REAL AF with Andy Frisella - FORGIVENESS: A Surprising Key to Success, with Andy Frisella - MFCEO243

Episode Date: June 26, 2018

Fifteen years ago today, I was lying face-down on a street in Springfield, Missouri, in a pool of my own blood. Just a few seconds before that, I felt the excruciating pain of getting stabbed mult...iple times. Bottom line: a dude tried his best to kill me. So...what would you do if that happened to you? There's not a person alive who hasn't been hurt by someone. How you handle your emotions & respond to that hurt will determine the quality of your life & relationships & the things you're able to accomplish.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 I can stack them hundreds to the roof. I ain't stopping till they stack to the moon. Without me, my family wouldn't have food. Anybody go against me, gotta lose. What is up guys? You're listening to the MFCEO Project. I'm Andy. I'm your host and I am the motherfucking CEO. Today is going to be a short podcast. First off, if this is your first time listening, this is an entrepreneurship personal development how to kick ass at everything you do podcast. I know we're technically in the business section, but we basically cover everything that you would have to learn to succeed. I don't charge for this.
Starting point is 00:00:43 This isn't something we charge for. I don't run ads. I'm not filling my podcast first 10 minutes with ads like everybody else does and all that other bullshit. We just get right to the point. In return, I do have a fee. I ask that you refer a friend for each podcast that you find value in. Now, today is a little bit different of a podcast. Exactly 15 years ago today,
Starting point is 00:01:13 on June 26th, 2003, I was stabbed in the face. A lot of you guys asked me how I got the scars on my face. I cover the whole incident in episode number one. Today just happens to be the 15th anniversary of that day. It's affected my life in a lot of ways. At first, it was very difficult. And by the way, if you don't know the story, just sum it up. I got stabbed in the face, had 160 stitches in my face, permanent nerve damage on the left side of my face. That's why I don't really smile that much because my smile is only, I get like a half a smile. Gone through a lot of depression issues, a lot of very dark times, to say the least. But ultimately, you know, it's made me a better person. What I learned from the experience, I wouldn't trade for anything. And if I could take it back, I wouldn't because I think ultimately
Starting point is 00:02:22 it's made me a better person. If you want to hear the whole story, you can go back and listen to episode one. Now, what I do want to talk about though is something that I think is very important for a lot of you guys listening. And this isn't going to take real long. It's just something that I think is important to note and something that we really haven't talked about too much. A lot of people ask me because, you know, this permanently affected my life. It affected my self-esteem. It gave me depression issues, severe depression issues. I'm not talking about feeling bad. I'm talking about being literally fighting the urge to kill yourself every single day, multiple times a day for years of my life. And people say, don't you want to get him back? Don't you want to, don't you want to do something back to him? Don't you want the, you know, how do you feel about him and this and that?
Starting point is 00:03:19 And the truth of the matter is guys, is that, you know, I forgave the guy who did this a long time ago. Ultimately, like I said, it's, it's been a great thing for me because I've gotten stronger. I've gotten better. It made me more memorable. There's a million benefits that, that, that incident has contributed. And to be honest, if it hadn't have happened, I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you guys right now and living the life that I live. But what I want to talk about is because people have such a hard time grasping the concept of how you could forgive someone who's done something that's so horrible to you. A lot of you guys will argue with people. You'll fight with people.
Starting point is 00:04:01 You'll hold a grudge over a fucking argument. Okay. And let me explain something to you guys. We, like I say all the time, we only have so much energy in our lives and energy is spent on every single thing that we do. And if you spend energy holding grudges against people or wishing bad on people or hoping bad things, you know, happen to their lives or spending it in anger and bitterness about why things happen or why people did things to you. Guys, you don't have as much energy to live a positive life and you don't have as much energy to move forward or create and build the life that you actually want. And a lot of you
Starting point is 00:04:45 guys get caught up because it is a very common thing for people to not forgive people when they fuck up. And let's be fucking real, dude. Everybody fucks up. I've done so many dumb things in my life that I'm not proud of. I've hurt people. I've done, you know, mindless things that had consequences that I didn't realize. I've disappointed people. I've made bad decisions. And, you know, it's important to realize that when you're not perfect, nobody else is perfect either. And so when you hold a grudge and you're angry and you don't want to forgive, there might come a time in your life later where you do something stupid or you make a bad decision or you do something that affects people in a negative way that you're not proud of.
Starting point is 00:05:36 And guess what? Those people might not forgive you. And so, guys, there's multiple things that can happen here, positive and negative, in terms of forgiveness. But I think the biggest thing that you have to understand is that by not forgiving, you're putting an emotional burden that takes away from the quality of your life. And so for that reason, when I think of the guy who stabbed me, I don't think of him negatively. I genuinely, truly hope in my heart that he's improved as a person, that he's become stronger, that he's become better, and that he's living a good life and that he's learned from the entire experience. And guys, when you, people do you wrong. Um, and you've heard this from the days of Dr. Seuss,
Starting point is 00:06:23 you know, when you don't forgive and you don't let people off the hook, so to speak, really who you're hurting is yourself because a, you're carrying an emotional burden that you don't need to carry. B, I believe in karma and I think you're creating karma in a way where, you know, when you fuck up, people aren't going to be as forgiving of you. Okay. And C, you're taking the energy that you could be using to produce a positive life and spending it on something that just doesn't fucking matter anymore. All right.
Starting point is 00:06:54 So I want you to, I want you guys to listen to me and I want you to realize, because I get so many DMS and emails from you guys talking about how so-and-so did you wrong or something, someone did something bad to you or someone did something that hurts your feelings or hurt you physically and, and, you know, how to get over it. And the truth of the matter is you just got to let it go. You just got to let it go. You know, it, it didn't take me 15 years to let, um, this man who did this to me off the hook. You know, I had to let it go right afterwards because if I didn't, I would have killed myself. If I didn't, I would have been miserable my whole life.
Starting point is 00:07:32 And if I didn't, I wouldn't be sitting where I am right now. So guys, when you think about the people who have done wrong, the people who have said things, all right, let's just talk about how minimal it is for people to quote unquote say things to you. All right. Let's just talk about how minimal it is for people to quote unquote, say things to you. All right. Like, does it really fucking matter? Is there really that much not going on in your life that you're going to get that upset about something that someone said to you? It's so popular these days to see someone talking about, you know, all these things we see in pop culture, you know. Oh, they put us on a reality show and they show somebody fighting for three fucking episodes about a sentence that was said. Guys, let it go.
Starting point is 00:08:18 You know, there's going to be bad things that happen to you. There's going to be people that do you wrong. There's going to be people that do things that anger you and upset you and disappoint you. But on the flip side, you're going to do things wrong. You're going to anger people. You're going to do things that disappoint people and let people down and make people lose respect for you. And you're going to need forgiveness too. So guys, what I'm saying here is learn to forgive. Learn to let people, learn to understand that people are human just like you're human. And learn to understand that you're going to make mistakes just like they're going to make mistakes.
Starting point is 00:08:59 And when you start to think of yourself as a human instead of some perfect being, it's a lot easier for you to forgive other people for doing things that are wrong to you, which is going to lift the emotional pressure, which is going to give you energy, which is going to make you feel better. And honestly, I think it's going to create better karma for you long term. And I know this isn't something that we talk about a lot on here, and it's not necessarily, you know, quote unquote success related, but I truly believe it is success related because at the bottom line, it takes your focus off what's important and what your goals are and what you're trying to accomplish.
Starting point is 00:09:30 Okay. And I thought, you know, today being a 15 year anniversary of a very, very pivotal event in my life, it would be a good opportunity to talk about that process. Because I think if I could forgive someone who literally took my fucking face away, you could forgive someone who said a few things to you or who did something to you. Okay. And I know there's bad things that happen, right? There's bad things that happen. There's way worse things that happen. But the more you hold onto it, the more you're handicapping yourself. The more you talk about it in a negative way, the more negativity you're bringing into your life. That's my message for you guys today. It's just this. Realize you're going to fuck up. You're going to make mistakes. You're going to do
Starting point is 00:10:16 things that disappoint people. You're going to do things that let people down. You're going to do things you're embarrassed of. And when those things happen, you're going to wish that the people that you did them to will give you a chance of forgiveness. And to get that chance, I think it's important that you give it first. Outro Music

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