REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 42. Replacing The Habits That Keep Us Ordinary

Episode Date: May 28, 2020

Do the frustrations of not achieving your goals keep you up at night wondering if you'll ever be successful? If you're like most people, there's an excellent possibility you could improve in a lot of areas. Today, Andy gives you the solution you've been searching for to progress in the areas that keep you from reaching your full potential.

I told my teacher, dumb bitch, I'm gonna get millions. Watch this. In a project living. Damn. Spoke it till existence. Voila. Mode changed to 50. What up?

Got more cars than diddy. I only weigh 180, but my watch cost 250. What's up, guys? It's Andy Fusella, and this is the show for the realists. Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness, and delusions of modern society, and welcome to motherfucking reality. Guys, today we've got a real talk. Before I get into it

i'd like to remind you of the fee if you've listened you know what the fee is the fee is hey if you get some benefit out of this show if you like it if it makes you think which this one definitely will if it gives you a good tool which this one absolutely will um share it you know talk about it get it out uh you know, hit that subscribe button for us, leave us a review. Those things really help us out. We're out here trying to do the best that we can to make your life better, give you the tools to help navigate this crazy world that we live in.

I know we've talked a lot about the coronavirus and the political landscape recently, but I want you guys to know this is a business show it's a personal development show and uh you know it just so happens we're in a time where this current event in this climate seems to uh supersede almost the importance of almost every topic out there um and so we've been addressing it and that's what we're going to continue to do you know when big things happen current events, they're going on in the world that we think need to be addressed. We're going to talk about it. And we might talk about it for a few weeks at a time.

But the nature of the show is to help you make decisions that are going to improve your life. And I think we do a damn good job of doing that. And I'm real proud of what we put out here. And if you feel the same you know help us grow the show and that's all we ask so guys uh today i've got a concept that i want to talk to you guys about before i do it i want to i've kind of got to lead in with this this this idea of too big to fail all right? This idea comes from the 80s,

but there's been a huge resurgence of this phrase amongst different times in history. In 2008, when we had the big recession, we had people talking about too big to fail. And I've been hearing it recently with the current climate, and I want to address this a little bit without getting into the politics i want to take this to the granular level of how the concept of too big to fail affects your personal development all right because i believe this phrase is extremely beneficial when it's applied to the idea of self-improvement and success and strong mental mindset.

Basically, this is what it takes. You guys have to build yourself up to such a high level that quitting or giving up or allowing yourself to fall back into bad habits is literally impossible. It's not even an option for you. So how do we do that? Where do we start, right? Like it's one thing to say this, it's another thing to do it. Well guys, the first step that you have to do is you have to be able to give a unbiased, strong, accurate mental inventory of yourself. You don't have to be abnormally harsh on yourself, nor do you want to give yourself

credit that you don't deserve. It's got to be realist thinking. All right. Remember, this is the real AF. This is about thinking like a realist. Where are you lacking in life? Where? For most of us, it's something obvious and it's glaring that we want to fix. It could be our physical fitness. It could be our career. It could be our job. It could be our physical fitness. It could be our career. It could be our job. It could be the lack of financial success that we're having. It could be a bad relationship. This is the easy part. We can identify where we're struggling. And that's really like, you know, we're as humans, we tend to be really hard on ourselves. And so we can easily point out the places where we need to improve.

We just inherently know. But here's the hard part. Now I want you to do the same thing for the areas that you strive in. I want you to give yourself some credit. I want you to say, hey, where am I good? Where am I good? Where am I great? All right. And I want you to list all the areas you need to improve on one half of the paper.

And I want you to list all the areas where you're strong on the other half of the paper. All right. It's really simple. Is it your organizational skills? Is it your time management? Is it your fitness? Is it your business? is it your fitness is it your business is it your relationships whatever it is that you're strong at i want you to take those concepts and list them

out on the left you've got the shit you need to improve on the right you've got the shit that you're great at and now what we're going to do is we're going to we're going to take the concepts that you are great at and we're going to find a way to apply the systems and the mentality to the areas on the left of the sheet, the negative areas of life that you're struggling with. So let's just for the sake of argument, take physical fitness as an example, because most people know they can improve in their physical fitness. So it implies to most of us. Right? And the reason that you're not where you want to be, it could be a lot of different things, right? It could be you just hate having to eat certain foods or you hate having to move or you can't find a rhythm and you can't get into the swing of it. You find that you only work on yourself when there's absolutely nothing to do.

And because of that, you lack consistency. All right? Now, at work, you might not have any problems. You have a system in place. You know what you're doing and when you're doing it, and you know why you're doing it to produce a certain outcome. And what I want you guys to do is to take the mentality that you apply over here where you're kicking ass, and I want you to think about it in

terms of the area that you're struggling you need to look at your daily routine and start to find that half an hour an hour that you generally truly have downtime you know that time when you're sitting on the couch watching tv not doing shit for four hours a day which is what most people do let's be real um and i want you to take your phone. I want you to set an alarm for that time. And I want you to put the alarm as, dude, it's time to fucking work out. All right. And this is as simple as it gets. You do this for a week or two at a time, and it starts to become something that you look forward to because you're going to notice that every time you accomplish one of these things, the immediate feeling you have after is a feeling of gratitude, a feeling of winning,

a feeling of being proud of yourself. And this is how you start to build upon what it is you lack to build a positive habit. These positive habits eventually turn into routines. And before you know it, you're already accomplishing all these things that have seemed impossible to you. And you're doing it seemingly automatically because you started to build a real habit. Okay. Let's look at this guy, the family man, right? There's tons of people out there that are the family man or the mom, and they're struggling

with poor diet. But let's look at it from a different perspective. How about this? If I keep eating this poorly, am I setting a great example for my kids? Okay, you're not. You know you're not. So what can you do? Start meal prepping. Get into the habit of telling yourself you're doing it for them and not for yourself. Put together healthy meals and make sure that you're eating the same things and you're teaching your kids great habits from the start and you're also rewiring your own brain to have positive habits. And again, over time it will become just the way it is and what you'll see as this process becomes just the way it is is it will actually become who you are and what happens then is that your life magically quote

unquote magically transforms with very little effort all right this is what you do when you take the positive aspects of the things that you understand how to accomplish and you apply them to the areas that you struggle with. Accomplishment is literally the same. It's just that sometimes we all have different habits that we've instilled in ourselves that produce a result. And so what do we need to do? Are we going to fight our entire

lives to create this win for ourselves? Grit it out, you know, white knuckle, blood in the face, dirt in the eyes, you know, hard as fuck all day. No, that's not what I'm talking about. That's just the first couple of weeks, the first two to four, six weeks, you're going to have days where you have to grit it out. You're going to have days where you get that dirt in your eyes and you feel like quitting. But the point is, if you push through those days, you create a new habitual process that produces a beneficial result for you. And one of the biggest things I'm trying to point out here, guys, is the significance of habits. You have to realize that the reason you are where you are is because you have a habit that you haven't been able to

break. And that habit is quitting. All right. Most people can never get over the habit of quitting ever. Most marathon runners don't just decide I'm going to run a marathon and go out and do it. Now, I know a couple of guys who have done that, but that's just not the norm, all right? You have to realize that running a marathon is the process that is a result of the habit of running. People who start running, they eventually, the first couple of weeks, they're like, fuck, this sucks. They stick with it, and they eventually start to form a habit weeks they're like fuck this sucks they stick with it and they eventually start to form a habit that they continue to build upon and this is the same in every single area of life whether it be dieting whether it be working out whether it be

maintaining healthy relationships whether it be becoming financially successful consistency successful. Consistency is always the key and you have to put work into developing, and I mean conscious work, into developing your routine and habits. Because if you don't, it will always be a fight. It will always be a struggle and it will always be the day that you wake up and you don't want to do shit and it's fucking hard. And that's not what we want to live like. We want to live and be successful in an effortless state of mind. And that starts by being conscious of how we create habits, being conscious of which habits we have and being conscious of implementing the habits we have in areas that were great into areas that we struggle. So how does this all relate to the too big to fail concept?

You have to realize that it's necessary for you to foster these habits in multiple areas of your life, okay? And you have to keep up with them all. That's the big kicker here. You can't just win in one area and then let the other area go because what you have now is conflicting beliefs and conflicting principles about how habits are formed. So this sounds a little confusing and I know it's hard to think, man, you know, I've got to maintain all these good habits all the time. Yeah, it is hard. That's the point. But I

want you to consider this. You can't possibly assume that you're going to get shredded doing a P90X workout and then follow it up with a triple cheeseburger fries and a fucking shake. You guys know better. We all know better, right? that seems like common sense but that same mentality applies to all areas of your life you cannot let one aspect start to slip because the mentality starts to grow it starts to grow like a weed and in growing it's going to start affecting everything else that you've worked on to be great so instead of just having one area that you're good at, start working on all the areas and start implementing your systems and watch these positive habits start forming

and these skills beginning to cultivate. Once you start to realize that you're building up in all areas, it becomes a compounding experience. You're not going to start eating healthy and working out and then lose self-confidence. It's absurd. It doesn't happen. Instead, you're going to start checking yourself out in a little bit,

and you're going to see that you look better, and that confidence is going to sprout from a little seed into a little plant, and it's going to come on organically and naturally, and it's going to help you in every other area too. You're going to want to show yourself off a little bit. You're going to become a little more outgoing and hopefully that's going to lead to you building and cultivating better relationships. All right. These things compound, they go together. When you realize you're spending your time in more productive ways, you start to notice when you're slacking off more, this is going to help you

immensely in a work setting. So you see how these things all sort of go together. It's all connected. Being positive in one aspect of your life pushes you to cultivate those successes in other areas. And the ongoing goal is that you do become so well-rounded and so quote unquote big that it's literally insulting for you to even consider giving up in any other areas. All right. This is where you become what Bobby Brown used to say,

too legit to fucking quit. Life is hard guys. Any path you take that ends up with building yourself up is going to be hard. Quitting is easy. Lying in bed your whole life, watching The Walking Dead is easy. But what are you getting out of that? That's not happiness to you. That's not happiness for anybody. There is no way around putting in the work. If you want to succeed in anything, you are going to have to work your ass

off for a really long time. Anyone who ever achieved anything understands this. They are willing to work harder and longer and more dedicated than the other guy. All right. There's nothing special about you or different about you that lets you skip the line on this. You can't skip the work. You can't skip the blood, the sweat, and the tears, and the effort, and then suddenly end up where the fuck you want to be. That just isn't how it works. And here's the other part that I want to drive home.

Quitting has a compounding negative effect. No one has ever challenged themselves or started working towards a goal only to then quit and then walk away feeling happier and better about their situation. It doesn't even make logical fucking sense, nor emotional sense, nor fucking dollars and cents. It just doesn't add up. The more times you begin something only to quit the minute it gets hard, that plays into your psyche, crushing your confidence, crushing your belief, crushing your dreams, because you know that you

can't follow through on what you said you would. The only solution here, guys, the only solution is to see it through from start to finish. I don't care how small or how big of a goal you set for yourself, you have to set one and you have to work towards it and you have to complete it. Not 80%, not 90%, not 97%, not 99%. You have to complete it 100%. And then you have to set the bar a little higher.

You have to create a goal that's going to push you even further. Once you start this pattern of setting goals and achieving them, guys, you are going to build yourself up. Your confidence is going to grow. And you're going to start to realize how fucking awesome it feels to be one of these people who wins at everything they do. Losing sucks. Quitting is fucking losing, but winning, winning feels pretty fucking good, doesn't it? The first time you complete something all the way through, how'd you feel?

You're going to have that winning feeling. You all felt it before. You know what it's like. Even it's as simple as mowing the grass and having that cold beer afterwards that's a fucking win you know what that feels like and you want to feel again so take quitting out of the options it is zero option mentality we are going to fucking do this or we're going to die trying that is the mentality we have to have to build something fulfilling for ourselves. You have to get rid of the quitting. You've got to throw it out. Instead, work on yourself, work on the wins, build yourself up, build yourself up to the point where quitting isn't even a fucking fraction, a figment, a speck of sand worth of thought in your brain. Now we're talking about what it feels like to be great. Now you're starting to see what it takes

to become great. All of you have it in you. Every single one of you. I don't care where you are. I don't care what you do. The only reason that you aren't where you want to be, or at least on the path to where you want to be, is because you have a habit and it's the same habit that most people have. And that habit is when things get hard, we find other shit to do. That's not what winners do. Doesn't matter if there's a wall. It doesn't matter if there's a fence. It doesn't matter if there's an army. We go through it. We go around it. We go over it to get where we need to be, guys. And this is the secret. This is the idea. You take the habit of quitting and you eliminate it from your life and you become one of those

people who are truly limitless in all areas. One of those people you admire. One of those people you look at and think, how the fuck are they doing this? How is every area of their life a win? Guys, this is how.