REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 715. Q&AF: Getting Comfortable With Failure, Taking On Too Many Tasks & Changing Your Attitude

Episode Date: May 27, 2024

In today's episode, Andy answers your questions on what his best failure was to help him get better, when or if it's appropriate to take on more tasks on your Power List, and if your attitude could hinder you from playing on a team.

What is up guys, it's Andy Priscilla, and this is the show for the realest, say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness, and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys it is monday which means we have q and af that's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers now if you would like your questions answered on the show you can submit them a few different ways the first way is guys email these questions in to ask andy at andy for selling.com or you go on youtube in the q and a f episodes drop your question right there in the comments and we'll pick some from there as well now as we go through the week if this is your first time listening we have shows within the show we're going to have cti tomorrow that stands for cruise the internet this is where we put topics of the day up on the

screen we speculate on what's true on what's not true. And then we talk about how we, the people have to solve these problems going on in society. Other times we're going to have real talk, real talk is just five to 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk. All right. That basically means some stuff. I just think you need to hear. Uh, and then we have 75 hard versus 75 hard versus is where people who have completed the 75 Hard Program come on the show, talk about how their life was before, how they fixed it using the 75 Hard Program, and how you could do the same. Now, if you're unfamiliar with the 75 Hard Program, it is the world's most popular mental transformation program in history.

It is the initial phase of the Live Hard Program. And guess what? It's free. All right? Go to episode 208 on the audio feed. Listen to it. Get the program. It'll help you get your shit together.

Now, if you want, and you're someone like me who needs to know the ins and outs and the nuts and bolts and the complete picture on anything, you can buy the book. There is a book called The Book on Mental Toughness. It outlines the entire Live Hard program, plus 10 chapters on mental toughness, plus case studies on very famous people and how they use mental toughness to become the people that you recognize today. You can get that book at andyfercella.com. It's called The Book on Mental Toughness. Go get you one. Now, you're going to notice as we go through the week, unlike every other show out there, I do not take money for ads on my show. And the reason I don't is because I don't want to listen to some knucklehead telling me what I should or shouldn't say. I say what the fuck I want. And I stand on that. And I'm

not going to listen to any sponsors. So I don't have them. So I make a deal with you. I'm not going to have sponsors and edit myself. And you're going to help me share the show. Because I'm constantly dealing with censorship and traffic throttling and bans. And as you guys know, they deleted my Instagram just a week ago. And so I need your help getting the message out. So if the message is good, if it makes you think,

if it makes you laugh, if it gives you a new perspective, if it teaches you some skills, if it's something you think people need to hear, I need you to share the show. All right? So don't be a hoe. Share the show. All right.

What's up? Nothing. Dude, you got to catch up on the tan, man. I think I just got a big head start on you. Roll that sleeve up. Mm-hmm that's all but listen i'm definitely darker than that no though wait darker than what up top yeah but down here though yeah well you're black i'm just sicilian which means i'm only 12 black so i yeah i gotta catch up but you know what i bet in another month

i'll be as dark as you i don't know about that yeah we'll see we will see hey how's that pool going oh dude listen don't even get me started on the pool man is it did you give up on it i think we're in a holding pattern pattern that means you gave up no i, I didn't give up. No, we're just saving some coins because I got the landscaper quote. It was some ducks. So we're just, you know. Well, the good news is I got an awesome pool. So.

All right. I'll see you tomorrow. Yeah, that's right. I just got to figure out what I got a big fucking hole in the backyard, though. So I told you not to fuck with it, man. Yeah. But you told me after they started digging. Well, you maybe should have asked me before they started digging. OK, now that's a fair point.

Yeah, I'll give you that. Hey, Andy, what do you think about me getting a pool? I would have said you're a fucking idiot. Don't do that. I got an awesome pool. Yeah. Use that pool. You do have a nice pool.

Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. All right. We'll see. We'll see.

All right. What do you got? I got a nice tan. My tan's better than yours right now. Guys, I got three good ones for you. That's what I was looking for. That's what I was looking for. I know what you're looking for.

I got exactly what you're looking for. Oh, really? Yeah. That sounds a little. It sounds exactly how it's supposed to sound. That sounds a little Dylan Mulvaney. A little Diddy? Yeah, a little Diddy.

Guys, Andy, question number one. Let's get through. Let's knock these out. Let's make some people better. Guys, Andy, question number one. Andy, I'm 19 years old. And I've been trying to get more comfortable with failing and just going. Can you give me some insight on one of the best failures you have ever made?

Oh, man. It's been hard because I don't really have the perspective of knowing if my failures will actually work for me. So hearing one of yours, I think, would really help. One of the best failures you've ever made, Andy, what would you got? Dude, I don't know if I could point one out because they're all valuable in different ways. You know, like it's not big failures and little failures. It's all lessons. We have to, we have to search for these lessons. Okay. When you, when you tie your shoe and it's not a double knot and your shoe

comes untied twice, what do you start doing? Start double knotting them. That's right. And while that might be a small, insignificant lesson, it's a lesson. These shoes need a double knot. And I feel like when people hear this thing about failing, all they ever think about is the big failures. All they ever think about is the big failures. All they ever think about is the embarrassing failures or the ones that people see, but the ones that they don't see are just as valuable because they teach you lessons. So I would encourage you instead of like listening to my failures. I mean, dude, look, I couldn't even tell you a failure because I failed a hundred times for every public win that you guys have ever witnessed. So like, and it's weird because people think, oh man, they did this or they did

that. That guy's super smart. No, I was just willing to try every other way until this fucking worked. All right. And that's the attitude that we have to have. And yeah, when you've been doing it for 25 years and you've done pretty well because you're willing to go out and get smashed in the face over and over and over again with bad ideas or bad thoughts or mistakes until you find the right one. People are going to think you're a fucking genius, which is kind of cool, but it's not the truth. The truth is I'm an idiot just like all you guys. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, but I am willing to do this. I am willing to try it this way. Try it that way. Try it this other way. Those three didn't work. I got killed on those three. I try it this way, try it that way, try it this other way. Those three didn't work.

I got killed on those three. I try it this way now, this new way. And I will keep going until I figure out how to make it work. And I don't give a fuck about what Joe from the old neighborhood has to say or Stacy, the ex-girlfriend. I don't give a shit. Fuck them. I care about getting where I'm trying to go. So I don't care if I fail.

I don't care if a million people see it. I don't care if a million people see it. I don't care if 10 million people see it. I don't care if it's just me seeing it. But I have programmed my mind to look at every situation to determine, did I get the best possible outcome there? And if I didn't get the best possible outcome, how do I improve my technique to get the best possible outcome? And I do this in my life. get the best possible outcome? And I do this in my life. I do this in my business. I do this in my training. It is a mindset that you must have,

which is I am always looking for ways to get better. So when you think about failing, don't just think of it like, oh, I got this big failure and all my friends from high school are going to laugh at me. Good. You need that fuel. Thank them. Write them a thank you card. There's about a hundred people that I know their names legit that I should write them a card today and say, hey, thanks for making fun of me because here I am. I'm rich, bitch. And you ain't right. I should be fucking writing motherfuckers cards all day long. Let them laugh. Let them snicker.

Let them talk shit. And then use that as fuel to push you forward. But never be afraid of failing. Never be afraid of being embarrassed. Because, bro, those people are going to be embarrassed by the scope of the life that they create. You're going to be embarrassed for a short amount of time because you're working to create a better life. There's a completely different perspective to have here when it comes to this. So instead of looking at it like, oh, I'm going to want to try this because all my friends are going to laugh, except they're going to laugh, be thankful that

they laugh, use that as fuel and be willing to look at every single way to get something done until you figure it the fuck out. And if you have that mindset, if you have the ability to continue to try new things and understand that the things that didn't work, you're not going to repeat, you're not going to make the same mistake twice, and you have the ability to continue down the path for as long as it fucking takes, bro, you fail it's fucking impossible it's impossible people only fail for one of two reasons they fail because one they're too fucking stupid to not make the same mistake over and over and over again we see this with alcoholics we see this with with womanizers we see this with these things in society drug addicts these people can't get over that one thing. So

they do the same thing over and over and over and over and over again. It wrecks their fucking life. All right. People do that in business too. So you have to be smart enough to not fuck up more than once or twice on the same thing. If you're that smart, which all of you are, you wouldn't be listening to shit. You have enough intelligence to make it it and it takes toughness on top of that and if you're that tough to where you're willing to do this for as long as it takes no matter how fucking hard it is if you could build yourself into that kind of person who could persevere through the hardships and never fucking quit until you get where you want to go bro it's impossible to fail it's fucking impossible okay so stop thinking of it like oh i want to go bro it's impossible to fail it's impossible okay so stop thinking of it

like oh i want to hear what this guy's failure i'm sure bro i failed everything i failed so much i couldn't even tell you all the i failed like bro like sometimes i sit in the office with chris or sal or jason and we'll be like bro remember that time we did this and we'll laugh because how stupid we were all right it's okay to be stupid just don't stay stupid i love that one thing you said man that i really love is you said not every failure is going to reveal the lesson right and so i feel like this kind of aligns with with with something very specific and it's just intent like you have to be very very intentful when looking at and reflecting on it's a mindset good shit it's a mindset yeah what did i learn right here what like every day i go in the gym i work out i walk out of the gym you know what i'm doing i'm self-evaluating what did i do well what did i not do well how can

i be better what can i do better next time i've been training for fucking 25 years 30 years and still doing that yes i do that with everything when i have a conversation with someone that i first meet for the first time and i'm walking away i'm replaying the conversation in my head i'm saying oh i could have done this or that or this i should have shook his hand a little better i should have looked him in the eye a little better i should have asked him more questions when i walk away from an important meeting, I'm dissecting the meeting. This is self-assessment. I am looking for my failures, big or small, so that I can improve them. Because as you look at them over the course of time, you end up plugging all these holes.

And over the course of 20 years, you end up being a pretty bulletproof motherfucker. You got all your holes patched. You're pretty good at all areas. You understand, and you don't stop self-evaluating just because you got good at it. Okay. So it's a mindset. Actively look for your failures, big or small. Look to make adjustments, self-assess. Don't worry about the big failures where everybody's going to laugh. You're going to have plenty of those. So those are coming. You're not going to avoid them. So embrace them.

Take the laughs. Look at these motherfuckers and give them the finger in your head and realize that, hey, one day I'm going to be the one fucking laughing. Because you will be. I love that, man. You can give them the finger, too, and, like, you know, not just in your head. The best way to give people the finger is with the results you produce. Yeah, you don't say shit. I don't to say fucking shit anymore That's the best feeling in the world. What I'm gonna say like I see one of these people have fucking laughed at me back in the day I didn't have to say anything. They know they know yeah

That's awesome shit, that's that's worth the persevering in itself like when you can look someone in the eye who's fucking doubted you has made fun of you who's talked shit on you to your face who's told you that you wouldn't be shit and you don't have to fucking say anything because they already fucking know there ain't nothing better than that bro yeah i love it man i love it guys any question number two uh hey andy i've been through 75 hard fully twice now and finished phase two both times um i'm wondering if there is a thing when you start getting really consistent uh to want to take on too many things at once because you feel like you can take on the world.

I know this is what the power list is for, but I find myself a lot of times adding task upon task inside of the power list because I feel like I can take it and be consistent. So my question is, when you start getting really consistent, can it be an issue to want to take on too much? All right, look, there's a fundamental idea out here in the world that to be successful, you have to fucking work 27 hours out of 24 a day. You can't sleep. You can't do anything. And that's all bullshit.

Okay? The truth of the matter is you only have to do a few critical tasks every day five the rest of the day you can live like a normal human that's the point of the power list the point of the power list is to allow you to be effective and move forward and not feel like you have to be one of these people that doesn't sleep that doesn't spend any time with their family that doesn't have a life at all. That is all bullshit. And that's bullshit that's spewed from motherfuckers who haven't actually built anything.

Are there going to be imbalances? Yes. Compared to whom? Compared to the average motherfucker that wakes up at 10.30 on Saturday and starts drinking bush? Yeah, he can do that. You can't do that, okay?

But you're giving that up to go be a fucking multimillionaire and build an awesome life. All right. So there's imbalances in your life. You're going to work a lot more than everybody else. But the purpose of the power list is so that you can be effective and still have some semblance of normalcy in your life. All right. So can you do too much? Yeah, you can try to do too much. And here's the problem with trying to do too much. Not only does it throw your life out of balance, but you get into a situation where you can't complete all the tasks. And when you start to not be able to complete the tasks, you start to fail in your own mind. Okay. Those wins that

you're stacking up with five critical tasks, those become losses. And what happens to your mental state after 30 days of straight losses? What do you think? Does your confidence go up or down? Yeah. Goes down. Yeah. All right. So when your confidence goes down, your belief goes down. When your belief goes down, your ability to execute goes down. When your ability to execute goes down, you're fucked. All right? So we have to operate in a way where we are effective day in and day out so that our confidence stays high, our self-esteem stays high, our ability to execute stays high, and we're able to continue down the path in a very effective way. Does this make sense? It makes perfect sense. So this happens a lot with the power list. The power list is not just a tool to make you effective.

It is a tool to make you more confident in yourself, just like 75 Hard. All right, 75 Hard and the PowerList are two different systems that when used together really make you fucking unstoppable. All right, but the idea here is that you don't doubt yourself you don't lose belief in yourself you don't question yourself because you know no matter what what you put down on that list is getting done and it's getting done at a high level and that way when you wake up in the morning and you know those mornings we wake up and you look in the mirror and you're like dude i don't know i feel behind blah blah. You can literally open up your power list and say, well, fuck dude, I got 37 days in a row wins. What the fuck else more could I be doing? And then all of a sudden that doubt, that anxiety, that fear, that frustration, it goes away

and you're like, oh, I just got to go do it again. And then when you do that for a long enough time, your life looks completely different. So yeah, bro, you can do too much and you have to realize what your limits are. And you have to realize that if you try to do too much and you don't execute, it's going to destroy your confidence, create doubt, frustration, disbelief, which makes you ineffective in other areas. I feel like that's a different type of discipline, right? Like, okay, you checked off the five boxes. You feel fucking great. It's fucking 11 o'clock in the morning. And, oh, I mean, there's one more thing I can knock out, right? Like, I feel like, so, I mean, do you just not, you're not doing that or are you not counting that as being done?

Well, of course, look, dude, there's critical tasks, then there's to do shit. Yeah. Okay, your critical tasks move your whole life forward. These are important phone calls, important connections, things that are going to, it depends on where you are in a life, but these things are going to move your life forward. Then there's all the other shit you got to do. I got to do laundry.

Take out the trash. I got to take out, those are not on your power list. Right. Yeah, exactly. So, so dude, it's, it's two different, two different things. I could do a whole workshop on power list, 75 75 Hard, and Outdoor Performance for an entire day. I could talk about it for fucking 12 hours. So really the best thing is to go listen to both podcasts, episode 16, episode 208.

Put those into your life. Follow them exactly as they are laid out. The biggest problem that we have is that people who are unqualified, who have never built anything, who have never achieved anything, think that they can edit programs that are built by people who have done all the things that you want to do. And that's no different than fucking up an award-winning recipe that the best chef in the world gives you because you think you're a fucking chef master when you've never cooked a motherfucking thing in your life so go fucking listen listen to what it says do it literally the way it says and it will work for you i love it man uh well guys andy uh our third and final question um question. Andy, I'm a 16 year old junior that plays soccer at high school. My freshman year, I was weighing in at approximately 180 pounds and five foot eight. I believe my skill level

is above average for my high school team. However, because I'm not super fast and I didn't make varsity. So the next year I dropped almost 40 pounds and increased my endurance and speed to be in the top half of the team. I made varsity as a sophomore, but the coach played some freshmen over me who I destroyed all summer in practices. I actually destroyed most of the team all summer. Coach said he doesn't like my attitude. My attitude is one of wanting to win and succeed. I do get mad when players are hogging the ball and not aware on the field. I've made comments about other players

needing to be more aware, not sure how criticism is a bad attitude. I thought that is how you help. Well, I'm going to explain that. Okay. I thought that is how you help others improve. My question is, am I wrong? Is it possible to change the coach's opinion or is it not worth it?

I was by far the most improved player. I love soccer and always want to be involved. Any advice is welcome. I can actually take criticism unlike some of these weak-ass mama boys. I fucking love this kid hey you know all right look all right assuming everything you say is true here's why you're not playing okay and i'm gonna this goes for people in the workplace this goes for athletes this goes for anybody that is on a team that is not getting the love that they think they deserve. Assuming that you are of the proper skill set, which you say you are.

Assuming that you are a hard worker, which you say you are. Assuming that you actually are better than the other people, which you say you are. I'm going to take you for your word. Now, if I came watch one of your fucking practices, I might find out that you're full of shit, okay? Because 16-year-olds are typically full of shit. My first point to you would be to make sure that you are actually those things because our egos have a way of telling us that we are better than we actually are.

So are you really that good or do you think you're that good? Because if your mom's telling you that good, that don't mean shit. If your dad's telling you that good, that don't mean shit. If your dad's telling you that good, that don't mean shit. If you're putting more points on the fucking board than everybody else, that's what means something. All right?

So be honest. Are you that good? That'd be my first thing. Assuming that you are that good, I'm going to tell you why you're not playing. You're not fucking playing because your attitude is one that if it spreads to the rest of the team,

if your coach rewards that, it will to the rest of the team if your coach rewards that it will destroy the culture of the team okay so there is something that you're doing that is not in line with the proper attitude or the culture of the team that is keeping you from playing because if that attitude that isn't in line with what the team needs is promoted and rewarded now the coach loses control over the entire team do you see what i'm saying so a lot of people don't understand this this happens in the workplace there's lots of times where the most skilled person who sells the most shit who blah blah blah has the best this they get fired because their attitude is i'm the best nothing else should matter when that's not true okay so

we have to understand the coach's perspective here and the coach is looking at it like what's the kid's name does he say his name doesn't say his name okay Steve I'm gonna just use Steve Steve is the best player out here man he's fucking great he's a sophomore he's got tons of potential but fuck man he's always telling everybody else he's hogging the ball. He's always telling everybody else they got to get their shit together. You know, it comes off as cocky. It's not the right team attitude. And fuck, we can't reward that because if we reward that, then everybody's going to act like that.

Now we got a problem. Okay? So a lot of times, in fact, most times, when you are clearly the high-skilled player or you're the best salesman or you're the best this or that and you're not getting the love that you think, it's because your attitude is not congruent with what the culture of the team is going to be. And if it's rewarded, it will dilute the culture of the team. Yeah. All right? Yeah, because you can't win the game with just you, bro. No, it's not even that, dude.

Yes, that's true but if i fucking reward that yeah if i'm the coach of your team and you're a shitty little fucking attitude fuck but you score 70 goals a game 70 but you fucking talk shit to your players and you fucking you tell them they're all ball hogs and you tell them give me the ball blah blah blah blah you gotta sit on the bench bro i don't give a fuck. So your coach is trying to teach you a lesson, and here's my advice. Shut the fuck up.

Play soccer. Score goals. Be good. Shut your mouth. Work harder than everybody else, and you're probably going to play in the games. Yeah. The kid's probably,

your coach is playing that freshman over you to teach you a fucking lesson in humility, and what he's trying to tell you, and I'm just telling you, what he's trying to your coach is playing that freshman over you to teach you a fucking lesson in humility. And what he's trying to tell you, and I'm just telling you, what he's trying to tell you is this. Your performance ain't the only thing that matters. And that's true. It's true in every organization. There's very few times, there's very few anomalies

where people are so good that they can be a bad culture fit and still get to play. Barry Bonds was like this in baseball barry bonds his teammates fucking hated him okay and i know this because i know people who play with them they fucking hated him but the dude hit a home run every fucking time he's at bat so you can't sit him on the fucking bench yeah you see what i'm saying so are you that good are you scoring 10 goals a game probably not right Are you scoring 10 goals a game? Probably not, right? Are you scoring two goals a game?

Probably not, right? So you ain't that good. You ain't good enough to have that attitude, and you don't want that attitude anyway. And by the way, I'll say this. I think this person's heart is in the right place because you sound like you want people to get better. You're trying to improve them.

I totally understand that, bro, but you need to understand the other side. You're not getting the love from the coach because you're going to make his job harder if he puts you in the spot because of the way that you're talking to other people. So this is what I would do. I would go to the coach. I say, coach, why aren't you playing me, man? I'm not going to be mad. I just want to know honestly, like, what is it? And I'm not going to pout. I'm not going to scream. I'm not going to throw a fit.

Just tell me why I'm not playing because I'm better than this kid. I think I'm better. If I'm not better, tell me. Why am I not playing? I bet you he's going to say, well, you say this stuff to the other kids. You got this all wrong with your attitude. And instead of arguing with them you say i got it and you go do what the fuck he says and you go perform you shut the fuck up and then you become

a leader to the other guys and not only will you not get not only will you get in the game he'll fucking put you at the front of the stack yeah so yeah i think i think that's super cool too because like dude it sounds like you know you you know how to see a problem and you go fix it, right? You had to work on your endurance. You worked on your speed. Yeah, great. Now we got to fix this over here. DJ, a lot of times people can't see it from the leader's perspective

or the coach's perspective or the boss's perspective. That goes right over their head. Like, there's been a lot of people in my companies over the year who were high performers that got washed out because they could not grasp this concept. Like you cannot be a bad fit for the team culturally, even if you're a great performer individually, because that poisons the well. And that creates a whole bunch of people that operate autonomously, which makes it impossible to get people coordinated to row the right direction right so you make even

because you're a high performer and because you know you're better than everyone you start doing things the way that you want to do and that fucks up the entire now i have 40 guys all rowing do whatever the fuck they want you can't win that way boat sitting still man that's right so we so a big part of this if you're an employee or a, is to consider it from the leadership's perspective. If you had a guy who was super talented but a bad cultural fit and was going to cause you all these problems, how would you handle it? And if you could just think about it from the opposite perspective, it makes a lot more sense. So what I would do, bro, is go talk to your coach. Be honest.

Don't react. Don't fucking pout. don't fucking roll your eyes, because, dude, that's another thing. A lot of times these players and these people will come to you and you tell them the shit and they start rolling. Now you fucking hate them. Now you're like, you know what, fuck you. And that's what you don't want to cause.

Don't react, don't get emotional, listen to them, take what he's saying seriously, and go out and perform and be a good fucking teammate and a good leader. You'll get a lot further that way. Yeah, that's real, man. I do. Just real quick. I remember when I was coaching.

There's a player right now who plays for an NFL team right now. Everybody knows his name. I've coached him and he had some of these these. Yeah. And and I remember this exact conversation. And it wasn't I didn't tell him this. It was the head coach, man. But he told me, so you think just because you're that good

that none of that other shit matters? It was a very similar conversation. But he told me, so what are you going to do? Are you going to hike the ball to yourself, throw the ball to yourself? Like nobody else matters? Like, no, that's not how that works. You know what I'm saying? And you take that advice, look where he's at.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Dude, I think that's awesome, man. I think that's fucking awesome. I love it. Well, guys, Andy, that was three. All right, guys, let's go out. Let's kick some ass.

Let's have a good week. See you tomorrow. We'll see you tomorrow. We'll see you tomorrow. Outro Music