REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 923. Q&AF: Starting Business in Debt, Life Balance Hustle & Toxic Parent Struggles

Episode Date: August 18, 2025

On today’s episode, Andy answers live call-in questions on whether it is a good idea to start a new business in debt, the truth about finding “balance” early on in entrepreneurship, and how to deal with a toxic parent who drains you emotionally.

What's sleeping on the flow Now my jury box froze Fuck a pole Fuck a stole Counted millions in a cold Bad bitch booted swow Got her on bankrope can't fold Just a no headshot case closed

What is up guys It's Andy for selling This is the show for the real Let's say goodbye to the lies The fakeness and delusions of modern society And welcome The motherfucking reality Guys today we have Q&AF

That's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers now you can submit your questions a few different ways the first way is guys always you can email these questions into ask and any for sale dot com or you do this part where else can or um you can uh write your questions in the comments on the q and a f episodes or oh okay all right or or you guys can hit the link in the description below and submit your questions in the form there you go you'll get better with time yeah it's the first time bro you know it's like riding a bite he put me on the spot you know it's like paying for groceries i don't you know i'm saying no all right guys this is the show

q and a f tomorrow we're going to have ct i that stands for cruise the internet we're going to put topics on the screen it's a current event show we're going to laugh and make fun of and talk about the problems of these tyrants create in society. And then we're going to talk about how we, the people, can solve these problems. Other times throughout the week, we are going to have a real talk. Real talk is just 5 to 20 minutes from me giving you some things that are on my mind. Real talk. And then we have 75 hard verses.

We've got a good group of 75 hard versus people coming on. That's where people who have completed the 75 hard program come on the show. They talk about how their life was before, how their life is now, and how they use. use the 75 hard program to get their life together all right now if you're unfamiliar with 75 hard it's the initial phase of the live hard program which is the world's most famous mental transformation program ever and you can get it for free at episode 208 on the audio feed again that's 208 on the audio feed and it's free there is a book the book is called a book on mental toughness.

It's on my website, Andyficella.com. It is not free, but it does contain a whole much of more information than the podcast does in episode 208. But if you want to do it for free,

go get it for free, episode 208. Yeah, I think that's it. We do this little thing on the show here. You know, we put a lot of time and energy into this show. We just ask very simply that if you're part of the team, if you're part of the crew,

if you get value, if you like what we do and you want us to keep doing it do us a favor and help us grow the show all right uh don't be a hoe share the show all right what's up hey man man how's it going hey man you drink your mountain due today how i'm dragging ass right now man bro i am too what is that well i had to be up i was up at 630 did you get your air conditioning back on they fixed it today oh yeah and so it's blowing it's good Good. Yeah.

But yeah. It always feels good to get it blowing, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Well, I mean, bro, I looked at the heat index today, bro. It's 105. And it's gonna be like that for like the next seven days. Dude, it's blazing. Steamy.

Yeah. Very, very steamy. There's nothing worse than having your AC go out like in August. Dude. In Missouri. No, thank you. So I'm happy to report that it is a cool 72 degrees in the Johnson household. There you go, man.

Down from 85. Yeah, now you only got like 10 more degrees to go until you're not normal human is that right yeah that's right i like to keep my shit cold bro bro well i usually i usually we usually rock it at like 79 that's right 69's not bad you know i like about 60 that's at night time though helps you sleep easier i like about 65 you know what's saying all right yeah man what's going on with you dude yeah no that's about it bro um that's about it you know heading into a good weekend and making it do with it down All right.

Making it do what it don't. Mm-hmm. And don't do what it does. And don't do what it does. That's right. And you ain't got to explain what's understood. What's understood ain't got to be explained. That's right.

That's right. All right. Let's make some people better today, man. Guys, I got some good questions here. We got some people lined up. Let's make some people better today. What are we doing? We start with a write-in or a call-in.

What we got? Colin. I have a calling. All right. Let's go. Yeah, we got our buddy Travis locked and loaded. Let's give Travis a call. Hello?

Hello, my speak to Travis, please. This is Travis. Hey, Travis. I was calling about your car insurance and wanted to see if you, uh, wanted to say 15% by switching over to real AF. What's going on, Travis? Hey, man, how's it going? What's up, Travis?

I apologize. I can't. I tried to fix them and I can't use your employees I get it yeah I can't fix them man and this is what it is I'm actually drinking a great first for him so I actually was falling for a little bit I think that made me way way too happy like way way more happier than it was supposed to yeah I think it did that was good yeah so Travis where you calling from man yeah so I'm uh physically right now I'm in southern in Wisconsin, but I live in the northern peninsula of Michigan.

Okay. The unclaimed territory. God's country. Yeah. So what can we help you with, brother? What you got going on? Yeah, man. Well, first of all, I'm just a huge fan.

I mean, I'm 25, but I've been listening to your show since I was 19. Heard every episode of MFCEO, Free L-AF, all that, read the books, 75 hard, four or five times now. So this is awesome. My question spans from, I'm in the fitness space. I've been a personal trainer of a gym for a long time, was a manager, a regional manager. I sell first-form products, and basically I'm getting to the point now where I want to, you know, eventually own my business, a gym. And, you know, I just have a hard time with the whole, like, going into big debt.

I know, like, I listen to you and, like, you know, you couldn't really get the funding for certain things. So you were using credit cards and you kind of started up small and stuff with where I'm at, you know, I could potentially be looking at, you know, three, 400,000 dollars in debt at 25. And I'm just trying to think of a good way to look at that. Well, look, man, I think it's good. So here's what I'm going to say. You're going to have all these people that are going to tell you, oh, don't worry about it. It's no big deal.

It's part of doing business. You can borrow this. You can borrow that. You can build your business. I didn't like you said I did not have the opportunity to do that and I at the time was very frustrated that I wasn't able to get alone I wasn't able to get any help I wasn't able to have anybody finance me but here's the thing dude if I had gotten financed with the amount of experience that I had I can admit now that I would have wasted that money away all right I would have thought like most entrepreneurs do when they're first getting started, man, I'm going to create this. I'm going to go buy a Super Bowl ad and it'll make my company. And I would have, I would have went for the home run swing as opposed to actually building a solid foundation, which is what not having the financing forced to me to do. So I actually

got pretty fortunate that I wasn't able to borrow money when I was just starting out. Because dude, if I had, I wouldn't be sitting here right now. And I could just tell you that's 100% accurate. it now that's my experience okay now you're in a little bit different space you have all this time you have all this experience you have you know what you're doing um and that is a different story when it comes to borrowing money to get into your own thing all right you yeah yeah you have to understand that like dude debt is generally a part of the economy equation, especially when you're in a scaling business or you're just starting out for most people. So it's very, very normal for you to have to do this. But the fact that you're aware of it

and the fact that you're afraid of it is a good sign, okay? Because it's the people who aren't afraid of borrowing money. It's the people who want to borrow the most. Those are the people who end up burying themselves. The people who use debt properly to build and scale their business and are very cautious are the people who don't like having debt. And debt's a really good thing

when you get experience using it. And as your business grows, it's going to become something that you will have to have most likely, hopefully because your business will grow so fast that you'll need the cash to do it. So for you, dude, the fact that you are,

are aware and you're debt averse, you're like, I don't know, I don't like this. I actually think that's a really good sign. Uh, I, I think that's how you should think about it. And I think that's going to force you to be very cautious about how you use that debt to grow, uh, and scale your business out, man. I, I think it's a very normal thing. And I think where you, you know, where you have hesitation, other people are just hungry to get it. And, um, that's what ends up screwing him, bro. They spend it on some big marketing campaign or you know they say like well you know i'm going to increase my lifestyle and people will see it and then they don't want to do it's they tell all these bullshit justifications that really you know don't work in business so um you know that's how i

think about it for you bro the fact of the way you asked the question about not really wanting to do it tells me that you're going to be responsible with any debt that you receive is there a way to do this without debt um for me right now no how how what kind of debt is this it's just to like purchase you know a business yeah um but and it's a business you know i'm i'm involved with i'm familiar with right so um yeah so and you know another thing you know question was i know some people started business and stuff from scratch but this is an existing business so yeah um I don't know if you have any advice with that for you here's what you know the business does the business cash flow to cover the note the debt service absolutely okay well then bro

you don't have anything to be afraid of you already know the business you're fucking doing what needs to be done you're a young man you have an opportunity in front of you I would highly encourage you to go for it if this is something that you believe in because um you know we only get so many chances in our life dude and and you know i know you're 25 and you know you probably think you're going to get a gazillion chances but dude i'm i'm just telling you from a from an older brother perspective we get two or three chances where you got to fucking jump and go and one of them i tell you what one for me is very similar to the one that you're talking about um you know i was i had two stores two retail stores in springfield missouri i got a call one day from a guy that i knew

that had five other stores he called me on a Monday and he said hey man I'm closing my stores and I said he said do you want to buy my inventory and I said and I stopped for a second I thought and I said why are you closing the stores and he's like well I'm getting out of it I want to go into this new thing and I said well why don't you just let me take the stores I'll buy them from you and I'll operate them little did I know the stores were fucking losing money left and right he lied to me about like what they did uh or i wouldn't say lie but just exaggerated it's the honeymoon phase he's gonna prop it up a little bit correct he sold it he sold it and um you know we ended up in a situation where we had to work really hard to fucking make

the business work but he called me on a monday and by thursday i had moved back to st louis to run and i was living in springfield at the time and i fucking said fuck it i'm going we're going and that one move that jump led to us scaling out our retail company where you know we're still growing opening stores doing very well but also it led to the birth of a bunch of other things considering uh you know the one that most people know me by which is first form so that wouldn't have happened if i hadn't jumped and this feels like one of those opportunities for you at 25 and i think you should feel real strong about it dude there's there's there's nothing that you let me ask you this what would make you more certain what information would make you feel better about it you know all the

relevant information correct yeah i mean i honestly i do feel pretty certain and i'm you know i'm this is something i've had a plan for for quite a few years i'm very close with uh the owner right like very very very close um and this has always kind of been the plan that's why i've stuck with uh this company for so long but now that it's you know getting close to time for this to happen i'm just like i you know i just wanted another opinion on it you know what i mean i've talked to a few people um but yeah bro if we look go do it you'll kick ass you'll be fine you'll this is normal i understand you know you get a little nervous and you maybe want some positive reinforcement um bro you you very rarely do i say hey go do it you sound like you've got

have figured out dude i would just i would encourage you to go and go confidently all right i appreciate that yeah brother anything else um no i mean not really here's one thing i will point here's one thing i'll point out to you that is a positive about what what i think just as someone who's heavily in the fitness industry as well you're you're moving into a very good space for what's happening in the world right now um with the automation the i and all the automation all the automation all the tech there's people are going to have more free time and they're always going to be around people they're always going to want to train they're always going to want to consume they're always going to want to be fit at least a certain part of the population is and uh i think you're

moving into something that that has a lot of good upside considering the timing right now so there's that too yeah i feel like for the i think this year for the first time in a few years since covid we're kind of bouncing back yep you know covid was tough for jim you know we were the first one shut down last one's open deemed a cesspools it was awful um bullshit but i think now people are yeah people are like oh that's all bullshit like actually i'm i don't have to be scared of anything really if i'm healthy right that's all there is to it so we're seeing an increase right now and the trends are good um so yeah i feel super confident uh with what i do cool well go do it bro and uh hit us back up if you need any more help as you go i appreciate it all right brother thank you thanks for all the support

Heck yeah, man. Thanks. I see you, Travis. See it. Yeah, man. Something you said there that I think is really, really important is not taking more than you actually need. Yeah. And I feel like that piece right there for some reason just stuck with me because, like,

yeah, you can get, you know, oh, they'll tell you, I'll prove you up to, you know, half a million dollars. You only need $200. Listen, that goes in your personal life too. Yeah. You and I have had those discussions a lot. Oh, yeah. What happened to you this week? No, I had to cash out, baby.

What happened? Hold on. Hold on. Let's just, this is a real life example. It's real. Okay. Do you mind if I, no. Okay.

So DJ wanted to go by a very, very nice house because DJ is doing very well for himself. And he's earned it. All right. But what did I say to you about the house? Why did I not want you to do it? Because there's going to be a lot of costs that come up. Yeah. You're not going to be aware of or tracking that, you know, and there's not going to be one furnace.

It'll be fucking three. That's right. And what happened to you this week? My furnace went out. And how much was it? It's 56.08. Okay. And imagine that times three or four.

You see what I'm saying? So we have to think things through. And just because the math, maths on the short term, there's a lot of things that happen in a long term that we don't account for. And so a lot of people, especially when they're young, and I really like what he had to say. I mean, he sounded like he had his shit together. Yeah, he does. A lot of young people will fucking take, they'll take an extra 100 or 200 or they'll try to get

as much as they can and then they'll say to themselves well you know i only need 300 so i'm going to spend the extra 100 on me right you know i deserve it right just stupid shit stupid kid shit and it ends up fucking us you know what i mean oh yeah but the fact of the matter is is like when it comes to the debt i'm very i feel very good about how i've handled debt over the course of business in my life we are essentially debt free um the that's not very common no that's all that's also why it took so long. That was the point I was going to make. So like, you know, if he went out and started something from scratch bro, he's five, six years away from even getting the brand put together. You know what I'm saying? Like to where people resonate. So by getting this,

you got to look at it as time too. You know, as you get older, you start to value the time as much as you do the money or the opportunity. And there's a time value to this. If he's 25 and he's got to spend four or five years establishing a brand that means by by the time he's 30 he'll be where he is basically right now but like have less time to do it you know what I'm saying so yeah it's it's it's a it's a you have to you know consider all the variables and as you get you know as you get older time becomes one of them and you don't want to spend five years doing something that could be done immediately if it's going to cost you a couple you know a couple bucks um to get it going you know what i'm saying yeah 100

man i think too and this is something else you've told me too just just on finances and and looking at it there's also something to be said too about just being a little uncomfortable yeah because that's what's going to keep you fucking knowing right it keeps you urgent like keep you're you're tread and water you know it's all right comfort is something everybody should try to avoid if you're in business you should never try to get comfortable you should try to be uncomfortable yeah Because that is the urgency that drives you. You know what I'm saying? When you start making good money and everything's going good,

it's real easy to stay in bed, bro. It's real easy to not to say, oh, everything's cool, fuck it, no, blah, blah. But then before you know it, it ain't cool. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. So, and sometimes when it gets not cool, it takes years to recover that back. So, yeah, I agree with that.

I think it's important to stay a little bit uncomfortable. Yeah. That doesn't mean go out and fucking finance a Lambo guys. You got to be very clear about this. For sure. No, let's get another one in, man. Let's get it. Hey, Andy and DJ.

My name is Kaden Butts. Yes, that's my real last name. It literally is B-U-T-T-S. Okay. I've seen worse. Could be buckets. Yeah. You know, I'm 18 and looking to start up a landscaping company within the next year,

and I'm doing everything I can. can think of to be productive. I'm not trying to be a Billy badass or anything, but I have a construction job I've been working for so I can grind, save, and reinvest little by little, while also simultaneously learning the tricks of the trade, I need to be the best I can be. I work 16 hours a day, most days,

with maybe two to three off days a month, during which time I tend to find myself so far behind on personal tasks, such as cleaning my house, and several half-finished yard projects. My friends and family don't see me anymore, which understandably frustrates them to a degree. It also has gotten to a point where I can confidently say, I don't even know what day of the week it is half the time.

I know balance isn't an option in the beginning years, which isn't a problem for me, but I just want to know with your experience and just pure obsession over this business, is there a point that you know you need to step back and maybe take it down a notch? P.S. The Scream of Freedom Energy has kept me sane this summer. Looking forward to seeing into more stores up here in Wisconsin soon.

What we got on this, man. Bro, you already try and take a fucking break. You ain't built nothing yet. You're already talking about balance when you ain't done shit yet, bro. You ain't even fucking started your business yet. Okay? This is the way it goes. I went fucking six years living in a different town, only coming home for,

literal the day of Christmas the day of Easter the day of Thanksgiving and that's it I would drive three hours home for the day and then that night I would drive back I did that for six fucking years I didn't have a day off the entire time now with that being said it sounds like you might have a little bit of an organization problem okay so you need to work on you know being organized with your time making sure that your time is well spent making sure that you know you're not saying oh i work 16 hours so the shit other shit just you know doesn't matter are you really working 16 hours every day every day are you really doing that or are we just saying that we're doing that okay here's the thing when you're young and when you're getting

started this is the level of commitment that it takes and all the things that we talk about over and over and over again on the show where your family and your friends and the people who know you say all these little comments like oh you're changing you know oh you think you're too good for us oh you're working too hard oh you need to take a break you're going through that right now you are dealing with the make or break time in your life right now because I'm going to tell you something bro and not many people will tell you this as you get older you will have more obligations you will probably have a girlfriend or a wife and then maybe some kids and then maybe some bills and then a mortgage and all of these things

that will jail you up from ever being able to do what it is you're trying to do right now so you need to remember one you have an opportunity right now as an 18 year old man to make yourself into something special and get way ahead of everybody else that you know two you have the least amount of obligations that you'll ever have in your life right now you need to utilize that and if that means that the house is a little fucked up then that's what the fuck it means okay we have these things called priorities and your priority right now is to make sure that for the next 80 years, you are doing well. And you might only have one or two times in your life where you could set that foundation properly. And this is one of them. So, you are going to have

to get more organized with your time. You're going to have to understand that your parents and your friends and your family and everybody else are not going to understand. You could try to explain it to him and you should, but they're not going to understand unless they have gone that path. Then you're going to have to spend time with them when you can. And that's reality. And I don't know how to say it any other way, but this is what it fucking takes, bro. You're going through the beginning phases of what it takes. And you're learning why most people can't do it. Because they face all this external pressure. They have their friends. They have their family. They have their girlfriend or boyfriend telling them that they should do it this way or that way.

and this way or that way is what the best thing is for them at the time, not the best thing that it is for you over the course of time. So we have to realize, bro, this is your opportunity and you need to make the most of it. And if you want to build a landscaping company and you want to fucking make it a real thing, 15 years down the road where it is legitimately one of the best landscape companies around, you're going to have to pay your dues right now. now. And that's it. That's the reality. And, um, you know, there's no way around it, man. I don't know what else to tell you. Yeah. I mean, to me it sounds like the power list

would be perfect here. And I think one of the best things that I've been able to experience for the power list, bro, is that no matter how crazy of the day or you knock off those things, those become like those small wins, as small as they may seem. Yeah. Or fucking everything, bro. So maybe it's just making your fucking bed in the morning, bro. They compound, dude. you know and um they compound they build your confidence they they set a foundation for you to believe in yourself and by the way if you use it right if you use the powerless the right way which you can give for free at episode 16 on real a f feed if you use the powerless the right way you cannot fail it's the only system i know that literally removes failure from the

equation it is the only system that does that if you use it properly you cannot fail. And that's the fucking reality of it. So yeah, I would highly recommend using that. Yeah. Yeah, I think another thing, too,

you said, too, it's like, because I feel like there has to be some, some really honest reflection on what the actual inputs are here, right? Because, like,

I've heard that I've had friends, oh, man, I'm so fucking busy. You know what I'm saying? Like, people say that B word a lot. Yeah. Are you, though? No.

Are you doing it? They never are. Busy is a word that people... I'm not saying this guy's not. Listen, I'm not saying he's not. Busy is. Busy is a word that people default to when they want to explain what they've been doing

when they don't have an explanation for what they've been doing. All right. Why are you late? Oh, I was busy. Why didn't this get done? Oh, I was busy. Why isn't your, why does your life look like shit? Oh, I'm so busy.

How the fuck can you be so busy when your life looks like shit? You know what I'm saying? So like it is something people say as a defense when they can't actually explain what they've been doing um busy is for losers effectiveness is for winners and that's it and if you're really good you should be able to be effective without being that fucking busy and that's what the powerless does it gives you your life and it gives you the results that you want and that's the point of it the point of it is y'all waste so much fucking time talking about how busy you are nothing gets done and uh the reality is is if you could get shit done uh in an effective way

day after day after day after day after day you'd have a lot of free time to do whatever you want I mean the biggest thing that people say when they do 75 hard dude is I can't believe how much time I was wasting before they're unaware of it so getting organized with your time and utilizing a system like

the powerless that helps you guarantee that you're moving forward is a must if you're not using it like real talk okay I've built my entire life on that fucking system if you listen to the show and you don't use that there's something wrong with your fucking brain you shouldn't even listen to the show

why would you listen to what I have to say and all the advice I have and all the things about winning and all the shit and then not use the system that I tell you will fucking guarantee you to win when it's free you know what I mean so yeah man

what yeah no I love it yeah I mean that's it it's simple man it's real fucking simple these guys you know I find it interesting that this dude's like you know you haven't even started your company bro and you're talking about fucking backing off bro you got to put some motherfucking earplugs in and you can't listen to people that you don't

want to be like they're going to tell you all the shit that they want to do not what you want for yourself and you're going to have to do that for the next 20 motherfucking years and then after 20 years passed and you've got the you know the biggest most profitable coolest prestigious landscape company and you're you're making amazing money and you have a great house and all this shit everybody's going to tell you oh man you know i'm so glad that you know you did what you did and i'm proud of you and i believed in you the whole time and these are the same motherfuckers are telling you to take a play off or take a break or you know go drink with them or go party with them or whatever it is you guys do they you know they these bro listen most people don't

know what the fuck they're doing in their life they have no fucking idea they can't see further than five fucking feet in front of them. The longest most people see is to fucking Friday night. And if you listen to those people, you're going to be the same as them. You're going to be the motherfucker who spends his whole life going to the same restaurant, the same bar,

drinking with the same people, doing the same shit, with the same amount of fucking money in your bank account. And it's going to be you that pays the regret for that. So you cannot fucking listen to these people because the truth is 90 fucking 8% of people have no fucking clue what they're doing with their life. That's it.

That's real, man. That's real. I love it, man. Let's get our final one in. Let's get another one in here. Let's give Kiera a call. Hello? Kiera, what's up? Yo! What's up?

What's going on? Dude, I'm just, like, studying for, like, a pre-nursing exam, so, like, I'm just lost in on that right now. Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. I got Andy here. What's up, Kiera? How are you?

Dude, you don't even, you don't even know how, like, surreal this is. You know, and, you know, obviously, you know, I don't know if the shit's going to be aired or not, but I'm going to say something, like, so for real. So, like, last year, I was at the lowest point of my life being basically, like, you know, fuck life, fuck all of this. But I was like, you know, I feel like the next approach, like, the only approach that I need to do, like, the most, like, insane shit I could have done is, like, 75 hard. That was, like, for me, it was, like, locking down and doing that. And that, like, I literally saved me because I was on, like, antidepressants. And I was like really down and really numb and like very confused like super what I felt like

sedated and like it really opened up like my life and what I could do. So like I'm super blessed, man. Hey, you did that, man. I didn't do that shit. You did that. That's fucking awesome. That's a huge fucking win, dude. And I appreciate you sharing it.

But remember, that's you. That's all you. It's fucking awesome, man. So what's up? Yeah. Okay. So, like, I mean, there's, like, a little bit, like, more to that. So when I was at, like, the lowest, like, I've ever been in my life, like, being hospitalized, getting out, being, like, on med, like, just super, just super really rock bottom. Like, I really hit rock bottom. And I feel like that was the best thing for me. But I had to move back in with, I guess, I don't want to talk shit about this. particular parent but I had to move back in with like a kind of emotionally abusive parent and it's it's been hard because I want to I want to get better but for some reason when I um like deviate from like kind of taking care of this person they shit on me when I'm not doing

exactly what I want you know what they want me to do and and it's been really hard because I I really, I really love, I really, really love this person, and they're very supportive when they're supportive, but, but I think they might have, like, mental issues and where they're, like, really, really up and, like, really love me and then really, really down when they're mad or upset about their own life and they take it out on me. And it's been hard because I've been, like, weaning off my meds and trying to, like, regulate, but this person is constantly, like, shitting on me when, like, things are good, but then it comes back really fast. then they shit on me right then and there like it's always like a hot cold hot cold and it's been really hard mentally so i i just want to know like what what would you say i can do about that if i'm kind of chained to them financially well you know the first thing that you should do is try to unchain yourself financially so that if you decide that you don't want to tolerate that you don't have to and you can move away from it um with that being said you know there's a

saying right hurt people hurt people and as frustrating as it is to deal with someone like that it's probably coming from a place of hurt and fear and maybe abandonment you know a lot of parents have problems whenever their kids grow up because they have made their entire life raising kids their identity and so when kids start to grow up and become adults it could be very hard for people uh and sometimes when they're afraid of losing you know they overcompensate with you know anger and things that aren't healthy and don't feel good and that's not your problem you didn't do anything wrong it's not you it's it's it's how someone has a lack of control over their own behavior and um you know fuck man i'm i'm sitting here thinking about this and i have so

many people that i've been close to over the years who have you know not my parents but who have mirrored a lot of what you're describing and so i really empathize with it because like dude it when you really care about someone and then someone doesn't approve of you, it fucking hurts, dude, and it causes massive amounts of anxiety. And if you're like me, I like to solve problems. So the minute that someone gets frustrated, I feel like I have to solve it. And then when I can't solve it, it causes like massive fucking amounts of anxiety for me. And what's happened to me in my life is that people have learned that about me and then used it against me. And one of the things that I have found to be effective in dealing with people

like that is to not, it's a pause. It's like a pause, okay? When they get pissed or they get frustrated or they get angry or they become disapproval or they say something, I just don't engage immediately. And then I'll let some time pass and then I'll engage later. And then I'll engage later to correct the problem in some sort of adult way like hey man uh you're having a bad day or what like it's all good but you know i can tell you're frustrated what i know it doesn't have anything with me because i didn't do anything yeah right so what you know what can we do there um at the end of the day and i hate saying this because i know that it's really hard for people but if none of that works sometimes you got to distance yourself from people and move them out of your life

and at least for a time where they don't feel as comfortable treating you that way because sometimes when you take a pause from people's lives it creates an unfamiliarity where they don't feel as comfortable laying all of that kind of shit onto you

you know what I mean? Some distance in between. So fuck this is a hard thing man and it's so it's so different in every situation but at the end of the day here's the thing

you're coming into this world alone you're going to go out of this world alone and if people that are related to you treat you poorly they don't deserve a spot on your roster and that is just the bottom line um there's been a lot of people in my life who have probably unknowingly created feelings inside of me where i felt like they were holding me back or discouraging me or giving me negative energy or judging me in a negative way for the things that I wanted to do in my life that I've had to remove from my life because like I just don't want to fucking hear it. And I'm to the point now at my age, we're really like the first time someone says some bullshit to me. I'm fucking out. Like we're not going to have a friendship. You're not getting in

the circle. Like it's not going to happen. But when you're first starting to establish that, it can be really difficult because we care about people. And especially when it's like our parents or, you know, a brother or sister or cousin or family members that you grew up with, it can be hard. But at the end of the day, man, the truth of the situation always remains the same. And it's this. You only have so much energy in your day to do the things that you think are best for you. And to do the things that are best for you as an individual and be good at them, it requires

most of your energy. When I say most, I mean like upper 90s percent, 97, 98, 99 percent to live a good life, you know, and when I say a good life, I mean, you know, to have enough money to do what you want to do. I'm not saying, you know, you have to be a billionaire or worth $100 million, but, you know, to be comfortable, you have to be able to pay that price of energy. And when you have people that are pulling that energy out of you with really useless shit that doesn't mean anything because they're not able to control their ups and downs, sometimes those people got to be limited or even removed out of your life. And there's nuance to it.

There's there's, you know, everything is a different situation. Everybody has a different story. But at the end of the day, I like the bottom line things. And the bottom line is this. If you spend energy there, that's energy you're not going to have to build a life that you want. And that'll end up making you suffer long term. And so that's how you have to think about it. So all in all, you know, there's steps to solving this, right?

One, have a direct conversation with the person. Hey, I can't have you doing this shit. I can't manage your emotional ups and downs. It's not something I can do. two if they continue to do it you create space three if they continue to do it more you create more space and four if they still don't get it you cut them out forever if you have to and uh the first step for you to be able to do that is get yourself in a place financially where you're not dependent on someone else and that's another thing dude when when people are when people know that you're

dependent on them, um, they will weaponize that. You know, they will say, well, yeah, they will say, well, what, what, she can't do anything about it. Where you're going to go? Yeah, what are you going to do? And yeah, that's, that's what would happen when she would, oh, I said she, but you could probably figure out the mother, but she would threaten to kick me out. Yeah. Yeah. And dude, and dude, and dude, and dude, and dude, and dude, and dude, and dude, and dude, just here's what I've learned man most people are insecure even your fucking family even you even me even all of us we all have insecurities we all have situations you know and emotions and things that don't make all the sense all the time and when we act out it's usually because

we're scared or because we're you know angry and it usually has nothing to do with the other person It's frustration that gets vented into the other person. And when the person finally says, yeah, well, cool. Usually that's when people change their behavior. So, you know, listen, I know this is a hard thing. But at the end of the day, you got to choose yourself because your mom isn't going to take care of you for your whole life. She's not going to be able to. You're going to have to take care of you.

And you're going to have to eventually take care of you. eventually take care of her and you know these are things that that are reality so you know man i feel bad that you're going through it but it's not something that is uncommon you know i think most people go through some kind of shit like this in one way or another especially when they have ambition especially when they want to break the generational cycle of the same old shit you know Because, dude, people will feel all kinds of ways. They'll think they're going to lose you. They'll feel ashamed because they create an environment that you want to escape from.

There's just all kinds of shit, man. And all the shit you're doing that they didn't do. That's right. And sometimes parents and family are the biggest fucking haters, dude. I hate to say that. But it is the truth. I've seen this so many times in my career doing, you know, personal development. where parents, I'm very lucky because my parents are proud of me,

but not all parents are like that. And it's sad. It makes me sad, but you've got to pull your shit together. You got to get fucking strong. And you got to realize that this isn't that they don't love you. It's that they're emotionally and capable of managing their own shit. And it's not a you problem.

No, it's not. And when they respect you, when you go out on your own, you start doing some things, they'll start treating you differently. so yeah that's fucking hard man yeah i mean uh it's it's it's especially hard because um look and and i i 100% acknowledge it i mean as a as a dominican it's it's kind of like the stereotype that like you know our parents like beat us like whenever we ask a question they're always quick

to temper like it's i and it's it's funny that i say like you know our parents beat us but like it's it's so it's so common like to the point where they make literal skits about it but like i like i don't think the thing is i'm not that type of person that doesn't take it to heart it almost seems like everything that she says about me is to it's so pointed it's so hard not to um not to internalize it i've had a you know i'd I hate to throw myself under the brush, but I've had to restart 75 hard a bunch of times last year because she would say, you know, she doesn't burn the house down. They give anything to me or whatever's crazy shit. I've had to, too.

That's normal. You're going to have things that are coming to your life and disrupt you. The biggest thing you can do is get back into it the next fucking day, you know, and by the way, I got my ass beat growing up. I turned out all right. You know what I'm saying? We come from a family. Yeah, not going to lie. Yeah.

Sometimes it's deserved. Yeah, well, every time I got my ass beat by my butt. parents bro i'm gonna tell you right now i fucking deserved it yeah but but like i just used chocolas right that's that the joke you were getting too yeah pretty much like sandals or anything heavy enough to reach you that's that's correct bro yeah that's correct dude i get it yeah i mean look i i actually think people should beat more of their kids so we'd have a better society but you know absolutely absolutely i see that you know i'm kind of i'm not in that i mean i don't know do y'all know what publics is like the public store and not like the paint store no it's a grocery store public uh yeah

but anyways don't listen to don't listen to him his brain his brain is cooked oh yeah i like i like there's one thing i got to tell you dj before you know before i leave i kind of want to roast you on something but um so like i'm not at that upper echelon of like basically like shopping at whole food so i still shop at walmart and i'd be i still be seen like kids get their ass beat and I'm like bravo I see the way they're acting I'm like there's no way I would not like throw you know what I do respectfully you know what I do when I go to Walmart I beat other people's kids I just grab them fucking spake their ass their parent looks at me all crazy and shit I'm like you somebody's got to do it

yeah that's right yeah the amount of times I wanted to like I don't know if you'll get it like pizza pie these kids you know throw them in the air that I'm like around and, you know, throw them to infinity and beyond is too many times for one more. Pizza pie. A pizza pie. That's right. What? DJ got hungry.

The pizza pie? What would my move be? The pizza cutter. That's right. We'd be the tag team, Mario Luigi. That's right. Well, hey, listen, the thing is, is like, dude, you got to root your identity and approval and yourself.

That's something you got to work on. Your parents shouldn't have, how old are you? I'm 25, so, yeah, my tender old age of 25, absolutely. Yeah, dude. It's the only parent I got, so I love her. I understand, but you also got to think healthy of yourself and good of yourself and, you know, realize that, you know, when people say, you know, when people say that. say things that are not nice to you rarely does have anything to do with you. It's the truth.

Have you read the four agreements? No, I had not. Go read that book. Go buy that book today and read that book. It's a good book. One of the four agreements is you don't take things personal and it does a good job of explaining why. And I think it'll help you sort of separate your identity from needing the approval of you know anybody else so um there's a lot here okay but here's the deal you got to continue to work on yourself continue to develop confidence and belief in yourself you've got to have hard conversations with your parent you have to behave appropriately to protect your energy and if that means creating space that's what it means but you're an adult and your identity and your value and

worth should be based in what you think, not what someone else thinks or says. And because when we give that responsibility to other people, even if we care about them and love them, they can hurt us very hard and very bad. And, and it doesn't even have to be true. So, you know, you got to be able to, you have to be able to look at other people, have such a strong identity in yourself that you can look at other people when they say things to you and be like, that ain't fucking true, right? Like, That's the goal. The goal is, and if it is true, you know, you say, oh, well, that's fair, you know.

Found a hole in my book. Yeah, that's fair. And I need to fix that. But you should get to a very balanced point about what the truth is, and it shouldn't make you angry. Like, I get a lot of people to say a lot of things about me, right? But when they say things that are completely untrue, I laugh. I'm like, all right, well, whatever, man, you know, it's not going to, I don't let it affect me at all. I don't let it affect what I think about.

myself, how I see myself. I don't dwell on it. I just look at it and I say, yeah, that's not true because I'm very in tune with who I am, what I believe. I know how I live my life. I know what my heart's like. And no one can shake that. And that comes from establishing identity in your own actions and results, not on what other people think. And, you know, this is going to be a process for you. It really is. It's, These are tough things. So somebody that didn't give a fuck would say, oh, just cut them out. But at the end of the day, it's, I don't think it's that serious. I think it's just, you know, you're becoming, you are an adult, but in her mind, you're becoming an adult and she's behaving poorly about that transition. That's my take on it. What do you think, bro?

Yeah, no, 100%. It's one of those things that's unfortunate. It's going to suck. there's no it's not going to be all friendly in night like but it's necessary i mean you've had situations like this been in that same i'm just now getting out of that and like i mean that's been my entire life up until 30 so i mean um that's one of those things man it's necessary but but when i first met you you were having a lot of issues a lot of those yeah a lot same issue she's talking about a lot of those and it sucks too because i mean like just like in your situation care like you want

better you want to do yeah really awesome things you know you talk you're going through nursing school like that's that's a great deal yeah and that's a hard time to go through on its own in a perfect home yeah you know what I'm saying so it's like you can't allow any other unnecessary stress in there you don't have the time for it yeah and like when you say oh I had to quit 75 hard because of this or that or this that tells me that there's a boundary that is being violated or there's a boundary that's not set because replace 75 hard with your nursing program and now she causing a fit that causes you to miss key elements of nursing school and eventually fail nursing school. Right.

Now you're fucking up your shit for real. Right. So there has to be a boundary as an adult set. And that starts with a very simple conversation that happens when that person is in a good mood, not when they're in a bad mood, right? When you need to have a conversation about someone's behavior, it's usually better to have it when it's not in the heat of the moment, but it's more so like, you know, everything thing's cool yeah so i hope that helps man that's that's that's hard but i think everybody goes

through this in one way or another especially when they're trying to do things that are outside the realm of what our parents have done so uh i'm sorry you're going through it but dude this is it's part of the price yeah honestly it's i've i've come to realize you know all the times that i've And it's poor. The very poor excuse is whenever I use any arguments, which is terrible. I hate saying this out loud, but saying that I've got into an argument with my mom or a fight. And then I just chose to fuck off the whole day. Like me doing this, like me thinking about my future, me taking securing, trying to secure my future, I realize that those are very, I'm not in high school anymore.

I can't just be like, oh, fuck my mom. I'm just not going to do homework. Like, I'm supposed for that. like i'm way too old to that um so i i definitely know how to delegate my time if she's acting up like oh wow i'm an adult have a car i get out i study elsewhere and let her be a demon in my home you know you you just got to realize and not let that affect you in the moment um you know being able to deal with things not going our way that's part of what the 75 hard program's about it's about being able to deal with the things that come up throughout our day and not get distracted

and be able to build enough discipline, grit, fortitude, mental focus, mental toughness to push through the events of the day to get done what we are needing to do for our long-term and short-term future. And, you know, being able to recognize that where you say, well, you know, I shouldn't be fucking off the whole day when someone gets mad of you. Yeah, dude, you got to fix that because real. talk um there's going to be something every day if it ain't your mom it's going to be something else and uh you have to learn how to deal with that without letting it totally derail you and i'll be real like

i struggle with this same thing that you're talking about like there is times still to this day in my life where i get so angry and so pissed off that i will fucking fuck off my whole day that doesn't happen every day it doesn't happen every week it doesn't happen every week it doesn't happen every month, but it still happens and it's because it's a process and, you know, it's going to be a lifetime commitment for you, especially as someone who takes things more personal to understand how to not do that and let it go. And the quicker you can do that, the more peace you're going to have. So you got this here. Yeah, I think so too. You got this. I send you some links to that book for you too. Okay. Thank you so much. I just, I just saw the

link but there's just so many factors going on in my life that are kind of like shit factors like my car broke down on me I just got a second job so that I can be homeless make more money get out like my test might the really big exam is coming up in one week and I've had so little time to study this is all I feel like you know I think this is all a sign for me to that I need to work my fucking ass off to get the fuck out and you do that I want to live that's 100% accurate and let me tell you something else there's a lot of motherfucking people that come from a much harder situation that you are that have done everything that you're wanting to do and more so remember that when you think oh man because us as humans as individuals we tend to think we've got it the hardest out of

everybody and it's just not true everybody's got a hard shit it just appears in different ways and you have to understand that this is part of the price this is part of the test and you are seeing exactly correctly that you need to do these things now when you're young so that you don't have to do them at 40 saying oh you know I finally get my life together so you got you got you got this I think guys thanks so much for answering this has been a stick conversation I'm definitely not going to let you know I don't know how to say this politely you know the nicest demon I've ever known you know probably down oh you got it Well, cool.

All right. Thanks, guys. All right. Bye. Bye. Yeah, man. That's a tough thing, man, but it is so necessary. Dude, at the end of the day, man, you got to understand that it doesn't matter who it is.

It doesn't matter if it's your best friend. It doesn't matter if it's your parents. It doesn't matter if it's your siblings. It doesn't matter who it is. If they are pulling away from what you are trying to do with your life, and not contributing to it they don't deserve a spot on the roster because the achievement of life goals is one of the hardest things that you can do and it doesn't matter if it's being a nurse or if it's being a CEO or if it's being an athlete or a musician being

accomplished at anything takes time and energy and work and we can't have that energy pulled away by people, no matter who they are, if we're serious about getting where we want to go. And for most people, that's going to mean you're going to have to cut quite a few people out of your life over the years. You know, the people that I associate with today are not the people I associated with five years ago or 10 years ago or 20 years ago. It's just the truth. Yeah, there's a few, but it's not many because we're always growing.

We're always evolving and we're always moving. up the ladder if we're an ambitious person. And as we go through this process, what ends up happening is all of these people that take away from us get replaced with people that contribute and push us forward. And then when you get into that spot, it's it's a different life, man. You know, you're not having conversations with people at dinner who are questioning what you're trying to do. You know, you're not having family events where people are like, oh, you're still going to nursing school what are you going to do fucking you know blah blah blah you know we get all these smart ass comments and eventually those comments are replaced with people that are like

hey man what you got going on oh you got that hey dude i know this person they can help you out with this let's get here the conversations completely change from people pulling you back to people pushing you forward and unfortunately most people never get to that point because they quit before they ever get there they don't realize that you end up being surrounded by people who care about you who want you to win guess what most of those people aren't fucking related to you

they're not related to you so you haven't even met him yet look bro exactly exactly and for kiera you know she's 25 dude she's going through a transition period where her mom

she sounds like she's bipolar that's what it sounds like but I'm not a fucking you know in a place to diagnose that but at the end of the day she's got somebody who's dragging her down a path that she can't afford to go down at this point in her life and whether that means having a conversation and having a stop or whether that means never talking to her again your life is that important it is that fucking important because you only get one and sometimes people are fucking stuck with shitty-ass parents bro

And that's just it. That is. You know? It's real, man. That's real. That's real. Well, guys. We'll catch you all on CTI tomorrow.

Don't be a ho. Show the show. We're from sleeping on the flow. Now my jury box froze. Fuck a pole. Fuck a stole. Counted millions in a cold. Bad bitch, booted swow.

Got her on bank row. Can't fold. Just a no headshot case closed. Thank you.