REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 187. Let It Go

Episode Date: December 5, 2021

The winner's circle has no place for people who compete to be the best victim. In today's episode, Andy talks about the problem with people consistently looking for sympathy online, how to recognize when you're playing the victim and how you can flip the switch to make forward progress by letting go of the past.

What is up guys, it's Andy Purcell and this is the show for the realest. Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness, and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality. Guys, today I have a real talk. Before I get into the real talk, I want to remind you of the fee. The fee is very simple. We work on value exchange, just like the rest of reality. If I do a good job, I require something from you. And that something is not monetary. It's just talk about the show. Share the show. Tell your like-minded friends about the show. If it made you think, if it made you laugh, if it made you have a new perspective, if it brought value, okay? If it taught you

something, share the show, all right? I don't fill your ears with ads. I don't fucking fill your face with ads on the internet. This is word of mouth, man. And we've been able to dominate iTunes for a long motherfucking time doing it, okay? So if you think these messages need to be heard, help me share them. All right. That's the fee. Now, today I want to talk about something, man. Uh, I was scrolling Instagram and we've all have friends that we see, uh, do these little polls and it says, tell me something secret. And then like these people post their, the people's secrets without, uh, showing who they are or whatever. So you see some pretty interesting shit. And I saw one today, I was

scrolling through my buddies. Uh, my buddy was doing one of these polls and I saw one today that kind of like, it kind of jolted me a little bit because it, it reminded me honestly of, of, of something that, that most people do. I want to talk about that. So here's the fucking post. Okay. He says, he has the question box up. It says, tell me something your spouse or your best friend doesn't know about you. And the person put in a, my dad cheated on my mom with Craigslist prostitutes. And that's really why I'm in therapy. All right, look, dude, if you're really in therapy because your fucking dad cheated with

fucking prostitutes. Okay. And that's got you to the point where you think you need therapy. You have crossed the line from like normal functioning human into soft fucking cupcake pussy land. All right. Let me explain something to you guys. And I don't give a fuck how much this pisses people off.

Cause I know it's like the popular thing now to, to, to like brag about your trauma and to brag about how all the bad shit happens to you and to post your sad story over and over and over and over again on Instagram every three days. I'm, I'm convinced, honestly, that most people do Q and a, just to talk about the sad shit that, that, that has happened to them. I see it over and over again. It's the same people answering the same fucking questions over and over and over again, talking about their problems and celebrating the fact

that they're some sort of fucking flawed human. Look, motherfuckers, you can't win like that. Okay, for a very practical reason. I want you to understand this so you don't think I'm just being mean. This is a practical reason. I want you to understand this so you don't think I'm just being me. This is a practical thing. You only have so much energy in your life.

You only have so much focus in your life. You only have so much ability in your life to choose what you're going to do and what you're going to be and what your identity and your self image is going to be. And when you choose to be one of these victims who thinks there's an Olympics out there for the saddest motherfucking story, that means you have no room to move forward. You have no room for dreams. You have no room for aspirations. You have no room for the actions that lead to those aspirations because you're so busy filling your mind with the bad shit that's happened to you already in life that you have zero chance moving forward. Explain how that makes sense. Okay. We live in a backwards culture where victim mentality is celebrated. The hard shit, the bad shit, the unfortunate shit that's happened to us is glorified through sympathy and virtue signaling where all these people, all the people you know,

pat you on the ass and say, oh, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Oh, you're so brave. Oh, you're so this cool. Maybe you are, but that shit will eventually keep you from getting the life that you actually want. That's the shit that's will eventually keep you from getting the life that you actually want. That's the shit that's going to keep you from moving forward to keep you from focusing on what you could be rather than what's actually happened to you in the past. You get one or the other. You can look forward or you can look backwards, but you can't look both ways at the same motherfucking time. And so many of you guys have got enamored and sucked into this victim culture that we are shoved down our throats from the media, from Hollywood,

from all these things where we brag about the bad shit that's happened to us and we talk about all this help we need over here and how flawed we are. Motherfucker, we're all flawed. You don't think every motherfucker out there has a sad story of some sort? Fuck, dude.

Everybody has hard shit they gotta go through. There's not a single motherfucking successful person on this planet that hasn't gone through their version of really fucking hard shit. And the fact that I see so many people create their identities around creating

sympathy for whatever their issues might be, honestly disgust me to the core. That's not what you're supposed to be about. That's not what this country's about. That's not what our culture is supposed to be about. And it doesn't lend itself to anything great. It lends us, it lends itself to a bunch of self-loathing fucking weak fucking mentally bound up, uh, drained of potential

fucking humans, which is exactly what I talked about on the show the other day. They want you fat. They want you stupid. They want you lazy. They want you absorbed in your own hardships so that you can never realize what you could potentially become. So what's it going to be, man? Are you going to sit there for the rest of your fucking life and talk about all the hard shit that's happened? Because motherfucker, I got a list a mile long. I don't even remember a lot of my shit because dude, I don't care to remember it because it doesn't fucking serve me.

Learn what you need to learn from the things that have happened to you and move the fuck on. Oh, well, Andy, that's not as easy said as done. No, it is actually that easy. Oh, my dad fucking was a piece of shit. That sucks. I shouldn't be a piece of shit. Move forward. Not being a piece of shit. You can go to therapy for the next 100 years and talk about all this shit over and over and over and over and over again. And that isn't going to change

that it fucking happened. And that isn't going to change what the fuck you should be doing moving forward. This is why you're not progressing. You're so enamored by the instant gratification of likes and shares and attention that you get for telling your sad story. And that doesn't leave any room for you to actually plan out, visualize, think about the great shit in life that you could be creating because you're too busy, worried, and focused on shit that you can't change. How does that serve you? How does that help you?

What does that do for your future? What does it do for your future? What does it do for your future family? We have been conditioned to tell ourselves that our story is debilitating, that our hardships are the reason that we can't be what we want to be. When in reality, the hardships that we've had are actually the things that teach us to have the skills and the thoughts and the perspective we need to actually become what we want to be.

If you had to choose between having a perfect upbringing and having an upbringing that was extremely hard, you should choose the one that was hard because it's preparing you. If you have the right perspective for what life is actually like. So instead of spending all your time telling yourself this fucking story of how you can't move forward because you're this and this and this and this recognize that you're actually being a fucking bitch. You're selling yourself. You are selling yourself into victimhood. You are costing yourself your entire potential. And I know people aren't going to like to hear this shit

because people right now love to be victims. They love to fucking ride the sad story into the sunset and get the claps and the shares and the likes and the attention from all the other soppy sad story motherfuckers. Well, I'm going to tell you what, dude. Those motherfuckers don't win. And they can hate you. They can be mad at me.

They can say, Andy, fuck you. You have no empathy. You have motherfucking. Don't even let me start on the harsh shit I've been through. This is why I can talk about this shit. And I don't have a problem talking about it. I've been through some shit. Okay?

All of those things, every single one of them,'ve been through some shit. Okay. All of those things, every single one of them served me in some way. It taught me something, something that I use every single day. Once you flip your perspective from being a fucking victim to being someone who overcomes shit,

now you start to understand why it's so fucking aggravating. There is no winner's circle, zero. There's no Olympic medal. There's no fucking championship trophy. There's no fucking winner's circle. There's no hall of fame for who the biggest fucking victims are. All the championship stories, all the awards, all the accolades, all the riches, all the fucking glory goes to people who overcome shit, not whine about the same motherfucking shit for 10 years straight on the fucking internet. So think about that and think about what you're dragging along and think about the weight you're pulling, trying to get where you want to go and how unlikely you are to get there

unless you let it go. And I bet you, you'll let it go really fucking fast. Think about it. You will never get where you want to go playing the victim. You want real world proof of this? Look at motherfuckers that win the lottery. How many times have we heard the fucking lottery winner who wins hundreds of millions of dollars and then five years later, their life is a complete fucking disaster. Do you know why that is? I tell you why that is. Because they were gifted something without earning the skill set that comes with it that you need to maintain it and you need to keep it and you need to fucking produce more of it moving forward. And that goes for everything. So if you don't fucking recognize the hardships that you have as an opportunity to build skills by overcoming them

and letting them go, you're never going to develop the skills that you need to produce more success or produce a better life or produce the shit that you, that, that you want. It's not going to happen. So you have a choice to make. And the choice is either continue to be like everybody else and justify every fucking hardship that you've ever had as the reason to why you're never going to become what it is that you become. You can live your whole life telling the same sad story over and over and over again. And then when you get to fucking die, hopefully you don't have to think about it. And possibly you'll get off having any regret because you had a quick death, but that's unlikely. More likely you'll get to sit there

and think about all the things you could have been, all the things you wanted to be, and all the shit you wanted to do that you never did because you spent all your time worrying about fucking being the biggest fucking victim. Or you can learn where the real bosses live. The real bosses live in a place where they overcome shit, where they take the hardships that have happened to them and they develop skill sets that move them forward They don't dwell on just the negative. They're thankful for the experience because of what it taught them That's the perspective difference and that is literally the difference between people who win and live an amazing, fulfilling, successful life and people who die wishing that they had done all kinds of other shit. And you get to choose which group you're going to belong to.

So what's it going to be, man? What's it gonna be, man? What's it gonna be?