REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 450. The Only Resolution You’ll Ever Need

Episode Date: January 2, 2023

In today's episode, Andy deciphers the lies we tell ourselves every New Year's day, how to use the hard times in your life to move you into action, and the number one skill you need to develop so that you're not repeating the New Year's Resolution cycle.

What is up guys, it's Andy Purcell and this is the show for the realest sake of out of the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern. And welcome to motherfucking reality. Guys, today we've got a real talk and it is, you know, New Year's. So I figured I'd give you a New Year's message. You know, when I grew up, I had very little talent. I have very little gifts. I was fat. I was lazy. I was made fun of. I was bullied. I was picked on my entire grade school, junior high experience. Okay. When I got into high school, I was still fat. I was still lazy. I still didn't understand what needed to happen for me to become a good student. I got C's and D's out of 126 people in my class. I was ranked like 115. That's where I was, all right?

When I went to my guidance counselor and I said, hey, man, I want to go to Notre Dame because I was actually pretty decent at playing sports, okay? And the reason I was decent with playing sports is because my dad dedicated most of his time to helping me learn how to become a good athlete. But outside of the realm of sports, I never put it together that you could work hard in these other areas and become successful. I thought like a lot of other people think, which is you either have this or you don't have this. And I struggle with that. Like most people, most people, you guys, you look around and you see people doing things and you

see people doing the things that you want to do. And you remember all the things that people told you. Like they told me the same things. Okay. These things like Andy, you know, those schools are cream of the crop. You know, you're not cream of the crop. Like I was told by my guidance counselor, which by the way, happened to be the most valuable thing that anybody ever told me looking back. All right. But I was told by a lot of my friends and a lot of people around me when I started my first business, like, what are you doing, dude? You need to get your degree. You need to go to school. You need to do these things. You need to follow the systematic plan for every single human being was what they were actually saying. They were saying, sit down. They were saying,

be quiet. They were saying, calm down and settle in and fall in line and be like us. That's what they were saying. And that's what they said to you your whole life. And so when we look at things that we want to accomplish or lives that we want to live, we start to hear these things in our mind. We start to hear all of these things that people told us all of these years about how incapable we are or how inadequate we are or how regular we are or how dumb we are, how stupid we are, how fat we are or how fucking lazy we are. And those things stick with us, but they don't have to hold you back. You don't have to be the person who doesn't live what it is they want to live because

of what people said to you and the things that you can't get out of your head. Because dude, if anybody gets this, I get it because those things are burned into my mind. And at first, those things kept me from even trying. They kept me from putting myself out there. They kept me from really going hard at all areas of life. Because I believe them. I believe what these people said. Dude, I come from a little gravel road in St. Louis, Missouri, bro. There ain't nothing special about me.

And I believe these people that I was supposed to be there and stay there. And here we are 24 years later today. Okay. And I own this company and I own these other companies and we employ thousands upon thousands upon thousands of people across the globe. How did I do that? How did that happen? If I was fat little Andy from the gravel road, how the fuck did that happen? If I was incapable, like what they said, how did that happen? If I was lazy, if I was stupid, if I was dumb, if I was inadequate, like they said,

how did that happen? It happened very simply. And it can happen for you, whatever your thing is. My thing was business. Now my thing is discipline in all areas of life. Now my thing is I want to be the best that I've ever been every single day that I wake up in all areas of life. Now my thing is I want to be the best that I've ever been every single day that I wake up and roll out of bed. And I want you to really think about how you're living your life today. We all have new year's resolutions. All of you guys are out there saying, oh, we're going to do this and that and this. But the reality is, dude, you've been saying that for the last fucking how many years? How many years have you been saying the same exact thing? And I'm not saying this to be a dick. I'm just saying it. How many years? Why haven't you been able to accomplish these things?

Why are you still in the same situation? Why have you not been able to break free? And I'm telling you, the answer is simple. The answer is very, very simple. And it's this, you lack the skills necessary to execute day in and day out. And the skills that I'm talking about, you guys view as traits. You view them as things that other people have. When you see other people that are great, you see what they have and you think, man, I wish I had what that person had. But what you have to understand is that you do have what these people have. You do have the ability to do the things that they do. And if you would just stop listening to the stories that have been blasted into your brain

for the last however many years about how shitty you are, and you just focused on taking the actions to move forward, you would realize that all of that is bullshit. Those people that told you those things about yourself do not know anything about what's actually possible for a human being who will continue to move forward regardless of what's happening. There are only a few things required for you to actually break out of that. And the first thing is this, you must realize that the people who abused you, the people who bullied you, the people who called you names, the people who said you couldn't, all of those people are projecting their own inadequacies and their own understanding that they will never be anything great onto you. And you're allowing

that to keep you from taking action. So the first thing that you have to do is you have to understand that they are full of shit. Those people, the same people who told me all the bad shit about me are doing the exact same shit 24 years later that they were doing 24 years ago. And you may not have that perspective because you haven't gone down the journey yet, but I can promise you that if you do go on the journey and you do persevere and you do push through, you will realize that it was comical that these people were telling you what you were actually incapable of achieving. So instead of you focusing on it, instead of you being frustrated about it, instead of you not taking action or not doing the thing that lives

inside your mind and your heart, instead of letting it affect you that way, start letting it drive you. The thing that my guidance counselor said to me about not being cream of the crop, I have spent the last 24 years shoving it down that motherfucker's throat, period. Okay, and it feels good. And he's not with us anymore, but I promise you that he's up there in heaven because he was a good man and he was trying to tell me the right thing. And in fact, he was trying to buffer me from the harsh reality of how the world was going to buffer me from the harsh reality of how the world was going to treat someone who was lazy as fuck, who was undisciplined, who was unable to

figure out that I needed to focus on certain areas where I wanted to be great. He understood that concept and he understood that I lack that. And he was preparing me for the ass beating that was about to ensue. And guess what? He was right. But I took that statement and I got pissed about it. And I say, you know what, motherfucker, I'm going to fucking show you. And I ran with every single thing that one of these motherfuckers told me. And I've made it my mission to prove them fucking wrong. And you will have people who will say, well, that's no reason to succeed. Well, notice that all the people that say that haven't built anything. Pay attention to what they fucking built. Okay. So the first things first, take all this shit

that you think people think about you and start using it to run faster. Start using it as fuel, put it up there on your shoulder, see it as a whole nother type of fucking energy source. And when you don't feel like doing shit, pull upon these hurtful things that people have put into you to move forward. That's number one. Number two, understand that you are only lacking a very simple skill set that you need to have to succeed. Most of us, every single year we come in and we say, oh, this is going to be the year. This is going to be the year. This is going to be the year. And we tell ourselves this over and over and over again until we are fucking dead. And none of the

shit that we tell ourselves every single year ever comes to fruition. Because by the time Thursday or Friday of this week comes around, your old homies start calling, you know, all the weak people that say they want to do the same shit you do. But by Thursday or Friday, you guys are group thinking yourself into a community drinking session to justify your coming off the fucking path already. Okay. You have to understand the reason that you have to keep going through this process over and over and over and over and over again is because you lack discipline. You lack the ability to push through things when you don't feel like doing it. You value motivation. You're motivated today. Motherfucker. Everybody's motivated today. Every single person in this

country has motivation today. They're telling themselves everybody's motivated today. Every single person in this country has motivation today. They're telling themselves the same story they've told themselves over and over and over and over again for the last fucking however many years about what they're going to do. And they know in their heart, they're not going to do it. They're anxious about it. They have a pit in their stomach. They know it's not going to happen. They know they're not going to do it. And the reason they know they're not going to do it. And the reason they know they're not going to do it is because they lack the skill necessary to do it. And most of the time, 99% of the time, it's because they misunderstand that discipline is a skill and not

a trait. It is not something that someone is born with. Michael Jordan was not born with fucking discipline. Michael Jordan created discipline. He's the greatest fucking achiever athlete of all fucking time. This dude did not create discipline until he was kicked off his fucking high school basketball team. Okay. Then he figured it out and we all figured it out different places. And I didn't figure it out until I was about 35, 36 years old. Okay. So whatever age you're at, wherever you're at, make today the day that you understand that it is your duty. It is your obligation to yourself and every single person around you to cultivate this skill of discipline. This is why I built 75 Hard. This is why I built Live Hard. And this is also

why I give it away for free. If you want the program, it's in its entirety in episode 208. There's a book about it. You don't even have to buy. But if you're somebody who has to know every single detail, you can buy the book. I appreciate it. I think you'll get a lot out of it, but you don't need it. Okay. But what you do need is you need to understand that this thing that is keeping you from being where you want to be, because you were unable to control anything. You can't pass up on the guy's night out or the girl's night out this coming Thursday or Friday or Saturday, because you lack the ability to make decisions in the short term that will benefit you in the long term. You value instant gratification more than delayed gratification. The reason you do is because you've never committed long enough to understand how big

the payout is on the delayed gratification. All right. So here's what I want you to do. And this is the second part. I want you today to decide I am going to become disciplined. That should be your only fucking goal because if you develop the ability to say no to the guys nights and the girls nights, if you have the ability to say no to the alcohol at any time, if you have the ability to say, no, I'm not eating that, I'm not putting that in my mouth because I'm working on this project, if you develop that discipline at that basic level, how different will your life look a year from now? What will you not accomplish that you think in your mind you want to accomplish if you develop

that level of discipline? How much difference will it make in your life? How much difference will it make in your finances? If you're able to execute on all the shit you need to do in your career and do it perfectly and then do more because you're so fucking good at getting shit done that you can actually do more in less time. Okay, what's that going to do for your finances? How many times have you told yourself you're going to get serious about your business or get serious about this project

or get serious about your career? How different would your body look if you had done what you said three or four years ago? What would you look like today? What would you feel like? Now think about that in every single area of your life. Think about it in your fitness. Think about it in your business. Think about it in your relationships. What would your life look like if you had the ability to remove the power of external circumstances from affecting your

decision-making? What would your life look like? Because this here, what I'm talking about is the key to you accomplishing anything that you want to accomplish. The entire reason that fat little Andy became who Andy is today. And by the way, I got a long way to go, bro. I'm not sitting up here on the mountaintop preaching to you guys. I'm with you guys. I have a long way to go. I have a lot of shit I want to do. And I know that in the last four years, when I figured out how to cultivate discipline in myself, I've been able to supercharge it. And I want you to have that feeling too, because guys, for the longest time, I was just like what you see in society. The shit that I talk shit on all the time. I was that person. That's why I'm so adamant about talking shit about it. When I say to

motherfuckers like, Hey bro, you don't need a fucking rest day. You've been resting your whole life. That's because I did that. Okay. When I talk to you about being able to say no to a fucking beer, the reason that that's so powerful is because for years and years and years and years and years, I could not do that. I could not, if you walked up to me and you handed me a fucking beer and I was on a diet, I would fucking drink the beer a hundred times out of a hundred. And I would tell myself this story about how it's okay. I would make up a justification. I would say, oh, well, I don't get to see my buddy too much. Or, oh, well, you know, it's a special, oh, well, you know, fuck, I need a little break. Motherfucker, I've been on a break my whole fucking life. And you have too. Okay. So make

this the time that you actually change. And the skill that you need to get from where you are to where you want to go comes entirely from discipline and you have to build it. So no matter what your goals, no matter what your dreams, no matter what you're trying to do this year, you must understand that cultivating a high level of discipline is absolutely necessary. And it's necessary for many reasons. okay? Because when you start being disciplined, you start to get gritty. You start to develop fortitude. You start to develop the ability to persevere. But here's what's more important. You start to feel good about yourself. You start to believe in yourself. You start to have self-esteem. You start walking with a little pep in your step. You got some confidence because now no longer do you have inanimate external objects making

the decisions for you. How fucking weak is that really, dude? How weak is that? That you can't walk past a fucking a beer or a bucket of beers or a fucking appetizer platter or go to a restaurant and not order what is healthy for you off the menu. Dude, I live that life. I know what that's like. I know how powerless that fucking feels guys. I live that. And now I'm so far past that and so far away from that, that like, I can't even relate to it anymore.

And these things that you are mystified by that you think are so difficult are really not that difficult. You just have to push through. You have to make a commitment and you have to make a commitment for long enough that the new habits start to set in. And by the way, 21 days ain't shit. I don't give a fuck what the study says. Okay. Most times people will stick for some shit for 21. I didn't drink for 21 days. Oh, I guess I'll celebrate with a drink on day 22. It makes no sense. Okay. We need permanent change in ourselves. We need permanent skill development ourselves. And we also need to understand that when we develop these skills of discipline, of confidence, of self-esteem, all of these things that are skills, they're skills,

we have to put into them to get out, okay? They don't just live inside of us. When we start to do this, we also must understand that they go away when we abandon them. You don't just build discipline and then you just have it forever. This is why when you see someone who's where it is, you want to be, they're usually working extremely hard every single fucking day. And it's confusing to people. People look at it and they say, well, fuck dude. Why is that guy working so hard? He's already got it made. You're not putting together that the reason he's got it made is because he works that hard. Okay. That's what creates it. So let's get our minds realigned in 23. Let's get our minds right, dude. Let's start valuing the proper things. Let's stop valuing all of this shit that's keeping us from where it is

we want to go. Let's stop valuing all the extra partying and all the extra food and all the extra bullshit that all these fat motherfuckers on the internet tell you, oh, take it easy, man. What are you doing? Why you got to count calories on a holiday? Why you got to do, bro, look at their lives. Look at their lives. Their lives do not represent lives that you want to live. These are people who are justifying their own inability to stick to things and then making you feel like you should join their little gang of mediocrity. That's not okay. That's not self-love. Self-love is knowing what's best for you and doing it regardless of what's going on.

That's self-love. Okay. So if you're going to hear anything, if you're going to think anything, understand that if you take the time to truly build this skill in yourself, it is a fucking superpower. It is a superpower because now none of these external circumstances, none of the other things that happen will get you off track ever again. And what would your life look like, dude, if none of this shit ever got you off track? What would it look like? You and I both know it would be completely different. It would be completely different. Your finances would be different. You're wearing different size clothes. You might have a different partner. You might have a different career. You might have a different career. You definitely be making more money. These things matter, bro. And I guarantee you that all of this shit that you are trying to do this year is going to be

reliant on your ability to say no to the shit that doesn't align. How are you going to do that? How are you going to build that skill? Well, I recommend that you start off with 75 home. I don't get any money for it. I don't fucking sell it. It's free, but it is the only program on the planet that will cultivate the level of discipline that you need in all areas of your life. It's episode 208. That's the last time I'm going to mention it today. But I want you to, whatever it is you do, whatever it is you decide to do, understand that if you continue on this cycle that you have continuously done year after year after year after year, where you start the year off and the first three or four days, you're like, fuck yeah, bro. I'm going to do all this shit. And when the weekend rolls around and your friends call because they've already quit on themselves and you join them,

you are consciously joining the club of mediocrity. You are consciously giving up your own life for that. And bro, I don't give a fuck what anybody says. Is your own life not the most important thing in your life? And then let's think about this. What example are you setting? We all bitch about the world. We're all pissed off about the world. It doesn't matter what your political views. You think the world's fucked up. Well, what are you doing to contribute to the greatness of it? What are you doing to inspire people? What are you teaching your kids? What are you teaching your kids when you tell them every single year you're going to do all these things and you never do them?

What are they going to learn? How are their lives going to go because of that? Maybe that's something you should think about because there's a lot of chatter in the world about how fucked up things are, but I don't see a whole lot of people becoming the solution. I don't see a whole lot of people understanding that it is their obligation to become the best possible version of themselves, not just for themselves, not just so they can make more money or be ripped or feel good about themselves or have confidence and love themselves, not just for that, but because it shows other people that we love and care about in our lives how to do the same things. That's our journey. That's our obligation. That's what we're required to fucking do here. You are a leader, whether you want to

admit it to yourself or not, especially if you have children. What are they learning from you? How are you leading them? It doesn't matter what you tell them. If you tell them X, Y, Z and you're doing ABC, they're going to fucking do ABC. They're not going to do X, Y, Z. So what example are you setting? Because I'm getting real sick of people complaining about what's going on in the world and not seeing any fucking thing done about it in their own lives. Like I've seen people for the last three years bitch about what's's going on in the world. And they still look like shit.

They still aren't disciplined. They're still fucking lazy. They're still fucking overweight. They're still telling me all this shit they're going to do and not done any of it. Well, if that's the way you're going to live, bro, you're just a sheep in the fucking matrix. You're never going to break the fuck out of it. This is your life. This is the best it will be right now. If that's you that I just described what you live right now, go look in the fucking mirror, go look at your bank account, go look at your house, go look at your car, go look at your fucking kids, look at your wife, look at your husband, look at everything because this is the best it will get. This is the best it will get. So you're provided with a unique opportunity today. And you have the momentum today. Everybody does to make the decision that I am never fucking going back.

I am never, ever, ever going back because the way that your life looks right now is a result of the person that you were for the last 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, maybe for the last fucking five years, maybe the last 10 years, maybe 30 years, maybe 40 years. That's why your life is what it is today. But you have a fresh opportunity today and every day to win today, win tomorrow, and change the entire course of who you are and decide to never go back to that.

Because what you are right now is not who you are. What you are right now is who you were then. And it's your decision whether or not you want to grow from that point forward. And so, dude, while you guys sit here and talk about all this New Year's resolution bullshit, why don't you just make this the last day of your entire fucking life that you ever tolerate mediocrity ever again for yourself and make a real decision to change, not a resolution, but a list of shit you're going to do and actually get done because that's what champions do. Champions do not make resolutions. They make lists of shit that they're going to do and then they fucking do it. I appreciate you guys.

I love you guys. I want you to kick some fucking ass. I want you to have a great 2023. And I want you to realize that we, the people who are listening to this show right here, right now, have the power to change everything if we change the example that we are setting. I am committed to that. Are you?