REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 658. Q&AF: Flexible Morality, Feeling Overwhelmed & Course-Correcting On Core Values

Episode Date: February 29, 2024

On today's episode, Andy answers your questions on how having a strong moral foundation is required for personal excellence and success, the best way to overcome feeling overwhelmed, and how to course-correct an employee who doesn't abide by your company's core values.

What is up guys, it's Andy Frisella and this is the show for the realest sake of out of the lies, the fakeness and delusionsusions of modern society. And welcome to motherfucking reality. Guys, today we have a little midweek version of Q&AF, all right? We're going to throw you a little short one. None of us like to throw those short ones, you know what I'm saying? But we're going to get you one this week because I actually have stuff to do. I got a meeting right after this, so we're going to try to get you a little 30 minutes, maybe a little 45 minutes, get you some knowledge, get you moving on your way.

But this is Q&AF. And if you would like your questions to be answered on the show, you could submit your questions a couple of different ways. The first way is guys email those questions into ask Andy at Andy for seller.com or you can go on YouTube in the comment section of the Q and AF episodes and ask your questions right there. Make them good too. Let's get some good stuff going uh so if you want to know what the show is all about go back and listen to the previous however many episodes you want and i'll go through the intro but today for time i'm just going to get right into it so uh what we got today you got three good ones for you i know you do guys andy question

number one andy in a world where most people want a flexible morality to support their own poor behaviors and choices, how do you explain a more objective morality on which to base personal excellence as a way to operate your life? I tire of dealing with those that believe that they can do as they please and still expect that they deserve good results, or even those that know they should be doing better but can't submit the skills or willpower to put it all together. I believe that having a strong moral foundation underpins the success that I found in life. I appreciate your insights here and I feel it's a critical concept that many people miss. Look, here's the thing, all right? All of us have made mistakes. All of us have lived lives. All of us have done things that we're not proud of. And then we've worked to change the behavior so that we can become the kind of person we want to be. There's tons of judgment in society. But what you have to realize is that if you don't set the example for what you think

the world should be, it will not exist in reality. It will never happen. It's not about what you preach. It's not about what you say on the internet. It's about how you actually live and how you choose to represent what your moral code is in your life. And that doesn't mean you're going to be perfect. Okay. When I was in my twenties, I was very judgmental because I hadn't lived any life. When I was in my thirties, I was less judgmental because I had a little bit more experience and I could recognize some of the mistakes I had made when other people made them. And I give them a little grace. Now that I'm in my forties, I can understand where you're going to fuck up your shit because guess what? I fucked up everything. All right. So we're all going to make mistakes. We're all going to have situations where we do things that we're not proud of. The key is for us to learn from those things and to move forward knowing that we shouldn't do those things. That's how strong moral fabric is developed. A lot of these people like to come out and they like to preach and they like to talk and they like to tell you that you're a shitty person

because you want to be successful or you want to build something or you're not living to their code. The reality is, is those people aren't even living to their code. Those people are fucking walking out of church at 400 fucking pounds, bro. They're not setting any kind of example for anybody. They're not showing anybody what it means to live a real standard. And that's the most important thing we could do. It's not our job to decide where someone's standards should be. It's our job to help guide them to where their standards should be through our example.

And when we do that, things change. They do not change any other way. So yeah, bro, I can understand you get annoyed when you meet people who don't hold your standard. But the reality is, is you should have some grace for them and show them what it looks like to actually hold a standard because it's not that most people want to be pieces of shit. It's that most people have never observed anything other than that. So if they've never seen anything other than that, it's your job to show them that and bring them along. And yeah, there's some people that want to be a piece of shit. They want to have low standards. They want to sit on the couch all day and consume Netflix and eat bullshit and just waste their life away. Those people are lost causes. You cannot spend your life concerned about those people.

You have to help the people that at least have the drive and the will and the want to be better. And the only way for us to do that is to live that in everything that we do. So when I think about what the moral code should be in society, it depends on how old you are. Because when you're 20, you don't know shit. When you're 30, you know a little bit. You've made some more mistakes. When you're in your 40s, you've made some more.

And I bet when you're in your 50s, it's even more than that. I don't know yet because I ain't there. But the point is, is that we should learn to have grace for others and realize that others don't have the same perspective that we have. And as long as they have the drive and the want and the will to be better, then it's our job to craft them into the right game. Because the problem is most of these people don't understand the game. They think they can win with their personal game being half-ass. You can't win that way. It's too competitive. All right. So we show people the way and then they follow, but we don't tell them the way telling people the way will never help them get there. It's always about showing them and you show them through your example. So, you know, I don't think

there's a, there's a definitive answer where everybody should be at one given time, because that would mean that we all live by the same experiences. And that's just not true. It takes lessons to get better. It takes mistakes to learn the lessons. So if we don't allow for that to happen because we're too busy judging everybody or canceling everybody or fucking disowning everybody because they don't live to our fucking standard, how can anybody get ever better ever? It can't happen. So that's my take on that, bro. I'm not the moral police. I made a lot of fucking mistakes, but I do the best that I fucking can every day to help people along, show people what it looks like the best I can. I'm still not even close to perfect, but people get improvements in their lives every day because of the example that you set or I set or anybody that chooses to hold that high

standard. And that's what the fuck we need to do. Yeah, I love that, man. I love it. Guys, let's get to question number two hey andy you operate at a very high level with sharing uh what that looks like is incredibly helpful so thank you for that i'm wondering if you deal with feeling overwhelmed or ever get concerned about crossing the line into burnout if so how do you go about helping these kinds of things to stay at bay? Thank you for all that you do. Brother, I remember what it was like to be poor. I remember

what it was like to be broke. I remember what it was like to be fat. I remember what it was like to be a loser. And I don't want to be any of those things. So when I start to get burned out, I start to be grateful for the opportunity to even be burned out. I started to say, fuck, yeah, this is hard, but it's so much better than what I had before. Okay. So we have to keep perspective real, dude. Yes. It's hard. Yes. It's not always going to be fun. Yes. It's going to be difficult. Yes. You're going to want to quit over and over and over and over again. But the difference between people who actually build shit and people who say, oh, I could have built shit if I really wanted to, is the fact that they don't quit when shit gets hard. Okay. So this whole idea and culture about burning out and needing to change and all

this shit, that's fine, dude. If you really are burned out and you're not happy with your life and you need to change it, fine, change it, take a mulligan, make the change. But I could tell you this, if you take that fucking mulligan every two years, when things get hard, you're never going to achieve anything in your life because it takes longer than that. If you go two years here and then say, oh, this isn't for me, whether it be a relationship, a job, anything, a company, whatever. And you say, oh, I'm here for two years. This isn't for me. And then switch for two more years. Oh, you know what? I'm tired of this. This isn't for me. Oh, in two more years, you know what? This relationship's not for me anymore. I don't feel the same way as I did in the beginning. Like,

dude, you're going to spend your life in two year increments, never accomplishing anything real because you're not putting in the time required to be an expert at your craft. You can't master a skill in two years. It's fucking impossible. It doesn't matter what the skill is. So if you can't master a skill in two years, how are you going to build anything relevant if you switch from thing to thing to thing to thing to thing? I'm not saying you can't have a do-over. I'm not saying you can't change your relationship or change your career.

I'm not saying you can't do that. But what I am saying is if you make a habit out of that, you're going to fucking lose. Okay? So we have to understand that that is the reality of the game we are playing. It takes time. It takes effort. It takes time to master the path forward for you to even create anything. So when you start to get burnt out and you start to be overwhelmed, you got to remember, Hey, this is part of the, this is part of the journey. This is part of it. There's going to be times bro, where everything part of it. There's going to be times, bro, where everything's going wrong. There's going to be times where the work's not going good. You're not kicking ass. Things are in a lull. They're not great. And you know what? You got

other problems on top of that. You got problems in your relationship. You got people in your family who are not doing well. You got all these problems and bro, it's overwhelming, super overwhelming. But if you quit, it's all going to be for nothing. Everything you did, everything you put in, everything that you attempted to do is going to be for nothing. So there's nuance here. I'm not going to sit here and say you can't ever quit something. Sometimes the best thing you can do is quit something. But if you, if you make a habit out of it over and over and over and over again, because you're quote unquote burnt out by Instagram standards, which by Instagram standards, every motherfucker's burnt out for like having to tie their shoes. Okay. It's, you know, I got, my shoes got a double knot. I couldn't untie it. I got to have a mental health day. Like, bro,

this is where the fuck we are in society. And if that's where we are and you're going to buy into that and subscribe to that, I promise you, you're going to fucking lose. You're not going to be able to you're not going to be able to build anything great because every time you're every time you're faced with hardship, you're going to fucking say, fuck, dude. I'm overwhelmed. Yeah, I'm overwhelmed. I burn out. I need a mental health. I fucking I got to quit. And, bro, you're going to spend your life not accomplishing anything. And here's the here's the problem you're gonna get to be 70 60 years old and you're gonna say holy shit i fucking wasted my whole life based upon this bullshit so eventually look there's a time coming where everybody that buys into this is going to realize it was wrong that's that's it and you want to avoid that because it's not true okay you're gonna be overwhelmed you're gonna get burnt out you have to push through and yeah if you need to take a breather take a breather, you need to take a couple days take a day

You need to take a vacation cool. That's part of it. But the reality is is that burnout is Way fucking overhyped in society right now And it's causing people to miss out on big-picture goals that they have for themselves because they're buying into victim culture That's going on. They're saying oh saying oh you know this isn't for me you know every time it gets hard and if you shift from you know hard to hard to hard to hard to hard to hard to hard and you never push through the hard how can you ever get anywhere yeah you can't it's impossible i want you to think about this if you quit everything you ever did in two to three years, which is the average job cycle for a fucking young person, okay, how can you get anywhere?

You cannot do it. It's impossible because they repeat that cycle until they're 40, and then you've got to work a job that you don't like just to survive. And then that's where most people end up in their lives, bro and and if you're young and you don't want to end up there don't listen to any of these guys on the internet bro that's right let me actually because i had a mentor when i when i was like coming up going to college and stuff and he told me and i remember because i remember telling him like at one point i'm like man i feel overwhelmed and he said you're not overwhelmed you're inefficient right and so like i mean what's your take on that because in the way he explained it was like you know listen like when you start

feeling overwhelmed that's a sign that you just ain't got your shit together you're not being organized you're not being efficient with your with your time i mean what's your take on that it's hard to feel overwhelmed when you're kicking ass every day this is why i like the powerless system yeah okay because every single day you can feel like you won. All right. This is part of the confidence building aspect of the powerless that we don't talk about very much. There's a reason why we go day by day.

And there's a reason why we mark the win or the loss. It's because you can flip back and you can actually see the streak. So when you start to feel burned out and you start to feel like things aren't happening and you start to feel like, you know, you need to change shit. You can actually open up your notebook and say, wait, I won the last six months in a row. Like this is actually going pretty good. And you can remind yourself of where the fuck you were, you know, before. And by the way, to your point, you're effectively crossing off critical tasks that you know are moving you forward. You're doing things that other people are not doing. Even if you aren't seeing the fruits of the labor yet, you can look back and say, well, I planted that seed. I planted this seed over here. I've been watering these

seeds and you know that they're going to sprout. Okay. And once you have a little success in life, like once you get into your thirties and you start to realize, whoa, this is the way it actually works. Now you don't have any doubt. You don't like when I when I set a goal and I start chipping away. I don't doubt that it's going to work out because I know it's going to work out because I understand that this is not magic. It is inputs and outputs. It is math. It is one plus one equals fucking two.

That's what we're talking about here. So if you continue to chip in, you're going to get out on the other side. All right? Plant, plant, plant, plant, plant. Harvest, harvest, harvest, harvest, harvest. And if you're effective in doing that every day, it's kind of hard to feel overwhelmed because you know you're effective. And vice versa, when you do feel overwhelmed and you go look back, oh, well, shit. And what happened?

Hold on. What did I do this week? Oh, man. Yeah, okay. So you go back you feel overwhelmed you look back you say fuck i didn't even do my power list right i didn't even and now you have an understanding of why you feel that way which you can then correct so that's that's what i think i here's what i think i don't get burned out bro because i don't want to go back

to where fuck i came from i don't give a shit what it takes like dude y'all must not hate where the fuck you came from as much as I do. That's real shit. Y'all must not hate being broke as much as I did. Because I hate it so much, bro, that I don't fucking care. I get up and I do what I got to do. It's fucking adult shit. It's what I got to do. I'm under no illusions, bro.

There's no illusions in my life. That's what it is. Like, there's no, I'm not, I haven't, there's nobody coming to save me in my life it is like there's no there i'm i'm not i haven't there's nobody coming to save me i'm very aware of that i'm very aware that it's on my fucking back every single day i'm nobody's more aware than me okay i have lots of people that depend on me lots of people with families lots of people that fucking have futures and dreams and careers and i take that shit real fucking serious bro so it's really hard for me to understand people who say oh i'm burned out bro you don't

have enough shit to fight for you don't have enough shit to care about because if you actually care for shit more than just yourself you wouldn't be burned out you say hey bro i'm getting up and going to war for these motherfuckers see what i'm saying it's hard to feel burned out when you're fighting for the person to your left or the person to the right. And if you're not doing that, I can figure out how to make that your purpose. Because, dude, when that's your purpose, like a lot of you that have kids, you understand. I get up every day and I don't get burned out because I got these fucking kids. Okay?

If you don't have that, you need to figure out how to create that. It's not about you. It's about the mission. It's not about you. It's about them. And if you can create that in your brain, burnout really doesn't exist. It only exists when you're selfish and you're thinking about them. And if you could create that in your brain, burnout really doesn't exist. It's only exists when you're selfish and you're thinking about yourself. Guys, Andy, question number three, third and final question. Andy, I remember you talking about having core values in your company and hiring and firing based on them. I've implemented

core values as my company about four months ago, three years in. And there are some adjustments for sure. My question is, what's the best way to help someone course correct when they've not been operating within the core values? So not necessarily hiring or firing them. They're here. I'm struggling with an employee right now. I feel like they are aware and understand what the core values are. But the core value and the core values aren't overly complicated

they just aren't getting it any any thoughts or advice on this well i mean you can't make people abide by shit that they don't want to believe in you know if your core values of your your company and who you are which should align right because you can't make core values for a company that aren't aligned with who you are because eventually it will expose you for not being that person and you won't be able to authentically connect with anybody because people will know it's not genuine so if you have value system for your company and people don't fit it and they refuse to learn it then you have to remove those people because what will happen is those people will start to undermine those values with the other employees. So we have a way that we do things.

And if you don't want to do things that way, that's okay. You just can't work here. And that's very simple. It's not a, I dislike them. It's not a, I hate them. I hope they go on and do amazing things. But that is something that if you want a quality culture in your company, it's going to be very important for you to hold that standard and a lot of people compromise that

standard they will put up with someone who who does not align with their value system because they sell a lot of shit or they will put up with someone who does not align with their value system for some other reason right you will yeah and the problem with that is, guys, is that that will erupt and spread into a cancer where everybody will start to, you know, be affected by that. So it's very important to understand that, you know, there are situations where it's just not a good cultural fit. I mean, that's reality. Like, some people want to play baseball for the Cardinals because they do shit a certain way. Some people want to play for the Braves because they do shit a certain way some people want to play for the yankees right but nobody wants to play for these other shit teams they have no culture so like it's okay to have a different culture

and understand that not everybody's going to vibe with it and there's going to be times where people don't fit and and you know it shouldn't be a personal thing. It's just reality. Now, if you want to get them to flow into it, you know, those are conversations. That's that a lot of people don't do the training right when it comes to culture. They don't hold the standard right. You know, like when I communicate with my people, I usually speak in terms of core values. Like if something's going on that is wrong, I will say, okay, well, this, this is this and this and this are the three core values that this is violating right now. And we need to fix that.

And they'll say, oh, that makes a lot of sense. Right. And they'll, they'll work on that. But dude, the reality is, is like, there's only so much coaxing you can do. There's only so much coaching you can do. Some people just aren't aligned. And it sounds like if you know, this person knows the value system and they just aren't aligned. And it sounds like if you know this person knows the value system and they just aren't doing it,

that means they're making a conscious decision not to buy in, and that means that they're probably not a good fit for your company. Let me ask you this on this topic, because he mentions that he just implemented them four months ago, but he's been in business for three years. Is there something there with Grace because he's been so long without? You know what I'm saying? Like, I mean, three years without him, is there something there with grace because he's been so long without, sure. You know what I'm saying?

Like, I mean, you sure years without them and now you're expecting everybody in four months to just get, it's going to take longer than four months. It's going to take a couple of years to get these in. So you're going to have to be patient with people. You're going to have to coach people. You're going to have to see,

you're going to have to learn to communicate. Like I just said, in core value code, right? Like when I'm teaching a lesson to the company, I usually talk in terms of, you know, this value or that value or this value or this is what we stand for.

And I guide the behavior along those values, not based around, you know, abstract shit. It's shit that they can see. It's actually on the wall of our main auditorium so that I can literally point to it and say, this is what I'm talking about right here. So a lot of times when people put core value structure into their business, they don't learn how to communicate properly around the core values. And they just think that they can throw up a sign and everybody's going to,

this has to become an ecosystem, bro. You have to hire by this. You have to fire by this. You have to communicate by this. You have to teach lessons like this. You know, like if I'm walking across the warehouse floor and there's a mess of, there's a mess on the floor, uh, you know, and I go back there and I start to clean it up. What do you think happens? What happens? Yeah. Everybody runs over.

Okay. Exactly. Couple dudes will run over and they'll be like, no, I got it. I got it. I got it. No, you don't. Yeah. And I'll say to him, I said, no, I got it. I got it. No, you don't. Yeah, and I'll say to them, I said, no, I got it.

I got it. Don't worry about it. And I'll go, and I'll put the trash in the trash. Whatever, I'll clean it up, right? And those guys are usually standing there. And by the way, this never happens here anymore. I'm talking about back in the day. This never fucking happens now.

Our squad, our people here are fucking straight killers, okay? So I can't even tell you the laugh because i know you guys all listen so i'm not talking about you guys but back in the day okay and so i would correct that and then they would be all standing there and i'd say hey what core value you think that is what is that right and or i would say what's up with that why Why is that on the floor? And they say, and I say, wait a minute. What's that say up there on the wall? It says take responsibility. What's that one right below that say?

That says take initiative. Okay, that means that's your problem to fix. And that means you got to take the initiative to fix it. Okay, you understand what I'm saying? And I tell the guys that and they're like, yeah, dude, totally. I get it. And it starts to teach little behaviors that then everybody does. And then the rest of the team starts to follow.

So, you know, a lot of these guys put these systems in place thinking that like a poster on the wall is going to somehow fix their company culture. It's not. Yeah. And it's going to take time. It's going to take trust building. It's going to take communication. It's going to take, you know, reps. It's going to take you understanding how to communicate.

So I do think that four months is way too soon for that kind of a – I actually was zoned out when you asked the question. So I missed that four-month part. But, yeah, there is some grace there. But then later, you know, go play this question back and put the back part at the front and the front part at the back and you'll have the right answer. Okay. Later,

as you start to get proficient with this and you get good with this, there's going to be people that just don't fit and that's okay, man. It doesn't mean they're bad people. It means that they're just not a fit for you and they'd be happy. They will be happier somewhere else and you will be happier with them somewhere else. And so will everybody else around you.

So, you know, listen, I could talk culture and teach culture for literally a week straight, 12 hours a day. And there's still be a fucking a month left to talk about it. But that's the summary of the answer. I love it. Yeah, you've got you got it. You've got to set the values. You've got to hold the values of utmost importance. You've got to reward your people around the values. You have to communicate in terms of values. You have to correct. You've got to hold the values of utmost importance. You've got to reward your people

around the values. You have to communicate in terms of the values you have to correct. You have to hire, you have to fire. And that's a skillset that an operator needs to understand. It's not just throwing a poster on the wall that everybody runs out of the locker room and touches and thinks that that's like what it is. It's not that bro. It's a total ecosystem of communication. And when you first implement it, you're going to have pushback. You're going to have people to say, bro, I'm not doing none of this shit. And you know what? Cool. Go do none of that shit somewhere else. But we here are going to do the shit this way. And dude, people appreciate that even if it's not their way,

because at least they know what the fuck it is. You know, most places have no culture at all, bro. It's Karen's in the kitchen on their birthday. Hey, everybody wants a birthday cake today. Yeah, it's fucking horrible. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you want to build a company that people, you know, and by the way, that doesn't cure all the problems, bro. It doesn't mean that there's not going to be hard times.

It doesn't mean there's not going to be difficulties. But what it does mean is that when you guys face those difficulties, people are going to work in cohesion to solve them as a team, not just say, ah, fuck, that's not my problem. Right? So it's a big deal. There's a lot to learn there. If you want to learn more in depth about how to build culture, that's why we do RTA syndicate. So we, this is what we teach we teach this how to operate companies top to bottom it's not a 799 course to make money bro i'll teach you how to run your fucking company and so we'll add and that's what we do so yeah i love it man well guys andy that's three yep go pay the fee we're from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a bowl fuck a stove We'll see you next time.