REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 354. Q&AF: Responding To Customers' Difficult Questions, Being Too Aggressive Towards Your Goals & Leading People Older Than You

Episode Date: August 8, 2022

In today's episode, Andy answers your questions on how to respond to customers' difficult questions, if there is such a thing as being too aggressive when pursuing your goals, and what's the best way to lead individuals older than you.

What is up guys, it's Andy Priscilla and this is the show for the realest, say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today we have q and af that is where you submit the cues and i bring the afs sometimes when you tune in there will be different kinds of shows today happens to be q and af as i just stated sometimes it's going to be cti that means cruise the internet that's where we put up the topics of the day and we talk about them and then we make fun of them. And then we talk about whether or not they're true at all and how true are they if they are true at all.

And that's what we talk about. Q and AF is about personal development. What are you laughing at? What is this? Not what we're supposed to do here? You're right. Would you like to step in? No, no, no, no, no.

You're spot on. No, please step in. Go ahead and explain the shows, DJ. I don't know what you're laughing at. You're spot on, bro. Okay. So Q and AF and CTI are sort of like the peanut butter and jelly, right? We solve the problem.

We talk about the problem. Then we talk about how to solve the problem. Then we have real talk. Real talk is where I get on for five to 20 minutes and talk a whole bunch of shit. Usually it helps people. Sometimes it doesn't. Then we have full life. What?

I'm just keeping it real, bro. The name of the show is real fucking af i don't understand what's so funny about that then sometimes we got full length episodes fuck them full episodes today it's q and af bro maybe we should just make it a cti all right anyhow what do you got oh man oh shit what yeah no it was that was yeah it was fucking dynamite but my best intro ever did clearly oh normally i'd recut it but today i fuck it man just let it rock i love i am drinking one of these. Normally I don't run ads on the show, but I'm going to fucking run one right now. I'm drinking one of these amazing best fucking energy drink in the history of earth from

first form. I'm drinking the citrus blast flavor flavor and this fucking thing, man, it tastes so much like Mountain Dew. I want to change my name to fucking Kyle. Yeah. thing man it tastes so much like mountain dew i want to change my name to fucking kyle yeah like this shit right here this makes me want to punch a hole right through the fucking wall yeah yeah with my head this is really good shit with uh it really does taste like mountain like diet mountain which is my favorite diet the flavor is a spot on yeah the flavors listen i'm not an energy drink person so i don't have any i can't sit here and say oh it's fucking better than this or that i don't even give a fuck here's what

i do give a fuck about though good i feel good when i drink it yeah there's no like jitters no it's not like a the only other energy drink i've ever had in my life. It's like a Red Bull. And usually I had vodka in it. Well, every time I have vodka in it. But this tastes better than that. And I feel better. Probably because there's no vodka in it. No, I would feel better, probably even better if it had some vodka in it. I just don't really drink anymore because I get fucking crazy.

But this is a good one. So now I've had the orange, I've had the blue, and I've had the green. just don't really drink anymore because i get fucking crazy so uh but this is a good one so now i've had the orange i've had the blue and i've had the green yeah and i think the green might be my favorite so far hey you try that uh cherry lime you become thanos bro bro got all the real shit bro that's tomorrow that's tomorrow watch out anyway that'd actually be a pretty good fucking video too like content wise but fucking they know some energy drinks yeah tape all the fucking cans give away our secrets man all right joe cut that shit and i got some good ones for you though bro okay cool so for real talk um for those of you that are brand new we're not always idiots just most of the time um today we try to be serious because we got q and af and

that's where you submit cues you can submit them and they can be about anything that has to do with how to fucking win better. Could be your business. Could be your life. Could be your fitness. Could be anything. Could be 75 hard. Could be live hard.

Our goal here is to make you better. For real. And we take questions, submissions at- Email those in to askandy at Andy for seller dot com. Yeah. And so email them in. We answer them. We're going to do three today.

And I think you're going to get some value out of it. I don't know what the questions are, but I know that when I answer shit, it's good. So I know even if the question. That's right. I'll make it good. It's real. All right. So let's get into these, man.

Andy, question number one. Andy, I recently started a business and i've quickly found out that i don't always have the knowledge to uh to answer a customer's question what's the best way to approach a question that you don't specifically know the answer to my business is young and i can't afford to lose any customers at the moment but i don't want people thinking that i'm a complete dumbass well first, first of all, everybody's a dumbass. That's the thing. So the, the, the not wanting people to think you're a dumbass is actually what makes you a dumbass. Uh, it's the same reason why most people won't start off in business because they're afraid to look stupid in front of Steve and Tony

and Mary from the old neighborhood. And they're afraid that, you know, when they go to their little drinking hole, that they're going to be sitting at for the next 50 fucking years, that they're going to talk some sort of shit about you. Fuck those people. Okay. Everybody's a dumb ass. You're a dumb ass. I'm a dumb ass too. There's a whole bunch of shit. I want to know that. I don't know. The difference is I'm willing to ask. I'm willing to go to people who know there's people I go to consistently that know more shit than me. Okay. And I've been doing this for a long time. So there should be no shame in your game when it comes to asking someone that's ahead of you for help. That's a normal thing. And smart people do that. Intelligent people do that. Successful people do that.

So rid your mind of this idea that you're going to look stupid in front of your people or in front of your employees or in front of your boss or in front of fucking anything. Because the only way to know shit that you don't know is to ask, right? Otherwise you have to go your whole life. Like, bro, look real talk.

I don't know how to do long division. Like, like, I don't know how to, like they teach you that in second grade okay so all through school like i faked it like i would i would pretend to like do the division problems because i was afraid to ask how to do it because i like fucked up and here i am i'm 40 fucking three years old i don't know how to fucking do something that second graders know how to do because i was afraid to ask okay

and while that might seem stupid to you i'm just saying like look at all the shit that i've been able to do in my life and accomplish i still don't know that and there's people out there don't know how to read because they're afraid to fucking admit they don't know how to read you know there's people out there that don't know how to do basic things i'm one of them like i i really don't know how to do that like if you gave me a fucking whiteboard and you said hey do a division problem you know if it was four i know that you divide it in two it's half like i know basic math but like i couldn't do a division problem and you all would fucking laugh at me you see what i'm saying so what's it worth to you is it worth you feeling stupid like i should have stopped it when i was in

second grade and said hey uh my teacher's name was miss meek so hey miss meek uh i'm lost man i need some help and you know what i should have stopped my teacher in fourth grade and say hey you know what i never learned this should have stopped my teacher in fucking in ninth grade and say hey you know what i never learned this but i didn't because i was a fucking pussy and now i i don't know something that is very basic to most people yeah for me it's like i i hear it and i'm like you know like like do you have to be an expert in your fucking arena starting out or like i mean you know i'm saying like like like bro the first person that came into my supplement store when I was 19 years old, they came in and they asked for Celltech, which was a product made by a company called

MuscleTech. The guy walks over, he looks at the Celltech, he said, what's this? I picked the shit up. I had no fucking idea. I started reading the label to him. Like verbatim? Yeah, because that's all I could do because I didn't know. Yeah.

You know? So like, bro, like, do you? I don't know. Here I am doing pretty good. Right. I learned everything I needed to know along the way. And I'm pretty fucking knowledgeable about all of that shit at this point in my life. Yeah.

Do you think that's a common fear of people? Like they feel like they have to become experts? Yeah, I feel like, listen, bro, that's imposter syndrome you're never gonna feel qualified yeah like bro when i go out and speak in front of 10 000 people like i'm secretly in my heart i'm like why the they want to hear from me you see what i'm saying like you guys have to understand that everybody feels that way every person you look at every leader you look at every great person you think that doesn't they all feel that way the great the greatest men out there the greatest women out there that you look at have moments of imposter syndrome where they're like i don't know why

why i should even be here why i'm qualified to talk about this or am i qualified to do these business deals but at the end of the day you know like, like I look around and I'm like, well, if I'm not who the fuck is, you know, and, and I, I taught myself out of it logically. And eventually you'll get to that point too. But my point is, is that if you never keep going in the beginning, because of those feelings, you'll never get to the point where, where you can actually talk yourself out of the idea. Right. Yeah. So everybody's a dumb ass in the beginning. It's okay. Be a dumb ass, ask questions, learn, educate yourself, uh, and keep going. That's, that's real man. Uh, Andy question number two, uh, Andy, I know you've talked about staying aggressive with pursuing your goals. I found that people look and treat me differently when I'm more

aggressive with my actions. Is there, is there a such thing as being too aggressive or is this something that they just don't understand because they don't have the same goals as i do well i mean it depends on how aggressive you are if you're running through the office punching people in the fucking face you know that's gonna be a problem those ain't got shit to do with that that's a little too aggressive right you know i'm saying uh but if we're talking about just like, you know, skipping the normal route, what most people talk about when they're talking about this is they're talking about skipping the normal routine that all their old friends follow. You know, for me, that routine was like, you go out Thursday night, you go out Friday night,

you go out Saturday, you go out Saturday night, you drink all day Sunday, and then the rest of the week you try to fucking be normal. That's what we we a lot of people in st louis do that we drink a lot here um for me you know what he's describing or she's describing looked like not doing those things and people saying well man what do you think you're too good for us like why don't you come do these things like oh blah blah blah and you know it's kind of like what i talked about uh uh, uh, before on the podcast is, you know, it's just, I'm on a different path, you know, that's okay.

Yeah. Um, so what I try to remember and think about is that, you know, they're on their path. I'm on my path and there's no problem with that. And like, when you're thinking about, um, what it is you're trying to do and be aggressive, you know, just taking your yourself out of these these situations that subtract from your life, such as like, you know, excessive alcohol consumption, partying, et cetera, et cetera. People are going to take that as you're getting too serious. Well, let me tell you something, bro.

That too serious that they think is too serious is the minimum required effort it takes to build something. So like you're not too aggressive bro yeah i could promise you that i promise you that you cannot be too aggressive about your fucking goals it people are going to say oh you need balance look at their lives look at their bank account it's probably fucking shitty all right now it depends on what you want if you want to balance life you want to wake up in the morning you want to relax you want to balance you know you want to wake up in the morning, you want to relax, you want to balance, you know, blah, blah, blah. And then you want to worry about fucking money and worry about all these things. That's, that's what you get. If you want to live an aggressive life, quote unquote, a life that's, you know, obsessive, you're going to have other problems and your problems are going to be, maybe your day-to-day life will lack a little bit of balance, but you won't have the problems that other people have. You'll have other problems.

And I can tell you this, the problems that you have with more money are better and easier to solve than the problems you have with less money. And that's coming from someone who's lived both lives. So these motherfuckers that say, oh, it's looking, you know, usually it's people like, I don't need all that shit because I'm just a humble dude. Bro're not humble you just haven't succeeded anything true humility is actually fucking succeeding and then still fucking being humble yeah there's

realities of how things are and people like to use their fucking um they like to use their lack of action or lack of progress or lack of success. With their options. Yes, to justify some sort of noble quality that they say they possess when they don't possess that quality. Right? Yeah. So, dude, I wouldn't worry about what fucking people say. You're going to go through this time,

and all of you who are going to go out there and try to build something successful. You're all going to go through this time where you leave your old network behind and you haven't found your new network yet because you haven't really accomplished anything. OK, so you don't have credibility with the guys up the ladder and the girls up the ladder yet. Um, and you've moved on from the, from the old group. So you're in this middle part that I call no man's land. Okay. And it feels lonely. And like, that's the part where most people say, Oh, it's lonely at the top. No dumb fuck. They ain't at the top. They're in between phases. Right. And you have to fucking be successful to understand the phases. I can tell you this. The friends I have now that are all aligned with success and they all want to win and

they all want to create change and they all want to do cool shit, et cetera, et cetera, are a lot more fun than having friends that fucking tell you you work too much and that you're fucking greedy and that you're not humble and that you're too good for us. That's fucking real. You know, most people don't stick it out long enough. They get in that no man's land, and they feel like they're going to be alone their whole lives, and then they naturally gravitate back to that old friend circle.

I don't want to be alone. Yes, and it's not true. You just haven't followed all the way through. Follow all the way through, bro. You'll get to a point where you're like, fuck, man, my circle's getting, this is awesome. Like, bro, the people, like if you look through the people I talk to on my phone, every fucking person, you'd recognize their name. These are people who have built real shit.

Like, when I have problems, like, I go to fucking people like Ed Milet, who's fucking worth damn near a billion fucking dollars. You know what I'm saying? Like, this dude's the best speaker on the planet right now. And they want you to win. Yeah. Yeah. That's the thing. Like all these people, like I spent an hour on the phone with Aaron Wagner this morning. He was one of the best fucking young entrepreneurs in the world. Killing it. Yeah.

And this motherfucker, you know, like, dude, these, this is how you want your life to be. You want your life to be in that friend group that supports you. That's there for you. That helps build you up, picks you up when you're down. Cause they've been through shit too. You know, you, you don't want to spend your life beholden to a friend group that's like oh fuck bro dj you know what what do you need to do that for right right right like aaron's not calling you crying why you're not at fucking saturday night fucking pregame bro in fact we have this fucking saying and and all this is a whole nother thing. Everybody in my friend group has this saying, they all live by busy people, understand busy

people. We don't take it personal when someone fucking misses a text and then get back to him in 30 fucking days. That's peasant fucking shit. Okay. Peasants do that. People who are broke as fuck do that. They argue over trivial shit.

They get upset over trivial shit. They let trivial shit ruin They get upset over trivial shit. They let trivial shit ruin their fucking emotional state. The reality is, is if I don't text you back and it's been 30 days, that means nothing. It could be a year. I still love you. You know what I'm saying, bro? I'm just doing my shit. Right. And like people have a heart. And that's another reason why it's hard to be friends with those fucking people that don't understand your life now because they all judge you for it. It's listen, but it's worth it. It's just worth it.

That's real. That's real. Let me ask you this, Andy. From where you were, you know, 20 years, 24 years ago to where you are now, what would you say the difference is? Like, where did you get the validation that you were on the right? Like you were doing the right shit. Where did the validation come from then versus now? Or who did it come from? Well, you know, dude, I think validation is a, is a introspective thing. Like I don't care what, I don't, I don't really care if people approve me. Like I care about like, you know, what the people like

in my inner, inner circle, my family, uh, you know, my brother, my business partner, Chris, Jason, who's here, like you, Emily, the people close to me, you know what I'm saying? I care what the fuck they think. But outside of that, man, you know, like outside of the people I talk to on a regular basis, like in a, in a a in a friend level, I don't fucking care. You know what I'm saying? I'm not here to please people. I'm here to fucking accomplish shit and do things. And those things do benefit people tremendously.

So I'm focused on that. And if people don't understand it, I don't care. My my validation comes from. Am I OK with me? You know, that's part of the live hard program. Like, dude, you guys look for these fucking approvals from all these other motherfuckers who are basically the truth of it is they're low operating humans. You know, when you, when you start operating on a higher level, you stop looking for approval from everybody else. Like why the fuck would I fucking want approval from someone who doesn't take care of their fucking mind who doesn't take care of their

body who doesn't fucking isn't successful in anything who fucking had their life is a fucking dumpster fire like i don't give a fuck what you think because that would not even make sense you know what i'm saying that's like asking a lost person for for directions right like they're lost way more than me you know what i'm saying so what i try to do is i try to audit myself am i operating with integrity am i operating doing the right thing am i you know like i don't explain myself like i try to make things right if things if that's impossible it is what it is i do what the fuck i can do the best i can i keep keep it moving. You know what I'm saying? But like, dude, too many of you draw your worth from other people's opinions. When in reality, the only time you're ever going to have real worth is if you build it. That's why live

hard exists. That's why 75 hard exists. That's what the fuck it's for. It's not a diet. It's not about getting in shape. It's about getting yourself to have confidence in yourself because you do the things you promise yourself you're going to fucking do at a level that other people just can't do them. That's what builds that belief. That's what builds the confidence. That's what builds the trust and the validation that you give yourself. It's really simple, bro, if you fucking think about it. But the reason that most people can't validate themselves is because they don't even trust themselves because they lie to themselves about every motherfucking thing that they do. They tell themselves every motherfucking Monday for their whole fucking life that they're going to fucking start a diet.

They never start it. They tell themselves every fucking other day, I'm going to get serious about business. And they never do. Bro, would you believe a friend that acted like that? Right. Would you? Not fucking. Okay.

Well, you're not going to believe yourself either, which means your self-worth is going to be in the shitter. So you have to rebuild that and and with that comes skills you just you you learn fortitude you learn grit you learn confidence you learn how to build momentum you learn mental toughness these are fucking skills bro these are not traits they're only thought of as traits because they want you to think their traits so that you never pursue exactly developing that i just wasn't born with them yes yeah and if you never pursue developing these critical fucking skills that you must have to succeed how the fuck can you be successful and you certainly don't have to take responsibility for it if you just weren't born with it exactly you follow what I'm saying?

Fuck yeah. It's real convenient for these fucking people out there in society to let everybody else not know their own true power, isn't it? Guys, our third and final question. Andy, question number three. Andy, I'm a young business owner and I have a few people who work for me who are literally twice my age. Sometimes it feels like they look at me like I don't know what I'm talking about. They do. Have you ever been in this situation? How do you manage it? 100%. That's very difficult. When you're,

when I was in my twenties, dude, it was really hard to get people to listen to me. Yeah. As I got older, it naturally gets a little bit easier. But here's where it really matters. Now, you know, these people that come in here that are 20-something years old. Half your age the other way. Yes. And they look around at what's been built, and then they understand how the fuck it was built. I don't have to yell and scream and fucking whatever. I just tell them, like, hey, this is what needs to be done.

Right. And they respect it. So, dude, that's a natural growing pain the you know listen bro don't let age be a hang-up you know the motherfuckers that that fought and created america from and took it from the fucking english these motherfuckers like 20 years old 21 years old some of the greatest men in history okay some of the greatest people in history have have done the best work at fucking 22 yeah like age is not really that what this question just it's a difficult situation but what i'm saying is it's nothing

that can't be overcome and hasn't been overcome many times before you're not the only one and if you're going to be successful you're going to have to overcome this and so how i would suggest overcoming this is examining your true leadership skills and working on building those legitimately study people like jaco study people like vince lombardi read their materials and implement their strategies yeah you know become what it is you want them to be yeah when you become what it is you want them to be they they might not become a hundred percent of that but they might let's say they take fucking half of it yeah they're still you're leading yeah right and everybody's leading at a certain point in time whether you understand you are or not because no matter if you're the lowest guy on the fucking football field or the in the business

uh game that's making the least amount of money there's people outside they aren't even on the field that look at you and say fuck dude that guy's in the fucking game you know what i'm saying and like how you behave will affect them you know so the fucking head coach of the rams bro huh the head coach of the rams youngest yeah yeah he's super young same thing yeah would you also say maybe to like uh you know trying to get those older employees maybe more involved in conversations to show like maybe your value i don't think you should give weight to the age thing yeah like i don't at all yes i don't think like like i know it's a natural hang-up for these people but like you know uh the things only are as big and scary as the light you shine on them you know what i'm saying so like for me i never like went to someone and said oh hey i know you're a lot older than me

and you think blah blah blah blah i never did that I never did that. Yeah. Like, if you just, like, dude. Bro, he might be making a lot of it up in his head. I'm 100% sure he is. You know what I'm saying? Like, damn. I've been through it. I'm 100% sure that a lot of that's made up. You go to them, they're probably like,

no, bro, I respect you. Bro, listen. Listen, bro. These people want to contribute. They want to win. They want to get paid. You know, older employees that Um, you know, older employees that are, you know, in their fifties are usually not as ambitious as employees that are in their

fucking twenties. That's just reality. Uh, but you know, you're also trading off. They might have amazing skillsets that a 20 year old cannot have. So it takes a mix of these things. And quite honestly, what could these older people teach you what could you learn from them you know what i'm saying leadership is not about exerting uh authority it's about gaining respect and it's about showing people the way you know too many young leaders think leading is like uh about being loud and aggressive and strong. Cracking the whip. They think leadership, and they think like Leonidas from 300. That's not fucking leadership, bro.

It is leadership, but that's not the only definition of leadership. There's plenty of leaders out there who are amazing leaders that never raise their voice. They're soft-spoken people. It's all about developing your own skill set. And I would say the reason you feel that way is because you haven't done enough to develop that skill set. And if would say the reason you feel that way is because you haven't done enough to develop that skill set.

And if you pour into it and here's the good news, the good news is you're aware of it. You're aware of your weak leader or you wouldn't even be asking the question. So if you're already aware that there's a problem, that's like the biggest part of solving the problem. Because if you know there's a fucking problem in your game, are you going to try to fix it? Yeah.

Right. So is this person. Right. So pour into leading into leading take it serious give it a couple years and i think you'll the answer will take care of itself that was some fucking heat man yeah that was some heat man i love it guys especially with that amazing intro yeah the best i ever did the best part of it yeah let's be honest guys and, Andy, that is three. Go pay the fee. That's right.