REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 27. Real Talk: Construction Of A Championship Caliber Mindset

Episode Date: May 1, 2020

Have you ever thought why some people are always negative in their thoughts and in their vocabulary? And why they are always stuck battling the same issues all their life? They always keep jumping from idea to idea and keep going through the same cycle forever. Listen to today’s episode to learn how to keep your negative thinking on autocorrect and how not to become one of those people.

I told my teacher, dumb bitch, I'm gonna get millions. Watch this. In a project living. Damn. Spoke it till existence. Voila. Mode changed to 50. What up?

Got more cars than diddy. I only weigh 180, but my watch cost 250. What up? What is up, guys? This is Andy Frisella, and you're listening to the show for the realest. Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness, and delusions of modern society, and welcome to motherfucking reality. All right, listen,

today I've got a real talk episode for you guys and it's very important. It's going to deal with how we handle negativity and how we literally allow and create a situation tactically to where negativity works for us. Very, very important concept because right now we are surrounded by a lot of negativity. Let's just be honest. There's a lot of uncertainty. There's a lot of negativity. There's a lot of fear. There's a lot of frustration. There's a lot of anxiety. And it's hard to focus and move forward when we're literally inundated with those types of emotions and feelings and actions everywhere we look. And unfortunately right now, this is one of those times, you know, through the history of earth, there has been tons and tons of global catastrophes

and this is no different. All right. Except for it's not really a catastrophe if we're looking at it statistically but the reactions of the governments and the societies and the lockdowns and the people losing their jobs and all these things that are going along with it are creating a lot of what we're talking about. And that's unfortunate, all right? I'm not discounting the fact that people are dying. That's what happens in pandemics. People fucking die. It sucks. But this is the first time we've literally shut the globe down and it's causing a lot of shit for a lot of people.

So I'm going to get into how we could tactically address somewhat of a negative mindset when we're feeling worn down and frustrated and tired of the energy that's in the world right now. But before I do that, I want to remind you, guys, please pay the fee. Paying the fee is real simple. If you learn something from the show, if it helped you it made you better if you feel like it improved your day or your perspective or you learn something new it puts you in a better mood if you benefited from some way from listening to this i ask that you share it all right i could make seven figures plus a year just selling ads here but then you'd have to listen to 10 minutes of bullshit before we

got into stuff so um my ask is that you share the show and that you subscribe to the show and that you leave us a good review if you get something good from the show so if you guys could please do that i would appreciate it that's all we ask in return is to help for you to help us grow this message. So that's that. Now, back to what I was going to talk about. Perspective is everything, guys. And the truth is, I could just stop the show right there and we'd have a whole show, right? Perspective is everything. It depends on how you look at things. But instead, I want to get into some simple ways of how we could change our perspective and our mindset to become better, especially when things don't seem to be going our way, which seems to be the way for a lot of people right now.

A lot of people are hurting. A lot of people are scared. A lot of people are frustrated. A lot of people are fearful for what the future is going to hold. And I'm going to tell you, it's affecting everybody. So this is an important skill to learn. And that's what it is. It's a skill. Okay. People aren't born with the ability to take negative things and turn them into positive because that's not what they're taught. Think about what you're taught when you grow up. Your dad or your mom has a bad day and they come home and they stew about it or they cause a big fuss about it or they yell and scream at each other.

And we're not taught to take these situations and reframe them to a positive outcome for ourselves. And that's what I want to talk about. You know, I get to meet a lot, a lot of great people. And the truth is, is just by talking to people and hearing what they have to say and listening to their word choice, you know, I could get a real good sense of who they are. You know, for example, if I talk to someone and they're saying continually terms like I can't or I tried that it's too hard.

You know, if it wasn't for X, I could have been this. All right. And X could be the 2008 recession. X for a lot of people is going to be this coronavirus and COVID-19 situation down the road. What I want to do is make it so it's not that for you. Okay. But I can listen to these people and hear by the words that they use and generally tell how successful they're going to be and how successful they have been. And it's a very accurate predictor because the people who always say, I can't, I tried that, it's too hard. If it wasn't for this,

I could have been successful. I could have been this. I could have been that. Those people always end up the same. They always end up going from idea to idea to idea. And then when it doesn't work out and it doesn't pan out, They insert whatever those excuses are, and then they start over. And what happens to these people is they spend their entire lives going from three-year journey to three-year journey to three-year journey to three-year journey. Well, guys, it doesn't take a fucking genius to understand that if every three years you're starting over, you never get anywhere. And this is what most people do.

Okay. But then there's the other people that I meet and you can listen to their language and their word choices and their phrase choices. And you could tell that they're going to make it. All right. They say things like this when things go wrong. Yeah. You know what? That was a mistake, but at least we know what not to do now. Or, hey, you know what, this sucks, but what else can we try to make sure this gets done? You just don't hear those negative phrases that I covered coming from successful, positive people. You don't hear successful people or people who are finding success on their journey using the words consistently or really ever like can't or won't or don't or no. Okay. These words just aren't in their vocabulary. That's just a fact of the matter. And it's me talking to tens of thousands of people over the course of my life that have shown me that this is a stark definitive indicator of how successful someone's going to be.

Okay. And there's a few reasons for this. I'm going to go through them. Number one, these successful people don't see things in those perspectives. They don't see the can'ts, the won'ts. We can't do this. It's too hard. I tried that. They don't see that shit. That's not how we see things. Okay. Number two, successful people have chosen to live a positive life in terms of overcoming obstacles. They might get angry. They might get intense. They might say a few fucks. Okay. But they're determined to overcome to produce a better outcome, regardless of what happens. And the third thing is successful people have found a way to view negative words in a different light. Okay. And this is what I really want to talk to you about today. The first two, right? They don't see those things

as perspectives and they've chosen to go, you know, become an overcoming type person. Those are obvious. The third one probably threw you for a loop a little bit. They found you a way to view negativity and negative words and negative phrases in a different light. Okay. So I call this auto-correcting and auto-correcting is a very, very, very important point when it comes to creating positive out of a negative. Okay. What you do, it's very simple. You take a word that generally, and this could be a word, it could be a phrase, it could be anything that generally has a negative connotation and you turn it into something positive that's going to provide the outcome you're looking for. Okay. And I'm going to give

you a few examples so you know what I mean. So the first example is a word I love and I use a lot. And when I say it, people tend to like, give me a weird look. Like they don't really know what it means. And that word is test. Okay. It's one of the most hated words. Cause let's think about it, man. We hate this shit from an early age, right? All right, class, we've got a pop test tomorrow or you know we've got a midterm test or we got and what do we got to do if you're like me you got to read a whole motherfucking book the night before the test all right i think most of you are like that too so let's just be real so we've been ingrained to look at the word test as a fearful negative scary word but that's not what it's become for me.

Okay. Instead of it being a negative word or something that I, you know, fear, I now look at it as an amazing word. I look at it as a challenge to overcome. I look at it as a way to build my grit, my determination, my, uh, you know, my perseverance, my skills that I need to be successful in life all come from a test every single time. Okay. And I've been able to recognize that a term I use consistently is test days, an entire day. It's a motherfucking test. You know, those days I'm talking about, all right, these are the days where everything seems to be going

wrong. Everything seems to be going against the way you want it to go. Your workout sucks. Your food sucks. Everybody's pissing you off. All the problems that could happen are happening on the same fucking day. You ever had a day like that? I know you have because we all do. And what I do is I call those test days. I look at those as a chance to show myself how strong I can be so that when littler challenges and less intense challenges come, I'm able to overcome those very easily. It's just like training with weights. When you go in the first day, it's going to be real hard. But after 10 years of training or even three months of training, you're going to be stronger. Okay. And this is how I look at test days.

So that's just one word that people have an issue with, right? Here's another word. Obstacle. Most people hear obstacle as the definition of obstacle, which is blocking someone's path or hindering progress. But what you guys should learn to see obstacle as is a chance to grow, a chance to overcome, a chance to find a way to get past it and add a new skill set into your tool belt so that you can use it to get better the next time something happens. All right.

And this creates milestones, right? Milestones that we look back and we say, you know what? That's when that happened. That's when I learned to overcome this. That's when I learned this skill when this happened. Okay. And during the coronavirus epidemic, that's when I learned how to truly pivot my business and become effective regardless of what's going on in society. You see how that works?

I look at that as a milestone. That's when that clicked. That's when that happened. That's when that did this. All right. You guys have all heard the story of when I got stabbed. You know, when I was 23 years old, I got stabbed in the face three times. Once in the back, I had 160 stitches in my face.

I almost fucking died. I went through severe depression for a couple years. And then something happened. I met someone who changed my perspective instantly. And you've all heard this story. And if you haven't heard the story, it's a pretty good story, okay? Because it changed my life in literally five minutes. And I'll just summarize it.

I was walking down the aisle of a grocery store. My face is completely fucked up. It looks like someone was doing, you know, cutting bread on my motherfucking face. All right. If you've ever met me, you know what I'm talking about. My face swollen up the size of a grapefruit. I'm 23 years old, dude. I was, you know, no girls are looking at me anymore. No, no, nobody really wants to be my friend. People think I'm weird. People think I'm a, there's something wrong with me because I'm the kind of guy that got

stabbed. Like I'm a criminal or something. People are passing judgment on dude. It drove me into this dark depression. You know, every single person that came up to me for a number of years came to me and said, they either fucking looked at the floor and didn't say anything, or they looked at me and they said, dude, what the fuck happened to your face? Okay.

And when you meet a lot of people, when you're in business, dude, that shit wears you out, man. It, it, it hurts. That's just the way it is. And, um, you know, I was in a deep, dark place place a suicidal place for real and i've talked about this a lot guys um but i was in a grocery store and i was walking down the aisle and i bumped into a a cart i had my head down and um you know the lady that that uh well i didn't know it was a lady at the time but the lady who bumped into my cart uh she i she we bumped carts at the end of the aisle and i looked

at her and she goes uh when i when i looked at her i couldn't see a face because her face had been melted off like literally melted off you've seen somebody who's been um severely burned and you know they don't have little holes in their face where their nose used to be and you know they you can't tell i couldn't tell if it was a woman or a man, that's how bad it was. And, um, it was a woman and she had a little, a little like a Paddington bear style bucket hat on. And I'll never forget it. I hit, I hit her car and I looked at him like, Oh, I'm sorry. And I looked up and she looked at me and she goes, dude, what the fuck happened to your face? And I just like immediately, like she got it. Like she knew how people treated us. And she was letting me know like, Hey dude, I get it. You know? And

that dude, that was like a pivotal moment in my life because I talked to her for a few minutes, about 15 minutes. And she went on to tell me about how, um, she had been in a plane crash and her whole family had died. She had one of her legs amputated and she was burned beyond, beyond belief. And it really put me into perspective that what had happened to me wasn't that bad. And I left that store that day feeling better and honestly not feeling real depressed or anything.

I still struggle with depression today. And I think I probably always will. But the point of this is, is that it changed my perspective on how I looked at things. Okay. And I started to think, well, this really isn't that bad. Like I could have been way worse. You know, one of the scars that I have was literally not even an eighth of an inch underneath my, I could have lost my eye. The other scar was like right above my jugular vein. I could have been dead. I started thinking about it like that. And then something crazy happened. When I started to see it as a different thing, you know, Chris and I, this is in 2003 and Chris and I, we only had one store and we were, we didn't have any money. We didn't have any backing.

And so we were doing a lot of the groundwork to grow our business. And we would go to these trade shows and, you know, nobody would ever remember us. We're just another couple of guys selling supplements. There was nothing special about us. And then all of a sudden something happened. I started realizing that people remember me and like this, like, you know, Hey, you know, those guys, this is before I got stabbed. Hey, you know, those guys from supplement superstore, Andy and Chris be like, ah, you know, I don't know. I don't know. You know, those guys, no, I don't know. And then

it switched and started going like this. Hey, you know, those guys at supplement superstores, Andy and Chris, and they'd be like, no, I don't know. Yeah. You know, Andy, dude, the guy with the scars, the guy with the scars on his face. And he'd be like, oh yeah, dude, I know those guys. And I started to see that. And I started to recognize it as we could be remembered. And what happened was this actually turned out to a great thing for our business because every time I went out and met people, they remembered me. And that still is a huge advantage I have to this day. When I meet anyone, they always remember me because of that. And dude, this is what I'm talking about. Taking things that would be horrible, tragic,

life-ruining things, and then transforming them into positive things that have helped you along whatever your goal is. Okay. So there's lots of things out there guys that are really bad most of them can be turned into great things even the worst of the worst of the worst things can be turned into great things a lot of people you know they they try to throw things when i talk about this they throw things at me they're really difficult right they say well what about a five-year-old girl that gets cancer and never lives her life and dies? And that's fucking horrible. Like that's hard to become positive out of that. But what if that girl create, the parents of that girl create, you know, a charity that helps people like that and starts making a positive impact and then uses this person as a, as something that can help people in a positive

way? Or what if, uh, this person, you know, has cancer and passes away and they're able to donate organs or something like that? Who knows? I don't even know if they do that. But the point is, is that you can find positives in literally the worst things that happen if you're willing to fucking open your eyes and look for it. All right. We've all had terrible things. We've all had bad things happen. My bad things are not to be in competition with your bad things.

Okay. This is what people try to do. They try to get into competition about who's got more bad things and who has the worst bad things as their excuses successful people don't do that they hear someone who has something bad happen to them and they say hey man that really sucks and then they offer a positive viewpoint to see it as you know and this is what I'm talking about, the difference of adjusting and reframing and taking the negatives and auto-correcting them into positive, you know, another word would be failure, that's another word for us, you know, failure happens only, guys, when you stop,

it doesn't happen when you get hit in the face and you keep going all right failure is only when you stop and what you should be thinking of failure as as an indication to learn a lesson not as the end of the road okay most of society is going to use failure as a moment to quit because dude they're too embarrassed they don't want to go through the process again. But the irony of that is, is that by quitting and living the quote unquote safe life that they all want to live and avoiding risk because they failed at one time, that's how you become the failure. You choose to become the failure by not persevering. It's a choice.

All right. And these are all things that are clearly different between the people who don't succeed and who always have a hard time and the people who seem to always win off Okay, you're gonna hear this and you're gonna think man I thought that was a I thought that was a great word But it's a word that you'll rarely hear me use and uh, I get criticism for it a lot, but That word is luck. Okay, but that's not a positive word to me. A lot of people think man, dude, you know You got so lucky. They think that's a positive thing. I don't feel that that's positive. All right. I think there's better word choices and concepts to think about other than luck.

The reason I don't like luck, I'm not saying it doesn't exist. Sure, it exists. Okay. But what I don't like about it is that when you acknowledge that it exists or you say, yeah, dude, luck's a factor in this. All of a sudden everybody decides they want to quit because they think they're not lucky. That's not true either. That's just an excuse. So I don't talk about it much because I don't want people to lean on that and to think

that's how all successful people win because it's very rare. There's far more successful people that are just people who grind and persevere and push through than there are that just got fucking lucky. And I'm going to tell you another thing. You don't want to be one of those people who are lucky because if you're lucky, that means you don't possess the skills. That means if you fall on your face from being lucky, you don't have the tools to rebuild it. Think about it like that. Okay. So I choose to use words like productive work, efficiency, perseverance, effort, efficiency. And you know what? How about this? Fortunate. A lot of people like to say, Oh, Andy, you're so fucking lucky, dude. I take that as an insult because you weren't there all those years. You

weren't there for the first three years when we made $0 and we were working two other jobs, at least a piece to keep our fucking store open. You weren't there for the next seven years where we made no more than $695 a month and had to work other jobs. You weren't there for the next 10 years when we worked 18, 19 hours a day and deal with constant bullshit nonstop. You have no fucking idea what the price that has been paid and you saying that someone got lucky, dude, that's ignorant, man. And it's insulting. It downplays effort. It downplays their skills. It downplays everything that they're proud of creating within themselves and discounts it to fucking some bullshit luck. So before you say, oh dude,

you're so lucky. Think twice about that because I'm going to tell you every time someone tells me I'm lucky, I get mad. Like I get mad and I will correct you. I don't care who you are. I had a guy who's very wealthy the other day tell me on a text, he said, man, I hope you realize how lucky you are. And I said, Jay, I said, if you see me for the last 20 years, you'd realize how ignorant that statement really is. And that's exactly how I feel about it. It's the truth.

Okay. None of the success that you see from Chris and I came from luck. The only thing I was lucky about is I was lucky to be born to fucking parents who taught me the right shit. And if that's luck, then I got a lot of luck there. That's the truth. Okay. But the rest of it, none of it came from luck. It came from fucking pushing and fighting and clawing and learning how

to persevere painful lesson after painful lesson, after painful lesson, expensive lesson, after expensive lesson, fuck dude, getting your soul ripped out 15 times a fucking month that's what it's taken okay and so i want that's just what i talked about in the last podcast that shit is normal you have any deal with this is normal and the concept of luck and what people think of luck is why you think it's not normal and why you think it should be easy okay i can I can go on and on about this, but you get the point. It's basically the skillset we're talking about is putting a filter on yourself and realizing that you're in a moment of learning. Okay. You have to stop and ask yourself, how can this help my progression? And that's hard to do when you're in the moment and you're emotional and things aren't going well, but you have to learn to catch yourself in these moments because the negativity that

you can instill into your own brain is a slippery slope. Okay? Tests, obstacles, failures. None of these should be stopping points. They should be chances to overcome. They should be areas of intense growth. Once you pass them, they're going to be the moments that you look back on the milestone and say, that was when I learned this. That was when I learned that. That was when I

became this. Okay. It's something to build on because believe it or not, it never stops. You're going to face these challenges over and over and over again. So you have to create yourself as someone who's built to overcome, who's built to win, who's built to push through, who's built to persevere. Those are the skills you need, okay? Because the fucking punches are never going to stop, guys. All right, guys, look, dude. So I could go on and on about this, but let's wrap this up because it's really a simple concept. You might think right now that you are at the lowest of the lows. Okay. You might think that right now is the worst thing that ever happened to you,

but I'm going to tell you from experience, guys, this can go one of two ways. Okay. The first way it can go is you can think of it this way and you can learn nothing. You could become nothing. You could create nothing and you could be blindsided by the next challenge and destroyed again and again and again through life and create this endless cycle of losing. This is what most people do. Or you can learn and create the tool of being able to change your perspective so that when these challenges come and when these negative perceived events happen, you can see them as the opportunity to get better, as the opportunity to grow, as the opportunity

to learn a new skill. Okay. And what that does is that creates you a better prepared you for the next time. Remember, if you're lucky all the way through life, you don't have the tools. You don't have the skills. You don't have the ability to rebuild. But if you look at it as what can I learn, how can I push through, and how is this going to benefit me in the future?

Not only can you stay positive, but you become a higher skilled operator that allows you to overcome things that other people just can't. And that's ultimately what drives the success. All right. So guys, before you sit there and drive yourself into this dark hole, because things aren't going your way. Remember the only reason that you end up in that dark hole is because you chose to go in it.