REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 263. Q&AF: Handling Bad Leadership, Best Advice Given & Being On Time

Episode Date: March 29, 2022

In today's episode, Andy answers your questions on how to handle bad leadership within an organization, what is the best piece of advice he was given early on in his life, and why being on time is non-negotiable when working towards your goals.

What is up guys, it's Andy Priscilla and this is the show for the realest, say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and del delusion of modern society. And welcome to Motherfucking Reality, guys. Today, we have Q and AF. That's where you bring the Qs and I do the AF. All the other stuff I do. How do you submit questions? Guys, as always, email your questions in to askandyandandyforsella.com. And we have a fee?

There's a fee. What's the fee? Fee's simple. Fee is simple. But I'm asking you what the fee fee is i didn't ask if it was complicated or yeah simple i asked you what it was oh the fee is didn't i that's what i heard that's what i heard too it was vague all right the fee is very very very very very very simple guys all right you guys having a hard day so basically uh here's the fee. If you like the show, share the show. All right. We have many different formats of the show. Most of which

aren't for you. Um, they're for me. It's therapy. Okay. Today is Q and a F this actually is a show for you. This is where I take my vast knowledge of how to be a bad motherfucker and make a whole lot of fucking money. And I share it with you for fucking free. So that's what you're about to hear. Um, then we have CTI, which is cruise the internet, which is basically DJ and all the guys and myself making fun of fucking you guys out in the public. All right. And then there is real talk, which is, I tell you the truth and nobody likes the fucking

truth. So that shows definitely not for you. And then we have full length, uh, podcast, which is basically me you the truth and nobody likes the fucking truth. So that show is definitely not for you. And then we have full length podcast, which is basically me and a guest teaming up on you to tell you that you're a loser and that you need to get to work. So this show will actually help you. The rest of the shows will probably just remind you that you need to work. All right.

So it's called real AF. I mean, I'm fucking fuck. It is what the fuck it is it is what it is man we got three good ones for you brother is that too harsh i don't care if it is any question number one uh what what what is your take on handling bad leadership specifically within the law enforcement community so uh this guy's a police officer he has terrible culture and leadership within inside of his department what's your advice for him on

handling that is this the leader asking the question or somebody who's no this is he's a police officer he's worked he works in the police department and his leadership in the police okay let me set uh let me set something straight. First of all, um, most people have complaints about leadership. Okay. Because leadership is very difficult to do. And what you may think is a fucking problem or is something you don't like may actually be something that's actually for your benefit that you're not aware of because you're too busy criticizing other people's leadership techniques. So until you're not aware of because you're too busy criticizing other people's leadership techniques. So until you're a fucking leader and you've led until you've built culture, you really have no fucking way to understand whether you not have good leadership or bad

leadership. You really don't. Yeah. How do you know? Yeah. Because you haven't created it. Okay. So let's point that out. Now I'm going to assume that the leadership is bad, and I'm going to answer the question. But my point in stating this is lots of people bitch about leadership that really don't have a bitch about leadership. They're just bitches, okay? So I'm going to assume that that's not you. But you're always, as a leader,

you're always going to have people that are not happy with you. That's part of the job. Part of it. If you are fucking well-liked by every single person all the fucking time, uh, you're a shit leader. Okay. Now I'm not saying you go in and be, be mean. I'm not saying you go in and be nice. I'm saying you go in and be fucking appropriate. All right. You handle the situations as they come. You do the best you fucking can. You think through them with all. And sometimes you're going to make the wrong call. And sometimes you're going to make the right call and you're going to figure it out. And every time you make the wrong call, you're going to get better. It's a lifelong learning lessons to be a great leader. All right. So maybe cut the person atop you you a little bit some fucking slack. Just saying. It's pretty hard to do.

Okay? Now, how do you deal with poor leadership in a scenario where you were part of a team and you were not the leader? Well, that is a really good question, and the way to handle it is to become such a great leader and influential leader to your peers that it transforms the culture of your team without the approval or the consent of your actual leadership. What does that look like? Oh, that means being there for your teammates. That means being positive. It means whatever it is you want culture to be, you have to create within yourself.'s called 360 degree leadership there's a whole fucking

book about it titled that by the way so when you want culture to be good and you're not being a part of the culture that you think needs to be you are actually the problem and not to leave it yeah does that make sense it does so i would start with living up to the culture that you believe needs to be and instead of blaming steve and oh you got shitty culture look you think you bitching behind his back to all your people is good culture you're living the same standard motherfucker it's the guy with the splinter in his eye fucking pointing at the or the plank in his eye pointing at the splinter in yours right and that's the truth. So before you complain about culture and leadership, are you living what you think culture should be?

Are you leading how you think you should be led? Because if the answer to those things are no, then you're the problem. You're not the solution. Oh yeah, but he's a poor leader and we got to get him out. So I'm going to tank him by acting. That's loser shit, bro. Loser shit. You'll always lose with that mentality The best thing you can do if you're in a situation where you're under leadership

That you don't believe is living up to it is to start living to that standard bring your peers along then You know people don't like to do this because they say, oh, then the leader gets credit for it. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. If you're that good, it will be fucking obvious where it's coming from. So that's my answer. It's not what people think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, that's great.

I fucking love it. Any question number two? I wonder if this person has ever sat down and said, Hey, I'm a little concerned about the leadership or the direction of what's going on, which I mean, or even try to understand or contribute or teach teaching goes both ways.

It goes up and then it goes down. Right. You know how much shit I've learned from the guys in this room that I didn't know. You don't think I've learned every motherfucking leadership lesson the hard way or from people that I know that I was supposed to be leading?

I didn't just make the shit up. Right. Right. You know, this is another problem I have with people on the back, like with this kind of question. Because a lot of them

will just sit there and fucking complain. Forever. Not trying to contribute to anything. And you wonder why your job sucks? The reason your job sucks is because you're not contributing to contribute and you wonder why your job sucks the reason your job sucks is because you're not contributing to a better environment i mean i think most of these answers could be found by looking in the fucking mirror that's real that's where i mean but the thing is like like to you though you know right now because like he's saying specifically in the

law enforcement community because we see all these ty tyrants and pushing down these enforcing these mass mandates. Is that the angle he's coming from? Yeah. It was law enforcement. You know what I'm saying? So, so,

so things like that, you know what I'm saying? Like, I mean, it doesn't change the answer. Yeah. You just say no. Yeah.

Yeah. It's not say no. It's be represent, be the best representative of what you believe your job should be at all times, internally and externally. And guess what? You're going to fail at it sometimes.

You're probably failing at it now because you hate your leadership. So my point is, is that if you want things to change culturally, it's up to you to change them culturally. It's not the leader's job. It's the fucking you job. And once you start to get better and you start to hold a higher standard and you start to speak different and talk different and teach different and care different the people around you will do the same it's contagious yes both ways yes

and there's no that you know people say well how do i become a leader well it's not someone assigns you the the the title leader you got to pretend to be a leader before you're a leader and get recognized as a leader that's how it works just like you gotta pretend to go to sleep before you actually go to sleep get it yeah whatever it is you want life you have to behave as if that's who the fuck you are and then shit will materialize around that. It's not the other way around. People,

people think that you are awarded the position in life and then you start behaving. You start behaving like a billionaire. You'll become a motherfucking billionaire. If you adopt the habits of a fucking multimillionaire, guess what? You'll become, you see what I'm saying no you you don't just behave

that way once you get the millions of dollars right you you behave the way and then the universe delivers that's how it works so if you want better culture behave the way a good culture uh contributor would behave and and you will see it materialize. This is how it works. Your behavior determines the outcome. It's not outcome, then behavior change. It's behavior, outcome. That's how it works in every scenario.

Andy, question number two. Can you think back? Let's time travel a little bit. Think back to Andy at 19 years old, or maybe 18, right before S2 came along. Right. What was the best advice you've been given up to that point? Do the right thing. Why was it?

Why was that? Because it's all encompassing, bro. If you do the right thing, listen, my mom beat this into our heads when we were growing up. You know, there's a famous story that I've told a number of times about mountain berry punch Kool-Aid. All right. When I was a kid, in fact, I don't even know where the fucking story is and I don't feel like telling it. So just plug it in here. We'll find it. Okay. Here it is. I feel like that's a stereotype that's perpetuated on unfounded facts. You know, uh, I've had this lesson literally pounded into me from the time I was about five, six years old, um, by my mom. I, uh, it's kind of funny because when I say literally pounded, I mean, literally pounded. Um, we were grocery shopping at the local grocery store here, and I remember we were going down the Kool-Aid aisle,

and I wanted to get Mountain Berry Kool-Aid. I remember the flavor because that's how severe the lesson was instilled in me. It was Mountain Berry, which I don't remember how good it was because I never actually got to try it. It's pretty good. Is it? Is it the flavor? Yeah, cherry's a little bit to try it. It's pretty good. Is it? Yeah. Is it a flavor? Yeah.

Cherry's a little bit over the top. It's a little too sweet, but mountain berries. What is it, like a mix of berries? Yeah, it's this really smooth. Yeah, well, I never got to try it. Yeah. So this is why. We were going down the Kool-Aid aisle, and I wanted to get some mountain berry.

And I said, you know, hey, Mom, let's get mountain berry. And she said no. And, you know, I went on and on and said, hey, you know, let's get mountain berry. Come on, mom, please, let's get mountain berry. No. Now, was there a reason that she didn't want you to? Yeah, we didn't really have – I mean, we didn't have much money when we were younger. So, like, I'm pretty sure it was a financial thing.

Unnecessary expenditure. Exactly. So anyway, we didn't get it, and I decided I wanted it anyway, so I actually just stole it. I put it in my pocket, and then when we got home, I didn't think the whole thing all the way through because I didn't know how to make Kool-Aid. So when I got home and I wanted to use the Kool-Aid, I had to have somebody make it. So I had to go to Mom and say, hey, Mom, make me some Kool-Aid, you know? So when I got home and I wanted to use the Kool-Aid, I had to have somebody make it. So I had to go to mom and say, Hey mom, you know, make me some Kool-Aid. And when she saw that I took the Kool-Aid home, she unleashed the fire and brimstone of ass beatings upon me.

I had to go back. I had to go in and return the Kool-Aid to the store. So you didn't just get in trouble oh no you had to actually make restitution oh yeah yeah yeah we went right back to the store that's how she is man do the right thing do the right thing do the right thing and that that got that's that lesson was so um first of all like i said the ass beating was enough to like make you remember but then the embarrassment of it's one of my first memories honestly because I was like right in that age where you start remembering things right and you know that was something I've always remembered and I'm 35 now I still remember that like clear

as day and I was lucky enough to have parents that instilled you know do the right thing no matter what in me and I and I think how that ties into the subject we're talking about is how I feel about successful people in business that I've been able to, you know, been fortunate enough to be surrounded with and get to know and call friends. The people who are truly successful understand what that means in the business setting and i want to basically go through some ideas and some topics to to break up that myth of you know you've got to step on people to get ahead or you've got to you've got to fuck people over if you've got to do bad shit you know to people or take advantage of people okay so that was the story of mountain berry punch

all right um not that flavor aid shit yeah no if i'm stealing i'm stealing the good shit all right so but my point is my mom beat this lesson in my fucking head over and over and over and over and over again and um literally sometimes uh and you know my mom always feels like you know she didn't i don't, you know, she didn't, I don't know. She feels like she didn't do a good job or something or like didn't contribute enough for us. But the truth is that she gave me the most important lesson that I could ever fucking learn, which is do the right thing. And doing the right thing is a really fucking hard thing to do sometimes. Sometimes doing the right thing is doing the wrong thing by someone else's

standards of right and wrong. Right. Um, but I, I believe that the reason that advice was the best advice is because I believe there's, there's a karmic nature of the universe. And I believe that when you make, if you try to do the right thing, even if you do the wrong thing, I don't, I don't think it counts against you as long as you will go back and adjust behavior. Um, I think where you get in real trouble in life is when you knowingly do the wrong thing. Um, and so I've always tried to do the right thing. You know what I'm saying?

And, uh, some situations are harder than others and and you know but i think you know when you do the right thing i think that good things come to you i just i just believe that whether it be uh things that other people recognize in you meaning like they see that that you try to do that and they value you in terms of well that's a good person or that's a that's somebody yeah right yeah or whether that's the laws of of god in the universe and everything else that that rewards that intent but i am big on intent and i believe that the intent that you hold in your heart when you make decisions is the intent by which you are judged by and rewarded according to. And, um, so, you know, that sounds like a simple lesson

when you're 20 years old, right? But now that I'm not 20 and I have perspective and I can look back on the last 20 years since I was 20, uh, I realized that that really is the most massive important advice that has shaped what you all see as my existence you see what i'm saying that's fucking deep so um i could go over i could tell you this anytime i've ever violated that law, even a little, I've gotten burnt real fucking bad. Um, and the times where I've just really thought I was doing the right thing. And I, I happened cause that's going to happen.

Okay. Like you're going to, there's going to become times in your life where you think you're doing the right thing at the time. Yeah. And you realize that you aren't. And I think the minute you realize that you aren't, you should make the correction. And I think that when that happens, the universe has grace on you.

I think where the universe and God and everything really fucking hammers people is when they make decisions knowing that it's the wrong thing. And then I think that really, I think when you compromise that, I believe that when you compromise that, you get punished. That's the wrong thing. And then I think that really, I think when you compromise that, I believe that when you compromise that you get punished, that's my personal belief. And that's my personal experience. Yeah. Um,

and my personal experience is when you do not violate that, you are rewarded. Even if you make the technically wrong decision, but with the right intent, and then you go to correct it later. You see what I'm saying? Like that would be something like, you know, for example,

my political views were a little bit different when I was 20 than they are now. Right. Right? But as I grew and observed and learned, I quickly called that out and I said, well, I used to believe this, but I don't believe that anymore. Right.

Right? And like a lot of people, my views were more liberal when I was younger, uh, and they become more conservative because I've recognized how damaging some of the social, the social ideals that are pushed by that side of ideology actually damage people long-term, right. Where people don't know their purpose or they don't understand basic how to communicate or run a family and they're all alone and they don't you know there's a lot of shit that really like when you see it from an adult's perspective from 20 to 40 it's a lot different than when you're 20 years old and you think you got the whole

fucking shit figured out yeah and you know a lot of the people listening to this show are between 18 and 25 and you guys think i'm just some crazy older dude that like is spouting off shit no i'm i'm telling you you should listen to what i'm telling you because it's real shit so let's fuck them yeah i think intent matters a lot i think you should really work on this is why i talk about whenever i talk about like haters like when people you see someone who is successful and your first reaction is to be angry or jealous about it and i think that's natural though i mean oh yeah it gets it a little bit oh for sure dude listen i had to work through this for a long time um i was a fucking wild animal when it came to that okay uh and not that that's not a good way

to win you can win that way you're just gonna be it's it's you'll never win better than the people you're jealous of yeah like it's just you won't be happy yeah and so i think you know the work i've done on myself was to go from that place of jealousy to automatically like, no, this is a good thing because what, what that shows me is that it's possible. Okay. Because what happens is jealousy comes from a place of lack, right? You see someone succeed. You don't have what they have and you're not secure enough to know that you can do what they did so it angers you, right? When in reality, what you should look at it and how I've always looked at it, even if for a split second it made me jealous, how I've worked to look at it is, all right, cool.

I'm glad Steve over there won, who's my main competitor in life and business and my arch enemy, so to speak, because it shows me if Steve can win, I can win. And then when you switch your viewpoint to that sort of viewpoint, you will win way fucking bigger and you'll have way more fun because those people that you thought you hated will actually become some of your best fucking friends. And you get to like, hang out with them and talk strategy and be friendly. And that's the, one of the things that Arte really taught me. There's a number of other nutrition company owners. I won't say their names because it's confidential, but they own big companies that are in RTA. And I teach them every motherfucking thing I know. And some of these guys are literally in the exact same space I'm in. They sell the exact

same shit there, you know, cause I'm in a lot of shit, shit right so it might be first form or it might be cannabis or it might be tequila or it might be might be might be it doesn't matter but there's a lot of dudes in there and a lot of women who are in a lot of competitive avenues and we share you know it's fucking cool dude and when you can take that energy that we used to piss you off and you get hype about it bro it turbo charges fucking everything and that comes from intent you know what i'm saying like you you they if you're one of these people that pretends to be hype for people when they win but in your heart you're still jealous i've never observed those type of people to win and and i didn't win when i pretended like when

i used to pretend oh i pretend like oh yeah that's cool really you know i'm happy for him and really i would go like talk shit um i would lose that i and by the way when i used to do that that sort of behavior i was broke then that's broke people shit that's how broke people think about shit so it's powerful shit man yeah so that wasn't even a question so you motherfuckers better share this show i just thrown on extra all kinds of what's your favorite topping over there my favorite topping yeah i'm like ice cream i know you eat ice cream bro uh yeah um i mean i'm not really a topping guy like my shit mixed in you put like sprinkles and shit on there um i've been known

to dabble a little caramel all right so dude that was caramel, bro. That was the caramel on the show. I like it. You know what I'm saying? Bro, you know who always had good caramel fucking Sundays? It was McDonald's, bro. Yeah. They had that soft serve shit. Are they still doing that?

Oh, yeah. I haven't been to McDonald's. I haven't eaten McDonald's in 15 years. Oh, yeah. No, they still do it. Yeah. All right. Question number three.

Our third and final question. If it was a fucking caramel, you better share the fucking show. Here's the cherry on top. I think that's a big good one. Question number three for you. Car question fucking caramel you better show the fucking show here's the cherry on top i think this would be a good one question number three for you some good shit bro yeah i love it i call it caramel on ice cream wait wait wait yeah so what's the difference between pronunciation that's like tomato tomato yeah for sure really yeah or is it two different things no it's the same thing okay but if it's on ice cream i say caramel yeah if it's not on ice cream i say caramel. Yeah. If it's not on ice cream, I say caramel. Really? That's just me.

Is that a black people thing? I think so. Is it? I think so. Yeah, actually. Really? I think so. All the black people are like, fuck yeah, caramel.

It sounds a little sexier called caramel. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. A little toasted caramel. All right. Question number three. Our third and final question for you, Andy.

Andy, is it better to be perfect and late or good and on time? Come on, dude. Come on, dude. Be on fucking time. All right? It has nothing to do with perfect and on time. That's a bullshit question. That person, you go back to fucking preschool, bro.

Fuck that question. Be on time, bro. It's the basic shit you can do. First of all, it's respect. All right. People,

people think they're doing a power flex by like being a couple minutes late. Motherfucker be a couple minutes late for me. Do it. I dare you. Yeah. You'll never get a fucking another text from me. You'll never get another call from me. You'll never get a fucking opportunity with me.

Fucking ever play that shit with someone who's real be on fucking time period where does that come from it comes from lazy bullshit internet shit yeah oh you you think you're more valuable because you fucking are perfect and you relate i would kick your ass right out of this fucking building would i not yeah yeah anybody here disagree with that y'all can fuck off with that shit be perfect and on fucking time have some fucking standards that whoever wrote that's fucking need some work i love it yeah i fucking love it it's a fucking truth no it is a truth man oh it's okay if i'm a couple years behind so basically what you're saying is is you're you're okay with

your own shortcomings if you have other fucking things that are great how you justify that mental gymnastics they're fucking genius the fuck out of here go that that motherfucker's working starbucks i love it whatever the fuck you're doing go work at starbucks because that's where you land up oh i make a great latte but i was was fucking late. Fucking loser-ass shit. Oh, man. I fucking love that shit. I love it. It's loser shit.

No, it is. It is. You can't be on fucking time? Oh, your time's more valuable than fucking mine? I don't think so. Yeah. Be late here, bro. See, that person couldn't cut it at this level we're the major leagues here

you know that's the fuck they're in the little leagues that's a little league question be on time and be perfect and then you'll get an opportunity to play in the big leagues I fucking love it man yeah guys Andy that's all I got man that's three

you better share that shit with that caramel.