REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 232. Q&AF: Apologizing For Firing People, Progressing Ahead & Overcoming The Biggest Test Day

Episode Date: February 11, 2022

In today's episode, Andy answers your questions on if you should apologize for doing the right thing, if there is a correlation between hating yourself & where you're at in your success journey, and what was Andy's biggest test day & how did he manage to overcome it.

What is up guys, it's Andy Priscilla and this is the show for the realest, say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today we have Q and AF and this is where you bring the Q's and I bring the AF's as always I've got my handsome counterpart Madat what's up Andy what's up brother how are you oh and then we got DJ too. What's up, DJ? Hey, DJ. Your favorite black guy on the show? Yeah. Oh, man. What's going on, man? What do we got?

Hey, man, we got Q&A of, man. All right. What's the rules here? I give you three questions. Yeah. And you give me three answers, and that's it. That's right. If you want to submit the questions, where do you submit them?

Submit them by emailing your questions in to askandy at andy for seller.com and before we get started if you're new we have a fee the fee is not of monetary value it's not gold it's not silver it's not green well it could be green but not the green you're thinking different green yeah with some crystals that's right but not crystal meth i like that like that. That's right. None of that shit. None of that white trash shit. Yeah. I mean, bro, people, they know we're in Missouri. You got to clarify. I know shit, bro.

Anyhow, the fee is very simple. If you like the show, if it gave you some good insight, if it taught you something, which this one will, share the show. All right? We don't want ads on the show. We don't want ads for the show. We grow exclusively when you tell people to listen to our stuff and we appreciate it. So with that being said, let's get started. Question number one, Andy. I'm going to give you the question and a little backstory,

but the question is, Andy, should I ever apologize for doing the right thing? So the backstory is I had to fire a guy. I really liked him. He just couldn't cut it. Time and time again, I gave him his thing. He listened to the last Q&A, one of the last Q&As we did, and your row the boat analogy just finally made him make the change. Yeah. All right. He lined up another job. He gave him recommendations and wrote recommendations and all of this. He still feels terrible. So should he ever apologize for doing the right thing? No, not at all. Get tougher. All right. Your job is to do the right thing for,

for everybody. It's mission first. All right. If you have someone in your organization, that's not up to snuff, you are, you are betraying all the people who are doing the right thing. All right. You have to understand that. And that took me a long time to understand. I could totally emphasize with feeling bad about some having to get rid of someone. It's not fun. It's probably the hardest thing about business. Nobody likes it. It's never a good time. It's always a hard conversation. But at the end of the day, you have to remember that you're the leader and you're responsible

for all the lives in your organization, their well-being, their growth, their advancement. And if you have people on your team that are not advancing with them, it is your obligation, it is your duty, it is your role as the leader to remove those people and put people in who will do that job. That is an obligation that you have to all the good, hardworking people who come in and polish their skills and get better

and are committed to the long-term function of what you're trying to accomplish, okay? If you have someone who just can't get it, I've done all those things that that person said. I've lined up other jobs. I've given referrals. I've tried to place some other places. I believe personally that's all you can do. And I think that's above and beyond what most places of employment will do. I would, I would say to you, if you were my friend, uh, which you are, if you're listening to the show, all of you guys are, um, you did the right thing. Don't carry that guilt. This is part of being a leader. It's always hard. Um, it's always difficult. And this is also why you will be

the most financially rewarded in your organization at some point in time, because you have to make these kinds of hard calls. So remember that it's not that you did something wrong towards that guy. You did something right for the team. Does it ever get easier? Not, you know, it depends on what people do, right? Like if someone's just a good person and they just don't have the skills or they're not putting the skills or maybe they've got a whole bunch of shit going on at home and they fucking skate out for three months and they fuck up. And like, bro, I could empathize with that. We all go through hard times, but you still have to execute when you come into the end of the game.

You know what I'm saying? Like at the highest levels of competition, which business is. And I think most people make a mistake when it comes to business, not thinking that it is that you are playing right now in the NFL or in the MLB or in the NBA. Okay. It's a championship game every motherfucking day. That's what I love about business. I love that about business, but people don't understand that that is the reality of business. If you don't make those moves, I can promise you competitor is making those moves. All right. A lot of these CEOs, they get, they get, they get branded as callous and mean and hard because they have to make these decisions. Well, those decisions, not everybody can make. Right. Right. Yeah. And you're having to go home and sleep good.

Bro, it's very difficult. It's very difficult. It's a, you have major responsibility as a leader and it's not, if you're a good leader. Yeah. There's a lot of shitty leaders out there, but like, dude, when I, when I go home, my concerns are never ever, ever about my personal gain or my, this or that, or how much I make. It's like, okay, I got these three guys who helped build this part of the company they're still doing this i need to get a place for them like i'm always thinking about how to move my people forward um because those are the people that build your shit right and so you have an obligation i think if most ceos would take the position of building the company for the sake of their employees to have careers,

they would have much more successful companies. You know what I'm saying? So when I, when I, when I adjusted my viewpoint on that, which was probably 2014 or 15, where I really got it, like I started getting it like, Oh fuck. Um, I can tell you when I figured it out, it's the story you guys have heard before where I had pneumonia and I was sitting home every day and I was making more money than I ever made. And I started to realize that's not the game. The game is to take care of the people that take care of you. And once you start thinking like that, your whole culture changes because people understand that you're showing up for them now. Right.

And you're moving for them now. It's a different purpose. Yeah, bro. And the culture will change when you adjust that viewpoint. So if you want to change your entire culture the easiest way possible, start understanding that you come to work to not only take care of you, but more so to take care of the people that work for you. And your culture will change. People will come to work. They will be happy. They will be happy

to do things. Everybody will start to row the same direction, but you know, those kinds of moves are going to be necessary at points in time throughout the journey. And they're very difficult. They're never easy. And you know, what I found is most of the time when people get fired, they know that it's coming. And so you have to also understand that. Very few times, I don't know that I've ever fired anyone that didn't know they were at least close to getting fired. It's never been a surprise. It's not a smack in the face.

Yeah. And so it's how you approach the conversation and how you treat them afterwards. And the idea being like, hey, hey man it's just like a relationship like hey just because this didn't work out doesn't matter i hate you right and you know i think people as employees need to feel that a little bit from their from their people um unless they do something on fucking unmoral and that's yeah yeah like if you're stealing or some shit like that like fuck you right right and then make an example out of it publicly so that everybody knows not to do that um but you know when it comes to just someone not cutting the mustard you know that's that's what you got to do it's just part of the part of the job and if i were

this person i wouldn't feel bad about it at all you did the right thing yeah awesome andy question number two andy i've heard you say before that you almost have to hate where you are so you keep going for more does this apply the same as having to hate who you are to keep moving yourself forward yeah it sure does um I, not all the time, but in the beginning for sure, like the uncomfortable is what gets people into action. When you finally come to terms with how fucked up you are and how fucked up your life is and how out of shape you are and how broke you are and you admit it to yourself, you're going to get fucking mad. And when you get mad at yourself, that anger at self is actually what promotes change for people. Most people have to get so uncomfortable that the pain of changing is more comfortable than where they are at this time.

You see what I'm saying? So, yeah, in the beginning, for sure. But as you begin to get better and as you begin to move forward and as you begin to get better, you're going to find other reasons that progress you forward. You're going to find other causes that progress you forward. Like for me, I'm proud of who I am. Do I still come in here and bust ass every day? Fuck yeah. Because I understand that if I don't, these motherfuckers won't.

Okay. And if they don't, they're going to shoot themselves in the foot. So I understand that I am an example that needs to be lived in front of their faces so that they understand how to do these things every day. Yeah. And it's called being a fucking leader, dude. And you have to take the responsibility serious. That comes with your business. It comes with your fucking home life. It comes with your fitness. It comes with your fucking money. It comes fucking everything. If you're not taking care of your shit, the people around you aren't going to take care of their shit. And whether you understand this or not right now at this point in your life, you are a very, very important critical figure in the lives of many people, whether you understand that now or not. You are either

showing people around you weakness or strength. You're either showing people around you success or failure. You are either showing people around you how to win or were either showing people around you um how to win or how to lose you're the showing people around you how to be a how to live a great life or how to live a poor life and everybody's watching you all the time bro like you guys think like oh i don't matter i don't this and that the whole reason the country's so fucked up is because everybody's been thinking that for a long time. The mentality, yeah. Right. People think that if they don't have two million fucking followers on Instagram

that they're irrelevant. What about your kids? What about their friends? What about your fucking cousins? What about your aunts? What about your uncles? You never know who the fuck

is paying attention to you and we are all, all of us here in America, you do still have the freedom to improve yourself and it's an obligation for you to do so because you never understand how many lives are going

to be changed simply by you pursuing your potential, right? People are going to see what that looks like. And honestly, I think it's the biggest obligation we all have to exercise the freedom to execute upon that. Because if we're not, we're teaching everybody around us through inaction what it looks like to lose. And so like, dude, if people would just switch their mindset from, oh yeah, it would be nice to be successful and have my life in order and to be fit and a functional human and intelligent and put good shit in my brain and

contribute. If everybody just understood that, that that's an obligation of being in America, how much better would the country be? Definitely wouldn't be here. That's what I'm saying. So like, dude, that's why I say personal excellence is the ultimate rebellion.

Okay. Because they can't censor personal excellence. They can't censor someone who lives in your community. Who's eating right. Who's training, right. Who's putting in good information lives in your community, who's eating right, who's training right, who's putting in good information, who's teaching, who's uplifting, who's bringing around positive change. How the fuck do they censor that in real life? They can't. And what we have in this country is an epidemic of people who think they're irrelevant, and you're not. So recognize that, yes, you have a lot of people watching you right now, regardless of where you are in life.

You have people waiting for you to do shit in the universal scheme of things that are either going to live or die based off of your fucking actions. And nobody fucking thinks of it that deep because most people are so programmed by the TV or the news or the this or the that, that they don't even think about their own shit. Right? Bro, what if every single person listening to this show right now made a commitment to be fucking better in every single way? Their kids would be better. Their kids' friends would come over and they would see that you're different than their fucking parents. Right? Their parents would notice it. All of a sudden, you're starting a little ripple on your street in your neighborhood you see what i'm saying if we want to be better in this country

it all comes down to being uncomfortable with where the fuck we are and understanding that it's going to cause it's going to it's going to be it's good it's going to be more comfortable for us to pursue what it is that we were meant to be anyway and i I'm telling you, the reward there is going to make it way more. It's way more. I just did a blog on this. The blog I did like two days ago on Enneagram was the end. I think it was today. Maybe it was the anticipation of the work is where the fucking pain is, bro.

It's not the work, right? We agonize and we think how hard it's going to be. And we tell ourselves all these stories about how we can't fucking do it and it's going to be this huge pain in the ass. It's going to take so much time. So fucking what? So what? What's the alternative?

You're here for a reason. And that reason is to fucking create a ripple with the people that fucking know you. And if we all created our own little ripples, we'd have a much better society. It'd be a wave. Yeah. Fucking screw you. So yeah, you have to be uncomfortable with where the fuck you are. if we all created our own little ripples we'd have a much better society be a wave yeah so so yeah you have to be uncomfortable with where the fuck you are you don't have to hate yourself

but i think in the beginning a lot of people start from that place because they're so dissatisfied with what they've been given and if you wait around to be given anything you're going to fucking be dissatisfied that's reality if you want something great for your life you're going to fucking be dissatisfied that's reality if you want something great for your life you're going to have to make the deposits necessary into those areas of your life that produce the fruit it's just reality bro that's why i don't believe in this identity politics or this critical race theory where we're telling black children that they can't achieve shit in this white supremacy environment or white children that they're inherent. Bro, we should be pushing these people to understand how great and powerful they fucking are.

And I think it's becoming clear to people now after the last two years that our government is there to oppress us from understanding how great we fucking are. Yeah, that concept. Yeah. And bro, America used to be a place of fucking greatness. It used to be a place of personal excellence and the pursuit of that. And now it's, oh, if you pursue excellence,

you're propagating these things to make people feel bad about themselves. No, motherfucker. I'm just not a fucking bitch. Right. I know what it takes to actually win. I know what it takes for you to live a good life. I know what it takes for you to fucking do your part and i'm willing to fucking say it publicly that's it

so if you don't like it don't fucking listen if you do like it share the shit yeah andy i thought that's fire our third and final question for you andy andy what can can you talk about one of the biggest test days that you ever had and how it served you? Yeah, motherfucker. Uh, I could, I could think of like three or four of them in the last couple of years. Um, but not the look, man, here's the thing before I even answer the question. Heart is relative. Okay. People it's relative to your own acclimation of what you think hard is. People have fallen into this pattern in society about wanting to win the fight about who has it harder. Right.

Okay. If it's hard, hard is fucking hard. You know what I'm saying? Like, dude, remember we talked about this before. Oh, oh, man, it's hot outside. Well, no, man, I'm from fucking Texas. It's way hotter. no man i'm from fucking texas it's way hotter well i'm from fucking miami it's way hotter than that fuck you pussies like that's the way yes no hot is motherfucking hot if you're hot you're fucking hot okay it's painful it's it's

it's hard it's hard so stop worrying about about competing with what the hardest thing was or what this or that was. Hard is, it's fucking hard. It just is. How hard is it? How hard, how hard is it, DJ? It's hard. That's it. And your hard and my hard, they're both, they both suck.

Right. So let's stop competing over how hard you fucking had it versus how I had it versus how hard you had it because it's irrelevant. How do we overcome the heart? That's what we got to understand okay so I can't name you a specific day I can name you many specific times that were hard the day after I got fucking stabbed bro and I'm like fuck I'm gonna fucking go through my whole life my face all fucked up and I'm never gonna get any fucking chicks and everybody's gonna think i'm a fucking disfigured fuck like dude it was hard not to swallow a motherfucking bullet that day okay uh but there's other kinds of heart right like the day my fucking dog died in my fucking arms that's a hard fucking day right everybody's that has dogs has dealt with that it's hard right um

us going out in the foot of snow last week. That was also very hard. That was fucking hard. Okay. Yeah. But like, they're not, one of those was like harder than any of the,

it's just hard. Yeah. Right. So, so it's irrelevant what my hardest test day was because it was hard. It was just the way it is. So your heart and my heart are now up for competition. It's just,

I get it. Yeah. Now let's push through. Right. You know what I'm heart are now up for competition. It's just, I get it. Yeah. Now let's push through. Right. You know what I'm saying? But like, yeah, dude, every, the thing about test days is we're going to have them all the time. And I don't lie. I don't try to rank them. Like that's to me, that's retrospective and it's energy wasted. Like, think about this. Like, what if I sat here and thought about all the time, how fucking hard I've had it to build this business and how unfair it was that I never had anybody invest in me. I never had anybody give me any money. I never had anybody really help me.

That no banks would fucking have meetings with me. That everybody told me I was fucking piece of shit. That all my friends told me I was never going to make it. That all my family told me I was never going to make it besides a select few. Okay. Girlfriends broke up with me. Like, bro to make it besides a select few. Okay. Girlfriends broke up with me. Like, bro, I could go on and on and on. But who fucking cares?

I'm here now. Where are we going to go from here? That's how I choose to see life. So what now? What? Yeah. Like, bro. And that's it.

Oh, I got. Dude, I could have ruined my life with self-pity about being stabbed in the face. Lots of people would have. Lots of people do. They make this one setback an identity of their whole entire rest of their existence. It makes no sense. So I don't rank my heart. So I can't really answer that question. Here's what I can tell you. You're going to have hard motherfucking days. And that's why it's important to understand that

discipline is a perishable skill. And if you don't keep it finely tuned you won't pass those hard day tests all right discipline is something that you invest in and you you you reap the fruit and make a harvest out of when you need all right so like when there's a fucking foot of snow outside and i know i have to do my outdoor cardio i gotta fucking make a withdrawal from my discipline there yeah but that discipline didn't get there it wasn't there without me putting into it it magically just showed up I'm a lazy fuck dude like you don't get to be 350 pounds

without being a lazy fuck I'm naturally a lazy fuck I'll be the first one to tell you that that's how I know what I'm talking about because I went from being a lazy sloth fuck to being someone who could literally fucking do anything and if you get in my way i'll run you the fuck over that's it yeah so start understanding

the concept of heart stop competing with your friends about who had a heart or no one fucking cares it's irrelevant bro i could make the biggest fucking sob story complaint fucking shit about my whole life getting here. But what does it matter? We're here. You see what I'm saying? What really matters is what I learned through those things and who it made me and what skills it gave me.

People spend too much time living in the past and reliving their old fucking shit that it makes them incapable of moving forward from where they are. You know, like, I'm sorry that happened to you, bro. Yeah. I'm sorry. Like, I'm sorry that whatever the fuck you guys went through, I'm sorry you had to go through that. That sucks.

What are you doing now? What are you doing today? Make sure you don't go through it again. I'm just saying, what are you doing today? Yeah. You ask those people, what are you doing today? And they're doing the same shit they were doing yesterday. Until you change that, nothing's going to change so i don't waste energy on ranking my heart lots of shit's hard yeah lots of shit you've gone through is hard bro i saw where

you fucking grew up i've fucking seen your house yeah you had a lot of hard motherfucking days did you not yeah i'm not gonna fucking sit here and bro like really hard ones that we've never talked about on the show yeah okay shit that i can't even comprehend going through you've dealt with as a young man but i'm not sitting here trying to say oh yeah well guess what my shit was just as hard as your shit right like no it's like i'm sorry that happened bro sucks right like i broke my leg well i broke both my legs yeah right like that's a whole fucking it's a that's a that's, it's a, that's a, that's a, that's a cancerous conversation society that I wish people would leave alone because it doesn't make a difference. I, I, a lot of people,

when they come meet me, the, you know, on meet and greets and shit, the first thing they want to tell me is all the bad shit that happened to them. And while I can appreciate that, I'm really more concerned with how you overcame it. Well, first of all, you're unloading all this shit. Like I don't need the negativity. That's one side of it, yeah. Well, you've heard it.

Right. Right? But like, if you meet me and we meet, I do want to hear what you went through, but I want that to be really short, and I want to hear your story of overcoming it. Because that's what fucking matters. There's nothing noble about being a victim.

The nobility comes in overcoming being a victim. That's fucking fire. We got an episode, episode 46. Hot as fuck is hot as fuck for more on that. Oh, do we? Yeah. That's why you're the most handsome in here. Thank you.

Yeah. See that? See that, DJ? You can learn some shit from this handsome guy. Yeah, hopefully. All right, guys, that's the show. All right? If it taught you something, made you think, gave you a new perspective, share the show All right, if it taught you something

Made you think, gave you a new perspective Share the show for us, man We're trying to grow this movement You know, when I'm present, I'll remember you I'll do you a little solid And that'll be that All right, love you guys Talk to you later Box froze, fuck a bowl, fuck a stole Counted millions in the cold Bad bitch, booted swole Got her on bankroll, can't fold

Just a note, headshot, case closed