REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 878. Q&AF: Is It Too Late For My Purpose, Feeling Aimless & Siblings Holding You Back

Episode Date: May 12, 2025

On today’s episode, Andy answers live call-in questions on what to do if you think it’s too late to follow your life’s purpose, how to handle feeling lost, and what to do if you feel your siblings are draining your energy and stopping you from reaching your goals.

What is up guys, it's Andy for Selle and this is the show for the realest. Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to Darn Reality. Yeah, as always, I'm joined by my co-host. Brownie points right there. Sexual Chocolate. What's going on over there? Oh, you know, another day on the internet. Yeah, all right. We got Q&A F today, as always. Starting out the week with some good information to help you guys win. If you're unfamiliar with the show, this is where you could submit questions,

and we'll give you the answers. You could submit your questions a couple different ways. The first way is, guys, email these questions in to askandyatandyfusela.com, or you can go in the YouTube and ask in the comments section, or if you wanna call in, you just click underneath the Q&A F episodes click that link and Maybe we'll have you on the show and get to talk to you

So however you want to do it we can do it, but um yeah, so that's Q&A F now We have shows within the show tomorrow. We're gonna have CTI that stands for cruise the internet That's where we talk about society, culture, what's going on in the world. We speculate on what's true, on what's not true. And then we talk about how we the people need to solve these problems that these tyrants create for us, all right?

It's more of a comedy show to be honest, but it's fun. So check it out. There's also Real Talk. Real talk is five to 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk. I've got a consistent schedule of real talks coming up for you guys. So those are going to get back thrown in. And then we have 75 hard verses and that's where someone who has completed the 75 hard program comes on the show. They talk about how their life was before, how life is now and how they used the 75 hard program To take control of their life

Alright, if you're unfamiliar with 75 heart it is the initial phase of the live hard program and the entire live hard program is free You can find that at episode 2 0 8 on the audio feed is not on YouTube We weren't we're new to YouTube still comparatively. So episode 208, if you're unfamiliar with Live Hard is the world's most famous mental transformation program in history, it is free, but there's also a book and there's a book on andyforsella.com called the book on mental toughness. It outlines the entire Live Hard program

plus a bunch of extra chapters on what mental toughness is, why it's important, and how to cultivate it to build your life. Alright, and the last thing is we have a fee. The fee is, you know, send us money like every other fee. But if you don't want to send us money, you can just share the show. Alright, so you can either send us a bunch of money or you could just share the show. All right. So you could either send us a bunch of money or you could just share the show. Yeah. All right. So if the show makes you think, makes you laugh, gives you new perspective, you learn something that helps you. Do us a favor and don't be a hoe.

Show the show. All right. Let's not be EBT members here. Yes. You can also you can also look for these amazing first-form energy drinks, which are available and will be available nearly everywhere very soon. I wonder what people's favorite flavor is. Well they're going to, you know, I can't say, I can't say, I want to say, but I can't say, but they're going to be excited real soon. Real soon.

Within like a few weeks. I feel like there's a lot of excitement coming soon. You know, you've been in the laboratory. I've been keeping a secret. Yeah, you got a little secret. Yeah, I've been keeping a secret. It's, you know, I'm a little embarrassed but it's time to you know, come out of the closet. Yep, you know saying There's a reason an actual reason I haven't been posting on Instagram for the last number of years and you're gonna find out really soon

I May have been writing. I don't know 25 books and I may be releasing them very soon in five book sets, so I'm excited about it. I'm finally getting to the end. You've been grinding. Yeah, we're finally getting to the end We also have the new MF CEO project launching literally within weeks MFCEO project launching literally within weeks. So it's very exciting. Very, very exciting.

There's a lot going on, man. Yeah, you know, it's hard to do it all. And sometimes things gotta, you gotta let it go. Like an orchestra. Sorta, yeah. You got the trombones going and the violins. Yeah, that's definitely what my life is like there's no doubt about that, but you know, it is what it is and I go home every day and

You know, I come here every day and I'm very thankful to be really dude The honest truth is the older I get the more thankful I am to be around the people that I am every day you know, like I get to come in here I'm around a bunch of fucking savages who kick ass and wanna win and are good people, who treat people right. And it just, you know, when I talk about America and why it's important to me, it's because I think every place should be like this is. You know what I mean?

I think it could be too. And I don't know, at the very least, I feel very fortunate to live in that environment. Yeah. You know, and yeah, it's awesome. And we have a lot of good things coming up. You know, the projects that we've been working on here are, I believe, the most important projects

that I've ever worked on, that you guys haven't seen yet. And I believe, you know, they're as big as 75 hard or maybe even bigger. So very, very excited. Yeah, and that's it, man. Like it's awesome. It's gonna be freaking sick. It's gonna be freaking awesome.

What the flip, dude? It's gonna be great. Gosh darn it. It's gonna be Gersh dang awesome. Yeah, right, right. Yeah, man, all right, well sweet. It is Monday, ladies and gentlemen. Let's make some people better.

Let's do it. We got some good ones for you. All right. This first question, let's get to it. This first question, Andy, I'm 36, married, two kids, mortgage, steady job. From the outside, life looks normal, even good. But sometimes in the quiet moments, I ask myself, is this really it?

I'm not miserable, but I'm not fulfilled either. It's like I built a life around Expectations instead of passion. Is it too late to rediscover purpose or does this feeling mean? I never truly had it to begin with No No, it is dude, but you have to be real man you got to be like older than that to really understand that question because I Think this happens all of my friends that are my age Joe and I have talked about this before you know you get to a point in life where you start to really audit what you've done and where you've come from and what you've built and even when it's amazing

even when you're happy you look at it and you say man what could I have done or how could this have went or am I doing enough? And those are natural feelings. We've all heard of the midlife crisis. Is that what this is right here? It's sort of that. I think it's just a natural time where we're going through into a different season of life.

And we're no longer in the spring of life. Now we're sort of in the midsummer, you know what I'm saying? Winter's coming. Yeah, the fall's coming, man. And we start to really audit what we've created out of ourselves. And if you're an ambitious person especially,

that can be incredibly difficult because what you know now is not what you knew when you were 20. It's not what you knew when you were 30. So your mind kind of plays tricks on you, man. You know all this new shit that you didn't know when you were younger and you're at a certain age and so you kind of like think, well, I could do all this and this and this, but dude, you really couldn't have done that because you didn't know that shit then it only came through the experience

so we end up getting this really this kind of like mind fuck space and Everybody I know that is Around that age, you know, I would say 30 after 35 to 45 has gone through this and sometimes it lasts a couple years I Went through it real talk. I mean dude and I've I've 35 to 45 has gone through this and sometimes it lasts a couple years. I went through it. Real talk. I mean, dude, and I've, I've, I've really built what most people would consider like the ultimate dream life. If you know, they're an ambitious person, a business person. I realize not everybody wants the same thing, but you know,

I've created what most people consider the American dream from an entrepreneur standpoint. And even with all that, dude, I have, I've created what most people consider the American dream from an entrepreneur standpoint and Even with all that dude, I have I've had to go through times where I was like, is this really my life? Like is this all it is is I'm gonna wake up every day. I'm gonna go here I'm gonna do this and that's what it's gonna be and I'll tell you what man You sort of hit on it in your question. You said purpose is it too late for a different purpose and I don't know that you have to think of it as a first of all it's not too late for a different purpose it's not all right you were still very young but for me it wasn't about finding a different purpose.

It was about expanding my purpose, okay? And growing a bigger purpose, a bigger mission, a bigger project to work on. And we get in these times where we're sort of stale. And we think, you know, like he's saying, oh, we did really good. Is this what it is? Well, the reason that you're feeling the way you feel man is because you're no longer building you're no longer creating

You're no longer becoming the way that you should be or the way that you did in the past and you could have all the prizes You can have a nice bank account. You can have a great house and a great family in a great life But the minute you stop building you start start to feel depressed. You start to question it. You start to lose interest in life because it becomes repetitive, monotonous, and not very much fun. And a lot of people, that's a pivot point in their life, right? Some people, they go down the road of heavy drugs, heavy alcohol, destroying their life because they think it's not what they wanted. And other people, they say, okay, I did good so far,

but let me do better, let me do bigger. Let me use the tools and the knowledge and the resources that I have now to create something even bigger. And when they create that bigger mission and that bigger purpose, the juice comes back, dude. It's like- The mojo comes back, dude. It's like the mojo. Yeah, dude. It's like you plugged your finger in the electrical socket of the

mystery force. Don't try that at home. Yeah, don't do that. Sorry. But you know, and it's just it just rejuvenates you. And I think we have to remember that we are always fighting against a cultural norm. And the cultural norm is celebrating the weekend, celebrating the vacation. You're not normal if you work all the time. Well, motherfucker, some people ain't wired like that and to be real, like if I lived like those people live, I would kill myself. That is the honest to God's truth and I'm not I'm not paraphrasing, I'm not exaggerating. I would literally commit suicide because I would be so depressed and so sad and so unfulfilled and then society makes you think you're weird for being wired

as a builder anything outside of right and I just made a post about this today we're recording this on Friday you know know, you can't explain this fire, this intensity, this drive that you have to build, create, and become to someone who didn't get that gift. They're never going to understand it. They're never going to make sense of it. And they are typically heavily bought into the regular culture. and the regular culture at the bottom level is do the least amount of shit that you can do. All right. Watch as much TV as you can watch. Relax as much as you can.

And dude, that's just not a fulfilling life for someone who got the gift. Okay. I got the gift. This person here, they got the gift. And if you have the gift, you should embrace that and you should say, hey, I'm not like those people. And the truth is they're never going to understand. So fuck what they think and do what's going to make you feel fulfilled and happy and energized. For me and for most ambitious people and not most, every single one that I've ever met

in my life, they have to constantly be building. And we constantly see this in examples of this in life. How many athletes get done playing sports and are super depressed? How many people sell their businesses and are completely miserable? And the regular person will say, well, see, all the money doesn't make you happy.

They're actually right. It's not the money, bro. It's the process of creating. It's the process of creating it's the it's the artistic process of building and becoming and doing things that are hard and that gives us Respecting gives us fulfillment in ourselves It's the reason it's one of the biggest reasons why 75 heart is so transformative It teaches people that the value that you have in yourself is directly linked to how hard you work. Okay, so that's the long answer. The short answer, I could talk about this forever. The short answer is this. No, it's not too late. No, it's not too late to change your entire purpose if you want, but don't think that you have to change your entire

purpose. You know, you don't have to burn your house down. You don't have to burn your life down. You could just expand it. You could say, hey, okay, I'm going to take this to the next level. I'm going to do this. And you have to do that. You have to remove the guide rails of your own thought process to think bigger than you thought. And, you know, and realize that the dream that you're living now was the dream of your younger self. And you are no longer that younger self. Now you have new skills and you're able to think bigger and accomplish more. And then there's something to that too.

When you know you have more skills and you know you can accomplish more, but you're still living in the same dream that the 20 year old of you created, it's not gonna be fulfilling, bro. And so, you know, all of these things play into this mental game that we get caught up into and if we don't understand how to break out of it, the feeling that he's feeling is

very natural. So come up with a bigger purpose, bro. That's the answer. Get a bigger mission, get a bigger purpose, dream, take a weekend and dream as big as you fucking can and then go do that. And you're going to all that magic and all that feeling and all those things, that's gonna come back. That's such a weird thing to get sucked into, man.

And like, more to the younger guys, because we got a lot of young, ambitious people that are going out there. For sure. 36 is young, bro. 36 is young, but I mean, I'm talking like the young, young bucks, like the 20s, the 19s, right? And it's like, you know, we go all of our life and we feel like there's this like, you know path that we're supposed to be On right. You're supposed to go to school

You're supposed to go to a nine to five have a good career make the family be get the house and it's like It's like hindsight, but like it's such small-minded thinking You know what I'm saying? And like, I remember that one of the first lessons you really told me, bro, you got to think bigger. Yeah. Whatever your goals are, scratch them and make bigger ones, man. Yeah.

Cause like that's the only way to get out of that. Yeah. It's the only way to get out of it. I love that, man. We got calling. Let's do a call. All right. Let's go to Cameron.

Let's give Cameron a ring. Hello? We got let's go to Cameron. Let's give Cameron a ring Hello Cameron what's up, dude? Cam what's up, bro? How are you? Yeah, man, of course do well. Thank you What you doing right now? Just in the office I'm in San Diego. Oh sweet. All right

Little San Diego action. That's what's up, man. All right. Well, what we got my question is How do you leverage dark energy from mistakes? You've made yourself? I've heard you share leveraging it from others but curious if you do and and how you do turn that negative into a positive really appreciate it. Can you give me an example what you're talking about? and damaging relationships or and just succumbing to things to those types of shortcomings personally that can negatively impact relationships or let me ask you this. Let me ask you this, brother. If you and I were best friends, okay, and we're friends, right? You listen to me, we're friends. Alright? If I said

to you, hey Cam, bro, I'm really struggling with this, man. You know, I got a big mouth, I got kind of a bad temper, I have to always get the last word in and you know, it's ruined some friendships, a few relationships, and I can't get over it, man. Like, fuck.

And I can't stop thinking about it. What would you say to me? As a friend? that you really need to work on yourself so that you're not and build confidence and self-esteem so that you're not you don't feel the need to do that and you're more compassionate in those situations and don't even think about having to get the last word in and instead just handle it with grace. Well, I mean, dude, I can't stop thinking about it, man. I feel super guilty. It's eating me alive on the inside, man. Like, I just can't get over it. What would you say?

What would you say? Just stop. Stop what? Stop having, stop getting the last word in. Okay, here's what I'm getting at, brother. You need to talk to yourself like you're your own friend. Okay. Every single person in the history of the world has done shit that you're talking about right now that you feel bad about and you got to forgive yourself, bro. You got to say, Hey, I made those mistakes.

I'm conscious of those mistakes. Now I'm aware of how they affect my life and I'm going to work on it. But I can't dwell on it, man. And if you were my friend, Cam, which you are, you support the show, I'm going to say this to you, man. Give yourself a little grace. You're learning. You're growing. That's the point of life. And it's not about harnessing the dark side energy that we have in situations like this. It's about giving ourselves grace and saying, fuck, I'm a human being, bro. And if you were, if DJ was telling me the same shit that you're telling me,

I'd say, hey dude, what would I say? So what one, stop being a pussy, get it together, and just go fucking do it. That was you fucking years ago. Yeah, and what would I say if you were dwelling on it? Would I not say what I just told him? get it together and just go fucking do it. That was you fucking years ago. That's not true right now. What would I say if you were dwelling on it? Would I not say what I just told him? 100%. I'd say, hey bro,

it's all good. It's all good, we all go through this. And you need to talk to yourself like that, man. When you're an ambitious young man especially, we can talk to ourselves really, really harshly. And dude, I'm guilty of that, right? High standards demand a harsh internal dialogue. And sometimes that becomes counterproductive because it destroys ourselves from the inside

when we make mistakes. But we always have to remember, man, there's only been one person ever that's lived in the history of the world that was perfect. And his name was Jesus. So it wasn't Cam, and it wasn't andy and it wasn't dj. Okay, so We have to remember man to give ourselves grace

To be aware of our shortcomings and then to work on those things and the next thing the next time they come up We're going to make a better decision and we might not get it all the way, right? But the next time it comes up again We'll get a little more right and then a little more and then a little more. And then eventually you're not even that same person anymore. I can tell you this, dude, this is real shit. When I was, when I was coming up in business, like, and I was desperate, I was the harshest, most savage motherfucker on the face of the planet to everybody around me. I did not take shit from anybody, and I still don't,

but I did not tolerate any fucking excuses to the point where I was mean sometimes, okay? I was excessive. And it's hard to argue that because it got us where we are, but I have guilt about it. Yeah. Okay. Lost a lot of friends during that time. Yes, absolutely, bro.

And so I've had to, I've had to develop the understanding that like, hey man, I was doing what I knew best at that time and then I've adjusted my behavior. So much so that most of the people that work for us now have no perception that I used to be that way. No clue. Yeah, like they don't understand that there's a literal fucking animal one inch underneath the skin, you know what I'm saying?

So it's, but dude, I've had to work on that and the first thing that allowed me to work on that was becoming aware of it that allowed me to work on that was becoming aware of it. And you're already to that point, brother. The next thing I had to do was give myself some grace and say, okay, you did what you knew to do at the time. And the third thing I did was I had to start working on changing the behavior.

And when I started to move out of that phase, I still had those situations happen, but they happened less and less frequently. And then eventually they got to the point where they rarely happen. And, and, you know, it's not who I am anymore. It's just not who I am. So it's there. I can use it when I want to. It's kind of like what Peterson says, what Jordan Peterson said, you got to be a fucking savage monster and then learn how to control it but Yeah, man, it's part of life brother and I'm gonna tell you this right now I could hear it in your voice that you're struggling with this and you feel guilty about it and I'm just gonna tell you dude

That's life man. And give yourself some grace Work on the behavior and after time passes you won't even be that person anymore, bro. Does that make sense? Yeah, definitely does. All right, brother. How old are you? How old are you?

Thirty, thirty-four. Oh, fuck, dude. You're, you got plenty of time to learn. Trust me, at thirty-four, I was ripping motherfuckers' throats out. So, so you're good, dude. Just, you know, give yourself a little grace, acknowledge the behavior, work on the behavior, and keep going. And if you're not, you're good, dude.

Just, you know, give yourself a little grace, acknowledge the behavior, work on the behavior, and it'll be a memory before you know it. All right, brother? Absolutely. Thank you so much for this, and all you guys do. Thanks, Cam. Appreciate you, bro. Yeah. All right.

See you. Thanks, Andy. Thanks, alright. Thanks Andy, thanks CJ. See you bro. I think I want to ask you this, right, because I feel like we all heard that saying you are your biggest critic. Should you be? Should you be your biggest critic? Yes, of course.

Of course you should. Bro, no one's going to hold you to the standard that you should hold yourself to you You should always be holding yourself to a high This is what high performers do my high performers hold themselves to a higher standard than the external standards that they have to live in Okay, so this is what this is a big deal to understand this Kobe Bryant worked harder than what he was demanded of by the Lakers. Okay? Every successful person, Tom Brady worked harder than what he was demanded of by the Patriots. So your standards, if you want to be a high-level performer, have to be higher than any of the external standards that you live

in. That's just the math of doing it, which can be very difficult, right? And when you work in a high standard environment, and then you gotta have higher standards than that, sometimes we get pretty harsh on ourselves to where we forget like, there's still gonna be mistakes sometimes. You know what I'm saying? So.

But you gotta, so you're saying you gotta have really short, almost short memory with those, when those downfalls come. Yeah, and get right back to it. Yeah, yeah. That's it, man. Yeah, I love it, man. I love it.

Well, guys, let's get to our next question. Our next question is, Andy, thank you so much for all you guys do, huge fan. I make sure to share the show, so I ain't a ho. To tell the truth, I feel like a desperate bitch for emailing in today but I need some help. I'm 23 years old and I've been in sales for the past five years or so while I was in college and after graduation. I'm constantly improving my professional skills and I've done all right in my

sales career. It seems like I can never get ahead of bills and being financially successful sounds very far in the future. I know I'm young, but I feel aimless. I've always wanted to start my own business and grind at something I'm actually passionate about. Anytime I think of going off on my own, I always run into the same problem. Where the hell do I start?

What the hell can I start a business off of? I know this is the problem I must off of my own always run into the same problem. Where the hell do I start? What the hell can I start a business off of I know this is the problem I must solve on my own but I'm curious as to how you decided on your business idea And how you knew that that is the solution that you're going to pursue anything helps. Thanks guys. Yeah I'll give you the exact truth. I wanted to be rich as fuck Okay, this is reality. All right We were gonna open a I had a guy That I knew I had two entrepreneurs that I had seen in real life and actually met. All right One of them was making a ton of money in a tanning business. Okay

The other one was making in a tanning business, okay? The other one was making what I thought was a ton of money in retail supplement stores. So the guy who had the tanning business was making way more money, and so I wanted to start a tanning salon. All right, I swear to God this is how it happened, okay? I couldn't afford, Chris and I, we said,

fuck it, we're gonna start a business. We're gonna open a tanning salon Couldn't afford a tanning bed because we only had 12 grand. All right So then we said well can we start selling supplements and we could so what we did was we took that nobody would rent to us because We didn't have any credit We found a guy his name was Mark Tharp in Springfield, Missouri We didn't have any credit. We found a guy, his name was Mark Tharp

in Springfield, Missouri, who rented to us, but with the agreement that we will pay a year upfront in rent, and rent was a thousand bucks a month, and that was all the money we had. So then we went and we got resourceful. We went to campus, and back then they used to have these little tables that you could fill out an application and get a credit card And they were like 500 bucks

so we went to campus and we filled out every motherfucking credit card we were get and then we use those to Build out the store which we went to Home Depot and literally bought the material to build the store out we we built it with plywood and roofing tin and if you go to the Springfield S2 on the north side, 1709 South Campbell, you'll see the counter that we built. Still there. Yeah, we built it right.

We built it together. We built it with my buddy Mark Potts. And we painted the store. I mean, dude, when I say we started at nothing, I don't think people understand what that means. Like we fucking financed the motherfucking bill out on a credit card, and then our first order of supplements was $10,000.

Okay, and I promise you, that's very little inventory. So that's how we started. We didn't start, yes, we worked out. Yes, we took supplements, but we were not knowledgeable about supplements, and we were kinda casual about working out. We were just athletes. We wanted to make money.

And this really kinda, the mentality was a very, not knowing it at the time, but it really cost us a lot of time because our goal was to make money, all right? So the first day we sold $7 to a buddy of mine, his name was Nick Vespa. The next day we didn't sell any.

The day after that we sold $23. Took us six months or eight months to have a day over 200 bucks. I think it was eight months and Then it took us five and a half years to open our second store. So first three years we didn't make any money and we lived in the back of the store on and off and The next seven years we made six hundred ninety five dollars a month for a grand total of fifty eight thousand three hundred eighty dollars For the entire first 10 years that we were in business, not per year.

Could have made more money working at McDonald's. And the reason that things changed was because over that course of time, we had situations where people would come in and they would lose a lot of weight or they would get themselves together and it would change their lives. And it was awesome. Okay? But we were too young and too motivated by money to really understand that that's how we should be operating the business. We just didn't get it. And what I mean by that is our intent was on ourselves and it was not on the business. We just didn't get it. And what I mean by that is our intent was on ourselves

and it was not on the customer. And the minute that we figured that out, and there's a whole long story about how we figured that out, things changed. Everything changed. Okay. Our intent went, how do we deliver the best results for these people? How do we make sure that we can replicate the result on our end, which is to get them where they want to go as much as possible? And when we flip that switch over, we grew 100% for five years in a row, and this is post 2008 economy, which was one of the worst ever. And it was a simple mindset flip of putting the intent on what we're trying to deliver, not on how much money we're gonna make. And when you when you do that, then the money comes.

And this is a problem I see in a lot of people. A lot of people are able to make a little bit of money running a business, but it never really takes off because the intent is on how much can I take from other people instead of how much can I give? How much value can I bring? And they hear these buzzwords on the internet of people saying, oh, deliver value, you get paid, or you get paid in terms of the value you provide. And they're like, oh, let's fuck it.

They think it's buzzword bullshit. It's not, it's real shit. And so that's how we started, okay? We just thought we could make money, and so we just thought we could make money, and so we went and we did make money, but it took us a long time how to make money, which was to put the intent on the result that the customer was after.

Which I know for a fact, we do that better than anybody now. We do it better than anybody. There's not another company that does what we do that cares more about their fucking customers, say whatever the fuck you want, it's just not true. That's the truth. And I can say that very confidently and I don't think there's another company on the planet That's changed more lives than ours and I say that very confidently when you throw in the transformations that we do 75 hard and how we take care of people

It's just facts. No one could fucking no one could even I don't even think it's even close. That's the truth And I don't say that to's even close. That's the truth And I don't say that to brag I say that because I'm proud of it and Flip that intent and stuck with it, correct. Yeah, and it's it's created a very Successful existence for myself the people around me It's created tons of better higher quality people in the world who are happier and healthier and setting a better example. And it's allowed me to create income and careers for thousands of people all off of that one intent switch. So if I were a young person and I didn't know what I was going to do, I would ask myself, what do I care about? What do I care about serving other? How can I serve other people in a way

that makes me proud of what I just did? I would answer that question first. Then I would answer a second question, which is, what do I know how to do? Okay, and if you don't know how to do what you thought of first, then you can learn it. That's okay. But if they align, it's really good, all right? And then the third thing that has to happen is can I make money doing this? Can I do this at scale?

What are my dreams and how can I get there? Because there are things that we care about and we do well that can't scale, all right? Most things can scale because there's niche markets that you can do very well in. But depending on how far you wanna go, like if you wanna make 200 grand a year, that's a different conversation

because you have more flexibility to do the thing that you love because that's a lower income. If you wanna make 20 million a year or 30 million a year, motherfucker has to be able to scale. Okay. So there's nuance in this formula. It's, it's what do I love? How can I serve? What value could I provide? Well, do I have the skills to do it and can it scale? And you need to find the right mix of those things

that's gonna get you where you wanna go. Does that make sense? 100%, 100%. I think, don't they call it, I've heard it go like passion projects, things like that. I mean, dude, people call it shit, all kinds of different things. I mean, passion projects, in my understanding,

are more just like people do things because they love to do them, not because they want to make money. At all, right. Right, they don't care. That would be like what we do for Haiti, or what we do for North St. Louis, and things like that, you know what I'm saying? But yeah, bro, I mean, if you want to turn,

not every passion can be turned into a $100 million business, or even a ten million dollar business. But if your goals aren't that big, which is okay, like bro, I gotta say this too. You don't have to be a fucking hundred million dollar company. Okay? You need to figure out what the fuck, how you want to live your life and then design it around that.

All right? So not everybody has to go out and try to build Nike, right? That's just what I wanna do. And I wanna do more than that. I don't even, I got bigger goals than that, believe it or not, you just don't know about them yet. So yeah, man, it's an equation, it's a thought out plan.

You know, and the more money you wanna make It's an equation, it's a thought out plan. And the more money you wanna make and the bigger your life is, the less flexible you can be with what you care about. And it has to line up with where you wanna go. But you still have to care about it enough to love serving it. Does that make sense? Absolutely, bro.

So it's just a thought process. Okay, what do I love? What are my skills? What do I wanna make? And then it's turning the dials to figure out what's gonna work. What do you also say too, because I feel like this is also another

young buck problem where like, because the internet can be so inundated with people, oh I made three million dollars in fucking two hours. Yeah. Well first of all, remember, they're full of shit. Right. 100%, right? But it's like, you know.

People don't know, people don't understand well scale. Okay? Someone who doesn't know, who's 20 years old or 30 years old and they've never had anything nice in their life, they see someone with a fucking Lamborghini and they think, oh my God, they're so rich. No, dude, that's not true. Okay, you can you can do all kinds of things. You can rent those. You can. Bro, there's private jet sets that that influencers go and take fake private photos,

private jet photo. You cannot believe any of this shit. This is why I tell you guys you have to look at what they've actually done. You can't look at what they present online. It's not, 90% of the time, it's not true. And really, dude, I'm sort of an anomaly in the fact that I'm one of the dudes who's actually built a bunch of real shit that shows their life. Most of these motherfuckers who built real shit don't show their life because they think that if they do, it's going to demoralize their employees or their customers when reality dude

It would inspire them And that was something that I had to learn as well for sure But the truth of the matter is dude like you these fuckers are so full of shit None of them have really done anything They're good at marketing a fake lifestyle and because you don't know what real wealth looks like, you think it's real. And people that are on the other end of that mountain, like I can look at that or someone's like, and be like, fuck out of here, dude.

You know what I'm saying? Like, it's, we have a lot of dudes taking advantage of people, and it makes people, it makes people demoralized because they think they're doing it wrong. Well, I think my point, too, was getting to that. It's like, at 23, bro, you couldn't, like, are you even able, would you even be able to manage millions of dollars in your bank account

right then, you know what I'm saying? Like, what's the wealth timeline? Like, are there not schemes and shit that you should have? Well, I mean, there's 23 year olds that have made billions of dollars. So we've got to be careful about, you know, that. But to answer your question, if you don't have experience managing money, no, you're not going to know how to manage it. This is why we see all the athletes lose all their money. This is why we see, you know, the lottery winners lose all their money because they

don't know anything about money, right? They don't know how to make it work for them. They don't know where to invest it. They don't know how to run a business. You know, they think it's just going to be there forever because they don't have the perspective, you know, and you can't blame them because no one ever taught them, you know? Um, but no, I mean, managing money is a fucking skill in itself.

And it's gonna take, for most people, it takes making money, losing money, making money, losing money, and then finally, you make it again, you're like, fuck, I'm not losing it. Yeah, I mean, dude, look, that's the reality. So yeah, no, it's a real thing. The process of building will teach you responsibility

Right because you manage cash flow and profitability and you know, you'll start to realize what you can't afford what you can't afford But getting it overnight is you wouldn't even want that bro and i'm going to tell you this too because The the the hungry days the lean days the hard days the days of pain and struggle and hopelessness and frustration when you look back on those days those are the days you're gonna value the most because those are the days that taught you everything you actually need. The grit, the endurance, the mental toughness, all the skills, how to be resourceful.

And if you take someone and allow them to skip that process, and then that person who had to learn all the shit, the hard way has to compete with that person at some point in time, the person who had to learn all the shit the hard way has to compete with that person at some point in time The person who had to struggle is going to kick the fuck out of the person that got it quick That's the reality because like bro, I don't care who I go up against I could go up against ceos of the biggest companies in the world I'm gonna fucking beat their ass because I fucking started with nothing and I know all the skills all the way up to the top No one ever invested. No one ever gave us a big check. I didn't graduate from fucking Brown and get a role of CEO

My skill set is much more in-depth than any of those people could possibly have it doesn't matter How many hours they spent in a boardroom or a classroom? It's a different skill set. So I actually have way more respect and admiration for the people who literally started at nothing. I think they're the best entrepreneurs on the world because dude, how do you fucking create something out of nothing? That's hard, okay? So if you're running a business that you created

from nothing, even if it's doing you know Not doing as good as you want it to just remember you're learning skills that these these big-time dudes are never gonna have You know I'm saying and eventually you're gonna compete against people who were Who had investors or got placed in these and dude you're gonna beat them because you know more so That's real. We got one more question. Let's let's get one more call in here final final question for the day Let's get Mandel on the line. Here we go Hello, uh, it's Mandel. This is Mandel?

Yeah. Yo, what's up, dude? This is DJ. Yeah, this is DJ. How'd you guys? Oh, man. Mandel, what's up, bro? What's going on, Andy?

How you doing, man? I'm doing good. How are you? Man, I'm doing great. Yeah, nah, man, this is no doubt one of the best days of my life. What's going on Andy how you doing man? I'm doing good. How are you? Man, I'm doing great. Um, yeah, no, man. This is no doubt one of the best days of my life I mean, well, we're gonna make it better, but where you calling in from Yeah, um, Sioux Falls, South Dakota. All right, we're all Sioux Falls. That's beautiful country. Yeah, it is It's nice up here though. It's a good state, so.

All right. All right, brother, well hey, what can we help you with today, man? Yeah, so I wanna be as objective about this as possible without putting emotions into it. But my question is, is it a moral and ethical thing to cut your siblings out of your life? When you believe they are the reasons for holding you back they come with good intentions

But do not believe in the path of being what Tim Grover calls a cleaner in life For you know me you I'm sure DJ and the rest of the really have team that have read the book Relentless by Tim Grover. So. All right, man. Well, that's a real question, dude. And a lot of people struggle with this a lot. I mean, this is one of the most asked questions that I've gotten in my 15 years of doing personal development work. It depends. Okay, it just depends.'s the reality of it man, and I I'm gonna speak objectively as well You only have so much energy dude. Okay, you only have So much energy and to compete if you're ambitious It's going to take all of it if you are spending 40% of your time arguing with anyone

Okay, whether it be a friend, somebody you don't know that well, your mom, your dad, your siblings, your ability to succeed is going to be less because you are going to be competing against someone who has more available energy to create. That's the truth. Now, you as an individual, this is the part I can't answer, you have to decide how much energy you want to free up while maintaining relationships that you have. So, my recommendation for you would be to audit how important it is to get where you want to go, and then make a decision about where the boundary needs to be for you to have the most available energy

to move forward. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to cut them all the way out. It can mean you just have to sort of keep them at arm's length, all right? It could also mean you just have to learn how to have selective hearing. When I was building my company, dude,

this is just the truth. I would show up at places where I had friends and family and I'd get made fun of, dude. And I would get joked about, and I'd have people that would say, hey, that's cool as well. So I don't wanna make it sound like it was all bad, but I definitely had people in my family tell me,

like that little saying that I say all the time, like, or do you still own that little vitamin shop? That came from people I'm related to. So, you know, I just had to decide. And you know what I did? I sort of stopped showing up. I kept it at length. I kept it real far away

and I was able to do what I wanted to do. And I don't have regrets about that because now when I look at my life, I see all these people around me who are young and hungry and supporting their families and building their communities and doing all of these good things. And I feel good about that.

So for me, that was worth it. But for you, it may not be worth it. So you have to decide what it is that you want. But I can tell you this, if your goal is to be a cleaner, you're probably gonna have to create some very, very strong boundaries and learn selective hearing, okay? And when you do hear what they say,

you're gonna have to have a chip on your shoulder and say, hey, fuck that. I'm gonna shove it down these motherfuckers' throats. And all of those things I've developed, that's the truth. The worst thing that someone could say to me if they want me to lose is to tell me that I can't do something because I will fucking burn my own life down

to win. And people say that's not healthy. Well, it's probably not, but it's the truth. So yeah, I mean, just be real. So like, that's the decision, man. It's auditing how important it is to you and, you know, how you want to handle it. And there's always nuance and there's dials that you can turn to get where you need to go.

But the bigger the goal, the less energy you're going to have available for people that aren't going to push you forward. And when it comes to friends and when it comes to the people you surround yourself with, it's not enough just to have them be neutral. You have to find people that are going to push with you and fight with you and build with you.

And so you have to take those drags or anchors as I call them and replace them with propellers so that you can go fast enough to compete. So, does that, first of all, does that make sense? 100%. Okay. No, literally that was straight facts. Like it's just nice to hear from somebody for the first time in my life that gets what

the show is real AF. And yeah, you know, it's something where like I'm truly trying to do something incredible with my life. I know people laugh at me when I say it. I know they're like, Oh, you're trying to do something like Steve Jobs. No, I am. I really am. And I say it with humility.

And you get laughed at, you know, and it's like, you get to a point, like you said, it's like you love them and you're proud of your siblings. They're your blood siblings, you know, you grew up with them. But you realize that they are anchors. And it's like, you know, just from these short couple of months of closing these relationships with them, because I have, um, I've achieved like literally a year of progress because of the focus that I've been able to put on all this energy towards my goals. Um, so it's just,

it just sucks. It's a sucky situation because like you said, you know, it's easy to do with friends because they're friends, you know, but you talk about your blood siblings, you know, it's easy to do with friends because they're friends, you know, like you talk about your blood siblings, you know, Sal for you, Andy, your brother, you know, grew up with these guys, you know, you love them, you know, but you realize that they just, they call you high TVing and all this. And it's just not the right energy. Like you said, you need people there that are going to fight with

you, not just be neutral with you when you're having these conversations, Like you said, you need people there that are going to fight with you, not just be neutral with you when you're having these conversations. Bro, it's, it's just the way it is, man. Like, you know, I wish it was different. I wish you could have relationships with everybody and, you know, even if they didn't want you, you could still be cool. And dude, if they were mature, they would just keep their fucking mouth shut. Yeah. And if they were really mature, they'd support the fuck out of you.

But the problem is human nature is just the way it is. And people that come from the same household or the same neighborhood or the same school that you came from, when you're trying to create greatness, you are a constant reminder of what they could have done. And that doesn't feel good to them. So you know I always tell young entrepreneurs one of the greatest things that you can do to be successful and maintain your family relationships is to move the fuck to a new city and do it there because then the distance sort of creates the buffer and you're able to do your shit without

the distraction. I don't know if that's an option for you, but that's a way to do it. But here's the good news, brother. All that same shit happened to me. All of it. When I first started writing, because that's kind of where, you know, my personal development career started, I was writing literal posts on Facebook. I would have people in my family fucking comment. What do you think you're Tony Robbins?

And, you know, like that's the shit they would say. And it's like, here I am. You know, so and Tony's the goat. I'm just going to say that. I don't say I'm better than him, but, you know, like I'm doing my own thing. And so, yeah, dude. And eventually those people that doubted you and they grow the fuck up and they come back around dude and so it's not ever a goodbye. It's more

like I'll see you in a few years, you know what I mean? And right, right. Yeah, so so dude, you know, I would start with a conversation, a real conversation, like with them. Like I'd sit them the fuck down and I'd say, hey man, look, here's the deal. I love you, I respect you, you're my fucking blood. If you were my real blood, you would support me in this. And if you can't support me, at least be quiet. And if you can't be quiet, I can't associate with you because I'm doing this no matter what the

fuck you have to say about it and Sort of set that boundary and then let them decide what they want to do and then you you you react appropriately But this is go ahead. I want to ask this why you got Mandela while you're on the phone too because I feel like there's there is a flip side of this I just want to get your takes on it Is it is it almost coming from like a selfish thing like why don't you believe in me? Like if there's nothing there yet, though. Oh, yeah, that's also a good point. I'm saying yeah, sometimes we Look, I don't think that's what he's saying. I think what he's saying is they're discouraging for sure

but there is another side to that, to that talk, which is people who are just starting demand support. And when they don't get, you know, the out of this world support, they say, oh, everybody fucking nobody believes in me. Well, motherfucker, you didn't give me anything to believe in. What the fuck have you done? You said you're going to lose weight 700 times. You didn't lose weight. You said you were going to do this. It didn't work. You said you were going to do that. It didn't give them anything to believe in. What the fuck have you done? You said you're gonna lose weight 700 times. You didn't lose weight.

You said you were gonna do this. It didn't work. You said you were gonna do that. It didn't work. People have a right to not believe you if you have displayed that you are not worthy of belief. Like, that's reality. So, you know, that is a trap that people fall into.

We have to accept reality. Nobody's going to believe until you've done it, okay? And if they can support you, great. If they can't, they should be quiet and at the very least not be a drag. But we gotta be, you know, I don't think that's what he's saying, but that's a good point to bring up

because there is, I see that a lot. Well, because we expect it from families. Yeah, but bro, like, they're people too. Like if they've seen you say, oh, I'm gonna lose weight 700 times, and you say it the next time, why the fuck would they believe you? So you can't, they're people.

They're not going to, just because they have the same blood and they love you, you might get a little extra grace, but I mean, eventually you're showing them that you're not going to follow through and they're not going to believe in you. So that's when you have to make them believers through the results that you produce. Nobody owes us shit. Okay. We have to understand that. Nobody owes us fucking anything. Okay. They don't owe us help. They don't owe us belief. They don't owe us belief they don't owe us support and The reason that most of these people don't support us is because we've never shown them anything to support or believe in

Once you show them and you build something and they look at it and they say oh, he's actually doing it I'm always believing you man down the belief starts to come You see what I'm saying? So Yeah, man But brother, you know look dude. How old are you? 25 all right, you got to fucking take care of your own life, bro That's the reality and this is a hard transition for young men and young people in general when they're 25 because

You're on the path of your own life You've gone through this shit You're on the game out of yeah You're on the path of your own life now And you're hold the rest the life that you've known up until this point has been with your brothers and your sisters and your family But now you're out on your own man And there's this weird transition that happens where we have to like realize hey Nobody's coming to fucking make this for me And there's this weird transition that happens where we have to like realize, Hey, nobody's

coming to make this for me. So then I think you're there and I think you're thinking about the right way, bro. And it sounds like you have super high ambition and drive and you want to do big things and just realize to do those big things right or wrong. No matter what anybody thinks of it, you're going to have to dedicate most of your energy to it. There's going to be people that don't approve. There's gonna be people that say that's wrong.

They're gonna be people that guilt you for it. But I would tell you this, all of that shit is not worth not getting where you wanna go. It's just the truth. So that's what I would do, bro. Just audit it out, build it out, think about it, and have that conversation. And you're gonna be good, bro. Just audit it out build it out think about it and you know have that conversation And you're gonna be good bro. I promise you everybody goes through the shit Yeah, man, I appreciate it yeah, no Yeah, no, it's to the point where like you said during 25, you know going into that, you know

Transitionary phase. Um, you know, I want to win so bad that like it coming at all costs now like to where like It's I'm having this question with you guys today, bro. Let me tell you something dude It fucking takes everything Anybody who tells you it doesn't take everything is fucking lying. They've never done it, or they had some sort of benefit that you don't have, like somebody to give money, or an investment, or a loan, or they had, anybody who's come from fucking base level

and built anything relevant, this is just reality. I don't really give a fuck what anybody has to say about it because none of them have done it. I've done it. It takes fucking everything, fucking everything. And here's the problem that you're going to have later in life, because I'm just going to tell you, I'm 20 years older than you. You're going to build the habit of giving everything for so long that you find it really hard later to give it your energy to anything else.

So it's a dip. That's a different life. It's just a different fucking life, um, that most people will never understand. So get comfortable with that. Get used to it. Understand it's going to come with its unique challenges. Uh, but from someone who has been in your shoes, I wouldn't trade it Period yeah

So now all right brother, man, I mean I don't want to take any more you guys's time I mean, this is really we're here for you the best days of my life. Yeah, no, I'm like seriously the wisdom I just got is going to propel me I can't wait to see what 20 years from now my life's gonna look like Well, I just want to thank you guys the real life real AF team on first form and all Everybody in the entire teams that you know put out the stuff you guys do you guys are literally doing God's work Like I mean you guys are actually speaking God's word into the world like it's amazing I've been listening for five years and I just can't thank you guys enough.

It, this show truly means a lot to me. So. Well, listen, brother, I, we appreciate that. And if you really want to repay us, go out and do what the fuck you're supposed to do. All right. And, uh, remember you have an obligation to do this, bro, because your family, you could see it in your family. Your family doesn't believe it's possible.

Think of the perspective switch that it's going to create in them for you to go out and do this. It's going to change their entire lives, even if they're resistant to it now. So your story matters. It's important that you go do this and it's not just about you, even though it feels like it is right now. All right, bro. So keep that in mind whenever it gets hard Yeah, man, no, not last thing I want to say is uh, you know my mom

She's eight months sober because she was so she's been so inspired at how hard I work every single day There you go my goals and already started everything and it's just you know, yes little things like that that you just you had to be Great before bro, but um, yeah, no, I don't want that that you just you get you had to be grateful for bro But um, yeah, no, I don't want to take any more you guys are time. Seriously. I know You know you guys got the episode laid out and everything. I already appreciate this call like just so brother So you are the episode? Hey, don't be afraid to call us back in man, I will check in from time to time. I want to hear what's going on Yeah, yeah, no, definitely definitely got some you know other questions

After the future, but yeah, I'll definitely keep sharing the show You know don't be a hoe. Oh yeah out there and uh, yeah, you know I'm just gonna keep falling like I've always done You guys have always impacted my life in tremendous ways already. So alright brother. Well, listen Go do it go make it happen and we'll see you at the fucking top Yes, sir. I can't wait. All right. See you brother. All right. We'll see you DJ and Andy. Bye Fucking awesome, that's it. It's fucking awesome. That's such a hard thing to deal with. It is, man. But fuck, dude, I can hear it in his voice, bro.

Dude, it's hard. He fuckin gets it. He gets it. Yeah. It's real. It's right around that time. It's like, all right, well, I mean, DJ gotta go. It is what it is, man.

Yeah, it is what it is, dude. And it's hard because you fuckin care about people. But, you know, when you start weighing out, okay? Well, what if I don't become what it is I want to become what if I don't do this? How am I gonna feel about it? It's it's really not worth anything else, and I know people are gonna say well. That's selfish well Sometimes you got to be selfish to be selfless. That's the truth. You have to be. Yeah, that's right. You have to. So, man, I really love that question, that call.

And I can just hear in his voice that he's fucking all about it. That's refreshing, dude. That shit gives me hope. I really like these call-ins, man. Like, this is way cooler for us than just reading someone's question. You know what I'm saying?

For sure. It's cool. No doubt about it, man. So. No doubt about it, man. So. No doubt about it. Well guys, Andy, that was four. Yeah. Share the show if you want some more.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Share the Durn Show! Yeah, share the Durn Show. All right. Went from sleeping on the floor, now my jewelry box froze.

Fuck a bowl, fuck a stove. Counted millions in a coat. bad bitch booted, swole Got her on bankroll, can't fold, just a note Head shot, case closed