REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 423. Q&AF: Poaching People From Former Employers, Conflict With Leadership & The Magic In Not Quitting

Episode Date: November 25, 2022

In today's episode, Andy answers your questions on the pros and cons of bringing people from your previous employer to your new business, how to differentiate between being an arrogant or good leader, and whether your passion is diminishing or if it's a normal process of being successful.

What is up guys, it's Andy Purcell and this is the show for the real to say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society. Welcome to motherfucking reality guys Guys, what's up? We've got Q&AF today. That is where you submit the Qs and I give you the AFs. Sometimes, and now if you're new, I always do the, I got to do the run through. Sometimes when you tune in, you will get CTI. Okay, CTI is Cruise the Internet.

That is more of our society culture part of the show. We throw up headlines on the screen, three of them sometimes four and we talk and we make fun of it and uh we talk about what may be true what probably isn't and then we talk about how we can solve that problem as uh individuals collectively sometimes we cheat in we'll have real talk real talk is uh five to twenty minutes of just real talk it's what it sounds like and sometimes we have full length and full length is what you're used to when you watch some of these other guys who are great interviewers just a fair warning i'm not one of those guys i am a terrible interviewer uh but i'm funny enough that it makes up for it at least in my own mind uh guys so when it comes to q and a f submit your questions, make them about anything that you

want to know about. All right. Uh, you could submit those questions to guys, email those questions into ask Andy at Andy for seller.com. And it can be about life. It can be about business. It can be about how, you know, uh, what, what do I think about this and this and this, whatever it is that you want to know, this is your chance to know.

Okay. So, uh, we do have a fee for the show and the fee is very simple uh please tell somebody okay i i don't charge uh or i don't take money for ads on the show because i don't want to answer to other people i want to i want to keep my content pure uh and in exchange i just ask that you guys help us grow the show so that's how we that's how we operate here and uh so yeah what's up man up, man? What's going on, man? Oh, it's been a weird fucking couple days. It sure has.

Yeah. I'm going to get into that on a different episode. But I spent the last two days in and out of the hospital and doctor's office with my, I have atrial fibrillation in my heart. I've had it for 15 years, 14 years. And I got a really important story that i want to tell about that regarding our health care system but i'm not going to get into that right now because honestly i will get so fucking angry yeah that it will ruin the rest of the show so we'll save that for a

different show because i'm actually for the first time in the last two days in a not wanting to murder every single human mood but they probably actually already heard this show heard that show heard you talk about it. Maybe. I'm just saying, I'm just saying for us, I'm not handling it right now. Okay.

We got, you know, let's, let's keep it positive. All right. But, but by the way, our healthcare system is completely fucked.

Completely fucked. Like, bro, I've never been so grateful in my entire life to be someone who is of financial ability and have good people and connections in my life than I have been the last two days. Like- It's important, man. Dude, really is.

And what it brought attention to me, and I'll get into the details at a later time, but what it made me understand is there really is only certain ways to be free in our current society and you have to have financial means. It's very, very important for you guys to pursue success. Yeah. Because what I witnessed made me really fucking sad for people that have to deal with these people and what they do. It made me really fucking sad. Yeah.

And I'm not too proud to admit, you know, it's been a minute since I've been out and, and had to live in the world that everybody else has to live in, you know, for a long time, I've been doing very well in life. Um, and that gives you options. And, you know, that was the first, this is the first time I've been treated like everybody else in that regard in a long time. And it really fucking opened my eyes, some big problems. And it's actually motivated me to do more, even more than that,

than what we do here to help fix some of these problems. Because the way that some of these people were treated, bro, man, it fucking, it, it, it's a mixture of complete sadness and complete fucking anger.

You know, like that dude, we saw that one dude we saw yeah bro you either better start fucking loving winning or you're gonna fucking hate losing yeah bro and and dude unfortunately the only way to get around is to have some fucking connections and have some money yeah and um i'll talk about that on a different show but i i can't get that angry again no that's right i really can't for my health physically you can't yeah yeah so anyway so what we got today bro i got i got some good ones for you i know you always do let's uh by the way tell everybody where to follow you guys need to be

following dj uh guys follow me on ig at officially d johnson yeah we're gonna start doing a lot more content together and um you know video stuff with the new platform and more comedy stuff and actually for all the guys here so you're going to get to know all of them a lot better but uh make sure you're following dj appreciate it man let's uh let's get this in uh any question number one andy i'm in the process of starting my own business okay i have been a leader with my current employer for a few years i've made a significant impact on the development of its leaders. As I prepare to open this business, I've always envisioned starting it with new employees and leaders.

However, there have been several leaders at my current job that have expressed a strong desire to work at my organization. I have never poached people and would never want to steal people from a previous employer. But then again, I care about these people and know that my business and culture would have a profound impact on their life and leadership journey. What are your thoughts? How do you know? How do you know that's true? How do you know you're going to be a great operator of a business and you're not just great inside of a business you don't know and for that reason my my answer to that question would be another question which is how do you know you're doing the best for these people that you say you genuinely

care about by removing them from a stable situation where they have they're doing well yeah uh to create something brand new because the economic time time of... Yeah, and I'm saying this, I'm not trying to knock you, okay? I understand why you think the way you think, but we also have to be real that operating a business and working inside of a business are completely fucking different things.

And if you truly care about those people, then how I would look at it is, okay, I need to go out and make sure that I can take care of these people because that's the real leadership, dude. You guys think, not you guys, but most people think that owning a business is about getting wealthy. And you guys see the big houses and the cars and the fucking private travel and all these things, but that's not really what it's about. What it's really about is your ability to care for the people inside your organization and to lead the organization in such a way that they are able to, uh, succeed within that. And so,

you know, what about these people's families? What about their futures? What, you really don't know what you think, you know, is what these people's families? What about their futures? You really don't know what you think you know is what I'm trying to point out. Because you might be really good inside and you might have a big learning curve on the outside. Now, I'm not saying you can't do it because you probably can't. Okay. But what I am saying is there's going to be a learning curve. And so maybe the way to think about this would be a little bit like maybe I should

go out and prove that I've got something going. operational model yes before i get these people to give up whatever it is over here yeah and that's i think that's the responsible way if you really care like you say you do i think that's the responsible way to look at that situation yeah um you know leadership in an organization like for me like this is no and it hasn't been for a long time, but what I do is no longer about me. It's about them. And because it's about them, that's why our organization continues to move forward. And the most pressure that I feel as an entrepreneur and the things that keep me up at night are not about myself. It's about the people in my organizations, even you guys in this room that I want to make

sure that I'm creating the best opportunity for you guys and for these guys out here, out these windows. Right. And that's the pressure. The pressure is not greed. Like a lot of people see it as greed. It's not fucking greed, bro. I'm already rich. Like I fucking have every fucking thing that I could ever want. Like I don't even want any more shit. Like I really don't. Like, dude, I have a very expensive, unique car that I've been trying to get delivered

to my house for two fucking weeks. And I haven't been able to get it delivered because I'm so busy trying to make sure that everything's going smooth for everything else. And that's what it ends up being about. And if you're not really about that life, if you're not really about building something for the people within your organization where they can also succeed, they will never be bought in and you'll never have the opportunity to have a nice car like that delivered to your home. So there's a skewed way of thinking that I think is completely wrong where, you know, and we're seeing this, right? Like we're seeing people become more aware. I'm talking about from employee standpoint of opportunities that they can do without having

to live within the framework of someone else's dream, right? That means that your dream has to fit their dream within it. And so it's very important for you to really truly understand that if you want to grow something that's of any real substance. And so we have a lot of people out there that are very driven and they're not understanding that the way to really get where you want to go is to make it about them. Because if you make it about them, guess what they're going to do? They're going to make it about you. They're going to make it about you.

Yeah. So if you really care about these people, you should go out, you should establish some real world results, keep in contact with them keep be friendly with them but understand that if you get them to leave their career and you end up fucking bro that's that's on you and that's a terrible fucking thing bro that's you're not gonna like living with that you know i've i have been doing this long enough where there's a number of individuals that i can recall by name that i think about all the fucking time that i know i fucking failed as poor leader and bro it bothers me like i have to live

with that it's not it's not a good thing knowing that they could they could have been more like their potential had i handled it differently yeah yeah had i handled it differently now i'm not excusing the responsibility of everybody. Yeah. But when we talk about owning. Weak ass shit. Yeah. Like bro, like look, every single one of those people, they had their problems too.

But I also, I also, I'm the leader. So I have to own that. Yeah. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. So, you know, I think that's a more responsible way to think about it because when we get excited about a business, you know, everybody has these ideas about their business that's a more responsible way to think about it because when we get excited about a business, everybody has these ideas about their business that it's going to be the best, greatest thing ever, and we're going to succeed and win and do all these things.

And it all sounds good. And it's okay to think like that. And it's okay to want to have your friends involved. But man, you got to make sure it's real. And that's very important because other people's way of life, other people's survival, other people's ability to feed their families relies on that. And I take that responsibility very seriously because I've been doing this long enough to know what it feels like to fail that. And you don't want that on you, bro.

It's a shitty fucking feeling. Now, is it a reality of building something? Are you going to avoid that completely? Absolutely not something are you going to avoid that completely absolutely not you are going to experience that along the road regardless of how careful you are but when we're talking about a startup right that's very there's there's a very high probability statistically that you're not going to make this exact startup work most of my startups have failed that's what people don't realize. Most of the business concepts that I've personally tried have failed.

Okay? Now, had I got all my fucking friends to leave their careers and join up in there, where the fuck would they be now? That's all I'm saying. So that's how I would think about it. I think that's the thing, though, you talk about, man.

It's like that's the ethical entrepreneurship that I don't think. I think most people are trying to get back to now. You know what I'm saying? But there has to be a really big part of ethical responsibility and decisions that are made. Well, it's a massive key to your own personal success. That's what people miss. This isn't just some touchy-feely shit right that i'm out here spewing because it sounds good it's actually strategically uh important to your own personal success that you operate that way yeah no no that's real like you can't what i'm saying is you can't win without

that yeah like on a you can win a little bit but you can't win big yeah that's real uh moving along uh andy question number two uh andy i'm a marine corps veteran just starting out uh on my career in the fire service i'm in pretty good physical shape my mindset has been overall pretty good i was told by one of my instructors who's fat not a shape that my attitude has come off as quote an arrogant asshole who thinks he's better than everyone else this is his leader this is his leader who's fat and out of shape okay um and i should quote check my ego at the door from my perspective uh i've been the most uplifting and team-driven person around and constantly pushing everyone around me to be better am i misunderstood or is there

a fine line between trying to be a good leader and being a cocky arrogant asshole i think that there could be a couple things going on there one if he if you're in good shape and he's not yeah there's a human level of fucking insecurity there like it doesn't matter the leadership structure that you're in doesn't fucking matter because as a man, he's recognizing that you are a more equipped male species than he is. There's going to be some natural jealousy there just because of the way that people are wired. So as someone who's trying to become a good leader, you need to be aware of that.

And it sounds like maybe you're not aware of that. And maybe what could fix this situation would be a conversation with that leadership saying, hey, look, bro, I'm not trying to step on your toes. I'm actually trying to do this and this and this. And maybe get closer to that person as opposed to trying to fight that person, especially if they're actually in a leadership position where they have control over where you go and how you move right you're very you it's very rare that and you could say this is right

or wrong but i'm just telling you the way it fucking is it's very rare that someone in a leadership structure will leapfrog somebody right like this man has some fucking power over your position development and i'm not saying go kiss his ass i'm not saying any of that shit like you guys interpret but what i'm saying is maybe understand where he's coming from on that aspect and maybe maybe have a conversation like hey bro and i'm not saying like hey look i know you're fat and like i'm ripped like you know that's not what i'm saying what i'm saying is maybe make your, communicate them a little better to your leadership and say, hey, look, dude, I'm trying to do this and this and this and this and this.

And we're definitely on the same page with that. Right. And I'm trying to help. And here's the resistance I'm feeling from you. You know, can we squash this and move forward? Because I want to be an asset to you. Right. And make those intentions known.

That's the first thing that could really be affecting it. I would say that's probably it. Yeah. You can't control his insecurities. No, you can't. Yeah. But what you can do is you can help that leader actually be better by being smart and understanding that there are some insecurities there

and you don't want to like poke at them. Yeah. You want to, you want to be aware of them and then tactfully navigate those things. And maybe it's something like you invite the dude to train with you. Right. Maybe it's something like you actually help pick them up and be better. And like,

you know, maybe this could be your best fucking friend that you've ever fucking met because of that. Yeah. So how many times has that happened? A lot, a lot. Actually,

most of my best friends, I fucking hated when I met happen a lot a lot actually most of my best friends i fucking hated when i met them real talk like most of my best friends i fucking hated when i first met him real shit you know why i hate him you're the same that's right yeah i'm you you're me you're not as good of a me as i am a me. Right. Right. Like, it's like, fuck you, man. What's your name? Yeah. So like we, we have to, we have to like be aware of that.

Yeah. You know, like your competitors usually end up being the people that you can relate with the most. And some of the most rewarding relationships I have in my life started out with, with being competitive, including my own fucking business partner,

bro. Like we play high school football together. We played the same positions on both sides of the ball. And guess what? He was fucking better than me. And I fucking hated it. Yeah. Okay.

Like, bro, you know me as good as anybody. How competitive am I? You're pretty fucking. Yeah. And Chris was a better fucking athlete than me. Yeah.

And like, that was hard for me to swallow. Right. But here we are. Yeah. Right. We've done some cool shit together because we were able to put that aside yeah and dude one of the things that makes chris and i's relationship and sal's and i's

bro sal and i are fucking highly competitive but what makes our relationships actually work is the respect and understanding of each other's insecurities and to not poke on them but actually pull them along with you yeah well i mean, being honest too about the strengths and weaknesses. Yeah. You have to be real, dude. Like it does no good to pretend that you are better at something than you actually are. You're right. You have to have a realistic view of yourself if you want to improve.

Yeah. Like I know the things that Sal is much better than me at. And I know that he knows the things that I'm better at. Right. Same with Chris. There's an understanding. Yes. There's things that Chris is much better than me at. And there's things that I'm better at right same with chris there's an understanding yes there's things that chris is much better than me at and there's things that i'm better than him at and

we value that in each other instead of compete over it yeah that's so real because you don't do the shit that he's good at yeah yeah well when it comes well the funny thing is is when it comes to chris we are naturally good at the opposite things yeah so that's what makes it work so good when it comes to sal we're actually both really good at the same fucking things yeah so that's what makes it work so good when it comes to sal we're actually both really good at the same fucking things and so there's a competitive nature there you know what i'm saying but and that's why every two years or three years we get in a fucking literal fistfight there's a rut season yeah fucking right bro you know but you know what out of all those battles comes mutual love and respect it's real shit for sure you know

what i'm saying like bro i'd kill motherfuckers for either one of them dudes like no question like it wouldn't even be a fucking like bro if they called me like just in that move the town where that dude's like hey you can't ask any questions uh we're gonna hurt some people and and he says what car are you taking that's what it is that's it yeah yeah and that's what you want so maybe this is an opportunity for you to develop that with your current leadership. Yeah. It's fucking awesome. Yeah.

Andy, our third and final question. Question number three. I started an apparel company and I've had it for about four years now. Shit's hard. Fucking shit's hard. I can tell my fire and passion to learn more and grow in this area is starting to diminish uh i'm not sure if it's a really long rough patch right now um that i need to just work through but i've heard you always say the magic is in not quitting but at what point if there is one

do you pivot and turn your attention to starting over or building another business if your heart isn't in it and especially isn't in what you're doing anymore? Okay. So there is not a single thing that any of you could do that you will do from here today until the end of your life that you're going to feel good about all the time. It's not a realistic expectation and a lot of the real the unrealistic expectation around this comes from these fuckers online that i talk shit about all the time which are these overly fucking touchy feely you know spiritual fucking sort of victim culture type personalities

the moment you you're out of that you start feeling like a piece of shit you're not feeling that way yeah bro and they make it feel like you're completely off base for feeling a little bit uh not in it or even a lot not in it exactly for extended periods of time okay so i want to be very honest with you guys if you think that i love being and doing what i do every fucking day you're fucking insane like there are days that i've literally and bro you know this that i want to fucking murder people yeah okay and by the way there's stints of time where i'm angry at like everybody in our fucking company has nothing to do with them right has to do with me okay and so you have to understand that as a human we are going to go through ebbs and flows of feeling great and

loving what we do and then feeling like fuck dude i'm wasting my fucking life this is bullshit bro that's normal that's how it goes and this idealistic idea that everything is sunshine and rainbows all the fucking time does way more harm than good because what it does is it convinces people like this person who's asking this question to stop the minute they don't feel fucking great about something. And if you do that and the natural tendency for human beings is to go with ebbs and flows and you quit whatever it is you're fucking doing every time it starts to get that way how can you ever become what it is you're trying to become because whatever

it is that you do whether it's you know like bro right now like you like right now like i fucking love what i do because i just got off fucking this massive injury i'm able to train hard i'm in the shit i'm using our products i'm getting excited about all these new things that we have going on so i fucking love it yeah but bro the last year i fucking hated it okay and that's normal what had what would have happened if i'd come in here the last year the last 12 months where i've been struggling mentally because i couldn't physically be involved in what the fuck we actually do had I just quit and say, you know what? I'm fucking done. I'm going to go, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go,

I'm going to go, I'm going to go sell fucking butterfly memorabilia. Like, because I'm into that right now. Like where the fuck, what would happen? I'd fucking get my ass beat. Okay. So we can't jump from thing to thing, thing to thing every fucking time we're not feeling our heart in it okay you have to take a step back and be aware of yourself and aware of the reality that as a human being it's just like a marriage or it's just like a friendship or it's just like anything like bro there's times where you are not going to look at your best friend and be like you know super fucking you're going to be man, I'm fucking kind of tired of that dude. Right.

Right. And then you don't talk for a couple of weeks and then guess what? It goes right back to the way it was and things are good. And like, dude, these are things that we have to understand as human beings are reality and operating outside of reality in the idealistic mindset, which is so popular on the fucking internet, you know, all you motherfuckers get sucked into this shit and you don't understand that you're starting to believe that the world is a way that it actually isn't. And then you feel like you're screwing up and it actually does screw you up because you're making decisions that aren't in line with reality. And so my advice to you would be for you to realize that what you're going through is absolutely normal. And you have years of experience in this company, which by the way,

I'm also in that kind of industry and it's very difficult. And there are times where it really sucks. It's just part of the deal. And so we have to be aware of that as entrepreneurs and people who are pursuing success That if we quit every single time that we don't feel like it or that we get burnt out or that we lose Our heart, you know or a heart sign in it, bro. You can't get anywhere just by pure fucking default Like it's just if you quit If you run a fucking marathon, okay, and every time you get tired at six miles in or 10 miles in or 11 miles in or 20 miles in, how can you ever finish the fucking race? Right. You can't.

And that's how you should think about it. There's no motherfucker that ever finished a fucking marathon that finished the marathon thinking, man, that was fucking easy. Right. Man, that was great the whole time. That was awesome. There's no motherfucker that completely transformed their entire body. 75 hard, live hard episode two Oh eight. It's fucking free. This will, that will teach you what I'm talking about. It will, it will literally teach you in fucking less in 75 days. And over the course of a year to understand the concept i'm talking about is that you have to push through even when you're not in it mentally or fucking heart wise physically sometimes yeah bro yeah yeah even sometimes it's like you can't but you got to

make yourself do it and that's where the juice is that's where the win is that's the magic that you're looking for it's in the perseverance it's in the fortitude it's in the grit it's where the juice is. That's where the win is. That's the magic that you're looking for. It's in the perseverance. It's in the fortitude. It's in the grit. It's in the discipline that you're creating by pushing through these difficult times. And every time you push through that in your business, you're becoming a more effective, more formidable, more dangerous entrepreneur. Yeah.

And a more well-rounded human being, to be completely honest. So you have to do that. If you don't do it, you're going to suck in life. So my advice to you would be say, have a real conversation with yourself. Am I, is my heart really not in it or am I just going through a phase? And I could tell you from my experience that there's a 99.999% chance that you're going through a fucking phase and don't fucking quit. Would you, would you say that it would be safe to do like maybe give yourself like an ultimatum? Like, okay, listen, I'm gonna put the next hundred days. I'm gonna go fucking balls in. At the end of that a hundred days, I'm still not there. All right. Maybe. Well,

that's a great way to create momentum. You could say, Hey, I'm going to give the next hundred days everything I fucking got and then see how I feel. Yeah. Re-evaluate. You could say, hey, I'm going to give the next 100 days everything I fucking got and then see how I feel. Re-evaluate. Great idea. But you got to make sure that you actually give 100% on those 100 days because what will end up happening is you'll create a new life and a new passion and a new momentum for your business.

Think of it like this. Think of the last four years. Think of all the shit you've gone through to get where the fuck you are. Think of all the struggle, all the pain, all the conversations, all the disappointments, all the wins, all the cool stuff, and have a real honest conversation about evaluating that and then asking yourself, do you want to go through that all over again with something else? Because I bet you don't.

Because those first four years are the fucking hardest bro and if you quit now you're going to be quitting your whole entire life so that's how I think about it it's fucking real man I fucking love it well guys

Andy that is three yeah nice short episode sometimes they get they get his job done that's right just just as much as a yeah that 45 minute you know session yeah sometimes the quickies are good thing huh that's what i'm saying all right guys that's the show i appreciate you uh please share the show we're from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze Fuck a bowl, fuck a stole Counted millions in a cold Bad bitch, booted swole Got her on bankroll, can't fold Just a note, headshot, case closed