REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 69. Are You Weird?

Episode Date: September 16, 2020

Your uniqueness is your ultimate superpower, and learning to master it can separate you from the competition. After all, being "normal" is not memorable. On today's show, Andy talks about how if used correctly, your uniqueness can lead you to a more meaningful and fulfilled life.

I told my teacher, dumb bitch, I'm going to get millions. Watch this. In a project living, spoke it to existence. Voila. Mode changed to 50. Got more cars than diddy. I only weigh 180, but my watch cost 250. What's up, guys?

This is Andy Frisella, and this is the show for the realists. Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness, and delusions of modern society. And welcome to motherfucking reality. Guys, today I got a short real talk for you okay i'm gonna get right to the point before i do um please remember that our show grows when you share the show so all i ask is that if you like the show if you got something from it if it made you think if it made your day better if it made you think, if it made your day better, if it made you learn, if it made you have a different perspective, if you thought there was some, if it brought you fucking value, please share the show with your like-minded friends, okay? That's how we grow. We don't

run ads. I don't bombard you with advertising from all these companies for the first 10 fucking minutes or in the middle of the show. So in exchange, please help me out, help the show out and share it out and make sure you're subscribed to the feed. That really helps us with iTunes. It helps us get exposed to new listeners. And that's what I say when I say pay the fee. So you guys do a really good job of that. But I just want to remind you because I hadn't said it very often on the podcast recently. But with that being said, guys, look, I want to speak about something that's been on my mind and my heart recently. I see, you know, social media is becoming such a huge part of our lives and it's become such a huge part of our reality that

a lot of people live more on social media than they do in real life. And I think that's a big problem, especially because I feel like people are working really, really, really, really hard to be a persona online when it's not really who they are, man. And I want to address that. I think a lot of people feel like, just like you probably felt when you were in sixth grade or seventh grade, man. Dude, I remember what that's like, man. I remember the pressure to fit in. I remember not having any friends. I wasn't a popular kid. I was the fat kid everybody made fun of. All right. I wasn't cool. I was never cool. And so I had a hard time making friends. And I remember like, you know, always trying to, you know, fit in, you know, I wanted people to like me. We all want to have friends and we want to be popular and that, and that's okay. There's

nothing wrong with that. But the problem I see with it is that a lot of people are shorting themselves on the quality of their online experience and their life experience by trying to become something that they just really aren't. All right. And I posted a meme, a little saying, you know, like I do on my Instagram. If you guys follow me on Instagram, you should. It's at Andy Frisella. And I really only do content here and on my Instagram story. I'm going to start back up on static posts soon,

but that's where I do all my stuff. So I posted this thing and it says, yo, you know, everyone is weird, right? It's not just you quit trying to be normal. It's boring. Be yourself. It's easier and more fun. All right. It's just a simple little thing. And guys, I got so much response from it because I feel like it really hit a nerve with a lot of people. A lot of people, you know, motherfucker, we're weird. We're fucking weird people. Like I'm weird on the inside, man. Maybe you think I'm weird on the outside too, but I know one thing for sure. Every other motherfucker listening right now, you're weird as shit too. You are. Okay. You might not look weird. You might look on the outside like you got everything together, but you don't.

I don't. You don't. Nobody does. So why the fuck are we pretending to be perfect when nobody's perfect? All right. It makes us unhappy. It makes us have anxiety. It makes us feel like we're lying to people. It makes us feel like a fraud. Okay. Free yourself of this shit by being who you are. And that's what I want to talk about because when you are who you are authentically, you don't have to lie. People know what they're getting. Most of you know what to expect when you meet me in real life. And it's funny because a lot of people will ask my friends or they'll ask people at first form or they'll ask people here that work with me, they'll say, what's Andy like in real life? And they'll say, well, fuck dude, he's exactly like he is on the podcast. And that's because I am exactly like I am here when I meet you. This isn't a fucking character I play. It's who I am.

So I want you guys to understand a couple things from a practical standpoint, because not only is there emotional freedom and lightness that comes with being who you truly are. All right. There's practical reasons for it too. The reason most of you guys are pretending to be something online that you're really not is because you're trying to either sell something or you're trying to be in, you're trying to get attention for some reason, right? You want a big following. You want a blue check mark. You want to be popular on the internet. Like who knows? You're trying to make money. You're. Like who knows? You're trying to make money. You're trying to do this. You're trying to do that. I totally get all that. And I'm not

condemning any of it. All right. Having a strong online presence is good for you, regardless of what it is. It's good. It's a good thing because it gives you options. Now, the problem with pretending like you're normal or like you're everybody else, or like you're a part of this thing or that thing in terms of like how you take your pictures. And, you know, I see a lot of girls copying, you know, girls with 10 million followers and doing the same faces and doing the same poses. And this, I get it. I get it. You think that's what you're supposed to do. You don't have to live like that. And that's what I'm trying to say. And I'm not just saying it for girls because I see dudes do the same shit. All right. So I want you to understand the reason

that social media gives you anxiety. The reason that social media makes you frustrated. The reason that social media is controlling your entire existence and your mental health is because you're not being authentic. You're not who you want to be. And the reason you're not who you want to be is because you're afraid that if you are, it's going to fuck up your shit. But I'm here to tell you guys, it's actually the opposite. Okay. When you pretend to be normal, your ability to attract other people gets played down. Okay. It goes down just like on Madden football. And you have a guy who is a 99 level player. And if he gets hurt, he's an 87 level player. All right. You're hurting your ability to grow and attract quality people

by being something that you aren't. And if you really knew what you would attract by being who you really are and being fearless in how you share it, and I'm not saying, you know, make these long sappy posts to try to get sympathy. Some people get caught up in that shit too. What I'm saying is just be who the fuck you are. And what will happen is you will attract people like that. It's a magnetic force when you're authentic and you're real. And it doesn't matter if you're a, you know, a loud, boisterous person who uses the curses and stuff like me, or if you're a soft-spoken person who says, you know, funny shit, or there's room for all of us. There's room

for every personality. And the reason that you're having trouble growing and the reason you're having trouble getting attention is because you're putting massive amounts of effort into being like everybody else. Think of it like this. When you go hunting, what do you wear? You wear camouflage. The reason you wear camouflage is because you don't want the animals to see you. Well, you don't want to, how do you make the animals not see you? You look like everything else. So think about that when it comes to your personal brand. If you look like everybody else, and I'm not saying like physical looks, I'm saying your, your, your words, your, your posts, your, your beliefs. If you're like everybody else, you're the camouflage. All right. What about

you makes you different? What about you makes you unique? What about you is fucking weird that you're afraid to share with people because it's a little bit embarrassing. Those are the things that attract other people. Those are the things that make people say, dude, I like that guy because he's just like me. All right. This is a big deal, guys. This will help you in all areas because one, it'll remove a lot of anxiety and frustration from your life, but two, it'll actually bring you around people that actually believe the things you believe, which will create more quality relationships in your life. All right. And that's a huge deal, guys. So you have to understand that when you

pretend it's the same as putting camouflage on. All right. So that's the first thing. The second thing, and I sort of covered this a little bit, is that when you're unique and when you're who you are, and here's the thing that you guys have to understand is your uniqueness is your superpower. What it is that you think, you know, everybody's going to laugh at is probably the thing that you guys have to understand is your uniqueness is your superpower. What it is that you think, you know, everybody's going to laugh at is probably the thing that's going to make you stand out. Sometimes it is the thing that you get made fun of about. For me, all right, it was getting stabbed in the face and I have scars all over my face. My face was swollen to the size of a grapefruit for a year and I still have nerve damage in my face. And if you meet me in person, you're going to be able to see it real close. All right. Now I was

made fun of about that. I was talking shit about that. All right. It was embarrassing. But what I realized is that it made me memorable. It made me unique and it attracted other people to it when I embraced it and started telling the truth. Because for a long time, guys, the first couple of years, I didn't even want to tell people the truth. I told people I was in a car accident. The reason I told people I was in a car accident is because when I told people in a retail setting, which we only had one store and we had two employees, me and my business partner, Chris, when I tell people, oh, I got fucking stabbed, you know, I didn't have all of these things now that build credibility with people. I didn't have a big

company. I didn't, you know, I wasn't, I didn't have many companies. I wasn't seen as a success. I was seen as a punk kid. And that's what people thought when I told them I got stabbed. So I fucking lied. I said, I got into a her accident just to make it simple. All right. That was a mistake because had I embraced it and had I told the truth, I would have connected with other people who have been through similar challenges. And if you ever listened to the story of how I got stabbed and me meeting the woman who had been burned, you know that her courage is what greatly impacted me to become who I am today. It's still probably the most important conversation I ever had in my entire life. All right. So you have to understand that along with blending in and being the opposite of blending in, you want to figure

out how to stand out. And the best way that you could stand out guys is by being a little fucking weird. All right. So that shit that you're trying to hide, those things that you could stand out guys is by being a little fucking weird. All right. So that shit that you're trying to hide, those things that you're embarrassed of, those things that mess with your head that make you think like, fuck, nobody gets it. No motherfucker. A lot of people get it. You just think nobody gets it because you're ain't fucking talking about it. All right. So we all have these things. We all have these challenges. We all have a story. And guess what? Our story connects with other people's story. And if you're too afraid to tell your story because you're afraid you're not going to fit in at the seventh grade fucking lunch table that is Instagram right

now, you're not going to have success. You're not going to have success in life. You're not going to be happy. You're going to be frustrated. You're going to be filled with anxiety. You're going to feel like you're doing something wrong. And the reason you feel like you're doing something wrong is because you are doing something wrong. You're cheating yourself of your own unique human experience. All right. It's very important. Now, you know, besides being normal and blending in and besides understanding these things make you stand out, having differences, guys, actually creates a competitive edge in business, a competitive edge in life. All right. How many people want to talk to the average Joe who lives in, you know,

the normal neighborhood, who mows his grass every Saturday, who hides all of his deep, dark secrets. And dude, he never talks about them because today we're told that if you talk about yourself in any way, you're not humble. And everybody thinks that humble is the best thing to be. And it is in certain circumstances, but in life circumstances, sometimes the humility can really smash your ability to stand out and get a competitive advantage. All right. And so this is what you have to understand. You have to use everybody else's fear to your benefit. All right. Everybody else is fucking scared. Everybody else feels embarrassed. Everybody else is afraid to tell their story. Everybody else is afraid to step up. All right. So what does that mean? That means it's a huge opportunity for you to have a competitive advantage by doing

so. All right. When I was, I don't know, I guess I was about 30 years old. I started writing motivational statuses on Facebook. And I started to do it on our supplement superstores company page. And this is how I got into motivational speaking and business consulting and all of these things. All of these great, amazing things that have happened to me over the last decade have happened because of one thing really that, that I did. Um, I started writing things that I thought were impactful and motivational. And right away, man, I had someone that was related to me, uh, that I grew up looking up to, um, that I cared about their opinion comment underneath

one of my posts and said, Andy, I don't know who you think you are, man, but you ain't Tony Robbins and you ain't ever going to be, I don't know what you're trying to be. You're trying to be Tony Robbins? Now, I'm paraphrasing. It was something like that, all right? I think it might've been, okay, Tony Robbins, like that, something like that, right? We all get it though, because we all get those comments. You know, this year, back then, when I post that, I might get two likes. I might get three, and guess what? One was Sal, one was my mom, and the other one was my fucking dad, all right? And maybe I got a couple more from guys that I actually paid their paycheck. That's the truth, all right? And then I have this guy who's related to me. I'm not going to say his name because I

don't want to embarrass him, but I know who the fuck it was and I'll never forget it. Tell me that shit. Now I had two choices at that time. I could have went into my shell and just kept all of these thoughts and these feelings to myself. And my life would be totally different right now. My life would be probably like it was then. I probably would have never broke out of that mold. But I chose the other. And the other was, hey, don't listen to this fucker and keep doing what you're doing. And you know what? This year, I was ranked the 14th best speaker on the fucking planet. Now, Tony Robbins was like number two or one or something.

You know, he's still better than me. And I have no argument to that. He's the fucking man when it comes to that. He's been doing it for 40 fucking years. So he's a hell of a lot better than me. But I don't know. That's not terrible. You know what I'm saying?

So that's the point of what I'm trying to make. All right. We all have these unique little things and we have these unique little challenges and these unique little hangups. And of course, we're going to have people not believe. Nobody fucking believes in you, man. You need to quit trying to think that people, that you, you deserve people's belief. What have you done to deserve their belief? Okay. People only believe after you've done some shit, which ironically is when you don't need their belief anymore. So you have to understand, you're going to have to step out of your comfort zone. You're going to have to be a little weird

and you're going to have to understand that ultimately in the long run, this is what's going to create the life that you're looking for. All right. And I just wanted to bring this message to you guys. I know it's not my normal message, but I wanted to bring it to you guys because I feel like with all the chaos going on in the world and with all the division going on in the world and all the fucking hate going on in the world from all different angles, people are afraid, man.

People are scared to do anything. They're scared to say anything. They're scared to say anything. They're scared to be anything. And I think they're more afraid than ever to take a stand or be, and I'm not taking, I'm not saying a political stand. I'm saying just having an opinion about anything. But I can tell you guys, if you never have the courage to be who it is, that person that you are when you're alone, that person you are on the inside, you know that person that you are when you're alone, that person you are on the inside. You know that person that you are on the inside that you know you are, but nobody else knows you are? You know what I'm talking about?

I know you guys know what I'm talking about. It's that thing that you do, like when you're in the shower alone, you're kind of thinking about like, who the fuck you really are. I don't know, maybe I'm fucking weird and I'm the only one that does this. But like when I'm in the shower, you know, even when I was a kid, I can

remember this dude. I can remember like thinking I was going to be a rap star. Right. And I remember in the shower, like thinking like I would be thinking like, yeah, dude, one day everybody's going to be in a, in a, in a auditorium or a stadium and they're going to be cheering my name and shit. And I'm gonna be fucking hot and I'm'm going to be kicking ass. And you know, that never happened for me as a rap star, but it did fucking happen to me as a speaker. All right. So these dreams that you have on the inside that you're too afraid to put out because you think they're weird, or you think people are going to make fun of you, or you think you're not going to be in the cool kids club, those dreams are coming to you for a reason. They're showing up in your brain for a reason. And you and your fear of what people are going to think, what people are going to say,

and that you think you're the only one like that is what's keeping you from becoming that little picture that somehow forms in your brain. All right. So I want, I feel like this message needs to be heard right now. And that's why I wanted to record it for you guys. So listen, I'm the weirdest motherfucker there is. I'll just say that. So I'll take the title of weirdest motherfucker, and then you can feel comfortable being you because you're not as fucking weird. All right. There's nothing to be afraid of. Yes, you can feel comfortable being you because you're not as fucking weird. All right. There's nothing to be afraid of. Yes, you're going to have some comments from some strangers that you never met in your life. Yes, you're going to have family members that make fun of you and tease you. But I'm going to tell you what, they're not going to be teasing you

when you're paying their motherfucking paychecks. Okay. Be who you are, be who you know you are, be who you know you're supposed to be and commit to being that every single day, guys. This is what most of you guys are doing wrong on social media. It's what most of you guys do wrong in life. And it's what we can all be better at doing, right? We can all be better about this. We can all be better about being better versions of who we are. Let me tell you the best benefit of this. The best benefit of this is that if you have kids or you have people that follow you, let's say you're the owner of a company like me, or maybe you're a manager, or maybe you're a coach, whoever it is that you're leading, because all of you are leading somebody, all of you, whether you think so or not.

There's somebody that's paying attention to what it is you're doing. You're obligated to lead those people. When you start doing you, you're going to inspire other people to do the same. And a lot of good comes from that. And by the way, when you first start doing you, you're not going to be great at doing you. It takes practice. It takes consistency. It takes years.

It takes courage, all right? But wouldn't you want your life to be the example of that for other people, for the people that look up to you? Don't you want people who look up to you? Don't you want people who look up to you to love you for the fact that you are who the fuck you are and that you stand for what you stand for? I think that's what we all want. All right. So stop getting in your own way. We're all fucking weird, but I'm the weirdest.