshot, case closed