REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 819. Q&AF: Handling Test Days, Business Relationships Gone Wrong & When To Start Enjoying Life

Episode Date: December 2, 2024

On today's episode, Andy answers your questions on what mentality you need to develop when you feel all your days are “test days”, how to keep moving ahead when you feel stuck because of a business relationship gone wrong, and when should you start “enjoying life” on the journey to accomplish your big dreams.

What is up guys? It's Andy Purcell and this is the show for the realest. Say goodbye to the lies, the fakes and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality. Guys, today we have Q and a F. That's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers. Now you could submit your questions to be answered on the show a few different ways. First way is guys, you can email these questions into ask Andy at Andy for seller.com or you go on

YouTube, drop your question in the comments on the Q and a F episodes. We will answer some from there as well throughout the week we're going to have shows within the show tomorrow we're going to have cruise the internet we call that cti as we put topics on the screen we speculate on what's true and what's not true and then we talk about how we the people have to solve these problems going on in the world other times we're going to have real talk real talk is just five to 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk that i think everybody needs to hear. And then we're going to have 75 hard verses. 75 hard verses is where someone who has completed the 75 hard program comes on the show. They talk about how they were before, how they are now, and how they use the 75 hard program to reclaim

their life. If you're unfamiliar with 75 hard, it is the introductory phase of the live hard program. The live hard program is the world's most popular mental transformation program ever. And it's free. All right. You get an episode two Oh eight on the audio feed. That's two zero eight. On the audio feed, give the entire live hard program for free. Now, if you want to know the ins and outs, if you want to know all the sauce, you can buy the book. There's a book available at andyforsella.com. It's not necessary. All right, if you want to do the program for free, you can get it at episode 208. But if you want to know all

the details, you get the book. All right, the book is called the book on mental toughness. It's available at andyforsella.com. It goes through the entire Live Hard program. It goes through a whole bunch of chapters on mental toughness, a whole bunch of case studies on people who have used mental toughness to transform their existence and how you can do the same. Now, something that we do different on the show real quick is we don't run ads on the show. Okay? And the reason we don't run ads on the show is because I don't want advertisers telling me what I can and can't say We keep it real here. So I finance the show out of my own pocket We are definitely the biggest show in the world that doesn't run ads and I just simply make a deal with you

And the deal is this all right if the show is good if it makes you laugh It makes you think if it gives you a new perspective if it helps you All right, and this one always does because we're gonna get off to an awesome week with some good knowledge. I need you to share the show for us, all right? We're constantly dealing with shadow bands, traffic throttling, censorship issues, still. So I need you to help share the show, all right?

So don't be a ho. Share the show. All right, what's up, dude? What's Gucci gang? Nothing, man. Yeah? You look nice. Oh, thanks, man You know nice what me? Yeah this whole thing What's going on that was your weekend fucking cold yeah, dude, yeah, I forgot that it was supposed to snow I didn't think it was

No idea about it at all, bro. I haven't been doing you know any outdoor cardio for probably I don't know a couple months I Went outside and I was like fuck this is cold and then I was like oh man I got to start going outside again. Gotta do it. I yeah cuz I'm starting to get soft bro. I can feel it Yeah, it's different. It's fucking different. Yeah, I got it. Dude, I was like, I caught myself running from the garage to my house, and I'm like, fuck, dude. Doing the oh shit skirt? You're turning into a bitch.

Yeah, so I gotta get back on that outdoor. Yeah, I'm gonna start a, you know, I'm gonna start 75 hard on the first with everybody, because I know there's always, you know, thousands and thousands and thousands of people that start on the first, everybody because I know there's always thousands and thousands and thousands of people that start on the first, but I think I'm gonna get a good 30 day run going up so that way I got some momentum.

I live that way anyway for the most part. I just haven't done the outdoor cardio in a while. It's been a minute, man. Well, I mean, shit, the winter is definitely a good time to get hard. Yeah, no shit. Especially here, man. But yeah, it's Monday, man. Winter's not a good time to get hard. Yeah, no, she's actually here man. Yeah, but yeah, it's Monday man It's not a good time to get what huh, huh?

Nothing. I was trying to keep the show g-rated. Oh gotcha. Yeah gotcha Yep Guys, it's Monday. Let's uh, that's uh, let's get into these man. I got three good ones for you guys Andy question number one. This is actually a great question going right off the convo. Hi Andy. I was curious if you've ever gone through a final test phase prior to reaching big milestones in your life, such as a giant windfall of money, or a nice car, et cetera.

I personally call this the final test as you're not being only tested in a few areas of life like only money or health or personal life car issues this test is all-encompassing everything going wrong in your life at the same time money problems personal problems health problems people problems car problems life testing your patients to the absolute extreme while enduring the lack of money to pay bills and cars and repairs and all of that good stuff. I'm personally enduring this right now,

all at the same time, and I'm aware that I can't give up in this phase. I'm running with the zero options mentality. You talk about all in or nothing. I was genuinely curious if you've gone through this type of all-encompassing test and what you did to personally overcome it. I love the show.

You and DJ Crush every day. Thanks for keeping it real as fuck out there. So big, big milestones with a massive test right before it. Well, first of all, how do you know a big milestones coming? You don't ever know. So you don't know if the test is right before it. But there is sayings that have been around for thousands of years, one of them being, it is always darkest before the dawn. Everybody knows that, everybody's heard that. And I think most people have experienced it.

So the chances of a big breakthrough or a big milestone are in the favor of when you are being tested most that you're going to come through. Now I don't know if that's because the universe lines it up that way or if it just feels that way because you're going through so much hard stuff that when something goes right, it feels really good. You know what I'm saying? So you know, to answer your question, dude, yes, everybody goes through this.

Okay. It is not just you. These hard times, these times where you're struggling, these times when you're angry, these times when you're frustrated, these are not exclusive to you. And people who think they're exclusive to them suffer from a massive arrogance problem. They believe that they are the only person that suffers, the only person that has hardship, the only person that has to push through when in reality every single achiever that's ever existed, every single thing that's ever been built has been

built by somebody who's gone through this process of everything going wrong at some point and we can look through history at all the amazing people who have done the most amazing things and right before they did this amazing thing that you know them for they went through some really hard shit okay so the first thing we got to understand is that you are not the center of the universe you will go through these tests these tests will not just come at one point in your life. They will come over and over and over and over again. And after you've matured and been through them enough, you don't panic anymore.

Okay. And what you can do is to train yourself to become someone who relishes being in the hard shit because you understand that everybody else quits when things get hard. When things get hard, it is simply this one foot in front of another, in front of another, in front of another. Okay. That is the only way to keep moving forward. It's the only way to continue to progress when things

are hard. And it's very simple, but people don't like simple people like extreme and fun and exciting and these instant gratification, you know, situations and dude, life is just not like that. Okay. Life is hard. Success is hard. Business is hard. Being married is hard. Having a family is hard. Doing anything that anybody would admire is hard. When things get the hardest, that is the most important time where you have to continue

to move forward, putting one foot down in front of another. This is why it's so important to make investments in your mental toughness and your grit and your fortitude and your ability to Persevere and your ability to stay disciplined because conditions will never be perfect Okay, when we talk about it being freezing cold outside And I'm talking about how I know that I need to go get acclimated to that because I can feel myself getting soft. That is me recognizing that my mental fortitude is getting rounded off when it needs to be very sharp. Okay? So we have to become aware of where we are mentally and we have to make

investments to harden ourselves mentally so that we can prepare for these hard times that come over and over and over and over again. One phase that you are experiencing right now would normally crush a human being. Okay you're going through this process things get hard everything in your life seems fucked. Most people quit the first time that happens. Most people look themselves in the mirror and say, Oh, well, I guess it's not for me. I'm going to go just do what everybody else does. And then they quit. Okay.

And what you have to realize is that if you could build yourself into someone who can work through these things as they come, there's really nothing that can stop you. And the longer you go through them and the more you go through them, the less and less competition there is to the thing that you do. So work on your mental, focus on keeping your mentality and your mental toughness sharp, recognize when it gets soft and recognize the importance and the reality of the path that you are on. If you were on a mediocre path and you just wanted to be a regular human, these tests are going to come anyway. They're just going to come disguised as other things. Okay. They're going to look different. They're going to feel different.

You're not going to be able to pay your electric bill. You're not going to be able to eat at the places you want. Your ability to attract a mate is going to be incredibly diminished. Okay. You're going to end up with someone you don't really want to be with. You're going to drive something you don't really want to drive. You're going to be embarrassed of what you did in your life. Those are fucking hard things to deal with.

Okay, but if you're going to be an achiever, you're going to deal with different shit. You're going to deal with people laughing at you. You're going to deal with people not believing in you. You're going to deal with people trying to tear you down. You're going to deal with people who, you know know are situations that are just uncomfortable in different ways all right so we all go through this it looks different for everybody but the bottom line is if we prepare ourselves to go through these things and we expect these things to happen and we know what to do as they come

you end up winning because everybody else can't make it through, okay? That's what this comes down to. It's very simple. I love it, man. Let me ask you this, because I feel like this is something I've done personally where, and I just want to get your opinion on it. Like, is this a healthy way, I guess, to manage that stuff?

Is that I've always just told myself, you know what, it could be worse. It could be worse. And maybe, like, I don't know, like, does that diminish the, like all of the benefits that you can get from going through the hard shit if you try to diminish how hard it is?

No. When things are very hard, there is a very real truth to the fact that they could be way fucking harder. Okay, and most of the people in our country, the United States, you know, there's people listening all over the world, but most of the people in our country, the United States, you know, those people listen all over the world. Most of the people here have never really been through anything hard. Okay. They've been through the normal life shit of hard, right? Someone

dies, someone gets sick, these kinds of things lose a job, but their day to day hard is fucking luxurious compared to someone who comes from, you know, some third world place. So lacking the perspective of understanding what is truly hard actually makes your life feel much harder. All right. So when we can have the proper perspective about what's actually hard and we can remind ourselves that things could be way worse. And the fact is most people have them way worse. That can get us in a place of gratitude. And when we get into a place of gratitude, it makes it easier and we can think more clearly about what we need to move

forward because most people, when they get in that situation of being frustrated, they're there, they panic and they get frazzled and they can't focus and they don't know what to do. So they do nothing nothing and that just makes the situation worse So I definitely think there's a lot of value to reminding yourself that no matter how dark shit is it could be a lot fucking darker 100% man Loving it guys any question number two

Andy I just got bent over with no lube in business. Okay. It happens. I like that he put the collar, there's a comma there. You gotta have, that's a very, very important punctuation. It happens. He says, I had a business relationship that I've been working on for the last year and a half.

I depend on this company as part of my supply chain for my business. Well, they just cut themselves out without warning, without consideration, and I feel completely lost and out of control. How have you handled being bent over with no lube in the past versus how you handle that stuff now? I feel like I might go to jail if I go with my first mind.

Yeah, you might. I know what that feels like, bro. When someone really fucks with your livelihood that serious shit and You know, I think people forget that I think people forget because of the internet when they fuck with people's livelihood what they're really doing To people and where they're really putting them. Okay, so I can understand that feeling because I've had a lot of people fuck with me along the way So I get that. Don't do that though. The best way to win is to keep moving forward and smiling everybody's face and

be like, fuck you. You know, you ain't stopping me. So, uh, back to the question, how do we handle these situations when things happen that are out of our control? Well, you have to understand that when you are a little fish in a big pond, you're not going to get the respect from the bigger companies that other people get. Okay. If that company that you're doing business with had seven other customers and

they're all as big as you and they're all growing. And then that company doesn't have the capacity to do more business for those people. They're going to cut ties with the little ones so that they can expand their ability to service the ones that are bigger. And that sounds like that's where you're at. I can't imagine someone pulling their business from you or a vendor pulling their business from you unless they either a went out of business or B had to expand their ability to service someone bigger than you. And that's normal when you're

small. You ask, what is that, what happens whenever you get bigger? That doesn't happen when you get bigger because you become such a big part of these vendors' business that they bend over backwards, okay? So they don't have the ability to really fuck you. You hold all the cards, the bigger you get. And your job is to go from where you are to where that place is, right?

You wanna go from the guy who's not getting the respect to the person that's getting all the respect in your business is secured how do you do that well you got to get creative you're not facing anything that any that anybody else who's ever built anything hasn't had to face okay so how can you succeed without these people what are the alternatives who can I work with besides that is there an opportunity for me to bring that in house so this can never happen again? How can I ensure that my business is never compromised by someone else's decisions ever again? And this is why in the companies that I'm involved in, we're constantly working towards

vertical integration. We are constantly working towards bringing everything within our control. Simply for that reason that you mentioned, I don't want to have anybody else be in charge of the destiny or the outcome of our business. Okay. But when you're a little guy and you don't have the capital, that's just a reality. So what you have to do is you've got to go out, build relationships, find companies that may be in the same position that you're in.

Maybe they're a little smaller, maybe they're a little hungrier, maybe they'll do more for you because they are hungrier. In fact, I know they will, because that's how it works. And start working there, okay? But this is normal, this is reality. When you're little, you get no respect. When you're big, you hold all the cards.

And that really never ends. Yeah. I wanna say this because I wanna preface this question with this, you know, I've been grateful enough to be around you for the last five years. And I think what I, probably my most admirable piece of you, Andy, is that you're very, you're an ethical businessman, right?

And I've been able to see that like very, very clearly, right, and all your companies is very ethical. And it's something that I've always, like it's always been kind of puzzling to me because, you know, you have an entrepreneurship in business. There's a saying, well, that's just business, right? And so it's like, how do you kind of like, I guess, differentiate something that's just business

versus somebody truly being unethical or fucked up in business? Listen, I think when we're younger and we're smaller, it's easy for us to like, if you were like, if I was in that position, which by the way, I've been in that position, I've been in a position before where I was working with a company who decided that they were going to work with someone else. And then I was left holding the bag. Okay. That's happened many times. A lot of times, in fact, every time that it's happened many times a Lot of times in fact every time that it's happened. I took it personally because it is personal to me

This is my livelihood. This is our people's livelihood, okay? But it's actually not a personal thing. Okay, so you have to know and you have to be able to really truly separate What's personal and what's business. Okay. Business is business. And that means it's not going to always go the way you want. You're not going to always get what you want. Some people are going to have different goals, but to all of this, I would say to your ethical question, the reason that it's important to always do the right thing and have respect for people regardless of what happens is

Because this game is so fucking long You never know who you're gonna have to work with in the future if you burn a bridge now That same guy might come back in three years and fucking stomp on your throat Okay, because that business is always evolving people People are always moving their chess pieces. And sometimes that guy who you got pissed off at, maybe he's in a crunch and he cut you out because he was in a crunch. And then maybe he gets his mood pieces moved in the right way and he calls you back and he says, DJ, I got a great opportunity, bro. I know it didn't work out here, but like, what about this? Okay. So we can't burn bridges because

the game is so long. We don't know what bridge we're going to have to cross and doing things ethically also important because when you do good things and you do them with the proper intent, the universe and God rewards that back to you. So if you're doing things with the wrong intent, are you doing things with bad intent or you're being manipulative or you're lying or you're cheating or you're stealing or you're cheating or you're stealing or you're doing whatever, you're going to get that back a hundred fold eventually somewhere along the line. So it's very important that you understand that what you put out

is what you're going to get. This is why all you hater motherfuckers never fucking win. Okay. You cannot control your own ego to understand that there's plenty, plenty of room for everybody to win. And you see someone when you see them grow their business, you see them drive a car, bro, I see this every day. I post my life. People are like, Oh, fuck you. I want to see that. Well, you know what? There's lots of young kids that are inspired by my lifestyle that I've created for fucking 25 years that I have a duty to show them so that they can understand it There is a prize on the other end of that fucking struggle, okay?

But you are so fucking stupid you can't understand that when you hate on that you're telling the universe I don't like winning. I don't like winning because every time I see someone else win. I don't like it Okay, what do you think the universe gives you it gives you exactly what you're asking for which is not winning Alright, so all you hate her Dumb asses out there. You need to understand this and because dude you're you're the one stomping on your own dick You don't realize that so when you see someone win, you should be happy If you're not happy, you should figure out how to be happy You should stop yourself when you feel that little jealous

Tingle on the inside and be like, I don't know that ain't right dude good If he did it I can do it and I can do it better, right? That's how the attitude Yeah, I was just thinking about the ethical, you know Is this just business part because like it just made me click like the the guy that left him Maybe he's just looking out for his people right like his company has to grow like I feel like that's a perspective people lack I think that's highly likely. You know I think that's highly likely I don't think it's a personal thing bro if you if it was personal you know it Hmm, you know you know when people don't like you personally right you know most of you guys you guys think you really got haters

You don't fucking have any haters, bro. You don't, you never had the internet come after you. You've never been on fucking MSM or, you know, news stations across the country. I've been on that shit plenty of times. Okay. There's a big difference between hate and you imagining hate. Yeah, right. Okay.

You know, and what most people do is they set themselves up in this mind frame of, if I do this, then so-and-so is going to think this, and then somebody else is going to think this, and then somebody else is going to think that. And what we do is we imagine all these worst case scenarios, but we can't put a name on who's going to think what. And what does that mean? It actually means that we are our own biggest haters So we're the ones hating on ourselves and keeping ourselves from taking action

Because of the things that we think may happen which likely never do happen. So Get out of your own fucking way. I love it, man. I love it guys Andy our third and final question Andy how do you balance delayed gratification and Enjoying life more now. I Am 26 years old. I am working a full-time job on the nights and weekends I am collaborating with a longtime friend with his growing small business

I'm also working with my brother on his small business. The point is I'm doing well I live in a small apartment and drive an 11 year old compact car I could upgrade my lifestyle, but I am too driven and want to spend that extra money on some business ideas How do you convince yourself to let go of the instant pleasures to achieve something far greater in the future. My advice to anybody is to live below your means for as long as you possibly can until you can invest the proper amount of money to where the return that you're looking for long term is going to be reflective of the lifestyle that you're looking to build. So

you have to not be influenced by the culture and you have to look at yourself and say, okay, what am I trying to achieve here? I'm trying to achieve this lifestyle. I am here currently. I can afford a new BMW and I can afford a condo. Should I get the condo and the BMW or should I take the money and put it into the business? Well, the answer is, what do you want on the other end of it? Okay, because the longer that you can maintain living small and invest your cash back into your business, the bigger the backend reward's gonna be.

Now we talk in here about my story a lot. We talk about how the first 10 years, I made $58,380 for 10 years. Not a year, that's cumulative for 10 years. But what people don't realize is that by the year 2006, we were making money and we were investing it in our business. And we were taking all the money,

even though we could have afforded to pay ourselves for the next four or five years and pouring it directly into the business so that we could get the end result where we wanted it to be. And once that engine was built by that investment and we had it running, now we were able to, you know, take a little bit of here, take a little bit there. We were also along the way, along the way we were able to figure out ways to make personal income that didn't affect the business. Okay? So it all depends on where do you wanna be in 20 years? Do you wanna be the guy who is 26 years old,

driving a fucking, an S-Class, thinking you're the shit, or an old fucking Bentley, or a fucking old Lamborghini? Or do you wanna be the guy thinking you're the shit or an old fucking Bentley or a fucking old Lamborghini or do you want to be the guy when you're 40 that is flying on a jet and going on a yacht and buying whatever fucking Bugatti he decides he wants to buy? You know what I'm saying? What do you want? Okay. Because I could tell you this, that 26 year old guy, by the time you're 40, that guy's going to be broke and no one's going to remember. And what they are going to remember is how douchebag he was trying to pretend like he was the shit when he wasn't the shit and look at him now

Exactly, and the last thing you want to do is embarrass yourself with with that kind of shit. So Let's be real about it Yes, you can reward yourself. You sure can but it is going to cost you what's that cost worth? All right, and that's how I would that's how I would how I would evaluate that now yourself you sure can but it is going to cost you what's that cost worth all right and that's how I would that's how I would how I would evaluate that now what I also think is that it's important to taste success sometimes I think it's important to reward yourself and show yourself that you're doing things along the right way but most people do that way too much and It ends up costing them. You know what I mean? So like

You know It's it's there's nuance there. Yeah. Yeah for sure. My dad told me one time I asked him I was gonna I was gonna get a 750 BMW this was back like when I thought we huh sweet. Oh fuck. Yeah, the big body beamers. I always liked them. Yeah, and This is back, I don't know I didn't even know when this was I Mean fucking 15 years ago at least And I said, how do you I asked him a similar question I said, how do you know when when you and he his answer was you'll know? You'll know, you know, which I don't know what the fuck that man

You know, I feel like my answer is better. You know, which I don't know what the fuck that man You know, I feel like my answer is better, you know now Yeah, you know, I think I think I think it just comes down and then also, you know, like bro, you know We only have limited time so we have to run that balance very carefully You know, I mean like look like Kobe situation. Yeah for sure, you know, Kobe works his balls off for fucking 40 years Kobe situation for sure, you know, Kobe works his balls off for fucking 40 years Decides he's gonna start spending time with his family and dies and it doesn't always work out the way we want so like when you pour yourself into An ambitious lifestyle into big dreams big goals. You have to understand that it's very possible. You could run out of time Okay, it's very possible. It's a bet we make it's a gamble gamble we make. But it's the gamble required if you're going to do anything relevant. So there's no way

around that. That's a bet you're going to have to make. Fuck, dude, you could get run over walking across the street today. Who knows? But if you want to be successful and you want to build big shit and you want to do something that's going to take care of you financially and take care of your family financially and give you Ultimate freedom to do whatever you want at any time You need to delay gratification for as long as possible That's the truth the richest motherfucker in the world Well, not the richest but one of the richest I do Elon Musk doesn't fucking own a whole bunch of shit

No, he flies around on a plane stays in hotels and shit. Okay, who else is Known for that Oh Warren Buffett. He lives in the same house. He's lived in for fucking 60 years, dude You see what I'm saying like worth billions. Yes, bro These people just it becomes it doesn't become a game of accumulation of shit. It becomes winning Who's the winner and And that's what's going to come for you too. So like, you know, you may have a passion, dude, maybe your passion, you know, is watches or cars or whatever. I like watches and I like cars. Those two things I like, you know, I, I like winning better than that though. You know what I'm

saying? Like I've gone through those phases. Um, young Dolph has a lyric in one of his songs. He goes, I got tired of watches, I started buying cars. I got tired of cars, I started buying property. All right? So what he's talking about there is the natural progression of a entrepreneur. And these little fucking trinkets and collection and toys,

eventually they lose their coolness. Now I am deeply passionate about cars, but I haven't bought a watch in fucking five, six years. I don't give a fuck. In fact, I really don't ever wear one anymore. I don't even wear one unless I wear a suit. So, and I got a nice watch collection, okay, and worth millions of dollars, but like, I don't care.

You know what I'm saying? It's not cool to me anymore. And the cars, I mean, fuck like, I don't care. You know what I'm saying? It's not cool to me anymore. And the cars, I mean, fuck dude, I got some cars coming, but I haven't bought a new car in a couple of years. I drive the cool shit I got. You know what fucking, you know what I like? I like winning. I like reinvesting my money.

I like knowing that I come in here every day and I don't even take a paycheck and I help these motherfuckers grow this shit so we can win. I fucking love that. It makes me happy. So Uh, but i'm in a different position. I've been doing this 25 years. I've been doing it since I was a young kid so Every single person that I have ever heard of ever ever ever ever ever ever

That has built something amazing delayed gratification for as long as possible, and also was very fucking tired. Okay, we have people talking about how tired they are. I told them, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired. No shit, that's a prerequisite to success. Every single thing that has ever been built, every single accomplishment that's ever been accomplished, every single thing that is worth mentioning in the history of fucking Earth was built by people who were tired

Every single thing okay, so you getting on the internet and crying about how fucking tired you are or saying I'm tired good You're supposed to be tired. Can you execute when you're tired? That's the question that you need to be answering so you know question that you need to be answering. So, you know, delayed gratification, discipline over motivation, 100% of the time, those two things will get you very far falling into the trap of instant gratification. Cause you watch all these dorks on the internet who don't have shit talk about how much money they have when they're all clearly lying. Um, that's going to get you right where, where everybody else is,

which is here today, gone tomorrow. You want to build something great? Take all the money you make pour it back in do that over and over and over again until you got the engine built When the engine starts building if you want to continue to pour money in you can But you don't have to I love it man, I love it guys, it's a hell of a way to start a Monday man Let's get to it Alright guys. We'll see you for CTI tomorrow