REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 389. Q&AF: Personal Development For Your Loved Ones, Fixing Culture In An Inherited Business & Responding To A Job Rejection

Episode Date: October 6, 2022

In today's episode, Andy answers your questions on how to get those closest to you to commit to the process of self-improvement, the best way to fix the broken culture in a business you're soon to inherit, and the most effective way to respond to being rejected for a job position.

What is up guys, it's Andy Purcell and this is the show for the realest, say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today we have q and af uh q and af is where you submit the questions and we give the answers and uh you could submit your questions to ask andy at andy frisella.com thank you dj you're welcome we're a little slimmer today yeah just saying i've been working yeah so uh q and a f all right q and a f is what it sounds like it's questions and answers as fuck um or or maybe it's answers from andy brucella or maybe it's something else that we haven't told you yet but anyhow this is an ode to the old mfco projectFCEO project, for those of you that don't know, was the number one personal development podcast on iTunes for a very, very, very long time.

The goal of this show is to make you better. So when you submit your questions, understand that I know how to help you be better and I will help you be better. So bring me your stuff and let me help you. That's what Q&A is about. Sometimes when you tune in, we will do CTI. CTI is called cruise the internet. That is where we put up headlines on the screen. We talk about what kind of bullshit they are. We talk about what little truth they may contain. And then we talk about how we collectively can become the solution to these problems that we face in the world.

And we do so with a sense of humor. That is very important. A lot of you do not have a sense of humor. And because you do not have a sense of humor, I would ask that you don't listen to the fucking show. Thank you. Then we have Real Talk. Real Talk is five to 20 minutes of me ranting.

If you listen to the MFCEO project, this is the Thursday thunder of Real AF. Now, when we relaunch the MFCEO project, which is coming down the pipe very soon, we will have Thursday thunder on that. And Real Talk probably won't exist on this one unless I'm ranting about the government and some conspiracy shit, which I know you guys love. Then we have full length interview style like everybody else does. If you've ever watched a podcast in the history of earth, it's the same shit everybody else does. There's a dude here or a woman here who is kick ass, who's special, who's done some amazing stuff, who has a great perspective.

And then we talk about how they got there. And then we talk about how you can get there too. Okay. The overall arching theme of this show is personal excellence is the ultimate rebellion. If you look around at what's going on in the world and you think it's completely fucked up, like most of us do, you have to come to the realization that it's up to us as the individuals to be the solution. That means we must raise our standards. That means we must pull people along with us. That means we must put good things in our body and good things in our mind. Because without us raising our standards, there can be no collective solution. So that's what this show is about.

Now, we have Q&AF, and I have a very special guest, guest question reader slash contributor. And I'll let you figure out who it is what's up bro it is very good to be here it is fucking good for you to be here it's it's uh surreal a little bit and a lot has happened since the last time i saw you in fact the last time i saw you was when my whole ordeal began yeah which we may get into a little bit we're gonna get into that bro it's been like june 22nd was the last time I saw you. Yeah. Yeah, in person.

And what happened between June 22nd and today? Well, after recording a Real AF with you, I then went to, oh, I forget what the name of the place is, Bar Louie, and I had some chicken wings, I think. And then I went to Fuddruckers in Kansas City and had a hamburger. And then between Kansas City and back home to Manhattan, Kansas, I experienced the most excruciating pain that I've ever experienced in my life. I was taken to the ER. They found out that it was pancreatitis. It flared up and then went away. And in the process of them running tests on me, they discovered that something was

up with my intestine, my small intestine and my liver. And I was diagnosed about a week later with neuroendocrine cancer. And when that happened, I was 172 pounds. I'm currently clocking in at 150, which is just three pounds more than I was in high school. It's also three or four pounds more than you were at your lowest weight during this ordeal. So you're moving the right way. Yeah. But I am happy to say that literally today, on the day that... Today. Yeah, today, after three surgeries uh five months that i wouldn't wish on anybody uh today i got the news that uh from the results of my pet scan it has confirmed

i am officially cancer free bro that's fucking awesome yeah i thought i was gonna not man it's been. It's been. No, it's. I almost said I hope I was going to warn people that I was going to get emotional. Listen, we've all been worried about you. Yeah. Thanks, man. It's a lot. Yeah.

And I'm glad the 250 pound guy was the first guy to cry. Look, dude. Or whatever you are these days. 180 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal. Does it days, 180 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal. It doesn't really matter. It is twisted steel and sex appeal. Look, bro, we've all been super worried about you this whole time.

And to have you sitting here, it's a little bit more special. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I appreciate it, man. I've definitely shed tears. And I got to tell you, one of the things that really helped me a lot was early on, you just being like, dude, you're not going to die from this.

Well, I knew you weren't. And you knew I wasn't because you said we got work to do. And I agree. We got work to do. There's a crazy culture and crazy stuff going on. And just completely aside from the political stuff, there's so many people who have bought into this mentality of mediocrity and this mentality of victimhood. And when we were doing MFCO project, you and I both know what made it so valuable to us was the stories and the things that we learned from people about how it changed their life,

about how it raised their standards, how they got to work. I mean, I could go on and on, but I'll tell you just one cool, really awesome thing that is just totally God and totally the way that God used MFCO Project is that there was a kid who literally started listening to the MFCO project at 13 he listened to every single episode and that kid now he lives in Manhattan he moved

to Manhattan to help me which is some of my stuff and he literally runs a six figure marketing agency and he literally says MFCO made him who I mean he had great parents literally says, MFCO made him who, I mean, he had great parents, but he said,

MFCO made him who he is and gave him all the tools to succeed. And bro, we did that. And so, yeah, but you telling me that and saying there's still more work to be done, like that was- Dude, we haven't even started.

And what's going on in the world, for us to bring that show back to reality um you know i love this show it's fun it's you know when we were doing the mfco project together you know i always hated the fact that i couldn't be who i really was because there were so many people listening and we were at the people think the height of cancel culture was recently it was actually not it was it was back when we were talking about these things and you know people will find out you know that i smoked fucking weed or some shit and they're like oh my god dude you're the biggest piece of shit it's

like dude look so i'm happy to do this other show because it gives people an idea of that there's more to me than just the skill set um but what I'm excited about the most is that I think culture is ready now for the message that we were bringing for so long. You know, when we were doing the MFCEO project, you know, the culture was still moving towards the victim culture and towards the take it easy culture and towards the political correct culture and towards mediocrity, as you mentioned. And now we're moving into a new phase where people realize how damaging that cultural mentality is and where it came from.

That is not organically in american culture i believe that what we're about to do will be far more impactful and far more important than anything you and i have ever fucking done i agree i agree bro and and honestly and and for those of you who are wondering like who is this idiot that's talking right here because i do think there's some new people my name is lon kohler good to meet you was Was Andy's co-host for what was it? Four years, five years on the MSCO project. No, an MSCO project for you guys that don't know. We were number one on iTunes, number one for 19 months straight. That was uninterrupted. Nobody's ever done that before. Right. Okay. And Vaughn was a big part. Vaughn produced that show. Vaughn was my co-host and

I am super excited. I mean, we're going to continue doing Real AF because that's a daily show that needs to be kind of in the place of your news. But this project that we're going to do now, I am fucking pumped for the impact that it's going to have on people. Me too. And I think one of the things that I want to really emphasize that I think is one of the reasons why people resonated so much with our original show is, you know, neither you and I are perfect people, but I think that what we are is real. And you gave people the real, you know, what it takes to really succeed. Personal development wise, entrepreneurship wise, you didn't soft coat anything. You didn't sugar coat anything. You told them exactly what it takes to succeed as a person

and to build a business that's six, seven, eight, nine figures. And for people who have been long-time listeners at MFCO, you all know faith is really important to me. Jesus is really important to me. But what I'd like to think at least is that I have no delusions about my perfection. I have no delusions about my virtue. Even going through cancer, you'd like to go through something and go like, oh, I became a saint through this. I became super holy. When I was experiencing just mind-numbing fatigue and pain and GI issues, let me tell you

something. I now know what it feels like to have a blowtorch in your anus, okay? Because I had so many- That happens to me too, though, but it's only after I eat the jalapenos. I love jalapenos, but they don't fucking love me back, bro. I had so many gastrointestinal issues after they cut out two feet of my intestine. And it was rough. And I'm currently on like eight Imodium a day. And hey, it manages. It's fine. But the point I'm trying to make is when I went through that time, and I told you some of this, I just felt like a fraud because I was so tired and so beat. I didn't even have the energy to pray. I didn't have the energy to read the Bible. I didn't even think I was so tired and so beat. I didn't even have the energy to pray. I didn't have the energy to read the Bible. I didn't even think I was particularly kind

with my wife and kids. And so it kind of exposed me as a fraud, but it was important because it brought me low. And I'm like, you know what? I'm not as great a guy as I think I am. And that knowledge and that self-awareness and going, okay, you can get better. And it's humiliating.

And what I like to tell people who hopefully will listen to the show is that when you listen, you're going to hear the real truth about entrepreneurship and personal development. And hopefully a little bit from me, you're going to hear just an authentic guy saying, hey, I'm trying to be the best follower of Jesus. I'm trying to be the best man of God that I can, but I'm anywhere near perfect. And hopefully that will encourage people. I think it should. I think everybody feels that way. I think we live in a culture where everybody feels like they're a fraud. Everybody feels like they're not. We're comparing ourselves to unrealistic ideals on the internet all day long whether that be um you know economically or or mental or good goodness of a human or your physical self or all of these things and um we live in a very fake world that

only shows the end result and a lot of times the end result's not even fucking real and we're comparing ourselves against a standard that isn't real. And that's one of the biggest reasons that we started with the MFCEO project was because we have a lot of these kids who believe the online gurus who are like, oh, dude, in 12 months, I went from this to that. And they're standing in front of a car and they're selling them some bullshit and you know you and i identified as we were writing uh the first book together that funny enough never even got published because it became it became the mfco project it became a live book yeah and um

we realized that like there's a whole generation of people out there uh who don't understand what it takes to actually win. And that, I can tell you from doing this show, that generation is only bigger now. As many of the people that we've helped over the course of the time doing that content, there's far more now that are hungry for it because people are becoming aware that they aren't being taught the skills in school. And not only are they not being taught the skills in school, the skills they are taught in school are a lot of times a liability their entire lives. And people are becoming aware to that fact.

And so I think the show really is going to serve multiple purposes one of which making people realize that we're all fucking regular people that just have to do x y and z to get where we want to go and you know the powers that be that rule this earth because there are rulers of this earth they don't come out and say we're the rulers of this earth because there are rulers of this earth. They don't come out and say, hey, we're the rulers of this earth, but there is them and there is us. And they do not want us smart. They do not want us successful. They do not want us winning.

They want us broke. They want us unhealthy. They want us undereducated. They want us underperforming. And that's a reality that everybody is starting to wake up to and so i am super excited uh to start diving back into that style of content because i think that's the real content that's going to help people change their shit um which which we need we need it culturally you know we need it individually and we need it uh to happen fast and so dude i'm i am super fucking happy um that you didn't fucking die because i couldn't do that shit without you dude

yeah and um yeah you know it's it's um it's needed people need von kohler bro well you have to remember that thank you so thank you Let's get on with this show. All right. We got some Q&A. Yes. Okay. So boy, I've been out of the saddle for a while. I'm not sure I can do this.

That's all right. And Big Reggie, he sets the standard pretty high, right? You know what? He's always got some good ones for us. Yeah. All right. Well, here's the first one, which kind of makes me laugh. But Andy, what's the best way to give someone you love a kick in the ass? Here's a little bit more of the elaboration of the question. My husband and I have been listening to you for the past five years. I've done 75 hard, made huge improvements in my life. My husband, on the other hand, never seems to take action. What can I do to get him to start working to improve his own life?

Man, it's a difficult situation. We do get that question quite a bit, and it comes from both men and women. I think anybody who started to live the Live Hard program, the 75 Hard program, if you guys are unfamiliar, it's a free program to help develop mental toughness. You can listen to that at episode 208. You can listen to that episode 208. You'll get the whole program for free. Most of the time to get people to start, and I understand this more than anybody, dude. Like this is something that drives me fucking insane. And a lot of people mistake, and you know this better than anybody. And these guys in here do as well. A lot of people mistake my tone and my passion for anger.

And sometimes it is anger because I am so tired of people who just refuse to realize that they have this ability inside of them when I know damn well that I'm just a regular motherfucker, just like anybody listening. And I see what can be done with simple transitions of perspective in your life. And so this is a difficult one to deal with because it can be incredibly frustrating, especially, and I'm lucky enough to not have that issue with anybody around me. All right. Uh, people can't even exist around me without living to a standard like that. I just won't fuck with them. Um, but when it comes to these scenarios, you know, people either will, or they won't. And this is an unfortunate truth of reality. The best way that you can get people to come along with you on the journey is to go along on the journey alone

and let them see how much better you get. Let them see how much more successful you are. Let them see how much more happy you are. And eventually those people will start to ask you questions. It's no different than when I started my business versus now. 23 years ago when I started my business, the conversations were a lot different. They were more like, dude, what are you doing? You really think that's going to work? Or, man, I think you'd be better off just getting a real job, dude. This is kind of a fantasy. This really isn't going to work. And then as we started to go, it was more like, oh, well, Andy thinks he's too good for us

because I wasn't out at the bars every Friday, Saturday, Sunday night. And I was instead working, you know, and if that makes me too good for anybody, then you're fucking right. I'm too good for you. Okay. That's not my fault. I want to be better. And it's not yours either.

You shouldn't harbor guilt for wanting to improve your own existence on this planet. And the harsh reality of this is that you cannot force anybody to go on that journey with you. That is a very, it is an impossible task because the path is too hard. So you have to want it for yourself. If the person doesn't want it for themselves, they won't go down the path because the path is too fucking hard. So the best way that I found to inspire people is not, ironically, by getting on this microphone and yelling at them.

When I really started changing people's fucking lives and when people really started changing around me was when I figured out to not be a fat fuck anymore. When I figured out to not be a fat fuck anymore. When I figured out to be a better human, when I stopped drinking hard alcohol back in 2018, because it was making me fucked up in the head and making me become a person that I didn't want to be. I made those changes. My life improved. Other people around me decided to follow that standard and that's improved my life tremendously. But I'd be lying to you if I said that every single person I was close to made that fucking journey. So that's a reality. And I don't really want to sit here and say, well, when you have people supporting you. And when you have people not supporting you and not along on the same path,

it makes it even more difficult. And so this is a very difficult thing for people to deal with when it's something like a marriage or someone in your family or someone that you really care about. My suggestion is to love yourself enough to live at the highest standard that you need to live at to be happy, and the people that come along, come along, and the people that don't, you make changes in your life. And that's the only way I know to answer it. Yeah. Knowing you, I'm not surprised that you said kind of lead by example, lead from the front. I think implicit in her Knowing you, I'm not surprised that you said kind of lead by example, lead from the front.

I think implicit in her question is I think she's assuming that there are these hard conversations that she can have with her husband. Would you say to her,

no, you can't really? No, I think those are worth having. Okay. So talk through kind of what that would look like. Look,

instead of me giving you how I would say it, here's how I would look at it, okay? Look, bro, how would you treat your best friend? Okay, this is a big problem for most people. However you would treat your best friend is how you should treat yourself, first of all, okay? Like you said in the beginning of the show, you, you discover some holes in your game. All right. You were honest enough with yourself to say, Hey, these are some holes in my game and I have to address those holes now. So let's start

there. Let's start with how we address ourselves because most people do not treat themselves as a good friend. They harp on the negatives. They feel fraudulent. When things are bad for them, they automatically turn to the external world. And then they get bitter because they expect everybody else to come in and give them a pep talk. And listen, guys, everybody else is busy with their own shit. You can't take that personal. And if you constantly rely on other people to pick you up or pull you out of the dark place, you're going to be in the dark place for your entire fucking lives. So you have to first understand that you are not entitled to anybody coming along and pulling you through the shit.

You are going to have to get up, wipe the shit off of you and start fucking crawling before you walk. And then when you start walking, you can get to a jog. And then when you start jogging, you can get to a run. But these people that you are mad at for not being there as quote unquote friends are not the problem. You're the fucking problem. That's the first thing to understand. It sounds like this person has understood that. The second thing to understand is that how you would treat yourself in those dark times is how you should treat others in dark times. We live in this world where there's too much fake kindness. There's too much validation of victimhood and there's too much not telling the truth, to be completely honest. And how I would handle this situation would be to tell them the actual truth of how

it makes you feel that they are not trying to improve or be better when you yourself are putting in all of this effort. Because if they even give one fuck about you and you explain it that way in a truthful manner, they are going to understand that it's important for them to raise their motherfucking standard or you will probably be somewhere else. That's reality. So I think the truth always wins. I think it's important to communicate directly. And as painful as it might be for someone to hear that, isn't that how a good friend would treat somebody? Because I'm going to tell you this, bro, you're one of my best friends in the world. There's been a number of times where I say, hey, you're full of shit.

Absolutely. Okay. And are you better or worse because of it? And I was. I'm better, yeah. By the way, there's been times when that role has been reversed. Okay. That's what good friends do. They tell you when you're fucking up and they tell you to get back on the path. And so if we all treated ourselves like our own best friend, we could hold ourselves accountable in a better way. But instead we live in this world where everybody is acting like everybody else owes you some sort of attention. Or, you know, I see these posts on Instagram all the time, bro. You know, you know who your real friends are whenever you're fucking down and blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, bro. You're just being a pussy. Okay. Everybody else has their own life going on. Everybody else has their own struggles. Everybody else. And there's very few people that don't. So you have to understand that.

Like it's up to us to take responsibility for our own physical, mental wellbeing. And that's going to require some tough conversations with self. And I see this, this like, there's some people out there that I really do like as people who consistently propagate and market to the victim culture for a dollar. And that's frustrating, dude. And I think we all have to understand that there is no nobility in being a victim. There is no nobility in telling yourself lies. There is no nobility in telling your friends and loved ones lies

or letting them slide on what could be a much better life for them. And so I think having those hard conversations is absolutely necessary, but I don't think there's a specific thing to say. You know, it's, these are tough things, uh, that we need to work through as people, um, realizing that the culture of America right now is very weak and it's very victimized. And people have to understand that if we're going to get past that as a culture, these tough conversations are things that need to happen. But you could have a hundred million tough conversations, but if you're not living that standard, they won't listen. So you have to have it qualify

with the standard you're living before you have the conversation. Absolutely. Just that whole idea of there's always someone else who's struggling with something too. And I remember when I first got diagnosed with cancer, it stuck with me that you said, bro, fight this, but don't be defined by this. And you said, you told me I've seen people I know. Don't become a fucking victim. Right. Don't become a victim. And you said to me, I've seen people almost become proud of the fact that they had cancer. And then- They make it their identity. They make it their identity. And it's almost like, for that reason, they keep on getting sick.

Let me ask you something, dude. If you truly believe in the law of attraction, which is scientifically real, like if you go into the quantum physics studies that have been done around intent, around what we believe to be true, actually we create. If you go into the quantum physics studies that have been done around intent, around what we believe to be true, actually we create. If you have had cancer and you put four times cancer survivor in your fucking bio, do you think you're more likely to manifest that again or less likely? Oh, I definitely think our minds are powerful. Okay. For sure. I'm just saying. No question.

I believe that if you make something your identity, being a victim of any sort, you tend to create the repeating of the process. Absolutely. It manifests back over and over and over again. Absolutely. And I think it's very important for people to be aware of their own identities that they create because victimhood has been rewarded through attention for so long now. So when you are constantly on Instagram and you're talking about,

and I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about anybody. Right. And you're talking about all your hardships over and over and over and over again because people are clapping and liking and this and that. First of all, those people really are kind of like, if I'm being honest, most of them are giving you likes and claps because they feel like they should. And they're probably fucking tired of you complaining. That's the reality. Okay. So understand that. First of all, second of all, if you truly care about being healthier and you truly

care about being better, you have to think better and you cannot make your identity being sick or being broke or being fat or being anything. You, You are not any of those things. Those are things that you create in life. And so we have to become aware of our own identities that we create through our own labeling. And the reason that I was so adamant about telling you that is because I believe that with my heart. And I believe that when people do get sick, whether it be cancer or something else, a lot of people identify with that as their story of overcoming, but then they unintentionally manifest it over and over and over again, which keeps them sick or whatever they're sick of, right? Or broke or whatever situation they identify with, right? So yeah, dude, I think it's a big deal

to not label yourself in those ways. If you're going to label yourself something, make sure you label yourself something awesome. You know what I'm saying? No, absolutely. I mean, it's just, the lesson cannot be lost. You have to, every single person needs to understand, no matter how much you are suffering,

the world will always be bigger than your pain. It just always will. No matter what you're facing, there's always a larger world, a larger universe, and people who are struggling with their own stuff. So you cannot reduce your entire existence down to your pain and your own suffering. So good stuff. All right. So second question. Andy, my father owns a restaurant and eventually wants me to take it over. The issue is he's a drunk and has very negatively affected our family and the impression people have of the business. He's self-centered, egotistical, and doesn't care about the employees or customers. I try to take initiative and change things to help the business, but his ego usually gets in the way and nothing gets fixed. I'm at a crossroads.

Do I start my own venture or do I inherit the business and fix the issues I see once it's completely mine? Any advice would be appreciated. I'm really actually fascinated to hear what you have to say. Preston Pysh Look, either one of those paths is going to be extremely difficult. So that's the first thing to understand. A lot of times when people ask these kinds of questions, they're asking for the solution that is easier. Both of those are going to be difficult. Because starting your own thing is going to be difficult, okay? But also, taking over a stigmatized location of a business that has a bad reputation is

difficult as well. I've actually done that. I have absorbed companies that had terrible reputations. And in hindsight, there was pluses and minuses. And I often say we would have been better off opening our own. But the truth of the matter is, because of the nature of where we were at that time, it would have never worked.

So I'm very fortunate that we were able to take over that. So I'm going to not address the starting the new thing, because that's its own thing. I'm going to address how would you handle it if you got to get the business that's all your own. So changing a culture and a reputation of a failing or what I call stigmatized business, meaning it has a reputation that is negative. In real estate, they call stigmatized locations like places that have a reputation of being haunted or maybe a murder happened there or something bad. They have a hard time selling it. This is how you should think about your restaurant right now. It's got a reputation. Now, how bad the reputation is, I'm assuming it's not that bad

because you're still open and you've just went through this huge ordeal with the society that we live in, COVID lockdowns, and you're still kicking it. So it can't be maybe as bad as what this person's saying. There might be some personal bias here, right? Yeah. And I think there's emotion in this question. Yeah. I'm upset with my dad because my dad is a fucking shitty dad and he drinks too much and he's an asshole sometimes. That's how I'm hearing the question. And so let's minimize that. Let's take that off the table. That's your personal belief. That doesn't mean that the restaurant has the same opinion of your dad or that the customers feel that way about the restaurant. Could be, but it doesn't mean it for sure. So if you, and by the way, I would say this too,

if your dad's built a successful restaurant for many years and you just think he's an asshole and doesn't know what the fuck he's doing, it could very well be that you're an idiot. Okay. I thought I knew. That's why I was fascinated to hear what you were going to say. Okay. Look, I can tell you this, dude. My dad's 77 fucking years old, and there's been a lot of shit that he told me that I was like, dad, you're full of shit. And you want to know how many times he was wrong? Fucking zero. Every time I didn't listen to him, I fucking lost every motherfucking time.

Okay? And there's been times, years even, where I'm like, yeah, he doesn't really, he's out of touch or he's this or that. That was my own shit. That was my own ego thinking I knew better. Well, you have to have a pretty big ego. This is why like when we bring up Donald Trump and people like, oh, Trump's so fucking stupid, blah, blah, blah. Well, is he? Cause I think he's like 76 years old. He's run. He's made multiple billions of dollars. He's negotiated some of the most incredible... How much smarter is someone who's 77 than someone who's 43? They have twice as much life. They're going to know some shit you don't. So maybe give

your dad a little bit of credit for that. Maybe he knows some things that you don't know. Now, with that being said, I'm going to say that the culture is fucked at this place. How would you turn it around? Well, you turn it around one person at a time. You start to go in, you start to lead by example, like this person says they're doing, work really hard, set a high standard for individual performance. All culture change starts with the individual. That's why the saying, the personal excellence is the ultimate rebellion is so important for you to understand because cultural change starts with the individual change. And when the individual change, they start to raise their standards. They start to get better. They start to work harder. They start to stand for better things. Other people notice, and it gives you credibility because you're speaking and leading from a place of literal performance and high standards. That gives you credibility. So the

first step is be fucking great yourself. Okay. The second step kind of goes back to the first question. You're going to naturally organically have some people in that organization, in that restaurant that are going to pick up the pace because you're picking up the pace. They're going to realize that things are probably going to change when you get into control and they want to be on the same page. Those people are your core people. Those are the people you want to pull in close and say, hey guys, my goal for this restaurant is to be the best experience, the best food, affordable prices. I want it to have whatever you want it to have. And you have a little meeting with those people and get them on the same page. And for us to do this, this is how we're going to have to work. We're going to have to do this

and this and this and this and this. And by the way, you don't have to have awarded authority to do what I'm talking about. This can be done wherever you are in any company at any time. If you want to change the culture, you start to raise your standard, you become the leader, and then you pull people up, you make a plan, you go execute a plan as a team within the team. All right? This is how the culture starts to change. Now, how I would do it if I were this person is I would do that and get that to a point where you've got you know 30 of the staff row in the same direction you're rowing okay and then I would go to my dad and I said dad it's time for me to take over and I would say me and Steve and Susie and

Bob we all we're going to do this and you you wanted me to take this over. I'm ready to take it over. I got the team ready to go. And I would try to eliminate any overlap because what's going to happen is if your dad is truly the way that he's being described, is he's going to see that as a threat and come in and try to fuck it up for you guys. So you have to figure out a way to almost strategically take this shit over in a positive way. Does that make sense? Absolutely. What I was going to say is I don't want to minimize.

He's obviously frustrated with his dad because of his dad's alcohol. What do people do when they're frustrated? They exaggerate. Right. But I think, and I don't want to minimize. I get it. I know people who have adult, their parents are alcoholics. I know the pain and the difficulty that is.

But my question is like, it's one thing to express this way to us in a question. How does he relate to his dad? Because the one thing I would say is like, you know, you still got to influence your dad. So if he's treating his dad like a drunk, if he's treating him like he's really annoying. He's going to be less receptive. He's not going to be receptive. And to your point, his dad obviously built a successful restaurant. So why not go to your dad and be like, hey, dad, dude, you built something truly amazing.

Wouldn't you want the final kind of resolution to all your hard work to be the legacy of you pass this on to me and I keep it running really nice. Don't dog on your dad. Praise him for what he's done well and just pass it on to me so that I can carry on your legacy. You know what I'm saying? Let's flip the script. There's got to be a little razzle dazzle. Hold on. Let's flip the script here. What if the dad who built this amazing business is pissed off because the son thinks he can do it better and is giving him zero credit for what he's built? Do you think that creates a positive relationship? Do you think that creates a situation where the person who paid all the

motherfucking dues from the first day of fucking open wants to hand it off to you you're insane dude you have to give the credit you have to you have to let your dad know that he's done a pretty damn good fucking job for you to even have the opportunity and for what it sounds like to me you don't appreciate shit that's being real okay so like if you want to get what you want in this place you need to start treating your dad with some fucking respect. That's the truth. No matter how bad he is, he built a successful company that you're interested in fucking taking and evolving. You have to give him credit for that.

Because otherwise, he's going to say, fuck you. And he's going to say, fuck you for as long as it fucking takes. Just because you're a sniveling little brat that doesn't recognize the fucking dues that that motherfucker had to pay. That's the truth. Because I can tell you this, if somebody wanted to take my spot and they were treating me like shit and they were telling me that I haven't done anything and I don't know and I don't do this, I would stay in the role for an eternity just to fuck the motherfucker

over. Yeah. And in fairness to this guy, I think this is a scenario that's very common. Guys come along and they want to take over their dad's business because they can do it better, and they get frustrated because maybe their dads have gotten to an age where they're not executing well. But he's still, dude, people that are proud are proud.

Yeah. And if they built something real, there's a reason to be proud. And if you minimize that accomplishment of that person, I will bet that that man's whole identity is built up in that restaurant. And you're talking about what a shitty place it is and how it's run this way and how the bad reputation, this and that. Bro, the last thing he wants to do is work with you. So there's two sides to this story.

And I've laid them both out. All right? There needs to be some give and take if you really want what the fuck you think you want you need to be the example you need to build a team within the team and then you need to treat your dad with some motherfucking respect and honor what he's built and and maybe not bring up all his shortcomings as a person you know uh maybe we should get america back to a point in time where everybody understands, as you pointed out in the beginning of the show, that we all have fucking shortcomings.

Do you want to know why nobody powerful and smart and intelligent that could actually fix this country runs for fucking office? Do you want to know why? Because your motherfuckers judge everybody by their fucking shortcomings like you're all fucking perfect. Right. You don't think I'd run for president? Dude, of course I'd run for president.

But I won't do it until the culture of America understands that we want the best motherfuckers for the job. And whatever the fuck is going on in their life is their business. Right. That's the truth. That's what's so demonic about the cancel culture. I know. Is that people see like a screenshot of a DM or they see something that somebody made a mistake and they go, that person is defined by that one instance.

That's wrong. And so we're going to cancel them. That's wrong. And it's scared people away from being public servants. Correct. It's scared them away from being really impactful, doing anything. There's so many people that are terrified. Not to mention it's hypocritical you have

to vaughn you know you you we cover this on the on the on the real af um that's a weapon yeah that's a psychological weapon that they have they have let evolve from politically correct culture if you think back 20 years ago uh was you're old enough to do 20 years ago it was we can't say this because it's offensive. Now it's, if you say this, we'll ruin your fucking life. Okay, well, some of us have to stand up and say, hey, fuck you.

You're not going to ruin my life. And guess what? No, I'm not perfect. And guess what? Yeah, I do have a lot of shit that I need to work on. But also, guess what? I can do the motherfucking job

better than you. And that's what's going to build America back. This cancel culture shit is terrible, not just because of what it does to the individual, but it milks society from its best performers stepping up and fucking helping us. And if you participate in any regard, you are part of the problem.

Absolutely. All right. Third and final question. Andy, I was recently... By the way, they don't say Andy. I just add it so that it's a little bit more personal. All right.

Okay. It helps. Andy, I was recently passed up for a full-time paramedic job. However, I was welcomed to volunteer in my spare time. I want to go in and show them that they made a mistake by not hiring me on full-time, but don't want to appear as an arrogant asshole.

My question is, that struck me funny, sorry. My question is, how do you balance confidence and arrogance in situations like this? Well, look, arrogance is the shit you think you can do that you can't do. Confidence is just the shit you can do real well. Okay. The truth of the matter is, if you want to go in and set an example, you go in and you work your fucking ass off and you don't worry about being arrogant. You actually worry about picking up everything you can from every person that is better than you, that's been there longer than you, and you show them respect. If you want to be a part of the team, you have to play along with the team. So I would leave the arrogance of any

sort at the door. There is a big difference between having a chip on your shoulder and having something to prove and then thinking that you're already good enough to be whatever it is you're trying to prove. So you have to have the mentality of, I'm not good enough yet, but I'm willing to do everything it takes to get good enough. And you have to be open to that feedback and open to correcting your actions. And if you combine that with a relentless work ethic where you're doing the shit that nobody else wants to do, I am sure that you'll set an amazing example inside of that culture. The problem that most people have is that they think kind of like I think, okay, I think I could probably go in and fix the whole entire country in one fucking day. All right. That might be a little bit arrogant.

Maybe not. I'm along the road. I kind of know what I'm doing. This seems pretty simple. I think they're fucking us intentionally. So in that case, I actually do believe I can do it. But the truth of the matter is that could be a little bit of arrogance because I look at Trump and Trump's had twice as much life as me. So can I really believe that I know as much as he knows? That would be an arrogant thing to think. So don't overestimate your skills. Be humble about your skills, but be confident in the skills you do know and accentuate those skills by being a really hard worker and you will prove your point. The point to be proven is this. We should have hired that dude the first time.

How do we create that result? That's what this person wants to do. You want to prove a point. There is no better way to prove a point than by being fucking amazing. And the only way you can become fucking amazing is by working hard and being humble enough to acquire skills and also willing to step out over the line a little bit sometimes and make some mistakes. So then you learn the proper way to handle things. Okay. That's the balance between initiative and not having initiative. So I would encourage people to take initiative to overextend themselves, but also recognize when

they fucked it up and not take it personal instead, take it as a lesson. Uh, the truth of matter is guys, none of you are really that good at fucking anything because I know I'm not. All right. The only way I've ever learned shit is I've shown the fuck up. I've got my brains beat in and I'm smart enough to not do those things over and over and over again. Not everybody has that capacity. Otherwise, everybody would be successful because the truth of the matter is we only need two things to be successful. We need to be able to not quit and we'd be able to learn from our mistakes. If you can learn from your mistakes and you don't make the same mistake two, three, four, five fucking times, and you're willing to fucking work hard and never quit, there's really no limit to where you can go in this world.

But most people get in the way, they get their feelings in the way, they get their ego in the way. They start thinking they know everything like this kid in the last question. You know, I'm sure that's a really good person, but you have to be able to identify where you are letting your emotions kind of get you out over your skis where you're going to fucking eat shit. You know what I mean? So that's how I would do it.

I wouldn't worry about arrogance, okay? You don't want arrogance. You don't want arrogance. The other thing is being hired as a volunteer. I mean, there's so many great success stories that started out that way. I think about a guy years ago that was hired. Well, he wasn't hired. He wanted desperately to coach in the NFL.

So the LA Rams said, well, we won't pay you to do anything, but you can help out. And he worked his way up. And by the mid-90s, he was the offensive coordinator for the St. Louis Rams. And Mike Martz helped lead the greatest show on turf. Legendary coach. Yeah.

Do you know how I got started in this fucking supplement shit, dude? How? I tried to get a job at a supplement store. They wouldn't hire me. Hmm. So you know what I did? I went there and fucking just kind of like hung out and tried to help.

That's how I got started. Yeah. And here we are 23 years later, bro. I'm a living example of what the fuck this person's talking about. You don't have, you listen, you don't demand respect. Like people think, oh, I have to demand respect. You earn respect.

Okay. You earn respect through your work ethic. You earn respect through how you treat people. You learn respect with a lot of different things but you don't demand it this demanding respect is a part of our entitled culture that is way off in america okay motherfucker the real world a lot of people are on the internet fucking disrespected me motherfucker you ain't ever done shit of course you don't get any respect you know oh fucking bought me a fucking lamborghini motherfucker Everybody knows the fucking real from the fake, dude.

This whole respect culture thing for doing nothing needs to be thrown in the trash. Should we respect people as human beings and treat them kindly and be willing to help them and pull them along and treat them nice? Yes. I'm not saying be a dick, but this idea of you better respect me or whatever. Bro, that shit is bullshit. That's not the way the real world works. You only gain respect inside of a team atmosphere when you work harder or as hard as everybody

else and you contribute to the team. You think Michael Jordan ever complained that nobody respected him? Fuck no. No. Because he commanded respect through his own work ethic and performance. It's the same thing with Kobe Bryant. Kobe Bryant was up at fucking 3 a.m. shooting free throws. Do you think anybody else on his team was up at 3 a.m. shooting free throws? No. And the benefits of that work that he put in were clearly evident. And so people respected him.

It's very simple. People think that to lead, you have to like, you know, be Vince Lombardi or you've got to yell at people or like give these passionate speeches and shit that has nothing to do with it. That has nothing to do with it. Now, certain people have those skills. I have that skill. Like motherfucker, you come to a meeting that I give, you're going to leave running through a motherfucking wall. Okay. I'm good at it,

but that's a skill I developed over 10,000 fucking meetings over the last 23 years. Right. I didn't have that. The first meeting I ever gave, bro, I was, I had a piece of paper in my hand. There's 12 people sitting in front of me and I was basically pissing my pants. Like that's where I started, you started. And people have to understand that this respect thing that we're all trying to gain or have is earned through work over a period of time and not a short period of time. It's every day forever. You don't get to see. That's what other thing people don't understand about respect.

It's diminishing. It's a diminishing skill set just like shooting a pistol if you don't practice shooting a pistol every fucking other day you're going to get worse at shooting a pistol if you don't go hit golf balls every motherfucking day you're not going to you're going to get worse at golf by not doing it respect is the same thing you have respect equity And when you have respect equity, the way that it stays high is by you continuing to live the standard. That's it. It's that simple.

You mentioned Kobe Bryant. Just circling back to that first question, you were talking about the importance of people being willing to have hard conversations and to speak truth to people. I recently saw a video with Kobe Bryant where he was talking about, why didn't it work out for you to play with Dwight Howard? And I loved his answer. He basically said, Dwight's a good dude. He's a good dude. He's a great player. But early on in his career, when we were talking about playing together, we went out to the restaurant. We were around different people. He said, I just kind of wanted to figure out how he was wired. And so he says to him, he said,

Dwight, let me ask you this. Are you the kind of person that if you're real good friends with somebody and you have shit on your teeth, you want your friend to say, not do anything and just kind of let you, let you go through the whole table and do that? Or are you the kind of person that really wants you to say,

wants somebody to say in front of everybody, bro you got shit on your teeth and dwight thought about it for a little while and he goes uh uh i know i i think i wouldn't want somebody to say that to me yeah well he says and dwight says to him dwight says to him why do you say that and joe kobe says because you got shit on your teeth and this ain't going to work out. Yeah, well. And that's basically, and everybody laughed, but I mean, I don't know if that's a true story or not.

Like, I don't, I don't, maybe that's true, but I'll tell you this. I want a motherfucker telling me I got shit on my teeth. Yeah. I'm my own best friend, bro.

I'm going to tell me when I got shit on my teeth. Yeah. I'm going to tell me when I'm being a lazy fuck. I'm going to tell me when I'm off the fucking path and I'm going to tell me

before any other motherfucker has a chance to tell me. And that's the kind of person that you'm going to tell me before any other motherfucker has a chance to tell me. And that's the kind of person that you should aim to become. Because if you're that kind of a person and you're self-aware at that level, you can get better without any external feedback all the time. So this is what I meant by becoming your own best friend back when we were talking about it a minute ago. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, dude. I'm going to get people saying, I can't believe the pastor of disaster is cussing, but I was quoting. You didn't. I was quoting a story. You didn't say the F word. That's true.

I'm going to get you to say it soon, though. No, you're going to try. No, you'll say it. I got you a couple of times. We got the clips. Well, we still got it. Yeah. No, I mean, we got it.

You and me, we still got it. Listen, bro know i'm really good at my job yeah you are you know i can say anybody in there read some questions no real talk bro i uh i'm you know i i wanted to have you sit in on this episode because of the news that that you had today i thought it was a cool way for people to find out about it. I guarantee you everybody that's listening is super fucking happy for you, dude. I'm just super thankful, man. I appreciate it, man.

It's really moving to me and it's really meaningful. I knew it was going to be a special day when I walked into the parking lot and Madat was driving out. And even Madat looked excited to see me. I was like, man. Oh, dude.

Madat went and got me a Smart Water. Well, you know why he got you a Smart Water, right? What? You know why he got you that Smart Water, right? I'm trying to tell you something, bro. Yeah, right. Yeah, give me a little extra. But no, it's good to be here.

He could have just got you the dumb water. He could have yeah he said you already drank enough of that yeah right well or he could have gotten me 26 27 shots we'll tell that story again yeah yeah yeah so you're gonna lie in that story too i gotta find that girl to prove that it actually happened. Bro, we'll talk about that another time. Yeah, we'll talk about that another time. Listen, guys, MFCEO Project. It's coming back soon. I'm super excited about it. We're going to continue this show.

Everything that's going to be uploaded from this show will be uploaded on YouTube. We've got a lot of new projects coming out, and we're super excited to bring those to you. If you guys haven't yet i'm going to mention this one last time we do have some tickets available for rta live in nashville which is november 5th you can get those tickets at rtasyndicate.com one of the biggest things that you can do and and how you can understand these events is that every single person there wants to win and is doing things. These tickets are not cheap.

It is not a cheap event to attend. These are people who are doing things in real life. If you're looking to build your network, you're looking to connect with other like-minded individuals, this is an amazing, amazing opportunity to do so. So that's the last time I'm going to mention that on the show because I think we only have a few tickets left to sell. With that being said, Vaughn, bro, thank you so much for sitting on the show. You bet.

Now that I'm cancer free, do I get the gift of maybe like a free trip to the RTA live? No. Do I get to go to that? No, you fucking pay. I don't give discounts, bro. Everybody knows that. That's true. I should know that.

Yeah. Look at you trying to use that card on that. That's true. I should know that. Yeah. Look at you trying to use that card on me. I know. Oh, I use that card quite a bit. I'm fucking bulletproof. Yeah, you are. Yeah. That's true.

Hey, it is what it is, bro. Sorry. I can't say cancer brain anymore. Yeah. You know, whenever I'd forget to do something, I'd, you know, or, you know, get my organization a little messed up or my schedule.

I was able to say, oh, I'm sorry. It's cancer brain. Yeah, you can't say that. See, you're building a negative identity. Victimhood mentality. That's right. Yeah. I was just trying out to see if I liked it and I hated it. All right. I got you. I'm glad you didn't like it. Yeah. No, I didn't. All right, guys. Well, that's the show. I appreciate you guys.

Love you guys. Please share the show.