REAL AF with Andy Frisella - How to Deal with the Highs and Lows, with Andy Frisella - MFCEO234

Episode Date: May 4, 2018

Any person's life, no matter if they are "successful" or not, is going to have ups and downs. If you're an entrepreneur, you can almost guarantee that you're going to go through a regular cycle of feeling good, like you're making progress, but then feeling like sh*t, like you & all your plans are falling apart & doomsday is coming. You need to know this is natural & normal...and the key is to learn a method of powering through these times & executing when your feelings are battling against you.

I can stack them hundreds to the roof. I ain't stopping till they stack to the moon. Without me, my family wouldn't have food. Anybody go against me, gotta lose. What is up guys? You're listening to the MSCEO Project. I'm Andy. I'm your host. And I am the handsomest motherfucking CEO there is. Alright, I've never lied to you guys That might have been a lie I don't know But

Tyler's rolling his eyes at me What? You jealous now? You don't want me telling everybody how handsome I am So it ruins your crush on me? We don't know about Tyler's secret Anyway Today is Friday

And If you're new to the podcast, you know nothing about it. And what we are is a personal development slash entrepreneurship or entrepreneurship slash personal development podcast. We are going to talk about a lot of things on this podcast. And if you want to learn, I suggest that you go back from the very beginning for a couple of reasons. One, you need to listen to the podcast to get some perspective about where I come from. And the first one is very good about that. Two, the first podcast will show you how awful I was at podcasting when I started, which is the number one lesson in business. You're going to fucking suck when you start, when you try to learn a new skill, when you try to do

anything new, you're going to suck. And it's most people's unwillingness to suck in front of other people that holds them back from becoming great at something. I was just on my buddy Mark Bell's podcast earlier today. Today is actually Thursday, but you're going to hear this on Friday. Today, and he asked me what I thought the number one thing was that held people back in success and entrepreneurship. And I could tell him before he even finished the question, I could tell him what it was because I get hired to speak at these huge events. Um, and a lot of these events have Q and a, and I get paid a lot of money to speak at these events. Um, I'm not ashamed to say I get paid $75,000 per event per hour. Um, and the reason I get paid that is because

I share the real skills that it's going to take to become successful. And if I'm speaking to 4,000 or 5,000 people or 10,000 people, you've got to think about the math and multiply that out. And what's that worth? And I'm, I'm really almost giving away what I know. Um, the truth of it is, uh, we do these Q and A's man, and these people come up and some of them are earning six and seven figures and they come up to the microphone. And I'm always expecting like legitimate, practical questions like, Hey Andy, how do you do this in business? How do you do that in business? And almost every single question I get, it doesn't matter if it's someone who's new in business or someone who's making six, seven figures has to do with dealing with fucking haters. And the number one thing

that holds you back isn't haters. You guys don't have real fucking haters. Let's be honest. You don't have people slashing the tires on your car. All right. You don't have people poisoning your animals. You don't have people vandalizing your shit. All right. Here's the deal. The reason most people are held back is because they are afraid of what might happen. They are afraid what might happen if they make that post on Facebook and their aunt Connie sees it and then she laughs at them at Christmas or makes fun of them or their friends from high school or friends from college or friends from grade school see it and laugh or make fun of them or think something about them. These people are not actually thinking those things. Number one, you have no proof that they will think those things. Number two, so really what is it?

It's you hating on you. It's you being your own worst hater and being scared of what could possibly happen if you decided to do this thing, whatever that thing is. Okay. And that's what's holding you back. And the reason you're afraid is because somewhere along the line, you got made fun of. Somewhere along the line, you got bullied. Somewhere along the line, your friends made fun of you and you're afraid of it happening again.

Let me tell you, when you step out to do something great, people are going to laugh. When you step out to do something great, people are going to make fun of you. When you step out to do something great, people are going to doubt you. They're not going to believe in you because you haven't given them anything to actually believe in. These things are going to happen, but they haven't happened yet. You're afraid of them happening and And that's what's keeping you from moving forward. And it blows my mind that that's the thing that keeps people from going out and building a better life. It's just really hard for me to swallow because dude, let me tell you about the life of an entrepreneur. And now we're getting into the meat of what I wanted to talk about.

The life of an entrepreneur, the life of a successful person is not glitz and glamour. Okay. It's not the glory. It's also not the shit. Some people make it sound like it's shit, like it's horrible and like it's the worst thing ever. It's not. Are you going to have people that make fun of you? Yes. Are you going to have people that talk shit? Yes. Are you going to, you know, have uncomfortable situations and high levels of stress and tons of, you know, situations that are going to, you know, make you feel bad and make you feel like shit and wear you out and stress you out? Yes, absolutely. But you're also going to have situations where you win in front

of everybody. You're going to have situations where all the people who talk that shit are going to see you fucking win. You're going to have situations where all the stress, all the frustration, all the negativity, and all the things that you're afraid of happening blow up in other people's fucking faces because you're winning. So what I wanted to talk to you guys about today was this, managing the highs and lows, okay? And this is not just exclusive to entrepreneurship or success. This is about life. All right. If you listen to the podcast, you know, and I've told you guys on Instagram many of times that I've suffered from depression for a long time, diagnosed real depression. I'm not talking about having a bad fucking day. I'm talking about having a chemical imbalance in my brain. Real shit. Okay.

Now people hear depression and they think, you know, they have two people. You have people who think that like these people are, they can't function and they lay in bed all day. And then you have the people who have depression, but don't realize they had it. And then you also, I guess, have people that think they have it, but don't really have it. Um, just real quick. Uh, and I want to take a minute to address this, how I found out I had it. I don't think I've ever addressed this. Um, when I, as long as I can remember, and you guys have all seen those depression commercials where it says like, uh, Hey, if you have visions or thoughts of suicide, you know, see a doctor, this and that. Well, I always had that. And I always had like visions, like actual visions of like shooting myself in the fucking head. All right. I always had those visions. And as long as I can remember,

and I would see those commercials and because I had those visions for as long as I can remember and those thoughts for as long as I can remember, I would see the commercials and be like, yeah, fucking everybody thinks that that's what people think. Like these, what are you a fucking pussy? You can't deal with the shit that everybody thinks about not understanding that not everybody thought like that. Um, because I didn't have the perspective of not feeling that way. So, uh, you know, because I had had it for so long, I didn't realize that it wasn't normal. And a lot of people are like this. So like, dude, if you really do have those visions, um, you know, take my advice and go talk to somebody. Cause there's a lot of things that can be done to help with that. Um, but I want to

talk more in depth about, about how to deal with some of this shit, uh, specifically the highs and lows, but how I found out that I had it was, um, I actually ended up having like a, I guess a nervous breakdown, if you want to call it that, in like 2012 or 2011, 12. And I ended up having to see a doctor because the physical symptoms had manifested themselves to where I literally couldn't function. And they thought it was actually a tumor in my brain for a couple of weeks. And then they found out that it wasn't. And then one of the doctors diagnosed me as having depression. And then they found out that it wasn't. Um, and then one of the doctors diagnosed me as, as having depression. And I was like, well, that makes no sense. They put me on some medicine and I got fucking better. Like literally two weeks later, I fucking felt like a totally different person. Um, so my point in this is that like, dude, if you're having those

thoughts, if you're having those, uh, those issues, if you're thinking, if you're actually like thinking about stuff like that, realize that you've got something wrong going on. It's not nothing to be ashamed of. Uh, it's something that, you know, can be treated. Uh, and there's, there's real answers out there to that stuff. Um, and it's not normal to think like that. I haven't thought like that in a long, long time. Um, but even with the treatment, uh, I still go through it about once a year, maybe twice a year where I don't want to get out of bed, uh, for a couple of days. And I'm really like, just not seeing the point in what the fuck I'm doing in any way. And I went through that last week. Uh, last week I went, had a couple of days where I was just really fucking bad uh really low really um not

seeing the point to really anything that I was doing um and you know I I worked through it um I spent a couple days at my farm if you follow me on Instagram you saw that and I spent a couple days mowing some grass doing some simple shit just kind of recharging and um you know now I'm, now I'm feeling good. I'm back in my routine. I feel fucking great. And, and what I, the point of me telling you this is, is this, like, you have to understand that there are going to be times when you, like, you see all these people on the internet who pretend to have it all figured out and pretend to, to have it all figured out and pretend to have, they never go through lows. They're always on, they're always going, they're always this, they're always that. And you see yourself where you're going through like highs, like where

you have that same passion, that same energy, that same drive. And, and then, you know, you might do that for three or four months in a row. And then you have like a, and then, you know, you might do that for three or four months in a row. And then you have like a fucking week where, you know, it's low, it's bad. Everything's going wrong. Everything's got you stressed. Everything's got you mad. Everything's got you frustrated. And that could go on for a couple of weeks to even longer. It could go on for months. Um, that doesn't necessarily mean you're depressed. That's just the life of a fucking entrepreneur. It's a life of an ambitious person. And you have to understand. And's just the life of a fucking entrepreneur. It's a life of an ambitious person. And you have to understand. And one of the best things that I have learned over the last

couple of years is that everything is cyclical. Okay. You're, you're not going to win all the time. You're not going to succeed all the time. You're not going to have good shit happen all the time. Just like you're not going to have bad shit continue to happen all the time. And so many of us will, will focus on the bad shit. Why me? Why is this happening? Why is, why am I always struggling? Why am I this? Because we're looking at people who never show the truth of their life. They show you the fucking highlight reel. So you look at yourself and you say, what the fuck am I doing wrong? Or I don't have what it takes or this or that. And the reason I wanted to talk

about this is because I want you to know that what they're showing you is not the truth. Okay. Every single entrepreneur I know, every single person that sat in this studio that I'm in right now. Um, and every single person I've talked to and met along the way, if we've got on this topic, it's been reality. There's highs that are super high and there's lows that are super low. And that is the life of being in business. That's the life of being ambitious and actually caring about the path that you're on. And so you guys have to understand that when you're going through this process of growth and you're pushing and you're pushing and you're pushing and you're working and you're doing this and doing that and doing this and you feel like

it's not moving, all right. And then you get pissed. Then you get frustrated. Then you get angry. Okay. It's important that when you feel low, that you continue to execute. It's important that when you don't feel like it, that you continue to do things that you did when you felt like it. And that's really the difference.

And I've talked about this before, guys. It's discipline, right? It's doing the things that you need to do, that you know you need to do when you don't feel like doing it. And especially when you don't feel like doing it. Because the reality is, is most people are very productive on the highs. Most people are very good on the highs. But just being good on the highs isn't good enough. You know, you have to be good all the time.

And so learning how to operate through the lows and learning how to know that the lows are going to end is a huge deal. Okay. I personally think, especially with people who have depression, that the reason we see a lot of suicide and the reason that we see people, you know, commit suicide is because A, they don't know that they can help themselves and B when they get in these lows, they don't understand that it's cyclical.

Okay. And for me, it's a little different for people who have depression. It's a little bit different. Okay. It's a, it's a real thing. Um, it's not just a feeling or a mood. All right. And, and there's a difference a difference, a big difference. But what I want people to know who,

who, whether you're, you have depression, which, you know, most of you don't have, or you're just going through the process, it's normal to have highs and lows and they're always cyclical. You're going to have days that are great. You're going to have weeks that are great. You're going to have days that are bad. You're going to have weeks that are great. You're going to have days that are bad. You're going to have weeks that are bad. And I just want you to know that that's normal because I see so many people quitting because that's what most people do. They get something, they get excited, they work hard, they do their thing, they do everything they can. And then they're like, fuck, it isn't working. And they quit. Okay. Or the minute two or three bad

things happen, they quit and they change course. And you just have to learn as an entrepreneur or as an intrapreneur, somebody who lives by entrepreneur guidelines, that when things are frustrating, when things are fucking making you mad, when things are making you feel pissed, when you're getting to the point where you're like saying, fuck it, dude, that's when you've got to stick it through. That's when you've got to push even harder. That's when you've got to make sure that even at a minimum, you're still executing on the same path that you were when you're winning, because that's, what's going to push you through to a breakthrough. That's what's going to push you through to the next level. You know, oftentimes I've found, and I've heard other

people say this too, that when things get really fucking hard, when they, when you're about to like, when you're about to say, fuck it, I quit. I'm done with this shit. It's not for me and change. If you just stick it through a little bit more, that's when the breakthroughs start to happen. You know, that's when the good shit starts to happen. It's just, most people don't have the grit and they don't have the perseverance and they don't have the mental capacity and they don't have the perspective to know that if they keep pushing, if they keep working, if they stick through it at this point, that they are going to make a breakthrough. Okay. And that they're going to come out the other side, more energized,

more confident because they went through that negative period with a new skill. Okay. And you have to think about grit and perseverance and your ability to endure just like you would think of a muscle. The more you exercise those things, the stronger they become. The more able you become to push through hard situations and deal with anxiety and stress. You know, Tony Robbins said something in his personal power CD set that in like, and I remember this back in like literally in like the nineties, dude, it stuck with me. He said, you're in, this might not be the exact quote, but he said, your success is in direct proportion to how much uncertainty you can deal with. And there is no more true quote and life success than that. The more uncertainty that you can deal with, the more pressure that you can deal with,

the more anxiety that you can deal with and handle, the more breakthroughs you're going to have and you're going to have and you're going to come out the other side stronger. Okay. And you have to look at it in phases. Let's say you have a level one low. All right. And you've got a hundred people just like on the last podcast or the one before that we talked about the pyramid, how people fall off. All right. Look, you got, let's say 10 levels to, to a lows. All right. Cause it's not the highs when people quit, it's the lows. You've got 10 levels to it. All right. On level one, you've got a hundred people. It gets a little bit hard. 10 of them quit. All right. 90 people make it through to level two low.

So they go up through another high and back through another low. They get to the level two low, 10 more people quit. All right. Now we've got 80 people that made it through to level three and so on and so on and so on. And what happens is, is the people who end up at level 10 lows, when they've gone through some massive shit over and over and over again, they understand like myself that it's cyclical and they know it's coming to an end. People lose hope and they lose ambition and they lose drive and they lose focus and they quit because they think that the low is permanent and the low is not permanent. It's always cyclical. If you think about everything that we have to do in life, the seasons, all right, our lives, like the way

things just naturally work, it's always on a cycle. And so is your emotions and so is your frustrations no one out there that you follow on the internet is winning all the fucking time no one out there that you follow on the internet is just crushing it every fucking day they might take a snap story and snap with a fucking smile on their face about how great shit is and throw the motherfucking phone in the fucking river five minutes after they fucking did it. You're seeing what they want you to see. And by you judging yourself against what they're putting out as marketing is very dangerous. I refuse to do that. If you see me not snap for a couple of days, if you see me not post for a couple of days, it's because I don't have anything productive to say, or I'm going through one of these fucking

lows where, you know, I'm just not in the mood to give you guys anything. And, you know, as I get older and I'm not at level 10 low, by the way, I might be like at level six. I don't know where the fuck I am, but I know this, the more I go through it, the stronger I get. And what I want to encourage you guys to realize about yourselves is that if you're ambitious, if you want to be successful, which we all do, we all want to be fucking wealthy. We all want to fucking be in the best situations and lives that we can be in. You're going to have to learn how to deal with the shit that is going to be negative too. You're going to have to learn how to take negative energy that people give you and turn it into positive, productive action. You're going to have to learn how to expect that negativity is going to come to an end or the low times are going to come to an

end. You know, it would be nice if we could always be high and we could always be happy and we could always be winning. That's the fucking fairy tale that you're fed because it's sexy, right? You're not going to watch lifestyles of the rich and famous and see somebody on there bitching about how fucking hard it is to be fucking rich. They paint the picture and they smile and they say, Oh, this is awesome. Blah, blah, blah. And you don't ever see them doing the actual work. You don't ever see them doing, uh, you know, what you've got to do or going through the emotional cycles that you have to go through. And I guess the reason I wanted to talk to you guys about this is because, A, I just went through one of these lows myself last week. And B, you know, I was asked about it today on the podcast about, you know, the highs and lows of entrepreneurship and success. And I just want you guys to know,

because I like to keep it real with you guys, that having those emotional highs and having those emotional lows are fucking normal. All right. Everybody who's out there that's killing it, everybody out there who's making money, everybody out there that you look up to goes through it, whether they want to tell you about it or not. And I know all those motherfuckers. So, you know, even if they're not showing it, they're going through it. So know that it comes and goes, know that you're going to make it through and know that when you make it through, you're going to be stronger. You're going to be more equipped. You're going to have a better understanding of the process as you go. You know, people quit too soon.

They give up too soon. They hear the quote, like, like Gary says, you know, just if you don't, if you, if you fucking hate it, you should give up and, you know, quit the job that you hate. And like I said, on the last podcast, that's, and I love Gary, dude, he's my fucking, he's my friend. We talked about this and we've talked about it a lot of times. Some things can be taken out of context. And when you, when you, when you hear that, I know there's a lot of people out there that the minute shit gets hard or the minute they don't like something, they just quit. And guys, that's a sure way to never get anywhere. Because I can tell you right now, if I quit every single time I didn't like this fucking job, I would quit like three times a fucking week. But I love this.

You know what I'm saying? So it's reality. Okay. I know that's not like the typical fire podcast that I give you guys on Friday. And I know it's a little bit different of a message, but you know, I think it needs to be said, I think it needs to be noted. And I think you guys need to understand that having extreme highs and having extreme lows is part of fucking business. It's, it's especially part of being an entrepreneur. if you're an entrepreneur you know the reason that you aren't getting paid as much as the entrepreneurs because you're not having to deal with those extreme fucking highs and lows because let me tell you something you might have highs and

lows within your little job that's fine but the reason entrepreneurs get to make all the money is because they're having massive fucking highs and massive fucking lows because the responsibility is extreme, especially when you get to like a level where you have, you know, hundreds of employees like I do. Like I make decisions on a daily basis that could affect whether or not some of their families fucking eat. So imagine that times like hundreds and then imagine having to make decisions about those things It's it can wear you out. But the good thing Is and i'm not complaining about that. I'm just explaining reality The good thing is by the time you get to that point you're going to be equipped to handle it

All right So if that's not proof that your your your ability to endure your ability to handle, your ability to persevere and have grit grows with your experience, I don't know what is. But anyway, guys, that's all I got for you today. Think about what I'm saying. And when you go through these rough times, when you go through these hard times, when you go through these times where you wanna quit

and you feel like the world's coming down and you remember it's gonna come to an end. And when it comes to an end and you make it out, you're gonna be stronger, you're to be better, and you're going to be more equipped for success. I love you guys. I'll talk to you guys next week.