REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 743. Q&AF: Jealousy In Family Business, The Idea Of “Obsession” & Initiating Change For Yourself

Episode Date: July 15, 2024

In today's episode, Andy answers your questions on how to navigate the feelings of jealousy when you think your co-workers are being “awarded” promotions because of family ties, how to understand the topic of “obsession” when trying to excel in life and business, and how to tackle the idea of changing yourself when you think you’d crawl back to your old bad habits.

What is up guys, it's Andy Priscilla and this is the show for the realest, say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness, the delusions of modern society. And welcome to motherfucking reality. Guys, as always, we start off Monday with Q&AF. That's because we're going to start off this week getting better. Now, if you'd like to submit questions to be answered on Q&AF, you could submit them a couple different ways. The first way is, guys, email these questions into askandy at andyfrasella.com. Or you go on YouTube on the Q&A episodes and drop your question in the comments and we'll choose some

from there as well. Now, we have shows within the show, okay? When you tune in here, depending on what day it is, you're going to get different things. We're always getting new listeners, so I want to explain this to you real quick. Tomorrow, we're going to have CTI. That stands for Cruise the Internet. Today, we're going to answer questions.

We're going to talk about how to get better. We're going to talk about how to get better. We're going to talk about how to kick ass. We're going to talk about how to make money and be a strong, independent human being, especially an American. Tomorrow, we're going to have CTI, which is Cruise the Internet, which is where we

put topics on the screen. We talk about what's going on in the world, and then we speculate on what's true and what's not true, and then we talk about how we, us, the people, have to solve these problems going on in the world. All right? Other times, we're going to have real talk. Real talk is just five to 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk. And then sometimes we're going to have 75 hard versus. 75 hard versus is where people who have completed the 75 Hard program come on the show, tell their story, talk about how they were before 75 Hard, how they used 75 Hard to reclaim their life, and how you could do the same. Now, if you're unfamiliar with 75 Hard, it is the initial phase of the Live Hard program, which is available for free at Episode 208. It is the world's most famous mental transformation program in history,

and it's free. You can get it at episode 208 on the audio feed. It's not on YouTube. It's on the audio feed only. Now, there is a book. It's called The Book on Mental Toughness, which covers the entire Live Hard program, plus a whole bunch of chapters on mental toughness,

why it's important, how to utilize it to make your life better. You can get that book at andyfersella.com, the book on mental toughness. It's not required. But for the people who want to know the ins and outs and all the details, I think it's a great book. We sell out of it all the time. So if you want that book, go to andyfersella.com.

Now, we do have a fee for the show. You're going to notice we don't run ads on the show. I don't want to answer to someone telling me what I can and can't say. And that's pretty much it. We talk about the things that you're not supposed to talk about, constantly dealing with shadow bans and traffic throttles and all this censorship stuff that's going on these days. So I ask very simply, since I'm not going to fill your ears full of ads,

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All right, what's up, dude? What's Gucci? Everything. You're what? My hitta? My hitta? the show all right what's up dude what's gucci my everything you're what my hitter everything's good i see you got your pesante your aqua pesante over there yeah i do have it um i mean i'm kind of scared to drink it i think we know we you know i know we say we don't do ads but you know we actually just signed them as our first official sponsor yeah aqua pesante aqua pesante from the freshest pipes in flint michigan yes you guys can um get some pesante we're all about causes here right and we we choose

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Drink it. Aqua Pizante, available right out of your tab in Flint, Michigan. Mm-hmm. I'm very proud of you for being sponsored by Aqua Byzante Drink it Aqua Byzante available Right out of your tab in Flint, Michigan Hey, Ray What's up? First official one, man I felt good Yeah, you're looking

You're looking a little Byzante Aqua Byzante The water for winners Yeah, you're looking at a little Pizante. Aqua Pizante. I love Pizante water. The water for winners. Yeah, it's all I drink is Pizante water all the time. That's right. Yep. Is that really how that feels, though?

Yeah, that's what these motherfuckers do, bro. They take money from companies, and then they stand on there, and're like oh aqua bizonte i drink this and then they pull out their fiji water or whatever it is it's like dude what are we doing here i drink it all the time yeah every day especially when i'm feeling too bougie i i drink it just to realign me back to bring me back humble that's right it's humble It's humble water. Humility. Humble water. Very important. Got to be humble. Don't shine too much. Yeah.

Yeah, man. Sweet. It is Q&A. Obviously, we're here to make people better and hydrated with Pizante water. Okay. Aqua Pizante. They're paying you, man. Sorry, guys.

I apologize. Paying you in water. Let's make some people better. Let's do let's let's do it guys andy i got three good the first thing you can do to get better is to get yourself a nice cold bottle of aqua pasante you know it just rolls off your tongue guys i used to have a hard time reading uh the questions and headlines and outlines but ever since i've started drinking aqua Byzantine water, stuff just flows off my tongue. Like they flow out the pipes of Flip Michigan. That's not bad. It wasn't bad.

Yeah, that's good. All right. Guys, Andy, question number one. Andy and DJ, man, I need some help with the situation. My company was recently acquired by a family owned and operated company. In eight short months, our new CEO has placed his two sons in high level leadership roles. One, a 23 year old guy is now a leader in business development. And the other, a 28 year old guy is the director of operations at one of our facilities. Granted, I'm only 35. I've also clawed my way from being a temporary employee making $7 an hour to a professional in the

business side of our organization over the course of 15 years. Here's my conundrum. I feel a little jealousy that these two guys who have no experience in our industry were awarded very respectable positions without the positions being posted. I respect the CEO, but not his decision. How do I get over this shit and just move on? Anything is appreciated. Thanks for everything you guys do. Well, you could go start your own company and work at it for a couple decades and then you can hire whoever the fuck you feel like hiring how about that okay like you didn't build the company you don't get to make those decisions because you didn't take

the risk and you didn't make the investment and while i think that's probably a poor business move on his part to put unqualified people in a position of power and authority and important positions strategically for your company that aren't qualified, that's a bad chess move. It doesn't matter if they're your brother. It doesn't matter if they're your son. It doesn't matter if it's whoever. It's just not good business. So that's his right to make those decisions. And I think it's probably pretty stupid. And you probably think it's pretty stupid. So what can you do? Well, nothing. Okay. Uh, you're not related to the guy and you know, I don't know, man. Like, I don't know why this would bother you. Why,

why do you fucking care? Like, aren't you worried about your performance? The only way that this would bother me is if I was losing because of someone else being put in front of me that wasn't qualified. And if that's the case, then maybe you should look for a different career. Maybe you should go to a different place that's not going to have nepotism issues or family business issues.

But I can tell you this, you're gonna have drawbacks there as well. You know, in family businesses, they tend to care about their employees a lot more than people who don't. Sometimes things like this happen and they're not received well and people get pissed off. But the reality is, is if you're focused on yourself and you're focused on how good you are, you should shine head and shoulders above them if you've been doing this for so long. And if you had to claw your way into the position that you're in shouldn't it be easy for you to show why you're better than they are you know i would put that on full display through your performance dude look man here's the deal too

many of you guys waste way too much time worried about what's going on with other people and yeah i understand it can make you jealous and yeah i understand it can piss you off and yeah i can understand that it ain't fair but guess what life? Life is not fucking fair. And you all worry about this like it is. You're expecting something that will never be. It will never be fair. It will never, ever, ever, ever, ever be fair. Ever. Now what? Are you going to sit on the sideline and cry about how it's not fair? Are you going to write emails into the show and say, Andy, this isn't fair. What should I do? Or are you going to say, well, it's not fair.

It's my job to be undeniably great at what I do because if I'm undeniably great at what I do, then it doesn't really matter if they recognize me here because they'll recognize me in other places if that's what I need to do as well. And so many people spend so much time worried about what other people are doing that they never become great at what they do. And so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and the nepotism and the brother or the son or whoever's ahead of you stays ahead of you because you're so worried about what that person's doing and not worried at all about developing your own skill set.

And this is what holds so many people back. So if I were you, I would have a come to Jesus myself and say this, well, it's not fucking fair. So how do I make it as fair as possible for me? Well, you make it as fair as possible for you by being great at what you do. And that takes you not looking at them, but looking at what it is that you do, how good you actually are and making the adjustments to be great from the position that you are currently in. And if everybody did this, your career and your life and everything else would go much better and it would go much faster. But, you know, it doesn't always happen like that. You know, employees look at other employees and they say say oh that that guy got this and that guy got that like two little kids like oh that guy got an extra half scoop of

ice cream on my fucking ice cream cone you sound like a bunch of fucking communists bro not everybody's going to get the same because not everybody's value the same and guess what because those are that man's sons they are going to be more valuable to him than you are. That's reality, dude. They don't know you. Yeah. He knows his sons. Yes. Like, dude, what do you, I can understand you could be a little upset about that.

I can understand that it irritates you. But at the end of the day, it's reality, dude. And you have to come to terms with it. And whatever hardships or whatever frustrations or walls or boundaries that come in front of you, it's your job to fucking run through those. Okay? And that's not going to happen because you're complaining about Joe over here getting preferential treatment

because he's this dude's son. So if I were you, I would stop focusing any energy on them and focus on what you can do and focus on how you could get better. And if that's not rewarded, it will be rewarded somewhere else. Yeah, I love that, man. It's like, you know, I think about like, and I'm sure you know this better than I do, man. But it's like, you know, champion winners, you're running a race. Very rarely will you see the guy running in first place look behind and see where everybody else is in the race.

Very rarely. And when they do, they typically always get caught by the people coming behind them. It's winners focus on winning, losers focus on winners. That's reality. And dude, this is something that people just can't get through their head. They want everything to be fucking fair. It is not ever going to be fair. Ever.

There are going to be people that are better looking than you. There are going to be people that have better genetics than you. There are going to be people that are better looking than you. They're going to be people that have better genetics than you. They're going to be people that are smarter than you. They're going to have people that have no money than you or grew up in a better family or have more advantages or have more opportunities. So what? Okay. It's your job to assess where are you and then take the action to get where you want to go, regardless of where you start, regardless of where someone else starts. And so many people tell themselves this ridiculous story about all these advantages that other people have, when in reality, a lot of times these people didn't even have those advantages. So it becomes a self-victimizing story that people tell. I can't get ahead because the

two bosses' sons are in charge of everything or this place suck then quit Then go work somewhere else, bro, but I bet you a hundred bucks. You're gonna go over to the other place You're gonna find some fucking problem over there. That's the same exact deal over here That guy's got this that guy got that that guy got this bro. That's loser shit winner Tom Brady That didn't at the last whatever he was six-round pick or whatever, right? He didn't sit on the fucking sidelines of the game and say, fuck, it's not fair that Drew Bledsoe is getting a play. It's not fair that so-and-so is getting all this credit.

No. He said, fuck, I'm going to fucking put the work in. I'm going to become great. I'm going to worry about myself. I'm going to take more reps. I'm going to spend more time in film. I'm going to spend more time in the weight room. I'm going to get better. And you know what happened? He becomes the greatest of all time because he's not looking over here and he's not looking over there. He's looking right in front of him to what he could control to improve his situation. And guess what? That works for everybody. But we spend so much time looking over here and looking over there. And what if,

and what if I do that? And, you know, these are, this is a different circumstance. We make all these excuses instead of just buckling down and saying, I am going to become great at this. And whatever happens as a result of that is what happens and i can tell you that the result of becoming great at anything is always good it's never you don't go backwards there's no one who ever you know had some natural ability in the nfl that focused on the shit they had to do in front of them that had a shitty career it's not happened bro maybe they get hurt and they tear their knee up or something, but dude, not fair. Yeah, right. It's not fair. It's never going to be fair, bro. I love that, man. Let me ask you this too, because you obviously 25 years in business, you've met a lot of different owners, leaders in their

fields and their industries and their companies. This concept, I want to touch on this, and this concept of this bringing in family members or whatever the case is right like you said You know this was not a good decision For people that look at you know your companies or take a look at first one for example Sal. He's your brother Yeah, he grew up with them Yeah, but Sal had experience before Sal was the number one salesman Sal was a number one salesman at his previous place of employment, which was a global company for two years in a row, number one in the world. Sal's extremely smart. He's an extremely good operator. He's extremely

good with people and with sales and he's qualified. There was nobody more qualified to do that job. Nobody. He just happened to be my brother. So what's your advice to business owners that are considering bringing in a leader? Look, it's the same advice I give people when it comes to business partners. A lot of people want to do business with their friends because they think it's going to be fun to do business with their friends. But they stop to ask themselves, is there a benefit to me doing business with this friend or is is it just something that I want to do? And you should ask like, what does this person bring? Do they bring anything? Do they bring a different skillset than I have? Do they bring money? Do they bring connections? What do they bring? If they just bring being your friend, that's not enough

to partner with them. And the same goes for hiring them. If it's just your family member and they don't bring a skillset, you shouldn't put them in the game bro we're trying to win here this is like hey would i would i send my brother out on the on the field and the super bowl if he's not good enough to play yeah that's the seriousness of the game that we play in entrepreneurship other people are putting the best people in the position and you're putting your brother because he's your brother that doesn't make sense are you putting your friend because he's your friend those companies lose or at the very least they just sort of flounder out there you know to win you got to put the best people in the best positions to win and that's why i said it's not a good idea most of the time now if those two sons let's maybe there's context

left off of that question maybe those two there is well i'm Now, if those two sons, maybe there's context left off of that question. Maybe those two- Sure there is. Well, I'm just saying, maybe those two sons come from, maybe the 29-year-old comes from another company where he was kicking ass. You see what I'm saying? Maybe the 23-year-old has some other quality. Who knows? Maybe he knows something about technology that you don't know. We don't know the full context there. So, and that's another thing people do.

They like to tell half the story about why it's not fair, right? Oh, so-and-so got this position. Well, is he better than you? Well, yeah, but. Well, that's a big piece of leave out, bro. Yeah. Yeah, man. So, I mean, dude, look, I have very little tolerance for even questions like this because I think it's bitch shit.

You need to worry about yourself. You need to worry about getting better for yourself. You need to not worry about what so-and-so has or what offer they got. Bro, everything evens out in the end. Everything evens out. Easy come, easy go. If you really had to work and build those skills and those younger younger guys don't have the skills it's gonna become apparent okay so just wait the truth always comes out the truth always materializes about people's

real skill set and the real value during that time instead of sitting here watching them waiting them for her to fail you should figure out like how I'm gonna get so much better that it's obvious that whenever these guys mess up it's my job to be in that position that's how i would look at it i love it or i would go somewhere where i was valued you know but i i really think that you know most of the time when people say things like this they find problems anywhere they go grass is gonna be green where you are yeah Yeah. I love it, man. I love it, guys. Andy, question number two. Hey, Andy, how do you feel about this idea of being quote unquote obsessed? I feel like it gets overused by a lot of people. Can you give me some insight into what being obsessed should

actually look like? What does real obsession mean? I would be willing to bet that the person who asked this question loses a lot. Okay, and I'm gonna explain why. You have to, this idea of entrepreneurship, all right, we're talking in the context of entrepreneurship. This idea of entrepreneurship has been glorified and built up to be this thing that everybody thinks they can do everybody thinks they can just be an entrepreneur because we have all these people on the internet that say they're an entrepreneur and post all these lies about how much money

they're making how many followers they have how you know they're an entrepreneur and post all these lies about how much money they're making, how many followers they have, how, you know, they're buying engagement. They're creating a facade that people believe, and they're trying to present the best possible story. Guys, this is bullshit. Okay. Real entrepreneurship is the most competitive game that a human being can play. All right. It's more competitive than baseball. It is more competitive than football. It is more competitive than soccer.

It's more competitive than fucking anything. It's literally live or die economically. Like it is the most cutthroat, savage, real fucking shit that you could ever do. And if you aren't built that way, you're just going to be another notch on someone else's wall when they fucking crush you. Okay. To win in this game, when you look at like high level athletes, like the plate, you know, they, maybe they win the Heisman or they're an all American or they're an all pro or an all star player. These people dedicate their entire lives to becoming that everything. When they wake up in the morning, everything they do throughout the day is dedicated towards this one thing outside of maybe a couple other things they got to do to live. Right. Maybe they spend an hour with their kids or whatever, but they usually don't. And people bitch. They say, oh, well, there's no

balance, no shit, because that's what it takes to be great at shit. So when I hear this shit, like the people say about, you know, oh, everybody's out of balance or, you know, do you really have to be obsessed? The answer is yes. And if you're not obsessed, you will lose. And it's not overblown. I think it's understated. I think the amount of obsession dedication it takes to build a real company is understated, not overstated. I think most people have zero clue what it's actually like or what it actually takes to become a success in the game of entrepreneurship. They believe that entrepreneurship is about freedom. They believe entrepreneurship is about being your own boss.

They believe entrepreneurship is about owning some cool cars and traveling the world and working from anywhere, just like all these morons fucking tell you. And it's not, okay? It's not freedom. And you're not your own boss. Guess who's the boss? The customer is the boss, okay. Guess how long it took me to buy an ice car. Took me 11 years. All right. And by the way, I've got a more real business than any of these

fuckers that tell you this shit. Any single one of them. Let me see their place. Let's see the product. Let's see it ordered. Let's's let's go look through their portfolio of companies and let's see where they stand up Okay, a lot of this is smoke and mirror shit a lot of it How many of these guys own an international brand that people recognize when you walk down the street? Fucking none of them and they all tell you the same shit. Oh, you know balance Oh, this is you know, I work from here or i do this or i do that bro it's a lie so do you have to be obsessed yes you have to wake up every single day and basically work for a long time to develop the skills that you're looking to create to be

competitive at this and then after you develop the skills, you have to understand that there's other people out there with the skills already who have had the skills for 20 years that use the skills better than you. So it never gets easier. In the beginning, you're developing the skills and it feels super hard. But then when you actually get to the game, you're competing as motherfuckers have had the skills for 20 years and you just learned them.

So now you you got to try hard again like there's never a place where this gets easy there's never a place where you can coast there's never a place where you get to like take your your your foot off the gas and and and just live your life that's not what you signed up for and all this shit you read on the internet, all this shit about balance, all this shit about happiness, all this, that is written for other people. That is not written for high level performers in the game of entrepreneurship. Okay. So a lot of you guys, I'm just being fucking real with you. A lot of you guys need to forget the idea of even being an entrepreneur because you're not fucking built for it. You're just not. And I could get on here and I could say, well, you know, everybody can do this,

buy my shit, but I'm not going to lie to you because I don't want you to waste five years of your life and then be like, oh, well, it didn't work out for me. It didn't work out for you because you're not willing to do what it takes because you believe the internet instead of what reality really is. You know, my mess, It's hard for me to sell that message. How do I sell a message like this? Hey, it's going to be hard as fuck. It's going to be the hardest thing you ever did. It's going to take longer than you think it's going to take. Actually, it's going to take 10 times longer. You're going to lose all your friends. You're going to lose girlfriends. You're going to lose boyfriends. You're going to lose all kinds of time that you

could have spent doing things with your friends. You're going to have to give up weekends. You're going to have to do this for 20 years. How do you sell that to people? How's that? Does that sound cool? It doesn't sound fucking cool. But nobody and the reason nobody tells you that is because one, none of these motherfuckers

have built anything. And number two, they can't sell it. OK, so that's the reality. Yes, you have to be obsessed. Yes, everything you do should be geared towards becoming the person that you need to become to operate the way you wanna operate. And it's the most competitive game in the world

and that's why I cringe when I see all these people that say, oh, I'm not competing with anyone. I'm just trying to do, dude, you're gonna get killed. And I don't know how to say, oh, I'm not competing with anyone. I'm just trying to do, dude, you're going to get killed. You know, and I don't know how to say this any simpler. Like it's, it's cutthroat, it's kill or be killed. And if you're not obsessed, I'm becoming the best possible version of yourself and building the best possible operation that you can possibly build. You're going to get beat. and that's just reality dude let me ask you this did you know did you know that reality when you first started at 19 or was there like an was there a moment no that's why the first 10 years bro i fucking coasted through and got my

balls kicked in i thought it took way less than what it actually took and when i finally got sick of it and i finally realized that i wanted to do this and I finally like put it all together in my head, that's when shit changed. That's when we went from, you know, not making any money to making a lot of money. That's when our business went from flatline growth to growing like crazy. It's just an acceptance of reality, dude. How can you compete on the same soccer team as a guy who practices six hours a day when you're not practicing but you know 30 minutes a day how are you going to compete with that are you that good yeah it's arrogance dude it's a it's an overestimation of one's own abilities with combined with a misunderstanding of what it actually takes. So when you overestimate your

own abilities and then you underestimate how hard it is, you're setting yourself up for failure every single time. And that's the problem with Instagram and internet entrepreneurship is it sets people up for a false expectation of what it's actually going to take and how good you actually need to be. And for that reason, they fail. And then they believe that, you know, oh, I just don't have what it takes. Well, you might have what it takes if you understood what it actually takes. Maybe you're willing to do that. But because you consume content from a bunch of fucking idiots have never built a motherfucking thing, your mind is warped to reality. And so when someone like me comes along and says, you got to do this, this, this, this, this, is warped to reality. And so when someone like me comes along

and says, you got to do this, this, this, this, this, you're shit right now. And you got to become not shitty and become great. And it's going to take you years to do. You don't like hearing that shit. You'd rather go listen to some idiot who tells you, oh, well, all you got to do is do this and this and this and dude, and you, you make money for six months and then you're out of business and your reputation's ruined, your name's ruined, your brand's ruined, and nobody wants to do shit with you. So, you know, yeah, it's fucking, yeah, you have to be obsessed and not even a little obsessed. It has to be the focus of your entire life. That's the reality. And for entrepreneurs that want to make a lot of money, that answer is the same. If you think that you're going to have

balance and you're going to fucking, you know, someday make, you know, a million dollars a year or whatever you think you're going to make, which by the way, that's what you need to make to live in the kind of house that some of you guys want to live in. If you think you're going to get that by showing up to work and work until five o'clock and not putting in time to become better and not like becoming obsessed with your own development, you're del delusional it's just what it takes so you know i i didn't make the rules of the game but that is the game and you can argue with me all day you could fucking say oh andy you're talking the old ways now i'm talking the only way you just don't get it yet guys andy let's get to our third or final question.

Question number three, man. Real quick, do we need another word from our sponsor? Are you cracked up? Is that our other one? Oh, no, this is Royale. Oh, tell me about that one. Yeah, so this is Royale AF. This is a little bit different than Aqua Byzante.

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you can't ask me that off the top of my head bro i got it bro you got it no man that was weak pesante is such a superior product i mean listen you know good better best man it's all right aqua pesante i got stuck with this royale af luxury real af h2o i love it what's it say here ingredients water warning drinking might cause you to be a realist huh I love it. What's it say here? Ingredients. Water. Warning, drinking might cause you to be a realist. Warning, drinking will turn you into a pesante. Yeah, it's good. It's good.

You know what I'm saying on that last, bro, these people don't understand because they look, dude, when you're at the bottom, most of you guys are at the bottom of fucking Mount Everest. Let's just be fucking real you have these big goals these big dreams these big aspirations for yourself and you see motherfuckers up there at the top and you're like well i wonder how much how hard you got to work to be at the top and the guy at the top is like fuck that took everything i got bro and i'm smart and i've been doing this for 10 years and that took everything i got and the guy at the bottom is like, fuck, dude, I'll go take a nap. I'll chill. It'll work. You know, I could just. And that's that's the misunderstanding. It took me two days to get to the top. It's a misunderstanding. And it's because of this predatory entrepreneurship culture on the Internet. Right. All these stories of these people who, you know, make a few dollars, like, dude, the fake it till you make it culture, right? I'm going to buy a nice car. I'm going to stand in front of it. Then I'm

going to tell you how much money I made. And then I'm going to sell you this program to tell you how much money I made. But in reality, I made the money selling you the program, telling you how much money I made. That's the entrepreneurship culture in a nutshell. And that's the reason that people can't understand how hard it actually is to build something that has an equitable backend exit, which is what the fuck you want. You're not in this for just cashflow, dude. And that's the reason that people can't understand how hard it actually is to build something that has an equitable back-end exit Which is what the fuck you want. You're not in this for just cash flow, dude You're in this for an equitable return on your time investment So you're gonna get paid during the time you do it and then when you're ready to be done you have a big huge

Asset that you could sell and that's what entrepreneurship's about. It's not just about cashflow, bro. You know? Yeah. I love it. And then if it is about cashflow, you got to figure out how to invest properly, which is hard too, because there's a million trillion investors that are more hooked up and better than you and faster than you and more funded than you and have better relationships than you. So like, you don't think you have to become good at that. Like, bro, here's the bottom line. You have to be great. If you are not great, you won't win. So whatever it takes for you to be great, whether you call that obsession or dedication or discipline, it doesn't fucking matter. What matters is, is that you go from where the fuck you are to where you need to be to win. And that is it. So call it whatever you want, but it's hard as fuck and it takes everything you got. Love it. Love it. Guys, Andy, question number three.

Hi, Andy and DJ. My question is simple. Andy, do people really change? I'm 35 years old and I've spent a big chunk of my life being selfish and just all around not being a good person. I'm an addict, an alcoholic. I've been sober for three months and I'm trying to do better. Doing 75 hard. I got a good job recently. I want to be a better person. But you hear all the time that people don't really change. So I guess I'm worried that I'll end up going back to being the person because that's the person I've always been. Thanks again for all you guys do andy do people really change what's your what's your take on that well yeah well you gotta really want to change bro at 36 years old i was 350 fucking pounds i drank four nights a week i ate

whatever the fuck i wanted i i haven't had taco bell in like 10 years dude i haven't i drink i mean how many times do i drink in a year? Maybe three, four tops. Yeah. Right. I usually drink four times. Yeah. I used to drink that many times in a week. Okay. Um, so yeah, people can change, dude, but you got to understand that you have to want to change and you should want to change because the time is running out and we are all on borrowed time and our time is much less than what we believe it is. And by the time you're 45, you'll realize that. Right now, you're still 35. You feel like you're kind of young. I'm still a young guy. I got all these options and you do. But in a snap, you're going to be 45 and another snap, you're going to be 55 and another snap, you're going to be 65. And if you're still talking about wanting to be a better person, there's not going

to be enough time. Okay. So I would recommend looking and assessing where you are now. And I would say, all right, I don't like who I was, which it sounds like you've already come to that conclusion. And then just take the actions in the opposite direction. All of this shit that you've heard about how hard it is and how people got to go to these things for 50 years to stay, you're focusing on the wrong shit. When you focus on what you have to give up, if you take a drink, a guy who drinks, and you say, all right, no beer for you. You can't have beer. All the guy's going to think about is when he can have his next beer because all the brain hears is beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer. And all it does is it ends up breaking them. Same people, same reason that when people go on a diet and they say can't have

pizza. Okay. Well then the person's like pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza. And that's all they think about until they give into that. All right. So you have to change the way that you think. And what I mean by that is you have to focus on who you're becoming and what you're gaining, not what you're giving up to get there. Because when you start to focus on how much better you're getting and how much your life is getting better and how much more proud of yourself you are, now all of a sudden those things that were causing that, you start to see those things as the enemy. You see those things as the reason that you were unhappy.

You see those things as, I don't ever want to go back there because I know what that did to me. It's the same reason when I say that people who celebrate 75 hard with a cake and whiskey and wine and all this shit, they didn't learn. And it means they didn't do the program because if you actually did the program, you would have gotten so much fucking progress in that short time of 75 days that at the end of the 75 days, you are literally afraid to come off the program. You're like, fuck, I don't want to go back. And you start to see these things like alcohol and food and these bad habits as the legit enemy of the life that you are now proud that you've created. So instead of looking at it and saying, well, I've got to give up all

this, start saying, well, this is who I'm going to become. And this is going to be awesome. And this is what my life is going to be like, and keep your focus ahead and not behind. And it's not as hard to let those things go. Okay. This is a mental game. This is not a physical game. It's a mental game. I had a guy messaged me the other day and he's like, man, I'm trying to get in shape. I just hate healthy food. No, it's not that you hate healthy food. It's that you've never been healthy. So you don't know how much better it is than what you are now. You see what I'm saying? And I could promise you that if you were actually who you could be, you would hate the food more than you fucking hate the work it takes to get there. So my recommendation would be for you, sir, would be to live the live hard lifestyle,

because that's the thing that's cured me. It's cured hundreds of thousands of other people from this habitual relapsing. And that's why it's so funny when people are like, oh, it's not sustainable. Oh, really? It's not? I'm pretty sure it's the only fucking program that ever changed anybody because it addresses the issue at the core, which is your mental fortitude, your ability to adhere, your ability to make decisions for yourself in the moment that are going to benefit the long-term version of you, not the instant gratification that you would get from indulging in whatever the vice is now. And when you start to understand this mentally and you start to live that way,

those things that have brought you the frustration, the anger, the life that you're not proud of become the fucking enemy. You hate them. You despise them. Like when I see people socially drinking all the time, I think they're the weakest fucking bitches on the face of the earth. And then I look at them and they're usually fucking out of shape and they're not making any money and they're celebrating every weekend. What the fuck are you celebrating, bro? You're broke. You have a shitty car. You have a shitty fucking relationship. You're not in shape. You look like shit, but you're celebrating? What are you celebrating?

You see what I'm saying? So it's just a perspective switch. I absolutely know for an undeniable fact, because I've witnessed it hundreds of thousands, if not millions of times over my course of my career in nutritional supplements, fitness, and with Live Hard program, people change all the time, dude. It's just a decision that you got to make and you got to take the actions of the person that you want to become. And when you

think about, you know, like we've mentioned just a minute ago, fake it till you make it. When we think about like what fake it till you make it actually means, it doesn't mean go out and buy a car and stand in front of it and, you know, fake your wealth to get money. That's not what fake it till you make it means. Fake it till you make it actually means make the decisions that that person that you know you want to be like would make even when you're you now and eventually you become that person. Okay. That's what fake it till you make it. So decide who you want to be, start making the decisions that person would Okay. That's what fake it till you make it. So decide who you want to be, start making the decisions that person would make. And eventually you legitimately become that in your life. And it won't feel like that today. And it won't feel like that tomorrow. And because you lived your life the way that you've lived it for 35 years, and you're not

proud of it, it's probably going to take a minute for you to adjust to being the kind of person you want to be. But if you keep following with those actions over and over and over and over and over again of the person that you want to be, like eventually you become that person and it's reality. And like, dude, that's what it is. It's just, it's that simple, dude. So yeah, you can change bro. And you should change because you have people depending on you, whether you have a family or whether you have, you know, friends or whether you have people, peers at work, there's people looking at you and they're saying, fuck, you know, Joe either is as a great role model for me, or I don't even pay attention to Joe because he's a piece of shit. And dude, if you're listening to this show, it's because you care about shit. You don't listen to this show just to be entertained. You listen to this

show because you care. Yeah, we have entertainment on the show, but this is a show that people who give a fuck listen to because they want to get better and they realize that them being better makes everything else better. And so you need to start thinking about it, dude. It's not just about you. It's about your obligation to live a life that maximizes your potential as a human. And maybe you're not a religious person, but dude, I'm going to tell you this. God wants you to be the best version of yourself. Do you have a son? Do you want your girls to be the best they could be?

Joe, do you want your daughter to be the best that she could be? If your daughters ended up living a life that was way below your potential, would you be disappointed? Absolutely. God's the same way. God looks at us the same way. He says, I gave you all this potential, all these gifts, all this ability, and you didn't

do anything with it because you were lazy or because you let these things get in the way. And that's a disappointment to God. You're dishonoring your obligation to God. You're dishonoring your obligation to your fellow citizen, your neighbor, your family, and especially yourself by sitting there and saying, I'm going to accept this version of myself that's less than what I could be. And I think everybody falls into that trap because we are all propagated immensely in society that that is okay. We see it on TV. What do the men look like on TV? They look like fat, middle-aged, weird looking dudes that are

standing in the backyard on a Weber kettle cooking hot dogs that answer to their wives. Correct? Okay. What message are they sending? They're sending a message of this is okay to be like this. When they put a woman on a health magazine that's 400 pounds, they say it's healthy. What message are they sending? They're saying to women, you could be like this and this is normal and this is okay. do they do that well they do that because they want to they it's for control reasons if you're not at the best that you can be you are much easier to control and if you're much easier to control you're not going to have a fair shake in the way things that you know work out in terms of what we call freedom or what we desire as freedom so for us to fix what's going on in the country we have to fix the culture to fix the culture we have to fix what's going on in the country, we have to fix the culture.

To fix the culture, we have to fix ourselves. So it's not just about you, bro. It's about everybody. It's about the people you're related to. It's about the people that see you in the gas stations. It's about the people who see you in the grocery store. It's about your peers at work. It's about the example that you set. And if we don't do that, and if you don't do that as an individual,

you have no right to bitch about the way things are in society because you're not contributing to the solution. So get in shape. Stop drinking. Make good decisions. Treat people right. Put good things in your brain. Control what you control and stick to that

and make the decisions of the person that you want to become, not the decisions of the person that you have been. And things are going to change, bro. And they're going to change forever as long as you keep following that formula. I love it, man. Absolutely love it, man. Great, great questions. Great answers, man.

Guys, Andy, that was three. All right, guys. Let's have a good week. Go pay the fee. from sleeping on the floor now my jewelry box froze fuck a bowl fuck a stove counted millions in the cold bad bitch booted swole got her on bankroll can't fold that's a no headshot case closed