REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 838. Q&AF: Overcoming “People Pleasing” Behavior, Pursuing Greatness & Hiring Great Team Players

Episode Date: February 10, 2025

On today's episode, Andy answers your questions on how to change your mindset when you have been a “people pleaser” all your life, how to be effective on the path of pursuing greatness in life, and what is the secret behind hiring great team players who positively impact your business culture.

What is up guys, it's Andy Purcell and this is the show for the realest, say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality guys. Today we have Q&AF that's where you submit the questions and we bring you the answers. Now you can submit your questions for the show a couple different ways. The first way is guys email these questions into askandy at andyfrascella.com or you go on YouTube in the comment section, drop your question down there and we'll pick some from there as well. Throughout the week we're going to have cruise the internet. We call that CTI. That's where we put topics on the screen. We speculate on what's true and what's not true. And we talk about how we, the people have to solve these problems going on in the

world. Sometimes we're going to have what's called real talk. Real talk is just five to 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk. And then other times we're going to have 75 Hard Verses. Now, 75 Hard Verses is where people have completed the 75 Hard Program, come on the show, they talk about how their life was before, how their life is now, and how they used the 75 Hard Program to, for lack of a better terms, fix their shit. If you're unfamiliar with 75 Hard, it is the initial phase of the Live Hard program, which is the world's most famous mental transformation program ever. You can get it for free at episode 208 on the audio feed. Again, that's 208 on the audio feed only.

There's also a book. The book is available at andyforsella.com. It's called The Book on Mental Toughness. It includes the entire Live Hard program, plus a whole bunch of chapters on mental toughness, how to develop it, why it's important, and how to use it in your life to increase the quality of your life.

Now, we do something different on this show. We don't run ads. You're gonna find that we're the biggest show in the world that doesn't run ads So in exchange for that ask very simply that you help us grow the show The show makes you think if it makes you laugh it gives you new perspective if you learn some new things Do us a favor and help us spread the word all right. We like to say it like this. Don't be a ho show the show All right, what's up? Hey, good morning. Good-looking Yeah, that's right. I am good-looking

What's going on with you bro? Nothing dude? Yeah. Yeah, just Counting down the days for the launch of the new MSCEO project. We're down to days now and We're not gonna talk about when it was launched or when it's gonna launch You're gonna have to be on the email list to know when it launches. So if you're not on the email list, you should go to andyforsella.com, subscribe to the Andy Graham,

which is your daily, I don't know, pep talk, you know? And you'll find out about when the MFCEO launches, where it's gonna be and how you can get it. So I'm excited about that. Let me ask you this, how excited, like let's be real, no fruit for a shit, but how excited are you for that coming back? Very, because it's more than just teaching people

how to make money at this point. You know, the first time we did the MSTO project, it was about how to become successful. And now it's about not only how to become successful But how to become successful in all areas of your life Accompany with the idea that it is our duty to become the best that we can be in order for this country To become the best it can be there has been an abandonment of personal responsibility and obligation because

We have been quote- quote unquote free for so long that people think they are free to live a shitty life and that America will just exist if all of our people here live less than the standard of what it should be. And that's just not how it works. So the goal here is for me to teach people who are young, not just young in age, but young in experience, how to build a life, how to build a company, how to make money, but also understand

our obligation to becoming the best people that we can be so that we don't have what just happened for the last 10 years in this country or 12 years or 15 years happen again, which is the removal of personal responsibility, you know, and ambition, you know, where we started to get into a situation where people started to see ambition, success and winning as some sort of negative thing, right? That is all programming. It is not negative at all. It is the, it is your obligation to go pursue the best possible version of yourself because other people are going to follow you whether you understand that now or not. And there was a time in this country

where people understood that sacrifices were made and that citizens had an obligation to try their best to be their best. And that's something that we need to restore with the younger generation and all generations. And so, you know, I'm excited because it's not just about like, you know, hey, let's go out and make some money. You know what I mean? It's about like, hey, let's go make some money and become the best that we can be and set the right example and show other people how it's done so that we can create, you know, a movement of citizens that stands for personal excellence. Because when we are personally excellent in all areas, other people notice they start to pick up the pace. They start to join the group.

The standards raise and the standards of this country get better. So, you know, it's, it's a big mission. But, you know, I'm not CEO of I'm not actively the CEO of, you know, first form anymore or really any of the companies anymore. I've moved into chairman roles and investment roles. I have the time to dedicate to this. So I'm really, I'm really excited about it, dude. It's going to be awesome.

Like I feel like there's a lot of people out there now who have gotten on that page of understanding the obligation. It's just okay, but like. Now let's give them the tools. What do I do? Right, and. A lot of entrepreneurs, I feel,

can come out of this too, bro, which we need. Well, I mean, bro, there's hundreds, I mean, tens of thousands of entrepreneurs that started with the old MFCO project that are now, you know, eight, 10, 12 years in doing well. So there's no doubt of the impact that it makes. But you know, I just think that there's so much misinformation and there's so many liars

and there's so much bullshit that the lack of real entrepreneurial experience and information is just lacking. And the principles that make up an actual successful life and business, it's a little more complicated than just getting ripped. You know what I'm sharing my 26 years of experience building a portfolio that's worth ten figures you know with everybody else so I'm excited about it I'm excited to get through it too man well it's Q&A so let's make some people better today guys Andy I got some good ones for you let's knock these out question number one Andy Andy I've always been a people pleaser and it's exhausting yeah I want to set boundaries and prioritize my own happiness but I'm

afraid of upsetting others how do I begin to change his mindset and stand up for myself I don't want to go another year being a people pleaser. How do we do that? Well, look, there's nothing wrong with pleasing other people or servicing other people. And a lot of times when we talk about, you know, when we talk about entrepreneurship and we talk about serving the customers, we get into this mindset, which isn't bad, by the way, of trying to please everybody. But the problem is we trying to please everybody. But the problem is we can't please everybody. It's impossible. And a lot of times when we try to please everybody, we end up abandoning our own self in that pleasing. And that's where you have to draw

the boundary. You have to realize that when you're serving or you're giving, it's not being reciprocated. You know, it's time to draw a boundary of some sort. Like in a business environment, you know, you serve, serve, serve, they give you money, right? In a friendship environment, you know, you serve, serve, serve, you get nothing back. Well, you should probably stop that because you're pouring in and getting nothing back. And we are, we are energy beings.

And when we pour all our energy into one person or two people or people in general And we don't keep any for ourselves or don't get any back We end up in a situation where we feel drained or feel exhausted like he's describing or she's describing the question So, how do you do that? Well saying no is a skill that people have to learn and you don't have to You know just give this long explanation about You know why you're not doing things that you know, you wouldn't normally otherwise do so Or other people want you to do that's right and dude At the end of the day, dude, you do have to look out for the best interests of

Yourself because no one else is going to look out for you. It's the truth so there's a very fine line between being a team player and of yourself because no one else is going to look out for you. It's the truth. So there's a very fine line between being a team player and also making sure that you are in the spot that you need to be in. And most of the time when people can't set boundaries, it's because they have a hard time saying no, because they're so used to pleasing everybody or trying to please everybody that it feels unnatural to them. So just like anything that we, uh, you know, have to get good at, you have to practice saying no, and then just letting it be, you know, no is a complete sentence. It's a skill to practice. And when you mean no, you should say no. And when you mean no you should say no and when you mean yes you should say yes

and sometimes that is going to be uncomfortable because people have been used to you saying yes to things that you were now saying no to things and you know but reality is is once you move away from those people and you just start operating like a normal human nobody has a problem with people saying no you know know what I'm saying? So this is just something that you need to work on saying no without, you know, overly explaining yourself. Now, if there's people like in your family or close friends or, you know, they might be confused by this. So you might have to sit down and have a conversation. Hey, look, I'm pouring all this. I don't have that energy, dude. And I'm not getting anything pouring all this, I don't have that energy, dude.

And I'm not getting anything back. Maybe they just don't realize that that's the dynamic. So- Innocently ignorant to it. Correct. Well, they become accustomed to it. Yeah. Right, like when you start putting silk sheets on your bed

and you sleep in them every night, you stop appreciating those silk sheets after a while. So it's important that you realize that maybe some people are doing this just because you've been so over accommodating for so long and they're not aware. So communication is a big deal. The ability to say no is a big deal. And you have to understand that you have the right and the... And the, yeah, I mean, you have the right to to make decisions that and you should make decisions that are good for you. You know, and there's a balance in life. Like sometimes you make decisions that are good for other people that may not be as good for you, knowing that that's going to create a better situation long term.

There's all different ways to think about this but the end of the day most people have problem with boundaries because They they've not you know, maybe they have a fucked up parent or somebody that's made him feel guilty for everything You know And you end up having a hard time setting a boundary because you feel guilty every time you say no Dude, you're gonna feel better when you set those boundaries, you know And those people that try to guilt you and try those people are manipulative you just cut those people out bro. I don't have I don't deal with that shit no more like I personally used to have a really hard

time with that I used to I used to be able I used to let people make me feel guilty when I didn't give them what they wanted in the moment. And honestly, dude, like, it was one of the hardest things I had to get over. Sometimes I still struggle with it because I am that kind of a person. You have a good heart, man. Well, it's, yeah, and people take advantage of it.

And especially when you have financial means, you know, and- You've got a money tree in the backyard. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, dude, look, it's- To be successful, you have to learn to set boundaries and say no, otherwise you won't be able to keep your money. So this is not just a skill that's gonna make you feel better,

it's also a financially advantageous skill to learn. Yeah, 100%. I was gonna ask you this, because I heard you say this before, I forget where we were, man, but you were like, other people's reaction to your decisions is not your concern, was like the gist of it.

And I think that could be like saying no, that's a hard thing to do. I mean, that's true, that's true. In some situations, you know, if it's your family or your brother or your wife or something, I mean, like it's not as cut and dry as that. Yeah, there's nuance, sure. Correct. Yeah.

So. But overall, you can't get hung up on how somebody else is gonna feel about something that you're trying to do for your betterment of you. 100%, but also, dude, is like, if you have those conversations and nothing changes, then you can't let that bother you either. You just have to say, well, it is what the fuck it is. Yeah.

You know? I wanna ask you this final little piece on this question too, man, because I think it's important to, you know, we've talked about accountability on this show We talked about you know, how do you can't hold somebody else accountable if you're not holding yourself accountable Is this there's that same kind of mindset applied to this right? Like it's hard to take care of other people if you're not taking care of yourself You know I'm saying I think I mean

Like that because it's like bro, bro, you're not even caring about your fucking self. I have something that I say all the time, dude You have to be selfish to be selfless Okay If you're not where you need to be if you don't have the proper energy that you need If you're not in shape the way you should be in if you're not living the standard that you know You should live you don't have as much to give to other people. It's just reality So for you to be able to truly serve other people, you have to get to a point where you are taking care of yourself and your own shit is in order. Otherwise, whatever you give them is going to be less

than what you could give them anyway. And quite honestly, you're doing both yourself and them a disservice by not holding these boundaries that we're talking about. Yeah, I love it, man. I love it. Guys, Andy, question number two. Andy, I appreciate the work you have done to elevate everyone around you. My question is more of a general question about success. I'm 19, and I think that even the idea

of just pursuing greatness excites the shit out of me. Being able to write your own path, build something crazy, I know it's something that I want to do. My question for you is though, on the journey you've mentioned this like hockey stick thing being the visual to what success looks like, but are there times on the journey where you have to intentionally take one step back to take two steps forward? I feel like people would call sacrifices I guess, but what were some that you had to take to stay on the path and keep moving forward and how do you make sure that that one step back doesn't become two? Well first of all it's only a step back if there's no step

forward later and it's only a sacrifice if there's no payoff later. So really the only way you lose in those situations, if you're doing it strategically is by not following through on the other part of the deal, right? It's easy to take the step back and then just say, Oh, well, I don't want that anymore because I changed my mind, right? Cause it got hard. So this is a normal, this is normal. And there's been a number of times in my career where I've had to take steps back Quote unquote, but we're actually investments in my future

You know and I'll talk about a couple of those in just a second But let's talk about the hockey stick thing because not everybody fucking understands that so When you start out to do something, imagine you lay a hockey stick, the handle, the long part on the ground, and then you let the blade point up to the sky. That represents what has been the pretty standard curve of success for me. Now I know there's other people out there who maybe they had investors or they had big things happen quickly or right. But for me, it's grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, way past the point where it's any fun or it's, it's, it's sexy. Yeah. And then eventually some things start to happen. You know, you, you make mistakes, you learn lessons, you make mistakes,

you learn lessons, you make mistakes, you learn lessons, you make mistakes, you learn lessons, and eventually you accumulate enough lessons, quote unquote, skills that allow you to make the right decisions. And when that starts to happen, the curve goes up dramatically. And it's not that the curve just grows, goes like that dramatically. It's that now you've built the skill set inside yourself that you didn't have before. If you had those skills in the beginning, the long part would be much shorter, but most of us don't. I started off complete rookie like a lot of you guys. So it just takes time for us to get our asses kicked and then learn the lesson. And that's the reality of how it goes. And that's the reality of how it goes for any self-made entrepreneur. Now there's been times where, you know,

you know, for example, like there's been times of business where we were working on something and we had a lot of money invested in it. And then we had to cut that because it wasn't working out. So then we had to cut loose, you know, big investments and time investments, energy investments, because it wasn't going to work. So you take a step back, you learn a lesson, you keep moving forward. That's happened.

I mean, that's happened a lot. Like, yes, a lot times of business. In fact, most of the things that we've tried didn't work. Most. That's what people don't see. You don't see all of these failures, these micro failures that happen in someone's success because they're not getting on the internet and teaching you all that shit, right? Because nobody wants to talk about it. You get your balls kicked in.

But the reality is, is like, dude, more things go wrong in business than go right. And all those things that go wrong teach you lessons and they become very valuable you know there's situations where you know you know I had to give up equity or partnerships in certain deals because we had to bring someone else in who was also skilled right so while that may seem you know to be a step, it's not because the people that have come in are highly skilled and allow us to grow to that, that next level, next level, next level. So, you know, and, and there's all kinds of situations like that, dude. Like there's all kinds of situations where you're going to take a step back and you're going

to be like, shit, is this the right thing? Or should I have done that? Or, you know, but it's, it's always the right thing if Or should I have done that? Or, you know, but it's always the right thing if you keep going, because you're gonna get a better result in the long term, so. I feel like for a lot of youngsters, man, you know, this is something we talk about a lot, like fear of missing out. You know what I'm saying?

Like for a lot of them, that step back might be you not going to go to that fucking party with your friends this weekend. You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, they're not looking at it like they're looking at is truly something they're actually missing out on a stepping back away from but it's like the reality is what's the payoff for not miss for missing that yeah you know I'm saying like what were some what were some earlier times I mean like well

I guess when did you start changing your mindset in your you know your path of success here well in the early days, dude, I didn't change. I still went out and partied. I still went out and did all the shit. I drank all the time. And our business didn't grow. Okay, so when I stopped doing that, when I started taking everything serious

and I started getting serious, it grew very fast. That's when the luck kicked in. Yeah, right, exactly. Exactly, but I wouldn't trade it. I mean, like, I wouldn't, I have a lot of good memories. I've got to experience a lot of things. I just would have been where I am now, I think much faster, but I don't regret it because all those things made me who I am now.

So I would, the last thing you wanna be is some fucking business nerd with no life experience You know what I mean? A lot of those out there there is and uh, I feel like i'm a successful guy Yeah, I feel like I got both. Yeah, um, you know, we got a long way to go in business and we're gonna take it there but uh You know, I I think the more serious you take it the quicker things are gonna go and the less serious you take it the slower things are gonna go and the less serious you take it the slower things are Gonna go and if you're in a hurry to really change your existence That's where you go all in bro And you don't play video games and you don't drink alcohol and you don't go out with your friends and you fucking there was a time

five or six years from like 2009 to like 2016 that that time frame or fuck dude, I didn't leave my office. You know what I'm saying? Like I didn't fucking leave. Like I was in my office all day, staring at a computer all day. I'm talking like 20 hours a day, right?

Up, take a nap, get back up, work. But I believe that those, that's the time when the company was truly built, you know? And now we've brought in all these other smart people, like, you know, my brother and Jason, and you know, we've got all these other guys here that are a little older than us that have experience. And you know, now it's just 19 hours a day, right?

No, I mean, look, man, I mean, I'm surrounded by people that are much smarter than me at this point and You know, it's it's a different game at this point You know what I mean? You should by the way, you should always surround yourself with people smarter than you always only dumb people with big Egos don't do that. So it's not about who gets the credit. It's about Did you win or not win? That's real shit. Yeah, that's real shit. Guys, Andy, let's do our third and final question. Question number three, Andy, I just started a life insurance agency

and I'm working on hiring some people. But I don't wanna hire just anyone. I wanna build a team that is success driven and willing to continue to grow into amazing, badass people that want to win at a high level like I do. What are some questions I can be asking or points I can be making to make sure people will be a good fit? Any advice on this would be appreciated. Yeah. I mean, look, dude, here's the thing about building a team that people.

Okay, look, dude, let me explain it like this. When, when college, college football, Alabama, Michigan, Georgia, they're all recruiting the same guy. Okay. They're all coming in and they're all saying, Hey, come see us. So you go on three visits and one of the visits is going to feel better than the other visits. The reason that it's going to feel better than the other visits is because that place has a culture that aligns with that individual. Does that make sense? Yeah.

Okay. So when we think of an organization, it's very important to understand that there is no employee tree. There is no place where you just, there's no secret website where you go out and hire these people and they show up and they're fucking amazing. Now, eventually, like sometimes you're gonna get lucky And you are gonna have someone but the reality is is you know most people think of it backwards It's not go out and find these people It's build what you want internally in terms of the culture that you want and then find people the people that align with it We'll find you okay, so find people, the people that align with it will find you. Okay. So most businesses, especially small medium businesses are the opposite. They pick these employees from random places

based on experience from all different areas. They stick them in a fucking organization and then they wonder why they don't have a good uniform culture or good teamwork. Okay. This is most companies. The great companies, the ones that are the greatest companies in the world that have ever existed, they have a very defined culture, all right? Apple runs things a certain way. Amazon, at the office level, C-suite and management

runs things a certain way. Fucking, you know, all of these companies, all the biggest companies in the world, and has her bush fucking Google fucking, you know what I'm saying? They all have a culture and that culture has either been established by the founder and passed out or it's been intentionally built where they said, okay, this is what we stand for. And by the way, the best companies are those companies that intentionally build it. That means they have a set of core values that the management and the C-suite and everybody, the owners live by. They make decisions. They hire by these. They fire by these. They live by these.

They correct by these, by these rules, core values of the character traits that we're going to embody as individuals. This is just like when I talk about personal excellence being the ultimate rebellion and that culture will change once the individuals change. This is the same thing in business. Okay. So you set the culture as an organization and then people will, will either fall in line with that and some will and some won't. Okay. And then you're going to find as the company expands and as you get more people

that are in line with the culture, more people begets more people. Okay. So what'll happen is your company will start to attract these people because they can see from the outside, I want to be a part of that. I don't work there. Okay. So, but this all starts with an intentional construction of a culture that represents who you are as the decision-maker, operator, founder, CEO of the company. It's very important to listen to what I just said, who you are.

Because if you try to go out and make a set of core values and cultural boundaries, and by the way, this is what, this is a, this is something I could teach in a workshop for a week. We could talk about some summarizing this down into like an answer, right? It's also something to make you a fucking bajillion dollars if you do a hundred percent a hundred percent, dude But the point of this is is you have to be aligned with the core values that you set Because if you don't live those core values Your employees won't your team will never catch and the culture will never actually be created

so it's very very important that the core values that you set for the business are authentically who you are or who you make a very strong effort to be. All right. Genuinely, not not, you know, making shit up and then you pretend like it's some sign that we see on the wall. That's what shitty companies do. By the way, how many companies do you walk in and you see these motivational posters, right? Like, bro, or you go to these teams and they got a fucking saying on the wall, you know, play like a champion today and everybody touches it, but nobody actually lives it. It doesn't mean shit. And by the way, that's Notre Dame. We know that they all live it. So I'm just using that as an example. All right. But we have to understand that as operators, founders, CEOs, the culture stems from us. We intentionally define it.

We live it. We have the people that work with us live it. And then we will attract the people who fit just like the guys who want to play Michigan are going to play Michigan the guys won't play at Alabama they're gonna play there the guys want to play Tennessee they're gonna play there and the reason they pick that 100% of the time is because the culture fits them all right so it's a very very powerful concept it's a high-level concept not very many people know how to do it but if you set that up and then build questions because now I'm going to answer the question and then build questions in your interview process that dig out and there is no standard

questions you have to make them up but what questions could you ask to find out if this person will align with the culture that you set? So what can you dig out of them? How can you get them to tell you stories about their life or situations that reflect the cultural standard that you're looking to reflect inside your company? Okay. And these are things that we teach in RTA. These are things that I'm going to get into on the MFCEO project. But, I mean, this is, this is a, like I said,

like this is a week long workshop that I could probably charge seven figures for, for companies to come learn it. So like, this is a more, this is more involved than a Q and A question. But that's the gist, okay? Who are you? What do you want your company to stand for?

Define that, develop questions that reflect that interview people and try and do your best You're not gonna hit a one. You're not gonna hit 1,000 dude you're How the fames 300 that's right, and if you hit 300 in your interview process you will be in a fucking hall of fame Yeah, real talk. No shit. Let me I want gonna touch on this piece though that you mentioned about building people. There is no- That's a whole nother. I'm glad you brought that up.

You have to become the coach, the mentor, the leader of these people. Both their skill set at work, but also their character. Take home. Yes. How can you be better? Why do we do things certain things this way? You know, um, how most, I mean, dude, it comes down to a very simple question. Do you want a decent organization that does okay? Or do you want a great organization that you enjoy going to work

at and that makes a lot of money and it makes your customers really fucking happy? I want the second. Okay. So I want to be around people that are like me I want to be around people that are you know a cultural fit I want to be around people that work hard and do the right thing and and I want to that's what I want to do I don't want to be around a bunch of people. I got to drag down the fucking road. You know what I mean? Well, I know but most people do do. Yeah, most people do. The biggest question that I get when entrepreneurs come visit here is, dude, and that's what they say.

Yeah, we hire your employees. I know these people. Yeah, like, and that's just the wrong understanding of, of it's an oversimplified old thinking about how you could build an organization or a team. It's just what it is. Like no one goes to Nick Saban and says where the fuck you find these people? Because everybody knows that Nick Saban builds these motherfuckers through a certain culture and standard at you know when he was the coach of Alabama. You understand? So no one says hey they just say well fuck he's good at picking

them and then he molds them all right and as an operator you have to take on the role of you know, not just CEO or founder but also big brother sometimes Uncle sometimes dad sometimes right mom sometimes right like best friends sometimes, you know like it's a it's your you you have to become a true coach and That's something that I think you know the leadership here at first form does a really good job of not just me, but everybody yeah percent man yeah well guys that's a hell of a way to start a Monday yeah Yep, all right guys. Well. Let's get out there. Let's kick some ass and Don't forget to go get on that email list all right because that's coming in days. It's not coming in weeks anymore.

The new MSCEO project, so go get on that email list at andyforsalla.com and then we'll see you tomorrow with CTI. in the cold bad bitch booted swole got her on bankroll can't fold just a no headshot case closed