REAL AF with Andy Frisella - Drop the Anchor, Get a Propeller (Relationships for Entrepreneurs), with Andy Frisella - MFCEO150

Episode Date: June 1, 2017

What do you do when the person you love does not support you and your goals? Or, what do you when they support your overall goals, but they often nag you about your lack of progress? Do you suck it up and take it? Do you just tell them to go to hell? In this episode of Thursday Thunder, Andy Frisella unpacks his thoughts and answers this frequently asked question. The bottom line: a relationship is two people believing in the same things and being committed to the same goals. Is that what you have with your significant other or not?

What is up guys you're listening to the MFCEO project I'm Andy I'm your host and I am the motherfucking CEO guys today is Thursday Thunder and I've got something that I really want to address with you guys and I think it's very very very important that you listen because it affects everybody okay it. Um, it's called genital itching. No, I'm just kidding. I do have something that is very important. Um, I get this question a lot guys. And now, you know, we're starting to do the, uh, the for sale a factor. We're taping shows, uh, taping, we're recording shows so that we have a bank of shows to post and people are submitting questions through askthemfceo.com. And literally probably 10% of the questions are this, and I'm

just going to answer it for everybody. And I think it's applicable to all of us at some point in time or another. And it has to do with relationships. Okay. I see so many young entrepreneurs, guys who are working hard, girls who are working hard, and they're writing in and they're saying, you know, Andy, I feel like I'm doing the right thing. I'm working my ass off. I'm trying to better myself. I know in my heart that I'm going to be successful, but I'm in a relationship and, and the, you know, I don't get any support. Um, I get yelled at for working too much. Uh, you know, they just don't understand my situation. They don't understand, you know, uh, what I'm trying to do. And we get in fights about it all the time and this and this is what do you think I should

do? And I want to answer that question. Normally I would be a kind of a smart ass and say, Oh, you should fucking dump them. But I think this is a serious issue and I want to be somewhat serious about it, you know, and I want to explain my, my thought process here, guys. Um, sometimes when you care about someone, sometimes when you love someone, uh, or you're in a relationship with someone, um, that's not enough. Okay. Feeling a certain way about them or being attracted to them or, uh, you know, feeling like you're quote unquote in love with them. Everybody likes to put that at the front of the line of what's most important, but, and it is, it is important. I'm not saying it's not, but I'm saying everybody likes to say

that that's what matters and that's what's important. And that's the most important thing because it makes them feel like a good person. So I want to, I want to explain my thought process here with you guys. You guys have to understand that being in a relationship is about two people who believe in the same things. Okay. Eventually after a course of time, you know, when you first get in a relationship and you know, you're horny all the time and you're fucking all the time and you're, you're attracted all the time, you're doing all this shit all the time. Eventually that's going to get old. Okay. And a lot of people confuse infatuation for love. And because of that, they alter or change their life decisions based upon those feelings of infatuation.

And they don't really understand what love is. And so I want to try to communicate to you guys how important this is to understand because it can affect your life. And here's the facts. I'm always going to be honest with you. The facts are this. You were born alone and you're going to fucking die alone. And you need to take real strong, close, accurate inventory of where you're going to be in the next five or 10 years when you're making

a decision about a relationship now. Okay. It's not about how big the girl's boobies are or how big the dude's schlong is and you know, all this sex shit and like how, you know, how good they look on Instagram or how popular they are and all this other shit, you need to think about five years, 10 years down the road. And you need to put a, put a big, big emphasis on what this person that you're supposed to be with, what their value system is in terms of what they see happening in their lives. Okay. And a lot of times guys, people will have these infatuation feelings. They'll have these love feelings. They'll have, uh, you know, they'll be in a relationship and the person who they're with doesn't support what they do because a, they don't understand it. And B they don't value the end result. Okay. For example, I have a friend right now who's having some relationship problems

and, and, and, and to be honest, I've had these same problems with other, with other girls before I was married. Um, and my friend, you know, he's working hard to build a career. He's working his ass off and his partner that he's in a relationship with is bitching at him all day about how much, how hard he works, uh, that he's never around and that he's putting too much energy and that he's greedy and that all he wants is money and this and this and this. When in reality, all this guy's doing is trying to improve the situation for both of them, understanding that it's going to take time. And guys, because entrepreneurship and being successful in general requires so much time,

not a lot of people understand it because it doesn't fit into society's norm. And having problems like this in a relationship are very common. Um, you know, sometimes you can work through them. Sometimes you can have legit conversations and get the person to see your point of view. Sometimes you can't. And it's when you, when you can't get someone to like, see what you're trying to do and they consistently nag you consistently bust your balls, consistently make it harder for you to succeed. That's when you've got a decision to make. And that decision is this. Are you going to keep going on the path you're on and fight this battle when success is a fucking battle in itself? Okay. And I'm going to argue that if you do choose that,

you're not going to be successful because you only have so much energy to spend on success in a day, whether you work for someone on your own company, whatever it is. And if you spend half of that energy arguing with the person that's supposed to be your biggest supporter, you're not going to have the energy it takes to do what you need to do. Okay. And the other decision is you break up with them. And I want to talk about that for a second. You know, a lot of you guys, when you break up with someone, you like to put blame on them and you like to like say it's their fault. And you like to, you know, people like to say like say it's their fault and you like to you

know people like to say oh well it was this person's fault for thinking this way it's this person's fault for thinking the way that I don't think and you know what they're a loser and you know and then the loser person's saying well that guy's just greedy and only cares about money and blah blah blah here look that shit's irrelevant okay you guys natures as human beings don't go together. All right. Your, your beliefs, your values, what you're trying to do in your life doesn't go together and that's okay. Okay. But you have to be able to recognize that ahead of time when you're having these kinds of issues. Is this person salvageable? Can they get on my page and support me? Or are they always going to be an anchor in my boat? And if they're always going to be an anchor boat, you got to cut the fucking anchors loose. That's just the reality

of the situation. And so many of you guys put so much value in these, in these meaningless relationships. Okay. Uh, and, and, you know, some people are like, what do you mean it's meaningless? Well, like dude, growing up when you're 20 years old, you know, some people are like, what do you mean it's meaningless? Well, like, dude, growing up when you're 20 years old, you're going to have four or five quote unquote relationships before you're 30 years old, most likely. And, you know, if you're trying to like build your life based upon what every single one of them thinks, if every single one of them thinks differently about how you should build your life, you're not going to build anything because you're always going in a different direction every two or three years. So you have to be, you know, mindful of

your own path and mindful of your own direction when it comes to relationships. And you have to try to find someone who has the same values and same ambitions and same drive that you have, or at least understands how to support that. You know, I was very fortunate because my wife, her dad was a hardworking entrepreneur and he was, you know, he had to work really, really hard to provide for them. That's what she grew up around. That's what she saw. And because of that, you know, I'm able to do the things I need to do without getting a bunch of shit. Now, you know, the girl I dated before that, it was the opposite. You know, her dad had a regular job. He didn't work, you know, a hundred hours a fucking week, every week. You know, her dad had a regular job. He didn't work, you know,

a hundred hours a fucking week, every week, you know, he wasn't up until one or two in the morning, every night working, uh, you know, and because she never witnessed those things, she didn't understand why I did those things. That doesn't make her wrong. It just makes her different than what I need. And you guys have to start looking at it like that. You know, if you have someone who's bitching at you guys, you know, who's saying, oh, you know, you fucking work, work, work, or always, always has something to complain about. You've got to realize that those people that complain like that, they're going to have something to complain about no matter what. So you can either choose to get bitched at because you're broke and you're around the house

all day and you spend time with that person, or you can get bitched at because you're working your ass off to build a future, you know, but either way you're going to get fucking bitched at. So it's your choice of what you want to deal with. And I can tell you this, the right choice is going to be the one where you're going to be better off in the next five years, you know, because if they're bitching at you for this, eventually they're going to be better off in the next five years. You know, because if they're bitching at you for this, eventually they're going to leave you for that. And if they're going to leave you for being broke or they're going to leave you for being a hard worker that's trying to make money, which one would you rather have? You know, which one's going to put you in a better

situation? Which one's going to keep you on the right path? And you guys have to consider that. You can't just keep changing your value system based around these, these relationships that are a natural part of life. You know, part of being in a relationship guys is learning what you don't want through having it. You know, not every relationship is perfect and most aren't. And you need to pay attention just like you would pay attention in business and learn from your mistakes. You need to do the same in the, in the relationship round too, you know, in that area of your life, you've got to be able to look at something and say, you know what, this person doesn't see what I'm trying to do. They don't get what I'm trying to do. They don't going to, they aren't going to

understand it. It's going to make things really difficult for me. I'm going to try to move on now while I can, before it gets complicated, like, you know, having a kid or getting married or marrying the wrong person. Those things are fucking devastating to your chances of becoming successful. And I know there's people listening right now, well, love is more important than money. You know, I agree with that.

But without money and without a career path and without all this other shit, there's not gonna be love because you're gonna be fighting over money. You know, one of the biggest reasons of divorce, one of the biggest reasons of breakups is lack of money. It's not the abundance of money. One of the biggest reasons of divorce, one of the biggest reasons of breakups is lack of money. It's not the abundance of money. Poor people will try to tell you, oh, your fucking money ruins relationships. No, it doesn't. The biggest reason of divorce

is fucking money. And you have to be able to understand that you need money. And somebody who doesn't understand that you need money is probably not a good partner. But guys, you know, I just get this question so much. I just kind of wanted to give you my take on it. You know, if you don't have the right person, if you don't have the right partner, you know, relationships are not supposed to be about an anchor. They're supposed to be about a fucking propeller. And you've got to understand that, like, having a propeller on your boat versus having an anchor, it doesn't make, you know, a little bit of difference. It makes a lot of difference.

And guys, I would highly encourage you to take, uh, you know, inventory of where you're spending your energy. Are you spending it all on trying to move forward? You know, if you're, let's say you're less than 30, are you spending it on bettering your life? Are you spending it all on trying to move forward? You know, if you're, let's say you're less than 30, are you spending it on bettering your life? Are you spending it fighting with someone because you're bettering, you're trying to better your life because you're spending it fighting with someone because you're trying to better your life. You're not going to get any fucking better. All right. Start looking and paying attention and auditing your personal relationships because they're a big part of, of where you're going to end up.

You know, and so many people, and I see it in my business all the time, spend so much time with the wrong people and take so much energy and spend it on the wrong people when they could be spending it on working towards a career for themselves, working on bettering themselves, which is ultimately going to put their family, their future family that doesn't even exist yet in a better spot. And then guys, I would encourage you to think like that too. You know, I don't have kids. I have a wife, I have dogs. Um, you know, obviously we're doing okay. But you know, since I was 17, 18 years old, I've always thought, you know, one day I'm gonna have to have a family. And like I did all this work, this work that I've done for the last 18 years I did that for my future family you know so I was already pretending

I had a family even though I didn't because that helped me stay motivated and driven towards being successful and finding the right path and guys you know we're all gonna have challenges in relationships I'm not saying it should be easy but it certainly shouldn't be a fucking anchor in your boat. It shouldn't be holding you back. And it shouldn't be a roadblock that you have to plow through every time you come home from working an extra hour or two or explain yourself as if you were out at the bar drinking with your buddies. No motherfucker. I'm trying to work. I'm trying to get better. I'm trying to improve. And you know what guys, there's nothing wrong with that. You know, that's another point. A lot of times the people who will bitch at you and complain about you working so much will try to make it feel like there's something wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you. But there's also nothing wrong with them. That's the point. You just have to have an adult conversation. Say, hey, look, I want this out of my life. You want this out of your life. And if that's not going to change,

I'm not going to change. And, you know, if we're not going to change, then we shouldn't spend any more time going down this path and arguing with each other because it's making us both miserable. And if you have an adult conversation like that, you know, you can move on and still be friends. There's no reason to hate. There's no reason to blame. There's no reason to like, you know you can move on and still be friends there's no reason to hate there's no reason to blame there's no reason to like you know fault people it's just it's just the way it is it's just the way it is so start looking at relationships for what they are not you not what you want them to be or what their potential could be start looking at them for what they are and where you're going to be five years from now and you're going to have a much easier time answering that question for yourself what do i do when someone doesn't support me?