REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 280. Q&AF: Emotional Purchases, Prenuptial Agreements & Biggest Learning Lesson

Episode Date: April 21, 2022

In today's episode, Andy answers your questions on the misconception about making emotional purchases, if a prenuptial agreement is appropriate for you & your partner, and what lesson you should learn when making a mistake.

What is up guys, it's Danny Priscilla and this is the show for the realest, say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality. Guys, today we have Q and AF. This is where you send in the Qs, and I'm going to give you the AFs, all right? Everywhere else you get the answers, here you get the AFs. That's just how we do shit. If this is your first time listening, welcome. We do a number of different formats of shows. We do CTI, which is Cruise the Internet, which is basically a current event show uh humorous take on the fuckery that's going on in society then we have real talk which is basically

where i get on and tell you the uncomfortable truth of the scenario and then you write me emails about how i'm an asshole um then we have full-length episodes which are bringing on heroes and a very accomplished people who kick ass in life and figuring out how they do it. Uh, and then we have Q and AF, which is what you're listening to now. And,

um, I think I already described that. So what do we got? We got a fee. Yeah, we do have a fee for you new guys. Um, unlike most other shows,

I don't fill your ears with a bunch of bullshit. Uh, well I do, but just, I just don't get paid for with a bunch of bullshit uh well i do but just i just don't get paid for it um so i'm not on here hawking ads uh you know the whole show or half the show or even at all on the show uh so in exchange for not doing advertisements for a third of the show i would like if you would help us grow the show and that means telling somebody uh if it gave you some sort of benefit, if it made you think, if it made you laugh,

if it made you a better person, if it gave you some skills, which this episode definitely will, please share the show. And that's what we do. Fuck yeah. So what's up, dude? What's going on?

That was a little saucy intro, man. I like it. Oh, well. You never know what you're going to get. we both know you'll get what you get what you order you get what you order yeah i got three good ones for you brother yeah and uh let these guys know like where you guys submit your questions this is actually yeah this is user generated bro how would we do this where people could call in during the show that's a joke question that would be cool i would like to like actually have people call in and ask us answer the question yeah that'd be cool so let's try to get to that that'd be dope yeah we don't but yeah guys these are all your questions

so even they can be about anything they can be about life business um whatever it is email those questions into ask andy at andy for seller.com um and if they're good questions that will be asked yeah if they're shitty we won't answer them we won't that they send those to the other people to answer questions they the ones who give you just the a's and not the af they send those stupid questions to them to your life gurus yeah well let's talk all right let's get going yeah i got i got some good ones for you uh andy question number one andy uh you have amassed a really nice car collection okay um over the 23 years in business it took you to get here um are those emotional purchases or like what are your thoughts what's your takes on emotional purchases do you consider

your cars emotional purchases yeah absolutely um look you're going to have two kinds of purchases in your life you're going to have necessities and things that make sense Look, you're going to have two kinds of purchases in your life. You're going to have necessities and things that make sense. And then you're going to have emotional purchases. And it's not that you should only have logical purchases that make sense. It's that you should be aware whether or not the purchase you make are emotional or financially beneficial slash logical decisions, investments. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a common thing that people get confused about. It's actually a really good question. And it's something that I think everybody needs to understand,

that it's okay to make emotional purchases as long as you understand that emotions are involved. You know, a lot of people, they buy their house, right? And they think of it as an investment. But the truth of it is, is that unless you get really lucky or unless the market works in your favor or unless you stay there for a really long time or unless you pay cash, the truth of the matter is, is your own home that you live in really isn't even an investment because you're paying interest. And over the course of 30 years, the interest is going to equate, you know, to roughly the cost of the house. You're going to live there, let's say for five years. And, you know, you have all these expenses that add up

that cost you money. The improvements you do that you put in the house are going to cost you money. And so a lot of people are taught that, you know, your own home is your biggest investment and it can be, but it's just not always that way. And you know, people say, I hear auto commercials, your car is your second biggest investment. Your car is not a fucking investment. Your car is a cost of living. Right. right okay your house is usually also a cost of living all right so you get to decide how much emotion and how much logic you put into those decisions and how this would come into play for your house would be like what kind of quality of life do i want do i want neighbors do i not want neighbors do i want to drive a little further do i want to drive a little shorter these are more emotional decisions um once you get past

the basic level of survival right and that's okay you just have to be aware of it yeah you get what i'm saying yeah yeah i mean but like my cars have turned into an investment yeah because i bought them i mean many years ago and then the ones I have now, the market has adjusted in a way where those cars are going for hundreds of thousands of dollars over sticker. And I've built the relationships to get those cars at sticker costs over the last decade or so. Now that's a lucky thing for me. But dude, I also understand that the market will adjust and it could go to where those cars are worth nothing. Right.

I still like them. So for me, they're an emotional buy. The fact that I happen to be up on my collection and millions and millions of dollars, that's cool. Yeah. But that's not why I do it. Right. Right.

Right. My house, I don't have to live in a crazy house. I live in a fucking estate. I mean, legit. It's like when you think of an estate and you put a picture in your face or in your head about what an estate looks like, it's probably going to look like my state. It's the truth. Motherfucker got grounds. Yeah, it's grounds, dude.

It ain't. It's not just a big house, you know, and. That was a dream of mine. In fact, that whole house, that exact house was a dream of mine for 20 years. You know what I'm saying? It's emotional. I don't have to live there, bro. And to be completely honest, it doesn't make me any happier to live there than when I lived in the very first house that I bought. So it's, you know, once you're back, once you're past the basic point of survival, most things are emotional

bias it's quality of life right like do i want to roll up in a um you know and a lot of guys think differently you know they they want they don't care what they drive you know they drive a fucking you know old beater with you know cracks in the windshield and stuff like that and that's fine everybody's different yeah and people and those some of those guys roll up and they got fucking 20 million dollars in their fucking you know portfolio right you know what i'm saying like you can't you can't judge someone on their lifestyle um either way like there's a lot of guys i know that live beyond their means right like what's the dangers of the emotional purchase? Well, you just don't want to overextend your basic rules of personal finance.

I live my life on a certain percentage of my income, and I have lived my life on a certain percentage of my income since I was making no money. When you were forced to. Yeah, and I've disciplined myself out like that. And so now my machines that I have, the businesses I own generate enough income where I'm able to live this really nice life on that same percentage, which keeps it in check. See what I'm saying?

Right. So it's, it's okay to be emotional and buy things that you enjoy and buy things that you like. Um, but you have to be aware of it. I think where people really get into problems is when they buy things thinking that they're an actual investment

and it's just an emotional purchase. You know what I'm saying? Like that's where you get in trouble. A lot of people don't understand the house thing. If you have a house that costs 200 grand and in five years you could sell it for 250 um you didn't make any money bro i hate to say it right because over that five years you spent 50 grand probably just maintaining the house on improvements and this and that and people will sell the house for 250 and be like fuck i made 50 grand You didn't make shit. And that financial ignorance

is what gets people in trouble. And you have to educate yourself financially independently of what society says, because society will tell you that a house is an investment no matter what, and that a car is your second biggest investment. They want you to be ignorant. Right. I hope everybody understands that. They want you to be ignorant right like i hope everybody understands that they want you to be financially illiterate there isn't people say this all the time why don't they teach you in high school about this and this and this there's a reason because what do you do right after high school you go to college yeah and what do you do when you go to college in fucking massive amounts of debt that's right you sign up for hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt which they want you

to fucking not understand so that then you're chained to it for the rest of your life. So if you're a young person listening to this show, that is not an anti-college statement. That's an anti-financial ignorance statement. Right. Okay? So like you parents and kids,

you guys should be learning finances right now. Like if they're 12 years old, you should be trying to, and if your parents, if you don't know, you should be trying to, and if your parents, if you don't know, you should learn so that you can educate your kids because the school system will not do it. And society will not do it. And they don't do it intentionally. So, but dude, once you get past survival, which, you know, your goals, your goal should be accumulating wealth, not saving your pennies. Okay. You should be accumulating wealth not saving your pennies okay you should be focused

more on creating the engines that bring the the flow in than you are on uh trying to save you know this and that and this uh out of your whatever right yeah yeah like you need to be aggressive with trying to pursue a higher income level because that gives you more options. Right. That's real. That's real. Andy, question number two for you. Uh, let's get on relationships a little bit. So the, uh, this person says, Andy, um, I've been with my significant other for five years. Um, I'm starting to see a decent amount of success in my business. What are your thoughts on prenups? I know he also sees, I know that, um, you don't know our relationship like that, but what's your overall thoughts on prenups?

I think it depends. I think it depends on the, on where you are when you get into business. You know, for me, I don't have one. Um, I, i i i don't regret not having one even if things were to go awry um i wouldn't be here without the support of emily right right she's done so much so much for me in my life uh supported me you know she didn't build this company but i definitely wouldn't be where i'm at without that support in many, in many different ways. So for me, I think the attitude has always been, you know, if someone's around and supports you and helps you and pushes you, even if they're not a part of the business, you should recognize that as a contribution to your success because it is.

And anybody who's tried to build a business with a negative partner, which I have, you start to value people who are even neutral and, in my case, supportive in a very strong way. So I think the best attitude when it comes to that is that, you know, and then if you're older, right, and you built this huge company and you sold it and then you meet someone, then it's probably a good idea. Right. Right. Because that's real. That you're protecting your own shit. Well, gold diggers do exist, right? A hundred percent.

And dude, most people will do a lot. They'll do very dirty shit. They'll lie. They'll cheat. They'll pretend to be who you want to be to get money. Yeah. And you will never get money that way, by the way. You will never win that way.

You will always fucking pay for that. But, you know, I don't personally have one. I think if that person's made a financial contribution, or not a financial, but a support contribution to this business, you know, taking care of the home, um, making life easy, not nagging, not making it hard. Uh, because building a business is fucking hard, man. And if you have someone that supports you and makes your home life stable and not, um, you know, nagging or negative and emotionally draining, um, I think you should consider that when you consider the wealth that you create. You know what I mean? So it really comes down to doing the right thing,

what's right. And it sounds like I'm going to make some assumptions about that person. Let's say five years, they've been with the person the whole time. They built a successful company and they're starting to see some wealth. I would say the person's probably contributed to that tremendously yeah now if you're coming home every day and they're bringing drama to you or or you're they're they're texting you 400 times a day or they're fucking making it hard for you succeed that's a conversation that uh needs to be had and corrected because dude i would say fuck a prenup do we even need to get married that's what i'm saying that's what i'm saying what you you guys you you guys need to understand that having a partner in life is not about uh you know the sexual attraction or or the way someone looks or this or that it's about having like a best friend that will fucking help

you through all the hard shit because you're gonna fucking need it because life is fucking hard and i think if people put a little more thought into selecting you know because dude lots of people are beautiful right until until uh you get to the part where it actually counts and they ain't that beautiful right you know i'm saying and so you have to really be smart about selecting who you're going to be with, uh, when it comes to those things. And, and for those of you,

like for those of you who want to attract someone who has their shit going on, that's the kind of partner you need to work to become someone who supports someone who contributes someone who takes, uh, the load and, and shares it. Yeah.

You know, those are the things that, that really matter in a relationship. Yeah. That's fucking real, man. Yeah. But know, those are the things that, that really matter in a relationship. Yeah. That's fucking real, man. Yeah. But I think there's a place in,

there's a time and a place for a prenup. Yeah. Um, you know, but that's just my take on it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I think it's real.

Yeah. Guys, our third and final question for you. I mean, the truth is, bro, you should be with someone where if shit went bad you could sit down with them and have a real discussion say okay here's what i

think is fair this is the way i think it should go and you should be able to trust that person's going to be able to work it out with you yeah and if you're not with someone like that and you're with someone who would even fucking like try to fuck you you're with the wrong person right as we say you probably shouldn't i mean fucking about you understand what i'm saying yeah yeah 100 yeah andy question number three for you uh 23 years in business what was one mistake or a bad decision that you've made that you that you believe you made the biggest you turned it into the biggest lesson you learned the most from man i don't know if there's a biggest one like there's been a lot of big ones but i mean it could have been a small small mistake but it gave you the biggest lesson

listen it's not important it's the important is not the specific episode the importance of the question is you should adopt the mentality of every time you get kicked in the face you learn a lesson you know what i'm saying like this isn't it doesn't matter what challenges i've gone through i could give you a thousand because i'm still making mistakes on a daily basis yeah you know but i've just adjusted my perspective to a point where I understand certain things. Very few negative occurrences in your life are going to bury you. In fact, I've never seen anyone buried by one single event or two single events. But what I have seen them buried by is one or two single events that they continue to repeat over and over and over and over again.

Right, right. All right? Because it's a choice. Right. Right. All right. So, cause it's a choice. Yes. Yeah. It's not the specific, my specifics of my story are irrelevant and I'm not dodging the question. I just couldn't tell you because I'm always learning and I'm always getting my face kicked

in on a daily basis. So if you could just adopt the attitude to understand that bad things are going to happen, bad things happen to everyone. When those bad things or, you know, someone tells them, you know, something that really pegs at their insecurities. You know, no one fucking actually likes you when you really feel like no one actually likes you. Right. Shit like that.

And so they go into their turtle shell and they don't ever try to do anything for the rest of their lives. They just say, man, I i'm i'm shitty because obviously people think i'm shitty right and you know it's not that bro you know people are fucking cruel people say mean shit people do mean shit and i think those things are uh you know those when those things happen it's a test of your character to forgive stand up know, dust yourself off and keep moving forward. Right. You know, like, I don't think anybody that's listening to this, uh, should consider themselves at the mercy of other people's opinions because it's just not the reality. Yeah. It will only be that reality. If

you allow that reality to be creative for you. So it's important for you to understand that, you know, yes, bad things are going to happen yes people are going to say mean shit yes all the shit that you probably are afraid of is probably going to happen and guess what's going to happen you're going to make it right you're going to survive so get the fuck up and take another step forward man like dude um i have a guy here at the office who is 19 years old and he's in a wheelchair. He has leg amputated. Okay. He didn't know he had diabetes.

He went into diabetic coma, woke up with no leg. Yeah. 19 years old, bro. You know, the kid's the most positive kid in this building. He's fucking strong as fuck. He understands. Hey, man, it is what it is. I'm going to fucking keep moving.

And that's the attitude you got to have because if you don't have that attitude dude the world will stomp you out like a fucking old cigarette yeah it's just reality what gets me though man because i mean i know you see it and but what really gets me man is when people create their own like they it's like they kick themselves in the fucking face that's because the victim culture victim culture right now is popular right the way you get like shares and comments online is by pretending that you're like struggling through some shit and then everybody comes around says oh but that only works for a minute right you know once you do it 20 times people start seeing god you're a negative person right fucks around with you and they start resenting you right they might still click like on that photo but they don't want to spend time with you because you're negative as fuck right so you know i wouldn't buy into that

victim culture society perpetuates because it's a trend it's not reality it's not human nature human nature is being a motherfucking warrior human nature is getting up human nature is progressing human human nature is pushing past limits it's showing other humans what's actually possible dude when you think about all the shit that's created in this world you look around at the buildings and the businesses and the technology and all the amazing shit people created that and behind every one of those stories is a whole bunch of people that said dude you're fucking crazy what the fuck are you doing? Why are you wasting your time on that project? Oh, you think we could do this? You're fucking insane. That's the world until you do it.

And so you have to understand that that's just reality. And if you're operating with an understanding that that's the real way that people are, it doesn't really hurt you when they do that stuff because you just understand that's the truth. That's what it is. Yeah. So you're like, yeah, okay. When people say shit to me, I understand people very well. That's what I do for a living.

So I know that when people attack me and they say, oh, he's got anger issues or he's too intense or he's this or that or he's too intense or he's this or that or he's this or that or this this this all they're doing is pointing out the shit in me that they don't that they know they lack that's why it triggers them like when you when you see someone that you don't like and it triggers you and they're just doing their thing what you're mad at is you're mad at yourself because you lack that quality in them. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So when you should see it as, man, I wish I had that confidence or I wish I had that intensity or I wish I had that focus or I wish I had that drive and start to work on those things. And that's how you get healthier. Right.

You know what I mean? Andy, how the fuck did you develop that passion, right like i mean you can flip it even that way man yeah yeah exactly you know what i'm saying yeah start asking questions man instead of getting angry about everything yeah you know what i mean yeah that's the only way to get better bro yeah so that's real man i love it yeah yeah i have a follow-up question on what you said um let's say you're doing a project and keeping aside the data, you don't know anything data. Are you hopeful in a positive way?

Because you said bad things happen to everybody. So let's say you're going to build a building or you're going to start a company. So you know, I'm going to spend this much money. I have this much facts. So I know this is going to work this way. Like how always you are calculated that way, right? But let's say you don't have the facts. Are you hopeful towards a project? Are you optimistic? Because you said bad things happen to everybody. Well, no, I go into projects knowing that things are going to

happen. So like, I don't, I'm not, I don't allow that to surprise me. I expect it. Right. And probably sometimes because I expect it, they actually happen. But if I'm prepared for it and I expect it, I know I can handle it. And I know that I'll learn a new lesson through that. Does that make sense? That's where I was heading. Yeah. Because you also believe in the law of attraction and putting energy out. Yeah.

But at the same time, you're also expecting that bad things also happen all the time. Yeah. But see, I look at bad things as a good thing because I know that it improves whatever tools I need to have. So when I see a challenge that would be called a bad thing, right? I see it as, okay, well, what did we learn? This is a new one.

Okay, well, we learned this and this and this. And I see it as an investment into my skillset and an opportunity to improve as opposed to you know oh man i'm doomed and all this shit always happens to me could also be a self-esteem builder too because knowing that well you only a lot of other motherfuckers that would just stop that's right it is it builds your confidence 100 and it builds your belief in yourself. Like dude, purposefully putting yourself in situations to test yourself or overcome challenges is probably the most healthy thing you could ever do as a human being. Because how are you going to know who you are or believe in who you are or trust in your skillset if you never test that

skillset? Right. Right. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. So saying yeah so you know there's there's a lot to that but i think you know that's a great question for sure awesome well guys andy that is three yeah the fee yeah guys if it made you think it taught you something gave you a new perspective i appreciate you share the show talk to you next time we're from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a bowl fuck a a stove Counted millions in the cold Bad bitch, booted swole Got her on bankroll Can't fold, that's a no Headshot, case closed