REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 206. Q&AF: Overcoming Overthinking, Detecting Lies & Understanding Depression

Episode Date: December 31, 2021

In today's episode, Andy answers your questions on how you can overcome the overthinking mindset to progress you forward, various ways to identify if someone is lying to you, and the best ways to help someone close to you who's struggling with depression.

What is up guys, it's Andy Purcell and this is the show for the realest, say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness, and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today we have q and af this is where uh dj what's up dj what's going on man is going to ask me questions that you submit where do they submit them uh you can email your questions to ask andy at andy forsella.com where you submit and ask andy at andy forsella.com and we answer them we do three that's the show that's it all right yeah people loving these shows these q a shows good man now if you want more entrepreneur content

if you want more life content if you want more how to fucking kick ass content you could always apply to the rta syndicate as well rta syndicate is a group that am I let and I run and founded that focuses entirely on excellence in all areas of life. But that's neither here nor there. I'm just telling you where to get my main content at if you're interested in that.

So that's what we do. Anyway, let's start the show. Let's get it in, man. All right. So without further ado, question number one. Andy, so I consider myself a huge overthinker. Okay. I tend to overcomplicate things a lot.

It has saved me a few times, but I know in my gut that it's holding me back. What are your thoughts on how to overcome this overthinking mentality? Look, dude, I think it's normal, especially when you're somebody who wants to win, to analyze every single step of every single thing that you're trying to do. Um, because we care, right? Like we want to win and we want to win real bad. And so we think of our, uh, you know, we have this tendency to like overthink things, right? We think about like, how is, you know, things all the way down from like, how's the conversation going to go today? Right. Like, how am I going to have this conversation? And I've found that, you know,

I operate on a, uh, system that I built called the power list. All right. And you can learn about that, uh, on episode 16 of the real AF feed. Now, power list is the most valuable tool that I've ever developed for personal development myself. And keep that in mind, I've developed 75 Hard, which is probably the most popular personal development program over the last three or four years, by a lot too, not even close. So I would put win the day mentality, the Power system ahead of that. And the reason that I would put it ahead of that is because it gives you a clear, definable list of daily critical tasks that you need to execute on to get to where you want to go. All right. And the way this affects overthinking is if you can look back, all right, like,

let's just say you're having a bad day right and you're like fuck dude i'm such a like i have these days sometimes like such a piece of shit dude you know you're not really pulling your weight i didn't do enough yeah you're not doing enough this and that well when you use the power list you're able to like actually open the fucking book flip through the pages and actually see what it is that you've been doing. Okay. And the reason this is important, especially when you are executing is it keeps you from overthinking and driving your confidence down artificially. All right. So it's an important thing for you overthinkers. And a lot of people are overthinkers, bro. I would say most people who are ambitious,

if you guys listen to this show, if you want to make more money if you want to win overthinking is probably part of your your process yeah um so i would say one that's normal but two um by keeping uh and using you know the powerless system and which is free by the way just go listen to the episode it describes the exact system this is just my use for fucking decades and it works okay um if you keep that you have a record right so when you start to overthink you look back see it right feel good and or you can look back to cva you know what validated yeah i did fuck up the last three days i missed two of my tasks in the last three days in a row man you know i get any i am on a bad streak fucking, I got to will my way out of that today and make sure all my shit gets done, right?

And then you actually correct yourself on past. So overthinking can serve us too, but it does hurt us. And I think one of the biggest reasons that it hurts us is because we don't acknowledge the actions that we are actually taking because we don't have a record of them right like most people don't track down their day-by-day tasks yeah and say okay this is what i did this day and this is not now don't get this confused like a to-do list it's not what the fuck

this is like i know a lot of motherfuckers smart motherfuckers out there think you're smarter than me and you know i'm talking about a get shit done to-do list yeah if you go listen to the fucking podcast you'll realize it's a whole different thing. Just like when 75 hard is not a fucking diet. Right. Okay. So get your fucking head out of your ass and get over your own ego and go fucking listen to the podcast because it's the most effective tool you ever fucking use in your entire fucking

life. Period. I don't care who you are. I don't give a fuck if you're Elon Musk. I don't care. This shit works for everybody. I don't care if you're living in your fucking brother's fucking basement on his couch right now, fucking hating life. This will work for you.

You just have to execute it. So, one, that's a way to keep overthinking in check. And two, recognize it's normal. And three, recognize that overthinking can actually serve you when it's valid. Yeah, that's fucking perfect. All right. Question number two, Andy. Andy, I've recently been having to deal with a lot of people lying to me.

Okay. But I've had no idea that they were lying to me. Is there a stone cold method for telling if somebody is full of shit? Well, if there is, I haven't found one, but I found what I have found is that the more bullshit that you're exposed to, the easier it is and the quicker it is to identify it. You know, when I was I don't know how old this person is, but when I was in my early 20s, you know, I fucking I like the biggest problem people run into here is that they they think that their nature is the same as everybody else's nature okay and not everybody has the same good moral intention nature that you have this is why

liberals fucking vote for democrats this is exactly why we're here these democrat people that vote for joe biden they're not bad people they fucking they just think those people think like them and they don't those people are actually willing to use the voters the regular people's wants dreams and wishes against them okay for their own power and that's part because the people who vote for him oh no there's no way not there's no way so i know there's motherfuckers like that yeah okay a lot of them you have to realize so exist part of this is being a realist like you have to acknowledge that there are bad people out there and you have to acknowledge that some people have gotten really fucking good at being bad people yeah okay so how do you identify that well the way i identify it

now in my life is i can tell them by three fucking seconds like you know i have motherfuckers every day that come up to me and they think they're like pulling some fucking slick shit on me and you know they come up and they start telling me how you know i'm like you know like i don't know that you're fucking what you're doing bro right like you're not like what andy what do you think about this well here's what i thought you know this and this this like this little manipulative shit like bro if you ever come to me and you think you're pulling one on me trust me i fucking know and you're just digging yourself a fucking grave yeah okay so when you speak to me understand that i already know yeah okay but that's what happens after years and years and years of working to identify what we're

talking about here. So most people are just inexperienced. And once you become a realist and once you recognize that there's a lot of people out there that just aren't as good as you would like them to be or as good as you know they could be, it becomes easier to identify. Because the truth is we can always see these people in the rearview mirror, right? Like when you've been done wrong in there most of the time can't you go back and like dissect like fuck dude there was this there was

that there was this there were this and most of it comes from us ignoring those signs because we want to believe in someone or we want or you know like for example like in a relationship a lot of people are in love with the potential of the relationship not the actual relationship right so they build up this whole thing and then the person starts showing them that they're not actually that person. And they never, they will never acknowledge or believe it because they've already identified them as something else. Yeah. And this happens all the time. So, you know, one, uh, address the facts of the situation. They're bad people out there, period. Two, bad people have gotten really good at fucking acting like they're not bad people. Okay. Three, understand that this

is a lifelong learning lesson and you're going to continue to run into people because there's enough of them that are shit bags. All right. Four, actively work to surround yourself with people that aren't like that. That's something I didn't hit on yet. One of the biggest things that I've done is I have truly eliminated every single person from my life that doesn't contribute to it in some way. I'm not talking about someone who fucking roots for me. I'm not talking about sending me a fucking thank you text. I'm talking about, do you go to battle with me every motherfucking day or do you not? And if you don't, you ain't on my list of people to talk to that day. That's it. so i insulate myself by surrounding myself with people that i fucking trust and guess what sometimes those people that you trust are gonna fuck you yeah you know so and

then you have a decision to make did it was that a one-time thing or was that who they are as a person so you have to go back and track their history and see what it's about what's that track pay attention yeah but i can tell you the easiest way to pay attention is to pay attention as it's happening you know like i've gotten real good at smiling and nodding while people sit there and fucking tell me all this shit that i know is wrong right you know i'm saying right like i got i got a couple couple people in mind right now fucking constantly try to bullshit me every fucking time i see them and they think i'm fucking too dumb to understand you're too dumb bro yeah just remind you of that you'll learn would you would you also say too that like networking is a huge

part of that because like you've been in business for 20 years you know people that know those answers yes but it's not that's not solving a networking group you know a lot of people think you just go to a fucking group and it's bro network groups for the most part is anybody can join yeah you know what i'm saying oh those people vet it yeah right so like how you have to get in where you fit in with the people that you identify uh their values and their ethics and their morals and shit because there's people that fall all along those spectrums yeah you know what i'm saying so you know a lot of it is just fucking you know all right i'm being a bad you know, a lot of it is just fucking, you know, all right. I'm being a bad, you have to acknowledge like this person has been a bad picker of relationships,

whether it be friend. If you got a lot of people lying to you, you're gullible. You know what I'm saying? If everybody in the world is lying to you, it's because you're too stupid to believe it. And I know that hurts to hear whoever asks this question. They're probably like, fuck, but it is the truth. So let's acknowledge that that's the truth. you're not very good at reading people and then let's put some effort

into actually paying attention to what's happening as it's happening right and you don't want to become some paranoid i don't trust people yeah you know what i mean like that's a hard because like dude that's i'm gonna do that phase a little bit yeah i would say i live there yeah you know i'm saying i don't trust i don't trust my cautiously optimistic yeah i don't trust it takes people years to earn my trust. They think they earn it in a couple of months or a year or two or this or that. It takes, it,

it takes a long time. Yeah. Um, and that, that helps protect you from me just being disappointed. Yeah. So, uh,

sucks to hear, but you know, welcome to fucking reality. I love it. All right, Andy, our third and final question for you. Changing gears a little bit. Andy, you've talked about your battle, your personal battle with depression many times, right?

It's not something you're like closeted about, right? But as someone who doesn't battle with depression, what's the best way to help and support somebody that they know that does? What would you, what would you tell them? You know, I would, I would understand a couple of things. You know, people think that like dealing with people who are depressed, like you can cheer them up out of it or something. Like it's, it's not like that. Okay. So like, if you're dealing with someone who's depressed and obviously I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist giving my personal opinion feedback. I know for me when I'm in one of the, when I'm there,

you need to leave me the fuck alone. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And I know that can be scary for people who, who are, um, you know, they got somebody they love and they got somebody they care about and

they're scared of like they might do something drastic or whatever. Um, but for me, uh, somebody they care about and they're scared like they might do something drastic or whatever um but for me uh i'd like to solve things in my own head on my own now not everybody's like that and that's why i can't give a universal answer to this so i think you got to take into consideration you know how do they respond to certain things what are they sensitive about because like dude there's a big stigma about depression that it's like this weakness right it's not a weakness bro it's like it's like a fucking virus it's like a sickness i almost call it a strain yeah like you have something going on inside your body that isn't normal right now i will say depression is

fucking way over diagnosed yeah it way like there's lots of people out there they have a bad day and then they call themselves depressed or they had a bad week and they call themselves depressed and they had their you know and i'm not here to say who's depressed and who's not i'm not trying to set up boundaries and shit but you know the world does perpetuate victim mentality which leads to people thinking they're depressed that's a reality of what we the world we live in so we have to be very careful about identifying if we're really depressed or if we're just going through a shitty time or if the world's just fucked up. Right. Right.

And right now that the world is fucked up and right now things are more difficult. And right now I'm sure a lot of normal people feel depressed, but, but there, but it's not real depression when it's actual reality. You're just dealing with shit. Right. And there's a big difference. So I think it's important to seek the advice of someone who as a professional now a lot of these professionals bro and i gotta be honest here you know they make their living off perpetuating the victim mentality right so

you'll come in you got to find someone who really gets it because the truth is if you get in with someone who's the wrong kind of person yeah they can milk you along make you think that you're a fucking victim and that your life sucks and you're and they can do that and it pads their pockets because you got to go talk to them take these pills by the way bro so like we got to be realistic like there a lot of people are driven by greed they're driven by different reasons we don't know what those reasons are so i'm a big fan of like really digging in deep internally to figure out what the fuck is going on um finding a trusted psychiatrist or a psychologist that you could talk to who doesn't want people to be victims forever

right they're actually trying to help people right um 75 hard does a lot for fucking people's mental health all right i'm just gonna say that like a lot of people are like motherfucker that i'm off my depression meds completely off okay first time in fucking i don't even know how long 20 20 fucking years all right and i think it's because of the last two years that i've been working on myself in that way right and i don't think you could cure that in 75 days that's not what i'm saying but what i am saying is by learning that we can actually put work into different areas of our brain, just like we would our body. And then we start to develop strengths around skill sets like discipline.

Because like, dude, a lot of depression comes from people just not feeling like they're in control of shit. Yeah. Right. And most people don't have control of anything, including the beer or the fucking food or this. Right. the the beer or the fucking food or this right like most people you stick a fucking beer or a pizza or something they like to eat in front of them they can't help it and like dude watch at a party bro watch how many people walk by and they'll pick one bite of something and then they walk by and get a second one you know then they walk and then finally they get a plate that's

you're observing someone negotiating with themselves in real time like if you ever see someone do that it's not because i've done it i know me too like when i'll go by i pick one i pick one bite of a meatball yep right i cut one in half i'll leave the other one in there that's how we do it in my house yeah right motherfucker then it'll be the other half right then it's three you know standing in that tray yeah standing at the tray though right Then it's a plate full of them because I finally gave in. All right. And if you see that's what's going on, right? Like I'm justifying it, justifying a little more. Finally, I'm like, fuck it. And so, dude, when you gain control of your ability to stop that in real life, um, and you can apply that same mentality to almost anything,

right? Whether it be your workout program or shit that you have to do for business or family shit or whatever. When you don't have that ability, it's natural to feel like you're fucking completely out of control, which contributes to the idea of I'm depressed. I don't know what's going on. I don't have a purpose.

I don't have this. I don't have any, like I'm a piece of shit. And it's very important to not think that you're a piece of shit when it comes to having a good experience in this life. So how do we think, how do we earn the right to not think we're a piece of shit when it comes to having a good experience in this life so how do we think how do we earn the right to not think we're a piece of we do it by keeping strict non-compromising standards for ourselves at all times okay and i know that sounds foreign to people like i was the guy who couldn't make it six days without cheating on the diet right

for years and years and years and years i was that guy and now i'm the guy who i could fucking never have a cheat day again just to prove a fucking point right yeah like that's i'm in control if i want to cheat i fucking cheat if i don't i fucking won't and it has nothing to do with who's watching has nothing to do with how i'm feeling there's nothing to do with any of these external circumstances it has to do with how I'm feeling. It has nothing to do with any of these external circumstances. It has to do with decisions that I make. And so if we can cultivate mental discipline, which also lends itself to things like fortitude, grit, endurance, self-esteem, self-confidence, all these things, when we earn these things by keeping the promises that we make to ourselves, doing things that other people cannot or choose not to do, we start to respect ourselves at a higher level.

When we respect ourselves at a higher level, it's really hard to be depressed. Yeah. Okay. So I'm starting January 1st, just so everybody knows. Like my official 2022 75 hard starts on the 1st. So if you're going to go out and get fucked up and you want to start, cool. I'd recommend not doing that,

but I'm starting then. That's what I'm doing. I'll be doing it with you. But the point is, is like I, you know, and by the way, that's not medical advice.

Go fucking talk to whoever you got to talk to. But that's just my personal, my personal fucking take on it and experience. That's fucking awesome. That's fucking awesome. and experience that's fucking awesome man that's fucking awesome well that's three is that three already that's three go pay the fee shit all right all right guys um that's three the fee very simple if you learn something if it changed your perspective if you think it made you better if it helped you overcome some sort of limiting belief that benefited you in any way please share the show show. Okay. We don't advertise this show. We don't advertise on the show. Uh, all I ask is that if we do a good job, uh, do us a salad,

you know, bring it up in conversation, have conversation. You know, when, when you're sitting around and people are talking about all the crazy shit's going on in the world, let them know, uh, you know, your, your buddy Andy's out here in battle for you or with you or whatever you want to say. But anyway, send some motherfuckers over here because we're trying to do something good yeah all right trying to help people and uh i really think the messages at this point in time are much needed so um share show we're from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a bowl, fuck a stole Counted millions in a cold Bad bitch, booted swole Got her on bankroll, can't fold Just a note, headshot, case closed