REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 286. Q&AF: Power Of Delaying Gratification, Biggest Risk-Taking Mistake & Emotionless Decision Making Process

Episode Date: May 2, 2022

In today's episode, Andy answers your questions on why it's important to develop patience while working towards your ultimate goal, the biggest mistake most people make while taking a risk, and how to separate your emotions from your decision-making process.

What is up guys, it's Andy Frisella and this is the show for the realest say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today uh we have q and af that's where uh you submit your questions and i give you the af as the answer okay uh we also have if this is your first time listening we have multiple shows that we run on this channel okay we have cti which is cruise the internet which is basically where dj um claims to find things to put on the screen that we talk about but really it's madat that does it we clarified that yesterday another white man taking all the credit for black people oh man it's real out here in the streets isn't it it's real out here in the streets uh oh it tickled me i'm sorry you're black uh and then we have real talk okay real talk is where i i basically do a little rant um

sometimes i i get pretty hyped up but it's because i love you guys and i want you guys to win and this fake ass shit that they've been teaching you for your whole life ain't gonna get you there so real talk is kind of where i like yell at you a little bit. Uh, and it's going to hurt your feelings and you're probably gonna say, fuck that guy. And then you're going to go home and say, man, he's right. All right. And, um, now we have full length where, uh, I bring in some of my super successful, super interesting friends and we chop it up and have a good time and talk about what's going on and talk about how to win, talk about how to get better. You know, this show started out as an entrepreneur show. It was called the MFCEO Project.

It was the number one entrepreneur podcast of all time. And we switched it in 2019 to talk about real issues. But we also give the personal development side with the Q&AF, which is what we're about to do. If you're interested in more personal development, uh, Ed Milet and I run the RTA syndicate. You can join that. It's a private group of all entrepreneurs. Um, some most powerful entrepreneur group on the planet. And, uh, we go way, way, way, way in depth, uh, in that group about entrepreneurial knowledge. So anyway, uh, there's a fee for the show. The fee is not monetary unless you want it to be. But if you don't want it to be

and you don't want to spend your money, all we ask is that you share the show. It's that simple. Yeah. So what's up, dude? Not much, man. Just ready to knock these out the park. You got some good ones?

Got some good ones. Where do people submit their questions? Guys, as always, if you want to submit any of these questions for Q&A, email them directly to askandy at at andy for seller.com and remember they can be about anything you talk about anything life uh you know personal development business 75 hard 75 hard whatever it is yeah social issue whatever man i'm cool with talking about ever like i like babies come from like all that type of shit well i mean i

want to answer if i don't know all right um yeah. So let's go ahead and get into it. Let's knock these out, man. Andy, question number one. So we live in a society right now where there's all this instant gratification, right? With all that instant gratification and the ultra convenience of the you can have it right now mentality, how would you suggest weaning yourself off of that mentality and the importance of it to do so? Well, it's paramount to do so. If you don't do that, you can never be successful because the ultimate key for anybody that wants to be successful from not only what I've experienced in my life, but also what all my successful friends that I consider truly successful will tell you is that it really comes down to your ability to delay gratification. Okay. If you cannot understand that you are trading a day of suffering today for a day of prosperity down the road, you will never get anywhere because that's the reality of what it

is. Okay. What you're doing right now is you're investing with your effort, with what you put in your body, with what you put in your brain, with the work that you do, with the things that you create today, you are investing in a result that may be three, four, five, six months down the road, or if it's in business, it could be three, four, five years down the road. and so it's important to understand that and develop an awareness that there is a big generational difference here okay i'm 42 years old i grew up learning yeah i know no i grew up learning uh well the good thing is i'm like 19 in my brain right um and in my body if i'm being real so uh the difference is is that you know i was raised with the understanding that if you wanted to win you had to fucking outwork everybody okay i was taught that from when i was a little bitty kid i was lucky enough to have parents taught me that um that showed me that and that brought me and my brother to understand that as a non-negotiable

truth of reality. And it is. And today, you know, we have all these modern technology conveniences that make things super easy and super fast for us when Sal and I and people my age didn't grow up with those things. Okay. We didn't grow up with email. We didn't grow up with cell phones. We didn't grow up with the ability to connect with friends all over the world. We didn't grow up. Yeah. We didn't grow up with any of that. You know, if we were to become someone significant, we had to create something significant that demanded significant attention. You know what I'm saying? In real life. And that has not changed. And that's the big illusion, right?

The big illusion is that you could be relevant by doing nothing and you could be successful by kind of like skating your way through it and you could have it today. And it's not young people's fault that they believe this because when they look in every single area of life, everything that they brought up and been brought up in is instant, man, instant text message, food in 30 minutes, uh, you know, fucking, I can order a product. It's here tomorrow by clicking one button. Yeah. Like, dude, that was not the way it was when we were

growing up. So it's not their fault. And if you're listening and you're under the age of 35 years old or 30 years old, especially, it's not your fault that you grew up in an age that taught you that patience wasn't important because the technology was there to cover that gap. But in reality and how things work, patience is still a huge deal. And so we have a whole generation of people who want to be successful that don't understand the concept of what I call aggressive patience actually is. People hear people talk about patience and they think that means just waiting around for shit to happen. That's not what it means. It means you have to work your ass off every single fucking day and win every single day and still be patient and understand that that's going to have to go on for years and for the result to materialize. And this is why I'm so big on the concept of winning the day.

You can go back and listen to Real AF episode 16 or you can get the power list that's on my store. But the reality is, dude, if you break it down on a win day by day by day by day by day, you cannot fail. It's impossible to fail. And so what people have to understand is that have grown up in this scenario of instant gratification is that's not reality, even with the technology. Okay. And what happens is these people get frustrated after three, four, five, six months of doing something. And they think that that's, it's taken so long or it's taking too long. It's not going to work, man. It took me eight, eight months to have a day, a day in sales of $200.

You get what I'm saying? It took me five years, five and a half years to get my second store open. All right. Um, my first three years in business, I made a zero my next seven years. I made $695 a month for a total of $58,000 over the course of my first 10 years in business. All right. That's delaying gratification. And people hear that and they're like, well, how the fuck did you do that? Well, first of all, that's what I chose to pay myself. When we were able to start paying ourselves, I chose and Chris chose to pay ourselves that and to live way below our means to roll every single fucking penny that we had back into our dream, back into our vision. And clearly it's paid off, but that's how people have to think about that. You know, these younger people who, who didn't

grow up in an age where patience was taught just from going through life day to day, to day, to day, you know, and they grew up with all this crazy, awesome technology that doesn't negate the actual laws of success. And one of the laws of success is aggressive patience. It's just reality. Okay. So, you know, you can look at it. This is how I would look at it if I was the younger person and I'm wanting to be successful and I want to build something significant. I would look at it a couple of different ways. One, you're at a tremendous advantage because the people around you are not nearly as ambitious as people were 20 years ago. Okay. Not everybody now is, is, is basically resided to a NPC life, like a non-playable character life. Like, Oh, as long as I get enough food and I got my video games and I get my, you

know, Netflix going, I'm cool, dude. Like I don't need anymore. And that is not, that's not the American way. That's not the American spirit. That's human nature. It's not. It's been culturally designed this way intentionally to limit the growth of our American culture here in this country. It's part of the communist agenda that's been pushed down through our culture over the course of years. And it sucks because we have far less ambition in this country, but it's great for someone who's 20 years old or 25 years old or 30 years old that's just getting started and wanting to do something big because far less people are trying. Right. All right. technology and you have the ability to, you know, like one of the most underrated parts of technology

that people don't, that miss out on is the ability to just connect and watch and observe other people who are doing things that you want to do. I w I didn't have that ability. Like I couldn't look at other people who own nutrition companies and see what they did because social media didn't exist. Like I could read some Tony Robbins books. I could read some Jim Rohn books, you know, but like, I wasn't able to, you know, to literally watch, like you guys watch me and you watch other successful people. I didn't have that. Like it didn't exist.

So, uh, and then the third thing is you have this crazy ability to market now via online and reach millions and millions and millions of people by just being creative with your content, connecting and networking with people and utilizing the tools that these social media networks allow you to do where you geofence down into like literally zip codes and neighborhoods and shit. And, you know, market to people. You know, I had to go you know i had to go like i literally had to go door to door to door right you know that shit doesn't have to happen anymore like that now i recommend that you do that because it teaches you a skill set that your your friends won't have um but the the speed at which you can grow a company now with the proper decisions and the proper mentality is much faster than what it was when I was coming around. Right. I didn't really discover social media until I was already

10 years into business. It wasn't really a thing. So, you know, I would consider all of that. I know that's a lot to chew on, but at the end of the day, um, the number one differentiating factor between people who win and people who don't is really two things. It's self-discipline. It's the ability to delay gratification. It's so weird looking at society now because I go to Starbucks and be in there and you have this fucking lady who gets pissed off because it's taking an extra 30 seconds to get a fucking latte. You know, like this just instant. It annoys the fuck out of me so i intentionally spoiled society yeah like i intentionally try to do the things the hard way you know i'm saying or things that take extra amount of time whatever it is that's fine yeah you know because i find myself even getting in

those moods oh it's been fucking five minutes i got my coffee well dude a great way to calm the fuck down you know what i'm saying and a And a great way to learn patience is by doing things that require patience. And a great way to build discipline is by doing things that require discipline. Like one thing I do is when I get really fucking hungry, because I fast, I'm a faster, I make a mental note. And I'm like, when I get really hungry and I want to fucking cheat or I want to eat or I'm, you know, I'm not in my window where I can eat, bro.

I, I, I check out of that and I say, you know what? This is the opportunity for me. This is my internal dialogue. I stopped myself and I said, this is an opportunity for me to grow my discipline.

Right. So I'm going to push through this hunger. Right. And it's going to make an investment into my discipline. Yeah. You see what I'm saying? I think it just takes a whole new self- into my discipline. You see what I'm saying? I think that just takes a whole new self-awareness level. You know what I'm saying?

For sure. Most people just are mindless. I never thought about it like that until probably four years ago. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? But hunger is one of the greatest ways to build discipline. It just is. Yeah.

That's awesome. Well, let's get on to question number two for you, Andy. Question number two. Andy, what's the biggest mistake people tend to make when it comes to taking risk? Not taking them. 100%. This is an easy question to answer. Instead of asking you yourself, oh, man, what's going to happen if I do this?

And this could go wrong. And this could go wrong. And this could go wrong. And this, this, and this, and this, and this. That's what they do. They pile on the shit right yeah what you should be asking yourself is what's my life going to look like if i don't fucking do this that's it and that'll change your perspective on risk instantly yeah like if you are comfortable where the fuck you are and you want to live there for the rest of your life and you want to be just

like you are today the same amount of money the the same friends, the same house, the same car, the same income, fucking everything, the same mental space. Don't take any risks and you get to stay there or maybe get a little worse. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Or you can realize that there's millions and millions and millions and millions of people who are just like you, who have done amazing things, who've done the exact things that you want to do. And the main thing that they were able to do was they were able to answer the question, what's my life going to look like if I don't do this? And they didn't like that shit. And they went and took the action. So like when I'm struggling with risk, dude, like,

which I don't really anymore because I'm not afraid of it. I look at risk also as an opportunity to learn a lesson. Like if I take a risk and I fuck up, that's a good thing because now I learned how not to fuck that up the next time. So I value my losses as much as I value my wins because without the losses, you can't even understand how good the wins are. And without the losses, you can't develop the skills that you need to have over the course of time to actually win long-term. So what a lot of people do is they go through life hoping that they win, win, win, win, win, win, win. And what they're actually

doing is setting themselves up because the more you win without making a mistake, the bigger your mistake is going to make at a bigger level because you're going to make them yeah right so you need to value your losses just as much as you value your wins because of the skills that you get to pull and extrapolate from those losses okay so you know not not taking a risk is a bigger risk than taking the risk in almost every single scenario yeah that's like the risk is like okay you might die if you do this you know saying well that's different yeah it's a little different you know but but still you know at the end of the day uh do you want to die someone who who took risk or you want to die a coward even if in that scenario yeah you know

what i'm saying yeah like for me personally, and I know everybody's not like me and, and, and that's cool, but like, I'm a man of my own principles and my own standards and, and, and I'm going to live life my fucking way. And if that means that I do something and it kills me, then that's what the fuck it does, but I'm not bending or breaking it for anybody. Man, I fucking love it. Yeah. I love it. Guys, our third and final question. This is a live heart question for you, Andy. So this person writes, Andy, we should have three critical tasks for phase one, but the app says eight and everything I see online says eight. What am I missing?

Where do the other five come from? The other five are the ones that you're already doing on 75 hard. That's the show. Like like what are we missing here go listen to the power list episode number 16 understand what the power list is and then what you'll understand is that you've already been executing the five tasks right by doing 75 hard and i'm asking you to do three additional tasks right so you this person who asked this question probably just is unfamiliar with uh episode 16. go listen to that and um i'm actually training you with the live hard program on how to execute in your life for the rest of your life you're welcome you know that's sort of supposed to be the surprise so um so yeah that's

that's it man that's an easy explanation you got another question because like that was an easy we could throw some extra caramel on there um andy how do you separate your emotions from your decision-making process? I don't always. It depends on if the decision that I'm making is appropriate to have emotion in or not. For example, if I'm deciding what house I want to buy, I have to spend a lot of time there. I have to decide if that's where I want to live my life. I have to decide if that's going to make me happy and what kind of place do I want to live? What do I want my quality of what kind of place do i want to live what do i want my quality of life how do i want to what neighborhood do i want to be in right these

are all emotional things if i looked at that as an unemotional thing and i said i need shelter and and running water and shit and uh place to shit and you know eat um i could live in a fucking 400 square foot room right right right so it's always an emotional decision there and you have to just acknowledge that there's always an emotional decision there and you have to just acknowledge that there's emotion in that decision and that's okay yeah because you're going to spend a lot of time that's going to dictate your amount of happiness with because of that decision so you say most decisions are emotional no i'm saying there's emotional and non-emotional so that's one example of an emotional decision. Now, is there non-emotional decisions? Absolutely.

If I'm looking at, let's say my goal is to make a certain amount of money on a real estate deal. Okay. And I get an offer that meets my goal that I set out to make on that deal. Right. And I take it. That's just me honoring the contract I made with myself ahead of time. Now it's very important to separate emotions out

of that deal because the way people get killed in those deals is what they do is they get greedy and they say, Oh, well, if I made my mark now I can make 10 X my mark. Right. And some shit like that. And so like for trading or investing or things like that, it's very important that you are non-emotional when it comes time to exiting those scenarios. Because a lot of times when people get crushed, it's because they got emotional on the top end and they said, oh, fuck, dude. That was easier than what I thought it was going to be. I made my 300K there, but I think I can make 600 if I just hang on a minute.

And then the next day, the shit fucking tanks and you get fucked. Right. So that's just a, that's just an arbitrary general thing. But my point of the, of the answer is it depends. Like it's okay to make decisions with emotion, but the problem is most people make decisions that are meant to be without emotion with emotion and they're not aware of it so really what we're talking about here is is developing an awareness of how much of your decision is emotion and how much of it is math or logic right yeah and you have if you as long as you're aware of that it's totally cool like people people used to give me shit about my car collection and they're like oh dude you're wasting so much money and you know blah blah blah and at the time you know like cars weren't what they are now right like cars weren't up like when you bought

a car it went down right but i didn't care because it it added to my quality of life so much and it made me feel good and i enjoyed it that i knew it was emotional i'm okay with it even though i was okay with like it costing me money Now it happens that the market has shifted and now I'm up millions and millions and millions of dollars in my car collection. And I look like I'm really smart. But at the end of the day, it wasn't ever about that for me.

It's still not that for me. My cars are an emotional decision that I choose to enjoy because I love it and I'm happy with it. And there's cars I have that I overpaid tremendously for, right? Because my emotion said, dude, I got to have that exact car. Right. All right. So I'm aware of it. It doesn't make financial sense, so to speak, but it makes emotional sense. Do you think people that only make non-emotional decisions

like what do you think like they miss out on everything in life yeah they miss out on everything in life like everything's a fucking business yeah like dude like like i'll give you the most basic example people people people that don't want a dog people that say i don't want a dog because i don't want to fucking take care of it motherfucker you're an idiot that dog is the best fucking thing you'll have in your fucking life yeah they love you no matter what you'll come home every day it might have shit in the house but you won't care because it's funny as shit right they do good shit and they come and love you and they make you feel good and you'll get more joy and pleasure out of that fucking dog

than you could ever possibly imagine like bro if i could pay i would i would pay every fucking dollar i had to have my fucking dog back would, I would pay every fucking dollar I had to have my fucking dog back. Oscar, every fucking dollar, every fucking dollar I had, I paid like if, if God walked in today and said, Hey dude, give up everything. Yeah. Everything. I would, I would, that's how much I would give up to have it.

Yeah. You see what I'm saying? So that's a highly emotional decision that adds tremendous amount of joy to your life that a lot of people won't make because it doesn't make logical sense for them because they're thinking of the one time that they've got to leave, go to work or they've got to, they've got to leave for a weekend.

They don't know what's bro. You figure that shit out. Right. You know, a lot of people would say that to me about having kids, but that's a different thing for me. Okay. So,

uh, but that's an example of that. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. Love it, man. Guys, you had a little extra caramel sauce on there so that was four yeah that was four pay the fee if you want some more hey guys i appreciate you guys i do these shows especially these q and afs to help you win um if you feel like they help you win, please share the show.