REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 54. Uncomfortably Comfortable Ft. Ryan Michler - Part 1

Episode Date: July 9, 2020

Finding your voice is not about finding your voice; it's about developing it through credible sources and the facts. On today's episode, Andy and special guest Ryan Michler of Order of Man, talk about how you can differentiate between your beliefs and the truth to make logical decisions.

I told my teacher, dumb bitch, I'm going to get millions. Watch this. In a project living. Damn. Spoke it till existence. Voila. Mode changed to 50. What up?

Got more cars than diddy. I only weigh 180, but my watch cost 250. What's up, guys? It's Andy Priscilla, and this is the show for the realists. Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness, and delusions of modern society, and welcome to Motherfucking Reality. Guys, today we've got an awesome show for you we actually have a guest uh that you have heard on my show a few different times also um we're

missing a couple guys from the podcast sal is on vacation uh vaughn is doing vaughn stuff but we got dj yo yo dj what's going on dude hey man another day another dollar hey happy to be here you missed our lift today i did what are you gonna do you're gonna lift later yeah i'm gonna lift it are you yeah i am all right as soon as we get done with this you need me to get like come down yell at you while you're lifting i mean it'd be nice all right we can do that and we have our special guest who has also uh has come a long way to be here uh and a lot has changed in his life since the last time we had him on the show uh and this is the third time we've had him on the show for a reason my good friend ryan mickler what's up brother what's up man glad to be here yeah

how are you good it is a it's a little bit of a longer trip yeah yeah moving from utah yeah especially now yeah times are crazy with track actually i i actually really enjoyed traveling this time yeah i hate traveling yeah but nobody was there nobody was rude everybody's worrying about the personal space because normally all the annoying people are saying they won't go that's exactly right anybody that everybody was respectful they stayed away from each other they minded their business they got in the right lines they boarded quickly they sat their asses down i'm like this is actually not too bad yeah yeah except Except for the face mask thing, but you know. Yeah. Well, we're going to talk about that for sure. Absolutely. Before we get into all that though, um, you know, what's been going on, man? You, you, uh, you made a big move. Tell people about what you did. Yeah. Last year,

actually about this time last year, my wife and I and four kids packed up shop and headed to Maine. So we went across the country and found this beautiful home. I'd only been to Maine. Well, when we put an offering on that place, that was our second time in Maine. I went out there for one trip for a jujitsu immersion camp with Origin. Yeah. And so I went out there, fell in love with it. And it was in the fall. So I was like, yeah, of course it's beautiful now, but we'd always thought about, okay, well, let's go on an adventure. Like, let's mix things up. You know, we have the money to do it. We've got the freedom and the flexibility. Our kids are young. Like if we're going to do it now, it's the time to do it. So I said, well, let's just go out.

So we went back out in the winter and we looked at a dozen different places and didn't really find anything we liked. So, I mean, we weren't upset. It was just like, yeah, time's not right or whatever. And we literally, no joke, man, we came down this hill and our realtor said, hey, I have one last place. It's already got an offering on it, but they're entertaining backup offers. So check it out. So we went down this hill and saw this house. I thought it was a bed and breakfast. You've seen the house. Oh, it's beautiful. I saw the bed. I thought it was a bed and breakfast. I'm like, whoa, look at that place. And our realtor pulled into it. And my wife gets out and she's like, we'll take it. And he's like, well, don't you want to see the inside

or anything? I'm like, yeah, I do. I get that reaction though, man. It's a beautiful place. It's amazing. So we picked that place up. A lot of things fell through on the other side in order to make it happen. So we kind of felt like, hey, you know what? This is just meant to be. We had a lot of people say, here's the thing that a lot of people said is they said, oh, man, I wish I could do that. But, dude, but what? But you have responsibilities. You have a job. You have friends.

All that shit applies to me, too. You know, so, yeah, we took some risks going out there and being there for a year. It's overwhelmingly positive. You know, there's some things that I'm like, I wish it was this or this or this but overwhelmingly positive and what a cool experience to be out there man dude i i'm envious man because i never experienced that like just picking up and moving i've never been able to you know what i'm saying yeah yeah i fall into the butt category right now that's the truth but i think it's super cool man that you guys made that move um What's going on with business, man? Business is exploding.

Yeah. Yeah. I actually, I was going to tell you this because I knew obviously we're going to be talking today and I'm on the 75 hard train, by the way. I'm second time around because the first time I failed. Yeah. I got to like day 43 and I think I had some chips and salsa, which is always my demise. I'm like, shit. Dude, a lot of people do that and they do it mindlessly.

That's what it was. Yeah. And then, but what I did is I actually compounded the problem. Like, ah, well I messed up. I'll just, I'll start in a week. Yeah. And it was like three weeks later. Yeah. I'm like, no shit. Like I got to start again. Yeah. So I really did start again. But, um, I was thinking about it the first go around like a month ago, I was on fire. Like maybe it's like a month and a half ago when I did it the first time on fire. I'm like, man, I feel good. Business is growing. Revenue is up. The message is getting out there. We've got amazing guests in the podcast. What the hell is going on? It was 75 hard, dude. And I'll be honest, like I look at it and anybody who looks at it probably for the first time says, okay, I got to do these things.

Like that's simple. That's stupid. It happens all the time. That doesn't, that's not going to work. Dude, you, you would, you would, you guys would be shocked at how many people tell me those things. And then they also tell me these things like, it's going to be easy. I already do that because a lot of guys who are bodybuilders will, I already did.

I did that for 167 days. No, you didn't. You did not do that because a lot of guys who are bodybuilders will i already did i did that for 167 days no you didn't yeah you did not do that yeah you did what you think is that you did a part of it right right and what they don't a lot of people don't understand it do um they think it's a like just another fitness thing right yeah and it's not that do you get fit yeah you get fit but the mental aspect and anybody who's actually completed the program will tell you. I've not had anybody that's actually completed the program be like, yeah, that was a waste of time. I'm on 75. I love it right now. I mean, this is probably the most mentally clear I've ever been.

That's what I noticed, too. Just like you, dude, it's weird because a lot of good things are really, really happening. Yeah, they are. And it's like, oh, man, what did I do? What am I doing differently? And I'm like, dude, I'm so much clearer. It's been awesome. He pushed me.

My birthday was a couple of weeks ago. And I text him like, dude, like, hey, birthday's coming up. This is going to be tough. And he's like, dude, it's worth 10 birthdays. And I'm like. It is. All right. It's worth all the birthdays.

That's what people don't understand. For sure. And what people think is they are basically so used to the negative habits that they don't realize that their negative habits. Like they don't even realize. You've normalized them, right? Yeah, that's right. And said, oh, it's okay. It's okay to have a cheat day.

It's okay to have a day off. It's okay to relax. You deserve it. You've earned it. But you don't. Right. And that's the thing. Like, this is the whole problem. Like, and this is. You've earned it, but you don't. Right. And that's the thing. Like,

this is the whole problem. Like, and this is the problem with society right now is we all think we earn something when that, what it takes to actually earn it actually requires 10 times that amount of work. Right. So we have in our, in society, we have convinced ourselves that we deserve things when in reality we don't deserve shit. And that's really the problem that we see going on right now. We see it everywhere in the world. It's just an attitude culture problem. And when we have an issue where like, you know, like, dude, the longest I had gone without a cheat meal or cheat day before i started 75 hard the first time was six fucking days yeah i mean six days bro like that's that's like to me now like

and you have to understand like to me to the first time i went through 75 hard for me to get through that sixth day onto the eighth day and the ninth day and the 10th day and get over that first fucking seven days of not having a cheat day, dude, it was like the biggest victory I'd ever had in my life. Is that right? Yeah. Because I, you know, we've all been taught have a cheat day every week, you know, and, uh, Bill Phillips made that pop popular back in the nineties. And the truth is, and I'm just, you know, there's a lot of people who have their own opinions, but I'm pretty experienced in the fitness world. I know a few things. Um, people forget that, but, uh, your results are going to come three, four times faster when you

don't do that shit. Yeah. It's just reality. And I've noticed your body just, I mean, you're not only your body, but your mind too, is going to give exactly what you demand of it. That's right. Right. So if you're used to training every day, lifting, exercising, dieting, whatever it is you're doing, it's not like, I mean, it's going to be hard at first because you're not used to that, but that's going to become, if you want to use the popular term, the new norm. Yeah. Right. Like that's going to be your new norm. That's the standard. That's the benchmark. And soon that that will become easy like i know there's guys like uh and and i think you're connected with them too like cam haynes yeah goggins is the same way those guys are running marathons every day every day right yeah and they don't have to do that no people can't see dude and that's what people

they they've everybody's so in love with like what the result that other people can see will be. Right. They want to look good. They want to have a lot of money. They want to they want people to know that they're a certain thing. But what they're really missing the boat is the real the real prize is creating the power inside your mind to be able to create that shit at will. You know, and so a lot of people misunderstand the 75 hard, uh, and it gets a lot of fucking hate. But the truth is, is that they just don't understand it. Like I have one person, uh, message me and be like, well, all these tasks, they don't, they don't really mean anything.

And I'm like, well, they actually mean a whole fucking lot. You just haven't really paid attention to what it is right what's the purpose of progress pick you're not going to change every day well that's the that's not the point of it the point isn't to take a pick every day to see how much you change yep the point is to remember to take the motherfucking pick every day do it yeah and like dude people and and and they they can't comprehend that those little things that they forget to do or don't do or choose not to do are what actually costs them everything. And so what 75 Hard does is it puts you in a zone of productivity in all areas. So almost anyone will tell you that when you're on the program, what you just said and what you just said, both of you guys, everything else goes with it. It goes up. And the more you focus on your little bitty acts of discipline in any way, like we were joking around before the podcast,

you know, you use my bathroom, my office. And he's like, man, if I had to wipe the piss, the piss drops off any toilet seat, I'm wiping off Andy's. And I said, yeah, man, but the flip side is I got to keep it cleaner. But I think I'm full of shit. And, you know, but the thing is, is like, dude, finding little things like that throughout your day to keep you sharp is important. Like DJ knows because he does cardio with me all the time. Dude, I always pick up pennies and I always pick up bolts or screws. How many bolts and screws think I picked up off the road?

Probably could have built a motherfucking. Yeah. So like factory, I don't have to do that, but I do it because i know it's keeping me mentally sharp to the details and a lot of people don't exercise their brain in that way so when they get on to 75 hard and they start doing that for the first time they're like holy shit and it doesn't take a whole lot for all the other areas of your life to start elevating when you start exercising that little paying attention to detail. You know what I think it's like is like you guys have seen that picture, that meme floating around.

It's like the iceberg, you know, had the little bit on top and then you've got the 90% of it. It's on the bottom. Yeah. And so what these little acts, these little disciplined acts are is that top that you see. But what it's really doing is developing everything else that's going on underneath that most people will never see and if you don't participate in things like this you won't ever formulate the connection no and dude that's why i don't get mad about it i don't

fight people on it like you if you criticize it and you've never done it i don't value your opinion right at all it's not credible that's and not at all because dude this is like that's like someone criticizing a fucking iron man that never did it oh that's stupid blah blah blah well i don't know if you ask anybody who's completed one they'll say it's one of the biggest victories of their fucking life yeah right and that's this is the same thing that's how i see it so you know the other thing i was going to say on it too that i feel pretty good about since we got going on this is um and I don't want anybody to misconstrue this because I know your stance on this of like, I'm not saying like I'm satisfied. Okay. That's not what I'm saying, but I'm more comfortable with just, you know what, being me

like, and I'm okay with that. Cause I felt like for a very long time and even still, I feel like this, that I'm supposed to be an act a certain way for people in order to gain validation or approval. That's right. That's right. And, but I've noticed, I'm like, you know what? Screw this. I'm like, I don't, this is what I want to be. Like, if I want to post on Instagram about me doing a puzzle with my kids and that's what I think is valuable for me. And I think other people would get value. Then I'm going to do that. But I, I used to do it like my Instagram or Twitter, whatever I'd used to look or even the podcast and think, okay, what would other people want? What do they want to hear?

No, this is what I want to talk about. I just heard Gary Vee tell everybody this and dude, everybody knows I love Gary, but I love to give him some little shit too. And he was like, man, if you don't know what to do, just ask your audience what you want. And I I'm like, bro, like I'm thinking in my head, I'm like, bro, like I'm thinking in my head, I'm like, bro, you're just asking all these people to become performers. Like instead of asking them to invest in themselves and figure out what it is that they are proud of themselves for doing, then you could figure out what it is you stand for, what it is you believe. And guess what? When you're able to walk free, you know this because I know you as a man. You and I both are like this.

And not everybody is. And both of our purpose is to help everybody get to that point. But I'm very comfortable with who I am. And that was the whole, that's the whole, you know, when I talk to people about 75 Hard, I talk to them about building confidence and grit and fortitude and belief and all these qualities. And, and most people don't even understand what those qualities mean to them. So like, dude, I can remember being a young man. Um, and, and like, you know, when I was, I would say 20 years old, right? Let's just say, and I was always interested in girls.

Okay. And I always hear this thing. Well, girls love guys that have confidence. I didn't know what the fuck that man. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? So what I do, I became the fake confident guy. Right. Like I had all this fucking gel and shit in my hair and I fucking wear some shirts.

Like I thought I was talking, man. Yeah. I thought I was cool, you know? And I'm like, and I look back and I'm like, bro, you were the fucking biggest turd ever. You know? And I'm like, and I look back and I'm like, bro, you were the fucking biggest turd ever. You know what the truth is, is like when you start to realize what real confidence looks like and feels like it's very liberating and freeing. Yeah. And dude, it actually creates a situation where you're not actually eating yourself up on the inside with anxiety and stress and worry about what the world thinks. And instead you're okay. Cause you're looking at every day.

I look in the mirror. I fucking look, this is a truth. And this is people literally every day. I look in the mirror. I can fucking honestly tell myself, dude, you're doing everything you fucking can.

I can't. That's powerful. Yeah, bro. And so what else can I fucking do? So if I'm doing everything I can, and I can't really do anything more, I mean, could I do a little more here and there?

Sure. But I'm always searching for that to do. You're pushing. That's what creates the inner peace, right? So now I'm like, okay, that was a good day. That was a good day. And I do that a good day, a good day, a good day, a good day. And eventually, dude, it builds a good life.

Right. You know what I'm saying? So, you know, what's ironic about that too is like, I think there's a lot of people who listen to your podcast, who think to themselves because they see you and the guests that you have on and the people you're connected with, that they want to be influential too. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So they try to act a certain way in order they're performing in order to gain that notoriety, that influence. The ironic thing is, is when you stop worrying about what other people think and you do programs like 75 hard and you follow through on your commitments and you be a man of your word and you live in

integrity, then that's what people follow. Yeah. They don't follow the fake. They follow you not really caring what people think and worrying about, for lack of a better term, impressing yourself rather than impressing other people. Yeah. And a lot of people read that as like arrogant or cocky or whatever, but it's not, it's just real confidence. Like I don't need the approval of you. Sorry. Yeah. I just don't. Right. And that's, that doesn't mean I don't value you. It doesn't mean I don't value your opinion. It doesn't mean I won't listen to you if you have feedback, but what it means is I don't need it. Right. You know, and that's a, that's a very fine line to delineate, right? Like a lot of people have to have, they live for that credit, right? But what

if you could give yourself to credit every time you need it without it being, you know, falsely right. Some sort of manufacturer. Yeah. No, it's, it's real credit. You know, like you're actually able to assess yourself in a real way and say, all right, bro, you did a great job today. You know what I mean? Yeah. Or, and it'd be true. Yes. And have it. That's the point. And have it be true. Cause some people do the affirmations, right? You're special. You're what it's like. And then you create this internal dialogue. It's like, you're awesome. And it's like, no, actually you're a piece of shit. Cause you haven't done anything that you know, you're supposed to be doing. Oh no, but you're supposed to feel good about yourself.

Like you have to sink the two. That's the whole self-love perception right now. Like, dude, we have all these people who are out there preaching self-love and dude, this is going to come off as, as mean. And I don't mean it to be mean. I'm just being, I just want to talk about it because it's real. We have all these people who are clearly, you can look at them and tell that they're not doing anything for themselves, their physical body. They're clearly eating foods that aren't good for them. And they're justifying it as, oh, well, I'm okay with myself and I love myself. But the truth is, is that you can't really love yourself until you're proud of yourself. Right. And to be proud of yourself, you have to do things that are difficult for you.

Yeah. You know? And so their narrative of like, oh, I love myself just the way I am. That sounds good. And I hope that everybody can get to that point, but you have to understand that just saying it,

is it going to get you there? No. Yeah. You know, it's, um, it, so I,

I know like we don't talk about scripture a whole lot. Um, but well, it's interesting to it. No, you know, I, I don't talk about scripture a whole lot, but what's interesting. I'm open to it. You know, I started wrapping my head around this concept because, so Jesus was talking with some priests and the priests were trying to trap him and trick him into getting to say some things that contradicted themselves. That sounds familiar. Yeah, yeah, yeah, true. So they asked him, what's the great commandment, right?

And he said, love God. That's the first great commandment. They said, well, what's the great commandment, right? And he said, love God. That's the first great commandment. They said, well, what's the second great commandment? And Jesus says, the second great commandment, and everybody knows this, is to love thy neighbor as thyself. Right? When you hear that scripture, for example, and this ties into what we're saying, is you think, okay, well, I'm just supposed to love other people. That's what I'm supposed to do. What most people overlook is the as myself. Like if I love, let's say I love my neighbor, then I'm going to support them. I'm going to honor them. If they're hung up or have some

sort of illness or medical condition, I'm going to maybe mow their lawn or do, that's how I'm going to treat other people. But if you treat other people like that, according to that scripture, you have to treat yourself like that. And most people don't carve any amount of time out of their day to take care of themselves because they think it's selfish. It's not selfish. It's actually selfish not to. That's right. Because if you and me, and we were talking about this before we hit record, if you and I as leaders of our prospective organizations want to actually impact and serve and help the people we're trying to serve, the best way for us to do this is to be the best possible human being that we can. And if we're overweight, we're out of shape, we're out of integrity, we're stepping out on our wives, we're doing all this stuff we know we shouldn't

be doing, that's selfish. That means you wanted that temporary satisfaction and you put that above and beyond what you could have done for another individual who happens to listen to your podcast or be influenced by your company or buys your products yeah dude i totally agree then i i completely agree yeah dude i think the uh i think the thing you know for me a lot of people have been getting on me too about and i'm gonna talk about myself for a minute because you all know i love that let's be be real. Who doesn't, right? But, dude, I think for me, man, people have been getting on me a little bit because I'm not posting on my Instagram and stuff. I noticed that.

Yeah, and the reason I'm not really, man, is because I actually feel like I'm going through a little bit of a transition mentally. I know I am. A lot of the stuff i said four or five years ago while i agree with it i i would just deliver it a lot differently now you know what i mean and uh so i'm trying to figure out what that feels like and looks like and sounds like um and it's just growth and a lot of people are like well dude you're just you and yeah but you have to understand i work on me like a fucking artist works on a fucking picture you know i'm saying every day like i i kind of know what it's gonna look like it sound like but i want to like still do some work on my own yeah you know what i mean and uh and it's a really cool

process i would say that 75 hard dude like i know it's my program and I made it up But like the thing is Fuck it fucking works it fucking works for me No doubt you know and the thing is You know I don't know It's exciting to watch people do it because I get so many cool messages and so Many you know like dude

You know we get a little bit of You know what the fuck like why is it so Extreme and well look man it ain't for everybody Don Don't do it. It's not for fucking everybody. I didn't create the program for fucking everybody. I created it for people that want to be elite. And a lot of people have been like, you know, you know, dude, I'm pretty young. I'm, I'm not that old. I'm fucking 40 years old. Right. Fucking. I had a lot of success at a, at a young, very young age, relatively. I mean, you know what I'm saying? And I'm not saying that to brag. So I get a lot of people at a very young age relatively i mean you know what i'm saying and i'm not saying that to brag so i get a lot of people are like dude how the fuck do you do it

well that's how that's how i do it and and you know little pieces of this have been responsible for my success over the last 20 years but what has really made the difference bro is figuring out what little pieces all worked and sticking them all together. And that's what 75 hard is. So I've gone through phases before where I've like, you know, been on a diet and I've been training, but I wasn't reading.

Then I've been on phases before where I was reading, but not doing that. Yes. And all of us can relate to that. Right. Yeah. But what if you put it all together? Yeah together and what if you're disciplined about it? And dude, it's so cool to me. Like I,

the book and the app were the first things I ever sold to do with the program. You know what I mean? I don't really give a fuck about how much money it makes or whatever, but we have hard costs in that. Right. Right. It's right to make a profit when you deliver things that are of value and uh so but i'm not i think that 75 hard will be the biggest thing that i've ever done on the fucking planet it's pretty phenomenal just to see what what it's created because i see your stories and i see your testimonials and i follow the hashtags and i see people posting but even as like for just me like for just me for sure

legacy that's going to create because what you're saying is like that's what i said yesterday in my instagram story everybody's like dude what are you you know you're just done with fate dude i restarted phase one like 15 days in you know why because i half-assed to fucking work i remember you saying you weren't quite it with it or something i did it i did the work i could check the box but i half-assed it and you know what the truth is is i really wanted to start it over because i didn't want to fucking end so i i used it as a way to extend it out you know what i mean to start it over but the thing is is like they're like what are you gonna do you're gonna have beers you're gonna have this i'm like well since it's tuesday no i'm going to have beers. You're going to have this. I'm like, well, since it's Tuesday, no, I'm not going to have beers.

I'm going to wake up. Right. And so I'm you, I see a lot of people. It's, it's interesting seeing people go through the first year. And then now this is the second year of it. Yeah.

And how much more growth they get out of it the second time, because the first time they get done, they're like, fuck yeah, I want to pound some beers, eat some food. And then they look back a year ago and they're like, fuck, that's where I went off. I went off and I became the three or four or five weeks before I, and then I fucked it up.

Exactly. And so like, dude, I did that last year. Like I went through 75 hard, then phase one. Then I had a couple of parties at my house over a two week span. And then like the rest of the summer, I was just like fucking did whatever I wanted. I mean, I still train.

I went back to doing a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Not like that. Yes. And, and so this year I've just tried to really lock that is my fucking habits. Like this is what I do. And I do it whether I'm on the program or whether I'm off the program. Like today I woke up today is my first day after a phase one, right? Just so everybody knows. And I wasn't,

you know, today's a low carb day for me on my diet. I'm fucking eating low carbs and I'm working out. I'm doing the same shit I was doing yesterday. And I was explaining it, my story. It's exactly what you said, bro. like i realized just from becoming kind of going through this process uh over the last few months of growth i i'm starting to actually become really aware of like um how many people actually take what i say serious i heard your podcast this morning yeah yeah your your uh happiness podcast yeah he's a happiness yeah yeah yeah so i'm like i'm it's starting to register with me that it's'm like i'm it's starting to register with me that it's not just about me it's really about a fuck ton of other people and what a

responsibility and not just the people here in this building you know what i'm saying so like now i'm like okay now you're becoming a real leader right because now i'm aware like i've always been a leader by other people's eyes but now I'm starting to realize how important it is. What I need to do, because dude, I had a, one of my, one of my, uh, really good friends who I've known for a long time. Uh, Laurie Darrow, she's from California and she's a first form Legionnaire and she's just a wonderful, wonderful lady. And she messaged me, um, uh, Sunday. And i did that story where i said i was doing a story and i said dude i almost bitched out on day 29 and i so i went and did the cardio and then i got in the pool i don't know if you saw that i don't think i saw it well i just basically told people i said well

just so you guys know i almost fucking bitched out and didn't do it and you guys would have never known and instead i went and did it now i'm getting in the pool and i feel better about it so if you if you are the same as me right now go fucking do it you'll feel better yeah she messaged me 30 minutes later out on her doing her cardio dude that made me feel good that's like that's real shit well and you think about that so she sent you that story but think about the tens if not hundreds of thousands of people who didn't send you that story but what but went did it. I think the difference, and this is what I see in my life, not just with 75 Hard, but other things that I'm doing in my life is that, and I think this is the difference

between doing it the first and second time, is that when you do things to check them off the list or get them completed, there's still value in that, but it's not as good as just doing it for the sake of doing it i like the value and actually the activity versus the completion for sure and there's levels to it right right like so like a year ago just getting through like dude no bullshit 75 hard a year ago is completely different than this year like last year i was in pain i was hurting the whole time my fucking feet were fucked up. Like I was fucked up and it was hard. It was hard, dude. Like hard, hard this year. It's been different because I get

me a different mind space. I'm like, it doesn't matter how hard it is. I'm fucking doing it. Right. And so, uh, I don't really give that voice any sort of platform to speak. You know, the bitch voice I talk about, it doesn't really speak anymore. And if it does, it gets silenced. And I think that's the whole thing, right? The whole thing is training our brains to recognize, and a lot of people call this awareness or whatever. And that's another term people completely misunderstand. Right. But you have to become aware that you have two internal voices. We all do. Some of us have a lot more, you know,

I'm one of those. I got a few more, but yeah, the more you have, the harder it is. But I think all humans distinctly have a strong voice, which I call the boss voice, which is the voice that tells you the things that you should do that you know you should do yep and then you have the bitch voice which is the comfort voice that's the voice that tells you when you get home after working eight hours on you know pouring concrete you know you're supposed to work out which by the way i've done that shit so i know what that's like. It's really hard. It sucks.

Yeah. And when you get home and you sit on the couch and you're like, fuck. You know what? I'll just do it tomorrow. That's your bitch voice. Yep. That is your bitch voice. And if you listen to that voice, it will affect your relationships.

It will affect your income. It will affect your physique. And it will affect your happiness. Yep. We were just talking about this the other day. So we're going on this cardio walk. And this is my first my first like i call it my first legit round of 75 hard but we were walking we're just getting started maybe like five ten minutes into it and he's like bj why are you so quiet and like dude i'm trying to tell my body to shut the fuck up you know but like i mean it's a real thing you know and like i think that power and that is is

for me it's been amazing and i found myself i told any told Andy this, I'm like, dude, like, I get a lot of DMs of people just reaching out to me, trying to reach out to Andy, right? And that's cool. I like it. That's cool. But, you know, it's the same message. It's like, dude, I love you so much. You changed my life.

And, like, the other day, I took my, like, was really looking at my progress pitch from day one to where I'm at now. And, I mean, dude, it looks good. And I found myself being one of those people like like dude and like seriously like thank you you know i'm saying but like i mean it's been awesome for me i've never felt a long way to go oh yeah and we're gonna keep getting there yeah every single day uh the you talk about the bitch voice i've always talked about it as the natural man yeah i've said this to the guys for a long time is like you think about

what the natural man is and the term i use a lot is battle. Like it's a battle. And every time I use that word, there's somebody who says, oh, it's just hyperbole. And it's not, life's not really a battle. I'm like, it is for me. It is for me too. Because look, I want to eat all the chips and salsa. I want to, I want the results without the effort. I want to be weak. I want to be pathetic. I want to be lazy. That's the guy I naturally just want to be. Me too. That's the path of least resistance. And so every day I personally need to battle between that guy, the natural man, and the version of myself that I want to be, like the potential that I have to become. And our actions, regardless of how insignificant they may seem, push us one way or the other. You're right here in the middle. If you decide

to bitch out today on anything, whether it's having a difficult conversation, making an extra sales call, going and doing your workout, not eating the chips and salsa, that's going to move you one way. If you win the battle, you win that campaign, it's going to move you towards that ideal version of yourself, which is where the confidence comes from. And the, and like you were saying, DJ, the ability to see it. And then you're like, Oh shit,

this is working. I can actually do this tomorrow. It's like, we always say the work comes before the belief. Yes. Right. You got to do the work. And then when you start to see it working,

then you start believing. Right. And a lot of people don't realize they try to put the belief in front of the work and it dude. And then they think there's something wrong with them. Right. Cause every fucking self help guru out there for the most part tells them you're perfect the way you are well then why do i feel so bad right you know i'm saying right like that you guys have

to understand that like if you're out there right now and you're saying now dude if you're happy like legitimately if you can look in the mirror and you're happy and let's just say you're 100 pounds overweight, I support that. Go ahead. It's your body. It's your choice. I want to live a little bit longer. That's my thing. Right.

All right. I'm naturally a fat dude. I've been fat my whole life. I've been 350 pounds. You know, I've been 330 a couple times after. You know what I'm saying? Like, I know what that feels like. I've had enough of it.

I mean, isn't that the biggest thing, thing right is what's relative to each individual yeah right i mean i think that's a huge thing right i mean we talk about this a bunch like working out it's like you know i mean dude like i could be bench pressing 225 and that's fucking tough for me yeah you could be throwing up 315 for reps you know i'm saying but it's like that doesn't mean i'm not working my ass off that's that conversation we always joke about that joke we always work is relative too no no no how does hot it's hot yeah it's fucking hot no it's not no you don't know what he never lived in utah you know maine yeah maine that's the whole problem with the world exactly you can't accept each other's reality that's right like we don't understand that everybody wants to one-up each

other yeah bro what ryan thinks is hot is different than what dj thinks is hot and it's different what i think is hot but fuck i mean it's fucking hot for all of us right everybody's uncomfortable that's right that's right i think that's the beauty of the 75 hard list though right i mean it's like it's scalable it's relative to what you can do right i mean dude and that's the thing people don't understand like i get i the the the misunderstanding information questions comments i get from people are there's no way uh look man my fucking mom can do it my mom's in her 60s you know i'm saying like dude we've had people in their 70s do we've had people that are 400 pounds do it 500 pounds look it's scalable right it's all relative scalable like this is not like people

hear the two workouts a day and they think well they got to go out and run a marathon twice a day well no shit nobody can do that fuck man i can't even run a motherfucking mile there's two people and we talked about them earlier who can do that nobody else can do that that's right that's right those are the two only dudes i know seriously yeah and they probably got more than two voices in their head i'll tell you that yeah they both do you know what they're both fucking great dudes oh yeah solid as they come yep so yeah man i don't know i i feel i feel like everybody and i'm not saying this because it's my program but i feel like everybody needs to find a way to 75 hard is a great way to do this but needs to find a way to treat their brain just like you would treat your body and working out you know

what i mean and once you start to tie so like for me what i do is i tie my entire fucking success in life to the littlest tiniest detail like a lot of people make fun of me about like what I say about the piss droplets on the seat or the bolts or whatever you purposefully use that example because it's absurd. Right. But it's I really do it. And what I what I do, this is what I tell myself. Like, dude, if I fucking, you know, a little P drop goes on the seat and it's my own bathroom. I tell myself a couple of things.

One, I'm like, well, fuck, dude, I better wipe that up, because what if Ryan comes in and uses the bathroom, right? Right. So, like, number one, yeah. Number two, if I walk out of that room, and sometimes I do, that's the thing. Sometimes I do leave it there, and I'll walk three or four feet out the room, and I'll fucking turn around and go back and do it,

because my boss voice, the voice in my head is so tuned that it's actually screaming at me and saying, bro, you are going to fucking lose everything you own. You go down that road. Have you ever done something? I can't even think of an example right now where you do it. You see what I'm saying? You have to tie a bigger reason than just like, I want six pack abs.

That's not big enough reason. The reason has to be like, bro, if I don't fucking go wipe that little thing up, then my whole life is going to fall apart because I'm going down that road of shitty habits. And I don't know, it works for me. I think when you do that, you get to this point. And I think this is a winning point. When you do something out of integrity, like leave the p drop droplets on the toilet yeah and then you you like walk out of the room and it just sits in your brain and nags at you like dude what are you

doing what are you doing and you're like fuck it god yeah and you just hurry to go back and fix it right and so you know you're like cool i'm on the right track yes yes that that voice is now winning yes dude that's a powerful shit yeah and most people never get to that point most people never get well they'll talk themselves out of it right because their brain will say hey look you messed up you didn't do the project right or you didn't finish and most people will try to like actively talk themselves out of like no i know i'm tired i'll do it tomorrow nobody will ever see it i remember i had a painter come in and he was painting our office and it was like up in the corner and it was going to be with some trim or something and he's like hey i'm all done here i'm like what

about that and he's like oh it's okay nobody will see that and i said yeah you're right i see you're right yeah but you know what i won't even see it as the guy who hired you. I won't even see it, but you'll see it. Yeah. Like, doesn't that shit bother you? No, no, no. That to me boggles my mind. How does that not bother you? Dude, it's people just have to go through that process, man. I guess it is. A lot of people don't. Yeah. They just never do. Right. And it does make you extremely critical of people that are like that. Well, you have to be able to offer some, some grace and understand, like you were saying earlier, not everybody's at the same page and not everybody has the desire. You know,

I have people reach out to me every day. Oh, well, not everybody has to be like you, bro. I'm not saying they have to. All I'm saying is this is how I want to be. And if this is how you want to be and you want to do it together, let's do it together. We'll hold each other accountable. If you don't think what I share is valuable, then no follow. Cool. Fine. Find Andy or find whoever that you think is more valuable and then do that. I don't care. Yeah. No, dude. I think, uh, I think that's a missing quality in the world right now is the ability to understand that, you know, there's a lot of people out there that are just sharing with you what they do. And if you want to do it, okay. If you want to listen, okay. If you don't, okay too. I think that comes down to, um, have you read the four agreements?

Oh yeah. It's probably one of the best books I've ever written. Yeah. Uh, Don Miguel Ruiz. Right. And he said, I think one of them is, uh, and I don't know what rule it is or agreement it is, but don't take anything personally. And that's where we're at right now is that everything is so personal to people. Like I could post something about, like I posted a podcast with Mike Ritland today. He's a dog trainer. He was a Navy SEAL and he trained dogs. I could post that and I guarantee somebody on my post said, why do you hate cats?

Bro, it's not personal. I'm just saying, I said, how dogs can make you a better man, I think is what I titled it. And somebody is going to take it personal. They're going to take it out of context and think that I'm talking specifically about them. Like, oh, you don't have a dog, then you're less of a man. Nobody's saying that. But that's how so many people choose to take it. No, dude, it's we're in a weird spot. You know, we have. It's frustrating for everybody because we have, you know, we have a lot of turmoil and disagreements going on right now, and we have a lot of people that don't know how to have a discussion. You know, they've spent their whole life looking at a motherfucking smartphone.

They don't know how to talk. So what do we we see tearing shit down crying screaming at top of their lungs literally knowing nothing about what they're talking about and to anybody who actually understands like history and has been a consumer of you know knowledge uh at a very fundamental level, understands these things. And it makes these people look ridiculous and we're starting to see it, right. We're starting to see, I think we've reached that point. Yeah. We're starting to see the, the people, we're starting to see people who are normally, um, not saying anything. And they're now, now they're like, you know what, fuck all of you. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not down with that. with that right you know we let you guys you know throw a temper tantrum and this and that and now uh i just think you're ridiculous yep and what dude i think i was

telling dj this yesterday this is a big problem for people that they're not anticipating and i'm always trying to look you know down the road where things people's actions are going to take them dude there's so many people that are going to become unemployable because of the shit that they're posting on the internet right now. They hate their posting on the internet. Did you see that gal? She threatened to stab people. She got fired.

A couple days later, maybe even a day later, she got fired. She was crying. It was like, what do you think? You're threatening people. You're literally threatening people's lives. That's what happens when you don't spank your motherfucking kids bro that's the truth like dude this this putting kids in the corner and everybody wins a fucking 47th place medal and everybody's told they're equal and all this shit has created that and that's what we're dealing with yeah they don't understand

accountability that girl graduated from harvard and her brain she's as fucking smart as they come because that's what the world tells you and the rest of the world the rest of the world knows you're a dumb fuck yeah that's the truth period you know it's funny i had a i had a conversation with my oldest the other day and um i was gonna post something about it and i'm like you know this this was this was this was personal but i do want to kind of share it because it's important as a father he uh he's a little overweight and he's been upset about it because he's liking girls now. He's like worried about his love, you know. So he's like, Dad, like I've been working really hard.

Do I look better? And I said, well, what do you think? He's like, I don't think I look very good. And I said, well, you have some room to go. Like you've done good. Yeah. But you have some room to go. Yeah.

But I don't want to hear you complain about, you know, being hungry later or being tired and not wanting to go work out. Yeah. And it's funny because I caught myself not wanting to share part of that story because I know people would say, oh, you're just being mean to him. You're an asshole. That part? Dude.

You're talking about that part? You don't want to share that? Yes. You must hate your children. What the fuck? That people, no, people will say, I can't believe you tell him he's overweight and he's fat and this i'm like it's true he needs to know 12 he's old enough he needs to know these things he needs to know the truth bro this is the whole problem we try to we've had a generation of parents with they have a terrible parenting

strategy in their brain dude i've been talking about this since, you know, this is 2015. I've been saying the same motherfucking shit. We have 25 years of failed parenting strategy showing itself in society right now. Yeah. Okay. And that's the truth. And you can get mad at it all you want, but when you don't tell your kids the truth and you tell them that they're always going to win and they're always going to be special and And they're this and they're that. And then when they get in trouble at school, you take the kid's side instead of the principal's side. And all this shit to protect them from having to answer to their actions. You're setting them up to be just like that girl that we just saw.

We were just talking about. You know what's funny? In high school, I think I may have shared this story with you. In high school, I hate sharing the story because it makes me look like a piece of crap. Dude, people will fucking get on you forever. Oh, dude. You know, I don't have kids, so I don't know. Yes.

Oh, you're supposed to build up his self-confidence. That is how you build it. That's how you do it. Exactly. That is how you build it. What are you going to tell him some bullshit? Look. Oh, no.

It's okay. It's the American Idol syndrome. How about this? Oh, yeah, son. You look great. You're the best. You look this and that and he knows it's a lie okay he already answered it yeah no he fucking already knows yeah so you

tell him that he looks all great and everything and then now he thinks that you're full of liar that's right right because he fucking knows i call it the american idol syndrome you know when people go up and they start singing it's like who told you you could sing like how many people in your life have told you that you can sing? Cause you believe that you, and you can't clearly you can't. I had this experience in high school. Uh, my senior year, I was playing baseball. I caught and like the third or fourth game, my coach pulled me and I was having a bad game, no doubt, but he pulled me and then he, and he didn't put me in for a couple of games. And I'm like, what the hell is going on?

So I talked to my mom. And I say, hey, like, coach pulled me, whatever. But she's like, I don't know what to tell you. You need to talk to him. I thought she'd be on my side. She's like, I don't know. Go talk to him and handle it. So I went and talked to my coach.

And he said, did you train in the off season? Did you do this, this, and this? And I had to look him in the eye and say, no, I didn't do any of that. He's like, and that's why I pulled you. So he told me, and I always, in fact, we're still friends today, 20 years later, he said, so you can either be part of this team and you can help that sophomore catch and you can train him or you can quit. Those are your two choices. And fortunately, I respected him enough. My mom got on my face and said,

okay, I'm gonna train. So I spent my senior year of baseball coaching the catcher where I should have been catching because I had an adult who was willing to say and do what needed to be done rather than acquiesce and try to make me feel good about myself when I shouldn't have. And not only that, what'd that teach you about being part of a team? Right.

What'd that teach you about leadership? Totally. It's pretty weird where you are now, right? Well, that's the thing. You think about it in the context of an 18-year-old kid, 17 in high school, and you're like, my life is over. Now I look at it and think, that was actually a damn good experience for me because my baseball career wasn't going anywhere anyway. Do you know how, dude, no, that's, that's where you get built, man. Like that thing where you tell your kid the truth and you know, that might be hard. And look, parents don't like to do this

shit because it hurts, right? It hurts them. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. It's a selfish act. It is selfish. Yes. And so, you know, I don't want to tell like, dude, I look at it like young employees, right? Like I got some young employees, uh, some of them sitting right here. All right. One of them sitting right there to my left. And sometimes he don't do exactly what he's supposed to do. And I'll fucking say, no, that sucks. And when I tell you today, you sent me some stuff today and i said no keep

going right people don't like to hear that and it's good and i don't like telling them that you think i like fucking telling them that dude but the thing is is that's my role yeah all right and and we have to get comfortable as americans as parents and i'm speaking you know as a parent of our children here at the fucking office because we got a lot of them yeah but dude we have to be comfortable telling people the truth so that they can get better if you care about them yeah dude and like that's i think most people respond well to that dude i think they do that's the key right i mean it's said my expectations higher than you said for yourself but dj it's it's people aren't willing to do it because it hurts them.

That's what it is. It's not about the other person. Like, dude, you guys. Yeah. And so it's just like the self-love fucking narrative. Yeah. We've built this narrative that says it's a failed parenting strategy. We'll be talking about, dude.

There's no accountability. If you don't teach your kids to be accountable, be responsible like that. I post a meme yesterday where it had like five mirrors on the wall. And I said, and I said, it was like in a kid's classroom. And I said, if,

uh, I said, if I become president, I'm going to make, uh, this is my first executive order. It's going to be in every classroom grades one through eight. And I mean it,

that's what I would do. You know why? Because that's, that's what's missing right now. Yeah. We could tear apart all these different problems in society. We could fucking talk about the bullshit going on with the mask and the division and the racism and all these things that are negative. that comes down to it but the real reason why that all those people are able to instill those fears on us is because we never took responsibility for who the fuck we were and so it makes it easy to look at the government and say well lord government tell me what i need to do right and so we've transitioned and this has been done on purpose by the way

we've transitioned from a self accountability culture to a culture that naturally looks for the answer of what to do from the government. Right. And that's what we're seeing right now. You know? And, and so if we want to fix the problem, guys, it's a 20 year process. That's what nobody wants to hear. Like, if you really want to fix the problem of what's going on right now with the division and the hate and this bullshit that the government's putting on us and all this shit this starts in the classroom which is why 20 years ago they took the pledge out and they took you know so like dude if you guys want shit to fix understand it's going to take time and it's going to start with the kids right now well Well, and I actually posted something about that the other day about how important it is that we,

we as, as men, cause I talk primarily to men, but women too. We have a lot of bad-ass women to listen to the show. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Raise your, it's your job, mother, father, whatever coach, mentor, brother, big brother, big sisters program. I don't care what capacity is, is your job to raise these future generations and to have real conversations like my son this one was crazy he came to me the other day we were working on we were we were building a new barn door and him and i were working out in the barn together and he says hey dad um i need to ask you a question i'm like okay what's up and i'm getting

a little nervous because i'm like he going to ask me something that's really uncomfortable. And sure enough, he's like, what's a blow job? Oh, man. And I'm like, oh. And I caught myself. I'm like, well, let's get this project. And I was like, no. Am I addressing now? First, he feels comfortable enough to ask me,

which I'm like, that's cool. Because it's probably awkward for him too. That's my job. I don't want his buddies answering that question. I want to, that's cool. Yeah. Because it's probably awkward for him too. That's my job. Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't want his buddies answering that question. No, no. I want to answer that question. Yeah. And I want to frame it in the right context.

That's right. And I want to, I'm okay with being a little uncomfortable. Yeah. So that he's set up on the right track. Looks on, looks on. I just had to explain this to DJ yesterday. Where the blowjob was? Yes.

Like DJ asked me. That's what I said. I'm like, well, look, son, it's fucking amazing. I'll tell you that. But yeah, I mean, I know it's kind of an interesting look on it, but that is the truth. These are the conversations, whether it's drugs or pornography or alcohol or how to be responsible for your actions or telling the truth like you're not where you could be. You have potential, but you're not reaching it right now. And here's how you can do it. These are the conversations that we need to

have with our kids. Yeah. And you said it best is the only reason you wouldn't want to do that is because you're selfish and you don't want to be awkward and uncomfortable. It has nothing to do with them. That's right. That's right. Can I right can i can i yeah man so what was your what was your answer uh that's a good question because i stumbled over it you went to that black space yeah i was like where do i go everything got black no man and it just came out basically i woke up i'm expecting my first child oh yeah well you got a little while hopefully but um i i told him exactly what it was i didn't lie to him i said this is what this is the act okay this is the physical act yeah and this is the expression and and sex and sexual acts are are good in the

right context they're an important expression of love it feels good which means that there's something right about it right so in the right context in the right environment there's all kinds of things right about it let's totally but i can't shy away from that right like bro that's that's real man shit and so some people would say well you know i don't want to talk about or you shouldn't do it till you're married which okay maybe that's true but it's not really true but still no but i mean yeah it but it's also about tisha real life that's what i'm saying it's like you could you could cop out and say oh i'll tell you later or just make sure it's with the right girl he's gonna go to google talk with her or

talk with him about it and figure and or her or whatever you know and i think that's the biggest thing especially in parenting right there's this disconnect you have so many parents saying don't do this when that's not what the fuck they did you know what i'm saying and like that's the biggest thing, especially in parenting, right? There's this disconnect. You have so many parents saying, don't do this. When that's not what the fuck they did. You know what I'm saying? And like, like that's a disconnect. Like, well, if you be honest with your kids, I mean, and tell them where you messed up. Yeah.

Like I did this. That's right. So instead of lying and saying, oh, you shouldn't do that and say, you know what? I actually did that. Yeah. And here's why it was wrong. And here's what I found out. So this is why I'm advising you not to do that. That's my dad taught us is that right yeah exactly like that like i can remember a

specific example like um everybody knows that i smoke marijuana because i talk about it all the time um but i don't have never done any other drugs like i don't do ecstasy i've never done cocaine that's not and the reason why the truth the real reason why there's two reasons why one i see what it does to people because i've had it in my family and i've had people go to prison for 15 years for that kind of stuff and i don't like that and the second thing is um it looks like people enjoy it a whole lot and i'm one of those people that when you find something that like, I'll be the dude in the ditch. That's right. So I know like the minute I fucking put one little granule,

that shit in my nose, my life is over. It's over. Yeah. So I never had, and I wouldn't. And, uh,

but my dad is the one that kind of like gave me the lesson on that. You know, like he caught me smoking weed one time and he pretended like he didn't know it was weed like he because i told him it was a cigarette you know everybody knows this is how are you i was like 17 it's funny we can think we think we can fool our parents that way yeah like so i fucking was like he's like what were you smoking we were down at the end of the driveway i'm like fuck a cigarette and he's like oh you're smoking where you think this is my first rodeo like you know like and i'm like and i thought like i had a fool i'm like no dad's cigarette bought it yeah now he

didn't buy it so but i remember having a conversation like a week later where he and he probably doesn't even remember this but me and chris were there my business partner chris was there and uh i don't know i think scott one of one of my buddies, he also works here. We were staying in the kitchen and he just started like out of the blue, brought up drugs like out of the blue. This is your dad. Yeah, my dad did. And he started talking about like how much weed that they smoked back in the day. Cause like, dude, he grew up like when that was like the thing, you know,

and he's like, I already smoked weed. I think it makes you dumb. And he'll still say that he calls it marijuana brain and there's actually a lot of studies that back that up we're being honest but there's just as many that say alcohol or that bad too so let's all be fucking calm your calm your little shorts there all right but he said to me he's like yeah he goes you know he goes the problem is is that that uh you know people graduate from that into other things you know like how they used to say in the dare program it's a gateway drug right because then they they and a lot of people will argue against that but it really is because what it is is it's a relaxation of your where

your line is like where's your line going to be right is it going to be at zero or is it an alcohol is it a marijuana where does it a marijuana? Where does it end? Right. And so he was explaining that. And he, he, he told us like that when he was in business, you know, in the eighties, that's what they did. They fucking did cocaine. And he's like, he's like, I'm telling you, man.

He's like, I did it. It's not that good. Uh, he, he said, you'll feel good for a minute, but you're the next couple of days, you'll feel like shit and gave us like the whole real talk about it. not from like i caught you smoking you yeah it was more like he just gave us what he thought and he didn't even say don't ever do it he just said like look if i could go back i wouldn't do it that's why i don't do it now and he gave us a real and that always stuck with me like that one conversation cemented like okay i'm not gonna go there yeah you know what i'm saying and and that's probably had a huge impact on my life because dude now i have the means to do

literally anything i want and if i fucking happen to like that shit what would my life look like what kind of person would i be what kind of leader would i be you know what i'm saying so those conversations are extremely important um and, and it, you know, you might not be as, if you're listening to this, you know, and you're thinking, well, fuck, I need to have a couple of conversations. You know, you might not be as slick as my dad was be able to like, cause I know he purposefully brought it up. He flayed, he flayed like Jocko would say, right? He flanged you. Yes. Right. Exactly. Totally. A great, a great flank. And yeah. And, uh, and so I, but that was such a, like, I'm, I'm just giving my perspective. That was such a powerful conversation in my life.

And I think now looking back, it's been, it's been one of the conversations, probably a dozen conversations that's shaped my life. And that just shows you guys right now, like if you're struggling as a parent or even a leader in any sort and you're avoiding having these conversations, you're really doing, you're really, first of all, the reason you're avoiding it is because of you, not because of them. You're not scared you're going to hurt their feelings.

You're scared it's going to feel weird to tell them. And, you know, you have to understand that that's what people who really care do. They have difficult conversations. So I actually think that's one of the things that makes a leader a leader. A leader is the one who's willing to have the conversation. If you want to be a leader, start having real conversations about real issues. And I guarantee people will start following.