REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 495. Q&AF: Constantly Seeking Validation, Competitive Edge Retention & Dissecting Obstacles

Episode Date: April 3, 2023

In today's episode, Andy answers your questions on how to overcome always seeking validation from others, the best way to maintain a competitive edge during your business journey, and when you should consider obstacles a part of the path as opposed to a sign to walk away.

What is up guys, it's Andy Purcell and this is the show for the realest, say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusionsusions of modern society. And welcome to motherfucking reality. Guys, today we have Q and AF. That's where you answer the questions and I ask them, right? Yeah. Yeah, okay. So let's just keep it moving there. You can submit your questions one of a couple ways. Guys, email those questions in to askandy at andyfrasella.com.

Okay. The other way that you can drop those questions in is, you know, we are on YouTube, full-length episodes. For those of you that don't know, we just started that. We've been on audio for the better part of a decade. Most of you guys listen on audio. If you want to check us out on YouTube and drop a comment underneath the Q&AF episodes, we will pick some questions from there to answer on the show. Other times you tune in, if you're new to the show, we don't have a um one format of the show we have shows within the

show over here man we do it better than everybody else all right you're gonna get you're gonna get multiple dickings from the show okay just the way you like it's kind of like a show gangbang right yeah like that's what we're doing yep um so we got q and af and then we have cti right cti stands for cruise the internet uh that's where we put up headlines AF and then we have CTI, right? CTI stands for cruise the internet. That's where we put up headlines on the screen. We talk about what's going on. We, we talk about what's true, what may not be true. We speculate on who's behind some of this stuff. And then we talk about how we can all collectively work to be a solution to the big problems

going on in the world. Other times we have real talk. Real talk is five to 20 minutes of me just giving you some real talk. And then other times we have real talk. Real talk is five to 20 minutes of me just giving you some real talk. And then other times we have full length. Full length is like what you just heard last week with Cody and Eric Spofford. So those are full length episodes. Now we are an entrepreneur, business success, personal development based show. That's the core of our show. So some of you might ask, why do we have CTI, which is current events in the show? Well, because without freedom, we don't have the freedom to actually be successful.

We don't have the freedom to actually build things. We don't have the freedom to actually build businesses, build our lives the way that we want. So we have to pay attention to what's going on in the world, and we have to work to solve these problems. Otherwise, it creates an environment that we can't prosper in. So we cover it all here, but the main theme is entrepreneurship, business, personal success, and we're going to get into that today on Q and AF. Now you can ask questions about anything. They can be about any of those subjects or they can be about what's going

on in the world or what do I think of something, whatever it is, that's what this show's about. So for me trading you, my 24 years of business experience, I don't run ads on the show. I don't run ads for the show. I rely entirely on value exchange. All I ask is that if we do a good job with the show, please share the show. All right. If the show is good, if it makes you laugh, if it makes you think, if it gives you laugh if it makes you think if it gives you a uh um you know a new perspective you learn some new skills if it helps if it wasn't a waste of your time all i ask is that you please share the show tell people about us and help us get the message out that's what i mean when i say pay the fee so that's kind of the rundown of the show um and so let's get into some q and a f yeah what's up how's it going going good man yeah i'm good so would you oh you know

nothing nothing at all i was thinking though right because one thing i've been with been with you for three years now um and your approach to the personal development right like you you you explain about focusing on skills building these skills, building these tools on that tool belt, right? Can we dispel, can you for a second just dispel the theory or the myths, I guess, about skills versus gifts? And why people get those two confused and why do they believe that certain people are just gifted when in reality their skills are developed? Like what's actually the difference? LeBron James being 6'8 is a gift. His ability to shoot and dribble and pass and dunk and run an offense, those are skills. Okay. So gifts are things that accentuate our skill set, but our skill set, if our skill set doesn't exist, the gifts don't matter.

All right. So this is what we have to realize is that we all have natural propensities to do certain things. We are all good at certain things sort of naturally. For me, one of the things I've always been good at is I've always been able to really see what's coming down the road. I have for the for what's happening in front of me which has let it's lent itself to becoming successful in business because as i've acquired actual skills through business a company with a gift of being able to kind of see around corners where other people don't even realize there's a corner that makes that makes the total package work right you see what i'm saying right so we all have gifts but most people look at gifts the wrong way most people will either a try to ride their gifts their

entire life and think that that will get them through and it won't because there's plenty of people that have great gifts that also invest their time and energy into being better with their skillset. All right. Those people will beat the shit out of anybody with just gifts. All right. And likewise, someone who has very little gifts, who puts the money in the money or the money, time and energy into building skill sets. Those people will beat people with gifts all day long as well. So we have to really think about how people look at it and how most people look at it and not people listen to this show but the the npcs right of the world the unaware people most people look at gifts as they see other people's gifts that are actually skills that those people have and they that's their story they tell as to why they don't have to get any better. You see what I'm saying? Oh, look how, and I learned this.

I actually learned this from my guitar instructor. We talked about it. We talk about him quite often, actually, because he's a smart dude, and I've learned a lot from him. But one of the things he taught me, you know, we were sitting down. He was teaching me some songs. He said, Andy, pick some songs. I said, I want to learn this song, this song, this song. He didn't know any of the songs.

So we got on iTunes. We played the song. He plays the fucker back like note for note, nearly perfect. Like sound just like what he just heard. I personally had never seen anybody do that before. And then this man was in his fifties at the time. I fucking remember saying to him specifically, I'm like, Matthew, you are so talented. And dude, he got offended. He got offended. He's like, dude, I've been playing guitar for 40 years. That's not talent. That's skill. That's work that I put in. And I, dude, that stuck with me forever. Like don't ever tell someone who's been doing something for very long, how lucky they are, how gifted they are, how, uh, you know, talented they are when in reality they've been

doing it for 20 something, 30 something, 40 years, bro, those are skills. You see what I'm saying? So there's, there's, there's a way that it really is. And then there's a way most people see it. And the way it really is, is that we all have some, we all have things that we're naturally better at than other people. And you may be sitting there right now thinking, well, I have nothing. No, there's something there. You're just not recognizing or giving it the proper attention that it's actually, you know, that actually warrants. And that the cool thing about your gift that you have is as you learn the complimentary skills over the course of time, the gift actually becomes bigger and more powerful. All right. So that's how it really is. But how most people just see a dude is they see anybody

with skills or talent or gifts or any, anybody that's good at anything. They see it as gift. They see it as luck. They see it as they were born that way. God give it. Yeah, bro. They think people who are good at business come out of the womb, knowing everything about business. They think LeBron James comes out because he's 6'8". He's better than everybody.

That motherfucker. And I'm not even a big LeBron James fan. You guys all know that. But you can't deny the guy's fucking how good of a basketball player he is. He's one of the best that ever fucking played that guy works his ass off to fucking be that kobe bryant worked his ass off michael jordan worked his ass off there's a common theme amongst people that you guys think are just born that way and it's the theme is they work the fucking ass off and most people just aren't willing to do that so they see everything as talent or

gift or luck and so that's the story they tell so they feel more comfortable with themselves right because there's plenty of people that are six eight that can't play basketball right yeah right right so that that's the part of like making sure you're in an environment that allows that gift to flourish yeah and then and then trying to give yourself an honest assessment of where your gifts are and then kind of filling in the complimentary skill set that you need to really make those gifts work for you does that make sense yeah it does well i mean that's a that's kind of another follow-up right like did you you know when you were 19 did you were you always aware of your your gifts at that time or did you just start developing the skills and then realize that there's an internal innate gift?

No, I actually didn't think I had anything special. Here's what I really thought. I thought, here's really all I thought at 19. I don't want to be poor. I don't believe in the school system. I don't think the shit they teach you is useful. It's not real. I want to be rich as fuck. And I'll do whatever the fuck it takes.

And that's what I thought at 19. I didn't think I had anything. And I also thought that the way for me to get something was going to be through good fortune or through a lucky break. I thought like the people I'm just explaining. I looked at other people who were killing it, and I always believed that they had something that I didn't have. Like my heroes that I looked up to during that time, I have surpassed. I have surpassed all of them in net worth, in business success, business size,

amount of people impacted, all the heroes I had outside of Tony Robbins. Tony Robbins is doing very well, but all the other ones I've, I've, I'm past those guys at this point at 43, which is pretty fucking young to pass a whole man's life's work. So what happened for me was I didn't think I had shit. And I looked at all these dudes who I've now surpassed as having all these gifts that I didn't have. And so I accepted that for me to ever become that. And I'm not saying that to brag, by the way. I'm saying that as a matter of fact. I'm saying that to serve the purpose of the story. It's just true.

I knew because I didn't have the skills and talent that they had that I was going to have to fucking work. I was going to have to fucking work really fucking hard. And so that actually served me. All right. But most people, it doesn't serve because they don't accept the reality that they'll just say, fuck it. I'll do whatever I have to do to get there. They don't accept that path. They just say, well, fuck that guy's that guy got lucky or that guy was born there. He he was in this right place at the right time or this or that or this. And by the way, there are cases of that, but it's not the norm. The norm is you start with a little gift, you add experience, you learn skills, and you work

to complimentary, keep building those things inside yourself. So I think most people, you know, I didn't, I think most people never give themselves enough credit for their own gifts because they look at the result of their life that they're in right now. And they say, well, fuck, dude, I must not have any gifts because I'm living in a $700 a month apartment. I'm driving a shitty car. I don't have any money in a bank account. Like, I must not have any gifts. And that's just not the truth bro you're young you haven't really tried anything yet i don't say that to be mean i just tell it as a

matter of fact like what was the last time you did something for five years every single day without any lapse ever you know most people can't name anything five months dude i know but it takes the five years, right? Right. So like at a minimum, it took me fucking 10. You guys have different technology, so it's different for you guys. But my point is, is that most people, when you challenge them on, you know, are they really in a bad spot? Were they really unjustly, you know, by the circumstances of life, you know, dealt a bad

card when you really dig into and you say, hey, bro, OK, give by the circumstances of life, you know, dealt a bad card when you really dig into and you say, Hey bro, okay, give me an example of something you've done for five years, every fucking day, no matter what, no matter what they can't give you anything. And that's what it takes to actually build success. It takes that. So most people have never tried because most people don't know what's appropriate. They don't understand the amount of work. They greatly underestimate the amount of work that they need to do because you see all the gurus on the internet telling them that can be done in a week, right? For $997. And then they don't go out and do it. And they think there's something wrong with them. So they believe they have no gifts.

And that's just not the case. The case is you probably have some gifts that you haven't even learned you have yet because you aren't going down the path. And what happens is, is if you go down the path and keep going down the path, year after year, after year, after year, you start to realize like I did, I got to a point about 10 years, 12 years into my business where I started realizing, oh shit, I'm actually better at this one thing than most of the other people I know. And I was better at it than most of the people I know that were even more successful than me at that time. And so at first I was like, am I really better at that? Or am I like being too cocky? Am I too full of myself? Right. And what ended up happening is I started questioning, you know, okay, I've got

this thing that I think I'm better at than these other guys. And I started paying attention to it. And I realized, okay, yes, I have the ability to perceive things faster in terms of a timeline to see trends or see what's happening or where the direction is going in terms of like psychological, you know, consumer bases. And I realized just from keeping going that I did actually have that. And then as I learned skills, it got stronger, it got stronger, it got stronger. And that's what has been one of my main strengths in my life in all areas. So, you know, I think most of us have gifts. I think most of us believe we don't because we're not producing anything right now. And I think the reason we're not producing anything right now has a lot more to do with the

fact that you haven't done anything consistently long enough to actually produce the result. And so therefore we believe that we don't have any gifts and we end up living our whole lives thinking we don't have shit and we got fucked. And it's just not the truth. It's not that you're not capable. You just ain't did it. That's it. I love that, man.

I love it. Well, it is Q and a let's give the people what they're asking for. Yeah. Uh, Andy question number one, uh, Andy,

I have recently become aware that I am constantly seeking validation or approval from others when it comes to certain decisions or sometimes even my own feelings in different situations. I know that this has to do somewhat with a lack of self-confidence or trust in who I am. But I'm wondering, where would you start in learning to overcome this need of seeking validation or approval? Man, you know, I'm being real. I think most people struggle with that. I think no matter how confident you are, you're still going to struggle with that. And I think getting to the ultimate place of confidence is basically, you know, not giving a fuck what other people have to think about what it is that you feel or do or say. But the reality is, is that some some people go to I don't give a fuck and they become toxic pieces of shit.

So I think it's important to like still care what certain people perceive your decision making or your decisions to be because you have people that you care about and that care about you. And I think the biggest problem that we have in society when it comes to this is that it's not that we need to not have validation from anybody. It's that we seek validation from the wrong people. And I think that the internet has created that mentality. We have a situation now where we are literally seeking validation in the terms of likes, shares, and comments from people that we've never met, will likely never meet. And we have no idea what kind of people they are. We don't know if they're actually who they are on the internet. We don't know if they're pretending to be somebody. We

don't know if they're good, if they're bad, if they're a piece of shit, or if they're excellent. We have no idea. So we're out there competing for validation from people that we don't even know. And we stop worrying about the validation that we actually need from the people that we care about. And that can get us all fucked up. And I think the internet like, you know, has done that to people. I think the internet has, has created a situation where most people look for validation from complete strangers over their own family members, which is not good. It's not a good thing to be. And so I would say that first off and foremost, really think about who it is that you are seeking validation from, because if it's someone in your family or a friend who you look up to maybe is doing a little better than you,

maybe they can help you confirm that you feel in the right way or look in the right way or move in the right way or are doing the right actions. And those things can be important to your success. But worrying about what the average Joe on the internet thinks, that's something that you need to get over because dude, those people, most of them, real talk, like most of those people that you're seeking validation from, you'll never meet, you'll never know. They're not your friend. They'll turn on you in a second. Like they're, they're with the wind, you know, whatever, whichever way the wind's blowing, bro, they're going to feel about you. So like you have to kind of put that shit out of your mind completely and just say, I am who the fuck I am. And then, you know, sometimes if you're in doubt, you seek counsel

from people who you trust and know that care about your best interests. And, you know, you make a decision based upon that. Let's, let's talk about the elephant there because I keep hearing and correct me if I'm wrong, how much of this need for validation and confirmation from others, how much of that would go away if you actually had the confidence in knowing that the decisions that you make actually produce a good outcome? Most of it. Is that where it comes from? Yes, most of it.

Because most people don't even believe in themselves because they constantly lie to themselves about what they're going to do and then they don't follow through and do it so until you've built a base level of self-confidence self-esteem uh and self-respect by following the commitments that you make to yourself meaning like i'm going to get in shape you get in shape i'm going to fucking make a million dollars you make a million dollars right okay like you have to follow through on this shit i'm going to get up at six o'clock in the morning you got to get up at six o'clock in the morning be small and large right and when we think about how much of it how much of the validation seeking it removes most of it because the reason most people seek validation is because they don't believe that they're actually

doing the right thing in the first place so if we can become confident in the fact that we know we're doing everything that we can do on a daily basis to move us towards where we're trying to go, and we can actually physically look at that and say, okay, I did this. I did this. I did this. I did this. I did this. Now we're in a situation where it's like, bro, I'm doing shit. No other motherfuckers doing. Why the fuck am I going to ask them what I'm going to make do about me when I know I'm out here doing all the work? See what I'm saying? So, I mean, this is, you know, I plug this all the time, but

this is why you should go listen to episode 208, 75 Hard Live Hard episode and do the fucking program because it establishes a baseline of self-confidence where it removes your propensity to seek validation for people that aren't doing shit.

Like, you will get done with that 75 first days and hopefully continue on with Live Hard. And at least at the end of the first 75 days, you will look around and you'll be like, these motherfuckers, why am I asking this guy for advice? Why am I asking this lady for advice? She doesn't do shit. Like, you start realizing that these people that you're seeking validation from are actually fucking not worthy of your ask for validation. You see what I'm saying? Oh yeah. Yeah. So like, dude, a lot of it comes from that.

Most people though, like I said, in the intro to the show, most people do not do anything or long enough to prove to themselves that they are capable of doing anything. So like, this is a big problem because if you don't stick to something long enough to see it bear fruit, how can you ever believe in yourself that you can do things? So you have to do things to know that you can do things. Yeah. You see what I'm saying? So like we have to get to a point in society where we have a baseline level of self-confidence. We understand that if we put in the actions, the results will come, you know, inputs, outputs, and these things equate to an understanding that allows us to dismiss most

of the validation seeking that we would have before that. You see what I'm saying? So like you have to grow past it. And the way you grow past it is by making sure that you've got a baseline level of self-confidence, self-esteem, self-belief, discipline, grit, fortitude. These are things that other people do not fucking have. How confident are you going to be in yourself when you can look around and you could say, no, none of these motherfuckers are doing any of this shit I'm doing. Right. Like, dude, this is how I look at the world. Right. Like, dude, I got people that's got shit to say about me. Right. That's fine. I love everybody, bro. I'm out here trying. What I do, I do for the interest of people. I'm trying to help you fucking win. You may not realize it right now. You may not agree with my politics. You may not see the things

the way I see them. That's fine. That's what fucking America is about. But I promise you, I want you to win. And there are still people out there who I want to win that will take shots at me. And I look at them and I look at their fucking shitty job. I look at their shitty fucking life. And I assume that they have a pretty shitty bank account and they're probably pretty fucking miserable. And so I understand. And I look at it and I say, well, fuck yeah. I bet if I were him, I'd probably hate me too. But here's the reality. You see what I'm saying? Here's the reality, dude. When you have a baseline level of self-confidence, you can look at that shit and see it for what it is. Like I can look at that shit and see it for what it is.

Like I can look at that shit and see like, well, yeah, I mean, this dude, yeah. Like if I were him and he were me, I'd fucking hate me too. And you don't give a fuck. Can you think just quickly, what is a situation for you in your position right now? Right. 24 years in. When is a time that you, or when's the last time, I guess, that you actually did seek validation from an actual, like, validated source, right? And nobody, like, when are some situations? I do it all the time. Okay.

But I do it from people that I respect, that I know are fucking my kind of people that I want to be like. Right. Or that are strong people. Maybe, and by the way, they're strong people. Maybe, maybe. And by the way, these aren't people who are seeking counsel on your decision-making is a lot different than seeking validation. Okay. Seeking counsel from smart people who, um, who have done things who may and do like, this doesn't have to be people that have more money than you. Like this doesn't have to be people that are richer than you.

This has to be people that you respect for what they have done and who they are and how they operate their lives. The confidence that they have. So like, dude, who do I seek counsel from? I seek counsel from people who I think represent the kind of people that I am, right? Like I talked to Ed, my lead a lot, like Ed, somebody I talked to a lot about like, Hey, what do you think of this? What do you think of that? Or what do you think of this? Talk to my dad. My dad fucking is a

pretty smart motherfucker. I talked to my brother. You see what I'm saying? Like these things like, um, allow me to, to, cause I understand them and respect them and I understand who they are and what they think and how they think. Uh, and then sometimes I'll ask people that just, I know don't see the world the same way, but I respect how they do things. And I say, Hey, what's this feel like to you? Or how's this look to you? You see what I'm saying? So like, dude, it's important to like, if you're really at the end of the day, what's really important is that you're true to what you actually believe. But if you do have to seek counsel, seek counsel, don't seek validation. You know what I'm saying? Seeking validation is like seeking permission, permission and, you know, approval. And,

you know, this is where a lot of CEOs and managers get into surrounding themselves with yes people. These things can be very harmful to you because these people are telling you what you want to hear. That's kind of like seeking validation, right? You want counsel. Seeking counsel means I'm going to seek the truth, even if it's not how I see what is actually going on. And because that, what that does is that allows you to see holes that you may not see. So I intentionally try to ask people who are outside my day to day, like actual being sometimes to figure out how this appears to look over here or this or that. And I think having a variety of of of worldviews to make a decision is a good thing. If you are still capable to make the decision autonomously on your own. Where a lot of people get fucked up is they listen to everybody and then try to appease

everybody. Like if we were, if there's, there's what, uh, six people in this room. Okay. If I went around the room and I said, Hey, uh, Syed, what do you think? Hey, fucking DJ, what do you think? Hey Joe. Hey, Hey Keith. Hey Madat. what do you think? And I said, okay. And you guys all think different shit. What most people will do. And the reason they fuck up their lives is they try to like appease all of those things and create this like compromise of all of those things. And that's, that doesn't work. So like as a leader, which you are the leader of yourself, you have to take the counsel and then you have to make a decision and you have to say, okay, I can appreciate all those views, but this is what I'm doing. And then you have to stand on that and do it.

You see what I'm saying? Absolutely, man. So there's difference. It's a different thing. People can't figure out, especially in a business environment, like in a meeting environment, what most, the reason most people suck at meetings is because it becomes this big cluster fuck of compromised ideas. And the ideas get so watered down and the brand gets so watered down and the direction gets so watered down that it can't appeal to anybody because it has too many fucking ingredients and worldviews mixed into it. So my job in a business environment would be to

listen to every single one of you guys, how you see it. Hey, what do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? Listen. And then I take all of that information and I analyze what's going on. And I make the decision I think is going to be best for all of us. And it may not have anything to do with anything most of you said. It may have anything to do with any what any of you said or it may be exactly what joe said it may like i might say joe's idea is the best way i'm fucking doing that so like you have there's a there's a there's a line that you have to understand and walk on there that is very very difficult to walk for some people because some people are so

worried about pleasing everybody instead of producing the best result for everybody. And that really fucks them up, especially in management leadership. Absolutely, man. A lot of good nuggets there, bro. Question number two, Andy. Andy, I am a young woman, 25 years old and business owner, less than four years in the game. Growing up poor, I was raised to be very competitive, and that has played a big role in me being a high achiever. I often find myself anxious, hyper-fixated, and overworked on growing my business for fear that if I'm not the best that I can be, I'll lose everything. While I'm in the beginning of this journey to become undeniable in my niche, I continue to be brutally hard on

myself to the point that it's hard for me to even enjoy the wins. Have you experienced this? And what tactics could you give me to feel more at peace with my journey while still retaining a competitive edge? Well, first of all, I think everything you're saying is pretty normal for a high achieving person. So that should give you a little boost. You're not in the wrong place. I don't think, I think you're seeing it exactly the way you should see it. Business is highly competitive. You will lose everything if you do not show up every single day with high urgency to fucking get better. It's the most competitive atmosphere. It's more competitive than any sport. It's more competitive than any fucking anything. It's the most competitive

thing you could do is to own and operate and run a business because people will cut your fucking throat to get ahead. Okay. So you have to come up with that. You have to show up every day with urgency. You have to show up every day with intent. You have to show up every day with intensity. You have to do it. It's required. Okay. That's, that's a requirement. It's not, it's not optional. and I would say that you actually for where you are in business are looking at it exactly how you should look at it and I know exactly what that's like because I grew up in business doing the same shit and I didn't celebrate wins And I didn't fucking because dude the win I had today was still even a little bitty piece of what i'm trying to do I didn't give a fuck.

Okay. That's what I expect. I expected to win and get those things done. And so when we really think about how we should think, our minds are sort of poisoned by this happy-go-lucky happiness culture where people think that happiness is the ultimate outcome of their entire life or their entire day or their entire existence. And they should do nothing inside their day that doesn't create happiness. And that's just an unrealistic way to view the world. Because if you're constantly going to do the same thing over and over and over, it makes you happy. You're not doing any

of the uncomfortable things that force you to grow. All right. And this is a big problem because while you may be happy at 20, 25, 30, 35, living a free, happy-go-lucky life, minimalist life, when you get to fucking 55 and you're still having to work that shitty job because you have to eat, you're not going to be very happy. So we have to be realists in how we look at the process of happiness. So for someone who is so young, someone who is wanting to build a business, I think it's very appropriate that you come to work every day with urgency, that you are highly competitive, that you want to win and that you don't over-celebrate your wins because those wins don't mean shit because they're only a little bitty bump in the fucking, you know, in the big scheme of things. So I, the whole reason I've

gotten to where i'm at in life is because of that mentality now here's what i will say to the contrary of that there are as a 43 year old dude who's been in business for 24 fucking years okay i've been in business longer than i haven't okay that's crazy to think about. Like we can just pause on that. I'm just saying I've been doing this longer than I haven't. All right. At 43, here's something I do regret a little bit. I do regret a little bit, not appreciating the wins as they came. Cause I, I could have easily appreciated those wins and still gotten here. Had I got to work the next day. All right. Meaning it's okay to celebrate. And in fact, go celebrate hard, but do it for 24 hours. After that 24 hours is over, get right back to it. All right. That's how I would have lived. Had I had the perspective that I have now, I didn't always do that. And that's something that I wish I would have done.

I wish I would have had a little more fun with my team along the way. I wish I would have celebrated a little more when we did some big shit along the way. But at the end of the day, you know, it's all perspective. I have the perspective now. I enjoy those wins now. We have much bigger wins because I had the attitude that this person had back in the day. And i think that's a productive attitude yeah and anybody who says it isn't is probably you know looking at the internet and seeing all these people travel around on their fucking self-love fucking discovery journey journeys you know and everybody's you know look dude you guys see these motherfuckers posting these pictures traveling around doing all this shit you don't see their bank account You don't fucking see their bank account.

You don't see what's going in there. You don't, you don't, you have no fucking idea. You don't hear the conversations when the camera's not rolling. Yeah. You're, you're buying an ideal, idealistic look at life that isn't accurate and will get you in big, deep ass trouble longer down the road. Because dude, do you really want to be 55 working at fucking Starbucks? Do you really want to be 55 working fucking anywhere? Well, that means you're going to have to fucking work now.

That means you're going to have to take it serious now. That means you're going to have to show up just like this young woman is every fucking day with the attitude that I'm going to kick some fucking ass today with high urgency. And that goes for entrepreneurs. It goes, if you have a job, it goes for fucking entrepreneurs. It goes for everybody that wants to win. And this bullshit idea that we could fucking balance out perfect happiness with fucking progress is a lie. It's a lie. It's a fucking lie told by the Internet that's handicapping lots of people. And there's lots of people who are in their 20s right now and early 30s who, when they're in their 50s, they're going to fucking regret that they did what they're doing right now. And that's what I'm to save you from that's what i'm trying to get you understand so to this young woman who wrote this question do not buy that understand there's nothing wrong with you you're doing what's required to win and that's important for your phase in life right now and anybody who says different likely hasn't built a thing ask and answer well i'm just saying no i fucking love it yeah i'm just saying dude it's true shit like this is like your point though because bro this is not an idealistic fucking fair this is

not fair right it's not fucking fair it's not fucking easy it's not it's not it's not smooth it's not happy it's not any of things. It's a high level competition where anything fucking goes and people will literally sabotage you, hurt you, hurt your fucking family. However they have to, they'll do anything they can to keep you from winning at the highest level. That is a fucking reality. And if you can't get tough enough to go through it, you shouldn't be in business because that's the reality of business.

We have a lot of people trying to paint this rosy picture of business. There's nothing rosy about it, bro. It's a fucking brutal ass way to live. Like you got, this is why I get so pissed off how, why entrepreneurship has been so like, um, glorified and like, like they put rose colored glasses on entrepreneurship, right? Like it's this fucking amazing thing and blah, blah, blah. I just blow sweat and tears over here. Dude, yes, yes. That's the reality of it.

And people think because you have all these knuckleheads on the internet making it sound like it's easy when it's hard for them, they feel like, fuck, I must be doing something wrong. And you're not doing anything wrong. They're just lying and they created a fake expectation. And it's a very dangerous thing in entrepreneurship right now. It's, we have a lot of people

who think it's fun and games and think it's, you know, Lamborghinis and fucking all this crazy shit. When in reality, bro, it's very lonely. It's very hard. It takes a long time. It's going to take way more of your energy than anybody of your friends or anybody else.

They're not going to get it. They're going to fucking talk shit to you. It's like one of the hardest paths you could pick in life. In fact, I can't think of one that's harder. I can't think of a career path that you could pick that would be actually harder than being an entrepreneur starting from day one. I can't think of anything. And so like, dude, you're literally picking the hardest fucking way to go in life and then you're surprised that it's hard like it's hard

It's hard And these glory stories that are told on the internet for likes and shares and clicks and fucking views and shit They're just not the truth man. They've never been the truth. It's never been the truth It's it's a fucking scam to get you to buy their shit or whatever They're buying whatever program or their shit or whatever they're buying, whatever program or course or hack that they're teaching. That's what they tell you because, dude, they can't tell you the truth. Hey, guess what?

It's going to be the hardest thing you ever did. It's going to take fucking a long ass time. It's probably going to take three or four times as long as you think it's going to take. Along the way, you're going to lose all your fucking friends. You're probably going to lose some significant others, too, along that way. You're going to get made fun of. You're going to get bullied. You're going to lose all your fucking friends. You're probably going to lose some significant others too along that way. You're going to get made fun of. You're going to get bullied. You're going to get harassed.

You're going to get attacked on the internet daily. All right. You're going to struggle. You're going to make mistakes. You're going to owe people money. You're going to fuck up your bank account. There's going to be multiple fucking days where you don't think that you're going to make it.

And those days sometimes last for months. There's going to be, nobody's going to relate to you. No one's going to understand why you're doing it. Everybody's going to question it. You're going to have to answer it every single time. And it's going to piss you off. And bro, this is the life that you're choosing. Like you're choosing it. And then you can, and then, so you can't be surprised that it's hard. That's, this is what the fuck you're signing up for. And anybody out there that says any of that shit ain't true, I can promise you they ain't built anything. They haven't built anything.

Show me somebody that says that and I'll fucking show you they ain't built shit. That's a beautiful thing though. It's like, yes, it's going to be all of those things. There's people who have built businesses around saying those things. It's not the same. But they ain't shipping motherfucking products

that aren't courses or information or some bullshit there's a lot of motherfuckers out there lying it's bottom line oh it's real let's get one of those motherfuckers on the show how about that how about let's get one of these fucking motherfuckers on the show that says it's all easy it's all this it's all that who stands in front of their fucking hurricane on the internet let's do that let's fucking get that it'll take like 10 seconds find your one yeah i find one real quick we'll have a conversation about how fucking let's i mean bro look this is the reality man and like people it's funny because like people make fun of it too like i i you know like they're like oh yeah hustle grind this that

bro come get some because you don't get it. You can laugh at it all you want, bro. And I'm going to tell you this. They might laugh at you now. Everybody laughed at me back in the day. Fucking everybody. Guess who's laughing now? Not them, motherfucker. Me. Okay. So it depends. Do you want to be the motherfucker that lasts last or do you want to be the motherfucker that lasts first? Because the persons that last first, they don't build shit. They don't become shit. They don't create shit. They ain't shit. But the person who gets to laugh last, they ain't got to worry about their bills. They ain't got to worry about their house payment. They ain't got to worry about what car they want to drive. You ain't got to worry about shit. And all those people that laughed

in the beginning, those people are looking at you now and they're saying, uh, fucking thinks he's the shit now no bitch i know i'm the shit because i fucking built it day by day while you were out fucking off so like dude we have to be real about the conversation oh i love it man love it there's nothing wrong with that attitude i fucking love it i wish i had a million more people that had that same attitude. Change the fucking world with that. Guys, Andy, our third and final question. Andy, question number three. Andy, I'm a big fan of the show, and I've learned so much from you through Real AF and 75 Heart. You talk a lot about the universe and karma, and I've worked to raise my energy and attract the things that I desire.

Things are finally coming into fruition, and of course, there are still some obstacles to overcome. My question is, when do you consider the obstacles as part of the path? And then when do you consider them as a sign to walk away? Yeah. So if you're looking at it, if you are looking at it from the realist viewpoint and you're assessing it, right? And you look at it and say, okay, well, this is something that can be overcome. It might be very difficult for me to overcome. It might take a lot of energy. It might take some time. It might take some resources. It might not be what I want to do, but I can still overcome it. That's a fucking obstacle, okay? Something where you would walk away from something would be an insurmountable obstacle that they cannot overcome,

which is what causes them to ultimately fail in life. And so I think having a realist viewpoint, which is why we call the show Real AF, because having a realist viewpoint is the foundation of success in all areas of life. You have to tell yourself the truth. You have to assess things for what they are. You have to look at the facts and the data. You can't wish things into reality. It's not how the fuck it works. Okay. So if you look at something and, and you, and by the way, if you got you guys who aren't succeeding right now, I guarantee you a big part of the reason that you're not succeeding is because you're looking at things that are speed bumps as permanent obstacles that cannot be overcome. And there's a drastic difference. In my 24 years of doing this business, obviously, because I'm

still doing it, there has actually never single one time been an obstacle that I couldn't overcome. All right. So they're very, very, very, very, very rare, very rare. Okay. An obstacle that I couldn't overcome would be the FDA banning nutritional supplements. Exactly. Couldn't fucking sell them. Good to know with that. Okay. Well, got to change the plan. Right.

All right. That's an obstacle that cannot be overcome. Almost everything else, almost everything that you guys think is an obstacle that can't be overcome or a reason as to why you can't is actually just a small part of the journey that is more difficult than the rest of the journey. And you should value those parts of the journey because those parts of the journey are the ones that actually teach you the skills. Okay. So if we look at things correctly, the truth of the matter is that most things that you think are insurmountable roadblocks are actually just little bitty hard parts on the

long journey that teach you the most shit. And so if we reframe our perspective to see it that way, it becomes a lot more tolerable. So could I run a marathon? Yeah, I actually probably could. Would it be hard as fuck? Yeah. Would I have to train? Yeah. Would I have to probably pull a bunch of weight off? Yeah. But could I actually do it? I think so. I see 40 year old mothers that are a hundred pounds overweight, completing marathons, pretty sure I could fucking do it. So it's, it's not a, it's not a, it's a hard thing in the journey, right? That would be a hard thing for me. Cause I'm not a runner.

You see what I'm saying? And by the way, respect to those women that do that shit. It's fucking incredibly difficult shit. My point is it's possible if one man can do another can do. All right. So if you can look at something that has actually been done and someone else has done it and you think that you can't do it the reality is that you probably can but you're probably looking at things

that are actual speed bumps as obstacles that cannot be overcome and our perspective you know inaccuracy on this particular topic costs a lot of people their entire fulfillment existence success and dreams yeah so it ties right back into the first the first question man it's like people that look at gifts and skills goes right back to that same thing and they're just looking for the excuse of the way out yeah look dude look most people and this is why they get so triggered by it this is why they get so mad when you say this shit because they know it's true. Think about the shit that you actually get mad about.

Like, do you get, like if someone walked up to me, bro. Now I realize I may not be the fittest human on earth. I am 43 years old, 260 pounds. I can see my abs when I look in the mirror. All right? There might be fitter people than me, my age. But there ain't fucking many all right that's a fact so if someone were to walk up to me and say hey you fat piece of shit

fucking broke fuck i would laugh at them i'd laugh in their fucking face right right we laugh at things that we know aren't true we know they're not true but the reason people get so triggered around this conversation is because they know it's fucking true and they know it's cost them a lot. And instead of admitting, fuck, it's true and fuck, it cost me a lot. And now I can change it and go do something. They continue to keep the blinders on and the worldview and just say, fuck, I see Andy for sell is full of shit for saying that, or he's got privilege, or he has this, or he has that, or he was lucky. Motherfucker, I'm waiting to get lucky.

I would love to get lucky, but I can promise you everything that's happened to me in my life, none of it was attributed to luck. I'm still waiting for my lucky shit to come around. You know what I'm saying? Like, give me some lucky charms or whatever the fuck we got to do, because I'm like waiting on it. Go slide down the ring. Yeah, like, okay like okay okay because i know people are gonna say you never

got lucky no there's been a couple times but i ain't ever had like a big lucky thing you know what i'm saying um but that's the reality dude we just look at things this thing was it was it luck or was it just the hard work that created the opportunity we don't know but it produces the result just the same right like dude when you work hard day in and day out, when you take your skillset development seriously, when you pour into yourself and you make yourself a priority and you make your outcome a priority, you don't need luck, right? So there's maybe, and then there's for sure. And I'm going to take the for sure. This is why I teach the for sure. I don't teach the hack. I don't teach the maybe. I don't teach the got lucky. I don't teach the high risk, high return. I teach the for sure.

And the for sure is long, hard, lonely, and will take most of your life. And that's for sure. But you can for sure get there that way. And so when we look at things and we evaluate what we can and can't do we have to stop looking at the we have to stop looking at the things that are that are stories that we lie to ourselves about as the roadblock see what i'm saying absolutely man absolutely i don't give a fuck how old you are i don't care if you're fucking 40 i don't care if you're fucking 50 i don't care if you're fucking 60 and bro you guys you guys who think, oh, I'm 27 and I'm old. You're a fucking idiot. Just tell you that right now. Just tell you that right now. You have no idea how young you are. I don't care if you're 60 years old, bro. I don't even care if you're 70,

because if you take control and start to understand this, whatever time you have left is going to be so rewarding because you start to believe in yourself and see yourself as someone who's powerful. And bro, that's the way to live. Like the way to live is not to live like this weak, little poor me through life. The way to live is to be a bad motherfucker that believes in themselves. And the reason they believe in themselves is because they earn that belief. And I don't care if you're 70 years old, bro, and you live to be 75, these five fucking years would be the best years you ever had.

And that's what it's about. So don't be one of these people who hears what I say and get triggered and say, oh, fuck him, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, bro. That's bitch shit. Real man shit, real adult shit would be saying, real they shit would be saying, I had to, would be saying, you know what? Fuck. I fucked up. And that's part

of taking responsibility. Shit. I saw it that I saw it the wrong way. And here's where you're going to get really mad. Where you're going to get really mad is when you start to live that way. And then you start to look around, you start to realize their entire fucking environment was created for you to think that way that kept you in that cage for a big part of your life that you cannot get back. That's when you're going to get pissed. And then I'll see you at the fucking Patriot rallies, right? Okay. We'll be right there next to each other. You just, a lot of people, the reason you guys don't get so pissed off when I get pissed off is because you don't understand what the fuck's going on yet because you ain't lived through it.

I've watched it, dude. I've just seen it. I've seen it happen too many times. I've seen people start believing the shit of idealism about fun, easy, quick, all these things, and then go out and get their fucking dick smashed in and then think, fuck, obviously it's me. It's not you, bro. You bought into a false belief system that isn't the reality. The reality is not sellable. I'm a guru, bro. I can't sell you. How am I fucking going to sell you on this idea? Hey, guess what? This is going to be the hardest shit you ever did in your fucking life, bro. And by the way, you're going to fucking lose everything. Just like I said earlier in the show, you're going to lose everything. You're going to lose your friends. You're going to lose your family. You're going to fucking be alone for

a long time. Many times over the course of your life, you're going to go through depression. You're going to have anxiety every motherfucking day. Like, dude, how can you sell that? Yeah, I don't want that. Can't sell it. Can't sell it. Just like in the diet culture, you can't sell. Well, I mean, you can because we sell it. But most people up until this point in time in society, you haven't been able to sell hard work as the solution. You haven't been able to sell that. You haven't been able to sell, you know, discipline as the solution. But we have a situation now where culture has shifted so broadly that people are awake

to the truth, right? They understand that they cannot take a pill and lose 100 pounds. They understand that if they're going to make a change, it's going to require uncomfortable things. And I love this because this is a true cultural. This is the beginnings of a true cultural revolution. They want people to believe that they have no control. And what's actually happening is people are fucking sick of what they're offering us.

And they're realizing and embracing that they actually do have control, which pushes them into a life of true accountability because now they understand that their actions create an output. And this is a beautiful thing going on in the world. I know we talk about all the bad shit going on in the world. One of the best things going on in the world right now is you motherfuckers that listen to this show right now, living that fucking disciplined life and spreading it to your fucking friends and family and them waking up to the indoctrination that we've all had about living in this fucking port, this little box that all of us peasants belong in while everybody else fucking eat steak and lobster and flies around on private airplanes. You can have

that same shit, man. There's plenty of room for everybody to have it. So start thinking a little different, start looking at it a little different and you'll feel a little different. And when you start to understand that, and like I said, I don't care if you're 70, you'll become fucking powerful, bro. And those fucking next five, 10 years or 20 years, whatever the fuck you are blessed to have left will be the fucking best parts of your life. Real talk. Because most people live their whole life, bro, thinking that they have no power no control Think about how demoralizing that is to live like that Like think about how hard it is to live as someone who accepts the fact that whatever happens happens

Whatever whatever card i'm dealt is the one that I get and that's fucking it bro That is the weakest shit fucking ever. You cannot live that way. It's not fulfilling You won't make any success. And you won't be proud when your life is coming to an end, which is the ultimate goal, right? People say, oh, I want happiness. I actually don't really give a fuck about happiness right now. Here's what I give a fuck about. When my ticket gets punched, bro, people are going to say, that motherfucker did his best.

I'm proud of that. And I know that's going to be the outcome because I'll never fucking quit. And that, that to me feels much better than living a comfortable, happy existence. And it's not for everybody. It's not for everybody. And if it's not for you, I get it, but that's how I live. And that's how I think, um, anybody who's high achieving that I know they live in a cert, they live along that framework at a very, you know, even if it's a little different, it's kind of the same. Yeah, absolutely, man. Love it.

Well, guys, Andy, that was three. All I got. Yep. Go pay the fee. Went from sleeping on the floor. Now my jewelry box froze. Fuck a bowl, fuck a stove. Counted millions in a cold.

Bad bitch, booted swole. Got her on bankroll, can't fold Just a note, headshot, case closed