REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 184. Q&AF: Building Your Circle, Main Reason Why Entrepreneurs Fail & Ending Toxic Friendships

Episode Date: December 1, 2021

In today's episode, Andy answers your questions on how to attract the right people to your circle to help you succeed, the number one reason why EVERY entrepreneur fails in business and the best way to end a friendship that's toxic to your success.

What is up guys, it's Andy Priscilla and this is the show for the realest, say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusionsusions of modern society. And welcome to Motherfucking Reality. Guys, today we have a QNAF. And before we start, I'd like to remind you that we have a fee. The fee is not monetary. The fee is very simple. If you learn, if it makes you laugh, if it gives you a new perspective, if it makes you think different, if you think it's good information that people need to hear, share the show, man. We put a lot into producing this show. We don't inundate the show with a bunch of bullshit ads. I don't run ads all on your

fucking social feed for the show. Straight value exchange, just like America should be. If we do good, you share us. If we don't do good, don't share us. But I'm getting censored pretty heavy on the internet right now. And that's why I've shifted most of my content onto this show. I'm actually enjoying it. I actually enjoy the daily or almost daily shows. And eventually we'll get this shit organized to where it's a true daily show. But I need your help growing the show. I need you guys to tell your like-minded friends. When the conversations come up and you're arguing with your uh with your stupid friends that don't agree with the smart shit that you say that you learned on the show you know don't tell them about

it but tell everybody else all right what's up dude what's going on another day yeah big day yeah what's today q and a F man. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's going to be a good one, man. Big day. I got three good ones for you. Yeah.

Let's get started. Cause I took a, I took 20 milligrams of edibles and if we go too long, the show might get weird. All right. So I'm just warning you guys right now. So we're going to actually teach some shit. Yeah.

Let's teach it real within the next 30 minutes because after 30 after the next 30 minutes i got some shit to do all right it's called record it's called record uh cti yeah right that's gonna be the great one all right all right guys so as always got three questions for andy you can email your questions in to ask andy at andylla.com. As always, we appreciate those questions. So keep sending them in. And with that being said, let's go ahead and knock these out. So question number one, Andy, how big is your circle? I know I'm about to say something else, but how big is your circle? Do you believe that it should be this huge circle of people? Should

it be more intimate with the world and everything, there's network capital going on right now. Everybody's about networking, right? But how do you regulate that circle? What that look like for you? Well, when you're actually valuable, you don't have to network. People come to you. So how I look at it is I create the most value that I possibly can out of my own skillset. And then whoever deserves to be there who could contribute to that or who can help pull me to a higher place to where I'm trying to go or help push me to a higher place that I'm trying to go or contribute in any way, those are the people that get to be in that circle. And so I think there's a lot of fake, uh, not fake, but

let's say when you're less value, okay. And you actually don't have real, I think a lot of people put too much emphasis on their network and not, this is not enough emphasis on creating their own valuable, uh, position, meaning I see a lot of people online, especially younger people, think that if they network long enough, they're going to network to the point where they discover someone who's going to put them on. It's done with the mentality of what can I take.

And I think that all of us should strive to be the epicenter of our networks. You know what I'm saying? So what I try to do is be the leader of my network, not be the web of the network. And I do that by being as valuable as I can. Now, I have people in that circle who are also what I would consider to be doing the same level of things. and those are the people that we consult back and forth forthwith but like i'm not going to fucking networking groups right

you know to see what i can get and so the best way to create a network is by building a great product within yourself right yeah um how do you benefit other people what does your company do how does your company benefit other people how does uh your presence benefit other people? What can you offer? What can you do? And building those things is what actually creates a beneficial network. Not going to every single networking meeting that you possibly can, hoping that someone's going to do the thing, whatever the thing is, that's going to make you go where you're trying to go. I think a lot of people think that's how it works. It's just not how it works. And the other way to look at networking is if you don't have,

let's say I'm looking back to where I was, let's say 15 years ago, right? I didn't have anything. And my network then was people that I could learn from, people that were higher than me, people that I tried to spend time around, people that could teach me things, and people that I could just observe and learn and build my own skill set. But even then, the mentality still was to build the best me, not take from everybody else, hoping there's going to be some hack that they know to get me where I want to go. An insinuation that I give for most people who are trying to network is that they bring almost nothing to the table. And like, bro, if you don't bring anything to the table, you know, you got to realize that people that have a whole bunch of shit going on, they don't have time to fuck with you. You know what I'm saying? Like, like magic Johnson did an interview about this a while back where he's talking about like, you know, he only had so much

time. Right. And the bigger he's gotten and the more he's, uh, gain in the, in the business world, the bigger the deals have to be for him to even take the meetings. And people, people see that as disrespect. Yeah. But it's not what it is, is he understands he only has so much time and he has to dedicate those times to the things that are going to pay off at his level that he's trying to be at. Right. Right. And people that aren't at that level, they, they feel that is like a slight or as a disrespect. And that's what I always try to tell people is like, you haven't done anything yet to earn that respect. You know what I'm saying? So your concentration when it comes to networking should be to surround yourself with people you can learn from, whether that would,

and by the way, you don't have to talk to people to learn from them. You can just be a student of them. Back in my day, I wasn't able to talk to people that I looked up to. I just had to learn everything I could about them and observe and then deduct the skills that I needed from what I was able to observe. And people seem to have lost that. They think they got to have some personal relationship with someone to learn from them. And that's just not the case. You're just not paying attention, right? If you pay attention to what people do and how they run their businesses, um, and, and, and the moves they make, okay, you're going to learn a hell

of a lot more than what they're ever going to tell you because most of these guys won't tell you their moves anyway. Right. You see what I'm saying? so you've almost got to become a student of people's behavior uh you know to get what you're looking for out of networking yeah you know what i'm saying that resonates so much because for the we've all heard the the phrase right it's not what you know it's who you know right but i've always thought about i'm like that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense to me because you can meet the fucking president of the fucking u.s right but what do you know like if you don't know anything that doesn't mean it doesn't help right you can know whoever you want to go it's not it is what you know listen to that the way the world works is

on value exchange yeah okay if you can't do nothing for the president he ain't doing nothing for you right all right so so if you want to be in the president's circle you've got to build enough value in yourself to where he sees value in that and now all of a sudden there's an exchange possible all right but like there is not a situation there's very rare situations where someone at the beginning level gets some sort of gift from someone who's up at the higher levels yeah right they it just doesn't happen like they're not going to invest in you they're not going to give you their money they're not going to invest in you. They're not going to give you their money.

They're not going to fuck. You're not going to be best friends. You know, they're not going to DM you every single time. And if you DM them enough, they're going to mute you. No, for real out of necessity because you're, you're selfishly taking too much of their time.

And people take this as a personal insult. It's not a personal insult. You're unaware of the place that you play in this fucking power structure. Yeah. And that's a very real thing. So like if you, like for me, I'm just being real.

Like if you can't help me get further to where I want to go, I'm probably not fucking with you at all. Like you're not coming to my house. We're not fucking having a smoke. We're not chilling. We're not drinking beers. And that's not coming to my house. We're not fucking having a smoke. We're not chilling. We're not drinking beers. And that's not because I'm better than that. It's because I only have so much time and that time has to be dedicated with people who can help push me or pull me to the place I need to go. And that's important. It's not selfish because there's a lot of people

that depend on me. So if I misuse that time, I have thousands of people that suffer on the back end. So you see it as selfish when I see it as a necessity. You understand? Yeah. So the network that you want to build is going to be one that comes, uh, that is in proportion to what value you provide. And too many people out there have listened to too many of these gurus and think they could DM their way to some sort of fucking place in business.

And guys, the internet's powerful. It's a powerful tool. It's not reality. Okay. Business is still done in the real world. We're real motherfuckers that's why that's why you don't see people uh you know like elon musk or these guys bezos or these guys who are doing really really massive shit they're not active on fucking social media because it doesn't serve

their time yeah okay like for me i'm still a little fish like a lot of people see me as a big fish but i compare myself to those guys so in my mind i'm a little a little fish. Like a lot of people see me as a big fish, but I compare myself to those guys. So in my mind, I'm a little bitty fish. I'm a fucking minnow, bro. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And I know that I have to value my time in a way to where it benefits where I'm trying to go to. Does that make sense?

That makes perfect fucking sense. Yeah. So you can't get pissed at people when they don't want you in their fucking circle right your goal should be to become good enough to where they invite you in the circle they say hey you know what and this is how it goes too you you you have your little circle right at this level i've got my circle and there's fucking dudes that are way further than me right i'm not in their circle i'm not trying to be in their circle i'm trying to get good enough to where they want me in their circle right all right that's how it fucking works okay and how it works is you meet one of these guys right like i meet one like for example like if someone were to come into my circle my company's worth billions of dollars my circle's pretty up

there yeah you know i'm saying so what i do is i and this is not me trying to sound like an egotistical fuck but i recognize i can recognize someone when they're going to be something because I've been doing this for a long time. So like when I see someone who might be like, you know, at 25 or 26 years old and I can see their hustle and I can see they're on the path, I might reach out and say some encouraging shit to them, or I might give them my cell phone number, or I might do something that will help them feel encouraged. Like they're moving along the right way. Right.

That's how people that are upper will pull people up. It's not like I pulled, put my arm around someone and say, Oh, here's what you need to do. Blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah. Like if you're not fucking smart enough to watch me and learn on your own, I'm not even going to try. You see what I'm saying? Yep so stop valuing this idea of you know network network network network network and start realizing that that's saying that your network is your net worth only matters when you're actually worth some shit too you know i'm saying no bro that's fucking awesome so if you network with a bunch of fucking losers what's your network worth loser shit okay

so be valuable and then you'll lose your shit listen develop skills become valuable read books that actually teach you fucking real skills go out execute those real skills in the real life start building shit okay then the value comes later. The whole problem with this whole generation of people is everybody thinks they're going to do it the minute they think, like, oh, dude, I'm going to become an entrepreneur. See you in 20 years, bro. You know what I'm saying? This is not a game.

There's people in here that are like apex predators, bro, that understand every little nuance of every single thing everything and that takes 20 something years to get get to so you you being three years in deciding you know you were a a fucking accountant three years ago or whatever the fuck you were in construction or whatever right and you think that you should be in somebody, my circle, and you think it's rude that you're not in it? Bro, you're delusional. Yeah. No, for real.

Yeah. And people need to quit taking it personally. I wasn't allowed in anybody's motherfucking circle. I was shit on by everybody. That's part of the process. Fuck, man. We got entitlement issues. We got instant gratification issues.

And the sad thing is, is that we have more opportunity than we've ever had ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. And people shit on it because they can't have it in a fucking year or two years. So anyway. So, so question number two, moving on from that expand on to that right what's the number one reason why entrepreneurs fail real simple they quit that's it it's the number one reason is they quit the number two reason is they're too stupid to learn from their mistakes they make the same mistakes over and over and over again. Those two things kill almost every single company at one point. You either stop or you keep making the same mistakes over and over again. I am convinced 100% that anybody that starts a business, if they are smart enough to actually learn from their mistakes and not repeat

them over and over and over again, and they have the capacity to not quit, you can be successful in business. Remember when we talked about this shit where there's people who naturally have a propensity to be entrepreneurs? And then they could be Hall of Fame entrepreneurs, right? Right. And then there's grit players,

people who gritted their way into the game. You can be a very successful grit player with those two principles very successful i'm talking you can build a nine an eight nine figure fucking worth business maybe even bigger with just those two things so i and i think anybody can do that i mean bro there's the fucking snuggie sold 150 million dollars worth of shit a year that's just a fucking blanket with holes, bro. It's a fucking robe worn backwards. Right.

You get what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, bro, there's all kinds of shit out there that can be made into businesses. It just takes those two things. So the reason most companies fail is because of that. Now, other reasons companies fail, you know, most of those have to do with their inability to adapt. This is what kills a lot of medium-sized companies. They get to a certain point and they continue to ride the same skill set and do the exact same things at this middle

level forever. And they don't realize that every company, every brand has a life cycle to it and they don't adapt. They don't reinvent themselves consistently. And, uh, you know, they, they die. And, and, you know, then another reason is, you know, second generation business owners, third generation business owners kill almost all the businesses. Uh, most of those business people fail because they weren't there to build it they weren't there to put in the blood sweat and tears they don't value it the same they don't make decisions the same they're not as aggressive and they end up getting their asses beat now that's not every single one there's that's just the majority of those people

so uh which is funny because like if you ask the normal person they they think that every business was inherited you know inherited, you know, and you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And what you don't realize is that all the motherfuckers that inherit their business and ablution at some point, you see what I'm saying? Yeah. So it's just a funny thing I've noticed, but yeah. So it's fucking dope. Yeah.

All right. Does that make sense? No, it makes perfect fucking sense. Yeah, absolutely. So question number three, uh, and but not least what's the best way to end a friendship okay so a little backstory uh this is somebody who you know maybe they just don't fit what you need or want in a friend right so you know and it seems like a basic question i know but

um you know so this person has a good friend they've been friends for a long time okay and they just don't see them growing or even wanting to grow and they're afraid that it's going to hold them back any advice on that look dude yeah i do have some advice but it's real shit that most people don't want to admit it. Your friends are going to come and go, motherfucker. You know what I'm saying? You're going to have different friends at every level of your life. They're going to come. They're going to play a part. They're going to go.

Very few people stick with you from start to start to end. Very few. You probably count them on both hands if you're lucky. And that's just reality. And people don't like that. Every time you level up, you're going to find new friends that suit your goals and encourage your beliefs and encourage you to keep going, and this is what I talk about with No Man's Land. People who start businesses, and you've got your

old high school buddies, and you start that business, and you start dedicating more and more time to that business and less and less time doing the same old shit. And they start saying the shit, right? Like we all heard it. Oh, you think you're too good for us? Oh, Andy, you know, you think you're going to be some rich dude? Oh, Andy, you know, you're fucking too cool for us now. And they say these little slights, you know, ingest trying to make you feel a little guilty for not going out and getting fucked up every fucking weekend. Right. Or every fucking night. And you know, what happens is those people start to, they keep doing their shit and you stop doing that shit. You start doing other things that serve you. And then you, for a while, when you're in that zone, you don't have many friends and that's called no man's land. And people never get past that point that's where the idea of um you know it's lonely at the top that shit you hear

from people that's where they get that from because just outside the first comfort zone is a time where you're going to be lonely and most people never move past that so they think that that's the top motherfucker that ain't the top there's there's 10 different levels to this shit there's 1 million your first million 10 million 20 million 50 million 100 million 500 million a billion okay and then beyond those are all different fucking levels okay and they come with different groups of friends they come with different lessons they come with different fucking uh social requirements and people don't like to hear this shit because people like the idea of having their same old high school

buddies their whole life and guys it's just not real it's not real if you're going to be a fucking winner it's just not and bro that doesn't mean they're losers that just means they they chose a different path and it doesn't mean that you can't go back and hang with those motherfuckers sometimes and have a great fucking time you see what i'm saying you put too much value on this shit and you have to understand that when you're in between these levels uh you know that's what stops a lot of people you asked in the last question what kills people in business that kills a lot of people because people get out there in that no man's land and they're like, fuck, I'm all alone. Oh, fuck.

This sucks. And then what happens is the ones that some quit and go back and they go back and do, they live the life that their buddies live and, you know, they live their whole lives. And when they get to be whatever, whenever they're going to die, you know, hopefully they die quick because those people end up with regrets about what they should have, would have, and could have done. The people who keep going discover that that's a false reality. There is no lonely at the top because when you get to that next level, there's a whole bunch of motherfuckers at that level. And they all support your goals and support your dreams. so and so now all of a sudden you have all this extra energy to go forward that you

didn't have when you were with this first group because they weren't even supporting you all right your your fucking girls you date at that time they nag you and they fucking they they keep you you know why are you working so much blah blah all that bullshit right you get to this level and all of a sudden you're around all these successful people and the partners you date, now they're also on that vibe of trying to win. You see what I'm saying? Then you get to that next level and it gets even stronger. And those people are even more skilled and are even more motivated and they even contribute to you more. So I argue that the friendships and relationships actually get stronger and better they don't get

worse because what would you rather be surrounded by would you rather be surrounded by like-minded people that encourage you and push you to be better or would you rather be surrounded by people who talk about the good old days who don't do a motherfucking thing other than criticize every fucking negative thing they have in their life what would you rather be around yeah that's no brainer yeah so the problem is you motherfuckers just don't go far enough to figure it out so i you know stop telling yourself this fantasy you know and bro there's exceptions this like there's people that you will be close friends with um but the truth of the matter is is a lot of people have a hard time dealing i saw i heard

this lyric and i think it was a dolph song the other day where it said go go make yourself a whole bunch of money and watch how everybody changes i was thinking about that in the shower because everybody says oh you change you know motherfucker the world changes around you when you start to have that kind of money when you start to have fuck you money and fuck you success where it's where every fucking place you go every single person knows who the fuck you are and what you do and that you're bad as fuck with it, people change and they treat you different, completely different. It's actually weird as fuck. Yeah. But that's also why you have to not value that shit and value the real motherfuckers that care about you, will tell you when you're fucking up,

will push you to be better, will hold you to a higher standard. Because dude, the truth is, most of these people that you run into in your life when you're a successful person, they want shit from you. You know what I'm saying? So you got to surround yourself with people

who have their own shit going on at your level so that you're not surrounded by a bunch of people who just want shit from you. Like all my real friends, they don't need anything from me or they've been with me for fucking since i was in seventh grade right you know what i'm saying right and they usually and they they usually they work here work here yeah and they do well so i guess they do need something from me but that ain't it's not like that it's not like i get it that's right i get it bro that's fucking three yeah i go pay the fee that was fucking good well that was fucking fire So I guess they do need something from me, but that ain't, it's not like that. It's not like, I get it. That's right. I get it. Bro. That's fucking three.

Yeah. I go pay the fee. That was fucking good. Well, that was fucking fire. Yeah. It's a lot of shit. People don't want to admit. Yeah.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like it's, it's, it's, uh, this is why I get so, I have so much contempt for some of the shit these motherfuckers push out because I'm sitting over here like motherfucker. i know you guys ain't successful because i can tell by the way you talk about shit exactly exactly anyway fucking fire yeah so that's the show 24 minutes we got six minutes until my shit kicks in they're pretty good that's right i'm watching the clock right now where we at all right guys hey help us grow the show, man. We love you guys.

We're trying to contribute. We're trying to make the world a better place. I think you guys know that. Stand up for us. When people talk that shit, smack them in the face. Yeah. Politically. Shout out to Billy, man.

Yeah, I love Billy. I love that guy, man. I think that documentary is good. Bro, I saw a clip of him. Dude, he's a fucking awesome speaker. He's great. He's fucking good. He's sorry Billy. I didn't know you were that good. Yeah Yeah, there was real that was coming from fucking deep down dude. Well, it's a real person. Yeah You know I'm saying you know when you could tell like these crusty motherfuckers on TV They don't give a fuck.

Not one bit. When you hear certain people speak, you can just tell they fucking mean it. Yep. That's what he said. Some guy named Bill, bro. He's a regular guy. Yeah, it's awesome. Fucking dope.

Anyway, shout out to Billy. Shout out to Billy, man. Now share the show. Yeah. Fuck a pole, fuck a stole Counted millions in a cold Bad bitch, booted swole Got her on bankroll Can't fold, that's a no Headshot, case closed