REAL AF with Andy Frisella - One Word You're Not Saying That's Keeping You Unhappy, Underperforming, and Missing Opportunities, with Andy Frisella - MFCEO205

Episode Date: January 12, 2018

So many of you struggle with saying a word that so many of the people around you need to hear.  If you learned to say this word, you would release so much of the frustration that you've internalized. If you learned to say it, people would respect you. You'd gain credibility. You'd gain confidence. Everything from your leadership to your productivity would improve. So what's the word? 

What is up guys? You're listening to the MFCEO Project. I'm Andy. I'm your host and I am the motherfucking CEO. Guys, the goal of this podcast, okay? A lot of people get confused because they think it's an entrepreneur podcast only and you have to own a business or be an entrepreneur. No, you don't. Okay. This is a personal development success entrepreneurship podcast. A lot of the things that we talk about on here are going to be applicable to other areas of life. Success in anything is the same. Okay. It's just applying the formula to different areas. So while you listen to the podcast and, and you know, while you refer the podcast to your friends and tell people about it, which I appreciate by the way, don't let them think this is just for people that own their

own business. It's not. And it's not just a motivation podcast either. It is a practical how to do, how to think, how to be successful in any area of life podcast. All right. And guys, I want to say, I appreciate you guys referring your friends. All right. We're doing great. Everything's going good. It's been going good for the last two and a half years. This will be our third year coming up. And I just want to say thank you for all your support because we don't advertise this podcast anywhere. All we do is ask that if you enjoy the content, if you got something out of the content, if it helps you, that you refer a friend and then take the time to review and take the time to subscribe to the podcast. All three of those things mean a lot to us because we pour a lot

into this and we want more people to know. We want to bring more people into the movement and we want to accomplish more with what we're doing. And all of those things help us. So guys, for those of you doing that, I really appreciate it. For those of you who haven't done that yet, please do it. And help us spread the information that we need to spread. Now, today, now for you guys who are new, we do usually two podcasts a week. A practical podcast on Tuesday.

More mindset slash motivation. I hate using the word motivation because I feel like it is overdone. And I also feel like that people look to motivation as their end all be all when in reality, it's not motivation. It's going to get you where you want to go. It's discipline. You know, I happen to be blessed with, you know, a good delivery and a good skill for speaking. And I know that's motivational to a lot of people, but please try to hear what I'm saying and let the message be absorbed, not just how I'm saying it. Okay. I don't want to be the next motivation guy. I want to be the guy that shows you how to fucking succeed. And I want you guys to go out and use these tools to be successful. So

usually today would be Thursday Thunder, but because it's Friday, it is Friday fire. Now, sometimes because I own a real business and I'm not just a social media celebrity slash guru slash that's all I do. I actually run real companies. Uh, the company that you might recognize would be first form, uh, www.1stphorm. We're the world's leading sports performance and health supplement company. Um, and I own a bunch of other companies too. So I'm a fucking busy guy, but that's neither here nor there. What is here is this guys, so many of you and so many of us, and I know this and I say us because I've done this too. And I had to evolve through this. I'm going to piggyback sort of off of what the last podcast was. And if

you listen to the last podcast, you're going to recognize some of this because it's going to build on it. If you haven't listened to the last podcast, go listen to it and you'll understand why this adds to that. But guys, we talked a lot in the last podcast about being able to teach yourself to tell the truth to other people. The biggest thing holding you back guys is this, your inability to tell people the facts versus a watered down version of the facts that makes them feel okay. And I understand it doesn't feel good to hurt someone's feelings. It doesn't feel good to say something to someone that you know is going to, uh, you know, bother them or upset them. But guys, sometimes the truth just has to be fucking told. Okay. Your ability to tell the

truth in a way that also that helps the other person improve, get better, okay? And also helps you unleash the inner frustration that it's causing is a huge deal. Lots of people go through their life and they don't tell anybody the truth because they have this weird thing that they're afraid it's going to like break them, okay? You're going to say this one thing and their whole life is going to be destroyed. No, that's not how it works. But that fear of that is what keeps us from doing it. And what happens then is that we instead internalize that frustration and keep it from that person. And this could be in a business sense. It could be in a relationship sense. There's a lot of different ways that we can apply this. But in all of those ways, when we buffer the truth and we don't say the truth and we let people get

by and we let them keep going down the path, it hurts them because they don't learn what they're doing wrong and they don't learn what they're doing, what they need to do to be productive. And furthermore, it hurts you because it frustrates you. It makes you angry. It makes you bitter and it makes you resentful towards that person. And guys, this is the mother of all relationship killers, by the way, but in business and management and leadership, it's a huge deal too. And what it does come down to guys is that not only can you not tell the truth, not only are you too worried about how other people perceive things. Okay. Not only do you not understand that when you tell them the truth, you're actually doing

them a real favor, okay? You telling them the facts helps them. You telling them the facts helps you, okay? But that's not the root problem here. The root problem comes down to this other issue. And the other issue that goes right along with what we talked about last podcast is your inability to say the word no. Okay. I've been this guy. I've been the guy that couldn't say no to anything. I said yes to everything, or I said some watered down version of, of, you know, sort of,

or I play in the middle and I give a wishy-washy answer because I didn't want to commit to an answer. And guys, that makes you miserable. And not only does it make you miserable, it makes people not respect you. It makes people take advantage of you. It makes people not think that you have a backbone.

And guys, let me tell you what you need to do to create an effective skill within yourself with, when it comes to managing others, when it comes to telling the truth, when it comes to managing relationships, when it comes to telling the truth there, and it comes to helping people improve by being a little bit confrontational and confrontational doesn't mean you have to yell and scream at them. It just means you have to tell them the fucking truth. Okay? If someone's not losing weight and they're working their ass off, you've got to tell them the truth.

Hey, man, I don't think your fucking diet's working the right way. If someone's trying to lose weight and they're not getting results because they're half-assing it, you've got to be able to tell them, hey, bro, you're not getting results because you're half-assing. That's the way it is. If you give full effort, you're going to get full results. If you give half effort, you're going to get nothing. That's the way it is.

But I see this everywhere in business and fitness. I see it everywhere. People can't tell the fucking truth. And guys, this comes down to our inability to say the word no. And I don't know where that comes from, but I definitely used to be this guy that had trouble with that. And what I want you to realize this is that when you teach yourself to say no and not apologize for it, not only are you building respect with people, not only are you

building authority with people, not only are you setting yourself apart from the crowd, but you were actually, by saying no, you were actually saying yes to more of yourself. Okay. Saying no to useless shit means yes to more time for personal development. Saying no to shit that you don't want to do or don't need to do. Okay, that's yes to more personal development and growth and time invested in your business and time invested in your family and time invested in all the things that you want to do. And when you can't say no, you end up spending all your energy dealing with all these people who are asking so many things of you. They

have nothing left for yourself. And that is the biggest reason why people can't get ahead. I believe this is the seed that sprouts into the plant of poor leadership, of poor ability to hold people accountable, of poor ability to have people respect you when it comes to telling the truth in a manager situation or in a coaching situation or in a relationship situation. It comes down and starts with us dreading to say no. And guys, what I want you to know is this. You do not need anybody else's approval and you don't need to explain yourself when you say word no. When you tell somebody no, you don't need to follow it up with, well, no, because I got blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's okay to just say fucking no. And guess what? When you say no to someone and you say it

without apologizing for it, guess what will happen? They will stop asking you to do useless, worthless, time-consuming bullshit. They'll stop walking all over you. They'll stop asking you to do useless, worthless, time-consuming bullshit. They'll stop walking all over you. They'll stop using you as their entertainment. You have to learn to say the word no. And many, many, many lives, millions and millions and millions of lives are completely fucking wasted because the people can't ever be okay with telling other people no. Okay. When you tell other people, yes, all the fucking time, dude, you're going to have people walk all over you. You're going to have people take advantage of you. You're going to have people

lose respect for you. And then on the inside, you're going to be frustrated and you're going to lose respect for yourself and you're going to lose confidence in yourself and you're going to lose respect for yourself and you're going to lose confidence in yourself and you're going to lose self-esteem in yourself because you know that you're letting other motherfuckers walk all over you and that is not okay. Now, I'm not saying you have to go out and tell everybody no, but what I would suggest is that you say no to the shit you don't want to do. Practice there. Just say fucking no. Hey, I think that was a drug slogan, wasn't it? Like in the 80s, Reagan shit, all right? Just say no. It's a good fucking idea. If you don't want to go to that fucking party, say no. If you don't want to go to this concert, say no. It's okay. Just say fucking no. Guys, when you start to be okay with saying the word no to people

and not apologizing for it, your self-esteem builds, your confidence builds, people stop walking all over you. So you don't have that resentful shit inside your heart and that negative energy inside your heart that is keeping you from building the life you want. And by the way, you build some other skills too. When you start you start to learn to say that word, no, and not apologize it for it. You build the skills that we talked about in the last podcast that create great leadership skills, the ability to look somebody in the eye and tell them the fucking truth. Tell them what they're doing wrong. Tell them how they can get better and explain to them that you care about them. And that's why you're telling them this because dude, there is no nobility and being the quote unquote

nice guy that fucking tells people the shit they want to hear their whole entire life. That's pussy shit. That's the shit that no, that means you, it's just like, you know, it's just like trying to be in the middle and please everybody. You will try to create a product, which is you that pleases everybody, but it's nobody's please everybody. You will try to create a product, which is you, that pleases everybody, but nobody's passionate about. You're a regular vanilla motherfucker. Okay? You have to understand that when you learn these skills, other people respect you. When you learn these skills, other people look to you for the answer. Okay? That's valuable. The most valuable skills we talked about last podcast, we talked about

it's leadership, it's selling, and it's the ability to learn how to pay attention to details. And guys, this applies to leadership and selling. All right. Think about it in a customer atmosphere. You're talking to a customer and you tell them the fucking truth. Think about it. You just get right down to it. Dude, I can tell you right now, you could take all the sales courses you want. You could take all the fucking, you know, sales training you want. But the reality is, is what you need to learn is what I'm telling you right here, because this shit will give you the backbone you need to fucking sell. Dude, you look the motherfucking customer in the eye and you tell them this, Hey, look, man,

here's the deal. You could buy this fat burner and his protein. But the reality is, is if you don't do the fucking work, you're wasting your fucking money. That's the truth. And you know what? That's exactly what we fucking tell people. And you know what? People respect us for it because it's the fucking truth. You're the personal trainer. You have somebody, your client who's half assing it and they say, oh, you know, I want to lose 20 pounds Well, no you don't What do you mean? I don't Well, you don't because your actions aren't backing up what you're saying If you really want to lose 20 pounds your actions will back that up

And they might get all fucking pouty and shit and fucking walk off you walk over to him. He said hey, bro That's what you hired me for you hired me to produce the best you and i'm telling you the truth So you can fucking deal with it and become the best you. Think about it. It's easy. You guys are looking for the magic solution to avoid the confrontation. You're looking for the magic solution to not have to say no or not have to tell the truth. Guys, I'm telling you, if you can learn this skill, your life will fucking change. It will change. It will change so dramatically that in a one or two years of practicing this and developing it, I guarantee you, you'll have a better relationship. If not a new relationship with somebody better. If you'll

make more fucking money, you'll be happier because in your heart, you'll be cleansed of all the negative resentment that you're holding in. I used to be this fucking guy. I would go fucking crazy, crazy because I always pussyfooted around with people. I wouldn't give them the direct truth. I wouldn't tell them shit. Now I walk through the office and somebody's doing some shitty work. I said, Hey bro, that fucking sucks. You could do a lot better. And you know what? They do do better. And you know what they do? They come up to me afterwards and they say, dude, that's fucking, that's good. I'm glad you told me that. And they creates respect. See, that's the biggest thing that people don't understand about telling people the truth or telling them, no, they think that it's going to make people not like you. But the reality is,

is it caused them to respect you. And that ultimately leads to liking you. They might say you're a dick at first. They might not be used to hearing the truth. Okay. But all you have to do is come back on the back end and say, dude, the reason I'm telling you truth is because I fucking care. I'd be like every other motherfucker that you know and lie to your fucking face, but I'm telling you the truth. And I guarantee you, all of you have met one person like that. And I guarantee you, you respect the fuck out of them.

So guys, if you want to get ahead, if you want to fucking develop a skill, that's going to help you develop the actual skills are going to get you fucking paid, which are leadership sales and attention to details. This fucking core skill of the ability to say no, and then on, you know, uncomplicate your life and have more time for you. Because when you say no, you say yes to yourself for personal development. You say yes to yourself, for your family. You say yes to yourself for your family. You say yes to yourself for all the things that matter to you. And really what you're doing is you're saying yes to yourself for advancement in life. But it starts with learning how to say no and to not apologize for it. And to let the confidence build and the self-esteem build and the self-value build and

the worth build because you know in your heart you're doing the right fucking thing. Help other people. Do the right thing. Learn to tell the truth, and start learning to tell the truth by starting with saying no.