REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 738. Q&AF: Building Your Team Up, Relationships Being An Entrepreneur & Developing Decisiveness

Episode Date: July 8, 2024

In today's episode, Andy answers your questions on how to build your team up as a young entrepreneur, how to navigate relationships while you're trying to build a business, and the best way to develop decisiveness.

What is up guys, it's Andy Purcell and this is the show for the realest sake of out of the lies, the fakeness, and delusions of modern society. And welcome to reality. This doesn't have the same. It ain't the same. It's not the same. That was wish.com. T-MU. Yeah.

Bullshit. Welcome to motherfucking reality. How about that? That's better. All right. Today we have Q and AF. That's where you submit the Qs. And we give you the AFs.

Now, you can submit your questions a couple different ways. The first way is? Guys, email these questions into askandy at andyfrasella.com. Or? We have a disruption? Yeah, this nigga just burped while I'm fucking trying to read the tag. That's not a valid disruption. Or you can go on YouTube in the comment sections on the Q&AF episodes and put your questions in there, and we'll pick some from there as well.

You guys got me all messed up now. All right. We got real talk. Intestinal issues. This is the worst intro ever. Throughout the week, we like to start the week off with some good personal development, how to be better type content. But throughout the week, we're going to have different kinds of content.

We're going to have shows within the show. All right? We're going to have real talk. Real talk is five to 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk. Then we're going to have CTI. That stands for Cruise the Internet. That is becoming our most popular show we put up topics on the screen we talk about what's going on we speculate on what's true and what's not true then we talk about how we the people all of us have to solve

these problems going on in the world other times we have 75 hard versus. 75 hard versus where someone who has completed the 75 hard program, it's not a challenge, it is a program, comes on the show, talks about how they were before, how they are now, and how they use the 75 hard program to get control of their life. If you're unfamiliar with 75 hard, it is the world's most popular mental transformation program, and it is free. It is the initial phase most popular mental transformation program, and it is free. It is

the initial phase of what's called the live hard program, which is a year long mental toughness training program that is designed to keep you sharp every single year. It's designed to be repeated year after year after year. It's the only program of its kind, and you get it for free at episode 208 on the audio feed only. Now there is a book. The book is available at andyfersella.com. It's called The Book on Mental Toughness. It will cover the entire Live Hard program and 10 extra chapters on mental toughness,

why it's important, why you need to cultivate it, and how to cultivate it, along with case studies of very famous people that you know who talk about how they use mental toughness to become who they are. Now, one thing you're going to notice about our show is we are one of the only shows that does not run ads. I'm quite certain that we are the biggest show in the world that doesn't run ads. And I don't do that because I have real businesses and I'm a successful person. And I don't want to take money from people that are going to try to tell me what to do.

I do this out of service. I do this to get the message out. And I don't want to take money from people that are going to try to tell me what to do. I do this out of service. I do this to get the message out and I don't want to be censored. I don't want to be controlled. I don't want to be leveraged. And for exchange for that, we have this thing we call the fee. The fee is you got to help us get the show out. All right. You got to share the show. We're constantly battling censorship, traffic bans, traffic throttles. And we need your help to get the show. The show makes you think. It makes you laugh. It gives you a new perspective. It's something that you think needs to be heard.

Do us a favor. Help us get the show out there. And don't be a hoe. Share the show. All right. What's up, dude? What's going on, brother? Another man.

Yeah. What's up with you? Hey, man. You know. What? Yeah. I heard. Got my pool together. That's what I you? Hey, man. You know. What? Yeah. I heard. Got my pool together.

That's what I heard. Got my pool together. So when is the retreat? The retreat. Whenever you come over. Okay. Well, how much is it? We got to tell the people, bro.

You got to tell them the details. So it's. People might want to come. If you guys order, today's Monday. So you guys have. Yeah. Okay. So Monday, it is $997.

Okay. But you want to make sure you order it, you know, order your ticket Monday because on Tuesday it'll be 10 grand. 10 grand? 10 grand? Mm-hmm. Well, what's, I mean, what's included with that? You know, I might throw something on the grill, you know,

but mainly we'll just get in the pool. And it's not a heated pool, so we'll have to heat it ourselves oh got it um and uh so drink a lot before we come drink a lot okay drink a lot yep yeah and uh yeah but we'll be in the pool you know and we'll we'll find our inner selves in the pool find find each other's childs inside of each other find the children is Is crying involved? There'd be lots of crying. If you don't cry, you didn't even go. Let's be honest.

If you don't cry, you gotta leave. For sure. Okay. All right, well, I'm in. When are we doing this? It'll be- It sounds amazing, bro. I think it's gonna really help my trauma.

I hope so. I hope so. And if it doesn't, then it definitely wasn't the retreat that didn't fix it. No, it was you. You're just too messed up. That's what it was. Yeah.

You just got to come more. Yeah. Come to the next one. Yeah. I got to come to the next one. Yeah. Yeah. That's fucked, man.

Yeah. That's how it works. That's so fucked. Hey, if the first time you sometimes it takes like, you know, once a week for two years, 10 grand. Sometimes, man. I mean, hey. What's your mental health worth? It's investment that's right an investment it's not a sacrifice it's an investment max out

those credit cards as an investment that's right if you if your credit cards are maxed out max out your kids credit cards well that's a that's a tough spot for me what What? Because that happened to me as a kid, actually. Don't do that. It's for a good cause. And then they'll have to invest in them as well. It's for a good cause. Okay, we got a show to do.

So that's the announcement of the day. DJ's pool retreat. Yep. $997 today only. Today only. $10,000 tomorrow. Correct. Crying.

Barbecue. Barbecue. Where are we barbecuing? You know, I don't know. Do us. Wieners? All right, we'll throw some glizzies on the grill some glizzies yeah we'll throw some glizzies out glizzy glizz yeah we'll have some glizzies all right it'll be plenty of glizzies all right for real put your game face on i'm coming to the party oh man all right man let's get into this right. Andy, I got three good ones for you, man.

Let's knock these out. Guys, Andy, question number one. Thank you for the show. It's really the sole reason I make it to the gym the majority of days. I'm a commercial insurance broker and struggle motivating the account managers my company hires and assigns to me. They are awesome people, smart, loyal, have the ability to understand things. But I have to tell them basically to do their job, what they need to do, when to do it, how to do it. I've made checklists. I've invested hours teaching them the why, the how,

always including the benefit to them long term for living up to a certain standard of service and catching up on their work and receive positive feedback. But these people are just always behind. And I'm always picking up the slack, doing the job for them instead of doing what I'm great at, which is nurturing existing relationships and developing new relationships to land more clients. I desperately need advice on how successful entrepreneurs get through this phase by sucking it up and being there for their team, but with what strategy to come out on the other side with a competent team that knows what they're doing. Andy, any feedback on this? What we got?

Yeah, for sure. And that's a difficult situation because as a sales trainer or as a leader, as a manager, we're always going to want more output from our people. And oftentimes, because we know how to execute the job, we assume that they know how to execute the job because what's easy for us, we assume should be easy for them. And we tend to forget the years and years and years and years of experience that we have put in to develop that skill set that now feels easy. So that's something to keep in mind. The next thing to keep in mind, too, is that you have to understand that being a life coach, a personal development coach for your team is absolutely necessary. A lot of leaders and managers of small business, they say, well, if they want to get better, they'll go get better on their own. And there's some truth to that. You have to go get better on your own if you're part of a team. However, it is also your job as the leader to sit down with these people or in a group setting, teach them the skills over and over and over again.

Oftentimes, because things come so easy to us, because we've had the reps, we don't realize that they haven't had the reps. And what happens is we get tired of saying the same thing over and over and over again, and they haven't heard it enough. And so we start to look at them like, man, you're not getting it. When in reality, we just haven't taught it to them enough and they haven't practiced enough to be great at it. Outside of that, we have the situation which you said you do, but I don't know how well you do it, but you said you explained to them why this is important to them because people are intrinsically inspired, not motivated,

inspired to do great work if you show them what great work means to them. And so a lot of times people will paint this crazy, you know, and valid mission out in front but they leave out the part of what it's going to mean to them okay and inherently people are selfish they whether they want to act like it or not or claim it or not the first thing that goes through most people's mind is okay if i do all of this i become great at it what's in it for? And so you have to sit down with these people and almost start it like, okay, what are your goals for your life? What are you trying to achieve? One of the things we do here is we ask people to make a vision board because the vision board after being made, at least brings their focus of what life should be into something that is like visible, right? Most people spend more time planning their dinner on Saturday night than they do their

life. So just going through the exercise of having someone cut out pictures and put things that mean something and kind of create a visual that represents their life, gives them an idea of how much they have to earn and how much success they have to gain. And until you do that, most people really don't have a grasp of that. They just kind of go. And then they end up with not much. And they're like, well, why didn't I end up with much? Because the people who ended up with all the things that you wanted, they didn't just get that stuff. They decided a long time ago, this is what I want. And then they created that for themselves.

And so just going through simple exercises starting at the basics what are you trying to do with your life who are you trying to become what are you trying to create where are you trying to live what kind of car are you trying to drive what kind of family do you want do you want to take your family on vacations to uh you know lake local lake or do you want to take your family on vacations to europe all right uh how do you want to get there yeah we got we got they got to know where they're going before you can get them to understand how to get there and what's required and so oftentimes people who are training these people don't go far enough back to get them to make a decision about where they want to be which the next decision is where they want to be, which the next

decision is, how do I get there? And then the next decision after that is, what are the specific techniques about how to get there? And then the next thing after that is, how do I get the reps to get good at this so I can get there? And these are all phases of the learning process. So I would make sure you're covering all three of those. Make sure that you're doing it well. Stay patient. Don't forget that the things that are easy for you are not easy for someone even who's been doing it one, two, or three years. I have people who've been working around me for three years that still only really understand a fraction of what I could understand after 25 years of building something from the ground up.

So things that are very obvious to me may not be obvious to them, even with some experience. So we have to get comfortable repeating the same things over and over and over and be patient with people's ability to pick that up and put it into play. And here's the good part. When you make that investment in time and you sit down with someone and you actually help them and you actually coach them, they usually become pretty good, bro. And then when they become pretty good, you use them as an example to the other people about how it should look and what it should be. And eventually that person's going to create a life. They're going to have a nice house. They're going to have the things they want, and they're going to appreciate you for sitting them down

and showing them the path. Yeah. Well, you know, one thing I think about too, man, is not everybody learns the same, right? Like there's auditory learners, there's visual learners, hands-on learners, right? Like how did you adjust to that? I guess, you know, when you started expanding your team, right? Like how did you, I mean, because you started off with, you know, one store and then you start expanding. You got over 500 employees.

So how does that look in the grand scheme of things? Because everybody doesn't learn the same. That's the importance of spending the time going through it over and over and over again. Because if they're hearing you talk about it and you're drawing on the whiteboard, that's audio and visual, right? And then they have to get the experience of going out and doing the reps. So as long as you're repeating it over and over again in that way, you're going to cover the bases. And quite honestly, it's up to them to take the information.

And some people just aren't going to do it, bro. Some people, a lot of people, are very, very very very ambitious with their words and very very very unambitious with their actions and that's what ends up costing them everything that they want so you never go up to someone and say hey what kind of house do you want to live in and they say i want a little piece of everybody wants a nice house everybody wants a nice car everybody wants a nice life so you can't expect all of these people's words to line up with their actions so you have to be able to see is this person really living the message that they say they want are their goals really their goals or are they full

of shit and that's where we have to get to and you you get there by paying attention to them you know i'll say this too one thing on the vision boards and i think it's really really cool anybody that's ever been to you know here at, you walk through and everybody has their vision boards up. And I think that just does something to the culture, too, because it's like you walk through here. Oh, look, I see what this guy wants. I see what his dreams and goals are. I know that he wants something in life. And I look over here at this one.

Oh, this person wants something over here, too. It builds it kind of it really builds a culture. Well, there's there's also this too right we have 500 people it's impossible to really know everybody on a deep level because there's so many people right so all of us sort in a big organization you know you have your little groups you know you know these 10 people you know these 10 people you know these 10 people i try to know everybody the best i can but it's a lot on top of everything else right so one of the cool things about a vision board is that you know people over

here in this department people over here in this department can connect over the things that are on their board because they're like oh dude you like that car that's one of my favorite exactly what i want dude oh you like that kind of house i I love that kind of house. And it creates these little conversations that do, like you said, glue the culture and create better relationships inside the building. Yeah. I love that you addressed the point of, like, you know, most people are in it for selfish reasons and that that's okay. It is okay.

From a leadership standpoint, you got to learn how to type. How to mold that. That's right. Bro, listen, it's totally okay that you're supposed to. You're supposed to work so you can take care of your own shit. That's totally okay that you're supposed to. You're supposed to work so you could take care of your own shit. That's why the fuck you're supposed to do it. Now, on top of that, it should be, if you want to feel fulfilled and you want to feel good about what you do, it should be something you believe in. It should be something you enjoy. You should enjoy the

people that you work around. Those are things that matter because you spend most of your time in that environment. And I see a lot of young people make the mistake of being in a place that they really like and then taking a step backwards in terms of, I don't know, you know, quality of life to make a dollar extra over here, right? Temporarily. And that's something to consider, dude. You know, your place of business or where you work, you spend most of your time. So you have to be in a situation where, you know, uh, you like the people that you're around and you like what you do and you believe in the mission, but ultimately at the end of the day, you know, you should be, I think everybody is at a, at a base level concerned about themselves and their family first.

And that's just reality. And the people that try to paint it as not that are highly manipulative. You know what I'm saying? Like there's a lot of owners and leaders and they try to like, they try to like act like it's not that way. No, it is that way. It's fucking that way, bro. And that's okay. Like that's how to use that. That's that way bro and that's okay like that's how i learned how to use that and

make sure yeah my job is to take your your goals and your dreams and figure out how to make those a reality in here and then once we figure it out together i say hey this is what you got to do to get there you see what i'm saying it's great i love it i love it guys andy question number two uh what's up andy and dj i'm ayear-old guy who became a full-time traveling health insurance agent back in March, and I've been running a mobile detailing business for about six years. I'm getting ready to move to the big city of Atlanta from a one red light little town to build out my own branch of the insurance brokerage. I know this is not a relationship counseling podcast or any bullshit like that,

but I wanted the honest opinion from a successful businessman who I'm sure has made a ton of sacrifices to be where he is. I've been in a relationship for about a year with a girl who lives about two hours away from me now that I was consistently seeing biweekly. But since starting insurance, I've rarely been seeing her due to the fact that I travel every week or two out of state. Now that I'm moving and she's not ready to make a big move, I have a choice to make. Either I stick it out with her and put in the extra effort to go see her and take time away from both of my businesses, or I move on and put the extra effort to build up my detailing business as an insurance company in my new city. I guess, what are your thoughts on this? You know,

a young man trying to drive and feels like he's being held back on a relationship basis. What's your thoughts on that? Well, it's hard for me to know the context because, you know, if this person is highly supportive of what you do and they contribute and make your life better and they make your journey easier and you have a healthy relationship, that would be a totally different answer than what I'm about to give. What I'm about to give is the answer for the general situation that these young men find themselves in. All right? So this could be the one. All right? This could be your queen

or whatever the fuck you want to call it. You know what I'm saying? That's what everybody says these days. The queen. I think it's ridiculous. However, it is what it is. But I'm going to assume it's not because I think more men in this situation

need to understand the reality of the situation. Okay? You're 24 years old you're trying to build a business for yourself it's hard to build a business it's hard to build a life as a man you will be valued based upon the results that you produce in that area that's just the truth most of a man's love and appreciation comes from the utility the man has. Can they provide?

Are they capable? Do they protect the family? And whether we want to say it's all these other things, it's still those things. And that's reality. So you might be told it's all these other things, but I'm here to tell you that's what it is. Come find me in 10 years and tell me I'm wrong. All right? Here's the other thing.

It's very, very hard to do. You're going to need all the energy that you can possibly put together to make this work and make it successful. And the reality of the situation is, is that your selection pool for potential partners is much more limited now than it will be in eight to 10 years when you've put that time in and you've become successful and you are a man of means and utility and you can provide and you can protect and you can, you become a more desirable mate. And that means that your ability to select a potential partner widens. And that's where men have to be very careful because when

your ability to select a potential partner widens, sometimes men, because of the sexual dynamic that men grow up in, make poor choices. All right. And what I mean by that is this, women and men have a completely different dynamic growing up. Women hit puberty and they have to learn to say no immediately. All right. Men have the opposite of that experience. Men hit puberty and they have to learn to say no immediately. All right. Men have the opposite of that experience. Men hit puberty and they can't find anybody to fucking do anything with them. Right. They just want someone to see him naked. Right. Like, like, bro, it's, it's not the same thing. So men are constantly chasing, women are constantly rejecting. And when you take a man and you become a man of means and you become a man of success and the potential selection pool widens,

you're not very experienced at making those decisions. So I would spend this time. Yes, you can date casually. Yes, you can meet girls that'll give you a real understanding of what you want versus what you don't want. But the reality of it is, is your ability to find exactly what you want is going to be better in eight years once you've put in the time to build this business. And I think you're going to find a much happier situation in the long run that way. Most men. Okay. Now, are there exceptions to that? Are there people that at 24 years old meet their wife or their husband, and everything's perfect, and they build together.

Yes, absolutely, dude. Okay? But that's just not common. Yeah, I don't think that's the norm. No, it's not. Not for young men, it's not, dude. Like, if we have a man who is, if you throw him in the desert, bro, right, and you throw a woman in the desert,

but the woman's got an all-you-can-eat buffet 24 7 24 7 365 days she could fucking eat whatever the fuck she wants. Okay She's gonna be very selective about what she chooses to eat because there's unlimited supply Alright, you throw the man in the desert and there's no food Okay, and then all of a sudden you throw him a bunch of real bad food guess what he's gonna eat all of it because he's starving all right and that's the dynamic between men and women and people don't give that conversation enough real discussion because once a man becomes successful it

requires knowing what you're looking for and then resisting like a woman would have to her whole life. The ones that aren't going to fit and be conducive to the goals that you have. So it's very, very important that you understand this. Yeah. Yeah.

You gotta go through it. Yeah. I gotta go through it. And I think one, one last thing I wanted to say on this to get your, your take on, you know, this,

this idea of this energy consumption you have. You're talking about doing something really, really difficult here. Let's talk about the distractions. Let's talk about what can drain that energy bank a little bit, you know, if he's trying to go after this big endeavor here. Well, there's two sides to that coin. If he's got to go to Atlanta and get involved in the social life because he's got a girlfriend, that's going to take energy, too

Mm-hmm. So we have to talk about which one is you know what I mean? There's that's there's weight there, too Yeah, so but yeah, the truth of the matter is is It's gonna take most of your energy and the fact that you're aware of that Is very very good. You're ahead of most people most people think they can You know go out and have a normal social life and go out thursday friday saturday sunday and still you know do all all the business stuff and it's just not reality dude doesn't happen yeah i love it i love it guys andy uh question number three uh andy i just finished 75 hard uh and the physical and mental transformation are undeniable

however i consider myself pretty self-aware and i realize i have some additional work to do in the area of indecisiveness uh through much of my reading during 75 hard decisiveness was a key trait that kept coming up when it comes to highly successful people. I realize this is likely one of my biggest blockers to achieving the level of success I aspire to. Assuming decisiveness is a skill that can be developed, much like you talk about discipline. Are there any tips or strategies you've used in the past to help become more decisive in general? Love you guys and everything you do. Yeah, look, most of the decisions that we have to make are not gonna be fatal. We have to understand that, all right?

Most of the decisions that you make are, even if it's the wrong one, it's not going to crush you. There's very few life decisions or business decisions that you can make that can really really really derail you one of them being what we just covered in section two marrying the wrong woman okay marrying the wrong man so realize that outside of a few key things you know like bro you know you get in a car and and drive drunk and kill someone that's a a major life fuck up. There's very few decisions outside of those kinds of decisions that will really derail you. Okay.

So oftentimes we put the weight of our decision-making process on consequences that aren't reality, which means we will say, okay, I've got to make this decision or I've got to choose this. And if I choose this, I'll become a gazillionaire. And if I choose this, I'll be dead, right? Like these are the consequences we put on these decisions when they're not real, they're not real. And so we have to be honest with ourselves

about what the consequences are of these decisions. And the truth about entrepreneurship and the truth about success is making decisions quickly is important and then making adjustments with those decisions is important so really the nit the ultra ninja move that you have to have as an entrepreneur is making a decision and then recognizing quickly if it was the right or the wrong decision and then adjusting if it was the wrong one or adjusting better if it was the right one and it can be better. I believe that that is one of the key skills that successful people have that is not talked about enough. You have to make decisions fast because the current of entrepreneurship and business and the market is moving very fast. So we have to make decisions fast because the current of entrepreneurship and business and the market is moving very fast.

So we have to make decisions fast, and then we have to recognize fast if it was the wrong decision. Shit, man. You're saying that probably wasn't the right decision, but because you waited. You make it one. You make it the right one. And that's how you do it. You don't just make a decision and turn your head and let it just go down the path bro you you you make the decision you go you know you tiptoe

out on there and you take the feedback you say okay i think i think that pass gonna hold us i think this is gonna work you take three or four more steps you take three or four more steps and then you start running all right and that's how you kind of feel it out and you watch real close right after you've made a decision with extreme detail was this right or was this wrong and if it if it gives you indicators that it's wrong right away you have to like see if it's wrong twice or three times because it could be just that one guy or that one person or that one thing so you want to be quick, but not too quick. And I know this is super confusing, but there's, this is an art form. All right. And this is something that you learn from doing this over and over and over again. So having a nuanced approach

to decision-making, that's not black and white and the ability to observe feedback and adjust to feedback quickly, I believe is one of the most important entrepreneur success skills that you could possibly possess. Okay. So don't be afraid to make the decision because most likely it's not going to be fatal to you or your business. And if you do make the wrong decision and you watch it, you'll be able to see it was the wrong decision quickly, and you'll quickly be able to make this other decision or redirect in that direction. You see what I'm saying? Would you say that most people's problem is that they just make no decision at all? Yes.

That's why the decision making should be quick. Yeah. Right? If you start to look at it, you get what's called paralysis of analysis. You'll look at this. You'll look at this. You'll look at this. You'll look at this.

Here's how I would do it. Look at this. Look at this. You'll look at this. You'll look at this. You'll look at this. Here's how I would do it. Look at this. Look at this. It's that. A week later, I check it. A day later, I check it. How's that going? Right?

When I make a decision here, all right, let's just say hypothetically, let's just say Sal and I are talking a decision over. He's deferring to me. What should we do? And he'll say, we could do this or we could do this 99 of the time my answer will come out right away and i'll say i think we should do that and then he'll say what about this and i'll say well this is why this is what i think and so we'll choose one and then we'll pay attention and if it ends up not being the right one we just go ahead and change it and i think that's we have to understand like we're not married to these decisions forever there's very few

decisions that we make that cannot be adjusted and the ability to adjust it is something that you're going to have to learn to do bro entrepreneurship is fluid it's not rigid it's adjusting quickly it's adapting fast a lot of winning the game of business is adaptation Quicker than the other guy, but you got to make yeah you have to make the decision bro and most of the reason people can't make the decision is because they put an unrealistic consequence attached to this to the decision because they're nervous or they're worried or they can't afford to lose money So they put these enormous weights on their shoulders and then they just choose nothing.

And if you choose nothing, you'll get nothing. And that's just the way it works. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. I love it, man. Well, guys, Andy, that was three. All right, guys, a little quicker show than normal today,

but that's so you can get out there and kick some ass. So let's go do that this week. We'll see you tomorrow with CTI. And remember, don't be a hoe show the show we're from sleeping on the floor now my jury box froze fuck a bowl fuck a stove counted millions in the cold bad bitch booted swole got her own bankroll can't fold just a no headshot case closed