REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 593. Q&AF Ft. Jon Gordon: High Standards Impacts, Roller Coaster Life & Business & Mentoring Employees

Episode Date: October 30, 2023

In today's episode, Andy & DJ are joined in the studio by bestselling author and keynote speaker, Jon Gordon. They answer your questions on how to distinguish between having high standards and being too rigid for those around you, at what point do things start to level off in business and life, and how to find the balance of mentoring your employees while maintaining professional boundaries.

What is up guys, it's Andy Purcell and this is the show for the real, let's say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness, and delusions of modern society, and welcome to motherfucking reality. Guys, today we have Q&AF. We also have a special guest, which I'll intro in just a moment. If you'd like to submit some questions for Q&AF, and if you don't know what it is, it's very self-explanatory. See, it's you submit the questions, and we answer them. And you can submit those questions one of a couple different ways.

First way is- Yeah, guys, email those questions into ask andy at andy forsella.com or you can go on youtube on the q and af episodes which drop every single monday today's monday and uh ask your questions in the comments and we'll pick some from there as well now other times when you listen to real af you're going to have different shows we have shows within the show all right today you're going to hear q and af tomorrow you're going to hear cti that stands for cruise the internet that's where we put topics up on the screen we speculate on what we think is true what we think is not true and then we talk about how we the people need to be the solution to the problems going on in the world other times we have

real talk real talk is 5 to 20 minutes of me just giving you some real talk and then uh sometimes we have full length like you guys heard on friday uh full length is just what you are used to seeing on most other podcasts where we have an interesting guest come in and we have a conversation and then other times we have 75 hard verses and 75 hard verses where we take someone who uh whose life was a total shit show who did 75 hard and then got their life in order. And we bring them on the show and we talk about how they were a piece of shit, how they're no longer a piece of shit,

and how you can no longer be a piece of shit. And we give it to you for free. You can get the program for absolutely nothing. All right? It's episode 208 on the audio feed. If you go listen to it, it'll explain what 75 hard is. It's the world's biggest mental toughness program that's ever been created.

It's for free. And if you want to get your shit together, go listen to it. So with that being said, we do have a very special Q&A. And I like these Q&A where we get people to come in and sit on the show with us. Today, I have the legend in the entrepreneurship, author, success, personal development space, Mr. John Gordon sitting in with us. What's up, bro? Andy, great to be with you.

Dude, this is awesome. It's awesome to have you here, man. I'm fine. We've been trying to get this together for a long time. Since June. Yeah. Shit, I think longer than that. I think we've been talking about it for a couple years now on and off.

Oh, yeah, definitely. It's good to have you here. Great to be here. So what's going on, man? I'm visiting your place it's incredible like just blown away by this place by your customer service your people like how you do everything is unbelievable man you know when you're not very smart you gotta do shit right you know what i'm saying every time yeah that's that's what it comes down to you know people people give us a lot of credit for being intelligent but

i think i think the key ultimately to success in business is doing the things that other people won't do that you know are the right thing and um i don't know any other way to do it you know you do the ordinary things with extraordinary consistency commitment focus and discipline that's what i've noticed like that's what the best do the best are always doing that ordinary stuff but but they're so focused on it and that's what what I've noticed. Like everywhere you go, everything's clean. Yeah. Everything's put in the right place. Yeah.

We don't have a cleaning crew, bro. Like our people clean it. Wow. Yeah. So a lot of people ask how we get everybody to do that, how to buy into that. You know, what I've found, and you probably realize this too, I mean, because you've coached everybody, bro. I mean, you give talks in, I mean, every major college, every major professional team in the world.

You guys that aren't familiar with John Gordon, he's an absolute legend when it comes to anything personal development. How many books have you written now? 28. Yeah, 28 books. I mean, we're talking like one of the most influential people. So for you guys who are young that may not know who John Gordon is, you should go check him out and read his books. Because a big reason of, you know, why people like me are even doing the things that we do is because of the work that this man has done previously in his life. But you understand that, you know, teaching people what they're getting out of the process is one of the most effective ways to get people to operate at a high level, right?

Because we all think about what's in it for us naturally as human beings. And when we could teach people, you know, like people come in here and they look at the sink in the bathroom. They're like, man, it looks like no one's ever used the sink. Well, we wipe the sink out after we use it. So it looks that way on purpose. But why do we do that? Well, we do that not because we want John Gordon to come in and see that the sink is wiped out. We do that because we know that every single time that we wipe out the sink, we're actually attributing and accumulating more discipline to our own standard, right? It's

making us better. Same thing with the weights in the weight room. A lot of people are like, how do you, what do you do when people, you know, what do you do? Fire people that don't straighten their weights? Well, yeah, if they don't do it like three or four times but initially usually people buy into it because they understand that you know that little attention to detail makes them better at what they do and if they're better at what they do they have a better life so i think a big part that a lot of coaches miss with people especially when we're talking about performance is tying it back to how it benefits the individual not just hey you need to do this because this is our standard right most people are selfish in that way well we all are yeah everybody is we all look at look dude every single human on the face of the earth that says you know oh i'm a completely selfless human being

anybody who says they're completely selfless they're fucking gonna take something from you they're they're your money is gonna go from your pocket to their pocket. All right. Yes. So like be real careful because the truth is we can be selfless and we can understand that to be ultimately selfless, we have to be selfish and get ourselves right first. This is why, you know, when the airplane is going down, they don't say, Hey, put the mask on everybody else. They say, put it on yourself. But, you know, I think it's a balance there, right? Like we've, right? We've got to become aware of our own selfishness and then work intentionally to be selfless, understanding that that's what ultimately creates the life that we want. I love it, man. And how you do one thing is how you do everything.

Yeah, for sure. And so you go to Clemson Football, I've worked with them, worked with the Rams, right? They're focused on all the details. Your people being focused on the details in the bathroom with the sink also says they're gonna do that in their jobs. You go to a restaurant that has clean bathrooms, okay, you probably can figure out the kitchen is probably gonna be clean too. But you go to a restroom that's dirty in a restaurant, you're like, okay, I may not wanna eat here.

Yeah, for sure, man. Yeah, for sure. I think, John, so we were talking about this before the show started, but I think we, I first met you, was out at Ed's event in, was it North Carolina? Yep. I think that's where we first met. Yeah, probably North Carolina.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's where I first met you. Oh, shit, I forgot about that. Yeah. Yeah. That was right after my shoulder surgery. Yeah. Right, right after.

I struggled in that. Right after, yeah. That was where I brought the ax. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. They almost didn't let us on the plane with it. Yeah, that's right. But I think that's why I first met you, Zez.

It's been awesome. Good to see you again. Good to see you. Yeah. This is awesome. Culture. Yeah. I'm a student of culture.

Yeah. I teach culture, but I'm always looking at culture. I work with In-N-Out Burger, one of my clients. They got a great culture. You can't make a hamburger unless you work there for a year. Yeah. You have to work there for a year before you can make a hamburger. And then you have to be chosen to be a hamburger maker.

So it's like an honor to say, I want you to be a hamburger maker and you're going to apprentice under me. It's like, it's a big part of their culture. Right. Well, that makes sense. That's the product, man. You know, like it makes sense that you would build value around the process of making the most important thing, right? That makes a lot of sense to me.

What you got going on? What's new with you, man? So I just wrote a book called The One Truth. So I've been speaking about that, oneness and separateness, everything comes down to oneness and separateness. Are we divided and separate? You get weak when you're divided and separate.

Or are we one, connected and strong? So it's all about that. So I've been speaking a ton, like going nonstop from place to place, doing a lot of events, speaking, got a number coming up. But it's been crazy just the amount of events I've been doing speaking. Yeah, yeah. So, well, that's an appropriate message. Especially in culture right now.

Dude, what do you think of culture right now? I think I agree with you 100%, the way oh you do every yeah everything everything that well you know i loved there was a time maybe about a year ago when we were we were talking we met we were talking and i said you you know, during COVID, I stood up against the mandates. I stood up against cancel culture and you know, it was a big risk for me. And you said, no, the fact that you believe it was a risk is wrong. You believe that it actually has power. That's wrong. That really stood out to me. That made me really think cancel culture only has power. If you give it power. That's correct. And that was a huge lesson for me that you taught me in that moment. I'm like, no, it can't affect you unless you believe it can.

Right. So you got to be bold. Yeah. You got to take a stand. So I'm huge on principle. I'm huge on integrity. I'm huge on leading the right way, doing the right thing. And so what we see now with culture, we see a lot of people doing the wrong things.

We see a lot of misinformation. We see a lot of misinformation. We see a lot of lies. There is evil and evil will always lie to you and then make you feel like you're the liar. And that's what's happening right now. So the people who are standing for truth are being told that they're the liar. No, we're not the liars.

We are speaking truth. So I love that you're taking a stand. I think more people need to, to address what kind of culture do we wanna create in this country? Like we have to get back to what we stand for. That's what made America great. Everyone knew what we stand for.

And I think today people don't really know what America stands for. And you have to get back to that. It's been so diluted, yeah. Freedom, like we stand for freedom. And if you stand for freedom, then everything we should do should be about freedomoted, yeah. Yeah, freedom. Like we stand for freedom. And if you stand for freedom, then everything we should do should be about freedom and individual responsibility and your individual rights.

So when things happen where they try to take away those rights, where we more and more see those rights eroded, that's a big deal in culture today. So for me, I'm big on individual responsibility, individual ownership, but also leaders doing the right things. That is in the best interest of people. So I don't see that happening a lot today.

What do you think on term? Like, I agree with you on cancel culture, you know, cancel culture can only hurt you if you stop. That's where it hurts you. You know, like people come to attack you and then you just stop doing whatever the thing

is that you were doing. Or apologize. Dude, that's where cancel culture will get you guys. If you just show up the next day and start saying the same shit again, they're going to come at you again, except the next time they come at you, it's less and less.

And then you show up the next day and then they come at you again. It's less and less because bro, these people want, these people come at people for the reaction they want the apology they want they want the the crying video they want the oh my god i'm so sorry for saying what i actually believe that's what that's what it's for yeah okay so if you never give it to them eventually they go find people that are going to give it to them wait did you call them racist yet that didn't work yeah that't work, bro. I can defend my arguments.

And I think that's a big part of it too, is that a lot of people are so uncomfortable defending their positions because they don't understand their positions that they can't fend off any sort of criticism. I'm aware that not everybody, I don't expect our audience to agree with everything I say when it comes to what's going on in the world but i i am very comfortable standing in front of someone whoever it is and having a conversation about why i believe what i believe and if you make a great point and i say well that's a good point i didn't think about it like this is called being a like a good communicator you know and if you just communicate with the intent of solving the problem versus the intent of being right, now you're in a situation where I think conversations can be had.

And so that's what I'm trying to show people, man. I'm trying to show people that like, hey, you can have stances, but you can also be open to other ideas. And when people come at you, that's okay. That's the way the world is right now. But if you stop, that's where it hurts you. And I think a lot of people, you know, they think that like, oh my God, they came for me and they ruined my life. No, you ruined your life because you stopped doing whatever it was that you were trying to do. And the reason why, they're afraid. So you asked me about culture. What do I see? I see fear.

People are really struggling with fear, anxiety, chronic worry, chronic stress. And we're not meant to go through life that way, living that way. And you can see how people feel more and more separate when it comes to that. You know, the root for the Greek word of anxious means to separate and divide. And so when you feel anxious, you feel separate and divided. So these people feel divided. They feel anxious. So fear has taken over their life. We have to get them back to that wholeness, that healing, that oneness, that power. Discover the power that you have.

When you look at the world, if you believe that the world has power over you, that actually lowers your state of mind and you actually approach this world in a very timid, weak way. When you realize that you have the power to change your circumstance, to define reality, to create the future, then that uplifts your state of mind and allows you to actually approach this world in a much more powerful way. I think, you know, most people out here, and you travel the world, bro. You're all over the place. I mean, when I go in public, which is rare, I really don't go in public that much. But when I do, I don't see this division in real life. Like, I don't feel it in real life.

Like, when I do go out to an event or see people or, you know, even go to a sporting event occasionally or whatever, like, this shit doesn't exist in reality. It only exists on this phone and it's continuing to be stirred and stirred and stirred so that everybody can be at high levels of emotion and then react to whatever the distraction might be and it's very clear to me the manipulations going on but man like dj and i we talk about this all the time dude like when are when do you think people are going to wake up to like oh shit i'm being made to feel this way intentionally like when is that going to happen because that's what's going to be required for us to really get things back on track to even have a conversation of what america stands

for you know if we're consistently reacting to every single crisis that happens and these crises are happening every three or four fucking days now, okay? We just had, you know, we have the Middle East situation. Now we have this shooter situation. Like, has anyone else noticed that since 2020, the amount of crises has increased tremendously at the rate of speed? Yeah, the lag has definitely went down. Yes, bro, this wasn't like this pre-2020.

Like, we didn't have a situation where, you know, every single three days we had this national divisive crisis on the internet. And, like, dude, a lot of it comes from, like, and I, you know, look, I'm going to call it how I see it. But a lot of it comes from, you know, not just the progressive left. A lot of it comes from the conservative influencers too because they're selling fucking shit on the views and the like that's their whole purpose right they don't have a business they don't have a career they weren't relevant before 2020 and now they see it as their uh way to you know monetize themselves and so they sensationalize the propaganda think under the under the pretext that they actually care

and like people have to start getting real like these people who look at every single headline that comes down the pipe and say holy shit look what's happening oh my god and then they fucking tell you buy my shit right these people are doing they're these people are just manipulating you in a different way they're they're getting you you all hyped around something that you care about and then trying to monetize it. When in reality, bro, the,

the, the manipulation mechanism is the same emotional manipulation, stirred high emotion, and then a call to action. And, and I, I can recognize this because I'm a fucking business guy. Right.

But like most people can't see this shit. And dude, when I see like what's going on in the world, man, this because i'm a fucking business guy right but like most people can't see this shit and dude when i see like what's going on in the world man it's just a massive marketing campaign geared towards us but the marketing that they're selling us is misery and anxious and depression and and financial hardship and you know being unhealthy and i don't know man like i i'm i think the internet like real talk like i think the internet is a net negative for humanity. I think the world was better before the internet, completely better. And I think there's been a lot of good things.

I think, you know, there's money to be made. There's connections to be made. There's some good things. I'm not saying there aren't some good things. But I would say, and I would be curious what your opinion is on this as somebody who's lived pre and post internet era i 100 would give away everything i fucking have everything i own everything to go back to that life before the internet every bit of recognition i've gotten from it every success everything it was a better life that's my opinion because what's the cost bro you don't even know what it's like

yeah well i do a lot because i mean i was poor no you know we couldn't afford the internet you don't know it was totally different people were different it was a different thing like this whole thing where people go on the internet and just berate people and and that never happened in the real world dude like these kids growing up in high school right now where they're getting called out on the internet and bullied on the internet for being different or weird or whatever. That shit, like, dude, when I was in high school, that sucked, right? Like you had to walk through school and you know there was people chirping and talking and shit. Now the shit's all over the internet, bro.

Like everybody sees it. Your parents see it. Their parents see it. The whole school teachers see it. Like really think about this, what that does to people. Like growing up is hard enough, man. You know, when was the last time you went somewhere and had a real conversation with someone that actually meant something and made you feel good about people? You know, like I just, I don't know. And I know it's never going to go backwards, but it just, it's like, I'm mourning for it. Cause I'm like mourning the way of life before the technology and like i don't know part

of me wants to like i i really think i will get to this point where i completely unplug everything and disappear from the fucking internet what's your take on it the media is the bible of the fearful and too many worship it yeah and that's a problem. The thing is, social media just magnifies and it reinforces the separation and the division that's there. Like there's always been a little division and there's always been comparison. There's always been jealousy.

Like when you're a kid growing up and your neighbor got a new car, you were jealous of the neighbor that got that new car or the kid who was the cool kid in school, got the new outfit, the new clothes, and there was jealousy. Now there's a thousand cool kids online and you're seeing it every single day. So the jealousy was there.

The division was there. The bullying was there. It was just in person. I fought in my neighborhood all the time. But weren't you better for it? Oh yeah, maybe stronger. I was beat up for a while and then eventually overcame

and then I was able to beat up my neighbor and never beat me up again. But I dealt with it. My dad was a New York City police officer. I'm undercover narcotic. So in our neighborhood, we battled, we fought. So those were challenging times. That's not happening today in that way.

Now it's online, now it's bullying, now it's rumors and gossip and all this other stuff. But with social media, we often blame social media, but it's really not social media. And I actually wrote about this in The One Truth. It's the fact that we're looking outside instead of inside. And there's an evil, there's a force

always trying to make you to look outside instead of inside, to look at your circumstances, to look at others, to look at the opinions of others, and to actually look and think that that has power over you, just like cancel culture. So the key is you should be able to look at social media, because there are times you probably look at it, and you're in a great high state of mind, you're feeling great, you're positive, and it has no effect on you whatsoever. You're like, yeah, this is a bunch of crap, move forward.

And other days, when you're in a low state of mind, not feeling so great, stuff's coming your way, you got a lot of clutter, you're looking at that social media and it really bothers you what you say. And so the key is to recognize that, and we have to teach kids this because kids are always looking outside. It's why so many of them are stressed and anxious

because they're not living their life from their purpose, their passion, what they're meant to do. They're looking at everyone else and their life and then they feel inadequate. And the more they feel inadequate, they then retreat from life, and they don't have the boldness and the faith to actually take on life.

So this is- I think that's a great point. What you're teaching and what I'm teaching, I think is the same thing. You have the power to take on this life. You're not meant to go through life fearful, anxious, and stressed. You're meant to go through life with power and peace

and joy and confidence and courage. And this is how you need to go through life fearful anxious and stressed you're meant to go through life with power and peace and joy and confidence and courage and this is how you need to go through life so we got to share with kids the truth that this media crap has no power over you and i think that's where we have to get to like where people recognize like this media is a bunch of liars and when the media lies democracy dies when the media lies it affects everyone and when we look at we look at social media i actually think it's a good thing because if we just had the media and, it affects everyone. And when we look at social media, I actually think it's a good thing because if we just had the media and not social media, we would never have the dissenting voices. Think about it.

It would be literally like propaganda Russian TV, which we have now, but at least we have the voices to counter it right now. So I agree with that point. So that brings up the argument of, is ignorance bliss? Right? Because we have all w that brings up the argument of is ignorance bliss, right? Right. Because we,

because we have all woken up to the amount of propaganda because the propaganda has become stronger because there has been dissenting voices. So when, when before, you know, the internet was really a thing that they kind of let us live our lives in peace. Right.

And yes, you know, they, they did all this dirty shit, but we didn't get it pushed down our throats all the time. We were allowed to like function in society properly. And since the internet's come along, it has created dissenting voices,

which has forced them to create new techniques to control those dissenting voices, which we end up with a situation where, you know, now, I mean, you know, it's kind of the discussion of like, is it better to know or is it better to not know? I'm happier when I don't know. Yeah, that's a fact. I'm happier when I didn't know what was happening.

Because when you're at a family gathering and you're talking about this, for those who don't know, they're just happy going about their life. They have no understanding or realization that their rights are being taken away. They have no understanding that they're being lied to. They don't see what can come into the future though. They haven't studied history. They're not looking at other countries. Like we do, we know what can come here. And I'm very concerned what can and may come here if we don't take a stand. That's why I agree with you a hundred percent on that. And I think most people are waking up to that fact though. A lot of people, some are still in denial.

Some, some don't see it, but you're right. Ignorance is bliss because I was a lot happier when I didn't know, but it's about finding the joy with the courage to take it on and say, you know what? I do know this is evil, but how do we beat evil? Always with truth and with good. Yeah, see, I don't have any joy in it. You know what I mean? Like for me, this is total obligation.

People have a hard time understanding that the reason I do Real AF the way I do it, specifically the CTI stuff, is not because I like doing it. It's not because it's fun it's because no one else has the fucking balls to do it okay and also i recognize that you know my boss can't really fire me right like you guys who have bosses and you've got to keep quiet i'm speaking for those people and it's it's very fucking it's a very large burden, dude. Like it's, it's very, it's very tiresome. It wears you out. It's emotionally draining. And so I often find myself in this situation where I'm asking myself, is it worth doing? And it goes into the discussion

that we're having right now. Like, is it better to be ignorant and live in the dark and let these people just do what they do as long as we get to live somewhat peacefully? Or is it better, or is our time and our historical relevance, okay, this is going to sound probably arrogant and egotistical, but, like, I oftentimes think, like, fuck, bro, this is what you were meant to do. You know, you were meant to fight these fucking people and beat their asses and get everybody straight on what's going on in society. And, you know, I have a lot of things that would

make me to say why that's happened to me. You know, when I look back over the course of my life and I think about, you know, me getting stabbed and what I learned through that and then my business journey and then like, you know, just weird things that have happened. Like I ended up living at a former president's property, you know, shit like that. Right. I don't, I can't have kids, you know, like there's all these things. And like people will say, well, how's that play into it? Well, like, you know, if I had kids, I probably wouldn't have the courage to do what I do.

You know what I'm saying? So it's uh it's this constant battle of like Is this why the fuck I'm here or should I just go live my life and let these? Fucking idiots sort it the fuck out like it's just a hard Just because you can take the easy route. Oh, you want to and not deal with any of this dude This is the thing I don't know if you saw I did a day in the life episode on youtube where i showed my life because i come on here all the time and i'm like guys i don't think you understand like i don't have to do this you know what i'm saying

and ever since the day in the life episode which has been a week and a day i've gotten thousands of messages from people like holy shit you really don't have to do this i'm like yeah i've been trying to say that guys like i care about this shit I care about you I care about your fucking family and all I ask is very simply that you share the message or speak up or stand with me you know, and it's just like For three and a half years man. We've been getting beat by these by these manipulation techniques in the media and these these criminals and It's like fuck i'm just waiting for everybody to like get so tired of

it and stand the fuck up man like we could beat these people very simply without violence by just standing together and saying hey no but we have so many of these little people inside the movement who are willing to like capitalize on it for their own self-gain as opposed to like working towards a real solution then nothing ever gets solved because we're always infighting it's like look at look at the situation between trump and desantis right trump and desantis the people the people who like desantis hate the people who like trump and vice versa they hate him and dude up until desantis decided he was going to run for president there was not that division everybody was like trump and desantis and now you have this part of the of the community like legitimately eating each other up and like guys for what like do you not understand like if you don't understand that whoever wins that primary

you need to vote for to get us out of this mess so you're telling me you hate the other guys so much you're gonna vote for fucking this guy you see'm saying? Like, we have to have some more common sense thinking and conversations. And by the way, I'm apolitical. I'm voting for the better possible outcome. I don't give a shit about Trump or DeSantis. I care about fucking us. I don't know, man. I think a lot of things.

You know what's interesting? As I was walking around your place and going on the tour, that actually came to me. That thought came to me. Like, Andy's built this. He's had the skill, the ability, the persona, the boldness, the faith, the confidence, the courage, like everything you have. I said, he's been brought to this moment to be a voice for our future.

Like I had that thought as I was walking around and you just said that, which is really cool. I have no doubt that God will choose people along the way that will fight for freedom and individual responsibility because there'll always be a force trying to oppress. You wanna hear something crazy, dude? So when I pray at night, always through when I was a kid, I always told God, I said,

if you help me, I promise I'll help other people. And what I think is happening now is like I'm having to repay that debt. Now's your time to help people. That was my prayer too. God, provide for my family and I will do your work. And for me, that was like impacting people, positivity,

helping people overcome negativity. I thought that's what it was for me too, bro. I thought it was like impacting people positivity helping people i thought that's what it was for me too i thought it was like hey i'll just share what i know and help you guys win and all this stuff and now it's become this whole other thing but who can do what you do that's the thing like i had a lot of people could no but nba coach had a star player come to the nba coach and constantly complain about the other members of the team. They're not this. They're not that. They're not this.

And the coach said, if they were that, they'd be you. And that's why you stand out. And that's why you're a superstar. And so we wish other people would do it, but not everyone can. I believe they can all be bold, be courageous, but they also can't do what you do in the way that you do it. I can't do it the way you do it. I can't do it the way you do it. I'm a fighter, but not the way you're a fighter. So it's different. But I've also made the stand and I, my wife and I have talked about this, like

as the future comes, depending on what happens in the future, like we will take a stand. Like we will take a stand for others. It may mean we lose everything, but we will take a stand for the future of this country. We do have kids, but for their future. And they, like my son loves your stuff, they think that way. We know that we're in a fight for the future of this country and also for

the moral fabric of this country and what we need to create going forward together. But it can be done, again, I'm all about positivity. Positivity doesn't mean weak. Positivity actually is strong because you believe the best is yet to come. You're going to take the actions necessary

to create the best outcome. And you can be positive and fierce. So I feel like I'm positive, but I'm competitive. I'm fierce. So I believe this is the way it should be. So let's make it so. So sometimes when you get down, it reminds me of like some of the coaches

I work with at the top level. He's like, these guys allow the burden of the jobs. Yeah. To bring them down. But what I remind them of is that love casts out fear. So anytime you start to get fear or down, you're allowing the weight of everything to take hold. That's actually what the enemy is trying to do to keep you from your destiny and keep you from being courageous

to say i'll just give up yeah you know screw it i'll just give up right every day right but no but but when you when you love the battle and you love the competition and you love the ability to to take on this challenge just every time you start to like get frustrated just remember i'm gonna love this battle and love that I get to do this. Dude, it's such a sick thing. That's going to get you to a higher state. It's so sick, dude. Because I cannot quit.

Right. I can't quit anything. It's so good in some areas, and in some areas it makes my life fucking torture, bro. Right. I feel what you're saying, man. And I take it to heart. I appreciate you sharing that.

Because that's helpful for me to think about. And it's helpful for me to know that other people feel that way. You know what I mean? Big time. So anyway, you know how the show works, brother? So we get questions from the audience. And then we try to answer them. So you want to know a secret?

What? Yeah. I got some good ones for you. All right. DJ always does let's get into it man guys andy john question i appreciate that bro like that talk i'm glad i'm glad i'm actually glad we had it on the show for people to hear yeah i really have a good idea yeah that's real shit man yeah thank you yeah well john andy question number one

uh recently i was told that i am not spontaneous enough and that I require a rigid timeline for myself, which impacts others. As I self-reflected, I suppose that's an accurate assessment. I have raised my four children. I've been a teacher for 17 years. So to say I function well with strictness and time management is an understatement. My question is, how do I know if what I thought was a strength may actually be a weakness? How can I distinguish between having high standards for myself versus being too rigid for those around me? That's what I've got on this.

Is it keeping you from what matters most to you and what will make you be your best. So if it's keeping you from that, if you're being rigid, if you're not making time for relationships because you're focusing on your routine more than your relationships, then you're probably being too rigid. But if it's helping you get better, helping you improve, if it gives you the freedom to actually do what you love and also to be your best best then that routine and that rigidness is actually a good thing I have found on my journey though. I've allowed The routine the schedule to get in the way of what matters most and so at times I can allow that to get The best of me and I don't bring out the best in me for others. Yeah, so that's how you would know

Well, would you I mean would you say that there's like a period though? Like, like, you know, cause I think like the conversation of balance, right? Like that's a big one, especially for younger people. But like, would you say though, that there is a phase of your life that you have to go through where there is not going to be this, you know, quote unquote balance that you're going to expect to have. Like there's going to be working years in your life where, Hey, like, listen, some things that do matter on the grand scheme of things, they can't really matter right now in this moment or in this phase of your life. Yeah. I don't, I don't believe in balance in life. I believe in rhythm. Like you'll never find balance. Anybody who's pursuing greatness or a company like this and building something amazing will not have balance in their life. There's a season for everything.

So the key is to find the rhythm in your life of the seasons. So like my family, we find our rhythm where July and December, things slow down. And that's when we find time to really spend together. But I'm not having balance in the course of my day. I haven't seen my wife in about seven days. You and Ed both do that so well.

You guys are great friends, by the way. Yeah, great friends. If people didn't well you both you guys are great friends by the way yeah great friends people if people didn't know ed and john are great friends and um i'm talking about am i let uh you guys do that so well and i admire that about both of you i i i feel like when it comes to the balance thing i think it depends on when you ask someone what they will say uh what answer they will give like if you asked me my first 10 years of business, if there was balance, I would laugh in your fucking face. I would be like, bro, you're insane. And honestly, if you ask me that right now, because we're in a position where we're leveling from a midsize company into a small, large

company, I would laugh in your face. So I think it's important for people to recognize that if you're in the beginning of the journey and you're talking about balance, bro, you're not going to make it. It's impossible. It takes too much to get something started. If you're starting something, and by the way, this could be your career. It could be you're 200 pounds overweight. It could be a business. It could be an organization. It could be a charity. It 200 pounds overweight it could be a business it could be an organization it could be a charity it doesn't matter if it's new balance is gone if you want to be competitive real talk okay you're gonna have to put that time in you're gonna have to put the reps in you're gonna have to put in the struggle that is a requirement now if you ask let's say uh you know let's just take a famous athlete right like uh if you asked

kobe bryant kobe ryan okay well co-writes bad example because he never got to live his other part of his life now that's actually a good example because how i look at balance is over the course of a life right like how i break down balance and how I break down my life is so different than what like most people think of when they think of it. I think of life in 20 year chunks. And then I think of inside those 20 year chunks, I think three to four year, um, like spurts. And then inside the three or four years, I think of one year as four quarters of a game. Okay. And, and I,

I use live hard, my live hard program to operate, to produce the most during that one year. So when I break down how I frame out how I look at life, it's, I don't think people look at it like that. I think most people kind of like look at their balance as a day, a super micro. Yeah.

Like do I, do I, did I spend enough time with my kids today or did I, did I get some time for me today? And dude, you're going to go years without that time. I mean, that's just reality if you're trying to build something great. So when we think about balance, I found a more realistic way to look at balance is over the course of life Where you're gonna have seasons where you're gonna have to go all-in and it's not for a week and it's not for a month bro It's for years. This is real shit. Like if you want to be anything it's for years

That creates some financial freedom you get a little bit more you get a little bit more freedom and you get a little bit more balance. And then there might become a time where you have to go again and, you know, then it's all in again. Right. And so when we look at balance, especially from a beginner standpoint, I think it's a very, very, very bad thing to, to, to expect that you're going to have it at all. It's not reality. And we see all these people on the internet saying that that's what they're have it at all. It's not reality. And we see all these people on the internet saying that that's what they're after. Well, if that's what you're after and you're trying to be great at something, that's a no-win situation. It just is. So, you know,

I just think it's important to have the proper expectations. You know, if you want to be a regular person, a regular Joe and earn a regular income. And by the way, I'm not judging. This show is predicated on people that want to be great at things. If that's what you want to do, then balance is probably achievable on a daily basis. That's something that you could probably do. But for the rest of you guys, you trying to hit that when it's not reality is only going to make you feel bad about yourself. It's only going to make you have less confidence.

You're going to feel like shit. You're going to feel extra guilty because you're not giving yourself to these other people that probably would like to have it. And to have the success that you want to create, it takes times of actual selfishness where like I am, this is what I'm doing and this is my priority and this is what I'm going to go after. And everything else kind of like is what it is and those are the sacrifices that it takes to get to get i mean dude like we're in a competition this is what people fail to realize about like this is a fucking competition like there's all this shit on the internet about

oh my god i'm competing against me yes that's true that is true you are your biggest competitor however inside right behind right yeah right outside that competition is a real competition where you're competing against real human beings who are trying to do the same things that you're trying to do all right and there's only so much room for the winners so this idea that there's a endless abundance and and endless winning and endless being the best is not actually true. Okay. Now, is there abundance? Yes.

But you have to compete very hard to have it. And these are just things that like 25 years ago, dude, were common sense. Like this was common sense, bro. Like I was taught this growing up. And like I say this to young kids that are 20 years old. They're like, what do you mean? What do you mean? Not everybody can win. I'm like, bro, how many Superbowl winners are there a year? There's one. How many MVPs on that team of the Superbowl? There's one. How many MVPs of the league? There's one sports. It's so bizarre to me that society has gotten so off track in all these other areas of life

in terms of understanding reality of how they work. But yet every Sunday they will watch the NFL and then they get this mirror image of how life really works, which means the people who put in the most work, who work the hardest, who become the best, get the biggest fucking paychecks and are the champions they're watching this exact metaphor for how life actually works every sunday and then turning around and pretending like it's not how that works balance yeah dude like how many of these nfl guys that are how many of these guys are balanced bro these are young men who are literal warriors, bro. They're putting on armor every Sunday and going out and trying to kill each other.

These dudes are not balanced, bro. These guys are coming out saying, everything I do, everything I eat, everything I train, everything I read, every single thing in my life is geared towards this battle that I'm trying to win. And that's your life, dude. And that's what people can't understand. They want to believe it's like this fluffy, nice thing. And the internet, you know, when I say what I just said, they get so pissed off and it's like, okay, well show me, you guys that get pissed off, show me what the fuck you've achieved. Show me. Because I know I'm right. I've seen it a thousand times this man coaches some of the best coaches in the world

Some of the biggest fucking names in the world dude. Am I right? Yes. Okay This is how it works man. Like there's no other recipe to it's it's called natural order. It's the reality man. It's This is why Bit lions who are at the top of the pride eventually get eaten by the younger lions this is how it works there's nothing you can do bro you get old you can't do the shit no more and they kill you that's the cycle of life man the only goal that you can do is to be the baddest motherfucker for as long as you can be until someone takes you out that's what the game is yeah i don't know, man.

And then when you're successful, you take care of those who can't take care of themselves. And you help the old lions. You don't kill them. Yes. Listen, dude, what you try to do- You build a sanctuary. Yeah, but what you-

Well, that's why the goal, if you're in business, is to become so big that it insulates you from that. Otherwise, they will take your shit. That's why rhythm is so important, not balance. Because what Andy's saying is so true, because know? So that's why rhythm is so important, not balance. Because what Andy's saying is so true, because if you see that and you try to achieve balance and you're not, you're now feeling guilt and shame. And I meet a lot of women out there

who work in the working world and they have this guilt and shame because they have kids and they're not doing enough at home. Then they're not doing enough at work. And so they have a double dose of guilt, which is a double dose of misery in your your life when you live that way right i get it too because i could i watch all these people on the internet who aren't me who aren't doing what i do talk about

how balanced they are and how perfect they are and then i look over and you know here's me and emily and everybody i care about like pedaling the boat is hard as fuck. I'm like, holy shit, bro. I'm a fucking tyrant. Like, you know what I'm saying? But then I got to remember, we're on a different path than those people are on. And you can't feel guilty for choosing the path that you're on and trying to be the best at it. It's what you're focused on, what your mission is,

what you're here to do. I asked my daughter, my daughter's 25 now. Did I travel too much? Because I was gone a lot when my kids were young, speaking all over, building the business, building my name. You know what she said? Dad, I don't remember you gone. I remember when you were home.

Because when you were home, you were so engaged with me and with Cole, my son, you were engaged, you were present. And I would go to her lacrosse tournaments, again, July, December, November, slow times, but that's what they remember. son you were engaged you were present and i would go to her lacrosse tournaments again july december november slow times but that's what they remember so i want people listening to know everything andy saying is true you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna bust your ass to be successful but at the same time rhythm might be i work six days and i have that one day that i engage with the family and take that time for them it might mean i work two weeks straight and then i have that one day that I engage with the family and take that time for them. It might mean I work two weeks straight

and then I have that day. It might mean a month where, you know what? Hey, family, I'm building this right now. We got a product launch. I'm not going to be around. But after this month, after the launch, let's make time to do this, this, and this. And then you do that.

That's how you can actually make it work for you. But the greatest of the greats, they call it a dark side of success because to be truly great, you have to sacrifice. And there has to be a cost that you're willing to pay to actually be great at what you're doing. I mean, I was writing every morning when I was writing my 28 books and I still write. That's a morning cost every morning to write that I'm not spending with my family and i'm writing but my kids saw that and now they have a different spin a different understanding than

other kids who grew up in a different way it's not really a sacrifice either though dude because you get something out the other end right that's what people forget it's not immediately yeah like dude yes some things are going to have to not be done or you're not going to be at the thing or whatever it is, but there is something that comes out the other side. And you have to remember that that's coming and that's going to happen if you continue. And like, dude, the guilt thing is a big deal for me. Cause I, I get caught up in that sometimes, right? The internet has become so touchy feely and cultures become so touchy feely that even like somebody like me can get like in my feels a little too much and start feeling guilty. But every time I do, I remind

myself, dude, I'm on a different path. I am on a different path. I'm on a different path. And that person that asked that question, you're on a different path. So don't feel guilty for that. Just because you got some friend or some friends saying you need more balance look bro real talk and this is this is going to hurt some feelings but every motherfucker i've ever known in my entire life told me i needed more balance and half of those motherfuckers asked me for jobs okay so real talk okay so there's good things that come of being on your own path and being committed to it and just because you're not you know Sitting on the internet with your you know

Meditating and touching the grass for seven hours a day and drinking fucking you know Kombucha Like and not showering like just because you're like actually being a productive human being is not something that you should feel guilty about You know, it's real shit, man. I love it, man. Guys, John, question number two. All right, guys. I quit my job in April and I started my own landscaping company and things are going great.

With that being said, I keep having days where I feel like I'm on top of the world. And then the next day, I feel like a total fucking failure. I understand that it might take years before I can say that I am getting it going. But my question is, at what point do things start to level off? And how do I get myself to that point quicker? Oh, man. I'm the wrong person to answer that question, bro. You know I'd be lying if I fucking sat here and DJ knows.

These guys here know too if i were to sit here and answer this question and say oh yeah it's right here at this time this is when you figure it out and everything works out great and you know i never had that problem like bro i'd be lying to your fucking face like there are days where i feel like i could fucking legit run into the white house and impale these motherfuckers and conquer the world, bro. And then there are days where I have to scrape myself out of bed. And those days usually are back to back. I don't know. Maybe we're bipolar, bro.

I don't know. But I haven't solved the puzzle to that yet. I have not entered that season of figuring that out about me. I am very hot and cold. I am very streaky. Here's what I figured out. The way I've been able to manage that about myself is to be committed to a structure where I know I'm building momentum. Even if I don't feel like I'm building momentum. This is why I love the live hard program so much because even on those days that I wake up and I feel like

I've had to scrape myself out of bed and I start to have that negative self-talk where I'm like, fuck dude, you're, you know, you're a piece of shit, which I got something to say about that too. But even on those days I can look back and be like, what are you talking about, dude? For the last 68 days you were fucking literally perfect. Like nobody's doing that. So like that having like actual evidence to back up what I've been doing and taking action in my life when I feel those low days really helps a lot. That's a big thing for me. It's also important to know that there's an ebb and flow to thought. So there'll be days that you feel very positive and there'll be days you feel negative. I call it high state of mind and low

state of mind. And so a high state of mind is characterized by a lot of clarity, a lot of focus, a lot of positivity. A low state of mind, a lot of clutter, a lot of anxiety, a lot of stress, a lot of worry. One day you're in traffic and it bothers you. The next day you're in the same traffic and it doesn't. Is it the traffic that's making you feel a certain way? Yes.

No. Can't be the traffic. Fuck these motherfuckers. It can't be. This morning, actually. Yeah. No, if you think it's the traffic, then the traffic would make you feel the same way all the time.

Yeah. During the pandemic. Some people struggled during the pandemic. Other people thrived. People blame the pandemic. It wasn't the pandemic. It's our state of mind. When your state of mind is high,

the circumstance happens and you rise above. You move forward. When your state of mind is high, the circumstance happens and you rise above. You move forward. When your state of mind is low, same circumstance happens and it really bothers you. It affects you. In sports, you make a bad play. Low state of mind, you're thinking, oh man, what'd I do?

Revved up thinking. And then now you think something's wrong, something's broken, and now you're trying to fix it. High state of mind, you make a bad play, you're like, all right, let's go, next play. So it's all our state of mind. And I would say you have these highs and lows states of mind, which defines how we respond to the situations. So the key is for that person is stay the course. That's a part of growing a

business. There are so many days you feel like you're not building anything. And even now when you have success, you still feel like you're not doing enough. You still feel like you could do more. The best always realize that they've never arrived at the door of greatness. Like, no, I've never arrived. I got to keep going. The minute you think you've arrived, it gets slammed in your face. And so that high state of mind is so helpful for people because the key is to realize you're on a roller coaster. And when you feel like the roller coaster is going down, what happens is you want to jump off the roller coaster. You want to give up. Don't jump off. Don't escape.

Too many people escape. They do drugs. They drink. They play video games. Why? They're trying to avoid the low state of mind that they have, this feeling they have that's a discomfort, a lot of discomfort. So what you do is you stay on the roller coaster.

And then what happens is you ride it back up. And you're going to have this for most of your life, high states and low states. And then when you realize this though, and you realize it's not the circumstance, it's not the traffic, it's not my company, it's not my status. What happens is instead of these highs and lows that are very steep, it actually becomes more equal.

More leveled out. Yeah, more leveled out. And then that allows you to move forward in a more powerful way where these events, these circumstances, this situation, my business doesn't affect me. I stay the course. Working with the Miami Heat one year, they start out 11 and 30. They finish 30 and 11.

What happened? They stayed the course. They stayed positive. They stayed connected. They didn't allow this circumstance to define their mindset. They kept their mindset going and then their circumstance basically was the result of their mindset. I love that. I think there's a lot of truth to that, dude.

I explained it a little bit different way. You know, I feel like when times are the hardest is when you learn the most. And I feel like when people opt out of the hard times, what they're actually doing is denying an opportunity for growth and a skill acquire acquiring a skill that they wouldn't would not other have i actually just did an instagram story on this yesterday where i was talking about how the ultimate skill set to have is grit and the ability to not quit. Because in my life,

the only way I've acquired these skills has come through the dips, right? It's come through the hard times where I wanted to quit. And every time we push through one of these times where we want to quit, not only do we acquire a new skill, but other people who are on the same path as us, they do quit. All right. So the more times you can push through the hard shit, the more skills you acquire, the less competition there is. So you end up in a position where you get more and more and more skill and you have less and less and less competition. And this is what the importance of endurance and pushing through actually is. It's a strategic, tactical, great play to run because after 20 years of that, you end up on

some mountain that you've climbed and there's nobody else around. And not only has nobody else climbed it, you have all this wisdom and all these skills that none of them were able to acquire because they quit. And so like, dude, when I look at entrepreneurship and I talk about, you know, I think about the most successful people I know, dude, people think they make up these hard stories, right? Like, oh, you got to have a hard story to tell on the internet. No, the reason they're successful is because of those hard stories that actually happened to them. And, you know, Ed and I have had millions of conversations about this, like over the years where business has gone up and down and up and

down and up and down. And, and here's the thing that I think makes your point. You're saying it a different way, but I agree with it a hundred percent is that, you know, I don't think it ever, for me, I never saw it as like, it gets, it gets gets more leveled out but my ability to handle the things that would normally mess other people up becomes much more uh much stronger right so like the bumps that do come like like where i'm at in life right now right like i get these calls from people i know and they're freaking out about so i'm like what's what's the problem dude well that's not a real problem right you know what i'm saying bro dude just do this and this yeah that's not a real problem right so to someone it's a mountain but you see it as a hill yeah because

it's a hill because you've been through so much of it right so you become conditioned to the the normal ebbs and flows that happen and even when it's moderately bumpy it feels pretty smooth it doesn't really feel out of order until it gets real bad. And so that's part of the mental conditioning that you have to have as an achiever. You have to be able to push through these hard times, but you also have to realize that there is a legitimate tactical advantage to grit. There's a legitimate tactical advantage to being mentally resilient and tough and showing up and giving everything that you have, especially on the days where everybody else quits.

Like those are the biggest wins. Everybody thinks the biggest wins are the trophy or the money or the house or the lifestyle. That's not the biggest win, bro. The biggest win is that time where you almost quit but didn't because without those wins, the other wins are impossible to achieve. And so like, let's give ourselves some credit about the real wins here. The real wins is when you'd rather do anything else than what it is you're supposed to do

and you still do it. That's the biggest win you could ever have as a human being. At least that's in my experience. That's so good. That is so good because adversity is your partner in growth. And I think back to my life, you know, I opened up restaurants. I second mortgaged my home. $20,000 in credit cards

to open up this first Moe's Southwest Grill franchise. We were the first Moe's Southwest Grill in Florida, fifth Moe's in the entire country. We had everything on the line and we were barely hanging on by a thread, but that taught me, that made me stronger. That helped me grow. When I became a writer and speaker, The Energy Bus was rejected by over 30 publishers. My first book. That book is now sold over 3 million copies,

but rejected by 30 publishers. But I had the grit. I didn't accept rejection. I kept going, kept believing. Everything you've been through in your past makes you stronger for your future. And I love what you said because you don't see the mountain, you see the hill because you've been through that. At one point they looked

like mountains, but now they're hills for you. So adversity is your partner in growth. And also adversaries are too. Rivals are. Negative people are. We often don't realize that. We say get rid of negative people. When you face someone who's negative, when you face a rival, I always ask people, do you have a rival in high school? Oh yeah. Okay. Everyone had a rival because your rival made you stronger. We all need a worthy opponent. My good friend has a book coming out about that. The worthy opponent helps you grow. And if you don't have the worthy opponent, you're not going to be who you're meant to be. And God gives you worthy opponents in your life to sharpen you and to make you stronger throughout your life dude i i i'm laughing because like you know you've heard the story that grover tells about uh about

michael jordan kind of making up his enemies oh yeah you know so like you know i don't talk about this publicly anymore because it was just too fucking ruthless and it got to the point where like people like legitimately didn't want to be around me because they thought i was like a fucking crazy person but i have a list of people in my head that i fucking hate i fucking hate them and and they might be great people they might be awesome people bro they might be the nicest people the best people in my mind i fucking hate them and i want to crush them i want to burn their house down i want to eat their food at their table bro like i hate them and that drives me so much as a human being but like i can't talk about it because no one gets it you know what i'm saying like michael jordan just like sweet old little grandma. I don't really hate that.

If I saw him in person, bro, it would be all good. It's just like I operate in that space so well. It drives me so well. It's such a good driver for me because I'm just an ultra competitor. So when I get to a certain space where I'm feeling complacent, I have to start adding to the list. I'm like, all right, I'm going to crush this motherfucker. And they don't even know.

Like, they don't even know. They don't even know they're on the list. Like, they don't even know. I'm like, all right, one, two, three, four, five, I'm going to fucking annihilate all of these people. And I don't do it by attacking them. I do it by going out and winning in my own way. And like, you know, it's funny

because I never talk about it anymore because people think it's crazy but you know tim told me that's tim grover who was michael jordan's uh trainer and had been a mental coach of many many high level people a great friend of mine um huge mentor of mine too uh you know he told me that story about michael like making up shit that people were saying to him. Like he'd be in a game, dude. And somebody would be like coming up to defend him. And he'd be like, what the fuck did you say? Oh man.

What did you say? And the guy's like, what? He's like, I fucking heard that, bro. Like, but like. I'm trying to send a zero. Yeah, dude. Like, dude, I just do that in my own way. That's a different level, man.

It's dark side energy, bro. And like certain people are wired for it. And I'm just, to me, for me personally, that is the most powerful energy. Like the most, the worst thing you could do to me as someone who competes with me is talk shit about me. Say one fucking word, bro. Like I'm the guy that like you hang the headline

in the locker room and i will literally destroy myself to to fucking win that like it's just what it is no man and i i've here's the thing dj almost every super high achiever i've ever met in my life is the exact same way they can say all this positive they might not say it out loud that's right they might not say in a person they might not be willing to admit it but But every single killer that I've ever met, even the ones that smile and, you know, you think are the night bro, these people will slit your fucking throat in their mind. They will, dude.

I love it. Yeah. I love it, man. Doing what I do, Andy, is such a great case study. I mean, as I'm listening to them, I'm like, this is fascinating to me as a mental coach and works on mindset. I'm just, as you're saying that, I'm listening to them, I'm like, this is fascinating to me as a mental coach and works on mindset. I'm just, as you're saying that, I'm thinking, yes, that's true. Killers.

Killers. But is Michael Jordan happy in his personal life now? No, that's what I'm saying. You have to draw a box around it, right? It can't be real. Right. You know what I mean? Like, it's got to be this thing that you kind of compartmentalize.

When I was younger, it was real. was real right like it was real shit now it's like this thing that i build in my mind to fuel me you know like when i don't feel like doing something i'll be like oh so you're gonna let and i'll fill in the name you're gonna let that motherfucker win and i will get the fuck up bro like it's just what it is i love when they do the documentary and Andy it's gonna be a ticket personal That and that's a good John it's true it is what it is, dude I'm not gonna sit here and pretend it's not like fucking low. Here's the thing in real talk. I'm thankful for those people Hmm, I respect those people I am thankful for them because of what they provide me in fuel and there's been a number of people I'm not gonna to name any names,

who over the years I've actually become really close friends with who were at one time on that list for me. You know what I mean? Because I value what they've provided me, and then we end up becoming friends. Maybe you're rivals. Yes. And you were competing in many ways against,

but you're really competing for. Yeah. Because they made you better in the long run. Yeah, and you made them better by ways against but you're really competing for yeah because they made you better in the long run yeah and you made them better right by running hard you know love that man well guys john andy our third and final question question number three hey guys in a management role how do you find the balance of mentoring your subordinates or employees while maintaining professional boundaries. Context, we have made it a priority to cultivate a company culture where everyone feels supported and is very family-like. I know there is a balance of being interested and knowledgeable about each staff member's personal life to a degree, but I find it at times their personal

drama or struggles are boiling over into my lap. But when they say that something in their lives is affecting their mental state, which in turn affects the productivity and urgency and work, I feel confused as to what to do. Please advise. I'm a big believer in love and accountability. You got to have both. And you got to set the standard. Like this is our standard for our company, for our team, our department. We have the standard.

And I'm going to support you, coach you, encourage you, and love you along the way. But we have a job to do. Like we're here and we're getting paid and we exist because we have a business. We have a company, whatever it is, a police department. We have a role and responsibility for what we're here to do. And we can't let outside forces get in the way of that. So we know, and we set the clear expectation that this is what we're about. Like we're here to work together. Like NFL players, they become friends, but they're

also on jobs, right? And they have a job to do, but they're friends, coaches and a player. Coach loves that player, but guess what? That player has to perform or they're going to get cut. So you got to perform. You have a responsibility to that job and to that role, but I'm going to love you along the way. So you make that very clear upfront and caring about someone and being invested in their life doesn't mean that they should be bringing their drama to you. That's where the boundaries get crossed because your job is to come to work every single day and be your best and bring your best. Now, if you have personal things going on in your personal life and so forth, it starts to affect your mental health. Obviously, you want to have services and you want to be able to provide solutions for that.

So I'm not saying you're not caring about that person. But at the same time, when that person is complaining or constantly bringing their personal drama in that's not your role as the manager or the leader to be dealing with that like my team knows like don't bring me drama bring me what's going on in your personal life just had a baby death of a loved one we're gonna we're gonna support you we're gonna be there for you but don't bring me your drama that is off limits and that's not allowed because that hurts our performance. It hurts our mission and we're here to do a job. I don't think a lot of people realize, first of all, I agree with everything you said. I think culture as a whole

has somehow made people feel like that every single person in their life must accommodate every single ebb and flow of their life. And that's just not reality. Reality is exactly what you said. We're here. We have a mission. We're here to be great at it. And whatever is going on in your life, if that fucks that up, I'm going to have to put

someone else in there because if I don't, I'm letting down the other 400 people here. All right. So that's a reality that the workforce has to come to terms with for the last ten years we've had this situation where everybody's touchy feeling and everybody's extra you know caring and kind and this is the thing and they've forgotten while that's a good thing performance is the thing that drives everything else and so when we think about, you know, let's just say somebody with a career, if you're someone who brings every single thing to the office that

happens to you, no matter how good you are at your job, you will be passed over, over and over and over again for opportunities because your leadership clearly understands that you are a cultural issue. Okay. You're a distraction to everybody else. And so for practicality purposes, I think it's very important that people realize that while your leadership and while your managers, you know, at any level may accommodate and deal with, because we care about you, your issues, right? That will actually cost you opportunity without you realizing it because when it comes time for the promotion or the advancement or the opportunity, that part of it will be taken into place even if they don't say anything to you about it at the time yeah you know so like if you have three people that are equal candidates for a opportunity that you have in an organization and you have you know

two of them consistently bring their drama or their gossip or their problems or any of this shit those people will stay right where they are regardless of their performance and the people who don't have that baggage will continue to move up. And this is a reality of any organization. We talk a lot about the NFL. Let's talk about the NFL Combine, okay? The NFL Combine is a literal display of your actual physical skills. How fast can you run? How agile are you? How strong are you? How tall are you? How much do you weigh? Do you have any injuries and then they have this other thing basically like a character test okay and then they evaluate what were all the things that this person did when they are in college what kind of drama did they have with

girls what kind of crimes did they commit what kind of distractions were they for the team and every single nfl draft there are players that are amazing, like the highly talented, maybe the most talented players that do not get drafted because of the excess baggage that come with them. Because teams understand what that damage can do to the organization. And your superior and your team, no matter where you work, they understand that too. And this is an unwritten, unspoken thing that people should be aware of. You have to create boundaries not only as the manager and the leader, but also as the team member. Like when you want to vent and you want to bring that shit,

you should stop and ask, okay, is me bringing this stuff going to come up later? Is this going to hurt me later? Because if it is, it's probably best that you handle it and not bring it. Now, if John says, like what John says, like if it's a death or it's a real thing or someone's house burned down or they're facing a real tragedy, that's different. We're talking about gossip and drama. Gossip and drama are for the weakest individuals in society. Those people never win. And the reason they never win in spite of what skills they might offer is because the people who are the gatekeepers to their opportunities understand the collateral damage that's created

with that baggage. So this is something that like all of you guys who are entrepreneurs, who are in a career, you should really examine because a lot of people get passed up over and over and over and over again for opportunities and they can't figure out why. They have great statistical numbers. They do everything they're supposed to do and more. But see, what they don't realize is there's three other people doing that and those two of them aren't bringing the other stuff. So this is super important for you to be aware of. And it is reality. It's not bullshit It's not just the way I think this is the way any leadership thinks even if they're not transparent with you about it Which usually they aren't because they're trying to be caring and empathetic to your situation. So

Yeah, I mean dude, you just can't do it like it's not reality and it's love tough, right? You love your team you love your people, but then you earn the right to challenge them. And if I love you, I'm not going to let you settle for anything but your best. I got to hold you accountable to our standards, our culture, our values, our principles, and how we do things. And if your performance is suffering from our standard, then we have to talk about it and I have to coach you up or maybe at times let you off the bus, going back to college. In today's world, we're seeing kids get upset when a coach coaches them hard. But these great coaches, that's how they coach. And it's how they get the most out of some of these kids.

Now, the best coaches love their players. They do love them, but they also challenge them. And so you're watching the game at home and you see a coach be hard on a player like, oh, what's going on? That player knows that coach loves them. But now that coach is being hard because that player is doing something that's hurting the team. So you got to make sure that you're not hurting the team. And like Andy said, if that one person is actually affecting everyone else, it doesn't mean you don't care about them.

You care about everyone else. Because if you're constantly acquiescing to the person who's the problem, then that means you're actually allowing that person to sabotage everybody on the team and the organization. And what signal are you sending to the people who are your actual winners? What signal as a leader are you sending to your team, to all these great people on your team who show up every day and do everything they're supposed to do without causing any problems when you're giving the attention to the person that does. What does that tell you? What does that tell them?

It tells them that if they want attention from you, what are they going to do? I'm going to start breaking my problems. Okay. That's how they're going to get your attention. And now you have a problem that replicates itself through a culture. Exactly. So these are the intricacies of leadership that people don't think about you know a lot of people they get cut from a team or fired from a job and they're like well you know

that's not fair well from your perspective it feels not fair but from the leadership's perspective they're looking at the 400 other people that they have to look out for their families their kids their their futures and you're you're you're standing in the way of that right and so like dude there should be some that's not fair it's not that exactly dude there's always two sides to a point you're putting leadership in the position to have to choose to deal with your bullshit or in fact like that's people don't think about that no they never think about that bro and then when they get fired or cut or moved on what do they do they go on the internet and fucking boohoo they don't tell the other side of the story that they were a fucking

problem here you know what i'm saying like dude this is this is a big problem going back to the first topic of conversation in culture we have moved for we have moved so far away from reality that we now operate in this make-believe land that is so warped that if you just choose to operate your life in the real structure and the framework of how things work, which is natural order, okay? The best win, they win the most, they get the most, they fucking earn the most, they eat the best, they have the best fucking lives if you're the best. That is reality, bro. That's reality. If you operate with inside that framework, you're going to be fine.

If you operate in this other framework where everybody, you think everybody cares about your shit, dude, real talk. Most people are waiting for you to shut the fuck up and get out of their office because they got real shit to worry about. That's real shit. And like, dude, you know, people get upset when they say that because they think that work has become some sort of therapy session. It's like, dude, we're a team. We're fucking Clemson, bro.

We're trying to win the national championship every day. Like, does Dabo Sweeney allow people to come in and disrupt his team culture? Or does he cut them? Does Nick Saban allow people who come to practice because their girlfriend broke up with them and dropped seven passes in a row to stay on the team? No. This is reality. Performance dictates success. Your feelings do not. So can you perform in the face of your feelings? Can you perform in the face of hardship? Can you perform in the face of tragedy? Can you perform when the last thing you want to do is perform?

If you could build yourself into that person, you will have no problem succeeding. If you're anything else, it's going to be real rough. Simple rule. No complaining rule. You're not allowed to complain unless you come with a solution. Yeah. So get rid of all toxic complaining. No complaining rule. I love that, man. That is a great rule. Yeah. I love it, man. Well, guys, Andy, John, that was three. Yeah. John, thanks so much for coming on the show, man. I've been looking forward to this for a long time. We got to do it again.

Yeah. I loved it. Yeah. It was awesome. CTI next time. Yeah. Next time we're going to hit you with CTI. So we'll solve the real problems.

No, this is great. But brother, where can everybody support you? What's your biggest thing that you got going on right now? They can read The One Truth, which I think will help them live with more power instead of feeling powerless. Okay. So the one truth, getonetruth.com, getonetruth.com. They can find me on social media at John Gordon 11, J-O-N Gordon 11.

Yeah. And this was a blast. Like we are just yin and yang in some ways, but also still aligned on so many ways. Yeah. No, I love it. It's really cool. It's a different perspective. Look, man, you've been doing this for a long time. I appreciate the

different perspectives on how to see these things. It's not every day that I get to sit with someone who's been legitimately doing this longer than I've been doing it. This is why Ed and I have such a great friendship. You know what I'm saying? I learn every single time I talk to Ed, I fucking learn something. And it's no different

with you. I appreciate it, brother. Thank you. Alright, guys. That's the show. don't forget to pay the fee uh don't be a hoe we're from sleeping on the floor now my jury box froze up stole counted millions in the cold bad