REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 179. Q&AF: Boss vs. Friend, Entrepreneurship: Skill Or Trait? & Choosing A Mentor

Episode Date: November 24, 2021

Entrepreneurship is not for everyone. In today's episode, Andy answers your question on how you should draw boundaries without burning bridges while managing your friends, whether or not entrepreneurship is a skill or a trait, and how you should choose someone to mentor you.

What's up guys, it's Andy Priscilla and this is the show for the realest. Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusionsusions of modern society. And welcome to motherfucking reality. Guys, today we have AQ and AF. I'm here with my man DJ. What's up, dude? What's going on, baby? How are you? Hurting. Where you hurting from? Fucking leaves yesterday.

Oh, dude, I was laughing so hard. Dude, fuck that shit. So DJ's got a house basically in my old neighborhood that I had with a million fucking trees. Listen, it's a beautiful part of town. He's got all these huge mature trees and he's having his, uh, he's having a realization about, about, uh, how handy he really is. And so my friend Scott lives in my old house that used to be right over where his new house is. And so I see DJ on his Instagram, like fucking piles of leaves,

four foot high and shit. And I am laughing my ass off, dude. And I text the screenshot of it over to Scott and I say, Hey Scott, go watch DJ story. And dude, we had this conversation. And I say, hey, Scott, go watch DJ's story. And dude, we had this conversation.

And I was like, bro, I'm like, so did you, what did you do with your leaves? He's like, oh, I was out there. Scott's lived there for like, what? Fucking eight, eight, nine years now. Yeah. And he's, he's out there doing his leaves and shit. And he's like, fuck it. I'm calling someone to do it.

And I'm like, bro, you still haven't figured out, like, that you're going to call someone. Like, what are you, what are you guys, you're going to call someone to figure it out anyway. So why do you waste, like, three weeks of your life doing a little raking, a little raking, a little raking when you know you're going to call someone? Honestly, you know what it is for me, man. Like I said, it's pride.

Like, you know, first house, like, I want to take care of it. Part of being smart is knowing when you're stupid. That's very, very true. All right. And I know that now. Yeah. Like, bro, some of these jobs, they're just best left to the paid professionals. I agree.

I agree. Get yourself a, you know, some battery operated power tools. Go out in the garage, squeeze a trigger a couple of times. It'll make you feel good. And then go back inside. Let professionals handle it. That's it. Like, bro bro i'll come drink a beer when they're done that's what i'm saying man like you know dude you that's an unwinnable battle in that part of st louis yeah like you can't win that battle it is miserable yeah and like that's the thing because like i

fucking hate them i hate leaves yeah you know why because they never stay where they're supposed to stay fucking go everywhere and it's like I walked out of my fucking house this morning and fixed my flag and they're fucking right back. Bro, I get pissed off at like single leaves. I'm still oppressed. It's just you, bro, because you're black. Bro, I get mad

at like actual single leaves. Like I'll fucking, I know everybody out there that does this shit is fucking like motherfucker. I know exactly what you're talking about. I know exactly what we're talking about shit is fucking like, motherfucker, I know exactly what you're talking about. Listen, man. Sometimes you just got to know when to let it go. You know what I'm saying? If that makes you not a man,

then it is what the fuck it is. I'll still cut the grass. I'll still do all that shit. You know what? I've done so much of that shit in my life. People make fun of me about it. My brother makes fun of me about it still. He's like, Andy doesn't like physical labor. Yeah, right i fucking don't you know why because i've done so much of it in my life and i don't want to do it no more yeah and now you know what

i'm positioned life where i can employ other people to do that job you don't have to yeah i mean you know what economy bro and i feel fucking zero regret about it like motherfuckers try to shame you like oh look oh, look at your hands. Got no calluses. I got calluses, bro. They just ain't from fucking leaves. Right. Right.

Right. I mean, fuck. Hey. I mean, I'm right there. I ain't fucking doing it, bro. I'll be smoking a joint with you. That's it. That's where that shit is for the birds.

I know that it is. But if you're going to do it, do it right. But the point is, is like, sometimes other people would do it better than you. Yeah. And it's okay.

Yeah, that's right. That's what we got today. Yeah, so we got Q&AF, man. And, you know, guys, as always, got three questions. You guys can email your questions in

to askandy at andyfrasella.com and we answer them here on the show. Cool. And we always appreciate the questions you guys send in. So.com and we answer them here on the show. Cool. And we always appreciate the questions you guys send me. Yeah, as long as they're not shitty. Yeah, no shitty questions.

No shitty questions. We don't appreciate those. Yeah. No, I don't. Let's be fucking real. Waste of time. So make them good. Let's get to it.

So question number one. And so this is not necessarily a CEO business leader. This is just more of a leader question, I guess. So this person that wrote this question and he says that he recently got promoted to a general manager. So he's got some leadership. But and now he's in charge of his friends and co-workers. How does he how should he go about drawing those boundaries without burning bridges with those people well look man everybody tries to over complicate this

it's not that complicated the reason that people have a problem with this is because they let their ego get involved when it becomes uh attached to a right? Like people get a new title and it's manager. Now they think they're the fucking boss, right? And like, dude, so they do is they try to come in and they try to posture and assert this like fake dominance over the team, which is completely the wrong way you should even approach leading a team. You know, leading a team starts by the example you set, by communication, by working together towards a common goal. So running in there right away and being like, I'm the boss and you have to listen to me, that's like the weakest fucking kind of leadership you could ever have. And this is why most people struggle with it, because that's what the perception of leadership is. That's what they've been fed. That's what the media showed them. That's what TV showed them. That's what Hollywood showed them. And that's what they think leading is about. The leading

isn't about that. Leading is about really simple shit, like working with a bunch of other people to solve a fucking problem and setting everybody's ego aside for the result of the mission. So I think the biggest thing that you have to do up front is to approach the right way and understand like, okay, just the fact that you have a new title does not make you stronger or better or more capable or even more valuable than the people that you lead. And two, your job as a leader is to one, accomplish the task at hand and two, personally develop the skill set of the team below you so that one day they can lead and you can move on to your next position. So that is done best with a humble attitude, but a strong value system and a good ear and

a quiet mouth. That's the truth. A lot of people think leadership is about yelling and screaming and motivating. And that's not leadership, bro. That's the glorified level of leadership. That's like one out of every 1000 days of leading is going to be that energy. Uh, you know, let's go burn the motherfucker down type shit. And that's what people think leading is about. Leading is very simple.

Listen, ask them what they think. Ask them what they think the solutions are. Collaborate on those solutions. And then whatever the best solution is, make the decision. And if it hurts people's feelings, it hurts people's feeling. But that's what it is. It's for the best of the team. So don't look at it as my best advice is don't look at it as some sort of new power advancement in your life. Instead, look at it as an opportunity to further everybody along with you,

to further their careers, to solve problems together, um, and to accomplish more together. And you'll have much less of this, this situation, you know, this situation that this person's talking about, uh, is usually a hundred percent due to someone's misunderstanding of what leadership is and, uh is and letting their ego sort of run the play instead of their heart and their mind. Yeah. So.

Yeah, that's a great point. I remember my high school football coach, he told me, he said, not always, usually how you got the role is how you keep the role. Right? And I just think about with leadership,

you know, so if you were a great fucking, you know, employee, somebody notices that they move you up. yeah so so keep the role how you got it yeah and the thing is too is to understand that all leadership is peer leadership like the actual group like it doesn't matter if someone comes in and says um hey you're in charge if the team doesn't believe that you're in charge right you. You know what I'm saying? So. Sounds real familiar right now. Yeah. Yeah.

Right. Exactly. No shit, dude. So it doesn't just because you have a title doesn't mean you're in charge. Right. Um, what it means is you have a title and you're supposed to live up to that title. Not that that title gives you, uh, the right to impose things on your friends and your team, which is what creates the problems.

So instead of looking at it as, you know, you're running the show, look at it as your decision is to decide the best move of the greater good of the team. And if you go over with that attitude, you'll have far less resistance and far more

buy-in. That does sound familiar. That sounds super it does sound familiar coming in imposing all these fucking new mandates for us and shit yeah and it's going to take one or two it's going to take and you know obviously y'all know what we're talking about if you don't you better ask somebody but here's the thing man um you know i predict in the next 12 months you're going to see some citizen leaders rise up to uh take control of the people. And I don't I don't mean in a revolutionary way, but like there's plenty of people that are far more influential than our elected leaders right now. For sure. Right. And those voices are only going to get stronger.

They're only going to get more unifying because, dude, our country is is made up of great people. It just is. And they could try to make us seem racist. They could try to make us seem misogynistic. They could try to make us seem homophobic. They could try to make us seem all this shit. But we all know that we go out in the real world. We're not those people. So we're tired of being told that we are bad

and pieces of shit and all this stuff. And I think in the next 12 months, going into that 2022 election, we're going to see some MLKs of the people rise up. We're going to see some new JFKs. We're going to see some new fucking leaders stand up and lead this country in the right direction. And these aren't just politicians.

I'm talking about new cultural icons that I think will emerge from this time in history. Yeah. Based around the situation that we just talked about. Yeah. 100%. So if that's you, uh, I would lead that way because all the greatest leaders lead that way.

Awesome. Okay. So question number two. So, uh, you know, you, you talk,

I love this point because it's something I've never, never really like understood, but you know, the difference between a skill and a trait, right. And you speak on it beautifully. Um, but the question is, so, so do you believe that entrepreneurship in itself, is it a skill or is it a trait? I think it's a very comparable, me and Gary Vee had a conversation about this one time and you know I I don't always agree with Gary but a lot of times I do

and sometimes I don't agree with them like now and later I do and sometimes I agree with them now and later I don't you know what I'm saying so like we have a cool relationship because it really I think both of us take each other's perspective from a genuine place you know we have a cool relationship because it really, I think, I think both of us take each other's perspective, uh,

from a genuine place. Um, you know, when I think of, of entrepreneurship as a skill or a trait, um, I think it is a skill and a trait, uh,

sort of like how LeBron James is physical build lends him to, to be a great basketball player. So he's developed all these skills. There's something is in Nate. Correct. He had 6'8", or whatever he is, 280 pounds of fucking muscle. He physically has the natural inclination

to be great at something he also has worked very hard his entire life to become. And so I think that's the difference. And I believe that's the exact example we used on our podcast many years ago, him and I did. And I think he's the one that brought it up. I can't remember.

It was like a long time ago. But either way, I thought the analogy was pretty correct. I thought it was a very healthy way to think about it, right? Anybody, most people, most athletic people, like, let's just break it down to sports, right?

Okay, I'll break it down for myself. All right? Did I have the, I was a good athlete. Did I have the ability to play

in the NFL? Probably. Yeah. Probably. I didn't even play college. Now, now, now I'm saying now back then, I'm just hypothetically saying I didn't have the work ethic back then, but when I look back now and I see the tools I had, I could have been a, I could have been a guy who made a roster, at least a practice squad somewhere. Yeah. Just if I would have, if I would have known how to work. Yeah. All right. But there's no fucking chance I had the physical abilities to be a pro bowl player or an all-star or a hall of famer. Right. And so I think in entrepreneurship, that's sort of how it is, right? There's people who are naturally inclined to be entrepreneurs who also then work very hard and become legendary entrepreneurs.

But most entrepreneurs, I think it's skill. I think it's, you know, and by the way, don't take that as discouraging. If you're not a naturally inclined entrepreneur, there's plenty of them out there become very wealthy, very successful, very impactful. And, you know, they've had to grid it out. You know what I'm saying? They learned as they went, that's totally possible. I think there's also people out there who are naturally inclined to be great entrepreneurs. Um, I think those people are

usually similar to where I kind of grew up where like I was always that kid selling baseball cards or snow cones or lemonade or fucking light bulbs or, you know, I just had that thing. Like I've always wanted to do my own thing. And, uh, you know, I just had that thing. Like I've always wanted to do my own thing. And, uh, you know, I didn't ever do well in school and it wasn't because I wasn't smart. It was because I knew that I didn't need the information they were teaching me to be good at what I wanted to do. Um, so, so I, you know, and I do, I know I'm one of those, I'm one of those people that's naturally inclined. And so things that are very challenging for other people, um, maybe came a little bit easier for me because I had been thinking about it since I was fucking eight.

Right. You know what I'm saying? Right, right, right. Um, but that's why I do this show and that's why I do Arte Syndicate. And that's why I partner and do all these events. You know, um, when I go speak at a big event now, I don't even take a paycheck. I just go for free to help out and contribute. The reason I do this show is to contribute.

And it's because I realize, like, it's not, it doesn't come as naturally as it does maybe to me as it does for other people. And that's okay. I want them to understand that that's a normal thing. But I would say, you know, it's like that. It's a little bit of both. The good part is people who are naturally inclined are not always disciplined to build skills. And they actually end up, they end up becoming the people who build companies

and lose their shit and build companies and lose their shit and build companies and lose their shit their whole life. Right. And sometimes they end up in jail and shit, you know, it's just like the talented fucking first round draft picks, bro. Who, you know, Ryan leaf guys like that, who like,

we're supposed to be all of this shit. You young guys might not know that, but like he, he and Ryan, if you listen to the show, cool, I hope he's doing great. But I'm just saying like,

there's guys that come through the NFL that are supposed to be great and have all this natural talent and never really work out because they haven't built the discipline and the skill set they've been relying on exactly yeah and we see that all the time we see in every area of life yeah like we see it in we see an attractive females who are in their 20s and have never developed good habits and then we see them in their 30s and they look fucking 30 years older right because they never had to work to have it in their twenties. Okay. Same with men, you know, and then we see the guys, the men and women who were maybe, uh, in their early twenties or they might've been out of shape and shitty and then they transform, but then they keep it right.

They might not have good genetics, but they keep it because they develop the skills. And so the skills are much more important than the natural talent. So it's very important that if you're not one of these people out there who has this natural gift, like some of these other guys may have or girls may have, you still have every available option to compete and defeat those kind of people, right? It's going to be hard for you to defeat someone who's naturally inclined and also very disciplined.

Yeah. But, you know. Who's to say it's impossible? It's very disciplined. Yeah. Um, but you know, who's to say it's impossible. It's not impossible. It happens every day. Right. I'm just saying those people are going to be harder than the people who just come in with some fucking talent,

you know? And I think right now, um, you know, entrepreneurship's cool. Still. I think it's a viable option. I think the more we let freedom get restricted,

the less of an option it becomes. Um, just because the numbers don't make sense when it comes to tax rates and fucking profits, supply chain, and how these things are priced and all these things, like it's getting harder to be an entrepreneur, which is why I'm so vocal about freedom. Because I want this dream that I've been fortunate enough to live so far to be available to anybody else who wants it. You know, regardless of what, where they come from or what their race is. We're all fucking Americans to me, bro. Right.

You know what I'm saying? And here in America, we need to have that fucking dream. And that's why I talk so much about that stuff. That's fucking dope. All right. Third and final question for you, Andy. And this one, it seems very simple, a very simple question,

but I know there's some complexities to it and it can get a little deeper, but the question is, how should somebody choose a mentor? You know, is it somebody in the field,

out of the field? I mean, what do you think, what's your base guideline? No, dude, I think the mentorship, the idea of mentorship as is has existed traditionally in the terms of uh entrepreneurship but really in general uh sort of outdated okay and here's what i mean by that back in the old days uh Back in my day. Two miles from my school.

Four ways uphill, bitch. Back in my day, little kiddies. But for real, back in my day. Look, it was normal for you to try to find one person to attach to. And I was lucky, dude.

I had a good dad. He was smart in business. So I was lucky, dude, I had a good dad who was smart in business. So I had that. Right. Um, but nowadays I think it's a little different. I think you don't just get one person to learn from. I think it's important that you learn from people, um, who have skillsets and then go learn the skill set to become well-rounded. So like I might learn how to sell from this person. I might learn how to build a movement through this person. I might, I mean, like, you get what I'm saying?

So like all my little disciplines that I learn, I might go pick up from, that's just, this is how I try to think of it. You know, like I try to look at people who are the very fucking best at what they do examine what they do from the outside now i am not an active mentor person like i don't actively mentor anybody one-on-one uh because it's not financially feasible for me like you have to pay me so much fucking money to do that like i don't like the people who need it couldn't afford it yeah Yeah. Right. So, um, and I don't, I don't have someone, one person that mentors me. I look at people for their skill sets and I try to, from the, and by the way, people can mentor you without ever buying their program or ever fucking, uh, going to their events or anything just by observing what they do.

And that's what I'm big about. Like, I like to look at the people who are the best at what they do and observe their techniques and try to deconstruct them from what I see to how they probably got there. And then how that applies to me and my companies and my missions

and what I'm trying to do. And so I actually have, you know, and when I think of people who influence me, and that's a better word, I think, influence than mentor. I think, you know, and when I think of people who influence me, and that's a better word, I think, influence than mentor. I think, you know, I think a lot of- Mentor sounds like a two-way street. Like I have to ask, they have to accept.

Yeah, it's this weird thing. Like, dude, I'm not- Remember Grasshopper? Yeah, right. Like, it's just weird. And like, I don't think that's the way people really learn nowadays. I think, you know, in the old days, you had to do that because like, you guys don't think that's the way people really learn nowadays. I think in the old days, you had to do that because you guys don't understand. There wasn't all these people to learn from.

If you didn't know someone who was successful in real life, you were fucked. All you had left was to read a book about it. So then you had to develop it on your own. Nowadays, we have this shit all over in our face everywhere. So much so that we got people who aren't even successful running mentorship groups, right? And like, dude, we have to like, and that's their success, the money they make from the group. So we have to really be careful to not fall into those traps because it's really relevant

everywhere right now in the entrepreneur culture. It's important to check that the person is actually, and this is just how I would do it. If they're making all the primarily make their money off of fucking mastermind or coaching and shit, that's the wrong fucking coach, bro. Yeah. That's the person who's parroting shit. That's the person who's talking in theory, not, not in fact. Um, you know, it's not impressive to anybody who actually runs shit. I would look for people who actually have

real fucking companies that you can go in the stores and buy their motherfucking products. Okay. That you can go and see their products in real life. Like they've actually created something. Those are the people you want to learn from. Those are the people who know the real shit. Okay. And there's levels to it. There's, you know,

your first million dollars in sales, your first 10 million, your first 100 million, your first billion, right? There's levels to this shit. And at each level, you're going to need new skills,

but also maintain the skills that got you to that first point. So it's important that you don't just chain yourself to try to be a carbon copy of one type of person. Because if you do, first of all, they've already done it. And what I see a lot of people do with this young mentorship mindset is they try to emulate the person that is their mentor. Like they try to emulate their tone, the way they talk, their style, like it's weird it's like cult of shit yeah okay but it's not healthy no like you should never look up to someone that much to where like you want to be exactly like them your whole goal is to be exactly is to bring out the fucking monster inside of you because that person is unique. That person has

their own style, their own swagger, and their own attractiveness to the rest of the world. When I say attractiveness, I'm not talking about getting laid. I'm talking about attractiveness and the appeal of your brand, which is you. So one of the biggest secrets of my brand is that there ain't another motherfucking me. There isn't. No, you come hear me speak. It's different than every other motherfucking speaker you ever going to hear. OK, you consume my podcast. It sounds different than everybody else. Right. You know, I didn't fucking copy the shit from anybody. I developed it over a long time by doing what I'm talking about now. That should be your goal. Your goal should be to cultivate and push out into the world that badass motherfucker that lives inside

of you that you pretend to be when no one's around. And you're listening to the music that you're vibing to and you're feeling awesome and you're driving in your car and you're like, yeah, I'm a bad motherfucker. That little version of you is going to be the one that everybody's attracted to. It's just a matter of you is going to be the one that everybody's attracted to. It's just a matter of being courageous enough to put it the fuck out there and let it develop. And that's really the truth. Because every single human has it in them. They just don't have the courage to put it out. So put it out.

Yeah. And then work to develop it and brand it. And guys, you're going to have a unique vibe to your own shit. You know what I'm saying? And then somebody will be looking at you. Bro, and that's attractive. It's attractive to people who are the opposite sex, who are the same sex, who fucking, you know, your customers. People want to be around you.

They want to consume more of it because they can't get it anywhere else. It's scarce. So it's valuable. And that can only happen through your own personal development. Ah, dude, I'm fucking good. I'm fucking good. Motherfuckers.

You should share this fucking show. Yeah. I mean, that's three. So pay the fucking fee. You better fucking pay the fee on this one. Yeah. That was fucking fire.

Hey, it is what it is. All right, guys. Look for real, dude. You know, take what that last question is probably the most important thing you could ever understand about building a successful brand. All right. You who you are is a scarce commodity. Stop being what the fuck everybody else. There are, that space is already filled. Okay. So what space are you going to occupy? And instead of letting that become some fucking like mental strategy of yours, let it come out of you, dude. Let it come out of you. It's a, it's a, it's a nuance. It's an

emotion. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a courageous, like just transparency that is an authenticity that people are attracted to. And if you're that, if you can develop that, and by the way, it took me a long time to develop that. I am super introverted. Okay. But if you can develop that, there's literally nothing that you can't do. You can't, there's nothing you can't do and everybody has it in them. They're just scared to let it out. So, so yeah, guys, that's the show. All right. Q and AF.

I thought that was a good one. I hope you did too. If it was a good one. Hey man, do this for me. Okay. I'm trying to grow this show. All right. I feel like my voice is important right now.

I feel like we're bringing the truth. I feel like we're bringing shit. And our goal is to bring this culture back around to a unified, freedom-loving, ass-kicking America that is inclusive for every motherfucker out there. So guys, do me a favor and help me grow this show. Instead of just sharing it, dude, text your friend and get them to listen, bro. Let's get some active getting people hooked on this shit. Grassroot shit. Yeah, bro.

Because I'll be the motherfucking voice for you guys. If you agree with what I'm saying, dude, and you think this is good shit, do me a solid and go to work on helping me share this show. For real. All right? I appreciate you guys. I love you guys. And I'll see you next time. Went from sleeping on the floor, now my jewelry box froze Fuck a bowl, fuck a stove, counted millions in the cold

Bad bitch, booted swole, got her on bankroll Can't fold, that's a no, headshot, case closed