REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 917. Q&AF: Too Late At 38?, Motivating People Through Resistance & Feeling Behind

Episode Date: August 7, 2025

On today’s episode, Andy answers live call-in questions on how to decide if it’s too to start a brand new career, how to motivate people to do better when they resist change, and how to cope with feeling stuck when everyone around you appears to be winning big.

What's sleeping on the flow Now my jury box froze Fuck a pole Fuck a stole Counted millions in a cold Bad bitch booted swow Got her on bankro Can't fold

Does a no headshot case closed What is up guys It's Andy for Selling This is the show for the realists Say goodbye to the lies The fakeness and delusions of modern society And welcome to motherfucking reality guys Today we have

Q and AF That's where you submit the questions And we give you the answer Now, you can submit your questions a couple different ways. The first way is, guys, email your questions in to Ask Andy at Andyforcella.com. Or you go on YouTube on the Q&AF episodes and just click the link in the bio there and you can fill out a form and call into the show. Talk to us live.

Or you just leave your question in the comments and we'll pick some from there as well. If you're unfamiliar with the show, this is Q&AF. We have multiple formats of the show. Sometimes we're going to have CTI. That's Cruise the Internet. That's where we cover the news, current events. What's going on in the world? We throw these topics up here on the screen next to us. We talk about them, speculate and then talk about how we the people have to solve these problems going on in the world. Other times we're going to have real talk. Real talk is just five to 20 minutes and me giving you some real talk. And then sometimes we have 75 hard verses. That's where someone comes on the show. They talk about how they were before 75 hard, how they are now, and how they use the 75 hard program to unfuck their lives. If you're unfamiliar with 75 hard, hard is the world's most famous mental transformation program ever and it is the initial phase

of the live hard program which you can get the entire thing for free at episode 208 this is not a fitness program it is a mental toughness training program all right so if you want to fix the ultimate problem with yourself which is your ability to do what you say you want to do what you decide you want to do. If you're being honest, you know that's the problem. That's what this program fixes, all right? And you can get it for free at episode 208 on the audio feed. There's also a book on Andy Foreslla.com called The Book on Mental Toughness.

It encompasses the entire Live Hard program plus a whole bunch of chapters on mental toughness, why it's important how to use it to build a life that you want. And that you know you should be living. So with that being said, We ask very simply that you help us grow the show. If the show makes you think, if it makes you laugh, it gives you a new perspective, do us a solid and don't be a hoe. And share the show.

All right. What's up? What's going on, brother? Nothing, dude. What's up with you? Oh, you know. It's been a great day. Just getting shit done.

I rode a little Yamaha for the first time. Which one? Logans. Yeah, you got that bike. Yeah. How is it? It's all right. It's been one piece still.

Yeah. I almost didn't come back. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It's smaller than what used to that. It is, but that thing's fast, man. Oh, yeah. Those, like, little street bikes are different.

I'm used to the hogs. Yep. Yep. I know you are. Anyway. Yeah. Them big white hogs you like to ride. Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway, so people are probably wondering why we're having Q&AF in the middle of the week. Mm-hmm. That's because it is time for all of you. to start participating in the revolution, which is the revolution and the rebellion of personal excellence. We have to understand that if we as humans are going to thrive and even survive at this point, we have to become everything they don't want us to become. They want us to be fat. We have to become fit. They want us to be stupid. We have to become intelligent. They want us to be dependent. We have

to become independent. They want us to hate each other. We have to work together. These are things that are required for humanity to progress. And your story, your outcome, what you do on a daily basis is the revolution. And you have to understand that we all play a part in that. There is no opting out. There is no, oh, well, I don't have a big following. This doesn't have shit to do with your following. This has to do with the example that you set. This has to do. This has to do with what the people around you observe. This has to do with what they see so they can know that certain things are possible for them. And we, as humans, have an obligation to set that standard. And that obligation and that duty has been forgotten by a lot of people, especially here

in America. So with that being said, we are going to focus much more on personal development, at least giving you guys a couple shows a week of that until we get this new podcast launched, which is imminent. So, yeah. What? Fuck yeah, man, dude. You got me, you know what?

Annie, I'm ready to punch through a wall, bro. Oh, yeah? Let's make some people better. Yeah. Let's, you know, like I said, punching holes through drywall. We have a Kyle. Cool. We're going to get on the phone.

Let's give Kyle a call. Here we go. Hello. Kyle, what's up, dude? Oh, what's up, DJ? What's going over? How are you? I'm all right.

Let me get to an area that's not so damn noisy. Oh, you got... Caught me on a roof. On a roof? You on the roof? Yes, sir. Can you hear me okay? Yeah, don't jump.

Don't do it. It ain't that bad, bro. I'm thinking about it, bro. Yeah, I ain't that bad. How's going, fellas? Doing good, Kyle. How are you doing, bro? I'm good, man.

Good. I actually got some rain up here in Washington State right now. Shit, dude. Isn't it always raining up there? Yeah, I usually get probably two weeks in the spring and two weeks in the fall. It's actually like comfortable weather. for me to work the rest is either hot as shit or below 12 oh no that sounds pleasant yeah yeah yeah so that's why you're on the roof yeah all right so what can we help you with

brother so uh i'm gonna forget what i wrote i imagine had something to do a changing direction on my life though because i'm at that point now at 38 i've done this for 20 years of my life. Six of those were as an entrepreneur when I was real young and stupid. Lost my business during the recession. But when my wife had her boy, her kidneys failed.

So I had to get a good job with awesome health benefits. So we went to the union ruffers and been doing that for the last 13 years. And now she's finally got her transplant. so we're able to have a little bit more freedom and figure out like what we want to do because in all honesty I am just bored of ruffin' man and I got a few things lined up but the problem is it's going to be a pay cut right off the bat until I work my way up and at 38 giving my family the lifestyle you know I'm coaching my boy right now

is the last year I get a coach him until he goes high school do I just stuck it up and keep doing what I'm doing giving them the lifestyle they become accustomed to or figure out something else and is it too late at 38 to start from somewhere

a whole new industry and work my way up well look man that's that's a lot and I think a lot of people get to be the age that you're at and they start to consider these things that you're considering is this really what i want to do is this really what i want my life to be um you're it's not too late all right so let's just get that out of the way uh especially with the technology that's available today the scale at which someone can enter a business build a business and bear fruit with that business

quicker than it used to be. It's significantly quicker than what it was when you were, you know, doing this shit back in 2008. All right. So the reality of the situation that you have to deal with right now is do I want to take a step back for three years to take a step forward for the next 50? And if you think about it, like that, the answer is very obvious, okay? And a lot of people ruin their lives because they don't want to take a step back when they have to to move forward. And the reality of success is that at points in time along our journey, we have to take steps back. And sometimes that looks like for an entrepreneur, that would look like not getting paid for a year or two. I've gone through

a number of phases like that, my entrepreneurial journey where I don't get paid from the companies in order to let that money work for me in other ways. For, you know, an employee, for someone else that might look like, you know, downsizing your car, downsize in your apartment, downsizing your house, you know, but I think it's important, dude, to think about this in a scale of decades, not in a scale of, you know, the immediate discomfort that it might cause you or your family um let's be real bro material shit as cool as it is house car lifestyle it's really not that important and once you've experienced any of it it's not it's not a huge deal uh being satisfied with where you are what you do what

you accomplish and fulfilled with what you do with your life is far more important than taking a step back financially for a few years while you figure something out now with that all being said it's very important that you know where you're going to go from here and don't just say hey i'm going to jump off this cliff because i don't want to fucking do this thing anymore uh and then not know what to do because that will that will end up in a place that's not very good So, um, my advice, bro is like if you were my brother and I was saying, hey, Kyle, look, man, uh, you fucking hate what you do, okay, you don't like it. You're over it. You've already done it. Do you think you could do it for another 30 years? What's your answer? No, okay. Physically, I mean, well, no, you can't, bro, mentally or physically. Let's say you could do it physically for another 30 years. You know what you're going to think at. end of 30 years? Fuck. I could have done so much other shit. You know what I'm saying?

And like, bro, you, I can hear it in your voice, bro. This path for you is exhausted. It's going to require you to make some changes. But at the end of the day, brother, you know, I think you already know what you need to do. Yeah, I just, the issue is I spent 20 years becoming a master at what I do, right? And that's, you know, roofing, construction. whatever right all my other skill sets like I'm good with computers I got great discipline work ethic all that that's that's all well and good but I have no other marketable skills besides what I put on my resume for the last 20 years I can't go into a different industry just say I'm disciplined I got grit and fortitude but in

the spades is there not how do I market that's where it's not you know half of what I it depends on what you're trying to do what do you what do you what do you're when you said you had other things to do what were they well I got one option at uh long shorman and five six years come to captain of boat and the other is pretty much entrepreneurship that's really my only other options you don't think that you've learned enough skill about construction and roofing to do your own thing as an entrepreneur in that in that lane oh yeah i just got to find the money to do it well i mean bro that's everybody's problem right everybody's problem is they got to find the money to do it like you're going to have

to back the fuck up off your financial obligations and reinvest and start small that's that's what it takes dude listen at the end of the day here's what it is you can either continue you can continue you to do what you do. You already said you don't like it. You already said you're tired of it. Okay. Yeah. You can go be a longshoreman. Like you said, that sounds pretty cool. I think that'd be fun. But I bet if you did that for five, six years, you're going to say, I don't like this either. Okay. It sounds cool because it's new. And at the end of the day, you've already started a business. It failed. That doesn't mean that you're a bad entrepreneur. Most entrepreneurs go through failure after failure after failure.

But you got to understand that that comes with a different level of anxiety, stress. You know, it's just a different life, man. And I can't tell you what life you're going to be the happiest to live. But what I can tell you is that if you're thinking what you're thinking now, in two years it's going to be worse, and four years it's going to be worse, and eight years it's going to be worse. and you're going to have to decide and make a decision, brother, and then just stick with it. Because at your age, you know, this is probably, we're getting to the point where, you know, just talking real,

you probably only got one chance to redo your life at this age. So it's not like you're going to have another one at 60. You know what I mean? And that's where I'm at. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. So it's important that you think, you know, decades ahead, bro.

where what do you want to say about your life when you are 60 what do you want to say when you're 70 do you want to say i spent my whole life doing roofing even though i hated it or do you want to say i had the balls to change something up and i did whatever the fuck it takes to work i can tell you this dude if you're not all in on making whatever decision that you want to make from here work no matter what you shouldn't make any money moves because you'll end up flat on your face but you already said you have discipline grit this that the other you know you ask how to market that I mean marketing that comes from your own displaying of results of what you've already created so I mean

bro I don't I can't tell you what to do with your life but I can tell you that if you continue down the same path that you're on you're going to have regrets and most people don't want that you're absolutely right and yeah you're right earlier I do know what I need to do yeah bro I know you do you're you're not

you already do know it's just it's uncomfortable and you got to realize bro that most people will fucking stay in that uncomfortable situation their entire lives and then fucking just eat the regret later and say oh i had a good life and dude if we're being real that's bitch shit that's bitch-ass shit that's pussy shit okay you're not a you're you haven't you got to have the courage to be look man if you don't have the courage to become what it is you want to do or become what it is you want to become it's going to be you that has to fucking go in the whole with the regret. So it's all about what you want to deal with. For me, you know,

I don't want to have to fucking wonder if I went hard. I don't want to have to wonder if I had courage. I don't want to have to wonder if I was just being afraid. And for me, when I start to feel like I need to make a move or make a decision or move forward, I just fucking do it. Because the minute I start thinking about it, I know about myself, it's just going to grow and grow and grow and grow and grow until it gets so uncomfortable that I have to move anyway. So, bro, I understand where you're at and I understand your hesitancy because real consequences ride on it. And that's okay, dude.

You could say, hey, I want to stay in this another year and then I'm going to do this. I'm going to wait until my son gets out of high school and then I'm going to do this. But I just don't want you to go for another 30 years, bro, and be like, fuck. I wish I had done something different. that's all I'm saying well I appreciate it man thank you guys yeah I mean what do you think bro no I mean you said it it's exactly what I got to do I mean I'm gonna regret it either way I spent my life my entire working career working my balls off and being uncomfortable as it is so I'm either uncomfortable doing this

or uncomfortable making a change for the better there you go he's bro and on top of it man, like those skills that you learned are valuable skills. They're going to be more valuable the next three or four years anyway because so much technology is going to replace these pencil pusher jobs. You know, there's an opportunity for you right now to move into as a roofing entrepreneur and innovate the roofing space. I mean, right now, like right now is the perfect time for it. There's going to be new technology. There's going to be new equipment. There's going to be new ways to do things and these older guys they're not going to adjust they're going to say just like everything that happens you know we don't need cars because we got horses and that's going

to be that's going to be a major opportunity in construction people who start construction companies or start uh blue collar tradesmen jobs who are willing to innovate and build businesses off of the technology available are going to beat these older guys who you know we dude look i grew up around construction too we all know the kind of guys that do it they're like this hey that's not how we used to do it we did it like this and that's how we're going to do it and we're going to do it like that until fucking the wheels fall off they're not very open to to evolution and if you can be you know that's where you're that's where your lane is you know the shit you you are already keeping up with technology you said you're good with computers pour yourself a little bit more into that start

thinking about how you can innovate the roofing business and and work towards something like that dude like that way you can look back and say well you know i i i didn't waste my life i went to school for 20 years for this that makes me a fucking expert you know so dude i personally see lots of options for you i just think you've got to you've got to push past that playing the middle right like the the playing of the middle the uncertainty that's what exhaust people that's what wears people out and um you know you've just got to decide hey this is my plan this is what I'm going to do and you got to go do it if you if you're waffle it'll fucking fail you know what I mean yes I do guys I can't I can't thank you enough

I appreciate your time and what you do for everybody so well look man you're going through a natural part of life and I think you got a great opportunity in front of you it's just about making that commitment going to making it work so thank you again man I appreciate good brother all right see you Kyle thanks bro brother I see you did something I was thinking about during that that conversation and you pointed this out to me years ago but just on the the idea of just being a little uncomfortable it actually helps propel you forward it keeps that drive alive almost right on man you can't win without it yeah you can't win without it this is something that people have to understand you in the beginning it's

very easy to move forward because you don't have an option, all right? When you're, when you're broke and you don't have shit going on for you, you have to eat. You got to pay your bills. So you have to go do things. When you get in a situation like Kyle's in, where he's making a decent living, he's working hard, he's getting paid, he's taking care of his family, that allows him a certain level of comfort, which makes it harder to make the decision, all right? So the pressure, I call it zero options mentality, is required to succeed. And a lot of people, they will say, well, if this doesn't work, then I'll do this.

Well, if that doesn't work, then I'll do this. And they make all these contingencies. And because they have these contingencies, they don't go all in on the initial plan, which is what's required for it to work. And the real trick is that whenever you start to become successful and you start to build some, you know, means, you can afford dinner and a decent car and a nice house and you're not starving, that's where it becomes extremely important for you to leverage inside of your own mind the idea that you don't have any other choice but to do it. And that may require you fabricating a story or taking extra responsibility for the people that work for you, right? Like, I know that I'm not legitimately responsible for everybody's life. But the story I tell myself so that I get out of bed and go hard is that if I don't get out of bed and go hard, these motherfuckers are going to starve.

And so that's not acceptable to me. So that's a zero option mentality that I'm developing. You see what I'm saying? Absolutely. And so in the beginning, it's easy because you actually have zero options. But where you're where Kyle is, you know, now you have options. So it's like really hard to fucking move. And it's especially hard when you've worked so hard to have stability to take a little

bit of that off the table to move forward on what you actually want to do. And sometimes for some people, the right move is to stay right where the fuck you are because you're not going to fully commit to anything else. So that's why it's such a hard question for me to answer for him because I'm not him. You know what I'm saying? If I were him knowing how I am, I would absolutely do what I said. I would stay in it. And while I'm in it, I would fucking start fabricating a plan around how we're going to innovate the roofing business, something I know a lot of everything about.

I'm a master like in his words. How are we going to do this with technology? How are we going to do this with the changes that are coming? What's the roofing industry going to look like in five years? How can I get there before everybody else? And that's where I'm working if I'm him. Yeah, absolutely. Come down on the fucking gas station, tequitos a little bit, start saving up some.

Bro, a little goes a long way. You know, it's like what fucking Ramsey says, you know, fucking no starbies. Yeah, that's right. You know what I'm saying? So, I mean, dude, you know, a lot of people tease Dave Ramsey. but like Dave Ramsey is it gives a lot of really good practical advice for people to free up their income and their debt to be free at something later and I actually agree with them I think most people live beyond their means they get caught up in this fucking bullshit rat race they have way more

shit than they actually need to be happy it's short lived and it puts them in a financial bind that that enslaves them for their entire life And the truth of the matter is, is like, the good shit that you really want, that requires passing on the fucking Jordans. That requires passing on the, on the, you know, the five series beamer or whatever to fuck you're trying to flex in front of your neighbors with. Like Dave Ramsey's selling a $15 million fucking mansion in Nashville right now. It's bad ass. But he didn't get there by, you know, stretching himself thin up until that point. Right.

So you have to understand, like, you know, you can have these little luxuries, but these little luxuries that you're stretching to have keep the big life that you want from happening. Yeah. And there's a lot of truth to that. Yeah, there's a fine line of like being able to tread right there. Now, once you get enough offense going and you're fucking just, you're, you know, you're printing. That's a different thing. Right. But like when you're first starting to start getting started and you're trying to work out of where Kyle is, that's required.

It's what it is. and a lot of people will fucking trap themselves of their whole life because their ego won't allow them to take a couple steps back. They don't want to be seen driving a used car. They don't want to downsize their house because they're afraid of what their fucking friends will say.

You know what I'm saying? You shouldn't be worried about that. You should be thinking about what they're going to say when you roll up in your fucking brand new fucking rolls because you innovated the roofing business. Right. That's real shit, man. Yeah.

That's real. I love it, man. Well, guys, let's get a question number two going. We have a write-in. Um, question number two. Uh, good morning, Andy and DJ. A little background on myself. I'm a 47 year old mom, wife, veteran, deputy, rancher and all time follower of your content. I'm on my fourth 75 heart and seek mental toughness and control on the daily. My question for your expertise, knowing your mindset and experience. Um, I have adult sons. Um, another friend. and family that I know for a fact need 75 hard in their life. One son struggles with weight and has attempted 75 hard two times, but when failing makes excuses to get back on board.

I find myself having a zero empathetic attitude towards the people that refuse to do the work to help themselves. How do you help and support people that you care for when you know what they need to do to help themselves, but they refuse to do it? I find myself biting my tongue in so many conversations to basically save my relationship with them, but it stresses me out because I want to just be real with them, and I'm sure I would not come across the right way. I would appreciate your thoughts on this and hopes that you have ideas on how to approach

it, have a kick-ass day. Here, I'll solve it to you in three words. Tell the truth. If the fucker's fat, tell him he's fucking fat. When I was 350 pounds, none of my friends told me I was fat. and you know what I wish they had I had to listen to the internet tell me fat and when the internet was telling me I was fat I was like fuck I guess I'm fat and I lost a hundred motherfucking pounds okay so my answer to you is probably not the answer that you would like it's probably not the socially accepted answer but I would bully the fuck out of them until they stopped putting food in their fucking mouth and get off their fat ass and started fucking working if you really care about them if you really care about them okay here's the thing they're never going to do it by you just saying, oh, I really would like to see you do that. That is not enough pressure.

It's not enough pressure. They have to feel like shit about themselves. They have to look in the mirror and say, fuck, I'm a fat, fucking lazy slob. And however you can facilitate them learning to observe that on their own, the quicker they will change. And that's just reality. And people don't like that. They say it's mean. They say it might be mean.

But you know what's meaner than that? Allowing someone to be a fat piece of shit who fucking won't do the work who constantly complains about being fat and unhealthy and doesn't, you know, know what to do. But you say you love and care for it. Yeah, that you say you love and care for, but you keep, you know, babying them.

And, you know, like, bro. I don't hurt their feelings. It's not, you don't have to, I'm just telling you how I would do it. I'm not saying how you need to do it, but that's how I would do it. I make fun of them. Yeah.

until they fucking stopped i mean how much weight are you down i'm down 45 pounds yeah and it's because i call you a fat fuck every single day it's part of it kind of these guys yeah well it's mainly if madad does it a lot actually listen dude if you really care about people you tell them the truth otherwise it's fake care you care about yourself okay if you don't want to offend people with the truth it's because you lack the courage or the care that you claim to have to actually deliver the truth in a meaningful way. I have zero empathy for people like that as well. And the reason that I have zero empathy for people like that as well is because I have conquered that problem for myself and I realize that if I can conquer that problem for myself, so can anybody. So I totally

agree with you and I think you're putting too much weight into being quote unquote nice or whatever you think that is but I just see things different bro I see I see kindness and niceness pretty much different than what everybody else sees it as like I see kindness and niceness as the truth I think if you actually care about someone you will tell them the truth I I think if you actually want someone to be happy and you know what they need to change you will tell them the truth and I think people that don't are full of shit yeah I think too like it's also important too to make like to continue to be that example for them.

Oh yeah I mean that's that's you know what I'm saying yeah because like I mean that's a What do you say it was his kids uh it's her sons yeah how old are they uh didn't say she's she's 47 so they're probably 20 yeah somewhere in there yeah so uh yeah they're old enough to fucking they can take it here here's the reality too they should realize like look dude if you're overweight in a significant way your life experience is completely different than what it would be if you were in shit completely different so people who are fit people who are healthy people who take care of themselves send a message to everybody in every situation whether it be the people they work for whether it be their potential mates in a

relationship whether it be their friend group anybody their kids they are sending a completely different message which brings back a completely different quality of life and when I was 350 pounds, I would have argued that. And I did argue that. I said, hey, you know what? I'm a great entrepreneur. You know how much better I got when I lost 100 fucking pounds? You know how much more money I made? You know how much more opportunity I got? Like, it's not comparable. And if you want the best for your sons, you should probably explain to them, like things that are going to matter to them. You know, like, hey, um, do you like girls? It's very simple.

I'm being serious. That's real. Do you like girls? Yeah, I like girls. Well, do you know why you're not getting any? Because you can't see your own dick. Okay? And like, that's the truth.

Yeah. Listen, if you're fat, you're going to have a limited selection of women unless you are insanely hilarious. Like Shane Gillis. That's real. Okay? That's real. But you're no, no girls want to, when they're that age, they don't, or any age, they don't want to fucking. No.

I know there's chubby chasers and shit, but like, I'm just saying in general, your opportunities are going to be limited in every area. Yeah, or during the winter time when it's colder out, then you need a little bit more warmth. Yeah, maybe. I mean, that's something that I told myself when I was fat. It's real, man. It's real. I just don't think, you know, I think if someone had sat down and explained it to me when I was 20 years old and said, if you don't get in shape, you're not going to make it. money and you're not going to meet girls, I would take it serious because that's what I cared

about at 20. Yeah. You know what I mean? Just tied to something they actually care about. Yeah. That's real, man. You know what I want to actually this because I feel like a common thing out there too. But also remember, 75 hard isn't for fucking fitness. It's a fucking mental transformation program. So also you should be explaining to them in a very real way that if you don't learn how to follow through on your plans, you're never going to be. You're never to be successful at anything and that's what that program fucking solves it solves the problem of adherence and when people can't adhere to any plan they can't be successful in anything so we have to build our discipline and our toughness and our grit and our fortitude everything that contributes

to our ability to follow through on the plans that we set forth for ourselves in order for us to have a fulfilling successful life if you can't adhere to very simple things some of such as I'm not going to put X in my fucking mouth. And I'm going to get off the couch and walk for an hour. Like if you can't do these things, you can't, you don't have, you can't do anything. You understand? Absolutely, man. You can't do anything.

So you have to fix the problem of adherence before you start saying, oh, I'm going to do this or I'm going to do that or I'm going to do this or I'm going to do a shit. Because you can't even control what goes in your fucking mouth. you know what I'm saying like a lot of people are like oh well that this program's better than that for what there's not a better program in the world to teach fucking discipline that's why there's billions of fucking hashtags

all over the goddamn internet I love it man well I just get tired of it I love it yeah I mean bro do your kids want to be fat or do they not do your kids want to be broke or do they not do your kids want to fucking get pussy

or do they not I'm sure they want to want to say yes to all of those things whether your mom tells you probably not you know that's probably not what they want to hear yeah hey boys you want to get some want to get some pussy what bro it's the truth it's the truth people don't like the truth you just say it like this no i'm gonna say it like i say it fucking be miserable or fucking fix it i love it man it either you either are you aren't it is or it isn't they're either doing it or they're not doing it like that's it and I don't know like how to soft

hand feed somebody the truth to where it's going to affect them in a way like have you ever has anybody ever fucking ever ever I want everybody to fucking think about it have you ever had a polite conversation with someone and then they completely fucking change your behavior do you do you ever seen a football coach walk on the fucking field with a bunch of grown men and say hey guys I'd really appreciate it you went out there and you execute the play and I really appreciate that you did it perfectly and if you ever seen a coach that does it like that win okay so the truth of the matter is is this is what people respond to people respond to confrontation they respond to directness

they respond to truth and they respond to it in a when you present it in a way like hey man I fucking care about you but you're a turd okay and you need to need to fucking fix it and that's what I found works the best whether it be in a team or whether it be as an individual I've never had a team and I've never had an individual as much as they've cried about sometimes the way that the message is delivered I've never had someone respond properly to I really would like to see you be a little more healthy I've never seen it no there's a there's a reason that when you go to fucking boot camp they say get your fucking ass on that motherfucking spot right now and it's because most people are so

fucking pussy and so soft that they that's the only thing they can fucking respond to is the the fear that something might actually happen to them if they don't yeah yeah that's real i think too it's like you know ultimately man you can't want it more than somebody else wants it for themselves yeah that comes in time you know um You got to want it, man. Yeah, well, I mean, bring your fucking kids up here. I'll fucking tell them the truth. I'm just being real.

Most of y'all parents, no offense to this lady that wrote this in, but most of y'all parents, the reason your kids suck is because you suck. You won't have real conversations with them. You won't hold the line. You don't live a life that you think they should live. And then you expect them to just magically sprout into these amazing individuals. It's not going to fucking happen, bro. So.

It's real, man. That's real. Well, let's get call the number two. question number three let's knock this out uh we got john let's get john on the phone hello this john hey john what's going on man dj what's going on buddy i can't call it just another day you know just a squirrel trying to find a nut what's going on with you oh just checking boxes man working away yeah where you call it from uh north idaho north idaho north idao we got We got, all right.

We got Washington. Now we've got Idaho. All right. I don't know. Port Elaine. All right. That's sick, man. Yep.

Yeah. Well, we got the big dog here. How can we help? Oh, boy. Andy, how you doing? I'm doing good, brother. How are you? Good, man.

Good. Good. I got one for you today. Something that I, maybe I should give you a little backstory on. Four years in business. And doing construction, excavation work, stuff like that. And, you know, you see guys come and go, new businesses. And then you see guys that end up, you know, sticking around.

And you get a little competitive with them, seeing them, you know, scoring jobs or landing jobs you've been on or wanted. And, you know, whether it pisses you off and fuels the fire a little bit, I always thought that was normal. But a buddy of mine started doing the same thing. And at first I was kind of helping him out and, you know, teaching him tricks to trade and whatnot. And I found myself getting, you know, starting to get annoyed when he was landing jobs. So it seems like, you know, everyone and his mother knows everybody that's looking for the kind of work we do.

And it started kind of making me feel like, shit, am I, am I piece of shit for thinking this way? Or, you know, is it okay to think this way? Should I just use it to be more competitive? and try harder or you know i'm kind of just don't know what to do with it you mean negative feelings yeah you know or just you know he'll get a you know all my my uncle's buddies building five houses and he's got all this work for me and i'm just like motherfucker are you kidding me so this was your best friend that started the same business as you you helped them and now got it yep well i mean why is he doing better than you well i've asked myself that and it you know it honestly it feels

like it just comes down that he just knows more people um well you know i feel like i go out grinding and knocking doors and calling dropping off flyers and then he'll call me up be like oh yeah my uncle's brother's got got this property for me to do all this work on and then it's just like all the time well first of all is it true is what he's saying true second of all uh well it doesn't matter but i mean these are questions that you should ask yourself one right is he full of shit okay because i have a lot of people that that you know and by the way a lot of you know their names because they happen to be pretty famous on the internet who tell me all kinds of shit they're doing uh and and they're usually full of shit and it never materializes and i never see

it and uh you know we're doing this so we're doing that and we got this this this and this and this valuation and that and then nothing ever changes in their life so that's a natural thing amongst people who want to be competitive is that people will flat out lie to you and make you feel like shit um secondly if it is true why is it true well you answer to the question. It seems like he knows more people than me. So if that's the problem, then what you have is an awareness problem. You need more people to know who the fuck you are. So what are you going to do to make that happen? How are you going to solve that problem? Because if it's just as simple as more people know him or he knows more people, then you know exactly what it's going to take

to get business you you i mean assuming that's what it is okay uh i don't know if that's what it is i don't know i don't know if if he's actually having more work i don't know if he's full of shit i don't know if the real problem is is that he knows more people but i think deep down you probably know exactly why he's doing more than you and I think you need to be honest with yourself about what that is and then address that problem because if I was blessed enough to be able to recognize where I was failing then I would put my attention into that area

so that that would get my business on the level of where I would want it to be but at the same time like your goal what is your goal Your goal isn't to, like, outdo this guy, right? Like, that's not a real goal. Your real goal should be your goal, and your goal should be so fucking big that you're consumed with how well you have to execute to achieve that goal, all right? And like I say, all the time, there's so many people that waste their time and their energy when our time and our energy are our most valuable resource.

We only get limited amounts of it every single day on a 24 hour period, all right? And if we spend it watching, you know, Steve's business and Steve's business, we fucking is doing all these things and we're getting jealous and we're getting that feeling in our stomach where everything's on fire and this and that, we don't have the energy to work on our own shit. And what I do to handle these things is I make sure that. I have a massive plan that I need to work on and then I make sure that when I do get competitive or I do get jealous or I do start to get aggravated at other people's shit that the minute I feel that coming on I go to my plan and start executing on my plan and I think that productivity pivot is one of the most valuable things anybody can learn how to do because one. We're no longer looking over here. We're focused on our own thing. Number two, I don't care what anybody says. The most valuable energy that we get is the dark side negative energy.

So I would say the fact that you're getting pissed off is pretty good. I think that's a great asset. I would much rather work with someone who felt that way than someone who just like, oh, well, you know, fuck Steve's doing it. and I'm just happy for him. I would much rather work for the guy who says, I'm going to fucking stomp on Steve's motherfucking throat with how successful I'm going to be. Those people win.

Yeah. And the reason that those people win is because eventually they figure out how to harness the attention and the energy and the attention in the right way. So, you know, don't think that, I don't think there's anything wrong with you, bro. Like, if you and I were partners,

I'd be like, fuck yeah, bro. I love the John fucking, John's got that fire in. him, bro. I love that shit, dude. Not many people have that dog, bro. And when you have it, you got to figure out how to use it because you will hear people say things like this. Well, that negativity will burn you down. If you're not careful, says the guy with no money in his bank account. All right. The reality is, dude, is being a competitor is part of being successful in business. And you're obviously a competitor because right or wrong, it bothers you when

other people win there's this famous saying in the movie no country for old men where uh is it no country no it's there will be blood the movie there will be blood he says uh he said you you ever seen that movie oh yeah okay you know at the part there's a part in the movie where uh uh the main character uh daniel uh day lewis goes it's not just that i want to win i want everybody else to fucking lose. I don't want anybody to have anything. And like, bro, that's the extreme nature of a competitor. And while they may not mean that literally, like, I really don't want people to starve, but, you know, I want to fucking win, bro. Like, I'm trying to fucking win. And yeah, that's a mindset. Yeah, bro. That's a healthy way to think when you're in business and other people depend on you.

I mean, that's a great way to be. And these other fucking people on the internet, right in all this feel good, you know, fucking bullshit gets our minds fucked up. Like, we're competitors. That's what we're supposed to do. You don't fucking talk to a gladiator right before he's going out in the fucking arena and say, hey, I hope you have a peaceful journey, my son. Like, no, you're like, hey, motherfucker, you better swing that axe as hard as you fucking can and cut that dude's fucking head off. Like, are you

going to die? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, literally. Yeah. Like, this is just something that most people aren't cut out for, which is why the most of the advice out here is so fucking off from what it should be so anyway to summarize my little rant here bro one i think it's awesome that you're that you burn hot number two all you got to do is harness that into your own shit it doesn't matter if your buddy's doing it for real or not but just remember he's probably lying or exaggerating at least half as much and for me i have to i i have to yeah yeah bro i have to remember that because dj knows this i'll get so fucking pissed off dude

that like and then I have to remind myself well they're probably lying at least half of it's lying so you know take that energy pour it into your mission create your mission that's so big so fucking powerful that it's going to take your

whole entire life to do it and you won't have time to worry about what the fuck that's doing and the thing you got to be careful of right here is that you want to make sure that you don't become beholden to this guy's limit by continuing to compete with this guy who doesn't really have a big plan. A lot of people will really fuck up their lives by competing with the wrong person

because the wrong person isn't committed to like a big vision. So like, you know, like is it really a win beating someone who's really not got that big of a thing going? That's not really a win. So, you know, let's get clear about about what's a win for John, what's John trying to do, and then focus on those things. And then when you get, when you get jealous and you get mad and you get angry, like we all do, anybody who says they don't, they're liars. Take that energy and focus it on your plan, bro.

And before you know it, you'll be so far ahead of everybody else who used to piss you off. You'll forget that they used to piss you off because a whole new group of people will piss you off. Yeah, it's the truth. Like I used to get mad at like local people that would do stuff, right? And then it would be, like, national people. And now, like, I look at fucking people that I honestly shouldn't be looking at this point. And I'm like, fuck that guy. Yeah, right, right.

You know, like, but while he's on the phone, I want to ask you this and so, how should he be handling his best friend? Like, I mean, does he keep it cordial with them? Yeah, I mean, look, bro, I'd make fun of him. I'm like, oh, yeah, fucking $5,000. All right, yeah. I know you got all the connections, bro. Okay, Donald Trump. You know, like, I'd fucking make fun of him.

But, like, you know, yeah, dude, I got friends that. are full of shit we all got friends that are full of shit part part of being friends with people is how good of shit they are like do they tell a good story like can they make you laugh are they good people like the dude fish fish stories you know like they got the biggest one yeah bro it's it's fucking it's as old as time like you're not gonna you're not gonna change people's you know like I like people like that I like people that are a little full of shit they got funny stories you know you can't really take them too serious you know and then when they start exaggerating their shit you know you got to call them on it and i think that's

what makes good friendships yeah you know yeah so yeah that's true that's good shit man yeah and bro also i think there's more to that too like a real winner like a real fucking winner they want to be friends with other people that are winning even though it pisses you off right people will say i want all my other friends to win yeah you do but not because you want them to win and It's because you've learned about yourself that when other motherfuckers win that are in your vicinity, you are so competitive that you know you will fucking step up to compete with that person. So, like, my friends, the people I associate with are all successful people, but do not think for a fucking second that I'm not trying to fucking beat them. You know what I'm saying?

Like, it's, and they know that. And I know that about them. It's understood. Yeah. It's understood. But they're also the same people that if I call them, I said, hey, man, I need to fucking borrow, you know, money because I'm low on cash. They'd all be like, oh, how much you need. You know what I mean?

Right. Yeah. So, you know, it's it's just about learning where you fit in the game and how to navigate these different personalities. And then, you know, most importantly, how to harness our own fire in the right direction. And, bro, I don't think you're a bad guy for thinking that. I think, you know, I think you're an honest guy for thinking that. And I think there's very few honest people that will communicate what you just did here on the show and what I did back to you. But I know for a fucking fact, all the names, all the people that you look up to and maybe watch on social media, they're all the same.

They just don't say it on the internet. They're all competitive. They all want to win. They all fucking hate when other people win. And then they act nice about it. Right? Like, it's bullshit. Fuck.

Yeah. Like, I will straight up tell them. Like, I'll be like, hey, I'm going to fucking beat you, bro. Like, I'm going to beat your ass. And they'll be like, oh, you think so? Like, yeah, I really do. And then we'll smoke a cigar. You know what I'm saying?

Like, so it's all good, bro. You know, the best friends you're ever going to have are the people you compete with. That's the truth. The best friends in the world that I've developed over the course of 25 years in business are people that I've competed with. because there's a natural fucking respect that you have that's mutual you know what I mean yeah yeah that's good I haven't thought of that before that's awesome yeah so how old are you bro uh just turned 32 oh bro yeah I didn't figure most of this shit out till I was like after 40

so like you're way ahead bro you're doing good thank you yeah love it man all right john hey man get a little swimming at lake forest up there it's a beautiful spot you're at i will absolutely all right brother well hey man uh keep the fire going dude that that'll take you places take you a lot further than it'll take you a lot further than having inner peace crystals and shockness i'm going how to use that dark energy you've been talking about i think it's i think it's 80% of most of the successful people's energy is dark energy they just don't fucking admit it so that's my experience from being around people behind the scenes love it man yeah i heard it from the first time from your your show a couple

years ago yeah talking about it it was badass i've listened to it a few times well that means you're one of us so uh so yeah and and if you're fucked up so am i so we can be fucked up together so that's what it takes yeah that's right all right brother well hey man I appreciate you calling in, dude and appreciate all the good work you're doing up there and the hard work you're doing. Keep it up. You know, we need that in the world.

We will. Absolutely. Thank you. All right, brother. We'll talk to you soon. All right. See you. See you, DJ.

See you, brother. Yeah, I just wanted to ask that that friend question, man, because I feel like some people are like, well, well, fuck that guy. I won't ever talk to him again? Nah. But see your point? Like, you can use that person.

Not only that. Why would I not want to talk to him if he's giving me all kinds of good energy to use? sometimes you've got to piss yourself off on purpose fuck yeah like bro when you're really good there's stories about Michael Jordan doing this Michael Jordan when Michael Jordan was at the peak of his career

nobody was talking shit on Jordan nobody was coming out saying bro I'm gonna hold Jordan to fucking eight points it's not fucking happening bro so because everybody talks shit and everybody respect him so much he started telling himself stories he fucking would make up stories about what people said about him and then go out on the court and look at the motherfucker in the eye

and be like, I fucking heard what you said about me? And the guy's like, what? Michael. Yeah. And he's like, I fucking heard it. I saw in the paper. I read it.

Like, there's nothing in the paper. You know, like, but this is the psychotic nature of ultra competitors, bro. Like, you have to figure out how to flip the switches on internally to get the result that you want. And sometimes that requires

a fucking paranoia, imagination like where you're making shit up like man these motherfuckers they all think they can fucking come take my shit and like you know I might go talk to them and they're like fuck dude I never even thought about that like I was actually going to quit my business you know like dude like you just it's just part of being competitive bro so like we have to fucking understand that you know that that that is that's part of it dude you know sometimes you it goes back to what we're saying about zero options sometimes you have to manufacture that intensity and that urgency and that competitiveness, especially

when you're dominant. Like when you're beating the fuck out of everybody and everybody knows it, now you got to make something up to prove. You know what I mean? But what I said is the truth, bro. There's never been a fucking, there's never this polite niceness and courtesy shit that everybody types on the internet that doesn't win. It's impractical advice. It's, it's It's written by people who've never won. It sounds good. Listen, DJ, I'm just telling you, it's written by people who have never won. And the only motherfuckers who have ever won doing it are these therapists who promise this idealistic bullshit and purposefully victimized people and keep them trapped in their little business cycle.

That's the only motherfuckers that win with idealism. Everybody else wins with reality. They win with like, hey, you either do that or you're going to. to lose all your shit. I mean, bro, I was just writing this fucking Instagram post a day or two ago. I haven't posted it yet. But the truth of the matter is, most people aren't afraid enough of losing. Most people haven't taken the time to consider what their life will look like if they don't change it. And if they could zoom into the future 10, 20, 30 years from now, and like just live one day in the life of what their current habits are creating,

they would change instantly. They would change fucking yesterday. But because they can't feel it and because they can't notice it and because it's progressive and slow and imperceptible, people just ride it out not realizing that it's going to cost them fucking everything down the road. Okay. People should be terrified of losing. if you don't have anything going for you right now

you should be fucking terrified it is not just going to work out this magic fucking fairy is not gonna fly down and hand you an inheritance or get you your shit together like you should be afraid and enough and people aren't they're told every day

it's gonna be okay no it's not it's not gonna be okay unless you make it okay and that's what the world needs to understand That's what people need to understand. And if people were properly afraid of what their life was going to look like by continuing on the path they're on, then they would do something about it today. And that's my point of that question, too, with the two sons. The two sons. If they knew what their life was going to look like at 25, at 30, at 35, at 45, at 40, at 45, because they're unwilling to change now versus what their life could look like, they would fucking change.

but you know who's going to tell them mom's not going to tell them because she doesn't want to hurt their fucking feelings you know what sometimes people need their fucking feelings hurt that's the reality that's real man guys that's a little midweek pickup right there man

I love it man go get better yeah all right guys don't be a ho show the show we're from sleeping on the flow now my jury box froze fuck a pole fuck a stove Counted millions in a cold

Bad bitch booted swow Got her on bank row Can't fold Just a no headshot case closed Close