REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 632. Q&AF: Unifying With Crazy People, Male And Female Dynamic & Overcoming Guilt Owning Family Business

Episode Date: January 15, 2024

In today's episode, Andy answers your questions on how to unify with crazy people in the world, the best way to understand the male and female dynamic in society that creates a bond, and how to overcome feeling guilty about inheriting a family business.

What is up guys, it's Andy for Selling, this is the show for the realest, say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness, and delusions of modern society, and welcome to motherfucking reality, guys. Today, we have Q and AF. That's where you submit the Qs, and we give you the AFs. Now, you can submit your questions to be answered on this show one of a few different ways. The first way is, guys, email those questions into askandy at andyfrasella.com, or you can go in the comments right here on this episode that posts every single Monday, and drop your question in the comments, and we'll pick some from there as well.

Other times you're going to hear CTI. That stands for Cruise the Internet. That's where we talk about current events, what's going on in the world. We post headlines on the screen. We speculate on what's true and what's not true. And then we talk about how we the people have an obligation to fix some of these problems in the world. Other times we have Real Talk. Real Talk usually comes out on Thursdays,

sometimes Saturdays, where it's just five to 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk. Then we have full length, is like what you see on most other podcasts. All right, we have interesting people come in. We have a conversation. And then we have 75 hard verses.

75 hard verses where someone who has completed the 75 hard program comes in and talks about how their life was before and how their life is after. Uh, and it's usually tremendously better. A hundred percent of the time we talk about how you could do the same. If you're unfamiliar with the 75 hard program, uh, you can get the program for free, which is part of the live hard program at episode two Oh eight on the audio feed. You can also buy the book. The book is available on andyfrisella.com.

If you go to andyfrisella.com, there's a book called The Book on Mental Toughness. This book includes the full Live Hard program plus a plethora of information, many chapters, many, many chapters on mental toughness. So you don't need the book because you get the program for free, but I think you'll like the book. It sells very well and people seem to like it. So go check that out. Now we have this thing called the fee. The fee is very simple. Um, I don't run ads on the show. I'm not signed with a big network. I say no to those things all the time. And I do that because I don't want to be told what I can and can't talk about. We keep it real here.

That's why it's called Real AF. I don't want to be told what I can and can't say or leveraged or any which way. So I don't have ads on the show. You're going to notice that. And I ask in exchange for that very simply that you help share the show and spread the word. We get throttled. We get traffic banned, shadow banned, whatever you want to call it, all the time because of the nature of the show and keeping it real and uh if you would like this show to continue to spread i'm going to need your help so when i say pay the fee that means share the show

um so yeah don't be a hoe share the show all right hey what's up man what's going on oh not much yeah what's up with you cracking open that uh bougie success water that's right you say booty bougie oh bougie yeah booty water yeah booty water yeah oh this is booty water yeah what's going on with you man happy monday yeah man yeah just getting it done yeah yep i wonder how many people quit their new year's resolution already i wonder how many listeners did i wonder how many of the people they wouldn't tell you if they did i know they wouldn't they wouldn't that's the thing yeah they just keep now they're going to start the cycle back up again where they keep telling each other they're going to start they're going to go monday tuesday half the day of wednesday and

say fuck it i'm gonna start again on monday because i deserve it and then they're going to spend the next five or six or 20 years doing that and then they're going to look back and they're going to say man i wish i hadn't done that yeah because it's gonna cost them everything they don't realize i think most people's thing i mean tell me if you agree with this but i feel like most people they just don't they they have to understand like the momentum is created right and they just don't give it enough time for the momentum to like get going yeah you know what I'm saying? Well, I mean, you got it. You can be two days away from fucking like massive momentum. It's not even that, dude. It's the instant gratification mentality is so prevalent in our society that people get frustrated when they have to like do anything that is even minorly inconvenient and they seek comfort and they

look for the easy way and they look for the way that's going to be the most convenient right now and totally disregard what the cost of that is you know they don't think like oh man if i do this now it's going to cost me this later and most people live their lives that way. And they live very unsatisfied, unfulfilling, frustrating existences because they never realized that, you know, every single time you choose the easy path. Now you have to pay that later with a harder price. And once you start to understand that that's reality and there's no way to get around it, your perspective changes. And the idea, I talked about this a little bit on, on a Friday show, but the idea of chasing comfort is a false expectation of reality.

You know, we do all these things and we chase all these pleasures and these instant gratifications and all of these things that are quote unquote comfortable in the pursuit of comfort. And what we fail to realize is that later on in life, it makes us very uncomfortable. And the whole idea of getting to a place of comfort is only achievable if you build yourself into someone who can do the hard things and perceive them to be comfortable. You have to get comfortable doing the hard things because the path to life never gets any easier. So the only comfort that you're ever really going to have without trading a massive price for it on the backside is to build yourself into someone who can handle the uncomfortable journey and not really

notice that it's that uncomfortable. Because it's not. We're talking about basic shit. We're talking about putting certain things in your mouth and not putting other certain things in your mouth. We're talking about moving your body a couple hours a day. We're talking about putting some good information in your brain. This shit ain't that hard. Like it's just really easy stuff that will build your life into a tremendously beneficial and fulfilling and quite frankly an existence that you're proud of that we skip out on on a daily basis and then the price that we pay is immense. It's massive because it costs us everything. It costs us the whole quality of life.

And that's the point of the Live Hard program and 75 hard. That's why I wrote 75 hard. That's why I wrote the book on mental toughness, because people need to understand that if you could just adjust a few things about yourself, you can have everything you want. It's it's there. There becomes no trade off now. Now there is no trade because once you get to that place where things are comfortable when you're uncomfortable, what's the trade? You're not feeling any pain when you're really doing the thing, and you're still getting all the benefit. So the only way to really win and not have to do that thing where you have to pay the price now or pay the price later

is to get so comfortable with the hard path that you don't notice it being uncomfortable and then you win all the time yeah you accept it that's what it bro and it's we're talking listen bro we're talking about this right we're talking stop putting shit in your mouth start moving read some books. Drink some water. Lift some weights. This is basic shit, man. And most people are so fucking, and by the way, this is no judgment, because I was that person. Okay? But most people are so far outside of the ability to just do those simple things, they see them as painful, not realizing what it actually gains you. You see what I'm saying?

Yeah. as painful not realizing what it actually gains you you see what i'm saying yeah so you think 15 20 years down the line bro you're gonna be having to pay hospital bills bro if you're 100 pounds overweight right now where are you gonna be in 20 years yeah you see what i'm saying like if you're in your 20s dude and you're 100 pounds you're gonna be 300 pounds overweight by the time you're 40 are you ready for that life are you ready to walk through life like having to ride the car around walmart and shit are you ready not being able to fit in a chair are you ready to like be looked at and gawked at and feel weird everywhere because everybody is looking at you because you're four times the size of an actual other human beings like that's a whole nother

thing we could get onto this fat acceptance shit where these people fucking think that they can go to the airport and get two seats because they're fucking, because they can't stop themselves from gorging their fucking faces. And everybody else has got to pay for it. Yeah.

And then we got a deal and then like when we notice that they're the size of five fucking human beings and we notice it, we're some sort of bigot. Mm-hmm. Bro, motherfucker,

I know what it's like to be fat. All you fat motherfuckers, I know. I was fat too. Okay? And I can tell you this. All those lies you tell about, you know, oh myself dude you're a liar no you don't you you the only people the only people that believe that are people who have never experienced being fat

there's the thin people you know the virtue signaling bruncher moms who have the wealthy husband and drive the bm BMW They might believe your shit Because they've never been fat But I'm going to tell you right now I've been a fat motherfucker And I know what it's like And you ain't fooling people like me So I have no problem telling you the way it is

And you know why people look at you? Because you're the size of five humans That's abnormal So try being the size of one human Put in the work to yourself Become the ultimate version of yourself. Be proud of yourself. Your life will change, dude.

See how much you love yourself, man. Bro, that's self-love, dude. That's the thing. That's self-love. Self-love is doing the hard things required to build yourself into the ultimate version of yourself. You know, this idea of self-love being self-acceptance of your shitty habits and your shitty lifestyle and your and basically your life being shit that's not self-love dude that's a fake narrative that society has put down to make people feel okay with being a level one when they're supposed to be a level 10 in their own

life that's a control mechanism too by the way that's That's for CTI though. Yeah, that's tomorrow's episode. Yeah, I mean, they want that. They want you to love yourself being 400 and 500 pounds, 300 pounds, because they know that if you're that, you're ineffective in any other area. And you're dependent on them. You're a hyper-consumer of food. You're a hyper-consumer of likely alcohol. You're a hyper-consumer of medication.

You're a hyper-consumer of likely alcohol. You're a hyper-consumer of medication. You're a hyper-consumer of digital content, streaming. Okay, you're making these people money in every which way, bro. And we'll put you on all the magazines. Yeah, and we'll say it's healthy. The social media verifications you want, we'll give you all of it. Yeah, and I love how these people are trying to pretend like they're a protected class now. Like you can't criticize. Dude.

Shit. You are the way you are because you haven't gotten enough criticism yeah real shit from the right people yeah including yourself oh man it's real shit man if you really love yourself you fix that problem well i don't know some people who can help fix it you don't ever hear someone who was 400 pounds that gets down to like a normal weight and gets their shit together saying man i wish i hadn't done that right never felt you never not one same thing with rich people you never hear rich people say man i wish i hadn't made all that money that's what these people that's the internet that's like they want they want you to believe that bro that's what we were talking about a real talk last week where i was talking about that dude did you see that video that dude that uh the black guy driving a Lamborghini I don't know if you saw it and he's like ripping

the gears having a blast bro all the comments 90% of the comments were hater comments like oh do you think money buys your hat goddamn right bro I'm going on a Lamborghini 100 miles an hour my fucking head sticking out the roof look pretty happy it's fucking awesome. You ever done that? Yeah. It's a good time. Anyway. Dude, quit believing the lies, man. Yeah, man. Well, guys, Andy, it is Q&A. We got a special Q&A today.

So all of these questions on today's Q&A is coming straight from the tube. Oh, really? Straight from YouTube. YouTube? Yeah, straight from the tube. Okay. Yeah. So let's get into it. All right. Well, really? Straight from YouTube. YouTube? Yeah, straight from the tube. Okay. Yeah. So let's get into it.

All right. Well, all right. I like the new graphics. Yeah. That's nice. This is the first time we had those? Mm-hmm. Yeah, they look good.

Yeah. All right. All right. All right, let's go. Trying to shit on you, man. I just love fucking with that. I know. He'll fucking kill you, though.

That's debatable. You better not get close to him. I'll steal his car tires. Fuck a jujitsu master over here. He's going to lay on the ground. Come on DJ come at me. Come at me. Guys Andy question number one.

This question comes from at chinmusic2722. Andy, how do you unify with crazy people? You don't. This is the common misconception of unification. There's going to be people on the outside of the unification. They're called the enemy. Right?

They're not crazy. No, everybody thinks that unity requires everybody. That's not what unity means. I think we can all agree in society right now, we have 10% of the population, eight of it's on the far left, and two of it's on the far right, that are fucking insane.

And no matter how much common sense people come together, and no matter how much, and by the way, we need to, but if the 90% of us all come together what the fuck are they going to do we're not going to get them and so like that's this is a big problem with a lot of the movements and uh causes and and really political division that's going on right now is that people think that we can't get unity because we'll never be able to unify. I'll never unify with one of these pedos. No shit. You're not supposed to. No, that's them.

And we're us. The rest of us are supposed to unify. And there's hundreds of millions of common sense Americans aligned with all political ideologies that are tired of what's going on in culture. They understand right and wrong. They understand that there's good people of every race and bad people of every race there's good people of every religion and bad people of every religion you know somebody mentioned something to me when i was talking about the the the tunnels that were dug in new york city and how some of the jewish people were allegedly fucking with kids and they were were like, well, what about Catholic priests? Yeah, I agree. In the wood chipper.

Right with them. Fucking anybody. I don't give a fuck. I don't care what race. I don't care what religion. I don't care. I don't care. They do not belong in our society.

Correct. And it doesn't matter what race or if they're Catholic or white or black. I don't care. Straight into the wood chipper, dude. And that's how it should be. And we allow all of these stupid ideologies and divisions to divide us based upon labels that we adopt

that are given to us by the people who are trying to divide us most. You're a black person. You're not supposed to talk to this person. You can't think like that. You're a Republican. You don't talk to those people. Party lines.

You're straight. You don't talk to those people. Party lines. You're straight. You don't talk to these people. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. These are all artificial divisions when in reality, dude, we're all people. And there's good people and bad people. And good people have to unite. And there's going to be some bad people on the outside.

And the crazy people that you're talking about here are not going to unify with us. They're going to end up on the outside. And that's how you so you don't. That's the answer to the question. Love it, man. Guys, Andy, question number two. This question comes from at Tara Gisi 3375. She says, Andy and DJ, y'all have recently made comments

about how you could talk relationships for entire episodes, and I'm here for it. I'm a two-time entrepreneur with an extreme drive and I live daily to be better. I keep ending up on dates with men and when I ask what their goals are, I get responses like, I don't make goals. I get better every year without goals. What is your thoughts on dating and finding a guy who can be the hype man to a woman who takes no shit, leads a company with 25 employees solo, and makes it happen because she has no other options.

My business always comes first, but I'll give a partner the same. But how can I be motivated by someone who doesn't have goals on what they want to accomplish in life? All right. Well, first of all, I'm going to start with a statement. It's very difficult to lead a company on your own. Kudos to you. That's amazing. You're doing a great job. It's interesting to me that you feel that you need to be motivated by someone when you're already creating a company with 25 employees on your own. Seems to me you're self-motivated. So I would throw the idea of being motivated by someone as part of your relationship requirements out the window. All right.

Secondly, you say you want a man who makes goals and has ambition, but you also say that you want a man who could be a hype man to you. So are you saying that you want this man to make his goals and ambitions to being your hype man so that you can go do your thing? Because if so, what you're saying is that your goals and dreams and what you're doing is more important than what this person is doing. And if we're going to break this down into pure sexual attraction, which is what we're talking about here, are you really going to be attracted to long-term some supplicating support system dude who waits on you hand and foot? Or are you going to be attracted to somebody who has ambition, has goals, is a kick-ass motherfucker, and is out building their own thing? Because what it seems to me is you're fishing in the wrong pond. You're fishing in the pond of losers when

you should be fishing in the pond of people who have their own things going on, who are going to be attracted to, who you are going to be into. And the reason you're going to be into them is because they are a challenge for you to get their attention because you are a woman and since the time of purity you have had every single dude that you have ever known who has claimed to be friends with you secretly wanting to have sex with you this is the reality of basic stuff this is the reality of being a woman the reality of being a man is we have to hunt and kill and chase and achieve and become to become sexually desirable. It's a completely different life that a lot of you women don't understand for men. All right. Men walk into

a buffet and women walk into a buffet and we have totally different experiences. You walk into the buffet and you fucking say, okay, well, that looks good over there i think i'll have a bite of that i think i'll have some of that too you know what put a little bit of extra over here on this you know that wasn't cooked right to my liking that's the experience of a woman when it comes to the dating pool do you know what it's like for a man he walks into the buffet and he says fuck i think i'd get a cracker yeah i, I'd kill somebody. Yeah, like, this is what you guys don't understand, okay? And this goes into the, this conversation should be directed at men too.

A lot of you men do not understand the sexual dynamic between men and women, which is why you consistently end up being their friend and not someone who they're having sex with. And while you're being their friend and waiting on them hand and foot and doing all this nice shit, sending them flowers and shit, they're all fucking the asshole. And you're like, well, they're fucking the asshole because of what I just said.

Because by the time they reach puberty, every single dude they know and every single man that they've ever met and every single friend that they claim to have wants to have sex with them. So they get to make the decisions. They're the decision maker. All right. to have wants to have sex with them so they get to make the decisions they're the decision maker all right and you as a dude when you just chase the women and do all the shit and then you wonder why they go fuck the asshole they fuck the asshole because he's the first guy in their entire existence who hasn't chased them and you and then and then here men make it a further they take this they're like well then if i want to get laid i have to be an asshole actually that's not true they don't they don't really like the asshole they just like the fact that he's a challenge and he doesn't supplicate and he's not a bitch they're not marrying the they don't like the asshole they just can't figure him out so they think they

can fuck him and figure it out and that doesn't work either and then they end up bitching about him at brunch with their brunch bitches then he's on child support yeah right so like dude we have to understand you have to be women are attracted to men they are not attracted to men that smell and look and behave like women they are attracted to men that is a masculine thing men are attracted to men. That is a masculine thing. Men are attracted to women. They are attracted to the feminine, the soft, the nurturing, the opposite of what the fuck they're supposed to be. The opposite. Okay? And so you get these men who want to be the partner to go to taylor swift and then yeah and then they

can't understand why these women won't want to have sex with them yeah okay like work out bro dude here look this is the best philosophy for men and women understand men and women culture is totally fucked up feminism haseminism has convinced women that they don't need a man. And now we have a epidemic of a bunch of women who, who no man was ever good enough. So they end up alone. Okay. Then on the other hand, on the other flip side of that, we have this red pill culture where young men are being taught that women are just pieces of shit and don't ever marry them. Don't ever do this.

Don't ever do that. Don't ever let them close. And get a vasectomy when you're 25 and just use them for what they're good for. And so we have these two polar opposite mentalities that are actually preventing men and women from coming together and realizing what role each plays in creating a life. Okay? And by the way, this, nobody does this. Perfect.

Men, fuck it up. Women, fuck it up. But we have to examine the overall mentality of what society says we should have and what we want and what we actually want. And what this woman actually wants is a bad-ass motherfucker with his own shit going on

that she can fucking be motivated from observing him. Okay. And a challenge to get his time that will make her attracted to him. But what she says she wants is, you know, a guy who could be her hype man. You're not going to listen those are conflicting ideas your dude that you want that you're going to be attracted to that you're looking for is going to have his own shit going on and you're going to have your own shit going on and if you were a woman who didn't have her own shit going on then your role would be to support him in other ways and vice versa but like it doesn't really work vice versa because women are never attracted to men that don't provide it's not reality it's a fucking fake thing and it's a feminism narrative that's

not true it's not true that doesn't exist the dad bods bullshit no women are attracted to a dad bod no not for real if they are it's because they're insecure and they don't want their dude fucking going around and you know traveling the neighborhood you know what i'm saying um so there's a lot of fucking things here but like real talk here you don't need somebody to motivate you you need somebody with their own shit going on who you're going to be attracted to because they have goals and they have ambitions and they are badass just like you are so stop fishing in the wrong pond start fishing the right one it's real shit man well guys andy question number three question number three comes from at caleb oh yum 3098

hey andy i'm 24 years old and i've been listening to you since 2018 i am currently working with my family at our fec that we bought a little over a year ago my dad's been working in the industry his whole life so i feel that i have a good grasp of the base of working of fecs we've managed to completely change the reputation of the business. And I know that I've been an integral part of that, especially with creating the culture of customer service driven staff with our younger employees. Started out as a normal employee working for my mom and sister, but was quickly promoted to assistant GM after the previous one decided to move on.

Even though I'm working hard, I can't shake the feeling of everything being handed to me because I'm family. Any advice on how to navigate this? Yeah, absolutely. That's first of all, you're 24. Second of all, you probably did have a little bit of preference because of your family and that's okay. That's why your family did all that work, by the way. They did all that work so you'd have this opportunity. But the way you get around this, because I have lots of friends who are second generation business owners who come to me with the same concern. They're like, man, you know, I always feel weird because I didn't really build this. And I said, okay, so what do you think your job is? What do you think your role is?

Your role in this situation is to take this business that has already existed and yes people are always going to say because they're losers that you got handed to you who cares who cares what the they say all right in fact you were with me when i met one of the most famous people on the planet and this was the first thing he said to me he said man you know no one takes me serious because I grew up the son of a multi-billionaire that ever and by the way always in that spot this man is one of the most famous man's men in the world y'all know who the fuck he is y'all knew both of they are both of them are and he says to me he says nobody

ever he's like dude I really I really appreciate, you know, our friendship because, uh, no one ever really takes me serious because I grew up the son of a billionaire, bro. That's not your fault. How the fuck can you control that? Okay. So all these people that criticize these kids who grew up, they can't control that. That presents a whole different set of insecurities for people, you know, and people who grew up in a regular family or a less fortunate family are always hypercritical of that because they believe that being born in that family will somehow create a situation where you have zero problems, which isn't true. You have a whole different set of problems. One of which is you never actually feel like you're the responsible party for your own success. And that is very, very difficult to deal with for someone in this situation.

So the best thing here for Caleb is to acknowledge, yes, this is true. But now I have the responsibility to take this company and make it exponentially more great than what my parents were able to do. Okay. So your responsibility now as a 24 year old man is to become the best version of yourself to kick ass with this business, respect and value what your parents have built, and then take it and build it into something that they could have never done in the time that they were allowed to work on the business and make them proud of what you did with the business. Make it your own,

make this next phase of growth Caleb's phase to where it's a thousand X what they built, okay? And then you will have, you probably still gonna have the same people say, you got an inherited. Fuck those people. You'll know where you got it and you'll know where you took it.

And that's what ultimately matters. We cannot control where we start in life. We can control where we start in life we can control where we take it though you know a lot of people are born on third base and they stay on third base their whole life thinking that they got there on their own that's reality some people are like that you're not like that you're you're concerned that you're being judged which you are for being born into this situation okay most. Most of these people who are, you know, inheritance wealthy, they don't give a fuck about it. They're just happy they have the

wealth. And those people are some of the most miserable people on the earth because they have no purpose. You have a gigantic purpose here. Your purpose is to take what you were gifted and expand upon it in an exponential way so that you could say this was my legacy. And then, you know, maybe you have kids one day and you pass it down to their legacy. See what I'm saying? Absolutely. So you have to take ownership in a different way, man. And, like, you got to let that go.

People are going to judge you no matter what. You know, even if you're self-made, people are going to say stupid shit. They got different shit to say then. Yeah. You know, like, they're going to tell you oh man your dad golden spoon in your mouth silver spoon in your mouth born on third base thinks he hit a triple they're going to say all that shit but what they don't say to you is things like what they say to me which is oh you dedicate your whole life for money all you give a fuck about is

this all you go i'm so much happier with these people are miserable fucking people. They are going to knock every single situation and every single Set of circumstances to make them feel better about their their existence to knock on you It's nothing personal towards you. These people are miserable with themselves in their own situation You know, so forget about it dude go take what you were given expand upon it build it make it a hundred times better and you're gonna feel you won't feel like this yeah that's real you certainly won't care yeah well you got handed an opportunity what are you gonna do yeah go run with it dude because you could easily fuck it up yeah and they're gonna talk shit about you yeah that's right here's the

kid who ruined the business exactly exactly which is not your family hate you too that's statistically the way it goes too so you have a big family like second yeah second and third generation owners very rarely successful compared to first okay they didn't have to fight they didn't have to scrounge they weren't there when there was no business and that's a different dog mentality that you and by the way caleb you need to learn this you need to learn that mentality yeah but um you know if you don't have that mentality you end up like the second and third generation businesses would typically fail so yeah man i would say not worry about it i would say understand that you're getting the same criticism that a self-made person will get in a different way from the same people. These people are miserable. They're never going to accomplish anything.

And in 20 years, you're going to remember their names, but the only reason you're going to remember their names is because you're thankful that they talked that shit because it drove you to fucking be successful. I remember all my critics. All the motherfuckers that told me that dumb shit, I think about them all the time. Like when I'm pulling up to my house

or I'm pulling up here to HQ or I'm driving in one of my cars, I'm man i'm grateful for that dude i'm grateful that person said that hurtful to me because here i am and there they are that's how you're gonna feel it's real man well guys this youtube q a special man that was three yeah go pay the fee went from sleeping on the floor now my jury box froze a bowl a stove counted millions in the Go pay the fee.