REAL AF with Andy Frisella - Change, with Andy Frisella - MFCEO130

Episode Date: March 7, 2017

How do you make a real change--in business and in life? How do you negotiate transitions, exchange bad habits for good ones, and transform how you look at life? In this episode of The MFCEO Project, Andy Frisella and Vaughn Kohler talk about the art of metamorphosis for the sake of success. (And as a bonus, Andy provides his take on common sense and common mistakes in relationships.) 

What is up guys you're listening to the MFCEO project I'm Andy I'm your host and I am the motherfucking CEO guys if this is your first time joining us welcome we don't discriminate here you don't have to be an entrepreneur per se you don't have to own an actual business. The goal of this podcast is to get you to think like an entrepreneur, to go through life with a swagger, with an attitude, with the skills you need to build the life you want. And we do that a number of different ways by approaching a number of different topics. We don't charge for the podcast, as always. If you feel like this podcast helped you, if you feel like this podcast helped

you, if you feel like it brought you value, all I ask is that you refer a like-minded friend. Okay? I don't think that's too much to ask. As always, I'm joined by my co-host, Vaughn the Impaler, the pastor of disaster. What's up, man? What if we did charge for the podcast? How much would we have made by now? A lot. A lot. Like billions, maybe? Yeah, trillions.

Trillions. Yeah. Maybe we should. We should pull everything off and make it premium content on the MFCEO.com. Hey, man. It's not a bad idea. Yeah. I know this.

I know that if you listen to this podcast and you can't figure out how to fucking do something by now, there's something wrong with your fucking brain, right? Because we're giving away all the tools, every single one of them that you need to make change. You know, a lot of people are out there claiming to have all the answers or to give all the tools or to help people. But a lot of these people haven't done anything in their own lives. You know, there are people who read books, there are people who know theory, there are people who, uh, have, you know, studied things. But when you actually try to look and see what they've actually done,

you know, that shit is somewhere else that you can't ever fucking find. Right? Right. So, I don't know. You know, I think if you start from the beginning and you go to now, I mean, we've obviously progressed. The beginning podcasts sound a lot worse than they do now, I think. But at the same time, the value's always been there. And I think the information's always there. So, I mean, if you're somebody, and we're going to talk about this actually today, if you're somebody who's looking to make a change and grow and transform into something that you want to be from where you are, the answers are in this podcast, every single one of them. And at the end of the day, it's going to come down to you. It's going to come down to you fucking doing it. You know, everybody says that do the fucking work, you know, just do

it. It's probably the famous, most famous tagline ever. But at the end of the day, that's what it comes down to. You have to fucking execute. And so many people try to do everything they can to not have to execute. You know, they're looking for that corner to cut or that shortcut or that secret way. And there is no secret way. There just isn't. And anybody who's ever gone the journey knows that there is no secret way. So if you're one of these people who's looking to make a change or looking to transform or looking to make some sort of transition in your life, we're going to kind of review that today and talk about those things from a mental standpoint. Right.

So it's a little bit more of a, you know, not to say it's not practical, but it's a little bit more of a mental mindset type podcast today, I think. Yeah, a little bit of both. I wanted to add, though, that not only is there not a secret way, you don't necessarily need personal attention. I know you and I have talked about this before. We get emails all the time saying, Hey, does Andy mentor people? And how much does it cost? And I always laugh because it's like fucking afford it. Well, yeah, but yes, he does mentor people every week. Yeah. Right. And it's free. Right. Exactly. So listen to the podcast and you'll get everything you need. I get that.

I get needing mental. No, people want, that's because they want assurance. They want a handheld. Yeah. And the real world doesn't hold your fucking hand. Right. You know, it's a mental block that people have. They think that if they don't have someone to like say, hey, look, you can do this.

Or hey, look, I'm going to show you how to do this personally. Or Hey, look, you can do this. Or, Hey, look, I'm going to show you how to do this personally. Or, Hey, look, let's do this together. That somehow they're not in the club. Like they're not authorized to do it. And that's the mental limits that are instilled upon us from the day that, you know, we go to our first class in our first school. You know what I mean? It's, it's now it's not you could be anything you want or you can do this or you could be an astronaut or you could be a baseball player now it's you got people who have relegated themselves to let's be honest minimum paying jobs to teach other people okay telling you look, you should probably be more realistic because the chances of

being a pro ballplayer are really slim, or the chances of being president are really slim, or the chances of being an astronaut are really slim. And from the day that we're five or six years old and we're going to fucking preschool and kindergarten and first grade, we got people telling us that. And that's not right. That's's not okay and what would society look like if that wasn't the case i think we live in a completely different world right you know but we we don't we live in a society where people are trained from day one to instill mental limits on themselves which eventually cage them up into a box that they spend the rest of their life trying to fucking escape from. And that's what's fundamentally wrong with our education

system is that it squashes people belief in themselves. It makes them think they have to have somebody to authorize them or give them permission or hold their hand when in reality, no, you don't. You've got to give yourself permission. hold their hand when in reality no you don't you've got to give yourself permission you've got to give yourself the okay you've got to give yourself the authority to go out and do things and if you do that there's not these magical people out there they're going to fucking stop you it's you stopping you right well you already mentioned our topic today which is is change, transition, transformation. And I wanted to throw out an analogy to get us started, and that is the analogy of alchemy. Alchemy was something that was kind of all the rage back in the 16th century.

It was the idea that you could figure out a way to transform lead into gold or like worthless material into valuable material. And it seems like the more I talk to you, the more I take in all the things you say, I would say that you would say that successful people have the ability to perform alchemy. They have the ability to take what other people would say is worthless or doesn't have potential and turn it into gold. And just to see differently, to transform their habits from lead to gold. I mean, they just have that transformative touch. So I thought it would be great just to go deep into what that means. Let's do it. So the first question, I think, you know, you talk a lot about success zombies,

and obviously there are just a lot of them out there. But just playing devil's advocate and being nice to people for a second, let's say somebody's up there and they're saying, all right, Andy, I've been a success zombie, but man, I really do want to change. I really do want to stop being somebody who takes in all this information and never does anything with it. In your mind, what are the first baby steps to real change in a person's life? First things first, I will go back and listen to episode 107, which is win the day. Okay.

And start utilizing the power list. All right. So let's reference that real quick because it's important. I think that's probably the number one most practical podcast that we've done. So if you're one of these people, you need to go memorize what the fuck we talk about in that one. But I think the first step is what I've already covered, is that if you're a success zombie, if you're a guy who's listened to all the gurus, listened to all the – you listen to Gary Vee, you listen to Grant Cardone, you listen to me, you listen to all these Tony Robbins and all these other dudes, right? And you're like, okay, I get it.

I want to do something. But you have such a hard time breaking out. It's what I already said. You have to realize that you are going to have to break out on your own. Nobody's going to come break you out. I'm not coming to save you. Tony Robbins is not coming to save you. Gary is not coming to save you.

We are actually giving you all the tools, save you. Gary's not coming to save you. We are actually giving you all the tools, but you're not making the decision to act and that's on you and nobody could do that for you. So you have to realize that there is no people out there that are going to give you permission. You know, our whole life we've been programmed that we got to ask permission and we've got to get, you know, authorized, you know, like, dude, you got to get a fucking hall, raise your hand if you're going to go to the bathroom. It starts when we're little bitty kids, you know, and it's all part of societal programming. You know, you have to realize that the educational system, the way it's set up is not designed for people to be personally financially ultra successful

it's designed to create people who know how to follow fucking directions so that other people can utilize those people in their companies right the whole education system is designed around that and if you think it's not you're you're mentally fucking there's something wrong with you so the first thing if you want to change i was going to say retarded but i know that's not politically correct whatever but fuck that's basically what it comes down to the literal term of retarded you're very fucking slow right okay so so people don't need validation from anybody else once they decide decide they want to change, they can do it. And I know you absolutely hate, detest, loathe cliches.

But would you also agree that along with that goes the whole concept of everything you need is already in you? Yeah, that's like our boy Ben Newman likes to say that. And that's cool because it's true. Cliches are cliches for a reason. It's true. It's true. It's just letting it, it a reason. It's true. They're true. It's true. It's just letting it, it's like giving yourself the okay to let the shit out.

Right. You know what I mean? Like, dude, I get people that come up to me all the time and they're like, dude, how do you live the way you live? And how do you have that attitude? Because I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks. And I mean that. Like, dude, I care what certain people think, like the people in this building and like the people close to me and I treat them well and I do the best I can for them.

But like some Joe Schmoe off the street, if you don't fucking like me, fuck you. Right. I don't care. I really don't. Yeah. Which, which raises an interesting question in my mind. But like people worry so much about what other people think that it keeps them from ever trying to get out of that, out of that box.

Right. You know, like, oh, well my teacher from fifth grade told me that i would never be anything but a but a ditch digger right so you like believe that right the reason that teacher fifth grade is a fucking teacher is because the motherfucker couldn't do that's truth and there's a lot of good teachers out there i had some of the best of them right at vianney yes yeah but i'm gonna tell you right now and that's my number one charitable cause is because they did so much for me but there's far more shit ones out there no i agreed so just out of morbid curiosity who would bother you if you found who would it bother you if you found out that they didn't like you like name somebody you're like if you found if

you found out like they didn't like you you'd be like i'm kind of bummed it's not even about didn't like like if i found out my dad was disappointed in me, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or something like that. Or my brother was legitimately disappointed in me. You know what I mean? It's not like or dislike. If you're far enough away from me that you don't like me, I don't really

care. You know what I mean? I was just thinking what I would do if The Rock hopped on my IG page and was like, man, this guy's an idiot. I'd be like, oh, man, that kind of sucks. What difference does it make? Well, I don't know. The Rock's pretty cool.

I mean, yeah, but I don't know. Yeah. But anyway, going back to that. So you don't need permission to make a change. You've got all the resources you need to make the change is what I was getting at that you would agree to. And then so what's next? Like in practical terms, you said to make the change is what I was getting at. Right. That you would agree to. And then, so what's next? Like, in practical terms, you said to win the day. So let's talk about-

Dude, you've got to stop and think about what the fuck it is you want. Like, most people are so into, like, they think on such a micro level, like, the way they see the world is, like, Monday through fucking Friday. Right. Right? And then Saturday and Sunday are, like, the reward. Right. That's how they see fucking Friday. Right. Right. And then Saturday and Sunday are like the reward. That's how they see the world. So like they don't ever think about like a year or five years or 10 years down the road

because they're so busy thinking about how to get to Friday night that they don't think about those things. So you have to like spend some real time thinking about what it is that you actually want and not just going through life with your head underwater trying to swim to the next fucking buoy so that you can take a breath for two days. Right. So deciding what you want is a huge deal. And most people don't ever even do that, as weird as it sounds, because it's automatic to me. Yeah. But people don't do that.

They don't think about what they want. So how the fuck are you're gonna get what you want if you how are you gonna travel somewhere if you didn't look at the fucking map or how are you gonna end up where you want to be if you just get in your car start driving you don't know where the fuck you're going right you know what i mean it's the same thing and so you have to spend some time reflecting on what it is you really want and then you build a plan backwards from that. And then you implement daily, you know, a daily structure, which is, you know, the episode 107, you start executing steps. It's that simple. Right. So let's talk about, because another way of referring to what you really want is what's your vision for your life. And I know one of your key planks in the

win the day that I think I'd like you to spend a little bit more time fleshing out is this whole idea of visualization. And I know you've said before that the people who are really successful, they just see the world with different eyes. They have a different vision from everybody else. And so I guess, and you've talked about how visualization has worked for you. But I mean, in other podcasts, we've kind of, we've touched on it, but we've kind of gone gone over it pretty quickly so in terms of visualizing the kind of the kind of life that people want why don't you talk a little bit about because you i know people don't understand what it means yeah they hear visualizing and they think like like they could think about it like one day like like literally they could think about like oh i thought about that once. Right. And it's going to happen.

Yeah. Like there is like so much validity to consistently visualizing and what I believe proof in the metaphysical and quanta physical world that there is a way to manipulate the fucking universe to become what it is you want it to become. And to be honest, I've had too many things fucking happen to me what it is you want it to become and and to be honest i've had too many things fucking happen to me to believe anything else right so you have to train your brain to constantly see yourself in that situation and that's not something you can do one time or two times it's something you have to do every day just like you have to brush your teeth every day and put on deodorant every day and take a fucking shower every day. You know, you can't just do it once and be like, oh, I'm great.

I visualized it once. And then it didn't work because it didn't come true. That's not how it works. You have to make visualization part of your day every single day. And when you visualize things, you have to actually see yourself in the situation from like a first person point of view you know like that's how i do it and i try to see everything around me i try to see the people i'm talking to i try to see the details of whatever wherever i'm around you know the finishes on the materials on the wood everything you know what i mean not just like on a macro scale like oh i see myself being president

one day look like i would try to imagine myself sitting behind the fucking desk in the Oval Office and what the wood would look like and what the carpet would look like and what the walls would look like and what it would be like when somebody came in the office. You get what I'm saying? Right. So in other words, not abstract, concrete. Yes. You want concrete details. Yes, right.

Like you're looking at a movie. Yes, exactly. And the more you train yourself to do that the more real it becomes for your brain and the more and i can't explain this part but the more the shit happens you know and you know a lot of people don't believe in that and you could choose to believe or not believe it doesn't really make a difference to me but i know it fucking works right so right well um i don't know if you saw and you have to do it daily. It's a daily discipline. Okay. Like it's not, you can't just, you can't just, you know, like, dude, I, I do my visualization every fucking day and I've done it every day since like 2006 every day, you know, and, and things are going pretty much how I see them to go for the most part. Well, a while back I came across a pretty insane study done by an exercise physiologist

that actually proved that people that visualized working out and doing weights, actually there was evidence that muscle growth did occur. The point is not that it didn't occur in the same way, clearly, if you actually lifted weights. But the point was the power of the mind. The mind is so powerful that when you visualize lifting weights, it actually produces. I mean, it's insane.

So I want to be really specific because I want people to adopt this practice because I know how helpful it's been for you. So what time of day do you normally do it? I do it before I go to bed. Okay, you do it before you go to bed. Do you literally close your eyes? Yeah. Okay. And you incorporate a dream board all the time or you just use the power of your own mind? No, I use my own mind. Okay. But you do occasionally use a dream board.

Yeah. A vision board, yeah. Oh, a vision board. So is there a difference between the two or is the vision board just supposed to be an aid? The vision board is just something that you surround yourself with of things that you want your life to be. You know, mine is in my office and I haven't updated it in a while. And everything that's on there I have and have built. So, you know, it's time for me to change mine. But that's just something that helps surround you with the things that you want to become and keeps it at the top of your mind. You know what I mean?

It helps fine-tune that tool. I can't really say how the fuck this shit works. I just know it works. Right. But I think your point is a really good one, which is you can't just do it once and be like, all right, well, I'm hoping for some change in my life. So I'm guessing that what we're talking about here is we're talking about the visualization helps to promote massive change in your life because you're constantly holding in front of your eyes what you're striving to become. Yeah, and if you focus, dude, whatever you end up focusing on consistently is what you're going to become. Your actions are going to follow your focus all the time, no matter what,

no matter what the fuck it is. If you're focused on how sad you are and how fat you are and how depressed you are, guess what? You're going to get sadder, you're going to get fatter, and you're going to get more depressed because the actions that follow those feelings are all actually to contribute to that. You know, if you, if you take gratitude for what you have, you focus on the positive, you focus on where you're going to be, the actions will follow those actions. And that's, that's a, that's a proven thing. You can't feel sad and thankful or sad and angry at the same time. You know what I mean? So whatever you're focusing on, you're going to follow up with the proper actions to make that happen. It's human nature.

Right. You know? So while we're on that topic, because obviously you've talked about the power of, change happens and it's driven by the power of belief. You've actually used the word faith at times not necessarily the formal organized religion sense but in the general spiritual sense but you've also said that there's there's kind of two sides in the same coin that the work comes before the belief right so

elaborate on that well dude you know when you when you haven't done anything and you haven't accomplished anything and you haven't like become any part of what it is you want to become you have this place of you're in this place of mind uh where you say well you know that's going to take a lot of work and i don't really know if it's going to work even if i do the work you understand what i'm saying so it's like okay well so am i taking a gamble to do all this work and what if it doesn't happen and these are the conversations that we have and these are the conversations that most of everybody listening right now has that keeps them from becoming what it is they want to become so when I say you know work comes before the belief what I mean is that

you're going to have to have faith and you're going to have to do some work and then when you do some work you're going to see some results and then when you have some results you're going to have to have faith and you're going to have to do some work. And then when you do some work, you're going to see some results. And then when you have some results, you're going to start to believe. And then when you work a little bit more and get some more results, your belief is going to get stronger and so on and so on and so on. So that when you become to a point like where I'm at in my life, you know, like I don't have a problem with belief like ever. Like if I say, okay, I want to do this, I have a hundred percent confidence I'm going to do it. So that would have never happened if had I not just took that leap of faith and done the work without the reward. And I did that for 10 years. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So people, you know, they're looking for that, that validation

or that indication that whatever they're doing is going to work before they start because they don't have any fucking belief. But once you start believing, it becomes a lot easier to do the fucking work. You know what I'm saying? So it's like a sliding scale. And it's, I mean, how, I mean, you can't blame people for thinking that way because it's the way that we're brought up and the way we're taught, like I said, is not taught. It's taught that like success is this magical thing that is only reserved for certain people. And the truth of it is, is that if you do the work and you work hard enough, you're going to get pretty fucking good.

And if you get pretty fucking good, maybe you don't make it to the top level of whatever it is that you're shooting for. But at the end of the day, you're going to be a hell of a lot better than you are today. So why doesn't it make sense just to go do it? Right. And people talk themselves out by this argument of like, well, if I do, if I do all this extra work at work, nobody will notice. And I won't get that promotion. You know what I mean? And if I do, if I do all this extra stuff, uh, at home, you know, it's not going to matter. It's not going to help my marriage because my wife won't notice,

you know, or if I do this and this and this, you know, and that's how people talk themselves. And that's why they remain exactly where they are. Right. So you have to do some things. It's just like anybody, like anybody listening right now who has ever gone from like mediocre shape or overweight to in shape or lost a significant amount of weight knows what I'm talking about. Because when you first start, you know, the first three, four, five, six weeks, the results are minimal. And then all of a sudden shit starts happening, you know? And if you didn't have the faith for the first five or six weeks to stick through something, when you're not seeing any results, the belief part would have never came,

you know? And that's why you see so many people who just say shit like, oh, well, you know, my whole family's fat and so I'm fat. Right. You know, and I'm just I'm just supposed to be this way. Right. No, you're not. You're just a product of your fucking habits. Right. You know.

Right. And that goes for anybody. So basically, the belief gets you going, but it's the work that's going to sustain you. And then once the work, it's kind of hard to even wrap my head around in terms of what comes first, what comes second. Work always comes first. Work always comes first. Yeah. You're going to have to do some shit and not get anything back for a while before you start to believe that it's actually working. Right. You got to work, see results, then belief. Work, see results, belief. And you do that cycle enough times, the belief comes real strong to where you know that when you do the work, the result will always be there.

And there's no fucking magic. It's all about eliminating the thought of the magic. Right. Right? The X factor. Right. Whatever people think it is. Well, and I also think it's instructive to point out that you don't say the talent comes before the belief or the giftedness.

It's the work. It's the work. Yeah. It's the work. Yeah. There's things that you're going to be naturally good at. There's things that you aren't going to be naturally good at. That goes for every single person on earth. You know, there's going to be things that come easy to you.

There's going to be things that are not easy to you. And the people who win understand that. The people who lose think that they're the only ones like that. They're the only ones that have a hard time with this. It's not for them. Right, right. So if you look at our demographics, we actually have a pretty good number of people who listen to us

that are kind of up there in terms of their 40s and that sort of thing. And I don't know, man. What would you tell somebody who was 40 or even 50, who just suddenly came to a, you know, a watershed moment in their life? And they're like, man, I'm ready to do things differently. I'm ready to change. I'm ready to be a whole new me, but they're riding 40, 50 years of bad habits. Like, how do you change those habits? How do you get out of like deeply ingrained patterns dude it takes work you know it's going to take fucking effort it's going to take you

concentrating all the shit we've been talking about it's going to take fucking focus it's it's not it's not something that's going to be easy but it's not just hard i don't think there's any difference between 50 years of habits and 10 years of habits. It's the same fucking thing. You know, the problem with 40 and 50 year olds is they fucking say, well, I'm going to be fucking 70 in 20 years. So I don't want to spend the next 10 years hustling balls. Well, first of all, you should because it's fucking fun and you'll have a good time and you'll be fulfilled by the work.

Second of all, what's your legacy going to be? Third of all, wouldn't you rather have 20 good years than fucking zero, right? 20 years is a long fucking time. You know what I mean? So, uh, you know, I'm doing this eight, 18 years now, 17 years, and I've been living pretty fucking awesome for about, you know, seven of those. So how's that not, you know, it's worth it. Right. So people don't, you know, they tell the older people, oh, well, if I could live life over, I'd fucking start over.

Right. You know? Right. Like, it's not going to be the easiest thing in the world, but there's no reason you can't do it. I mean, I would even argue, what if you really only ended up living it a year before you die exactly which which you're gonna do just kind of like fade into the end of the day you want to fucking look here's what it comes down to at the end of the

day when you die you want to be able to look back and say i did something i did something with my life i did something that was cool i did something that helped people i did something that brought value i did something i created something i did something you know what. I did something that brought value. I did something. I created something. I did something. You know what I mean? You don't want to just say, oh, I wish if I would do it over, I could have done this. Right. What might have been.

Right. Worst thing to put on your chest. Yeah. Be thankful for the 10 years that you, or the 20 years or the 30 years you have left and say, man, you know what? I learned a lot. I lived a really interesting life. I went from living this kind of life to living this kind of life. There can be no regret in that. So, you know, at the end of the day, it just comes down to people talking themselves out of it.

Right. And older people definitely talk themselves out of it because of their age. I hear it all the time, but it's, it's bullshit. Right. You know, it's just another excuse. Absolutely. No question. So, I mean, it's just another excuse. Absolutely. No question. So, I mean, let's just talk broadly again here about this whole concept of change. Because people don't like change, you know. Whether it's going from job to job or moving from city to city. In your mind, how does the truly successful person look at change look at the whole concept to change how they interpret it as like as necessary as like oxygen you know what i'm

saying like dude you have to live in a state of uncomfortable pressure. Okay. And you don't live a state of uncomfortable pressure by staying the same. Right. And the reason you have to live in a state of uncomfortable pressure is because somebody who's successful understands that all the creative shit comes from that place. You don't do your best work unless you have to do your best work. And people, people spend their whole lives trying to avoid that pressure when in reality, that's the thing that's going to make them, you know? So I think people who are truly successful understand that life is a game of evolution on a fucking year by year by year by year basis you know every year you're working you're creating you're developing a new version of yourself to

become what it is that needs to be at that time you know or what needs to become you know the neck for the next goal or the next thing or the next this you know the typical mindset is to you you know, like we talked about, go out, get a job, get married, have some kids, you know, get in debt, spend the rest of your life working for somebody to pay off the debt. And, and then, uh, you know, that's life. That's the way life's supposed to be. But the problem with that is, is that, and there's no problem with that if that's what you want. But the problem with that for somebody who wants more, like, you know, it's like in The Matrix when Morpheus is like the red pill and the blue pill, which I actually met him in L.A. You met Keanu Reeves?

No, no, no. Lawrence Fishburne. Lawrence Fishburne. That's awesome. Yeah, the last time I was in L.A. That's awesome. We were waiting in line to take a leak. It was pretty funny. That's awesome. Yeah, the last time I was in LA. That's awesome. We were waiting in line to take a leak. It was pretty funny. That's great.

Yeah. But I told him the story, you know, that I've used this example before when I speak. You know, the red pill or the blue pill. It's like, do you want to be ignorant and do you want to live in the box? Right. Or do you want to take the other pill and do you want to be aware? And if you're somebody who has been brought up in the traditional sense and you've become aware of what it is that you want and it's not in that box you're going to be miserable if you don't fucking you know work to to at least expand your role of

whatever role you're in you know a lot of people or you know they have great jobs and they're like fuck i don't want to leave my job start a a company. That's not what I'm saying. But what you probably should do is try to become the biggest part of that company that you possibly can. You know what I mean? Because there's nothing, dude, there's no shame in being an extremely valuable linchpin of a company. Not everybody's meant to run their own company.

In fact, most of you listening are not meant to run your own company. Most of you listening are more likely to become an extremely valuable part of a company. And we've got a podcast on that topic coming up here pretty soon. Right, yeah. Yeah. Well, the entrepreneur mindset applies to employees. You know, like a lot of people, because entrepreneurship is, you know, the new rapper. Right, the new rapper.

You know what I'm saying? Like, it's cool. Everybody's like, oh oh fuck be an entrepreneur but the problem with it is and this is the truth you know most people don't have the fucking internal intestinal fortitude to fucking do it because i'm gonna tell you right now it's hard as fuck and it's hard as fuck for for me. And I'm tough as fuck when it comes to that shit. You know what I mean? Like I do shit on a daily basis that most people will have a nervous fucking breakdown about. And I don't sweat.

And I think if you ask Gary Vaynerchuk or Grant Cardone or any of these other motherfuckers, they'll tell you the same thing. So don't glorify being an entrepreneur because there's a lot of shit that comes with it that you wouldn't fucking like. Right. You know, don't look at just the good shit. So, you know, being an extremely valuable part of a company, becoming very well paid without having the stress of all the other shit that comes with it is a pretty good deal. You know what I mean? And you can use the skills that we talk about here to become that. So, you know, when you do become aware, you can usually fulfill those, those desires through becoming the most valuable aspect of where you are now versus trying to start over. Cause like,

let's say we got like dudes listening who are making a, you know, 150, 200 grand a year. And they're like, fuck dude, I want to make 10 million a year. Well, dude, let me tell you something. You better be prepared to starve for like 15 years. And then on top of it, you better be prepared to lose everything you fucking have right now and start completely fucking over like three or four times. And I don't mean money. I'm talking about like your friends, your family and people, you know what I'm saying? saying like it's just not for everybody so you know less that so I think that going back to the issue of change I think that the reason that so many people are afraid of change and like terrified by massive change in their life and their business, I think it's because they think it comes with

insecurity. Like if everything's changing, then everything's up in the air and nothing's settled. The uncertainty, you have to learn to love the uncertainty. Right, right. Yeah, like the uncertainty is the best fucking part. It's like when you first start dating a chick and you don't know if she's going to call you or when she's going to text you or what's going on and you're not sure what the deal is.

That's when you fall in love with someone because you sit there and you tell yourself all these stories. Well, what if, what if she doesn't like me and what if she's doing this or what if, I don't know, you know, and we tell ourselves all these crazy fucking stories and don't act like I'm crazy. All you motherfuckers do this shit. And then, and then what you end up doing is convincing yourself that you're like in love with this person you know because then they show the affection back and then you're like oh i knew it's meant to be

you know it's like a fucking story you tell yourself right it's not reality you know but the uncertainty is still a good place to live because the uncertainty is where the fun is versus like the if you just knew what everything was going to be because the uncertainty is where the fun is versus like the, if you just knew what everything was going to be for the rest of your life, how fucking boring would that be? Absolutely. I love the uncertainty. Absolutely. I love not knowing. I love knowing in my heart where I'm going to end up, but not really knowing. You get what I'm saying? Absolutely. Dude, I had to start over in life. I mean, I had to. And when I realized that, you know, all of a sudden I was looking at, okay, well now I have to have a career and I have a whole resume that's based on ministry.

What the heck would I, do I do? And I felt a certain like fluttering in my stomach, but after, after a while, I was like, this isn't nerves. This is, this is, I'm excited because to borrow what you just said, the two things that I love about change, mystery and freedom. Right. Those two things. Yeah, man. Are awesome. Yeah.

And like, dude, people hate it. You know, they hate it. It's like, and that's okay because like some people aren't meant to change. Right. Like, dude, it's about your personal value system and nature, right? Like, I made a post about this on Facebook the other day. Like, you know, i see all these people breaking up and and like i saw that that was awesome yeah it's true though right so like i'm

gonna repeat the post kind of like so basically here's my thing is like so many people break up and get back together and break up and get back together and talk shit about each other and make their and this is and they do it publicly is completely wrong, but they do it privately too. All right. And the point wasn't don't do it publicly. The point was this, look, man, you're, you need to look at yourself as a specific type of puzzle piece, right? And you're going to meet all these other different kinds of puzzle pieces out there in the world. And sometimes these people, when you meet them are going to pretend to be the puzzle piece that fits to you. And you're going to find out six or seven or eight months down the road or two years down the road that they aren't right. And then what do you do?

Do you fight and be mad and this and that? No, there's no reason to be mad because at fundamental core, everybody's different. So like, why would you drag somebody that you had a good time with for the last year or two years through the mud? Just because, you know, you found out that it wasn't exactly what you thought it was. There's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean they're wrong. It doesn't mean you're wrong.

Now, do people do fucked up shit to each other sometimes? Sure. But the point of it is, is that, dude, you need to let it go. Like, shut the fuck up. You know, realize that like for, for relationships to work, you've got to have somebody whose nature compliments yours. It shouldn't be hard. Like this is this thing people say relationships sure are hard. Well then you're with the wrong motherfucker, you know? Cause like relationships should compliment each other naturally.

And it's very rare for two people to find that you know but it's the truth and uh if people thought that way there'd be a lot less fucking bullshit going around you know what i mean but people just they they would rather tear somebody down or rip somebody or talk trash and it makes no sense because it's like you just spent the last two years in love with this person and now they're a piece of shit? What's that say about you? Right. You like a piece of shit? And they go to you for counseling again and again and again when that person is mistreating you.

And then the next thing you know, they're like, oh, we're back together. Right. Well, then don't come to me anymore for your advice. Right. Because if you're not going to take it, then you're not going to move on. And dude, it's a whole fucking... It's a whole... And then, dude, it's a whole fucking, it's a whole. And then like, dude, sometimes the puzzle pieces change, right?

Like, dude, who you are now is not going to be, if you're a person outside the box, who you are now is not going to be who you are five years from now. It's just not going to be. And if you're able to maintain a relationship after you change and that other person changes, you're doing a pretty good fucking job. But the point is, is there's going to be times that you're going to have to recognize and be aware like, okay, I'm changing. I'm evolving. I'm doing this.

Is this situation complimenting me? Is it helping me? Is it serving me? And that's not fucking being selfish. That's being real. Because at the end of the day, dude, you're going to go out of this world on your own. And you have to have your own fulfillments and your own dreams and your own, you know, ambitions and your own life. And so dude, you know, creating a situation where everything around you compliments that is not selfish. It's essential.

Well, it's like you always say, choose your heart. Do you want to be miserable for 50 years? Right. Or do you want to break up with this person now? Right. But like, dude, people, people will stick with people. It's one of the, I read this. It's one of the biggest regrets people have is staying in bad relationships when they die, like spending an extra year or two of their life with someone where they know it's not going to work, you know, or, or 10 or 20 years. But you have, the point is, is you have to be aware of what the fuck is going on. Like the way school teaches you about relationships is not the way it is. It's not reality.

You know, it's, it's not this, you know, it's not a fucking romance story from the fucking Disney. You know what I mean? Like there's a lot of things that go into it, but at the end of the day, it should compliment you, not take away, you know, it should push you, not pull you back. And that's, that's, that's my point. And like, you know, if you spend a year or two with someone, you find out that's not who they are, that's okay. What did you learn? I guarantee you, instead of like trashing them, if you took a minute to think about what you learned about yourself and what you like and what you don't like and what you're looking for and what you're not looking for on a real level, I'm not talking about somebody's looks or their fucking boobs or their ass. You know what I'm saying? Or the shit people talk about. I'm talking about like, because after like a few months, that shit doesn't matter, right?

You bang a fucking chick 20 fucking times. All of a sudden it's the same thing every time it's the same thing that's reality like dude that you have to have fucking more than that and you should so many people are so fucking stupid that that's all they fucking talk about like oh the sex got boring well no shit motherfucker dude you tell me something you could do a hundred times ever that is going to get a little bit fucking boring let's be real man well maybe although you know come on dude i'm pretty happy with my sex life i am too but i'm just saying like that it's not as simple like people break up for that yeah no i hear what you're saying right i know you know what i'm saying you're just too pussy to say it no No. Yeah. Your wife probably

listens to the podcast. No, no, no, no, no, no. What do you think, Tyler? Yeah, he's a pussy. Right. No, I'm very satisfied. Oh, sorry. I think you're just happy

you're getting laid. Yeah. That might be true. That might be true. We're pastor boys. Yeah. Sorry, Dan, I'm doing this.

Sorry. That's because you got nervous. I've got a cup of coffee. No, i'm thinking you're actually giving me a lot i know i i follow you do a whole nother relationship i mean i follow what you're saying i should do a whole nother podcast on relationships again that was a good one we should i i agree and i follow what you're saying but i also i also know a lot of people out there the minute they run into any sort of difficulty, which is bound to happen in any relationship. It wasn't meant to be. Right.

It wasn't meant to be. Right. And I mean- No, that's what I'm saying. Like- You got to fight for your relationship. Dude, look. No, look.

There's a medium, okay? Like, I'm speaking in extremes. Like, when I say it shouldn't be hard, is there going to be hard shit? Yeah. Is there going to be fucking- But it shouldn't be more hard than it is fun. Right. Or complimentary. That's what I'm saying, I guess.'t be more hard than it is fun. Right. Or complimentary.

That's what I'm saying, I guess. No, I hear what you're saying. And you and I have talked about it too. Like, dude, so many people I talk to are so fucking miserable with their life. And it all stems from the relationship they're in. You know, like they want to do all these things, but they won't do them because the spouse doesn't want them to do them. So they delay when in reality, the relationship's not going to last anyway.

Right. No, I hear you. You know, like, so what the fuck are you doing? So I know, because you and I have talked about this before. What we always used to say when I was a pastor is,

the best way to save a relationship is before it even starts, and the best way to save it is to choose a decent person, and the best way to choose a decent person is to be a decent person. That's true. And you know?

Become what it is you want. Yeah, exactly. And dude, that's another thing. Like, you want. Yeah, exactly. And dude, that's another thing. Like you see all these motherfuckers out there, like dude, fucking totally out of shape, broke,

you know, nothing going on for them, you know, or like girls, we see like girls with like big tits and like, you know, a nice body, but nothing else going for them.

And they're like, Oh, there's no decent dudes. All they do is chase around rich dudes. They're like, oh, there's no decent dudes. All they do is chase around rich dudes. They're like, oh, there's no decent dudes. That's because you're playing the role of a piece of meat. Okay. You're good for one thing and one thing only.

And that's fucking getting laid by dudes who want to fuck you. Bring something else to the table. And that's who you're going to attract. That's exactly right. Period. So if you can't bring something more than that, guess what you're going to get? These people didn't get rich by fucking accident because they're stupid. You're not smarter than them. You know what I'm saying? No, I'm just laughing because we start talking about change and we're talking about gold digger fucking sluts, man.

They all fucking, they all think that they're smarter than these rich dudes. Like, dude, these dudes didn't get rich by fucking being stupid. No, I hear you. So like, you're like, how stupid do you have to be to like, think that you're going to outsmart these dudes? You know, I'm just being real, man. No, I love it. Two podcasts for the sake of, or for the price of one. Yeah. But like, dude, you know, these people, you know, like guys do it too, man. They're like, oh, I see it on Facebook all the time. Oh, there's no decent girls out there. Well, let's take inventory of you.

You're out of shape. You fucking cry on Facebook all day long. Okay? You don't have a fucking job. You have no real ambition. Yeah, you're doing a new thing every week. Right. You live with your fucking parents.

You're 35 years old. What the fuck do you bring to the table? Probably memes. Yeah. You got funny memes. Motivational memes. Yeah. But I'm just saying, like, dude, everybody's problems come down to what's in the mirror.

Yeah. It's true. Yeah. So, like, if you want a good mate, if you want to find a good person, be a good motherfucking person. You know what I mean? And have the qualities that you, whatever it is that you think you want in a mate, if you don't possess those qualities, you're probably never going to get them. Right.

All right. Well, while we're on this subject, I got to throw out another thing. Part of the problem is that we have guys that their whole orientation is passive. So you have these girls that have spent like a year with the guy and they're like, oh, I just, I don't know if he likes me or not. Did, did Emily have to guess whether you liked her or not? No. You made it clear, right? So you essentially just as like, this is who I want. I'm going for it. I showed initiative. That's the problem.

You got a lot of guys that are out there complaining that no women ever liked them. And they're like, well, do you ever make any move? Do you show initiative? Do you pursue? Or do you just sit around like, hey, I'm just hanging. I'm going to let her guess that I like her. Dude, look, man. You know what I'm saying?

Dude, look, I could write a fucking book on this. Right. Because most guys and most of you guys listening are total fucking pussies when it comes to this. You're so scared. And you think that, like, you think a girl wants you to... Dude, I'm about to fucking break out on a rant here. Most dudes think a girl wants you to, like, send them fucking flowers and chocolates and be Prince fucking charming. That's not what they want. Okay? They want to chase you. They want to be, they want to be the one that's confused. They

want to be the one who doesn't know what the fuck's going on. Because from the time that they started growing boobies and hit puberty, every single dude they've met has tried to fuck them. So if every single dude that you ever met in your whole life from the time you were 12, just think about this as a man. If every single girl, every single one from the time you were fucking 12 years old was trying to bang you, every single one, wouldn't the one that stood out be the one that wasn't? Be the one that was showing you a little interest but then pulling back and making it fun?

Kind of a dance. Yes, but guys don't know how to do that dance. They don't. They have no fucking clue. They think that doing the dance is either one extreme or the other. They think it's like sending fucking roses and get down and kiss their fucking feet and do all this bullshit, or they think it's act too cool for school

like the dudes do when they're in ninth grade. It's like fishing, man. You throw a little bait out, you reel it in real quick. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it is. And you guys are totally going to, I mean, you're going to, I know you're going to get on me and say that I have no game, but when my wife and I broke our engagement,

I think she really thought that I was going to just go cry. She didn't think that. I think she thought I was going to cry in a corner. But you went out and banged chicks. No, I didn't. But I did find... You're right, Tyler. He polished up that head.

Yeah, he did. He went out and fucking slaughtered them. But I did... I want to call it a Vaughn murder show. My wife always wanted to... How'd you get the name The Impaler, Vaughn? You gave it to me we won't go there oh but uh no i mean what i did when we broke up is i i found the college girl

that i knew kasha knew that i thought was really good looking and we went and ran a 5k together and i took pictures and posted it all over facebook right dude and it was extremely effective flex on that bitch that's called flexing so it was good yeah but see that is game yeah that's a fucking great game right all right if i could reach you right now give you a high five all right thank you i appreciate it i can acknowledge that but like dude so many people on this fucking show listen to this shit i get dms all the time about girls like dude come on like we could do a whole show on this. Like, we could do a book on this.

You get that many DMs about girls? Yeah, about like, dude, well, you got an attractive wife. How'd you get her? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Money. Yeah, she probably went with you because you have money. No, motherfucker. She was collecting my bills.

Right. And I took her from a bill collector to fucking want to take me out. And she asked me out we should have a hold I know we should bring in some special guests oh god dude I just

it's just sad we've really gotten off topic but that's alright it's all good it's sad though dude yeah so we're going to just talk about all right no it's it's it's all good it's sad though dude yeah it's sad yeah all right yeah yeah yeah so okay so we're gonna just talk about transitions and change and how that applies to

business so i feel sorry for these motherfuckers i know i do too i really do because you know what they think it's about they think it's about like the clothes they wear and like the fuck you know they think it's about like they they think, I literally have worn the same clothes every day for like 10 fucking years. You know what I mean? Like it's, they don't get it, dude. Is that not true?

No, your wardrobe's a complete blur to me. Right. This is blacks. Right. Cowboy boots. Right. Yeah.

What about the other end of this? No, you're right. I mean, there's like, who are scared to not be in a relationship. Wait, what was the question? People who are scared to be alone?

Yes. I don't know. I think that's because... I think that comes from people being told their whole lives, you're supposed to find somebody and settle down and this and that. But I think that leads to a lot of those problems. Oh, 100%. Yeah, 100%.

They just end up settling and just, you know. Oh, dude. But you know that, again, that's another indication of the way that people are zombies. Because our entire culture, like all the pop songs. Dude, the shit I hear. All the pop songs tell you you need a boyfriend or you need a girlfriend. And so people are like, well, I guess I just need one.

Or they tell you you need like seven of them. Yeah, what's that? They tell you you need like seven of them. Yeah, yeah. Which is another fucking problem. Right. You know? But like, dude, I don't know, man.

Like, I feel like we could build a relationship course or a fucking like, like for dudes. You know what I'm saying? When Kasha and I, when I worked at a college, Kasha and I, I was asked to speak and just, just basically talking about our relationship and basic principles of relationship. And when I was done, this was like a whole huge group of college students. They came up to me like i was some sort of genius and they said they thought you were mystery from that show the pickup artist they did

but no and i and i just it's insane though man vaughn's up there with his fucking cape on i got i got my big velvet hat yeah oh i should do that but no what i'm saying is it's what you and i consider common sense. Most people, well, Simon Sinek said it in that video. He said, millennials say that we don't know how to have relationships. That's what he said in the video. Oh, dude, these motherfuckers today are DMing chicks being like, let me see your tits. Yeah. You know, that's what they do.

Like, for real. I know. And it's like- Women say, this is what happens. Women say, I just want a man to show a little bit more of who he is. And then they DM him a picture of his peanuts. Yeah.

No, it's like... It's called dick pic, Vaughn. Yeah, that's not... I know. Oh, you do? I was just making sure you knew that. I know that because I... Let's move along.

Yeah, yeah, okay. All right, moving right along. We got three more points. Okay. So, Andy, how do I transition from my nine to five to my dream scenario? First of all, you got to learn how to pick up chicks. Listen, dude. Here's the thing.

You're going to have to realize that you're not going to be able to make, you're probably not going to be able to maintain all the comforts that you're not going to be able to make, you're probably not going to be able to maintain all the comforts that you have transitioning from, you know, where you are to where you want to be. There's going to be sacrifices that have to be made. And you know, that might mean for somebody downsizing their house or moving into an apartment or cutting expenses. What I would personally do and what I did for a long time is I kept my expenses as low as I possibly could so that I could spend as much time on my work that, you know, my bigger picture work, you know, that I could. And, you know, that's why like whenever, you know, for a long time, people don't realize this, like Chris and I had to work two to three jobs each to keep our company open, you know, and that went on for our first eight years in business, I think, or nine years where we both had to have other jobs to even keep the business alive. And, uh, and dude, that's,

you know, that's part of the deal, man. So you're not in a special circumstance by having to work a nine to five and then also have to work. You know, there's a lot of fucking hours in the day after five o'clock and before nine o'clock. It's just people aren't willing to give those up for this deal. So it's that simple. You know, you've got to utilize the time that you have. Right. We've talked about in other podcasts.

Just making sure that your base obligations are covered. And once those are covered, you just got to work harder. Right. So, okay. What about changes in your business? You've talked about how one of the most challenging things is when you have some growth, you know, kind of giving things up. But what do you, in terms of navigating, we'll say change in terms of, you know, your business is getting bigger, but also change into maybe trying to orchestrate a change in culture, a change in administration. Are there any basic principles or best practices that have helped you navigate the growth and evolution? Yeah, have a fucking plan.

You know what I'm saying? Sit back. You want to develop a culture? Sit back, develop a culture on paper. How are you going to do it? What are you going to do? What actions are you going to do it? What are you going to do? What actions are you going to take? I meet so many people who run a business that just show up every day as if they're an employee and then go home at night and they think that like they're going to make all these things happen without actually having those kind of plans in place to put into action. So you have to develop, you know, a constant state of developing strategy to move from, you know, a passive nature of running an organization or being a part of an organization

to an active nature of implementing new ideas, cultures, you know, procedures, staff departments. I mean, there's all kinds of moving parts. And I'll say this, if you're an employee and you can help the company do that, you, you're going to write your own fucking check because that's my biggest challenge is that having employees that can help with those big picture things and planning them out and how it's going to work. Nice. What about product development? What about if you have a product, you have to, how do you decide like whether you're going to change a product or whether i listen to the market you just listen to the market yeah right simple you know we send a survey out or we list the feedback or you know a lot of people you know they take a

sledgehammer approach trying to put a market into a product well um the market's always going to tell you the truth the market's always going to tell you if a product works if it doesn't work uh if it works they're going to fucking buy it if it doesn't work they're not going to tell you the truth. The market's always going to tell you if a product works or if it doesn't work. If it works, they're going to fucking buy it. If it doesn't work, they're not going to buy it. You can't fucking cheat the market. So you have to be real in tune with listening. You have to look for social feedback on social media.

Look at your emails. Look at your competitors. What are they selling? How are they selling it? How much are they selling? All that information helps because it helps you develop an idea of where you should be. And if you're not there, there's probably something wrong with your product. Could be your product, could be your price, could be your packaging, could be your customer service, could be your retention. It could be a lot of different things, but that's what I'm

saying. Like you've got to be pretty fucking intelligent and well-versed and in tune to like solve those problems that's why becoming a business owner is is part of what makes it hard right you know it's just there's a lot how do you feel about apples you know their planned obsolescence where they they release a product and they know it's they know that it's essentially incomplete so that they know that there's going to be another version of it and you two, you know, two years from now, or, you know, they, they, they kind of cornered the market. How do I feel of it? How do I feel?

How do I feel about it? In which way? Well, I mean, is that something you like you guys like to do or? I know we don't do that, but as a business, okay. As a, as a consumer, I fucking hate it because I got to buy the shit every year. Right. I got to spend a thousand bucks on a fucking phone every year. So I fucking hate it.

Right. Right. That's marginally different. This is the first year I didn't buy the new phone. Like I still got the six or six plus. Yeah. And I'm going to wait, you know, because I can deal with this. Yeah.

But like, you know, as a business guy, I can't really argue. They've got more fucking cash on hand than the federal fucking reserve. You know what I mean? They figured it out. So, um, you know, we're not in a position to where we could even do that.

And if I could, I don't think I would feel good doing it. Right. Um, I've always believed make the best product that we can make. And when we can legitimately improve the product, improve it, uh, our fat burner was on market for four years yeah and we just now replaced it yeah and the new one's fucking awesome

but uh royal 21 king shameless plug i hear that every single day listening to 101.1 yeah it's a first form uh on espn firstform.com yeah but i had a tip on one of those points earlier about you know transitioning uh if you do have an iphone since we're on that subject reset your cellular data and just for a day see how long you are on your phone and that'll tell you how much free time you have for the most for the most no shit that's a good thought it'll be seven eight hours yeah right yeah i don't have the time okay well you're on your fucking facebook every fucking time i see you right so andy is at andy forsella for instagram he's uh facebook.com forward slash andrew dot

forsella um you're on snapchat mfceo dash one And I don't think there's anything else. You're not on Twitter. Tyler is at mytyler, M-A-I underscore T-Y-L-E-R for Instagram. I don't think you're on Twitter either, right? No. But I do have to say that I am now uploading full episodes onto YouTube with video. People are loving it. So if you're more of a visual person, we have those now. Sweet.

Okay. And I'm at Vaughn Kohler, V-A-U-G-H-N-K-O-H-L-E-R for everything. Guys, we continue to burn through copies of Otis and Charlie and the very first book. We're getting pretty close to the second book being released here in the next couple months. So stay tuned for that. Thank you for, wow, we're just burning through those. Yeah, people are just burning through those and we haven't really done much to promote it but have you yeah and guys if you bought the book please leave a review on amazon yeah that'd be very helpful yeah and if you want to go the website it's otis and charlie c-h-a-r-l-e-y.com and if you think i should develop a relationship content

uh piece of material uh drop a comment on my fucking Instagram and let me know. Yeah. Because I'm going to try to change the way these dudes do business. Yeah. It makes me sad, man. It's like these dudes think that they don't have any fucking power in the situation. You know what I mean? It's like they're helpless little fucking children and then they just take what they can get oh dude I gotta get on I gotta get on GoDaddy and buy a domain name

don't say what it is because I'm gonna buy it well I wasn't really serious it's MF Harmony yeah oh come on that was good that was good dude all right I think this is a good place to stop. Thank you guys so much. If you like the podcast, please tell a friend and we'll see you next time.