REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 680. Q&AF: Bad First Impression, Being Too Serious About Goals & Attracting Attention To Your Business

Episode Date: April 3, 2024

In today's episode, Andy answers your questions on how to recover from a bad first impression, the best way to balance being too serious and letting loose while working towards your goals, and the best way to attract attention to your business in today's age.

What is up guys, it's Andy Frisella and this is the show for the realest, say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness, and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys today we have q and af that's where we answer the questions that you submit now you can submit your questions a couple different ways the first way is guys you can email those questions into ask andy at andy forsella.com or you can go on youtube in the comments section drop your questions there as well now if this is your first time listening we have shows within the show we have q and a f that's what you're going to hear today then we have cti that stands for cruise the internet that's where we talk about the topics of the day we speculate on what's true what's not true and then we talk about

how we the people have a duty to solving these problems that exist in our society other times we have real talk real talk is five to 20 minutes or so of just some real talk just some that i think you need to hear and then we have 75 hard verses we have people who come on we talk about how their life was a dumpster fire and how they extinguish that dumpster fire using the 75 hard program, uh, which you can find for free at episode 208 on the audio feed only. If you're unfamiliar with 75 hard, um, it is the initial phase of the live hard program, which is the world's most widely known mental transformation program in history. And it is free and you can get it episode 208. There is a book on this called The Book on Mental Toughness. You can get on the website, andyforsella.com, which will explain the entire Live Hard program in detail, plus 10 chapters on mental toughness, why you need it, how to build it, what it's going to do for you, along with

some case studies on some very famous people who have used mental toughness to make themselves famous. We also have a fee for the show. There's a fee. Yeah. The fee is very simple. Pay us money. Yeah. Send it.

Venmo DJ. Give me that blue card. Yeah. No, we don't ask for any money, all right? It is nice when you guys support the companies, but you're going to notice I don't take for any money, all right? It is nice when you guys support the companies. But you're going to notice I don't take ads for the show. I don't take ad money.

I don't want to answer to anybody that's going to try to tell me what I can and can't say. And until this ridiculous shit ends and these motherfuckers stop trying to tell everybody what they can and can't say, I'm going to continue to not take ad money. So I have a very simple deal for you. We are constantly battling shadow bans, traffic bans, censorship, and we need you to share the show. So if the show is good, if it makes you think, if it makes you laugh, if it gives you a new perspective, please pay the fee,

which means share the show. So don't be a hoe. Share the show. All right. What's up, dude? Hey, hey. How's it going good yeah good before we get into the show we have a big announcement that tonight at 7 00 p.m central standard time we will have a real american freedom gear release um the previous two releases we've had have sold out in less than five minutes so if you want

to get on that release uh i'd be online when it drops at seven o'clock what is the url real america freedom gear.com so be on there at seven get what you got to get we got a little more inventory this time so hopefully uh you guys will be able to get what you want um yeah seven o'clock tonight yeah i know a lot of people are fucking excited about that are they oh yeah we'll see well people get pissed i know bro we can't get enough shit they get pissed yeah like i can't get enough shit it's it's awesome everybody is supporting it but like don't get pissed at me man the where we're getting this fuck you yeah no shit all right anyway that's the announcement yeah that's the announcement man guys make sure you jump that uh the other announcement is we have come to a

based off of yesterday's conversation we have come to a very uh solid solid decision that black people do not pay more for their phone bill than white people. Bullshit, bro. This is bullshit. The YouTube, people on the YouTube commented. They're all liars. 100% fact. They're all liars. 100% fact. Liars. Calling black people liars?

I'm calling those black people liars. Those niggas lying. I didn't say that. I'm calling those black people. Those new blind. I didn't say that. No, man. Yeah. No, it's true. All right. It is true.

I listen and like I'm sure there's very is not true. It is felonious. Hey, people spoke to three people. Y'all fucking liars all right let's uh let's make some people better today let's do that we got some great questions uh lined up here guys andy question number one uh andy i have a friend who just met his girlfriend's parents he feels like he completely screwed it up what advice can you give him on how to recover that how do i fix a bad first impression dude i just quit yeah just move on you're screwed dude yeah dad's never gonna like you mom's gonna hate you forever

you're gonna get probably beat up by the dad you know harassed i just quit yeah yeah fuck it dumper dumper ass all right what's the next question hey look man everybody understands what it's like to fuck up a first impression dude you gotta understand man like sometimes it takes five six seven times to actually warm up to people people have different temperatures about social relationships. You know, I'm one of those people that it's going to take me four, five, six times. And, you know, when you're dating some dude's daughter, I'm sure it's going to take more than once. And oftentimes these little goof ups that we have that are awkward in the beginning become the jokes and they become part of the glue that makes

the relationship actually work you know a lot of my friends that i'm really good friends with bro i didn't like when i first met him at all i actually and it's it's interesting because the reason i didn't like him is because they were like me and um you know i don't like me but uh but look for real dude like i think that's normal you know especially when you're a young man uh there's a lot of pressure on that you want to do a good job but like bro everybody's awkward in those situations it's just awkward hey dude i'm here to bang your daughter like it's just fucking weird man it's weird yeah so like um i wouldn't worry about it dude i would just you know keep going and do better next time.

And I'm sure you will. And these little goof ups will be funny stories one day, man. You know, we're going to mess up first impressions all kinds of times. But I would also say this. You know, I think a lot of people put a lot of effort into creating a good first impression that is very out of line with how they really are and that's equally maybe even more uh negative than having a mess up in the first you know meeting that you have with someone yeah because here's what happens you know you pretend to be really good And we see this in relationships a lot. Right. Each person is trying to be the best version of themselves and put on the best front. And, you know, they start to like each other and they start to get along. And then six months later, the fucking pretending stops and you realize, holy shit, this person is not anything like what I thought they were. And they're realizing the same about you

because you guys are both trying to trick each other into liking each other. And that's damaging as well. So I think a good mix of good manners, treating people with respect and authenticity about what your thoughts are, who you are, and just keeping it real is the best way to create a good impression

over the course of a short amount of time. Yeah. Are the fundamentals, I guess, to first impressions, best way to to create a good impression uh over the course of a short amount of time yeah dude are the fundamentals i guess so to first impressions are they the same uh with any relationship specifically like i mean again you're an entrepreneur you've been in business for you for you know two and a half decades are are our first impressions in business are the fundamentals the same yeah especially in the beginning dude um you know when you get established and you've done enough things your reputation precedes the actual meeting you know so like when you're established and you you're doing well people have a preconceived notion of

what you're going to be like so really what happens is when you meet them it usually either solidifies what that is or it disrupts what that image is and uh either way it works in your favor because these people already know about you and so it's them trying to endear themselves to you not you trying to endear themselves to them and it allows you to be more authentic more real which creates a faster bond with people um in the beginning it's not like that nobody knows who you are nobody gives a fuck you're just another name another face and uh it's important to figure out how to make a good impression and that's going to come simply in this day and age simply from doing some old school things very effectively you know when you shake someone's hand

shake it firmly not overly firm don't try to crush their hand but a firm manly handshake not some dead fish dead look look them in the fucking eye and say nice to meet you you know what i'm saying uh try to remember their name you know some people are not good with names and they have to figure out name associations you know they're if you go read dale carnegie's how Friends and Influence People, it's a really good book for this kind of situation. And it's basic. But society has eroded so far in terms of interpersonal skills because everybody has their face glued to a screen that to stand out and make a good impression is actually pretty easy nowadays. It's just called being a normal human being.

So, you know, don't be afraid you're not you have no reason to be afraid of anybody shake your hand say nice to meet you and here's another thing when your intent is good inside of your heart and you have good intent you have nothing to be afraid of man like if you if you have good intent for people what are you fucking afraid of them finding out you see what i'm saying so if you're afraid and you're nervous what what are you afraid nervous for yeah what are you hiding or are you just not comfortable with with the skill set of talking to people and if that's the case then that's going to come down to reps that's where you bring out that trick that i tell you guys all the time about going to the grocery store and meeting three people as a game, as just reps having a

conversation with three random strangers and then leave it and doing that on a daily basis. Bro, I did that day after day after day after day for years on top of a retail business model where I was meeting people I didn't know all the time. And if you're young and you can get into a retail situation where you're going to talk to, you know, 30 people, 40 people a day, it's worth taking that job, even if it's not your main thing, because of the skills that you're going to learn. So a lot of people won't do that. They're too good for that. They're, you know, I'm, oh, I'm not going to work retail motherfucker, dude. Let me tell you something. The reason I am who I am is because I spent all that time on that retail floor, talking to people, getting to know people, spending time

with people, shaking hands, having conversations with very limited amounts of information and connecting with people. That's an invaluable skill set that supersedes any other tool or any other hack or any other type of income strategy that you might have. If you can handle people effectively, you are at a massive advantage because you understand psychology. You understand how people respond. You understand how people respond online because they're very similar to what they do in person. It just gives you a very deep understanding of how to relate to people, which is going to benefit you in every area of your life. It's going to benefit you at your job. It's going to benefit you in your business. It's

going to benefit you with the opposite sex. It's going to benefit you with, um, same sex. Yeah, sure. Dude. Same. So whatever, man, it's going to benefit you in all your relationships, you know, uh, everywhere. So I would put the time into investing in that skill. And the reason it's, you know, it's just like anything, bro, the scarier the shit, the more valuable it is because the less people that will do it. So when you think about like, like being able to walk up to the woman of your dreams without hesitation, that's a valuable skill, bro, because that might be the one you see what I'm saying? Otherwise the people who don't have those skills, they just take what they get. They take the friendships they get. They take the shit they get at their job. They take the

relationships they get, and they don't actually go out and create them intentionally. And then they wonder why they're surrounded by all these people who aren't at the level that they want their friends and their relationships to be at. You have to be intentional about it because the people up here that you want to be around, they have to be intentionally created and brought into your life. And that means you have to be comfortable. Hey, I'm Steve. Nice to meet you. This is what I do. What do you do? What are you into? You see what I'm saying? Like you have to be able to do these basic things and most people just cannot do them. And if you could get yourself in a position to do them, bro, you're at a massive advantage over everybody else. I love it.

I love it. Guys, any question number two? When I saw this question at first, I was like, okay, what the fuck is this? But then there's actually, this is a really good question here. Okay. All right. Hi, Andy. Andy, I am struggling with being too serious.

I compete in dog sports and what dog sports okay all right like where the dog runs through the tunnels i think so yeah jumps okay um and at the level uh and and the level i am training to compete at would be the equivalent of a super bowl uh the best of the best all of my extra resources are dedicated to achieving this goal one way or another. I have had some success and wins, but I'm still paying my dues to get where I want to be. My coach has called me out a couple of times saying that I'm too serious and I need to let loose. I know she is right as my seriousness is starting to affect my newest teammate, my young upcoming dog, in a negative way. I am having a hard time knowing how to not be too serious while still keeping my foot on the gas.

I usually have no problem laughing at myself or my dogs when we make mistakes, and I'm no stranger to learning from failure and pushing forward. But how do you balance being serious about a goal while still being able to let loose and enjoy the process well first of all i would say this the fact that you're too serious and that you need to bring it back a little bit in your mind that's better than someone who's not serious at all that needs to up their game so your work you are you're in a better spot than those people um When someone tells you, dude, let me tell you something. I am an intense person. Okay. I don't think that's a surprise to many people. I want to win real fucking bad and I take it real serious. And when I go on stage and speak, I'm serious. I'm not fucking around. Okay. And if you've ever seen me speak you

fucking know that's true it's a completely different thing all right and i'm serious about success i'm serious about winning i'm serious about helping you win and i got a critique one time from someone i respected who told me that i was too serious and i needed to bring it down and for like two years i tried to like listen to that advice because i respected that person and you know what happened i fucking sucked okay so when we when we have people telling us we're too serious we have to consider what the source is and why they're doing that and it's not for everybody to be easy and relaxed and fun and carefree and i realize as a serious person that you may look at other people and you think what's wrong with you well some people are

just built for the fucking fight bro some people are built to win some people are built to go hard and people that aren't don't understand that. They're never going to get that. They're always going to tell you, take it easy. Why are you so uptight? Why are you so aggressive? Why do you care so much? You need to laugh.

You need to smile. You need to do this. Because they're not wired like you. They're never going to understand it. So if you think that you need to be less serious, that's one thing. But if you're just listening to people around you, I wouldn't listen to them. I would do your game. I'd play your game.

I'd be who you are and I'd be comfortable being who you are because serious people change the fucking world. Serious people win championships. Serious people get inducted into the hall of fame. Serious people cure cancer. Serious people build innovation serious people create all the real in society now that's not saying you can't have an unserious side when i'm not competing when i'm not in business and i'm not on stage and i'm not doing things

that in my opinion are very important i am pretty relaxed i'm pretty much a guy that fucks around a lot and talks a lot of shit and jokes around and that's the that's the yin and the yang of my personality over here when it's game time and we're on the field i'm gonna fucking kill you dude okay right after the game we could be joking around having fun it's not a personal thing. I'm just, I just want to win. And so my advice to you would be to consider if you really feel this way, or if people are just telling you that you are this way and decide if that's true, if you feel that you are this way and you think you need to change a little bit, I would consider compartmentalizing where you're serious and where you're not. And then also realizing that, dude, we're all going to die.

All right. These people that you're doing the sport with that you're around, these are your fucking friends. Like even my competitors, like people that I compete with that own other companies. I talk to these motherfuckers on the phone. We talk shit. We goof around. We last night, I spent two hours on the phone with two different owners of big supplement

brands that you guys would know and the whole time it was just talking shit being cool being friends and it's it's okay to compete with someone and still be friends with them in fact real winners want to be friends with the most competitive people that drive them because they understand that when those guys win big, it drives you to push harder and win more. And it's like for me, when I was younger and less mature, it was a personal thing. Like I wanted to burn your fucking house down, bro. I was offended that you even thought you could compete with me. I would be pissed off that you even showed up to fucking compete. The fact that you think you could compete with me fucking pissed me off.

Okay. And that's how I thought about it for a long time. And I ran really hot. And the problem with that is, is nobody wanted to be cool with me. Nobody wanted to fucking invite me to the parties and for good reason. Right. And what I started to realize is I got older is that it's cool when other people win and it's cool when

they do big things because it inspires me to go out and compete with them and I don't have to hate them I don't have to dislike them in fact I value them very much because of the inspiration that they provide okay so when you get into like the upper circles of success in business, people are supportive, but also competitive. And I know that's hard for younger people to grasp. To comprehend. But my point here is that maybe you need a perspective realignment around the people that you're competing with and realize that you're spending all this time in this community. These are your friends. Yes, you're competing.

So there's no reason not to enjoy it and laugh. And, you know, when you fuck up, you can say, well, I fucked up, you know? And I think that, I think that in itself is a point that people need to be comfortable with too. It's like, Hey, when you don't play good, you just say, Hey, I didn't fucking play good. You know? Hey, when you lose, Hey, I had to take an L there. It wasn't, you know, I didn't plan on that. And if you just own your shit, there's less pressure. You know what I mean? So I would consider those perspectives. And, you know, if you want to be happy

and you want to win and be happy, you have to be inspired by the people you compete against. And if you want to win and you want to be miserable, you could just stomp on everybody's throat all the time and fucking have no respect for them whatsoever. But the problem with that is that when you get ahead of them, they don't inspire you, so you get complacent, and they end up passing you.

So it's very, very important, in my opinion, to be inspired by winning and also be competitive with people who win, and I think that's what creates a symbiotic relationship amongst people who are competing. Like all my friends, dude, like people I'm friends with, I'm trying to beat them. They all know it.

They know it. They know it, yeah. And they're trying to beat me. And I know it. And you know it. And the cool thing is when they do something that beats me, I can say, hey, which by the way, ain't very often. But I can say, hey hey what'd you do there and when i do something good they could say hey what'd you do there

and we help it's probably like jujitsu bro like how you guys all help each other get better it's the same kind of thing if you got like that's one thing i'm thankful for like all my friends the people i talk to who are in my industry or just other entrepreneurs that's how they all operate it's not this like it's not this like cut off your head mentality it's the personal mindset yeah yes we want to win but there's a there's a it's not personal it's nobility huh there's nobility in it yeah i think so yeah yeah so so I would encourage you to maybe think about all those things. And, you know, maybe when you're in the competition, yeah, be serious. But when you're, you know, friends with these people, be cool with them and realize that, like, you don't want to go through this whole process of your sport and get to a point where you don't have any friends afterwards.

Eventually, your time's going to end. You're going to want to share, you know, memories and talk with these people. And they're all going to hate gonna end you're gonna want to share you know memories and talk with these people and they're all gonna hate you if you're a dick you know so i don't know those are my thoughts yeah um let me let me ask you this too because you know you said you know you did follow that advice right it took you two years and you said in your words you were shit during those two years right how did you one you, one, become aware that, okay, all right, I've been off. Yeah. And then, two, what did you do to get back on?

What did you do to turn the switch off? Well, I just decided. I just made a decision. I decided, you know what? This motherfucker don't know what he's talking about. I'm 10 times better when I do this. So fuck him. I'm going to do what I want.

Yeah. And that's it. Like, you know, dude, we got to be very careful how we take advice because people will give you advice for all sorts of reasons and i know the reason i got that advice the reason i got that fucking advice was because i'm so fucking good at what i do that when i tone it back a little bit people appear to be better so i'm not down with that like you get what i'm saying yeah like bro like if you're if you're truly competing with someone there are people that will give you bad feedback and you got to be able

to fucking determine is this person giving me real feedback or is this person trying to make me easier to beat for them you see what i'm saying so that's that's the game though bro you got to be able to determine that yeah you know and whether that person wanted me to pull back so that i was easier to compete with or whether they thought that was genuine i don't know but i know this i know when i said hey fuck that i'm gonna do what the fuck i want to do i got way better and you, Zoltan talking to Zoltan, uh, he, he understands that very well. Uh, when he was at the house, we were having this conversation about, you know, how victim culture has created this mentality where everybody has to tone it down. Everybody has to, you know, have balance and everybody has this. And we're talking about that. And he's like, bro, but

the world needs warriors too, man. That's your feature. That's right. And that's what I'm built for. I am built for the fucking fight. And there's just nothing I can do about it. And every time I try to find peace somewhere else, it doesn't work.

My peace is found in the battle. My peace is found in the process. My peace is found in all the other things that everybody else tries to avoid and i've just had to come to terms with that's how i'm built and how i'm wired and when i'm in that fight i'm much happier and there's a lot of people that are wired like that that get told by society it's too much it's too intense it's too that yeah it is too much for those motherfuckers because those motherfuckers are drinking beer in their fucking driveway on a fucking coleman cooler talking about the glory days now of course it's too much it reminds them that they're shit and you're not so fuck them oh i fucking love it man let's get to our third and

final question andy question number three uh hey and, I recently opened up a martial arts gym in the city. I've been practicing martial arts, specifically jiu-jitsu, for the past 20 years. Things are slow, and I haven't been able to attract too many people to the gym. My question is, how should I market my gym to increase and attract attention to my gym? Much love to Chicago. So we're talking about i guess on the ground marketing how do you get the word out um when you got something when you feel like you have something look man there it's so easy to get the word out now like honestly this question is a

little embarrassing dude because back in my day i had to walk to school uphill both ways and five feet of fucking snow. Right. Okay. I look real talk. The thing is guys is that it is actually a lot easier right now. And you need to understand that the tools you have are some of the most valuable tools that have ever been created for building a small business. You have the ability to geo target an actual area and do online ads for fucking basically nothing to attract people into your gym. You have the ability to do things that people have forgotten

about like mailers. Mailers work really well right now because nobody uses them. Okay. Um, you also have, and by the way, I didn't have this shit just so, just so we're clear. I didn't have the money to do mailers. I didn't have the money to do mailers i didn't have the money to do advertising i spent the first three years of my fucking business going door to door saying hey i'm andy we sell fucking vitamins if you ever need vitamins come down and see me right like for real dude over and over and over and over again and when i got to the end i started over at the beginning and i went through again when i got to the end i started over at the beginning and i went through again and you know what happened people in the neighborhood started to know who I was and you know what they did when they needed vitamins

they came and saw me now a lot of people don't like that story because they're like fuck I don't want to do that but what are we accomplishing by doing that one we're entrenching ourselves in the community two we're getting reps with people which brings it back to the skill set we talked about earlier in the show. Three, it's basically free because you're not missing out on any opportunity costs because you don't have any business yet. Okay? So between the ability to go door to door, which people don't like doing but is a super valuable thing to do, because, dude, people don't do it anymore. So, like, when you do it it stands out

right especially if you got cauliflower ears you tell me come do jiu-jitsu i'm like all right i ain't got a choice dude but you combine that with the technology we have on social media the technology that we have uh through digital marketing the technology that we have through techniques that um you know don't necessarily get thought of right away and then our ability to go door to door to door like bro there's there there's no reason you can't build this not only into a successful jiu-jitsu gym but there's no reason that you can't turn it into the best gym in your area so we got to quit looking for the reasons we can't and we got to start looking for

the reasons we can anybody can make anything work bro it's just what are you willing to do and the answer needs to be anything because it's that hard that's how hard business is business is not a game it's not a it's not something everybody can do it's not something that it's not a side hustle like the internet makes it seem like it's just this thing that it isn't and you have to be willing to do whatever the fuck it takes to get what it is you're trying to create and that means anything so whatever you have to do to meet people if you got to stand out on the corner in your fucking gi doing fucking kicks and shit i don't fucking know you know what i'm saying breaking boards whatever the fuck you guys do you know putting people and

laying down and rubbing your balls on people i don't fucking know well you grab some black belt in the car i'm beat his ass yeah like like put a sign out on the corner and say if you could take me down i'll give you a free membership like i don't fucking know dude like there's so many ways to do this that like the question is like to me it's like come on man well let's talk about that though because i think this is an important part right and i don't know if i'm using the proper definition or wording here right but i want to call it like passion projects passion companies where you know this guy spent 20 years, you know, training jujitsu, bro. Uh-huh. That's zero years in business.

And so like thinking just because you're really good in jujitsu. That's right. You know what I'm saying? So like, can we just touch that? Because business is its own unique skill set. It's a whole different skill. But dude, we see this with doctors. We see this with doctors. We see this with lawyers. We see this with people who are passionate about a skill set but don't necessarily know business.

So, yes, that's a great question, by the way. You have to understand that while you have expertise here, you don't have it here. And this kills a lot of entrepreneurs because not just because they realize they don't know business, but what happens is once they know business, they think they have what I call the Midas touch, which means if I'm in nutritional supplements, I think I can go be a restaurateur. I don't know shit about fucking opening a restaurant, bro. I know how to eat at a restaurant. I know how to drink at a restaurant, and I know how to have a good time at a restaurant,

but I don't know how to run a restaurant. Right. Right. And so what happens is people think because they get a little success with their jujitsu gym, that they can go open a sandwich store and an ice cream place. And then, you know, a fucking bank, whatever, dude. Right. And, and dude, that really kills a lot of entrepreneurs too. So, um, I'd be weary of letting your brain convince you or letting your ego convince you that because you're an expert in one area that you're automatically an expert in another area that's just not true and a lot of people get killed that way and then just have an open mind like this is an this is a skill set go out and read every single fucking book on

entrepreneurship that you can find I'd start with Seth Godin read every single fucking book on entrepreneurship that you can find. I'd start with Seth Godin. Read every Seth Godin book because Seth Godin talks about how to guerrilla market. He gives awesome stories. There's a book by Andrew Cernovich called Word of Mouth Marketing, which is amazing. There's a book called Guerrilla Marketing that you can get. All of Seth Godin's, that one book by Cernovich and the gorilla marketing book those books right there will give you tons of ideas on how to create buzz and business um and and i think after you read those three books you're going to have a clear direction on some things that you can do that are low cost uh but very effective you know ways to bring people in i love it man i love it well guys andy that was three yep don't forget about

tonight's apparel release 7 p.m central realamericanfreedomgear.com uh don't be a hoe shut the show we're from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a bowl fuck a stove counted millions in the cold bad bitch booted swole got her own bankroll can't fold that's a no headshot case closed